The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Workplace Nemesis

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Dan talks about seeing his Sirius nemesis in the hallway and Jay tells the gang about a new feminine hygiene product he saw advertised that he just can't believe..Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Make sure you check out Big J at the funny bone in Liberty Ohio August 5th and 6th and then helium comedy club in Buffalo, New York August 11th through the 13th. For tickets and other tour dates, go visit bigjcomedy.com. Dan Sotas is going to be in Oklahoma, Berktown comedy club August 4th through the 6th and then in Phoenix at Stand Up Live Comedy Club August 18th through the 20th. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to dancorder.com. Everybody make sure you check out our Pandora playlist of the week which is Big J's Christine, turn that shit off now playlist. You can find all of our playlist on Pandora if you search Bonfire SXM. And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Dan

Soder. Oh man, everyone's seal had little short dreadlocks and was wore a leather jacket, a leather trench coat, and played the bass. Damn dude, he ruled at one point before he became using exclusively for 40 year olds to kiss too. So central. Seal. So central. He did get hidey clue though.

So sexual. Jake, we rock in the mask again. So central seal so central he did get Heidi clue them so sexual jake we're rocking the mask again you're afraid of the new variant people around here got in it that I know oh yeah damn it got you wrong yeah look at that look at young seal you aged like he's one of the few black guys who shave his head and aged You know, I mean usually the shave head like make you look younger On a black gentleman Damn Dan's lost in it

Maybe having a conversation. I'm just narrating the dances of Dan. Sorry in my head. I'm wearing a lot of linen And I'm just moving you know. How many reads do they Jacob? Two whole reads you don't say one per hour Who who do we not have today so we get pinpoint where they got pissed? I don't know he looks you mean to see my he looks is gonna get pretty mad Wait, who do we have I think it's only Wendy's right? No, well, there's he looks and Wendy's on both sides. Oh hold on Do we have four ed reads? Jacob honey. No, no for some reason it printed on each side, but you

It's Dan you're the five o'clock and you're the six o'clock. Just read the one where it's numbered. What's your point Jacob? What's your point Jacob? We do have the full crew in today. Of course we have Jacob atot. Christine Evans, DJ Lewitsky, are blacking the black tiger Lewis. Oh, so... Which seal do you fuck, Dan? Dreadlock's trench coat?

I was just happy I didn't give in to the bullshit when I walked through the... back from break. Oh yeah happy I didn't give in to the bullshit when I walked into this back from break. Oh yeah, you didn't give in to the bullshit. Nah, dude, because that's old Dan. Old Dan would have gone like, oh thanks. I think we actually do each other. And then instead I was like, yeah. So I'm again, you're your friend of me.

My friend of me. Jose. Jose Mangan. Who I've introduced myself seven times. Cool shirt? What's your face? Yeah, and it rocked anyway cool shirt nice walk by him If you're not a safe you didn't say thanks. Yeah, it's walk by him. Damn if there was security video. Would you have been oh thanks man? Oh You did think about it though. I thought about it. I was like no, I was like oh because I might have a lot of history

Like that too, or I'm just looking at I was just like And then walk away and then when you saw if you saw it I was I, nah, I was like, ah. Because I might have a lot of history like that too, or I'm just looking at, I was just like, pff, and then walk away. And then when you saw, if you saw it, I'd be like, I'll be like, hey man. That's why I was happy with myself. Yeah, because you did it. Because old me would have been like, oh thanks man, yeah, I hope they have a new album soon, but what, what, what, what, what, what,

what do you all think? And I was like, nah, I'm in. You feel the way also. You've sunned me too many times. Well, what did you say? Nothing. So wait, he said something. He was nice shirt. You know, it's like walk on. Yeah. I gotta be honest with you. Yeah, Jacob. I can't where you're about to say. You might be right in the telling of that. You didn't really give him a chance. You started with nice shirt. I don't give a fuck. You're man. You're man about the other times. Yeah. Okay. This is history dog. Okay. I don't give a fuck you're man you're man about the other times. Yeah, okay? History dog. Okay unless you sling an axe unless you can whale on an axe. I don't think

You can remember your name and that's all we're gonna learn how to do He's like hey man are you dance soda from the bonfire go Whee! Jacob, can somebody do me a favor? Blackloop! Blackloop is maybe a fun thing for you to do. Blackloop, if you go upstairs and see if you can find Jose Mangan. Oh, I want to do that. And say, no, no, don't bring him in here. I know, I don't want to do that either. Just go, hey,

Dan Sotar said hi, and Big Joe said hi. No, I don't know if he remembers me either. He knows you. He years and years nobody knows you You're very memorable. I'm very forgettable The wrestling shirt adult no That's how this all this was the whole thing yeah the one time in LA But we've done it several times in New York

Yeah, it was the one time in LA that he was big J. Hey, That was hot man nice to meet you and I was like no no That was the first time I stood up for myself. I went no. I'm not doing this again You should be like I'm sorry. I'm at the fucking third base player for Anthrax but but Jacob's right if I was playing in Lamb of God you would know exactly who I am. Oh your whole history Oh, your whole history. Skittly-dly-d back with a band. Hey man, that likes to meet you again. I'm like, I hope you played hard-nosed football. I hope this is CTE setting and that's why you can never remember. Is Ozzy Osborne played his last concert ever?

No, Ozzy's on tour next year. He is going to get tickets. He's putting out a new album this year. What? A new album is a little ridiculous Parkinson's Is it called like is it called like picking up stuff is hard? Apparently devil shakes More that more that Bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, over Zach Wilde. But that was a magnet really. Who is like he is genuinely plugged in the metal world on a very high level. Like he's like the metal guy at Sirius.

We program both stations. Yeah, he's like the guy. I just think it's funny that we've met like 20 times every time. Hey man. But I'm right. If you would shred if you'd only learned to shred. I'm like your tar lesson's just so he'll say hi to me in the hallway. DJ DJ Lutus and hold this uh kind of grudge with Jim Norton who doesn't know he work with him a bunch of times also

Jim Norton is a few years and Jim Norton has no idea who he is Really? I don't know if he knows or not I mean you said it already I said it in private conversation with a Jim Norton H. your guts but this I just don't think he remembers that we worked together for two years on a show that's not an insulting thing to say. He might not, I don't know.

It's fine if it doesn't. Two years. But you guys also say it in fairness that you would never saw each other. Right, right. It was only audio. We'd only met a handful of times, but we were done a line working with each other.

T. G. Lew whiskey, dude. The most talented guy in this building. Easily. Oh my God, one time we were outside the cellar and my girlfriend Michelle goes to Jim Norton, who's exiting just wants to jump in his Uber. Hey Jim Norton! Guess who this is? Lou from the Bonfire!

Are you guys know a fight? I don't know. He took it in stride. He was very cool, but I don't think he remembers me, so she had to do that. And then what did he say to you? He goes, hey, how's it going buddy? And he just... Oh, that's awkward. He going buddy? And he just left. Oh, that's awkward. He could see the pain on my face. I know your pain, Lou.

I felt it and I just felt it on floor 37. I don't know why you didn't know that I'm here for your support. Thank you. And maybe off air, if you wanted to do a little gym bastion and I'll do some Jose bastion and it will just have a little time. What's the, I was just, Shepel and Chris Rock, both guys.

Oh, at the stand. I mean, I've sat outside of a Starbucks with Shepel and Metzger and had an hour and a half conversation years ago, years ago now in San Francisco, but I've also seen him 30 times since. And I get, I don't even get like the, don't I remember you and Chris Rock, same thing, not even recognize you,

see my face at this club For 20 years the ultimate Chris Rock was the night that he wouldn't respond to anything I said and he would only answer what I said to Neil Brennan should have smacked his fucking face dude I was too big of a pussy. I should have smacked him in his stupid fucking throw my hot coffee in his fucking face because it was wildly disrespectful. It was it was the most out there disrespectful thing I knew that if you just put five across a stupid fucking face, I should have will smith them before we'll smith them. What was he doing?

I was so let's say let's say I am Chris Rock J is me, Jacob is Neil Brennan. Uh-huh. We were sitting at the seller table on like a Tuesday and anytime I would say something like he would bring up a subject or whatever and I would know something about it, I would say it. And instead of acknowledging what I'd say, he would acknowledge what I said but only to Neil Brennan. So at one point I went, am I a ghost? He just take your talking point and started a conversation with you. I'd be like, you know, tacos are delicious.

And he'd be like, man, I like burritos better than tacos. He wouldn't answer it. He was fucking wild. Yeah, that's bizarre. Why didn't you smack him back to looking at you? I was a close-knocked this guy, however you want to, he doesn't know. I didn't, dude, yeah, he'll just go, uh.

Yeah, I'll just go. I just got slapped by Danzo. He goes, who, that ghost just hit me They're so rude to him in the face, but that's some guy But if I could whale if I could a fucking Be like that guitar playing ghost hit me in my face and Jose Mendoor pop in go that's Dan Soater from the bonfire he puts glue and all of his calluses so we can rock more like SRV He puts glue and all of his calluses so we can rock more like SRV

All right, you're fear she get a will Smith t-shirt. Yeah, dude. You really should have just get let's make a full circle R.E. got smacked by Michael rap report are you made fun of Chris rock Chris rock chewed are you out? Sort of publicly will Smith will Smith slaps Chris rock the craziest part about the comes full circle the rapopor arey thing was funny because I walked out of my apartment on 23rd Street and Walked a block and Michael rapopor was on the corner screaming into his phone and I went oh Just I just live his life like that and you found it was he just came out and Slapping are he just slapped arey and was fired up from it and because I walked in the stand like do Michael rap porch slapped arey And I was like oh, I thought he was just doing his like Michael rap port thing on the fucking. No, he does that on the street.

I saw him one time at a restaurant, like nothing like he was just on second avenue and I was walking by and he was like making a scene that he was there. He's like, this whole thing stinks, bro. Yeah, I was like, he was doing some broadcasts just seeing outside the restaurant. Simbad was like that.

I saw Simbad at Jerry's Delay and he was putting on a on a show what a dick right? Simbad is a piece of shit You're like the rules, dude. I'm not saying that he likes to hand up a public Simbad did rule on him. He did go an hour and a half long on my show Hour and 45 minutes on your show, but only an hour and a half long On what show I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Toronto for JFL 42 and Symbad closed it out and Dero's it was a fun event Dero's it trying to lead him in the crowd work You know, I mean like cuz he'd be like his vampires are crazy You know the thing about a vampire and he would start doing it. He gets to a gun punchline or something Dero's would be like sin bad he goes This guy here kind of looks like a vampire he goes yeah Yeah, I'll take a family vacation ever. Remember family vacation you're young You just like switch to when you do audio and the Rose just coming in the green room where I was and just going

Huh, his arms just up in the air like through was like what he turned the microphone off that he had in his hand I was like what this is insane Doing audience Mike for your show. What's your fucking deal which? Is so much fun when the comic doesn't do crowd work it sucks so I know top tier top tier at it Joe the Rose is doing the audience microphone he's so fucking great at it and I will say though love that he loves to do it still despite his audience mic it's been a couple of weirdies like that. He's had a real couple of weird ones with Ahmed Ahmed. At one point, started getting mad at Joe

for like interacting with him. That's what the show is, amazing. Cause he'd be like, I think he was even trying to do maybe a little bit of crowd worker some, and Joe will be like, he goes, yeah, he goes, that's sure it looks like it's from whatever you know make some joke about he goes Joe shut up Like like genuine we say why are you talking also? It's he didn't even a like why do you have a microphone?

It's Sam Jogo Sam J. Shut me down at moontime He's did jokes. I was like she was doing jokes and I was like a Sam this one she goes a white guy I always want to tell you what to talk about him like Show Like, hey, Sam, this one she goes, oh, white guy. I always want to tell you what to talk about. I'm like, it's the show. I'm not even. I don't show twice and never did, never said a word to the crowd once. Never, I, both times.

I was audience might. Was you both times? Yeah, I'm all the guys. I got a big, and like, what's crazy is, I got a laugh because at one point, I just looked at the crowd and like, threw my hands up and sat down next to a guy. He's like, you can send a guy. I know.

I remember that. Some friends with Sam and I got backstage and I was like, what was that? And she goes, I forgot it was a crowd work thing. I was like, did you think I was just in the crowd heckling you with a mic? Do you think that was? One time she got too high the other time, said she didn't know was a crowd work thing. I was like, what those are lies. You shut me. Do completely shutting me down because you're trying to help.

You know, this is exactly what the Rosadus is. You go, this, what about this guy over here? I think he's got something to say. And she's like, tell him what I should do. And you're like, I don't want to do this anymore. I see what it's like, I'm fucking. I had a couple people doing the worst because my thing is a chime in on the story.

And you feel when they're telling the story and I go, oh, that's almost like, blah. And they're like, what? What? What is it? I'm sorry, it's what the show is. I'm sorry, that's almost like bomb, they're like, what is it? I'm sorry it's what the show is, I'm sorry it's what the show is. Well that's the punch line. So funny, you just guessed the punch line. Well don't have punch lines. What did you do because if she established that at the beginning of her set, shutting you down, how do you continue? I sat down. I sat down in the crowd.

I turned the mic off and I sat down in the crowd. Just looking my phone. I was like, I'll go fuck I'll check Twitter. Crazy. You're set. Good set. Everyone, the reasons it's going, I know the reason it's going weird. I can help you out. So funny. That's right. You just sat. I just help you out. So funny. That's right.

You just sat there. By the way, I got a huge laugh. Oh yeah. And then the next part, because I think when one of the times Dan's got shut down, I was like right after it, because everyone looked to you, because you guys were interacting and Dan's like, you just turned the mic off. I was like, Scoot over and I sat down next to a guy. And then I got a laugh on the next person, because the person came out as like, Kinler

or someone and they knew what was happening and I popped the mic on Oh, it was you you came out in between college you like Dan were already and I was like right here Right here sitting down dude. I got fucking that's so funny people are getting a fruit but dude. I bet I made that was so great Joe Shut the fuck up. What are you doing? And Joe was like and Joe was kind like, what the fuck is this? Well, dude, it's like, I don't know, maybe it wasn't explained in the program. I don't know, so it was probably so hot after that, too.

So funny. Well, that was like, when like Lewis and Dave would make jokes on Legion of Skanks and Metzger'd be like, dude, that was so rough. They would need to spout them at all. Dude, if you go back to early Skanks, Metzger not understanding that Lewis

and Dave are part of the show And just don't men him just trying to make J-Laf and get annoyed at Lewis and Dave for being there We all see a thing that would be like uh, you know, cur will be like something up to Canada You know, somebody Canada and I'd be like well, you know, they Celine Dion's like they're clean So Bob and Kurt were the Glamour a little bit. And David be like, Canada is a weird place because Dave shut the fuck up. I'm trying to tell stories like, what are you going to say? It's funnier than what I say.

It's impossible. So sit there and shut up. And then he go, and then two seconds later, he'd be like, uh, Dave, what was that thing you used to say? And David would be like, Dave's like sitting there like few. And Kurt's like what? Well, that's not we're not in that part anymore And I just cursed you out. That's just like we moved on. He's a lunatic. I love him.

I love him. I love Kurt so much. But what a lunatic way to be a good thing. Dude, they were my house one time, Dave and Kurt. Which is old, which is old school versus new school. Kurt's like old school best friend versus new school best friend. Yeah, Kurt was with Karen Markles the time. which is old school versus new school. It's like old school best friend versus new school best friend. Kurt was with Karen Margol's the time. Who has like health issues, life threatening, but she has like just like health stuff.

IBM. She has a crown. Oh, okay. Shout out to you Davidson, shout out. Karen Margol's. Yeah, so she has, so you know, it's a time Kurt was pretty broke. We're all pretty broke and They both came back to my house tonight to crash

Yeah, how long out and Kurt was like like they were talking about you know Davies and his politics thing He's socialized health care whatever things that's stupid and that we shouldn't have socialized health care And and he's giving his political reason and Kurt's going all high most goes because you're a stupid fucking idiot. So my girlfriend should die because she can't afford her medicine because you fucking think that blah blah because you're a fucking dumb that's your like stupid libertarian bull that's why libertarians bullshit not and just like go at him hard and then he go and I go Hey, let's go smoke a cigarette and we go smoke a cigarette and I would just not talk about it all

I'm just trying to get him a dude and he would literally go back inside he's like Dave you ever see the movie So and Dave's like inside he was inside the shadow boxing the whole time like he's clueless Clueless is coming and it's getting ready to happen and Dave's just like you fucking I'm like, I don't know, I'm like, I don't know, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I bunch at all, but like there's people I know like some people don't what you know I mean like in my in my world Like I say like every day people and all the like there's people where it's like I like so so I got sucks dick Friends of friends that I'm like I won't know they're there and if I show up and they're there

I can't hide it and you're just like hey show up and they're there, I can't hide it. And you're just like, hey, do my friend, one of my best friends, his older brother, we were all close growing up, right? Like he was like the de facto older brother to all of us when we were in high school. He had his friend that he went to college with, that was just always around.

And the guy sucked, the guy sucked from the jump, he was just a pretentious little fucking bird, and he would always be around. Well then he moved to New York, my friend moved to New York, his older brother moved to New York and so did this friend. And so we'd go drinking, right?

And he'd like kind of come out with my buddies, older brother to comedy shows or whatever. And I put up with him and he's a Seahawks fan. You know, I feel like for the guy who brings him though, because the guy who brings him, he didn't know that no one else liked this guy. I wasn't vocal about it I would say it to my friend But I would never say it to the older brother. I would always be like I fucking can't stand that guy and my friend would be like

Yeah, but my brother's close with him or whatever So the older brother never understood so the older brother is just like hang out with him and then like Dude finally at his wedding. this is like 2018, my friends getting older brothers getting married and we're at the wedding and fucking shit heads there. And he's like living in England and he keeps telling these, he keeps using cheeky, he's American, but he keeps going, oh, this cheeky little thing like that. And finally, I went, you're such a fucking turd. Just at the wedding and he goes, what?

And I go, you're such a fucking turd. And he was like, he said something to me. And I was like, I don't like you. And I just vomited it out. I was like, I don't like you. We're not friends. We don't have to be friends. You annoy the fuck out of me.

And all my best friends I grew up with were like, damn, so do I. You fucking let it loose. And I was like, I'm just sick of it. I'm just sick of like eating my words every time he annoys me. And then the guy acted like it never happened. When I was going to London, my friend was like,

oh, so and so still out there, I told him you're coming, I went, don't tell him I'm coming. I don't want to see that guy. I don't want to hang out with him. Why he's been trading to kill you for like, oh, yeah. Because I figured there is an off chance of that could happen. Where he shows up and he's like, hey, man, you can't say no, at this point he's been trading so far. I find you. I think I know several forms of martial arts. He's gotten down with throwing stars, but it's like, I would, my whole life, I would around those people and just be like, yes fucking guy and finally I was like I try I try to hold it You know my you know my story hitting my exploding point with Lewis and Dave's buddy. Yeah

West we were younger who west is what actually I like what's I like West plan by the way The guy would just wouldn't be we wouldn't be Buddies anywhere in the world circumc it was circumstantially through Lewis and Dave you know I mean they love them that's great I'm I know can see why they like Oh, I still shit to the older brother. I talk shit. I'm okay, but it's your friend still sucks. Oh, but here's the thing I'm just saying like what's gonna be in the capacity we were stuck together for days like I would have to be for days like I would have to be at least more passive than I am in that regard, because I ate the shit.

I needed to eat it for about two more hours. How you can't though, you can hit that point. Two more hours of about 70 hours. And here's the thing, when I was dude, two more hours of 70 hours. And what's crazy is when you break, it's when you break that you realize you were almost out of it. Because I was like I could have just not had this awkwardness in my life for two more

fucking hours and going back to like this will never happen again. Yeah, while it felt good to uncork at my friend's wedding, I later felt really bad and like said something to the older brother, but it felt really good. But then I realized I could have just shut the fuck up because it was one night You don't need to tell people you don't like he was he was talking shit though It was in a way of like it made sense. Yeah, it was in a made sense where I was like yeah I don't fucking like you because I just wanted it I've been holding on to it for like fucking ten years. Yeah Maybe more. And I was just like, you're such a smug, fucking prick.

I think what I said to him was just like, I don't like, it was just like one of those easy things that I was like, I just don't like you. I hate you. Well, he was like, because he was like, he was like doing that kind of challenge and thing. Where he's like, oh, is that what you're gonna do? And I was like, hey, no, no, no, no, it's just on.

Fuck you. Yeah, but then, you know, no, it's just on. Fuck you. Yeah, but then, you know, it was my friends wedding. So I did feel I just wanted the groomsman. I don't want to deviate of what we're talking about. I sat in the back. I don't want to deviate of what we're talking about, but I do want to get a call or topic going because it's my commercial. You saw commercial.

I saw commercial and there's so many things like this. Two commercials right now that have blown my mind the cool depends commercial If you could fight do you have this up Christine if you can find that the new depends commercial with the young a young handsome black gentleman wearing them Mm-hmm is hilarious and then a company that had a commercial I saw called thinks THI NX. The period panties. No, the period panties. It's the grossest product I've ever seen in my life.

Freebleed dude. It's just, yeah. The bleed is wild. The wild. What a good band name. Freebleed is a great band name. But I've never seen it before. They're just like, just period all over these.

Who cares? It sucks it all up. You walk around with it's insane. This is is this that cool depends commercial Yeah, if you're a chargers fan you might find yourself so upset on Sundays Oh, pooping your pants. This is a Pooping your pants just type into pens commercial What is that what is that even it's adult diapers right there? Yeah, fine. It's one of these they have it's words guys and it really is hilariously like oops I caught my pants with such a funny SNL sketch that was It's up there with old with robot insurance because it's hop on

robots are gonna attack was. He's up there with old with robot insurance. Be good to top one. Literally. Robots are going to attack. Oh, is this it? This might be it. Literally with issues. Is yours? Oh my God. Damn. Why? I'm not logged in. Is this it? It might be. Yes. Yes. He stands strong. Dry. Keeping the leaks. He's wearing a diaper at it Look at that picture on the front cover. That's what it is like they're trying to make it like it's pretty cool, right? Yeah, so what yeah, so your pee so what you piss and crap your pants in these like they're pretty cool color though So what in olden times you would have been taken down to the river and killed for being leaky why the fuck? It depends ever and white why are they not always some darker color because someone was hilarious It depends yeah, you know when they pee it goes blue shame

Shame the mean there If a ball play this is I mean how funny is the cover of hero depends it says hero you're not a hero sure He's one of the shitest pants to walk his daughter down the aisle that is a hero Then you got to look at it different ways man different ways If you could show Dan and bring up the think the Thinks dude for freebleeds Can you should we all wear real fit depends underwear and then just piss our pants one show They did that on stern years ago. Oh damn only Gary only Gary did it. I think good idea howie

You're back your back just like that you're not hard. It's just Did you find a good team? Yeah? Yeah, no good old commercial for these because the way they describe it is your pussy is bloody It's so weird. Just like just put them on put these on and we'll suck it up. You got a spicy taco Maybe take care of some of that salsa You got a little too much sriracha on the spring roll this summer a little much too much pico day guy Dude it's it's natural guys get over it This is crazy

Guys, what would you do if your wife just started gathering her period in her underwear? I have no idea. Which better be better stop the bears that are coming. If I had those, they'd be like, I'm a vampire pacifier. I'm hoping, can I have your pair of things? I was wondering if I could suck on your pair of things. Give me what I want.

Come to the window. Give me your things. Give me drop I want. Come to the window. Give me your things. Give me your things. Drop them down please. Give me your things. Don't spill one precious drop. Give me your diva cup.

Give me your diva cup. Diva comes like a shallist. This is our big gulp. Uh, you have a commercial for scene? If you think that bleeding, having a bloody pussy is inconvenient, you have a thunk enough. And think about this. Just fucking queep it out right into your panties. Think about laying out all that lining.

That's how it works, right? Queep it out. Yes. Thank you. Do your quees go like this. All day long, just walks around. You even comes filling up Bing it is weird when you feel like the cup get full heavy if that's weird

Yeah, you go guys I got a fresh round Swishy in there Christine how about the week how about the week you have your period? I word depends on the and you go I have to go to the bathroom to change this thing and I'm gonna go, I'm going. I'm going, I'm going. I'm going. It's how dockets is running in circles around you. Yeah, I should smell it.

I'm going, I'm going right now. What the fuck is happening? I'm going, I'm choosing to go. It's happening, it's happening all around me right now. Oh, it's mushing up. I can feel going up my back, it's happening. I can feel it, but also the back is happening and I don't think it depends we're ready for both I don't know what's gonna right up. I didn't think they were ready for the Metallica guns and roses to her

Plus you know me if I were to pens my pants are gonna sag below them a little bit dude We're gonna see my gangster little pouch Your little Duke little Duke coming out of my fucking bag. Hey Big J, why are your pants hanging down and all that poop is in your diaper? You gotta stop letting them live completely rent free in your head dude. Might as well run out of side room.

You go, hey, that means before you said that, you were like, fucking hose anything. Hey, whatever we're talking about. That's a fun voice to do it is set on though Yeah, I think it's very good. I haven't heard his voice in so long and then he goes That was the best that was the best Is it are you guys ready for the best band in heavy metal that makes a noise right now for suicide? Always right now for suicidal-turning series. Draft from Draft Spare. Hey, who are you?

I recognize your shirt. Did I like it? If I could do a voice about you, you're gonna live in my head. We're rent free. Give a... Please, roll this. Simon Phoenix, guys, period? Period.

This might look familiar. Little jam, little jam on the shields. But it doesn't have to be this way. It's time to start a new cycle. Please, really. Make the switch to things. Underwear that absorbs your period. They're machine washable and easy to care for.

So you can use them again and again. How does that work? Just like a regular pair of undies. Also, you have your period. You don't have to just still kick it in work? Just like a regular pair of undies with all of them Also, you have your period, you don't have to just still kick it in your pay Like throw a pair of shorts over, fucking nut bag Are you trying to get into your couch? Yeah, she's like, no, I'm wearing my thing

So I'm just gonna go lay out on the white couch Hey, no, look, watch me pour the soy sauce on it Try to get out of the absorbs What are you washing these with? Determine these in the... No, I know, but you're throwing these in what, your other clothes? White? Yes.

White. Just wash them. Just wash them. You can't wash them with anything else. You can't want pink socks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She's bringing pussy blood out of your laundry all of a sudden. She keeps pussy blood on my big jobs, I'm sure. Hey, Hey, Christine, my body counts sweatshirt. Smells like nickels Why are one of my queens in stunis should smell like an old band There's a lot of iron is there reason that dogs barking me like I'm dating Christine ever since we did our laundry they have had us third insatiable thirst for blood

I don't know what it is. Did you turn me like he for Sutherland? What is it about every animal being violently attracted? You got on you know, I don't mind, but I gotta say this I don't look at the window There's a fleeted deer just followed me home. I don't know. My life was basically Alfred Hitchcock's the bird. Yeah. Hey, you want to tell me why after I wash my shirt with your thinks now my breasts are sensitive? I mean, that's crazy. What are you playing it? It's almost over.

And built-in leak protection. See how they work for yourself. A better period is here with thinks. Learn more at hellothings.com. He's a pig. Oh, Jacob. No, you're right, Jacob. You could have been here. It's a natural problem. I guess hot chicks don't get their periods because it's only fucking grotesque.

Yeah, dude. And it's a hot, he's lost out to so much modeling now for regular stuff. Oh my God. Even hot mannequins are out. Oh my gosh. Even hot even hot mannequins are out Oh my god look at this just a pile of force. Yeah, they just got a fake leg all the way to the left. Oh my Christ Look, they were for just came out with Underwear for disabled people were there actually like snap on the side then why am I a bad person for looking at disabled Nudes on Reddit. No one said you're a bad. Yeah, no one said you're a bad person for looking at disabled dudes on Reddit. No one said you're a bad person. Yeah, no one said you're a bad person.

Oh, that's right. You just read it that yourself. Okay. You just put your jacket on. I guess it's totally cool. I thought you were being inclusive. I was. See?

I mean, I wouldn't jerk off to those things, but I do like to look at them and be like, shh. I think I don't have a hot pussy in one leg. Um, thank God. It says it holds up to five regular tampons, which is a lot of blood. Dude, if you're a real gusher, get these. Oh my God. Everybody can smell my dirty pussy.

I don't understand, like, honestly, if you go to the laundromat, and then you throw it in, yeah, you're watching this red. Hey, throw this in delegates for me. Hey, Chan, throw it in. Yeah. You're watching this red. Hey, throw this in delicate for me. Hey, Chan, throw these in the throw these in the delicate. You dropping this off the laundry and you're going to, there's going to be a couple in there you're going to notice are a little bit different. Yeah.

It's like what you mean, he's like you're going to see. Yeah, we'll catch him on this burger if you know what I mean. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if you're ready to do some field dressing. It looks like we bandages. Hold the five tampons worth of blood. I could just feel like, it's just, to me it's like accepting pissing

in your underwear. Jay, your laundry's ready. Is your girlfriend crushing squirrels to death in your underwear? Because there's a small animal amount of blood in every paramount. When you take them off, Christine, is it all like, do you ring a monkey blood,

like stuck to your pussy lips and shit? I've never used them because I kind of feel the same way you guys do of like, hey, that seems like kind of gross. That's weird, you think like this in this, but yeah, you still put a bowl in your pussy for blood. It's either cups very sanitary, and it's so much better than tampons,

and it doesn't smell bad. You just got a big gulp in there, dude. Let her fill up her icy cup. Oh, it's an ordeal, but let's let's talk about depends Depends were such a part of my Yeah, my mom just wore depends. Yeah, yeah, she just pooped her No, she would she had it was just what she wear anyway. She had a catheter so she had a leg bag Yeah, and then she had to have like an Enema once a week to go to the bathroom. Damn.

I mean, I would have to like walk her to the bathroom. Was she was she nicer after her animal? Was she like, you know, she knew that's where the fucking uh, she knew that's when big dad was coming in for the anal that night. No excuses. You're empty. But just thinking about waiting once a week to poop. I get pretty mad by Friday. I'd be like, it's been a long week. Ralph throws back out the other week. What just fucking. Just heartless. Fucking. No, no, playing paddleball, even

gayer. Um, he, he hurts back so much, he held this shit in for three days. He said, and like, just laid him back, he was afraid he couldn't like sit down to make it happen. I'm like, I would have made that happen. I would have got to shit out. Yeah, she just laid on the side in the bathtub and just leaked. You know, being laid up for three days when you're crazy busy, which Ralph also is, you know, I mean, all the time, it's like, it's not such a bad thing.

You know, I mean, it sucks, obviously, because you're like to pay, but once you're getting your position that works, yeah, most of it, you're just watching TV and relaxing. Yeah sleeping. Yeah for sure But like you said you held on the ship for three days. I'm like you can even enjoy you're just sitting around how enjoyable Was that shit though when you took it? We all know that the the constipation battle I went through and when that finally dropped Yeah, it was beautiful. I'm a natural, almost kissed my bathroom wall. That's how happy I was.

I'm a natural 10, 30, 11 a.m. shitter. Hey. The problem I have is a day like today, where I was out of the house by like 8, 45, 9 o'clock to do stuff that it's like at 7, 45, I'm in there punching my stomach and spreading my ass cheeks open open trying to get something out. It's not ready yet sometimes. My poops are always 8.45 to 9.00 a.m. And then I go back to bed for a little bit. Yeah, we have to I have to hit a throat. Some of those though Depends like you know, sometimes at night

I just got to go back in on a day like today, but I think I think I got enough out. Well if you were depends You could go right now and no one would know But I gotta take a look. Does it cover up the smell of shit? No depends. So if you just shit yourself You know, yeah, how do you know? Your mom? No, I just know that it doesn't cover the smell of shit. So if you shit yourself in the Depends you're just gonna be something like you're just gonna smell like shit. No smell my duty No smell how powerful I am

No, Jacob. I don't want to do that Who the fuck are you all of a sudden? Yeah, where the fuck you getting this dude? Oh, you can just add a tube from what's new Jacob from But the caller topic was gross products. I Just saw Commercial for it with dancing pubic hairs yesterday during the game. I was watching Called Venus and I still don't know what the product was. It's what? It's the shaver right? Oh is it a Venus shaver? Is that what it is? It was all about be proud of your pubic hair. Oh, look it up. Venus. Shaqub.

shake up. Weena shaver. They offer little protection against odors. Damn. Yeah, they can't possibly seal in 100% the smell of shit. So that's super handsome. That's super handsome black man on the cover. That's swav looking Mars chestnut motherfucker. Reacon like dookie. Smells like utter shit. If he takes a dump in there. They show that part where he goes, I'm proud of you, baby, and she goes,

Daddy, you smell like shit. Yeah, that's why I like a nice smooth coat 45. What's that? How's that? There he goes, nothing. Coat 45 or threw me all? He goes, Curtis. Curtis, why you smell like shit?

Shut the fuck up, don't worry, it's my daughter's day. You come to me on my daughter's wedding day, you tell me I smell like shit. You shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. So it gets to color topic would be, uh, if I'm trying to get other gross products that we're out there and we're having a permanent

and I'm a bag in a house that's pretty fucking gross. Yeah, that means you sit. Oh, that's a lot to me bag. No, not the gloss to me bag. Closs me bags attached to your body. I'm seeing what someone has like the hanging like water bottle thing, phranimas in their house. I

Pretty gross. I never seen that You've seen it for you know talking about to take the water by the old classic water bottle I don't know a lot of water bottle and they have a got to be attached to it. Yeah, there you go Damn just giving yourself an ever seen that before I've seen that I've seen the red one. Yeah. You didn't know it was an enemy, I didn't either. Yeah, for many, many years. And I was like, oh, that's, again, permanent,

eminem, eminem a bag. So they squirt water and then poop out and then you just, well, you put that tube up your ass. Yeah. And then you push, I guess you squeeze the bottle and it just gets like a colonic at home, but it's not that deep. It's just like, it's an animal.

Treatment of long term constipation. And I'll tell you, after that weekend and Rochester, on that Saturday, I was really thinking that was the rest of my life. This is a hard day. If you get a bidet, you don't need any of it. I guess that's true. You can last water up. You don't know that.

It's different than an animal. It's an animal. It's animal quality. Yes. Up your ass. Yes. You might have a very open accepting asshole now. No, really, that shoot right out there.

Because the whole family, you don't know. I do asshole. No really not shoot right up the whole family No, I do know I use the one a cast digital really and you shot water dress up your asshole You took a dumpic cast digital. No, I just wanted to see what it felt like put all the hubbubes about All the hustle and bustles about and it's weird. You have to you really get it where like you like figure out the positioning You're like oh, that's cold right up there. Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of is that first one. I go, no one different. I'll tell you what sometimes, you know, I told you I take the spray new apartment.

I'm going to get one. I take the spray thing for the shower. And I turn it on the my but hole and every now and again, you'll know something loose. Not like something loose. No, never that. But I have just like, you know, some way I felt like the my asshole did some sort

of a relaxation or something where it really fired. Like you feel like almost like the front of your stomach, the water inside the body, like, ooh, that got up there. You go, mm, mama's full. And mama's definitely. Well then I'm worried that I'm gonna fucking fart that water at some point. First, first time zeffin it. Well, then I'm worried I'm gonna fucking fart that water

out at some point. First time getting a colonic. Did a colonic, you just, what do you do? Just take a massive dump after they just shoot all that shit out of the whole thing. No, they're sucking like the dump out of you basically. Whoa. I'll tell you what.

It hurts. It hurts. I don't know that. I got one. I just like saying, you don't know that about everything. You say, you don't know that. It hurts? Yeah I just like saying you don't know that about everything you say you don't know that it hurts Yeah, cuz it feels like when they pass the water and the pressure they They put it in until you like can't take the pain anymore basically and then they release it

Yeah, the release yeah, but it's like you're cramping I I Like you see this stuff like coming you see this stuff like coming through it I would did I'll go there with you and watch like burgers come out of our assholes together When a whole hands are in a clon. Don't you lose a ton of weight? No, not really. Yeah, Christian. Can you bring a colonic to you? Can we do in studio? I don't know if there's portable colonics There's portable ideas colon Home colonics. No, not home. Job colonics.

At the workplace. Really? Why? Just girls squirting on a civilian. Who are these people? Has some consistency. Has some standards. Has some consistency. You want to take our first break? A girl squirting in Gary's face. We're not looking for that. We're just looking to have some fucking turd ripped out of our butt Call in what's our number? It's 866 969 we have calls 1969 already

Yeah, there's a good one already. Oh, yeah for some gross products. We take a break. We take one one call first You would gross proceed to get what we're doing here Those have been row walking when it's easy. We hear six. Yeah, then we'll have them in row walking in a reason We hear six. Yeah, but I'm saying we're not gonna take a break for that too No, what's the what's who is the call? I don't have a call screen at all his name is Ben and he Just a service a gross product. Oh Okay, Ben What's up, buddy? Hey. You're on the bonfire.

I'm as excited. So years ago, he's worked for a company that sells wound vacks. It's basically a machine that has like a suction thing that you attach to open-source, for bed-source, for app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app-app I bet that smell was wretched. Oh, it was beyond. And I had to take the machine out to my car and clean it. Oh, man. For another patient. Oh, you go collect it when they were done with it. Well, the nurse was going to always clean it well before giving you back to me.

Oh, it's like doing the human, it's like when they pick up the grease. Yeah, the grease trap. Yeah, the grease trap. It's like human grease trap. Oh my god. Hey, this is stump pus. Would you mind throwing this out? Hey, remember that, uh, with my PB&J cross?

Yeah, remember that fat nug I told you about that lives on the east side. You know, no arms, no legs. I sucked off all of his bed sores and let's just say it is a lot I bet though if you're in the like doctor pimple popper lifestyle though That's got to be very rewarding what you're getting out of that thing a wound vac Christine look at a wound vac and how it works also trying to sell that What a wound yeah, I'm Ronnie Ford from wound vax and wound Vax He was what he's gonna say they're gonna let your swords get all juicy. Yeah, welcome to Liberty wound

That out Liberty wound facts Wound back here we go Sorry, I got one wow wow. This is humiliating it is my girls out there using oh God, oh god, this is that's an open wound. We'll put this out. I thought that was a mummy. We'll tweet this out at the bonfire SXM. Look at that big toe. Yeah, yeah.

We're gonna bring us a mummy back to life. Where's our toe? The big toe is just, this, the big toe nears. Mass. Least the problems. Least of the issues going on here. What is this?

Christine gets to the back in part. I don't wanna see his air filter coming down here we're going around oh god oh it's sucked that wound suck that wound suck that wound oh I had a I had a girlfriend he's called wound sucker am I right how are you doing it's what I call kind of Linguist how you doing dance order come on comedy club this weekend Zing zing zing three M makes this machine With three M makes all three M makes all the nasty shit double-sided tape

Double-sided deal though. No, I want to see worth it. Yes. Let's get that juice going Dude pull that juice. I don't see you juice coming Show you're That juice. How's he new juice coming? Or dick. Show, yeah, dick. Is this thing even on? Christine, jump ahead a little bit. Let's see if I get some juice in there. How long do you get to see if I get some fuckin' French dip juice in here? No juice.

Now this is all bullshit. Damn dude. Fake wound, fake bullshit. Fake news, fake news. This person ain't even an amputee fuck that video well let's take a break yeah now I do want to take a break now jesus set I'm god damn upset that was bad wound back video we'll get it right we'll get it right we're gonna raise a team I'm a little stressed right now I got to drive I

expect a six hours tomorrow they're not paying for my parking they're not paying for my parking. They're not paying for your parking. They asked if I could pay for my own parking. How insane is that? What? I don't think we're seeing a pushback on that a little bit. I did. Yeah, pushback a lot of it. I did. I was like, he'll take care of gas, but can you guys pay for parking? Yeah, I mean, come on. Why don't you call Ed Brook? Let him throw his weight on the email. No pun intended. Really? I actually have a miss call from CA. Justin didn't jump in. of a bitch son of a bitch

He wants to see me take son of a human He must see a girl in the can You know yeah, you're only as strong as your weakest length and that's what it is that's like I'm like paying for fucking It is dude fuck me running You've been listening to... SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes, every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM! you