The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Would You Rather? (feat. Nate Bargatze, April Macie & Joe DeRosa)

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Nate Bargatze & Joe DeRosa join the show as Dan Soder poses a would you rather question that's a lose/lose situation. As Becky Rodriguez does a walking handstand Jay is inspired about his athleticism... Perhaps too much? After years of talking about the late Craig Glaser’s “Man and his Dog” April Macie episode the comedian joins the show and tells her own version of things.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon. And I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bonfire SXM. Crackle Crackle Camper's is Black Blue back with another Bonfire's best

of the week. On Monday's show, Nate Bargati joined us as Dan posed an amazing question to the group. Spoiler alert, I'm going with naked push-ups. Would you rather have your mom banged out by the cool kid in school? Rather come home to your friend being winded after doing naked push-ups for your dad God So wait so my dad go around the room and answer and I'm gonna tell you this right now Gay dad push-ups. Why? because You're just like oh dad's gay

Take him up the river you go my dad's gay. Let's get out of this thing Your dad's a little more than gay. He's making chips come over Yeah, you're right here. He's business savvy too You're right Nate here. He's business savvy too The kid tells about his dad where you're like his dad was a garbage. He's a garbage person. You're like if I did It's cool He might have a Foursight on how to see some tight tushes. It's a fucking strong shoulders 50 years only 50 years only still point 12 year old dick

50 years only 50 years only still point 12 year old dick But what you'm gonna call I'll tell you what my answer changed throughout that exchange we had right there I was first I was first gonna say my mom With the coolest kid in school banging your mom. I don't even know why I just seem like the instinct answer But why I'd go to my dad have the kids do naked pushups is because I at least have I have a leg to stand on in The argue if they can't exposed Yeah, which you what you will you have like you get to go school back You get these fucking mose were over there doing it. Yeah, my dad's a creep But these fucking fruits are over there just kissing their dick holes to my carpet for my dad. That's weird too.

They're weird too. You would like it just so you could meet your dad. You're like, that means he'd be at home. Yeah. That's the funniest thing. The whole part of this whole thing is just for us to get dads at home. Or like, yeah, maybe I have a talk with him.

Have a catch. Have him tell me that he's gay? I guess to push up things. Just because he'd be there. and also he'd be encouraging physical fitness Both of those answers are clearly from men that did not have dads. That is the wrong choice In that's an air get a rock. The last thing you wrote it. Joe, let me tell you. It's gonna be a known pedophile. That's insane. That's not.

What are you talking about? But Joe, let me say it like this. Your mom's a pedophile too. Your mom fucked a teenager. No, no, that dude that fucked my mom is awesome. And there is a fucking difference. And you know it. I know it.

If your mom's gonna fuck some, if your mom's gonna fuck a high school kids, maybe one of the ones that got the early mustache, you know, I mean like one of those. Oh, yeah, dude, you got that fucking, who is that teacher that dated that Filipino kid that had a mustache at 12? We're married now. They're married now. We can't divorce Joe. She's back on the market.

Get on it. I love these kind of questions, man, they're so good. Black Lou ran away because he doesn't want to answer.. I'm starting to think black lose dad used to watch By the way, that is yeah, I thought about that Yeah, when you said that mean Dan wanted one of dad's so bad that we would Know files versus your mom being a whore I didn't even overthink that I go. Oh, no, I'm proud of him. Here's the thing. It's only known to the other kids though.

Yeah, you're basically going like, so that means I know him as well. Then yes, I would love us. Yeah, I can have a catch. I can have a catch for the guy. Dude, I get to find out all of his favorite albums from growing up. There'll be a lot of talking.

It's just the gay naked pushups are just a little. Thank you, God, a gay is your night. You're throwing gay around a lot of talking. You know, it's just the gay naked pushups are just a little... Thank you, God, that gay is your throwing gay around a lot. It's way worse than gay. Like you're acting like it's kind of fun. Like it's like, hey, your dad's getting it. You're like, you're like, hey, it's progressive. Hey, the sport world, you're like from the 1940s, like an old man, it's like, dude, this is what the Spartans used to do for soldiers. This is cool. He's got

to weigh with it for so long. It would be so devastating if that figure, that kind of figure in your life was it like Jim, Jim Kerry, when he used to stand up at a joke where he's like, could you just go, uh, do you imagine if you found out your parents were in hell and he just goes, they taught me everything I know, man. That sums up the way you would feel if you found that you're dead. Me and Dan already have our talks now where people are going to go. Hey, you know, it's like, yeah, I know you guys just see the gay pedophile who has everybody come over after school to do naked pushups

But he's so much more than that to me. He's the guy who told me to ride a bike and when I told him let go He told me he already let go I know I know I don't know that he can push up sky Me you want to come to me with numbers? Come back you with numbers We have never had better physical education numbers Father implemented his push up program our football team is seven and three our basketball team headed had better physical education numbers, they wanted to implement it as push-up program. Our football team is seven and three. Our basketball team headed to the second straight final four.

Are you telling me? I'm eliminating the presidential fitness test, dominating everyone be able to climb the race. The economy is up because money is in the community. You know that curveball you can't hit? Guess who showed it to me. That's what. That's what. After push-ups, sometimes, my dad just didn't kick him out. You know that Kurt Ball you can't hit guess who showed it to me After push-ups sometimes my dad just didn't kick him out. He taught him things He was more than a pedophile that paid for push-ups. He was a mentor

Guys is he a pedophile? Yeah, but does a pedophile not bleed? That's it. And if I don't not feel the sun, the file not make delicious French. Sunday morning. We're gonna talk about comic books. And a file that you like extra crunchy, Jeff and not the creamy kind. Everyone else likes.

Does that know? Nice mom to dance at the under the sea dance senior year high school golfers know Vikings. When he's seen his tight little 12 year old ball sack from behind. He sees a beautiful even the biggest whales need blowholes that's he is blow Yeah, I'll tell you what it all rings. It all rings much better than me than finding out my mom's just a slut for some kid

Who's mean to me in high school? So after that kid gives you a kid gives you a swirly and then he lets you know that he just deep-dicked your mom Let me tell you that kid is so awesome I'm gonna try to be friends with him after I found out he begged my mom Well you said that dude's right This guy cocked you into a friendship. Fuck yeah. That'd be great if a kid who went to school with you

came out of your mom's bedroom and talked to you like he's a guy banging your mom and he goes, hey, champ, what's up? He goes, you want to go around a movie or something? I'll take you. You can come out of your mom's room. If he came out of your mom's room and talked about hot girls that went to your high school with you,

she's like making a sandwich and he goes, dude, your mom gets hotter than Cheryl Driggs and you go, what? Yeah, no, I fucked her too. And it's like she didn't know what she was doing, but your mom's got them years on her dude. Just knows how to push his back off the headboard and you're like, please stop. Please stop. And say, guy, you're like, ah, now, now, now, now, Cheryl, now, Cheryl Johnson from

school is a pretty woman, but I mean, your mom, that's, that's a woman's tits in that bedroom right there. You just get out here. You're talking to her. By the way, kid, I know I'm not your dad. Doesn't mean we can't do dad stuff. You want to go to mix. Hey, I know your, I know your dad's locked up for pedophile photos of boys doing pushups Pretty cool. Yeah, do you think he has to be one of these a great younger one if he's a great younger than you? Oh, dude Yeah, wait a minute wait a minute. I'm seasoning to the question. I was picturing him in the same class as you and he sits behind He sits behind you and when you you flip your test over and it says A plus

He gets in your ear and he goes proud of you kid We'll celebrate tonight at home with home How about your mom and I take you out to Fudruckers You're over your shoulder, you're gone. What? What? I'm going to pick the movie from Blockbuster tonight. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, your dad used to pay me to do pushups naked in front of him. You go, double slam dunk!

You got me one? So this is nothing. Hi, it's Jacob. After show favorite Becky Rodriguez did a handstand on camera, an inspired big J had big thoughts about his own athleticism, and just might have taken his enthusiasm a little too far. You be the judge. Here's the thing though, Dan, and I think you already know

what I'm gonna say right here, and I do mean it. The same as a Kip-Up. I do mean it. If I could get my minds, if I could be hypnotized into believing that I can do a flip, I could do a flip. There's no way you could do a flip, Jay. I will tell you right mind, if I could be hypnotized Into believing that I can do a flip I could do a flip There's no way you could do a flip J. I will tell you right now We've had this conversation before no back you're shaking your head no, but you're I'm gonna turn you around on this a little bit Okay

And and and support this because I think we've had this conversation of some degree and you do agree with me a Lot of the thing of accomplishing Acts like that, the Kip Up and some other things because here's the thing, Dan, we're all, none of us are weak guys, we're both strong guys. You don't think you can do it. So even when you're giving it your best shot, you're pulling at the end always because you're like, there's no way I can fucking do this. But if you really went into it and you were like, yeah, dude, it seems like it makes total set. There's been things, I wish I could think of them before the end of the show I will

off things where I was like, I couldn't possibly do that. And then you'd really give it a shot. You know, I mean, just for some day that day, you're like, well, why couldn't I do that? And then you do it. I don't think the flip works like that, Jay. Yeah. This is insane. You're going to hurt yourself real.

No, no, no, listen, I couldn't do a handstand if I just believed I could because I Can't hold my own body weight up like that. You know, I mean my body weights too much I know that I understand that however I do believe my legs are strong enough to propel my body over I just know that upon even try I won't even you talk about the back Dan I'm telling you I'm going down on the forehead, bro Like I'm gonna go hurt myself so bad But I think I have the ability in me currently.

Now, just would never try to do it. I'll be terrified. I love you, you're down here. Are you talking like matrix style, like load the image in your head kind of thing? I know. Come cool. For me to do it, I would have to have it matrix loaded.

OK, I agree that most of this is muscle memory, but you have to have the muscle memory of doing it like thousands of times. We could definitely do a trampoline front flip every one of us. I know you're good. 100% couldn't. It's nuts. Of course you could. None of us could. Joe, we could do trampoline flips. You should. I don't understand yourself. We'll go to Bountone once this thing's over. I mean, listen, for me, I'm have to get some height, but I'm telling you I can do it, for sure. Given that, let's accept the trampoline premise. You saying you could will yourself do flip that? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Yeah, it is fucking crazy. You're saying it wrong. First of all, I'll tell you this not will myself to do it I'm saying I have the mechanics In my body to pull it off right somebody There's fatter than me wrestler guys who can just do it there's that you can watch videos of three hundred pound guys doing Front flips, but those have been guys that have been doing front flips since they were 11. You doing a front flip in your 40s. Is it going to happen? It's never going to happen ever. It's never going to happen. I can't even get my brain. I can't make peace with the fact I will

never do a front or back flip. It's just flipping it for me. I can't get my brain to believe that I'm not going to die every day. Coronavirus or not. So I definitely can't get it to get convinced that I can pull off a feats of athleticism. That's the amount of my realm of vision. As Dan said, I love you, but I want to be clear. You don't have the mechanics. Prestig dust you in any fucking of these things.

Man. Why worry? I want to know where... Where is Jay? I'm not saying I'm any better. I am no better. I'm not saying I can do it. You can't. I just want to know where this confidence is coming from.

In you right now. Wait, what is this question? When is this coming from? It's, it's, it's, we're talking about a very specific thing. Uh, I like to see a pole vault. I don't want to see a pole vault. I want to see a pole vault. I want to see a pole vault. I want to see a long jump. I want to see a run long jump.

Who are you with that? I would love to see a long jump. That's doable. Long jump is doable. Christine's lighter than I am. Well, not much. Christine's lighter than I am. I'm joking.

She's much lighter than I am. Jay. Yes. I would have. I would have pointed out. Jay had every turn of this claim has said that Wade has nothing to do with any of it. And we said we want to see a long jump. That's very doable. You went right to Christina's lighter than me. That's not you can't. You're right.

No, you got to do it. You're right, Joe. I'll answer. Dust her in long jump. I did. Jay, what are we testing? If you don't think you haven't got like we know you're stronger than me. That's what it says. I'm how about this. How about if two people, if we bring in two of Black loose cousins to double Dutch and I bet I can double, I bet I can stay longer in double Dutch than Christine. Can double dutch and it's weighed on me my entire life.

I wish I could. I'm a good twerler. I think I get double dutch. J is fucking J. You are, I never thought I'd see the day you did something like this. I'm disappointed. You're, you're, you are trumping these answers.

You were Donald Trump of these. Evans just came at you with a sound argument. She goes, what are we testing? And J just goes, let us just, anyway, I did it. were done on trouble these Evan just came at you with a sound argument she goes what are we testing it jesus goes anyway throws out a word I mean that means nothing what are we testing how about I go to her realm and I'll tell you you give me one day to work on it I could twirl better than Christine I'll twirl better than her you think you can twirl flag better than me

what's up a ton how about Hula? Things like this. I can Hula hoop better than you, I bet. This is not where this started. Just anything you can do, I can do better. I'll tell you what's crazy. I thought that Jay, I thought you were doing a bit basically this whole time. And then in that moment, you just went, no, Christina would take me in swimming.

And I was like, he's not doing a bit. He's really crazy. He could do all these things. Yeah, I'm talking about the things that I will dust her ass in. I still don't know what one of them is. On Wednesday's show, April Macy stopped by as we discussed her old friendship with comedy club owner and legend, Gleiser.

In the history of the bonfire over the years, the late Craig Gleiser has became a fascination of ours. We've gone through. I've worked the club, Jay's worked the club. I've worked the club many times. In fact, last time I did it, and I'm glad because it was before he passed away. But I brought Christine with me. And she came from all cities to go to. I was, I mean, it was like overland park, Kansas or whatever. It's one of the few

random like middle America gig she came to with me because it was like, you got to meet this guy. I had been hearing stories. I've been working in comedy clubs since 2005. I've been hearing stories of Craig Glazer forever. And I like, I'm so actually happy and excited that I got to spend that weekend with this character. Was that right before he died? Did you check bounce? Did you check?

It must have been like two years before he died. And the only time, the only time I worked the club was when I was on that headliner for feature money, I would hunt for six days and he'd pay me barely above feature rate. But I did get to ride in that sweet lotus on the way to watch him. He was sad years, the lotus was sad.

Yeah, I was there for the lotus years. I was there when he did. They're all sad. When he drove you so he could do press and you just sit there. Yeah, I feel like I have 12 years in with Craig Glaser. I feel like I was I've been there since 2000. What was that? What was Pete? Can you could you tell us what was Pete Craig Glaser to you? My favorite was when he was like, hey, I'll be popping in the ass hole. And you're like, oh, yeah. Wait, he just he just did. And can you tell him you set up the situation a little more? Where did he? It was before it was before hashtag stand. For a lot of years, I had to be like, Craig, you can't just grab me. You can't just, you can't just like, you just go grabbing.

It's great. It was just like a chimp. It was like a chimp in human clothes. It's like Dunston checks in. You're like, whoa, whoa, dude. You can't be grabbing that. But I was asking when he asked to pop you in the asshole, where was it? Was it in the lotus? Was it like at the club? I don't remember, but I feel like it's probably on multiple occasions that question was asked. I don't feel like that was a once and done or that was like,

hey, come on, why don't you go let me pop you in the asshole? That was like in every year. That was a little treat that I got. I don't know if that's a real question. Real quick, this weekend, we got short ribs in the kitchen, and I got to get out of here, but you want me to pop you in the ass? there? I would have been his mark if I was a girl I would have been his mark. I fell for everything. I didn't know and I think after he died or shortly before someone was like

Oh my god that terrible to pay I go that's not his hair I'm like oh, he's like it was by the way, this guy's not wealthy. He just like fucking maxes out everything and fucks people over. That's why he has all those cars and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, I don't really think I was a gazillionaire. No, no, no, no. You are right for the picking when you become an old man. So many people are going to run hustles on you.

Or they're like, yeah, get money. I'd have been chugging his nuts right in Johnny Daer's waiting room. My last check bounced. My last check for New Year's Eve. That was, I defile with the district attorney to get shake my money out of him before he croaked. Yeah.

So you did New Year's there. As we've talked about on the show, that's a big payday. It was a good payday, which was why I think it was like Legal to bounce the check multiple times just based on the value of the check Yeah, so my managers from Kansas City and our dad's lawyer so we filed any call like our thought we were friends And I was like my friends don't bounce large checks to make I mean You go the guy you got to admire the guy for staying in the pocket till the

end where he goes, well, that's how I bounce check on you. What's going on? Are we not cool? No bad when he died. Like that I shook him down for his last, like his cancer funds or whatever. I know. I feel like I took this last little thing. No, it's cool.

I don't need my medicine, April. I'm glad you got your money. I'll die now. So what this is, Joe, I'm going to fill you in as this lunatic who believed in some weird way. He was the kingpin of a town. He thought he had Kansas City on like wired to him. He would take you to press seven hours of press,

and he would be the only one talking the whole time on the right is a casual racist uh... did he take you for breakfast after where there was just like a solid dose of casual racism but it's a bomb buddy a but apral when me and christ when when me and christine uh... when me and christine

first he knew me for a couple years this point christine came out there with me and he took us to radio and he goes, uh, he goes, yeah, this is actually the Westport. This is the original location of our first club ever. He's like, it was, uh, it was a great club. But then one day you come outside and you just see it's all niggers outside. And then, uh, so you go, you go, holy shit.

Craig, this is Christine. Have you guys just met today? You met this morning? This is this is me all of it. You're seeing all of it right now. How do you like? I remember the first time I met it. He's like, oh, you're like a guy, huh? I go what he goes like a man You're not like a fat. What's up? What if I am? What if I was getting Craig and this is how we met and he's like No, you're not alright. Cool. Alright right. Now I'm saying you look like you get throw a punch. I was like, dude, this guy is genuinely insane. So he would tell you, so Joey, he would tell you on these things, all these stories of the, the quote unquote,

whores he was fucking and all the sluts and the fuck this one and this one loves him so much. And he's got movie deals and Zach Efron's playing him already. He slayed the plane and the new movie. See, when I was when he cast me in the king of shacking, I was playing one of the cops that helped Chris Pine at the time had the role. Oh, okay. Oh, you're going to get a role. Josh, Josh Wolf. Josh Wolf, uh, I saw Josh Wolf at the, uh the come and take at festival last year in Houston. And he sat in the green room with me, and I don't even know why, but this came up.

And Josh Wolf told me story after story after story. And I was like, I gotta get this book, what mistake have I made that I'd never worked this club? Like this sounds incredible. And the first thing I said was, how's this not a movie? And he goes apparently it's been passed around Hollywood, the option for this thing. But he David, David's house stopped, David's house stopped working for him. And he knew that like Dave was the guy who brought me all over the country.

And when I first did his club ever, he signed a book to me and gave it to me. And inside it goes, Jay, you're better than David's hell. Every wishes he could be. Fuck him. And I'm like, what do you want me to do with this? What do you want me to be? Yeah, he's right. Yeah, he's right.

Yeah, he's going, wow, you think? I don't want to take you. Yeah. You said you started working there in 2005. I think like 2005, 2006. It was like right after the last comic standing and so I mean I have years every year he was I it was on the rotation. Did you watch did you watch like was there ever an incline in his life was he ever making like a lot of money and then you saw

go down because what I saw it was it was it was it was it was it was getting bad. I mean I don't feel like you ever really had money it was there was a lot of a lot of horse but I believe like I was not even up to believe that he's just like dating elementary school teacher and maybe that could change his life. You know what that would do to that elementary school teacher's life? It would tear it apart. I felt like if he dated, like owned glue sticks that maybe he could change just like a little bit. He's not a person. Should it crack? Are you swindling one of your waitresses again?

He goes, what do you say, babe? I love you. This is DJ Lou with you. And on Thursday's quarantine tapes, the gang and Joe Deroza were having a great conversation about Cox. When all of a sudden an excellent money-making opportunity showed up for Becky Rodriguez, shits and knits, enjoy. I'd love to do a poll and Christine get this out there because I think this is 100%. I'd be blown away.

I'm just gonna be people who are just gonna play Devil's Advocate. But if everyone answers honestly, tell me anyone who looks at guy girl porn and Doesn't care as no preference to the guy's dick size particularly being big. I'd be blown away Very lonely, but it's room doesn't give a shit at all. All right preference. I have preference I have a preference for it to be big a big dick. Oh, I don't just ask here if it's big It just can't be black because then I can't pretend it's mine Yeah, yeah,, yeah. By the way, there's white guys. There's white guys with real purple dicks and I can't put myself in there. Oh, I can't. His putt looks off color. I can't get in. I could do black all day because that's the surefire biggest. You don't have to waste time

scanning through to see if this guy you've invested your time and your 30 seconds of time and it's going to have some regular ween. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I like, I like it. Sometimes I like a nice, you know, just regular dick. Yeah. Check out. I'll check out though. A really long thin dick. Get out. Get out of here. Yeah. Looks like it hurts the girl. Looks like it's. Hey, buddy. He's bummed out that like his dick so thin. What are you doing, guy? Are you clapping cheeks or changing an oil?

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's rather. I would much rather. Yeah. Yeah.

Because two courts. Hello. I would much rather have a short fat dick than a long thin dick. I think women are much more would have much more of a problem with a long thinny than a short punch. Yeah, if you have a fucking short, short thick punch, I think you're like Rocky Marciano of Dicks. You're gonna. I don't mind, I don't mind seeing a Coke and cock, you know what I mean? Like a nice. It doesn't bother me, but the the thought of a long skinny dick. You get even called a dog. It's a dick. That's what it's a dick. Like that

just freaks me out. You need, you need that hard CK because that's the way it like it's like It's it's it's too long and skinny where you're like quick poke her you did that's like what they call sex poking You see a grove like like terrible Can we by the way keep these go long skinny penis to the top right no no no top right please That's actually not that skinny. Yeah, that's kind of normal. It's not that skinny right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, P-bush I Shave my bones once Long and strong I thought me and Christine were gonna fuck at one point and then we just never think to do it at night Oh, there he sister. I get you have hard it last week. We didn't do it this week. Yeah

Yeah, no gaps in the tank guys We want to like fucking like zone and just like Laffitt if I don't know it's just like it's not coming up It's like a situation like we just don't probably either of us don't feel super like Like the other one will probably want to fuck right now because like Sweat pants life, you know, I mean like where yeah, what's the what's the change of pace of our thing at all? You're making a face. It's just thing we're always like sweatpants life, you know what's the change of pace of our thing at all? You're making a face. It's just thing we're always like sweatpants life.

No, back from a day though of like other things, you know, I mean, like, we see each other like out and about and there's like, you know, whatever, like the couple of flirtations and stuff, it's like we're just from morning till night, like essentially, except for walking away for like phone calls and I go outside for a cigarette, like it's just what now, what now, what now, and fucking, fucking kind of come. It's not that like awesome when fucking decision like, you wanna eat now, you wanna fuck.

Like I don't know, it's like, that's a bit of a bummer. I wanna tell you something I've been doing. It's something that's like, Christine's how to shit. What do you wanna tell you something I've been doing? So this Christine's hot as shit. What I want to tell you something I've been doing. First, I want to point out though, be a rod. I mean, this is your only fans. You knitting.

Guys are going to batch to that, man. Seriously. You just sitting there and you know, she's been knitting DJ Louis Cochering this whole time. Shit. That's going to make a shitload of money. I know. I know you got hot press going.

And I know that's a big, that's a big earner. If you do, if you do tiny grandma is your other. So much. I do. Here's what you should do. You should grandma is the best name. The best titles, Dan, I wanted to narrate my whole life. How about this one?

How about where you knit while you're on the toilet and you call it shit and that's. Oh my God. Come on. where you knit while you're on the toilet and you call it shit and that's oh my god come on come on I would get a I would get a micro egg so you can hear the split-ish this one yeah you don't have to show them you could just be you could be sitting legs closed on the ball but as long as they hear the plop they're going to be happy and I'll tell you this then you've covered uh it's a niche market but I mean you own it. You dominate it. You don't really, also you don't even really have to shit. You just give yourself a little space. Angel can drop a fucking cuba sugar in the toilet.

Yeah, and you go. I'll just go in the every group of this face every three minutes. You just go. This right here's an underhook loop. I'd like a little more weight than a cube of sugar. I'd suggest a great, a large grape. It's so funny to come in with weight negotiations. I'd say a billion dollars ball. You guys guys, I want a hard club

Good work J. I know right an overwrite plum. Yeah, I was gonna say that a plum would work now a neckdream and orange something like that It's gonna like you're gonna think that her asshole couldn't support But just fell out of it. You won't believe it'll break it'll break the fourth wall too much Just just to be eco-friendly here. I think you could open an Apple core. And that could really do. Absolutely. A little composting. Save in the environment,

and we're making Becky some money. And here's the thing. You can, the whole thing can be like fake to a degree. If you just wear like a, you're wearing legs close, and you're knitting on your lap. So they're not seeing anything except that you're it would look like you're not wearing pants and then you have the fake turds

i'm telling you these things are gonna turn over some money hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire you can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from six day p.m. east on Comedy Central Radio serious xm 95 or on demand on the Series 6M app.

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