The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Writing & Stealing Jokes

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

A few years ago, Jordan Paris was accused of stealing jokes to succeed on Australia's Got Talent. Then he returns to the show trying to sing his way to redemption. | Jay and Bobby are going to New Joke Night at the Comedy Cellar and enlist the audience to call in with premises they can write jokes from. | Cardi B may remove her BBL and Jacob needs the meaning of that explained to him. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah. Oh, Danny, boy. Everything Irish is tragic. Alcoholic puss. That's right. That was my mother's nickname in high school. Alcoholic pus?

Alcoholic pus. Nice. Old alcoholic puss, Kelly. I like that. Suck it, bitch. I like to sound to that. It's the bonfire. Faction Talk series X-M-103.

I think Peanut M&M is the best little chocolate snack when you're looking for something just a little chocolate. It's the best. Peanut Eminem is pretty good. It's pretty goddamn good. Better than an Eminem I'm not into. Peanut Eminem. Regular Eminem's boo. We got some. Okay. I already see. Let's take some of these

calls because I'm going to let them tell us. Just so everybody know, if you're just tuning in. We're looking for premise. We're looking for premises. Me and Jay are doing new joke night, Monday night. Willis events next Monday at the Pussy Get Lounge. I never do spots in the city ever. Well, I mean, weekends sometimes when I'm home.

And you can call up and give us our premises. I'm going to pick three through a draft. 8669-9-1969. Call up. And where's new jokes upstairs room, right? Yeah. Where your show is. Pussy Cat Lound.

Yeah, where my show is on Tuesdays. Right. And it was packed last night. You didn't go in, but it was sold out. No. You walked into the room? I walked into the room, and I was just standing there looking at Will. And?

Why are you looking at me, Bobby Kelly? He didn't acknowledge me. Why are you looking? Why are you Why are you standing there, Bobby? Now, I'm going to warn you if it's new joke If Will hosted every weekend? Every week he hosted?

Every Monday night he hosts it, yeah. He owes New Joke Night. Will's going to stay in that room and he's going to want to back and forth with me. Yeah. Just so you know. He might even be on stage, come up on stage with you.

It's possible. No, that was never our thing, but he'll be in the audience, but he'll want to talk, so I'm going to have to get, we're going to do three jokes apiece. Yeah. I'm going to have to be like, Will, let me get my jokes.

Because here's a thing, I don't want to, if it's a new joke night, let's do his new joke night. Hey, everyone. So I got a couple new things here. I want to try, and then start doing your jokes. Yeah. If I ingratiate them with talking with Will and the crowd and stuff, it's not going to be fair. It's not going to be fair because, like, or if you did that, it wouldn't be fair because they go, well, they're going to like it. You set a tone.

That's almost the point of that kind of crowd work. You're setting a tone, they're going to like you and they'll work with you. You want to go, is this funny? Is this shitty joke I wrote this week? getting funny right yeah you want to go up and just go all right first joke okay here you go got a couple things here couple good ones so we're taking we're looking for premise ideas premise ideas we're gonna get a pool of premise ideas yes maybe 10 12 well hopefully and then we'll uh no for sure i mean the lines are filling up but they always do uh the listeners are the best the best they wish we had

guests except for that one guy who rat us out to that one guy but he man well he loves us loves us but he He's just got an evil spirit inside of him that wants to hurt David, David Voxmullen more than ever I wanted to. Never wanted to hurt him ever. Never. But we're going to take, get a bunch of suggestions, and then we'll do like a draft where me and Bobby are going to be picking each other's topics. Yep. So if, just know, if marshmallow is a subject, it's probably going to come this way. 100% going to know where.

It's probably going to come my way. do I plug in marshmallowos? A hobachobelobulus. And hot chocobelobulus. Oh, man, you guys got a fun show coming Thursday. I'll let you know that. Today's our double day show. Hey, Thursday, early show is funny.

Hey, David, you should tune in Thursday if you're going to tune in at all. DVM, tune in. You want to see somebody go to work on somebody? You got off easy compared to Bobby. Dave, that one's for you, buddy. We owe you. We're going to find me eating shit somewhere, too. Oh, I'm going to do that.

Not the U.H. shit. That's not what I'm trying to say. That's not talking. If you can be confidently not funny, you're still going to get away with it. That's what I'm saying about Monday night if I go up there. I'm going to be confidently not funny if I start yapping to the crowd first. Yeah, you don't want to do that. No.

You don't want to use your 30-year skills. No. Just, yeah. I wanted to use my one skill I never developed. Joke writing. Apparently after 30-year. There's the show. Neither did I. Classic joke writing.

All right. Let's take some of these calls, Bobby. What do you think? All right, let's go. You want to throw some darts, Lou? Yeah, let's go to Michael in Pennsylvania. What's up? You're on with the bonfire.

Throw us a subject. Is that good? That was fantastic. Thank you. Michael? Hey, what's up? a not Dan What's up, buddy?

How are you? Good, how about yourself? Oh, we're hanging in there. Do you have a good idea for a joke we should do? Yes, absolutely. Roadhead in modern cars. Oh.

I had a thing about that already. Oh, really? Like, the center console being so big and the ding ding ding when you unbuckle the seatbelt? I didn't even think of the ding, no, my thing just goes with my, I don't know how I did it when I was a teenager because I did get it done to me when I was a teenager

But now there's no way that it could be done without a Unless I was leaned back like a Puerto Rican gangster There's no way that my belly isn't making her right ear Lay on the horn the whole time I do like the he actually thought the joke out a little bit He wrote some of it for you The ding ding ding from the seatbelt Well that's good it's good concept

I'm gonna put it down Bobby because we can always throw this to you Roadhead Oh right there In modern cars Suck my dick He gave it to you. Oh my God, can you please click that? Can you please click your...

I'll also have another one too. Fire, dude. Okay, so... Now, I'm going to take names of these. This is Michael from PA, Mike from PA. Yep. Do we have to announce that when we do the joke?

This is from Michael and PA. We should let people know with the ones we picked, they should be able to get credit later on for what they did. At the end of the joke, if it does good, we should go,

that's from Michael and PA. For Michael and PA. Yes. Michael NPA says, do a joke about roadhead, and modern cars. And here's my response. Hey, people,

have you ever gotten roadhead and modern cars? I don't start to joke. What's the other one? All right, so the next one is the difference between, like, you remember back in the day when you were with a girl and was like,

hey, first base, second base, third base? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So the difference between when you get older. And what the bases are. Yes, it all changes. Yeah, you just become the umpire and you just watch people just?

The sports position becomes like second base, you know? You touch a titty, you're probably going to get in there. I understand what you say. I like it. I like it. It's in there. We have those two from Mike and PA. All right, thank you, Mike.

Good premise, Michael. Good premises. You think he's just warming us up to he's going to try his night at his own thing? Then we're going to see, like, joke thieves. Real nice. Who else you got? Who else you got for us there, Lou? Frato in Texas.

Fredo. Frato. Frato. I knew it was you, Fredo. Fredo, what's up, buddy? Yo. What's up, my man? What do you got?

Throw us a couple of joke concepts here. Okay, so when I was young, we were always in the backyard hanging out, and I was always wondering, while my parents' keys, they always smelling their keys. I thought the keys smelled good. And me, they just like to smell a metal.

But after that, they got all turned up, and they got excited. And in playing on that, we never had a bank account. Never had credit cards. But they always had cards on them, and they always turned them out. So they always had a compact, and they always had credit cards. And same thing, every time they take them out, they go disappear together.

But then they come back with their keys and their credit card. They never leave home without them, but we never had a car. All right. Our concept, Jacob did fall apart from that one. That's his good job, Fredo. I will say the concept we're doing here is not hitting the way we wanted to. We're looking for... Preface.

Basic premise. These people were giving us constructed jokes about they. family doing cocaine. Yeah, we need a premise. Like, on the first one, like alligator farts. Having sex in modern cars. That was good.

Roadhead in modern cars is a good thing. What was the other one he gave? That was the all right one, too. A difference between the bases young to old. Yeah, that was a good premise. We're looking for a premise. This was all worked out. Yeah, we don't want a flushed out joke.

And I'm sorry about what your parents did in front of you. Yeah, that was a fucking... None of that was your fault. Nothing. Whatever happened you wasn't your fault, Fredo. Don't blame yourself for that. So, yeah, we're looking for more like exactly, like going to the zoo with a kid doing the thing. We're looking for more of the setup than the punch lines and stuff like that.

We'll knock it down. That's the skill. Can we take your premise and spike that ball by Monday? Can we do it? Who we got, Lou? No, I know what you say. Seven million people do it on Kill Tony every Monday. Sure.

But can me and Bobby do it once? Yeah, here's the thing. We're doing hours every weekend. We're always headlining. Can we go back to our roots? Can I go back to my roots? And just go on here and just pop in and go, yo, here's some new thoughts. It's only my new thoughts.

Not a set, not designed into a set. Go up. Hey, guys, got a couple things here. I want to try out for you. Okay, how about this? Right, exactly. What do you got? We got Mike.

It seems to be another Coke head from Texas. Okay. Okay, what's up? Mike, what's up? Slow down. Hey, you know, Fredo's parents sound like they party. So I'm down with that. Hell yeah, they did.

My premise is just those rogue little ass nose hairs or beard hairs that get in your nose when you're just, no matter how fresh it is. Wait, say... The beard hair or nose hair? The beard hair, yeah. So like your mustache where it flips up in your nose and you just can't get rid of that shit. Okay. Okay, write that down.

We both have mustaches. Goes into nose. There you go. Mike in Texas. Okay. Do you have anything else or is that it, Mike? That's just not, it's simple. I'll let you guys, I'll let the pros handle it.

Oh, we're going to. Thank you. Oh, we're going to. Thank you. I appreciate that. Moustache goes into nose. Love that. Who else we got?

Dutch in Tampa? Good name. What's up, Dutch? All right, what's up, boys? Bobby, I'm sorry. I missed you in Sarasota. I am too, Dutch. Where were you?

I was at the cigar lounge waiting for you, brother. Sorry about that. My bad. That's all right, buddy. Next time. What is this is Dutch in Tampa? I got two. Yeah, I got two for you.

Nice. One, running out of toilet paper and a public bathroom and possibly having to use a sock. Love it. Just alternative toilet paper. Alternative toilet paper. Where are you going with it? Alternative toilet paper. Been there.

And we got to say, listen. We also acknowledge, me and Bobby, I don't know what you guys think. A lot of these things we've been given to us already are extraordinarily hack subjects. It's now our job to make, how do you take this running out of toilet paper and you got a blah, blah, blah. Yeah. How do you bring that? up to a professionally funny level. Right.

And can we? Can we? We might not. I might just hit you with the same thing. Like, what's with the grill marks on the airplane food? What is there? A little tiny grill up there, am I supposed to think? There's a thing, too.

Running out of T.T. The best part about this is that they film all these shows. Oh. That's right. I forgot, yeah. Don't have, like, fill out some kind of like they can use it forever in perpetuity. No, you've actually filled that up by walking through the door. Nice.

scan your eyes at the comedy side. I love that. Yeah. Okay, running out of TP. We got that one. Dutch, do you have a second one? I do,

but I'm still worried about you call me a hack, and now I'm going to have a thing. No, no, no, no, no, no. Dutch, Dutch, these are premises. Any subject is, any subject. Every subject's been covered already. Leave it to us. We're going to take your subject

and bring it to another level. I'd expect nothing less. All right, the second one is returning food on a date. Oh, okay. Damn, I kind of hope I get that one. Maybe you will. I kind of like that one, too.

Yeah, that was a good, that's a great, that's a fucking great premise. That's a great one, Dutch. Good premise. That's not even hacky, even sort of. No, that's going to go to Jay Zach. That's going to be his next hour. This could be my one-man show.

He's going to have to pay you $50 for that joke. That's genuinely. You know what? It would probably be great if you did that in a dinner show, maybe in a diner somewhere in New Jersey. No any places? I do. Well, there's one place I'm being performing a lot. It's coming around the pike pretty soon.

It's a Greek diner. It's a Greek tiger. Thank you, Dutch. Those are too good. Those were great. Those were great. One person just wants us to know that David Vox Malins respond to comments. I know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. He's having fun. We know. He's enjoying it. Want to try Don in Pittsburgh?

Yeah. Don in the Berg. What's up, Don? Hey. Hey. What's up, buddy? It's a real honor to be talking to you guys, the legends. I got a good premise here.

What's your premise? Fluence and the science. Fluence and the science in the house. Fluent science here. I'd recently heard that Cardi B is planning on removing her BBL. And I was thinking now something you could work with or maybe even throw it the fluence way, see where he goes with it. We could.

We could see one of us. That's another good one, Don. I got to give us another good one. Thank you very much, Don. Don in Pittsburgh. I mean, I already think... Party B.B. Removes BBC. I already got a thing on it.

BBL. BBL. BBL. BBL. B.B.L. What's a BBC? Big Black Cock. Oh, Big Black Cock. Well, it's also the British Broadcasting. Right. Yes. Whatever.

But more importantly. But more importantly, Big Black Cock. If it's typed into my computer... It's Big Black Clock. It's Big Black Cock. Yeah. If it's type in Jacobs' computer, it's the BBC. It's definitely the BBC. Something about ties and suspenders.

It's just like a... Another take on the Titanic that hasn't been done yet. Yeah, they're doing a documentary on a documentary on a on hound hunting. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Who else do we have here? Weez, Brother Wees and PA? Oh, Brother Wees.

The wheeze? Wees. What's going on, brothers? What's up, my man? Wees and PA. Hey, man, I've been listening to you guys since day one, and you guys rocked. Oh, thank you so much, my man. You got a joke premise for us?

Here's the obvious. A bunch of people calling in to give you a joke. It's meta. Jesus Christ. He's being meta. Right in front of us. It's right in front of us. We were walking by that penny and we never met down to pick it up.

Nope. Nope. Never did. It's fucking meta. It's fucking meta. It's just good. This is good because this can work in an alternative room. Well, they don't know what they call those now, but like an alternative room where you can kind of go in there.

They call those rooms. Oh, just rooms now. Now you can just go and people because that's where you go. It's like, dude, this is a joke I wrote by people calling in about the concept of people calling in to give me jokes. and they're just going to be like, whoa. Head tunnel explode. This might involve the audience snapping and rhythm, this joke.

I don't know yet. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm not brainstorming early. It might have more claptor than laughter in this joke, which is fine. You'd be surprised how quick I could turn this into a fucking free Palestine message. Is that it?

Brothers. You blow minds. I'm punching out. Thank you, wheeze. It's wheeze. Weeze. Weeze. What's that?

Let's take one more here. Let's take one more. We've got Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Yeah. You're on the bonfire. What's up, Jerry? Hey, I really enjoy you guys. Thank you.

Thank you, my man. You got some joke premise for us? Yeah, a truck driver pulls on a scale, and a police officer gets up inside of his truck, the clock to him, and he says, ow. Now you've got to come up with the reasons. What? Wait.

I didn't understand almost 100% of that. I didn't know it. Black Lou actor that he knew, but then he didn't know it all. Can you say it again but slower and a different accent? That's the only accent I have. Try a white guy accident. This guy couldn't be wider. Not your white guy.

Like New York white guy. Like a rich white guy from New York. Like, hey, how are you? Like that. Eddie Merritt. Talk like a black guy white guy. Hey, how are you? There you go.

Now say it again. All right. A truck driver stops on a scale. Uh-huh. And the police officer gets up on the side of his truck. And he says, Al. Now you come up with the reason why.

I have a story for it. Okay. Why does that? That would be next week. We don't have to get the actual thing. We've got a joke about it. Why does? The police officer, I'm right P.O.

Step up. Say out. On truck. On truck, that's on scale. Truck is on the scale. Police officer steps up on the truck to check it. Officer says, ow. Officer says, I get it.

I get it. Different type of joke. I get it. Says ow. That's a challenge. That's a challenge. It's a bit of riddle. It's a challenge, yes.

I like that. I believe in you. Thank you, Jerry. Thank you, sir. Jerry, thank you. And you did a perfect black guy doing a white guy, by the way. It really cleared things up. I do want to notice.

My daughter was married to a black guy, so I think that's why. Oh, that's why you stay on that road trucking, dude. No kidding. That's why you stay on that road trucking. Oh, my God. What are you going to do, sit in there and tell them to turn their music down every single night? No way, dude. You know what they're doing in that room.

I never have a daughter. That's the ideal situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I had a daughter. I just ran away from her life when she was 12, so I never had to worry about those things. I was just missed mine, so that was the problem. Boring.

Thank you, Jerry. Thanks, buddy. Can you get a good thing? Sure. I was in St. Ruis delivering an X-ray machine at the airport one time. A what machine? X-ray. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

I forgot. The most beautiful woman I forgot. The most beautiful woman. I've ever seen. Thank you, Jerry. Walk out of the airport with a very well-groomed standard poodle. Okay. So she's high-end, her dog's high in.

I'm standing there with a police officer. She walks right over to the grass and lets the dog crap in a paper towel in her hand. Ooh. And the dog was looking back at her like, what in the heck are you doing? Oh, I feel like the dog is aware that she does this all the time. Yeah. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. It's caught in a paper towel.

What did she do with it, though? Did she eat it? Or did she wrap it up and thrown? She did sniff it a little bit. I don't know what that all about. Oh, man, she's into some sick shit. Those rich people are to some sick shit. I bet that goes back to the Epstein files.

Oh, P. Did he? Or at least P. Did he? Yeah, P. Did he paid her? That very least the punisher. Take that. Take that. Thank you so much, Jerry. Have my stander put a shit in a napkin and smit it.

You know, it's the only way I come. Yo, I have to hire a male motherfucking stripper to come over here and duke me my girl's paper towel hand. Give me a favor. I want you to take the dog downstairs, have a shit in her a paper towel in front of the cop. And then sniff it. If a girl lets you shit in her hand that she's got a paper towel in,

she loves you. Yeah. For sure. She loves that dog. Here's what we got so far, Bobby. Yes. We have mustache goes into nose. There's a premise.

running out of toilet paper and alternatives for that. I like that one. Running out of toilet paper in a public place. Yes, which matters. Sure. Returning food on a date. So good. Okay.

Returning food on a date. The very meta idea that people are calling in to give us jokes, and then we will be, in fact, doing a joke about people calling in to give us jokes. So it's people calling in to tell us. The joke itself will be about people calling in to give us jokes. When this joke, in fact, will be the joke you wrote. It's like one of those, like, it's like when someone takes a picture of someone looking in a mirror, there's a thousand of you in that picture.

It never ends. And it got the whole word laughing. It's still my favorite thing ever, the weirdest, when the guy on, was it all, Coralia's got talent. They came out with the big teeth and like he, I guess he stole jokes. The first, he did one of the first weekend killed. And then they finally stole jokes like before the next episode came out. And when he came out the next episode, he got the game, you know, he moved on so they couldn't

disqualify him. So then he comes out, they should have actually disqualify him, but they instead let him come out and try again. And he goes out. And he did instead of doing, he did like two or three jokes, bombed. And then did a full stage production of I started a joke. and sang the whole song with the background singers and everything. It's fucking crazy.

You never seen that? No. No. Do you have that, Christine? It's so worth it while I talk about these. I'm going to assign you one of these. Can we go through the mall first? Oh, yes.

I'm sorry. I thought we did. My apologies, you're right. Why, we have the riddle of why would the police officer who jumps up on the truck that's on the scale at the way station for truckers, cop jumps up on the truck says ow why um yeah we have uh oh roadhead in the modern era roadhead cars in modern cars roadhead in a modern car difference between uh the sex bases from young to old what they were when you were young to what they should be now when you're older

between the sex spaces between now and when you were young when we were young you're kid yeah Cardi B removes her BBL Cardi B BBL Not her BVBBF Not her BBC Not her BBC What do you say it removes her BBL Is that that that's an implant or they just raise your ass

No they just take out all the fat It's all fat they put in it So what they put her fat back Well it depends they got implants or if they got like Just like that fat injection shit So if she removes it She's either getting fat sucked out or silicone, some balloon taking out.

Something, yeah. She's getting something taken out, maybe. But therein lies the ha-ha. Also, maybe this isn't true at all. That's right. Right. Therein lies the... She's undergoing further procedures

to remove her remaining butt injections and implants. Okay. There you go. She's had to fix some issues from past illegal biopolymer silicone injections. Good, good, good. That's permanent.

Yeah. I know. How about the people when it's like, didn't you have people who got like a BBL and it's like, They put cement in my ass. Like cement. It's crazy.

You just come out of that and after a week, you go, I don't think this is right. I think this is cement. Why don't you think it's right? I don't know, man, because local kids keep coming by and putting handprints in there and just stay. I just watched, there's a documentary coming out on a penis enlargement. GERTH only. Yeah.

That you are. But there's two versions that you can do. You can either get some, it's kind of something acid that they put in, make your lips blow up. It's the same thing they'll make your dick widen. Really? Yeah. That's the safest one. I guess it's going to change the way it feels, though.

That's the safest one. You have to do like multiple treatments. The acid is the safest one. That's the safest one because it dissipates. Okay. It's a, it's a filler, that natural filler that goes away. It'll go away, so your dick will be fatter for a little bit. Yes, you have to keep maintaining it.

So this is like when you're meeting a new. girl. There are guys, they said that they're, a lot of them, they're already huge. They're just, they're crazy. A lot of them are going broke doing this. They just can't stop widening out their, their penis. A lot of girls do that. Well, it's only going to get so wide, but you'll get to your maximum possible width. Well, what they do is they give you, they actually make you keep holding bigger size dildos or something like that to say, this is what I want my penis to be. And then the doctor says, well, that's going to be seven procedures. Just having injections.

Well, can't they just make something up that actually makes a vagina smaller and tighter? Yeah, instead of their big disgusting pussies and make my wiener feel small? Yeah, can they just make that tighten up? Can they get like a... Can it be their fault? Can they get the stuff you put under your eyes

to make the bags go away, just rub it inside of a pussy so it tightens up? Yeah, we already make them get abortions and shit. Like, can't you just deal with all of it and shut up already? Yeah, their body, their choice. Yeah. But your body, your choice is enough, shut up,

make your pussy tight. Yeah, man. You can get your push tightened, I think. Really, how? How'd you get your vaginal rejuvenation, they call it. Yeah, you can tighten your puss. It's in the Godfather book. I don't read the book.

I saw the movie. But anyway, the second version of that is permanent. He knew we both didn't know that. No, I said that before. I don't like the way you said. He goes, did you know that? No, you know I didn't, you jerk off. You knew both of us didn't read the fucking Godfather book.

That makes you feel good? Yeah, you feel good now? You feel a big man, Mr. fucking U.S. soccer team? Yeah, Mr. fucking, we're not good enough to talk to ladies. The movie's much better. Okay. You're fine. But the other version is silicone and it's permanent.

Silicon injections, but the problem is the silicone moves with time. So they end up like having a lot of them, it just clumps into like a pyramid at the head of their penis. And it just looks like mangled. And they end up having to have surgery and some of them can't be fixed. So it's a silicone injection. The permanent version, the silicone. Your head turns into a pyramid? All the silicon travels.

It's just like, because your penis is down, so it just, all the silicone just drops to the head of your penis. So you have like one of those, like, you know, those monkeys with the big long noses, like one of those dicks? Like a monkey nose dick? Like a monkey nose dick? Worse, I think. Really? Yeah. You never saw those monkeys with the big dick noses?

Mm-mm. Well, all right. Big monkey dick nose? You never saw the big monkey dick nose? Thought your documentary guy. Yeah, I thought you were into that stuff. I didn't make the documentary. Oh, really?

If it's not written, you don't check it out. I thought you were a nature guy. Yeah. There you go. I think you knew about nature. What is this? Is this their dicks with the thing, with the silicone in it? Is that what it is?

No, this is with the acid fillers. Oh, God. Hyaluronic acid. But do you have to have those lumps on you dick? I don't know. What's the girth change? Changes a lot. It varies.

The more you do it, the thicker it gets. Could it fuck your bone or up? I don't think so. They said it's the safety. just one. I don't like that. That doesn't look good. Yeah, it looks like a missile dick.

Yeah, I don't want, yeah, that's the problem. Like, I don't want my fucking, my shaft to get much thicker than my dickhead. My dickhead doesn't get thicker? That's what I'm saying. We're looking at a picture. The guy's already got a big piece. Yeah, the guy had a solid dick. I don't think you can get your dickhead bigger.

I think your dick head is, the cake is baked. I think the dick part is flexible. Possibly, but that's what I'm saying. Like, so I don't, then I definitely would not want substantial girth change. First of all, that guy's dick right there was perfect, may I say. He's got a fantastic dick. Fantastic dick, and then he ruined it. Now it looks like...

That's what they said. Most of them already have a large penis. Now he has a water balloon dick. Yeah, but now it's ugly. Yeah, it's an ugly dick. That guy shouldn't have done that. Is there another example? Oh, God.

It just looks odd. I only want four skin dicks, please. Now, here you go. Now, this guy did the... What's the difference there, though? What is his girth difference? Sorry, it keeps jumping on that. Where did he go?

Where's this guy's thickness? That's a... I don't know if you can... If there's pictures of the mangled ones, but apparently it's disgusting. Let's see. He had a 4.7... I hate this site.

I hate it, too. Well, anyway. I mean, it can go like a two-inch difference. The mangled took me to like a... surgery thing. I'm trying to find just a shit. I think like that's it. Oh, God. What's one is that? Then where the silicone all goes into the head and...

Get that the fuck out of here. Get that out of here. Yeah. I don't want to see it. No? No. Why are you scrolling? I hate it. Oh, my God. Why should have been taking the guy's full cop off? Oh, fuck. They talked about one guy, apparently. He lost his entire family. He just kept going for injections. They had no money. They couldn't afford food. But he kept going for injections, lost their house.

That looks good. Went back, had to move back with an ex-girlfriend and then moved back with his mom. And he still goes back for an injection. So you get addicted to it. I want this in theory, but I got to be honest, none of them look good. You get addicted to it. Nice. I think the thing is to stop.

Like one or one might be right. Jay, we got to pick these jokes right now. No, we don't. We have a day tomorrow. We can get more suggestions here. I'm not coming in tomorrow. Oh. I'm going to work on my jokes all day.

Shit. Well, I'll tell them to you when we get the more tomorrow. Yeah, we should gather some more of these. I know we've got to go in a second. But I did tell you, I wanted you to see this guy just bales on his set when he got called for stealing. Did they call him? Did they catch him? Did they inform people that he?

It was like whatever fucking stupid Australia is like Australia tonight. The guy. who just got passed through to the first round of a... Was a joke thief? Australia's Got Talent was a joke thief. And then they say who he stole it from, I forget. I know the other guy's name, though. I've heard the name.

The other person, I forget who it was. Lee Mack and Jeff Keith. Lee Mack, that's what I go of, yeah. All right, let me see this guy. Should we go from the beginning or when he... Get his shitty jokes. This is the feeding stuff, right? I've only got three requirements when it comes to girls.

Number one, are you a girl? Number two, have you always been a girl and number three if not can you keep a secret I mean like it's one of these ones again

it's like the people saying that like Schumer was stealing Patrice saying dirty Sanchez this joke is the why do the musicians always ask you to sing it like I'm paying you you sing the fucking song

that's the joke but that's what he's doing right here she did steal it Bobby that's where you clap you son of a bitch now go to the next one I just can't

He was so nervous, his teeth were dry. You could hear his teeth slapping. Did you hear it? Well, he was stealing jokes. And then it became a whole... What? It's not great quality. Let me hear it.

What is? Oh, the audio's okay. This is him the next week? So this is when he comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They already talk about the... I'm sorry, what's the set up here? So this guy...

So this guy, that first set, he kills on Australia's Got Talent. I did set this up, though. he bombs I was listening I was typing then I'm sorry It is my fault He bombs

On the first week I'm sorry He kills in the first week With other people's jokes And then they find out After the show's over And it goes like you know That comes out on TV

That It's stolen jokes He gets called for it By a bunch of people And he doesn't even really argue it He kind of just goes like All right So he comes back on

With his own jokes To try to do a thing This is what he decided to do Okay He went to this years ago This fucking hair is amazing Oh, yeah. I was super handsome.

That's why you thought he could do this. Yeah. But this is the duchiest thing ever, and it really is you're watching a handsome guy, like really eat shit hard. Great. The second time today we watch a handsome guy eat shit. Well, the truth is,

I just sacked my two writers, coffee and pace. So now my comedy career looks like it's over, I'm going to have to be doing Colgate commercials for the rest of my life. Can you hear his fucking teeth? Can you? I hear his tonsils throbbing.

Sounds like his teeth are going to come out. This guy, do you take a sip of water, you dry mouth fucking Ozzy? I'm getting there. I'm so nervous, my... Wow. That actually... That also... That is funnier they're giving that.

Like, his acknowledgement jokes of it have been like... They're just like... This guy walked out and the whole... country hates him. Yeah. And you have to go out there and try comedy. He was dumb to do. He should have just been like,

I'm going underground forever. You'll never hear from me again. Goodbye. Or flat out say you didn't steal it. Just go, go to your deathbed lying and say you didn't do it. Because this, there's no way. We got to, you know what?

Follow up early show tomorrow. Does Jordan Paris still work? Where is Jordan Paris now? Oh, that's a good question. That's a good one. That's a good one. I bet he does. Maybe.

I bet he's a huge star in Australia. But watch the end of this real quick. Oh, shit. God. I hope they don't have these exes on Monday. By the way, it was so funny, is when you see what he does right here? Yeah.

If they would have exed them, it wouldn't have happened. But they didn't. Well, they didn't give him the third X. I mean, it's so cringe. Bomb, bum, bum, bum. Here Jordan sings a cheeky song that we don't have the rights to.

Sorry, campers. Oh, my. God, Australia sucks. This is so uncomfortable. No one on America's Got Talent has ever done anything dismemorable ever. That's it? That's it. That's it. His career's over.

Well, we don't know that yet. That's right. We don't know that. We're going to find out tomorrow. To be determined, TV. I bet is it just for laughs. I started a joke. I look it up. Do you want to know? No, no, no, no.

We're digging deep. Tomorrow we dig deep, Jordan Parris. And by the way, you guys can reach out and tell them making fun of them that don't matter he's in Australia fuck him fuck him um

bobby kelly and do me a favor though real quick yeah if anybody can find Big J's comedy on uh comic view comic view

or uh anything Canadian anything Canadian anything terrible please please find it and send it oh I may have eaten shit

I don't remember I don't remember like not feeling it went great but it just wasn't the worst yeah of everybody when I did uh not the world stands up the Rotterdam TV show.

Oh, yeah. You're, uh, what the fuck is me? I know what you're talking about. I did it, we did it together. No. Didn't we? No. Me and you and Tony Woods?

No. Oh, yeah. No, no, I did it with DeRose and stuff. Mine, my. The Rose was bombing so bad on that one. I told you when they, when someone realized they were on camera in the audience, they looked at the camera light and then just grabbed an empty glass and drank it. I hope nobody finds my Rotter damn one either.

Oh. I think I was wearing the same shirt I was wearing. No, Zoo York. I think I was wearing that Zoo York shirt. Hell yeah. That was my stage show. Bobby's going to be at Comics Roadhouse, April 17th and 18th. Let's not forget this Thursday.

Oh, that's right. Sold out. Sold out. My apologies. But you can catch them in Cleveland, Ohio, Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey, New Orleans, and so many more at punchup. That live slash Robert Kelly's YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy and every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. The Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge right at the comedy cell. But I will be at the Roadhouse the 17th and the 18th.

Yes. I will be there. And Big Jay, this weekend, comedy on state. club, one of the best clubs in the country in the world this week and 19th through the 21st. After that he'll be in Phoenix Tempe, St. Louis. For all tickets

and tour dates, go to bigjaycomity.com and go to his YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at BigJ. Okerson. This crazy train, Irish. That's it, baby. Happy St. Patty's Day, everybody. Happy St. Patty's Day. Go get drunk. On God, I'll let you try

my Wu-Tang style. The Citignaisada Sada, I was sober, so I can't. You don't, you don't jerk? No, I don't, but I will if you want me to. If you put me a Moutang, if you say so, yes. I can, I can B-box.

Yeah, come on. In the building. In the motherfucking building. We're in the motherfucking building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We in the motherfucking building. In the motherfucking building. Well, that was a dream come true.

I got to go. I'm leaving. I'm quitting everything. In the motherfucking building. We in the motherfucking building. Yeah Yeah Fuck it

We need a Motherfucking building In the motherfucking building Let's keep it rolling in shit Even rolling This shit