The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Yeasty Kelly with Tom Papa

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

Tom Papa returns to promote his new Netflix special "Home Free." He debates whether or not to live on the east coast again after residing in LA for many years. Tom is known for his bread making skills. Bob insists that he was the first "bread comic" and has an incredible origin story. He challenges Tom to a bread making challenge and the loser has to give up the ancient skill. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly I know you're getting frazzled right now because Tom pop is coming in here and you've got this whole bread war Well, it's not a bread war. It's that You know he it's at one point you talk about the cowboy way being stole from Jacob I got the bread way stolen from me stolen. I mean listen, bro Everybody did what they had to do during the pandemic, and I don't hold that against anybody. But I was making bread before this shit. Pandemics.

Pandemic. You weren't driven to bread. No, I was driven to bread by the bread gods, by my grandfather, by Puppa's bread. That a little, you know, years ago, when I was in my teens, my late teens, all growing up, 13 of us lived at my grandfather's house. Me, my sister, my mother slept on the floor

in my uncle's room next to a weight bench, but we were happy, the Donlins in West Medford, and my grandfather would make bread. What do you make bread in? What do you make bread in? Yeah. An oven. Isn do you make bread in? What do you make bread in? Yeah. An oven. Isn't there a bread maker?

No, not back in the fucking 70s. But now? Now you get a, yeah, you can get a stupid, you know, bread maker. Why is it stupid? Well, because it's not bread making. Bread making is with an oven. You have to know your oven. You have to know your oven.

They probably have like some fucking romp appeal bread maker, but back then, Jay, my grandfather would make bread twice a week for the family. Out of necessity. Not out of some fucking TikTok whim. It was out of because we needed bread and it was cheaper to make the bread for 13 people than it was to to make the bread for 13 people

Than it was to go buy the crappy Wonder bread who would make Papa bread So later on in my life when I would visit my grandparents one day I was said Papa teach me how to make this bread and he took a whole day We sat there all day. We we we put the yeast in we needed the dough He wrote it down with a piece of pencil on a piece of paper, the ingredients. And we sat and it was an all-day thing. I sat there in the kitchen with my grandfather. And then we went back in and we kneaded it again and we let it rise.

And then we knead it and we let it rise again. And then we cut it up. Then we put it in the little bread tins, Papa's bread tins. We buttered the inside with our hands, no gloves, with your hand. And then you put it in the oven, you had to wait, and then you waited, and then the bread came out, you had to let it sit, you had to let it sit for a while. And then you went over and you grabbed a piece of the bread, you cut it off with a bread knife, and you get a tomato out of the backyard, and you it up put a little mayonnaise on it made a little tomato sandwich with puffer bread and then years later at 101 my grandfather passed

away my grandmother was in a nursing home a year after that and I was at my house and Dawn's mom's cookbook that her mom gave her, a little piece of paper fell out. And she's like, what's that? She goes, oh, look at this. And I looked, you know what it was, Jay? It was that piece of paper that my grandfather wrote his recipe on in pencil. And right next to it, another piece of paper that my grandmother had written in cursive

in a pen with all the mistakes and the things my grandfather left out of making the bread. And I took that on my grandmother's birthday and I learned how to make the bread by myself in my kitchen, step by step. And I made Papa's bread, four loaves, and I drove four and a half hours to Boston, West Medford, for my grandmother's birthday, where they took her out of the nursing home and brought her to the house. For the first time, she was back in her home where all 13 of us lived at one point.

And all the kids were there with the grandkids. And everyone was handing her presents. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I walked in with two loaves under my arms. And I walked up to my grandmother and I said, Nan, here. She's like, what's this? And I said, it's Papa's bread. And she started crying.

She grabbed me and embraced me. And then all the kids came in. And my aunts and uncles, and they go, Papa's bread? And we all held each other in the living room, as Nana cried, holding the bread like a baby. And we went into the kitchen, where he made that bread years before in front of me.

And Nana slowly cut into that bread like every little slice. She was remembering her husband and we were remembering my grandfather and they were remembering their father. And we all took the bread and put it in the toaster because it's really shit if you don't toast it. It's not good. We toasted that bread and we put butter on it and we all had a piece of Papa's bread in that kitchen

and laughed and smiled and remembered Papa. That's why. Just hope that, oh. I just hope that oh I Just hoped that after your grandmother did that that your grandfather put her fucking face against that glass because I swear to God You come in throwing around your stupid ass horse shit when I'm trying to make fucking Papa's bread You bitch up on the glass Up on the glass Papa Papa put her head to the glass many times.

Thank God. 100% made up. No, that's 100% true. I know we have to take a break. 100% true. We got to take a break. We'll be right back. We got Tom Papa.

How coincidental is that? Right? He even stole my Papa's name. Look at that. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa is coming in. Very excited.

We'll be right back everybody. We'll be right back. It's the Papa bread. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa bread. Tom Papa's coming in. Very excited, love Tom. We'll be right back, everybody. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

And now back to the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. When I was beaten up. Jay, why don't you introduce the guest because I always do a lousy job, says you. Well, you want me to go first and then you can try it? Why don't you let me try it and then see if I learn anything. Go for it, dude. Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Papa.

Why, that's already you've done a bad job. Okay, ready? Let me try one more time. Let me try one more time. I got nervous. That's crazy. I didn't think you were going to say go. I thought you were going to say I'll do it. Ready? I'll do it ready I'll do it all right back in the studio big geocaching Robert Kelly and the crew and we have the amazing hysterical Tom Papa is in the house with a brand new special

Home fee is now streaming on me home fee Home free sorry all right. Let me try one more time ready one more time. Oh, you're walking yourself I'm panicking because you're looking down when you don't look when you look down. It's like you're waiting for me to What's up everybody? We're back and we have the great amazing hilarious Tom Papa is in the house with us doing the last hour of the bonfire He's got a brand new special on Netflix right now home free Tom Papa how you doing how is that already it's it's all right let me hear it's kind of the same as the first it's beyond wordy it doesn't build the thing

right all right how's this how's this it's work how about this Tom Papa's in the house ladies and gentlemen that's morning zoo it sounds crazy okay ladies and gentlemen we have a Tom Papa's here with free stuff You better start learning how to talk like that when you're back from Cuba I just fucking have a go ready here we go everybody we have a very special guest in here very excited to have them you Know him of course from his show Papa and fortune right here on Sirius XM channel 93 And he's got a new special out right now premiered today on Netflix called home free It's the great Tom Papa. I can't it was really good. God damn it. You're good. That was good. I got excited

You're good. I knew it was gonna be me. You're good. You know what? Next guest next time we have Mike Fennoy. Watch what I do. Yeah What's up, buddy? Nice to see you guys. Nice to have you. It's nice to see you. It's nice to be here, because I listen to you in Los Angeles

when I'm driving around in my car. Well, congratulations. Yeah. So it's nice. It keeps me connected to New York. I mean, you gotta move back. You're done. Stop with the LA.

Stop. It's over. Yeah. Yeah, there's no more pilot season. The whole business flipped out. You don't need to be in LA. And don't say the weather. You're done.

I was going to. I was gonna go. Now sunshine. Are you out there for exclusively business? Like, I mean, I assume it's that too. That's what brought us out initially. But once you get comfortable with lifestyle out there, like it is probably hard to come back to winter.

Yeah, there's no winter. Yeah, but you love the winter. You love the fall to come back to winter. Yeah, there's no winter. Yeah, but you love the winter. You love the fall. You're a fall guy. I do like the fall. Fall is my love. It's your joint because it matches all your clothes,

your earth-tone hats. I know, your scarves. Scarves, you love gloves. You love a glove. I don't like in the glove, actually. You're right about most of these things. When you fight, you do, so you can slap somebody in the face

and you challenge them to a duel. How do you feel about a top coat? You know what? I love a top coat. I have this Brooks Brothers raincoat top coat like inspector gadget looking cure and But it doesn't rain where I live can't you can't wear all your Bobby's Bobby's thinking about a cape this season. Yeah One of the capes that comes over, you know, it's a little over the front,

a little over the back. Not opposed to you doing that. I love a cape. I don't know if I would do it, but I would love to see you try it. Listen to me, you are a well-dressed man. Thank you. You never not dress up.

And when you come back here in the fall and I see you, you can tell that you got to break out the outfits. You're not as effeminate as that makes me feel. You are right. And it makes us feel too. I have a lot of times walking around LA going, I need an outfit.

Nice pair of jeans, a braided belt. This is how you take the fall in New York City. But it is easier, it's an easier life for sure. I mean the people are not, you know, I grew up here, I live here, I am here, but when I come back, I see how pissed off everyone is. Everyone is like, where there's a lot of sun, people are just kinda smiling.

You don't have to do that anymore, you can move outside the city. Look, you stayed in LA because shit was going hot, you got in there, you're in the business, you're in that thing with the machine. But then you had the kids, you couldn't just up and lift them out. They're gone now.

Where are your kids? Brooklyn and New Jersey. Move back. LA doesn't want you. I'm surprised they want the kids wanted out of LA as soon as they could. Well, here's the problem, is the one who was born here really loves it,

not a big fan of LA. The younger one was born in LA and she likes LA more. So we could end up with a split situation. You're gonna split from Cynthia? Well, go on. It's time for you guys to build your case. It's time for you guys to build your case. It's time for you guys to build your case. I think each one takes the kid that makes most sense to them

and picks a coast. Yeah, you get another house here, which is your house. That makes the most sense to them. May I suggest for you a castle? You get a castle. A nice castle. Oh, you would fit in a fucking castle so good. Castle would be nice. A little drafty, but Kate you just wanted so you can visit with your Kate

Bush a lot of cigars in my cape Rushing down the hallway with your cape. Have you seen those two English inspectors that live across the bridge in Jersey? I think they're a new cop team I'm definitely the Watson. Yeah, dude, you gotta get back. Yeah, I do miss it. I miss you guys. I do miss the rhythm and the people for sure.

Because here you hang out, out in LA, you go do your spots and you're gone. Yo, yeah, it's really true. I work at the comedy store mostly, and I do my spot, and it's tight parking there. They know, get my car ready, because as soon as it's over, I walk out, get right into the car, and I'm back home. Yeah, they're saying, give it up for Tom Popper, and you're on the front seat putting your seatbelt on.

That's happening anywhere you live. I'm telling you, Bobby, you're the only geezer who decides to still hang out at the cellar all the time. The rest of us are out when we can be out. I took offense to that, and how dare you? And if I may borrow one of your gloves, Tom, I'd like to slap you in the face. You slapped me right in my stupid face.

And here's my pocket watch. Tom, an Isotoner, please. Yes, sir. Do you think if you came back that you would be in the, I still think you'd still be leaving after your spots. How long are you gonna, when I'm done my work at a comedy club, I am fucking, you might give me 15 minutes outside bullshitting. Yeah.

But. It depends who's there. If it's the seller and you wander upstairs and you see a couple of your friends, that is a special part that we don't have there. That's over by 11 p.m. now though. Well, for my friends, they're probably gone by eight. Yeah, I mean, I'm not hanging out.

It's just Bobby hanging out there with a bunch of young fucking ethnic kids. I don't hang out with them and they're not ethnic. Yeah. I really hang out now either. I go home right after my spots too. Even on the weekends, I'm like, SD, I'll do three.

As when I used to, I think I did 13 one night. Where I used to hang out until they closed the place down and hear the birds chirping. I'm gone right after. You're nodding off like a toddler at the table. Exactly, so I don't hang out like that anymore either, but New York's hang is your hang. It's just more creative place.

You're around other people just walking on the streets. Here's the thing, if we didn't have dogs, we have two dogs and a cat, and if we didn't have them, we would just come back, like rent a place for three months. Sure. You know what I mean? Stay for the fall and then go back to our house where our daughter wants to be. I open the back door to my house and I let the dog out.

Yeah. And she goes out. Who let the dog out? Who let the dog out? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. Who let the dog out? Dog, dog, dog, dog. Oh, more.

Seriously, who let the dog out? Max, Max, Max, Max, dog. Oh, more. Seriously, who let the dog out? Max, Max, Max, Max. Any one of us lets the dog out in the backyard. You're not living the life that we used to live in the city where you had to take the dog down to the elevator. Now you just. Oh, you're saying bring the dogs.

Bring the, you don't kill them. What do you get? Bring the dogs. Leave them there. They're California dogs, man. I know, I'm trying to time it out. Listen, some homeless white girl will take those dogs and make money off of them. Yeah, you're right Oh, they could be heroin dogs so fast. Yes, they would like that

Oh, I know your dogs are missing a spiked bracelet and someone renaming it and putting a safety pin here Frank No It's a great... So he goes, no, buttons. You got to... you're done, dude. Get back. Okay, but wait, but if I do come back, and you're not hanging out at the clubs, and you're going home early, what am I doing?

That's not true. We do hang out. We are there. And Jay doesn't hang out because Jay loves tummy time. Okay? Collin's at the club, Norton's always at the club, Ana at the club, Keith's... we're all still hanging out. It's just the club, Norton's always at the club, I'm at the club, Keith, we're all still hanging out. It's just the night is over earlier. That's it, and that's what you want.

You wanna get the fuck home by 10, 11 o'clock, you're home. So you have something I'm saying, you're really asking to come in for like a possible two hour hang, two, three times a week. You can't move home for that. It's you gotta be back here for the overall fucking thing. You gotta be moving back for everything from like the food to the space to the you do like the winter,

family being here, stuff like that. And getting it. Fall, spring, fall, spring, fall, spring. So Jersey, are you coming in for spots when you're FDA? Well you do your show, you probably slide from here to spots. So here's where it is, yes. So I rarely do spots in the city. If I'm home on a weekend one of the days I'll come in and do spots at a place besides that but I have

After the show on Mondays, I go do Legion of skanks that goes till 11 p.m Uh-huh, and then I'm done after that if there's like sometimes they have a show going on there And if I have something I want to work out like I'll jump on the show to stand or something Yeah, but and then Wednesday, I have a think Tuesday is my out, like I'll jump on the show at the stand or something. Yeah. But, uh, and then Wednesday I have a thing. Tuesday's my only night that I'm done after this, seven o'clock. And I mean, unless I make a, I'm, Christina always gets upset when I do,

just like, I told someone I would do their podcast on like Tuesday night, that's it. And then Wednesday and then Thursday's generally I'm gone. But no, I don't really don't, uh, I don't do like, but I, we were talking about it before the show, like it's such a phase that I just Left and it seems like a million years ago

There's nothing I was just a six day at least a week in the clubs every night Yeah, so 230 in the morning a hundred percent of the time and it was just that was like my job That was the job you had. That's how you got good. That's how you got good such an odd thing But yeah now it's like, it's not even for us anymore. Bobby looks like a weirdo walking through there. He looks like when I went to a nightclub this week, and that's how you look Bobby,

when you go to cellar night. First of all, he's contradicting himself, because if he's home, how does he know I'm there? Because you call me when you're like 12, 30, he goes, yeah I did my spot at eight o'clock, but then I just sat outside and played dice and talked shit with the black kids. I don't do that. I don't.

I don't do that. Monday nights, I'm home by 8 o'clock. Yeah. Oh, I had a Yo Mama contest with Artie Fuqua. Monday night, I'm home by 8. Tuesday is my long day. I do everything on Tuesday. Wednesday, I'm home by 8 most of the time.

And then I'm on the road. You know, Friday and Saturday, I go on the road. If not, sometimes I put a veil on the cell, sometimes I don't, I just, I stay home. But even when I do, I'm on early and I'm back at the house. I'm not, I love it. You gotta get the fuck back here, dude. All right.

I do agree, I think you'll have more fun being here. Also kinda coming back when your friends have like gotten to a point where everyone's kinda like, then the hangs become more like, hey we're going to this person's house for a Sunday kinda thing like that is kinda nice. It'll be nice instead of everyone being apartment dwelling, trying to figure it the fuck out.

Yeah right, exactly, I know. Yeah we gotta meet at the park for a Joe List party, follow the balloon, fuck off. You shove us a bunch of open micers. It sounds depressing, I think I'm gonna stay. balloon off, you shove it to a bunch of open micers. It sounds depressing, I think I'm gonna stay. Well, we were talking before you showed up. Yes.

You know, there's a lot of things that I've come up with and I've kinda let go. Podcasting, social media. I mean, podcasting. These are all things Bobby discovered, all things that Bobby discovered but people other people took. Podcasting, I mean listen.

Nobody did it on the East Coast. I'll take baldness too because I was the first one to shave my, first one to say fuck it, I'm out. I'm out. Extreme weight fluctuation. Pioneer. Pioneer.

Pioneer. I guess I'll take that too. You were at the helm of that. I was at the helm of it. Being a grown man trying to convince other people that a Vespa's a cool ride to have in the city. Remember that year? I did and I sold that two weeks later

for a Russian woman because you guys bished me out of the, and her name was The White Stallion. By the way, I named my Vespa. But I mean, look, it's social media. First one. First one. I was doing The White Stallion. I know you were.

She didn't do that, she was a woman. He pulled up to the cellar like this, and then got off, he stepped off of his little Vespa scooter, and then tried to explain to all of us that this is the way to travel through New York City. Highway legal. I got the highway legal. There's no way I'm about to buy a Vespa living here in New York

without picturing all of you at the cellar and what you're gonna say when I pull up. Like a place where you don't even wear a shirt with a bright color, because you're gonna catch shit. Now, Tom, I don't know how popular or not popular you were in high school or through, I wasn't very, Bobby was, Bobby was a cool kid. He was badass He was always getting pussy. So he doesn't understand like he thought he pulled but invest but see the decisions

I've made in life. It's the first thing I think when I was 32 In a lobby of a comedy club and the guy goes hey, do I do piercings? You want to get a piercing I go I've always wanted to pierce my nose and I did it on the very last day of the weekend because I needed both of Those days to sit and toil over the idea Like if you want this you just got to know it when you go home you have to you have to weather about Six months like every time you come in and goes. Oh, hey, it's fucking adult J who decided to get a girl's nose ring And you just gotta go I like it. I like it for me and it is what it's gonna be

I would have been in the store I would have got on it and see myself in the mirror and been like I'm not gonna let a young healthy Keith Robinson and Patrice How long did it take you how many days it take you to muster up the courage for the pink fingernail polish I'm past that now polish. I'm past that now. These are my issues. Now I just show up. I let him hang on back to my vest. Put your Bobby doll fingernails down for a second. You can't hurt me. You sissy. I'm a real person. It's always, it's really, it does hurt you when the guy trashing for a white Vespa has pink fingernail polish pointing his little. It does hurt. And then Bobby pulls up on his vets. I did this for the impression So what I'm saying to you dude, yes your pioneer and you know, I

Feel like you you took and I believe I told you the story I believe I on the corner and I know where you're going. I believe in the corner of McDougall and third. Mm-hmm, I told you about my grandfather's bread. Mmm, I believe I told you it you did He just told us before you came Tom and it was compelling It's a it's a beautiful story. It's it's a story. He told me After I've been baking bread for 10 years. I mean, I don't believe this.

And he was like, why else would I, in your mind you must have been thinking, who else can I tell that, who's gonna care about this bread story than my friend who is known for baking bread? No, that's not true. The reason why I told you that is because you look like you care about bread.

You have a bread look. I can't tell Keith about that. I couldn't tell Voss. I wouldn't be able to tell Norton. If I told Jay about bread, he'd be like, let's get some bread. He wouldn't even hear me. He'd just hear bread and wanna get bread.

I do get stoked on carbs. So here it is. I told you my bread story and all of a sudden you're the bread king of fucking the country. You're the bread king. fuck in the country. You're the bread. I am I Really am and you I feel like you took my my my my thing. Yeah, and it motivated I don't know how is it your thing? Okay, here's for it to be your thing for a comedian to me would have to Do it. I don't know if you know this for about ten years Bobby was made almost entirely of bread

Bread sticks for our rolls for feet. I Was very doughy For hairdo Remember that one summer Bobby was a pumper nickel. Oh, they called me yeast You don't know that There's yeasty I've been a Yeast Tits Kelly for a long time. You don't know that, do you? I never knew that. There's Yeasty, and there's Yeasty. You're Yeasty?

I'm Yeasty Kelly. I have my own sneaker line made of sourdough loafs. You're right, it's not my thing thing, but here's the thing. When it comes to comedians, I was the original bread comic. My backstory is Fucking insane about the bread. Do you don't remember the web series comedians on Vespas eating bread? They made I didn't that was just a pilot Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry. I apologize copyright strike that copyright strike that that off Lou I told you about the confidence. It didn't make it

trademark hobo trademark Here's here's me this morning because of my new special Home Free. I was on The Today Show and they asked me, the producer called me in LA and begged, would you bring a loaf of bread with you to The Today Show? And I said, well, you know, as a bread guy, you've got to time it out. And I've got to, I had a gig the night before, so I've gotta bake the bread, and then it's gotta sit, and then I'm gonna-

I know how bread is made. And then I'm gonna bring it. I'm a bread guy too. Stop going through the bread techniques. I make Papa's bread. Tom, if you would though. Yeah, and then I've gotta bring it cross country in my luggage, bring it to today's show,

so I'm very nervous about the presentation of this. It could be stale. You want it to be good. It's called Dale bread. So, uh. How dare you. I would make croutons out of it. So this is me on the Today Show today.

I did it, I brought it, I got all the timing down, and this is a big buttery bread that they toasted, they sliced it, toasted, and here's Al Roker eating it. He should be eating bread, that little tubby guy. The whole staff of the Today Show. And they all went in the bathroom and threw up because they're bulimics. That's stolen.

They asked me, they said, do you know any, is there anyone else in comedy that bakes bread? And I said no, and then I stopped myself, and I said, there is one guy whose family member made bread, but that's probably not what you're looking for. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. Gabriel Iglesias. No, that is not, he's talking about me, Jay.

Oh. First of all, my- I thought you were talking about Gabriel Iglesias' uncle bread, that's what they call him. That's a Hawaiian bread. Uncle bread. Hey, Uncle Bread. That's what they call them. That's a Hawaiian bread. Uncle Bread. It's a different bread. Hey, Uncle Bread. But first of all, my grandfather made the bread

and I took the historical bread recipe and brought it back to life, okay? I didn't know bread was gonna be my way in like you okay. I didn't know bread was a thing You know I mean, but I hey listen I wish I got an apple at ground level you should got in the bread at ground level buddy as we all missed out on The boat Starbucks. I said franchise coffee suck dick. I said Who's gonna drink that shit The same coffee everywhere?

It's fucking dumb. And dare I say you make a LA bread. Yeah. You're known for your LA bread. Have you ever had my bread? What does that mean? Maybe you should call Al Roker. Is it sour?

Because these people on Today Show, you know on morning shows they'll be like, they'll do a cooking segment, they're like, mm, yeah that was good, one little nibble, yum yum yum, yeah that was great. Okay, we'll be right back with Reba McIntyre after the, they couldn't talk. They started stuffing this bread into their face,

one bite, two bite, three bites, one, one, one, I had to do the interview by myself. Let me ask you a question. Hal Roper had to roll up his gastric sleeve. You're telling me? That's how good it was. He called the producer over in the middle of it and canceled the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Because he doesn't think he's gonna be able to make it. So what you're saying is that? All the girl hosts said, they're not gonna throw this one up. I love that you worked that joke back in. This one stays. You did it earlier, but it didn't get the laugh it should've, and you got it back in.

They asked for more bread and a shot of osempa at the same time. This is good, I mean, he punched it up even better. This is great. As a born writer. You guys are working as a team now. I'm a schtick man, I'm a schtick man. No, I love it.

I'm just saying. I love the story of your grandfather, and I love that you made that one loaf of bread. I made four loaves, and I made an old woman cry with it. Have you ever made a woman cry with your bread? Yeah, on the Today Show. They didn't cry. They teared up.

Are you kidding? They didn't tear up. I heard Whoopi and Joy Behar are crying because you're not bringing them bread. That's true. So yeah, maybe they've cried for that. Bobby, I want, I, can I say something? Yeah.

I wanna just have your back blindly on this and I wanna go at Tom Boy. Do I wanna go at Tom Poppy? Why don't you then, you piece of shit? Boy oh boy. I'll tell you exactly why. Make a choice. Boy oh boy.

You made four loaves of bread once for a dying old lady. Wait, she's not dying, she's dead. And when she had given love, she was not dying. Is that what did it when I gave her the loaves, she was not dying. Is that what did it? She had, no. Sounds like she was. She had a couple, she had a few years left. Do you think she got botulism from the bread?

No, fuck you, Jay, you are mad. How much longer did she live? No, I'm sorry, but you made her four loaves. And she's dead. No, she's not dead, she died later. From what, morbid obesity? She's 95, you fucking piece of shit. How much later?

I don't know, a few years. And you gave her, so you made her four loaves. I made for love a bunch of years ago. That was once I had two I had two under my arms Yeah, like baby knows why I understand your bulky Bartocca most origin story you have here You're coming over a hill with a basket of bread for your for your mom's You are a fucking turn thank God, there's not a civil war Switch sides quick We can come home like a sound of music child with your leader who's in this guy would fucking put a Dixie flag right on his car

Piece of shit Nothing wrong with getting with the winning team My vote is for kill Tony I'm writing him in on the ballot This time. My vote is for Kill Tony. I'm writing him in on the ballot. I'm saying, I'm telling you right now, I wanna say something to you. Go ahead. I think that you took this,

and I've talked to other people about this. Anyone that'll listen. Yeah. Two people. But one of them works for Big Bread. I'm saying this right now, I'd like to, I'd like to officially, I know we've done this unofficially, I'd like to officially challenge you right now.

And if I had one of your little mittens, I'd slap you in the face and make this challenge official. I would pull you by your cape, lapel. You guys are gonna have such a dignified gentleman's fight. I challenge you. Let me put my cane down. Put up your dukes. I challenge you. Let me put my cane down. Put up your dukes. I challenge you. Cynthia, give me the overcoat. Take my top coat and tails. A gentleman needs to square

some biz. Not the overcoat. It's Bobby and he's bringing up the bread thing again. Some long term bread beef. I'm going to need the leather slippers. I challenge you right now to a bread-off. I make my papa's bread, you make your quote unquote papa's bread. How you spelling papa, P-U-P-P-A? P-A-P-A, papa. Papa. Papa. You're putting a U-H on it though.

Yeah, he's going papa. I'm from Boston. Papa. We do things that people don't do. Papa? Papa. Like talk right? It's papa. Papa. Papa. You know things that people don't do. Puppa? Puppa. Like talk right? It's Puppa. Puppa.

You know what? You can hurt me. You can use words to hurt, but I'm gonna use my bread to hurt you. How's that? My bread's gonna hurt you. And I challenge you this. I'll make this challenge.

Whoever's bread wins square and fair, and we'll have Nikki come in, right? Nikki Dinky, for sure. Nikki, who is a food connoisseur, a, dare I say, She's a celebrity chef. Celebrity chef. Although I will say, we did meet her because we, she's a doll, she's a great cook. The best, yeah.

But she used to go on the Wendy Williams show, and Wendy Williams, the reason we got a hold of Nikki was because she sat there smiling faced and as good as ever while Wendy Williams at one point literally spits out the food into a napkin and puts it in her pocket and looks over at the camera guy like, gah. And then she also tries to eat all the food before it's finished and puts hot sauce on all of it. So this is Wendy Williams' fault. This is not a Nikki Dinkley fault.

And that's why we love her. That's why she has elephant feet now. And that's why Wendy Williams is turning into an old tree. She looks like she was in Pompeii from the ankles down. Listen, listen, I challenge you. She moves like the Terminator 2 when he was in the liquid nitrogen. Like at one point her legs are just to stay on the floor and break off.

Her knees are going to break off. Like those little toy soldiers. From her knees down she looks like her knees just saw Medusa. I challenge you right now, whoever's bread is the best, and we'll have the crew here decide and Nicky, the other person has to stop making bread forever. I have no problem with that. Wow. Wow.

He accepted that contest and that was so masculine, Bobby. That made your wiener shrivel up when you said that. It made me, it made me, I was like, holy. It actually made my wiener get hard. It should, he was like, that was so masculine. You don't know me, Jay. Like a baguette. That filled me up.

The problem is. Why don't you call me a baguette? The problem is when you lose. Yes. And you can't make bread anymore. How does that any different from how you're living now? Yeah, I wanna bet on you Bobby, but you're about to compete with your fifth loaf of bread.

Your fifth loaf. I'll make two. And then his punishment is he can't make anymore. That's like his dream, that's his goal. That's not my goal. To be told that he can't make anymore ever. He goes, no, I'd be the best bread maker, unfortunately. Bets are bets, I don't welch, I don't come from a family.

But here's the thing, is your bread is- My papa wouldn't have liked this. Your bread is just bread to you. My bread has life meaning to me. That means I'll never be able to make the bread for my mom, my kid, like no one in my family will ever get Papa bread again because I have the only recipe, handwritten,

with a pencil and a piece of paper. There's only one recipe of his bread. I own it and that means, how about this? I will take that piece of paper and I will burn it. I don't want you to do that because your son might be more motivated than you and actually make the bread from his ancestor. You really hurt, you really never hurt. You don't want you to do that because your son might be more motivated than you and actually make the bread from his ancestor You really hurt you really hurt you don't do it stole my my life. You do it stolen bread valer

You don't and then you insult my son Do you accept or not you yeasty son of a bitch? I'm not a good judge. I really enjoy matzah. I will say, though, about being the judge, this is going to be a tough contest for you. So Tom was so, no, I'm saying tough contest for Bob, because Tom, it's got to scare you a little bit when you made

what will be described as crazy Parameters you put on this No one makes bread ever again, which I thought Tom on this pure fact that maybe Bobby whips up a good loaf this time And I love making bread. I didn't realize how much Tom how much it mattered to Tom when I did a show in LA And I came in for the show it was a day you were running around you were crazy, and he had to bring in a store bought bread, and he was apologetic throughout the show, to the point I was like, it's fine, I thought it was mostly just about us talking,

he's like, it's kind of about the bread, and I don't like to bring a store bought bread when I make bread. It mattered to him very much. I wanna say something to you, Jay, if I had a show where I made bread, Papa Bread, and it was called Bobby Papa Bread, and I had you on, I would never go

and disrespect you like that, and go buy a store bought bread. You know why you can't buy? I couldn't do that, first of all, because the stores don't make Puppa Bread. They make that Puppa Bread. Well, he brought an assortment of breads. Yeah, but they make, you can buy.

It was a delicious assortment of breads from a very, very established bakery. Yeah, an artisan. You can buy Puppa's Bread. You can't buy Puppa's bread I have to say the whole the whole challenge aside I really am getting very uncomfortable with how you say Papa The fact that you're saying it It's Papa and then spelling it different than you're saying it,

but keep on correcting us for the word. He's saying puppy with an A-H at the end. I'm saying pupa. Pupa. You're losing steam. Pupa. Pupa. It's pupa.

Pupa. Pupa, what's up? Pupa bread. Pupa. I think you've seen this recipe so few times that you're not sure what it says. I know what it says. And here's what I see right now.

I see fear. And you're trying to, I get what you're doing. I'll tell you what I'm trying to see. You're trying to go to the popper thing. I'm trying to tell you to see. You get my friend against me. I'm telling you. You get my co-host against me.

I'm not against you. I'm just telling you. You're trying to convince a guy that he doesn't know how to pronounce his own last name. I'm just saying, you're supposed to be on my side, Jason. I'm on your side. And I call you Jason from now on. I blindly vote for you.

You do not. In this. Put those, stop flailing those pink fingernails. They're scaring everyone. You brought me to my knees with that story before this thing. I was on my knee. I fell apart emotionally. This goddamn studio's falling apart.

I never understood love like you described in that story for a person But I don't want you throwing your whole life of bread making which listen you got years ahead of you You could really get in the bread making and do something with it. You can't lay this heavy of stakes It's on your fifth loaf of bread second outing. It's for Papa These people died a long time ago, Bobby. Yeah, but he's still there. And I know Papa will guide me. Papa, can you hear me? Papa.

Papa, can you hear me? Papa is guiding me and will guide my hand. If Papa is able to see you and guide you, assuming that he's been watching you this whole time, how much has he's been watching you this whole time. I hope he hasn't.

How much has he been crying that you will not make his bread? Bobby, I know this wants to take you back to when you would come home on your strange bicycle through a field of sheep and then take your belt of books into the house and get some of Papa's bread before you'd sneak under and feed some to a pet mouse you're not supposed to have. Don't forget my chalkboard notebook I had.

You're also, you had a chalkboard notebook. Don't forget my chalkboard notebook I had. You also had a chalkboard notebook, let's not forget too. His little cat. Or is he putting his marbles? Your little satchel. And then also you had that little thing that puts candles out at night. But I also had a stick with a wheel that I, my little toy that I got for Christmas. We had a wheel stick toy. A wheel stick toy.

And my- And Papa would make you the bread. Occasionally I ride my bike, what's it called, with the big wheel in the loop. A Penny Farthing. Oh, Bobby would take his Penny Farthing to school. The fact that you know that just kills me. Here's the thing, this is why, he's bringing up why you don't make it, why you don't make it.

I don't make bread willy nilly. I make... Does what, I'm sorry, does willy nilly mean at all? I make bread when it means something. Which bread. Only when a grandparent dies. You're like a, you're like what? Only when he's trying to kill the 90 year old in the family.

You're like a Wonder Bread factory. I make bread that affects people's lives. And I'm gonna make this loaf too, I'll make two. Sounds like the only life you affected was a 90 year old woman who died Shortly thereafter three years after you 95 she's got three years after but she also you say we said she was like this is Papa's bread. She was like Yeah, no, she was not. That's not what I said. You didn't hear the story. You're making that up now and I'm offended I'm offended that you would take that story and rewrite it to be friends with this guy already friends

I've never heard someone so passionate about something. They don't do Be like me getting angry about singing opera. Yeah Tell me you think that you're genuinely a better break dancer I do the same thing with comedy I'm challenging to to do it. Do you accept the challenge? I broke dance one time back in like 93. It was crazy.

You can accept the challenge. I accept the challenge. Okay, challenge accepted. Challenge accepted. By the way, did you see as far as people doing things in us posts? I just learned about this. T.J. Miller came into Skanks last night

dressed for Halloween and I didn't get the costume. I thought what he was doing was funny but I didn't get the costume. I thought what he was doing was funny, but I didn't get the costume. And it turns out, did you hear, how did we not do this in the show? Ray Gunn, the female break dancer from, how do we not talk about this in the show ever? It's one, you knew this with Christine?

Yeah. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Somebody from, she's like Australian. For the Olympics. Yeah, but she was like, but she's like she knows somebody who knows a guy who knows a guy She was a professor of breakdancing really taught it Yeah as it but she wasn't good, but her husband she got her husband on the board to get her in for the how did you?

Not talk about this. This was huge one of the funniest things ever. Oh, yeah, they were watching double penetration Funniest things ever. Oh God. I think that day we were watching double penetration. Yeah. But I mean, these aren't even. They took break dancing out of the Olympics after this. It was like they learned break, she learned break dancing from a book,

but had never seen it. I mean, these moves are hilarious. That's the best. She's doing side sit ups. This was in the Olympics. There's an audience for it. Yeah, this is why there won't be Breakdancing in anymore. They got rid of it. So fast. So fast. What else they got rid of that quick They've got a couple things they brought in and got rid of

Bread-making no, not yet Some kinds of way I think for a while they were doing bench pressing and they took that out again. The chin grabbing. It's just the Olympic lifts now. Right. I don't know, but this girl is just... Many farthing races.

I love that she's just not talented at dancing at all. At all. And in the Olympics, biggest stage in the world. Because there were, like there was girls in that thing that were... The problem with why I think they took breakdancing out isn't because of that lady. I have to believe it is because I watched it like one of the showings like blocks where they showed that for like you know six, eight competitors, something like that, like one of the heats of it.

And I mean like by the third person they're just doing the same move. They just have to keep saying it too. It goes up, nice transition to a windmill. Up, back onto the knee spin. And look at that a head spin, back into the windmill, knee spin, head spin, double head spin, knee spin. We have to take a break. We're Tom Papa. Tom Papa's got a brand new special out right now on Netflix. I can't wait for this. Home free. Home free right now. And of course he has Breaking Bread with Tom Papa podcast As well as what a joke with Papa and fortune here right on serious XM channel

93 I love you Tom you one of my great friends. Thanks for having me guys But I really nice I was definitely we will definitely come back and we will have this bread off We'll have the bread off. I talk about bread baking in my special and If you'll notice. So am I. Bobby's never done that. You don't know my whole new hour? I have 10 minutes on bread.

I mention a guy named Bobby in it. It's not you though. It's not you. It's just a guy that thinks he can make bread but can't. That sounds like me. No. No. No.

It's not you. It's not you. It's another Bobby. Who lies to himself about baking. Not you. It's another Bobby. Ha ha, Tom Papa. Who lies to himself about baking. Well, we're going to find out. I can't wait till you have to stop making bread. Bobby's fifth bread.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.