The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Young Love

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Jacob reveals a Bronx tale and the rest of the guys pay for it in Amsterdam!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM. Thank you very much. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on the SMX app. No, say series XM. Serious XM! You can listen on the serious XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. Ah, like you and me, my machine, now I'm saying it by my name.

La la rida la la rida la rida. This song was such an earwhip and earwig. Is that the call of an earworm? Right? Which one is it? Don't you think you said your tread water? Ah, help. It's an earwig.

Earworm? Well, an earwigs a bug. Yeah. Is that what it's called though and some gets in your earworm? It's a worm. Earworm. Okay. Just on such an earworm. Yeah. Take two. This song is such an earworm. Yeah man definitely. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la. I always confuse this girl with the the white girl who used to smush her hair down over face and sang Was being around the world. No, yeah, yeah, who is that? No, no, this is a white girl. That was a white girl Been around the world being around the world. No, yeah, yeah, I can't find my baby. Lisa stands field. How do you remember that?

Let's see if I'm even right. Wow. That's probably somebody you dated in high school. Oh, Lily? Lily. Lily stands field. Lisa, mother fucking stands field. Wow.

Christine. Be impressed with anything ever. I literally said you were right first. Fuck you. Ow. Fuck you, no you weren't. The bonfire's live right now. The bonfire, well, it's pre-recording. Win, win, win, win.

Win, win, win. Win. What do we lose Jacob? We have no black loo. No black loo. Jacob took a walk. This is Terminator timelines here. So it's Tuesday, even though you're hearing this on Thursday.

And black loo's out the whole day today. Personal issues. personal black issues Probably black issues. Oh, what you don't know. I don't understand Why you can miss work for black issues. Yeah, I'm from Boston. I get nervous. Okay. How about this? lotion shortage crazy lines and CVS Yeah, I could be. Yeah, that's a black issue. Locean shortage?

I'm not waiting like a lotion. No. No, no. Fine, if I miss a day with that lotion, nothing my skin doesn't use soap on my face. Yeah, face wash. I don't. Nothing.

Nothing. Just crystal clear waters. I use water. Speaking of crystal waters. As you say it's there. Sing it for money. La la la. Yeah.

No, I don't use anything on my face. No way. That's crazy. That's crazy. Even DJ Lewauch is this face. I don't use soap on my face. I don't use, I don't you want to shave my head? I don't use shaving cream.

I don't shave with shaving cream. I draw a shave. I draw, I, I don't, never drive shave. I wet shave in the shower, but I don't use shaving cream. I draw shave. And I don't, and I don't use, I don't use soap on my face. With this crazy. Why is that crazy? That's not crazy your face. I I don't I clint my face gets clean Do you use an astringent?

I don't know what an astringent is. Should I know what that is? What's it? What is it? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. string? I did I'm in a gig of evil today as you say a land Hey Jacob have you ever been with the black woman before? Made out that's it. Yeah, really? Oh, that's right remember that was her name No, this was before the bond fire. Oh really? Yeah Really that's it you just made out what happened you grabbed you we miss I don't know what happened. I had a cousin's kick the shit out of you who's in the 50 Yeah to do it under the Nobody's gonna see us check up meet it under the bridge. And I said, I have a night. Nobody's gonna see us, Jacob.

Meet me under the bleaches. Uh-huh. Oh, are you sure I're collared? Ha-ha-ha. Well, oh, God. I'm as dark as they come. He's a musician. He used to call my father.

He gets me motherfucker and he goes, your lips are so big, is it safe? Ha-ha-ha-ha. It is. It's safe. Mm-hmm. I trust you, Laquonda. Laquonda. I've put so much trust into you.

Those are the 50s when I was just regular black names. Cheryl. She had a regular and normal What's the word? Damn, no, but all these are coming out wrong. She had a human name. Was it a straight name? She had a name you give normal human.

Did you, uh, maybe you came out wrong? Did you get the car, let her in first, and then see if she unlocked the door for you? Wasn't it, no, I met her. I went, the date was in Harlem. I met up and met her. Yeah. Took her out that we went in to dinner at an African restaurant.

And then, you know, a show. Do you mean a restaurant? What was it? North African. North African. North African. North African. What does that mean? What does that mean?

Was it served to you by a five year old and the army outfit? Forgetting which. A five year old general. Forgetting which. No, I think it was Ethiopian. It's not an Ethiopian because that's it when you eat with your hand. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's great. It was a soul Ethiopian. Because that's when you eat with your hand. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's great.

It was a soul food restaurant. She was a wiker. That's what it was. It wasn't soul food. And what happened? Did you look all areas in there? No. Was it after church?

It was a great date. And then she took me to a club. Did you order the music? Did you order the, with a side of? She was close. It was. It was. Did you order that? Because I heard that's good. They only have it on Wednesdays and Sundays. After church. Go, Jacob. It wasn't there's not a big payoff. We just kissed

at this club. At the club. She kissed you in an African nightclub, an African restaurant. It was just a band playing in a cool bar. What kind of band? Like a brass band? Jazz? Jazz band? Jazz is. Yes. But up like upbeat. Oh, so you did a little swing. I grabbed her while we were watching. Would you grab her? The waist Christ. Right. You grabbed her and did what? What was everything? In a good way. You know, you're gonna take a shot. You're gonna take a shot, grab by the neck and put her against the wall. Grab by the weave. Well, take it. Put her hands behind her back.

Don't ever grab a black robe by the hair. You'll get punched in the face. Yeah, unless you get into the roots where it's there, hair, you can grab that. Well, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Don't grab the weave. Yeah.

So you kissed her? Yes. don't grab the weave. Yeah, so you kissed her Yes, how was it good? Yeah, she's very pretty very pretty. Yeah It's nice. I like that. Yeah It was banging her from behind then she took it out and put it in her ass. Wow, okay, that's crazy man. That went really fast That jumped the level. Yeah, we solved the jazz club. It's in the alley in the bag. What'd you do? That's crazy. Why'd you never see each other again? That's a quote. Oh, sorry. Sorry. They just did it right now. Why did she? My French roommate. Why'd you never see her again? You know what? I should have we had one date and then I don't fucking know why That's a racism kind of kicking myself

There's two girls in my life. I'm kicking myself. I didn't What would your parents say if you brought him a black woman would they love that? Or would they be really confused? I don't think they would have that big a deal. But a little bit of a deal. My father, it's more religion. He doesn't care about skin. Oh, so you've said she's like one of the whoopee goldberg ones. So, okay. Ethiopian Jew, you'd be thrilled.

You'd be thrilled with that. Damn. I mean, anything to keep it in the front. Anything Jewish. Catholic, he'd be mad. Baptist, Baptist. I don't want to say mad. He would just say, I'll kill myself.

What about if you came back to the house She was in the voodoo and she threw chicken bones on the table and went, ooh But she said but then tell us your dad you have a bright future You would win lottery, but I am not Jewish What do you say you think you'd be okay with that if you check him on this future? You know, I don't have any problem either way with with that if you check it out this future? You know, I don't have any problem either way with it. Would you stand up to your father if you loved her enough? If she's a Catholic he's a kind of old guy. What am I gonna push him on the floor?

Back on the face and say it's my listen to me now. Yeah, let her hit him with her purse Yeah, and then eat a cheeseburger right in front of him meeting cheese it right in front of him, dude Oh, is he is he uh the houses kosher kosher yeah no from no wow to these two it's a big deal I never thought about it because it wasn't these two it's also a weird thing that both lose also everything I mean Christine looks at me like I like I have curls caught on the side of my head when a lose comes up I don't think about it like I told curls caught on the side of my head when this comes up I don't think about it like I told you this it's not part of me No, have I still you're you're trained you wouldn't eat meat and cheese is gonna piss off the Lord. Yeah, I just It's just what I do. I don't know why I never thought okay if I wanted to I would I have no interest

It's gross to you like do you think that's gross? No, you think about it. No, do you think that's gross? No. When you think about it? No. When you're talking about cheese and hamburgers, or you're talking about the black girl. Cheese and hamburgers. When you're talking about Christy.

The hamburger. Oh, yeah. I was like, this is gross to me. You ever try one without the buns? Yeah, that's fucking what? What are you going to say, bacon? That makes me nauseous. Bacon bacon I'm not used to the smell If I pass the delis you know when they're cooking in the morning I have to hold my breath cuz I'll puke

I love it. I know everybody to run by because I just want to order it all. I'm not used to it. That's all I love bacon I the delis near me all the del's near me seem to make exclusively soggy, like undercooked bacon that pulls like, eh, so gross. I love bacon. I would take, if I had a choice between meats, I would do bacon. Would be top meat. No. Do you have to bake in with anything?

No. Well, bacon isn't the number one. No. Bacon? You got DJ Lew on your side, but he's trash. No. Bacon is the number one. Bacon? You got DJ Lew on your side, but he's trash. Yeah, he's trashin' the best way, apparently. Yeah. Bacon is the best.

And then sausage. Oh, sausage right after that. I'm with you on that. I saw C. Pork of a beef. So sausage is parts. Yeah, the best parts. They mix up and then they cook it.

I like sausage. I love sausage. I love sausage. I love sausage. I love it. I love it. I'll check on you. I love it. I love it right in my butt. Yeah.

But I wouldn't even consider that call that like a meat necessarily if I was picking meats. It's a meat, dude. Meat like steak. Oh yeah. No, I mean look, different cuts. Steak is a rascal. I think steak is right after sausage.

What kind of steak? I would go, now here's the thing, I used to go ribeye, but now that I'm a little older, I go full-a. I go full-a always, no fat. I like the fat. I love the ones here on there. I love the fat. I used to love the fat.

Let me say, I used to be fat. I was a fat fuck. And when I was a fat fuck, I loved, when I used to be, hi, I'm Robert. And when I used to be a fat fuck, when I weighed 350 pounds, when it was me carrying around 12 turkeys, when I weighed the,

when I was, the weight, 12 decent sized turkeys. When I weighed like two middle aged women, like four kids each, I used to love the fatty steak ribeye. But now that I'm a regular-sized man at 225, I like a filet. I don't like because of the, it's not the fat, it's the gristle.

It's a texture. I don't like about the fat. I suck on the gristle. The fat is? I think the fat and gristle are the same, they're same thing. I suck on it. I just had bone marrow for the first time It's fucking disgusting. It's all grease. Oh, I love it. I love it. I had bone marrow

You end up eating that more like it's like a paste you put it on toast you put the Because it's gelatinous shit. Yeah, I don't like it. I love it. I love bone I had bone marrow with stig tata on top so that you take the raw Well, we just found out the hardest thing to say is Boston accent, tartar. Yeah, it's tartar. You went tata. It was so natural. I say it like a magician.

Tata. I love your accent. I like the hours and the end of things when I was like, draw. I say draw. Yeah. Rum. Rum.

Rum, draw. Roof. Rum. I love fatty. Are you still, I don't like it as much anymore. Yeah, rum, rum, rum, draw, roof, rum. I love fatty. I used to, I don't like it as much anymore. I do like a filet now, but I did like a nice fatty, rib eye on the bone or the, there's another cut. I'd go sirloin after probably or scoursteak. I love the fat when the fat's on the outside of it.

That fat that you can eat. Oh, God. I can't do it. I love it. That texture is so disgusting. You need that. You know, if it wants to show alone. You're gonna tell me some crazy things

if I ever get stranded in an avalanche or something. I'm gonna want my teeth to be sharp so I can eat a rabbit raw. No, that's someone's there. But Jacob, you know this. Most of the people that don't make it on on the show Jacob you don't have you've never seen the show, but you are alone So you might need some sharp teeth one day. I don't know the show the show alone where they they go out 10 people go out in the in the

Woods alone and whoever lasts the longest wins Wait, they go each one's They're not out there together. No, no they get separated by like three to five miles each in the most desolate part of wherever that is, and they have... They can bring 10 things with them. That's it. And they have to survive with those 10 things and whoever survives the longest way. I'd bring my PlayStation and Nine Games and then realize there's no electricity.

Damn it guys. I thought it was going to get some entertainment, I thought, but there's no plugs. They just a bear eating your controller. They're not survivalists, they're just... No, they're all survivalists. So they know what to do with these 10 things? They know what they get to pick 10 things, they know exactly what they're the top survivalists in the world, and they go out there.

But the ones that make it are the ones that get animal fat. You need fat to live. You can't just eat meat. You can't just eat the lean meat because you'll just die. You need animal fat. We need it. Right, but not like when you're not dropped alone as part of a television show. Let's assume I'm going to be eating this steak around about a house or a restaurant area

And I'm not gonna be helicoptered into the middle of Antarctica Then you could have a delay. Yeah, yeah, we go hey, when I get dropped in the Antarctica I go no, no, I just had very lean meats. I'm not prepared for that. I just had a headache with it No, no, no, I couldn't possibly have had no fat. Yeah, you need fat though. Of course. You need fat to live. So the fat honestly.

Okay, in that situation I might have to wear a deer carcass as a jacket to live. These aren't things you have to do in your home though. Yeah. Yeah, when I get a grill though, day I'm gonna grill a lot of stuff But grill and fatty steak is good because it all comes off. Yeah, that's the shit. Lewis is a good griller You're just the only one of us that has a grill. Lewis who Johnson? Oh He'll get those gigantic. What do they call those dinosaur? No, the Tomahawk Tomahawk. Oh, those are dead

That's great. They have one of the comedy sawers, because that makes sense to eat while you're watching comedy. They've joined Tomahawk. They do not have a Tomahawk. That's not true. I have to stand, not the comedy saw. No, stand. You said the comedy sawer.

Oh, the stand. Yeah. In the middle of your set, you're on stage, and you're seeing a guy chow down on a Tomahawk. It's rare, because it's $220 some dollars, I think. It's insane. It's the dumbest thing on a comedy menu I've ever seen. That's a mob shit.

It's the worst one. It's the worst item on a comedy club menu I've ever seen. That's because they got a deal because that's something that fell off a truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got these beautiful, so dumb, all sticks I can give you a cost. We got them done on the island.

My Chris impression, my Chris saying ready. Hey, Lily, get these sticks. Um. It's awful. Look for these Saddamog sticks. Did they open up the boat? Didn't they get a boat? They bought the fair, or they're involved in the ferry that Pete and Colin Jost were all

involved in but I haven't heard anything about what's happening it just like own a ferry. So dumb fucking thing to buy. So does it know I'm his girlfriend. Hey, now. I mean it's a ferry boat like they're gonna turn it into the coolest comedy club slash night club which has never happened ever on land or sea. One time, it did happen in Boston, not nightclub, but they- Okay, well that's already taking the change.

Dictority, but I was, had a boat, the comedy boat, the Dictority comedy boat. Comedy though. And we did comedy on the boat. Exclusively comedy. I worked on it. I was the first Telemarketer

So I Worked on to the telemark you could have telemarketed from anywhere not back then really no no no back then You had to like you had tell you they have cell phones. Oh, yeah the whole set up. Yeah, you had to go in there sit on the boat All day and telemark it for people to come give free tickets with the whole setup. Yeah, you had to go in there, sit on the boat, and tell them market. And tell them market. For people to come. Give free tickets. We'll call people, and go, hey, you won 10 free tickets to the comedy boat.

And then we had like a list of companies. We had a call, the HR person. Can I talk your HR, I'm Robert Kelly and blah, blah, blah. And then I remember one night, I wound up talking to this girl on the phone, and we hit it off and I was hitting on her. And I told her, I was like, listen, I'm on the show tonight tonight I'm on to the comics you should come down she's

like I'm coming she was like can I just come by myself to I was like no come by yourself I'll leave a ticket to the door and I was on the show with Steve Sweeney Kevin Knox like legends Boston legends legends and I was on the show and I was I told him I go this girl's coming and I remember The boat tip to one side I heard have you seen Bobby Kelly is Bobby here I remember just running around the boat trying to

Not be caught by this woman Should it be at least at least three something really yeah, she's a big girl Not that I have anything against big girls. I've been with big I have something against big people in general who don't Understand their weight who just live life like they're not that much. You can't jump on to a boat. You tub a shit I'm sorry. I called you a tub a ship, but look what you've done It comes into play. It comes into play on a boat. Yeah. Oh my god.

In a concert. Yeah. It's only happened to me twice, maybe two or three times ever, but being asked what I way before getting on a plane sucks. It does. I had that happen to me too. In Canada. Also, when you see it, they didn't ask the three people in front of you.

And what do you, and you're like, well, he goes, we have to use you as a complete balance for this gigantic flying machine. And you're on one side of the plane and everybody else in the luggage is on the left side. He goes, everybody who's on the left side, can you put some rocks in your pockets before we get on the thing? We're gonna put this tub of shit on the right.

We need all you guys bouncing down the left. Hey, can you guys all take a really big sip of water and hold it this like? We need everybody waited as much as humanly possible. We need everybody to have a turkey dinner before this flight so we can make it. My nephew was getting his pilots license, he was getting into the Air Force. Which one? The one that comes in Nashville? His brother. His brother, okay. You've met him too though, but anyway, he's going to the Air Force. Yeah.

It's the lamest area of military. Absolutely. Now he's being a pussy. No, it's the best. It's the best. Call him up. Tell him he's gay unless he goes in the Marines. No, I don't want him to.

I want him in the safest. Frontlines, or he's gay. I mean, that's true, but listen. I don't want him. Air Force, we're not. Tell him he's gay. I mean, that's true, but listen. I don't want him. Air Force, we're not. Tell me he's got to take out the Taliban, single handedly, or he's a homo. Yeah.

And that's fine. Do you know in the military, everybody hates the Air Force? Yeah. Because they get the money first. So when you go, like I went to Iraq twice, when you go over to the bases, Two tours? Two tours of duty.

Okay. And of two tours of comedy, of laughs. Took a little mortar fire. And we did. I remember Colin was on the... You guys were at the barracks and they made everybody go in because it wasn't getting close to the base, they said, but it was like enough, they told you guys to go inside, right?

Well, Colin, we were doing an outdoor show in the afternoon. I think I read them in the already lang book. And we got a mortar fire, and then I was like, Colin was kind of having a bad set, I'm going they're getting bombed twice Hey now at least you're going clear before their bombs clear The army bases and the marine the marine bases were the worst because they got nothing They got not they cook their food in like some heater, cooker, it's like, you know, all this bag food.

Army was good, but the Air Force had the best, because the money went to them first. So they had, they do it, you go, they had like shakes, pizza, Chinese food. Their food was insane. And I was a fat flock there too. And I thought I was gonna lose weight. And I thought I was going to lose weight. And I remember I was walking back with Chinese food. I had pizza and two chocolate shakes.

And one of the dudes goes, you know, this is what you guys are fighting for. One of the dudes goes, hey, one of the guy goes, hey man, can I get one of those shakes? They were kind of making fun of me. Yeah. I was like, you can't show me, you can take one, of course. You're fighting for us, and he took my shake, and then I walked a couple of steps and my other shake tipped over, and I lost my shake. Two shakes to no shake.

I had two shakes to no shake. Give yourself, technically that's an excuse to go back and report two shakes. No, we gotta go, it's gotta sad. I remember I sucked a little with the skull off the tray. Oh I've done the fattest move I've ever done and been caught doing was Cleaning out McDonald's hot mustard packet by sticking my tongue at it and going

And getting all of the hot mustard out of it. That's pretty fat And getting all of the hot mustard out of it. That's pretty fat. That's fat. Jacob was speechless, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty fat. I got three large fries and just poured them into a bag

because I could need three large fries. I could only eat two. But I didn't want to, I didn't want, I wanted to always have a fry. That's what Christine has to do. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it.

That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it.

That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it.

That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. That's why I've seen it. those first two I've gotten really ripped off with fries So make sure we have enough fries. Yeah, we'll take the two dollar head did that in Austin and P Terry's this week Yet it was a waste of money because I think their fries are horrible fries a terrible. They were terrible I mean can I be honest with you two you took me to two places?

Mm-hmm, and it was I was both places fucking disappointing I mean both places both Cookout Cookout Gabbash Cookout's not a place we took you to cook out was a place that was across the street from the hotel I'm gonna stop you right there Christine. I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? I'm gonna take the plane. You're gonna. I had never been there before you won't take the plane

But you sir you sir because we put a fucking case idea you You you were a side item. It's like going the jack in the box and just getting the tacos, the dollar taco. You said to me, when we got there, cook out, dude, cook out. We'll go there, cook out. This is over, so, I didn't say that. Dude, you went like this, cook out, as you drove by, you went, yo, yo, cook out. Dude, we got it.

I don't know if it was that dress, though. You took your hoodie off, you had a cook out shirt on. Okay. All right, so what? I love merch. And it was, I mean, it was garbage, dude. You, if you can't do a, listen, if you can't do a quesadilla, you're a shit. It was like a burger quesadilla.

You don't get a quesadilla from Burger King. A quesadilla is the easiest thing in the world to make. It is a kid snack. If anything, you should be able to make a KCDR. If anything, you're making a point that you were childish for ordering KCDRs and you should just got a burger or a bunless. We told you to get a grilled chicken sandwich.

No, you didn't tell it. You left me hanging. That's not true. When I said, we tell right away, I didn't have grilled chicken sandwiches so she got that. And then you went ahead. Well, now that you're getting out of me,

both of you, now that he's apparently on your side. It's coming, it's coming, you're remembering it now a little better. Will you go to say what? You remember the little bit earlier. No, no, it's the word you're gonna use. I don't know. Through something.

Shit, I don't know. Stranger? Stranger? No, cook out. First of all, the things, the cheese bites they had, maybe the best cheese bites I've ever had in my life. What's a cheese bite? You mean a cheese?

For me, yeah, those aren't called cheese bites. That's a mozzarella stick. No, these are cheese bites. And they're also not mozzarella. What is it? They were a jack or so good. They were unbelievable. Monoray jack.

They were great. Fries are good. Okay, they weren't good. From cook out. You were unbelievable. Monterey Jack. They were great. Fries are good. Okay, they weren't good. From cookie? They were fine. Good, crinkle cut. They were fine. I think it crinkle fries.

You fucked up buddy. I got regular stupid fries. Nope. Sagi fries. I got soggy fries. We had crinkle cut with a little bit of cheese on them. See, well, then,

Yep. What do we do? sandwich right yeah everything was fine at the steep peat parries what is it called peat parries is about it sucks that was an Austin no no no peat parries is not good the burger's fantastic oh the one that they're all fighting each other yes yes yeah you guys burgers are really good that is not a good burger sure that's a great that is a small little tiny thing. You've got to get the double. We're not supposed to, you know,

it doesn't have to listen, Bobby. Aren't we learning now? Doesn't have to be quantity quality. Some of the smallest burgers in the city, a brindle room in New York City. Very small burger, but fucking great. I like it. I like it. Go to Cooper's. No, what's Cooper's? That sounds good.

We didn't do barbecue at all really now It was not enough. We did the Cisco's breakfast You know Austin, but we didn't do an after you have to do barbecue sometimes like this goes wasn't good either No, it's good. Okay. I'm a I'm sorry. Okay, something I've come around on Cisco's to the first couple times I went I was like it's fine. It's fine. But now when we go I'm like yeah, I know what what did you have me get the megas megas. Yeah, it was not good You got the chorizo and you said it was all great. I would have rather got what did you get you got something better? Wave roast rancher house. I was supposed to get way else. I was crazy to get that there. Why? It's so good. I know I saw her like yours. you were about to dump you had to stop because you were building tacos

First of all, everyone thought about Bobby's dumping. Please don't hold dumping against me like that I'm just saying if you're about to dump it wasn't that bad if his if his baby stomach can't hold enough Can't hold the foodie's eating. I'm gonna dump out of his mouth. I'm dumping the food he's eating. I'm gonna dump out of his mouth. I'm dumping. I'm a dump to at Cisco. So Bobby, every time we go out to you at some point, Bobby goes, this place is great.

I'm gonna dump. You know, it was really good. The place in the hotel. The diner. The diner? The place in Nashville that we were for breakfast was off the charge. That was incredible.

That was great. But the place in the hotel, the diner in the hotel at the Thomas was unbelievable. Potomps in the hotel, the diner in the hotel at the Thomas was unbelievable. What Thompson, yeah. It was a great, I mean, the food there, I got a baguette. I got to tell you. I got a baguette with burjuto and butter. Right.

It was one of the best things I've ever eaten in my life. So good. Good diner. That's a weird order.. I just it was there. I got it. And then I got the hash the turkey sausage and hash with fried eggs on top. It was almost like they cut the potatoes like rice. You know what I mean? And they cut up the turt it was all mashed together and they put the fried eggs, but I had them put cheese in it. So they fried up the hash with the cheese. Jacob's out. Yeah, you're out.

I wouldn't need it. But you could have had it, you could have just regular. But it was great. Oh my God, that was good food. The siscos was good, but it wasn't. I wish we had the opportunity to go to the T-Laks. Put that more on there and dance.

That's his spot. I love it because I love it. I love it because I love it. This is going to get back to him. What? love it. This is gonna get back to him. What? Yeah, so he's gonna get back to him. Bobby, did you try the biscuits with the butter, honey sauce? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Next, I'll, the biscuits, next. The biscuit with the, what was it called again? The butter, the honey butter. The honey butter that came out of a mustard tube. With the honey. I would have just had that. Sure. If we had just had that with coffee, I would have been fine. I would have just had that. Sure. If we had just had that with coffee, I would have been fine.

You almost did just have that with coffee. It's why you almost dumped it. They also they have American breakfast. We brought home for Joel from the goddamn comedy gym just a bacon egg and cheese on a biscuit. I would have got the biscuit with a bacon and a cheese. I would have been with cheese. I would have lost my life.

It's not what soda says you order. The megas was not. The mega was not, I'm sorry. Look, I love you Dan, but the mega was not that good. Megas. Megas not that good. Do you prefer the megos? I would have preferred a sandwich on a biscuit.

That biscuit was great. I would have done. You know. Yeah. I mean, we don't have to go. We used to break dance traditions completely and start a new tradition of our own and a different breakfast

Let's go. Let's do it. Let's do the Thompson the Thompson diner The Thompson but they would that'll be much more fitting of it the laziness of just like everyone meeting a lobby diner I love it when there's the Drake What do you mean the restaurant and the Drake is the best breakfast in Austin? Yeah, is that where you stayed? No, but I went there for the breakfast. You know that older looking hotel the dress school you mean the dress school. Yeah, they get good breakfast. They do. And you know, I tell you what the best pork chop a triple pork chop is up the street. I think it's pizza something like that. Pateries. No. Pateries is gabbage. That's nuts. I don't even love it and that's not

to think about like on the level of like in and out Shake Shack Peterries like it for it's that type of Shake Shack it would blow Peterries out of the water out of the water. If there's a Shake Shack I'd be I wouldn't be having this discussion where you're right now. That's great. Shake Shack is amazing. For Steve men are talking, please. I was one of gun there if I wasn't going to Cooper's at least one barbecue. Jacob the Cooper's is trash. We have to go to Terry Black. We next time we go to beanie though. But at least it's, I thought it's good.

We didn't do any barbecue at all in Nashville or... Because it not openly and it's rough before show. They had his work in... Yeah, they did have his coma before. We did that twice and it was a mistake both times. You guys have like three shows a day. I wanted to more fall asleep on the stage And they said you cannot eat till you're full there even I we tell me to go to have a Josh Maybe he had barbecue and he just read on a steam in the intro Maybe he was full

Oh, I'm bobby. I can't do it anymore. I'm bobbing you know, I had bobbing you. I'm bobbing you know, I'm bobbing you. Big J is the best man in the world. Give it up for this guy, the godfather of all things in show business. Give it big gilders in. But I can't have him. I can't, I just ran out of steam.

Oh, for a tofu. I love I had the bobbing you and the siscos and the peat pads. I'm holding a balloon bomb bomb school bomb bomb hank hank what's up well i want to finish my thought but my uh... nephew because he's he's taking he's got to learn

about everything about the plane and you know weight distribution is extremely important yeah he actually puked his first uh..., his first class, because in the small sessanas, they're not pressurized.

So you're feeling everything, everything going up and down. And apparently, there's not one, everyone throws up. You can do, I throw up, they call me Bobby two bags, because I did the Mustangs down in San Diego. You can go up with a pilot in the Mustangs go up around six thousand feet and they give you the stick. What? You flew a mustang? Yeah. They give you the stick. Very cool. And you what if you just decide to try to do a flip? He can take the stick back. He has a stick on his side too. And he can turn your

controls off. Yeah, he let's put it this way. They give you the stick but he's got the stick. Do he's got the stick Do you understand? Yes, he goes so but you dog fight like me and you can go dog fight. No, I swear to God We could never do it. Well, hey What it was do it was pretty fun better. It's me a reason why not more than what why should we not dog fight is very I don't know crashing and dying Well, they teach you reading to the earth and a spiral while we know we're gonna die the worst kind of death I did always want to go in a B 51 dude

It was create a little Mustang plane. We were flying. I mean we were pulling G's you and Jacob should go dog fight I got so sick I got dehydrated. I almost had to go to the hospital because they what they do is before you go up They're like hey have some ginger snaps because it helps your stomach and I'm such a fat fuck hate the whole box. You're a sleeve of ginger snaps. Not the sleeve the box That's a lot of ginger. I just like ginger snaps. Yeah, my grandmother. Yeah, she used to have love ginger snaps They like burn after a while for your stomach. Yeah, it wasn't when it was coming up. It burned in apparently nobody earn after a while. Good for your stomach, Jim. It wasn't when it was coming up. Apparently, no one throws up. In fact, they ran out of my nephew asked for the bag immediately, and apparently they

didn't realize they hadn't restocked them. So the guy just said immediately, you're going to have to puke out the window. So he just vomited over the Everglades. They're going to blame me. Yeah. Just allegated. They definitely got on the plane. just vomited over the Everglades. You're gonna play me. Yeah. Just alligator. The definitely got on the plane.

Oh, when some of it went on him because it's just their flying. What a terrible idea. No, I don't like Ian Finance and Jordan Jensen went skydiving. Yeah. One of the days we were there. I do it. And me either. It's insane. I said I started to say to Ian when I heard he was going to go,

I was like, hey dude, be careful. And everybody's, what has wasted statement on someone's skydiving? Be careful. It's, you're going to live or die. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. There's no be careful. There's no, yeah, he goes, he goes, thank God I was careful because that's never been a survival story of parachuting accidents ever. Well, you know what? Yeah, I would have never taken, I don't know if I would fly in a, I still feel like flying commercials at calculated risk when I do it all the time. You got nervous on the plane coming back as we went in turbulence. Very.

Bobby looked over me and I was going, that's what I do. I get an angry face and I shake my head like, yeah. And that's shake, that angry shake is for the same thing every time. And I'll tell you why it's been let down. 99.9% of times of this. when we're in wacky turbulence like that We're really feeling the plane drop out and that kind of shit which we had on that flight Pobble you know people are afraid of flying pop on pilot say something Well a little bit of rocky road up here. Hi, everything's fine. Everybody just letting you know

We should be out of this in about a minute or so. Oh, you know, if he was like just playful about it even, it would calm me. He just, all I picture is when that's happening, he's just like, I don't know what's happening. This storm is coming out of nowhere. But you know why they don't say anything, because it's not that bad. Those planes, the wings on those planes

could bend all the way up like that. Nope, 100%. Nope, that's 100%. That is a zero percent facts and all whatsoever. I've never heard that. Bobby, take your normal sip of water. I'm not. That is a hot thing. That is a. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why they've pulled up. Okay. I'm telling you, a plane, those planes, those wings will can bend all the way up. They're meant to deal with that stuff. That turbulence doesn't. I If you're thinking of an X-wing fighter, I'm telling you, in George Lucas's Star Wars.

I've talked to a, after the September 11th, I talked to a couple of pilots, me and Corielli, actually. Me and Corielli were in... Is there an airplane going by, Lou? Here's an airplane going by. Me and Corielli were on a flight and the turbulence was so bad It's I mean dude I've been I heard Correlli going pop Bob and I was praying holding the person's hand next to me saying the our father and Correlli was like Bob and then he yelled at me. Why the fuck won't you talk to me? And he stuck his little thin quarry

alley head through the two seats. It's great, I'm doing it. And he was like, talk to me. It was that bad. Like, people were praying. Like, people were crying. We were going, we were like, we're going to die. It was, we were dropping and then going up.

You coming back from Amsterdam one time, it was so bad where the pilot said nervously for all the crew to now get in there. And then when the crew was going by because it was going nuts, I was like, I've never seen the flight attendance freaked out. And I said, I was like, is everything all right? And she went, I don't know.

I don't know. And she just went better. She was like, oh, that's not the right thing. That's not the right thing. That's not the right thing. But I'm telling you, it was like, going out of your seat, you come up out of your seat. The road has been praying for this.

Bring on the sweet release of death. I gotta go to Cleveland next week. Take me. I sold 40 tickets to Holarides. Please let this plane crash. Yeah, but I've had a couple of, on our Frontier Airlines ones, we went up, bro.

Frontier Airlines. Oh, Front airlines oh frontier yeah one time there was turbulence and the plane went like the wing on the left was pointing up and the other most it was I was looking down the person next to me it was crazy you know what's that was scary you know it's scary I had it three weeks ago we were landing in LaGuardia and the plane in front of us didn't get out of the way quick So we had we were landing and then all of a sudden You heard him just push and we went straight up and he he had to read

To re engage we were pulling for an hour And he said yo fit bit fit fit fit fit. I'm a buzzer tower. No, don't do it Yeah, yeah sure. I won't do it Everybody going by Sky Sky bitch Sky bitch. He's gonna buzz the tower. That's the funniest music. Kick it Let me get the pull back up and dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Jovey has the same thing. Bond Jovey has like black, I don't know, it's a thing. Like, yeah, in between the teeth up top, it's, they look gray, big, and there's black

in between the teeth. Ginger vitus. No. Ginger vitus. It's called the way. Joveyitis. Do you think it's ginger vitus? Nothing on the Jovey.

Yes, I have it. Not Joveyitis. Joveyitis, nothing, all right. That dog. Yeah, let's go back to Jacob on Jacob your thoughts Who's the other girl that was in that she went downhill? Oh Yeah, I know you're talking about me know I'm talking about fonda fondas. Yeah That was a crazy one Pajafonda we never saw these other pictures. Yeah, she's like yeah, and she's married to Danny Elfman

Who is now one of those does that weird ginger thing where he gets jacked in his fifties? Yeah, Danny Elfman's like yoke and like she's enormous What does he look like? What? Let me see him. Danny Elfman. What does he be? Why is it... It's a dead man's party.

And he does the scoring of everything ever in Hollywood. Oh, okay. Is he Jack? He's yet what's wrong with the screen? I think it's just not... Oh, I didn't realize that was out. Is that's wrong with the screen? Yes. You got a good snap dude. I like Jacob. Go go man's plan to her please.

She has no tap in her room. Look at her. Oh my god. Look at her. Fishing with her remote. It's pathetic. Oh my god, look at her fidgeting with the remote it's pathetic Did it what a dumb song wow, he is big Wow, yeah, he's fucking nuts looking though, huh? You're right, but yeah, he got like in crazy shape and all tied it up and she's just That I was showing it, I didn't realize it was a show. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, wait's a tough thing, man.

Wait, that, that is a, it's probably a kids. Yeah, for sure she did, but time just punched her. I mean, with the biggest hardest glove ever. Ha, ha, ha, ha. That's crazy. I mean, like if you, because that's a crazy difference between show, you know when you say a young picture of like your grandmother or something Your mom you're still a chubby bitch

No, it's just like they were pretty but like it wasn't like they were a sex symbol Bridget fond of was like their kids can look back and be like you know my mom was like a fucking head-turning World-famous knockout and now she was like a Walmart reader. I never would have... I could walk right past her, never would have picked her out. Yeah. What was she in? She was in singles. Single white female. She was in the really good movie with that the Kung Fu guy, what's his name? Jet Lee. Jet Lee, that was a great movie.

Which one was that? What movie was that? Unleashed? No, Jet Lee and her really good movie. What a dragon, something like that, dragon, enter the, not enter the dragon. Crushing tiger hind dragon. No, long live the dragon, spicy dragon.

KISS of the dragon. KISS of the dragon, that's it. Jackie Brown. Kis of the dragon. Kis of the dragon. That's it. Jackie Brown. Kis of the dragon. Great movie. Is it great movie? Kis of the dragon was awesome.

She was great in it too. She was smoking hot. Oh, God. Yeah. Danny Elton. I mean, she. I mean, I mean, I crazy. I've lived this though.

So I really can't talk. I got back if she would just drop what? Me. It's hard to say. She has to drop out of 100 pounds, but more than that, she won't snap back. It won't be the same, but her, she's almost like her face just also fell apart.

But she's sad because she's huge. Yeah. She's really. Don't make it real, you piece of shit. I really big fan of hers, defending. Are you? Well, yeah. Would you be with her now?

Well, if she drops 80, yeah. 80. Damn. Well, put Michelle on notice, dude. You better hope to God, Bridget Farmer doesn't lose. Would you be with her now? What's the drop's 80, yeah? 80. Damn. Well, put Michelle on notice, dude. You better hope to God, Bridget Farms doesn't lose. God, damn it, she's crazy looking. She looks like, who does she look like in that picture on the right?

Jack Black? No, it's like a guy for sure. Paul Dano. Paul's the... Yeah. I mean, the husband's in shape. Yeah. And she's that big.

Are they still together? They can't be together. I think they're together. They can't be together. I believe they are. Really? Wow. It makes me feel bad for Don. That was her, by the way,

that's how she dressed in her birthday. You see that? Um. Damn. Jane Fonda does look better. That's true. She does. Jane Fonda looks better. Damn. Jane Fonda does look better. That's true. She does. Jane Fonda looks better. Yeah.

I'd rather see what Jane Fonda's working with under the clothes than Bridget Fonda currently. Oh yeah. She looks so good right there with her husband. Yeah. She looked great. He couldn't believe it. By the way, he probably thought he was working

on borrowed time anyways. Like, why would she be with me? She knew. She knew that's what was going to happen to her. I'm just going to let go. He got a hair, he got space wig too. He got hair plugs. He got everything.

Maybe. Yeah, look at that hair dude. He went from bald to having holy shit hair, tattoos, shredded. He should have kept the hair short. He looked far and even though he's weird looking in Oingo, Boingo. Like, did man party video? Like he's, yeah, he's strange looking. Yeah, he's strange looking. He's a jacked. Like he's rock chicken. He's jacked. He's a jacked. It's a change of subject, but Jacob tell us whatever happened with his black date. He killed her,

so it's that one find out. Yeah, she's gone. Can't say that on the radio. We can't say we can't finish that story. Should have followed up with her. Let me ask you question. At the, did you try to get in touch with that girl later? Did you try to call and she just never respond when you went to the pay phone and put a nickel in to call her?

Did she respond or should I feel like that was my fault there? Should have. Did you read a letter? Her suit more with her because it. You think you're mistaken. Would you read a letter or sood more with her? Because it. You think you mistakenly wrote a letter? Why do you think she can't read? Because she's black. That's not cool.

I mean, that's crazy. What was it with this? Is that what you're saying? The other girl I was madly in love with, but I fucked up. I was, that was all me. I was way too. Racist? No, no, no.

The other one was not. You would never be that another black woman. Yeah, so I'm beginning to feel like when I watch the end of the ESL, it was in my favorite players as a traction. Really? Yeah. Really? In the soccer.

Yeah. Attractive. Yeah, really? You've seen Mia Ham's coach, remember? I have. Mia Ham's? Yeah. No, you you're not think you're have the wrong person You're thinking about I'm not me a ham pussy on the internet Pochot Falchow's now I've never seen it. I thought you were hope hope solo also

Both of them think so you like girls that look like you No, I didn't say I like it was into them. Oh, you just said that Is available online? Have you ever dated a black girl dated no I My first ever prostitute was black mine too a Big black lady too. She really came in Atlanta, and it was like booty. Let's just sit Atlanta lady She was not into it, but my was old black and old we talked about on the YKWD. Yeah, yeah, she was older and blush I mean from my age. I think I was what?

20 something and she had to be 39 48. Yeah, Holly 39 between 39 and 62. That's fair That's a good window between that she was black black. Don't crack. Yeah, I'll eat yeah 39 between 39 and 62. That's fair. That's a good window that between that She was black black don't crack. Yeah, you never know. She had an antique pocketbook I just just into that that was her original pocketbook I and then an Amsterdam I went in with a black prostitute and then I panicked because I just I was worried

that people that were with me that all went into places, we're gonna be finished first and leave. Like no one else seemed to be concerned about staying as a group and I was nervous. I've never been overseas before. So I went in and I was like, now this is a bad idea and she's like, you gotta give me some money.

So I was like, all I have cash is like and I pulled out a pocket full of coins. And she was like, that's cool. And she was happy to all I have cash is like, and I pulled out like a pocket full of coins. And she was like, that's cool. And she was happy to take it because it's like those coins are like $5.00. I'd be, I probably gave her like 75 hours to do. Literally, let me walk in the door. I basically walked in and gave her 75 hours and left. And then I hooked up with a black woman point some time ago. Now, I guess like 14 years ago or so. Hampton, it was a funny thing because I went the first time with Keith and Patrice. And me and Keith got there early in the afternoon before our rooms were ready.

Yeah. So I was waiting in the, I was waiting in the lobby of the Ibus, you know, shitty hotels. And Keith walked in, and he just walked in and he goes, where can I put my bag? Where's the red light district? Let's go, Demy. And he just, I was like, okay, so we went down, the guy was like, it's over here,

but he sent us to the local red light district. There's the tourist one. Sure. With all the really pretty girls. Then there's the local one with the, you know, clearance rack. We were walking now, we're looking and these girls were rough. Yeah. And they were like right next to a restaurant with families like eating food outside at a little cafe. And there's just a woman in a restaurant. I mean, a woman in the windows.

Yeah. And we both went in. Yeah. And they weren't good. And my girl's black. She was, she was prettier than his girl. His girl had like acne problems. It was nuts. And then we went in and we came out. We're like, that's it. We're done. We got it out of a system. But done. And we walked like five feet. And there was two other girls. And we're like, one more time back down away. right away. It's not blessed those right. Yeah, the Rose I went in with two Like next to each other like rooms next to each other and the thing I'm like The Rose was an older lady that's what he was excited about so I just went and I happened to get the girl that I was with was gorgeous

but it was a machine Did I mean like it was no like well while they're outside? They're literally huh when they're outside, they're literally, huh? When they're outside, they're very sexy and luring. And then when they get you in, they shut the door. It's just like, it's like, I'm going to do the things that are going to make you come very fast and get out of here. It was like, it was a 10 minute turnaround, possibly. I mean, she just like, right away, it was like, she'll do whatever to

get you hard enough to get a condom on and then fuck you fast enough to get you to finish. There's a time limit, there's like a 15 minute time limit. I was like, yeah, Lou went over the time limit. He banged a girl on butcher block paper in the Amsterdam. Yeah, and the tourist section, not the doctor paper, you know, they pull it out. It was so mechanical and sterile. They had the doctor. I don't know why I can't picture. DJ Lou just getting his putt pulled up by a prostitute. All right, here we go. It was not easy with it.

There was no love involved. To talk to papers, my favorite part of that whole story. The way paper, Dan. And Bob, when I came, she just welcomed to Amsterdam. Oh, Jesus, we got bombs going. She, she's, she have a penis. She's a wet doctor cut, doops to dumb. Hey everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomfire for a special offer. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.