The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Yurts (feat. Jordan Jensen)

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

Jordan Jensen's new special is doing well and she wants to buy land to build a yurt.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bond Fire you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. All I want to do is build stuff from my sweetheart. Sorry, everybody. I just pulled my nose at a Bobby's neck. We were fucking grime dance and so hard to this. You could be my greeno.

Finally coming true. I'll share the mall with you. We have Bobby. Cause now we hold the future in our hands. Oh, almost passed Nothing, you don't even try to sing with me I can't Why? Chocolate?

I'm watching Black Lou dance by himself on his zoom Slow dance? Slow dancing by himself Black Lou was right back in that red fucking zoo suit He was right back there and assisted city with the entertainer special. Black loot took his hat off and then twirled it down his arm. Of course he did. And he twirled it back up and put it back in his head.

Michael Jackson thing where it's impossibly been his ankles to just go forward and backwards. Yeah, yeah. He hooked his shoes into the floor. Damn, you're one cool brother, Black Lo. We are a bunch of fucking, promeless dorks over here. He had like a normal life.

Jacob and Christine talking to you. Jacob and Christine, Jacob, if we do a prom and you don't have a date, you're gonna have to take a picture with Christine like I did with Diana Braves. Just Jacob smiling, cheese and big behind her. That picture exists somewhere, Christy, doesn't it? The one of you and the other girl. I feel like she's in it.

Oh, so funny. Paradise. Last Jordan when she gets here about her prom, what do you think went to girly guesses? Didn't go. Didn't have one. She was on a farm with fucking llamas. or do you think she went with like a best girlfriend That like they picked who was gonna wear

Tuxedos and converse. Yeah, they both dressed in tuxedos, but with converse and they wrote they're used to mopad They came up on a I'm always a lady's movie. She came up on a motorbacon mo pad That she just bought and fixed and then they had to pull their titties out to prove they were a woman to two guys They've been lying to Yo, you were my best friend Jordan. I know this doesn't change anything except I mean love with you Remember that movie the first thing she did I think was just start making out with them. Like why not drop the hammer like show the tits first and then start making out of them.

She just in that movie. Just one of the guys right. She just starts making out of the music. What the fuck and then she pulls her titties out. He goes well how's you think that was going to go did you want to realize that he was gay in that moment. Then confuse me go you're not gay. I know you really enjoy just kissing a boy the way you thought you did, but don't worry I'm a girl.

I'm so confused. That movie no one ever acted again besides William Zapka. False. Name another movie that girl. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I don't know man board the tits, but what's her name was in it?

Huge, uh, Sheryl and Finn. Who's that? Oh, okay. I'll take that back. man board the tits but what's her name was in it huge uh... shareland fan who's all okay i take that back all but the lead guy never see him again the bro the brother buddy never see him again buddy was absolutely he was the second star of parker louis can't lose with core nemick what a great show those a tv show right is best friend in that

all right what about mantis that was it that was a TV show, right? It was his best friend in that. All right. What about the Mantis? That was a TV show, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was a really good show, right? It was fun. Park was it was like Ferris Buellerish. Yes. Like it was like a TV Ferris Bueller. I forgot about that show. The share of Linfinn is the biggest star in this movie. You became the biggest star. Well, it was a twin peaks, but Williams Abka. Yeah.

Is now have a revival of a career. But the lead man boy girl, where'd she go? Oh, I probably know where, yeah. She was also terrible in the movie. She just didn't really have any kind of career. I don't look that back. That movie is a classic other than the scene of her whipping her titties out of her toe she did have great breasts. Oh man they were great. They were great. Some people say they hang too low. I don't think that. I think they were just a perfect. I feel

like they were a little like nondescript but maybe they were great. They were the best. That's one of the best scenes of my childhood. Sheryl and Finn. Now that girl had some kids. All of my all-time faves. And then the seer in that return, twin peaks the return, you're like, is that the girl with a mole? Yeah. Yeah. She was in an episode of psych. Yeah, what's she though? Yeah, she was. 100%. I like psych. You know what? And a lot of people like psych. A lot of people like so. Eight eight seasons people are beginning to get down on suits now It's like the biggest show in the world. I think I blame you for that. I have suit I like suits a USA network. I watched a trailer for lioness and I'm like what I seen it. It was good

You like a lot of shows of people fighting in deserts Texas I'm an American. Yeah, you are God bless America Roger that can argue that you're an American alright God bless I texted you Jay, but I think Bobby too. I gotta say you'll love justified. Oh, yeah, I love justified It's one of the greatest shows the original show original was great the West one What the old West one no the one on FX FX is only one just the only one just a few of us like a western now Well, it's a modern day western it's more in contact with the country than western. It's good violent It gets violent, but he's great. He's awesome and you over the top nudity They at sell no

Hang on ask us again any nudity. Yeah, they show Muffin and Tits every episode. Well, because you know, Jacob, I love me some Banshee. And that show almost gave you full pussy lip every episode. Banshee was one of my favorite shows. And I didn't even know it existed. I found it like a year ago. I was, yeah, we were way late to the party too.

Way late! Ram through it. So good. You know who he is, right? Now watch that one it was on. Yeah, Jacob was early game on bad I can't believe how good that show is that girl the the young Amish girl Mod on not on

Mad on Lily James no Lily I care. I just saw I just saw her she's in a she's didn't nudity in another thing I just saw yeah Today she's another show it looks like Lily James sort of. She also looks like Lily Rose Dept too. Liz Simmons. Lily Simmons. She's great. He plays, he's in the home lander. Bad boys.

Yeah. He's great in that too. That's a great show too. Yeah. That show's got some stuff in it. All fun shit. I can't wait to ask you were in Jensen about her problem. I bet it's they show.

There's a scene in Lioness that's hot with the spoil alert where it's like espionage and it's more CIA shit. Well, it's on it's CIA Navy seal type shit. You know, I love that yeah, and girls Girls tactical squad. No, no, no sexy. It's a girl The girl is kind of like a fucked up into drug dealing, Spanish girl, and you know, that in her boyfriend's abusive, she runs away when they're not pillow fighting. Joins, joins the Marines becomes like a badass.

What what what's wrong with you? When four bucks a minute, take the fallujah, she becomes a, she comes a ass. She becomes a bad ass What why are you laughing you don't think women can be bad asses? No What no, no, it's what on this week lioness breaks a nail why Jacob you don't think women can fight and become bad asses On the next episode of Linus, Linus crashes a car because she's not great at driving.

She doesn't. Linus crashes a tank. Everybody joining the show. Is it a bad ass woman? Is it a bad ass woman? Her half hour special 30 minutes with Jordan Jensen available right now on YouTube. Check it out.

Absolutely fucking hilarious. Jordan Jensen joins the show. What's happening? Why are you so nice? We thought you would be, how did you know? How did you know? I know that.

Bobby said you have a sweet tooth. I mean, you've been reading your diary. Yeah, I follow you, but as another person. Oh my God, speaking of reading my diary, I had a bookmark in my book that was like the worst diary entry. You know what I mean? It was like, I will not let other people make me,

you know what I mean? Just like Joseph Peterson. One not let other people make me, you know what I mean? Just like Dr. Peterson. One of those days, give yourself a pep talk. Yeah, and I left the bookmark fell out and it's somewhere in the cellar. I know, it's the worst possible. It's in my book because I was like, nobody can see this.

Well, it's funny. Can you bring up the screen? Yeah, you're right here. So you don't like Estee. Yeah, I hate. Yeah. You're not relegating me to late nights on Thursdays. I special thanks here in the thing

and I know that there's so many people being like, gay. Yeah, it is gay. Do you special thank Estee? I special thank Estee and Liz, yeah. You did? What about No, the guy who owns the place? Well, Estee and Liz are the ones who directly, like I was going to say comedy seller and I was like, put those two are the ones who are like, push in for me all the time.

You know, you know, I mean, you know, no makes all the decisions under place of club. Really? Yep. Wow. Yeah, that has to go through. I want to just say thank none of them. Thank you. None of them had anything to do with that special.

Thank you. Yeah, I think a lot of gay people. I think my dad who's dead, is that weird? No, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, manager? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And dad, Neon He died in my comments every day's like RIP and what yeah, because your career is taking off because you're special Oh, that's what it probably is actually it's probably people making jokes that you're gonna leave them Yeah, oh, I deleted all of them and I left all the ones that said I'm fat and ugly and I kept and I deleted all the ones that He instead and between that did you check if Ian was alive currently? He is okay? He never stops texting me so it's It's cool to delete the ones that say you fat ugly. Do you not delete?

I mean you do a pussy do okay? No, I didn't delete them because there is a part of me I just leave them do say whatever. Yeah, do you guys leave all the bad comments? I don't even look at them. So yeah, I don't even see them. I look at them. I do my stuff. Worse should I've ever seen? I'm like, LOL. Maybe. I'm like, you're right.

I'm always like, I didn't want to say something bad about me. I'm always like, probably. Dude, I, somebody said something bad about me and I wrote, fuck you. Something trying to be funny back. Then somebody was like, dude, sensitive, comedian. I'm like, I'm trying to be with you guys. I'm actually fucking assholes. Yeah. I'm like, I hate this woman. Nobody hates this woman, but I hate her. And I was like, I'm trying to be with you guys. That's your fucking assholes. Yeah, I'm like, I hate this woman.

Nobody hates this woman, but I hate her. And I was like, I wrote back, no, I actually hate her as well. I'm deeply. Yeah, they don't understand that we hate ourselves more than they could ever hate us. It looks like we don't. I mean, everything they say, I've said to myself,

naked crying in a shower. Yeah, everything they say about my body, I'm like, how do you know specifically the thing that I say when I'm bashing my head through the mirror, it's crazy. Yeah. What, where did you grow up again? I think I'll go up to New York.

Yeah. Okay. We were talking about three days. I've been about, three hours, four or four and a half, four and a half, five. Deep. Five? Yeah, let's take,

what I, what, you, I live in Westchester. How far? It's only 20 minutes. Oh, you're right. I would do more. A Connecticut kid who's like, well, give me 500 bucks. It's right around the corner. It's 6,000 years.

I would do black ski trip shows, which sounds like an oxymoron can't happen. What? Black ski trip shows. But it was really just, they go away to go fuck and dance and have a comedy show that they were promised, like like Def Jam comics and it would be me rolling in. It would be Binghamton and Ithic and Two Nights. I'd feel good.

Bood and people shitting on me and taking me off stage early and everything and then it'd give me $700 and I'd go sit in a room while you just hear black hotel partying happening around you. I went with Kevin Hart one time. He just kept coming in the room to get new condoms. Sort of got, I was just sitting there watching, I was even watching like TV in my hotel room. He's like, sorry man, you just come in.

Why didn't he just grab a handful? Cause he's little. He just wanna let him know that he's really. He was, I need another one, that's what. Yo, yo, take that, I can't do another one. He's like, they suckin' dickin' 307 and he just pop back out of the room. I'm really cute imagining him just watching movie

with a girl in every few minutes. We like I'll be right back and he's going. Yeah, he's doing something sweet. He goes, I need another one. This girl, I think she's swallowing them or something. Yeah, they're just making an art project out of it. No, he just, he just need to keep tying them together to make it fit. Op three, I'm going to work.

Jay one more. Jake, you come put something on the top, top. I can't reach it with my little arms. Jake can you go out the plastic so it's stay together? Keep with the last one on the tip because I can't it's hard and I can't get it. Um. Um. Abbe's just him doing up these over and over.

Abbe's. Did your father in your life at all? Did he talk? Oh he was. Totally. We were talking before you came in about. Prom and some high school memories. Did you go to prom? Yeah, I crashed our prom we crashed our we crashed I went to like a hippie school. That was a public school that didn't get any funding in the school

They all hated it because it was like we didn't learn anything We just like chase pigs around and then um agricultural schools. I was my mom my mom went to that Oh bad kids, but that's like a weird chasing pigs My mom went to that. Oh bad kids, but that's like a weird chasing things. I bless you. I love you so much. Um, we went. Okay. So it was basically like my mom's rugby buddies teaching at a school, hippies, democratic. If somebody if a role was passed, we had to vote on it. You know what I mean? And then the, the, what's the head of a school principal? God, I was going to say dentist. The principal. Oh, it is that too. Yeah, the dentist. The school dentist.

The principal was like Gandalf. Yeah, and then we crashed. I drove everybody in my tiny little Saturn, and we all piled in, and we went to the guy's school, and we all crashed it, but I just, like, because we're hippies, so we had like hippie outfits on. We all did like, So it was like the warriors, the thin Lizzie showed up.

Yeah, totally. Were they happy to have you there? No, they were like grinding. And we were like, boom, my 90, you know. Cult showed up, would you be happy? Yeah, that's what we were called, yeah. A culture of the bad kids who chased pigs around and showed up.

Oh, seven, three pigs coming to the dance, sip in the punch. Yeah. So you didn't go with the date or you did? I did, yes. Chris, Chris is last name is another name and great Man lost my virginity to him best best person to lose your virginity to light small penis big penis Unfortunately, which really set a bad bar for the rest of us. I was gonna say best one probably a tapered penis

No, I have had sex with those and there's a problem because I was in the start of the first time Oh for the first time. Yeah, first time a tapered one the first time, yeah. For the first time, a tapered one's probably much better than the blunt force trauma of a thick mushroom-headed cock. Yeah. But anal tapered penis is good. Yeah, but you need to be like, don't even consider for a second thinking that we're going to make it all the way to the base. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have basically just bring a little bit of a a sharpie marker. We went here, like a book marker. Yes, yes, let's try to make this part next time. I'm going to see if I get to the next time. See if I get to the fourth ring Yeah, I get the fourth ring you propose motherfucker. It's like one of those things that you measure your finger to get a ring Yeah, yeah, it's just a shim

But yeah, crash the problem you guys go to prom. Yeah, we were talking about that I went to prom with my a girl my girlfriend who was older than me that graduated. Nice. And then we went camping for a week in the white mounds. Wow, weren't having you been with your wife since you were four? No. Oh, sorry. I met her at waiting tables when I started doing comedy. Probably lost a virginity at eight years old.

She's got like richer prior like stories, it's crazy. Really? Well, yeah, I saw you in that documentary recently and you looked like a little slayer. What documentary? Steve Burns. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you looked like a little slayer. What documentary? Steve Burns. Oh yeah, yeah. And you had like the little gooty. Puerto Rican Bobby.

Puerto Rican Bobby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Puerto Rican Bobby. Those right after sexy Bob. Those right after sexy Bob, those Puerto Rican Bob. And then fat Bob. You have to do another special. Killbox, you were fat, right?

It's almost, I can't even look at the footage. I know, that's how I feel. I got so fat for my half hour because I I was like I'm done starving myself I'm just gonna eat everything I want to eat and I'm gonna work out my legs a lot And I'm just gonna get really strong. So I just have these beef or pony legs And then I recorded it because I bulk up before I'm nervous for something and then afterwards I just didn't like oh I never have to eat again look like a minotaur. Yeah, I look like a damn Yeah, one of those old goat boys. It's crazy. So the picture they use in the thumbnails great. Okay, cool. Thank you. I think you look great. Thank you

You look good a lot of people said I was big fat fatty Really? It's delicious. I know this is finally take things in people like you're a big guy. I'm like Yeah, what you are I'm like I know I know what you mean though. I hate playing poker when they go you're a little blind and you a big guy. I'm like, ugh. Like what you are, I'm like, I know, I know what you mean, though. I hate playing poker when they go, you're a little blind and you're big blind, and I'm like, stop it.

Yeah, they say, dude, you look so much better. I'm like, thanks. Yeah, that was. It was actually getting hard to look at you before. And now I can stand it longer. That's how I feel when people say, you look good for your age. I feel like they're being like, you look good.

You're still dying sooner than I thought. But you don't admit me. Yeah, you look different than when I thought you looked good, but you look good for your age. I feel like they're being like, you look good, you're still dying sooner than I thought. But you don't have me. Yeah, you look different than when I thought you looked good, but you look good now for something. For the qualifier. Yes, yes. Compliments always suck. Yeah, good compliment.

And even if it is good, that's when you're like, like if somebody's like, hey, I'm really proud of you and I think you've been making incredible strides, I'm like, I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fight you right now. Don't ever say this shit to me. Yeah, if you're more handsome than Kirk of Bane now.

Like now. Yeah, now that he's dead, under good care. He's pretty gross now. People say to me this shit to me. You're more handsome than Kirk of Bane now. Like now. Now that he's dead. Yeah, no, he's pretty gross now. People say to me, now, do we were worried about you? I mean, you fucking, you never said a thing. Yeah. Like people, that means you guys are talking about me behind my back that I was going to die.

Nonstop. And, and you never said anything. Not a word. No. Didn't think it was my place. I left that. People call you fat a lot. People call me fat, yeah. Yeah. That's just all that's that's joshin and then but it does inside her. They say it and you go home and eat alone. It's just endless cycle of the thing that's up.

No, it hurts people when they call you fat as a comic it's like okay, it's funny but when they actually come to you serious. That's that's not like and they're like hey man, one you know, seriously. And none of us took the time. No, you got none of you cared about me. Should we do that for love, do you think? Is he dangerous fat? I don't think he's dangerous, but he was very thin and now he's a big boy.

Who's this? I think Lev said, actually he's naturally a bigger guy. He's like, he got like down to look a certain way for a while and I think, like yeah, he's hand very handsome. He's still a handsome guy. He's very handsome. He's like beautiful. Jay Context.

Lev Ferr. It's gorgeous fat comic. Thank you. Man, there are people that are tuning in right now that don't know what the fuck we're talking about. But he looked him up. Yeah, he was stunning. He's a good looking guy.

He is. He's a good looking big guy though. He's one of those guys who you can see him. And you're like, I can picture his. I actually thought, when you get fat, you're delusional. You don't know, like when I was that big in that special, I actually thought it was all right looking. Yeah.

Like I thought, like I remember like, I thought girls liked me or I had some swagger or some shit. I was a tub of shit in my special and I had no idea. I need to see it again. I feel like you weren't that fat. Oh bring it up. I've, I've, I've've been I sit down I sit down everything which is the nightmare You just know when you look over and you see the cameras over there. You're like we're cutting all that Yeah, like that's not gonna be the thing because I know cuz I also know I'm like sitting like this cuz I'm just like chillin on stage

Look at look at oh Bobby. All right relax. I mean come on now Did that today? I mean we just had. Bobby, how far back were your eyes? Or how far forward were your cheeks? That looks like I ate me. That's gas station, Calzone Bob. Yeah. Dude, that is, that's me. That's wow, wow, fucking.

Nothing wrong, wow, wow. 40 pounds of meat, and three and a more. We'll never forget when we were, I mean, that jacket, that jacket right there. I mean, it's a blanket. It's, I have to throw it out jacket right there. I mean, it's a blanket. It's, I have to throw it out.

It's, I mean, it's so fucking big right now. I can't believe it. I couldn't button that. Isn't that, isn't that crazy? And my whole concept, this is how delusional I am. I was trying to recreate kind of in a, like a little tiny, you know, a little salute to Elvis's 68 comeback special.

Sure it was, for sure, the same size. I mean, that's the end of his life special. Yeah, for sure. That's actually that's Elvis dead on a toilet Yeah, that's a fucking punch up dot live baby Punch up dot live fucking great. Oh, is it great? Okay, that's right here, but I just don't understand anything. Yeah That jacket's fucking look at this look at my fucking face. I'm sweating, it's like five minutes into my set and I'm already wet. You're just very spanky looking. Why do you have no facial hair or anything?

I should have grew something, right? Just to have some type of definition to that round egg I had. Yeah. I mean, it's terrible. That's a V-neck too. It's a V-neck. It says less funny, less fat. Just for your next one.

This isn't going to be a good one. Yeah, yeah, it goes like this. Please look at my body. I feel a little bit better. So I don't have tons of joke right time I should redo this special as this yeah, just exactly the same set. Yeah kill box and call it just going to live a little longer box Black glue what the fuck are you eating over there? Who is that guy? That's black? Blue that's black. Blue. Why is he over there? He's working from home right now. Is he working from home? Is he usually in here? Yep.

Have I met him? Yep. Probably. No, no, no, no. Last time he came in, he was not here. Couldn't people hear him? Yep. But I can't, because I haven't put them in.

Nope. You haven't put them in front of my sister. You're really rich, boss. What are you eating over there? My wife just bought me burger and fries. She just made this. Made it. What the fuck?

I need it. You know, I was thinking, you do that thing really like I like being alone. And the other day I saw this dresser that was perfect. I wanted it. And I wrapped my arms around it to take it home. It was one block. And it was just like, there's no way I need a spouse. This is what spouses do. Burgers and fries carry the dresser. And I don't take a chair, right? I mean, draw right. You need a spouse to purchase you a dresser and not make you walk home with one off the street in the middle of the way.

It was nice, I like all things. I like to remake them. What do you want to take the dresser off the street and then fill it with lanternflies? Yeah, just paint something with it. Paint it seven different colors and then sand it down. So all the colors all back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

Do it in a pretty girl who owns a welding mask. I don't know, It's really cute. I used to do that one. Actually, I don't want to see it. When I live in Billy Burr, he used to get mad at me because I would always take trash from the streets back to the apartment. I brought a couch home one day.

He's like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, the couch is bad. It was a pullout. It was one of those, but it was like a couch that folded out into a bed. Like a futon? No, no, like an actual couch belly. It was a very comfortable heavy. Yeah. And I brought home a stair master one day. That'son. No, no like an actual couch belly. They're comfortable heavy. Yeah, and I brought home a

Stairmaster one day. That's good. No, it was it was just the feet one So you just I would just sit there in my pull-away Sweep hands and while he's watching TV and I just sit there my legs go up and down and it was really It was noise There's noise. I bet. Skik, skik, skik, skik, skik, skik. Fuck that right the hell. That's kind of good though. I'm about to move in on my own.

They get some hobo shit in there. I just pulled the dresser off this. It's just completely broken. I had to take it apart, put it all back together, cobble it for no reason. You're a cobbler? Yes, she really. She was in love with me.

You've never seen a female cobbler before? I haven't. Jacob doesn't think he can use this. When Kerr Metzger first, he moved up here, maybe like six months before I did to New York and he lived in a warehouse that got converted to like loft spaces. I love those. With not when you live like four other people. So he's just them and a bunch of hipsters and Kurt and his girlfriend.

And they would be like, you know, if you're here late sometimes, if you wanna stay, like you could stay here now, which was a cool like, oh nice, Williamsburg. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, that's so great. Like to not have to drive back to New York every time. I stayed at this placement time and he goes, good news too, now we have like furniture, we got furniture, and then I slept on it,

went back to Philly the next day, and I mean, covered in like red dots and shit like all over me itching and stuff and I was like bed bugs what it wasn't bed bugs I go what the fuck it goes going on he goes and then he called me like two days later and he goes dude he goes I don't know what happens we we trash picked that couch and it turns out it has fleas fleas better than bed bugs I got bed bugs like six months back and it was it it has fleas. Fleas. That's better than bedbugs. I got bedbugs like six months back and it was. It sucks. You got bedbugs tonight, Mayor.

In your apartment? From? From trash. No, I won't say. From a specific comic festival. Moon Tower. Yeah. Really?

Yeah, really fucking break easy, don't you? Yeah. Well you guessed so fast. Yeah, I got one bug. I picked up my own tower. I picked up, I picked up like one bug. That's a fancy hotel The one in Austin we're in different hotels probably the tiny room the whole thing the Tom yes, there were two I was in the winky and you were in the good boy. Oh, it was in the

Tommy is the maybe you get off and like you feel bad when you're with comics and like You're going to the Thompson and they're going to the Tommy. Oh With you when you were like, bye The red carpet and Yes, yes It's pretty funny. I was a Josh Adam Myers. I would have that happen. I'm like all right. Well Love you buddy. See you later. See I have to go to this side of the hotel He should get the biggest room He does that show and that was my first time doing it and I have never felt more alive. Oh, yeah

Don't tell him that though. He's he's he's he's plenty confident. Yeah, he has enough I was so mean to him before I did that show You know what I mean? Yeah, it is a great. He's blasting down at the seller You know he's downstairs blasting your upstairs in the fat black bar just being like They're having fun down there, but it's also also just the music. Please try and focus on my jokes. Stay with my boys. Are you coming to skank fest? Yes So yeah, the last night of skank fest comedy jam is always like that's the best yeah, skank fest It was so fun last year was so good. Oh, yeah, you're there. It's a very in-right Bobby I'm there. I'm every day right? Yeah, I think I'm every day Christine. Yeah, she's got me to it

I mean you're staying you guys stay with that last Christine just add shit to like obviously like you're you have a show at midnight what I don't but you're staying for the last screaming oh I want to do that can I go we have the what's his name Tony Balte Gore me and Zach Amigo or he's doing a anthology horror movie and he's putting all the comics in it. Tony Polt's core. And he's great. And we me and Zach are in one of the episodes, or part of the movie.

And they're showing it at the Scankfest. And we're going to do, do we do a Q&A after, right? Yeah, I was great. Do I have shows? You do have shows. Okay, we're doing B&E in Wichordan. Yeah, very exciting. And then a bunch of stand-up spots.

That's a fun show. Yeah, we're going to have a fun show. The schedule's out on the site now, but we're going being Ian with Jordan. Yeah, very exciting. And then a bunch of stand-up spots. That's fun, shall we? Yeah, we're doing this. The schedules are on the site now, but we're gonna send all the comics. We'll send all you guys all your stuff tomorrow. A lot of people commenting how this special, the comments that I'm not reading, so it'll be me and me.

They're saying, Sawio, it's Gangfest, so watch this special. Oh, awesome. I heard your specials killing it. Is it? Who told you that? Me, Jay. Is it?

Well, how do you know? What's a good amount for one day for the God that's that's my My yes five people five people I'm saying that's impossible. I think you're I think you're Like trending like the number growth is like the highest of all and so far hell yeah, and like the speed I'm saying I just like other people's been out for like a month though. You know, so like yeah, it's doing great Thank you. I think you were close to like a hundred thousand views on their day.

That's crazy. Is that good? Yeah, you know that's good. I don't know that's good. That's all I know. I don't know. It's like if somebody's like, I have a million dollars, I'm like, you're a billion. I did good.

I did good numbers on my and I was I didn't think that because I was like watching Aries. Yeah. So I was like, we get like six and a half million and you're like, oh, I'm not doing any more near that, but it was great. So it's like you have to keep in perspective. Yeah, it's like asking Shane how much you make some Patreon.

Don't do that. Don't do that. You don't really need to ask that boy, it gives it up. What? You don't need to ask and he gives it up. You walk up to him and he's like, how's it going? He's like, this much money. You're like, all right.

It's my nothing. It's fucking, it's my numbing. What's going on with this much? I would do six months in quick to business. That's plenty. That's a nice. Who needs more than that? Well, what is he, he just lives like above comics too.

He's not trying to do anything. I'm trying to buy land. You want land? I want a land in like, Sogirties. I just stayed at the Luminiers. Where? Sogirties in New York, upstate.

Okay. But by land, build a Yurt on it. I just look, it's so easy to build a Yurt. I'm like, a Yurt five minutes, yeah. You want a Yurt? Yeah. You have a tiny home, don't you dare. I'm not, I'm, I almost stayed at a Yurt.

They have a Yurt place where I, I'm near where I live. They have a Yurt hotel. I want, yes, look at that. I could build that so easy. This is pussy shit. Well, you two ranged dwellers can come visit me with my plumbing in the house. I have plumbing.

I have plumbing. I have a shower, I have everything. I have a TV, Jay. Your showers also your kitchen sink, Bobby. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, I actually, I would love a year, but you gotta, you gotta really take care of that. Why?

Because the winter and the outside gets moldy and fucked up and moldy. Yeah. Why? Because you're out in the woods and the rain and the winter and you get a house is get rain winter. Yeah, but houses have treated paint and stuff on them. Well, I'll do it. I'm a carpenter. I'll get my I'll get I'll make it good I'm gonna make it easy. And the easy chanson you know the oh the top is open It's not it doesn't have to be okay. I mean, but it can be it's not a wig wand. I guess you're making some other kind of yurt then Someone's new to the yurt world. Yeah, you're making a year with two cheese Wait, what do you mean open your glam? You're doing look at the whole the top. That's not a hole. That's a glass

No, isn't that so something like like native America? Isn't that like the native spirits can go out the hole? Yeah, that's so the the piece pipes No, I think we go on a wigwam wigwam is like a thing to say that we don't say that here I'm really sorry You're really hanging by your tits meat by chains Make you find your Started a cult again. You want to go back you. You're just trying to start a cult again. You want to go back?

You're going to start a. My mom's a cult leader. She's so mean about the special. She's so mean. She has no idea. She's like, it's not your best work, but it's pretty good. Not even pretty good would actually be so nice. She's like, it's not your best work, but you should be proud of yourself.

It takes balls to put something out. My wife never watched mine. Yeah, why are the people close to us the meanest? Because that's the way life works. The people that are close to you are the meanest. Just on your condition a lot, just lie. You just be like, it was great. You're the best. We're not going to do investigation and see if you're lying. Just tell you what I need to hear. Absolutely never. Yes. Although if you say it's okay, then that's when the investigation begins. I'm like, what didn't you like about

It's come on since my mom says we have funnier and David tell I go shut up you crazy bitch But I smile you go thank you though. I need you to me my mom always goes that's great Hey, when is Dennis Leary coming back? He's great fuck off I'm on those edits. I used that I gave you a pretty good right and I'm like yeah, but was I good and she's like Yeah, you have see you do better. And she's like that. I don't, I feel bad for Down syndrome people in your sister. That's what she said in the chat. I'm gonna go to a fucking bar with your mom.

She sounds awesome. My mom's super supportive, but she doesn't listen to the bonfire or any of my stuff like that at all. She watches the specials, but she doesn't listen to the show. My mom doesn't listen to anything. She still wants me to be a hairdresser in Boston. Oh, there's still time. That's her dream for me to come back, open up a shop with her and cut old ladies hair. You'd be good at it. You never

get high on your own supply, dude. You don't need it. It's not like you're in there just trying to get yourself free cuts. You're doing a damn thing. So how much land do you want to get? Like 50 acres, 100 acres. You want to get 10. I just I have money and I don't believe in stocks, and I just want to put it in something that will accrue. I just bought land, another piece of land up in the hamster. We were very underneath your yurt. I just bought another acre and a half.

Yeah, land is good. Land is a good amount of land. I'm a free of judge, it's for a fuck cut. So. Are you making a fuck cut? Yeah, it's in the works. We're working up the details right now. Me and you make a cold plunge and a hot room. Yeah, we have that you fuck get hot and then you go outside

Yes, I'm the winter. Yeah, in the winter. I'm a stream Get hot then fuck then go outside. No, no, no fuck. No fuck to get hot. Yeah, fuck to get hot Yeah, land is good because when you buy land the only thing you have to do to make money on is just time Strike oil just problem is that if there's no down payments like I was like okay if I want 200,000 Dollars worth of land I can put down a down payment my mom was like no you it's not a downp it You have to buy all of it because you're not like they're not leveraging a house. I don't know if that's true You can't lease land, but you could take a loan out to buy land. I bought I bought my I bought two things to land. I bought two and a half acres and I bought an acre and a half.

And what's your tiny house on? On my two and a half acres. You can get a loan. Okay, so I'm going to start with that. You can get a loan. I'm going to do 10. No, do 10. No, do 10.

Okay. Don't fuck around. Do 10. But I want to just buy it outright. I don't want it. Yeah. Buy 10. You love land so much. Buy all 10. You don't Yeah, buy 10. You love land so much by all 10. You don't have a little one.

You don't want to buy land. You love it so much. Why don't you buy 11 and marry that one? I want to buy like 60 acres. Yeah, like in Maine. Damn, what a pissing contest. What's it becoming? Just guys, I want to buy 150 acres.

Well, I'm going to buy all that of, I'm going to buy it all in New York. I just bought an island in the Caribbean and I'm gonna go live on it with a small person that looks like me. Just don't you fancy island? Do you uh, does Johnny Depp still own the island or is that just? I think he's so good. It turns out it's turning that owning an island isn't as bad as as you thought it was. You're just buying like something that would be a floating rock and you're willing to do construction on it. And water will encroach.

It's like, we're owning a boat. I'm not a big fan of this. But I'm saying when you look at the thing where it's like Richard, what's the Branson's like crazy place out there? It's like the island is your house. It's like so small. Like you have to take a shit outside.

It's like outdoor bathroom. So it's take a shit outside. It's like outdoor bathroom. The island belongs to JK Rawlings. Now she purchased it for $75 million. That's a lot of money to pay to get away from trans people. I hear you JK. She filled it with trans people and she kills them. She sacrifices trans people. I feel like killing a trans today. I don't feel like writing children's wizardry. Hey, she, come here. Yeah. Hey, she. Yeah.

Please miss it's them. She, get over here. Yes, she hires exclusively trans people to be her staff and call and miss genders every one of them. Forced to escape painful Johnny Depp. So Johnny Depp sold it to her for $72 million, but you see what I mean though, it's just like,

it's not bad for an island. I thought it'd be more money. Yes, it's not bad. I didn't think it'd be more money because it's what I'm saying. It's not like, look at it. It's just like, it's not big.

It's enough for like a house and a thing. It's probably will be swallowed by the ocean at one point. What about waves? Yeah. What a great career. It's made the best books, trash a whole new wave of, you know, a wokeness and then just live on an island, that rips.

But if you live in island, it kind of sucks because it's just you. Like, imagine you own an island and you and Christine just went away and it's just you guys. It's part of going to like a tropical places, there's things to do. you hear that stupid bus go by with a bunch of drunk people. Yeah, actually you're gonna turn that, eventually you're gonna have to just start

fucking children on that island. I think if Epstein taught us anything, you won't on a private island long enough, eventually you get to fuck some kids there, or murder your family. It's one of those two, damn, Johnny Depp. I feel sad about seeing him age. I did it about Pam Anderson.

I don't know why it hits me the same way. I'm like, you were both the picture of gorgeous. I think you were strangely. Because it's all happening at once. Yeah, he's falling off. That's what happens to really good looking men. Huh? That if I'm in a hard, they fall off.

He's live very hard, but I'm just saying, but also just look at that. He lived hard and looked great though forever. It's just, it's the one day it just hit it once. Yeah, that happens to all those guys who look like that. He was if you go back girl looking they have that that feminine gorgeous guy thing. It when it falls off it goes quick. Go back six years ago.

He's still pretty gorgeous. I think he's just putting on weight from if he just lost weight, he'd be fine. But his weight is just becomes a cube head. You see what I mean there you go like the middle pictures there. It's like it's fine still. You know, he's like an older guy, but he weight just becomes a cube head. You see what I mean there you go, like the middle pictures there. It's like, it's fine still. You know, he's an older guy, but he's still a good looking guy. And now it's like, it's just heft, I think. Because if you want to look like a woman forever,

imagine if what's the lead singer, Verosmith. Stephen Tyler. Stephen Tyler gained weight. That'd be insane. Yeah, he'd never fit into those fucking pants though. Yes. He was gorgeous though. I heard Marilyn Manson got a trainer and stopped in his sober if he can get back together

What is it does it take us contacts out looking normal? Sometimes you I think he does take the content but maybe I'll start doing it again because this problem is you got fat And it all looks stupid when you're like yeah, not that slithering like kind of like snake anymore And now you're like a fat lumbering idiot You know it's not rockets on your own chin. Your fingers aren't scary anymore. The fat little sausages. It's him walking on those big boots.

Look so when you're fat, it looks like clunky in them. Do you have a Marilyn Manson? 23 picture. We'll get it. Oh yeah, you're gonna break my shit. We do have to break. I just want to see picture of fat Marilyn. Hopefully 10 million.

It's one of the fat ones are brutal by really lost again. No, the doubt is the other one go back. Come on. That looks like the cage and you know, I think for sure back go back. Go back. No, yeah, it was it was underneath that. Go down right there. See that one. Second row. Oh, yeah.

No, I know. I'm not Smith. There. No way. He was so? Second row. Third. Oh yeah. That's just starting looking like Robert Smith there. No way. Is that real? He was so cool. God damn it. Anyway, we'll be right back everybody. Jordan Jensen's half hour special 30 minutes with Jordan Jensen presented by guest digital streaming right now on YouTube. Bobby Callie's kill box now streaming on punch up live. Go to Robert Kelly live for all of his dates this weekend, everybody. Brotherford, New Jersey on Saturday, the 23rd. I'll be at Healian Indianapolis this weekend.

That's Thursday through Saturday. BigJayCombie.com. Get tickets now. If there's any left, low ticket warning, maybe. Who knows? It's low. It's probably low ticket warning. We'll be right back to the bonfire.

Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomb fire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo bigjcombie.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our stand-up dates. Coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo