The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Zion Party (feat. Shane Gillis pt 2)

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

Shane gives a glimpse of what it's like to host SNL and Bobby ponders sports without running for his son.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriesxm.com.com for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Shane, you keep your finger on the pulse with these kids. All we know is red rum. That's got to be, not to keep going back to it, but I said those moments too was like I

thought about before I saw you do it, it's like, ladies and gentlemen, 21's like the things and also the, what's the line? It's always the same every time like any ways we have a great show. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that thankfully I had guards for that So and so is here. I couldn't do anything. And what do you say? We'll be right back. Yeah, something like that But that's so weird. It's just like that. They put you in cool outfits the whole time like I couldn't wear the same outfit twice Oh I put you in cool outfits the whole time. Like I couldn't wear the same outfit twice. So when I introduced them, they put on like a jacket. Yeah. They kept putting me in cool outfits and I was like, please stop.

Do you get to keep your outfits? Do you get to keep your cool outfits? Yeah, look at this sports illustrated jacket. Yeah, what? Yeah. That's my favorite one, your promos. That's so cool. Yeah, well that was another one.

They kept the promo photos. They tried to make you do cool stuff. But your promo photo, usually it's, yeah dude, I was like, what the fuck was that? The first photo? Oh, the first one was rough. The first one was a rough photo. Dude, because you have to answer to people

if you have one flipping a call and looking sideways. Dude, there's somewhere they had me sitting in a fancy chair. Yeah, but usually the first. For real like this. I don't give a fuck. I was like, I can't do like. Yeah, but usually the. For real like this. Like I don't give a fuck. Like I was like I can't do this. I'm not doing this.

But the first photo they had all these awesome like videos of the cast and they usually go to like some amazing photo shot. Yeah. And then it was just you like on an iPhone. They took a picture. The one when I walked in. No the first photo when they say and Shane goes.

Oh yeah that works out. It was like you running for like locals, like a local seat on a board Just giving you a thumbs up and it was funny is that was the one Lauren love like he was I think he likes that He wants me to be like a nice a nice boy, right? That first picture they showed he was like, wait, why can't you wear that for the monologue? You look nice Rip and Franklin was nice Sick that was great. That's the one

That's a nice sweet boy from Thanksgiving. What a sweet boy. That was close That was right during the fucking put your hand back What was the first one when you came out rather than when they announced that oh? No, no, no, the announced one. Oh, I because you have to like, no. Literally the announced. The announced one. Oh, because you have to like walk and it's like a slow-mo thing of you walking. I literally just walked in and went. Yeah. Yeah, it was, that's great.

I love the way you crank the ones. Those are kind of funny. They sucked to do, but like we see. It's so embarrassing to do. Do you get any of those? That one's actually sick. Yeah. Did they give you anything?

Any gifts? Yeah, they give you a bunch of stuff. I didn't really look at it yet. You don't even give a shit about it? Oh, look it, yeah. But it's for like famous people. It's like fucking face cream and shit. Is it Kenan's? Yeah, I don't know if you can tell by my skin. I don't use anything. Is it Kenan's homemade toothpaste? Is it going weird? Things like that? Kenan is, he gets, he at least got me, he got, he always gets whoever is the host a gift. Oh really like on behalf of the cast what'd he give you give me a bunch of cheese steaks It was nice. Let's go my green room was funny. It was like 15 cheese steaks and a case of Bud Light

You're gonna burp in your monologue Anyway, where we we at here? I thought this would go better. How long does it take in between? Because there's the tape ones. As soon as you do a live sketch, you go and change. The show must go by. There's a lady there that runs you around.

Literally holds your hand and you have to run around. Nice. Did you feel a bomb with her? Very embarrassing. I felt very embarrassed. No, yeah, she was awesome. She was really nice. The show must go by fast. It goes real fast, but the wardrobe is the most uncomfortable thing.

We talked about it a little, it's so uncomfortable. They pull you under the bleachers there, and there's like a tiny makeshift dressing room. Like closet. It's like cloth, basically. And every, there's three people, there's one person doing your wig, makeup, they rip your fucking clothes off you, everything.

Like Madonna. Like Madonna? Just to my underwear. It's so bad. You gonna take your shirt off? Yeah. Oh fuck. Constantly.

I wouldn't do it. Damn. Were you trying, was a part of you trying to get a little hard? No, I was. You can show a little. Pure adrenaline mode, the tiniest penis possible. That's all I would have thought about though.

I would have knocked my thighs together and tried to get something moving. Yeah, during the sketch before. Just something, yeah, I guess, come on, guys. I think my character should jack off in this. Guys, I'd like to make a creative choice. I'm gonna get a semi at the end of every sketch. It's gonna be hilarious.

Acting is reacting, and I'd like to react with a hard penis right now. Yeah, that was the most embarrassing part. Was getting naked. The wardrobe, yeah. Yeah, I bet. The wardrobe on anything you ever book sucks. Because they try to put you on stuff that looks good,

but it doesn't feel good. Yeah, and they're used to people that wear clothes. Yeah, wear regular size clothes. Yeah, well, no, not just that, but just like, they're like, this jacket's awesome. You that wear clothes. Yeah, regular size clothes. Yeah, well no, not just that, but just like, they're like, this jacket's awesome, you should wear it. It's like, no. I don't wanna wear anything cool. Yeah.

Do you feel bummed out that you weren't there so Pete Davis can fall in love with you? That would have been nice. Just hit one of his next con- No, he was there, we were texting. One of his next con quests. Pete was being very supportive. It was really nice. Who helped you out the most on this?

Well, McKeever was with me the whole time. No, but advice, who helped you? Did anybody call you up? I talked to Nate, I talked to Louie. Sam Jay really helped a lot. Sam Jay came in for one of the days to be, because we were at the cellar together and she was like, you gotta do this, you gotta do to do that and I was like I can't do any of that

I'm not telling them what I want She's like all right. I'm coming in tomorrow. I'll do it. Oh really? So Sam came in and helped a lot with like the sketches. Did she not work there anymore? No, not at all No, she doesn't work there. Oh, wow. She just came in to be like, yeah, he hates that sketch No, I thought it was good. It's fine. I don't mean anything by it. No, Sam's awesome.

She helped me out a lot on that. Me and McKeev are awesome right now. Yeah, I say everyone's awesome. Everybody's awesome? You got to go to Chappelle's? You got to do the farm? Yeah. I was supposed to this week, actually.

This week, really? I can't. Well, you got the Radio City. Are you going to go like during the week? I was going to go next week, but was supposed to this week actually but this week really I can't yeah well you got the radio city Yeah, are you gonna go like during the week? I was gonna go next week, but I have to I'm doing Chicago Is it functioning the club? It's like a full function club. All right. Yeah a delve in the stands out there I think yeah, like how can work on I wonder what it's like at all just don't know wrongs just garden the door To Ashley have you two Ashley Larry statues outside guarding. That'd be great.

That would actually be sick. Hell yeah. You watched it. It's gonna suck if you're at Chappelle's and he comes in. Yeah, I'm gonna go on for a minute. Oh, shit. Did you watch the Corey Holcomb? Did we watch that?

The Corey Holcomb and Dino Rawlings fighting? I watched it. It was pretty fucking. That sucked. It was pretty wild Yeah, just yelling at each other well the cat Williams has stoked up the black comedy community Yes, they're going at it hard. We need a hockey cat Williams Well, they always do say they go you don't see the white dudes go each other like this

But of course they do it's just like pot. It's more podcast wars than like calling each other on stage They do it's just like pot. It's more podcast wars than like calling each other out on stage because she followed the thing with a D Ray Davis. That really wasn't a thing either, but like just debating. I forget what they were debating. Well, he was sticking up for cat and and she fell was like, nah, you can't. We can't do that. That's bullshit. You can't be fucking with each other like that. And for sure you can.

I think you can. I mean, he did it. Who did it? Cat. Oh, for sure. He did it. Oh, he went for it hard.

I felt bad. The Monique tried to do it though a couple of weeks later and it didn't. Same way. No, my, what was funny was 300 views. You have to be Cat Williams to do. No, but the thing was Monique undeniably the best. Yeah, but Monique did it. She came out and said a bunch of things, and people have to learn how to treat people right,

because this person did bad to me, and this person treated me wrong, and Kevin Hart wouldn't return my calls. And then her son put out a video the next day, he goes, let me tell you about my mom. She sucks. She's never been around. She says the terrible things.

She's never been there for, right? Like, would you watch all that? Yeah, he like, went to work on her. And then she went on stage and she was like, fuck that motherfucker, fuck a son. It didn't pan out for her, man. Well, that's what's kind of unfolding is he's weird. Corey Holcomb did one of his podcasts where he's talking

about his daughter is mad at him about something. He was like, fuck you, bitch. I'll make another motherfucker look just like you. I don't give a shit. No, it's a little late. Corey Holcomb is so damn funny. I'll replace you. But he just says, like, but that's the take.

He's like, my daughter is mad at me. My daughter was mad at me when she was 17, like once for like two weeks. And like, I'd go like it was a broken, like a girlfriend broke up with me. I'd go out to the house and be like, come on, you gotta talk to me, this is bullshit. You held a radio over your head.

I mean, has Max ever been mad at you? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. What do you do, you hit him? No, I don't hit, I don't, I don't. You scream right in his fucking face. I yell, I yell a couple times.

Yeah, you yell. He actually, he'll tell me to stop. He'll be like, dad, it's not that big of a deal. That's not how parents and children work. He does. He's like, I tried that every time, but he never worked. Straight away, I was like, hey, Phil, this isn't a fucking father's treat, son. Yeah, but he's absolutely right, because I'm yelling over something stupid.

Yeah, if a kid did it, it is stupid. No, not him. I was yelling at his mom. Oh, Jesus. He got made for yelling on his mom. She's a fucking ass She deserved it. She deserves it. Bobby you have such displaced energy. You're sitting with your arms folded You're so zin'd up right now. I'm hot and cold My arms are freezing but my torso is on fire right now What the fuck happened to me dude? My arms are freezing but my torso is on fire right now.

Have you, has anything happened with the, did you hear about the seller stuff? No. That was going on? It's a, well Bobby you know better than I do. Well they had a- I'm not welcome there. You are welcome there.

No I know I'm just- You're 100% welcome there. I just like to get you worked up. I know. But I- As he said, cause I said Free Palestine set myself on fire, she's angry at me. No, they had some other debate, you know, Noam does a little debates

and he had a, was it? They're great. Coleman Hughes and a couple people and they had some- On the podcast. On his, no, they had a show. It was a show, kind of like a debate and they had some soldiers from Israeli soldiers on,

and they were talking about it. Don't they need them right now? What are they doing here? They're making the rounds. I'm doing the late night rounds. They got a gig. Only a Jewish army would be like, well, you got to go to that gig. You got to promote it. Look, a gig's a gig. You got to promote this genocide. I guess. There's agents, there's lawyers to pay. And they had them down there and then somebody from the other side or whatever found out about it and made a video, you have to go down there and you have to confront these people and they did and they had a big protest out front. And then she went on and made another video that went viral, which was basically like

we need to attack them every day So every day since that happened they're in the comments They just and they just posted a clip of me and it's in the comments What did you say? I just did about that conflict. No, they did a comedy clip for me at the cellar but they go in the comments of all the clips and Oh, and a like free Palestine, okay, genocide and and they just take over the comments of all the clips and oh and a like free Palestine Okay, genocide and and they just take over the comments on your comments on anybody. That's hilarious I'm good. That's good. I love that

That's actually how I'm very excited that someone yeah, someone goes oh that reminds me so much of my wife for the next Come free Palestine. They're murdering everybody this so yeah for every day They're just like hundreds and hundreds of emails. So they went on the, the lady, no more people outside like that. She went on the website, found all the emails on the seller website and gave them out on the video, but she gave out, there was one for comedy classes. And she gave that email out, but that's just little gay, ripped chrome trying to, you know, help comics.

So he's getting thousands of emails every day. You're a piece of shit. Free Palestine. He's like, I'm a piano comic. I'm just trying to help. I was in urine town. When did this happen? This happened last week.

Oh, I didn't. Yeah. If you go to the cellars Instagram. And was there all these people outside the cellar? Outside the cellar. Yeah. They gathered outside. Damn, I would have went out there and gave him a Joe Clark speech from lean on me All right now settle down Is this Bobby's clip? Yeah

Let's see Just trying to show us that you got great It says the man fire oh my god never laughed so hard in my life Why did I not hear about this guy before? asking about the, it says the man fire. Oh my God. Never laughed so hard in my life. Why did I not hear about this guy before? No, really, right there, released the footage because there's, there's footage from the podcast that supposedly they didn't release or whatever. And they're like, really, it's all released, the footage, show the clip, all that shit. So they're all in there just fucking trash. You know, which one? Yeah. What's that one?

Say, yeah, release the footage. It's all that. What happened in a video of last Thursday's event with the Israeli soldiers? So they had the video of it and they usually posted on YouTube, but they didn't post it on YouTube. So now they want it up there because they want to go and attack it and see what the Israeli soldiers said, but no, didn't put it up. Well, I'll just tell you, Shane, I don't know if you caught this one also. I read this on skanks earlier, but it bears repeating Somebody messaged when the picture went out of me you Dave and Lewis. Yeah from skanks. Yeah a guy

Wrote and maybe you can answer this I talked to Dave and Lewis bad. We still don't seem to understand what this means He wrote I Wish y'all would grow a set and condemn the Zionist infiltration of comedy. That's true. You guys are hardcore, but not hard enough, I guess. Yeah. What is the Zionist? I asked on... Mr. Jakes. I thought it was the people who live in that place in the matrix,

where everyone's just dancing sweat. And that's what you call the people who live there. And I'm like, I don't... They're getting in the comedy now because they seem mostly like black dancers. I have no idea They really were a Zionist what other than me what is it? It's juice. It's juice. It's it's it's pro. Yeah, it's just say Jew That's what they're saying. They're calling you Jew without saying Jew. Come on, dude

These people are getting in a comedy. Why not This is the only time I subscribe to and I got the balls to handle these fucks That's pretty nice. Oh Yeah Jacob I had this you would have loved this conversation. I had all thoughts after seeing this scene I had this conversation too that I think you would have enjoyed The best move in Matrix, yeah, don't take the pill. Now that you know you're in the Matrix and you can

become like a flying ninja warrior, just live in the Matrix and be awesome. Yeah, that's like the major conflict of the movie. Yeah. I'd rather just go back and eat a steak. I don't want to be dirty on the Nebuchadnezzar, have to get plugged in. Cut shitty clothes. But it's not the thing for everybody though, cause some of them get to go back in. But to choose to be dancing in sheets in a hot cave versus now knowing that you can fly if you want to

and what people think is the real world, seems like it rules. Don't agents come get you if you come back in like that? Agents come and get you and kill you. Yeah. You're right. I don't want to have to fucking deal with an agent. If you, yeah, if you fuck with the Matrix while you're in there, I think the agents

come in. You don't have to fuck with it too much. You do one speed of light bank robbery and you sit on that the rest of your life. You don't need to be a superhero anymore. You bring the Sixers One championship. Okay. I dick around and I get the Sixers One yeah average 487 points a game did you it's funny. Did you was it a harder? I think I know the answer to this. I think I'm just fishing for Eagles compliments here

Harder to go here. We went to watch the it is football to watch the Eagles lose or harder to watch now What you would consider like a buddy lose. Yeah. Or no, yeah. I felt really, really bad for McCaffrey, yeah. Yeah. That sucked. That was a worse walking away feeling than the Eagles won.

No, the Eagles won. That sucked. That just fucking blew. They were up by fucking 10. God, that fucking blew. It blew. They just ruined that game. It was.

But it was hard to watch the Chiefs do the exact same, or the Niners do the same thing. I know and I know time you knew it was coming. But I will say I think both teams had this at one point. If your teams up if you're up at halftime, you get to enjoy the halftime show. We enjoyed Rihanna. Rihanna was working it. Yeah, if that song of those songs were playing and we were down 10 and like,

get off the stage stage you fat bitch. She's pregnant. Good. Whatever it is. Yeah. Oh, you're dancing for two now you pig. Jay. And that and the guy who gave me, the guy who knew Burt, it was Burt Shane and Normand.

Yeah. And he knew that and then we came down. He talked to them when we were in line at one point. He just didn't know who I was. And then he came back at one point, I've told you this, and he had three Bud Lights for Shane, Normand, and Bert. And he had a Mikkel-O-Bulture for himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Definitely for himself.

And he goes, he goes, guys, had to hook you up, man. And he gives them, and they're like, oh, thank you. And he just looks guys had to hook you up, man. And he gives him a number. Oh, thank you. And he just looks at me and realizes that I'm with him. And he goes, Oh, here, I guess. I was like, I'll take it. I just took it. I'm sure I don't care. Oh, what do you want a picture or something? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that's for the beer piece of shit. That's for the beer dickhead. No, that's super-well-hurt.

That eagle's one really hurt. Yeah, when you go, all the fun leading up to it is immediately gone. A whole week of the most fun possible. I know. I was a Patriots fan for, you know, we had a lot of wins. Yeah, you guys got to win. We got to win a lot.

And Bobby, you have the fanship. And Bobby, you have the fanship of a lady. So what you choose to do is when the team's not good, you disconnect from sports all together and then when their team's like when the team is like when the team's 15 and oh you jump on and start going I understand I understand being a casual fan like that like do you understand guy that can't name he can't name three so can I see me basketball I know the name of three Patriots players. I want to tell you something though. He doesn't understand that I was a sports fan my whole

life coming up in Boston Celtics Bruins Red Sox Patriots. I have five big you knew the team. I have five I have five uncles. You became a city. mean, I was, you know, all that shit. My whole life, and then when the Patriots lost to the Giants in that way, I remember I just was like, I'm out, I can't, it fucked me up so bad that I was so angry and I was, I remember we were in the room with my family and one of my little brother's friends just punched my mom's wall.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I looked around, we all had the same logo. I was like, am I in a cult? Like, and then I jumped in the car and I was so mad, I left before the game was over, because I knew it was over. And I just drove by myself.

And as I was driving, the road was empty. But then all of a sudden you just heard cars turning on. And I was like in a funeral procession Just a bunch of sad guys driving home from some party. Yeah in traffic. Just with that sports That's the community. I was like I hear you though. I always think to myself. I'm like, I'm done I'm not at Notre Dame football. I'm like, I'm not I don't even care this year. Yeah, and then I punch Yeah, I've been happens In off seasons of ever, of six years in the Eagles, that's the two that I give a shit about in the post or the before

the season of every year, like the off season, I'm just almost like, why do I give a shit so much? Yeah. Okay. And then I covered it so much when it's here. It's so fun though. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I gave up. I was like, I'm out. I can't do it. Don't you want your son to have legacy? Well, yeah. That's the best part of sports. You want your son to like what you want. But my sons, I love, like.

So when your dad is like, ah, my dad would've loved this one. My sons in Jiu Jitsu, I love, I love like UFC. Different. I'm into UFC. That's different. Why is that different? Because I team.

UFC's not sport camaraderie. But that's why I love. Brothers, looking That's why, but that's why I- Brothers, looking left and right, knowing that those guys are willing to die for you for that inch. I like that you can kind of vote for both in the fight. In the UFC, like if that guy wins, it's like, oh, it was a good fight.

I hear you, I love, I love the UFC. I love it, yeah. I love it. The UFC, and I will say this from the rooftops, by far the only sport that has the value for the ticket of what you're paying because you don't have any heart attached to it really that much. It doesn't matter as long as it's a good event. It's good. A good football game where your team loses sucks. Dick.

I went to UFC 100, Mia Norton and Frank Muir, who was my favorite, was fighting Brock for the second time. And he beat him the first time. And I was, I loved it. I knew, look, when I went, I knew every fighter. I remember John Jones wasn't even the champ yet. And Norton, who knows everything about UFC now, knew nothing. Like I was like, that's John Jones.

He's gonna be the champ someday. He's like, who? But I knew it all. But I like that because at the end of the thing you're not fucking devastated and want to kill somebody and sad there are you feel become friends with a couple of the guys that are fighting now and that's like that's worse than a team player I don't from Mickey Gall just it's the only limited capacity that I got to watch him fight like you're still like if like, I feel like when he loses and you're like,

ah, it sucks to him, dude, that sucks. It sucks, but there's some type of fucking honor in it that he fought a guy for three rounds. But that's also, sure, oh, that. I'm always like, I used to text him that, which is the queefiest thing, but I was like, dude, you're still tough as a motherfucker I ever met. But like, yeah, there's something,

but no, some of the team sport. One, also playing it, and me and Lewis have had this argument's something, but no, some of the team sport, one also playing it, and me and Lewis have had this argument a lot, I go, I've only done one organized sports thing where we won anything. It was rec league when I was like 17 or something, but still it's like they have coaches and it's like a reorganized thing.

We won that league. And that, whatever was the clock went zero and we won the game, the clearing of like 25 people onto the thing. It was like still like, I remember that feeling. It was a good feeling. It was cool. Yeah.

I mean, Max was, we try, I got him to football. He didn't really like it. And then I just don't want to be a winner. I know dude, I like to do, I'm like, dude, go in there and fucking be aggressive. I love that he goes in and chokes somebody out and it's great. Like he went into basketball, but he sucked. Like he would be on the side making sexy face, like trying to make me laugh.

And I would be cracking up and he would just be sitting on the sideline. You can't laugh. You can't laugh. Well in the school he's in though, it's like mostly black kids. So these kids are just the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The kids like two feet tall and he's just. It's good to teach him Jiu Jitsu. Yeah, Jiu Jitsu. That's the thing, you got so into like crank and method shit when you were younger that you didn't play really any organized sports. I played baseball. I was a baseball guy and then I got into drugs and alcohol.

Yeah, so quick. Cause I'm saying, so you don't really have a thing where it's like, oh, I'd love to go watch him play like this kind of game or something. You don't have like that. No, I used to get in a lot of fights. I like that. And you didn't know Jiu Jitsu.

No, we used to just hit each other with shit. That's fair. Back in the day. Isabella played soccer her entire life until she graduated high school and was never once on a good, it was shelled from day one. And she was a goalie. She became hilariously a good goalie because if you look at the numbers it was like, well she blocked, she blocked 57, she blocked like 57 and three got through.

Even when there'd be sometimes it was like eight to one or something, I'm like eight scores is a bell, jeez, and she was like, cause I even, I'd be like, are you sleeping in there? She goes, there were 60 shots on goal. And I'm like, oh, I guess you did pretty good then. Take humongous goal. Yeah. She's like, no, I'm like,

she was like, look at for college and stuff. Like they didn't like not like, they weren't not interested, but she just never played on any kind of a good deal. Max is in La Crosse. He got in La Crosse like two years ago, which is a pretty fucking rough sport. It's a cool sport. It's a great sport.

He got into it, but he doesn't, I'm trying to teach you, he doesn't know how to run. Like he runs like that. He's gonna hold him back, get him into fucking golf. He's into golf, he just bought him clubs. Loves golf. Bowling. Loves golf.

Bowling golf darts. Dude, if you could just make it just a little John Daly in your life. So they're smoking cigarettes. They put him in the goalie because he can't run like he would get the the ball in the crib but he runs like the girl from taken he just doesn't bring his knees up high enough and I would I would take him home but like dude we got a run we got a run and he just he just can't bring his

little his big fucking weatherbee feet up high enough yeah I hear that was my thing that they always I was baseball that was my that was cleanup hitter and right field There's like just get him the fuck out of the way. I feel the yeah last year baseball. I was out and right No balls are going out there. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah, I was a pitcher when I was a bit But they put terrified of pitching I was terrified that ball coming right back at me was the yeah dreaded it and thought about it every time I like I like one game It's terrible. Terrific.

It's scary. Being like three kids. Get him the fuck out. That's the word that. The back move. They put me a catcher once. I was catcher for a little while. And I remember we had this kid that was good at pitching.

He was just zinging it in there. And I couldn't so me and me and the umpire the entire game are just getting pelted Umpires getting I was catching for one game and I got up and went for the ball before the guy swung Oh, and he swung and just hit my elbow in the left field and I just remember just being in the ambulance I got taken off yeah I fucking sucked it. I did win a game though because they called in that shitty move they do when they call the outfield to come in like this guy hitting hard not for me I was in the outfield playing right field and they just come in and the

person I mean he hit it so hard, it was humming at me, and I did a completely defensive, like, ooh! And the ball, like, hit in my glove, and we won. My grandfather, God rest his soul, my grandfather, after that, still bought me, like, whatever, like a soft pretzel and a soda, and he was like, it doesn't matter how you get You know, I

Know we're still gonna hot dog you little fat shit my last game of baseball It was West Medford against Hillside and West Medford lost 10 years in a row. They hit the ball I was in left field. I ran in slid on my knees caught the ball won the game the Championship for West Med for the first time in 10 years. I was so ecstatic, the whole team pig piled me and I just started crying because I thought I was suffocating.

And I remember them just peeling people off and it was just me balling. I can't breathe, that's all you heard. I can't breathe, I can't breathe. And I was just crying with a root beer. And I remember I had no family there. I had a walk home on the highway alone. Oh Your stepfather, so you're crying and DDT you on concrete He goes are you crying you cry when you won the game

You got a pickpocket come on you keep crying like that. You smoked a crack pipe. I didn't smoke crack. Christine smoked crack. I did Coke. I think I did smoke crack because I smoke Coke in junk. You don't smoke? How old are you? We used to put 13.

Were you still playing baseball doing Coke? No. You fucking Darrell Strawberry? The last thing they put me in before I just said fuck it all and became a delinquent, they put me in the sea cadets. Which is... The fuck's that? Well, the word season is, I'm assuming it's Bobby in a little necker chip with a little

silly boy outfit. I have the crack and jack uniform. I had a crack and jack uniform and I would have to go three times a week. I'm a sailor boy, dude. It was the Boy Scouts for the Navy and the Coast Guard. So I would have to go with a wooden gun and do the military marches and shit like that. It was their last ditch effort

to get me out of this fucking life of bullshit. And I remember I would just go to that place and then I would go and drink and do drugs in my outfit. You were a sailor You were really We could for Bobby You see some bring me a fattest girls, dude Did any of the cuz that feels like just it was just you and other kids that were troubled without father No, it was I was the only trouble it was like chum in the water. It was a petaphiles all nerds

I remember they brought me to my park because in Boston We just hang out at these parks the kid who got me in it brought me to the park with a broom It was the most embarrassing thing ever in front of my Juvenile delinquent friends who were drinking over on the swing sets I was at the basketball court with a broom doing like a military march at the basketball court with a broom doing like a military march, like a boat face left, right, and he was timing me, and I had a stupid broom, it was like, and they were just laughing at me, going,

what the fuck are you doing, you fucking asshole? Sorry about my ADD, but it shouldn't be, we could just be called Fat Girl Christmas. I mean, it really is. It's the time, if you want to fucking in shape, if you're a morbidly obese woman and you want to fuck Semi-handsome in shape guy Fucking go down to the village on fleet week dude. You're gonna get laid if it's the Marines or the army if it's the Navy

It's the Navy the Navy isn't there for some guys. Yeah, they're not really Yeah, but the next closest thing yeah, but then they also like to dress up a heavy-set woman and tell her try to give her confidence You just need a makeover baby Is that all I need? Damn dude a morbidly obese woman with all gay friends is a sad woman Gay guy gay dude friends are the new cats Jacob you hate cats, but would you rather have a bunch of gay guys trolling around your house on a scratch pad?

You hate cats? He hates them. He hates cats. With a passion. You hate farts and cats? Those are the two coolest things. His farts. You hate farts and pussy?

You don't like cats? I know how lovable they are, but they're bad for they're bad for the environment what because they kill all the birds Yeah, kill everything. Yeah, you know and then they come back and then yeah, and you give them a reward Yeah, you go nice. It killed something. That's awesome Do you hate my cat with the bird out of the air? I'd respect it more. It's awesome We do hate farts just the smell the sound is hilarious. No, I'll laugh my ass off, but we're in this room. I know why you want me to like your farts in particular. Honest to God, Dan's asshole.

He's a stomp dad, Bob. Dan's asshole touched your nipple when he farted on you yesterday. Caught me off guard. And you loved it so much. You tried to zip your jacket up so you can catch it and take some home with you. Dan does have a dry asshole, though. yeah, that noise was crazy. It sounded like Rickety Wood. It sounded like cabin steps. Yeah, it sounded like a ship at sea.

Yeah, just treasure. Should we take our last break? Yeah, we gotta take a break. Oh yeah. Shane Gills, of course, gonna be a Radio City Music Hall this weekend everybody, New York City, Friday, March 1st and Saturday, March 2nd. Maybe some tickets still available. Check it out. After that he's gonna be in Chicago, California, Portland and Boston for tickets and all tour dates. Visit ShaneMGillis.com. Tires will be premiering on Netflix May 23rd. Can't wait for that. Make sure you check out Big J. He's gonna be all over the place. I'm in Zanis this weekend.

Zanis this weekend. And then he's going to Kansas City, West Niantic, Las Vegas, and for tickets and all other dates, BigJayComedy.com. And Bob is gonna be Mohegan's son and Connecticut March 7th to the 9th. After that, Poughkeepsie Houston and the comedy mother ship in Austin, Texas

for tickets and all their tour dates. Visit Robert Kelly live.com and of course together tummy time tour one night only. One night you got to get the tickets. Me and Bobby do one night only tours now. It's our thing. We're going to be at the Paramount Huntington, New York Thursday, March 21st at 8 p.m. If you don't buy tickets, it'll be the one show only. It'll be the one show only't buy tickets, it'll be the one show only it'd be the one show only tour Yeah, not every one night only but one show only after that We'll be right back everybody with Shane Gills to say goodbye. It's the bonfire Everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show If you want the whole thing go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a

special offer. That's right and go to bigjcomedy.com and robertkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr