the bossbabe podcast - 112. A Conversation with Confidence Queen, Heather Monahan

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

If you want to feel more confident and empowered as a woman in business, we’ve got just the episode for you! We’re joined by Heather Monahan, author of Confidence Creator (which held the #1 spot in Business Biographies on Amazon), motivational speaker, confidence coach, and overall business badass. Before she became the Confidence Queen, Heather struggled to assert her worth in the corporate world. Despite her reputation as a ‘Revenue Generator’ and track record of bringing in over 200 million dollars in revenue during her tenure, Heather was constantly bullied and underestimated by those who did not want her to shine.  Eventually, Heather was fired from her corporate career after 14 years but it turned out to be the best thing to happen to her. She quickly pivoted and went full force into writing her book, Confidence Creator, and building her personal brand. The rest is history and Heather is now the CEO of her life.    Tune in as we chat all things confidence, accountability, mindset, and empowerment. This episode is truly transformative and packed with tips that you can apply to your life and business to help you make the most of every situation and circumstance. Links: Sign up for our free 10-day Instagram Challenge: bossbabe.com/instachallenge This episode is sponsored by SOUL CBD. Get 20% off on SOUL CBD products using code: BOSSBABE. https://mysoulcbd.com/ Grab your copy of Heather Monahan’s Confidence Creator: https://amzn.to/2DPCt2V  Follow: @bossbabe.inc Danielle Canty, @daniellecanty Heather Monahan, @heathermonahan

Get out of what you're doing. And I don't care if it's, hey, this weekend I'm going to take a stand-up comedy class because it sounds scary. Or if it's, I'm going to start taking a painting class at night. Do something different now to start setting your life down a different path because you need to start growing and you're not going to do it where you are, where you're feeling bored and a rut. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I'm Danielle Canty, president and co-founder of Boss Babe and

your host for this week's episode. Now today, this is such a fun episode to record because I had the pleasure of interviewing author, entrepreneur, and speaker, Heather Monaghan. Now, if you haven't heard of Heather, she is literally the confidence queen because having climbed her way to the top of the corporate ladder, Heather quickly learned that the key to unlocking the career of her dreams had to do with one thing and that was about being her most confident self. So in this podcast Heather shares how she has gone on to start her own business empowering female entrepreneurs and helping them achieve success by as we always talk about being unapologetically ambitious. I know you're going to love this episode so much because Heather gets

real and raw as she reveals how she became a power strength for women who struggle to be their more confident selves and she shares tips from her number one selling book Confidence Creator. As always take a screenshot and share your biggest takeaways on Insta stories tagging me at danialkandi and at bossbib.inc and without further ado let's dive into today's episode. Okay listen up because I am doing something that I have never ever done before. I am hosting a completely free 10-day video challenge and I am going all out with this one, seriously. I want to introduce you to 10 days to monetizing your small audience and it's all kicking off on August 31st and there is a place with your name on it. I'm going to be showing you

exactly how to monetize your small audience on social media and training you for 10 days straight for free. Like I said, I've never ever done this before. This is for you if you have less than 10,000 followers, are struggling to attract your ideal clients, and are really unsure how to sell to or monetize your current audience. My guess is that you're constantly on the follower rollercoaster. You're pushing so hard yet making no sales. Or in fact, you might just be neglecting social media completely because it's so frustrating. You might have absolutely no idea what to post or when you do end up posting, you're not getting any engagements. You're like, what's the point?

And you're hearing all these people say, you can monetize your audience. And you're like, show me the receipts because I'm not seeing those results. So if that's you, then this training is going to be a game changer for you. I feel you. I have been there and I've also had thousands of clients who've been there too. So this 10 day challenge is going to completely change the game for your life and business. This challenge will work best for you if you're an online service based entrepreneur, consultant, or coach, or you're wanting to be one. So you can either come armed with a ready-made business or an idea, and I will get you started on the path to profitability. Head to bossbabe.com forward slash instachallenge to sign up and save your space. I will see you on the 31st of August.

That's bossbabe.com forward slash instachallenge. That's all one word. And again, I will see you on the 31st of August. That's bossbabe.com forward slash instachallenge. That's all one word. And again, I will see you on the 31st of August. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself.

Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Hi, Heather. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast. Thanks for having me. You are so welcome. I am so excited about this interview because I feel like it's even more special than most because not only do you have an amazing story, which you are going to share with our listeners today, but you are actually a client of ours within the Instagrowth Accelerator course. So I felt like this is even more special. Yeah, absolutely. And it's been working out great. So thank you for that. I love it. So I'm really excited, like I said, about this interview, because you have an incredible story, like a real rollercoaster of a ride. And so I really

would love you to start off and introduce yourself, how you got started because you are actually very successful in corporate America. And then I know there was some big shifts that are going to come to your story and you moved into being self-employed. And as far as I can see, that's working out pretty well for you, Heather, even though maybe it wasn't quite planned. It definitely was not planned. Yeah. So I grew up one of four kids. My mother was divorced, single mom, worked three jobs. She struggled financially. We were on food stamps. Times were really tough in my childhood. So I learned at a very early age, you need to work to create revenue to avoid this problem. So I started with a paper route when I

was 10. That transitioned into fast food restaurants, being a busboy at diners, and ultimately getting me into waitressing and bartending, which was the training ground for me to refine my sales skills. So then I moved on to the Gala Winery and became a top salesperson for them within my first year. And I took that opportunity and parlayed it into the radio business where I became an equity partner for a group of radio stations when I was 24 years old. And I took that $25 million property, flipped it into a $55 million property in under three years. I did have to move to Michigan for that opportunity. So it was a big risk, but it paid off huge.

And that really landed me with a title of revenue generator in the media industry. So I took that reputation and went to a publicly traded company in Florida and pitched myself for a job that didn't exist. I pitched myself for VP of sales. I was awarded that opportunity. I did have to take a step back financially to take that job. But I saw a bigger picture opportunity because this organization was billing $100 million annually. And the one that I had just left was only half of that. So I joined that company. I was there for 14 years. I was promoted 3 different times, ultimately becoming the chief revenue officer. During my tenure there, I more than doubled the

company's revenue from $100 million annually to in excess of $200 million annually when I was fired. And I was fired when the CEO I'd worked for for more than a decade became ill. He promoted his daughter and she hated me. So she fired me right away. And I took that opportunity to write and self-publish my first book, Confidence Creator, which led me to the speaking business, which led me to launching my podcast, which has led me to writing my second book. You know, it's really been this momentum that has picked up as a result of getting fired. Wow. I love how you've summed it up there, but I am going to go deep diving into this because I think this is such an amazing story, like such a roller coaster as well. You know, like you're on that corporate climb. And I imagine just before

you got fired, like that was not how you'd envisioned it. You like corporate world was all you'd known. So I'm really excited to kind of talk about that a little bit more. But first, I just want to take you back to like that point in that piece of you that was always really, was it always ambitious? Like, you know, you kind of just kind of glazed over the fact that you worked in these companies and you grew them and, you know, had such impact on them. How did you know that you could do that? Where did you find the confidence to pitch yourself for ideas? Where did you feel like, yeah, I can do this? And, you know, what was that journey like really like on the ground?

I mean, it was a grind. It was really, really hard, specifically being in Michigan for those three years. That was a really hard grind where I was undervalued. I was disrespected because I was so young. My employees were twice, sometimes three times my age. And that was a really tough grind as a leader in your early 20s and being female in the Midwest. It just, that was a really hard time. What I did was when I couldn't gain respect from others, I went out and delivered on my own. And I had to do that. There was a good six-month window where I was building respect and credibility within the organization because none of these people knew me and they didn't know my prior track record when I lived back in Massachusetts.

So when they wouldn't listen to me, when they weren't respecting me, I just started going out and closing huge deals more than they had ever imagined possible. And so slowly, I started building credibility within the staff. And then slowly, I started weeding out the negative people that weren't coming around. And then slowly, I would identify more talent within the marketplace and bring them on board. And then once I had that, the team was right and I had the respect. And then I was able to put process systems and different procedures in place that allowed us to really take off. I love that. So letting your actions speak for themselves, hey? Well, I mean, when you're a woman in your early 20s, I mean, that's,

in my opinion, the only way to go because you can't point to a long track record of excellence and wins that are really tangible at that point. You can point to yourself and say, here's why I believe in me. But it can be very challenging to have people who are much older than you with a lot more expertise and years in a business to gain their respect. So I found that to be the best way to do it. And that's a really good key takeaway, actually, because we have listened to a variety of ages, but I know that is something that a lot of people have come against. So I think that's a really good key takeaway, actually, because we have listened to a variety of ages, but I know that is something that a lot of people have come against. So I think that's a really valuable lesson. What are some other valuable lessons that you've really learned in that leadership? So like you say, you gained their trust from like letting, you know, bringing

in those sales, et cetera, but how did you manage to, obviously you became a very good leader because you built huge teams and you really added to revenue. But what were some of the key skills that you learned in those periods of time to help you do that? Well, another lesson I learned back in Michigan is that no matter how good you are, you can't do every job yourself. And I really was turning inward. I didn't want to rely on other people. I didn't want to appear weak. Those were some of the things that people thought. She's too young. She's too weak. So I developed a really hard exterior. I didn't want to get close to people I worked with. I wanted them to only see me professionally and see me as uber professional. And when I ran into a situation with my controller where she was just inept, she was coming in late. She wasn't managing the business properly. Our receivables were

out of order. And I was getting very frustrated. After multiple meetings with her, I decided to fire her without her replacement. And I just figured, oh, I can handle any part of this business. I've been in this business now. I guess I'd been in it three years. I knew each department very, very well. And now finance is not my strong suit. but I just figured how hard can it be? I didn't think it through in that I was already running and leading the entire organization. I was personally in charge of the revenue generation. I had someone leading the operational side on air, but I was now going to take on the other key component, which is the financial part and receivable part of the business. So there weren't enough hours in the day. I was staying in the office till 3, 4 in the morning, and I'd be back at 7.30 the next

morning to run my regular day and revenue side of the business. I was working every single weekend, and I thought it was going to be very simple to find somebody to replace that job. However, we weren't paying. We did not have a lot of money budgeted for that position. So it ended up costing me receivables, costing me so much headache, so much personal time. And I just learned from that, that if you are going to pull the trigger, and you are really a one man leadership operation, you got to take your time to find that person's replacement before you pull the trigger so that the timing works for you instead of against you. Really, really valuable. I think as well, like, and I felt like this is something that people can relate, even if they're just starting

off in their businesses. And I talk about this a lot, you know, making sure that you're recording your screen as you're going along and teaching things and creating a playbook and making sure of filing things in order so that you can actually delegate easily. Because what I see is a lot of people end up not delegating, they're like too busy to delegate. And therefore, like, oh, I'm too busy to tell someone and teach them what to do. I'll just do it myself. It's quicker and you end up in this loop. And I think this is like exactly the same in the entrepreneurial world when you're just starting off and in the corporate world. And even if you've got a business that you've got a big team, like always making sure that you have time to be able to delegate.

So like you said, you don't find yourself in that situation that costs you so much more on the personal side, as well as actually the business side too. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and

making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And, you know, sometimes there isn't someone to delegate to. There just isn't someone with that talent and skill set on the team.

And that's when you need to look outside of the team. But it's just what an important lesson that I learned that just because you're a talented, capable person who's willing to work hard, it isn't always the best decision to just put it on your plate. I relate to that a lot. I had to do a lot of work on my delegation skills. I used to just take it all on. I'm like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. And then I'd be like, why am I working like 60, 70 hour weeks, even more than that at times. So completely relate to that. And I know that a lot for the women well as well. So I want to just kind of, you touched on it earlier. So you built up, you made some amazing decisions. You were growing businesses, growing teams. You had a CEO that you had a great relationship and then he took ill. Let's just pick up the story there. So during that time, I didn't know he was ill. So this is going back about four years ago. No one was communicating that to me. And I decided at that time to launch a personal brand. I had

never done that before, but I was in marketing and advertising. It was very aware to me, all the meetings I was in, I should be leading by example. I'm sitting in meetings with brands, telling them that they need to hold the pen and tell their story. However, I wasn't doing it. So I decided this is a year before, a little over a year before I got fired. I decided to launch a personal website with the hashtag boss and heels aimed at telling my story of overcoming poverty and adversity and how to get to the C-suite so that anybody could access that information. I made all my socials public and I I became more deliberate and intentional. And my approach was social on my website. So immediately, the then CFO contacted general counsel and contacted me

together and told me to shut it down. It was a conflict of interest with the company. Well, I had already investigated and done my due diligence. I knew Bank of America, head chief revenue officers that were doing this. I had looked at so many blue chip brands out there that were much larger than the company I was leading that were doing it. So I had built up some evidence to share with them. Because when someone's attacking you like that, it's personal, they're emotional, they're afraid, you know, it's threatening them. It wasn't wrong from a business standpoint. So I said this, I said, listen, guys, here's the situation. You're not happy. I'm pointing to companies much more successful, bigger and high profile than we are. So obviously,

it's okay. It's not illegal. I had a lawyer go through all of the documents I've signed with the organization. That's not the problem. Sounds to me like the problem is you don't like me doing this for whatever reason you have. What about me utilizing some verbiage anywhere I post or on any site or whatever to say this is not a representation of you? I'll free you from any opinion that I have. I'm sure that will free you and allow you to feel better. So for a little while, they let me do that. Then they decided that wasn't good enough. It just became an ongoing game for that next year of them trying to threaten me, scare tactics to get me to shut down my personal brand. They ended up firing my assistant. I mean, it was out of control, the attacks that I got from the GC and from the

CFO. And so during this time, the CEO became ill. In the interim, he took a leave of absence for six months. And the interim CEO was his daughter, our CFO, but she was not able to pull the trigger on me until she actually received the title officially. And when she eventually did, she fired me. So I had some ideas. My life at that time during the company that last year was horrible because I was being bullied so much at work. It was a really negative time for me. I started losing my hair. I threw my back out. There was real red flags being thrown at me physically saying, wait a minute, your body's shutting down. Grinding my teeth. I was breaking my teeth at night. It was

a really, really negative situation. And anytime, I share this with everybody, is that anytime your body starts breaking down, take a step back and look at what's happening in your life because these are just red flags to get your attention to change something else. And the day that woman fired me, actually, I fired the villain that I had in my life and my physical nature improved, my mental situation improved, everything in my life improved. However, my revenue was gone for that moment in time. But like Gary V framed it up for me when I was on his show a couple months ago. He said, Heather, that was a micro challenge for a macro opportunity.

You know, it's a small headache in the moment that you've got to deal with. And it's tough. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's for that bigger play for the rest of your life to steer you in the right direction. Yeah, 100%. I love that. A micro challenge for a macro opportunity. I always like to think as well,

like things happen for you, not to you. That's one that always gets me through. And the other piece is like, if something challenging is happening, I'm always like, okay, this is a great story. And what is this story teaching me? And I felt particularly since we started hosting the podcast and sharing more stories and really understanding it that life is boring if it's just one straight line and it has to have these ups and downs, but I really feel like it's how you embrace them and look at them and like you say, allow them to change the trajectory that you're on if it feels like the wrong course. And it was really interesting to me actually just getting sick recently, which was the first time I've been sick in years.

And I realized it was because I was doing too much and it was like my body's way. And it was a sign for me to go, hang on a minute, you need to change things a little bit more. You need to make sure you're doing X, Y, and Z. And I felt like, you know, being able to look at things with a growth mindset is so, so important for whether you're an entrepreneur, whether you're an ambitious woman wanting to scale up the career. But when you choose to look at things in a positive manner, you can always make positive situations. So I love that you did that as well. Yeah, I want to jump on one point that you made when you said it would be boring if we led a linear life. So I see that differently. Actually, when I was in corporate America for

or in that one publicly traded company for 14 years, and everything was about quarterly results and beating the market. And it just became somewhat boring. It was just, I knew what to anticipate. I knew what the next year would look like. I knew what the challenges would be. And to me, it wasn't so much, the problem wasn't that it was so boring. It was that I wasn't growing. And when you're in one of these linear situations where it's very well lit and you know what the next advancement is and you know what the projected timeline is and you know who you have to stab in the back and who you have to leapfrog and what deal you have to win, you start realizing, am I really growing very much each year

as I look back? And what's so interesting is when I look back across the last decade, as we said goodbye at the end of 2019, I compared myself as a speaker at the beginning of that decade to a speaker at the end. And the growth that I had was massive. However, 90% of that growth came in the last two years since I've been on my own. So since I entered a world that was no longer linear, it was no longer well-lit, I've grown more than I had the eight years prior, which really opens my mind to where would I be in my business today if I had made that leap eight or 10 years ago?

Oh, good question. I like that. That is always interesting. I completely hear you on that. Like, okay, where would I be now? But also I think that things happen for a reason, don't they? And all the lessons that you learned through that part of your career, maybe that makes you more appreciative for where you're at now as well. No, I don't agree. I love it. I love this conversation. I'm telling you, I look back on that decade and I'm sad for me and I'm sad for the world because I could have brought so much more to this world and done so much more. And so that's the message I want to share with people. If you are in a situation today, right now, and you're getting up to go to work and you're saying, oh, here it goes again. It's Groundhog Day. This is your newsflash moment. Get out of what you're doing. And I don't care if it's,

hey, this weekend, I'm going to take a stand-up comedy class because it sounds scary. Or if it's, I'm going to start taking a painting class at night. Or if it's, I'm going to go to a different gym that I've never been to because it makes me nervous. Do something different now to start setting your life down a different path because you need to start growing and you're not going to do it where you are, where you're feeling bored and a rut. And I love the passion behind your voice as well. So let's just take to that, like the moment where you moved out of your rut and obviously you already started your personal brand as well, but you got fired. Like I want to talk, cause now you have a book called Confidence Creator, right? So I want to talk to you, like what happened to your confidence at that moment

when you were fired? Cause I'm really interested. And I actually don't know your answer at this point. Cause for me as an outsider, it could go either way. You could start thinking like, oh my goodness, like I'm like not worthy. I've got no confidence. What am I going to do? Or it could steer you in the other direction. Like, hell, I can do this. I can survive on my own. So what happened? Oh no, it was not the latter. It was definitely, I'm a single mom. I have a very expensive condo that I have not paid off entirely. I have my son's private school. I've built a life based off of an income that was certain in my mind. First of all, nothing is certain in corporate America. Your company could be sold tomorrow. Your boss could die tomorrow and everything changes as a

result. So there is zero certainty, even though it seems so certain and there is zero safety in that. So the first thing that I did was I got home, I drank a bottle of Chardonnay, I got under a weighted blanket and I cried my face off. But then within 24 hours, I did something really smart. I posted on social media, I have just been fired after 14 years of continuous advancement and success in the media business. I am shocked.

If I've ever helped you in any way, I really need you today. And a number of people came to me and said, that looks pathetic. Shut it down. Pull that off. You're never going to get another job. But something within me said, no, something's right here about this. Yeah, it is a little shameful I've been fired. But you know what? I started Googling who's been fired. And it turns out Oprah Winfrey and Mark Cuban and J.K. Rowling and all these people that are billionaires and the most successful people. So I started seeing it as I'm in good company right now. I need to start celebrating this. And that post, it brought me so much. You can't imagine. Number one, it allowed me to know I was not alone. So many people messaged me. You are not alone. I have been fired. Let me share my story. That was very comforting. And then Froggy from the Elvis Duran show, which is one of the largest radio shows in the country, tweeted at me.

I hear you. How can I help you? Okay, guys, before we continue, I'd love to give you some info on our sponsor for this week. This episode is brought to you by Sol CBD. Now I want to share a little bit about my favorite CBD line because if you've been following Boss Babe for a while then you know how much we love Sol CBD. I actually personally discovered a while back and one of my favorite products is the calm capsules and the strawberry gummies. Now I actually started taking CBD quite

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if you have any issues with discomfort, stress, anxiousness, or trouble sleeping, I highly recommend you try this brand. So check out our episode notes to learn more about the products and access our 20% off promo code using BOSSBABE. Okay. So that's 20% off all Soul CBD products using the code BOSSBABE. And we're back. Let's jump back into today's episode. Another thing I learned is when someone offers to help you convert in the moment, do not delay that conversion because people will move ahead with their life and forget about your challenge. So I tweeted right back. Thank you. Please get book me on the Elvis Duran show, which he did.

And so he booked me on the Elvis Duran show. And within 15 minutes on air with Elvis, he said, well, Heather, obviously you're writing a book. And I said, well, obviously, but I didn't know I was writing a book, right? It was just that this man who I had on a pedestal because he's so famous and wealthy and successful, when he had such conviction that I was writing a book, it became feasible or plausible to me that maybe I should write a book. So I jumped on a plane home from New York. I Googled, how do you write a book? And it basically said, you have to commit to writing X amount of hours

a day. I think it was four hours a day. And I thought, well, I don't have to go to a job right now. So let's do that. And I sat down and within a week, it was very clear. I was writing a compilation of my lowest moments in my life and how I converted those moments into bounce back moments that ultimately taught me how to create confidence within me and could teach the reader as well. Wow. I love that. I love that. We have a saying in our business, like if you don't know the answer, Google it Wow, I love that. I love that. We have a saying in our business, like if you don't know the answer, Google it. And I think that's just like so powerful that again, that growth mindset,

like, okay, I'm gonna look this up. Let's see what I've got to do while I've got this time. Let's do it. Okay, so the book is all about creating confidence, right? So give us some tips. I love this podcast to be full of actionable takeaways for our listeners. So I know there's gonna be so many women out here listening with low confidence. It's one thing

we hear a lot. So what were some of the lessons that you learned in increasing your confidence? Okay. One, and this goes back to the beginning of our call today before you turn record on, you apologized to me because your voice was cracking because you're sick. We don't apologize. This is something huge for women. So many women apologize. It's not your fault you're sick, right? So another way to approach that would be to say, Heather, thanks for your understanding that my voice keeps cracking. I've been a little under the weather. I appreciate that you understand that and that you're sympathetic to my situation. I like to thank people now for everything. It shows gratitude for them. And it takes the focus off of me, me, me, but makes it more about the person that you're engaging with. And I learned

this from going to the gym. I was constantly bumping into people or they would bump into me as at any workout or bootcamp. And I would always say, sorry, sorry, sorry. And I felt lower. I felt beneath other people. And so I first pivoted and started saying, excuse me. And then I've advanced that to now if I can't hit a deadline for someone, thank you so much for your understanding. I'll have this over within 24 hours, whatever it may be. But turning to gratitude instead of saying sorry has been super powerful for me. And I offer everyone a seven-day challenge to take that on. And I do that in my book and I have a free accountability partner program on my website. I do the same thing there because

just that one step when people are very intentional about it, you will catch how much you've been apologizing for things you really aren't sorry for. And it's going to start making you feel pretty powerful and pretty confident. I love that. That is such a good takeaway. And I really do think so many people will be able to apply that for the better in their lives. I certainly will. You made a very good point, actually. And I do say sorry quite often for things like you say, now you think about trivial things and actually you don't need to say sorry for those certain things. So I think there's a lot of people that are going to really relate to that. So thank you for sharing. Have you got any other good tips?

I have 41 different ones. There's 41 chapters in my book and there's a different... Let's share a couple more because I really, really do feel like so many women are going to relate to this and they're going to be like writing these down or they're going to be driving their car, listening, taking note. And this podcast is about changing lives. And these tips really, really make a difference. So let's share a couple more and we can both kind of share some anecdotes as to how they have helped us along the way, too. Sure.

So my son taught me this one. It was a couple of years ago, early in the morning, you know, getting ready for school. It's always chaotic because, you know, I've got to get him fed, get dressed. I'm, you know, drinking my coffee. I'm answering. It's just craziness in my house in the morning. And he comes out with a basketball sneaker and a Sharpie. And I said, what the heck are you doing?

I can't stand when he waits till the morning. Why can't we resolve these things the night before? I'm a big fan of, right? I'm like, we need to pre-plan. He said, but I just remembered I need your help. I said, what? Give it to me. He said, I need you to write on my shoe. I'm like, this is crazy. What am I writing? He said, write this. I can do all things. And so I write that and I say, why am I writing this? And he said, mom, right now I feel really confident because it's game day and I'm going to get in the car and I'm going to listen to my music

and I'm going to get excited and I know how my shot is limitless. He said, but if I don't have a great first quarter, when I go back and sit on the bench, I'm going to start feeling badly about myself and questioning how good I really am. He said, but then I'm going to look down at my shoe and I'm going to remember how I feel right now. And I'm going to take that court like a beast. Oh my goodness. How old is your son? He was nine when he told me that. But you know what's interesting? So he learned that from Steph Curry, very famous NBA player. And then fast forward two years, an NBA player reached out to me. He had read my book and he wanted me to work with him and help coaching him for the NBA. I met with him and he said, Heather, guess what

my favorite chapter in your book is? And I said, well, I know it's my son's basketball chapter. And he said, yes. Do you know why? I said, no, why? He said, because you quoted the Bible. And I said, what? And he taught me that I can do all things is through Jesus Christ, our Lord. And I'm not a very religious person, so I didn't know that. But it was so interesting what a powerful quote that was that I thought came from Steph Curry had actually come from the Bible and had much bigger meaning than I was even aware of. Yeah, I love that. And I love that story. And that is just so, so powerful. One thing, I mean, I don't write on my shoe, but I do do similar where I actually have three words that flash up or I have affirmations that come up on my

phone. I hate to be interrupted when I'm doing things. Like I very strict on having no notifications on anything. Like I get text messages and calls, but that's it. But I do set alarms on my phone that flash up with affirmations or I pick three words that I feel particularly aligned with that month and they come up on my phone as alarms. So they don't be, they don't vibrate. They just flash up so that when I next look at my phone, they're there already waiting for me. So that's my version of writing on my shoe. Just a reminder when I need it. And you know what? Frequency is what sells. So the more frequently you can have those reminders popping up and consistently doing that, it's really going to become subconscious and penetrate you in a very

powerful way. So yeah, if you're going to write it on your shoe, if you're going to write it on your notebook, or you're going to have it in your phone, anyway, it's a win for you. I love that. Okay, to finish this off, let's do one more. Let's do another one at your book. I mean, I'm assuming all these are all in your book if people want to read them, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, this one is something new that I learned. And this is not in my book. It's going to be in my second book, which hopefully will be coming out soon. But this I actually learned. I did a podcast episode two weeks ago with Ed Milet. And I asked him, as I ask everyone on my podcast, you know, when have you struggled with confidence and how did you overcome that? And one of the things he taught me, which I had not heard of before,

but it's absolutely correct, is that when you break promises to yourself, you chip away at your confidence. And I had to really sit there and think about it. But the point he was making is that, and I use myself in the stories so that I can show how I related to it. I was thinking, well, I don't break promises to myself. I work hard. I'm a good mother. I work out. I'm eating healthy. And I had to really think and reflect. And when I reflected, when my confidence was the lowest is when I was at that job in corporate America, when I was being bullied by that woman, I would come home at night, driving in my car, crying. I would get home and wipe my tears off before I'd see my son. And he could tell something, you know, he knows me and he says, something's wrong. And I'd say, I'm just so sick of her again. I'm just sick of her. I'm not letting her treat me this way anymore. But then I'd wake up and I'd go right back to work the next day and it would happen again. And what I realized is every day I did that, I was breaking a promise to myself. It wasn't something I was writing down. I will no longer let this woman bully me and being aware

that yet again, I was going back the next day and doing it. And that cycle of being upset and saying no more, and then going back and taking more, and then no more and taking more. I was constantly letting myself down. I was constantly breaking that promise to myself. So I challenge everyone, think about what promises are you making and what promises are you breaking? And when you decide to change that pattern, you'll really start creating confidence in yourself. I know. And I feel like I've said this a lot through this podcast, but I know that people will relate to that. And everything you spoke about today, being a female and an ambitious female, being a boss babe and listening to this,

these confidence pieces are things that a lot of our listeners struggle with too. And I relate to a lot of them and you've obviously related to a lot of them. That's why you wrote the book. And I think it's just really powerful to share these strategies and this piece around like what you promise yourself. I really relate to that as well. I've made promises to myself, okay, I'm not going to work past 8pm and I put blocks in my calendar and then I have been working past 8pm.

And, you know, as I said, I was sharing at the beginning, I got sick for the first time in years. I think it's because I was breaking promises to myself because I was burning myself. I did four flights to L.A. in four months, like backwards and forwards. Like when I think you're right, your body says, well, no, enough is enough. And exactly. You show it in different ways. And whether it is a commitment and work, whether it's commitment on how someone's speaking to you or the family member, like, or maybe even not in keeping up with their health habits. I really think that's actually very, very poignant. And you kind of have this underlying disappointment in yourself sometimes when you don't keep promises to yourself that perhaps are not there on the surface.

But then when you go a little bit closer, you do that. It's that confident, oh, can I do that? Because I said I would do this smaller thing and I never did that. And so then it falls into like, okay, can I land that client or can I go for that promotion when I didn't even go to the gym this week? And I said I was going to go. Exactly. So do we suggest like just starting small, being like, okay, like how do you build those promises? Because I do think that there's a big jump to go, okay, all how do you build those promises? Because I do think that there's a big jump to go, okay, all of a sudden I'm going to go to the gym six days a week,

or all of a sudden I'm going to walk out from this job and I'm not going to let her speak to me again like that. How do people find those baby steps? Yeah. Baby steps are critical. I actually have a chapter on that in my book. And you know, that's one of the things that some days I wake up in the morning and I don't feel driven and I don't feel fired up and you're tired or not feeling well. And those are the days I always lead with doing a load of laundry, cleaning the house a little bit, answering emails, little baby steps to get you moving forward so that you can start springboarding to other things. And I think that that's the same analogy for whether it be breaking promises or firing the villains in your life. Maybe you're saying, I'm afraid of, I'm in a bad marriage and the idea of leaving my husband seems so scary.

Well, then start looking around and see where else in your life you have bad relationships. See where else you're not being respected and start standing up to those people first. Start creating boundaries with those people first. If someone at work is putting you down all the time, address it with that person and let them know there will be a consequence or that you're going to move your desk. You won't be working on teams with that person any longer. Start taking those small steps first before you attack that big one. And that will start building up some credibility in your mind that you are capable, you are moving in the right direction, and you are able to accomplish that big goal too. I love that. So I feel like we have equipped the ladies with so many amazing points to help

build their confidence, but I know that a lot of them will still be wanting more. So I'm going to make sure that we put a link to your book, Heather. I'm going to see if we can put it in iTunes, but if we can't, we'll make sure we put it on the website too. So if anyone does want to listen back and wants to get the book, we'll put a link on our website so you can find out more. It's called Confidence Creator. Thank you so much, Heather, for joining us today. This has been such an amazing podcast. I'd also love for you to share your social handles because I love our listeners to tag us with their favorite takeaways. I know we get shared lots. So what's your social handle, Heather? I'm at Heather Monaghan on LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, everywhere.

Amazing. So please, please share away. Also tag at bossbabe.inc and myself at Dianne Arcanti. And we cannot wait to hear your takeaways. Thank you so much, Heather. Thanks for having me. If you loved this episode, please subscribe, download a a few more and please leave us a review i really want to hear what you enjoyed what your main takeaways were and i also want to know what

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