the bossbabe podcast - 142. Your Guide To Unapologetic Confidence with Alyssa Nobriga

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

This New Year, lets get more unapologetically ambitious. Join BossBabe Co-Founder & CEO Natalie Ellis and special guest Alyssa Nobriga as they really narrow in on the specific changes we can start making today that will help develop lasting transformation in our lives. Check out Alyssa’s Bootcamp, here If you’re interested in getting backdoor access to The Société, click here.  Follow:  BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie: @iamnatalie Alyssa: @alyssanobriga

I want everybody to hear this, it's as soon as you get excited and clear on your goal, oftentimes the fears that have held you back will come up. And that's not bad news if you have the right tools to navigate them and unravel them so that you can stay consistent and not beat yourself up for having procrastination and not really sticking with it. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I'm Natalie Ellis, co-founder and CEO of Boss Babe and your host for this episode. Okay, so if you're a regular listener of the Boss Babe podcast, you will certainly know this is in fact not Natalie and it's Danielle, the other half of Boss Babe. And you are about to listen to an amazing episode between two of my favorite people on this planet,

Natalie and Alyssa Nobriga. Normally, as you know, Natalie would come in here and do a super cute introduction. But unfortunately, right now, she has lost her voice. And we felt like her coming in being like, oh, this is the Boss Babe podcast, wasn't really the first impression that we wanted to make. So you have me introducing this episode, which I know you are literally going to love. I've listened to it. It's an absolute phenomenal. Now, before we dive into the episode, and I hand over to Natalie and Melissa, I thought I'd just kind of give you a little bit update about a couple of things that Natalie and I have been doing recently. And you know, we're starting the new year 2021. Can you believe it? Like I literally, I was so ready

for it. And I was like desperate, come on 2021. Did anyone else feel like that? I feel like lots of people felt that. And I'm just so glad it's here. I've been doing a ton of goal setting that and I had some really amazing time away. It as the first time ever we actually put our company onto light mode which was where we kind of went into a kind of restricted function we had no meetings over the two weeks everyone got like a breather we really just wanted to give the team space to recharge and it was so so powerful and everyone's come back with so much energy into 2021 so I definitely feel like I'd want to do that again also I said to Natalie today how good is it when you have people who you can just call on be like hey can you step up into this for me like I just don't have capacity

oh I'm unwell oh I don't have this and it really made me feel like I'm really lucky to surround myself with people that I can count on and when I was doing the goal setting session for the society today and we had in there relationships like what are three goals that you want to achieve from relationships so that be family romantic relationships friends in 2021 I was talking to them about depending on if you want certain things from your relationships in life showing up as that person yourself, you're going to receive what you send out. So if you want, okay, I would love to have more friends that don't judge me or hold space for me. Like ask yourself, how are you doing that for the people around you? And so when

Natalie asked me today, like, hey, can you just jump in and do this? I'm like, absolutely. Because I fully know if I show up and do these things for her, she shows up exactly the same way to do for me. So this is a little bit of an insight as we kick off the new year and before we start this episode. So about this episode, I'm really, really excited. Like at Boss Baby, you guys know that even if you're scrolling on the website or our Instagram account, we are here to encourage women to be unapologetically ambitious. And we also want to equip them with the kit to create success for themselves because that is the heart of everything we do. And since the start of Boss Babe, I've really come to realize like time and time again,

just how many of us ambitious women really struggle to do the deep transformational work to develop an authentic confidence and become unapologetically ambitious whilst working on growing our businesses. So we can get so wrapped up by thinking, oh yeah, it has to be like this goal. It has to be this metric. It has to be this side on all of the business parts. But we sometimes neglect the transformational work, which is really vital for us to push through those ceilings to reach that next part of personal and professional growth. So this is what this episode is all about, because Natalie actually interviews our dear friend, Alyssa Nobriga, who is the founder and CEO of the Institute of Coaching Mastery, and is actually a licensed clinical somatic

psychotherapist. She's really here to support and help women make the changes that lead to more fulfilling and authentic lives. So if you are ready to learn more about the levels of change required to become the unapologetically ambitious boss babe that you know you are, this episode is for you. So sit back and listen to the most amazing interview with these bright, intelligent women who are going to be sharing their wisdom on how you can prepare to start making the changes for a truly transformational year. And as always, take a screenshot and share your biggest takeaways with us because we love seeing them. All you need to do is tag Natalie and she's on at IamNatalie

and then also tag at bossbabe.inc. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own version of success. Alyssa, welcome back to the podcast. So happy to be here. So I want to dive in headfirst because it is the beginning of 2021, which feels amazing. And I want to make sure we get people off on the right foot. And we start to talk about procrastination and what maybe might stop people hitting their goals. Because I know when we start the year, we're all excited to work towards goals and then things might tail off. So can we start there? I love this conversation. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, obviously everybody knows the

beginning of the year, all of these new year's resolutions, but let's talk about why people don't actually change so that we can set everybody up to make the results and create the change that they're wanting this year. And I would say that one of the things that happens is people are like, oh my gosh, I want this relationship. I'm going to have this health goal or start this business. And they're so excited. And that's sort of like the foot on the gas. But what we don't realize if we slow down is that there's often a foot on the brakes. And we have these competing desires within us that make it harder for us to step into our goals. So somehow we've unconsciously wired what we want with fear. And let me break this down into a

really practical, simple goal. So I had a woman that was coming to see me and she's like, I've worked with all these other coaches and I can't actually move beyond this glass ceiling, this upper limit of making 200,000 in her business. She had hired great team. She kept trying, but everything that she was doing wasn't working. And so I asked her a really powerful question, and I want to share it with your listeners so that they can ask themselves as well. And I said, what do you fear would happen if you hit your goal? And she's like, I don't fear anything would happen. What are you talking about? And I was like, okay, let's slow it down. Because obviously if this is what you're creating, there's some part of you, there's something that you're getting from it. So let's

just investigate and find out what that is. I said, get mindful. If you make more than $200,000, you fear. And then tears just started streaming down her eyes. And she's like, I didn't even realize when her mom got a promotion, her parents got a divorce. And so she had unconsciously paired, if she made more money, she wouldn't be with her husband. She thought I would make more. All these unconscious programming became more clear inside of her. And so part of the work, if we want to go faster, we have to slow down. We have to really investigate and look at what are the operating systems? What are the unconscious programming that I have around what I desire and what I fear would happen if that happened? And so if we can unravel that, we get out of our own way and then

we can successfully create our goals way more easier than this hustle and push and then judge ourselves for being an imposter or for procrastinating. We're inspired. The calling is calling us forward and we're inspired to move move forward to really evolve and wake up to what we're really capable of beyond these limiting set points we've inherited, you know, from when we were kids. And so how does that show up? Let's just take that client, for example, who really subconsciously is feeling that way about making money, but really consciously, she's excited, she wants to hit these goals. She's ambitious. So how does it show up? Oftentimes it's the goal that you've been trying to hit for a few times, or you just get a little bit of momentum and then you yo-yo back, right? So we've seen this with dieting. It's oftentimes most people have an unconscious

set point that they're not even aware of. And so part of the work is getting very specific with and get in slowing down. The ego hates it when you're still. And if you can get specific and slow down and ask yourself some of these questions, even just asking, what do I fear would happen if I got, and then fill in the blank, whatever your goal is for the year, then you can start to hear your own insights and wisdom. And so that could sound like the same thing happened with a woman with weight loss. She wanted to lose weight. And oftentimes because it's unconscious, we don't know until we slow down. And so that's why I really like getting specific and getting really like taking a magnifying glass into our fear because fear is only powerful if we don't look at it. We can be

run by it. So fear is essentially thinking I won't get what I want or what I have and I want will be taken away. So it's one of the two things and it's always projected in the future. And so if we can slow down to really get specific with it, where it's like, you know, even if there's like a fear of failure, because oftentimes as soon as somebody gets clear, and I want everybody to hear this, it's as soon as you get excited and clear on your goal, oftentimes the fears that have held you back will come up. And that's not bad news if you have the right tools to navigate them and unravel them so that you can stay consistent and not beat yourself up for having procrastination and

not really sticking with it. So all of the things that come up are actually part of what are helping us evolve to stabilize at our next level of success, whatever that is for us. And so in a really practical way, just getting still for a moment and asking a question like this, which is what do I fear would happen if I got my goal? Another way this can show up is with, for example, I had a woman who couldn't lose this extra weight. And I asked her the same question, which was, what do you fear would happen if you lost the weight? And at first she's like, no, I don't have any fear about it. And I just slowed down.

And I was like, if you lose the weight, you fear. And again, she just was touched by her own insight, which was she was this woman who had gotten a divorce. And in India, this was not acceptable in her community. So she felt really ostracized. She put on the weight to protect herself. She thought that if she was overweight, then she wouldn't attract another man and have to go through the grief of all of these feelings. So she was stuffing it in some way, the weight was a protection. And so oftentimes these fears

are trying to serve us in some way. They're often unconscious. And so we can learn how the fear is actually trying to serve us and update to a new way so that it's in alignment with our goals and it's not unconscious. So we learn to embrace these parts of ourselves, not letting them run our business. And I find this a lot with ambitious women, especially that they're going for their next goal and this fear of being seen comes up and AKA fear of judgment. And so when they learn how to embrace that part of them that is afraid of being seen, afraid of being judged, and they still rock their goals, then they feel way more integrated. And just to give you a framework, how I typically work with people is through five levels of change. So mentally, emotionally, behaviorally,

unconsciously, and somatically. And somatic means body-centered. So there's different ways to help approach this because people are wired differently. So the mental is kind of like this fear of unknown. We say we want something, but we project worst case scenario thinking into the future, right? And as we learn to question those fears and take dominion over the mind, we can naturally move towards what we're wanting because we're inspired towards our goal. And then the emotional part is really embracing these parts of us that are scared because as we go for what we want, it's usually outside of our comfort zone. And so we learn how to really take dominion and work with those parts of us, those energies. And then behaviorally, some people just need strategic change. They're like,

well, how do I actually get funding for my business? Or how do I really strategically grow my following? So there's sometimes just strategic change that people need. And then the unconscious we were starting to talk about, and I can share more examples and things like that. But there are various ways to actually help empower people, leaders, coaches, healers, to really do this work starting with themselves so that they don't have to push so much towards their goal.

They don't start and then stop and then lack, not have that trust within themselves over the long term. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year.

So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business you know. Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe i love that and i really want to dive into that fear of being seen one thing before that is let's say someone listening to this is like yes this is me and i know i need to do this work they go sit they

meditate they journal and they work on that question what am i afraid of if i achieve this goal and something comes up what do they do with that just up, what do they do with that? Just noticing it, what do they do with that to then be able to move forward? I love this question. So yeah, the first step is always awareness. You see it and then you work with it on one of the five levels I just outlined. So if it's triggered emotionally and you really are scared, you want to learn how not to identify with the part because feelings are just energy. They're not facts. And if you learn how to breathe into and welcome the sensations in the body, you're not run by them. You learn to overcome and reprogram patterns. And so for example, with the journaling

process, one thing you can do is really talk from that part, just journal from the part that feels scared. It's like, I don't want people to judge me. And you can for sure, being a psychotherapist, a lot of this work relates back to our original programming, these original experiences. And so if a memory comes up, you may want to work with it from that original experience and let that part of you, that younger part, just write or share what it's scared of. And then from your more adult, healthy, integrated version, you get to embrace. You're not trying to talk that part out of it, but you're really hearing from it. Okay, sweetheart, tell me more. I've got you. I'm here now. I'm listening. And so just like you would meet a little kid, you're just

embracing and allowing it to be here without an agenda. And ironically, that's what helps it move on its own. And then for the mental level where you could question the fears, because we were just talking about the mind as it predicts the future as a way to protect. And it's usually the worst case scenario. But if we learn to just get really crystal clear, what is the fear I'm projecting? And the more specific you are, the more you can see through it. It's like, well, actually that probably won't happen. Or if that did happen, here's my plan B. And you can start questioning and opening the mind and taking dominion over that fear-based thinking. And then unconsciously, you can, or somatically, you could say, another example is just to breathe into the sensations

in the body. They're just sensations. And it takes 90 seconds to allow a sensation to be here without for it to move on. And so if there's an emotion that's here for more than 90 seconds, it means you're thinking the emotion into existence. And you want to learn how to take dominion over your inner experience because it's going to make you way more, you're going to feel more free. You're going to do better in your business. You're going to take bolder risks because you know it's not about you. And you know that you're equipped to handle whatever sensation, whatever thought, whatever emotion comes forward. You've got this inner resource inside of you to then get into aligned action from there. That makes so much sense. And I feel

like I've seen this a lot with people and specifically some of the women in our community that I've seen who procrastinate like crazy. And the thing is, they know what to do. They absolutely know what their next step is. They know what to do, but something just keeps stopping them from actually going and doing it. There's, you know, they'll spend time in their inbox and they'll perfect the Instagram photo and they'll kind of do everything but the thing they know they're supposed to do. And do you think that all comes back to that fearing what might happen if they actually win? Yeah, I think it does. And it's oftentimes we see and we know. So this is why people actually create change, right? They know what to do, but they're not doing it. So that's good feedback. Whatever you're doing isn't working and it's not

good or bad, but if we judge something, we're stuck with it. And if we identify with it, we're also stuck with it. Like I'm the person that procrastinates, that just makes it worse. And so I would say to people that if that's one of their patterns and you can replace procrastination with any other block, I would just say, how is procrastination trying to serve me? Or what do I fear would happen if I stopped procrastinating? And again, these are just powerful questions to sit with, to elicit everybody's own inner wisdom, because it's going to be a different answer. And that's where then you can take it deeper into saying, oh, wow, this is trying to serve me by, because I'm afraid of being seen, for example. And so I'm procrastinating because I know if I really go for it, I is trying to serve me by, because I'm afraid of being seen, for example. And so I'm procrastinating

because I know if I really go for it, I'm gonna do well. But there's some fear associated with it, right? And so once you identify what that fear is, then you can actually move through it. But if you just sit there learning more strategy about productivity hacks and you're just not taking the first step, there's something deeper that needs to be uncovered.

And it's often unconscious if it's at that level. And if you want to really work with the subconscious, you just want to slow down and get mindful. And you just ask some of these powerful questions. How is procrastination trying to serve me? Or what do I fear would happen if I stopped procrastinating? And then your insights reveal. And then from there, you clear it, but you still take a strategic action. You still take aligned action, but it's no longer coming from this place of division and fear and lack and judgment of the procrastination, identification with being a procrastinator and all these other things that can just make it harder and not efficient. So is that question, how is procrastination trying to serve me a way of observing without judgment and taking the judgment away? It's one way to identify how it's trying to support you.

Because if everything that we're doing has a positive intention behind it, we're just not always conscious of what that is. And so if I judge myself as somebody who is not good enough, maybe the fear is if I judge myself, then other people won't judge that. And really, anytime we're afraid of what somebody else thinks of us, it's because we're afraid of what we're actually thinking of ourselves. So

rather than trying to get everybody else to think of us a certain way, we go direct and we really shift it inside of ourselves first. And so we look at the parts in our own judgments and we wipe that mirror clean. And then we no longer project and think everybody else is thinking that about us. And so there is a positive intention behind everything that is showing up for us. And once we identify what that is for us, we know it's like, oh, that's the part of me that's just trying to protect me, right? It's like, oh, the procrastinator says, I'm holding you back because I'm afraid you're going to get judged. And if you can just thank that part, oh, you're the one that's just trying to protect me. Thank you.

And maybe from here, because once you accept it, you pop out of this right-wrong dualistic dynamic that actually has no creative or innovative problem solving. And you bob it and you're like, okay, how can I really feel confident and feel secure as I lead my presentation? I give the talk. I'm putting my work out there in a bigger way.

Well, it could be about embracing the part that feels scared, but not identifying with it, and then still going towards your goal or questioning that you're not good enough, right? That's the mental, the emotional, you can work it again on any of the five levels. Yeah, I love that. So I want to jump back to what you said earlier, which was fear of being seen is normally fear of judgment. Can you talk a little bit about that? Yeah. So the fear of being seen is really about this kind of human need to belong, but there's a fear that we're going to be rejected. And part of this is just, you know, as a human being, we need each other to survive. And so part of it is for survival purposes. And

then another part of it is just the egoic makeup. And we're essentially evolving beyond that. And so if we're afraid of how somebody is going to think of us, then it's, again, really just a reflection of what we think of ourselves. And rather than trying to get everybody to see us in a certain light, which is not possible, then it's really about it looking at and clearing the mirror, the parts of us that we may be judged or the things that we judge about ourselves. And we've always been around people that are, they're not perfect and they just are so comfortable in themselves that it makes you feel comfortable with them. They just own it. It doesn't matter what they look like or how

they sound. They just love who they are and it's a pleasure to be around them. That's part of the work as like really doing our internal work so that we're comfortable within ourselves. We've come to a deeper acceptance of our humanity. And ironically, we're more relaxed. We enjoy things more. We attract people, situations, clients from that space of unapologetically being ourselves. And how does someone even start to create that kind of thing? Because I imagine there's a lot of people listening like, well, how am I going to ever be able to love this part of myself? Like the affirmations just aren't doing it for me. Good. I love that because affirmations won't just do it. And so why I think a lot of manifestation and affirmation work doesn't actually work is because you have to do

the deeper work around your self-worth, around confidence, around who you think you are and what you're capable of at a deep level. you think you are and what you're capable of at a deep level. Because if you don't, you're just going to sabotage your success. And a lot of the work that I do is around your worth, around discovering and claiming your inherent worth and value independent from any qualifiers, independent from any success or partnership or appearance, anything. It's just knowing that you are invaluable as you are. And so that's a great concept, but how do you actually live it? So again, the framework and the method that I teach is around five levels. So again, you can work it mentally, emotionally, behaviorally,

unconsciously, or somatically. And I would say that there's a different process depending on what's going to support somebody. So if somebody is really emotionally based, maybe you're listening, you're like, you get wrapped up in your emotions. You're going to want to have a tool to learn how to navigate and surf the waves of your emotion rather than letting them tumble you. And so really the parts and patterns, what I was just sharing by journaling that part that doesn't feel good enough and really meeting it as if it were a child. And you seeing this child, for example, all these little kids, for example, this little girl does a cartwheel and she's doing it out of the joy of it. And she starts getting claps, like everyone's clapping, yay. And that feels good for

her. So she does the cartwheel again. But the second time she does the cartwheel, now she's looking for approval in it. Now she's looking for something because that dopamine hit that felt really good. And then that can get really addicting. And then she can think, oh, they like me for what I can achieve or what I can perform and what I can do. And these wirings, these subconscious programs actually are a lot of the time what we're living out of. Those are what we were talking about in the beginning. We can have these set points, but learning how to embrace that part of you and seeing that she is beautiful and inherently whole and worthy, independent of her cartwheel, it's easy to see it as a child. And so you could even take, you know, you could do some deeper work with

taking a photo of yourself when you were younger and seeing the preciousness and really being compassionate with that part that's bought into these misunderstandings and these ideas and really let that go on an emotional level. And on a mental level, you could question the misunderstandings of who you think you are because of the work that you've created in the world. Right? So again, you can work it at different levels, but once you do some of this deeper work, then adding in manifestation and affirmations are great to help maintain the reprogramming, but you have to do some of the deeper excavating work so that it's coming from a deep foundation rather than just kind of putting a band-aid on it that's

not sustainable. Yeah, that makes total sense. And one thing I remember having a conversation with you, I think it was like a year ago or something now, about confidence. And it kind of ties into what we're saying. And I remember saying to you, well, how do you get really confident? And you were like, you don't get confident. You already are. But sometimes you just need to unlock that part of you. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because there might be some people listening who are in the mindset of like, well, I don't see myself getting to being that confident person because I'm just not that. Yeah, that's and I would say that that story that you're not confident, I would question because in my experience, there's an authentic confidence that doesn't come and go underneath all of the insecure thinking. And when you are present and questioning those thoughts about who you are, about you not being confident, it's like the clouds, it parts. And you're like, oh, you can start to authentically experience a deeper confidence that's here. Because if you have to be the person that is confident all the time to feel secure, then you're going to be in

certain situations where people are doing better than you, or they look better than you, or whatever the story is that activate your insecurity. And so rather than trying to control and manipulate outside experiences, I would rather empower you with tools and ways of being for you to access something deeper. And part of that work looks like embracing the part of you that's insecure on the emotional level, right? And it naturally starts to integrate. And that again, it parts the clouds and you feel an authentic confidence that doesn't come and go. And the same thing with the thought. And ironically, if you're willing just to, like on a somatic level, if you're willing just to feel the sensations in your body, like right now, just whoever's listening, take a contraction in your body, wherever it may be, your shoulder, your belly, your throat, and just for a second, just breathe into and allow that contraction without any agenda, just for it to be here right now. Breathing in and then letting it go. Just full permission, just for this moment to

just drop in and allow it to be here. Just breathing. And you notice it starts to soften. And if you stay with that, it starts to disintegrate and it's completely gone. And so the things that we're avoiding and we're afraid to feel, actually that pattern of avoiding and or thinking about it rather than dropping in to feel it is what perpetuates it. And so if you're courageous enough to feel this sensation without a story about you not being confident or you being a procrastinator, just feel the raw, pure sensation in the body with pure acceptance and breathing into it. It moves through and you no longer have to keep being that person

or keep projecting that into your future. I love that. I was just doing that exercise as you were talking through it. And I think this is so practical as well for coming back to what we were talking about at the beginning. You know, there's a lot of excitement around new year, new me, new goals, all of this newness and excitement. And you might get one month in and realize you're in a pattern of procrastination or telling yourself you're not good enough or you're feeling like an imposter. And to just have tools where even just the one you're talking about, not resisting it, just leaning into it and exploring it. Little tools like that can make

the world of difference because it's not just a new strategy you need to go and get more Instagram followers like it really isn't and I see this a lot in IGA some people come in and they're like I just need a strategy to help me get more followers and I'm like great how often are you showing up on social well I'm not showing up right now because I don't have any followers I'm like well let's show up daily no I don't really want to do that I just want to have followers that I can show up and sell to but they're not not showing up. And it's those underlying things. I feel like the strategies and tactics, they're only going to get you so far and you have to be willing to take action and actually put the work in, but it's not really their fault. It's they just don't know the tools. They don't even know how to move through. Exactly. And so just for everybody, have your

new year goals, like follow your dreams. You are so much more supportive than you realize. And know when it starts getting hard, that's where the rubber hits the road. And that's what you're being invited to look at so that you can get to your next level and sustain there. But if you're not willing to do the work, or if you don't have the right tools, then you'll probably yo-yo back. And there's no judgment in that. And there are always infinite choices.

But when we procrastinate or we push things under the rug, we actually just postpone it. And so I just want to invite people like as you're going towards your dreams and these things come up, that's where the real work happens. Because we say, I want this dream. I want these followers. I want to speak on stage. I want to grow my business, whatever it is. And then life's like, okay, sweetheart, here you go. Here are the opportunities to step into that. And if we really do feel supported and have the tools to stand into our dreams, then we'll, it's like we get to this next level and we maintain there without going backwards. So don't think that those things are in the way they are the way, and you can use them to help you get there. And it's all part of it.

Yeah. Don't think that those things are in the way they are the way I just really want to echo that. And because we kind of touched on this imposter syndrome, can you talk a little bit about where this might be coming from? Or if someone can identify, you know, where there's might be coming from, because that's also something I hear a lot of. The imposter syndrome is about them not seeing themselves the way that their ego is not caught up to who they are, to their reality. And so part of the work that is helpful, again, just doing any of the deeper five levels of these processes that I'm sharing, because you can essentially use this framework to

plug in any imposter, procrastination, any of these processes. But imposter is just saying, I don't feel worthy of what I've stepped into. And again, it's not just about like, here's the strategy, here's the scripts, or here are the tactics, because those are so powerful and important. But if you're not really embodying it, like imagine giving a pitch to a company or to a client from this real embodied place, independent of how they, whatever they say, yes or no, then you feel more empowered to keep putting your work out there and keep making the requests or putting, you know, speaking on stage or all the things.

Then you're no longer like taken out by saying, oh, they said no, or it didn't happen for me. But oftentimes this imposter syndrome is mainly, it's just them not catching up to where they're at and they can question their identity. And because really you want to make sure that you do that because if you don't, you'll sabotage that success. And so if you question either wake up out of an identifying personality or just enhance your identity, either one works, but you really do want to, again, these things aren't that limit you. They are breadcrumbs towards your freedom. And so I just want to invite everybody to look closer, not indulge them, because there's a window of tolerance where you actually want to

look at it. You don't want to live out of it so that you can be more empowered to navigate beyond it. But any one of these things, there's an invitation, there's a gem, there's a gift, there's wisdom in these things, they're nuggets. And if we're not just assuming a question like, oh, this is what I've been told that is, if we get intimate with it and we get still, we can hear how it's trying to serve us, how it's trying to get us to our next level. It's like, oh, there's a Joseph Campbell quote that he says, the cave you seek. I don't remember it is. It's essentially the key is that if you are willing to face the things that you've been afraid of, you are more

powerful as a result. You know that nothing can take you out of it because you are able to navigate anything that shows up in your life. Yeah, I just googled it and it said, the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Thank you. It's so good. And how that shows up on a practical level, and I'll just share, for me, a big part of my life story was that I was not good enough. And I was just hustling to prove my worth through what I was doing until I just stopped. And I was willing to face this fear of not feeling good enough. And I just surrendered to feeling it, again, not indulging it, but allowing it. And it moved through me and it ironically opened me to my wholeness. It was the very thing that I had been avoiding. I embraced and through embracing this quote unquote imperfection, it woke me up to

experiencing an authentic confidence. It helped me feel my wholeness. And so I think some of these things have a bad rap and we're thinking about them rather than experientially exploring for ourselves to find out what our truth is. And so if we can get intimate with these experiences and have an open mind, ironically, I think that they, my experience, and apparently Joseph Campbell's, is that it opens us to a power that is unlimited. It is our unlimited self. And from there, we can still step into our dreams, but it's no longer coming from these fear-based operating systems. We're just doing the work that we're called to. And it's a lot easier without the mind projecting who we are and limiting ourselves and worst case scenario. It just, the ride becomes a lot more enjoyable.

I'm feeling so inspired right now. I'm going to spend tonight journaling on a lot of these questions and seeing what's there because I definitely feel like that is for me. Okay. So you're going to have thousands of people lined up saying, Alyssa, I want to work with you. Obviously, you're not taking on clients right now. And I want to talk about the certification and the place where people, if anyone is listening and it's resonating and are wanting to do the work and work with you, I want to talk about the certification. Obviously, I know so much about it. You've been working on this for such a long time. It's your life's work. Can you tell people a bit about the certification? Yeah. So this, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is almost two decades of my

life's work as a former licensed psychotherapist and leadership business coach so that it's combined so that you really do the work within yourself first. So whether you're a brand new coach, you're wanting to be a coach, or I've even had people that want to take this program just for personal enhancement, right? They're leaders in real estate or other professions that they really want to do this for their own personal work and grow as an entrepreneur. Or you're a seasoned therapist or coach and you're wanting new tools. This is not the same recycled tools that every other coach is using. This is about you really embodying and doing the work within yourself so that you're deeply held to offer life-changing results with your clients. And so first you have to do your own work because change really is from the inside out. That we're talking about some of these

concepts, you live them and you're giving and receiving coaching one-to-one every week so that you're doing the meditations and the journaling prompts and you just feel lit up because who doesn't want to enhance their life and then be able to masterfully hold for any type of a client and deeply serve them as a result. So the frameworks that I teach are for any niche. So whether you're a relationship coach, you're a business coach, a health coach, or you don't know your niche, I walk you through how to move through that and really understand who to serve and how best to create packages and offers that hold them through getting life-changing results. And so really that's the first part of the program. And then we've got this retreat and we dive into business. So really whether you want to just fill your spaces,

whether you want to do high ticket sales and really back higher ticket with talent and deep transformation, or you want to build your empire like bus babe, and you're wanting to really grow in a way that's online and going wide. So I have a customized six-figure and beyond business roadmap where you get to really choose what's best for you, because there's no one way towards success. And you really do want to do alignment and having done the deeper work to clear any of those fears or misunderstandings about unworthiness so that then when you get to the business, you just take off. That's what the second part is about. And you're doing the transformational work along the way. So you're not just learning it, but you're implementing it so that you really do take

off in your business and you're feeling empowered. You can do the work that you were called to do. And so it's really the five levels of change, really this methodology. And it is a full year program, 2021. We are getting started the end of January I'm so excited I love it and the reason that I love this so much is I get asked a lot what do you think the key to hitting seven figures was for you and without doubt every single time my response is mindset it wasn't strategy or tactics or tools those things are helpful but it was mindset it was thinking in different ways it was questioning the way I'd been doing things and thinking about things

and I really truly believe mindset's going to be the things that gets me you know eight nine figures that like really really growing and being able to create success you mentioned it before but creating success in a more graceful way I'm not the kind of person that loves to hustle 24-7 and get stressed about everything. It doesn't work for me. And so everything comes down to mindset. So that's one reason I'm glad you're doing it. Secondly, and I just want to say this too, there's a lot of coaches and, you know, more and more people are deciding to become coaches every single day. And what scares me sometimes is, and I don't know if you feel this way too, but coaches coming into the industry who might be working with people doing deep inner work, but actually have no training and no tools. I really want to see people being trained up, being certified and actually coming

into this space with that experience and with the knowledge. Yeah. I mean, part of my work as a psychotherapist in my training really helped qualify how to really hold space, but also to know when it's out of scope. So the entire program is trauma informed. It teaches you how to really hold space, but also to know when it's out of scope. So the entire program is trauma-informed. It teaches you how to resource people, how to make sure that you're deeply serving them, but that you're qualified so that you know, oh, this is how to deeply support them in transforming in a way that actually is sustainable and that it is not about... Part of my intention is to up-level the coaching industry. So I love that you bring that because I think anyone can call themselves a coach and more and more in the end, you know, it's a $38 billion. The self-improvement industry in self-help is a $38 billion global industry. So

it is increasing. People are hungry. They're wanting, they're seeing the value of this work. And if you want to do this work, you want to feel really confident in the work that you're doing for yourself, but for your clients. And that's why this is mastery level this is about you it's not like a five-week check mark now I have a certification it is accredited school we are doing certifications if you want that track but it's really about you feeling like this is what I came here to do and feeling really confident and grateful is such an honor I mean I'm biased but I think this is the best profession in the world because we get to uplevel our lives and support our clients in doing the same. Yeah, I'm fully in agreement. And we've obviously worked

together on the mastermind and you were leading this side of things and we were leading the business side of things. And me and Danielle, every time we were watching you in the room, doing this deep work and unlocking and uncovering these things, we were both just in absolute awe. So to see you being able to equip other people with these tools just is just so exciting. And it really is going to completely change the game. So speaking of length, how long is the program? And what's the time commitment every week? So it is so it starts January 27, or 25th is the first week. And it is until December, I think it's 8th. So it's a 12 month program. And it is about five hours on average a week if you want to go for certification.

So I don't love just, it's not just about mentally understanding. It's about embodying the work. So I have behind the scenes training videos, as well as videos to watch me coach behind the scenes. So I don't just tell you how to hold for somebody within the window of tolerance. When are they too much in their emotion? When are they too much in their head? I don't just tell you the trainings. I show you what it looks like in a session with me one-to-one with a client. And then we have up to three live coaching session calls a week for those who want that level of being held.

So coaching calls with me weekly, giving and receiving coaching, learning the tools. There's over 33 tools in this program so that you're really feeling equipped in your toolkit to handle anything that comes up. And then there are wisdom circles where you have small group case studies, you break it down, you get more support. It's optional, but it's there for you so that you really feel held through the whole transformational experience. But it is about five hours a week on average. So is that you've got the three hours of calls and then is it two hours work on your own? And then some of the live trainings. Yeah. So you've got the 90 minute trainings. You've got the call with me. You've got the peer practice, the peer session, coaching sessions, and then additional bonus, you know, behind the scenes coaching sessions, as well as

these wisdom circles. Cause it's part of that is about you feeling seen and celebrated in your own wisdom. This is not top-down leadership. This is about you feeling like you can stand and feel like a qualified leader. So those circles are really about you being with community. Part of the work you really do, if you want to thrive as a coach, you want to be in a community where other coaches are thriving. It helps show you that they did it. You can do it. And you want to question any misunderstandings. If you get anytime somebody feels lacked in comparison, you just want to question because comparison is essentially feedback that you want what they have. And so you want to question that you can't, and then you're inspired by them. And being in a community of people helps you really do the work and network

and celebrate and create these pods of helping you go further than you could have on your own. And I just want to clarify, you did say this before, but even if someone is not wanting to be a coach, but they're wanting to do this inner work for themselves and really uplevel themselves and their career in whatever industry they're in, will there also be enough of those people in there that they won't feel if they're not being a coach that they're kind of missing out? Yeah, I was surprised. I was surprised, honestly, about how many people are like, well, I don't actually know that I want to be a coach, but I feel drawn to this work. Or I know I don't want to be a coach. I'm in real estate or I'm in another profession, but

I've worked with you. I've been in a mastermind and I can see the level of transformation. I want that for myself. So absolutely. There's enough people that really are doing it for their own personal transformation. And you can apply the same strategies for creating clients and growing online as well in the entrepreneurial part of the program. But we're doing transformation throughout the whole thing. Because like you said, mindset was what helped you get to seven figures. Everybody can Google the same information, but why don't people stick with it is because they need to do the deeper work. And the entire program program you are held to move through any of the thoughts, emotions, anything that's been blocking you so that you can feel really confident and embodied and doing life-changing work and feeling really

proud of it. And so that's why we have it as a year so that it's personal work, professional work, and then growing your business. So how do I do my own transformation? How do I deeply facilitate others? And how do I actually grow my business? Not just how, but let me just, let me do it and do the person, the transformational work along the way. I love it. Okay. So I'm going to include all the links below on what's the application process like for

someone. So they can just go to the link and they'll be taken through the whole process. So I'm going to be doing a, just so like, I want people to be able to experience this work. So I'm doing a challenge on social media where this is like a behind the scenes like five day coaching tools and demos for them to live into it and so we're taking applications and we're doing calls and then if it's a fit we'll honestly let you know we've had hundreds of applications we're only accepting those that we truly know

that we can support and so we'll honestly. Wait, tell me more about the challenge. I'm going to put links below, but what's the challenge? I'm going to do it. So, okay, fun. So this is really about you. Why do people not change? We go way deeper because we have more time to actually unpack why people aren't changing and how to create containers to set them up and support them in the new year with feeling really like this bulletproof. Okay, this is my plan and how to, because there's something called the three month doubt and dip. For example, if you as a coach know how to create containers that help somebody move beyond the parts that make them want to get out of the program and you help that be that bridge, they're going to reprogram it. They're going to be more successful. You're going to be more confident as a coach. So we're teaching all the behind the scenes around

how to really get lasting change as a coach. We're also going into worth and manifestation. Why worth? Why manifestation hasn't worked because it's not been talked about around worth. So how do you embody a deeper sense of confidence and then healing your money mindset and then strategic ways to create clients right away. And then we go deep in the last day as a full on training with confidence, clients, and clarity, really setting you up for 2021 and beyond. I love that. Okay, I'm joining. So if you're joining, you're going to see me in the Facebook group. Okay, so one just kind of recapping on this one journal prompt that probably everyone would benefit going away with is what do I fear would happen if I hit this goal? Can you think of

one more that they could journal on and go away and do some work on? Sure, sure. And how is this fear trying to serve me? It's often, you know, hint is it's a protection mechanism. But when we're living out of the fear based protection mechanism, we're just creating it now. And so just, you know, you'll find your own discoveries, and we can dive deeper into it in the challenge. But how is it trying to serve me? And then really the emotional work is how do I embrace this part of me without identifying with it, without letting it lead my business or make decisions? And with these questions, I almost feel like there might be for some people so much fear there that the unconscious or subconscious stops you from even

going and doing the journaling. You procrastinate on that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Okay. But I love resistance because it tells you that there's something juicy on the other side. So anytime resistance comes up, you just want to get curious. You don't want to force it because it's going to have more resistance, but you just lean in at your growth edge and you get curious, you breathe into it. So the same tools apply for a pattern, a thought, a sensation in the body. Just meet it at the edge with curiosity and breathe into it and listen. Because if you have an agenda with it, it will get louder.

And you can just like, okay, you're allowed to be resistant. Because as soon as you accept resistance, it softens. Again, just like we did, we breathe into it in the body. That's like one way to experience it. And so this is just an opportunity. It's like a coaching immersion where you get to, it's a boot camp really, where you're trying things on to see what works for you to help you be a better leader, a parent, a professional. And if you want to be a coach, you want to explore that will go deeper. And if you don't, it'll serve you as well. I love it. Well, Alyssa, thank you so, so much for this.

I feel so inspired. I'm ready to go journal. I love it. I love you, honey. Thank you for this. If you loved this episode, please subscribe, download a few more, and please leave us a review. I really want to hear what you enjoyed, what your main takeaways were. And I also want to know what you want to hear us talk about next. To say thanks for leaving us a review, we'll send you a copy of The Boss Babe 25. The Boss Babe 25 is the 25 essential resources you need for personal and professional growth. It covers everything from our favorite rituals, books, and hacks.

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