the bossbabe podcast - 164. Life With Meaning + Purpose: A Conversation With Tony Robbins

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

It feels like everybody around you has expectations for what your life should look like: when you should start a family, if it’s the right time to dive into your business and how you should make big choices in your life.  Keeping up with everyone else’s demands is exhausting, and if you’re honest, it leaves you feeling confused about what YOU actually want for yourself. What if instead you had a true North Star? A purpose for your life that helped you figure out your next steps and truly live a life with meaning? In this profound and thought-provoking conversation with Tony Robbins, we’re unpacking just that. We’re diving into everything from creating your life’s mission statement to building a daily routine that sets you up for success, so you can start to live life on your own terms and gain a real sense of fulfillment from what you do. This episode will make you think, and we promise by the end, you’ll have pages and pages of notes. So pull up a seat and join us for our conversation with Tony Robbins. Links: Register For The Own Your Future Challenge: https://bit.ly/3eC9NIK  Join BossBabe Next Level: https://bossbabe.com/nextlevel  The Power Of Priming: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/priming/  Follow:  BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie: @iamnatalie Danielle: @daniellecanty Tony Robbins: @tonyrobbins

And if you're doing an adventure of any sort, whether it's being a mom or building a business or starting a family or anything that has value, a non-profit, you have to step in the realm of uncertainty. If you wait until you're totally certain, the opportunity is pretty much dead. The relationship is pretty dead. The impact is going to be dead because by that time you've lost momentum. All passion is found in the realm of uncertainty. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place where we share with you the real behind the

scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance, and learning how to balance it all. I am Natalie and I am here in LA with Danielle. building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I am Natalie and I am here in LA with Danielle. I don't know why I just did that. I don't know if it was. I'm so excited they are here. I know. It's been so fun being back. I definitely do feel like I've made the right decision being in Austin, but it does feel really nice coming back to LA. I'm very excited for you to come to Austin though it's happening it is happening I am very excited too but I am really excited to have you in LA it's like old times like let's go to the beach let's go for dinner it does feel really good I feel like I feel like whenever we're together

something just magical happens you know there's like a chemistry between us this is platonic for everyone listening she means the platonic chemistry no there is it's really fun to be able to actually get time like brainstorming being creative whiteboarding I feel like you can try that over zoom but it doesn't really translate and it can get quite fatiguing quite yeah it's like a different energy on zoom you know we spend so much like our team are generally remote so we spend so much time on zoom i i cannot create on computer like anything i have to be like on pen and paper like brightly colored felt tips pens which yes i stole from you before you say because we know that comes up a lot but that that's how I jam.

Like I love creating off paper and then putting it into computer. So when you're here, like it's so much easier to just brainstorm in person versus like, oh, let's have a brainstorm session on Zoom, just doesn't work. Yeah, and just a little thing that I've been doing, I actually did it for the first time today

when I had one of our long Zoom meetings. I actually just put my AirPods in and didn't put my video on and it was so refreshing. And I actually think I'm going to start doing that when we have really heavy meeting days. Actually not having my video on for every single one and being able to walk around during a meeting. I think it just gives you a different energy and Zoom fatigue is a real thing. And I know sometimes by the end of the day when I've been on zoom the camera all day long my eyes are aching like I'm just not as creative and that was actually really good for me so I'm gonna try maybe I like take Nala for a walk sometimes I'm just like walking around doing things in the house

but still being able to like listen in and be part of the meeting it felt really really good yeah I think there's a lot to be said for that I've found Anna does that she's walking meetings all the time but I think I got in the habit of feeling like I have to have my video on and like sit there so yeah maybe it's a good reframe I know I was feeling that too and I wonder where that comes from it's almost like when your videos on your you you maybe perceived as more present more available I don't know but I know I've definitely felt that so I think it's a reframe it's funny because you know I'm just thinking about driving right if I drive and listen to podcasts or books I learn so much more and so actually I'm wondering

actually if I did a walking meeting whether on some of them where I'm not necessarily contributing I'm more there to listen and to pick a pile of strategy points and to go away and think around things. Actually, whether that would be better for me and the business. Yeah, there's actually science behind that. I'm not going to say the exact science because I'll probably butcher it, but there's science around,

because for me, I really struggle with audiobooks. I'm really good at reading. I can concentrate for hours and take in all the information, but with audiobooks, I really struggle. And I actually listened to a podcast where they were talking about the best way to take in information from an audiobook or a podcast is when you're doing something else like driving, because the way your brain works, when it's got those two things stimulating it, it actually makes you take in more information. So that was really an

interesting insight and I did find that when I was I was like doing things like emptying the dishwasher just like different things whilst on all hands and listening in and I was taking in all the info and I came off the meeting not feeling fatigued so just a little tip anyway we need to dive in because this one is a really big one like we said last week we tried to play cool but I hope it came across like we were playing it cool but we were so not do you know what I'm so excited for people to listen to this episode because also like you know Tony's got that much content out there but I haven't actually heard him speak to these points which we asked him and we were specific around ambitious women

we're basically asking the questions that were on yours and my minds and also our facebook group community and so i'm really really excited for women to listen to this particularly ambitious women because i think there's gonna be so so many takeaways and there was just like mic drop moment after mic drop moment like tony was in informed as always really yeah you're right I actually don't think he has talked about these things before I was really glad that we got the chance to ask these questions it was incredible I think it's one of my favorite podcasts to date so I know you're all going to get so much value out of that and before we dive in I want to make sure that you are registered for the challenge this is your absolute last chance you don't want

to miss out if you do you're going to kick yourself and there's not going to be a replay there's not going to be a chance to look back in a week and go ah I'm going to go catch up now that's not happening you either sign up now and you get in or it's going to be too late don't be that person don't regret that you didn't sign up when everyone else is talking about it and has gotten so much out of it so if you are serious about signing up the link is below in the show notes firstly sign up for the challenge secondly sign up for well come join our free facebook group where we're actually going live after the challenge every day to debrief you and kind of give you our insights on on how it went so really important that you

come and join us in there it's going to be epic and sign up for vip too because we've just added an extra special bonus where natalie and i are giving a full day-by-day plan for you guys to do behind the scenes to make sure you show up with a sharp mind. You're going to be refreshed. We're giving all the way our recipes, the things that we're going to be doing in the mornings to prime ourselves ready for the challenge. So if you sign up for VIP, we're giving away that as well. So extra special. It's going to be epic. Okay, let's dive in you're gonna

love it oh a boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise keep going and fighting on she is on a mission to be her best self in all areas it's just believing in yourself confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success we just want to dive into the deep end. And we were thinking, you know, we've got 30 minutes to sit and chat with the world's number one life and business strategist. We want to dig into things that we struggle with the most because we know that our women are us. We're all facing the exact same things. And so where I would really love to kick this off is so many of us women struggle with the idea of time. So for me

personally, right now, it's like, I want to start a family, but there just doesn't seem to be the right time to do it. And I'm so one month I'm ready and the next month I'm not. And I know a lot of women feel the same, whether it's starting a family or it's leaving a job, starting a business, making a big life transition, where do we start with figuring out what's the right time for us and how are we really feeling? Because it's so easy to get swept away by limiting beliefs and all the thoughts. I don't know that it's just one simple, magnificent solution for clarity, but I believe that clarity comes when you get yourself in a more quiet place.

I speak rapidly. I think rapidly. I can see you do too, both of you. And I enjoy that. But when it comes to deciding what's really most important, it's important to slow down because otherwise you get wrapped up in the momentum of your thoughts and your thoughts can be triggered by whatever's around you. You get primed by the environment you're in. And priming, you know, is a real thing. You know, I teach people in seminars very often as an example, your studies have been done where they'll show somebody, you know, is a real thing. You know, I teach people in seminars very often as an example. There's studies that have been done where they'll show somebody, they'll give somebody a creativity test. But right before they do it, they show them the IBM logo or the Apple logo. They show an IBM 30-second commercial and Apple think differently commercial. And the people that watch the Apple commercial score 20 points higher on average.

And it's the only difference. They're primed to think a certain way, to be a certain way. So a lot of times what you want is primed by the environment. If you're a woman and you've got four girlfriends and they all are having new babies or just getting married, there's an internal sense of pressure. Oh my God, I need to get this done. If you're boss babes and you're crushing it and all your friends are seeing you guys crush it, like, oh man, I got to get my business together. I got to make this thing happen. So part of it in life is understanding like life is long-term. Now I can tell you, I was very fortunate for whatever reason.

At a young age, I read a lot of books. I didn't have a way to escape the poverty and the pain of my life, except through books. And I would read biographies. And by reading biographies of people that have been around the block, people that are some of the great humans of history, you begin to realize that, oh my God, we all go through so many different phases. And so at a very young age, I started thinking of life in 10-year segments. Because early on, I noticed that I would almost always overestimate what I would do in a year and then beat myself up about it. But I underestimated what I would do in a decade or two or three, or now I'm four and almost four and a half. I've been doing this 44

years. I started when I was 17. So at 61, life is very different. And you know, a lot of life is going to come to you. We all think it's all driven by us. And that sounds funny coming from me. I'm the guy that creates it. But I really think you got to think about life differently. You got to think of life and say, what do I really want is an extraordinary quality of life. Now, what does that look like for me? Not my girlfriends, not the people around me, not the pressure from my mom or my dad or the environment. Just what does that look like for me today?

Because it's going to be different today than five or 10 years ago, whatever age you are, just the nature of human beings. And if you slow down enough to listen to the whispers of destiny, then you can start thinking in terms like, oh, I want to do this. I want to do everything. Well, you know, you can do everything, just not all at once. And I try to do it all at once. I'm pretty good at doing a lot at once. I have 80 companies. I have, I have a new child. I'm 61. I got a brand new baby girl. So I've got five kids, five grandkids. My five grandkids are older than my daughter, my four-week-old daughter.

So life brings you opportunity also if you're awake to it. So it isn't all planned. I believe there's a certain amount of grace, but you have to be awake to it by slowing down, perhaps meditating, perhaps just putting yourself in thought and saying, what do I really want now? I'm being clear. Second thing you got to know is it's going to change. And so this idea that you're going to come up with this perfect plan is total BS. If you go, I'm a pilot. If you want to fly here from, you know, let's say Florida to Hawaii,

you're off course about 95% of the time, but you don't freak out and go, Oh my God, I'm off course. You just go, Oh, I'm off course. You're correct. The wind blows you. You're correct. You're correct. And because you know where you want to go, you land on a dime thousands and thousands of miles away, six, seven hours later in your jet. So the experience of life is more like that than it is. Oh, I know what's right. Oh, I got to do this right now. And it's good not to let the environment control your decisions, because if you do, you're

going to wake up and probably be unhappy. So my view is, life goes in stages. And to me, it's like finding something that's really meaningful is what really matters. But you know, I travel, I'm Christian, personally, I don't tell people what to believe religiously. But I look at every religion, because I think you can learn from them. You don't have to say this is what I believe, but you can learn from principles, because all great religions or philosophies of life are guides on how to have an extraordinary life, how to have a great quality of life. And I go to India about every two years and I bring a group of my friends there.

And I bring them to a place there called Varanasi because it puts everything in balance for me. And Varanasi is a city that's about 3,900 years old, one of the oldest cities in the world. They burn bodies there 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. They have the same flame that's been going for almost 4,000 years. It never goes out. Because in their religion, in the Hindu religion, there's not one God, there's 300 million gods. Everybody has their own personal God. And they believe, there's some people believe you get to nirvana, which for them is the equivalent of heaven. I mean, you don't come back. They believe in reincarnation. You get there either by giving up everything or you do it by doing yoga or you do

it by doing good works karma there's a million different approaches but they all believe if you die in veronasi all these approaches you're golden so people when they're dying try to get there and you see all these dying people in the streets and they're so freaking happy that's why i bring people there because americans like if i don't get this and this, if it doesn't all come together, oh my God, I'm going to be so miserable. And so I bring very wealthy people that are usually unhappy. I bring them there and have them see these happy people. We went with Mother Teresa as a center there and I got to know her while she was alive. And so I've got a relationship. So I took all these people there and there's all these people that are in their 80s and 90s. There's one little woman, just lady of 91 years old, and she was pissed.

She was angry they were saving her life because she came here to die. Because there they believe if you die, they burn your body. Your body's the t-shirt. It burns away and now your soul is free. And so she's trapped in the body because these idiots want to help her. I show you that because it's good to go to other cultures because no one cries there. They're like joyous when a death happens. It shows you life is not just the way you've been conditioned by your culture to believe. And their philosophy there, not the death philosophy, is that life has four aims. And maybe this will be helpful for the ladies listening.

Aim number one, they call ARFA. Aim number one, the first thing you got to do is figure out how to get prosperity or security for your life, for your family. We all want that. And if you don't have that, it's really hard to stay in a spiritual state. Now, don't get me wrong. You don't have to pick one or the other. But their philosophy is it's not not spiritual to focus on how to take care of your family, to come up with a business, to come up with something you love, to find work that you believe is of service and lays the foundation so you can decide to have a child or decide to do something else.

It's like you want that foundation is the way they look at it first, instead of trying to do it all at once. And they don't say that's not spiritual. They go, if you're doing something that serves society in any way, and you know that because you're profitable is their view, then you obviously have added value. And this is a really good thing because it's going to give you the base for everything else. Then the second stage you work on, they call KAMA, it's K-A-M-A is how it's spelled. And it means pleasure. That pleasure is a beautiful thing that if you don't enjoy the process along the way,

then what good is life? It's like I always tell people, there's two skills, the science of achievement, master that if you want a great life. How do you take the invisible, make it visible? But then there's the art of fulfillment. Like how do you really enjoy everything along the way? Because what good is all this shit if you're rushing around and you're stressed out about having a child as opposed to enjoying having a child or as opposed to saying I'm going to do it at this stage when I feel like I'll be able to do both in a more balanced way. And I'm thinking this consciously. I'm not being pushed by the environment because a bunch of people around me made choices that may or may not be good for them. But their choices aren't my choices anyway. You make your choices based on other people. You're usually disappointed.

And then the third level is your dharma, which is a term I'm sure you've heard because it's used by a lot of people spiritually. And all dharma means is your purpose. It's your truth. because it's used by a lot of people spiritually and all drama means is your purpose it's your truth and it's it's living life consciously it's saying okay you know i've got this security and prosperity and i'm finding pleasure and enjoyment not just in sensuality but in my family and art and music and life i'm enjoying this life from that place i'm able to bring more to my purpose as opposed to what's my purpose so i can bring my purpose so i can finally be happy it's bullshit like what is your purpose. So I can bring my purpose so I can finally be happy. It's bullshit. Like, what is your purpose?

Where do we come up with this idea we only have one purpose anyway? Like, you have different purposes at different stages of your life. And people are trying to make it so big. I remember when I was really young, I had this, my mission statement purpose was something like, purpose of my life is to be an unbelievably loving and passionate example of God's amazing grace and help millions of people around the world to do all this. It went on for like 25 minutes. Now my purpose is really simple. I love to help. How can I help? Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi.

You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible.

I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. And that doesn't sound very unbelievable, but it's unbelievably prosperous

in terms of the feeling inside of me. It feels alive. It feels like my life serves more than myself. So serving to me is the greatest gift. And it's made it really simple because how can I help? That means I can live my purpose in this conversation with you, perhaps with some of your listeners. I can do it in a few minutes with my son. I can do it with my grandson. I can do it with the mailman who comes here. So we don't just have one purpose and this obsession with finding purpose when you don't even have basic security and you're not even enjoying your life. You're never going to enjoy your life if you're always trying to figure out what the hell your? Even if it's fake, like fake pictures, fake everything. I have a friend that owns a gym,

and I couldn't believe it. He said at least once a week, sometimes twice a week, a man or woman will come in and they lay out the whole workout. They take a million pictures and then they leave. They don't even work out. It's total bullshit. They just do it to show people that they're such a stutter stud at. It just blows my mind. So you'll never be fulfilled by that. And then if you find your dharma, your way of living, because you're prosperous and secure and your family's great and you're enjoying everything. And from that place, you're able to serve from a different place because it isn't so much about you because you're already full. You already got so much to get. You don't have to wait till that to find your dharma, but finding your purpose in anything

makes you feel more alive. And then ultimately it leads to what they call moksha or moksha, M-O-K-S-H-A. And their philosophy there is that's where you feel unified with God. You feel unified by God by creating these pillars first that allow you then to be open. So I don't know if that's helpful. And again, it's not coming from a religious frame. I'm personally Christian, but I believe we can learn from anybody. And the way we look at life so affects our decision making. And listen, I looked at my life in 10 year segments. I said, when I was 15 years old, I said, in my 20s, I'm going to learn able to help. If I'm committed to changing them and they're committed to changing, I'm going to be able to help anybody on earth, no matter what the problem is. I'm going to find every tool I can. And I did. And I said, in my 30s, my next 10 years, I'll do it with small groups of people, three, four, five, 10 people at a time. That was my vision. Then in my 40s, I'll do it with hundreds. In my 50s, with tens of thousands. In my 60s, I'll either, you know, run for president or I'll start a church

or whatever. Well, you know, I was 10 years ahead of everything. So now in my 60s, I have a different way of looking at life and unfold. But I really did do all those things. I just did them faster than I expected. But having 10-year segments instead of two-year segments can put a little, take a little stress out and remind you this is the long game, not the short game. That was so helpful for me, actually. There's so many facets of it and really made me think, you know, this is the last year of my 20s. I turned 30 at the very end of the year. And so maybe it's thinking about what my 30s looks like for me and spreading that out, which I love.

So thank you. I would advise you if I could, if I could give you my two cents, which is all it's worth. Okay. Think about what you want for your 30s, 40s fifties. So you expand your vision beyond where you are right now. And it's natural. It's absolutely natural. I remember when I was in my twenties and I had Fran Tarkin, who was a famous quarterback and he was in my infomercial. And he's like, Tony, when you turn 30, people call you Mr. Robbins. And I thought, oh, you're full of crap. And then around 30, that did happen, right?

40s is a different experience. 50s, I mean, I'm 61. I'm here to tell you, time goes by like that. So now would be the time to think about what do I want my 30s to be about? Not every detail. What do I think my 40s might be about? What do my 60s be like? Because what I'll do is that'll keep you from this tight little picture of everything has to happen this second. And it'll give you more room to let things unfold. Okay. That's my I'm so doing that I love that thank you Danielle how much did that speak to you when it was like not just one purpose so much as well I love that you can say like let things unfold and I think that's something that you know personally I've always really grappled with I'm definitely someone who not in like a kind of a little bit actually like a controlling kind of way I mean like I like to make things happen if I don't make it happen it's not gonna happen and so I think it's just that realization

sometimes being able to zoom out and like you say look at those decades um I think as well we live in a culture which is very um much about instant results these days kind of hyped up by social media, et cetera, whereas actually when we're like, wow, we have time to do these things. And you just talking around like, hey, I did this in my 20s, this in my 30s, this in my 40s, is making me realize, like, I don't have to have all the answers now. I can lay things out. And I think, you know, Natalie and I particularly, you know,

she started this conversation by talking around women and, like, babies. It feels like, oh, my God, I have to make these decisions decisions now versus like, okay, I can pull out a little bit. If you do do that also, the other thing it'll give you as a woman, which is, I have so much respect for women. I'm not saying because you two are here, just even more so just being through having a baby again. It's like what women do is unbelievable. No man will ever fully understand or appreciate it. All of us are only here because we came through one of you courageous souls. But I think it's also important that if you look at your life in those segments, science today gives a woman more choices as well. You can freeze your eggs and say, I don't have to have a baby tomorrow. Like, you know, I really wanted to do this and then I'm going to do this and I will have ever existed in human history. And sometimes so many choices makes people choose nothing and get overwhelmed. But I think it's useful to say, I'm not like, I didn't say I'm going to do this every day of my twenties, every day of my thirties. These are the

themes that I want my life to be about during that decade. And these are some of the things I think I'd like to have happen. But then also if I made all those decisions today and I'm with you, like my, my life, Danielle is also like, make it happen. I'm not going to wait for it to happen, but there's a balance in life that as you get older, you start to see, you start to realize I'm making it happen. And oh yeah, maybe there's a force greater than me. That's also opening opportunity for me to make choices about. I think you both are going to find that because you all, you already got such a beautiful start. You know, you certainly are having great influence around the world and you're both super young, but the opportunity for what you can go is going to be much deeper than what you're probably anticipating as much as you're anticipating right now yeah I love that and thank you for that

reflection such it's really really powerful my question I wanted to ask around and you kind of touched on it about having so many choices and then really like not making a decision because there's so many and so I want to talk to you about like genius zone and mastery because I look around and I see a lot of people being very clear on their genius zones and the areas that they want to master. And I know for me, I'm really good at a lot of varied things. And I do know that's the value I bring to our businesses that I'm part of. However, I'm not mastery in a sense. So like you are a master. That's what you've concentrated on. And I want to kind of understand like, what is the best, like, how do you become, or how do you decide the thing that you want to be the best at the world

in? Like, how do you decide, right, this is for me? How do you make that decision? Because I know a lot of people get really confused about this, like how to even get clear on that. So I'm curious as to what the questions were that you asked yourself and what you advise listeners and myself, like what are the questions that I should start with if I want to and should I decide to become a master in something? I think it really starts with what do you love? Who do you love? What do you love? What do you love doing? What do you love bringing? How do you want to serve? Because mastery comes from service. You don't get mastery. If you just want mastery for yourself, like I want to master a tool or an exercise

or whatever it is, you'll get a certain amount of insight and energy from that. But energy is the secret to life. You both know it. You both have great energy. I'm not just saying that blowing your way. You know you have it

or you wouldn't be able to do what you do, right? Energy is cultivated, not only physiologically, but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. And the more you're doing something that's serving something more than yourself, the more energy you get. It's like, I always say, you know, life serves whatever serves life. So if you have a goal for yourself, you're going to get certain insights because you're part of life. You're serving life, right?

When a bumblebee goes to get the nectar out of the flower, of course, while it's getting what it wants, the universe has made it so that pollen sticks to its legs, and that's how you get more flowers. So you getting your selfish desires still serves something greater usually, right? Unless you're doing it at the expense of someone else, then that's something different, obviously. But if you're trying to serve not just yourself, but your family, there's a different level of insight. When suddenly, overnight, I had four kids. I married a woman who had been married twice overnight i had four kids you know i married a woman who married twice before me and had kids from both husbands i was 24 and had a 17 year old son an 11 year old a five-year-old and the one on the way holy crap i grew in a whole different

level because now i was trying to serve more than myself if you're trying to serve a community which you guys do let's say women is the community, but hopefully it's not just women, but I know that's one of your specialties, obviously. And it's like, okay, you're going to get a larger insight because it affects more people. You're trying to serve humanity. You got a whole different level of insight. have this master plan where I know I'll do this, this, this. I knew the general direction. And then it's like in the beginning, I want to know every single detail. I wanted to know this is the goal and go there. And then as I grew and became more mature, I began to realize I need to know direction. There's the mountain I'm going after. Now, as I get closer, I may decide to go over it or through it or burrow under it or climb on the edge of it. But you don't know until you get there. You think you know, right?

And if you get so committed and blinded, this is the only way you miss out on what life also brings you. So I think to answer your question, like, how do you find what you're going to master in? You ask yourself, what do I enjoy serving most? And what are the skills I would need to be able to serve that audience most? That audience could be your kids. That audience could be your nonprofit. That audience could be your employees or your business. That audience could be you, man. I don't know what your audience is, but there's somebody or something you feel called to serve. And if you don't have that yet, you got to get around people that are in service and let something hit you. Get around where it's better and something will hit you. Go, that's the life I want. But if you have a limited exposure to who you're around,

all you're going to pick from is what you know. And so today we think we know everything because social media provides so much, but social media is bullshit most of the time. You both know it, I know it too. People, they doctor their image so they look better. They put things on an angle. I mean, there's all these studies that show all these people that are depressed because they spend all this time on social media comparing themselves to people that don't exist, people that are being projected out there. So I think getting around real life people, doing real life things that you have an interest in and seeing what hits you is one of the ways you're going to start to find that.

But again, it's like instead of just the purpose, it's like, what do I want to serve? What do I enjoy giving, doing, sharing? Let me build that list. And then what do those things have in common? And then now, what skills do I need to master, to answer your question, in order to serve at the highest level there? And as you keep asking that, you'll develop more skills.

Like in the beginning, I had the skill of being able to influence somebody out of a phobia or influence somebody out of depression. But after a while, it became, okay, how do I influence somebody to change the structure of their life, their body, their health, their emotions? Then it became, how do I influence employees? How do I build companies? So your skills build if you keep growing and you know your target. I love that. And I think what's really coming through for me on this whole conversation is like, it's not me going, okay, if I know I want to go from LA to New York, I know roughly where I'm going. I don't necessarily know which roads I'm going to take once I get into the middle of the country, but I know where I'm starting off. And then it's like asking the questions as they come up versus like mapping out the whole journey. Cause you don't know what's going to happen when you're in the middle. You might want to take a CNET route. You might want to take this detour. So like I'm hearing it's like, you know, being open, being around people that are going to help me ask

questions, reflect on things and, you know, allow it to come for me, allow it to come to me versus trying to manipulate it into what I think it should be. Yes. As long as you, you pick the direction without direction and action, nothing's going to happen. And then as you do that, you go, who are the people I want to surround myself with that I could learn from, grow from, be around? Let me surround myself with those people. And then let me ask the questions along the way. Because otherwise you get so locked in on one approach. First of all, it may not even work. It might be the wrong approach.

You think it's the right. But worst of all, you might miss out on so much more of life. Again, so many people are so working to achieve, they're really not fulfilled. And success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And I'm sure you both have met people that's achieved a ton, but they're miserable inside. They're stressed out. Like, I gotta make my next social post. They're living in a place of stress to try to hold up something that isn't really fulfilling

anyway. It was their original dream. It's what they thought would fulfill them. It's like, I often say success is like getting what you want. Fulfillment is giving what you're made for. And so, you know, success is fleeting. You succeed and how long are you happy? Like I said, a few days, a few weeks, a few months, certainly not years, because we're made to keep growing. But if you keep on that journey, you're going to keep growing and things will unfold for you. I feel that and there's definitely been so much so many times even just for us where we commit to doing something because the opportunity comes along and then we realize

actually, maybe this pays really well, or maybe this gets us out in front of more people, but it doesn't feel good. And so we're comfortable saying no and sticking to a path that maybe takes longer is a little harder because it feels like the right thing to do. Another question I have, which a lot of women in our audience put this question forward, they're in a place where they're starting to get really clear on what that North Star, what that direction is for them. And perhaps it's starting a business and they're not quite there yet, but they're on the journey and they don't have that momentum and they're kind of struggling.

Is there any daily habits or rituals or routines that you love that really get you into the right mindset to be able to go after your goals in that day and get shit done? Yes, I think there's two things. One is not accepting the story that I'm not there yet. You're never going to be there, right? Because what they're talking about is feeling absolutely certain that they know this is right and I can do it and succeed. And if you're doing an adventure of any sort, whether it's being a mom or building a business

or starting a family or anything that has value, a nonprofit, you have to step in the realm of uncertainty. If you wait till you're totally certain, the opportunity is pretty much dead. The relationship is pretty dead. The impact is going to be dead because by that time you've lost momentum. All passion is found in the realm of uncertainty. I always tell people the quality of your life is in direct proportion to how much uncertainty you can comfortably live with because that's the only way you grow, the only way you expand, the only way you feel alive. And yet too much uncertainty, people freak out. So it's a habit. Most people have the habit of valuing certainty over growth.

And that habit makes most people miserable. And even like achievers, they'll achieve in a certain area they're certain about. But don't try this i remember one time i had a course and i had this giant ropes course and you gotta climb the top of this 50 foot pole and then you and another person had put your hands and touch each other and you went further and further apart you gotta find a way to balance 50 feet above the ground and i did it with a dear friend of mine he's a very successful man we got about i don't know halfway across and you know we we were new we fell and he, I said, let's get back up there and do it again. He's like, what?

I said, let's get back. He goes, oh, we didn't do good. I said, well, that's because we're new. Let's get up and do this thing again, right? And I could see, he goes, Tony, I really admire in you that it's like you don't give a shit what the outcome is initially. You're going to keep doing it until you get the outcome that you want. He goes, I'm a little bit more concerned at this stage because I'm so successful of maintaining what I got. Maintaining what you got wouldn't have gotten you those boss babes. What got you boss babes is you just went for it. Now, truthfully, you're really young and

had very little to lose, right? So at this stage, as you start to grow and become a larger brand and have impact, then the tendency is going to want to hang on to what you got, but that'll make you miserable, right? So my daily routine, by the way, to answer that question is I do have one. And what I do every single day is I do a three-step process. The first thing I do is change my body. I jump in 56 to eat cold water. It's not because I'm a masochist. It has huge impact on your lymph flow and on your blood flow, but also it's a mental discipline because the very people you're talking about are always negotiating with themselves. These ladies or men, it's not just women that do this. Men do it just as much. So, you know, right. You just hear it more from women

because you spend a lot of time with ladies. But the truth of the matter is we're all afraid to fail. We're all afraid not to look good. We're all afraid to be less than we think we are. And so what most people do is they come up with reasons why they can't do it just yet. I don't have, I'm not ready yet. I'm not there yet. Bullshit. You got to do it now. So one way I've trained myself to do it now is jump in this effing freezing water every day. And I don't have a single day where I wake up and go, I can't wait to jump in that freezing water. Like I'm all, I have multiple homes. I'm very privileged at this stage of my life I've built, but I have a home in Sun Valley and it's on the river.

So when it snows, I get up in the morning, walk through the snow and go on that river, which is usually about 39 degrees to give you an idea. So it's painful going in, but boy, when you come out, you feel so alive, which is a great metaphor for life. But I don't stand above it and go, okay, let me wait till I'm ready. I don't tolerate that shit. I've trained my brain. You get what you tolerate. I don't stand above it and go, okay, let me wait till I'm ready. I don't tolerate that shit. I've trained my brain. You get what you tolerate.

I don't tolerate hesitancy. So I go up there and I jump in. I go up there and jump in. Only always. I don't negotiate myself. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in an hour. Maybe in one minute.

Maybe when I get warmer. All that shit. Because that'll show up in your family. That'll show up with your kids. That'll show up in your business. That'll show up in your finances. That'll show up with your kids. That'll show up in your business. That'll show up in your finances. That'll show up in your lack of respect for yourself because you're always making excuses.

So I've trained myself every day with a ritual, as simplistic as it sounds. It's really healthy, but it also is, I don't negotiate, this is how we do it. And so my brain knows when I say go, we go, not just in the water or anywhere else. Second thing I do is I do this little 10 minute process. And I make it 10 minutes because if I told you 20, you'll tell

me you don't have time, right? If you don't have 10 minutes for yourself, you don't have a life, is the way I would argue. Would you agree with me? Good. So here's what I do for 10 minutes. It's, I prime myself. Now remember I mentioned priming earlier. Your brain, often when you're making decisions, you think you're making the decision. But the truth is your brain's been primed to think a certain way. I don't wait for the world to put me in a good state or a bad state. There are days I'm exhausted or beat up. You've got to deal with stuff, right? I've got 80 plus companies. There's always somebody screwing something up, right? Somewhere. It's the nature of things. You have that many people. And so what do I do? I start my morning. I do my water. Boom, I'm fully energized. Now I do

10 minutes. I do a breathing pattern. And I'll give you guys, you can go to TonyRobbins.com. I think it's Forge slash Priming. Anybody in your group can go there. It's free. And it's a video. I'll walk you through it. But I'll just tell it to you in two seconds. What I do is I do this explosive breathing pattern. If you know from yoga, breath of fire, you take a breath in, you blow it out your nose, out your nose, out your nose. I do three sets of 30. So it changes my body. And then I do three things. I do three and a third minutes where I think of three things I'm grateful for, but I step in and feel it, see it like I'm there. And it can be a little thing or a big thing. It could be the birth of my child. It could be the smile on my wife's face. It could be a moment I created a breakthrough

with another human being. It could be seeing the beautiful sunset. I try to mix it up with different things. But what I do is I step in and see and feel like I'm there. So I activate it. It's not like if I said, what's it like riding a roller coaster? And you remember a time when you were on a roller coaster. And when you think of it, you see yourself over there versus seeing yourself coming over the edge, right? You need to be where you're in it. So I do three of those where I'm in it, and I'm vibrating with that energy about a minute each. Then I do three minutes of prayer, which I call a blessing, which is feeling like God coming through and hewing my mind, body, and emotions so I can serve more, and then sending that energy in a circular pattern to everybody I love and my family and friends and my clients. And then my

last three minutes is I call three to thrive, where I focus on three things I want to achieve that are important, but instead of thinking about it or trying to figure it out, I see and feel it is already done and I celebrate it. And what that does is it gets your nervous system to say this is done and then your unconscious figures out how. So I do that every morning. That's why I start out with and then go begin your day and stuff happens, but you're in such a strong state that all your decision-making, all your thinking is colored and primed by what I did to start the morning. I love that. I think priming is so important. You're talking about it then with those questions and I've also heard it with like sportsmen as well like visualizing the win like before they go into the games like rehearsing

what plays they're going to make visualizing getting that goal and so I think you know this is like science as well that's what I always find fascinating sometimes people think mindset is like woo woo or doesn't really like you know it's just like picked out of thin air but it's so not there's like so much science whether you look at it sports, whether you look in the placebo of medicine, like, hey, this pill is going to make you better. Then we know that it's a stronger chance of making it better. So I think just like highlighting that and understanding how you apply that in business is really, really powerful. And not just in business, like you say, your life, like your relationships, everything. Because I think this can, you know, play a big part across lots of different aspects for a happier life and

a more fulfilled life and a more energetic life. So thank you so, so much for sharing those takeaways. I know I wrote a ton of notes on those specifically. Good. So thank you for that, for sure. My pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much, Tony. I'm so excited to be speaking alongside you in the Own Your Future Challenge as well.

I feel like this was just a taste of what we're about to do together over five days. I'm really excited. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. I look forward to working with you as well. And I think for people listening, we're not just going to work on just the psychology. We're going to really make sure by the end of this time, if you do what we're showing you, and there's no charge for it during these days, just a few hours a day, each day, why don't you take action? So you're not just getting more information. So by the end, you either have a business you're launching, or if you have a business, you're not just getting more information. So by the end, you either have a business you're launching or if you have a business, you're taking it to the next level. That's what this Own Your Future Challenge is really all about.

So I look forward to seeing you guys there. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you.