the bossbabe podcast - 170. What The Best Female Friendships Have In Common With Sarah Pendrick

Episode Date: June 15, 2021

Solid female friendships can feel hard to come by, but when you have them in your life – they change everything.  So what do the best female friendships have in common? And how can you seek out friendships with women who will speak truth into your life and support your journey to becoming your best self? In this deeply inspiring episode, Natalie is sitting down with her best friend Sarah Pendrick to talk about Sarah’s new book, Beautifully Brave. They’re sharing the real, behind-the-scenes of what their friend group dynamic looks like and are giving tangible examples of what they do to support each other and encourage more self love.  Links: Organifi: https://www.organifishop.com/pages/bossbabe/ Sarah's new book Beautifully Brave : Preorder Now Follow:  BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie: @iamnatalie Danielle: @daniellecanty Sarah Pendrick: @sarahpendrick

You think everyone around you is doing like so amazing and sometimes they are and sometimes it's not exactly what it looks like. You just get to focus on your own journey and I think that's the thing where you choose to love yourself and like self-love, it's like a trendy word and the hashtags and all the things, but it's truly super, super important and it's vital. You're the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with, no one else. You are the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. No one else. You are the person that you wake up to in the morning. You're the person that will walk in your shoes all the time.

So the biggest thing that you can do is just be like, hey, what are little things that I can do to show myself? Because you are a human being. You can feel in your body that I love myself. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place where we share the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I'm Natalie Ellis, your host, and I am currently recording this with my best friend, Sarah Pendrick. And oh my God, I just got a copy of her book for the first time in my hands. And you guys, it is incredible. It is the most Instagram Instagram worthy like coffee table friendly book

you're gonna love it and the reason that I wanted to have Sarah on the podcast multiple reasons you know when you have that friend that is the one that's always so honest with you but in such a loving direct way when maybe you're totally having a patty and all your other friends are in the group chat and she's the one voice of reason this is sarah and so i wanted her to come on the podcast and be the voice of reason for all of us and talk a lot about self-love worthiness comparison jealousy all of the things that we all struggle with but might not necessarily talk about so the setup is kind of funny right sarah so we've got like a suitcase with a microphone i've got a mattress on the floor like we're brand new into this my new apartment but we're making it work regardless so Sarah welcome to the podcast yes I'm so excited to be here I love you and this is so fun a boss

babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise keep going and fighting on she is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Okay, so the place that I wanted to kick off is why did you decide to write this book in the first place? Well, I always knew that I was going to write a book. I just didn't know when. I would think about it when I was a little girl. And then in the last couple of years, it just started kind of like that voice that's telling you like, you need to do this, like it's time. And I finally just realized I wanted to put my journey, not exactly my personal journey, but everything that I did to overcome jealousy, overcome self-doubt and be able to really listen to my inner voice inside.

So the book, Beautifully Brave, is really, the way that I designed it is, like you said, it's beautiful, it's empowering, it's like your best friend on your coffee table, but also it's a journey that you could read all in one sitting, you could come back to, and you could also pick it up when you need your best friend, when you need that voice of reason. And I just wanted every woman to have access to something like that yeah and the thing that I love so much about it is the honesty of it of every single one of us I mean it's crazy we're scrolling every day comparing ourselves and always fighting with that voice I think that's telling you you're not enough. And for someone that's listening and maybe wants to make a change but doesn't even know where to start,

can you first just outline what it might look like when you are caught in a comparison trap or you're caught in a place where you are not believing in yourself? What does that look like? So if someone is listening, they can identify that in themselves. And secondly, have you had any experience with this and moving through it? Because I think for a lot of people that maybe are in it, you can sometimes feel like you're going to be trapped in it forever and you can't necessarily see a way out. Yeah. I mean, it's literally called a trap for a reason. Like you like, it surprises you and you're like, wow, I'm deep in this. And you can go down this whole loop like this comparisonitis and I think the way that you really get to know if you're there is how you're feeling like if you're on social media or you're in your friendship group or you're at work

and you're just feeling low energy and you're constantly like hearing and looking at what other people are doing and for some reason that like entices some self-doubt inside you then you know you're in the trap because it's not the truth you just somewhere along the lines have gotten there for whatever reason so it's when you're in a low energy state and you're not focusing on what your passion is or what your gifts are and you're constantly looking outside of you that you're definitely in some sort of like low vibration comparison self-worth situation. And the thing is, every single one of us has been there. Every single one of us will still be there at some time in our life. And what you can do is just have compassion for yourself to know that

and then be like, okay, this isn't my truth. This isn't the truth. Like, let me be aware of this and kind of step back and start doing things the fastest way for me is to two things start doing things that make you feel good in that moment whether it's like going for a walk or calling someone that you know will set you straight thinking of what you're really good at and really like flipping the script and also the way that you can get ahead of it is by starting to realize what situations bring that out in you so that while you're healing this maybe you don't put yourself in those situations I love that and I am I'm hearing you say that it's not the truth but I know for some people

myself included you might be in a situation perhaps let's say you didn't get invited somewhere and the truth is you didn't get invited somewhere that is the truth and so it starts making you question well was it me is there something wrong with me or you're maybe scrolling social and you're seeing other people winning but you're not winning and that's the truth to you and so even in those situations where you can objectively see okay a circumstance has happened that is making me feel maybe less than or it's bringing up childhood things, triggers, patterns. How in that situation do you get yourself back to a place of knowing that the truth is, you know, you are inherently worthy

and all of the things that we typically should know and deep down probably do, but in the moment we're like, this isn't the truth for me right now. Yeah, and we'll start with being left out because you and I have talked about this before and that was like a really big wound for me too especially like being bullied as I was younger so the truth is you weren't invited but the truth is not it's because there's something wrong with you there's so many different reasons as to why you may have not invited to that thing like first we go to those wounds like

oh I'm not good enough or like maybe I'm not fun or I'm not as successful as those people. But it's really just like sometimes maybe people want to get to know someone else in a different environment. You don't have to be invited to everything. And I also think there's something to be said for paying attention to certain energies. Like there are certain dinners or certain like,

I don't know, experiences or events that like your energy might not be best in that place. And so if we start, like, using discernment instead of judging ourselves and other people and just paying attention to energy, that just makes such a big difference. But I know personally what it feels like to not be left out. And you've got to have your own back and don't make it worse on yourself and be like, it's because I literally suck or I'm like not good enough you know because that's not the truth that's not the truth yeah I love that and there's actually an experience we had with one of our mutual friends where she was having a housewarming party and everyone I knew got an invitation but me and I knew deep down that I was invited I I just knew that, wait, this person is not going to leave me out. That's not the truth whatsoever. And I just knew that deep down. And so I texted

saying, hey, because I wasn't actually able to make it. I text saying, hey, I'm so sorry, I won't be able to make it. I didn't actually get the invite, but I'm assuming it was sent. So I want to double check that you have um my correct email address for next time and she replied to me and she was like oh my goodness um it must have went to spam can you check in there and I checked spam and it was there yeah and there was so many stories I could have gone into in that moment of like oh my god they're leaving me out all these different things and I could have went down that whole rabbit hole but I knew okay that person isn't going to exclude me and so there's also situations like that where we can jump to conclusions so quickly and imagine if I'd sent that person a text saying you left me out I'm so mad like imagine how that would have turned out yeah or if you were like telling all of us

I remember you telling us you're like no I know I'm invited I'm just gonna let her know I can't come like you were like there has to be another story. And that's where we get to start retraining our brains. And I talk about this in the book, to look for those stories that work for us rather than maybe the old wounds or making it worse for ourselves. The same way that you would support a friend, you have to start supporting yourself. The same way that if I came to you or you came to me, we'd be like, all right, something got lost in the mail.

It's not going to be like, yeah, Sarah, you definitely weren't invited. Like we have to start showing up for ourselves to be like, okay, wait a second. Like, let me not jump to conclusions and let me walk myself and to self-talk myself through this. Yeah, exactly. And I just want to reflect to you too, because I think this is probably a big thing for people listening. You are very much the embodiment of, you give what you want to receive. And so we'd had a talk before where you were like, oh, I really don't want to feel left out

when everyone's traveling and maybe I'm not there or certain things. And I remember, I think you were in Miami with Danielle and Anna and our friends and I didn't want to go. I was like, I'm moving. I absolutely don't want to go. But then there'd been this conversation in the chat where I was like wait I think I've not been included in

this chat I'm so lost and I texted the group saying I have no idea what any of you are talking about and you messaged me right away and you were like first of all you're not being left out let me fill you in I think this was just like said another like another day here's the situation so that you can go back into the conversation fully looped in. And that for me was such a moment of, oh, it's so nice that she leads with this as a friend and gives me what I know that she would love in that situation too. Can you talk a little bit about being that friend and showing up in friendships the way you want people to show up for you? Because I think probably a lot

of people listening you know they maybe see other friendships that they don't necessarily have and I think one way to create those friendships is actually just showing up as that friend yeah exactly I mean I remember that situation too and because I know you I know what you need but at the same time I gave you what I know I would have needed so it's exactly that it's like so many times and I've totally been that person that was like nobody understands me like where are my people because I was so focused on like what I didn't have instead of just focusing on myself and then starting to give like you said starting to be the friend that I wanted so when you show up like that when you show up for yourself and then you show people how to treat you or how you know that people should be treated you really get this level of love and respect and you

start creating that within your friendships you also attract that to you and you just teach people how to treat you treat you and the friendship group by leading by example by doing that instead of going to like oh I don't have I don't have I don't have I love that and can you talk a little bit about that in say romantic relationships so you can definitely treat your friend like show your friends how to treat you based on how you treat yourself and I also think this really shows up in relationships and I know that there may be certain relationships where let's just say women for now but I know it happens to both aren't necessarily getting treated the way they want to be treated. Can you talk about how you could change that dynamic slightly?

Yeah. So let's see. I've been with Josh, my husband, for everyone that's listening, obviously you know Josh, for like 10 years. And in the beginning, I kind of, I didn't lead with that. I just kind of gossiped with my friends about like what he was doing wrong. And then I realized like, I, I get to be straight up about what I want, what I deserve, what I'm worthy of. And he can either meet me there or not meet me there. And that's like how we'll continue in the relationship or not. And I do that now. I mean, we've been together for so long and we constantly have open conversations, but I think for anyone that's in a situation right now where they're like, I'm not getting what I need in the relationship, it's up to you to speak up and say what you need. It's also sometimes that you don't even know what you want. So you really need to take that time with yourself

to figure that out. So then you can express that to your partner and it's their choice choice or not to show up for you and then that's when you get to make a choice for yourself like is this good enough for me like am I going to continue to stay in this or do I know that there's something else that is better for me and just will fill me up in a way that I deserve. And for anyone listening that maybe doesn't know how to speak up for themselves yet or just hasn't had a lot of experience doing that, I know you and I love any chance to do that. But I remember when it wasn't so easy for me to speak up for myself, just the way I grew up.

I think I had a lot of shame around speaking my mind and speaking up for myself, standing up for myself. And it took me a long time to even get the confidence to be able to do that and not worry that I'm going to be rejected or perceived as a certain way. Is there a way for someone listening who's like, I want to say something, but I have no idea how, that you could think about structuring the conversation? Yeah. And I mean, I was the same too. I know you and I have had conversations where I I was like was that too much that I just said that and then we banned that too much word from our like we're like no it's not too much it's much and that's amazing say that it's much everything's much yeah and I had a conversation

with you I'm like I we did it like I don't know maybe six months ago or a year ago and I was like hey I'm really feeling like I want to express myself. I want to stop holding back. I value freedom. And I want to be able to just say things without people looking at me. Like, did she just say that? And you were like, I love it. Like practice on me. You're like, I will be there for you. So I think that for anyone that feels this way, look and see if you have that friend that you can practice with, that you can start feeling safe. It's all about safety. So if you can find the environment where you kind of test it out to get that safety, it's the same thing when you're in fear of something,

like step into a little bit and it'll become less and less of a fear. And then you'll just start loving it. Like, I think you get so much like admiration and you are so inspirational to our friend group and other people with how you are just yes like you're a strict on your boundaries you're like I will say no with love like all those things and it's become just such an amazing example so if you just take that little step and figure out a way that you can start trying things on and get more brave with it you're actually going to end up making not only your life better, but those around you and be an inspiration for people. So it's just kind of getting away from thinking that you're being selfish and being scared for people not to like you and being like, hey, I'm actually

more worthy to speak up and be an inspiration for others. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a

bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. I actually love that idea of seeing if you have a friend that you can practice with. And it's something that I do and Danielle does because we've had to learn to have a lot of like crucial conversations at the company. And you need to have conversations with people, but you need to make sure that it's clean and you're leaving your projections at the

door and you're going in there in a in a way that's kind of conscious and you've thought it through and so if you are finding a friend that you can maybe do that with one thing that I think would be so good to point out to them is like hey can you let me know when you're seeing that I'm projecting and and it's not necessarily truth so let's say for example I go to Danielle that I'm projecting and it's not necessarily truth. So let's say, for example, I go to Danielle and I'm like, I want to have a conversation with someone. Here's what I want to say. You did this and I was so mad and all of a sudden it's just all about like how they made me feel and things like that. In that situation, I would ask Danielle to really correct me and remind me they didn't make you feel any kind of way.

That's probably something within you that got triggered. Let's stick to the facts of the conversation. And it's okay to say, I found that disrespectful. But it's not really, in that conversation, you don't really need to go in a full spiral of your emotions and where it all came from. Maybe in a romantic relationship you would but there's there's certain relationships in which you just don't do that and having someone that can help point those things out to you so you're not going into that with like a barrage of emotion will be really helpful yeah because if you're going into situations with emotion you're just

going to trigger the other person and then you guys aren't going to get anywhere so it's the same thing of like taking responsibility I love that you said stick to the facts. Like what, what are the facts? Cause no one can argue the facts. And then also if you do want to talk about like that, you felt something, you can say when this happened, I experienced X, Y, Z. So it's not like you did this to me and you made me feel terrible, but it's like this fact had me experience whatever the emotion was. I love that so much. Okay so what I want to go into is a conversation around self-worth because I'm hearing a lot of this. The stuff that we're talking about will come from a place of having self-worth and good healthy self-esteem. When you have that I think you are more willing to stand up for yourself.

To be honest. To respect yourself and treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. And things like that. But I know that there are you know situations where you might not do that. Because you're not you don't have like as much self-esteem. Or you're not seeing yourself as worthy or enough and I know that this applies to all of us at some points. I experienced that a lot in my early 20s and I think with age and experience it's gotten slightly less but it definitely comes up in certain situations

oh did I not get that because I'm not good enough and all of those questions so for someone who's listening and maybe has struggled with worthiness or self-esteem what are the kind of starting points what should they know and what are the starting points for starting to I think prepare the relationship with yourself would you would you say it's that kind of thing yeah because a lot of time and I've probably spent half of my life and it still happens now like ultimately what's underneath it is maybe not feeling good enough but when I I know and I talk about this in the book especially from like a scientific back backing is that when you are feeling not worthy of something or when

you're feeling not good enough that's an indicator that you aren't spending enough time with yourself because the way that you treat yourself if you you're ignoring yourself, if you're saying yes to things that you actually really don't want to do, if you're constantly going to that same dinner every single week, having the conversations that literally drain you, you're just showing yourself and your brain like, Hey, like I'm not safe to be me. I'm not, I'm not good enough to do X, Y, Z. So it's really does start with you. And the way that I like to look at it,

it's not that we have to like cure something or necessarily heal something. We're always going to be healing. It's more of an indicator like, Hey, I need to spend time with that little girl inside that voice inside. Because if I'm not, it doesn't matter if the entire world is obsessed with you, you will still always have those worthiness things come up more than they need to. Yeah, I think that's the thing that I was looking for is like that feeling of not being good enough. And it's incredible, you know, like both you and I are around a lot of people that externally are very, very successful and perhaps other people might put on pedestals.

And through having conversations with those people and getting to know them it's incredible how many of them and us still feel like we're not good enough and we are you know we've had so many vulnerable conversations like that where this comes up and you hear someone that you've definitely put on a pedestal say you know I just don't feel good enough and you you know, I just don't feel good enough. And you're like, wow, if they don't feel good enough, what hope do any of us have? And it's such a big thing. So where can we even start with repairing that and going on a healing journey with starting to make ourselves feel good enough? And then in the moments where it comes up, remind ourselves that we are and kind of get back on track okay so I want to interrupt

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You can use the code BOSSBABE and save 15% on everything at Organifi.com and I'll let us dive back into the episode. So first it's what I was saying before just like using it as like when the light goes off in your car and it's like hey you need some service like hey you need like whatever it is but also when you run from something you actually develop a fear So if you keep thinking I'm not good enough and you're in these situations and making up all these stories or it is the truth in the moment and you don't do anything about it or you don't voice it,

it's actually gonna get stronger inside of you. Like that frequency is going to be like really on fire of like, oh, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough. So first of all, like say thank you for that sign, for that light, for that light. And then also tell someone, I know it feels so scary, but you have to get it out of your body.

Like you cannot hold onto it. It's like the same thing as the body keeps the score. Like you cannot hold onto that. And I think for me where it really changed is in our friendship group. When we talk about those things things like when I've had like an unsuccessful quote-unquote launch and I talk to you about something you're like that's happened to us like you have to get it out of your body and once you get it out of your body people actually relate to you more you build a stronger connection and you get the answers like you get a solution to

the problem rather than staying in problem mode saying I'm not good enough but I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want anyone to look at me and judge me it's like you're only going to be more quote-unquote successful and happy the more that you share and you find at least one other person to share with and get it out of your body get it out of your mind so that you can start bringing in a higher frequency I I've never heard it said like that, that when you run from something, you develop more fear around it. But that is like, I think, a mind-blowing concept.

And it's so true. I mean, I just think about even like, this is off topic, but my phobia of snakes. I know that me running from that has probably made the whole thing seem worse versus when I start doing work on it and like the small exposures, it becomes smaller. So, so speaking of this and speaking about kind of speaking up when you don't feel good enough or something happens. There's a lot of shame,'ve had therapy and things like that.

But if you haven't, sometimes the shame of something can kind of overwhelm you and you might feel like, wait, if I actually bring this up or tell someone about it, because that's what shame is. If I tell someone about it, they're going to believe it more and they're going to see it more within me so I almost don't want to bring any attention to it I just want to bury it down and pretend it's not happening but like you're saying it's really important to get it out there so where does someone even start with kind of reckoning with that so it's the same concept of you get to feel that shame. Like if you run from it, it's just going to get stronger. And I'll use a personal example for me is that when I was 19, I was raped, which you know, and I didn't tell anyone. And it was years later that I told people and I carried that shame.

I thought it was my fault. Like I didn't know what you do in that situation. Who are you supposed to talk to? I kept playing it over in my mind, like how like I chose to be at this certain place. And it was an incredible amount of shame. And I just know in my heart and also scientifically that when you voice it, that shame lifts. Like it just starts to go away because you can't just hold on to all of this pain in your body and I shared it at one of my first girl talk events and that's when it was able to

release so it's really just like it's so scary recognize that the shame is happening don't make it more than it is don't like make it as if your world's over and you have to whether it's a therapist or a friend or another human being you have to voice what's going on yeah I think that's that's really good advice and even you know if you're in a situation where maybe you're feeling shame around something or not good enough on something even like writing it down in your journal is like a step process and knowing that eventually you're going to take that to a friend or a therapist and it and it can be a big thing it can be a small thing it might be like you know what I've been

in business for six months and I'm still not signing any clients and like so many things around that that you probably harbor shame around that you get so obsessive over that it it becomes impossible to even attract a client because you're sitting in that shame yeah because then you just keep attracting like more of like more of what you keep focusing on and just remember in those situations like everything that you see online isn't exactly what it is like you think everyone around you is doing like so amazing and sometimes they are and sometimes it's not exactly what it looks like. You just get to focus on your own journey and I think that's the thing where you choose to love yourself and like self-love. It's like a trendy word and the hashtags and all the things but it's truly super super important and it's

vital. You're the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. No one else. You are the person that you wake up to in the morning. You're the person that will walk in your shoes all the time. So the biggest thing that you can do is just be like, hey, what are little things that I can do to show myself? Because you are a human being. You can feel in your body that I love myself. And journaling is is I know people talk about journaling and it's so good because that's another way of releasing I think it's all about releasing and if you want to take baby steps and journal I still journal every single day journal then get the strength and the courage to talk to someone next just start even with two minutes a day and it's just a release that your body your mind and your soul really need yeah I love that so much so speaking of self-love it definitely is a trendy

word but it is so important and we've talked about this on the podcast before and there are so many different ways that you can get started with it but what does it really look like in practice like what does self-love look like in practice perhaps for someone listening that's like I know that I get to spend more time with myself and do more things that show myself that I'm worthy and love myself but I really have no idea where to start yeah so it's gonna be it's a journey it's your whole life it's not like you get somewhere and you're like I love myself and I'm done like it's the same thing when you have a friendship like it's not like Natalie you're my best friend okay talk to you in five years. We nurture it and we spend time. So the thing that you can start with is just your habits. It's like you are the queen of saying no.

Natalie, I'm sure you guys all know that. Start saying no to things. Start saying no. Like if you're like, no, I don't want to do this. And you feel yourself about to say yes, be like, no, I'm going to show myself right now that I'm going to do something different and change my little, like my habits and start there. Maybe it's before you go to bed instead of watching TV and then going straight to bed. You watch TV, then you have 30 minutes of winding down, doing something that's fun. Maybe you love listening to music, write something down. Just do something for yourself. If you even add it in 30 minutes a day plus tiny little habits, you will feel so loved up on yourself, if that's even a word. It will be amazing. I think the time that I actually

felt how you feel like with Nala or how you feel with Steven or Danielle or one of us or your community, I felt that actual like cultivation of love inside of me when I said no to doing something that I had been doing for years because it was saying no to myself and taking so much of my energy. And the minute that I said no and did something differently, I actually felt that feeling of loving, like truly being in love with myself inside and I think that everyone deserves to have that feeling to actually be able to like have a like conceptualized self-love not just have it be a word and when you do tiny little things they truly add up and that's what's really important for your well-being there's a happiness that where we just get instant gratification when we buy something, but the real lasting happiness is when you do these little habits.

And then when something that could have brought you down to your knees doesn't take you down because you're doing these little practices and changing your habits every day and you're actually truly happy. You're not happy every second of the day, but you actually are truly happy with a lasting happiness and well-being inside when you treat yourself and just change your habits. Yeah, it's almost like when you're saying yes to doing the things that you don't want to do, there's kind of two people inside of you. There's the one that knows the truth and knows that you really don't want to do it. And then there's this other one that's like, come on, we've got to do

this. That's going to pay off. And there's so much resistance in it that you end up doing it and and partly resenting yourself and it's like those two sides of yourself you're like I resent that I had to do that and it can be so easy to then start blaming other people oh they would have made me feel bad if I didn't go to that thing or they would have said something about me and it's so easy to blame others but we don't know that's the truth it really all starts with us yeah and when you're feeling like I've done it before when you're feeling like resentful towards someone because it's like oh I always say yes to them I shouldn't have done it I knew it you're actually feeling that resentment towards yourself so it's like give yourself that you're

you're you're listening you're literally listening yourself you wouldn't do that to a friend if your friend kept coming and being like I need support I need support you're like nope You're literally listening yourself. You wouldn't do that to a friend if your friend kept coming and being like, I need support. I need support. And you're like, nope, sorry. Like can't do it. Like whatever it is, you're, that's what you're saying to yourself. Every time you say yes to something that you really, truly don't want to do or that, you know, is not good for you. So can we talk a little bit about jealousy? I feel like jealousy is one of those things that people don't talk about very much. And I don't know if there's like a lot of shame around it and like, I shouldn't feel jealous. I shouldn't have that emotion.

And the more you shut it down, probably the more that it actually shows up. Why do we feel so resistant to talking about it? And can we talk about where that might show up for people? I mean, jealousy is such like a strong word, I feel like. So just right away, you're you're like oh like there's something wrong with me if I get jealous there is something to be said for that when you're jealous of someone or something you ultimately are jealous because you don't believe that it could happen for you and everyone gets jealous and it's normal but the thing is when you're doing like the work that we're talking

about and you're being vulnerable with yourself and you're just having your own back more and more the less jealous you'll get you might see something and you'll have like that familiar like reaction because it's been years of whatever that is you have to retrain your brain but then you're able to in that moment have that awareness like I'm actually really happy for them this has nothing to do with them I need to check with myself because obviously I'm not believing in myself right now if I'm jealous of them about this and is there something like a practice you can do in that moment to bring the focus back on yourself to be able to believe in yourself believe in what you're seeing in that person as possible for you yeah I mean I'm it's always awareness I know sometimes people are like oh it's awareness

again but it really is that's a huge thing because you're just going on autopilot I know I was on autopilot and just in survival mode for so many years of my life but when I was actually aware of my thoughts or aware of what I was doing then you can take that second and be like okay like what's going on here like and a lot of times that's why it's so important to spend time with yourself to know what you actually want, because it's like an instant reaction. It's something that we've been doing for so many years where you're actually maybe not even really jealous. Like, it's like, okay, I actually don't even want that thing. Like what's going on here? It's always just bringing yourself back to doing those self check-ins. And it's a

really amazing opportunity. This is why I love visioning. We, we vision all the time. Our group of friends were like on vacation. We're like, Hey, let's go to this spot and write down our visions. Just always be checking in with yourself and like what you want for your life. Because when you know yourself and you know what you want, it's going to be less and less that you come across these like debilitating like feelings of being jealous and in comparison and what about for situations where there's jealousy in romantic relationships because I think that's also something that comes up and isn't something that's talked about yeah so that's where you really just get to have an inventory of like, are you jealous because you truly don't trust this person? Are you jealous more so because. Like, Oh, did she just look at Josh? Like I mess with him, but I have absolute trust in him and our relationship. But I have been in

relationships before that I didn't have trust. And in the moment I was just like, what's wrong with me? I'm crazy. I'm totally jealous. But now stepping out of the relationship, I realized like they weren't being an integrity. Like I knew my soul knew that I actually did have something to be jealous about, but I wasn't doing anything about it because I didn't really know myself back then. So I'm not saying that if you're feeling jealous, that doesn't mean that you don't know yourself. But what I am saying is be honest with yourself, like love yourself enough to be honest and be like what's going on here and many times there is something going on or you're bringing in things that you haven't healed from the past

and what's a step to start healing those things so you become aware is it then therapy what are some of the modalities that you find really helpful when someone's aware of a pattern that they have and want to start on that journey of healing it? Maybe someone listening has never even done therapy before. They're like, what is that? I thought you just did that if you're crazy. Yeah. I mean, I personally love therapy.

I think it's an amazing outlet to release things from your body, release like all these things and all these thoughts that we have in our mind. So I would always say, yes, find a therapist that you vibe with that like you connect with um not all of them are the same sometimes you're not gonna have equal energy but also talk with your partner because you guys can really do some really powerful work together usually in relationships you your wound and your triggers really come up against each other and it's the biggest opportunity for growth. And if you don't have a partner that wants to have that growth opportunity with you, that's something that you get to sit and think about.

Is it maybe they need to like dip their toes in and like you need to have like a coach or a therapist, but just go down that route because there is a huge opportunity for growth. And if you don't figure it out in the current relationship you're in you will bring it into every relationship afterwards yeah that part is so fundamentally true if you don't figure it out you will just keep bringing into the relationships over and over and you'll probably be asking the questions of why do I always attract this why does this always happen to me? You know, in every friendship or in every relationship or in every business, it's the same story.

And it's really an indication of, okay, there might be, you know, a commonality here. I need to go and do the work there. So I absolutely love that. And a conversation that you and I have a lot with our friends is the idea of stepping more fully into your power. Can you talk about what that looks like and perhaps for someone that is fully in their power what that looks like? Yeah so I think it looks different for everyone but really like standing

in your power is about being yourself. Like letting yourself know that you're safe, that you can have your self-expression whether it's like things that you do, the things that you're safe, that you can have your self-expression, whether it's like things that you do, the things that you wear, like whatever it is, I think that power is when you feel free. When you're like, I'm gonna stand here and be in absolute freedom of what I do and say and not let anything hold me back. That doesn't mean that it doesn't creep in. It doesn't mean that you don't have days of self-doubt or people-ple in an all you're committed to yourself and you're committed to starting to step into your power and then being like okay now I'm gonna stand here I love that so much power is when you feel free I really really resonate with that and I completely

agree and I think when you probably the time you feel most free is when you're doing the things you actually want to be doing not what you think you should be doing or have been forced into doing you're actually doing the things that you really want to be doing exactly I was thinking about that on the drive here because there's some things that I know that I'm going to be moving on from or up leveling whatever the word that you want to say and I'm like there's some conversations that I get to have with that and that feels really scary and then I felt like because when you concentrate it you can actually feel that feeling in your body just the same when you concentrate on something that you don't want you're like all mad after because you just keep thinking about it

so I kept thinking about like what I don't want anymore and I felt that like dull like kind of trapped feeling and And then I was thinking about what it would look like after the conversations and more of doing of what I'm stepping into. And it felt so good. It felt like literally it felt like freedom and that standing in your power. I love it. And you're talking about just doing that as you're driving. And I think that's something that you can always do, like instead of putting the music on, just spending that time with yourself to maybe run through how did the day go for me how were my interactions how did I feel is there anything that like you said I get to bring awareness to and just sitting

with yourself in the car on a drive that could be the therapy that you're doing today I know and I'll say for myself too and I don't Natalie, if you've done this like years ago, I wouldn't spend time with myself because I actually didn't want to like confront or feel those feelings, but then it just got worse. And I had years of like spiraling and feeling totally in comparison and not finding my people and having so many things not work out for me until it was just like, all right, I'm going gonna face this and I'm gonna figure it out and then you realize oh it really wasn't that bad yeah I think that's why sometimes people can avoid things like meditation they fill their lives and I say they because I used to do this fill your life

with scrolling Instagram watching TV reading a book constant stimulation music podcasts all those things to avoid getting silent because you're almost worried about what's going to come up what's going to come into my mind if I'm sat with myself for 10 minutes and I definitely relate to feeling that and honestly I I think part of I think plant medicine is great and you and I have both had our experiences with that but but what I think sometimes is most powerful about that is when you say take plant medicine like you do mushrooms or whatever it is you do it and then you're sitting with yourself so you might be sitting with yourself for eight hours and I honestly think even without any kind of medicine you could be sitting in a

room on your own for eight hours just thinking and probably have some incredible breakthroughs and transformation and I think that's one of the biggest powers of that yeah 100% because you're sitting there for however long it is you're gonna have those uncomfortable feelings that are like all right she's ready she's ready for me like let's do this let's release this and that's where I like. It doesn't have to be like put my headphones on and in complete silence. Just give yourself attention. That's it. In a quiet space, maybe you do have like a little bit of music on.

Just give yourself focused attention and breathing. And yeah, those feelings that you're like, oh, I've been avoiding this are going to come up, but they're going to go away quick because you're finally like facing them and feeling them. And then after that, it could be five more hours of just like the most epic business ideas and the answers to everything that you've been looking for. Like our intuition is so strong. We're all creative in our different ways. And until you are just able to like sit with yourself for just a second, you're not going to tap into those things yeah and for anyone listening that's like meditation feels like a big chore there are so

many ways that you can incorporate this like maybe you're the kind of person that takes your phone with you to the bathroom every time you go or whenever you take the dog for a walk you've got to have your phone with you what if you didn't what if you just went to the bathroom with no phone what if you went and took the dog for a walk with no phone what if you were cooking dinner with no podcasts or movies in the background like that counts right yeah that totally counts it's just like a meditative state so for me I started doing walks every day and not bringing bringing my phone and honestly I only meditate and I don't even think I call it meditation I call it visual visualizing. And for me, that's the same. It does the same, has the same impact on me like physically and mentally is where I spend like two to five minutes either at night or in the morning visualizing

things for my life. And then it also helps you to step into things that feel scary because you feel like you've already done it. Like you're like telling your body, oh, I've already been through this. I can do this. And then you don't self-sabotage. So it's like maybe sitting in a room for however long or sitting in silence, isn't the best way for you to start out. That's cool. Like, but you can visualize all the epic things that you want in your life and start drawing that to you and just feeling better about it. And that is so key. And I actually mostly do that over meditation right now. Yeah. And I've seen you do that in the mornings too.

So speaking of, the last thing that I want to ask you is, can you break down your whole morning ritual for me? Yes. I know you love a ritual. I do. I was like waiting for my matcha to be made when he came over. We're going to get a really big one at brunch after this. So here's my journey with morning routines. And you can tell me if you felt like this.

I used to like watch everyone's morning routine and be like, oh, I have to get up at 5 a.m. And then you do this, this, this, this, and this. And I'm like, oh, this isn't working for me. Okay, what's wrong with me? Like this person says this was many years ago. And then I realized like, yo, you are an individual just because that works for them doesn't mean it's going to work for you. So I started pulling things from people and things that I heard that I liked and like kind of like co-creating and customizing my own routine and it changes. And I think we all get to give ourselves permission to change things around as we change because we're not the same every single day.

But my morning routine is I wake up, I journal for two minutes, I go and look at the sun, like literally like look into the sun. I will say thank you over and over and over in my mind or out loud sometimes Josh joins me you could do this with like your partner or your kids just like starting the day like excited I have a matcha and I will listen to music and do my visualization I love how yours is like short to the point it's not bells and whistles I the same. I tried getting up super early. It didn't work for me. I know that having an extra hour of sleep is better than a 10-step morning routine and having a short morning routine. So I love that you did that. What kind of things are you putting in your journal? So this has changed too. I would say I just changed this this week actually. Before that that I was writing down my intentions for

the day writing down things that I was grateful for and then just doing like free throw writing now I'm actually saying things out loud that I'm grateful for trying to get Josh involved and then I'm just doing complete I do my to-do list so that can get out of my brain. And then I just do like complete morning pages. And then when I read them back, it's shows me so much of like where I need to pay attention to myself or what I'm feeling in that moment. And that's what I'm journaling. And then at the end of the day, um, I don't do this every night. I'm not going to try to pretend that I do, but I will see if there's anything else like hey is there anything else that is coming up or anything that came up through the day that I want to share with myself I love that well Sarah thanks

for being willing to podcast with me on a suitcase in my brand new apartment which is very much not put together you guys when Sarah came and just like wow it looks like you're just starting your podcast all over again and it is and it's and it's really about showing up in the imperfect in the messy acknowledging that every single one of us isn't perfect and is all just trying our best um thank you so much for being on here where can everyone find you and find your book which I have to keep saying it is the most so I knew it was instagrammable because I've seen the outside of it but this is the first time that I actually got to see the inside it is the most stunning book ever where can everyone grab it oh my gosh you're the best beautifullybravebook.com and then of course it's sold where all books are sold but you can head over to beautifullybravebook.com I wish that you guys could see us like literally

podcasting like on the suitcase. It's epic. And then I know I'm going to be going to brunch with Natalie in a second. She's going to be convincing me to move to Austin. How likely am I to get you to move here? I mean, we're getting pretty close, I have to say. I'm a persuasive friend. You really are. I feel like I need to do a podcast all around how to persuade your friends to move cities for you.

You should. And where can everyone find you on Instagram? At Sarah Pendrick. I need to do a podcast all around how to persuade your friends to move cities for you you should and where can everyone find you on instagram at sarah pendrick definitely come say hi to me tell me like any takeaways and what's coming up for you and how I can support you with more self-love and this has been so fun I love you I love it let's go get my chest. you