the bossbabe podcast - 171. Balancing Masculine & Feminine Energy as an Ambitious Woman With Tracy Tutor

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

There’s a lot of pressure on women in the workplace.  We’re asked to be confident but not aggressive. To be authoritative but not bossy. To speak our mind and also be polite. It’s exhausting. That’s why we invited Tracy Tutor to The BossBabe Podcast to share her take on balancing masculine and feminine energy at work. She’s sharing how she shows up strong in a male-dominated industry and is unpacking what unapologetic ambition looks like to her.  Plus, she’s sharing a peek behind the scenes into what filming Million Dollar Listing is really like.  It’s an incredible interview, and we can’t wait to share this with you. Links: The episode with Dr. Casey Means: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bossbabe-podcast/id1453389736?i=1000517277453 Back door access to Levels: https://www.levelshealth.com/NATALIE Follow:  BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie: @iamnatalie Danielle: @daniellecanty

I hate that we have to be like 100% all of the time for all of these people. It's fucking impossible. Yeah. So if you let go of that, all of a sudden there's such freedom in it and then all of a sudden your kids start talking to you about it and then they appreciate it. welcome to the boss babe podcast a place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all i'm natalie ellis co-founder and ceo of boss babe and i am joined by a mystery guest it's me danielle canty other co-founder of boss babe okay so i'm obsessed with today's episode

i felt like we really got into it with tracy it was incredible she is phenomenal also can we just talk about how much of a boss she was dressed like oh my days not only is she so smart but she freaking loves the part now you guys know that natty's always been a big fan of reality shows, and me not so much, except for any involving real estate. And Tracy is one of the few women that appears on Million Dollar Listing, and I was so freaking excited to have her on here, and she rocked up looking stunning. And her fashion sense, even if you watch the show

she always looks amazing like all the time well she doesn't just appear in it she's the main character well yeah she is you're like she appears in yeah so we have one of the main characters of million dollar listing which is a show that daniel characters people i mean kind of character right do we call them character no reality she just shows up as herself i don't think you do which is a show that Danielle's... Not characters, people. I mean, kind of character, right? Do we call them characters? No, because it's reality. She just shows up as herself. I don't think you do.

I don't know. What do I know? I mean, who knows? This is one show that Danielle's tried to get me into and I've been slower to get on the wagon. I've only watched a couple of episodes, but I've been following Tracy for a really long time because she is like the epitome of a boss.

So I was really, really excited that we got her on the podcast. So is like the epitome of a boss. So I was really, really excited that we got her on the podcast. So I'll give you a bit of a download on Tracy before we dive in. So Tracy Tutor has almost 20 years of experience and is one of the top agents at Douglas Elliman Beverly Hills and is an integral part of their sports and entertainment division. She has an undeniably strong presence and a confidence that has propelled her into the rooms of some of the most powerful people in LA, representing some of the most noteworthy brands in real estate and iconic architects. There is nothing worth knowing about real estate that she doesn't know. And not only do we get into that in

this episode, but what I really loved was her complete honesty about being such a strong-minded boss how you know in relationships that's sometimes a hard dynamic balancing that masculine and feminine and and also how to really make sure like she is one of the only women on the show and she has a lot of male personalities around her and she really really shows up in such an admirable way and I wanted to know exactly how she does that yeah and also what I love about Tracy is like she's so and this word gets used all the time but like she is really authentic like what you see is what you get and she was so open on this podcast like she just gave it real and raw she

didn't hold back and we did we spoke about relationships we spoke about how you go from being like maybe holding such masculine energy and work to what that looks like to go home and how that can affect relationships I know that for me has been a huge challenge in the past and so um just hearing her perspective on that and how she's navigated that was really really interesting and a conversation in my opinion that's not being had enough you know we're not talking about this enough yeah and it's pretty rare I think that you get someone that you've met for the first time who just turns up to do a podcast and is like you know what if I'm going to do it I'm going to do it in my own way. And I'm going to really be completely open and honest. She really had a tone of wanting to serve when she showed up.

She was like, I want women listening to this to really get some breakthroughs and some big things to take away. And you could just tell that's what she was bringing to the table. So I learned so much and I felt like it was a conversation that I've wanted to have for a while, but it just never really came up. So I was so grateful for this. Yeah, totally, totally. I felt like it was a conversation that I've wanted to have for a while but it just never really came up so I was so grateful for this yeah totally totally I felt exactly the same and like I said it's a very entertaining episode as well there's it really is there's so many we took it in so many twists and turns like knowledgeable but also just talking about like feelings and how those things affect us in work and our home life so it it's a good one. Yeah, I love it. Okay, let's dive in. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise,

keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself, confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Tracy, welcome to the podcast. We're so excited to have you here. Well, I'm excited to be here. So I want to kick off with kind of your journey. And I know you've probably told this a lot of times, but specifically, I want to know, was there a point in your career where you felt like things are really taking off for me?

Things are starting to get some momentum behind me all this hard work that I've been putting in is is really starting to kind of happen for me truthfully I have to start with the show was a big leverage for me and having the 10-15 years experience under actually at the time actually 15 years experience under my belt of hard work, dedication, time, effort, and really just, you know, struggling as a female in the industry. Finally, this opportunity came around and I was in sort of the right place in my life to be willing to accept it. You know, I think it was pretty intimidating being a female in a male-dominated cast, and I think a lot of women sort of turned it down

prior to me that, you know, were maybe older or more experienced or, you know, just said, I'm not going down this reality road. This is like a business that we're running. And I think after watching the show for as many seasons as it was on at the time, which was nine, I joined in season 10. I felt comfortable enough in the reality world to say, okay, this isn't going to ruin my career. This show isn't going to be about throwing wine at

each other or something like that, which by the is quite entertaining big fan but in fact it's more it is more business focused and I've watched these guys kind of come up the ranks much faster than I ever did because of it so I took that leap of faith and so was that your main decision in joining it was that actually you saw it as a way to grow your business you were intentional about doing it that way a hundred 100 because again i had been in the business for call it 15 16 years and it had some really great success without it but at what point when i'm measuring my success against my you know the people that are around me the other agents that i grew up in the business with, some of the men, some of them women,

either not having as much success as I am, or, you know, in most cases, most of the men that I grew up in the business with were exceeding my income. This is really exciting for me to have you on here, because I've watched the show for years, and you're very unapologetic in your ambition, and like who you are as well and I'm really curious as to like you know how that journey started for you have you always been very very driven and been like right I want to be very successful in my business or is that something that came later in life for you after you had your own children etc so when did that start? I think I just was born unapologetic I can can relate. But I do think it took a certain amount of experience and growth and failure and all of it in business to get to a place where I became unapologetic about business.

You know, I think in life, you know, I know what my gut is and I stick by it most of the time and now maybe 100% of the time. But in my earlier years, I didn't. And so for me, that turning point was when you see yourself transitioning into sort of the public knowledge and my name becoming sort of synonymous with, you know, guys like Josh Flagg or Josh Altman, and being the only female on the show and all of a sudden having all of this attention, it was a moment where I said, oh, my God, I really have to wrap my head around owning that and being unapologetic more often. Because that was an expectation that I think not only the show had of me, because they wanted me to be able to stand next to these guys.

Little did they know I had a lot more to say than they thought but you know I think at the time they were concerned like only female on the show can she hold her own like we need to make sure she's a boss and I remember in that first season having that pressure of sort of figuring that out and it was tough because there was a sort of this cross between you you know, showing your feminine side and, you know, being vulnerable, but also, you know, being a boss at the same time. And that's that's something I've struggled with, you know, in my personal life a lot. I mean, I won't say it was the cause of my divorce, but it certainly played into my success and my ambition certainly has played into my interpersonal relationships. So magnify that by 100 on a TV show and people's perception of you then becomes reality. And can we talk about that a little?

Because I actually don't feel like it's talked about enough about being a strong, ambitious woman in a relationship where perhaps you're the breadwinner and finding a guy that's comfortable with that or meeting you there I know for me it's been a big conversation and it's been and me and my husband have had to do a lot of work on it because when we met the dynamic was very different and all of a sudden it changed and it was this discomfort that we had to get used to and I also hear you on you know the, the feminine energy, the more masculine energy, and the two of them together are so powerful, but knowing how to leverage both in certain situations is hard. Well, I think it's very difficult for women,

particularly successful women, to switch between the feminine and the masculine. Like, we struggle so much between wanting to show what innately is who we are and being feminine. But we were taught that that's how we had to be. And in order to be in the business world, you have to be masculine. So then all of a sudden you're losing a little bit of that feminine side and then you become a bitch or, you know, now it's boss, you know,

is the more, you know, kind term. Right. But I'm OK with bitch. And, you know, I think once you kind of get comfortable with that and sort of redefine what that really means, then, you know, in your own language it was difficult because I always had earned more than my husband, but was incredibly supportive of his aspirations, efforts in business, his own entrepreneurship, and always stood behind him in that way and tried to let him feel like the man in the relationship. But then I kind of woke up after my divorce and I was like, why are we defining this so much? Why is there so much importance on the masculine and the feminine in a marriage that is supposed to kind of be able to innately shift between the two? I mean, traditionally, no. But, I mean, look where we're sitting we're in a boss babe podcast you know talking about exactly that like our traditional roles versus where we are now and I'm just I'm not

really interested in that so I'm in a relationship now where I'm recognizing that I still have those same even though he is significantly younger than me I still have those same challenges but in like a different way he's very supportive of what of what I do for a living and very supportive of my career but I also have to like remind myself that there's the soft and the hard and kind of going back and forth between the two can sometimes be challenging yeah I'm really curious is how this is all going to evolve because you know traditionally if you think around like particularly the books that we were brought up as children right I remember reading like it's like Peter and Jane at school

or like Biff, Chip and Kipper in the UK it was like these traditional families with these traditional models of doing things and that's dramatically shifted as it should have but it's like that whole concept around like you do what you see and being able to like see interpretations of how a life should be carried out or what a family should look like and now that has completely changed and I think there's ways around there's like it's learning for all of us I say learning with like different dynamics like how we're like, or we want to be perceived at home, or show up, or the energies that we want to bring, it's like, you know, in this place right now, where we get to create the rules, and in creating that, it's kind of a challenge, because it's like, oh, I'm not sure what this looks like,

and I know for me as well, like, I've had that same experience, like, my grew up, my mum and dad in a very traditional, my mum, my dad always, and more than my mum, they were a very traditional my mum my dad always and more than my mum they were together there like since 17 and 18 like I admired what I saw in my relationships and then I got to an age like actually this isn't what I want to create or let's see I think a lot of people are getting to that point whether you know whether it's sexuality or gender or relationships and I think we're all in this process of figuring it out and still facing those challenges, no matter what age we're at and how we reflect on them. Well, it's also, you know, I mean, about the fight for equality and pay.

And obviously in the workplace, there is a gigantic discrepancy between what men and women make. I mean, I had this discussion literally two weeks ago with a friend of mine in Hollywood, who quite powerful on a very important show and said that all the writers on this particular show are men with the exception of one woman. And this one woman is significantly talented, doesn't have the tenure maybe, just as in my shoes, does not have the tenure that, say, Josh Altman has, but, dare I say, adds as much value to the show or to this particular TV show that I give to MDLA.

So he said, we were analyzing pay, and they don't want to offer her equal to what she is. And I said, you know, for a community like Hollywood, who speaks up more than anyone, or at least in my opinion, has a whole lot of fucking to say about how everybody manages themselves. To be in that environment, be the only woman on a male-dominated, very successful TV show, and not be able to make, as the female, equal to what they are making. Not more, maybe even slightly less, because they don't have the tenure that maybe some of the senior writers have,

but nowhere near. Wow. And to me, that is a gigantic problem. So while we're fighting for this sort of equality in the workforce, we have to be a boss. We have to be aggressive. We have to be better, not equal to, but better than the man that we're sitting next to and 10 steps ahead.

But then the transition of that also, you know, being able to showcase sort of your feminine side and being able to navigate a boardroom like that or a conversation like that that makes you incredibly uncomfortable and be able to have be able to shift it. Right. And I think that's the power that we have as females that we don't access enough is the shift between sort of the masculine and the feminine. And when you are a boss, I think that's sort of, you know, that's in you, right? And that piece is the easy part. But going between the two and utilizing both sides of yourself is where I think we struggle and therefore in our interpersonal relationships have a little bit of a more challenging time.

At the end of the day, you know, there still is the white picket fence that people want with 2.5 kids and the wedding and the walk down the aisle and the whole nine yards. Have you found certain strategies that you have leveraged to switch between those? Yeah, I mean, I do a lot of when I struggle with something or a struggle with an interpersonal relationship or even a colleague at work, I will sometimes craft an email immediately. Like I will write it down. And as I'm writing it down, I'm getting like more annoyed or angry and I'm getting out that masculine energy. And as I'm getting out all of that intense energy on paper, I then put it away and I stop and then I read it an hour later. Then I add to it and then I put it away and I come back to it three hours later.

And throughout the course of the day or however long it takes me to kind of get there, by the time I come back to it and I'm ready to sort of deal with it, I never let it take too long because I believe in sort of honoring like the moment and not waiting. I'm able to sort of shift whether I need to sort of approach it from a more feminine side or a masculine side. It happened to me just today. So I haven't spoken the words yet.

I will speak them later. But, you know, in the meantime, I've sort of crafted a big fucking note and and it's funny when you go back and you read it even sometimes two hours later and i guarantee you after this podcast i'll go back and you know look at it again and i'll have a completely different perspective on how to approach it just because of our conversation yeah it's funny um i was chatting to chrisoss, you know, the FBI negotiator, and he was saying that one technique that he does with emails is he talks about like, he was

like, oh, traditionally, you always do like the shit sandwich, like the bad thing at the beginning, the good thing, then the bad thing, and try and finish on a good note. And he was like, I believe in like ripping off the bandaid. So you just go in straight away with like what the problem is. I'm with him. Yeah. But he's like, then, like you, at the end'm with him yeah but he's like then like you at the end you like really um he's like you always want to leave a good tone in their mouth so even if you're parting ways or even if like something has not been fully resolved he's like the best

people in business always think about their aftertaste so like you get the harsh bit out the way but then think about the aftertaste of the last sentence and how you can make that so they're leaving it but i'm like okay that was actually fair and firm and i know where i stand and that it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel unclean afterwards now it's like a really good perspective because i'm always like oh like being too like not like kind of pussyfooting around in the email he was like no just rip the band-aid off right i actually i actually agree with that and it's i i do think as women if you craft a strongly worded email it's perceived differently if it comes from a woman versus a man like where people might think a man's being more like direct like what you said they probably think a woman's being more aggressive or bitchy or emotional uh-huh and that's that's difficult too i think you also as

a woman that's something you consider you're like do i give a fuck right now how i'm being perceived do i need to change it up and it's such a dance to get used to let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform kajabi you know i've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you.

It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know? Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so

because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. Well, what's wrong with being emotional? Like I hate that too. Like that, the whole idea

that emotion doesn't drive success. It's like where it all begins what we're passionate about what makes us tick what makes you cry what makes you laugh it's the beginning of everything so why would we let go of that instinct for what I think it's like to hold us back so for me you know there does come a time where you have to manipulate that a little bit and that's why I believe in sort of writing when I when I'm flustered about how to approach something I put it in writing and I put it on paper with zero intent to send with intent to confront and I believe that like confronting live and being in the moment and talking to someone and looking them

in the eye says a lot about a person then follow it up with an email per our conversation you know but I do believe in leading with word and I think we get so sucked in in today's world with like digital communication which does lack emotional response yeah and and there's room for it to be interpreted in so many different ways and so for me I feel like the like speaking is so much more effective like you obviously have had some like elements of confrontation on the show at various points like nothing compared to some. No. I'm like, little, like, you know, pieces here and there. Have you watched any of the shows back and learned, like, reflected on it and learned,

oh, I could have handled that better or actually I handled that really well? Or have you learned pieces around your personality that you've kind of, like, have changed you from watching or being part of the show? That's interesting. I mean, there aren't too many times that I would go back and say,

I wish I could change that for a variety of reasons. You know, in my first season on the show, I sat with my now ex-husband at a lunch and we discussed the age of my daughter, which that episode was produced as if I got my daughter's age wrong. And what everybody didn't realize was then reported in the next episode that my husband was actually incorrect. And I was incredibly emotional in that scene because I was so, you know, thrown over the coals, raked over the coals for that matter by my ex-husband

that I couldn't get out of my own way but looking back at it now would I change it would I be less emotional I don't think so I think it was sort of a defining moment for me in our separation and also you know his lack of respect for me at the time as a mother and a career woman. So that's really the only time that stands out as being a moment that I feel like, I think I often go back to it and say, would I change anything? And the truth is, I don't think I would. Speaking of the show, so obviously you already had a successful career before you got into the show and you went into the show

to be able to build your business even more. But I'm curious, being on a show, is that like another full time job on top of an already full time job? Or is it so integrated in your life that it's less? No, it's definitely another full time job. Give me the inside tip, not tips, but inside look on what it's really like filming a show. Like how, how does that play into your day to day life? It's constant. I mean, it requires an enormous amount of my time outside of what I do. Now you have to remember, it's not like we just

surprise people and walk through the front door of their homes. Like there's an immense amount of work behind the scenes that leads up to one of my properties appearing on the show or one of my clients appearing on the show. There's, there's phone calls, there's meetings, there's contracts that you name it, like what we go through to get people to feel comfortable. Luckily, we have a, you know, a great reputation for, you know, consistently, not scaring people away from being a part of it and it's been a really good experience for I think almost every single client I have had but it adds anywhere from 15 to 25 hours a week to my already existing 60 hour job. Wow. And how many days do you film? Like, how many months? It varies because we're following actual property.

But I think what separates our show from, you know, so many other shows that shoot in maybe an 8-week or 12-week or 16-week period of time, we pretty much shoot, we're hoping, for 10 months this year. Wow. But the last three years have been 12 so year round and then the show starts airing and maybe you get you know a month off but you're doing press yeah so you're never really off so it's time and a half is what I like to call it I have my full-time job and then

sort of another job outside of that because the way that shows make it look at is as though you're like doing your day-to-day job you're just going out about your business and the show is there just filming it but it seems like so much of that is already done ahead of time so it probably slows you down with a lot of your day-to-day job is that right? Yeah I mean I have to you know I have to leave what I am doing for several hours and put my phone down and not respond to certain clients and have my either my partner or one of my team members be on top of all of my emails and my phone so that I can do this show, which ultimately brings me more business. So you know, there's the trade off, you know, you are working a lot harder. But you are, you know, this show has the ability to deliver me a much bigger business.

So that's ultimately the trade-off. And I think, you know, when that carrot was dangled in front of me when I was turning 40 years old, I thought to myself, it's now or never, you know, I can either grab this and run with it. Or I can just continue on my merry little path. And I felt like 15 years into it, I should be more successful. And this was by one opportunity to kind of take a chance and do it. And it's obviously served me well. Okay, so I want to talk really quickly about something I've absolutely been loving lately. It's called a CGM, which if you don't know, it's just a little device that allows you to monitor your blood glucose levels continuously. It's totally non-intrusive and I honestly forget it's even there most of the time, but I started using one and it has become a total game changer for me

and an absolutely essential part of my daily routine because I started utilizing it to understand my hormones and my skin. So how it works is it tracks how your body responds to different foods which means you can make better decisions about the food that you eat and really see how different things affect your body in real time. Understanding this then allows you to track the foods and the impact that they have on your hormones and then your energy levels which for example for me has then allowed me to understand the shifts I need to make in my normal routine. So if you want to learn more about how foods affect your health and your metabolic rate, Natalie actually just did an episode with the founder of the CGM that we both use called Levels and her name is dr casey means and her and natalie

actually deep dove into all the things surrounding this subject and it's absolutely fascinating episode it's number 160 if you're a beginner and you're like hang on a minute i want to know more what natalie and danielle are talking about definitely definitely tune us into this episode so check that episode out and i actually have an exclusive link for you that will give you backdoor entries so that you'll be able to subscribe to levels sooner rather than later because it's actually not available to the public yet but we've actually become so obsessed with it we were like please give us a link to share with our audience because not only I know what it's like to suffer from hormonal and energy problems firsthand so we wanted you guys to have this so

check that out you're going to find it in the show notes. Without further ado, let's get back into the episode. What's been one of the hardest parts of being on the show? Definitely being the only female on the show has been very challenging. I'm really happy because they just brought a new character to Million Dollar, character, a new agent to Million Dollar Listing New York,

Kirsten Jordan. And she's great. And she's an incredible woman and we've been talking over the course of the year while she's been shooting and sort of mentored her a little bit on you know, navigating being the only female on the show. I know. Why is that? I was saying to Natalie when we were on

away here, I'm like, you know, this is actually the only female lead. And thank goodness you are you are and you know the whole thing around like the drama for the guys on there creates so much drama like women get all this reputation and it's not like i feel like you're the most professional on there wow i mean i'm definitely i definitely bring it when i when i need to um i think more often than, they get a little nervous to confront me on camera. The Joshes. Their little feud cracks me up, the Joshes. Well, they're now, they've, you know, definitely come to terms with their little cute friendship.

So I love them both separately. They're very, very different guys. But also, you know, we've all grown up a little bit too I think you know Josh Flagg has grown up I think people forget that he's pretty young and he got into the business pretty young and and Altman now has got you know two babies is married he's a great dad he's like blossomed into like a little bit less of a you know shirt yeah he was tough you know he was kind of like the ass you know on the on the show loved him for it right well listen someone's got to be the bad guy and how has it been for your daughters seeing you oh yeah i want to hear about

oh man i mean listen they were on the first season with me. And then during the divorce, Jason and I made the decision that they shouldn't do the show. And then, of course, I lightened up that restriction. And he did not for a few seasons. And this will be actually the first season that my daughter will appear on the show, my eldest. Maybe my little one towards the end. But they love it. They know what my struggle is because I talk about it all the time on podcasts like this, like sort of the juggle of, you know,

doing what I do for a living and, you know, trying to be a single mom and raise my two girls and send them to schools that, you know, I want them to be at and give them life that I think that they deserve. So navigating, not necessarily being the PTA mom or the soccer mom that I used to beat myself up about all the time, I've given up on because I'm so outspoken about my struggle, and not being perfect that my kids sort of think I'm this independent I got a Mother's Day card from Scarlett yesterday I mean literally almost killed me like tears and she was like you are the most you know my teacher asked us the other day in class who you know who we admire

most in the world and I admire you and everybody else had like an astronaut or whatever. And, and Scarlett was like, you know, you're my idol. So it is. And I think it's important. I want, I want my girls to, to know and feel that this, you know, what we're doing as young women in business and, and what they're doing is, you know, little feminists in the making is, you know, important. And, you know, seeing me sort of, you know, do the nontraditional route of raising my teenage girls, having a younger boyfriend, doing things how I see fit, not how society or my friends or anyone with any kind of judgment sees appropriate but how I do and I think that's really important it's kind of like what I was saying at the beginning like we get to like break down the stereotypes like we get to like get rid of those in so many different ways and I know lots of women listening to this you know um are working mums and trying to balance it all and you know that's a real

struggle for so many so I think like you know you just sharing like you kind of own the things that you're good at and maybe the things that you like struggle with and make does that is that what gives you that bit more inner peace it does a hundred percent I think the second that moms like take it easy on themselves a little bit and I remember the first time I like screwed up at school I called the head of my little one's school and I said I just can't do this anymore I can't float that I can be parent of the year and show up to every single game and every like I it's just not possible and I'm not serving them the way that I know they need to be served they're 12 years old and 15 years old and right now what they need is time with me alone to

talk about things like puberty to talk about things like boyfriend out of school kind of gave me permission to not respond to every email to to to and to not feel so apologetic or guilty or shitty about it like that's the part i hate I hate that we have to be like a hundred percent all of the time for all of these people it's fucking impossible yeah so if you let go of that all of a sudden there's such freedom in it and then all of a sudden your kids start talking to you about it and then they appreciate it and by the way they're fabulous little people it's not like they're like spinning out or doing drugs or drinking alcohol or having sex. They're like getting straight A's. They're completely independent. Like they have opinions about things that are

important. I don't need to be on the sidelines with a rah-rah, you know, sign to make me feel valid as a mom. And I'm sorry. I really fully believe that. And the first time that the head of school, who was a female, said to me, she goes, Tracy, let me assure you, you not being at the volleyball game makes zero difference to her. And the conversations that you are having with her at home are exactly why she is becoming the young woman that she's becoming. So stop beating yourself up. I mean, my Scarlett, the other day, not the other day, a couple weeks ago, three weeks ago in school, there was a little boy who, it's a gay family, two gay dads,

and there's also a couple of lesbian parents that are in my daughter's grade. And there were some kids that were talking about heterosexual sex versus homosexual sex. Scarlett got incredibly uncomfortable with it because one of the kids that was in the class with the parent was sitting next to her. So she just got up and marched right into the head of school and said, I'm not okay with this. This is not, you know, behavior that I think the school tolerates. And we got an email saying, we've never seen like a sixth grade kid just walk in and then call in the kids and one by one call them out. And when they said, we didn't say that, she said, yes, you did. Look us in the eye and tell us you did not say that. And she made them own it.

And that's the kind of kid I want to raise. So, you know, if she might not be like, have a parent at the volleyball game, but if she's standing up for the kids that, you know, then I'm doing something right. Yeah, and it's like, where did that pressure come from that parents need to be at every game and doing X, Y, Z and giving their entire well the

moms do yeah they all go the dads don't yeah but the moms do and like what it blows my mind and i think that's also probably you know so ingrained in us subconsciously like i'm thinking about starting a family right now and already it's popping up for me like is is this expected of me do i need to slow down do I need to do less of this and and my husband isn't thinking about any of that and I notice it coming up for me and I'm like wow I really need to change the narrative I have around that because I'm noticing it's just there subconsciously yeah yeah and it's it's there's I think I'm luckily I have a group of incredible heterosexual and homosexual men around me that sort of don't define that experience at all.

And so I'm lucky to have like a really strong male support system in that environment around those discussions. But I but I can't help but obviously go back to my own the same experience that you have. It is a subconscious thing that we do to ourselves. And I just think, you know, particularly being successful in business, it just sort of drives that point home even more. Yeah. And from the girls being the little, were you always super ambitious and really wanted a career and had to? I'm assuming it was harder to get to a place where you were okay with doing both in your own way. No, I was always ambitious. But I definitely think there were years where I was less focused on work and more focused on the kids. And really more caught up in what my own ideas were about parenting.

And making sure that I was walking that line exactly as I was supposed to. And then I don't know, I just woke up. Maybe it was the divorce. Maybe it was, I think, probably a reevaluation of my entire life and how I was navigating the decisions that I was making. You know, I think when your decisions come from within, good, bad, or ugly, you can always stand by them. But when they come from outlier sources or someone else's version of your story,

then it makes it very difficult to stand by what you believe because it's not your belief. It's someone else's, and they told you, and you were like, oh, okay, if I do this, then they'll be successful. If I take marriage this way, then we'll last. And the truth is that's an outside perspective of the life that you're living. So how the heck can you stand by that? You can only stand by what your own truth is. So true.

And I think even just listening to that intuition, I think we've had several women on the podcast who have shared the same thing. It's like, well, often you can kind of go through years of not really listening to that gut instinct or this like feeling that sometimes you just have and you ignore it for whatever reason but most of the people who we've had on who have gone to be super successful has been those ones who have said like I literally just started listening to my gut started listening to what was mattering to me inside my heart versus, like you say, the external narrative from other people or society. Because like you said, then you can like stick by it.

Then it's like you're stronger. Why? You can connect with it. Right. Then it becomes easier to be authentic in a room like this, anywhere, in a business meeting, in your personal relationships. Because if you're only speaking your own truth, not some outside narrative, people understand it more. They connect to it more

because it's completely authentic to your experience. And I've found that every single time that I do that, both in relationships or conversations I have with my current boyfriend or my ex-husband or, you know, my colleagues at work, it's the same experience over and over. If I speak my truth, and just come from that place only, there's always some sort of meeting of the minds or better understanding. I love that so much. Okay, so I have to ask, we're obsessed with knowing people's routines and rituals, things they do, that really set them up for success. And given how much you accomplish in any given day, we need to know everything.

How busy are you? Well, I should start with it ends with either a tequila or a glass of wine most nights. But sometimes that's not until 9 or 10. But most of the time, I wake up in the morning. I set my alarm for 6, usually out of bed by 6.15. I am drinking my celery juice, usually 16 ounces. I carry a lot of stress in my gut. That's where it goes for me.

So taking care of that with, like, drinking this juice has been, like, life-changing for me. You've noticed a difference drinking celery juice? Oh, 100%. Wow. I feel like I'm gonna have to try this everyone keeps talking about celery juice it made me keep myself like crazy for a while well by the way I'm not mad at that so I mean you definitely want to drink it first thing in the morning and don't have plans to go out for like 15 minutes oh my god i was so good to stay above board on that but now

since we're getting into it yes like first thing stay at home drink your coffee then i'm on you know then i'm in the gym and i'm doing i'm doing emails and i'm sort of following up with my team in the morning this is around seven and then by 7 30 I'm literally shutting off the phone for 45 minutes to an hour. And I'm doing like my actual workout where I actually get the energy out that I need to get off the table, good, bad or ugly. And like that by the end of that, then I'm ready to move forward into the next phase of the day, which then is outreach to my clients. So I always start with taking care of me in the morning. It's the only way, in my opinion, that I can get my head square so that I can deal with the enormous amount of personalities I deal with on a daily basis. So you go to the gym, you get any emails off so you know there's no fires burning,

you work out for 45 minutes? 45 minutes to an hour after doing on doing some sort of cardio treadmill where I'm email the whole time okay and calls oh interesting I like that yeah because I'm not I don't I don't at my age no when I I don't do I don't run I don't do any of that shit anymore I literally get on the treadmill I'll put it it at somewhere between a 3.5 and a 7, varying for 30 to 45 minutes. And I just burn fat and talk on the phone and talk to my own team. And then I'm responding and looking at emails. And then right after that, I shut it off.

And then I really I'm responding and looking at emails and getting and then I that's what and then right after that I shut it off and and then I really work out and I push up weight or I you know do Pilates or whatever it is that I'm doing and I do that for 45 minutes to an hour and then you go back finish off kind of getting ready for the day you're then following up externally yeah usually I'm going you know if it's a if it's a client day or a million dollar listing shooting day, I am immediately back in front of my computer. Like I sometimes I am scheduled to the minute. Wow. So I have calls. I have color coded calendars. And every half hour that, you know, it was like, well, what's my heart out today?

I had a potential call at 330. I needed to see if I was going to run late to that. My schedule is constantly moving with cancellations, you know, fluctuations with showings, et cetera. So that's the one thing that I think is sort of difficult in our business is it's a constant moving target. And so if you don't have communication consistent communication and get out in front of it you you have to schedule down to every 15 minutes and I don't eat lunch rarely. Do you eat breakfast? Sometimes it depends on my workout if I have a very heavy workout I'll get a smoothie breakfast doesn't really do it for me. I'm allergic to eggs. What am I going to eat? Pancakes.

Like it was a waste of my time. So I skip that. I skip breakfast for the most part. And if I eat lunch, it's on the fly. Like I literally will drive, be driving and eating. Or I will buy chicken that is already sliced. I mean, I've been known at 10 a.m. to throw back like five

breasts of chicken and just keep it moving for purposes like you're showing this stuff like feet i don't have time for this shit like who has unless i am meeting like a potential client for lunch to talk about a potential deal like i'm not like i'm not but gone is the day of the ladies at lunch like i wish i could i would love to be the lady that lunches. I used to when I, like, again, was a little bit more of the mommy world. Now, if it doesn't serve me in business, I don't have time. Yeah. And so lunch turns into, like I said, some sort of gross version of to go in the car moment. And then it's showings and calls and, you know, strategy, um, about price

reductions or how we're going to get something sold or how we're going to avoid being fired. And all I do is put out fires all day long until usually about six 30, when I am finally back at my desk. And then I'm answering emails and wrapping up the evening and then I have some time with my daughters around 7 30 on I want to ask you a quick question on this because one thing I'm hearing a lot throughout this podcast is like making a lot of decisions so making decisions as a mother making decisions like you know putting out fires things that are coming up how do you counter against decision fatigue oh that's a real thing it really is I know like normally we can't like rounding up when we're talking about routines and

stuff I don't know I need to ask you like how are you making this many decisions in a day because I feel like one it's like being a business owner but then adding in being a mother to this as well and like wow I I have to say I'm a very good decision maker. I just took, to add insult to injury, I bought another house and I took on a full remodel that I have to get done in the next four months. So if I'm still with my boyfriend at big piece of where we all get like stuck because we're afraid, afraid to take that risk. And that's where your gut comes in. Right. So if you don't start from there, you're screwed. You will go round and round and round and round. And I was what made me think what you just said of a discussion I had with my business partner, Gina, about someone that is on our team who we were just trying to decipher where to where we feel he fits best and how we can utilize him and the way that

we know he's so talented. And we just kept going round and round. And finally, this morning, she was like, we have to make a decision. I said, I just made it. We're done with this conversation. Like, we're propelling him forward and this is how it's going to be and we're not talking about it again and that was it and I was like I cannot have one more discussion about it we need to be done um and so I think sort of having a little bit less fear around our decisions and a little more trust um is a big piece of it do you know what I think that comes down to again is that I think this kind of ties up neatly in a bow.

It's like being comfortable with yourself. You know, like saying, okay, owning the pieces that you're good at, owning the pieces that you're like maybe not so good at and owning the decisions that you make. And you know what? 70% are going to be great decisions. 30%, I could have made a better decision at the time, but I made a decision at that point and I am okay with that and i think that's been the biggest thing

for me i was like i've learned to be a good decision maker right and it's like that's one of the biggest things that i've had to overcome is like sometimes letting go of the perfection of the outcome you know feeling like i have to get perfect each time when you don't sometimes just like say need to make a decision you're moving forward through that and hopefully it's going to be the best one if not you're making another decision to course correctly down the line well right and I think it's planning for that too I think knowing what you're capable of and knowing what you're not capable of is where it starts and that's where I think a lot of people screw up everybody's like oh I can what do you if you start with what are you good at and what are you not, you'd be surprised how many people can name maybe one or the other, but never both.

They'll be like, I'm very strong at interpersonal communications. You're like, great. Break that down for me. Like, what the fuck does that mean? But then they can't name what they don't necessarily know how to do very well. I'm a perfectionist. Right. That's my downfall.

All the time you hear that, you're like, come on. That's like the biggest job interview snafu. When someone says they're a perfectionist to me in an interview, I'm like, you're out. Yeah, I'm like, this isn't worth it. Because, by the way, you're either setting yourself to be a great interview and then not follow through with that. Or you're so difficult on yourself that you can't even get past the decision part so perfection is boring to me um but i do think uh the decision piece is really a big big part of what makes sort of the difference between

getting through every single day and to the end of the week and then to the end of the month. I agree. Quarter. If you looked at the year as a whole, it's too overwhelming. You just have to go, like, day by day, week by week. Yeah. We had that conversation yesterday. We're just going to get through tomorrow. Yeah. Our team were like, on the third week of this month. I was like, I know what I'm doing today, and I know what I'm doing tomorrow,

and then we'll face that power. That's good enough for us right now. Right. And I know what I'm doing today, and I know what I'm doing tomorrow, and then we'll face that problem. That's good enough for us right now. Right, and I know what I'm doing until 3 o'clock, and then I'll look at my calendar and see what call I have to be on at 3.15, and I'll prep for that. Yeah, exactly. You know? I love that.

Tracy, thank you so much for being on here. Of course. Where can everyone find you? Well, you can Google me. No. TracyTutor.com and at tracy tutor on all social channels and of course the premiere of million dollar listing is coming this summer which is going to be incredibly exciting season because you will see a lot more i think of my personal life this

season which haven't really been a part of you you know, seasons past. So I'm looking forward to sharing that sort of feminine side. I'm excited. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you.