the bossbabe podcast - 172. Maintaining Friendship After Business Conflict + How We’re Handling Big Life Changes

Episode Date: June 29, 2021

BossBabe Co-Founders, Natalie Ellis & Danielle Canty, get SO many questions about what it’s REALLY like to be best friends and run a business at the same time.  That’s why we’re finally taking you behind the curtain and answering all your burning questions about just that. From life updates to jealousy to managing conflict and the ever-present, looming “timeline” – nothing is off limits in this episode. This is the real, behind-the-scenes of running a successful business...and some of their answers might surprise you. You won’t want to miss it. Listen now! Links:Toodaloo: https://toodaloo.com Shipstation: https://www.shipstation.com (enter code BossBabe) LinkedIN: http://linkedin.com/bossbabe Follow:  BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie: @iamnatalie Danielle: @daniellecanty

But I'm in that phase of my life where everything's a little bit confusing right now. I'm turning 30 this year. There's just a lot of things up in the air for me. What about you? Where do I even start? Do I feel the pressure of the timeline? a little known fact about natty and i is that we kind of consider ourselves snack connoisseurs and one thing that we've really noticed recently is that we have been really struggling to find a trail mix that tastes good and that we actually enjoy because so many of the trail mixes out there are either full of candy and gross ingredients or they taste like nothing at all and that's why I am so excited to tell you guys about our newest investment and partnership with

Toodaloo. So Toodaloo is a healthy sustainable trail mix company that I cannot get enough of. It tastes incredible and it is so, so good for you. I love to eat it in the morning with some oat milk or sprinkle it over a cup of yogurt. It literally tastes amazing. Or have it during the day when I'm on busy meetings. I haven't got time to grab anything and I just want to like dig into something tasty and good and the reason that I absolutely love Tudaloo is not only it tastes amazing but it actually has adaptogens added in it so it's functional they have different flavors that help support you feeling different ways so whether it's kind of a winding down one whether it's one that's got a probiotic inside of it whether it's a feel-good one they literally are amazing and I feel like they've thought of every single thing on top of that when you actually purchase toodaloo this is another reason why I'm so excited to invest in the company it actually helps regenerate a hundred square feet of polluted farmland and restore it back into the rich fertile soil that nature intended so toodaloo is actually healing ourselves and the planet with every single bite how cool is that so if you want to try toodaloo is actually healing ourselves and the planet with every single bite. How cool is that?

So if you want to try Toodaloo, and trust me, you definitely do, go to the link in our show notes and order a bag right now. You are going to be so, so glad that you did. Like I said, it tastes amazing. It's functional. So it's actually helping your brain and your body at a time, and you're helping the planet. Why would you not purchase a bag? So go do that now. Link is in the show notes below and go get yourself some to live. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, the place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I'm Danielle Canty, co-founder of Boss Babe and today I am joined by Natalie Ellis, the other co-founder of Boss Babe. A long overdue solo. I mean it's kind of not a solo, it's the two of us together. It's not like we're monologuing it but kind of a solo.

We've got no guest today you guys. We are doing a Q&A and we've got some really good questions. Yeah, I mean the questions that come through on your instagram account was so good and i love this because it makes us feel like so much closer to our audience as well and some of these things i wouldn't necessarily think to share about but when asked i'm like oh my goodness yeah i'm really excited to be sharing a bit more behind the scenes of what's going on in our lives right now well let's take it one question each i'll start then you ask the question and then i'll ask the question. We'll do it like that. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise. Keep going and fighting on.

She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. One of the first ones I got through was just life in general how are you feeling how's your headspace and she breathes and she takes a sigh of relief so just the other day I actually posted a huge update on my life which was that my partner and I had actually separated and I will totally be doing a podcast on this at some point not quite now but it's coming and so for me I've been through this like period of change like huge huge change and realizing what it means to get comfortable being uncomfortable you know I think my partner and I were together 14 years that's crazy yeah 14 years

14 years and when you've been like I mean that's like share I mean I've shared a bed with him for 14 years like shared space with him for 14 years and so when that changes that is huge and so I got really used to being getting like comfortable being uncomfortable recognizing that it's okay for things to change and one thing I learned a while ago was that the feeling of anxiety is actually exactly the same as the feeling of excitement on a neurological and a physical level like it the frequency is exactly the same and so one thing I learned to do was actually rather than going oh my goodness I'm feeling this in my stomach I'm feeling this in my body and it's it's anxiety

over what's next what's to come like I'm entering this period of my life which is so unknown I'm really trying to rewire it and being like wow isn't this such an exciting time oh that feeling in my stomach is excitement because how wonderful that I don't know what's ahead how wonderful that I get to try all these new experiences that I didn't when I was in my 20s or I get to go anywhere I want now. I have no, there's no, I can go and do anything right now, Natalie, which is kind of crazy, kind of daunting, but so freaking exciting. Does that actually work? Like if you're feeling anxious, then you're like, oh, I'm actually excited. Like, be real, does it actually work? I would say seven times out of 10, can rewire it okay because like we were

chatting about this the other day remember I said to you I'm like hey I'm gonna choose to look at this differently I could choose to like be oh my goodness I have so I'm so anxious about how much I have to do today and that one I really struggle with but sometimes I have a lot of anxiety about doing new things and like meeting new people and going like I'm in LA right now there's like events happening like going on my own I could be like oh my god I'm so I'm anxious about this but I find it very easy to switch to excitement with those ones yeah so yeah I would say like seven times out of ten I can I can talk myself through into excitement okay what about you give a little update yeah um I feel like I have a lot going on I'm gonna be honest I definitely could do with taking a vacation

and just taking some time to think I've felt in the past I would say a couple of months just a little bit confused about my path which is really interesting and and this generally happens to me periodically where I you know I go through like I get on a kind of train and it's moving and every now and then I need to slow the train down get off and take a look at the train and be like do I want to stay on that train or do I want to get on another one and it just like that means you know the kind of stuff that I spend my days doing where my priorities are things like that and a lot of it with work like am I really happy doing what I'm doing do I want to change things up definitely a lot of that's been coming in I just think you know as your business grows and as fast

as our business has grown those questions are really really important because with quick growth comes very quick changes to the things that you started doing like when we started the company I was doing like things that are completely different to what I'm doing now and you and I just had a conversation about you know playing silly idea time and where do we want to be spending our time versus where are we spending our time and so I'm definitely sitting in kind of like what you said sitting in the discomfort of that which is you know it's very uncomfortable but I'm asking those questions yeah I was gonna say I think on the other side of discomfort there is huge growth I I honestly think the times in my life where I've been the most comfortable is where I've grown the

least yeah and so I do think there's a lot of normally when you're sat in that point of like oh this is really really uncomfortable it's kind of like you're on the precipice the next you know that next big thing in your life yeah no I could definitely agree with that another thing as you know I did Hoffman was it last year no it was the year before I don't even know I did Hoffman was 2020 oh of course, because I came out into full-on corona. So Hoffman is this incredible retreat for personal development. And it's seven days, seven or eight days, and you basically hand your phone in and you go in and you do a lot of deep work. And Stephen had previously done it before me. He did it about six months before I did, then I did it. And it was incredible. I feel like, you know, I've done a lot of things. I've

done a lot of therapy, plant medicine, all of of the things and I don't feel like anything has really meaningfully transformed my life in a way that Hoffman did it was just incredible and I know Stephen felt the same and we actually signed up for a couple's version of Hoffman you can only go as couples if you've both done it individually we signed up for that mid last year but obviously we didn't get the chance to go and so we're going now soon and yesterday I had to go in last night and do all the pre-work and it basically you can imagine what it's like but it like makes you examine every element of yourself your relationship your patterns all the things and it makes you dig so much stuff up because the idea is you go and you get to like work on stuff together if you're holding any

resentments with each other you work on letting them go like all these different things and I was going into pre-work like oh I think we're pretty good like I can't think of many things but as soon as they start asking those questions you're like oh god and then they just like remind you of something that happened like two years ago or three years ago and all of a sudden you're like angry about that thing again so we both did the pre-work in separate rooms last night we were like okay we need to get it done because we need to submit it and we both came out the room just looking at each other like let's spend the night apart tonight I think that's the thing to do so I'm very much looking forward apart tonight. I think that's the thing to do.

So I'm very much looking forward to going there. I think it's the case with anything. Like when you start digging stuff up, when you go looking for problems, you're going to find them. Yeah. What are you hoping to get out of it? Is it like helping you guys communicate? Like what is the outcome that you're hoping for?

Really, I would love just like a refresher of all the Hoffman tools and practices because I was in a really good routine with them when I came back but over time that just kind of slowly disappeared but they have so many really good tools so I would love to just get that refresher first of all of all the things that we learned see kind of what progress I've made and then the second thing I just think it'd be really good for us to learn how to like deepen our relationship improve our communication when we signed up for it it was less of like let's go and fix things but how could we make things better that's so yeah so i'm excited yeah yeah proactive you're not really supposed to go if you're like they call it like in crisis mode like if you're having like like real issues they don't recommend you do that it's not really that kind of place i think there's like different's not really that kind of place

I think there's like different retreats for that kind of thing but I'm excited yeah because it's all about like your inner child right and I guess helping you guys communicate that and understanding what brings out the triggers in each other and how to work through them but then also how to self-soothe I'm guessing yeah that's definitely a part of it and there's it's a lot of like somatic work so um for anyone listening that's read things like the body keeps score and all those things we often don't realize when we hold things in we really hold them in our body and it's and it's there and it's stagnant energy and they do a lot of somatic work to actually release that which is great because

we often don't even realize that we're holding on to it and when I left Hoffman when I went I just remember leaving just feeling so light and happy and peaceful and just being like yeah I really needed that was like a an excavation of just anything that subconsciously wasn't serving me anything that was holding me back and some this one's just a mini version it's a lot shorter but I'm kind of hoping like more of the same you're gonna get so much out of it totally okay so let's do the next question because it's kind of going on to communication right so how do you prevent disagreements in your work from affecting your friendship so I think we've both just done enough work to be able to move through disagreements quickly

and respectfully you know and to be honest i don't know if this is the answer people want to hear but it really doesn't happen that often it's very few and far between that we have like disagreements and you know in the one occasion that it has happened where i think we actually i don't know fell out so it but fell out i think we had two i think we had, I don't know if fell out is the word, but fell out over something personal. I think we had two arguments really, that's it. But only one has lasted more than a day. Yeah, totally. So like I can think of that one time where we kind of fell out over something more

personal and it lasted a day because you were like, I just want some space for a day and then I'll come around and I was like, oh god. So I like made matches for us. They were good matches and we just talked it out. It was so easy. We should totally do one on the two arguments that we've had and what we learned from them. I know.

That would be fun. So funny. So yeah, only one has really ever lasted. And it was like, I think it was happened on the Saturday. And then I try to resolve on the Sunday, but you were like, no, I was not ready. That's what you said. I was still processing she was definitely still processing I called I was like well why are you ignoring me can you

talk to me and you are like I don't want to talk to you and I'll come around on Monday I'm like okay I'll make matches anyway I'm on my notepad here's all the things yeah and it was but at the same time that was a nice conversation though yeah neither of us like have ever I think been disrespectful or like ever called each other a name or said anything that you know would end up being something other than it's not I don't think we're that kind of that that's my rule like you can't take things back once you say them. So I'm always very, very conscious around like what I say. And that's whether it's in my relationship with you or my friendships or my previous marriage, like I've always been very aware of that. And I think that's

like, I think that with arguments and relationships, it really comes down to what you own first. Like if you are somebody that has notoriously poor relationships with your family or friends your partners then I really do think you need to like look within and that's where I always come from like and that's why that you know that that one argument that we had that lasted that weekend was and I was not ready to talk on the Sunday because I was still taking ownership of my parts of it and I think that's what's really important whenever you're having disagreements with someone. And I also think that's why we don't really have that many disagreements and how if we do, they resolve really quickly is because we've both done enough work to take ownership of our sides. I'm not coming to saying like, hey, you know,

you made me feel this way. It's more like, hey, when you said this, my interpretation was this, the story I told myself was this. Like, I really just want to understand what you meant and allow you to see what I felt from it. So I think that's like a really, really key piece in making sure that we we go into a good communication pattern rather than a negative one, which is like arguments. A hundred percent. Yeah, I think definitely doing your own work and taking responsibility is so important I think that's where probably people would go around in circles if they're playing the blame game I just think that's where the circles happen. 100% and I feel like there's just like a respect that we have for each other you know I think in work in a work setting we

both have respect for each other's departments you know if we called them that like we both have different strengths in the business and we have veto rights within those departments I'm never going to come like oh Natalie you should not be posting this on social media like but I will definitely say that to you yeah and you'll make me like yo do this do that and then likewise with mine operations illegal I'm like Natalie you have to do a process this way you're like but I don't want to like no but you have to it's my right yeah yeah no that's so true I think that's just that's just really important and I also think which I think you need in in any relationship but we were just talking about this when we had a

FaceTime the other day is we have so much trust in each other that we're never gonna go and like talk shit about one another behind each other's back we've never ever done it we never ever will it's like not even even if we end up having a like a fight i would never go to like friends and be like oh my god can you believe danielle did this it just would never happen and I think that comes down to the respect thing yeah and I think we both give each other that so we'd never ever go and do it to the other person totally totally but I do think it's like worth just noting as well like I think our relationship has got better as the years have gone on like when we first met we were really different we had very different communication styles neither of us had done enough work, like any work at that point.

I don't think I'd ever seen a therapist when I first met you. No, you hadn't? Yeah. No, you hadn't. I remember when I taught you about projections and that time you got really upset and you were like, I know you said there's this thing called projections, but you're just being a bitch or something. Get in those words and i remember listening and i like we didn't turn into anything it was never a thing but i remember that

and the two of us were just so brand new to like doing the work yeah i was like i've learned this thing called projections danielle and you are like that sounds like bullshit like why are you trying to count this in and then remember that one time actually we should talk about these little funny things where that one time i tagged you in the document to make sure you'd seen it and you're like i was like didn't that wasn't like crying over that i think i was yeah you remind me like an act like i feel like it was like tell them what happened you probably remember it a little bit better than me tears of frustration so basically I think we'd only been working together like I don't know like six months or something and so um we were going

that it was it was an accounting procedure right so basically we were having this I was trying to set this stuff up with our accounts and making sure that we were getting um let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform kajabi you know i've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which i love not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data creating pages collecting payment all the things so much simpler one of our mottos at boss babe is simplify to amplify and kajabi has really helped us do that this year so of course i needed to

share it here with you it's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business you know get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible i definitely recommend kajabi to all of my clients and students so if you're listening and haven't checked out kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe oh that was it i think it was like we were doing our first coaching program and i wanted to get the workflow of people paying us

and as recognizing it and making sure like it got to the right places and it got accounted for right so i created this document for our accountant myself and natalie and i tagged both natalie and the accountant in this saying hey guys and this is like i was just like getting used to working with people as well in the virtual setting I'd done everything in person so I tagged this google document like hey Natalie hey accountant like once you've like read this can you just like um give this a check mark so that I know that you've seen it and I was just like oh yeah I just want to make sure she's seen this and she knows the procedure well didn't go down well you and you I think I don't know what you thought but it did not go down

well I think you thought I was trying to be your boss yeah that's what that's exactly what I thought because I think that was like in that in-between period where I was working full-time on boss babe you weren't you were still juggling two things yeah and then you were like basically telling me I needed to read this thing and no you you wanted me to sign my name to say I'd read it that was just like so I ended up voice noting you like I do not appreciate this I will not be signing my name. The most aggressive whatsapp I've received. And then Danielle just calls me and I'm like I don't want to answer the phone to her right now she's trying to boss me around it's not happening but I ended up answering the phone so stubbornly like hello yes no I will not do that and you were like well you don't need to do it I'm like okay thanks you were like absolutely I remember because the voice note was like that aggressive I think I got like halfway through and I was like and this is I remember my I remember thinking this I was like what did I do

I was like such an old Virgo land of being like oh yeah sign thinking this I was like what did I do like I was like such an old Virgo land of being like oh yeah sign this like I was like working in like the medical environments it was all very like you sign it you've seen things and I'd like never experienced that in my life like having to sign my name yeah and I was just like I remember like hearing it going like what what did I say like so I just rang you and then you just like went off and I was like oh it's it's okay I didn't mean it like that I just meant it this way and you were like oh okay like I think it was like it just showed you then like I think that was like a real key moment for me just in general experience of working with people that we all see different

realities like we have a completely different experience of the same thing, you know? And I think that's just like testament to understanding people and just being able to go, oh yeah, like if you say that something this way, and it can come from like cultures, it can come from like where you've been brought up, like the environment you've been brought up in.

Like that's one thing that I've really just started to learn particularly like when I was in the UK I was around lots of the same people and moving to America like different cultures working with you we came from like completely different backgrounds in the UK as well and just realizing that wow everyone has their own triggers everyone has their own experiences and everyone has their own interpretations of what I say or a situation that I'm going to have differently so I think it was just an early lesson yeah but yeah we resolved it really quickly that was so funny I like totally forgot that even happened I know I forgot about that one too but that I think we have so many like little stories like that yeah I'm like I'm just like having a

flashback that was so funny that was hilarious I actually remember where I was I was doing my makeup yeah I remember it was like really early for me which probably didn't help because we used to like we've talked about before I used to work really early used to work really late so super early for me I think it was like 7am and I was doing my makeup I'd seen this and I was like remember being in the bathroom just being like oh my god like now I just totally would never ever do that I would like know how to communicate but we were just so young and clueless we just had no idea yeah and that also shows you how much the business has evolved like that was a big thing I was like sorting out something like that something we talk about a lot at Boss Babe is how you can work smarter, not harder. It's honestly become some sort of mantra for us on the team because we really want to make sure whenever

we're spending time on something, it's an efficient process and it's a good use of our time. So if you can spend a little bit of money to outsource something, that usually makes a lot more sense than trying to do every single little task for your business on your own. That's one of the reasons I absolutely love ShipStation. So ShipStation makes it simple to import, manage and ship your orders out fast and for a lot less money. With ShipStation, you can import orders from any sales channel, ship with any carrier and automate just about any shipping task, which as I'm sure you know I'm all about organizing and automating things so that they can run in the background rather than you

having to be totally hands-on the whole time so that's why I'm even a super fan of ShipStation. I also want to share with you that ShipStation allows you to ship more in less time. Just use my offer code BOSSBABE to get a 60-day free trial. That's two months completely free of no hassle, stress-free shipping. Just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in BOSSBABE. So that's shipstation.com, enter offer code BOSSBABE and make ship happen. So one of the things I care personally about so much at BOSSBABE is making sure we make really incredible hires whenever our team is growing. But you know what? That process can sometimes feel so freaking overwhelming, especially at the beginning when you're trying to get qualified people in the door. Yeah, totally. That first

little bit once you post a job is so crucial because you're either going to get the right people to apply and be able to move forward, or you're going to be totally stuck. And that's why I really love LinkedIn jobs. Yeah, I know for us, LinkedIn jobs has seriously been such a game changer at Boss Babe because when you post a job, you know it's going to a group of people who are actually qualified and will be a really good fit for your organization. Because of that, I feel like it's going to a group of people who are actually qualified and would be a really good fit for your organization because of that I feel like it's really helped us make some pretty incredible hires Natalie who have been really impactful on our internal team too yeah if you need to make your next hire and want to have a lot smoother of a process than ever before then you need to check out LinkedIn jobs LinkedIn jobs will help you hire the right person for your role and your first job post is free.

Just visit linkedin.com slash boss babe. Again that's linkedin.com slash boss babe to post your first job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Okay so the next question we've got is do you get jealous of each other? For me it's like just no. I don't really have much else to add to that. So basically my answer is no. And I, and it was really funny because someone asked me this the other day, Natalie's been asked to be a judge on this really, really super cool thing. Right. And my, when you told me my first instinct was, oh my goodness, I am so thrilled for you. That is such a fricking amazing opportunity. Like I am so am so thrilled for you. That is such a freaking amazing opportunity. Like I am so, so proud of you.

This is going to be absolutely amazing. That was my only feeling to this. And then you were like, do you want to come? And I was like nearly crying. I was like, oh God, she wants me to go with her. That's so nice. And so that was really nice. But I was, because someone asked me this the other day,

I was like, hey, are you not upset that you're not doing it? And I was like, hey, are you not upset that you're not doing it? And I was like, absolutely not. All I feel is like being proud that you have this opportunity. And I think it comes from like I was looking the other day. Well, I wasn't looking the other day. Just before this podcast was like, you know, what is jealousy? Why do some people get jealous and some people don't? Whether it is in a relationship or is it in a friendship or any of those things.

I think it really just comes to like self-esteem and confidence and I know who I am and the person I am and I know who you are and the person you are and just together I know we always bring out the best in each other so there's no I also feel like I'm in total abundance so I never feel like there's a shortage of opportunities or a shortage of anything. So I just wonder if that's why jealousy doesn't come up for us. Because we know that one, we love each other so much. And second of all, we know there's just so many opportunities out there for both of us. And we're always cheering each other along.

Yeah, I wonder that too. I think so. Because I feel like whenever you get a win and it's personal to you, it still feels like a win for us because we do everything together that like, even if it's personal, it's not related to boss, but it still feels like a win for me too. So I like, I feel the excitement of whatever you're doing. And I think you do the same for me too, which is just really nice. I'm like, Oh my God, this is amazing for us.

As if we're just like one person. And there's a level of like you know say you're invited to speak at something and I'm not I'm like oh how nice that we get to divide and conquer like it's so unique that doesn't really happen for a lot of people that's also a big thing for me also are you a jealous person generally I think I know the answer to this because I'm not like even in relationships I've never been a jealous person like that doesn't that's not a trigger for me no I'm not yeah I can't really think of like many situations of where I would class myself as a jealous person totally I'm the same so I think there's just like that inner work that we've done and then just like how we've like just evolved as like even at school I was never a jealous person so I think if was never a jealous person.

So I think if you are a jealous person it's definitely things that you need to like work on actively. And looking at self-confidence and self-esteem first and foremost. And then I do think that abundance piece. For me it's like abundance. Like why do I need to be jealous? There's so so many things in the world that we get to do and get to experience. So it doesn't really matter. I mean remember a few months

ago when we had that ex situation where like Stephen's ex was like reaching out and it was like so not necessary and inappropriate and in that situation I was like uh block friend like not even happening I don't know that that was jealousy I think that was just me being pissed off so I don't I don't know if that counts but I generally wouldn't say I'm a jealous person but when something like that happens I'm like were you genuinely pissed off about that or were you just like oh I want to have a bit of fun with this and wind Stephen up maybe maybe the latter I feel like sometimes you want to play I feel like you're a cat that wants to play with the mouse sometimes yeah no that's actually so yeah that maybe that's true

there's definitely something in my personality that just every now and then I love the bit of a tussle this is how much I know you I'm like okay I was like right about that I was like I was like watching this play out because obviously you're messaging the girls chat at the time and I'm like this is so interesting because I'm like is she actually jealous is she just playing right now because I'm like because I that thing does that does not bother me at all I'd be like yeah whatever I don't give a shit I know who's better you're sleeping again tonight you know that type of thing and I know that you and Stephen have that generally so I was watching this play out I was thinking huh I wonder if she just like it just wants a bit of like excitement and drama in her life right now

you know what you're actually so right about oh my god i feel very called out you're just like i do it all the time i'm like the worst like last night steven just was waking me up so many times just like wasn't sleeping very well was annoying the hell out of me and i woke up pmsing this morning and i was like i just fancy a little bit of a tussle so i was like you were so fucking annoying waking me up last night it was so unnecessary to say so unnecessary but it felt really good maybe I need to work on the Hoffman they need to have a little a little tussle I love that you're calling it a tussle that's what it is because it's like it's just like a little like you just have have a little thing and then it's so over so quickly and you're like oh i'm good you know like i'm i it's just like i there's never any like if you think about

pressure cooker i never have any build-up of pressure ever like i'm not really the kind of person that builds things up and explodes just every day i just let a little bit thing out and then i'm i just don't have the explosion part in me I do yeah you're really good at bottling things up I wish I was slightly better honestly like I'm definitely like it takes a lot I mean I mean you've seen me probably what blow once this time no I think more times than that now how many more I would say like maybe five to ten no no way ten yeah absolutely not absolutely oh my god Danielle yeah you do you like build things up and then you'll I'll get on a call with you and you're like I am so freaking annoyed and it's just like so funny watching it play out yeah I've known you

for a long time now Danielle I definitely through I let's remember, I have seen you going through a divorce. Yeah. Anyone that says they were a calm, level-headed Buddha through that kind of situation is lying. Yeah, definitely have not been. Calm all the way through this, you guys. We will share one day no one yeah no one ever would be especially in just um perhaps your situation but no one ever would be there people are not saints no matter what they project on instagram i didn't really like it takes a lot to annoy me

but when you've annoyed me yeah i'm annoyed but i i feel like my tolerance is pretty high i can tolerate more than you can agree oh yeah but then if you if you push me i'm like okay i'm done now it's funny because i feel like i don't have a lot of tolerance you have so much tolerance so i'm normally the one to like bite in the beginning yeah and then you will bullet what my blow up later down the line and then i'm the one that like soothes you down a little bit because i've already let my bit out. Yeah. So we're good.

Good. Like I think between the two of us, there's something helpful in there. There's something helpful along the way. That's why we do everything together. Because we balance each other out. Yeah. 100%.

Yeah. All right. So next question. Do you feel pressure to follow the timeline, e.g. marriage and kids yes 100 and i mean i've been married a while so that that's not really a thing but the kids weren't 100 and i and i think it's hard for women to say like no i don't thought like have any pressure on timeline because it's not like we can decide at 60 to have kids like we have that

clock and so even you know reframing it however we want to it's still there whether we like it or not and so I definitely definitely feel that and I also feel like oh you know so many things I should have done yesterday and so many things I want to do tomorrow and then in 10 years like whenever is the right time it's just it feels very confusing like I was saying at the beginning of the episode I'm in that phase of my life where everything's a little bit confusing right now I'm turning 30 this year there's just a lot of things up in the air for me what about you oh where do I even start do I feel the pressure of the timeline? Okay. So I met my ex. I met my ex at 18. Got married at 28. Yeah. 28, 27, something like that. And so I was on track for the timeline. I totally

bought into this timeline of you meet someone, you get married, you have kids. So I'm 32, you guys. So odds would have said, I would have been at this point going, yeah, let's, let's settle down and having kids, you know, but no, I decided to pretty much start all over again. So, uh, 32 single, no kids. I feel that timeline. Do you feel it? I was wondering, we haven't actually talked about this. I was wondering, I think it takes so much courage to do what you did, especially when you're at that age where you're feeling that pressure yeah I mean I definitely feel I do feel the time I don't have this need to have children I would like to have children but I don't have this need that oh my goodness I absolutely am going to do everything to make sure I have children so

they're like a nice add-on bonus if it works that way but they're not something I was going to plan my life decisions around and so ultimately that's why I decided to leave my marriage because I was like actually do you know what like this isn't right and things need to change so but having done that and being 32 yeah I did go and see a fertility specialist and was like okay just so I know how fertile am I oh you did how did that go I did not know that yeah yeah when I went to it was fine she was like yeah like they did an ultrasound she said there's like blood I didn't do the blood tests yet but she said there's blood tests to see if it's more accurate but I was just kind of like, you know what, I'm just going to go check in, you know, see what the situation is like.

Because I was also thinking about, do I freeze my eggs? Because everyone, that was never a conversation in the UK, but it's been a big conversation here in the US. And so she was like, look, you can totally freeze your eggs now if you want to. She's like, as long as you decide to do it before 35, you're good. So that was her advice to me so she's like why don't you just go away for another year and then come back to me and we can have some more conversations but she's like you're just literally like coming out your marriage all this stuff she's like don't worry about it right now just like focus on what you

need to and then and then we'll have this conversation again but she's like right now ultrasound you're doing good the eggs are there guys you know this is such an odd thing to be sharing on the podcast no I don't think it is I was actually wondering that just just on the timeline conversation I think that's yeah just such an interesting answer but yeah I just admire the decision you made so much because I think it could be very easy for someone in that situation to say oh you know what we've already been together this long I'm 32 I'm just gonna go through the motions and we can you know but for someone to be like this isn't making me happy and I get to choose

something that does yeah that's like not many people I don't I think would have the guts to do that I like I'm thinking about myself I'd be I just think it's a like a big big decision so and and like you're gonna look back on it you know whenever your time is when you look back at it and be like whoa thank god yeah which is so interesting it was really scary it took a lot of courage but ultimately you just know in your heart when something is the right thing for you I think you know we've spoken about this a few times in the podcast about intuition and listen to your gut and I think I actually shared as well like probably

last year like I've been really shut off from my intuition and my gut and I did a lot from last June I did a lot of emphasis on starting to really align with myself again um and I think when you do that there's just some things that are too big to ignore you know I would have just been sacrificing so much so much of my soul I think to have stayed um and that was just I just couldn't do it kind of and it's the kind of the thing like when I decided to change careers you know things are scary but then you know look what happened when I decided to leave careers you know things are scary but then you know look what happened when I decided to leave being a chiropractor and do boss babe and I just never did that I know when you're fully aligned I just think the everything has a way of coming together

so but yeah the answer is I think women are not programmed, but their environmental factors nurture us to be very, very considerate of timelines. I think it's a luxury that men, like they don't have so much. You know, guys can very pretty easily have kids in their 50s and 60s. It's not the case for women. And so unfortunately, I do think we have this emphasis on time I know that's something I've wrestled with so much whether it's like say children and family or marriage or also just feeling like almost like having children and this is my mindset which I really want to work on but having children it's like okay I'm either going to be good in business or I'm going to have children

and I want to try and find out like a breakdown that because it's not true at all I don't know there's gonna be women who are listening to this absolutely smashing it like they have children they have an amazing business and I think that's incredible and I want to make sure that I retain that mindset because I do think it's difficult I don't think it's something that's you know I mean even we've been chatting about it like what if you're you're growing a baby like you might be sick for three months or nine months. It's a thing to consider. Yeah, it adds, like, a whole new layer of complexity.

And there's times when, you know, you and I will get on Zoom calls and be like, oh, my God, I couldn't handle one more thing right now. But so it's one of those things. And I also think with time, I don't know. Do you ever feel like you're just always behind? Oh, my goodness. Always behind. Whether it's, like, on the daily basis or it's like oh my goodness why is our business not here right now like why have I not got this house why have I not done this like

when you're younger I remember I remember being younger and like 15 16 and these young pop stars and I remember following like oh it's okay everyone's older than you everyone's older than me so it's like fine they were further ahead because they're older than me now I look back and I'm like these kids are blowing up on TikTok or doing these other things I'm like damn I need to get my act together. Everyone's younger than me. I know well it's just a thing that we all go through and that's what's like recognizing it you know that everyone everyone looks at someone else and be and what's like recognizing it you know that everyone everyone looks at someone else and be and it's like oh wow they've got their timeline sorted or they've got

their shit together on that or you know they're doing x y and z i need to pull my finger out and do that as well and i think it's just important to recognize that no matter what position you're in everybody has that feeling this was a really good conversation I'm very glad we had it we should I like to ask him the questions and then our audience providing these because I never would have thought to speak about some of these I know I wouldn't either I wouldn't you don't and especially when your answer is maybe not like the most happy optimistic positive answer like I would never just normally volunteer that info so it's nice to just be prompted to do that and like bringing it back to you know what I was saying at the beginning of like where do I want to be spending my time what that looks like I know that podcasting is one of them like I love this

stuff so much I love getting the chance to have real conversations and not feel like it needs to be a highlight reel and all of those things so yeah I very much like it totally this is fun i like to ask you having a little like reminiscing as well good times reminiscing on all the fights love it and if you guys have any other questions that you want to answer as dms after listening to this podcast share your favorite takeaway tag us and then also let us know what you want to hear some of our solo episodes on because i really enjoy these this is my favorite natalie don't tell oh yeah let's do more of these let us know if you want more of these we can do more of these bye guys bye Thank you.