the bossbabe podcast - 195. How to Identify + Set Your Boundaries in a Firm Yet Respectful Way with Natalie Ellis

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Are you able to say no to your friends and family? Or are you constantly being walked over in your personal and professional life because of people-pleasing? That story ends right now.  In this episo...de, BossBabe’s co-founder, CEO + expert at setting boundaries, Natalie Ellis, cuts through the bad reputation boundaries get and shows you why saying no is not a dirty word. Gain the confidence to draw the line with everyone, be it your boss, bestie, or family + finally start to cultivate the healthy relationships you crave.  If you’re ready to make boundaries part of your self-care routine and put a stop to that auto-yes response you can’t quite shake off; this is the place to begin. Listen now!  Highlights: How to introduce a boundary at work   What communicating your needs really looks like  What it looks like to say no to friends and family  What you can do right now to build confidence setting boundaries  How to maintain healthy boundaries during the holidays Links: Notion.so The Société  Follow: BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Danielle Canty: @daniellecanty

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Your boundaries are your boundaries. My boundaries are not your boundaries. We have completely different boundaries, right? Yours are not mine and mine are not yours. But when you respect yours, it doesn't matter really if I'm respecting them or not. Because if I'm texting you at a certain time of the day and you're respecting your own boundaries, I'm not going to get a reply. And then if I get upset over that, then it's definitely on me. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, the place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all i'm danielle canti your host for this week's episode because i am interviewing natalie so
Starting point is 00:00:38 natalie if you want to know her a little bit more we nickname her the boundaries queen at boss babe because she's really good at saying no she's really good at saying no. She's really good at saying, no, that doesn't work for me. She's really good at saying, no, I'm not going to attend that and really prioritizing her needs and wants. And sometimes that can be triggering for people or actually it can be inspiring. And with the holidays coming up and we're all getting invited to a million and one things, we're trying to balance work and family and parties and friends and all you know it's just a lot right we've been having a lot of conversations internally about boundaries and so we wanted to bring that conversation to you so maybe if you're struggling to say no you're gonna learn how you can and
Starting point is 00:01:20 maybe if you're like well i love setting a, but you're upsetting people when you're doing it, maybe you can learn how to do it in a more eloquent way. Either way, we just really think it's important to own what makes you happy, what allows you to be your best self, what allows you to put your best work forwards. And in doing so, it's really important to mark those boundaries. So I really hope you love this episode. As always, if you do enjoy it, please tag myself at danielacanti, tag at I am natalie and tag also at bossbabe.inc because we really, really love to hear it. And also if you love the podcast, please don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. And if you are watching us on YouTube, also subscribe there. Anyway, we're going to dive right in to this episode on boundaries. So we are heading into a very busy season. We've got Christmas
Starting point is 00:02:18 coming up. We've got these parties, family duties, all the things, and we still have a lot of businesses to run, things to take care of and work. So I want to have this podcast where we really talk about boundaries because we know you, Natalie, as the boundary queen in Boss Babe. So first of all, what is a boundary? So a boundary is really you knowing what works for you and what doesn't. And there's so many things that get in the way of people executing their boundaries. And that's a big reason that I want to have this conversation because I feel like a lot of people probably listening or feeling like, I know I could have
Starting point is 00:02:55 better boundaries and there's so many things stopping me from doing it. So I feel like it's one of those things that we just get to talk about because I actually think boundaries are a really good thing and they sometimes have this negative connotation to them. I love that and that's really true I think there's a lot of like oh I feel bad executing a boundary and a lot of guilt around that so how have you over time given yourself permission to like have boundaries always been naturally for you or is it something that like you've worked on? Yeah, kind of both. I've always known exactly what works for me and what doesn't. So that's the first element. And I think that's sometimes something that people struggle with is they don't actually know what boundaries are
Starting point is 00:03:34 working for them and what isn't. So that's one thing we can come to. And the second thing, it is something I've had to cultivate over time because let's face it, there are people in your lives, whether it's family members, friends, co-workers, that are going to be offended by your boundaries. And we often think that if someone is offended by our boundary, that we did something wrong. That is our fault. And I think just time and age has taught me that that's fundamentally not true. If someone is triggered by your boundary and you know your side of the street is clean, you know you executed the boundary in a respectful way, then you need to know not to take responsibility for someone else's trigger. And I think that's where a lot of people
Starting point is 00:04:15 get caught up because they see someone getting really upset or offended by a boundary they put out when, you know, you know you had the best of intentions when putting your boundary out there there maybe you got invited to someone's birthday and it just really didn't work for you but all of a sudden that person's taken it so personally and thinks that you don't like them you can't come to my 30th birthday right I'm not thinking that you don't like me I know that it's nothing to do with me it's just just circumstance. And I really value relationships where that's okay. I couldn't attend your birthday and I had no, you know, anxiety about telling you because I didn't feel like that was going to ruin the friendship. I knew that we can have that honest conversation. And listen, if it was something that you're like, you know what,
Starting point is 00:05:00 actually, this does mean a lot to me this year, then we'd have the conversation about it. But I felt like going in, I felt really okay having the conversation because I knew it'd be received well. But we don't have that luxury in every relationship of our life, especially with perhaps family members. You know, your boundary is not going to be received well, and you need to do everything you can do so that your side of the street is clean. You know, you executed it well, and that trigger is not your responsibility in being able to detach from that. And there's like two types of boundaries in many ways, because we're speaking about the, hey, I can't attend something boundary, or I'm not going to work. We have like, hey, I'm not coming to that meeting because I have all these other priorities. And then there's also the boundaries on how you are spoken to, right? So let's talk about the physical boundaries first of all, because I definitely feel like
Starting point is 00:05:48 this is something that, you know, a lot of people struggle with. A lot of people struggle to say, hey, I can't, particularly in work, let's start that. I can't attend that meeting or I can't do this on the deadline that is set because I have X, Y, or Z to do. So how do you set down your boundaries and how do you teach your team to set down their boundaries too? Yeah. So I think the first thing, what really comes through is one thing I learned a while ago is taking the word can't out of it, because we often say I can't do it when really what we mean is it's not a priority or it's not
Starting point is 00:06:22 something I'm intending to do. I know there's so many times that I'll say I'm not going to come to a meeting and it's not because I can't come to the meeting. It's because there are so many other things that are taking my time and my priorities away. Or I know that if I do attend the meeting, that's going to have a detrimental effect on my energy just based on the things that are on my plate. So I think when you are coming up with whatever those specific boundaries are, let's say around work and attending certain meetings, let's think about why you're not attending. Is it because you have X amount of things on your plate and this one meeting just
Starting point is 00:06:54 isn't a priority for you? Or is it, you know, you don't think that you're going to add anything to that and you'd really prefer to take the time back? Being really honest and upfront about that. I think being really honest about where your capacity is that is really important I think you know for me although I'm very good at communicating my boundaries I'm not always great at communicating when I'm really at capacity or I've taken too much on because my Capricorn nature is to just take on everything bury my head in the sand and get it done whereas what I've realized is for me to be able to communicate my boundaries effectively, I need to preface with what's really going on for me. Hey, I've realized I'm completely snowed under. I've taken too many things on and my priority
Starting point is 00:07:35 gets to be X, Y, Z. So I'm not going to do X, Y, Z. I think that part's really, really helpful. And I think in Boss Babe as well, like we really encourage our team to do that because we work remotely. So it's actually really hard to see where people's capacity is at. So encouraging people to speak out about, hey, I'm at capacity here. And I love that you said, don't use the word. It's not about can't. Because we all have the same priorities in Boss Babe, which is, you know, growing it and supporting more women and having that impact. And it's very easy to get stuck in like the nice to haves, et cetera. So do you have a way that when you are setting a boundary, you look at it and go, okay, what is, do you have like values or priorities that you kind of run through to decide in work or in personal, whether you actually do go to something or you do do something or not.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Yeah. And it all starts with just what my North Star in life generally is. And that's my peace of mind. I believe that my peace of mind is my responsibility and it's the most important thing that I have. You know, when I make almost all decisions, it all comes back to my peace of mind. And I've really set myself, set my life up in a way that sets me up with peace of mind. I mean, even my move to Austin was a big reason, peace of mind was a big reason behind that. So that's first and foremost where things come from. And if something's going to disturb my peace, I have to really question, is it worth it? And, you know, when I'm taking a look at something, especially you and I, I know that we're the kind of personalities where we can do things.
Starting point is 00:09:08 We can take on that extra thing. We can stretch ourselves the extra mile. The season that I'm going through right now is there's a lot of boundaries around it. I'm not willing to sacrifice my peace of mind. I'm not willing to sacrifice my health. I'm not willing to work the late nights the way I used to or the super early morning responses. And so when I'm looking at the things that I will and won't prioritize, that's the biggest thing that it comes down to. And I also think this is kind of twofold. When
Starting point is 00:09:38 you have peace of mind, you can set boundaries a lot easier. Because if you're in a place where your mind is really stressed and chaotic, you're in a place where your mind is really stressed and chaotic, you're in a place, and I don't care how much work you've done, you're in a place where you're taking things personally, you're getting upset over things that you really don't need to be upset about. You are over-analyzing, oh my God, what does that person think of me? All of that comes up when we're not in a place where we're really taking care of our mind and the health of our mind. And so prioritizing that means I'm able to approach it in a certain way. And then just coming back to the team side,
Starting point is 00:10:11 one thing that you and I did, which I think has been really helpful, one of our team members came back off of maternity leave and is working part-time. And you and I were very clear about, hey, we know your boundaries, but the rest of the team might not. Can you put a status update in Slack, or can you let people know exactly what it is? And that's a really great way to approach boundaries. It's just, it's very black and white. Here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm not going to do. And if you then respect those boundaries, everyone else will. And also just adding that, we also prepped here that when you introduce a new boundary,
Starting point is 00:10:43 you sometimes have to reinforce it several times. And it's not because people don't respect your boundary. It's just sometimes people forget. Sometimes people need that reminder and that is okay. And I also think anyone who is from this is going to be inspired to practice more boundaries, reminding people and being okay with having to say a boundary once or twice. It's not that someone's not respecting it. It's just that sometimes people will respecting it. It's just that sometimes people will forget and they're pushing their agendas, which we all do in life. Yeah. And just be okay that you may have to reinforce it. So, well, let's just quickly talk about that
Starting point is 00:11:14 because let's talk about people not respecting your boundaries, because that can be really offensive to a lot of people. And I don't really think that it should be because, you know, your boundaries are your boundaries. My boundaries are not your boundaries. We have completely different boundaries, right? Yours are not mine and mine are not yours. But when you respect yours, it doesn't matter really if I'm respecting them or not. Because if I'm texting you at a certain time of the day and you're respecting your own
Starting point is 00:11:38 boundaries, I'm not going to get a reply. And then if I get upset over that, then it's definitely on me. If it slips my mind or whatever, it doesn't mean that I have bad intent but it might mean that I'm just not even thinking about it because we think about ourselves often and we like react and we're like oh I'm gonna text that person that thing but if I get say I tell you hey Danielle don't text me work stuff after 7 p.m and you keep texting me work stuff after 7 p.m and I keep replying that's on me that's not that's not on you for me to get upset and be like, you're not respecting my boundaries because you'll be confused. You're
Starting point is 00:12:09 like, well, wait, you're texting me back. Totally. And do you know what I would like, you know, I love an analogy, right? Okay. Give us an analogy. Okay. So basically, boundaries that we're speaking about in terms of how you're spoken to or work boundaries, et cetera, you can't see them. They're very difficult to see. I would say it's something like, as if you're playing a game of soccer or football, whichever you want to call it, right?
Starting point is 00:12:33 You're on a pitch, but if the pitch isn't outlined, then the players are going to run into each of those divisions. They're going to run outside the lines. They're going to be doing things which is technically foul play, but it's not intentional because they don't know it's not well marked. So it's kind of like you have a responsibility. If you want people to respect your boundaries, you have a responsibility to outline what they are, to mark them and to hold that territory strong. And I think until if you put your boundaries upon other people, they will never be achieved
Starting point is 00:13:05 you have to mark out your own playground you have to mark out your own sidelines for it to be implemented let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi you know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring
Starting point is 00:13:45 cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe i could not agree more i am i just had a conversation with someone who was complaining to me that a team member had put on their calendar a meeting at 9 p.m and the conversation was very much like oh i can't believe they put that meeting on my calendar at 9pm. And the conversation was very much like,
Starting point is 00:14:29 oh, I can't believe they put that meeting on my calendar at 9pm. Like, I don't want to have to go to this. And I was like, I'm so confused. Why are you going? And like, why was that put on your calendar at that time? And it all came back to, they thought they had to find the pitch, like you say, but it was all in their heads. And they accepted that meeting when it came through. So it's telling everyone, oh, wait, the pitch has been extended. So that's literally so accurate. So let's talk about how we communicate our boundaries politely, because like we're saying, we're saying, hey, you've got to tell everyone your boundaries. You're probably going to have to tell them multiple times, but how do you do that in a way that is polite and not offensive and rude? Great question. So I'll actually just talk about a way that is polite and not offensive and rude? Great question. So I'll actually just talk about a conversation that I had yesterday. I kind of have often. So I often say no is my favorite word. I love the word no. But I went through a phase
Starting point is 00:15:17 when I didn't have as much confidence, kind of younger in life, where I wouldn't say no when I really meant no. So let's say I got invited to a podcast that I really didn't want to do or a speaking engagement that I really didn't want to do and I didn't want to say no to them because I was scared of upsetting them. I'd kind of come up with excuses and I would really give a bit of a roundabout answer versus saying no. And what I realized is that gets me in so much more trouble because I end up expending so much more energy on it. The person doesn't know where they stand. They don't know if it's a yes or a no. People don't know. And so let's say someone asks you to do something that you don't really want to do.
Starting point is 00:15:56 My first response is no, but thanks for asking. And then I'll often, you don't have to, but I often will give a reason as to why not. You absolutely don't ever need to back your nose up. I just want to put that out there. That's not on you to do. But I think it can be polite to say, if someone says, hey, will you do X for me? Like, will you be on my podcast? Hey, no, but thanks for offering. I'm not doing any media interviews right now. Anything like that, that makes you feel like, oh, this is actually a really polite way to do it. But you've said no straight away. And so there's no one's reading between the lines. No one's wondering, are you doing it or are you not? And if that person follows up and becomes persistent, it's not really, you don't have to really reply. So if I say, no, but thanks for asking. I'm not doing any media right now. And they follow up saying, but what about X? But what about that? I'll generally not reply because I just think, you know, I'm not going to spend my day in my emails. I'm not going to reply. I've already been really clear about that. So that's one example. Let's say someone invites you to a meeting. It's like on a time that you don't really want to be working and it's
Starting point is 00:16:59 something that's not a priority to you. Then it's really important to communicate the full reason you're not coming so that person doesn't expect it of you again. Because if you're not clear on why you're saying no, you know, if you're saying, oh, that time doesn't really work for me, then they'll move it to a different time. Or like if there's multiple reasons you don't attend, you just have to be honest. Hey, I actually have a lot of priorities on my plate. This is not one of them. And I prefer not to do meetings in that time. I won't be attending. But if you think it's important, send me notes after or ask me questions before something like that so you're not saying hey I'm totally unavailable to help you but you're saying it's not really a priority
Starting point is 00:17:32 for me I don't want to do it at this time but I'm also here to support you so if you need certain things answered come and let me know but no is not a dirty word I cannot express that enough intention is everything and the intention behind that no is really, really important. So get comfortable saying it and see if you can practice around friends and see if you can practice with people and have them celebrate your no's. I love that. And we're talking a lot in a work setting, but I know a lot of people will be listening to this and say, my family pushes the boundaries the most they're the ones that really and they try and you know emotional manipulation I can imagine comes up for a lot of
Starting point is 00:18:10 people you know when they're saying no to family or you know loved ones so yeah how have you navigated that oh great question so for the majority of my life, I did not navigate this very well. And I had very terrible boundaries around family members because I knew certain boundaries would upset them. Recently, I put a boundary in place with a family member that felt so uncomfortable to do. And after I did it, it felt so incredibly freeing. So what had happened was it was a text exchange and this family member was speaking to me in a way that I just felt was really inappropriate in a way of it was rude,
Starting point is 00:18:53 it was disrespectful. And normally I would let that slide because I'm not getting upset because I know I've done nothing wrong and it was, it's not on me. So I'm very good at being able to step back and see the situation for what it is and so normally I do my own work step back see that it's not about me I would respond compassionately and I'd kind of put up with it again the season of life that I'm in I'm just not prepared to do that right now and so this family member had said something to me said a couple of things to me that were really disrespectful and versus doing my own work and glossing over them I I said, hey, I won't be spoken to like that. And if you're going to speak to me like that, please don't message me. And it was very, very clear and actually shocked that person because I'd never been like that with them before. But it was very
Starting point is 00:19:37 clearly a line in the sand. And I get that not everyone will want to do that with their family members. But there is a world in which you can say can say hey the way you're speaking to me doesn't feel good it feels disrespectful or it feels x or it's making me feel this kind of way I'd really prefer it if you could speak to me like this or I'd prefer we didn't talk about x topic and I think what's just really important to highlight in that is you have if you're going to say that you have to say it from a place of like calmness and power and grounding because even just like your tone so it's just like if you were like don't speak to me like that yeah don't everything yeah yeah it's very different to hey please don't speak to me like that yeah I would love to be spoken in this way or like you
Starting point is 00:20:22 say when you're saying this this is making me feel and owning that responsibility that it is your feelings and you have a right to those feelings. You would like to be spoken to in a different tone perhaps too. So I think that's just also really powerful that whenever you are setting boundaries, and I think maybe that's something we take for granted
Starting point is 00:20:40 and I want to point out, whenever we're setting boundaries, we do it from a grounded place, from a non-triggered place. I think if you come at boundaries because you are rattled and you come with emotion, like I'm saying no to this because X, Y, and Z, like that's not- You keep doing X, Y, Z. It's not how you hold a boundary. It's not helpful. No. So it also always needs to be like calm, considerate, grounded. But also one thing I think is coming
Starting point is 00:21:05 through for me in this conversation is a lot of boundary setting, whether it's personal or whether it's in work, also aligns with your inner confidence and having the confidence that you are enough, that you are you and you get to live your life, not having FOMO that if you don't go to something, you're missing out on something and being content and confident with who you are and what you want to do. And, you know, whether it's being in work, having that confidence to say, look, I know what the priorities are of this company or what our project is right now.
Starting point is 00:21:40 And I'm confident in my decision not to come to this meeting because I know that at the end of the day, you have these other deadlines that you want done. And therefore, I want to respect those other deadlines. So I'm making the decision that's probably not the best for me to come to that meeting right now. And I think just really doing it from that place of like security versus, oh my goodness, you know, because I actually think going to some stuff
Starting point is 00:22:02 sometimes comes from a place of insecurity. Yeah. So kind of like asking yourself where the decision to go or not to go comes from and then really like moving through that I think in your own mind before you communicate that is really important I think that's so true I mean the amount of boundaries people kill because of FOMO is crazy like they have such a fear of missing out or they have such a fear of what people think of them or will say about them. But I think when you're really secure in who you are, like you said, knowing that you're enough, knowing what your intention is,
Starting point is 00:22:37 and there is an element of being around people that see you for who you are. Because I'm imagining there's a lot of people listening to this who are thinking, you know what, I would love to say that, but I know the people around me will think I'm bitchy, will think I'm X, Y, Z. That's a thing. Let's talk about that, because I think you're right. It's like, what other people think? Are they going to be disappointed? Are they going to think less of you? Are they going to think you're incompetent? Yeah. I mean, let's just go back to the birthday one because it's a really simple one, right? Let's say I didn't know. So let's set the scene on this. Okay. Set the scene for me. Natalie's birthday is her 30th birthday. It's on the 24th of December. So we had plans that we were all meeting in a location to celebrate Natalie's birthday. But I got offered
Starting point is 00:23:27 the chance to be a judge on Miss America, which I'm very excited to do. But it meant then because that is in December, I'm delaying my trip back to the UK and I've not seen my family for two years. So I had to say to Natalie, look, I either do Miss America, but then I can't come to your birthday because I have to go home. So I'm not seeing my family for two years, or I don't do Miss America and I come to your birthday. And you were very, very sweet. And you're like, I think you should do Miss America. Yeah. Cause, cause that's the thing you'd given your word to say, you're going to do something. And I really think your word is everything. So I'm so against breaking your word. So that was the first thing.
Starting point is 00:24:07 It was very easy of like, okay, well, you know, you saying yes, something, and then changing your mind and saying no as a representative of the company. And I just don't think that says the best thing about us. That's the first thing. But let's, and then it was very much, go see your family.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Like, I'm okay. It's going to be totally fine. I'm happy celebrating my birthday and I'll text you but let's say I didn't know your true personality your true intentions I wasn't able to really see you for who you are and I was really insecure in who I am let's say those two things are at play the first thing I might think oh so she just is such a bitch she's like not prioritizing me she's disorganized there could be so many stories running through my head right because I don't know who you are but because I know who you are I know
Starting point is 00:24:58 okay I know Danielle would love to be at my birthday I know she would love to celebrate me I know that and I know that this is totally not intentional because I know you. And so I can always give the benefit of the doubt with things like that when you feel like you know someone. So that's one thing. The second thing is being secure in yourself.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Let's say I did know your true intentions, but I was insecure in myself. Then when you come to me and say that, oh, I'm not a priority. You don't care about me. You don't think my birthday is important. You don't think I'm important. I could go into all of these different stories, which because I'm secure in who I am and I'm secure in our friendship, I know that's not true. I know that you prioritize me. I know that you want to celebrate my birthday. I know all of those things to be true. So to me, it wasn't a situation
Starting point is 00:25:43 in which I was going to get triggered. It was very like oh okay this is your family you're talking about that you haven't seen in two years you see me all the time I mean I'm gonna have a lot more birthdays I'm planning on sticking around for a while like it's not such a big deal so that's great because we have that relationship but let's say you were going in and saying to someone else, you couldn't attend their birthday if they didn't really fully know the true you or they weren't fully secure in themselves. That could cause a lot of chaos, right? And that could cause arguments.
Starting point is 00:26:14 It could cause someone falling out with you. And so there might be people listening that are like, great, I'd love to have a friend that sees me and is really secure in themselves. But my friend is not that. And so if you are in that situation and you do want to keep pursuing this relationship, then I would kind of preface what you're about to say with the things you know that you need to hear. I do really care about you and you are a priority to me. And it's also really important to me that I go home and see my family. So you're
Starting point is 00:26:44 doing all of the things to keep your side of the street clean and you're giving that person everything that they need to hear. And if they still take it in the wrong way, then that is on them. But at least you've done your work. You don't need to come to me and tell me I'm your priority because you know the relationship we have. But with someone else, you may. And it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It just means, oh, they need to hear that. and because I really care about them I'm going to say that and that's you just said something now which I just want to emphasize they need to hear that sometimes I think when people are starting to implement these boundaries having that awareness
Starting point is 00:27:19 of also sometimes what people need to hear like in this instance I knew what you didn't didn't need to hear but in some instances if you are new to implementing boundaries you might need to hear. Like in this instance, I knew what you did and didn't need to hear. But in some instances, if you are new to implementing boundaries, you might need to do that a little bit of reassurance on that other side. And that is okay. It's okay that you need to do that. So just as we kind of, I feel like throughout this, we've given lots of like practical action tips for people to start implementing boundaries. But if someone is still really, really anxious going like, hang on a minute, can I do this? Like what are some like first things that they could do? What are small practices that they can do in, you know, as they become the next queen of boundaries? I love it. Okay. So there's
Starting point is 00:27:57 two things that I would recommend that they do. First is sit down with a journal and start to write about the different areas in your life where you wish you had stronger boundaries and look at different elements. Look at work, look at relationships, look at family, look at social life, look at health, look at all the different buckets of your life and start to assess where could I have some stronger boundaries. The second step is to start practicing them. So pick one and pick the easiest one, right? And so one might be, oh, I got invited to this birthday. I really don't want to go. It's with this friend and I really want to practice saying no. So write out the script of how you're going to say it to them.
Starting point is 00:28:36 And do you know what? You know, there's sometimes things that some people need to hear, but on the flip side, sometimes there's some things you need to say to make yourself feel better. That's so true. Yeah. So you might go to that conversation, you know, saying, but on the flip side sometimes there's some things you need to say to make yourself feel better that's so true yeah so you might go to that conversation you know saying i really love you and i care about you and they actually don't need to hear that but you do you need to get that out because you are dreading that they might think anything other than that so know that it's okay either way write the script out hey this is how i feel and i'm really trying to get better at boundaries and I'm trying to practice this and so I would really love to do xyz or I'd really love not to do xyz and just see how that goes and start going through your list of things that you want to have more
Starting point is 00:29:14 boundaries on and start taking them off one by one some of these conversations are going to go so well and you'll be like why did I not do this earlier and some of these conversations are not going to go so well and you're going to learn a lot from them and you're going to learn how to sit in that uncomfortability. I love that. Thank you so much for having this discussion because I think it's really, really powerful and it's such a skill set in people's growth. I honestly think if you want to be a good leader, if you want to, you know, move up in your career or grow your businesses, it's really, really important. Boundaries are going to be a game changer for you because one of the key skill sets is being able to get more done with your time. And to do that,
Starting point is 00:29:54 you need to understand priorities and you need to be understand how to set and communicate boundaries. I love it. Thank you so, so much. So if you love this episode, there are a ton more episodes that we'd love you to listen to just here. If you enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you subscribed and left us a review. Let us know what you enjoyed, what your main takeaways were, and who you'd like to see appear on the show. As a special thanks, we'll send you a copy of our Boss Babe 25. Now this is an awesome resource. It's the 25 essential things that you need
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