the bossbabe podcast - 199. How To Show Up As Your Most Confident Self In 2022 with Danielle Canty

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Over the past year, BossBabe Co-Founder + President, Danielle Canty, has been on a journey towards increasing her self confidence and becoming a more wholehearted version of herself.  And in this week’s episode, she’s sharing her journey with you. From therapy to visualization, connecting with your inner child + more – Danielle is covering it all. This isn't a surface-level conversation, but a real opportunity to get to the root of your limiting beliefs and expand beyond the internal narrative that isn't serving you anymore.  If you're ready to explore what is blocking your capacity to show up authentically and finally step into a bigger, brighter version of yourself, this episode is THE place to start. Listen now!  Highlights: How Danielle Canty shifted her internal narrative to develop more self confidence The turning point that enabled Danielle to let go of limiting beliefs Visualization, journaling, therapy + other tools to support your growth Steps to cultivate self-kindness + authentic confidence What it really looks like to connect with your inner child + extend compassion to yourself Links: The Société BossBabe’s FREE 30 Days Of Content Guide Episode 142: Your Guide To Unapologetic Confidence with Alyssa Nobriga How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera              Follow: BossBabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Danielle Canty: @daniellecanty

Actually, that inner voice is there, it's strong, and you get to work with her versus against her. We all can make that decision, and I think that probably is one of the fundamental shifts that I've experienced. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going, and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself.

Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance, and learning how to balance it all. I'm Natalie Ellis, your co-host for this week's episode, and it's going to be a good one. But you guys, happy new year. Oh my god, we're in 2022. It feels amazing. There is nothing like new year energy to just get you

really energized and feeling productive and ready to just conquer the world. We're really, really excited and we wanted to kick off this year with an episode where I interview Danielle about confidence. Because I know that confidence is something that a lot of people struggle with. And being as close as I am to Danielle, I'm like her life wife, I've noticed the biggest shift in her confidence. I mean, especially over the past 12 to 18 months, and probably for anyone following along online, you've noticed a change too. And so I really wanted to, in this episode, dive into what caused that and really ask if there's any actionable things that she did that you guys

can do too. I mean, this episode goes everywhere and we share our biggest tips for personal development and being able to really work on your authentic confidence from the root, not just, you know, affirmations that are going to help you feel a little bit better in the morning, but actually addressing things at the root. So it's a really, Danielle Canty. I feel like for everyone that knows you and everyone that's kind of been following you, witnessing you, 2021, Danielle, could not have been more different to 2020 or any of the years prior Danielle and so I'm really curious to see who's going to be evolving in 2022 but can we talk about that I mean especially in your confidence in the way you carry yourself so many things what's changed?

Wow I have been on a journey I felt like those who I mean we started doing business together in 2018 and so I started you know showing up a little bit more in our community behind the scenes a lot more and yes for sure lots of people have been DMing and messaging saying you are so different now to you were. And I have been through a journey of confidence, letting go of imposter syndrome, just really finding out who I am and being okay with it. That's really interesting, being okay with it, being able to embrace. So how did you start to kind of notice the layers that were falling away that weren't you and start to see who you really are at your core how did that even begin so I want this I

guess I want this podcast I want to share these details but my hope is that people listening will be like oh yeah I see myself in her and can practice some of those things. So I have always suffered from feeling like I'm not good enough, feeling like, oh my goodness, like everything I do works not good enough. Like I don't look, I'm not skinny enough. My skin's not good enough. Like I don't speak well enough, like all of these things. And it was all my own internal dialogue and I wasn't even aware that I had this internal dialogue. It was normal for me and I didn't actually realize that there was an alternative and I feel like as we've grown Boss Babe, as I've met more amazing women, as I've met people who are empowered, I've seen a different way of being. I've seen a different way that I could speak to

myself, that I could choose to speak to myself. And I think that was really the turning point. That was like, wow, I have a choice whether to beat myself down every single day or to lack that self-confidence, or I have a choice to learn to be more confident, to learn to let go of imposter syndrome, to learn to let go of the need to be perfect. I choose to let go of that. And I think that was one of the biggest shifts that I had in 2021. And I'm really curious when you were in that place of not enoughness surrounded by people that really embodied their enoughness and were really confident and empowered. Was that triggering for you? Did you judge them or was it inspiring or a mix of both? Definitely a mix of both. You know, you can look at people and be inspired by the way that they can, you know, say that they're good at something or inspired by the way that they can

be like, nope, I'm not showing up to that, or be inspired by someone, you know, having the ability just to be like, yeah, I'll do it, I'll figure it out as I go. And you can also be like, ooh, oh my goodness, why can't I say I'm good at, like, oh, they're good at that, but I'm not good at that. Does that mean I'm any less of them? But then realizing that, no, it doesn't mean that.

And that was my own inner work. So what I would always say about a lot of this stuff and what I've realized about confidence and about imposter syndrome, about all those pieces, that it is all like, you're just looking at a mirror. So whenever you're hearing those things, it's never about that other person who's saying them, it's that they're holding a mirror up to you making you realize like oh okay this is a trigger for me but it's not them it's back at me and so owning that was the big step and I guess the reason I ask is because I think there's probably two types of people that are listening people listening who

feel like they do have confidence and they are empowered but they get judged for it or people feeling like they wish they had it and so asking from the place of if people are feeling like they wish they had it. And so asking from the place of if people are feeling like they're being judged, being able to acknowledge it's not, it's not them. It's that people are insecure in themselves. 100%. And I think that's like, you know, and I think you and I are great to have this conversation because we are very different or we've come from very different places. I feel like we're probably merging more to be like each other as the years have gone on because we've both been working on separate things. But I definitely feel like for those who are very, very confident and they're like, no, I want to

tell people that I'm really good at that. I would always empower that person to be that. I think at the core of all of this, it's learning who your authentic self is. And I don't feel like me as a person or anyone else should feel like they have to brag about how good they are. Like that isn't like the goal. That's not the goal. Like if that comes naturally to you and that's what you want to share with people, great. But if that doesn't come naturally to you and that's not what you want to share, that's also fine. But I want you to know how amazing you are. I want you to have that inner confidence that you're good at stuff. And so that's what I'm really talking about is like the internal narrative. I chose to change

my internal narrative and it wasn't because I felt like I needed to do it for anybody else. I just wanted to do it for myself. And I think that anyone who is, you know, has that confidence, they want to share it, they should be allowed to share it. And they should be allowed to share it and not have to worry about the triggers of other people because everybody needs to take responsibility for their own feelings. And I think we're in this world right now where a lot of people pass the buck on responsibility. You know, they're blaming other people for their feelings. And no, you have to work, you have to own things. And until we start doing that, it's very,

very difficult to create change in your life. And it's very difficult to move out of situations that you don't necessarily want to be in. And that's where I find myself as I need to take responsibility for how I'm feeling and what, how that manifests me showing up in my life. And when I did that, that was when things really started to shift. And when I say shift in a materialistic way, like my life and moving and all those pieces, but it also shifted something internally where I found more inner peace. I found more happiness. I found that actually I now know how I want to spend my days. I now know how I want to show up and which direction I want to take things.

Yeah, I love that. And I could not agree more on the responsibility piece. So speaking kind of in practical terms, what really helped you facilitate this change? Was there routines, therapy? Like what was involved in helping to facilitate this? Because there's probably a lot of people listening who are thinking, yeah, I would love to make that change. And sitting there with my notebook is not getting me anywhere. I think number one, it is making the decision. Like I, I definitely feel like there's an

empowerment that comes from like, okay, I want to change and I want to work with this inner voice and move through this. Second of all is recognizing that you have it within you. Okay. So it's very difficult to change something that you are not, first of all, acknowledging. And that was one of my biggest things that shifted for me was recognizing what I was good at and what I wasn't good at and owning the things that I wasn't good at. Owning the areas that I wanted to improve upon really, really helped me because prior to that, I felt like I had to be good at everything. Like I felt like having things that I wasn't good at was a weakness and how dare I possibly have a weakness, you know, I was coming from that mentality that I had to be like perfect in everything that I was doing. And so seeing

that in myself, I'm going to do what I can let go of this narrative. Like it's okay that I am not great at X, Y, and Z. It's okay that I'm not, you know, doing this as good as someone else because I'm me and I have loads of other skill sets and I get to hone those skill sets that I like doing and I do have a natural talent around. So recognizing and saying what I'm not good at, then saying, okay, what am I good at and how do have a natural talent around. So recognizing and saying what I'm not good at, then saying, okay, what am I good at? And how do I want to breed that competency? Because competency breeds confidence. And so if you can start saying, well, actually, do you know what? I want to get better at this and start taking actions to get better at something that's also going to help build your confidence and elicit changes in other areas of

your life that you didn't really anticipate. So those are some key things. And then, yes, I did a lot of therapy. I'm not going to lie. Like I definitely feel like going on a journey yourself is like totally doable. And there are so many online resources available now, whether it's meditations, whether it's journaling practices, whether it's like education resources that are online. I know we have a ton in the society as well and calls there, but it really just came back to, okay, these are some of the things that I want to move through, but what are the tools that I need? And for me, therapy was one of them. Yeah. I think that's so important. Therapy

is so important. And I think for such a long time, it had such a bad rep, but I feel like now we're in a place where people really embrace the fact that therapy has been so helpful for them. Because there's so many things you can do on your own, but you often get caught in so many loops that it can be difficult to change that behavior. So if you had to pick one thing because I know we've done so many things from therapies to retreats to ceremony what are kind of the biggest needle movers that you have found really helped you change I would say one of the biggest needle movers was actually actually I'm going to say two there were two big needle movers for me. There was one, I really enjoy journaling and visualization techniques. So saying who I wanted

to become, I'm like a three on the Enneagram and I have Jay in my Myers-Briggs. So I really work well with like planting, you know, like planning a pole further ahead and working towards that. So really visualizing how I wanted to wake up every single morning, how, like if I wanted to be a, to have a certain materialistic side of it, which was like, okay, I want to be a really successful business woman living in LA. I want to be, you know, hosting a, an amazing podcast and all these places and my, okay, what would that woman do? And then I worked backwards from that. So I visualized myself really trying to step into that. And that actually helped me create some of the tools that I needed. I recognized that I needed to get there. So whether that be okay, like that, that woman is going to wake up at, you know, 6.50 most mornings, she's going to go and and work out she's going to make sure like she has

that boundary around her morning routines and therefore I know I need to implement that and when I started implementing that and actually doing it my confidence started in that so going back to that so yeah visualization really really helped me with those pieces and then second of all was having someone to talk it through. So a big thing for me is that you're talking about those loops. I would get really, really stuck in things. I would get really, really stuck in cycles in my head and not really able to move through them. And so recognizing that within myself and going, okay, versus going out for that meal once a week or et cetera, I was like, I'm going to make a change and I'm going to put that money, invest it into

therapy. Because when you invest into yourself, no one can take that away from you. And I saw that as a really key investment. And I knew that, you know, I could do the visualizations and I could do those pieces, but actually getting some regular therapy where I was, I could work through these cycles was really powerful. And it's not even that I needed it for a long period of time because I was able to break those cycles,

but it was something, it was a tool that I needed to move through. And that was, those are the two most powerful things for me. I love that. And if you do need it for a long period of time, that's also fine. Yeah. And I just say that only because like I said,

I don't want people to be scared. Like, oh my goodness, like I have to like go to therapy forever and I can't afford that. But I do think that there is a power of making a decision on where you want to spend your money and doing a course of therapy if you want to move will 100% change where your life is heading. Yeah I love that and if you're in America too I'm not sure if you know this but if you have insurance you can get therapy for free it's not even needs to be something that you put money into.

Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So, of course, I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible i definitely recommend kajabi to all of my clients and students so if you're listening and

haven't checked out kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30 day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. I love that. And I would say for me, the biggest needle movers for me in terms of personal change have been Hoffman. I talk about Hoffman a ton, but if any, I know if anyone's really thinking about, okay, I want to assign a week of my life where I go and change Hoffman was it therapy and mushrooms. We love a good mushroom ceremony it really helps and it was really interesting i was chatting to danielle leslie on a podcast that we released back in december and she was saying landmark was another one and she also said mushrooms and

there's so much research now into psilocybin which is you know the scientific word for these types of mushrooms there's so much research into like PTSD, et cetera, particularly in America. I feel like it's yet to catch on a little bit more in the UK and other parts of the world, but I do really feel like this will unlock for a lot of, you know, what happens in our brain is, you know, one way is always described as we have pathways in our brain that we automatically go to because they're worn down. And it is really, you know, when we're talking about making these changes and the changes that you talk about yourself, you're basically choosing to go down other pathways. So I'd kind of like describe this a little bit, you know, I love, I love these metaphors. I describe this as

like, you're walking through a, um, like blades of grass, like uncooked grass. And it's like tall. Imagine that you're going to see tracks ahead of you and you're going to go down the same ones that you normally go to you're like keep going down those tracks but tools like um you know therapy all these ones that were talked about they're trying to navigate you into new tracks and building those out and it's not easy you'll still be tempted to go down to the old tracks be like no i want to go down the new ones and then something like psilocybin comes along and that kind of like reinvigorates all the grass and kind of like starts, you know, there's no tracks again and then you get to plow them down. So they're just like different tools that allow you to like find those mechanisms and pathways in your brain. That's a very terrible scientific way of describing it.

I've probably butchered that for someone. Yeah. And Joe Dispenza talks a lot about creating those new neural pathways and being able to see the ones you would normally go down and create new ones by creating new behaviors. Do you know what? Now you're like asking me that question and I'm reflecting back on my answer. I'm like, there's actually been so many things that have come together that have worked. Like we did Joe Dispenza and we went there for a week and I'd already done his progressive workshop. And that was really eyeopening to me because his whole philosophy is based on kind of like letting go of the physical world, and really kind of like thinking about what you want to create, and drawing that into you, and all these pieces, and I feel like because I've exposed myself, maybe that's the key key exposing yourself to so many different practices to find

what works for you eventually helps you like utilize the tools like basically you need to look at all the tools available and then decide what you want to put in your toolbox I think it's probably a really good way because it's different it's different things for different people but also recognizing that it's a journey you know it didn't I say 2021 it probably started back in 2018 if I'm really honest yeah that's a really good call out there's so many things that you do and some stick and some don't and I know for me you know Joe Dispenza was a really big one there was so many elements so many books that I've read that really worked but also I've tried so many different modalities of therapy and there was

some that just didn't work for me and I had to be really honest with my therapist and say hey this exercise you're having me do I'm not feeling anything I'm not interested let's move on let's try something else and having the confidence to be able to say that's important and eventually you'll find something that works so some people might get a therapist that they really don't gel with and they end up thinking well therapy is not is not for me. And it's probably not that. It's probably just the therapist you're working with isn't for you. And so being willing to keep that open mind, okay, that one retreat or that one session didn't do anything for me.

Let me go try something else. For sure. And whilst we're talking about this, I'm really just like, I always love this podcast because it kind of just opens up so many different channels for me as I'm talking about it. I'm like, oh, I actually hadn't thought about it like this. And now I'm sat here and we always talk about, you know, being successful in business or being successful in your career is about mindset. And honestly, that is no BS. It really is because it's your ability to make mistakes. It's your ability to get back up again. It's your ability to try things when other people would give up. That is what makes you successful in whatever your endeavors are,

right? Your resilience. But we use the word confidence a lot. And particularly women talk about having a lack of confidence and wanting more self-confidence and utilizing it in these terms and imposter syndrome and self-worth, but my reflection from this podcast is that it really actually just comes to your internal narrative. It comes down to you want the voice inside your head to be kinder to you. And you get to work on that. You get to work with her versus against her and recognizing that that is a decision because that voice helps you have the confidence, helps you work through the imposter syndrome, helps you work through whatever struggles

that you're having. And I think recognizing that we all have that person inside our head, I think even probably as children, that kind of conversation got shut down by cartoons, taking the mickey out of the angel and the devil on the shoulders and stuff. But actually that inner voice is there, it's strong and you get to work with her versus against her we all can make that decision and i think that probably is one of the fundamental shifts that i've experienced i could

not agree more and i think there's a misconception that working with the voice in your head versus against the voice in your head is easier. It's easier to shut that voice down. It's easier to see it and tell it it's wrong and move on. But the minute you actually acknowledge the voice in your head, you're like, you know what? I'm listening. Let's have it. And you open it up and you have that allowing for it.

You can move through it. But when you're constantly pushing something back and resisting it, you're not giving yourself a chance to like, you say, create that new path to go through. Like people say that a lot, but the only way through or the only way out is through and you can't resist. You can't keep pushing down. But I mean, especially growing up in the UK, that's what you're taught. You push your feelings down, you push your emotions down, but just looking at them for what they are can help you move forward. Yeah, that's so true. And we should link back to an episode we did with our friend, Alyssa Nebriga, who is a therapist because I was just chatting to her the other day

and we've had this conversation a lot about inner voices. And she was like saying exactly what you've just said. Like, it's really important that you you don't like if your inner voice is kind of telling you like oh you're not good at that or you can't do this x y and z it's not about shutting it away and pretending it's not there it's almost and this is what I do now is like I pitch that inner voice as like my little girl like she's like five years old like you know she's kind of like stamping her feet and she's like in distress. And if I just ignore her, that's just going to make her worse. Whereas if I kind of go over to her, God, I sound like an absolute loony at this point. No, you don't.

If I go over to her and just be like, hey, it's okay. Like I totally get why you're feeling that way. It's completely normal to feel that way, but let's choose to move through this. Let's try to figure out how we can get you to feel a little bit better. And so that whole, you know, it takes place very very quickly but it happens very frequently like I really have to go through that process now and you know that's one skill I did learn from therapy and I did learn another book that I read was the chimp paradox

around like letting me understand like what types of versions you have with inside yourself without feeling like you're going crazy like it's normal and I'm just glad that we're having this conversation that it's it's normal because we get to normalize this 100% I love that you brought Alyssa up everyone needs to go listen to all the episodes with Alyssa I'm no breaker because she gives us so many insights I remember a recent conversation I had with her I was like oh there's this thing that's been happening at home and I you know with my family back in the can, I don't want to deal with it. So I'm kind of putting it aside. And she was like, the amount of energy that you're channeling into pushing it away

is so much greater than the amount of energy it would take to lean into it. And I was like, that sounds like bullshit. I'm going to be honest. That sounds like bullshit. And she was like, Natalie, it takes 90 seconds to feel an emotion. And then it's, it's felt it's done. And I always try and remember that of, oh, if I stop pushing and pushing and instead just allow, I can move through. So for anyone listening that really wanted to be able to embrace 2022 in a different way, in a way where you start to address some of the things you've been pushing down. You start to stand up for the things that you really believe in.

You want to have that confidence. I think doing the work is a really good place to start. So it's the foundations. Yeah. Do you have a resource, a book, a podcast, some place someone can start with this? I'll go first. Nicole LaPera has a really good book and it's called how to do the work and it's just a very straightforward guide for someone who doesn't

have any idea what the work is but really wants to understand it so I recommend starting somewhere like that and we can link it below yeah that's great one and also I love her Instagram page the holistic psychologist she's amazing I'd love to get her on the podcast actually I think for me I'm just trying to think of like a good starter one because I think like those that book is just really amazing I think I'm I'm definitely a podcast type of person as well and I think if you want to dip your toe in it and you're not necessarily ready to dive straight into something I think watching some interviews with Joe Dispenza is a great way to kind of see because I spoke about it's kind of like finding out what's good for you I know

Nicole like listening to podcasts with her on as well I also think Alyssa listening to hers I would try and find I would probably go around a few different resources and find someone that you really align with and then dive that little bit deeper. I love it. Well, thanks for being so open and I'm so happy to witness the change and I can't wait to see who you become in 2022.

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