the bossbabe podcast - 25. Biohacking Your Way to a Billion Dollar Business without Burnout with Lisa Bilyeu, Alexi Panos, Emily Gallagher, and Natalie Ellis

Episode Date: July 30, 2019

In this epic episode of BTS, hosts Natalie Ellis, Alexi Panos and Emily Gallagher sit down with the incredible Lisa Bilyeu. As a founding member of Quest Nutrition, Lisa helped facilitate the company���s rise to a Billion dollar company. She then used her love and experience of media as co-founder of Impact Theory producing content that has been viewed over 100 million times. Together the four friends and influencers dive deep into everything from navigating health and wellness with biohacking, the realities of building businesses, burnout, and how to fully own and express yourself in a world that wants you to fit into a mold. Gain insight into the vulnerable side of entrepreneurship and the trio’s behind-the-scenes conversation about the biohacking space, their daily routines, and how they cultivate a mindset for success. They speak from the heart with radical transparency and open up about validation, being a vessel for positivity in the world, and embracing your authentic self.  This episode is brought to you by the Insta Growth Accelerator, a 12-week accelerator designed to show you how to grow and monetize your Instagram account. Discover how to grow your audience on Instagram by 10,000 ideal clients in 30 days: bossbabe.com/ig-growth.

Welcome to this takeover of BTS on the Boss Babe podcast. The BTS takeover is the product of me, Natalie Ellis, and my two friends, Emily Gallagher and Alexi Panos, as we sat down to have real open behind the scenes, vulnerable conversations with women that we really look up to. For this entire week, BTS conversations will be taken over the podcast and we really can't wait to hear what you think. As always, share and tag us on social media, letting us know what your biggest takeaway was, as we'd love to know which conversations we should have next. This episode is brought to you by the Boss Babe Insta Growth Accelerator, a 12-week program designed to help

you grow and monetize your Instagram account. If you're ready to grow your audience with your absolute ideal clients who are throwing their credit cards at you, then listen up. I've created a completely free 90-minute training to show you how to do exactly that. I'm taking you through the step-by-step strategy to attracting 10,000 ideal clients as followers over the next 30 days. If you know that growing your audience with ideal clients who can't wait to buy from you would completely change the game, then this training is for you. As I said, it's totally free. I just recommend turning up with a journal and getting rid of all distractions as we waste no time getting into the nitty gritty specifics. You know that I love specifics. To get started with the training, just head to bossbabe.com forward slash IG dash growth, or hit the link in the show

notes below. Hey, Alexi here. On today's epic episode of BTS, we have one of my favorite humans and fellow Greek sister, Lisa Bilyeu. As a founding member at Quest Nutrition, she helped facilitate the company's rise to a billion dollar company. Holy cow. She then used her love and experience of media as co-founder of Impact Theory, producing content that has been viewed over a hundred million times. Wow. I love her because she holds nothing back, speaks from the heart with radical transparency, and just owns who she is in all of the ways. So on this episode, we dive into everything from navigating health and wellness with biohacking, the realities of building business and burnout that comes with it sometimes,

and owning ourselves and choosing to express ourselves in a world that wants us to fit into a mold. So let's jump into this episode of BTS. So let's hop right in. I want to hear mold. So let's jump into this episode of BTS. They say, people. Well, because here's the thing. Like, true story. I am now just new to this biohacking space, and I'm really curious about it. Like, it all makes sense to me. I'm like, yes, we can use science to better our lives and our health. Why not? But I don't know a lot. I know you're deep in this as well. Em and I are kind of on the fringes, I think.

Like, we're, like, about that vitamin IV life. But that's about as far as I can go. The shots at Whole Foods, you know. Yeah. We're pretty basic. We're like the basic bitch of vitamin IV. Passionate and curious, but not the girl you go to. Yeah, no.

Definitely not. So tell us, like, what do we need to know? Yeah. Well, so I've been battling health issues now for almost four years. And every doctor you can possibly imagine, of course, every doctor you go to, they're like, I've got the problem. I know exactly what it is. And eventually I just got to the point where I'm like,

I do believe that it happens, like this cure can really help one person, but we're such individuals. And until we take ownership of that and say, okay, well, I've got the information. How do I make it useful for myself? And that's where I started to go, okay, well, I've got the information. How do I make it useful for myself? And that's where I started to go, okay, I just have to take ownership because right now I'm relying on doctors to tell me what to do.

Yeah, which is like that alone. You have to be your own owner of your health for sure. Especially, I mean, unfortunately here, none of you are from the States, but I will speak to it. It is really terrible here. I think the way that we have been programmed is you trust your doctors with everything. Whatever they say is law. And we're taught almost not to trust ourselves and our own body's wisdom. Right. And that's how many times have we heard that, right? Oh, eat this and

you'll be fine. You're eating it and you're like, it just doesn't feel right. But everyone's saying, hey, this is what's healthy. I mean, just take kale, for instance. Everyone's like, okay, kale's really healthy. But some people can't digest it. And I've realized I can't. If I don't cook kale a lot in water, it gives me massive digestion issues. And so just taking things blindly, I've just decided, okay, that doesn't serve me. So I just started to biohack. So I got the Oura Ring.

Yeah, which you're wearing right now. I am wearing it right now. And now you've got one of these too, right love my aura ring i've considered getting them they're like 300 bucks for those of us who don't know who what they are let's explain what's your ring so it's a ring that you put on your finger and it can track your sleep pattern so it tells you how much deep sleep you've gotten into how much REM sleep you've gotten into so then i started to research what is deep sleep what is REM sleep yeah What is REM sleep? When should it happen? At what time of the night? And am I basically consistent with how I should be getting

my energy? Because I was waking up every day after nine hours and I was exhausted after nine hours. Em's like, story of my life. And what I've realized is if I look at my sleep pattern, I'll wake up three or four times in the middle of the night and I won't realize. I'll go into, I'll have maybe 20 minutes of only REM sleep. And so when you start to look at how you sleep and then saying, okay, well, is it because I'm drinking just before I go to bed? Right, right, right. Is it because I've had a stressful day? Right. Is it because I've got a lot of work on?

Is it because I exercise? Like trying to figure out how my daily activities are affecting my sleep pattern and then how I feel when I wake up. So, and that's just one thing that the Oura Ring does.

It also tracks your resting heart rate. It tracks your heart rate variability, which I didn't understand what that was. Yeah, so like,

is that about stress? So actually, you want more variability in your heart rate, I just learned, because the thing is is that if you're, let's say, chilling and all of a sudden a lion jumps out of the woods and goes to attack you. Which happens almost on a daily basis. I was going to say, we all know how that happens, right?

Story of my life. So when that does, if you have basically a heart rate variability, it is able to go from zero to 100. It's able to have flexibility in its variability. Got it. So it's almost like a V12 engine versus like a V2 engine. Sure. You're like, I know nothing about that.

Power analogies are lost on me. Sorry, that was a bad one. And also the amazing thing about the Oura like you're saying biohacking is all about hacking your own biology and taking control of your own health and you read oh this supplement is amazing for helping you sleep and so is this and this but then if you do it and you actually have worse sleep then that's not the right thing for you so make it like make a note in your journal what you did and then track your sleep and then see how it was and so like if you know you can do xyz to get deep sleep in a short amount of time then that's your own version of biohacking yeah then track your sleep and then see how it was. And so like, if you know you can do X, Y, Z to

get deep sleep in a short amount of time, then that's your own version of biohacking. Yeah. So it's almost like being a scientist of your own life. And we've got these little devices to give us awareness about what's happening. And then from that awareness, you can then kind of supplement and do all the little tweaks. Dude, that's the key, awareness. Like being aware of what is going on with your body from every which way. So whether it's your heart rate. For instance, I had a bit of sugar the other day and my body temperature went up by like three degrees. Wow. Interesting. And I start sweating. And so things like that. It's like, oh, okay. Clearly my body, well, I already know this,

but my body isn't used to sugar. So it's trying to burn it off. So it raises my body temperature. Well, if I really kind of think that through, the chances are I'm going to actually be more tired because my body's giving so much to burning off this energy. So I've actually noticed that when I have sugar the very next day, I am exhausted. And now I'm realizing why, because my body overnight is trying to burn what is considered as poison for my body right now because I just can't digest sugar. Wow. So understanding those things. I want to just ask, because this conversation I feel like is, you know, and we were talking about this the other day in the car, just about how important health is and how basically it is really the center point to everything else. Because we can't achieve anything if we don't have that vitality but what do we say to and i'd be really curious about like

you know the starting points for people because it can be really overwhelming to monitor your health monitor your levels yeah be able to afford to go to specialists all of this stuff is like it's it can be really it costs a lot of money a lot of time a lot of energy and also expertise a lot of people don't even know how their body reacts when they do certain things and they're're so busy doing things. They're like, hey, that's great, but I don't have the time. I don't have the money. Or even like they don't know where to start. Yeah. So like, there's so many like, quote unquote, trusted sources out there. But like, what's actually trustworthy? Because there's so much misinformation when it comes to health and, you know, weight and energy and all of these things. So I'd love to kind of speak to, yeah, what's the starting point

and how do we kind of enter into that space? Yeah, I think it goes back to what you said, Alexia, of becoming aware. Right. So unless you start to become aware, you're never going to know which direction to go into or what kind of battle you're fighting. Right. So I would say from step one is I've never personally done the elimination diet specifically. I've kind

of been forced to because after my health, like literally in an instant, I couldn't eat for almost a year. I mean, it was really, really bad. Yeah, that's a whole other story. But like it got to the point where it happened so instantly that I by default was on the elimination diet. But that was that's actually one thing I would suggest to people. Start removing things and seeing how you feel. So I did a food diary for about six months, and I'm saying every single day, every single meal, I wrote down what I ate, how I felt, what my bowel movement was,

how I slept. Like, I got that specific. Now, for me, it was I couldn't eat. So I was like, I was literally malnutritioned and slowly dying. Yeah, it really was. But even then, like if I had to go back and I didn't have that, that's exactly what I would do. I would do an elimination diet. I would pay attention to everything.

And I would just write, how do I feel? Forget about what you look like for now. Just how do you feel on a day-to-day basis and compare things. Yeah, I love that. And now you've been into biohacking for how long now? About two years now. And what got you interested? Did you have like a scenario where it was like I have to

or was it like, oh, this is cool? Yeah, I was also pushed into it. I had no choice because for me, it all started when I was like, I was 16. I didn't get my period like the rest of my friends. I'm 16. I'm like, I still haven't got my period. This is really weird. So I went to the doctor. I tell him I've got no period. He's like, OK, I'm just going to put you on the pill. It's going to regulate everything. This is perfect for you. So I went on the pill and I was on the pill for 10 years so from just turning 16 to being 26 but about a year before that when I was 25 I mean I'd had digestion issues for the longest time and no matter what I did they didn't go away my skin was always flaring up like so many different things were happening and I was

going to different doctors and specialists and asking why is this happening and I could list the amount of medications I was on they were saying I had heartburn they were saying I had IBS reflux everything and I went to one specialist and I sat in the room and I was crying I was saying this isn't normal like I can't even have like a margarita without like this pain of heartburn like it's not normal and he said how long you've been on the contraceptive pill i said 10 years come off that right now so i came off it and i've never had a period since i came off the pill you still not had a period i still haven't had one wow so for me when i came off the pill and i didn't get my period i and kind of like a year before that i started getting into biohacking and i started i start by reading a book called the bulletproof diet okay it's very scientific and I really really loved it

but even then I was still too nervous to even get off the pill and obviously it was a guy that wrote it so he didn't write about the pill right so but I came off it and I didn't get my period and instead of going to different doctors and things I just started checking in with my own body and what you said at least had the awareness and I would ask myself how am I feeling how am I feeling how am I feeling and um it I kind of got my own diagnosis it was a day before I did a big event in London I was laying in bed the day before and I was in so much pain and it really takes a lot for me to not want to get out of bed and I I called Danielle and Nick Pigeon who was doing the event

with and I was sobbing and I said I can't do it I can't do the event there's something wrong with my body wow and I mean I knew I had to do it so I lay there and I checked in I was like I've got cysts on my ovaries I just knew it I've got cysts on my ovaries and so the next week I flew home back to the US and I went for an ultrasound it turned out I have like the worst strain of polycystic ovaries wow and so my goal now is to get my period back and I decided I'm doing it myself as opposed to going like I went to the doctor and I got diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and the first thing she said to me was yeah did you want to have kids it's gonna be difficult and my heart in that moment sunk and I was like I'm not accepting that and I left I went home I had a bit of a cry and I was like okay mission fertility yeah and so I

took it all in in my own hands and I've had some progress and I would say read books and like do what works for you and test and like you were saying Lisa write everything down yeah um and like I have so many lists of things that I've tried how it worked for me and i'm building on and i'm getting more and more progress and then i'll go to a doctor with a list of lab tests and say this what i need checked and i know you're the same right yeah i love that i know what markers i'm looking for yeah and i and and it's not the doctor's fault i want to put that out there they're told what's normal and of course if a level isn't a certain number it's not alarming to them so they'll say you're fine but actually it's like your thyroid right yeah but then you

you do your research and you look at that number and for me i'm like oh it's an indicator of this sure i need to do this is yours similar literally i went to the doctor about six months ago they they told me i had polycystic ovary syndrome. No way. And the thing was, okay, but you've told us you don't want children, correct? And I was like, yes, I have decided, me and my husband, that we're not going to have kids. She goes, oh, then you're fine. And I was like, what?

Sure, just because I can't have children doesn't mean that not having a period is a good sign. I haven't had a period in over six years as well. You haven't? No. So initially, my doctor that was checking my gut said, oh, you eat a lot of soy. And I was like, no, I don't. Because they checked my microbiome. They're like, oh, well, you have really, really high estrogen levels in your gut.

And then I said, well, I take contraception pills. They're like, get off it immediately. I got off it and still didn't get my period. They told me I had polycystic ovary syndrome and um and again they were like well you're within range so you're fine as long as you know you get checkups and you get your um i guess i guess the uterus wall if you don't have periods starts to thicken yeah and what happens if it starts to thicken it actually now increases your chances of getting cancer wow which i had no idea did you go through the cancer schedule so i so i haven't yet but then um recently i heard about the

thyroids and how that can really affect your period so i took it upon myself i literally two weeks ago i went to the doctor and said okay i want my thyroids test i want my t3s tested i want my t3 reverse test and they're like no no you don't need to i'm like i'll happily pay but yes i do need to. I will get the results myself. So I got them. I then took them to a specialist that I trusted. And she said, wow, they said you're in range.

But your range is so that the range they give you is so wide that I'm on the very bottom range. And they're not taking into factor that I'm a female. Right. That I'm, you know, 39 years old. And they're like, so taking that I'm a female, right? That I'm, you know, 39 years old. And they're like, so taking all these factors in your range is terrible. Like, there's no way your thyroid, you should be this low. And then two days ago, in fact, I got the one of my doctors had looked at my hormone levels. And she says that I've got the hormones of a postmenopausal woman. And I just got told that today, two days ago.

Isn't that? Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the

things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30 day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. If you had just taken that like quick blanket diagnosis from the first doctor,

you'd be like, oh, I'm fine. But truthfully, the body is always speaking to us and telling us with these small things. And I think, I think this would be an interesting conversation to get to is a lot of women primarily go into diet and health and nutrition initially for vanity, right? Initially like, oh, I want to lose weight. I want to look a little better. I want to tone up. But it's such a deeper conversation when we actually know what's going on internally. Like the one biohacking thing I did do was I got all my levels tested before we were going to start conceiving. And we had, you know, started talking about like, oh, yeah, we want to start a family soon. So let's just get everything checked and just make sure we're good.

Sure enough, it came back that I had literally my adrenals full burnout. They were stealing from my hormones. So all my hormones were completely flatlined. And this was, you know, months before we were talking about starting a family, which I wouldn't have been able to conceive. And had I not have done those tests, I would have just thought there was something wrong with me, you know, but you can fix it. Like there are things you can do. And I just went on these like herbal supplements.

And within three months we conceived Kingston. So it's like, I can't stress the importance of this, especially if you're in that phase of your life where you are thinking about having a family or even just like doubling down on your health and making sure you're going to age well and age with vitality and like exuberance. We can do stuff now and that will make all the difference. Yeah. It's huge. I'm going to what you said, Natalie, as well. It's like we want to blame the doctors, but the truth is we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

Yeah, 100%. We are all so different that the doctors can only know so much. Yeah. Plus also when you think about it, they've gone to college, they've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. And medicine is ever evolving. Yes. So how can they even keep up if we're not willing to do that for ourselves? Yeah.

So I'm totally with you, Nat. Like I don't look at the doctors and blame them. I do make sure that I get what I need, but I don't blame them and expect them to fix me. I expect myself to fix myself. Yeah. And no matter what it takes too, you know, Em, you're speaking to something that I really experienced. Like I didn't have health insurance when I did all this stuff. And so it cost me thousands of dollars to get all the testing and all the things. But it was so worth it. I'll pay whatever to be able to have the experience of having my child.

So it's like you got to weigh the cost. There's always a cost. And it's either you pay now up front or you pay later with your health. Yeah. And I think it is really trusting yourself as well, like not having a period. Like you say, it doesn't matter that you just can't conceive. That's a signal that things in there are like not really working. Like I know for myself, I had a sporadic period. And I think it's actually so much more common than we think about. Like a lot of women don't get a period. A lot of women have

a sporadic period. Like when I used to overexercise, I was really restrictive with my food and like my body was not functioning. And that was such a signal. And I only just got mine back about a year and a half ago when I was like really doing some deep work around, you know, restriction and overexercise and all of this craziness, just overriding the body with like this, you know, faulty mentality that I know a lot of women have when we are trying to really achieve something physically. Yeah. And when I got my period back, I was like, oh my gosh, like it was such an amazing, I had such a different relationship to it. Cause I was like, oh my gosh, like my body is like happy and healthy and functioning. And it's like, we so know, and there is these little signs and it's the same with me and my energy for the last few years.

It's like, I know intuitively that I could feel better. I should be feeling better. And like, I'm continuing to go to all of these doctors until someone will give me some answer because it's like, I know just myself that I could feel better than this. And I think that we've kind of accepted as a society that it's like, okay to like have to have a coffee in the morning and be tired at three o'clock and like not have energy to exercise or not have energy to X, Y, and Z. And I think that there's this kind of baseline acceptance of not having vitality. Because I think there's this health and there's like energy and then there's like vitality. And it's like, I want to feel vital. I want to be energized and be like peak performing.

Right. Well, that's it. That's the thing too. And I was telling you this the other day when I got all my levels tested my my homeopathic doctor was like she was like you if I didn't know you I would literally think you were like lying in bed depressed every day looking at your chart like I was like a three point down from the skull and bones which would mean I would like have adrenal collapse and die oh my gosh she's like literally but the fact that I know you shows me that like the other things you're doing in your life make a difference. Your mindset, who you surround yourself with, the fact that you're living your purpose, like all that is a part of it.

And I think for people who don't have thousands of dollars, like start with the things that you can change. Start with your environment. Start with what you consume, television, media, food, beverage. Start where you can and start to feel into those differences and then go, ah, okay, if I can feel more like this with these little changes, what could I do with some bigger changes? Step by step, right? Yeah. And I want to touch on something you said, Em. You said, where do people even start with any of this? And one thing that I really want to hammer home is you'll hear us talking about all kinds of things, whether it's an aura ring or a red light or you're taking supplements or herbs. One mistake that I made was trying to do it all.

And actually, because I was like, I was on this journey of like, I'm going to get my period back. I'm going to do all the things. I don't care less what like what it costs, how I do it. And I got so overwhelmed that all of a sudden this resistance came up in me where I didn't want to do anything. And so I felt so overwhelming it felt too overwhelming and so I took a month off doing anything which might not sound like it's the best thing for my health but I was so overwhelmed I took a month off I wasn't going to my acupuncture I wasn't going to my healing I wasn't taking my herbs or my vitamin anything and what I did then was I checked into my body and I was like what do I feel like I want to do

what can I keep up because there's lots of things that work right consistency with with a couple of things is the important thing so now I strip my whole routine back and what I do is part of my routine now and it's and it feels good and it's easier but there's another thing I also want to want to chat with you guys I'm a big believer in talking about the process while you're in it and not just like when you know like I used to suffer this and now I'm this so here's what I can teach yeah I want to talk about what I'm in it and yeah you said and I think you probably all got some perspectives this whole idea of getting your period and it's something we think as women we should have yeah and it was a couple of weeks ago I thought i got my period i felt it i was like i

think i got it i run to the bathroom it's not there i'm collapsing in a flood of tears i'm crying steven comes in he's like what's wrong what's wrong i said i didn't get it i should have got it and i heard myself say that and i was like wait what why why should i get it and then i started that whole and i felt it i'm not gonna say in that moment my mindset kicked in and i was like personal growth in my heart i know i felt like i should have got it and so how do you deal with that how do you deal with and we get it a lot as women right we should be superwoman we should be doing everything we should be a wife we should be a mom like we should be everything how do we get over that i should

like reconcile with what's actually here and that should is probably what is holding you back from getting your period yeah yeah amen it's the expectation of it i was gonna say when you shared that that triggered um you know i had a miscarriage now three months ago and i felt that same thing like this like this shouldn, like I'm healthy, this shouldn't be happening. And it was my resistance to what was actually showing up that was causing the suffering. And I think that suffering in and of itself created the grief for me because I was holding on to this idea. And, you know, Em, even today, like I just got my period today. And I was like, you know, two days ago, I was like, oh, I could be pregnant

because we're still trying. And it's like, every month is like, oh, oh, oh, no. You know, it's like, so I'm at that, in that phase of letting go every single month and practicing, releasing the expectation, even though my heart wants it. Like, obviously I want another babe. I'm obsessed with being a mom, but I also get that timing is everything. And my body knows when it's

time. And I feel like you, I'm like right now, I don't feel like I'm in my optimal health. I feel like achy and crampy and all the things. And it's because I've got a lot on my plate right now. And I know there's not a lot of space for another child to come in. And I got to be honest about that. Like energetically, I'm not very spacious right now. So I think it's like the whole integrated view of what's happening because it's not just this one myopic thing that's happening in a silo. It's like all touching everything. And I love that you're not BSing yourself. It's like, no, I know why I'm not getting pregnant. I recognize that my lifestyle is holding me back. And I think that's so important as well. Like it's okay. Like don't beat yourself up over it, but just know of the reasons why that it is in your control. And so

if you were like, you know what, having a baby actually is the most important thing to me, then great. Now you know it, you can prioritize it and change your lifestyle to then live accordingly. Yeah, totally. But kind of going, I don't understand why I'm not getting pregnant. I'm really trying. It's, you know, I just think it does ourselves a disservice. But going back to your should and shouldn't, I've learned that I can't quieten that. Like it's just the voice that is always there. So now I just go, if I can't quieten it, how do I use it? So if I go to say, oh, my God, you shouldn't, I'm like, ah, there's that word again. All right, so Lisa, why are you using that word?

What is it about this situation that you think you shouldn't? And I use it as a way of analyzing what I'm doing to then bring myself to the like answer of okay this is why or like so it's that awareness it's the awareness yeah yeah for me I feel like it's a bigger conversation because it's kind of like the right wrong should shouldn't did work out didn't work out like for me it's like a it's more like a overall philosophical thing like my mentality is that whatever's working out is what should work out like and the caveat to that is like if I'm showing up fully and I'm doing everything I can like like I'm getting all the tests, I'm doing all the things I'm doing, everything that's within my power to do. And that is a fluctuating scale,

right? Sometimes we're holding more than others. Sometimes what we can do is less than other times. So my, my mentality is always like, okay, did I show up fully for that? Okay. And then the result that I wanted still didn't happen. Or I felt like I should have X, Y, and Z. Then I surrendered to that. I'm like, I showed up fully. It's like, for example, for me, this is just maybe trivial, but like, I really want to stay in LA. I want to live in LA. And it's like, oh, I should be able to stay here. I should have made this work X, Y, and Z, right? But it's like, but I've done everything I can to figure that out right now. And yet the universe, life, whatever circumstances are still meaning I have to leave. So it's like surrendering.

It's like some things we can't control everything. And I think that alone takes off so much pressure of trying to make ourselves figure out, like, think we have to create everything, control everything, make every result happen. And I think that really supports me with my shoulds because it's like, well, I did everything I can and it still is happening this way. So then I surrender. Like, I'm not going to fight it, you know. And I think that on the other side of the surrender is like, well, maybe there's a gift in this for me. I know with the miscarriage, that was a huge gift for Preston and I. A whole bunch of shit came up for us that we didn't even know was there.

And the miscarriage brought it to the surface. And it was like we just started unpacking it and how do we feel? And then it brought up all this other stuff that we're like, whoa, I didn't know you were feeling that way about this. And I didn't know you were feeling that way about this. And it allowed us really the opportunity

and the permission to talk about these really huge things for our partnership and as a couple and as parents that we didn't even like think was a thing. And after that, like, I mean, it was on our flight home from Jamaica when I started miscarrying. And after that flight home, Preston and I were closer than we had ever been. And what a gift, you know, what a gift for our current child and for whatever future child decides to come in, even if it's just a fur baby, because I am committed to getting a dog. I am going to do it. But that was the gift. And knowing that on the other side of surrender, like you might go back to New Zealand and meet your boo.

Hey, you never know. That or something better. She's like, can he be American though? Just because I'm trying to live here. That attitude is absolutely what um has gotten me through as well like okay well we can either surrender to it or we can learn something from it and I think it's Tony Robbins actually said how do you take the worst situation and make it the best thing could ever happen to you and every time I'm in that like depth of despair I'm sure all of us have been through it where you just feel so broken that's what I remind myself I just say Lisa like this is how how do you flip this how can this be the most amazing thing because I think perspective is

everything everything do you sit there and say why me or do you say oh my god this can make me stronger than before yeah yeah because it's not that people don't get, it's not that any of us sitting at this table don't have challenges and don't have adversities. It's just how we process them and what allows you to move through them faster so that it doesn't become this thing that sort of stews. Because I think it's like indulging in the story and the wallowing becomes a bigger thing. It's just like challenges and things like this are always

going to happen. It's only ever going to be how we deal with them and process them and choose to see them. That makes the difference, I think, for people that create success or create emotional resilience than those that don't. Like it's a choice. Totally. Totally. And Nat, back to where you're at with this, like on the other side, because you said that was two weeks ago. Yeah. How are you feeling about everything now and your perspective like what's what supported you in getting over that hump I think voicing how I was feeling was probably the best thing I did because normally when I'm feeling like that I don't I'm not the most emotional person so internally I'm feeling it but then I put a brave face on I go outside no I didn't get it this this month it's not coming yeah and I put that face on and and I think I've been doing a lot of work on really like

a releasing emotion for my body which is probably something we can talk about but I'm doing some kind of some body work and some um different things that help release my emotions and I was feeling generally more emotional and I let it out I'd let it go and and I sat there and I cried and I just told him everything that was in my head without fear of judgment of like I should do this and I'm not good enough at this and there's all these things and he just sat and he listened and he was like I'm here I've got your back whatever it is like let's get through it and addressing that was probably the first part and And then asking my community for help. So reaching out for help and saying like, I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm doing everything. And I got recommended the most amazing book, which I'm kind of halfway through now. And already I'm feeling more positive about the outcome. It was just this book just kind of mentioned every single way I was possibly feeling and normalized all of these thoughts that are in my head. And it was just so, it's so nice, right? When someone normalizes how I feel. Yeah. What's the book for those who are interested? I don't know the exact title, but I think it's eight steps to heal your PCOS. And it's amazing. It's so science-based, but it's written by a naturopath and it's so specific to

the point like all the herbs the dosages um she's helped me to be able to identify exactly the type of pcos that i have why i'm feeling a certain way i mean even today i was telling you guys that um i didn't put much makeup on today and my skin has flared up so bad it's worse than it was when i was a teenager it's never been so bad and this morning i was going to put concealer on and i stopped myself and i even did the same thing i had extensions in my hair and i just cut all my hair off because my hair is thinning so much yeah and i'm sick of putting band-aids and trying to hide what's going on like yes my hair is thinning yes my acne is flaring up and guess what that is me yeah and and even though it's not easy to turn up and i'm being conscious of my skin even though that's not easy that feels empowering and that

feels like me getting rid of the should yeah it feels like me being like this is where i'm at right now yeah that's huge i just really want to like celebrate that because in our world especially here in la we live in the epicenter of like covering shit up and like false things, supplementing with false everything and nothing wrong with that. But I think for you, that's a huge win. And I think, you know, as you were speaking, I just felt the shame that you had around those things. It's almost like you just let that go. Like I'm choosing not to be ashamed of these things anymore. I'm choosing to be an ownership of like, here's where I'm at right now. It doesn't mean it can't change, but here's who I am. And like that ownership to me feels like

what we're talking about of like, you know what? This is my current situation and it's okay. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing as much as I can to work through it, but I'm not going to pretend anymore. And I think that's huge. And I think as women, we have this idea that we've got to have a brave face. We've got to be superwoman. We've got to do all the things and be all the things to all the people. But we've got to do what's right for us first. And I think we're unfortunately trained in society to put ourselves last and to think about how we can appease other people first in order to somehow make our lives better. But this is like the most empowering choice.

Yeah. And I mean, I listen to tons of podcasts and everyone's speaking. I'm always hearing, you've got to put your oxygen mask on first. And I think that's great. That's a great analogy. But how many times are you hearing that, but you're still not living it? Totally. You're like, I'm putting myself first.

I'm going for a massage. I'm doing this. But then that voice internally is like, you didn't show up here you didn't do that like it's still there so whilst all of these things are nice to hear and very instagrammable so instagrammable but realistically you still have that going on and I think as women we're very used to putting other people first and you know what sometimes it feels nice I'm not going to say it doesn't feel nice to come home and cook, to do those things. It feels good.

And do you know what? Sometimes that's what I need. So what did you do emotionally? So when you're like, hey, I've got bad skin. I don't want to cover it up right now. I want to own it. It still can't be easy though, right? So how did you say something emotionally to yourself to like push yourself?

Okay, I know this is right. Get over this initial emotion that's trying to push back. There's no magic to it. I'm sitting here feeling very uncomfortable. Like the lighting is there. Like I'm very aware of it. I'm uncomfortable. But I always win when I'm uncomfortable.

Every, I mean, at every point in my life, I've done things that have been hard and have been uncomfortable. And that's where the change came and so if I'm doing things constantly that make it easier and hide it and all these things that I'm not gonna win so this morning I and even I went to go to the bathroom I was just with um and Lex I went to the bathroom and I said don't wait for me I'll come out in a sec so they walked out and I was about to put some concealer on put it back on my back and I walked through i was like yeah girl you don't need this like live without what like what's so bad about feeling uncomfortable what's so bad about being in the in

the feeling of being self-conscious also the thing is is that like i did not even notice like nobody even sees it like at all like we don't even you know it's like such an internal experience and it's like for me but it also doesn't mean that it's not scary for you. It's not to diminish that because I know for me, like the food and body stuff that I went through in the last few years was one of the scariest things that I ever did, which is crazy. But like surrendering that control over like restriction and thinking I should look a certain way and I used to look this way

and X, Y, and Z, like there's so much pressure. And like a lot of it is self-imposed, but obviously we live in a society that's constantly telling us, as you said, Lex as well, and here in LA, it's amplified in all of the ways, you know, and so there is that pressure and it can be really frightening to push back against that and to say, I choose something different, you know, and I choose that internal experience, like you say, of winning and of owning yourself and just like really creating, again, it's kind of like creating success on your terms. It's like, I was miserable when I was like trying to fit into that mold. And like, you get, you build that resilience and you build that comfort by doing the thing. It's like

anything, right? Like business, relationships, any of this stuff, right? It's like, you've got to be in that, in that ground of like, this is really scary and uncomfortable, but like, that's the only way that it ever shifts. Yeah. And I think both sides are addictive, right? I think it's addictive to hide and it becomes really addictive. Like, Ooh, I could conceal this and that felt really good. So, Ooh, maybe if I just tweak this thing and then it's like, you know, the lashes become the hair become the Botox become, you know, it's just like all the things it becomes addictive. And again,'s like, you know, the lashes become the hair, become the Botox, become, you know, it's just like all the things. It becomes addictive. And again, no judgment, nothing wrong with any of this.

But we're just pointing it out that we've all been in these conversations. And even like we talked about the other day, like getting our makeup done for a shoot. And it's like I'm so tempted sometimes to like do the lashes and get all the things. I'm like, fuck, it would just be so easy. I wouldn't have to like the lashes and get all the things because I'm like, fuck, it'd just be so easy. I wouldn't have to wake up and do all the things. But I also know that doesn't feel – there's something about it that has had me hesitate for years when some of my best friends have all the things. And I'm like, I've even considered hair extensions because I'm like, oh, I want to see what my hair feels like long. And it would be so easy for my hair to just always look awesome. But I know my edge is like being really proud

and feeling beautiful in my current state, whatever that is. Right. And even though I'm selling myself, I'm like, yeah, but it would be easier and like it's more efficient and you'll get more done. And like, you know, like hour long business, right? Yeah. Like legit. I'm legit. Like, oh, that would just be so, that would make my life so easy. Right. But the truth is the edge for me is to like stand powerfully in, in, you know, who I am and what I look like. And even like I did a shoot the other day, hair up in a messy bun, like little makeup on it's like I want that to be my standard I want the standard of like the most truest naked version of myself to be what I lead with and it's uncomfortable and I don't like it sometimes because I'm comparing myself to the women in my life who are

sometimes very done and look gorgeous all the time and I'm like oh fuck you know I don't but that's where I grow if it doesn't work for you yeah then it can be very detrimental yeah I've actually learned to love both yeah like I love getting my makeup done and my hair done and like I just feel great I feel badass yes you know and so I lean into it so it empowers me and so I think that's the key is what you're doing with yourself is it empowering you or is it making you feel self-conscious, comparing yourself to someone else? I've learned to like let go of that and say, how do I feel? And sometimes I'll take an IG photo and I'll have no makeup on

and I'll be in bed. And other times I'll do it when I'm completely done up. I totally love that. Being able to feel like the same human, I'm still Lisa. It's the intention behind it. Like if you're doing it to like fix something that you don't feel is good enough, then don't do it. Because

then the work is, why don't I feel like that's good enough? But if you're like, yo, I'm awesome and I want to amplify this, girl, get it. There's nothing wrong and I want everyone to understand that's not what we're saying at all. So thank you for presencing that. It's definitely not a, oh, if you get your hair done and your makeup i thank you for presencing that yeah um it's definitely not a oh if you get your hair done your makeup done you're like less than what it's so not that because i absolutely love doing it too i've had extensions yeah many

many times in my life like i love a good eyelash extension i actually just absolutely hate going to the appointment it's so freaking annoying and then you can't put your head under the water and i'm just like it's too much for me i can't i'm just too like i can't deal with that but i love it and yeah so it's nothing right or wrong. I can't, I'm just too, like, I can't deal with that. But I love it. And yeah, so it's nothing right or wrong, but it is just being that awareness of like, am I less expressed with this? Is it, like you said, is it empowering me?

Is this feeling good? Where is this coming from? You know, because I love getting all dressed up and looking sassy. Yeah, I love looking sassy too. But it's the intention, right? Are you amplifying or are you trying to fix? And I think that's even the intention with working out. I think a lot of women have workout addictions

because they're trying to fix something that they think is wrong with themselves. Yeah, versus like, yo, I'm trying to take care of my body. I'm trying to amplify what's already here. And it doesn't work. Like if the intention's wrong, if you truly ask yourself, like, why am I doing this? And if the reason is to fix,

then when you do fix, it doesn't feel good. I didn't feel any different when I had these big extensions in. I mean, yeah, it looked nice, but I didn't feel internally like it was fixed. Whereas if I did it from a place of power,

like you're saying, when you get your makeup done, you're like, I'm going to look so good today. I'm going to keep this on for days. i'm gonna rock this out no no that eyelashes are hanging off no no it's fine oh my gosh sticking it back on i literally had hair extensions one time and like i had they were basically all fallen out and i had like this one long hair but like i was like so clutching to it because i was had this idea that like it was making me look skinnier or something and it was literally i'll had this idea that like it was making me look skinnier or something. And it was literally, I'll show you a photo.

Like it was so ugly. And it was like, just like, yes, this is somehow making me look like I was clutching. That's amazing. And I even had that feeling when I was like cutting my hair. Like it was scary to like cut my hair. Same. I had super long hair. And when I cut it, it was like, oh my gosh, this is like a part of my identity.

Right. It's the truth. That's interesting how everything becomes a part of your identity working out. It's a part of your identity. Oh. It's the truth. That's interesting how everything becomes a part of your identity working out. It's a part of your identity. Oh, I work out seven days a week. And then it's like

if I go down to six, it's like, oh shit, now I've really like dropped the ball. Right. Because it's your identity that you're the girl that works out

seven days a week. And who are you if you don't? That was the biggest challenge for me was with the food stuff and the body stuff was like I had this identity of being like the fit girl that looked a certain way. And then it was like to release that was like, whoa, so confronting.

But it's like that's super unhealthy as well. I mean, there's attachment to it, right? Yeah, it's so interesting. There's so many ways and places that we could go with this. Like I'm curious what – because we've talked about this quite a bit and quite extensively. We live in one of the most overdone places in the world Los Angeles and when I say done I mean all the things like the Botox and all the things and it it's something that I will say like looking at JLo when I watch World of Dance I'm like she looks I can't believe she's like in her, what, 50s? She's almost 50.

She looks incredible. She fly. Oh, she fly. In her New Zealand accent as well. She fly. I definitely don't have an accent, you guys. Like, I just am totally one of you. Yes, you do.

But she looks amazing, right? And we have these images of these like beautiful goddess women, right, that are thrown in our face quite a bit. And I love me some J-Lo. She's like my spirit animal. Right. Right. And I see that and I'm like, hmm, you know, I'm 35. How do I feel about aging?

Like right now in my current skin I'm in, I feel great. I'm like, yeah. But am I going to be saying the same thing when I'm 50? You skin, I mean, I feel great. I'm like, yeah, but am I going to be saying the same thing when I'm 50, you know, or like, will I be tempted and from what space? And from, you know, and it's like peeling back and really getting aware again, back to awareness, aware of the conversations I'm having. And I noticed when I'm having them, like I considered at one point getting eyelash extensions and it was after spending time with three friends who all had eyelash extensions, whose eyes all looked like these beautiful baby doll eyes. And

I'm like, wow, you know, like, but then I noticed like, oh, that's interesting. Maybe I'll consider getting them. But I noticed I considered it after spending time with people who had it and then feeling less than in that space. So I didn't get it because I realized that. But it's just an interesting thing to pull apart. It goes to, I think, your self-worth. So when I'm 50, 60, 70, like, let me tell you, if I want to get a boob job because my boobs have sunk down to my toes, like, I'm going to get it. But again, as long as I don't tie my self-worth to it, even with Botox and things like that like I each to their own

I don't care and so I may come to a point where I do want it because I'm like yeah you know what I think it will like help my little eyes

but if I'm like I want to feel better about myself so I'm gonna get it that's so dangerous because I know myself as well I've got an

addictive personality so I know myself very well that if I get that, where is it going to end? And that's the thing. Going back to like, oh, well, I tweak that and that feels really good. And like, oh, well, maybe this. And I had friends who started getting Botox when I lived in New York at like 25. And I'm like, girl, you're 25. You don't have any wrinkles.

That would be so common now. It's preventative. And I keep hearing it. It's preventative. You have to start now. And I'm like, oh, I'm fucked then. Not only do I not get it, but I go out in the sun with no sunblock on. I'm like, come get me, son.

I love you. It's your Greek heritage. It's in my blood. Speaking of my identity, tan is very part of my identity. Well, speaking of tanning, like my roommate the other day, there's a pill that you can take or it's an injection or something and all you need to do is get like five minutes in the sun and you go tan everywhere. See, I am

tempted for that. Right, that's why I'm like it's such a rabbit hole because it's like, wow, okay, so I don't even, but it's like where does it end? And like, it's great. It's definitely a journey and I think it is like you said, Lisa, just like as long as you're not tying yourself with, because the reality is like,

we're, it's, this is probably going to sound very pessimistic and I don't mean it like this, but it's probably downhill from here in terms of like, are we like, you know, we're all like, well, true, yeah. And I think that I'm- I feel like I'm yet to peak. Yeah, I'm holding out for my-

With all of our biohacking that we're going to do. Right, true, true story, yeah. I'm going to be fucking killing it at 45. Exactly. Let's scratch that one because I think we're all peaking at the moment. But, like, you have to come to terms with the fact that, like, you know, I had to mourn the fact that I don't look like I looked when I was 18, 21, 25. Like, you know, and it's like because we can't pin ourselves to that.

Otherwise, we're screwed because it's going to always be changing. Also, I just heard a study where I guess women, as they get older, they always seek guys within three-year range, three to four-year range. So as we get older, we typically look for guys either three years younger than us or three years older than us. Guys on the other hand. Guys on the other hand, no matter what age they are, true, they seek 21 to 25-year-olds. That's crazy. So if I know that and I know, all right, I've been married for 16 years. My husband's always going to innately find 25-year-old women attractive.

I can't compete. So why am I even wasting even an ounce of energy competing on the looks front? Because I can't. It's just going to do myself a disservice. But if I say, you know what? I'm going to build a relationship where i um i bring something to the table other than my looks yeah and if that then isn't enough for him then that's on him right right so if we just focus on oh my god i'm not young anymore

um my husband isn't going to find me attractive other guys aren't going to find me attractive it's like if you can just accept that's evolution and that's how we are as humans, then for me it allowed me to let go of it. See, I love that. But this brings up a bigger issue that I'm like kind of frustrated about is in society we celebrate men as they get older. We're like, oh, he's dashing. He's like debonair. His salt and pepper hair. And then like women after a certain age, if you don't look a particular way, you're kind of like, meh, old news, right? Invisible generation. Yeah. And it's

interesting, like speaking to the women in my family who are, you know, 60 plus and a lot of women I even coach and work with, they feel like they're kind of like these forgotten people. Yeah. Where like they don't have any value anymore, even if they're brilliant, even if they've built businesses, even if they're doing all the things and carrying all the things. And I feel like we're in a shift of that, especially like we look politically, there's a lot of women stepping in and their voices are mattering more, which is great. And I also feel like we're still, well, I'll speak for myself. I'm still buying into it, even in the sense of like with JLo. Like I'm- Yeah, why is she our hero?

Yeah, she's amazing. She's amazing, right? Super talented, brilliant woman. And I love how JLo looks. Right. Like straight up superficially. I follow her on Instagram because she is golden as fuck. Right.

Like she glows. Yeah. Right? And I don't know why, but like there's something about that that I'm attracted to. So it's this double-edged sword where I really want to kind of place a flag in the sand and say, hey, we're here and we matter. And our brilliance and our contribution and all these things that we do will continue to matter no matter what our age is. And that's also really awesome and attractive. And I think as human beings, we almost can't get rid of that, like what you're saying.

It's like men are innately attracted to these younger women probably because of the vitality. Right. That's the thing. Younger women are more likely to procreate, right? So it's like biologically the men's job is to spread their seed. And so the woman who's going to… It's a good job.

A hard job, right? We have a couple of men in the studio that are getting a really interesting conversation today. I wouldn't use it about that, guys. So it's innate in them. So I actually don't hate on that, if you know what I mean, because it's like biologically that's what they're meant to do. And women, the younger you are, the easier it is for you to get pregnant after your period. So as I get older, I recognize that I'm not going to be

the ideal biological catch. Right, exactly. So I can let go of it. Almost understanding the biology behind it allows me to let go of the emotion behind it. And that's going back to those shoulds. The shoulds, yeah. Like, I should be, my husband should be attracted to me still like this.

And not saying he won't be, but it'll just be different. It'll be a different, like, oh, man, my wife is a badass. Like, she's a, you know, it's like, it's a different thing. Connected on a different level. Yes. I want to jump in here quickly on the attraction piece, because this was a really big thing that I had to go through with the, you know, reprogramming my beliefs around body and things like that. And like,

you know, social media detoxes and actually like training yourself because, because certain attractions, like there is obviously the biological thing and even like the, okay, we have deemed JLO to be attractive now because big booties are big and Kim Kardashian X, Y,

and Z. But like a while ago that wasn't socially acceptable. So it's a fickle thing. It's not set in stone. We're actually being socialized into what we deem is attractive. And that can also be retrained. So I think that, you know, and I know you did this one time, Lex, where you started to look at like really amazing, like older women that were dope and like stylish and like X, Y, and Z. I legit, I want to get back into that. Yeah. Like you can train it. Like, and actually we're just used to being shown a specific version

of what attractive is and so we've started to associate, oh, this is really attractive. Oh, JLo, beautiful skin,

big booty, like, blah, blah, blah. Like, this is what's really attractive but we can also retrain that.

It's just that we're living in a society that is, like, you know, in Africa, they've seen people to fat camps because that's what they think

that's what socially is deemed as because you have money and you're attractive and stretch marks are sexy. That's a social construct deemed as, because you have money and you're attractive and stretch marks are sexy. That's a social construct. If you come in and like, you know, Preston and I are both thin and I've been doing work in Tanzania for over a decade.

Every time I go back, my baby, my grandmother is like, are you sick? Yeah. You are so thin, my daughter. You are so thin. And like being thin in Tanzania is a sign you're ill. It's a sign that you have disease of some sort. Whereas here it's like, oh, celebrated, right?

So it is. It's such a social thing. And that thing I did has supported me so much, especially when I moved to LA. Because New York, I feel like there's a different standard of beauty in New York. It's more about like the natural beauty and like, you know. Understated. Understated. Like, yeah.

Whereas LA, it's like very stated. Yeah. You know, call it that SO understated, like, yeah. Whereas L.A., it's like very stated. Yeah. You know, call it that S.O. life. Yeah. Standing out. Standing out. And when I moved here, I noticed the influence. I noticed it like starting to creep into my subconscious.

Like, hmm, do I need to shift? Do I need to like play this game? Which is natural that that would happen. Yeah. Yeah. And I just I'm aware of it. Environment is everything. I'm aware of it.

Right. So the awareness was what really kept me in. And I noticed even on my Instagram, I love fashion and I was following a bunch of like essentially 19 year olds and 17 year olds who have great style, but are 19. This is my environment. That's not going to look like that on me. Right. And so I went out of my way to find these amazing older women, like 60, 70, 80, 90 years old that are killing it in different ways. Like there's this one 90-year-old woman. The flora woman?

Yes. Yeah. She's got the dopest style I've ever – she like legit wears like spandex, rainbow stuff. She's got this crazy – and like she roller skates. I'm like, I want to be like you in a while. Right. Amazing. I want to be like you now. Everything. Can I be like you now? can i be like you now right now that's why we started our skate club yes it

is but things are changing right like i feel like it is becoming less about the looks for women because we are standing up and demanding that people see our worth yes and it's just it's so nice to see that because when i think about women, we are just so powerful. Hell yeah. Really powerful. I mean, we're keeping the population going. Yes. Like we are really powerful.

We make human beings. We literally do. We cook them and ship them out. It's crazy. Yeah. So it's, and it's just so nice to see that. So even letting go of what's going to happen when we age, it's all about, do I feel good? Yeah.

Like my vitality and what am I creating? How am I adding to the world? All of those things. And I just really hope and we can all help create it. But I really hope that's where it goes. Yeah. Because I'm so fed up of being judged based on how I look. Right.

When I know what's going on in my head is the powerful stuff. Like that's why you should want to be my friend. That's why you should, you know. Yeah. No, I love that. And I think for anyone listening, and I'll speak this for myself as well, I think our responsibility is to really check in with ourselves and see how we're feeding the issue. Yeah.

You know, see how we are a part of the problem instead of being a part of the solution. And I think having conversations like this with your girlfriends is a part of the solution because we're bringing awareness to our own edges in this and our own insecurities and where we lean in and where we've considered. And I think it's important that we just get honest about it and stop hiding all of these conversations thinking that nobody else is having them because we're all secretly having them in our heads. So let's just bring it to the forefront because the minute we can acknowledge it, we can actually move past it and create something better. Yeah. And another thing as well, and some of my friends do this, and it's really got me doing it too. Like when you see your goddess friends, give them a really

heartfelt compliment because how much are they wanting that? I love that. Yes. And it feels good. It really does. It feels good to say it and it feels good it really does it feels good to say it and it feels good to receive it and one of my friends she always knows like my biggest issue is my skin every single time she sees me first thing she says oh my god your skin looks amazing and no matter how i no matter how i feel i'm like yes right and it's so nice and so i think about whenever i hear any of my friends talking about what they may be feeling self-conscious about, I really note it and I celebrate it

because we don't judge our friends for how they look. So it's just so nice to do that. And that's how we can start being part of the solution. Just stop being that kind of cheerleader that your friend might need. And I want to speak to that too, real quick. Having a child, I've recognized this because my child is very handsome. He is a handsome boy.

And he gets told all the time how handsome he is. And I'm like, no, we need to celebrate how curious he is and how brilliant he is and how brave he is. So every single day, I literally have these four wooden things above his diaper changing table that says, be kind, be brave, explore, and be curious. And I say that to him every time we change his diaper, and I affirm it because he's always being told, you're so cute. And I don't know about you guys, but if you notice with little girls, we're like, oh, she's so cute. She's so

beautiful. She's so pretty. But not, you're so brilliant. You're so badass. You're so cute. She's so beautiful. She's so pretty, but not you're so brilliant. You're so badass. You're so creative. You're so brave. Like let's start celebrating our friends and ourselves for those aspects of womanhood because we're all of it, right? We can be beautiful and we can be fucking brave as hell and courageous and brilliant and changing the way the world works. So I think we really get to be aware of how we're speaking into ourselves and others as well. And I think all of that is just coming up now. These last, let's say, five years where women are really starting to speak out

and not try and bring someone else down so they can rise. Now I'm seeing these communities of women just sitting here talking to you ladies. I feel so freaking empowered. So we're all here to bring each other up yes and i've only personally been seeing that and experiencing it over these last five years yeah but before it definitely was like competition yeah exactly yeah so true i was just going to echo your point i think it's really important for us to be aware of like yeah the other the other ways that we can see people and see our friends as well. Because again, if it's like if we're only being validated on that, then it's like, okay, so if I'm not that, then what am I?

You know, so it's like widening that out. But I think definitely having more of an awareness about how we can actively acknowledge and validate everyone in our life. Like Alexi and I went to maximum security prison a couple of days ago. It was one of the most powerful experiences ever. We're going to get another group together. Yeah. The organization's called Hustle 2.0. They're amazing. Look them up. Doing amazing work in these prisons. And we did this exercise where, you know, we just the whole day really was seeing these men and being with them. And one of these exercises was really seeing them and acknowledging them. And one of these exercises was really seeing them

and acknowledging them. And just you could tell this like starvation for validation, for acknowledgement, for being seen, for being accepted. And it was so powerful. But it really reminded me like a lot of people, I mean all of us, like we were staring on the way home from the prison. Like we validate each other often. Like we're pretty high-vibing friends and we have awesome friend groups that like see each other

and acknowledge each other and that's not that's often not the norm and even us we could get it more and like it's such a beautiful human thing and many people don't ever get it and they've never got it and it's like how can we see people more and acknowledge people more and just that that difference that like even saying to someone hey i love your shoes i love your like it just lights people's faces up it's so small and it's like how could we bring so like i'm committed to bring so much more of that into my life just with people i don't know like good morning on the street like it makes me feel so happy when some random person says good morning like hello like it's so fun you're like the world is good right it's just like that connection and that love and that seeing like that genuine seeing yeah and that humanity i think is

like and i think that's what we're all ultimately after anyway of course yeah with any of the quick fixes that we may do right our bodies or our face or our hair whatever it's all because we want to feel more loved and more valued and more seen 100 the world. So I think, yeah, the more we can be a vessel for that in everybody's life, whether it's the barista at Starbucks or whoever, I just think, I know I can be so much better at that. Like even, especially in my relationship, like acknowledgement is not easy for me because I didn't grow up in a household of it. But I know my husband loves that. Like he's a Leo. He likes to be stroked a little bit. He's a lion. And I have had to lean into my discomfort to say the things I'm thinking all the time.

I'm thinking them, but it just feels awkward and weird sometimes and clunky to say it, but I say it anyway. And it's been a practice. Right. With everybody, but especially my husband. I think sometimes those who are closest to us, who know us the most, it's like hard to shift into a new identity. Yeah. And so that's been like something I'm definitely committed to. Yeah. It's powerful.

I mean, I think we're all just craving it more and that connection piece. So it's just like, yeah, dropping those walls. I tried to connect with this guy at the airport the other day, and he looked so unhappy. You know, these guys that just, like, check your ID? Oh, yeah. He looked, like, sincerely mad and upset. And so I was like, how's your day going?

He's like, fine. I was like, oh, I'd love to see you smile. And he just looks at me, gave me the dirtiest look ever. No way. And I was like, well, you don't look too happy. He's like, I'm like this every day. And I was like, so that was like, I felt deflated. I was like well you don't look too happy he's like I'm like this every day and I was like so that when I was like I felt deflated I was like oh and then his vibe then wore on to me and I was at least you can't let his vibe get on to you but what would you have done in that situation oh my gosh I had the best experience at the airport at Austin I had this guy

and he was like how was your trip and I was like it was amazing because I was so high after South by Southwest I was like floating and then he like, you don't hear that every day. That's so great. And then he's like, I'm just going to put a little smiley face on this little thing. And he put a little smiley face on mine and I was like, thank you. And it was just, I guess, the vibration. People are not even used to hearing people say, I'm amazing.

I'm really great. Life is really good. And that, it's like when someone smiles at you, you want to smile back. I don't know what I would have done in that, like, it's like when someone smiles at you, you want to smile back. Like, that, I don't know what I would have done in that. But when it's the opposite, I was going to say, when it's the opposite, when they're just, like, totally devastated. Like, I really wanted to find, like, one magic phrase to say to him

to make him smile, and I failed. Oh, no. He probably thought about that later and was like. That's a hard thing, like, in the moment. If someone's not available for it. He's in pain of some sort, maybe not like, you know, but something's off. Right. And I think, I don't know, I'd love to think that in the moment I would have said something really eloquent.

Right. I was trying to think of like a joke. I mean, honestly, like in hindsight, I would say something like, oh, well, you know, I'm really sorry. Like, sorry if I like messed up your day but I just want to send you love and hope the rest of your day gets a little bit better you know something like that but obviously I probably wouldn't have said that right you could even say like when he like stamps and you can tell he's depressed you can be like you are killing it you are the most efficient person that has I've worked with today thank you so much just such a compliment yeah because

sometimes people just want to be like seen yeah and. And, and, and almost when you say, how are you? They might be thinking, oh, she just asked this to everyone. You're like, no, you are a special human and I am asking it to you. Yeah. I actually did that at Whole Foods. I asked that question and I genuinely want to know. So I'm like, how's your day today? And this guy's like, good. I was like, was it just good? I don't know. Nobody's ever asked me that. I'm like, well, think about it was like, was it just good? I don't know. Nobody's ever asked me that. I'm like, well, think about it. Like, was it good? Was it extraordinary?

Was it like, meh? Like, how are you feeling? And like it opened up this whole conversation. She's like, you know what? Everything was really great. And then on my lunch break, it got better because I got this call from this girl. And I was like, dope. Awesome.

All right. Sounds like you're in the flow. I was like, so next time somebody asks you, what are you going to say? He's like, I'm in the flow. And how did that make you feel then after that so good i was just like i was like like hopping to the beat of my own drum outside of whole foods it's good yeah it does it's so little it's so little too and it's so true like when you think about what what it looks like when you have a good day like you have a good day you breeze into the office and you say hi to the person at the desk and you sit down you

smile your team and then you text something amazing to a friend you do all these things but then if you're having a bad day you probably skip past all those things like oh let me just get this done oh there's a little opportunity drag your feet into the office yeah but what if you just faked it and pretended you were having good days you still said the chirpy good morning you still did the things even in your head you're like oh this is i don't feel like this i am so inauthentic right now but hi hi but like you could fake it and it might even make you feel good well so i'm curious about this because like we all have shitty days so what are some of your go-tos that you know you're like um in that moment uh this can either

go this way or it could go this way what do you do to get out of those moments and like shift back into feeling fierce? I do alternate nostril breathing. I don't know if it's a sexier word than that, but it's like my quick fix. Yeah. So basically you take your finger and your thumb and you like use this one kind of hand to do it. So you put your thumb over one nostril. If you're watching the video, you can watch this. You put your finger over one nostril,

and then you breathe all the way in, and then you breathe all the way out, and then you switch. You close the other nostril, and you breathe all the way in, and you breathe all the way out. We're all doing it. We're all doing it.

And so I do this a few times. You're trying to be sly over there. Yeah, I see you wanting to try it. Well, i do this a few times you're trying to be sly over there yeah i see well i do this a few times and it is like i call it like my absolute like emergency breakout thing so whether i'm in traffic whether i'm going into a meeting whether i feel so for me like when i get anxious i feel these butterflies in my tummy i'm like let's breathe yeah and it's the quickest way and if i've got longer i'll do like some more breath exercises but that changes my state right away. And what it does is actually strengthens the muscle between your left and right side of your brain.

So it brings you more into balance. So rather than going and diving into like being super emotional or being super logical, it brings you into balance. And as women, we naturally have a stronger, we're better at balancing that. We have that stronger muscle tying them together. That's how we're really good at multitasking and diving in and out of things. But it helps you come back into balance. You can actually go and respond from a place

which might not be perfect. I'm not saying it's going to cure all the anger. A little clearer though. Yeah, it helps you go in a little bit clearer. So it's like I do it in traffic all the time or I do it when I'm heading to the office if I need it. Sometimes I put my windows down in the car and it feels really good. I take it. Altern all the time or I do it when I'm heading to the office if I need it. Sometimes I put my windows down in the car and it feels really good.

I love that. I take it. Alternate, nostril. Breathing. I mean, I feel like it probably has a cuter name. I was going to say, we need to give it a cute name. A and B. A and B, yeah.

And B. Sexy. That's definitely sexier, yeah. That's killing the sexy terminology game right there. For me, I feel like dancing is one of my go-tos. Like good music in my headphones, like dancing, like moving the energy, shaking it out, like just getting the energy going. Like obviously that's not always practical.

But for me, if I'm like in a space where I can do that, that's like a go-to. If I have to like jump on a call and I'm just like don't have the energy, that like really like changes my state and gets the energy going. But like sometimes you obviously can't do that. And sometimes I know that like, you know my state and gets the energy going. But like sometimes you obviously can't do that. And sometimes I know that like, like, you know what, actually just today I get to be in this space and not ask myself to do too many things. Like sometimes that's my thing and it's permission to actually let it be and not push through it. Cause sometimes that actually just wants space to be with and it's like, all right, you know what, today I'm going to go and

rest. Like sometimes it's a signal, you know, and I think it's knowing when to acknowledge and when to let it have space and when to tell it to F off and try to push through it. Good point. Yeah, I'm definitely a music person as well. Put on some Madonna, some 90s music. 90s, yes. Just, yeah, do your jam in front of the mirror. Oh, yeah.

Recently, actually, I found that doing something nice for somebody else makes me feel very good. Hell yeah. I love that. So like, we had a shoot the other day and I just went around to the entire crew

and I was like, would you like a coffee? Would you like a piece of toast? Because it was early, it was breakfast. And so everyone's like, sure, like,

why are you asking? I was like, I just want to do something nice for someone. And so I ended up like, I was the PA and I was like, giving just want to do something nice for someone. And so I ended up like I was the PA and I was like giving coffee and I felt so good afterwards. It made me and I was like, OK, well, I can't sustain this every day because I'm exhausted now. Just to get tea for everyone.

Gotta work now. Yeah, exactly. But it really did make me feel good. And so now I'm trying to think, OK, maybe if even if it's just like one little thing here and there, like even if it's just texting someone. It's like, hey, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and you really mean a lot to me. Like that's it.

Yeah, we could definitely all do that more. Yeah, like just kind of forcing yourself to give really did help me bring reality back to like, okay, this emotion that you're going through actually isn't as bad as you think it is. Yeah. Well, and you make it about somebody else instead of like, because a lot of times i know for myself when i'm in my shit it's because i'm making it all about me all about you and i'm like just in my like me tunnel of hell you know it's like spiraling oh that sounds scary it is scary me tunnel of hell

i i have a little uh funny weird habit of Venmoing my friends. So I Venmo them $5 and say, go and get a matcha latte on me. Oh, that's so cute. And I just do like, so like on Valentine's Day, a lot of my friends. I feel like you need like $10 for that. Yeah, maybe. So like on Valentine's Day, I send it out and it just made me feel so great. And just like once a week, I'll try.

It's not every single week, but once a week, I'm like, who can I Venmo? It's so exciting. And you've got, obviously you find their name because they're already in your phone as their phone book so you just send them saying like get yourself a coffee on me and whether they buy a coffee or not when they get that yeah they feel so good and it might be five dollars it doesn't matter that's like such a nice thing and actually one of our mutual friends victoria she's the one that introduced me to it she venmoed me randomly this one day she was like go get a matcha latte and i want you to think about how loved you are and i was like okay i will that is so sweet amazing yeah i love that i love that and i do i love all these suggestions and i i think i do a bit of all of them i get to be more

intentional about what you said lisa like really going, let me get out of me and go serve. And I love that idea, like an actual physical representation of that to friends. I think one thing that's really worked wonders for me, and I used to actually have it like printed out and pasted over my door, what magic will I experience today? And that for me, like for a long time, I was kind of in like a dark time of my life after, you know, dealing with some trauma and like just figuring out how to be with it powerfully. And that question really pulled me out because it's like, you know, there is magic in the world, whether it's magic in a human that I'm going to meet or an experience I'm going to encounter or even something I'm going to create in general. And I think it just made me so much more intentional about looking for that

instead of looking for all the things that weren't working. It's reframing. Yeah, 100%. I feel like this conversation could go on for absolute days, which would be absolutely amazing. But we're going to need to wrap this one up. So does anyone have any final closing thoughts on anything you want to throw into the space? I just feel so heard. And it's so nice to sit in a space of such empowered women and share from such a real place of where we're at right now.

And hopefully for anyone listening, it gives you permission to not feel like you have to wait till you're out of the situation or the journey to to come back and share your learnings and everything i taught you because just sharing when you're in something can be so powerful not only for you but for everyone listening um and yeah again if you hear anything on this show that really resonates with you please like share that with your audience and tag us so we can see and we can see kind of the work you're doing that would be amazing yeah i love it love that thank you so much lisa for being here with us it was such an honor to have you i feel so inspired seriously i'm like what can i go do right now we're so energized being around you guys seriously

it's been an absolute honor yay so magic and yeah we just wanted to have epic conversations like you know behind the veil with awesome humans so we really appreciate you coming and doing that with us anytime we will let you know we love you guys thank you for spending your time

with us we value your time and appreciate it so hopefully you gain some beautiful insight that will help transform your life. So go out and kick ass. Yes, much love. If you loved this episode, please subscribe and be sure to leave us a review. We want to hear what you enjoyed,

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