the bossbabe podcast - 251. Your Dating Life Is Impacting Your Business with Matthew Hussey

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

If you could describe your dating life in one word, what would it be? And how has the dynamic of your love life impacted your business? Today’s special episode is a bossbabe first – a conversation focused on dating – and we have dating + relationships expert Matthew Hussey here with us to share everything we need to know.  We talk energetics, how to honor individuality and answer YOUR questions. You don’t want to miss this. Listen now! Highlights: How your dating life is impacting your business – whether you realize it or not.  Matthew Hussey’s secret to building lasting confidence.  Why you keep getting told you’re “intimidating” and what to do about it.  Links: Who Pays for the Date? — YouTube video Love. Life. podcast with Matthew Hussey — Subscribe to Matthew’s podcast ​Discover How To Move On Strong After Heartbreak — Free video training Follow: bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Danielle Canty: @daniellecanty

the attraction lies in the contrast. It's a message I would give to everybody is that you don't want people to see you coming. You want people to think you're going to be one thing and then be something else. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas.

It's just believing in yourself, confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Hello, and welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, the place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance, and learning how to balance it all. I'm Dania Khanty, Boss Babe co-founder and your host for this week's episode. Now, this was a little bit of a different episode and I want to start by asking you this question. If you could describe your dating life in one word, what would it be? Because as you

guys know, I recently got divorced and dating is tough these days. And honestly, entering this whole online dating world was kind of a shock to me. And I'll be the first to admit, I've kind of kissed my first show of fox at this point in the hope of finding my prince. So, you know, it's been quite the journey. But the one thing, or should I say the one person that has changed my mentality around relationships has been dating guru and our guest speaker for today, Matthew Hussey. Now, my fellow Brit, you've probably seen him across Instagram and giving the best dating advice to even the likes of Tyra Banks and radio personality Ryan Seacrest. Yes, he is that good. He has been helping and supporting celebrities and

women like you and I for many, many years. I really love Matthew's take on dating. And whilst this episode does refocus on the dating aspect, we are going to be doing one on relationships with him. But even if you are in a relationship, I think you're going to take away a lot from this episode because Matthew shares the major signs to look out for when someone just doesn't want to commit or why you should never settle for less. And if you are trying to strengthen your dating game, he also shares the one word to text him to get his unwavering attention. This is a really fun and cool episode. And just as you'll hear at the beginning of this podcast, Matthew shares that,

you know what? We're doing a holistic approach to business. So if you're not happy in your personal life, that will be reflected in your professional life. So some of you might be like, why are we talking about dating in the Bossy Podcast? That is why. Anyway, listen up. It's going to be a fun episode. I hope you enjoy it. I am very excited about this because I feel like our usual conversations on here are around business and how we can grow and marketing tactics and the occasional woman's wellness, but never have we discussed dating. When I posted on my stories and I was like, I've got Matthew Hussey coming in, send me your questions on dating, relationships, and sex. I was thinking,

you know, I'm going to get a few responses. I had over a hundred and like such a short amount of time. I was like, oh, we really need to discuss this more. So now I'm like, oh, it's going to preface this. You're coming back again. I'm making you. This is still about business. And I'll tell you why. The number one thing that can screw up your performance at business is heartbreak. If you're like, well, two things, if you're lonely and you really want to meet someone and you're having that sort of existential dread of, am I ever going to meet someone? Is it ever going to happen for me? Then that pollutes your thinking everywhere else. It kind of has a way of tainting the rest of life if you're not careful. And if you just

got your heart broken, which by the way, could either happen with someone that you were with for years or someone you've known for two weeks, that can really screw up your ability to go in and deliver. So there's actually no separation really between the two things when it comes to energy. I love that because that's so true. And even if I just think back to, you know, my chiropractor days, I would always say you're only going to be successful as you're mentally and physically capable of being. As someone who's been through a divorce last year, like the mental toll that actually takes on you. And the same thing, just like, you know, heartbreak or all of these things, whereas when you're in this energy and

they always talk about, I'm going to Joe Dispenza, he talks, heartbreak or all of these things, whereas when you're in this energy and they always talk about, I'm going to go to Joe Dispenza, he talks about the energetics of love and what a high vibration that is. And even on the forms of manifestation, I guess. So are we saying that if your love life is tip top, then you're going to be more successful in business? I think if you're at peace with the way that your love life is going, which I don't define by whether you're in a relationship. Love that.

I define by just, do you feel at peace and happy in where you are? You could be in a phase of your life where you just, you know, you really are enjoying what you're doing. You're enjoying the way you're living life. You feel a sense of hope and excitement. And then being single is great. Or it could be that you found someone and you feel really excited about it and at peace. But even then, I kind of would separate excitement from peace. I think peace is number one. You don't have to feel excited about your love life. If you feel at peace with the way this area of your life is going, then that's a beautiful energy to take into everything else. Excitement can be a little

more dicey because you can be excited and skipping this week because someone texted you back. And then the next week when all of a sudden they go cold, your mood plummets and then it starts affecting you again. So I think the goal is to be less on the roller coaster of how our love life consistently just lifts us up and then messes us up and try to actually find some peace in it all. Okay. So let's start there then. How do you find peace in that sense? Because I've witnessed that roller coaster I've seen my friends go through that roller coaster I've seen that time and time again and how do you become at peace with okay where I'm at is exactly where I need to be or you know that feeling of inner peace with who you are like how, how do you work on that?

I think there are a number of ways. Firstly, in all of my programs, my retreats, I teach three layers of confidence model, surface, lifestyle, and core. I teach this over three days, but if I jump straight into the middle level, the lifestyle level, that contains what we call the lifestyle matrix. And that's all the different things that give you confidence. So it could be the house you live in. It could be the friends you have. It could be the fact that you play the guitar.

It could be the fact that you know a second language. It could be that you're well-traveled. It could be that you have an amazing business. Those things and one of those squares in that matrix could also be your romantic relationship. What we all should aspire to on some level is to have different squares in the matrix that are thriving so that if one square goes down, the others support it. It doesn't mean there'll be no pain if one of those squares goes down, but it does put a flaw on how far you can fall. Because if your relationship has become 90% of your matrix, and it's where you derive

all of your worth, all of your validation, then you have nothing to turn to at the point at which that starts having trouble. And the problem with that is that when it starts having trouble, instead of acting in a strong way, because you know you've got the safety net of everything else, you start to actually do the worst things. Because it's like someone's got a gun to your head when it comes to your self-esteem.

So your self-esteem has to be underpinned by different aspects of your life That's one of the major things you can do to create a sense of peace and then there are other kind of Mindsets we tend to catastrophize in this area of our life so we can catastrophize in a couple of ways we can either catastrophize by saying i've Always had this certain thing happen in my love life. Everyone has always cheated on me. Everyone has always left me.

I never get past the second date. I'm always the woman before the woman they marry. You know, there's stories that we have that create catastrophic thinking. This is my story. I'm locked into that story. So one way to find peace is to start actually eroding that story and realizing that is a narrative that we've constructed. The other way we catastrophize is with the time is running out. It's always going to be this way. We look to the future.

So we catastrophize in the past with our story and we catastrophize in the future by looking at how it's never going to work. It's never going to happen. I'm never going to meet someone. I'm running out of time. And the truth is it can change in a moment, but any moment it can all change. I think there's a lot of parallels between chronic pain and the pain of, of not finding love because it's a kind of chronic pain. I've suffered from chronic pain physically for a long time and dealt with it in my head and my ear. And it's been something that I've had to find peace within a really difficult physical situation that at times made me so low. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to enjoy life

anymore. It sucked the joy out of every waking moment because that pain is a very centralizing force. The same can be true with the kind of chronic emotional pain we feel when we're not finding love. It leads us to despair because it feels like it never goes away. I could be having the best day ever. And I think this isn't complete because I'm not sharing it with someone. I see this amazing sight over the ocean and I think, God, I don't have anyone to look to and say, isn't this amazing? And so that chronic pain can follow you everywhere. But for me, one of the great antidotes to chronic pain has been the realization that I have no idea how I'm going to feel a year

from now. I don't know exactly where this pain is going to be six months from now. I just don't know. And that gave me a kind of realistic optimism that said it can change. And it can either change because my chronic pain itself will modulate and go away. And in the love life context that you might meet someone, or my chronic pain will change because I will learn to relate to that pain differently, which is also a skill I learned during my worst times of chronic pain. I learned how to relate to it differently. And I'd say the same in your love life. You can learn to relate to being single differently.

And that changes everything. I love that, like changing the perspective on how you feel about it and see it. I want to come back to something you said earlier. You spoke about confidence. One thing I've seen a lot of, and we have a lot of messages around, is the lack of confidence in dating. I don't feel good enough for a man or I don't feel pretty enough or X enough to date yet. And I'm going to date when I feel this certain way. And I was just hearing what you were saying around like where you get that confidence on and another person message saying, why do I want every

man to be interested in me me even though I'm not interested in that man and I thought that was also a really interesting piece and I think all of those things tie back to confidence do you think it's really important to think about being confident in yourself before going dating versus looking for dating to fulfill your confidence. I'm really interested in how you teach people or coach people on how to address that within first. Do you know what's so fascinating? When I was younger, I used to think, I don't know if I used to think it out loud, but I used to certainly, it was in my subconscious that I would be more attractive when I achieved certain things.

If I could make something of myself, if I could show myself to be special, if I could get some status, if I could become wealthy, then I would be attractive and I would be able to attract that person that right now I feel like may not even give me the time of day. And then a time in my life where I felt like I had achieved some of those things, I caught myself saying, you know what makes me sad? I literally said this out loud to a friend at one point. I was like, do you know what makes me sad? Is that if I meet someone now, I won't know if they were willing to be with me on that part of the journey. I'll only know that they're attracted to me now, which shows that weird duality between thinking that we need to get somewhere in order to attract someone, but also wanting someone to be attracted to us before we've got there. Yeah, regardless. For me, not for this. I find that fascinating. There's a woman that I was coaching recently, one of the members of a

very small private group I have. And she said to me, I want to lose weight. I really want to lose weight. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. It's always been an issue for me. It's not like something happened in my life and then I gained a load of weight. I've always struggled with my weight and it's always impacted my confidence. And she said, that's getting in the way of me finding love. She was putting herself in that category of when I lose the weight, then I will feel more confident. I'll be ready to find love. But then she said, I also am horrified by the idea that when I lose the weight, someone will want me more. That I'm not enough for someone now, but all of a sudden they'll look at me when I've lost the weight and pay attention to me. I'm so resentful of that idea that it actually makes me not want to lose the weight. And so it's even that is, again, it represents that duality. I think I want to do

something to be more ready, but I'm also resentful of the idea that someone wouldn't accept me as I am. It's like, we like we talk about this in business too, like one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. Like you want something that's also part of you that doesn't want it. And then you're in this like juxtaposition constantly. So how did you deal with that? I've been thinking about it since you said it.

It was maybe a week or two ago. I've been thinking about it since. And weirdly, I was in the bathroom getting ready this morning and it popped into my mind and I started thinking more and more about it because I was in the bathroom and I was getting ready and I was trying to make myself look nice for this podcast because I had texted you and I was like, Danielle, is it filmed? Do I need to look good? Or is this just, do I need just my radio face? And you were like, no, it's being filmed. Okay, fine.

But I was thinking, should I be resentful that because I put on a shirt today, people look at me and appreciate that I got dressed up and maybe pay a little more attention? Should I feel resentful of that? If we start down that road, then we're going to be resentful of a lot of things and perhaps in some cases unjustly. Now, someone may say the shirt isn't you, but there's lots and lots of things I do that are me. I do try to look my best for my partner. I do try to take care of my skin because I'll look better on camera. So there are lots of things we do all of the time to put our best foot forward. If we're honest with ourselves, regardless of the ways that we have

been judged and the ways we're resentful that someone has judged us, we have no doubt in our lives been responsible for the same judgments and superficiality about other people at times. Do you think it comes down to, she's got me thinking about this now, do you think it comes down to self-love? Because is it that she gets to love herself bigger and slimmer? And if she loves herself in both, then I don't know, I just feel sometimes like, look, you don't have to love me. I love me. You can love me if you want to love me but also like feeling that just because someone else loves me doesn't mean I love myself more the challenge is getting so comfortable in your skin that you'll love yourself with no makeup on fat thin sweaty

hair a mess hair greasy hair done and just realize that there's so much more to you than your physical appearance and I don't know one thing that I had to go into dating with is definitely really intimidating dating in LA and I hadn't dated and I mean I was with my ex for 14 years so I hadn't done any dating since I was 18 but the thing that helped me was just feeling like well there's so many people in this world there's so many people out there that there's gonna be someone for me and there's seven billion that live in this world let's hope so yeah and like i don't have to be like everybody's everybody's cup of tea and like some people do like big women some people like slimmer women and it doesn't really matter as like as long as you love yourself i don't know I'm just thinking about what you're saying I'm like what

is that difference there's a difference between the kind of unconditional love I speak about immensely on my retreats because there's to me unconditional love for ourselves for ourselves is and maybe even unconditional kind of acceptance of ourselves is very, very important. That's different from the kind of self-esteem that is built from doing hard things. We build a kind of self-esteem from doing things that are difficult, proving that we can do those things that are difficult, and then that resilience and that belief that comes from doing those things. I don't think any of us can deny that our belief increases as we show that we can handle hard things. If you run a marathon and then you come up against something

else that's really hard in your life, you go, well, I remember in the middle of that marathon where I thought I was going to quit, and then I didn't. Well, that means that in this situation where I think I want to quit, I'm also not going to because I've seen how strong I can be in the past. That to me is different from a kind of unconditional acceptance. So I think those two things, the doing hard things in life that builds confidence and the kind of self-acceptance that brings us peace even on our worst day are different things. Yeah. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with

way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe

what i would say about let's take the losing weight example you should see yourself as worthy of love in either state and by the way seeing yourself as worthy of love before you've lost the weight is actually the thing that's going to help you lose the weight, right? Because you care about yourself enough to do something for yourself. Someone said to me, Matt, if you would feed your dog, if you wouldn't feed your dog really terrible things, why would you do it to yourself? He said, that's ego. Ego is, well, I'm not worth it. Ego works in both ways. Ego can be I'm amazing or ego can be I'm worthless. Both are ego, right? When we feed our dog good stuff, it's because we're removing ego from it.

It's just about love. I just don't want to hurt this thing that doesn't deserve to be hurt. Well, why do we see ourselves as any different? So when it comes to the weight, I think you have to love yourself before and after. But what I would say when it comes to the kind of resentment that someone may feel is we have to start with our values. What is it? Is this important to me? And if so, why is it important to me? Because I need to prove, I want to prove to myself that I can do this and that I can be healthier and that I, and by the way, I value my life. So I want to live it as

long as I can. So that's important to me too. I also know that I will feel better in my own skin. And if you know what your values are around it, like what's the highest value that's driving this, then that allows you to kind of make distinctions when it comes to other people. Because if someone else celebrates the fact that you lost weight, but it's for the same reasons that you celebrate the fact that you lost the weight, then you actually have something in common. But if someone disapproves, if I release a video this week on YouTube and someone doesn't like what I said, but I really believe in what I said, then that's not going to bother me. But if they don't like something I said, and I quietly worried after recording that, that I love what I said there. I feel like I kind of got the messaging wrong and I came off a little

strong on that point. And then someone notices. That's actually going to make me angry, that comment. It's going to make me angry because I'm afraid. Yeah. I'm afraid that they're right. Yeah. And now it hurts. And that hurt becomes anger. So I think you have to choose your own values and then not worry about the people that don't like you.

Because if their values are different than yours, that's okay. The people that celebrate something you've done because they have the same values, I don't think you should be mad at them for celebrating what you've done. That's so true. One of the other things that came up a lot in my DMs was feeling like I have to be less masculine or alpha when I'm dating. And I thought it was a really interesting way of putting it. And the theme that I was seeing was like women basically saying that they feel like they have to be less intimidating was some of the words used and finding a man that I don't have to play myself down in front of. Yeah, all of that is really, really common.

Over the last 15 years of doing this, I've dealt with it constantly. And the question only comes up more, not less. Yeah, I could see that. Because now we're having, as a boss babe and someone who believes in women building their own wealth, I think it's going to be something we're going to come more and more into. I would almost put the question back to the person who asked that and say, when you say you feel like you need to be less masculine and alpha, what do you mean by that? Because I want to know from that person, are you just echoing something that's been told to you? Like there are certain

men who say, I wish you'd be less masculine and alpha, or is it coming from some part of yourself that you feel isn't being expressed when you go on a date, when you go home with somebody, when you hang out with somebody? Because often when we say things like that, we're not just kind of parroting something that someone has said to us. And we're like, I have no idea what they mean. I just, they just say that I'm this and I'm just telling you, Matt, you know, that's what they're saying. I, a lot of people, I think deep down suspects that maybe there is a part of them that's dormant that is not being expressed. Look, here's something we all have to accept men or women i don't care who you are what is really really attractive is a three-dimensional human being right when you have i i have a term that i call

unique pairings and unique pairings in attraction are when you find two qualities in the same person that you don't normally find in the same person. And both of those qualities are attractive. Right. So I might look at a guy and be like, oh, this guy's, you know, muscly and he clearly trains a lot and he clearly has like got kind of a naturally a bit of an alpha presence. And then I meet him and he's a sweetheart. And he's got a big smile and he's warm. And I'm like, oh, unique pairing. Oh, got it. It's like out of the stereotypical thing you're expecting.

Yeah, you can't. There's a little bit of an enigma. It's hard to work them out because I thought you were going to be one thing. And then, you know, it's like meeting someone who's got a lot of money and status and you wouldn't know it. Yeah, and they're very humble.

Yeah. I mean, you know that feeling when you meet someone and you just, they could have been anybody and then you leave the party and you find out who they were and you're very humble yeah i mean you know that feeling when you meet someone and and you just they could have been anybody and then you leave the party and you find out who they were and you're like what i wonder as well you're really making me think now because just that you asked that question back to her like what do you define as alpha and you said like has she heard that now what i'm thinking sometimes is we go into dating as being like, oh, we should behave a certain way to be liked, or we should look a certain way. Wherever you live in the world,

that's going to be different. And actually maybe what dating is about is being fully expressed when you go into that date. And it doesn't matter what you think someone is looking for, because when you think someone's looking for something, you behave in a way that's actually not normal for you versus just going and being yourself in the first place. Well, and so fully expressed is a lovely term. I really, I think that's beautiful. And I think that's a great phrase that dating is about being fully expressed because that's another way of saying you have to be three dimensional. You can't show up in 2D, right? But not being fully expressed because that's another way of saying you have to be three dimensional you can't show up in 2d right but not being fully expressed and come from what you just said which is i'm trying to be what they want me to be and therefore i'm not bringing out certain

vulnerable parts of myself i'm not bringing out that geeky part of myself i'm not bringing out that that soft part of myself but it can also be the other thing. It could be I'm being what I've learned to be in order to protect myself in life. We've all got traits that have enabled us to survive our conditions. And we've all had our own conditions and to survive those conditions we learned to do certain things to get by to survive and some people learned to please everybody and to keep the peace and so they learned to be afraid of confrontation and to make sure there never was any confrontation and to make sure everyone was always okay and put everyone else first other people because of their life circumstances learn aggression and they learn how to always get out in front of a fight to never let anyone too close

to always be strong to never let anyone see weakness other people learned seriousness and you know they they grew up in very harsh conditions and so life was very serious and they had to take it very seriously. And so there's a kind of a part of them, a playful part of them that's become unexpressed. It's there, it's there, but it's unexpressed and it's not a muscle that's been worked in a long time. Other people learn to be sexy as the way to get by. Other people learned to be platonic as the way to get by.

Some people learn how to be strong headed in business and carried that into everything they do. And other people learn to supplicate. Yeah. We all have our weapon of choice and, and, and that's served us in life. It has.

And that's the problem is that it served us, but it can only get us to a certain point. What you get validated for, because this is the other thing. When we develop those particular weapons, those particular muscles that we've learned to survive, we then tend to get credit for them. We tend to get validated for having them by friends at school and then by bosses and then by partners and then by people. People tend to, which is natural, focus on the one thing or the quality that you do really well and then call it out constantly and talk to and tell you, wow, you're so strong.

Wow, you're so nice. Wow, you're so kind. Wow, you're so funny. They call it out over and over and over again. And what we learn is that's what I am. And, and I know how to get validation that way. So I'm going to double down on that thing. And so our validations become our mutations. And the problem with that is that once that mutation gets to a certain point a we don't really know any different and b it starts to firstly it's become reliable we know how to get validation there but it also

becomes our biggest limiting factor because now it's really hard to decide to work another muscle yeah especially when it's atrophied. And we're like, well, I haven't, I've not known how to be sexy in forever. You know, I don't know how to flirt. You know, I'm used to kicking ass and doing all these amazing things and whatever. I'm not used to flirting. I'm out of practice. And what's scary is that you have to, as my publisher, Karen Rinaldi would put it, you have to then learn how to suck at something because that's what it takes. You have to be comfortable with sucking at something, a new quality that is unexpressed, but so much of the good stuff lies there. It doesn't mean you have to give up your strength, but it means you have to become a little more versatile. And no one wants to date a strength. No one wants a relationship with a

strength. You can have a strength that makes you an incredible NBA player, but no one wants a relationship with that strength. For a relationship, you have to be three-dimensional and being three-dimensional can only come if you start proactively looking at some of the areas where you have atrophied. I love that actually, because it's really allowing you to remember that yeah, it's not going to work. It's not doing the thing. It's like actually just being you and all facets of who you are, the good and the things that you suck at. And that's okay. And I also wonder what that does to the person on the other end of that date

in the sense that if you're there and only showcasing your strengths, if I think about my interactions with people generally the people i enjoy the spending the most time with the friendships that i have the relationships that i have it's the people who aren't afraid to let their guard down aren't afraid to have you know show that oh i'm good at this but i'm actually really i'm really bad at this or and i and now i'm just hearing that actually that's probably what makes a good date is when you can show the good things as well like that you said but the important thing about what you just said is that's a unique pairing the attraction is in the contrast yeah that you

have things that you own that you're great at but you also own the the vulnerability of where you're not great and that becomes really really compelling if you just own what you're great at you become quote intimidating which is often code for i did we didn't connect yeah right because it's hard to connect with someone if they only put that vibe out right exactly because you know that you're suffering with stuff you're struggling with stuff you know that this person's superhuman they're either a liar or they're superhuman and either way it doesn't make for a great date the but the alternative is also bad if i just if you go to a date with all of your wounds yeah and that's where you go for the whole day. Yeah. Then that's not attractive either. So the attraction lies in the contrast. It's a message I would give to everybody is that you don't want people to see you coming.

You want people to think you're going to be one thing and then be something else. You know, like I see people's Instagram, people message me all the time, as you can imagine. And a lot of DMs I get on Instagram are people saying like, people always see me as this and it's a problem. And then I go to their Instagram profile and I'm like, what did you expect? Like, what were you? That's a shot window. This is you, like people, you know, I keep meeting men. All they want is to have sex. They just see me as sexual. And then you go and every shot is a bikini shot. Every shot is super hyper-sexualized.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a bikini shot, but I don't see much else. It's like, why is that the dimension that you put forward over and over and over again? Then you get a man lamenting the fact that women just want him for his money. Well, why are you pictured in front of Ferraris in every other shop? Like you care so much that they don't want you. No, actually what's happening is you're courting people with your money because there's an insecurity. You think your money is your worth, which is why you show it all the time. And then you're angry that people want the people you're getting, want you for your money.

Here's here. Do you know what I realized? I was coaching a guy that he was having issues with. He was actually a beautiful man and so kind and so lovely. And he was attracting people who kind of wanted him for what he'd achieved. And he was very well off guy. And, but not like not an asshole with it, just a guy who had achieved a lot, but he was taking people out on first and second dates to these sort of amazing restaurants.

And his point was, that's where I like to go. You know, I like those places. I really enjoy them. I get a lot of enjoyment out of them. So like that's, I'm not doing that for them. I'm doing it because I like to go there. You have to be aware of the image that you're creating and you have to be aware of the story you're telling. It's a bit like I get the same as a woman. And I do understand there's

a difference with women and intimidating men, because that's a real thing for successful women. I'm not denying that, but I, sometimes it goes too far where it's like, I don't want to have to, to dumb down my achievements or what I've done or what I've this or that. Cause sometimes I'm like, but why are you talking about all of your achievements? I've never in my life. Have I gone on a date and spent the date talking about all of my achievements. That doesn't make for a good date. And if you're impressing all the time, then you're not connecting. Connecting is different from impressing. And I said to this guy that I was coaching, I was like, go to the nice restaurant, but go with your friends. Don't go on a date to this unbelievable restaurant and then be

mad that they didn't see the real you because they were blinded by the michelin star tasting menu yeah a bit much you know what i mean like don't if you want them to see you then you have to lead with you don't lead with your mutation don't lead with the way that you get all of your validation. You have to be brave enough. If you're him, you have to be brave. Like for example, a lot of the ways he would meet people is through these kind of circles he's in, right? He'd be in like really good circles of people. He'd be in, you know, he'd be hanging out with a lot of wealthy guys and the kinds of people that would attract in their circles. And so he was meeting people that were attracted to all of that. And I said to him, like, go join a yoga class in a middle level gym. Like stop, stop going to all these high end places to meet people.

Go meet someone. If you want to meet someone normal, go meet someone in a normal setting because, and don't drive up in the fancy car and don't talk constantly about what you've achieved or where you are. Just go and be risk being you. And what's going to happen. And this is the hard part is you're going to get rejected a hell of a lot more. And you're going to have to be okay with that. You're going to have to be okay with the fact that when you're cold approaching more in that way, you're going to have to be okay with that. You're going to have to be okay with the fact that when you're cold approaching more in that way, you're going to get rejected more, but the acceptance you get will be real and it'll be about who you really are.

My God, I love that. That's so true too, in the sense of, yes, like you say, I can see how he was leading with his insecurity like you said that mutation because he's actually scared of that rejection and now i'm thinking about that lady who messaged and was like i want every guy to like me even though i don't like them and like how i'm i'll be interested in what her dating profile looks like what she's exuding and maybe if those listening to us are really struggling to date maybe one of the first things that they can do is go through their dating profile and I feel like everyone listening to this is really smart like they're building businesses they're doing the thing they've got careers and yet sometimes we don't necessarily apply

the same logic and the same smartness to our dating profiles or think about, you know, if I think about a job interview or going to a certain setting, I will like, we start this conversation off, I will dress a certain way because I want to give a certain impression and maybe just kind of pulling back and like, well, what is the impression I want to be giving and dating? Like if I want someone to be more attracted to my personality than they are my looks then maybe yeah I'll start doing every other bikini shot with a smiling selfie or something that actually shows up my true essence I'm actually curious if we're seeing a guy with all this flash stuff should we be wondering what his insecurities are I went on

hinge that's how I met my partner. And the quick judgments that you start making on dating profiles are really interesting and how you can read into things or not read into things. So a lot of women will know if you see a guy with a shirtless picture, he's not going to make it to the next round. but that's such a judgment but then it's like actually are you i don't know it's just interesting like how do you even decide who to go on a date with that's my next question it's true that the judgments can go too far but you you do potentially have a sense of what insecurities you're going to be dealing with in this person by looking at their profile. If someone's pictures are all basically, it's impossible to see their face,

right? Because there's people like that. It's like everything's so dark and so from a weird angle and whatever, you can't see their face. And at a certain point you have to go this feels like a real act of self-loathing that i don't i just don't like i'm not saying an instagram profile i think is actually a pretty great sign if someone's instagram profile is all sunsets you know it's like you don't you you really this is a this is a no in this in today's world that is a that's a rebellious act you know in this in today's world that is a that's a rebellious act you know and it's really avoids the narcissism that so many of the rest of us have sort of fallen into in one way or another but the the person who has made it incredibly difficult to see their face and it's not because they don't want to show themselves in a picture. It's

because they really don't like themselves. You can see insecurity in that. The guy that always, it's about watches and cars and private planes and nonsense. You know what their insecurities are. You know how they value themselves. You either know what they think makes them important or valuable, or you know how they want to be seen, but both are a reflection of insecurity. And you're going to have to deal with that insecurity. All your work is ahead of you in terms of getting that person to a place where they realize that their self-esteem is not wrapped up in those things. And we live in a slightly complicated world now where everyone can always say it's for business that's why my yeah

my instagram is like that it's for business that's my business brand that's fine but just know that people are going to look you up in that way and you're really going to have to work hard to correct that picture of yourself in your dating profile pictures, in the kinds of messages you send, in the kind of things that you talk about. So I do think we judge each other too quickly in some cases. And I do think that we're way more harsh on dating apps than we ever would be in real life. Yeah. Really harsh. Yeah. Like if someone has to be half as hot in real life to get your attention as they do in a on a dating app so true that that really is true it's a bit like the celebrity effect you know how people talk about like our celebrities hot and someone someone

will be like they are disgusting yeah yeah i would never and if someone half that beautiful walked into the party that night they'd be like this is the greatest looking person i've ever been yeah it kind of the same effect i think happens with dating apps where we we just become picky on a level that is absurd how do we not become picky how do we give people chances like funnily enough like my boyfriend who i met it was actually the first like date I went on off like mountain hinge the first person first person I ended up talking to and then I've been with other people who have literally I've sat them watch and scroll but I was also a lot more like you know I just got on the dating profiles I was like like like like my other friends like no no no they'll do like 20 no's no i just play 50 no's

before they do one like and so like how do we change those who are a little bit more seasoned in the dating world probably a little more jaded in the dating world how do they listen to this and then start changing their behaviors and patterns and attitude towards online dating and giving people a chance and kind of working out is that a good person to give a chance to or not like i think firstly recognize how great you are and how hard of a time you have portraying your value in a few pictures and a short number of words you know think of how many people you could make incredibly happy that yeah they never gave you a chance because you they were ultra picky about

something you were wearing or some facial feature that you had or your hair or whatever on a dating app that you know if they got a chance to actually like connect with you, that person would be yours. You, you like, you'd be so wonderful and impressive and attractive to that person. So realize how hard it is for you. And you'll have some sympathy for how hard it is for everyone else too, to try and get across their value in, in that environment. I like the shoe on the other foot for the guys, for everybody. It's like difficult. You're choosing those like lines it's impossible and and by the way it's worth pointing out that the person who are the the people who are the absolute best at it that in itself might be a little bit of a red flag about

you know what i mean like too much practice if much practice. If someone's incredible at curating their images, their pictures, their profile, their charm, their all of that. Well, you know, I always say to people, look, the people who give unbelievable fireworks first dates are often the most narcissistic people and i'm not calling this isn't me calling people narcissists because i think that we have to be very careful kind of branding people in those ways especially me because it's not i'm not an expert on narcissists but but we could talk more generally in terms of sort of narcissism being a spectrum and we all fall on it on some level in terms of our tendencies. But the person who was so unbelievably charming, I often, sometimes I meet people, guys, not even women, I meet guys. And I just, sometimes I come away and I just think, that was the greatest man I've ever met.

He was incredible. I like, I'm so... You're like a man crush. I do. I go away and I'm like, I just, I feel really smitten. Yeah.

With that guy. And I'll be like talking to my fiance and being like, wasn't he great. I want to hang out with that. I want to be friends with that guy. Like that. And then I can set my watch to it. Yeah.

That the guys that I feel that way about six months later, I don't like very much because there's something about them that made them so unbelievably off the charts charming when I met them. They're good at it. And they're not just making me feel that way. It's not because we had such an incredible connection usually. It's because that guy is really good in a room. That's what he does. And that doesn't make him an awesome person. It certainly makes him attractive and charming and all of that, but it doesn't give him character. It doesn't mean that he's an amazing friend. It doesn't mean that he's thoughtful or empathetic or conscientious or any of those

things that create great friendships. So I often, I look back on my life and the pattern of those exchanges and so many of them, we don't end up being friends because I end up realizing they're incredibly selfish. Do you think in the dating world, we could be giving people a little bit more chances that we're expecting? Like say we're kind of you know looking for that first date to have fireworks and all of these things and then actually really what we should be looking for is that oh I had a nice time and I'd like to do another one to see if it develops or not like I don't fall into the category of people who kind of disregard chemistry as important because I think you pay the price for that as well. I think chemistry is essential, but optimizing for the maximum chemistry you've ever had is a really dangerous game.

Interesting. You know what I mean? Like you need to tick the chemistry box. Don't get me wrong because you're going to be in a very dangerous game. Interesting. You know what I mean? Like you need to tick the chemistry box. Don't get me wrong. Because you're going to be in a very long relation. It's going to, you're going to be in that relationship a long time. And if you end up just being with a friend, that spells trouble for that relationship

or it spells numbness in the relationship. So you need to tick that box. But once you've ticked that box, instead of obsessing over, is it the greatest chemistry I've ever had? I think it's then essential to start focusing on character. Does this person have the qualities that I am looking for in a partner? Do they think the same way as me? Do they see me and accept me?

Do I like what I see in them on a deeper level? Is there a mutual exchange of effort? These things become really, really important because that's the nuts and bolts of it. Chemistry isn't going to carry you through a relationship where someone doesn't have character and when someone doesn't have the right values. I don't disregard chemistry. It's very important. But A, you don't know if you have chemistry from a dating app. You will only know when you meet that person. Because so much of chemistry is in the way that we animate ourselves.

You can't really animate through an app. You have to animate in person or through video or through voice. And so animation creates attraction. There are many people, like most people have been on a date where they thought this person was insanely hot. And then they showed a picture to their friends and their friends secretly were like, okay. I guess. But the opposite is also true yeah lots of people have seen this person who seems like on paper they look gorgeous and then you meet them in person and you don't feel anything and you're like oh this is weird because animation creates attraction So don't prejudge chemistry before you get on a date with someone. Certainly not before you've had a phone call or FaceTime.

And when you are on a date and you feel enough chemistry, don't obsess over whether it's the best chemistry of your life and don't obsess whether it's chemistry with someone who's usually your type. If you're a bit caught off guard because you feel a tickle with this person, but they're not like the kind of person you would normally date physically or otherwise, follow that tickle. Follow the tickle. See where that takes you, especially if they're showing

character, especially if what you're seeing is a good human being. It's worth see where that takes you, especially if they're showing character, especially if what you're seeing is a good human being. It's worth seeing where that goes instead of getting in your head and going, well, it's not the best chemistry I've ever had. Well, if there's chemistry, that's interesting. You can work with that. You can't work with zero chemistry, but you can work with chemistry. Don't prejudge. Well, my friends are going to give me a weird kind of reaction because of this person. It's not who I would normally date well my friends are going to give me a weird kind of reaction because of this person it's not who i would normally date and they're going to be like well you want this weird that's not your type don't sometimes we prejudge because we're worried about the

reactions of other people and how we're going to be judged follow that because i i think you look in life you get rewarded for chasing the right things. You get punished for chasing the wrong things. If you chase the right things, the right things in this case being chemistry plus character, forget the judgment of others. You're going to be rewarded with a very happy life. I love that. So true. I want to come back to the intimidated.

The intimidated man by a successful successful woman because we definitely had some messages by this like I have to downplay myself men are intimidated by my ambitions I know we've touched on it a little bit by you know you turning up to that day and giving a long list of things you've achieved but let's say if they've done one or two dates and they're kind of like getting a little bit more serious. So things have come up. How to deal with that? How to navigate that? Because that was the second most common thing I had in my DMs.

So look, firstly, it's real. I don't want to invalidate that experience. It's real. In some cases, it's real because you overemphasized too many things, you know, that aren't relevant to connecting and seeing if you and another person are right for each other. In some cases, it's real just because that guy is intimidated by anyone who's done more than he has. So it's real. And I want to add the caveat that it's not anyone's job to make someone else confident or to make them happy or to make them secure. And you can't do that for somebody else. I will say that we're all human.

And that if you go into any situation in life, man or woman, looking to be angry at someone instead of looking to kind of connect and get where they're coming from you'll have a much more difficult and unhappy life I I really believe that ultimately we're all searching for the same thing we all want to be loved we all want to belong we all want to feel like we're good enough and we all want to live a life of meaning and and it's not easy i'm more interested in like what are the things i can control one thing i can control on a second date or a third date is regardless of whether I've achieved anything, I can control whether I show that I think that's the most important thing about me. Because I'm signaling to you what I value in life by what I convey is most kind of attractive about me. If I'm constantly talking about my job and I'm constantly talking

about the achievements I got last year, and I'm constantly talking about the things I've earned, I'm showing that that's what I think is most important in life. Well, now someone might be thrown off, not because they inherently think it's a bad thing that you've done all that or are intimidated by it, but because they're worried, that's how you're judging them. And that they're not going to be enough because they haven't done those things. And one of the things I've learned in life is you can meet someone who's been on a completely different path than you in life. You could meet someone who's never earned any

significant amount of money by your standards, but has lived a really enjoyable, meaningful life doing what they do. And if you come across someone like that and they value what they've done, but all you talk about is what you've done in this achievement sense they might start to wonder if you see them and so i think it's really important to show what we value about ourselves runs a lot deeper than any of these things that we've achieved i've been in my life on dates where someone recognized me. And in that moment where someone recognizes me, it's either going to become a moment where someone feels a little weird. I should say I'm not dating now.

I'm engaged. But I had that experience of it could have been really weird for someone yeah and and it might have been sort of either intimidating or a little disconcerting for someone if i made a big deal out of the fact that i just got recognized yeah if i was like did you see that i just that person just recognized me that happens all the time oh my god you know like then it's like then i'm i'm making it i'm showing that that's something i value and if that person is living a life where they do something they really love but it's not something that has them recognized on a public scale they might go well am i going to be enough for this person we can say that's their problem

that they're intimidated and they're insecure. But there's something a bit disingenuous about that. I think what we have to do instead is go, I can't take responsibility for how you feel about someone recognizing me, but I can take responsibility for the way that I react to this situation and how much stock I put in it. And if, if that person approaches me and then the moment that person leaves, I go, that thing you were saying just

now is so interesting that, you know, when you said last week you did this, I've had that feeling before. This person realizes, oh, he literally gave no thought to that. That did not register as like an important thing that he needed to show off. He was much more interested in what I had to say. And I now realize the stock he puts in there, which is very low. I'm not saying in the sense of being grateful. I'm just saying in the sense of it's not where I get my worth. And everyone has their own version of that. And by the way, the flip side of that is to recognize them. Really go out of your way to understand what makes them unique.

And have the humility required to be impressed by somebody else. Because that's something that we often don't offer people. We are so busy worrying about whether they like us. And we equate how impressive we are with how much they're going to like us. And so we start talking inadvertently about all the ways we're impressive. But one of the most attractive things on a date, and one of the things that makes someone feel the most seen is when they feel like we're impressed by them and one of the most beautiful things you can be impressed by is their qualities not the fact that they've achieved this thing but

the quality that they have that enabled them to achieve that thing the drive that they had or the kindness and the empathy required for a job like that and how you think kindness is the most important thing on earth. And when you do a job like the one they do, you must have it in abundance and you really think that's incredible. I really appreciate that perspective. Sometimes it can be very easy to point blame their feelings. They should be responsible for how they are feeling and it's not like you say your job to make sure they're not intimidated by you but actually it kind of is if you really want to if you're having a relationship with them already or you want to pursue a racial

relationship and i think just hearing those examples will allow a lot more people to really think oh actually what have i done to make them feel comfortable and that they are seen as well? I mean, a lot of women listening to this, that they've got to certain levels of wealth or in their careers or X, Y, Z, they've got success and they feel loved and worthy via those accomplishments. And so the tendency is then to share those accomplishments because I might not be the prettiest, I might not be the fittest, I might not be the prettiest I might not be the fittest I might not be this but I have these things yeah yeah yeah yeah and then like to validate themselves you know how hard it was to get there and whereas actually that is then

sometimes perceived as someone else's oh my goodness I haven't done those things and maybe you think they're the hottest person in the world or they've done this and so you're just trying to self-prove like I have all these things but actually they're interpreting it as like, oh, I don't have those things. So now maybe I'm not good enough and therefore I'm intimidated by them because I automatically think they're not thinking I'm good enough.

So like the psychology of dating. You nailed it. Yeah. And it's just like, I think it's just giving compassion to everyone involved. At the end of the day, everyone's looking for a partner,

someone who makes them feel special and loved. They're looking for it just as much as you. I think there's that misconception sometimes. I think sometimes people's wounds are read as their threats. But actually, if you stopped and thought about it, you'd be like, oh, they're just wounded in that. 100%. You absolutely nailed it in what you said.

It should also be said that men, and I want everyone to understand the context in which I'm saying this because if you're maybe meeting me for the first time through this particular podcast, then what you don't know is that i have spent 15 years sticking up for women and being the one to call out men on their really bad behavior and telling women how to avoid that bad behavior in so the body of my work so far i hope to kind of work more with men as time goes on. But the vast majority of my work has been about helping women avoid guys who behave badly and attract guys who are really, really beautiful human beings.

The balance that I want to add, though, is that what makes it, I think, more and more confusing and difficult for men these days is that they have, many of them, been raised by people who have taught them that their value is their ability to achieve. Their value is their ability to provide. Their value is the ability to be the breadwinner or the alpha or the, and that comes from all different directions, right? Yeah. I got it from my mom, not my dad. I got an entrepreneurial spirit from, but, but my mom was the one telling me you have to treat women really well. And don't, don't you dare let them buy that dinner. How dare you? You know, like my mom, she's got that old East End, you know, for those of you in England, you'll know what I'm talking about, but she's got that Cockney East End old school vibe. You know, how dare you don't, you know, if I'm my mum ever knew,

not that, and by the way, I didn't because of this, but if she ever had heard that I allowed someone to pay half the check, she'd be like, what is wrong with you like you are that is terrible how could you you know like she wouldn't understand that so i was brought up by a mum that made it quite clear that i was supposed to provide yeah i was supposed to take care of someone and not in a misogynistic way but like matt you got look you know my mum's so sweet with with people because she's always she loves girls so much she always wanted a girl girl. She tried three times and she got three boys and then gave up, but she always wanted a girl. So anytime any of us would have a girlfriend, it would become the surrogate daughter, you know, and she loved it, but she always was like,

I'll take care of it. Pick up her bags. Don't let her carry those that's terrible don't she's only little like i'm not that sort of yeah she wanted you to take care and provide and then i guess this is a challenge that modern man is in like if they're brought up that way your job is to take care and to provide and a woman comes along with that i don't need to take i don't need to provide me i don't need you to take care of me and then they're like huh what do you need me for that then what is my worth yeah if you don't need me for that and my whole life i've been brought up to believe that is my value and that's my role then what is my worth in this situation and so many men have not been brought up with a core of self-esteem and confidence that is independent of that. A lot of men have been failed in that way,

generally like generationally and understandably. That's not me. That's not me. I have a bit of a distaste for the way people kind of denigrate previous generations who were doing their best at the time, you know, but like it's one of the generational ways that, that men today have been failed and are really struggling to find their feet

and to figure out, well, I've now got completely kind of rewire where my confidence comes from in order to operate in this paradigm. And some men are strong enough and evolved enough and courageous enough to do that. And some men either aren't or don't have the tools. And so end up coming across like an intimidated misogynist on a date. And that's exactly why I want to do another podcast on this because I think relationship dynamics have shifted

from what they were traditionally, you know, what was traditionally around. Like, you know, I remember I grew up and it was like the man provides and goes to work and the mom, she might have a job, but the man's career comes first and then the woman's there to mainly look after the children as well like that's her default i've been chatting to nestle about default parenting and these aspects that was you know when i did this

this question box a lot of the questions around dating but then the second was in relationships how you create that dynamic and how you can both thrive and that's why i think we should have that deeper conversation that because it all comes down to communications on both sides like we all have to take responsibility for having that conversation and saying what we want out of a relationship so we'll pause that one and you'll have to come back now but the kind of compassionate communication that you're referring to there that genuinely heals people yeah and that is that's the hope is all in that between two people a man and a woman coming together with these preset ideas and kind of miswiring is and and then in a in the microcosm of a relationship

between two people solving those things and healing each other through that kind of communication, that's sort of, not to be too grandiose about it, but that becomes a microcosm for what actually heals people at scale and what allows men and women to have better relationships. And it's become a mission of mine to bridge the gap between men and women, because there's just so much rhetoric that's designed to make everyone angry at each other all the time and it's really sad look women have been failed too in the sense that they've at this and it's not again i don't say they've been failed in this in the sense that i'm actually mad at anyone i'm they've been found in the sense that progress for women is really complicated because on a micro

level, whenever you try to do anything, right, there's almost a bit of a shotgun approach to it. If I want to be more assertive in my life, chances are I'm going to, it's going to be clumsy because I'm not used to calibrating my assertiveness. So if I'm afraid of confrontation and not used to being assertive, and then all of a sudden I'm like, okay, I'm going to start being more assertive. Then there's going to be moments where I go further than I need to. And, and, but the more I do it, the more I practice it, the more I'm going to understand how to calibrate that. And I'm also going to realize that other parts of me can coexist with that assertiveness. And I'm also going to learn that kindness or compassion or a bit of a sense of humor

can actually be great accompaniments to assertiveness. They can be great companions to being assertive. And so that then becomes a kind of mastery. Again, I'm no expert on this as it comes to women's progression. But what I will say from kind of what's empirically true of what I've seen is that women have stepped into these amazing places where they're doing all of these incredible things and they're progressing in all of these incredible ways. But that's not in a lot of cases been calibrated yet. So people are still learning that you don't have to be one thing. You don't

have to be this one thing that gets you ahead at work and lose that, whether you want to call it femininity or that playfulness or the ability to make fun of yourself or the warmth, the compassion, all of these things actually only make you more powerful, but people are still learning that. And that's understandable because in relative terms, it's still, everyone's still finding their feet. And that's why that communication between everyone is going to be essential. Instead of us being all being mad at each other, I did a video, like I was 25, I think at the time. And I, someone kind of put their hand up in one of my events. You can find this video online. It's, I think it's called who pays, who should, who pays on a

date, Matthew Hussey. If you type that into YouTube, you will see this video. It went viral because I was at a moment in one of my events that a woman put her hand up and she basically said after three months of this guy paying for everything, he had started expecting her to chip in and she was unhappy about this. And I then had a, at the time I was 25, I was, my tone was a little more,

um, aggressive probably than it is today. And I shot from the hip in terms of what I thought of that. And it gave, I think to this from the hip in terms of what I thought of that. And it gave, I think to this day, despite my kind of the way, my tone, I actually gave a very balanced answer to the whole thing, but it went viral. And this was years ago. And then this year, it was so funny. My brother came to me who co-wrote my book and co-hosts my podcast. My brother came to me and he said, who pays on a date video? I was blown up again this year, to the tune of millions and millions of views. It's gone crazy. And I said, why? It's an old video. Why has it suddenly gone

crazy? He said, there have been these other people other creators women too who have been reposting the video with their reaction to it and with the title all with the same title man humbles room full of women and at first i was so mad because i was like this is not the messaging of anything I've ever done. Like this is so divisive. This is so designed to polarize and I'm being used for it. I'm literally someone who I love men. I love women. I love the idea of us actually understanding each other better. But then you've got a piece of my content that's been taken with the title, man humbles room full of women. And it's gone viral

because that kind of divisiveness, it sells and it works on social media. And you have to be very, very careful because there's, you know, no one, I'm not by any stretch the first person to say this, but I'm talking about it in dating context. There's so much out there designed to make men feel resentful towards women, women feel resentful towards men. And then you show up on a date with that resentful energy and that's hurting you. That's hurting your love life. Don't buy into it. Don't buy into the people that are making money by you being resentful towards the people that you're, the very people you're trying to fall in love with. Yeah. I love that. It's so, so true. And I feel like this

podcast is going to have led people down, you know, wanting to explore some of the conversations that we've had more. And you have a podcast too, like you said, with your brother. Do you want to give the title? Cause I feel like people want to pop over to that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's called Love Life with Matthew Hussey. And we've been loving it recently. I love podcasting. I have been enjoying it. I don't, you know, sometimes it's hard, you know what it's like, it's hard making content and it, it takes so much effort and energy. And when you find making content fun again, it is the greatest gift on earth. And for me, the podcast has, has been, you know, cause I do it with my fiance, Audrey, I do it with my brother,

Steven. I do it with one of my best friends in the world, Jameson, who directs all of my video content and is amazing. And it's, and we all, we all talk on it together and I just, I just have a lot of fun doing it. So it's, I treat that as a privilege after 15 years of doing this to re-energize myself on something that I really love doing is great. And I should also say, in terms of just offering a bit of value, the podcast is a great place for people to go. For anyone who is in that place of real pain right now, of heartbreak or just struggling to get over someone, I have a free video at moveonstrong.com, which is just a free training. So people can just go there and use that to try and

move on from a situation and find that piece that we were talking about at the beginning of this. Moveonstrong.com. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, we'll put it in the descriptions as well. And at Matthew Hussey on all social media it's at the matthew hussey on instagram i think it's coach matthew hussey on or you'll find videos of me humbling rooms thank you so much for coming on this is such an amazing interview and i mean i'm gonna i'm like you only live down the road but you have to come on again

this was really fun and and i have to say there's something about your questions that are really i don't know they're very incisive and uh there comes i can tell you have you can tell you have an audience of women that you understand and know and relate to and have a real compassion for

in the style and the tone of your questions which is has actually been really really fresh for me thank you

I appreciate it well thank you for coming on I'm excited to have you on again thank you so much for listening and if you enjoyed this episode on the boss babe podcast then i'd absolutely love it if you leave us a review as a thank you we'll send you our side hustle

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