the bossbabe podcast - 255. Mel Robbins shares The 5 Simple Habits That Will Change Your Life For The Better

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

It’s time to leave behind the self-doubt and creeping feelings of unworthiness that stand in the way between you and your dreams. And maybe your smartphone, for the morning, at least. Mel Robbins, author, speaker, and new podcast host, joins Danielle for her second appearance on the show to drop the mic once more – this time, on the mindset shifts she used, and still uses, to get herself to the top.  We talk about being unapologetic with our goal setting, about speaking those dreams into the world to make them real and what you can do, today, to create small habits that lead to massive change. Highlights: The simple, yet powerful secret to making your dreams real. What you can do right now to make big changes easier. Feeling unworthy? This is Mel’s #1 trick to change your mindset for good. Links: The Mel Robbins Podcast — Help Mel reach the top of the charts! Level Up Your Life, Your Worth + Your Bank Balance with Mel Robbins Follow: bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Danielle Canty: @daniellecanty Mel Robbins: @melrobbins

Right now, every human being has a feeling. We then go feeling in our body, tired, heavy, and the feeling then triggers a thought, I'm tired, I don't want to, and then that thought dictates what we do. It's gotta be the opposite. You gotta think about the actions that are aligned with either the person

you wanna become or feel like, or the things you wanna create in your life. Actions first. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going, and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success.

Her own vision of success. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, the place where we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance and learning how to balance it all. I'm Dania Canty, Boss Babe co-founder and your host for today's episode. And I'm really excited to welcome this guest back on. Last time, she dropped the mic on the fact that she earns $100,000 in an hour to speak on stage. And she did not hold back on how she got there. So if you haven't already listened to that episode, search her, Mel Robbins, in our podcast, Apple Suite, YouTube, wherever you're listening, watching to this, because this episode is also going to be a humdinger. Wait, can I say humdinger

anymore? I don't know, but you know it's going to be freaking epic. And if you're a little bit like me and you're like, you know what? I want to finish the year really strong. I'm not resting in Q4. Are you kidding me? I am running to the end of Q4. I'm making money in Q4. I'm reaching my goals in Q4. Or maybe you're listening to this episode and be like, oh my God, I really need to catch up. I've really struggled in Q3. My mind sets off. I'm not feeling great. And how can I really inject some pizzazz? Oh wow, all the words are coming out. How can you inject some oomph into finishing the year strong? This episode is going to do just that for you. We are talking about how to transform

your mindset, how you can switch your mindset to finish the year out strong, how you can go from feeling a little bit lazy to taking action, how you can feel from being down in the dumps to having hope. We're covering all of those things. And Mel is opening up how you can actually use your environment to create change. You know those things where like, oh, we'll do that. I won't put my phone on. I'll always meditate. I'll go to the gym. But you know what? We can't be without our willpower. Let's all be honest. It lets us down at times. We're giving you the hack that you need to actually get things done and have the momentum, have the willpower, have the tools to actually do the thing that you said you wanted to do in the first place. It's an amazing episode. Anyway, we're going to dive right in and do me a favor. If you haven't

already, just leave us a five-star review. They mean everything to me and I always like to hear any reviews that you have any feedback that you have as well and make sure you tag me at Danielle Canty but for now enjoy this episode with the amazing Mel Robbins. I am so excited to have you back in the podcast. Do you know the last podcast we did was our best performing podcast on our entire series? Really? Yeah. You.

Wow. The old lady dropping knowledge. Less of the old. Come on now. I am 54 years old tomorrow. 54 young tomorrow. Tomorrow. Amazing.

What are your birthday intentions going into your 55th year? Excellent question. My intention is to be the number one podcast on all the platforms everywhere. Like that's my intention to be the number one female podcast host, like across the platforms. How do you feel saying that out loud? Because I'm always curious. I'm in this zone right now where we want to put intentions out, we want to set big goals, but sometimes that's so freaking daunting. And just curious, when I asked you that and you started saying, I want to be the biggest, best, number one podcast, what emotions do you go through when you hear yourself saying that?

Are there any physical reactions to it? Oh, there's all kinds of emotions. So right before I was about to speak it, there was that wave of alarm that came up my body going, grab it before it comes out of her mouth. Do not say that because you haven't done it. And I think for women in particular, it is critical that we get out of our heads and we put our hopes, our aspirations, and our dreams out into the world where they become real. The truth is that I also know that you don't just become the number one overnight. I also know that this is a long game. I know that we're going to make a lot of mistakes. I know that I'm not going to be number one in the 55th year, or maybe I will. But what I do know is that if that's the game that I'm playing,

then this next year of my life, I am going to be using that goal as a beacon in the future that I'm now walking toward. And I'm going to use that almost like you use a lighthouse to navigate because that is what I dream about. And the reason why I dream of that is not so that I can be number one. It's so that I have evidence that more to do with the fact that it's evidence that the tools that we're spreading, the science that we're unpacking, the stories that I am bringing you into in real time in my life as they're unfolding, that this shit is making a difference. And so here's what I want to encourage everybody to do. Stop fucking thinking about what you want. Tell somebody, even if you just tell somebody in the comments, wherever you're listening or watching this, what your biggest aspiration or dream is for

this year. And I'm going to give you an exercise. And I actually talk about this in episode one. So there are these things in life called a temporal landmark. A temporal landmark is a really powerful moment in your life because a temporal landmark marks the end of something and the beginning of something else. And when you experience a temporal landmark, and I'll tell you what one is, in your life, it opens up a new mental accounting period that allows your aspirations to come to the front. It allows you to have a break from the past you, and it allows you to tap into what you

dream about for your life. And so an example of a temporal landmark is January 1st. That date creates a moment mentally, physically, spiritually, where you actually allow yourself to dream. And I'm not talking about what you tell your friends or your resolutions. I'm talking about the shit you write in your journal, the things you deeply care about. Another temporal landmark is your birthday. And I believe that what happens on your birthday, like let's think about that moment, okay? Darius or your mom or dad or your friends or the waiter comes out with the cake and the candles are burning

and your friends are singing happy birthday. What are you about to do? Make a wish. That's right. And have you ever noticed that when you close your eyes, which we all instinctively do, we go in when we make a wish. Isn't it interesting that you stop hearing everybody singing happy birthday? Because you are now at this temporal landmark. You have suspended your connection to your past. And for

just a second, with your eyes closed, you allow yourself to make a wish for the coming year. And you deeply want it. And what's interesting about that moment is we don't share it with anybody because we think it's bad luck. And the fact is, I think about wishes not as something that you're going to achieve. I think about wishes as critical directional navigation signals that come from your soul, that point you in the direction you're meant to head. I might never achieve this number one of all female podcast hosts across all these platforms. It doesn't matter. If I'm willing to walk toward it, something that's meant to happen is going to happen. I love that. I think

a lot of people get so tied up in, well, if I say this is what I want, I'm a failure if I don't get that exact thing versus it really just takes me back down to how I ended up starting Boss Babe in the first place was in 2017, a guy asked me how much I wanted to earn a year. And he made me think of this number. And at the time I was probably earning like maybe like 80 to a hundred thousand dollars. And I said, okay, actually close my eyes and say, okay, $200,000. That's what I want to earn a year. He was like, Danielle, that's not a goal. That's like too close to what you're doing now. We're going to double it. And I remember feeling physically sick at like $400,000 a year. Like how the hell is that possible? And it was

this just like sickness almost. So I'm like, oh my goodness, I can't possibly have this target because at this point I know that's not achievable. But what that got me to do by setting that goal and that intention was that then I started to see that what I was doing was never going to get me to $400,000 a year. And that allowed me to see then the opportunities, which were then I met Natalie three months later, I could see a different path to how I could get there. And I think that's exactly kind of what you're saying is sometimes I think we kind of shelter ourselves and therefore we get stuck because we don't dare dream big because we're

scared of this potential failure. But that quote- I want to take it even deeper. You ready? So when you allow yourself to make that wish, or you allow yourself to realize, oh my God, who's writing $200,000 versus why not write $400,000 if that's what you want? Why let your insecurity tamper down your dreams? The reason why this is so important is because when you also start to voice what you really want in your life, even though you have no idea how to make it happen, even though there's a party that's like, well, who am I to say that I want to be number one? Who am I to make that much money? If you can push through that and let yourself dream without the lid on, don't worry about the freaking how. First, we got to get your brain

to recognize and start programming itself to help you get what you want. And when you are not willing to do step one, which is make that damn wish, you are not tapping into the power of your mind, body, and spirit who wants to help you get the things that align with your deepest wishes. So I'll give you an example. So for more than a year, I have been saying out loud in meetings, I've been saying it with my team. I've been saying it with my husband. I've been saying it when I'm in business meetings, I say something along the lines of, you know what I'd really like to do? At some point, this is a real passion project for me. I would love to make a real difference and move the needle on anxiety, understanding it and tools

that you can use to help yourself cure it. And I'd also like to address the issue of women being underdiagnosed with ADHD in their teens. Like we are profoundly underdiagnosed. And what happens if you are a woman and you are not diagnosed correctly in your teenage years with either a learning disability or ADHD is you develop anxiety. And there's generations of women like me who are medicated for anxiety when the actual issue underneath it all was the fact that I had ADHD and dyslexia and nobody caught it. And so, of course, I develop anxiety. I'm sitting in classrooms unable to do what I'm being asked to do. You know how we discover that we have ADHD and anxiety? Because we have kids. And then as our kids, our sons typically go through the evaluations if they're not doing great in school, which our son was not. And you start to look at

what the doc is saying. Oh, wait a minute. That sounds like me. That's how I found out at the age of 45. And so I want to do a series on Netflix about these topics. I have been talking out loud and then I'll be like, well, you know, it could be Amazon price. I don't care who it is. I just really want to do this as an act of service. So I've said this a bazillion times. I've said it now that we're launching this podcast with Stitcher and Sirius and we're sitting at dinner last night. And as we're talking at dinner, I'm there with my team and with somebody from the Stitcher team, you know, doing ad sales for us for this podcast, Mel Robbins podcast. This woman walks by. She taps me on the shoulder.

Sorry to do this. I just want to say I'm a huge fan. Can you guess who this is? I mean, I'm guessing it has something to do with Netflix. Yeah, a little something. So I stand up. I don't know this yet. I give her a huge hug.

Thank you for saying hello. And then she says, well, you know, I'm with so-and-so and so-and-so, and this was really supposed to be a party for him because he's leaving his job. And I'm like, you're kidding. You know, what are you doing? He's like, I'm starting a company. And I'm like, that's so great. What does the company do?

And he said, well, you know, and then they shove him and they go, well, he was the like lead attorney at Netflix. And I said, you're kidding me. And I said, we should go outside. Turns out this huge fan of mine is the head of production at Netflix for all standup comedy. And so I pitch her on the idea

and they're like, of course we need to do this with you. And so will it happen? I don't know. It doesn't matter, but I'll tell you what does happen. When you allow yourself to make a wish, just write that 400,000 or the 4 million or the 40 million or the screw it. I just want to be number one, or I want to find love, or I want to cure this trauma, whatever it may be that you want. When you start to allow yourself to speak about it, to write about it, something happens in your brain. And I believe that your brain, because of what's called the RAS, a filter in your brain, your brain starts to completely scan the world in a different way. And until you allow yourself to make the wish and to be brave enough to say what

you want out loud, you're not tapping into the best resource that you have, which is your own mind. And I also believe that the more that you keep saying it, the more you put this energy out into the world, magical shit happens. If you're awake and if you're willing to actually say out loud what you want. I massively believe in that. And we were just talking before we started recording about our friend Kathy Heller and she was talking, she came on the podcast a couple of weeks ago and was talking about the kind of physical side of manifestation and what happens scientifically and in theory but you know has proven to be true in many many different ways about saying something and what that vibration is that you're creating by speaking things out loud and also I'm a big believer in

like, if you keep everything in your head, I'm, I like write things down too, because I want, I know Tony Robbins always says you can't solve problems in your head for starters. That's when I started doing it. But also I always believe if I'm going to create, I have to write it down and say it out loud for it really to materialize. But I want to just take you back to that story for a second, because I'm anticipating some people being like, well, it's okay for you, Mel. Of course, this guy came up to you because you have this huge platform now. And so I want to just speak to the people that, you know, don't have 2.2 million followers right now or what that number is, but, and take you back to

when you were really struggling when you had your, would you describe it as borderline alcoholic or were you an alcoholic? Probably. I've never really thought about it, but I basically, I was basically coping with the problems I was facing in my life by trying to drown them out by getting drunk. So that's probably an alcoholic, but I don't, I wouldn't, I mean, I guess, I don't know. I'd never really thought about it like that. What was different for you at that point with starting these dreams? Because, you know, when I said that you were coming on the podcast, I put a story up and I was like, what do people want to know from Earl Robbins? They're like, well, what about when the five,

counting back from five doesn't actually get you out of bed? And so I just want to speak to those people who are like, okay, well, I don't even know what I want yet. Or I can't even speak it out loud. Or I can't even possibly say 400,000. Where did they start? So let's address the first thing, which is what happens if counting backwards and using the five second rule does not get you out of bed? And what I have to say to that is you don't want to change it. It hasn't gotten bad enough, or you have not realized that that action would make a difference. And so what's missing is not a rule that works. What's missing is hope that if you took the action, it would

actually help. And the major mistake that we make in life is we think that when our problems are big or there's an enormous gap between where you are and what you want, that the little shit won't make a difference. And the fact is, it is all about the little shit. Period. When you get the little things right in your life, you get your ass out of bed. You get moving. You keep moving. You interrupt the negative stuff you say to yourself. You spend more time with positive people. You eat food that makes you feel good instead of food that makes you bloated and feeling disgusting internally. You say nice things to yourself. You chip away at the little stuff that starts to lead you toward what you want. If you just focused on getting five or six little things right today, today I'm going to get up when the alarm rings. Today I'm going to write

my journal instead of scrolling on social media and looking at strangers and letting the anxiety take over. This is not fucking rocket science. But if I'm dealing with a person who is invested in staying stuck, because there are three reasons why people stay stuck. They either stay stuck because they are dealing with a much bigger issue related to trauma or depression. And that very real mental health issue is not getting addressed. That's number one. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to

amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. The second reason why people stay stuck is because they

have zero hope that just doing the little things would actually move the needle. And that was me in 2008, 800 grand in debt, my husband's restaurant business failing, three kids under the age of 10, and I'm unemployed. And intellectually, it makes no sense how getting out of bed could possibly help that situation. But here's the reason why it helps. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, that action proves to you as you lay there in bed that there's nothing you can do. The second you push through that resignation and you move out of bed and you get moving

and you keep moving, through your action, you are showing yourself that you believe there's still something you can do. And there always is something you can do because there is something you could do to make yourself feel slightly better today. I'm not talking about solving the big shit right now. Let's just talk about something tiny, okay? What's one thing, Danielle, that you could do today that you know, if you did that one thing, that little thing, it would maybe put a smile on your face. It might distract you for a second. It might make you feel a little bit better. What is that one thing that you would do?

For me, coming back off vacation again, I think I would choose my journaling. I've just got out of the habit of journaling again. Okay. That would be mine. Great. And when you're done filling up a blank page or two, dumping out your thoughts, what do you feel in your body? Notice a sigh. Relief, I think.

It's just like centered, grounded, less confused. Because like I said, sometimes you get all these thoughts going around your head and writing things down, feelings, dreams, aspirations, things that irritated me, whatever it is, is very centering for me. And I can even hear as I change the way I speak when I talk about this. Yeah. It's like taking out the trash. And all of a sudden you feel lighter. Yeah. And if you feel lighter, you feel slightly more capable of doing another thing, which might be texting a friend to see if they're around this afternoon. It might be getting out of your apartment for the first time in a day

and going for a walk. Because if you can make today better, you can make tomorrow better. If you can make tomorrow better, you can actually make the week better. If you can make the week better, you can make the month better. And month after month, you will find that all of a sudden, if you focused on just getting those small things that slightly make you feel better or that you know when you're done with them, like exercising or reaching out and asking for help or journaling or getting out of bed or not looking at social media for the first hour of your day. If you simply started doing little things like that instead of just doing shit that makes you anxious, you'd feel fucking better.

So that's the solution for somebody that's feeling like it's not going to move the needle. It's complete bullshit. It's a lie you're telling yourself. The person that is struggling with depression, trauma, get help. Address the deeper thing because that is truly making it harder. Then there's the third person. And we all have this person in our life. And this is the person who is addicted to negative drama and addicted to negative thoughts and addicted to beating themselves up. They're like the self-fulfilling prophecy. I know some of those people. Of course, we all do. They don't even hear themselves. Of course, you're capable of getting out of bed. Don't fucking sit here and tell me the five-second rule doesn't work.

You don't want it to. Because what would happen if you took responsibility for your life? What would happen if you had to stop blaming your mom or your dad or whomever it was that broke up with you or the boss that you can't stand? What would happen if you actually woke up this morning and thought, fuck, if I want to be happy, it's my responsibility. If I want to make a million dollars, it's my responsibility. If I want to heal the stuff that bothers me, it's my responsibility. When you have that epiphany that nobody else is coming and nobody else is responsible for you taking wherever you are right now and you pushing yourself to do the work. And again, we're not talking rocket science here. We want to make it so much more complicated. It's

just not. It's not. It may feel complicated, and that's where everybody gets into trouble. And this is where I got into trouble for almost 45 years, Danielle. You are letting your emotions dictate your actions. It's the opposite. You must act in a way that is aligned with what you want your life to look like. This is why it's not rocket science. Here's a simple exercise for anybody that's feeling stuck. Think about a moment in your life when you're just a little bit happier, okay? I did this with my daughter when she had this massive breakdown post-college, post-COVID.

And I said, okay, great. I hate, I get it. You hate your life. You hate how you look. You think nobody likes you and you'll never like date anybody. You feel fat. You feel ugly. You feel unsuccessful. You think you made bad decisions. Understood. That's a whole lot of shit going on in your head, but let's just look at a blank piece of paper. Okay. Draw a line down the center. Okay. On the left-hand side of the paper, I want you to describe a time in your life when you were happier than you are now and describe what you were doing in a day or in a week. Tell me about your habits. Tell me how you spent your time. And Danielle, go ahead and go first. I'm getting live coaching right now. Okay. I like it. Let me

get my center. Although you're pretty damn happy right now. So it might be what's happening. So what are you? Okay. Where was this? It could be right now. So when I'm feeling in my power lane and I feel like everything's great, I have firmer boundaries. I'm on my phone less. Even when I go to exercise, I don't have my phone on me. Or it's like, I'm not contactable. When I'm happiest, it's when I'm not at the disposal of everyone else's priorities and I'm safeguarding my own. And it's also when I have quiet time to think and get organized versus

being reactive. So when I'm being like proactive and I'm like, okay, I took time to map out this project. I took time to pull out from it and then dive back in. That's what I'm happiest. And tell me specifically, like, what time do you wake up? What do you do first thing in the morning? When do you begin your workday? Where do you exercise? How do you spend your, like, tell me about the habits and the actions.

Of what I'm. Create that for you. So wake up at 7 a.m. Don't go on my phone. Leave it on do not disturb for you. So wake up at 7am. Don't go on my phone. Leave it on do not disturb for sure. Then work out. I'm way happier when I work out. You know what I'm getting from your face? If everybody just look at her face, this looks like somebody who's very guilty right now. Yeah. I'm like, oh, damn it. I'm not doing any of these things. Yeah. Working out in the mornings with my phone on do not disturb, just making time for me and

then journaling a morning makes me really happy. And then I'm on the last time zone in our company. So I don't mind doing my meetings, but then having time in the afternoon where I just sit in peace and no one is like messaging me. Amazing. So when I did that with our daughter, given that she was in a moment where she was deeply unhappy, did not feel like herself, felt incredibly lost, felt like things had spun out of control. And especially with how she felt about her body and her habits and her drinking. And she wrote on the left-hand side, it was interesting. She said, well, the last time I really felt like myself and I felt very happy was senior year of high school. And I said, great, let's describe what was going on in your life. Well, I was playing varsity

lacrosse, so I'm exercising six times a day. I was looking forward to college. I was surrounded by my friends. I was drinking twice a week. I was going to bed during the week at like 10 o'clock at night and then waking up at six on and on and on and on, right? Okay, great. Now describe your life now. I drink seven nights a week. I don't see my friends. I don't exercise. I don't have anything to look forward to. I'm not journaling. And I'm like, great. The happy you, the confident you, even if it was when you were eight, that is your map. And so you actually know because you have a lived experience of being happier or being more confident or feeling more in control at some other moment

in your life, or you've been around somebody. So for those of you that grew up in very chaotic households and none of this stuff was modeled, and you're really new in personal development, or you're a new entrepreneur and everything feels out of control, think about people that you really admire or that you've been around that seem to have that feel about their lives or themselves that you really deeply, let's go back to the wish, that you wish that you felt about yourself and experiment with their habits. And so those little things for me,

if I'm ever in a shitty mood, there are two things that I do. Number one is I buy myself flowers. And number two, I swear to God, I go to Netflix and I turn on one of their standup comedy specials. How crazy is that? I love that. And so in doing those two things, and this is why this is important. And now let's talk about the research. Research shows that your mood is critical. Your mood in the morning impacts your productivity and focus for the first four hours of the day.

And so if you can do small things that based on common sense and research boost your mood in the morning, one of them is get your ass out of bed. The second thing that's very simple is do not look at your phone. Do not let your anxiety spike by staring at strangers on

social media. I'm sure they're perfectly nice people. Don't do it. Journal, go into the bathroom, add the high five to the mirror, go exercise before you look at your phone. All simple things that boost your mood and your sense of control, all things you're capable of doing that you're not going to feel like doing. So this goes back to the main piece of advice. I want everybody to understand this because this is the mistake everybody makes. Right now, every human being has a feeling. We then go feeling in our body, tired, heavy, and the feeling then triggers a thought, I'm tired, I don't want to. And then that thought dictates what we do. It's got to be the opposite. You got to think about the actions that are aligned with either the person you want to become or feel like, or the things you want to

create in your life. Actions first, because when you start acting in a way that's aligned with what you want, the way you feel changes and what you think about yourself changes. And so if you were to reverse that and just push yourself to take action, your whole life will change over time. I love that. It's so true because your actions create your thoughts and your feelings and they create your actions. And then you end up in that loop. I think this is also an important reflection because lots of us put other people on pedestals and we think that everyone else has it perfect and figured out all the time. And what I've come to realize is like, that is not true. We all have the power to make changes within ourselves. There's no such thing

as perfect. And so for me, I'm like, all right, you know what? I could be doing better, but there's no point in beating myself up about it. I'm just like, okay, what are the things that I'm going to do after I've done this interview? And number one, you know what I'm going to buy? You know, there's alarm clocks that have the sunrise. I'm going to get all them because my phone is my alarm clock. And then it's just too tempting to go on Instagram first thing. So I'm going to remove that. I'm going to do that after this interview. Well, you know what?

That's a whole other example of this philosophy about change that I have, which is make it easier. Use your environment to make change easier. So think about this both in terms of negative triggers and temptations and positive triggers. Okay. So an example of a negative temptation is having your phone next to you. You make change easier for yourself if the phone is out of the room and you have a different alarm clock. So instead of having to rely on willpower and do like a wrestling match with your own feelings and mood and attitude in the morning.

Because I know I'll lose if my phone's not. Yeah, of course. And plus, if you're somebody that drinks a lot, the number one symptom of a hangover is anxiety. Not only that, but when you are waking up in the morning, for most of us, our cortisol levels are the highest, which are the chemical that creates a lot of stressful thinking. And so you're already stacked physiologically in a way to either feel anxious or overwhelmed or to feel that resistance about getting up. And so if the phone is there, you will just reach for it

because you're used to doing it and it's easier. And so to make change easy, you have to remove that temptation. Yes, it's not gonna be enjoyable. Yes, it's fun to lay in a lovely, warm, amazing bed, especially next to your lover. And that's incredible. But in order to get what you want, to feel happier,

you have to take control. And I believe particularly first thing in the morning. And another way to make things easier is you can set alarms in your phone that have particular reminders that go off. So you don't have to manage it up here. Another thing that you can do if you're trying to not drink so much

is get the alcohol out of visual display, put it in a cupboard somewhere and have a mocktail that you're going to make tonight. Like so that there are things that you can do that both remove the negative temptation and also put the thing that you're trying to implement as a positive reminder in front of you. There's no reason why we have to make change so damn hard. I know, for example, that I'm more likely to exercise if I am doing it in a group setting or if I'm meeting you there. So why not set that up for yourself? And so these are small little things that you can do that change everything for you because it makes the things that you know make a difference over time easier to do. I want to link in worthiness

here because, you know, if we bring this conversation full circle, a lot of people's wishes that they think that they're going to create is, am I worthy of that thing? And just like we were starting the conversation at the beginning, whether it was 400,000 or 4 million or 40 million, or even 4 billion, it's really about your capacity to hold. And the worthy of-ness is like, oh, I can do that. And I am worthy of achieving that. What are things that you have done or taught before, which help people with their unworthiness? Because I know a lot of people listening will be like, I'm not good enough to things that you have done or taught before which help people with their own worthiness because I know a lot of people listening will be like I'm not good enough to start the business yet I'm not good enough to post my thoughts on social media I'm not good enough to speak out loud at this

conference I'm not and I hear a lot about it's people standing their own way because they don't believe that they are actually worthy of the thing in the first place. And I feel like this is kind of tying into those habits in my mind too about how do you feel, but I'm wondering how you would answer that. Well, I'm going to give you two things that I want you to do that will help build that worthiness. Because number one, if you don't start taking the actions that you're thinking about, you are proving to yourself through inaction that you're not worthy of it. So as you sit around and you think, I should launch a business, and you listen to this podcast over and over, but you do nothing, your own inaction keeps that lack of worth very alive. So the solution, believe it or not, is not going neck up and trying to tell yourself you're worthy. The solution is taking

actions, the little things that get you started, whether it's starting that business. And that could be as simple as buying a course from you guys. It could be as simple as saying out loud to somebody, I'm going to do it. It could be starting a journaling practice where you're writing about this and the actions you're taking every day. It could be literally committing to getting out of bed and making your bed every day for a week, because that proves that you're doing something different. The action, again, it's action first, and then how you feel and what you think about yourself follows based on the action. So I want you to, step one, is start acting as if you were already worthy of it. What does Danielle do? Because you look at her and you go, she knows she's worthy because I

see her taking the actions that prove it. So if you can't do that for yourself, act like Danielle. And the actions will start to change what you think. But there's actually, when it comes to unworthiness, there's something way deeper going on. So unworthiness is an inability to receive love. That's what it is. Unworthiness is an inability to receive love. Because of programming and experiences in childhood, you were taught that you get love when you do things right. We have a generation of parents where those of us that are more emotional,

more sensitive, that need more reinsurance, complete mismatch. Not to say your parents are bad, but in terms of what you needed as a kid, every single kid has a moment where you're like, okay, needed a hug, didn't need you to snap at me. This mismatch creates separation from the person that you need love from your parent. Every one of us has this experience of feeling separated, which makes you feel unsafe. It makes you feel unworthy. It could be something as simple as you're at daycare. You don't even remember this. You're at daycare and everybody else has been picked up and the alarm starts going off in your body and you feel separate. You feel unsafe. You feel unloved. You feel unworthy. And because our wiring as kids does not allow us to cognitively go, oh, I bet she got stuck in traffic, but she

still loves me. We go, something's wrong with me. I did something. And so this is particularly heightened for people that had parents that were either mentally ill or alcoholics or abandoned them or used the silent treatment or could not love themselves so they didn't know how to express it to you or could just simply be, you had great parents, but you were more sensitive than they were.

And so their style in supporting you never quite made you feel safe or seen. So this experience of separateness is the source of all anxiety that happens. Because anxiety is just alarm. And it's an alarm. I learned this recently from Dr. Kennedy. It is not an alarm that something's wrong. It's an alarm that the little you that didn't get the reassurance you needed as a kid needs you right now. And because none of us understand that any situation where we feel separate, this alarm goes off, any situation. Like it just happened to my daughter. I was just with my daughter and she's a senior at USC. She completely spaced a 10 a.m. Zoom call with her freaking senior advisor talking about her project for

the music program she's in. Completely freaks out. I'm a bad person. I always do this. I'm never going to, like, we women do this all the time. The alarm is going off. Do you know what she needs in that moment? She needs to literally recognize that the alarm is a cry for reassurance and love. And so the first step, I believe, to learning that you are worthy and to feeling worthy is to start recognizing those moments where you feel separate or unsafe or that you blew it. And the kind of wave that hits you, we go neck up in that moment. We start like bashing ourselves. Don't do that. Literally go into your body and realize that the little you just needs to be told it's going to be okay. And when you start to address moments of

that by actually your action saying, hey, you're worthy right now. You're okay. And when you start to address moments of that by actually your action saying, hey, you're worthy right now. You're okay. You missed a meeting. Not going to be the end of it. I'm going to be here with you. We can handle this. The alarm goes down, but more importantly, you're starting to let love in for yourself. And when you start to do that, everything changes. When I think about love, I think about the galley doors in a kitchen that swing back and forth. If you struggle with self-worth or anxiety or low esteem or insecurity or any of that horse shit that most of us struggle with, literally, you've got a closed door. You will not let it in. Yeah.

And it's a just game changer when you start visualizing the swinging in and out and letting love into your life first from you. And you can practice it by just noticing when that feeling of being separate happens all the time with your girlfriends. You walk into a group of girlfriends, all who love you. They all arrived at lunch first. We all get that wave, don't we? It's this moment of feeling separate and it's remembered from childhood. And if you literally just acknowledge it and be like, oh, we got this. Come on. It will lower and you're letting love in. And when you can let love in from you in just the smallest wave like this, you then start to allow yourself to let love in.

Because writing $400,000 as your goal, you want to make $400,000, that's allowing love into your life. Me being able to sit here and say the Mel Robbins podcast is going to be the number one podcast hosted by a woman across all these platforms. That's me allowing love into my life. It doesn't matter if it happens or not. I'm letting the doors swing both ways. I'm giving it out, but more importantly, I'm allowing it in. Because when you say to yourself, you don't deserve it. How dare you say that? You can't make that happen. You're actually closing the door on letting love flow into your life. If you're listening to this and you're like, oh, well, it's okay for them, et cetera, anything resistance is coming up. I think it's just also important to be like, you can, we are all empowered to make those changes and learn to that love. And

just like you were starting off, there's so many different occasions. I actually went to Hoffman recently and they talk about inner child there an awful lot and about how to soothe your inner child I was very much a lot of conditional love patterns so you are loved when you behave like this you are loved when you do this that but you're not loved when x y and z happens and that very much is that in a child just like oh I need love all the time and how can you give that to yourself but also I think that next point is how you can ask for what you need sometimes. And, you know, your daughter in this instance could also be like having all of these, you know, oh my goodness, I'm such a bad

person. Like, mom, I need you to tell me I'm okay right now. And I think it's also okay to like ask people around you for what you need in certain moments. Yes. And you'll be way more equipped to do that if you can start recognizing when you need it from yourself first. Because if you can't even give it to yourself, you will never find the confidence to ask for it from somebody else, period. Yeah, I love that. I felt like there were so many takeaways in this podcast and I felt like we covered so so much and I know this is just gonna be a really popular one as well and I want you to share like I want

to make sure your goal of hitting number one and your podcast comes true so where can people find your podcast Mel like how can they listen to you because you're and what is what is the format that you're going to be doing on there oh everybody asked everybody asks me this question. Yeah, am I doing Q&As? Can I ring in and be like, hi, Mal, I've got this problem? You know, it is the, well, I'm basically going to be there twice a week to help you create a better life. And I'm going to do that by, of course, sharing all the research-backed tools and the simple advice and the hilarious stories that I've built my career around, just like we've done here. But I'm doing something very different in this, in that I am bringing you into my life and my business in real time. So for example, the second episode of the Mel Robbins podcast, we were in

Salt Lake City. I was there to give a speech and my daughter starts blowing up my phone. And she's blowing up my phone because she is in the middle of an insecurity spiral because she has found out that her ex is now interested in one of her good friends. And I read the texts in real time. I then get her on the phone. And that episode is you listening live to me talking to my 22-year-old daughter for 50 minutes as she unpacks in real time what she's feeling, what she's thinking. And we talk about ways to catch yourself and get your power back when you feel life knock you down or your emotions start to hijack you. And so by the end of the episode, she's not only in a completely different space. Her godmother just listened to the episode

and was like, who is this? Like this, what? Who is this child? This is not the like crazy person that I have known for 22 years. But you also get a front row seat because we can all relate to it, whether it's a breakup or not.

Like when life and your emotions hijack your power, how do you make it a win for you? Because you can. And so what I love about being able to do this is that it's one thing to tell people what to do. It's another thing for you to experience it as it's happening. And so that's what makes us very different. I can't do that in audio books. I can't do that from a speech on a stage. I can't do that in a 60 second TikTok. So with this podcast, I can use my life as just a subject and as the vehicle to talk about the stuff we all struggle with, whether that's what you're nervous about, whether it's rejection, whether it could be any topic. And so, like I was talking to my son the other day, we did a whole episode about

the difference between self-love and being arrogant. And how do you be confident without being conceited? And I'm like, well, that's really easy. Because confidence is when you believe in yourself and when you believe in what you're doing. Being conceited means you believe you're better than everybody else. Two totally different things. And so we're having these kinds of conversations in real time in our family. I'm having it with my husband, with our friends.

I'm also taking you into, it's just amazing. So far, it's been absolutely amazing. And such a unique perspective on it. Like you say, there's not really many podcasts, I can't name any that are doing that behind the scenes of their own life. I'll tell you why. It's a fucking pain in the ass. It's hard to produce that. It's hard to be on the road and have the phone ring and get out the gear and tape it as we're in a car and jam it in in 30 minutes before I have to leave to go to the stadium in Salt Lake to give a speech. But I know that if you feel like you relate to the topic and you experience the transformation happening, you will be encouraged to try it too. And it makes it more believable, more relatable. And my mission is to truly, through this podcast,

to truly inspire and equip people with the tools and the stories and the advice and the community that they need to create the life that they dream about, to go from that wish to making it a reality. And you don't do that by trying to do it on your own and you don't do it by thinking about it. You have to find the ability to start taking the steps and doing the work to make it a reality. And that's why I'm also going to be there Mondays to start people's weeks, Thursdays back for a second episode to get people through it. I'll absolutely be doing interviews. We will be having you guys on. We'll be taking questions from the audience. And I don't know what it's going to look like because a year from now, I don't know what the

format's going to look like because I'm going to see what works. I'm going to see what resonates. And just like life, it's about starting and it's about putting that thing out there and using it as a beacon to start walking towards something. And then as you start a journey, right? It's like any kind of road trip. Life is a road trip. Every year of your life is a mile marker. You get to pull over and you can pull over with this podcast right now. And you can close your eyes and make a wish about what the year ahead, the open road looks like. And you can choose to change directions. You can move faster. You can move slower. You can get the fuckers out of the car that are with you right now. And you can find more empowering people to be with you. You can change what you're listening to. You can decide

what route you're going to take. Truly, there is so much within your control if you're willing to let yourself take responsibility for grabbing the wheel and turning that car and your life in whatever direction you feel called to next. Drops mic. Thank you, Matt. I'm going to put all the links in the show notes because I know lots of people are going to want to come and listen in as well. The Money Robots Podcast. Let's go. Let's make it number one. I've been thinking about this fucking show for eight years. And I finally took my own advice and I stopped thinking about it. And I started acting like a person who has a show or is going to launch one. It took me 18 months to get my business in

order and to change the business around and to hire the team and figure out how to do this. And now here we are. And so you can, if you're willing to have that vision and you're willing to be brave enough to do it your way, it I'd absolutely love it if you leave us a review. As a thank you, we'll send you our Side Hustle Success Kit, your simple, no BS guide to keeping track of everything that you need to do to start and grow your business. To access this freebie, all you need to do is leave us a review, then share a screenshot of your review with contact at bossbabe.com and we'll send this must-have kit straight to your inbox. Bye.