the bossbabe podcast - 27. How to Create Quality Content and Earn Raving Fans with Stacey Lindsey, Alexi Panos, Emily Gallagher, and Natalie Ellis

Episode Date: August 1, 2019

In this awesome episode of BTS, hosts Natalie Ellis, Alexi Panos and Emily Gallagher are joined by the incredible Stacey Lindsay. Stacey is an articles editor at GOOP magazine and multimedia journalist who covers everything from civics, career, money, health, and design. The four boss babes sit down for this inspiring behind-the-scenes conversation to share all about trust, how to create quality content in our noisy world, and managing your most precious resource: your energy. They also dive deep into cultivating presence and why this is super important! You’ll get all the juicy, real insights into their seasons of life, love, and relationships. The takeaways from this discussion are invaluable. This episode is brought to you by the Insta Growth Accelerator, a 12-week accelerator designed to show you how to grow and monetize your Instagram account. Discover how to grow your audience on Instagram by 10,000 ideal clients in 30 days: bossbabe.com/ig-growth.

Welcome to this takeover of BTS on the Boss Babe podcast. The BTS takeover is the product of me, Natalie Ellis, and my two friends, Emily Gallagher and Alexi Panos, as we sat down to have real open behind the scenes, vulnerable conversations with women that we really look up to. For this entire week, BTS conversations will be taken over the podcast and we really can't wait to hear what you think. As always, share and tag us on social media, letting us know what your biggest takeaway was, as we'd love to know which conversations we should have next. This episode is brought to you by the Boss Babe Insta Growth Accelerator, a 12-week program designed to help you grow and monetize your Instagram account. If you're ready to grow your audience with your

absolute ideal clients who are throwing their credit cards at you, then listen up. I've created a completely free 90-minute training to show you how to do exactly that. I'm taking you through the step-by-step strategy to attracting 10,000 ideal clients as followers over the next 30 days. If you know that growing your audience with ideal clients who can't wait to buy from you would completely change the game, then this training is for you. As I said, it's totally free. I just recommend turning up with a journal and getting rid of all distractions as we waste no time getting into the nitty gritty specifics. You know that I love specifics. To get started with the training, just head to bossbabe.com forward slash IG dash growth, or hit the link in the show notes below. Hey, Emily here. Today on our BTS session, we have the beautiful Stacey Lindsay joining us.

Stacey is a multimedia journalist who covers everything from civics, career, money, health, and design, and is an articles editor here at Goop Magazine in LA. As well as being a former news anchor, she is just one of those women you want to be around. She's a huge advocate for supporting women in all of their endeavors and is truly an inspiration with her open heart. Today on our episode, we talk about how to create trust and quality content in our noisy world, managing our energy and cultivating presence and why this is super important, and the seasons of life, love, and relationships. We talk about this and so much more. So let's jump into this episode of BTS.

So let's get into this whole content overload world we're in. I mean, you've got such a back seat to this. Like, what do you think about all the things? All the things. All the things. Front seat. I love it. There's so many things. It's funny you say backseat because I feel like we all do. I mean, we're all kind of front row in a way. And you could say I'm on both ends because I create content. I basically try to create the most interesting content that there is. But it's still, I mean, I'm a consumer of it as well. And it's just constant. I think what blows my mind so much is the actual quantity that we're consuming that's changed so much. It's interesting. A lot of people ask me, you know, how has the media changed? And of course, it's evolving.

I think it's changing by the second. Like everything. Exactly. I mean, it's a microcosm of our world. But what fascinates me is the actual quantity that we're consuming. Consuming it in a way we don't even realize we're consuming it too. I'm blown away by that. And I'm really conscious of it too in my job and again, as a consumer. But don't you think that's like reflective of where we are in society and the fact that we're just consuming so much in general as a population? Absolutely. Like think of the amount of trash, the amount of food. I mean, just consumption, I would say, is one of our biggest issues. Yeah.

Right. I'm really conscious lately of not consuming the wrong thing. Content-wise or in general? Content-wise. I kind of went down a rabbit hole of following all these different people talking about health and all of these things and I'd read someone's Instagram caption

and I'd take it as gospel because why not right and then I would do my research and I'm like that is completely false what has just been said so that was bullshit but you consume it and you just oh this person like looks fit

I'm gonna take whatever she's telling me about abs as absolute gospel and I'm not really one to run but i'm on it right now so let's do it but like just generally like i and i think we we have a commitment to make to ourselves to um really check out references and different things yeah yeah and not just taking content just because someone looks fit takes what they say say is gospel of you should have a carb heavy diet or no carb, like whatever it is, do your own research. Yeah. As someone who obviously is a media professional and an actual trained journalist, how do you feel about things like Natalie's just said, like all of this sort of false information and fake news, as Trump would say, but like, you know, all of this stuff that is floating around, is it frustrating for you? Like, what are some of the things that you experience as someone who,

you know, honors the craft of journalism and news and ideas? No, thank you for asking that question. It is frustrating, for sure. It also sort of revitalizes all the love and endless reverence I have for journalism. I love that. There's such a need for it. And it's's interesting because I went to grad school for journalism. It's, gosh, I don't want to say how many years ago now, about eight or nine years ago. Man. It was at an interesting time where people were going, you're going to grad school for

journalism. Things were changing. That's kind of when a lot of magazines were starting to fold, newspaper publication. It's just so many things were changing. And I thought, there's still a need. This is democracy. This is what we need. So, yeah, of course, it frustrates me.

But, again, it drives what I do, what I love to do. And I've really kind of covered the spectrum in terms of media and the type of journalism that I've done. Currently, I'm focusing more on lifestyle journalism. But I've been in news. I was in news for a while. And it's just I also think people need and are craving really good honest content. So what you said, there is such validity to that true, because I think it's, as a consumer, it's your responsibility to fact check and to be a really mindful, smart consumer.

And then of course, it's my responsibility as a journalist to tell the truth and do the best I can. Of course, mistakes happen. But yeah, fact check, fact check, fact check, fact check. See, I love that you're bringing that up. But like, what does that actually mean? Because in today's world, people think they're fact checking, but they're essentially going to similar sources that validate the same information. You can find facts to validate anything. Yeah. And it's like, look, I found it on five different websites. So it must be true. And it's tiring too, if you think about it. Because you think,'s what I just want to read an article and I want it to be true. Yeah. Can you just tell me how to live my life, please?

I actually, yeah. I want to throw this one into space because when we were at South by Southwest, one of the trends essentially in the world was in business and in life was like being able to generate trust with consumers, trust with audiences. Yeah. In a world of growing massive distrust. Yeah. Because of all of the things that we're just saying, right? Like all of these fake news, all of these sensationalism. How do we combat that as content creators? Like for us today, for example, was like a way that we wanted to just be like, hey, letting people in as content to like our conversations that we have, like behind the scenes, like really more kind of real talk conversations.

Versus a curated. Yeah. This is like this more kind of real talk conversations. Versus a curated. Yeah, versus like this perfect kind of here's a tip and whatever. How do we go about as content creators, like ensuring that we can generate that trust and produce content that is, I guess, worthy of being consumed. And worthy of being trusted. Yeah. I think he continued just to lean into what is really interesting you

as humans behind the content you're creating. That's what drives me to a lot of the work I do and a lot of the work at the publication I work at. We're asking questions that we generally want to be asking. Those questions, I mean, I should say they come from consumers and readers. We have wonderful emails that come in or whatnot, and I'll get a tip from somebody or kind of depends upon the piece that I'm writing. But I'm asking and following the story that I want to know. And I think that always is a great path to follow. So the same for you, too, creating the content that just you get a gut feeling from it or it's a question, whether it's about a piece on motherhood or whatever it might be, you know, something that's just really pulling you.

I think that's the way you kind of plow through the craps or part of my expression. Yeah. It becomes a real conversation and we get to, I think, I know for me, I consume not a lot of content, but I love the content I do consume. I'm very discerning about it, but the content I do consume, I love it because it feels really authentic to the creator. It feels like they're speaking what's on their heart or speaking through what they're currently up to. And it feels real. It doesn't feel fabricated. I do honestly feel like we're in a time where vulnerability and authenticity are like buzzwords now. And people are kind of like makeshifting it and being like, how can I create vulnerability in this post? And it feels really icky to me. And I can kind of,

can you guys feel it when you read it or hear it? It's like, I can feel it. It just feels like, it's kind of like greenwashing a little bit too, with everything being organic or natural. Like what does natural even mean? Right. Oh God. Yeah. And this is probably like a terrible thing to even coach my clients on. But when I used to coach clients on being able to sell online I used to say please do not be the person that follows every single vulnerable post with a buy now link in bio because that to me do not do that stop doing that now it's so inauthentic and listen I get it it works yeah and there's a time and a place for that and I'm so in for really selling on your experience and how you can truly a place for that and i'm so in for really selling on your

experience and how you can truly help and selling that and then linking someone to buy but to do it all the time and to be manipulative and that i think you know if you're going to do it then vulnerability needs to be one of your pillars right it needs to be something that you're sharing a lot of yeah but i would also i i have a question um i i personally consume a lot of written content. I'm really not a video person and we kind of touched on that before, but I don't watch that many videos. I love to read.

It just nourishes my soul. It just feels great. And I love to write at the same time. Like there's nothing that feels better to me than first thing in the morning, just writing and it's great. And that's one of my crafts that I truly want to hone in on. And a lot of people say, but writing's dead. It's all video. It's

all video. And because I personally don't gravitate towards that, I would love to know, what do you think? Do you think writing is dead? No, it can't be. No, don't tell me. Can you tell me I'm never going to smell the smell of a book again? And there's something about a library book too, for some reason. It has a little bit of that musty. It's a little like grungy. But that tangible feel of a book in your hands.

I love it. No, I don't think writing is dead. I think what I think might be, I mean, to those dear people out there who maybe don't want to be reading something, I think we're, and it's the content overload. I think parts, maybe, there's no science behind this, but, you know, parts of us might be atrophying a little bit

right now, but they'll come back. You know, we're used to, as we were younger, we read more. Now it's this constant, constant, quick little instant, you know, social media hits or quick videos or whatnot. You're actually not maybe using as much of your reading skills. Perhaps it might be that, because I do think innately a lot of us just enjoy. It's a meditation reading. So the written word, I don't think of anything. I think it's coming back with a vengeance. Maybe I just- That was another one of the trends. Same. Retro, bring it back. Retro and vintage because people can trust it. So people in this massive world of distrust, they were talking about one of the number one trends for this year is people going back

to what they already know from their childhood that they can lean on and depend on because everything seems so fast. It feels overwhelming. So I think that's so true. And I've just noticed like even in marketing, they're like, oh, do a top 10 list or a top 10 post or a top three

because people do like the micro version. Yeah, digestible. Digestible. But for me, there's nothing more incredible than sitting with a long thought out passage to get the full context of it. Because truthfully, like a top 10 list, I'm not really gonna understand the concept

of what I'm taking away from that. I may be able to like action a couple of things, but I don't really get why, you know, or the theory behind it. And if you want to write too, you have to. I have to say, actually, it's a disservice if you don't, if you have that burning desire. Because obviously we all have so much to say. I know you have so much to say.

And that makes me so happy too. I love hearing, because you don't hear it very often. You are dying to write and to read more too. So you just made my day. Yeah. Bringing it back. I do. And what you're saying you're saying Lex too this whole idea of a top 10 yes it makes good content and we can all kind of use those things to get people in but for me if I read like a top 10 list I my a loop kind of opens in my brain where I'm like looking for it to be closed and it doesn't get closed by a top 10 list I want

to read like something real something with substance that at the end i feel like i can close the loop like you know when you finish a chapter in a book so satisfying and then i'm not going to be constantly craving and looking for more content to keep trying to close that loop and like hop into these like you know when you're getting like a youtube hole like i'm not gonna i like to read something satisfying it's a it's a bit like food? It's like we can eat like the junk food, but it never satiates us. But if we eat something really nutritious, that's like a full integrated thing. We get the full experience and we feel good. And I love that. I feel the same when I get these like little tastes, it like lights something up. And part of me loves that because

then I go on this hunt for more. I follow the seeds of inspiration, but I don't feel grounded in it, which is different. And I think it's quality over quantity too, right? So it's like if you're writing good quality content, it doesn't necessarily have to, you know, be a certain length, but it's like just putting out discern, like being discerning about what content you're creating and making sure what you're putting out is you know and how you render it too yeah definitely different topics too different one topic may lend itself better to a quick hit to a front of the book piece or a top 10 list definitely but something else it deserves you know some time ability to breathe and to have

that time too yeah well because i think i mean just sort of circling back to the quality of a content thing just to sort of hammer at home i guess is like you know with social media and with these posts and everything like that, it's like I think there can sometimes be a lot of pressure on people to create content. It's like, oh, I have to post it or I have to do this thing and then it's just like putting things out and it's like, well, was that something that needed to be shared or was there, you know,

could it have been better for you to actually have actually created something you really cared about and created content around that? I think that's where it comes again with like all of this content that we're consuming is it doesn't have to be, I think, well, I mean, I speak for myself anyway. Sometimes I feel pressure to like create a post or create content. And it's like, but I know that when I'm really feeling something and I'm really moved by something, which is what we were saying before,

it's always so much more potent and it's so much more satisfying to me to write it in rather than like, oh, I've got to kind of put this thing together. And I think that we're in that space with Instagram and stuff now where people feel like that. Yeah. When you really, yeah. When you listen to yourself inside. Yeah. What topic lately have you wrote about that you've kind of explored a lot and it's just felt so exciting or good to you? Thank you for asking that. I am, I have to say, I am obsessed with how we feel during the day at work.

I cannot, I just want to dig into it so deep, but workplace, let's hear it. Tell me what you learned. Endlessly fascinating, but workplace morale. Actually, we started talking about it a little bit right before

we had this conversation too, of how we can kind of get in our silos during the day, whether it could be at a cocktail party or it could be at the office during the day. It's fascinating because you have obviously the individuals that make this whole and all the individuals, I think humans are innately fantastic. We're all great. We're all doing our best, but different energies can take place during the day. And again, in an office, at a company, wherever you may be. And that just fascinates me.

So just a lot of how to boost morale at work, how to feel your best at work, how to have a great relationship with your coworkers. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business.

You know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so. Because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. So what are some of those tips? Yeah, so let's dive into first like how to feel your best at work because I do feel like there's an epidemic right now where people are kind of dragging themselves to the office and dragging themselves home. Like how does one combat that if they're really wanting to make a shift?

Gosh, well, I think this is sort of cliche, but first thing is be yourself at work. Because a lot of it's not always easy to do that sometimes. You kind of want to play with the cool kids or whatnot or kind of fit in, but truly be yourself. Even if that's kind of your goofy, whatever it may be, just do that. Just let your freak flag fly. I am a wallet too. And it takes, depending on all the different situations, working situations I've been in, it's taken me a little while, but every time I do it, that's when my work gets better. That's when I get more excited to go to work. For health tips, it's huge to take care of your health, of course, because we all know, especially as women, that is essential for our lives, for everything, of course, our

relationships, the mothers that we are, the friends that we are, and particularly to the workers that we are too. Taking breaks when you need to take breaks, not feeling like you have to have your butt in the chair nine to five. And, you know, I'm fortunate. I'm in a situation with a wonderful company, and they're very flexible. They want you to take – we all want each other to take care of each other and ourselves. But take breaks during the day. Eat well during the day.

Drink water. These things sound so basic, but it's so true because it will affect how you feel, and it will affect how you relate to people in meetings, how you treat people. I think we definitely need more face-to-face contact. Oh, yeah. I think that – So you're saying I can't just spend all day on Instagram. You can. You can. But I'm going to come in with an intervention.

It's just – I mean, we have these incredible platforms, incredible technologies where we can quickly message each other or whatnot, but I'll go through sometimes days where somebody will be down there and I won't see them. So I try and be mindful of that. We all try to be, but just to go up and have a quick, even if it's a five second connection with somebody, it's awesome. Well, we've all just started working together in the same office over in Playa Vista. And it's just like, even if it's just like, we see Natalie a little less because she's in her office. But she pops out and we get to sit with her sometimes. Yeah, I hide in my office.

I'm one of those that's just like put on the chair and I forget like the world even is existing around me. And then I finally emerge. Wow, friends, humans, things. There's a world out here. It's an interesting point, though, because that also can be totally awesome. Obviously, depending upon what line of work you're in. Sometimes it's a danger. I love the zone.

I mean, I am the first person to lock myself in the library or the editing bay and to not talk to anybody for hours. I absolutely love that. If you're in, quote, flow, you're under deadline, anything like that, I'm a huge proponent of that. It's funny. Another thing that I've been doing, though, that I find is really important is the first few minutes when you actually arrive to the office, making sure you say hi, good morning to your coworkers or asking how their night was, or if it's a Monday, how was your weekend? That actually really sets the tone, I feel like, for boosting morale. And even if you don't, even if you're all super busy for the rest of the day

and don't talk to each other, that's one shift that I've really tried to be mindful of doing. And I've noticed it affects me too, because when you maybe don't get a good morning from a coworker, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything usually, but I've taken it personally sometimes. I'm like, oh, when is she mad? Or is he upset with me? But just doing that in the morning, and then even if you have to go off in your silo for the rest of the day, that always helps. Well, I think that's important too, because I do think we're living in this age of complete disconnection, right?

Like face-to-face. We're super connected online, which is beautiful. And I think helpful for, I know I'm in touch with way more people that I wouldn't be caught up with if I didn't have Instagram and Facebook. But what's been really beautiful for me is doing the face-to-face.

And now that we all work in the same office, like I see more of my friends and I'm still getting things done, which is great. Cause before I used to work from home and it's like, it was just me. It's hard. It can be hard. Me and my husband. Yay. I see you all the time. But now it's like, I get some variety and that connection's been really beautiful to really like lock in my happiness. And there is so much science behind that. When we connect with people face-to-face, there are actual biochemical things that happen within our body that lights us up,

which lends to our work. I have a great book to recommend if you haven't heard of it or haven't read it, Sebastian Younger's Tribe. Oh, I have not. It's a quick read. Okay. Oh my gosh, my heart was just pounding.

And I think it's gonna be one of those books that I'm gonna read every year. But it talks about how innately humans, we are tribal by nature. We crave physical touch. We crave face-to-face time. We crave a feeling of belonging, of course, and purpose. And I think a lot of us don't have that day-to-day or even weekly. Our society, unfortunately, is missing a lot of that. We really need to push to get more of that back. And I think that happens actually at the workplace. It also happens outside of work too, with our community, neighborhoods, wherever it is we live, but

in the workplace, it's huge because outside of work, how we live, even in New York City, when there are millions of people around you. You can be the loneliest city in the world. You can be the loneliest city because you can technically live your life without having to have an exchange with somebody else for days, for weeks. So it's wild. Well, loneliness, I mean, that's like a massive epidemic essentially, right? Which is ironic, right? In such a connected world, we have skyrocketing rates of isolation, loneliness, and depression. And suicide too.

Right, and suicide. People feel alone. Yeah. And we were just speaking about this on a podcast just before, just about the importance of taking those little moments to say, hey, how are you? Just dropping in, giving a compliment, like saying good morning, like how little it is, but how much it actually means to people to have that connection and that being seen and being acknowledged. So small. And also sort of linking back to the purpose that you were saying. Like I know for my mum, for example, who doesn't really need to work anymore and got, you know, really down with –

because she really had no purpose. Like she was spending a lot of time kind of looking after the house and we've got a really nice house and a garden, et cetera, but like found she didn't really have purpose, wasn't really interacting I guess on a day-to-day basis with people and like over something that really matters and how morale can really drop and how it's like, again, that sort of silo. And if we don't have something that's really connecting us and driving us to be with people, it really starts to, and I think it can be,

sometimes you don't notice and then it's like, oh, wow. But it's one of those things, like you don't know that you need it until you get it and you get it and you're like, oh, what is that? That feels so good. And I think that's why I do believe that we're entering an age of the resurgence of like the event. And you know, we've done a lot of summits online and all the things online, everything online, and people want to get out from behind their laptops and actually meet people and meet people with similar interests. So I think that's really exciting for me. I know in this space to go, shit, I love live events. I love throwing them. I love hosting them.

And I feel that when people come into my rooms, they're like, oh, God, I needed this. And I didn't know I needed this. It's so huge. It's interesting. I take the train to work. I live downtown and I work in Santa Monica. Like the only route in LA that you could actually take the train. You're the only person that can actually utilize that service.

I'm so lucky because it literally picks me up right by my house and drops me off right there. But I love, I've grown to really love the train in my life, public transportation, because I was without it for so long. And there's a connection that happens on the train. You don't even really realize it, but it's actually a really human experience. And there's a politeness. There's just kind of like the brief eye contact. I even just love the little, you give up your seat for a woman who's older than you, perhaps. You give up your seat for a

pregnant. I love all of that. It's just things that we're missing in life too. But we're in this really bad smelling thing that's moving for 40 minutes together. We're in this together, guys. I like that camaraderie. It's really weird. We've been through this intense trauma together this morning. We will bond over it. And believe me, in LA and same with New York, you see and smell some intense stuff. I lived in New York for a long time. I'm very familiar with train smells. It's real. But it's interesting. I wouldn't think that I would ever say that, but I look forward to the train. Yeah. I actually used to love like on the train in New York, I used to see people and think about everybody is coming from something. Like, you know, maybe that woman over there who has a sadness to her, maybe she just had a fight with

her partner. That little kid who's like upbeat, maybe like he just got to see his dad for the first time since he's been away in the army. You know, like we all have a story. And I think the train for me reminded me of that story because I'm coming on the train headed to wherever I'm headed with my story of whatever happened before this moment and whatever is going to happen after. So cool. I love that. I totally experienced this whole loneliness thing before moving to LA. So me and Stephen, we lived more up north and we were tucked away in this private neighborhood.

And it was very quiet. And he was traveling for work constantly. And I was in full on scaling mode. And there really wasn't much around where I was. And there was days I would literally not even go outside. I wouldn't even see a single person. And it didn't even dawn on me how bad that was until like I'd have people come to visit and then I'd be exhausted

right like I am not used to this and so it was I had to learn how to like reuse that energy and I think it's the case for a lot of us where we feel so introverted because actually extroverting and and being with people can be truly exhausting sometimes and we're not used to it. But Lex, you say you love running live events and I know you do a crazy amount of live events. How do you manage your energy to show up for that many people and be around that many people? Because you're on stage a long time for days, right?

Yeah, we do like 14-hour days and it's intensive work. So we're doing everything from trauma work to processing, like it's deep somatic work. So it's not just like seminar leading from the stage. It's truly like working with people and it's been in our rooms. Yeah. Honestly, like the biggest thing, cause I used to get exhausted. Like I used to be Monday morning after our events feel like a train hit me, you know, just like totally out. But what I realized there was like this subtle shift is in the events that I felt really exhausted and really just like out, there was a subtleness of making it about me. So there's a subtleness of like, I've got to be on,

I've got to be here for this person. I've got to make sure I'm saying the right thing so that they'll get this particular point. And when I started shifting really like unconsciously, but I just have been playing with this idea of like, what if I just like let go and let it move me? And I leave the events now feeling really full and energized because I feel like I didn't do much. I feel like it got done through me and less of like me actioning and trying. And I think as well, you know, we've been doing this particular workshop for so long that it's really embodied now. And it's less about trying to hit all the points and really just about being present to what's in the room. And that has changed the game. And honestly, when I get booked to speak now,

and this is probably bad that I'm announcing this. If you ever booked to speak, I will not. Yeah. If you ever booked me to speak for you I legit like feel into it and I did this recently for an event of 2,000 women and usually all my nerves and the preparation and all the things to try and get it right and like be impressive essentially I had to let that go honestly because after having a kid I just didn't have the energy for it anymore it's like the cost is way too high I'm either not going to speak anymore or I'm just going to trust that I can do this. And now I leave these events going like, wow, that felt really juicy and really fulfilling. And I would do that more, but I'm not going to do it that way anymore where I feel like I'm stressing to get it right.

So it's been a gradual shift. But the more I do it, the more I can actually trust that there's something bigger moving me. And how much of your audience plays into that too, depending if you're, I imagine that's, there's some variations with if you're speaking to a group of women as opposed to a group. Does that vary or the setting too? It does. I think I used to have intimidation around certain audiences. Like men used to intimidate me because it's like, oh, are they judging me?

Like what's the stories? And like I've got to overcome their stories and I've got to prove something. And again, now I think it's more because I'm just trusting like it's all perfect. I'm here for whatever reason I'm here. Whoever's going to hear it is going to hear it. Whoever's not is not. Whoever's going to judge me is already doing it. It's already going to happen.

You can't control that. You can't control it. And I think that's been such a like such a freedom for me and such a miracle in my life because I think I was run by that for a long time. I imagine we can just get so trapped in our thoughts too. They can be crippling sometimes too. For sure. Thinking these things and there's no truth. These are just conditioned thoughts that are running through us and just pushing through those. And again, being present.

Totally. There's such a gift to that. Yeah. It's amazing. I even think just presence in life in general is, go for it. Because I know that's like, you are in that right now. No, but I think, I mean, that is what we're craving. That's true connection is presence.

Like there's no connection in some, when you sit down with someone whose mind is running 10,000 other places and you can feel that they're there, but they're not really there. And like, I was that person for sure. You know, like we had an interaction with a friend the other day and it was like, it was so interesting because I could see her. She was there, but she was like so many other places. And I was like, that used to be me. Like I was that person is like, I'm here, but I actually have 10,000 other things. And that's not presence. Right. And like, that's, I think what happens to us when we try to get it right. When we're like, I'm going to go perform and people that's not, right and like that's i think what happens to us when we try to get it right when we're like i'm gonna go perform and people that's not it's like what

they say people are not gonna remember what you say they're gonna remember how you make them feel and the only way you do that is if you are with them in their presence like allowing it to like that's what it is and that's what we're missing that's why that's what people are really craving yeah do you guys know uh do you guys know Michael Beckwith? Yeah. Michael Beckwith. He's the founder of Agape. Oh, okay.

Yeah, he's amazing. He's a mentor of both mine and my husband's, and he married us. But he's somebody, if those of you listening have not heard of him, look him up. He's so present to the moment. I often leave Agape not even knowing what was said, but I feel so moved. I'm like, I don't know what just happened, but wow, I feel it. And it's like, I can't even articulate to somebody what landed for me, but it all landed. It's so weird. Well, it was similar to the, I brought this up on a

previous episode, but we went to a prison the other day and with these inmates, and it's like, I couldn't tell you really a lot of what happened there it was the most powerful thing but it was like we had no phones the whole day we were just in it with them like dancing jumping playing crying like it was so powerful because we were all just fully present with each other like connecting deeply seeing each other just no other agenda we were just there we all just there. And it was so powerful because it was so visceral. And it's like that is what is that piece that's missing, you know. And it transcends everything else too. Everything.

You know, just stereotypes. All of it. Just be there. There is nothing more attractive. There's nothing sexier. There's nothing more powerful. And, again, it just transcends everything. Isn't that interesting too?

Because like as we're saying this, I'm like, God, I wish like the 18-year-old version of me could have heard this. Because there are so many times when I had like these amazing opportunities to be in certain rooms with certain people or have a meeting with somebody. And how much I was trying to be the thing that I thought they needed me to be versus like actually being present. Because if I'm trying, I'm in my head going, am I doing this right? Is this what I should say? Or should I say this? And how disconnected I must have felt from the other person, right? It's like, I'm hearing this and I'm like, God, yes, this is, yes. I wish I would have known this. Obviously, hindsight's a bitch. We love the old hindsight. Oh, yeah. I mean, but I think sometimes you have to actually go,

like you can't sometimes experience something unless you've experienced it. Like it's that duality, right? Like you can't only experience full presence when you've realized that on the other side of that is scattered, not really here, feeling like I'm other places. Like you kind of have to know what that is to then know, wow, this feels really good. How do I stay here? Because it's way better than over there. This is such a good point. Yeah, true.

One thing I found myself doing a while ago, and I read a book, I can't remember the title of it, but it kind of changed something in me. I was the kind of person that would watch Netflix while I was on my phone. Oh, yeah. Right. Definitely do that. Yeah, I'd be sitting on my sofa listening to a podcast while like working and like just doing multiple multitasking life. Yeah. All at once. Yeah. And it's so funny because when I started to pull myself away from that, I would train myself to just be and be OK with that. And for a lot of people, I think that can be terrifying. Oh oh let me just go and sit

on the sofa with nothing to do right it's I just had my um my grandparents over from the UK they were staying with me for two weeks which was amazing but I came home from the office one afternoon and they were just sitting on the sofa with my puppy they were doing nothing else they were just sitting there yeah so I sat down I was like hey let's go for dinner tonight like we can leave in about two hours they're like okay and so I pulled out my laptop to keep working and they just sat there and I'm like happy as I am right here and I turned around I was like you're kind of making me feel uncomfortable because you're making me feel like you want to go now when you're bored and so like do you want me to stop working and like we'll go now yeah and she just looked at me with the most confused look on her face.

She was like, I'm not bored. I'm fine. We'll go when you're ready to go. We're quite happy right now. We've been walking this afternoon. Like we just want to take a few minutes. And that blew my mind. I was like, fuck,

how little time do we spend just sitting and being? That is my life goal. That to me is the ultimate state of enlightenment. I want to get there. They weren't even talking. They were just sitting. I want to get there. Straight chilling. That is so amazing. You know, I think there's a powerful point in that because I think so many people, especially who are in like the conscious world and doing the work, they often judge people in their lives like, oh, they're not as woke as I am and blah, blah, blah.

But there's so much wisdom just sitting right in front of us if we're willing to see it. And sometimes the people who do the least amount of personal development work are already so tapped in. They're like, I'm already good. Yeah, but they're like,

they're tapped into the simple truths of life. And I think sometimes they make it so complicated, right? Where it's like, oh, oh wait, you're not bored right now? Because I think we always have to be running or doing something or on our way to. So I just, I love that. And I think a lot of us can really learn more from the people around us that maybe we've been judging and, you know, having our own stories about. Yeah. And I mean, we'll be like, wait, you're not bored right now? Okay. That's triggering something in me. What's it triggering? Why is it doing this? And we'll be like, wait, you're not bored right now? Okay, that's triggering something in me. What's it triggering? Why is it doing this? And we'll go down this whole rabbit hole

instead of being like, ah, okay. Right. Right. Yeah, it's clearly a deep wound under here I must fix and resolve from my childhood. We don't have to process everything. Yeah, like, yes. Okay.

Just let's say okay. Period. There's no explanation. That could be an interesting point about processing. Oh, God. Try to appreciate, too, that there's really a time and a place for everything, too, and leaning into that more and having trust in that, too. And that can relate to every single thing in our life. So there's a time to sit on the couch and be okay. And dinner's going to be, you're going to be

leaving in a half an hour for dinner. And you're there right now. There's a time to consume media. There's a time not to be consuming media. There's a time to be just on the train commuting to work. Granted, it's a wonderful time to read too, but I'm not against multitasking, of course, but there's a time and a place for everything. And I think that there's some peace to that. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the seasons of life, of work, of relationship.

And I especially feel it in relationship. You know, I've been with my partner for a while and, a while and we have a child and are attempting to have more children. And just realizing that there are seasons and phases to love. And for me to hold on to this idea of what we were in the beginning, especially after having children, it's like we're in a new season now. And we get to really appreciate the season we're in. And I feel like that philosophy has supported me so much in all of my life instead of holding on to this idea. I'm supposed to be here right now. Or like, you know, you've been in a really like settled and like explorative and fun

and playful phase. And instead of making yourself wrong for that, you're like, yes, let me just step. This is where I'm at. Yes. Available for that. This feels good. If you're different, if you look at how you're different now, perhaps than you were, whether it's in context of relationship or work or just within with yourself, that means you're evolving.

Yeah. So that's a good thing, too, because I used to get stressed about that, too, sometimes. Like, wow, you look at photos even, too, and usually it's a vanity thing. But no, this means that I am evolved. This means that I have lived all this. I've experienced all this. So I want to keep leaning into that. Totally. Totally.

Totally. And I think like sometimes we enter phases of feeling really reflective and wanting to just be in our space. And sometimes we're really passionate and driven and like so hungry for a particular idea that you can't stop us at that point. And I think, you know, to this point is honoring where you're at and being okay with it and not making it wrong. But like really checking in checking in yeah are you avoiding it or are you like honoring it yeah yeah because the thing is is that what's there is what's alive and that's

going to be what's going to drive you so it's like if you are in in super inspired motivated drive mode like something i've come to realize as well about my energy is that when it's there utilize it so it's like if i'm in full energized motivated like go like I'm like okay I get to utilize this create content do my things work like do all of that because I know now I've been through enough seasons to know that that doesn't always stay there and it's like I also now know to honor when I'm feeling really tired and drained and like not excited to like not make myself push through that because it's like this is what's here this what's alive and going with the energy of that like right now i am in that super juicy playful excited place and it's like feeling really great so it's like

so i'm just gonna stay with this as long as it feels good and then just like really honoring because i think we're in a society where we've trained ourselves to just push through all the time push through create just you're like do it all drink your coffee like it's like yeah do it all like and the body is so wise and the energy is so wise and i think it's even like circling back to what you said about creating content it's like go with what feels alive it's like if your body is yelling at you to like take a break and like have a like you will always come back i always experience that i come back so much more rejuvenated and rested and inspired when i actually honor what's there. A hundred percent.

But I think it's exciting. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about that. I don't know if you've heard that great Ted talk and she writes about it in Big Magic too. Oh, the genius? Genius. Oh, goosebumps. It's so good.

And I love it too because it just takes the narcissism out of it too. What is it? Yeah, do you want to, what is it? Flowing, really essentially genius is moving and it's flowing all throughout our world, really throughout the universe. And it may visit you this afternoon and it may flow through you for a little bit and then it may turn around and it may visit you tomorrow. It's like the muse.

And it's exactly. So it's just really holding it and going with it while it's visiting you. And then it's okay when it passes through. And she talks, it's interesting, in context with you want to still be like using writing as an example. You want to show up, you want to write every day. I mean, someday some articles, some chapters come so much easier than others. And I think that's the genius, but it just, there's a fluidity to it and just going with it and embracing it, what you're saying, and, you know, being in that state when you're feeling it. And it's amazing. I actually really love love her talk on that

because what really was highlighted for me was what you said. It like takes the vanity out of ideas because it's this old- It's gonna visit you and it might visit someone else. Yeah, and it's this old idea that the Romans and the Greeks really adhered to

where if, let's say I did a particular work of art or a video or a piece of content and you guys were like, wow, it's amazing. I'll say, yeah, my genius was amazing that day. And I literally credit my genius because it wasn't me. It was that thing that moved through me. And a lot of people nowadays want to take credit for all the things. And this was me for a really long time. Like, oh, that's my idea. But the truth is ideas are dropping at the same time to people all over the world. And we see this in patents. Like you can literally look at patent history and the same ideas drop at different places all around the world throughout history.

It's like that genius needed that idea to come through. And it's like, I'm going to try a bunch of different people and let's see who runs with it. Fascinating. I'm literally next time I don't want to go out, I'm going to text a friend saying, hey, my genius just hit sorry guys my genius is currently with me and I'm gonna roll yeah we're going to get coffee and we're gonna hit it today something that I found really interesting when I kind of went through a little bit of like a basically that the energy and experience that came before my current energy of play and everything was this overwhelm and this frustration

and the stress. And one of the books that I started reading through one of my coaches recommendations was this book called Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart. And it really put me onto this sort of train of thought and this track of like, I think in society, we are addicted to things going well and to things going right and the things always working out for us. And it's like, so when things, when we have a lack of energy, when things don't always like go the way that we want them, it's like we can sometimes perceive them to be wrong or broken. And this idea of flow, it's like flow is multidirectional.

It's like in and it's out. It's like breath in, breath out, tied in, tied out. That's flow. But like as a society, we've become addicted to flow being the things that we recognize as productive, helpful. T it's like you know really coming to understand that when those things go down that's a natural part of the process as well you know and understanding like I feel like that's really allowed me to understand that okay this is all good like I don't have to be like why is this happening why don't I have energy why can't I create right now what's wrong with me

and how do I control it and contort it to meet my manipulated standards versus like what is the wisdom that's here for me

because again it goes back to these seasons and I think we really have to get reacquainted with the idea that life is seasonal you know

like sometimes we're in a season of really like harvesting and taking in all that we've produced and worked towards for the past six months. Sometimes it's work, work, work, work, work, plant, plant, plant, right? Girl, practice those singing chords. I hear you. But honestly, that is a huge thing. And I do think people are addicted to good. They're addicted to the high

of life always needing to be perfect. And I think the resistance to that is causing a lot of the suffering we're seeing in the world. And it's causing a lot of people like just, you know, blanketing, getting on these like drugs to help them feel better. When truthfully it's like, feel what you're feeling right now because there's something here for you.

It's part of the human experience. And quitting things. Cause it's like, Oh, this didn't work. Maybe I'm not meant to do it. It's like, no, this is just a natural part of getting to that next high. Because that gives you that resilience to keep going with things and to not feel like, if you feel like things are broken, that's such a dark place to be. And knowing that you have that choice to be like, oh, okay, perfect. This is just the flow.

I'm so glad you brought that up. It's such a conversation we need to be having, oh, this, like, oh, okay, perfect. This is just the flow. No, it's such, I'm so glad you brought that up. It's such a conversation we need to be having more too. And it's such a part of the rhetoric too. Like, how are you? I'm great. How are you? You don't even think about it. Robotic.

Actually not, I'm not good. I was really down this, you know, whatever it may be. I mean, you don't. And that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. It does. Right. Yes. We're not used to that.

Yeah. We're not used to that. But I mean, how refreshing would that be? I mean, for me, if someone said that, I'd be like, oh, wow. Okay. This person's actually here. Again, back to presence. Yep. They're not used to that. But I mean, how refreshing would that be? I mean, for me, if someone said that, I'd be like, oh, wow. Okay, this person's actually here. Again, back to presence. They're actually present right now. They're not just robotically responding.

They're actually being real with me. Exactly. Like what an opportunity to actually connect with this person. But I think that makes people really uncomfortable. Well, also it's vulnerability. And I think that as a society, that's something, and we were sort of talking about it in terms of content and things, but I think vulnerability is still at its core something

that I mean it's in the word to be vulnerable is frightening is to be to be exposed and I think that you know that is challenging for people to actually be seen in that and I remember actually it was at the bridge the workshop that Alexia and Preston do where I really landed for me like I was scared of you you know, being vulnerable or being seen in that. And I remember, you know, there's many, many opportunities within that experience to be in vulnerability. And I remember whenever I saw it in others, when people were being just raw and vulnerable, how much I wanted to lean in, like how attractive it was because it's so human and it's like humanity. And you're just wow i want to lean towards you but when we're

thinking about doing it in ourself it feels like i couldn't but it's actually like such a human attractive thing yeah we get the opposite connection that we think we're gonna get and isn't it funny like i don't know if you guys have been in the space where you you can feel someone's truth and then you can feel them like kind of ignore it or pass by it. It's almost like repulsive because you feel it. And it's like in our workshops, it's a microcosm and you can really see everything. And when people are putting the walls up, it's so disconnecting and it's so obvious. And the people who are fully just there, you just, it's like that person, they're so powerful in that moment.

So amazing. I think one thing I've been trying to really, which is really hard, but also embrace when things are uncomfortable and moving through that. I find that a lot with my relationship. Now, I'm very, very much in love. I'm so, so grateful. And it's really uncomfortable sometimes because he doesn't let me get away with it. He's like, oh, wait, I can get around this. I can skirt this. As you know, and the really good friendships Oh, wait, I can get around this. I can skirt this. You should know. And the really good friendships, too, and the really good connections at work. It's uncomfortable a lot when it's good and juicy and real

because that's what stretches you. After you get through that, whew, wow, I'm actually more evolved now. So when something is uncomfortable does not mean bad. That's different than when something is bad. You have a gut sense. But when something is uncomfortable, it means growth gut sense. But when something is uncomfortable, it means growth. Yeah, it's just new.

It means good, juicy stuff. Yeah, it's like, this is just new. I haven't navigated this yet. And like, you know, I'm curious to know because we've got three of us here who are in partnership and one calling in her person. What has been one of the most uncomfortable things

for you being in partnership with your person? Well, I can definitely dive into that i think the most uncomfortable thing for me is with him i've taken off every layer that i possibly have and i've been like this is me which is beautiful yeah and it's terrifying yeah to to really put yourself out there and one of the stories that I used to tell myself was that things that I loved leave me or I lose things and um when I first came into the relationship I was very much I think I wasn't even attached enough I was trying to keep myself out of it to a certain point that the fear wasn't even coming up and the second we locked in and got married I was like whoa i'm really not going anywhere um this this is it and that fear kicked in now is that i was like okay fear doesn't like to be named let's name it i'm like i'm

terrified you're gonna leave me yeah and he's like amazing i love that you just said that like let's talk about it yeah and um and his fears came too. And it's so great to have someone where you can put everything on the table with and you can clear it out and go forward with that. But I mean, we still have uncomfortable conversations. Like you were saying, my thing is when we have really uncomfortable conversations, I laugh like so much.

This is so awkward. Like I'm trying to say something really serious and I'm laughing my head off and he's sitting there looking at me like you are not getting away from this I'm gonna watch you laugh and squirm and we're gonna get through oh my gosh it's hilarious but yeah that's been really important and I think it comes out of just absolute crucial conversations where you sit down and you lay it all out and you you give all of yourself to that person and you accept that you know it this might work out and it might not but if it doesn't I can hold my hands up and I can say I give everything I had

and I all whatever it is in my life I want to be that person I don't ever want to look back on anything and think maybe that would have worked out differently had I thrown myself in a little bit. So with all my friendships, with my work, with my partner, I'm in. I love it. Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it's amazing. All in. Echoing so much of what you said too, I can relate to so much of that. And absolutely horrifying that this man in front of me actually really loves me for me. Like what? Are you sure? Not the idea, not the perfectly groomed me at dinner. It's like, no, the actually really with my layers off. It's just totally, that's horrifying. And also really wants me to say what I want.

That has been so hard. Generally say what I want, not according to conventions, expectations, what my family maybe wants for me or my friends or society, what I want. And he's a platform and he's there for that. Whoa. And it's interesting because, you know, surface,

you're like, oh, that would be great. But how often do we as women actually claim what we want? Right. Because what we want often isn't always sparkling and great

and it isn't conventional and... Yeah. And sometimes we don't even, we can't even put words to it because we haven't thought about it. That's one of the hardest things too.

You know, because it's like we're thinking about what everybody else wants and like, how can we be a vessel to make sure that happens? Truly. It's like, oh, wait, what do I want?

Right. And then also receiving it. That's a situation for a lot of women too. Oh, yeah. To receive what it is that you actually want. Yeah. Which is real giving, right? We can't truly give unless we're willing to receive.

Yeah. What about you, Lex Con? Yeah. I mean, both of these for sure. I would say like the stickiest thing for me currently that I'm currently in is rediscovering who I am sexually as a woman post baby. You know, like that's, that's a big thing. And I feel like I've always been fairly connected to my sexuality and, and, you know, felt really free in my sexuality. And after giving birth, it's like, oh, I literally

have a new structure. Like my body is different. Things don't feel the same. I love how my body is post-baby. I love what my body's been able to go through. So it's less about that. But like, literally my pelvis is in a different place. You know, it's like my body has changed in that way. And really finding a new dynamic between my husband and I that we now almost, we have a third person in our relationship, you know? So it's like navigating being in love with another person that's not my husband. I'm so in love with my child and he's so in love with our child that finding the same amount of love and attention and energy for each other when that feels safe and secure and like, oh, well, you're good. And this little being needs us so much. The discomfort I'm leaning into is like really

powerfully navigating that from a conscious space and having those conversations with Preston and like just being an open space to talk about it and to not feel shame around it. And like, even here, it's like, I'm committed to having more of these conversations openly. Cause I feel like enough women don't talk about it. And it's the thing that women talk about when they get together and then men talk about when they get together. But the dynamic changes after we have kids. And I'm excited to rediscover my sexuality in this new phase as a mama bear.

I love that. Beautiful. On that note, we're going to have to wrap it up in a moment. These conversations are just like want to keep them rolling and rolling. So does anybody else want to bring anything else into the space before we say thank you to the beautiful Stacey? I'm so grateful that you brought that up, too, because I'll just one more note to add to that, too. I don't have children, but I've gone through really huge things too in my life. Moves, changes, new jobs, all of that stuff.

And I think discovering your sexuality wherever you are in life is something we need to talk about. It's huge. It's so important. Thank you so much for bringing that up. Yeah. And I think it's a journey that's ever evolving, right? I feel like I'll get to a point with like this mama bear sexuality and then maybe have another kid and then see what happens or enter my forties and then menopause.

And, you know, it's like, I feel like we're always in that journey. But it's exciting. And I think if we enter whatever growth and discomfort we're in with that kind of mindset of like, ooh, let's see, this could be fun. I think it'll just change how we be with it. Give me some juicy story ideas.

Oh, there we go. I love it'll just change how we be with it. Give me some juicy story ideas. I love it. Talk about juicy content. I'll read that. I will consume that. Do some research for me. Let me know what you find. Well, as always, I feel like I should throw to Natalie for our closing statement.

Is that my thing? I feel like it's your thing now. No, this has been amazing. And thank you all so much for just showing up without any masks on, without any layers, and just being such powerful women in our own truths. I think as we do this, we really are just giving other women the space to do it as well. And this work, this content is powerful. And so I'm really grateful to all of you. And thank you so much

for listening and sharing your time and your space with us we really really appreciate it and as always if you did listen to any of this and and something really stuck with you we all want to know what it is so please just you know take a screenshot share on your your Instagram or Facebook stories whatever it is and tag us so that we can, you know, come and stalk you a little bit and share you out to our audience too because these messages are really important. So yeah, big thank you. And if it was my singing,

that would totally be understandable as well. I mean, your singing is pretty awesome. I love your singing. It's a little bit of a joke. Yeah, I do want to just preface again, you know, like Natalie shared, if something resonated, please share it with us, but also take action. Because I do think that's where things actually change in this world of

massive amounts of information. We can get into consumption mode of just more, more, more, more, more. Give me that hit so I feel inspired and motivated. But if we're not actioning it, we're not actually changing. So take something from this and take some action or a step in a direction that you want to head in and step by step by step remember the seasons of life it's all a process yeah that action literally just might be taking off a mask in one of your relationships and having a conversation similar to this so yeah doesn't have to be cray cray it could be pretty simple namaste namaste on that note we out if you love this episode please subscribe and be sure to leave us a review we want to hear what

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