the bossbabe podcast - 287. How To Stop Doubting Yourself + Have Full Confidence In Your Path (Even If It’s Unclear Right Now) with Lori Harder and Lindsey Schwartz - Part 1

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Are you craving change in your business or life, but you’re scared to “pivot”? Do you feel like you’re on the verge of something new and big, but you don’t know what it is or how to make it a reality? If so, get in bossbabe, we’re evolving!On this week’s episode, Natalie joins a live panel Living Room Session with Lori Harder, Host of Earn Your Happy Podcast, and Lindsey Schwartz, Founder of Powerhouse Women to talk about how to overcome your fear of change and start pivoting towards growth and evolution. If you can’t find the energy to move forward with your biggest passions and greatest ideas, this episode was made for you.Lori Harder is a leading expert in the field of fitness, transformational work, mindfulness and self-love. She has grown two multi-million dollar businesses as a successful entrepreneur and network marketing professional. She is also an author, cover model and three-time fitness world champion who offers a carefully curated set of practical tools to promote sustainable health, spiritual well-being and financial freedom. Lindsey Schwartz is a successful entrepreneur, top podcast host, and best-selling author. Her commitment to supporting and empowering other women is unwavering, and she invests her time in mentoring women and girls from diverse backgrounds–from high school students to high achieving entrepreneurs. She's also an investor in real estate and companies founded by women, including the popular Lite Pink beverage brand. Highlights: The #1 obstacle that’s preventing you from committing to a change. What it’s really like to boldly conquer a major transition in business or life. One thing you should NOT do if you want to see your greatest ideas become successful realities. Links: Visit Lori’s website: www.loriharder.com Visit Lindsey’s website: www.powerhousewomen.co/ Head to https://www.brevo.com/BOSSBABE to sign up for Brevo for free and use code BOSSBABE to save 50% on your first three months of Brevo’s Starter & Business plan! Follow: bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Lori Harder: @loriharder Lindsey Schwartz: @llindseyschwartz

A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success okay I am the biggest believer that things happen for a reason and so remember when I was talking about my kitchen we found mold in it we had to get the whole thing ripped out and basically move out and we decided to go to Scottsdale because we had an appointment there anyway. We decided let's just go for an extended period of time. And when I was there,

me and Stephen went out for dinner with friends of ours, Laurie and Chris Harder, who we've known for such a long time and they are really incredible. And at dinner, Laurie said to me, hey, one thing we've been doing in Scottsdale is hosting these live podcast sessions. I've been doing it with my friend, Lindsay Schwartz. Why don't you come along this week and be a surprise guest? And I was like, yeah, why? That would be amazing. So I showed up and it was incredible. Like it kind of the setting was like a living room kind of vibe. And we sat there, we had three mics, really cozy chairs, had some wine, and it was just a really great

conversation. And then people in the audience got to ask questions. And it was very intimate. And I felt like I was totally meant to be there to be involved in this. And the theme could not have been more perfect. The theme was transitions. Now, I won't give away too much because we go into a lot of detail on this. but this topic, I mean, this has been very relevant for me lately. I have been going through so many transitions. I feel like my head is spinning and transitions can be exciting, but they can also be really painful and challenging. And I've been in it. I've been feeling it and I see the vision. I see why I'm making the transition. But some of the things that I have been feeling it and I see the vision. I see why I'm making the transition. But some of the things that I have been going through have been really tough and I've been struggling with

it. And this conversation just felt so timely because it firstly was a reminder to me that we're all going through transitions and I'm totally not alone in this. And it was also great to be on, you know, on mostly on the other side of it, to be able to offer a little bit of guidance on that and just be, be really open and honest. So I hope you enjoy this episode. It's very different to anything we've done before with it being alive. This one is part one and we've got another part releasing soon where we also ask questions to people in the audience. So maybe you'll hear your own voice if you were there with us so I hope you enjoy the episode. I think this is our best audience yet. This, I don't want to say,

because some of them are repeat offenders. So, you know. I feel really far away from you. This is Becky. Oh, yeah, we just thought we would invite our imaginary friend. It's our imaginary friend. Actually, one of you, it's going to be a big surprise.

One of you are going to come up here and do it with us. Just kidding, you're not. Some people just got really excited, and others just almost puked. So, go ahead. Why do we do this? When did we start this? Before we talk about Becky. Okay.

So, Becky is a really integral part of tonight. But this whole idea, the whole reason that we're here, the whole reason that we decided to start hosting these is anyone in here a business owner? I know so many of you are. Yes, most of you in the room. And we need content. We need to show up for our business. We need to show up for our people. And that can sometimes feel like a little bit of a drag. Anyone, right? It's like, oh gosh, I love what I do. And when you add content creation on top of an already busy schedule, it can feel like a lot. So we just started to ask ourselves a better question. And that question was, how can we make this more fun? How can we

make doing business more fun? And our answer is always, how can we do more together and how can we bring our community along for the ride? And this idea was born out of asking that great question. And luckily, we know amazing entrepreneurs like Carly and the team at Good Vibe. They've done all of the Powerhouse Women video for years. So if you ever see our amazing event videos, if you see any of our content, they are usually behind the camera so we came to her with this idea and we said wouldn't it be cool if it was like a living room like it felt as though we were inviting everyone right into our house to drink wine and have the conversations that we have all the time with our ambitious girlfriends and these have been

so much fun haven't they has anyone else who has been to a session already? I know there's a lot of you. Like Lori said, repeat offenders. And then first timers, first time here. Oh my gosh. All my friends are here. And how many of you have heard these on the podcast? Either Earn Your Happy or... Oh, amazing. So is it... It's going to be way better. Listen, I sent Lori a screenshot. Someone sent on our text list. They sent me the only text I will ever need to receive. I actually framed it in my office and it said that was the most I've ever laughed listening to a podcast. So that's all I ever need to hear. I could die now. If you want to know our love language, it's just tell us we're funny.

Laugh at our jokes and tell us we're funny. It's actually the truth. Yeah, it actually is the truth. Do you want my money? What do you want? But we also thought, you know what would be so fun is if once in a while we got to bring in, I don't know, like a special guest. That'd be so fun.

We should do that. That would be really fun. You know, it's so weird because we just talked about like letting it be okay to go small, but somehow this wound up not being very small, meaning our incredible guest. We kind of scored the jackpot. Yeah, you did that. I don't know how you did this, but it really worked out pretty well. Does anybody know what Boss Babe is?

Yeah. Oh, so you've heard of it. Okay, cool. It's pretty much- Just this little Instagram account. You know the original Boss Babe? Like the original account? Yeah.

We have the co-founder of Boss Babe here tonight, and you are so lucky. We have Natalie Ellis here. She's the co-founder and CEO of Boss Babe. She has created an audience of over 4 million women. She's known for her signature membership and podcast, you guys. They are incredible human beings. Natalie has been one of my favorite people. I can tell you that I have looked at all of their stuff for inspiration, for guidance, for, I mean, you name it, raise your hand. If you have looked on their page

for what the F you should be doing with your life and what, and your social and your business. And here's another one. How many of you sent maybe their website or their Instagram to your web people and say anything maybe around this? Because this is also what I want. Okay. So can we please give the biggest welcome to Natalie Ellis, our guest tonight. Can I please? I have to share this. She was like, I'm like, no, we're going to introduce you after we sit down. And she's like, what if people don't know who I am?

That would be awkward. I'm like, this group is going to know who you are. You're going to be just fine. I was saying, wouldn't it just be awful if someone hyped up a really amazing surprise guest and then they announced the name and everyone's like, crickets. I was like, this is Ethel from Iowa. But thank you. That made me feel like you did know what Boss Babe was, which makes me very proud. It's key.

You hype them up in either way. They're just, you know, they give them wine, hype them up. Give them wine and they're excited. A little teaser. So's so good well we're so excited to have you here like that when lindsey and i were putting this together we said and what if what if we also had like these incredible guests that joined us and people were just like what how am i getting to do this in such an intimate setting because natalie doesn't really put herself in these situations super often and she's got a babes at home and her new baby. So I'm just, did you get that? I got, I got that. Okay. Um, but today we are going to be talking about, I say like our favorite topic, but we say that every single week, you guys, our favorite topic of the week. Um, but first I just

want to say, um, I have so many friends in here. I know Lindsay does, too. Natalie, you probably recognize a lot of faces, too. We also have Nikki Butler here, who's our podcast manager. Where's Nikki? We love you, Nikki. Yes. And just, like, always so grateful to also be in this magical freaking space.

Just got to shoot here, like like two, three weeks ago, and it was incredible. But tonight we are going to talk about transitions. And when I say transitions, we're going to talk about pivots, but redefining pivots. We're going to talk about redefining pivots into evolutions because pivoting is not, it doesn't necessarily always carry like a positive connotation, right? When you hear pivot, it's like, oh shit, I'm pivoting, right? Like the ship was going in one direction and now you got to do a full 180 into the next. But what we're going to chat about tonight is the fact that that is not a 180 into the next direction. It is actually a natural transition, even though it may not look natural to the outside world, because historically,

maybe things weren't done that way. It is a natural transition into your next evolution. So all of you are going to go through a pivot. If you have not, a lot of you are going to go into this room and pivot away from your relationships. I'm just kidding. You're not. I'm totally lying. You're going to pivot. I was not expecting that. I need some wine.

I'm totally joking. Only because sometimes people come to Bliss and be like, I had an epiphany. I need to leave my husband. I'm like, no. That is not why you came. That was not the point. Do not tell your husband that ever. No, I'm changing my address.

But that has happened. Okay. So with that, I would love to talk with you guys and ask you first, what does pivoting mean to you? Like what words you use around pivoting? Does that feel really scary to you anymore? Or does, what does that feel like now that you've probably done it multiple times? Yeah. I just think back to 2020 when 2020 happened and everyone was throwing around the word pivot. We just decided that we were going to reclaim that word and instead call it reimagining. That yes, whether it's because the outside world changes and you need to change how you're showing up and how you're doing business or whether something inside changes and you realize there's a different way that you need to be operating in order to access your next level.

I love the word reimagine. I think it just like brought me right back to creativity, like the creativity that can happen in a pivot, sometimes stepping back in order to leap forward. And maybe it was because I love words and pivot just felt so harsh. It feels like it does sometimes carry a connotation like that didn't work. So now I need to go this way. When truthfully, that's actually one of the most courageous things that you can do. And I think it's a natural. I mean, I don't think it's a natural thing to do. I think when we resist the upgrade like that too, I like all these words we're coming up with

re-imagining your vocabulary is going to, this is yeah, not too far, but just a couple of words. Okay. Lower your standards tonight. Lower them here. Okay. Yes. How about you, Natalie? I've had a, such an up and down relationship with it because I feel like there were times in my earlier career where I would pivot from a place of fear. Like, okay, I put something out there and it's not working. Let me just pivot real fast so it doesn't look like I'm failing or this isn't working.

And I would do that. And I kind of realized I would give up on things too soon and didn't really serve me to do that and I kind of had to learn to go the distance because I had a lot of that shiny object syndrome I'm very like oh what's the next thing but yeah we've been there we've been talking about um but definitely I'm definitely in a season of pivot right now and what I've come to realize is there's a difference between pivoting out fear and pivoting out of growth and evolution. And one thing we were just talking about before we came on was the sunk cost fallacy, where you think because you're pivoting, everything you've done up until this point

is actually like a waste. And I really don't see it that way. I think even when I look at what I've built now, when I want to pivot in, you know, a new direction, I want to do some fresh new things that feel exciting. it doesn't mean that anything I've created in the past was irrelevant or that I'm not aligned with it just means that okay I'm ready to evolve and I like the way to upgrade it and just make it more me more relevant more like more to do with what's going on right now I like that totally it's I define it as just the next adventure like it's literally just the next upgrade. And if you find yourself feeling stagnant,

some signs for me of when the pivot slash upgrade is coming, the re-imagining of my life, I really think what starts happening is we feel a little frustrated. We look around and we don't feel maybe as excited by our conversation sometimes. And sometimes that's on us, but sometimes it's maybe time to go seek some new rooms for some topics that make us feel challenged. Some people that make us feel challenged. I think we can feel a bit like restless and sometimes bored, bored when we're resisting the upgrade, because what can happen is you're

just not, you're not challenged because the upgrade will always come as an uphill challenge every single time. It will never look easy. It will never be something that you're like, yeah, I'm doing that. That's going to be amazing. And then it's easy. It's like, yeah, I'm doing that. That's awesome. And why did I say I wanted to do this? Like, this is so hard. and that's a lot of the ways that those are going to come through is anybody in that at all right now okay great you're in the right room one thing I also think I'm wondering if you feel the same way sometimes you can feel really burned out and pivot in a way that does make things a little bit easier because

sometimes I have pictured myself being in a place of burnout where I'm trying to do something it's like pushing a boulder uphill but I make a few pivots and tweaks and it's like skiing downhill and like there's waste and maybe that's just because you feel more in alignment and more excited about it I think things feel easier when you're excited but I know when I'm really not in a place of alignment I'm like oh this boulder is so heavy I don't want to do this anymore that I'm so glad you said that because that is 100% where I was and now where I'm going. I feel like I'm downhill skiing on something that should feel challenging only because I was pushing a boulder up a hill that was fairly impossible. I hate using that word, but it's like sometimes it's like the universe will keep hitting you over the head with that

two by four and the sledgehammer. And sometimes it's like, is this my, is this my hill to die on? Is this really the hill I'm supposed to die on? Is it really meant to be this incredibly hard, challenging, like actually not enjoyable anymore, especially after a long, long, I'm talking, okay. We get to be in those seasons for a little while, but I'm talking like a two year season. It's time to go. Is there something different? Is there something else? Is there something that could still hold the same kind of like idea, but in a different way? So you're not really necessarily doing that big 180. It's kind of like, let's take this idea that you loved and see if it can fit in a different vehicle. Yeah. So yeah, I always look at if I look backward,

right, it's always so easy to connect the dots looking backward. Isn't that the Steve Jobs quote? And I try to remember that when I'm in a season where I know I'm evolving again, because when I look back, it always made sense. It made sense why I had to go from one thing to the next because of what I learned and who I became in the process. So I love what you shared about the cost. We think that by going down one road, if it doesn't end up being the thing, like I I'm 39 years old, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Can we just like normalize that? Because who I am right now will not, I guarantee it won't be who I am in 10 years. So I've. So I've come to understand that my evolution is the one thing that is, it's a definite. What that looks like and what I learn along the way and

where it's going to lead me, of course I can't see that now. I'm not the person that I'm going to be when I head into that next season. Now it may always look like a version of what it looks like right now, but if we're really giving ourselves room to grow, which is literally what we're designed to do as human beings, we're meant to evolve. Of course, your vision is going to evolve as you do. And there's not actually a cost because if you're learning the lessons you're meant to learn. Now, if you're not learning the lessons, that's where like you ever find yourself in like a bad relationship and then you break up with that person, but you find yourself in the same bad relationship with a different face. Same relationship.

So if you're not evolving, that's where the pivots, I think, can feel painful because you're like, well, this isn't it either. Look inward. What did you what lesson did you not learn? What lesson are you avoiding? What are you actively resisting that until you learn it, until you evolve in that way, you're not going to be able to go in the direction of the thing that is going to feel more aligned, or that is going to feel more fulfilling. And that's my favorite part of all the, if we want to call them pivots that I've done up until this point is literally being able to look at how I'm a different person because of what I learned from it. So I wouldn't actually trade any

of it for, I wouldn't trade any of it in. I wouldn't have wished this journey to go any faster than it's gone because of who I got to become in the process. I don't know if either of you feel that. Yeah. It's kind of, when you're talking, it's like trading cards. I even think about some decisions I've made or things that I've done. It's almost like, okay, that experience gave me the confidence, that experience gave me the relationships, that experience gave me this

and I'm collecting all these trading cards and I'm going to trade them in for this new, like the product. Okay, I'm going to finally launch that business. Oh, and that had to give me this. And we're just constantly, I don't know if there ever is a time when, I mean, maybe someone can tell me,

but they've ever like figured this whole thing out. I feel like we're all just continuing to get these cards and then be like you know what I'm gonna throw it all in and try something new and it kind of feels fun and exciting and I don't know that I want to know where I'm gonna be in five years I don't yeah that would be no fun because I feel like the surprise turns are some of the most fun and I think the thing that I trust now is that I don't have to see the how, and I actually don't want to, because sometimes it's like, it's the most fun surprise when the person, you kind of feel like you need to have either this network already done, which sometimes you do, but at the same time, I've had people come into my life in one day who are like

the new trajectory of something. So I always like say things or say prayers or say intentions that I'm like, hey, surprise me with someone who just, I say things like that, like shock me today. Like show me something that just excites me so much around this new direction or, you know, I'm totally open to it. And then we see it because a lot of us miss it, too. And especially I think as women, we can struggle with trusting people and trusting other women. And sometimes you have to take that ride of like, hey, this feels really good. Would

you ever want to like try this or do this? And just, you know, especially if we have all the trading cards when the surprise comes, meaning all of the past experiences, according to Natalie with trading cards, I love that. If we have a lot of trading cards and we have so much history and lessons, you can kind of take those leaps and surprises a little bit faster because you know how to do contracts. You know how to have the conversations. You know how to set the expectations. You know how to talk about the hard things that you would never normally talk about. So it's been really interesting where I'm like, wow, things can move a lot faster after

you've done these challenging times in your life. So you can trust a little faster because you have the safety nets and the boundaries and the languaging and the practice to be able to know how to do those things. It's so true. So good. So I would love for each of you, Natalie, if you want to tell me like one of the times in your life, maybe either a lesson from a pivot that you've loved or something that was really hard, anything around it. I mean, I feel like I'm going through such a pivot right now, so I can share definitely more in the, in the moment when I went back to work after my maternity

leave, it was just way too soon. And I I tried to I was very much feeling like a whole different person slotting into an old role in an old business and something about it wasn't fitting and I kept getting so frustrated that it wasn't fitting and I just kept like shoving it in there come on come on you can do it it's like that pair of pants that definitely was not fitting me um and I just kept trying till I realized okay I need to step back and take a breath and realize things have changed and I've changed and you know the only the only person this isn't serving right now is me because I'm showing up for everyone else in my life but myself and that isn't going to work for me and so I decided to take a step back and that was really scary for me because I'm

Capricorn 8 and control freak you get it right so to take a step back and put a lot of trust in my team was you know it was challenging because I really needed to step back and not just you know cut my like I step I really wanted to step back and take a full breather and luckily you know I had an amazing co-founder, amazing team that did incredible things with the business. And it was the first time in over a decade that I'd not been like working on my business in the way I was used to.

And that was really scary. But what really came out of that for me was I was able to really find myself again and a new version of myself, like get to know the new version of myself and find the person that was always in there that was kind of being hidden by so many things I got to really find and meet her and then figure out what I wanted to do in business and how my role would

look different or you know how my business would look different and that felt absolutely incredible and then claiming that was a whole new ball game I think it's really scary sometimes to speak up and say when you've changed to a lot of people around you that maybe aren't in a season of change, you know, family, friends, team, everyone. So there was so many things going on in that pivot, but it feels really good. And one thing that I've learned from that is, and this is a big lesson for me because I really feel like I'm in such flow with everything. I feel more energetic than I've ever felt and I have that because I took a break and I allowed myself to get creative

to get the space again to think again to have fun again and what I am very aware of is if I fall back into the same patterns of yeah put that meeting on my calendar yeah I'll go to that thing yeah I'll do that for you yes yes yes I'll make you happy and say, yes, I will find myself in the exact same situation I was in. And so that space created creativity and it's allowed me to create momentum, but I cannot stop my momentum because I get busy again. And so I'm really becoming intentional every week, reviewing my calendar, creating systems and processes around making sure that I'm not filling my calendar up again. Cause if I make my calendar so full that I can't think and create, I'm going to be back to where I started. So that's been such a big lesson for me. I'm having these moments of just hearing you talk about how, when we really crowd our lives with so many things, that is how we will

never do a natural transition into the next evolution, it will feel like a crash landing because you won't even have room to give yourself space to think. I'm thinking about like, how can we naturally implement, you know, this time for us to be like, who am I now? Who am I six, like six months later? Who am I a year later? Because we're changing so fast. Think of how fast technology is changing that we're changing just as fast because of what we're changing so fast. Think of how fast technology is changing. That we're changing just as fast because of what we're consuming, who we're around, we're learning faster. We have access to so many things.

Like we are changing so fast and the world is changing fast. That means our businesses also need to have this natural progression. So building in time to be able to do that. Yeah, and if you have people-pleasing tendencies, I think that can be really challenging, especially, yeah, in the world we're in now where where our dms are filled with people who are like asking if they can collaborate and do certain things or you know your community and

audience is asking for a support in a whole new direction or your team is asking for the vision the next step you know people are asking things of you your family might be asking what's next and I think speaking from experience and can be really easy to give a premature answer out of people pleasing because you want to console them because you being in your unsureness is making them feel uncomfortable because of their unsureness and that's not your problem to solve and that's been something that I've really had to be intentional about. You know, I have the most incredible team and it's really reasonable that they would want to know where we're going. And I'm having to say to them, hey, I can tell you where we're going to go in the next

three months, but I can't tell you where we're going to go in the next 12 months. I'm just going to ask you to trust me. I've never let you down yet. And I'm not going to let you down, but I'm going to have to ask you to trust me. And that's been a really interesting journey. Similarly with my husband, you know, he was like, are you ever going to go back down, but I'm going to have to ask you to trust me. And that's been a really interesting journey. Similarly with my husband, you know, he was like, are you ever going to go back to work? I don't know. And obviously, obviously you can't keep me away from my work.

And I did, but I didn't want to have to say to him, yes, and give him a time. It was very much just like, let me be in my process. Let me be in my space. And that was something I had to really work on because I'm very much a people pleaser or was, I mean, I'm changing my identity, my friends. I was a people pleaser, that alter ego of me. Oh my gosh. I have a question for you around that before we jump into yours. Um, just around like, did you ever feel like you needed validation because you were kind of like out of the spotlight for a bit? Did you ever feel like, oh my God, I'm losing my credibility? Do I need to go jump back in? Or did that not really

come in that season? Truthfully? Yes. There was two ways that that showed up for me. The first one was, it was actually really nice to step back and not have kind of all of that going on because I've just had that going on for a really long time. You know, I've been doing Instagram for a decade now. And so I've been very used to on for a really long time. You know, I've been doing Instagram for a decade now. And so I've been very used to showing up very consistently and having that two-way feedback. So the initial breather was amazing. And then there was part of me starting to question, okay, what does my next path look like?

Do I want to continue doing what I'm doing? Which I do, but at the time I didn't know. And all of those questions popped up. Okay, well, you know, will I still be me if I left Instagram? Would I still be me if I just deleted my email list? You know, those questions popped up. Okay, well, you know, will I still be me if I left Instagram? Would I still be me if I just deleted my email list? You know, those things pop up. Will I still be relevant? Will I still get invited to things?

Will anyone want to have me on their podcast? Like all of those questions pop up because some part of us ties our worth to the following, the downloads, the emails. And we think, oh, am I being invited to that thing because of that yeah and I kind of got to a place where I was like you know what if they don't want me they're not gonna fucking get me they're just not gonna get me um and I really came to terms with that because there's a lot of people that will be there for you and love on you when you've got something to offer them and there'll be people that really fall away

when you don't. And I just decided, you know what? Show me. And that was really nice to just own and to feel confident in and step into. And ultimately I decided I do want to keep doing what I'm doing. And I do want to change it so that it fits my lifestyle.

And I don't want to be in the kind of same burnout cycles that I was. But there's a lot of fear in that. The self-worth stuff even, I put out self-worth affirmations almost every single day you might have seen one of them and I still I'm still having to say it to myself still let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi you know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything

is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com

slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe oh it's so real we especially love the ones with the word fuck in them they get shared the most yeah they do they do did you ever notice that i'm like fuck or shit yes my top six posts of all time that's all we're gonna see now from this group just swear words hot tip it's like does something to go like instagram algorithm because secretly we don't want to be people pleasers we literally just want to let it be okay it just does something for people like if you if you've got a quote that's doing well just like put the f word in there and it'll just turn up

do a split test right do a split test just try it keep your mom on the other one you know the amount of times i have hidden things from my grandma sorry I want to keep grandma alive. Okay. How about you, Lynn? So relatable, especially when you were talking about the people-pleasing tendencies, because my biggest pivot probably came when I went from the first business that I built into giving myself permission to go all in on powerhouse women before it was monetizing in a significant way. And I think that's one of the boldest pivots that you can make is to leave something that's going really well. And it probably won't make sense to anyone other than you. Because I was the only one that could feel what I was feeling,

that could see what I was seeing. And I was doing it with a plan. So I had the support of my husband and the people who matter. Pretty much just him. The people who matter, right? I was like, pretty much no one else got it. But it was because in this previous business, I had taught a lot of people to rely on me. Because that felt really good. Felt really comfortable to be needed. And I realized I created a life that I couldn't walk away from without leaving a couple of bridges burned. And that was on me. That wasn't anyone else's fault. I had a lot of codependent relationships that it just

wasn't going to evolve in a natural way. And I just had to have the guts to say, I know you don't understand, but I'm also asking you to just love me in this new direction that I want to go. I really believe in this. I think this idea, I think this little idea called powerhouse women could be a thing. But imagine, imagine like, had I, like, had I not listened to that, there was way more evidence for why I should stay doing what I was doing. A really nice residual income, a lot of speaking opportunities, acknowledgement. I was put on stages. I was given awards. I mean, you remember that. But on the inside, if you know there's something more for you, it's the willingness to be a beginner again. I think it's one of the most

courageous things any of us can do is reinvent ourselves. And what you learn about yourself in the process by being willing to be a beginner will rock your world. It's one of the reasons why right now I'm taking dance classes with these two amazing people sitting in the front row. So fun. Because, you know, it made me fall in love with being a beginner because it feels awkward and I grow and I get to see my own limiting beliefs and I get to see the way I talk to myself when I'm not great at something initially, it's given me so many gifts. But I learned that in that season

where I trusted my own intuition, maybe for the first time ever and said, you know what? No one else sees what I can see and I need to be okay with that and not need the validation like you were just talking about. Because in the past, I would go around and I'd be like, here here's my new idea do you think this is a good idea like how are we

feeling i would probably ask everyone in this room like i'm gonna i'm gonna put out a poll i just wanted to hear you say that to people how are we feeling about my new idea i'm feeling about this i like it and then if they like maybe they were like about to sneeze so like their face would like contort in a weird way to be it'd be like, they hate it. Not doing it. They hate me. I'm an idiot. I really should.

But here's what I want you to remember, okay? And this was, this really served me in the beginning. Be careful who you share your really, really big ideas with. In the beginning, when it's just a little seed. Because a big idea is easiest to kill when it's in that seed form. So don't expect everyone to get it because you were given that vision. You were given the vision for what you can see. Everyone else can't see it. So they're not going to water that seed, even if they love you. And that's what you want to, that's what you hope for is right. Having the people who love you enough to say, I don't see what you see, but I believe in you. I'd bet on you any day of the week, because what you have to realize is that

your job is to work. I'm like, what are some farming terms here? Hold on. I'm not a gardener. I don't have a green thumb, but I'm going to try. Okay. Ready? It's like me. It's like me using skydiving analogies. time i like to use analogies that i have no business using so back to gardening okay i just want you to work in a hoe that's oh thank you see this is why this is right bring your funny friends around so imagine you've got your hoe i got one all the time and you you're watering your seed. You're probably fertilizing. This is way too much. That just took it past the line.

We're going to bring it back. But here's the important piece, right? There's a lot of steps in between planting the seed and harvesting the fruit. Focus on the part that you can see. Do the work. Grab that hoe every day. till the soil or whatever the fuck you do. But here's the thing. Some people won't get it. They won't validate it until there's fruit. And by that time, it will probably be too long, too long for them to actually be a part of

it. Like you were saying, like the people who don't buy in when it, when it is an impressive and when you don't have anything to offer them. But it's important to realize that people aren't going to get it when it's in that seed form, but it's important for you to protect it. Because if you don't, other people could easily talk you out of something that's going to be your next big thing. And it's going to make a huge impact. And you just have to trust that, especially if you can feel it or see it. You know, some of us get intuition, like physically, I'm a generator in human design. So I feel intuition, like, but some people get a visual glimpse of what's ahead. And you just have to trust that even when no one else around you can see it, unless it's like a really safe person

who really has your back and is not sure you should pursue that. Even maybe you should second guess that because if you know that you're meant to go down that path, again, if we take the viewpoint that you can't actually fail, you're either going to learn something or you're going to grow or it is going to be a success. Anything in between there, I'll take all day. I'll take the lesson if it gets me to the next place that I need to evolve to in order to really become the person that I'm meant to be. But I'm so grateful that I listened to me. I think that was the first time, that pivot was the first time that I listened to me, even though no one else was validating it.

Maybe five people. You know, like the people who showed up at that first event and said, well, when's the next one? And I was like, this was literally it. Hold on a sec. Let me think about this. Give me a minute. Go to the bathroom and think of something. Right? So I'm so grateful that I listened to that intuition because all everything people now know me for wouldn't exist if I hadn't. Let's talk about some of the, let's talk about the in-between, the transition periods, because I think this is the most important thing. We can talk about the evolution and the upgrades and all the exciting stuff that is coming, but it's going to be the in-between that's going to derail you and is going to put you back into the thing that you already know, that you're already getting validation for. Trust me, there were multiple times where actually I'll start out by sharing a story around that. So I really want to talk about what the transition

actually feels like to prepare you for it and then also how to support yourself around it. So we'll go and chat about that. So when I was in the fitness world, that was honestly the first time I'd ever finished anything like ever at all, meaning I had never, I didn't graduate high school. I never like really stuck to jobs very long. I wanted to start these different things and never did. So when I, so I never got any accolades and I never, uh, being raised in a really religious family, the only time you got recognized was for like religious purposes. If you were a good girl, if you did the things that you were supposed to do in the congregation

wanted you to do. So, um, I had never actually gotten recognition for like school doing something. Well, any athletics? Cause I wasn't in any, like nothing. You weren't allowed to be in them. So for me, what happened is when I got into fitness, after I moved out, there were some quick hits of like recognition around, oh, you're so fit. And I was like, I am, guess what I'm going to do. I'm going to get more fit. And I did at the cost of my mental health in every arena. Um, but that

addiction got really intense, like literally down to, down to places where it was like, no one commented on my arms this week because I wasn't getting it anywhere else in my life. So when I was in the fitness world and started getting attention around, you know, fitness competitions and winning and then getting in on covers like that was a whole other world of this is who I am now. I actually don't know who I am outside of this. I can't imagine ever leaving it except not long after being in it. I was like, I'm not really supposed to be here anymore. And that was the scariest place I think I've ever been because up till that point, that was the scariest thing I'd ever done.

And what ended up happening is even a couple years after and even throughout my career, I would notice that when I was going into a new transition, I'd be like, oh, my God, you know what? Oh, I should go try to get a cover. And sometimes I would. But guess what that cover would do? Yeah, it would be awesome because I would get that accolade and I would, I'd feel fulfilled for a little bit. The cover would come out. And honestly, it was like two weeks. You're kind of done and you're already like, great. That didn't last. Like nobody really, it's weird, right? Nobody keeps talking about it. Come on people. No one came up in the grocery. It's like, no matter how many times you post it, they're kind of like, saw it the first time.

You're like, do you know how long this took and how hungry I was? So it's really easy to run back to that thing. And the thing is not fulfilling necessarily because it's not on your future path anymore. But this is what we do over and over and over in our lives with our relationships, with our friendships, with our careers. So the transition is a really tricky spot. It's going to pull you back over and over because you want a dopamine hit around your identity. You want a dopamine hit around something feeling like you understand it. It just feels good to go back to something and be like, Ooh, I'm good at this. Yeah, this is right. Okay. This feels good. I am good. But you don't get to do that if you're really evolving in the

way that your soul is craving. It's really, really uncomfortable. It feels like a free fall. It feels treacherous. It feels like you're going to lose your entire identity. There were definitely places where I was like, I'm not going to be loved anymore. Who am I even going to hang out with? I was very aware. You know how you were'm, it's kind of interesting who you see, who you're hanging out with. Like I was very aware some of my relationships were only for some reasons. And it's like, part of me didn't mind it because I was a lonely kid. You know, part of me was just like, cool. I'm popular. Thank God. But if I transition from this, I won't be popular anymore. And so that's been a big thing that has followed me everywhere in my life that I always have to think about when I'm transitioning. Cause it's

like, yep, wherever you are, you take you with you and use the best thing that you can ever invest in, in those transitions. I want to talk about kind of the things that you guys have experienced in your transitions. Well, when you said that, the first thing that I thought of was, can we talk about how relationships evolve inevitably? I mean, they're just going to. That's necessary. Yes. I don't really have anything else to say on that other one, and I would love to hear what

you have to say. Do you know what we need up here? Just like a stuffed mic that we can just drop when we're done. When we were just like, no. But it's something that I, and your community probably talks about this a lot too. It's, I think the number one thing that prevents a lot of people from fully stepping in and committing to the next thing, because it is, it's really, it's challenging when you see the writing on the wall and you know, relationships are evolving.

And that person who was like, you're running mate, like you were in the trenches together, maybe just for whatever reason, that's not the case for this next season. And it really wasn't until I read your book that I ever heard someone talk about how certain relationships come into our life for life and others are for a season, others are for a lesson. And those are real fun when you get to be, I love your quote about, you know, in order to be the hero in someone's story, sometimes you need to be the villain first for a season. And that's probably been the toughest part for me of allowing my evolution, again, people pleasing tendencies that have been really deep rooted because I've wanted to make sure it's okay with everybody else before I give myself permission to evolve.

That hurt. We all got punched. Sorry. Do you all want a hug? We liked it. We liked it though. It was weird. Yeah. We liked it. Yeah, it was strange. Even still to this day, I would love if everyone understood my evolution. You know what I wish? I wish people could really see inside my heart. I wish people could really see my character and knew my heart. But that's the thing is sometimes they, their journey literally needs to see you through a certain light so they can grow. And I don't, I don't love being anyone's trigger, but I've had to learn to be more comfortable being an unintentional trigger because I'm just on my path. Cause what I refuse to do anymore is change my course just to try and avoid being a trigger.

Because maybe I'm actually shortcutting the lesson they're supposed to learn. Because again, remember like the boyfriend thing? Maybe they needed to learn it with someone who's actually very loving. Right? Otherwise, they're going to meet some asshole friend who's going to really hurt them. But to realize that I don't get to say. That's been the hardest. The hardest lesson for me in allowing myself to pivot is realizing that I don't get to choose.

All I can do is as long as I go to bed at night and I am proud of the person that I am and I really know my heart. And sometimes I have to check myself because I'm like, you know what? You were a little jealous or you weren't actually showing up for that person the way that you said you would. So you got to own that. That's maybe why this is hurting. But at the end of the day, if I can come back to myself and know that I am following my own path, then I've learned, and luckily I have a lot of good friends, to support me through that

inevitable growth that sometimes relationships just evolve and they aren't a part of your journey anymore. Oh, I love that. And you just, you made me think of a point of you don't, you don't have to explain yourself in the transition. And I think in the beginning we do. Can we stop over-explaining ourselves in the transition? We do so much explaining. Here's why I think I should do this. Here's why I think it'll be a good idea here's why here's why just just be quiet and drive yeah just go forward just don't tell anyone what you're doing just go show them what you're doing and let it be okay what people say how about you a transition yeah I think for me what's been really interesting is I've wanted to kind of take a pause and figure out, okay, what about the business and my role do I love?

What do I not love? What I want to change up? And say, for example, you know, I want to lean more into content creation role versus a team management role. It doesn't mean that on Monday I can drop everything as it pertains to team management, but I've been learning how to sit with putting things on maintenance mode and keeping things running whilst also allocating time towards the new direction and the new thing. That's been a really good way for me to sit with transition because I definitely don't want to be in a place where I'm like, okay, like clean the whiteboard. We're going to start from scratch here. No, let's think about everything that's's involved let's do this in a way that actually maintains certain things you know it's not going to have team feeling like they're

totally on their own or it's not going to have this channel not getting any posts on for the next three months but let's think about how we can maintain things while also getting really excited about what's coming up my practical brain just goes there and then I really relate to what you said too about just relationships evolving. I've definitely felt that, you know, especially over the last 10 years in business, I feel like there's always so many like changes and things like that.

And I think it's so, I think we have such an opportunity to be able to show up and surprise ourself. Like really when you think that you can't show up in a different way or you can't, you can really surprise yourself. There's always a little bit of extra work you can do show up in a different way or you can't you can really surprise yourself there's always a little bit of extra work you can do there's always a bit more responsibility you can take there's always you know there's always something else you can do

whether that's directly in a conversation or relationship with person a person or people or whether it's your own work like you said you go to bed at night and your side of the street is clean I think there's always so much we can do and learn in that situation. And that's definitely surprised me. Like over the years, I've had so many, you know, team relationships or joint ventures, things like that. And to be able to navigate different seasons in a way that surprises you both, I think is amazing. And so it's like never underestimate how you feel like you can show up. Like you can always, you can always do yourself proud. I think. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. Transitions are a really vulnerable period. So that's how I would look at it. It's, it's a very, you feel very

vulnerable. You feel very unprotected. So if we think of all of the things that transition, it's kind of like thinking of how a crab goes to a bigger shell? He is so, he, not all crabs are male, but this one, this one, this one, this particular crab, his name is Bobby the crab and he is, he is male. So he, he's going to his other shell in the process. He's a soft little crab. You've had crab before. Have you eaten Bobby before? It's very soft. It's literally like you're going to seek protection in the interim. That is like the danger zone. But in order to get to the shell where he is growing to, he literally has to have that period of not knowing what's next, like literally leaves not knowing, but knowing in his soul that he's meant to be in something bigger.

Like that is instinctual. This is too tight. It doesn't fit. If I don't leave, I'm going to die. Right? And I know that's dramatic, but it kind of is like your future is dying if you don't leave. The evolution of who you came here to be will be dead forever if you don't choose to evolve and to pivot.

So you have to go get naked and run on the beach in hopes of your next big house. We want to see proof. So you have to run naked to your next goal, but that's how it feels. It literally feels that bad. Some of you would way rather run naked into a shell or into the next hut down the beach six miles than to do an actual transition. Is that right? I would at times. I'm like, look, 3 a.m. It's fine. No one's going to be out.

I'll run naked. It'd be great. But let's think of another thing, like a potted plant. Who's had to move a smaller plant into a bigger pot, right? Never, because I can't keep plants alive. Yeah, Lori. Lindsay, I haven't been there, but this is like your skydiving analogy. Roll with me.

Okay. Do you know me and Danielle once tried to give a speech and we thought it would be really smart to bring in a climbing analogy. Neither of us are climbers. And we got so distracted. We ended up finding a friend of a friend who was a climber and called him up. And we were like, hey, we're doing...

No, while we're planning for the keynote, we're like, hey, hey, we're doing a keynote. We thought it'd be really good if we put a climbing analogy in here so this is the analogy does it make sense and he so calmly without knowing us just said please don't do that please don't say that he was like you're gonna get laughed at and we only realized we were like two three hours into the climbing analogy we'd wasted three hours on a climbing analogy and since then i'm like you know what i'm gonna try and stay away from these analogies because didn't work out. I kid you not friend of a friend.

We got him on a call. It wasn't even a big part of the keynote. No, this is the best analogy right now. Here's why. Because when you're pivoting, you feel so vulnerable that anyone can come and tell you what direction to go and you believe them yes so you get in a shell that was not for you at all and you're like why does this

not work yeah and i have been in that position so many times where especially even doing talks i'm like oh i shouldn't talk on what i know because that's dumb and not smart and so i should talk on what i absolutely don't know and in two weeks try to learn about the what I absolutely don't know. And in two weeks, try to learn about the science of, I don't know, hair growth. Don't ask me, but for real, I,

every single time, because we don't trust ourselves that we have everything. We need something new, fresh. If we, if it's not new to us, then it's not new to anybody else. We got to trust ourselves in the transition.

I love where this always just naturally goes. So good. So good. Do we just say it's so good to ourselves yeah and i know i jumped in but i just had self-affirmation no i don't know i love it and i see smiles that's what this is about yeah the pot so the potted plant thing is literally just it's that it's it goes through a phase where we actually okay i did do this so it can go into shock if it's not like treated properly, if you don't really watch it. And I think that that is again, where if you don't get into the right environments, if you don't support yourself, if you don't truly know what it's going to feel

like, if you don't really nurture yourself during that time and kind of block out the outside noise, like you can go into shock, number one, die again, right? We're talking about this a lot, but truly I really believe that when you're not following why you're here, it feels like you feel like the walking dead. I've been there. I've been there. Raise your hand if you're just like, oh, God, you can't find the energy. Like you just literally can't find the energy for anything.

And you don't show up as yourself. You know what it feels like even in the beginning of a transition when you know you're moving in the direction of something for you and you're like, I'm still like in a real shitty situation, but man, I feel good. Like I've got energy. I'm excited. Like if you're looking at my reality, still not great, but I'm excited because I'm saying yes to me and I'm no longer rejecting myself. Like I've stopped listening to the experts because there will be a lot and they will even be great people. But you need to measure everything. You need to sit with it for a bit. You know, especially I think even writing books or naming podcasts or courses, like I don't know about you

guys. Well, I do know because this is everyone. But if we could just kind of talk about a time when maybe you went down that direction or you were swayed into something. Like even with my book, they tried to get me to write a different book and a different title. And I was like, I can't write any of this because when I sat down to do it, I was like, yeah, it might sell, but I can't sell a book if I can't write it. So just being talked into things by the experts because they were experts and telling me this was going to be the next whatever. So it's very shiny. So how about you guys? Yeah, I think it's there's something about an expert telling you something.

It kind of gives you this promised future. Like I feel like when we're in a transition period, a part of us wants a promised future. A part of us wants to be told it's going to work out. It's going to be amazing. And we want an expert to swoop in and say, this is going to be amazing and put all of their confidence and trust in you. But I really think that it takes a lot of the fun away. And almost if you have someone tell you

the way it's going to be, you're robbing yourself of the experience of it being even better than you could ever imagine. And I've had so many of those experiences where people have told me to go a certain way and I kind of go halfway down that path like you're saying whether it's naming a book or a course or even the idea of a product you know I've nearly created so many physical products they have never materialized but I get so far down a path and I listen to so many different people and all of a sudden I'm like

this wasn't the idea I had in the first place and then I'll kind of abandon it and move on. And if I hadn't have kept listening and I would have just gotten quiet, I probably would have stopped creating that thing a long time ago and realized I didn't need another project, but I didn't. Can I ask you a question just so everybody knows? Like when you're doing that,

there was money involved, right? Like you put a lot of money on the line. Yes. You had a lot of money into the projects. You had a lot of money into like the timeline. Maybe you hired teams. Maybe you like all of the things. Maybe you told people, maybe you brought people in that now you're embarrassed. You're saying maybe because you know I did. Because I did too. And so you still stopped it once you knew it was wrong. So I want to tell you that because you're going to think I can't

because I have, I'm going to lose this money. I can't because I told these people I can't because now this mentor knows and has put so much time into me and I feel guilty and I have to show up in this way because they invested in me. You can't drag a dead body up a hill. You can't do it. No. And I'm so glad you called that because that's, that's the idea of I'm going to lose this money. Oh my God, the amount of times, even, you know, so many situations that I've been in, but even this, you know, the idea I was going to launch a product. And I was like, this is the new thing. Like, I'm not busy enough. I'm, you know, I could use one more thing. I need another thing.

I was already pregnant at the time. Like, okay, what's one more thing? And there was a lot of money in there. And, you know, we had a conversation of like do we really want to continue this or are we just doing because we think we should and we decided to pause it and rather than seeing it as money lost it was kind of that was an investment in kind of dipping our toe in and realizing we shouldn't have been doing it and that investment has actually got me so much more focused than I would ever have been and so it wasn't really a loss like yes it can

feel like a bit of a loss but I really was able to see it as if I hadn't have put the money in I would have kept floating this idea in my head telling myself this is a genius idea just the mental space that would have taken up I was sitting in sitting in my head for so long this is a genius idea no one's done this yet why don't I don't why don't I do this okay I just need to do it and it wasn't until I really invested the money and got serious about it that I realized you know what it probably is a good idea but it's not my idea to launch and if someone else goes and does it then I'll buy it and that feels really good um yeah and I I'm glad I spent the money to do that well if you if you 100 reframe it and go back to the you before you were clear when you were like oh should i do it if someone said i am going to give you exact extreme crystal clarity

if you pay me this amount would you have paid it yeah that's all that we do that's literally the same exact investment and we just have to go down the path to experience what that is because you can't see the path but we trust it more when it's an expert we don't trust it so much when it feels like it's money that we lost. Because somehow we trust other people more than we trust ourselves. Me. But I like reframing it like that. Like, oh, that was just someone I was paying to mentor me in this direction. I've never heard it like that before.

That's a mic drop moment, Lauren. We need the stuffy. Get the mic, please. We need the stuffed mic. We'll just do the hand motion. Just that. Thank you so much for listening. And if you enjoyed this episode on the Boss Babe podcast,

then I'd absolutely love it if you leave us a review. As a thank you, we'll send you our Side Hustle Success Kit. Your simple, no BS guide to keeping track of everything that you need to do to start and grow your business. To access this freebie, all you need to do is leave us a review, then share a screenshot of your review with contact at bossbabe.com and we'll send this must-have kit straight to your inbox. Outro Music