the bossbabe podcast - 289. How To Stop Doubting Yourself + Have Full Confidence In Your Path (Even If It’s Unclear Right Now) - Pt 2 Q+A with Lori Harder and Lindsey Schwartz

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

Ever want to ask me a question about mindset, or business strategy? I’ve gotten so many messages about how much you loved the vulnerable, no BS, Living Room Session I recorded with Lori Harder, Host of Earn Your Happy Podcast, and Lindsey Schwartz, Founder of Powerhouse Women. In this part 2 episode, I’m sharing the Live Q&A we did with the intimate group that attended the live podcast recording and the questions did not disappoint! Lori, Lindsey, and I share our most recurring limiting beliefs and actionable tips for how we put them in check, advice for how to support loved ones when they’re in transition, and how to keep momentum when you feel like you’re constantly changing course (spoiler alert, you can always generate it!) Lori Harder is a leading expert in the field of fitness, transformational work, mindfulness and self-love. She has grown two multi-million dollar businesses as a successful entrepreneur and network marketing professional. She is also an author, cover model and three-time fitness world champion who offers a carefully curated set of practical tools to promote sustainable health, spiritual well-being and financial freedom.  Lindsey Schwartz is a successful entrepreneur, top podcast host, and best-selling author. Her commitment to supporting and empowering other women is unwavering, and she invests her time in mentoring women and girls from diverse backgrounds–from high school students to high achieving entrepreneurs. She's also an investor in real estate and companies founded by women, including the popular Lite Pink beverage brand. 02:00 How do you handle people trying to cast a shadow on you when they see you shining?  08:15 What advice would you give someone who is in a long transition period? 12:40 Our most recurring limiting beliefs, and how we put them in check. 18:00 How do you keep the momentum when you constantly feel yourself changing direction? 23:15 Ways to remind yourself to show up as the expert you are. 29:40 How would you describe a business that is a new concept and get word out about it? 33:00 What do you do to help someone you care about that’s in transition? 39:40 Have you ever felt guilt for your success? HIGHLIGHTS Our most recurring limiting beliefs and how we put them in check! Advice for supporting a loved one through a transition period. If we’ve ever felt guilt for our success + how we’ve navigated it! LINKS Visit Lori’s website: www.loriharder.com Visit Lindsey’s website: www.powerhousewomen.co/ FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Lori Harder: @loriharder Lindsey Schwartz: @llindseyschwartz

You have to sell your vision at every moment of your life. Whenever you open your mouth about what you do, like you have to let everything melt away and remember that you get to paint what they see about you and about the vision. And so your job as a creator, a founder, a CEO, an owner, is that if you ever open your mouth about anything that you're doing to anyone,

it needs to always be about even if you're in the shittiest spot ever you need to paint the vision about where you're going a boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise keep going and fighting on she is on a mission to be her best self in all areas it's just believing in yourself confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. This is part two of the live podcast recording that I did with my friend Lori Harder and Lindsay Schwartz. This was so much fun. This was a full living room vibe. We had some wine, we were being completely honest, and we were talking all about the challenges that come with transitions. And it feels like

it is the most relevant topic for us and you guys. So this is the part where you get to ask all of your questions. So with that, you guys are on a podcast as well. Three podcasts. You're on Powerhouse Women. You are on the Boss Babe podcast. And you are on the Earn Your Happy Show. Don't stress.

You're only going out to to millions and millions and millions of listeners no big deal so if you were smart you would say your name and really quickly what you do and maybe what your handle is but make sure it only takes up like 15 seconds yes with um with velocity because truly the listeners actually just want to hear it like that right because when you're listening to a podcast you're like oh god Sheila's asking another question and you want to poke your eyes out anyone named is named Sheila here and you want to poke your eyes out and you fast forward Sheila you know what I'm saying so if you don't want to get fast forwarded here's how you ask a question my question is and we will ask you for any backstory so with velocity state your name your business

if you want to and perhaps your handle and then my question is and we'll go from there does that sound good amazing let's get started who's got the first question oh man okay i'm gonna go let's go with sam because it was her birthday yesterday can we go Sam! I didn't even see you here! Hi, yeah, I'm Sam. I'm a sound healer. Sam underscore E underscore pants. That's where you can find me. My question is, for all of you ladies,

is when you are shining your brightest, what keeps you shining when people want to cast their shadow on you? I know. Yeah, actually, Soundbaths with Sam. What keeps you shining when people want to cast their shadow on you? Woo! I know. Yeah, actually, sound baths with Sam. With Sam. That's legitimately one of our tools.

Last Thursday, rocked my world with you, so that, yes. It was a sound bath, just in case anyone was wondering. In the backseat of your car. I'm just kidding. It was so weird. Sorry, we took that in such a wrong direction. Now I'm thinking about what that would look like. What keeps us shining when people want to cast a shadow?

I'll go first. I think that doing your own work is really important. I'm a big advocate of investing in coaches, mentorship, community, health, all of those things because I know if I feel my best and I have an outlet I have a coach someone to speak to then things can get reframed if I'm feeling my best if I'm feeling healthy I've got a better energy to deal with things I notice that things bother me the most when I haven't got a healthy outlet you know and a healthy outlet is not a friend that tells you yeah she was being such a bitch like that's not a healthy outlet a healthy outlet is someone that can really call you forward

and help you reframe things and then also just doing my taking my supplements trying to get my sleep my nutrition working out those things just gives me a better way of dealing with things I Yes. Same. Friends, for sure. My group of people around me always, always, it's typically that first is kind of the, if maybe I've, it's a moment of losing shine. Like, oh, this is really going downhill. Or you're just feeling terrible. Sometimes it's those conversations that guide you back. It's interesting. Friends, but also sometimes it's a podcast. Sometimes, you know, I went back to a cycle class today and I haven't really been doing cardio like that lately.

And all of a sudden I was crying during a song going, oh God, I'm back. Like I finally feel back. It's like, it's a million little moments of doing things for yourself. Even just honestly booking that session with you. I used to do things like that all the time. And I haven't, cause I've been so in the tactical with my business that I've put that on the back burner. It's like, Oh, I'll do that later. Or honestly, I can feel like I don't need it. Like I actually

don't want it. I'm like, no, cause I'm so in the tactical or just I'm all good, right? But I'm actually not like I need to tap back into kind of the shine in the light in the who am I in the connection. And it's all of those things. So it's kind of stopping to ask yourself, what do you need? And you won't always get an answer because I didn't get an answer recently. And it was kind of like, well, I'm going to try some things, right? I'm going to go back to the cycle class. I'm going to go book a sound bath. I'm going to go on fitness walks with Lindsay so I can get all the answers. I'm going to go hang out with, you know, a couple that I absolutely love. This is all moments when you get these shiny moments back and all of that equals,

oh, that's right. I'm back. These are the things that make me feel really good. It's easy to get away from them. Yeah. I think the only other thing I would add to that is I'm getting very clear on the people who, when I'm around them, I feel like my light actually turns up. What I think is my brightest volume, or that's a different thing, that's audio. When I'm at my brightest wattage, I pay really close attention to who my light actually turns up around them and where I notice myself dimming it. And I don't make it about them

because again, if I'm growing, all of this is also a lesson for me. So I'll go into like, well, what is it? Why did I feel, why did I dim myself right there? Why did I say that one little thing? Or when I, when they were asking me about this great thing that I did, why did I add the caveat? But, but here's this thing that's not going well. And I just use it all as an experiment to teach me how to hold my own light even brighter brighter because I do believe, and this is something I actually just recently had a huge breakthrough in, because for

my whole life, I really had a fear of being that person for someone else, that my success would make them feel less than in comparison. That was really like the lens I looked at life through. And I read something, I shared it on my podcast, so I'm not going to remember it word for word, but I read something that shifted it in an instant for me. And that's what I love about like when we're really searching for our answers, they'll come and they'll come swiftly. And I know like you are, you have so many great tools in your life to access this, but it was this switch of it is really our duty, it's our job to show people what it looks like to live a big life, not one that is built on tearing others down or on

competition or on judgment, but a big life that is lived in integrity and through collaboration and lived in a way that shows others that it's possible for them. And the moment I read that, I said, that. That's my new bar that I'm setting. And I'm just paying really close attention right now as I get used to this new commitment I've made to myself. Where do I notice my light turns up? And where do I notice I was always in control of the dimmer?

Where am I dimming it? Stuffy mic drop that when that second glass of wine hits though you don't want to talk to me at the third it's a bell curve it's a very steep bell I think we did three on the first one and then listened. They were big course. We were like, we're going to keep it to two. Such a great question. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. Next question. I make you do it. Okay, great. I do not do this part.

Okay. Lana. Hi, my name is Lana and I own Pampered Soul Nail Salon and Spa in Scottsdale where Lindsay gets her nails done. Oh, my God. This is Lana. It's Lana.

Hey. Hi. She's right here. And our handle is Pampered Soul. And my question is, have any one of you experienced a quite extended transition period? Whether you have or haven't, what would be the best tips you give on it? And I'm talking like a year. Lori's giggling, so we'll let her go first.

Yes, you don't get to pick how long your transitions are, a.k.a. winters. They can be two years. They can be five years. You will come out of it. And the longer they are, the more beautiful they are on the other side. So do not seek to come out of the winter you will come out on your own it's really interesting and the more you seek it the more you're resisting the lesson so it's it's like it's so interesting like when you're surfing I know I know about

surfing so I can talk about this I feel like we have to talk about this now. Everyone looks at each other. I'm qualified to use this analogy. When you're surfing, so this is so interesting. So you want to get out past the break and there are a lot of waves and the waves can come small at first, they come in sets and then they can come really big. And so what happens is the beginners want to continue to get over the wave, right? We want to keep on paddling and we always try to want to get over the wave. So in winters, we're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to get over this. We're going to get through it. We're going to get to what's, what's next. What's next. I want to be on the other side of the wave. And the pros

literally go headfirst into the wave and they pop out the other side. So what happens with beginners is we keep going on the big wave and we want to get over it. But what happens is the wave is too big. So it pushes us back and we're in winter again. So we're like, no, I don't want to dive in. That's really fricking scary. I don't know how to do it. Cause you actually have to push your board down and dive through and trust that you're going to come up. You always will, but it doesn't feel that way. You see a big wave coming at you and you're like, I'm not diving into that wave. Oh my God. I'm never like, I'll never make it except season pros are like dive through easy. They didn't waste all their energy. They're already to the other wave and you're back at shore again. So I believe this is what's happening with our winters over and over and over again. We're like, come on. Oh,

there's the sunshine. I must be out. Oh my God. I'm going to start something new, something else. And it's like, what have we really sat and said? What is the lesson? Like what's around me right now? What am I observing? Why am I doing it? Like, don't rush it. Just sit in it. You know what my husband says to me, that bastard, he always says, I say, I feel so depressed. I feel so anxious. I don't know. Like it's, this is the worst season ever. And he's like, enjoy it. I'm like, enjoy it. That's such a husband thing. It's such a and he's like enjoy it I'm like enjoy it that's such a husband thing it's such a husband thing to say and a psycho thanks for that yeah exactly thanks for the help psycho and he turns around I'm like then I call Lindsay and I need a walk and she

calms me down but enjoy it I say that to myself now it seems like the most psychotic thing to say but I'm like enjoy it do you know why's contrast. Because if it was good all the time, you wouldn't enjoy that. I know lots of people, we, hey, Natalie, we have lived in LA. Lots of people who you're feel like nothing you can even literally imagine. And truly, the winters are where you meet the next version of yourself. So I know we want to rush it, but man, there's always going to be those. And don't dread them because they're always going to come, right? Sometimes we get the summer, we get to the summer and we're like, I'm never going to have a winter like that again. Meanwhile, Frosty the snowman is back there just like just you wait can he do that yeah i think it's like

all right so you guys gotta be here live you missed the hand gestures oh yeah i'm so sorry everyone listening it was really funny though i'm like i have nothing to add to that that was so brilliant that was so beautiful and such a great question yeah i felt that so deeply uh next question what we got rick i was gonna come to you next but then you didn't answer raise your hand rick rick coffee everybody in the house big kid rick hi yes i'm rick i'm a dance fitness instructor big kid rick on social Big Kid Rick. Hi, yes, I'm Rick. I'm a dance fitness instructor. Big Kid Rick on social media platforms. So fun to follow.

Please go follow. So fun. Go follow him right now. That's what you were meant to get out of this podcast. Yes, follow me. You just switched into radio announcer voice. I need to learn about that voice. I like it.

Later, later. Okay. I'm interested to hear in your times of transition or starting something new, what your most recurring self-limiting thoughts have been and how you learned to put those thoughts where they belong. Woo. Such a great question. Thank you.

Wow. Well, I honestly, mine I shared with the first question. It was just it's always like this. And what happens for me, I don't know anyone else, is the fears or the limiting thoughts will come back dress, dress in a different outfit. So I'm like, oh, I'm over the people pleasing. So over it. And then it comes back in a different form. And I realized there was just like another layer to it. So for me, it's always been that fear that as I go to the wanna turn around and I wanna be like, is everybody okay with this? And then I find the one person like way in the back, in the corner, who's just really unhappy with everything. And I'm like, oh sir, you're not. Okay, I'm just gonna stay right here until you smile.

Obviously I've learned that you can't do that, but that's been the one for me. I think mine probably is this fear of will I lose momentum? Will I lose everything that I've built all of this momentum that's happening for me right now? I've heard some of the mastermind we were at Laurie, our friend Jamie was talking about this, how that was a big fear of his as well. And when she spoke about it, I really resonated. and what she realized was the momentum never stops because we are the momentum if we can create it once we can create it twice five times ten times and I think I can get into a place of telling myself a story if I can't create that again I can't do that again and it's like wait if I was the one that did it the first time, surely I can be the one who does it a second time.

It's never a fluke. Yeah, and I really have to remind myself of that often. Mine definitely, it can morph a little bit, but for me, I can find that I know that I have the idea and like, you know, does everyone in here know they're brilliant? Like they have their moments, you have your flashes, raise your hand, come on. know they're brilliant? Like, they have their moments. You have your flashes.

Raise your hand. Come on. Flashes at least. Okay. Thank you. Someone's like, okay, flashes. All right. I got it.

Like, beep. Yeah. Oh, flash. Okay. So it's like you know that, but then kind of when you get out in the world and you start getting this idea out there, I really, really look for validation. And it's to my demise quite often. And I do it often. Like I watch my, I'll have out of body experiences going, you're doing it again. Like thinking that I need someone with me on this path, because to just say you're good enough, you're worthy. It's kind of like I'm

always desiring to be popular. And when I do that, and that is a deep childhood thing, you guys, that is full on abandonment all through my early years and 20s. That when, when I do that, I find all the people who abandoned me literally every single time. And so it's been repeated to me even recently. And I'm like, I did that again and I didn't need it. Like, and so that that's the lesson. Like it was not them. It was fully the energy that I was even putting out there. And it was absolutely like a, when it was reflected back, I was like, Oh, my

gosh, they don't see the value because I didn't show them the value. I was telling them they were all of the value. Like, so there were these moments of just in my it doesn't matter what it's in. Sometimes it's in friendships. Sometimes it's in, you know, podcast guests that you want on like anything like that, where you are not where you're not owning your value in trying to like partner with someone or do something or get someone on a show or, or do anything together, right? If you don't go with your value first, they are absolutely going to think that you don't hold the value. You know what I'm saying? So this is why you have to show up in these moments of sharing value. Because if we don't go forward with our

own worthiness even when it does not feel that way it will always be reflected back to you and it's not their fault like that none of what happened to me is any of their fault it's truly because I never painted the value picture for them ever so good did I even answer that question these questions tonight are so good where is our microphone i know like it i want to help round of applause for kelsey studio manager just holding it down yes i was going to come to the lovely risa right in front here and make your job easy but then we move the microphone to the other side. But I'm still going to, yes. She's like, stand up.

We want to see your outfit. Oh, wow. Hi. I will sit down. Hi, guys. My name is Risa at Risa Costas. I'm a wardrobe stylist and product developer, I suppose. And my question is about momentum, which you were just talking about, Natalie. And I'm a serial transitioner, if you will, always finding myself back in that space.

So once you gain the momentum and once you sort of get there, because I find myself going in waves up and down, up and down, how do you stay there? What are your tips, your tricks? Like how do you keep that momentum going when you feel like you're you know you might inevitably go back into that transition phase what are the tips can I ask a follow-up question each transition is it out of fear or is it out of misalignment could be both I think usually misalignment because I am a serial people pleaser as well. So I think I keep saying yes to things because it's for other people and not for myself. So I find myself saying yes to somebody else's success in their journey and trying to play a role in that.

And you've talked a lot about that tonight. So I think it's that. I'm like, did she just answer her own question? I'm like, that was the best ever she's like no no please say words I often do think that when those of us ask those questions when we know the answer but we're so used to just outsourcing and and trusting others but even as you're asking that question I just felt like you knew the answer already and that is I feel like when we continue moving more and more towards what's authentic for us nothing can pull us off path and nothing can stop the momentum the only time that stops is when we are on a path that we realize is misaligned with us that we maybe did it for the wrong reasons those things that's what we need to kind of, what you were saying at the beginning, Lindsay,

is take a hard stop and really turn and pivot. But if it's more getting in more alignment and saying yes to more of what's here for us, you're not really taking those turns. You're just riding more of the waves. And I think deep down, you know that. I have something specifically for you. And this is either a good or a bad thing that, I mean, you're one of my best friends,

favorite people on the entire planet. As you were asking that question, what hit me was you actually haven't even experienced true momentum yet, meaning the momentum that is awaiting you. You have done incredible things and it's tricky because you are so crazy talented that you're halfway looks like other people's full tilt. You have never gone full tilt into all of you because you are the most giving, the most generous person I've ever met. And this is your season. We've talked about this, but this is your time. And this is going to be for someone else listening to that. Like this is the time for you to actually experience true momentum because you're going all in on you. I just think for, for people like yourself who are talented, people are attracted to you. So you're going to get a lot of opportunities. And sometimes the more, the more shiny you get, the more opportunities you get that will take you

off your course. Truly. I can't imagine what Natalie gets. I really can't imagine what her inbox looks like. I guarantee I could go through her emails and be like, why the fuck are you not taking this? Like, I'll take it. Forward it to me. And they'll be like, who is responding to this? I'll be like, it's Lori Harder. So you have to remember, like, just that if it's if it's pulling from a direction where the hard part is, is sometimes you don't know where you're going. So you're like, yeah, let's fill time. Let's do that. But you need that space to to figure out what is your direction sometimes. So yeah, just the more shiny you get, the more you got to learn how to say no, you know. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi.

You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business. You know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible i definitely recommend kajabi to all of my clients and students so if you're listening and haven't

checked out kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe yeah great question oh i'm so i'm so yeah i really wish i wish you all could see the video just so you could see this outfit wait light purple boots um light purple jacket boostiaier from heaven. We're all going to wear bustiers next session. Okay, Rick? All of us. Yes.

All right. Jeff is covering his eyes. All right. Next question. Okay. I do see you all in the second, like the back half of the room. Okay. And I don't remember your name in the orange dress.

Adrian? I love this combo that they came into i just oh so good we got a couple times that we looked like um harry and lloyd from dumb and dumber today but the hot girl version an orange dress and a blue outfit so great yeah was it planned i'm like no that was my favorite movie for a very long time so we're getting like hairy vibes but like no yeah I know I was like and you're wearing orange nails that's what happens in friendships guys it works my name is Adrienne I'm an interior designer interior architect I was in the process of like branching off starting my own business you guys talked about being an expert or listening to experts, I should say. But my question is, someone told me recently, is remember that you are the expert in your field. And if you're talking to somebody in your space is to remember that you

are the expert to them. So my question would be, how do you remind yourself that you're the expert in your field? And how do you like just give off that energy, I guess? Oh, OK. I got to hit on this one just because you have to sell your vision at every moment of your life. Whenever you open your mouth about what you do, like you have to let everything melt away and remember that you get to paint what they see about you and about the vision. And so your job as a creator, a founder, a CEO, an owner, is that if you ever open your mouth about anything that you're doing to anyone, it needs to always be about, even if you're in the shittiest spot ever, you need to paint the vision about where you're going and what the soul of that business is. That's it.

So, you know, we've in my company, we're pivoting right now. It's really not a secret anymore i am pivoting from an alcohol company into something else i will announce it in about two weeks and it's so good it's so much better it is it yeah it that that whole story will say when are you supposed to pivot i'll tell you when you lose your margins and many other things i thought you were gonna say when you lose your marbles. Well, it comes down to two, three M's margins, marbles and money when you lose. So with that said, we are only ever selling our energy and our enthusiasm. Like if you even walk

into a room with friends, with anything, the person who is most certain who has the most energy will win every time, no matter what, right? We have proof of this with our friend, Brendan Burchard. He will always win because he checks his energy at the door, but he's got methods for truly this is, it's not a, but I'm not that person. He wasn't either. When he walks through a doorframe, that is his trigger to say, what energy do you want to walk in with? Choose it right now and change it. That's a real life trigger that he worked on. Cause I asked him, I'm like, what do you do? He's like, this isn't who I I'm from Montana. I don't know. This isn't who I am. And I have adopted that because that man, if you are ever around him, he will win you over and he will win

because his energy is so incredible. And so I'm trying to adopt that. Like, you know, maybe my vision completely changed. Maybe this particular dream looks like it may have failed to people, but none of that failed to me. It was all a beautiful lesson. And it's also, I'm painting the picture of where we're going and I'm more energetic than ever. And it's also my choice to do that. But the more energy that I put into it, the bigger it gets and the more people are excited. And so it's such a reminder because I've watched it. I've watched me go, how should I say this?

Should I say all of these things that happen and blah, blah, blah? No, where are we going and what did I learn? So your job is always energy, energy, paint that vision, be the person who's over the top about what you want to do. Oh, that's the other thing. I don't care where you are right now. Tell them what you're going to do.

Even if you don't believe it, and even if it seems crazy, and even if it sounds like you don't know anything about what you're talking about because you don't know if it can be done, people like Elon Musk. He talks about Mars, everyone. I'd rather be the crazy person with a big dream exactly

he's like we're going to Mars and we're like you are it's so true yeah it is your job to breathe life into that and yes when you do that you will appear crazy at times but it will pivot and you will be proved true

because where your energy is going, like your body will physically follow it. It literally will. And your words vibrate as well. So we know that. You will attract the people, you will attract the things and you're also speaking to life. So the more you talk about it, the more energy you put in,

the more people go, oh, what did you say? Oh, I know that vision. That's how you get your thing out there and make it bigger. And I think another common thing that I see and I do all the time is we really sell ourselves short. So if like, let's say you're going into something that you have not done before, like you've been an interior architect, maybe you haven't been a business owner yet. Find people and Lori is one of these people for me. And there's so many of you in the room who will remind you what a big deal you are in the things that you downplay. And I'm going through this right now with watching my husband

start his new business where we're having these conversations about like, you know, there's things that are new to him. He can't say he's an expert in those yet, but in those areas, that's where he talks about his vision. He talks about the team that he has around him. He doesn't really talk about the things that he's not great at, but what we've done is we built out a resume for him of all the things that he has done that absolutely make him the perfect person to do this next thing. And when we have that story, I think that helped to really, I watched it happen with him. It helped him anchor in to the fact that he's got this. And when he delivers those investor conversations or, you know, when he's delivering the vision, he's so much more sure and you can feel it. The energy is literally different. So like just developing that certainty muscle is such, such a valuable thing, no matter what stage you're at, if you're starting something new and you're pivoting or if you just are ready to go to the next level and you got to remember who the fuck you are right because that that is going to

carry you so much further than any skill set it's like you being anchored in who you are i love all of this and i also just want to share too i think some of us and and myself included can get a little bit nervous if we're going to be around other experts perhaps experts who are also in similar fields to us and we're like oh my goodness what do i have to bring to this room what can i offer what i can tell you from sitting in these rooms for so many years feeling like that is a true expert will never look at you and think i'm getting nothing from this person i know all that shit a true expert will always be able to learn something from you and always take something from what you're sharing. And so you really are going toe to toe with those people,

no matter how long you've been in the business or how long you haven't. And I can really say that's true. So good. Stucky drop. You guys, these questions are so good. Okay, next question. I'll come right here. Where's our mic oh kelsey

i'm just let's just get her get her cardio in tonight every night hi i'm bianca i just launched my business boss bash it's a party supply shop for celebrating ambitious women and business showers what we all wish existed hold on yeah so like a business shower, like a baby shower? Exactly. I was waiting for someone. I was actually thinking about this in my shower this week. Not realizing that someone had already started it. Thank you.

Well, let's do it. My baby is like six years old. Yeah, that's okay. Anniversary. That's my question is it's not a common thing. This isn't a normal thing. So what do you have advice for, you know, explaining it to people simply or, you know, what if there's ever a time that you've had a big idea and you're sharing your vision that people don't understand without you? So specifically, obviously obviously you want to like

for your business specifically. Okay. Then we'll talk specifically to you and your business. I would say it just like that. It is like a baby shower for ambitious women who launch a business because it's like birthing a child. You know, you, you think of this idea, it's, you know, exposing it to the world. What if it's ugly? You need your friends there to tell you it's cute. No, but I would find your exact tagline. I'd probably ask a few, I would ask a few people, what is my exact tagline to like summarize this in one sentence? And then I would actually probably throw some for free for some very ambitious women all

the time. Like I would start, I would start doing things like that to get it out there. And that would become very clear, I think, what that is. And I think especially right now, I think I would really lean into the fact of like, what is getting celebrated in our culture and what is not getting celebrated in our culture.

And a lot of women are choosing not to have kids right now. And, you know, a lot of women are choosing not to have kids right now. And so a lot of them feel like their business is their baby. Like I want to have birthday parties for my dog, but no one would come. I don't have kids right now. Well, Lindsay for sure would. But I think that I would like find your couple things that you can really talk about. Not that, you you know women with kids also want to have showers for their businesses but I would really look creatively at like trying to get some other people involved and trying to find what your taglines are and asking people and being like hey would you ever want to do one of these like ask a lot of people how you would get that out there I think podcasts could be a really fun modality I think it could be such an

instagrammable thing for sure. I think that you could even, I'm like for her stuff, I also think there could be fun like products around it, things like that. So fun. I was going to say the exact same thing. I think telling people is good, but showing people is great. I, whenever I hear if people are understanding, I'm like, show them. I would do exactly that. I would be just throwing them left right and center and making it a thing and make sure your name is associated with all of it like boss bash is the the company that do it I would go all out on that and small things can look big on Instagram yeah what I mean like yes we had a big thing there's three people there's every picture with wigs on yeah take outfit changes they don. They don't know. Outfit changes.

Take it from the back, the front. Yeah. This event was huge. And you're like, OK, so we're going to take it, vote three of you in these chairs. Change it up. Yeah. Bring outfits, everyone.

So good. OK, next question. So I'm Ashley with Ashley Loves Wellness. And I think this is a really good question for people that maybe aren't in transition, but are dealing with people that are or are associated with people. So my question is, when you have someone that you love or care about that is in transition, how do you support them best when you don't understand why they aren't doing the things you wish they would?

Isolate them. So essentially asking like, okay, you're not in transition, but someone else is. How do you like, I personally want to always like, you need to do this, but how do we help people that are in transition?

Yeah, I've got it. Okay, got it. She's living this. You got to let down your expectations. They're going to literally kill their growth. Because I could, I could, what did you say? I said they feel them. Oh, I thought I thought you were making a joke. I was like, was I supposed to laugh at that? You're such a good friend. Yeah. I was like, wait, what? But but I really get this because so I'm watching my husband start his first business. And while

he's been a huge part of powerhouse women, you guys didn't even know there's a six foot fine tall drink of water. Like he is just delicious. But he's a man behind Powerhouse Women. He's been a huge part of it. But it's different when he's building his own thing. And we have different strengths. And I could easily kill all of his best ideas by inserting my own.

I could easily kill his growth, the growth, the things he's supposed to learn. So I've been watching him go through this process and checking in and asking this new question I just learned from my bestie Risa over there. What does support look like for you right now? What do you need from me right now? But then also when he he's actually almost too good at outsourcing and he likes to outsource to me. And then I remind him that I actually have my own team and I don't even do this for my own business. But even just but instead in that moment, say you can figure this out. You can do this. So I think it's part of like learning the love language of the other person. But, you what's been really, really cool?

And this is, I could almost cry thinking about this. We're at this stage right now where he is starting to have some momentum and traction, right, after being through the really tough part of the transition. He left a really safe, like he was at the top of his company in sales and left it all to pursue his big dream. So even that identity shift was really, really difficult.

And what I'm seeing now in hindsight, the biggest gift I gave him was my unwavering belief in him. Even at times where I was like, well, I'm a little scared, too. I'm a little scared, too. But then I actually, you know what I got to sit with? Why am I scared? That's interesting because that paycheck of his actually wasn't secure. They almost fired him over some things that, you know, just like disagreements. They almost literally cut off his income. So it actually wasn't safe. So what am I putting my faith in? Am I putting my faith in him and us't safe. So what am I putting my faith in? Am I putting my faith in him and us as a team? Or am I putting my faith in some company that

could just decide to restructure and he's gone tomorrow? So what I'm noticing, even just like the new energy it's brought to our marriage, we've been married 12 years and I've never been more in love with him. Is this a significant other? Oh yeah, it's working really well. It's great, it's great. And knowing my personality, I could have easily killed that momentum. I could have even killed the magic that it's bringing to our relationship right now

by telling him, well, I already know how to do this. And he would have let me because he really values my opinion. Right. So I've had to learn where to really keep my ideas to myself and encourage him to try and fail. Or I was telling Lori today, I'm like, this man started a podcast. Listen, guys, someone someone needs to come get this man. OK, because he started a podcast like a month ago. And today he goes, oh, I got my first brand deal and i was like you what because he had the audacity to ask he sent a dm to one of his favorite companies was like hey i got this podcast do you want to do you want to sponsor me so we're now getting free meat

and i'm pumped about it but right you know what he would have said to me if he if if he would have said like, hey, I'm going to message this brand, I probably would have like told him all the wrong things. And by him being himself, he's teaching me lessons. So I know it's the hardest thing in the world, especially when it's someone we love. We want to help them. We want to help them shortcut the painful parts that we grew from so we can't steal their lessons, but the biggest gift we can give, especially if it's a significant other, all they want to know is that we believe in them. But here's the other thing. I said to him in his face, I said, I want you to risk it all. And I will live in a cardboard box with you if this doesn't work out. Now, risk it all because he needed to hear that permission

to know that I'm with him whether or not this idea works out. Because I believe in him and I believe in whoever he'll transform into if this idea doesn't go the way he thought will be a better version of himself that'll come up with the next big idea. That's who he is. And giving him that permission, I have literally watched him flourish and he is crushing it right now. And I am so grateful that I didn't show up in the way my natural tendency wanted to. Elliot's legit going to cry when he hears this. I know he always misses the best when i say nice things about him we'll set we'll literally cut this clip out and give it to him just send it to him and film him crying great he he is a crier he's he's a 12 foot man crying just crying big softy big softy yeah i think we have time for one more question. Okay, last question.

Ooh, who's got one that you just know it's just like, okay, I'm just, you're right in the middle, I'm sorry. Okay, Nikki. All right, my name's Nikki Metzger. I own a gym in old town called Body. I've owned it for the past 10 years. I'm also very ADHD, so I have my notes here in case I forget what I'm gonna ask.

Okay, go. Love this. So I have a question. Have you guys ever felt like guilt for your success? Yep. So I feel like for me, like the more success I've experienced, the more stress I feel or more guilt I feel. And maybe like, I don't know if it's relatable.

I didn't come from a lot growing up. So I feel like I'm not deserving of a lot of things. And even though I feel like I compensate my staff very, very well and very above average of probably what industries like the standard is, I just feel like, I don't know, like I can't give them like my exact lifestyle. Like I want them to like the experience of like I want to give them exactly what my success is and I feel like that holds me back from moving forward or like I know that there's more for me but like it just like I'm just at like a stuck point got you got you got you okay so yes you are stopping yourself from something even bigger which is crazy because you live a great life and you're amazing um but it's way bigger and so when we feel like we want

to give people that we're robbing them of their growth and your growth because you actually have to be the person who deals with what it feels like when people don't understand what the journey is supposed to look like so it has to be okay that your employees are maybe jealous of you or don't. But here's the thing. When you don't project that, they actually typically 99% of the time won't project that back to you and won't feel that because you're subconsciously feeling it. You're actually telling them over and over that they should feel it. So until you get into massive abundance and knowing the more abundant that you get, the more that you are going to help other people. And it's

just the truth. It just is. And if it's not their journey yet to go there, yeah, they might feel that way and say the things and you'll be really hurt and go, oh, it's not who I am. Okay, that's fine. But you have so many people that you need to show where you're split. You have so much. You're supposed to light the path. And you are here, especially if you didn't grow up that way. I don't think any of us did. You're a pattern breaker and you're resisting your upgrade and your calling from God literally

right now. So it's like a moment of when is this girl going to get that money can do more things for more people if she would just go out there and stop like feeling bad about it. Money is not a bad thing. A beautiful abundant life is not a bad thing. It's a really, really good thing. And it's, it's how you show up in it. Like there are so many people that all of these people you're worried about follow online. They only follow them because of their good life. So why would you go back down to make

people think it's not possible? Do you know what I'm saying? Especially your employees. Like, yes, it is so important to remember that you're, you're breaking patterns and it hurts. It is hard. It hurts. You're afraid people are going to call you selfish and stingy and, oh God, she just thinks she's so cool. And oh, she'll only hang out with people with money. I've heard all the things, all the things. And when I stopped worrying about it, I don't hear any of it anymore. Years, none of it. Do you know what I hear? Please show me how. Let me get in the room. I can't wait. Oh my God. I love what you've done with the money. How do I give you money so I can learn how to

make money? That's all I hear. And I do truly feel like most of it's probably in my own head it's all in your own head all of it it's all in your own head there'll be a couple people just because number one you're projecting and number two they're just wired that way and if it wasn't you it's someone else but you're here to help them break their pattern until they see you live a life that is very abundant but you're also a nice person who gives back and helps people and teaches women or teaches people that's how you break that cycle yeah I love that I would love to add something too just because we want something doesn't mean they do and this is a lesson I've had to learn with family friends so I mean so many people

just because I want a certain lifestyle, a lot of people would look at that and think that's totally not what I want. And just because we want it, we can't assume everyone else does. And I think the best thing that we can do is never project onto anyone else that they might want it. Cause that's kind of where my might be saying, oh, we know the way it's saying, Hey, if you're ever interested, open door, let's talk about it. And I'm sure if, if one of your team came to you and said, I want to do what ever interested, open door, let's talk about it. And I'm sure if one of your team came to you and said, I want to do what you do, you could say, here's my roadmap. And if they want to get on the roadmap with you, and if they want to start putting in the work like you did,

then they might get there. And they might, some people might look at it and say, actually, no, that's not the path for me. That doesn't feel aligned. I'm going to go try something else. But at least you know, you're an example and you get to show and and not sugarcoat what it really looked like and it's their choice you guys i told i said it at the beginning this is the best best audience we've had so far great questions it's like a vortex like i literally i'm like whoa we're coming out of it i'm glad you're keeping time i yeah i have to or we'd be here literally all night. Did you guys have fun?

Amazing. Thank you so much for listening. And if you enjoyed this episode on the Boss Babe podcast, then I'd absolutely love it if you leave us a review. As a thank you, we'll send you our side hustle success kit, your simple no BS guide to keeping track of everything that you need to do to start and grow your business. To access this freebie, all you need to do is leave us a review, then share a screenshot of your review with contact at bossbabe.com and we'll send this must have kit straight to your inbox. you