the bossbabe podcast - 298. The 3 Questions To Gain Clarity, Get Unstuck, and Take Action with Confidence

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

What if you could get clear on your next steps, push past your upper limits + start taking aligned action...with just 3 questions.That's what we're doing in this episode. Natalie Ellis is sharing the 3 questions she returns to EVERY time she needs to make a decision at bossbabe...and spoiler alert: it works every time.She’s sharing exactly how to get clear on what you want, the roadmap to get there, and the simplest way to take action towards the life you want (gaining powerful momentum along the way). Regardless of whether you’re getting your business off the ground, or you’re looking to hit a new revenue goal, these questions are universal and will give you the roadmap to your next big dream. Bossbabe, it’s time to address subconscious blocks, get unstuck, and take action with confidence towards your goals. Learn how to get clear on what you *really* want, become aware of subconscious thoughts and truly unleash your potential. You're not going to want to miss this. HIGHLIGHTS The 3 questions that will unfold the roadmap to exactly where you want to go. How to create anything you want in life (this episode will teach you how to take each step to get there.) How to address subconscious blocks, get unstuck + take fearless action with confidence. Real examples of upper limits Natalie has rewired (+ how you can do the same!) LINKS Check out Life By Design - bossbabe.com/lifebydesign FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Welcome back. I'm Natalie Ellis, host of the Bosswood podcast. And this episode is a really important one because I know so many of you, like me, can often get blocked on taking action because you've got a lack of clarity. Where do I really want to go? What specifically does that look like? Is my offer clear? Is my niche actually niche enough? Do I even know what kind of content I want to put out? Never mind going about creating the content. If any of this sounds familiar to you, then keep

listening because I'm going to be sharing with you the three questions that are standing between you and really having that full clarity and a roadmap to get there. So story time. I remember when I was leaving university and deciding between taking this really fancy corporate job or becoming an entrepreneur. And strangely, unlike a lot of entrepreneurs, I actually didn't have a business idea. It was more the idea of running a business that appealed to me. I really wanted the freedom. You know, the idea of having a boss and climbing a corporate ladder didn't feel very freeing to me. The steady paycheck would have been great. Yes, the sign-on bonus would have been amazing. Yes. But beyond that, I just didn't feel excited about it. My income would have been capped. I would have been working in a corporate office. My time off would have been limited. All of this was

really not my idea of freedom. Even if it's normal, it just wasn't my idea of freedom and what I wanted for my life. And with that being said, though, I didn't exactly have a plan in mind of what being in business would look like. And I did need the paycheck. I was already in debt from being at university and maxing out every credit card I could get my name on. I did not have any kind of emergency fund that I could tap into to keep going. So although taking the job seemed like the most sensible, the safest option in my body, it just didn't feel right. But I did need a plan if I was going to turn that job down. And I found myself at choice points like

this multiple times throughout my career. I mean, I've talked about it, but even last year after maternity leave, I've been really transparent about not even knowing what my identity was and how to work through massive identity shifts that came with motherhood and entrepreneurship and what that would look like for me as a business owner moving forward. And it's really challenging to take action amidst trying to figure out what you're still actually wanting to do or how you're going to do it and not wanting to make short-term decisions that may actually pull you away from where you want to be long-term. I get it. You know, I've had team looking to me for answers when I didn't have answers and people not understanding why can't you just make the call of which decision we're going to make or know which direction we're going to go in. But for me,

I knew that the clarity was really important. So what are these three questions then? The one that will have you one step away from having clarity in a roadmap. I'm going to walk you through these three questions and they have helped me at every single choice point I found myself at. Every single next level that I know I need to reach. Every time I feel like I'm stuck or blocked? These three questions have really supported me in gaining that clarity. So the first question is, if you take away the how, what's the what? If you take away the how, what's the what? So when you're thinking about the what, you start with what I call a level one curiosity, right? So, and I use this with my clients. If you could have anything you want in your life or

career without worrying about how you do it, how possible it would actually be, what would that thing be? What are the things that truly excite you and inspire you? Imagine a life where you wake up every day feeling really fulfilled and aligned with your purpose. What does that look like for you? My guess is you do have a sense of that. You just might not have a sense of what's going to get you there. And that's okay. Because once you've started with level one, you move into level two, where you want to go beyond surface level desires and explore your core values, your passions, your interests. And this is where you really start to uncover what truly resonates

with you. What are the values that are most important to you in your life and your work? When do you feel most alive and engaged? What activities or experiences really support you in feeling that? And the big one, what do you want to be known for? I know that's often a really hard one to answer, but if you sit with it long enough, I know something will come up. How do you want to impact others? Do you want to impact others? And where currently in your life, personally or professionally, is alignment not being felt for you? So that's level two. And then you'll move into level three, which is visualizing your ideal scenario. Once your desires are starting to take shape, you really want to visualize your ideal

scenario, really vividly imagining what your life would look like if you had everything you ever wanted, focusing on the feelings and the emotions associated with having everything. So I want you to take some time to imagine yourself living your ideal life. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? How does it feel to be living a life aligned with your true desires? What impact does achieving these things have on other areas of your life such as your relationships your health your personal growth that is the first question those three levels of curiosity are all baked into that question of if you take away the how what's the what often the what is the thing standing in the way so if we just imagine the, we start to get that clarity that we were looking for.

Next is another big question and it's often the reason that a lot of us feel stuck. Even if we do have an idea of what we want, there's one question that is often keeping us stuck from really allowing ourselves to vividly play in that imagination and visualization of what it is that we want. And the question is, what are you really afraid of if you play full out? Have you ever noticed that you have this goal or vision in mind like we just talked about, but you find yourself procrastinating on it constantly or telling yourself every now and then once you get really excited about it, why it's not possible and why it might not come true. I know for me, I have one of

these that is very much continuously playing in my mind. I really want to write a book. And if I get really honest with myself, I want to write a New York Times bestseller. Yes, that might be very egoic, but I'm just being honest. And I allow myself to vividly dream this up. And then every now and then another voice jumps in and says, well, do you know how much work that's going to take? Do you know how many podcast interviews you'll need to do? Do you know how unlikely it is you'll hit that, right? And it's like having one foot on the gas, really excited to go, and then one foot on the brake that is keeping you stuck. So let's dive into it a little bit of why this even happens. Your conscious mind is on the gas. Like, come on, Natalie, we got to go. Let's get this book written. Let's sign that

deal. Then your subconscious mind finds so many things you could be doing instead, like redesigning the website, organizing your office, starting brand new projects that take you away from that vision, or simply procrastinating. And we call these subconscious blocks. So if your conscious mind is on the gas, your subconscious mind can be on the brake. There's an invisible force guiding your actions and decisions, even when you're not consciously aware of this. This force is what we call the subconscious mind. It's a powerhouse of thoughts, beliefs, experiences, traumas that shape your behavior and outcomes in your life.

So what you can do is picture your subconscious mind as this library of knowledge storing everything you've ever learned, observed, experienced from the minute you were born into this world. It's the driving force behind your automatic responses and deeply ingrained patterns that dictate how you perceive the world and how you show up in the world. So when your subconscious is in the driving seat, you may not necessarily be showing up as what we would call your higher self if it's operating from a place of subconscious blocks. That's when you might find your foot is on the gas. So subconscious blocks are the hidden barriers that keep you from fully unleashing your

potential or going after the life and goals that you desire, really allowing yourself to play in that big vision and imagination of where you want to go. So let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place, so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you.

It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible i definitely recommend kajabi to all of my clients and students so if you're listening and haven't checked out kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. Like I said, those subconscious blocks could be beliefs, past traumas, patterns of self-sabotage that all operate beneath your conscious awareness. Like I said,

that subconscious block is the foot that is on the brake. So while your conscious is so excited, like I'm ready to go and it's pushing down on the gas, those blocks can be pushing down on the brakes, right? You might have this goal of owning a seven figure business and making a massive impact. But every time you decide, okay, it's finally time to take action or move past where you are, you find you feel an overwhelming surge of fear or doubt that holds you back. It might tell you that it's a bad idea, it'll never work, or there's tons of other things you should be doing instead. That's the blocks we're talking about, the deeply ingrained

beliefs or fears that limit your progress. We can also call these upper limits, right? So these subconscious blocks or upper limits can manifest as procrastination, self-doubt, or this huge resistance to change. And they can create a really frustrating dissonance between your conscious desires, your conscious vision, where you want to go, and then the programming that's buried really deep within your subconscious mind. And I really mean it. It can be so frustrating. And I know how easy it is to beat yourself up about this. Why am I not making progress? Why am I wasting so much time? Why am I being so lazy? Am I just not meant to be doing

this thing? And the good news is you can move past these blocks. Actually, by bringing them into your awareness and understanding where they come from, you can begin the process of reprogramming your subconscious mind for success rather than sabotage. Reprogramming your subconscious mind for success rather than sabotage. And you're going to find that this is something you need to do continuously.

I find that every time I brush up against an upper limit, there's a block I need to work through. And then I move past it and I achieve that thing. And then the upper limit happens again. And it's this continuous journey. It is not something that's going to happen overnight. And it also does require a lot of courage, a lot of persistence, and a real commitment to your growth. But as you chip away at these barriers and you replace them with more empowering beliefs and new behaviors, you'll witness real transformation and finally, and most importantly, real progress. So coming back to that question, what are you really afraid of if you play full out? What comes up for you when you think about going all in and fully committing to your goals?

What's that fear that jumps in? What are the potential risks or negative outcomes that you associate with playing full out? Are there any past experiences or beliefs that contribute to your fears? So many of us, you know, have had and continue to have experiences in our life that can trigger a belief that a certain level of success is not meant for us, or even that we're not capable of it. You know, another one for me, another upper limit that I personally had to work through was the idea that being really successful as an entrepreneur would ruin my relationship. And that's me being totally honest. That was a time I felt like if I was the breadwinner and I was super independent and really busy,

my relationship would suffer. I would intimidate my partner. I didn't exactly have the facts to back it up, but it was there for me. And it was something that I really had to work through. Another one for me has been when I've had business coaches and they've asked me, what would it look like for you to double your revenue? I would get this huge pit in my stomach thinking about how busy it

would make me and how I would never enjoy my life again. And I didn't have the facts to back it up, but I have had times in the past where I've scaled really quickly and this is what happened. So my subconscious mind is not trying to sabotage me. It's trying to keep me safe by telling me the story. And I had to move past that. Those are two upper limits that I have really successfully moved past. I can't say I've moved past the New York Times bestseller one, but we're making progress, you guys. And that's all you can really ask of yourself is making progress.

And so one thing I do want you to understand here is, yes, this might come in the form of self-sabotage, but you're not intentionally or consciously trying to sabotage yourself. Your subconscious mind is not working against you. In fact, it is working for you, or at least it believes it is, right? It's trying to keep you safe. So if you just bring those limits or your subconscious into your awareness, just be really gracious with yourself and thank yourself for trying to keep you safe and then move forward with that new belief.

And then finally, moving on to that last question, question number three, are you willing to take action in a general direction? Are you willing to take action towards your goals even if you don't have the exact goal in mind or even the exact vehicle for doing it? You know, when I wanted to start a business, I didn't even know what business that would be, but I committed to taking action in a general direction, which for me looked like doing tons of research on different businesses, things that I might enjoy, problems that I want to solve. And I made this commitment to myself that the next business idea that I have,

that I think has legs, I am going all in with. Even if I don't think this is the business I'm going to run for the next decade, then I'm going to go all in with it because that is starting my entrepreneurial career. And I trust that from there, what is meant for me will come to me. And that's exactly what I did. I had this idea for a supplement company and it was powders that

you'd put in your smoothies, which I know you're like, Natalie, that's hardly groundbreaking. But when I started this company, you might not believe it, but it pretty much was. It was really common in America to have these powdered supplements that you would put in your smoothies, superfoods and things like that. But in the UK, it just wasn't. It was this brand new market. And I thought, you know what, this idea has legs. I'm going to do it. And so I committed to taking action in a general direction. I had to move in with my grandparents. I started freelancing, doing social media on the side to bring in some revenue, minimal revenue. I was definitely not abundant, let's just say that, but I was building my business and it felt really good to just take action in that general direction

because often with consistency and progress comes clarity. With action comes opportunity. We can sit back and wait for everything to present itself to us and be perfect or we can go ahead and take that action anyway and I believe that doing that is where the real clarity is going to come from when you roll your sleeves up when you're in the trenches you are proving to yourself that you are the type of person that takes action and things really change you know opportunities do open up things come flying at you that you are the type of person that takes action and things really change. You know, opportunities do open up. Things come flying at you that you might not have ever believed would have came to you before. Clarity continues to develop. This roadmap seems to unfold ahead of you, but taking that action is something only you can hold yourself to doing. So I want to sum up these three main questions for you. One, if you take away the how,

what's the what? Two, what are you really afraid of if you play full out? And three, are you willing to take action in a general direction? I promise you, you will be so surprised at the level of clarity you'll get and the roadmap that, like I said, just unfolds itself right in front of you when you decide to just step out of your own way. Step out of the need to have everything figured out. Step out of the need to have your next 10 steps planned out exactly. Step out of the need to feel completely ready. I really hope this episode has not only spurred some new thoughts for you, but has brought some awareness to some of the areas you might actually

be standing in your own way and holding yourself back. Because too often we think we need one-to-one coaching sessions to really get that clarity, to get out of our own mind and move forward. But a lot of the time, we just need to give ourselves the space and the time to actually listen to ourselves. Thank you so much for listening. And I also just want to share if you enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you could leave a review and maybe even share this with a friend that you think would enjoy our podcast or on social media, because we would love to get this in the hands of more women just like you see you soon