the bossbabe podcast - 308. Navigating New Seasons, Intimacy, Ambition As A Mama, Sisterhood + More from Our CEO Mama Retreats

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Natalie is taking you behind the scenes of our 2x CEO Mama Retreats + sharing some of her biggest takeaways and highlights. You’ll hear everything from how to navigate new seasons, call in your support system, ambition as a new mama, cultivating relationships, intimacy in your partnership, and business insights from an incredible group of 6, 7 + 8-figure female entrepreneurs. If you’re an ambitious woman, a mama, or wanting to become one in the future – this episode will share the support + strategies to consider to design a really balanced lifestyle and approach to business.  HIGHLIGHTS Navigating new seasons + what’s truly required to succeed as an entrepreneur and mama  Cultivating relationships that nourish + support you (everything from delegation to breastfeeding - why having a tribe is critical) How intimacy + the dynamics of your relationship with your partner can often change during pregnancy + postpartum Maintaining ambition + a growth-mindset in business while being fully dedicated and present to your role as a mama  Insights from 6, 7 + 8-figure CEO Mama’s on performance, routines + not comprising results along the journey of motherhood LINKS Learn Natalie’s simple, proven framework for growing your audience + make money on social media - bossbabe.com/influence Learn more about CEO Mama + apply for the next cohort - www.ceomama.com  Hungry for the hot take on what it's really like to run a successful business you love AND be a great mother? Sign up for our free weekly newsletter full of actionable tips, expert insights, and raw stories to support you in doing both things well - https://ceomama.ck.page/9e936f81f8  FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

A Boss Babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Welcome back to the Possible Podcast. I'm Natalie. I'm your host for this episode and I am still coming to you from my Europe summer. Oh, it is magical. I am in heaven. I cannot believe that I'm spending the whole two months in Europe this summer. It just feels like such a dream come true and to be able to do it with Noemi has been amazing too. I think I had this fear of when I become a mom, does that mean that I don't get to travel as much and explore and adventure and all

those things? And to do it anyway and learn that it's way more fun has been incredible and definitely really encouraging. And, you know, having a freedom-based business that works for me without me is incredible and a big part of why I do this podcast too, because I really want to be sharing so many tactical tips around that. But today I want to go in a bit of a different direction and I want to share something special with you. So in June, I hosted two CEO Mama retreats in Austin and they literally blew me away. They exceeded every single expectation and hope I had. And we got the most amazing feedback from all of the members in there. It is such a dream come true to even, you know,

be running CEO Mama. I absolutely love it. And I personally too had so many downloads and aha moments that I wanted to share with you because I feel like a lot of you will be able to relate whether or not you're a mom, whether you're a parent or not. So many of these apply as well. So I wanted to just kind of take you behind the scenes. So for those of you that don't know, CEO Mama is an incredible container that I created for CEO Mamas. So it's women that are, you know, high six, seven, eight, and even nine figures, and generally have children or babies under 10. I kind of get into why I created this, but we did the two retreats, and it was just absolutely phenomenal. And so I'm going to give you a little bit of the behind the scenes. But before we dive in, I just want to also talk to you a little bit about social media,

because I've been talking about the power of social media for like the last decade. It's how I was able to go from zero to having an eight figure business, which I would say is 90, 95% organically without investing a ton in paid ads. I think social media is the easiest and fastest way to launch and grow an online business. And it's never been a better time to get yourself started. You know, the power of having a following on Instagram was demonstrated a lot when Threads launched. We went up to over 200,000 followers on Bosswave very quickly within a couple of days doing absolutely nothing just because our following from Instagram started to transfer. And every single time I go in and check that the following is going up and up. So I really just

want to say there's never been a better time to be getting on Instagram, to be getting on threads and really growing your business. So I have a brand new and completely free training that's going to give you the exact strategies and framework that I've used and that you're going to need to get results. I've personally been using this for years and I swear by it. So just go to bosswave.com forward slash influence to get it or click the link below. Now, without further ado, let's get into the episode. Like I said, I'm excited to be sharing this one with you today because motherhood and supporting women is so important to me at this phase in my life. When I was in the thick of postpartum with my daughter, feeling all the feels, ups and downs on the constant emotional roller coaster, I really needed support. I was desperate to find a group of women around me who would get it and could understand where I was at.

So I got together a little group of just four of us and we would get on the call every week to support each other. We were all brand new mums and going through the same experiences and it was so amazing and so cathartic we would take it in turns sharing and there'd always be one of us crying or losing it the other one who was in the groove and feeling confident and it was just amazing to witness these other women going through the same things as me and being able to be real and raw with them, you know, share collaboratively the resources and tools that we were using that would be helping and just be together in a really vulnerable, but loving and safe space. It was everything. And, you know, even recently I've been leaning on that container, just a bit of TMI, but when I got my period back postpartum a couple of months ago, I feel like it kind of put me back to square one, even though I know it wasn't square one. It just threw all of

my hormones out the window again. And it's been challenging to navigate. And I do feel like having a community of women who get it either are in it with you or are a little bit further ahead has been really, really powerful. I mean, we all know power of hormones and when your hormones are off and you are not feeling yourself, it's challenging. And I felt like my post-partum depression was coming back when my period came back and it was challenging. It's been challenging, but yeah, it was everything to have this group of women. It has been everything to have them. And I've talked a lot about going back to work way too quickly. You know, we've heard that in previous episodes, but I took a step back and I really felt called to create my own container for mamas and high-performing CEOs, not just selfishly because I know I needed it and I needed

more of it, but I wanted other women to feel like they had that place to come and create that, you know, amazing support of experience. And ultimately that's's what's become CEO Mama. It's been very, very organic. You know, every single time the cohorts fill without even needing to email the waitlist, it's been really in flow. I feel really inspired doing it. I called in the perfect women to join. It's just been one of those things that's been really easy. And I think that proves that it's meant to be. So today I want to share with you some of my biggest lessons and aha moments from our recent in-person retreats because this work has been so life-changing for me and for the women in it and I know there are so many women listening right now, again whether you're a mum or not, who will benefit from this conversation.

Okay so let's dive into one of the first pieces that was coming up big for everyone. It was all about identity shifts. Now, I did not expect my identity to shift the way it did when I became a mom. When I was pregnant, I remember hearing people talk about it, but thinking, no, I have such a good sense of who I am. I don't think much of that's going to change. And everything changed. I felt like there was moments I didn't know who I was. I didn't recognize the thoughts I was having, the feelings I was feeling. I just didn't know who I was. And what's

been interesting as I've lent in more and more to that, I've realized it's actually not that my identity changed, but more that I came home to who I was. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'm going to try and explain it because it makes a lot of sense to me. I feel like throughout my entire life I have put these layers on myself like I should be doing this, I should feel this kind of way, I should be working towards this, I should, just so many shoulds and I feel like as I've gone through this big identity change what I've done is really shed the shoulds I have shedded all the things that I feel like I should be doing I should be feeling I should be working towards and gotten really honest about who I am and what I really want and that's been really really liberating at the same time it's been really, really liberating. At the same time, it's been really challenging because I feel like we wear these shoulds

as a way to get through life, as a way to have everyone like us and all the different things and be working towards what we think society tells us to work towards. And it's been a real coming home to myself of like, who is my authentic self? What is my authentic true nature?

Where in my life am I living out of alignment? What relationships do I have in my life that ultimately I know deep down are not right for me, but I'm not willing to speak up and speak my truth. There was a lot of that. And I've kind of talked about it before, you know, I did have a lot of people pleasing tendencies, they were happening subconscious, I wasn't even fully aware of. And so that was a big part of the identity shift for me was just really getting honest with myself. Who am I? What do I want? And I noticed at the retreat as well, that was a big thing coming up for everyone. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi.

You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place, so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet,

now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. The retreat was kind of half the CEO stuff, half the mama stuff.

And what I mean by that, it was half business and it was half somatics. And so in some of the somatic exercises, we really dropped into our body and let go of those layers and shoulds, and we're able to meet our real true identity. And, you know, from a place of who we truly are, create those visions and get that clarity on where we want to go and what might not be in alignment for us right now. So that's been really powerful. And I do feel like I'm really getting to the other side of that. And I know, you know, it's only just been over a year and I know this is constantly evolving and is going to evolve, but I do feel like I have a stronger sense of who I am now and what I want now more than I have in decades and decades, which is a really great

place to be. And I really encourage any of you to question that. Are you living in a place of alignment or are you living from a place of shoulds? So many of us, you know, have started projects and just kept them going because we felt like we should, because there's this sunk cost fallacy. If we let it go or we stop or we pivot, then we've lost all that work or we're going to let people down. Or so many of us are in relationships that are actually pretty toxic and we're not willing to speak up because we don't want to rock the boat, right? There's so many instances where we might be living out of alignment and living from a place of should versus desire. And so maybe this is just something you needed to hear

to spark a thought in you of, are you living from a place of desire or is there places in your life that you are living from a place of should? So I wanted to share that. Another thing, you know, that really came up for me when we were diving into the somatic stuff, we did a lot of practices to really just get to the root

of all the things that we're feeling, all the things that are sitting there. And it was just like a real somatic clear out, like, let's do a spring clean on ourselves, our minds, body, spirit, the whole thing. And I realized that I was feeling really conflicted about when I wanted to stop breast feeding. So I'm going on 14 months breastfeeding exclusively. And at the retreat, you know, I'd kind of been starting to think when, when is it time for me? And although I've found it pretty easy, practically, I have found it's been a bit of a struggle to, you know, be feeding every two to three hours for this long when I'm also working, because I feel like sometimes I just get into flow and

then I've got to break again. Or I want to maybe go out for the day, whereas, you know, I'm pumping and feed, like I have to come straight home. Like there's just, there's also been a lot of constricts on my time, which until lately I felt like, no, this is my priority. And actually, you know, if I have to stop working, that's totally fine. If I have to come early, that's totally fine. If I have to pump, that's totally fine. Whereas I'm starting to feel now like I might want a bit more of my independence back. And so I don't think I'm going to wean while I'm in Europe.

I think when I get home, I'm going to start the process and I'm going to do it very slowly. You know, I noticed myself feeling quite conflicted about that. It was quite upsetting, which is so interesting because before I became a mom, I didn't even know that I would want to breastfeed like the whole idea of it just didn't resonate with me at all, which is so wild how things change for you, and how your mind can change and all those different things. So it was and it was also great to be able to voice that in that container and get so much incredible feedback about women that had been there and done it just give me like best practices and tips so that was really powerful you know there was so many conversations about mum guilt and how it impacts your work schedule when you're breastfeeding because it's a huge

time requirement it's like having another job so that was a really really big one and yeah it's just great to be around women that get it where you can just be totally honest about how you're feeling and women that get it another thing that came up a lot was around intimacy and relationship dynamics and how that changes so much in pregnancy and postpartum especially you know so many of us don't talk about it but it's a real thing for almost everyone. Your relationship changes and there's a completely new dynamic between you and your partner. You see your partner differently than ever before. You know, for me, I can speak to, I just felt weird in my body. You know, when I was pregnant, I gained 60 pounds and afterwards I just felt really weird in my body. I didn't feel like mine. And there's so much that goes on that it's just, it takes a lot of getting used to.

And I don't feel like there's actually enough conversation around that. So hi, I'm having the conversation. So that was really interesting. But also, which adds another layer, I think, and I'm really curious if any of you relate to this, but when you are the breadwinner in your relationship and let's say primary parent, if you're taking on majority of the parenting responsibilities, a lot of that can pile up and it's been something that we've had to be really honest about and have a lot of really honest conversations and I know a lot of women that have been in a similar situation so it's been very very interesting to just bring awareness to that and I'm really lucky in that me and Stephen have always had really great communication practices and we really doubled down on that. I think what's been really helpful for us postpartum was both of us took time off and Stephen took a full month off,

which was great. Like no work at all. We were just in a little bubble and we've continued to just communicate really well. But I'm relying if I said it was, you know, all sunshine and roses, and we've had so many ups and downs and ultimately it's brought us a lot closer, but there has been some touch and go moments where it's been an interesting challenge that neither of us knew how to navigate because it was just completely different and completely new. And also at the retreat, so Mel Wells, she is a CEO Mama member and she actually led one of the sessions at the retreat and she did it on archetypes, feminine archetypes. And she was talking a lot about feminine and masculine polarity and how especially postpartum and for breadwinning, ambitious women, this is something

that you really want to have at the front of your mind. And she was talking about the feminine archetypes and one specifically was the huntress archetype that a lot of successful entrepreneurs can really relate to being in, you know, we just go out there and take care of ourselves. And we're really goal driven. And we just go and get things done. And how sometimes when you're in that archetype, you're not necessarily creating or helping to create the masculine feminine polarity that might be needed in your relationship for intimacy and connection. So that was really, really powerful. I know for a lot of women, there were some big breakthroughs in that session. And Mel was talking a lot about how we need to be more in our receptive energy, you know,

allowing the masculine to come to us versus us just going out and just taking care of everything and getting it done ourselves. So that was really powerful. You know, diving into those archetypes has been some really, really interesting work. But I kind of just wanted to sum all of this up and say, whether you're a mum or not, being the breadwinner in your relationship, I think can pose challenges when it comes to polarity. I've experienced this myself. I have so many friends, countless friends that have experienced this as well and it's something that we've all had to very very consciously work on and especially then when you bring motherhood into the picture I think it adds a whole new layer. And I just wish there was more conversations around it. So bringing it up to say, it's something that I think all relationships go through and need

to have that season of and get some tools that work and find a flow and a rhythm that really works for them. So that was really, really powerful and was a big topic of conversation at the retreat. And I think all of us took away something really, really powerful. Another big thing that came up was the power and importance of having friends that get it. So, you know, there were so many CEO mamas that realized they were missing having the village. So not having peers or friends that really get the way that they are trying to harmonize ambition and devotion to motherhood in their lives. And I think that's really important to be around other women that get it, whether you're a mom or not, being around other women that get what you're working towards and what your priorities are and

what's important to you. I think it's really important so that you can feel really seen in your relationships and have a place that you can go, whether or not, you know, people can relate to you, at least if they can hold space and be open to and curious to your experience. But when you're perhaps around people that don't get it, they might give you a response that's kind of like, well, I don't get why you feel that way. Or can you not just do it this way? And I feel like unless you're in your shoes, you know, it's so hard to explain what you're going through. And I think especially in motherhood, your shoes, you know, it's so hard to explain what you're going through. And I think especially in motherhood, in one of my group of friends, I'm the first person

to have a baby. And throughout pregnancy, I didn't notice too much of difference. Like I was sharing a lot of the realness of pregnancy. I was like, buckle up. This is what you've got to look forward to. But then when I actually entered into motherhood, I realized there were so many things that I felt like I actually couldn't share because I knew that if someone shared this with me pre-baby, pre-motherhood, I wouldn't have

got it. Like I would have thought I did, but I just wouldn't have gotten it. And I realized the importance of actually having a village of other mothers who I can connect with. And that's just been so powerful. I know I keep saying it, but getting into community like that, I cannot stress it enough. That's how we all evolved. We evolved with a village. It was never us all in our own individual houses, you know, with our partners and 2.5 children and, you know, all just in this independent world. It wasn't like that. We had other people to lean on. You know, for us, we don't have any family near us. All of our family lives the other end of the world. And it's not the way that things were meant to be. And I don't think is the way things are supposed

to be. I think if that's the way you navigate motherhood, parenting, life, it can be really lonely and it can be really challenging. And so creating that village, whether it's physically in person or whether it's virtually, I just cannot stress it enough. And it's been so powerful, but it's incredible to see how we've evolved as a society into this way of being, into being such individual, lonely units when we were just never meant to do it like this. We were never meant to be, you know, sleepless nights all by ourselves, having no support throughout the day, just kind of in our own bubble, same thing, day in, day out, having no one to speak to, no one to ask advice from, no one to really share how you're feeling and have space held for you.

That's not the way it's meant to be. And so if you are in that space, mother or not, going through a rough patch, maybe you do need some people to lean on. And maybe that doesn't need to be physically in person that you can actually go and sit face to face with someone and look them in the eyes and, you know, maybe bond over coffee and hold space for each other and get excited by each other's dreams and goals and also be able to hold space for the other and get excited by each other's dreams and goals and also be able to hold space for the times when they're going through more challenges. I think it's incredibly important. And I think it's really sad that we have lost this. And I just felt it a lot.

And especially in early motherhood, again, I was one of the first people in one of my friendship groups to have a baby. And when no one was coming to visit me, I felt really lonely. And that's nothing to do with them. You know, they don't get it. I didn't get it beforehand either. I really didn't. But it was really lonely. And I realized, okay, I can't be waiting for the people around me to get it when they don't get it. They're not going to get it. I need to just be really honest about what I need. And if they can meet me, they're great. If they can't, that's also fine. You know, I'm not having expectations of them, but I need to then get around people that do get it and can be there for me and I can be there for them. And so it's just been something that's top of mind and continues to be top of mind for me. There was

also at the retreat, a lot of healing in the sisterhood wound, because, you know, I think we all have something like that. It probably stemmed from high school, you know, I think we all have something like that. It probably stemmed from high school. You know, girls can be girls sometimes at high school. And I think so many of us can have that kind of sisterhood wounding. I remember having just small amounts of it. I never had too much of it, but certain times feeling left out, feeling like I didn't fit in, feeling like I didn't belong. Maybe I couldn't be my full self. So we've all had bits of it. We've all had times where we felt like we couldn't be fully authentic or be loved and seen for who we are. Whereas when you are in a group of very conscious women doing it together, it's very, very healing because you get to be seen and held and

loved for exactly where you're at, not feeling like you need to be, do or have anything different to what you do. And that is really powerful. And that was a big thing for so many of us at that retreat. So that's been really powerful. And yes, just getting in the room with other ambitious women that get it is so important as business owners, you know, just moving out of the somatic stuff and into the business things, being in those rooms is powerful. The amount of strategies and tactics that were also exchanged among everything else was incredible. My mind was just blown every 10 minutes. I'm like, wait, you're doing what? How are you doing that? How did that happen? And it was a

real mastermind in that sense. I walked away with so many big ahas and takeaways and things that I get to implement and things that I learned, which was amazing. And then just speaking to the business thing a bit more, you know, we are all in that room, six, seven, eight, nine figure business owners. So there was a lot of talk of business in those rooms as well. We talked about visibility and audience growth. So a lot of us thinking about what our audience growth strategies do look like for 2023 and beyond and what channels we're going to be continuing to focus on and double down on. We also were talking a lot about what it looks like to really empower our team and have boundaries around what we're

willing to do in the business and not willing to do at a certain point. And we were sharing scripts of how we have conversations with team members, how we push back, how we have team members really step up to be able to take on more, you know, have crucial conversations when perhaps team members aren't delivering, instead of just letting it go, that they're not hitting their KPIs over and over how are we having those conversations that's been really powerful and I think even more so important when your time is it's getting more and more limited that happened for me in the last year I just felt like I had a lot less time I didn't want to give as much time to work but it didn't mean that I wanted my results to dwindle and so it's been a lot of calling team members forward stepping into my

leadership so that I can make sure they've got what they need. I'm able to mentor them to deliver what I'm asking for. They can go away and strategize and actually lead and that people are hitting their KPIs. And so that's been a really big thing for me. And it's also a big part of why I'm able to be traveling right now and why my business has been growing. And I think it's really important at every single stage when we continue leveling up as entrepreneurs, we need to be doing less and less and less so we can be thinking more and more and more. I think the more strategic you're being, the less you're actually executing and the more you are guiding. We talked about this idea of being an investor in your business versus having an active role as well, which is where a few people were at.

It's something I kind of, I go in and out of, I would say in parts of the business, I'm, I look at it as a bit of an investor in, in that I'm not executing on it. And I'm really just overseeing it and making sure that the numbers look right and things are running in other areas I am a lot more involved as CEO and I am diving in rolling my sleeves up making sure people know what they're doing I'm you know strategizing with them so we just talked about all those different levels and layers which was really powerful but one thing that did come through is just how important accountability is and the ability to have those crucial conversations with your team members. Something I've brought up a lot on the podcast, so you can definitely go back and listen to

it in detail if you want to. So there was that. And there was also fears around, you know, what would happen? Yes, I love my business, but what would happen if I truly give myself time and space to step back and be in my motherhood journey? Will I lose my momentum and I can really relate to this I know so many women can relate to this I mean I went back to work really early because of that because I feared losing momentum and things weren't going as well without

me on the team and I was constantly being contacted by team members or answering calls to team members crying because things weren't going so well and I just thought okay well I'm gonna have to tap back in I'm gonna have to get back in and coming back and realizing okay profit margins are worse than they ever have been and certain things aren't running the way that they perhaps were when I left I'm gonna have to step back in but I didn't just jump in and start doing everything for everyone. I stepped back in, I had a lot of crucial conversations and made a lot of changes in the company so that I was fixing the problem at its root versus just jumping in and band-aiding everything. So if I just jumped in and started running the launches for everyone or jumped in and took over social or jumped in and

took over all of these different things that might not have been going as well, then no one's stepping up, no one's leading, no one is growing. And actually I'm just giving myself even more to do. And that wasn't really the way that I wanted to approach things. So I came in, we took a really good look at the business and we had some really honest conversations

about team roles, the way things are running, where we could be doing more to mentor and guide. And it's been powerful because the changes that have been made since then have been absolutely incredible. And the company has never been running in such a rhythmic, healthy way. It feels incredible. So it's almost like we needed to go through that. And although I feared I would lose my momentum for stepping back a little bit, actually, it just showed me an even clearer path. And another perspective that I have on this too is you can't really lose the momentum

when you are the momentum. You as an entrepreneur are the momentum in your business. It's not happening by chance. It's happening because you are choosing for it to happen. And where your attention goes and where your energy goes the momentum goes and so just a reminder that even if you decided to pivot in your business and turn your hand to something else you generally are the momentum and you can't lose yourself so just a reminder that even if you do slow down even if you do step back you are the momentum. And ultimately, is a year in say 10 years such a big deal?

Not really. If you're in this for the long haul, it's okay to have a down season. It's okay to have a season where you're focused on other things. And as long as you allow yourself to have that so that you're fully embracing it and accepting it versus feeling like you should be doing all the things for everyone and feeling like something's gotta be losing, I think that's where the problems come is where you are kind of straddling a couple of things and you're feeling bad about something not thriving in that season.

Whereas if you just accept it for what it is, I think it makes it a lot easier. So yeah, I hope this episode was helpful regardless whether you're a mom or not. I think there are concepts here or ideas that you probably apply to at every single stage of your journey to be going towards your best self. And I just want to encourage you to put yourself in the rooms or the situations or places where you will be supported by other people going through something similar because I guarantee you are not alone in

whatever you're going through whatever thoughts you're having whatever feelings you're feeling you are not alone in it there are so many other women or other people feeling it too and if you could just get in those rooms you'd probably feel so seen because of that you'd feel so much more at home it's such a gift and you deserve to have that. So I hope this episode encourages you to go and seek it out. And yeah, if you enjoy this episode, I would love it if you could leave us a review and maybe even share it with a friend that you think would enjoy. Maybe perhaps it's a friend going through early motherhood that you feel like would enjoy just hearing that she's not alone. I would love it if you could share this episode with her. I'll see you next time.