the bossbabe podcast - 315. The #1 Thing That Makes or Breaks Any Relationship

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Communication can make or break any relationship, including relationships within your team. Luckily, communication is a skill you can learn to be great at + has become a superpower of our team here at bossbabe. It’s something we’ve learned through trial, error + being really intentional and has become a core value in the way we run the business. Today Natalie is talking about how to create an environment where your team can share ideas, give direct feedback + co-create a really amazing company culture. We talk communication styles, enneagram types + bringing FUN back into your business so you can attract and retain top-talent.  HIGHLIGHTS How to create an environment of clean, direct + honest feedback (and NOT be the “parent” in your team) Some of our favorite ways to build a really authentic + healthy company culture at bossbabe (enneagrams, communication styles + more!)  Why communication is truly the LIFEBLOOD of your relationship success (in + out of your business)  One of our core values at bossbabe (+ why it is absolutely CRITICAL to uphold)  The quickest way to KILL company culture (+ what to do instead that actually works long-term)  LINKS Join Growth Day - GrowthDay.com/bossbabe FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

Welcome back to the Bossway podcast. Today we are talking all things communication. Every single business and entrepreneur relies on healthy and clear communication with the people on their team. It is so critical to how well a business can function because it's the difference between having people that really get it and feel super clear on their contribution or having people be confused, scattered or misaligned with the vision. I've had so many experiences with this over the past few years and I've learned some really powerful lessons when it comes to spotting red flags in team communication, different communication styles from things like personality types, love languages and the enneagram and how to create a

culture where people can be really direct while also being kind. So if you are looking to build a team now or in the future, this episode is hopefully going to be supportive for you. I took this snippet from a talk that I gave at Growth Day. I speak there every single month. So if you're interested, the link is in the show notes if you want to join. It is incredible and I love getting to talk about the things that I don't necessarily talk about and share any lessons that I've learned along the way. So enjoy this episode. Let me share what I believe to be true about communication. I believe that communication is the number one most important aspect that makes or breaks a

relationship and it is no different than with your team. For those of us who have partners, we know our relationship's doing a lot better when we're communicating. For those of us who have close friends, we know our relationships do a lot better when we're communicating. Communication is the most important aspect that will make or break a relationship and it really is no different than the relationship with your team. A team that has healthy practices and boundaries around communication feeds into a thriving culture. So a couple of things that I want to share that can really help you to have clean communication in your team. I want to share these with you and I definitely would make notes on these because not only will this be helpful for your team, this can be helpful

in so many different areas of life because communication really is the lifeblood of our relationship successes. So the first thing, and this is a big thing that we care about boss babe this is one of those values that actually if someone breaks that's a pretty serious conversation because we know how detrimental this thing can be if it's not implemented or if it's done avoiding triangulation avoiding this person said this to me and I feel like they should be doing this and da-da-da-da-da, versus going directly to the person and saying,

hey, this happened and we need to have a conversation about it. If you notice that triangulation, you know, a conversation that should be between two people being taken to a third person, that is a big red flag. You really want to encourage team members to communicate candidly with each other and give each other direct feedback. It is extremely common for team members to not feel comfortable sharing feedback with their peers. So they often

will share with their manager or leader, almost expecting them to fix or broker the conversation like a parent, like coming to their parent and say, they said this, can you help me with it? What you want to do in that situation is always encourage people to work things out with each other like adults. You do not want to step into the role as parent with your team. Because if you act like their parent, what are they going to act like? Children. You always want to encourage people to work things out with each other like adults. So create an environment where direct feedback is celebrated and everyone can sharpen their confrontational skills, their crucial conversation skills.

I recently had a conversation with someone on my team where this was a topic. And she was saying a growth edge for her and something she wants to get better at because she has aspirations of moving into leadership roles is being able to have those direct, crucial, feedback-based conversations. And I said to her, hey, why don't we practice then? You know, use me as someone you can practice with because I can hold that conversation in a way that, you know, you can safely bring something to me

and we can have a dialogue about it. And then in that conversation, I can maybe give you a few different ways that someone might answer and we can together work through it and you can really strengthen that muscle. And that was such a win for her. You also really want to create psychological safety in your organization.

So ways that you can do this is consider the tone that you use, your word choice, ensure that you're being inclusive, kind, open, and honest. If you're angry and you need to share constructive feedback, wait until you're not like hot and address the situation calmly with an open mind to hear about what went wrong. If you cannot go into that conversation with an open mind, you probably shouldn't be going into it yet. Okay? Create a culture that feels safe for the team where they can express their true opinions and thoughts without the penalty right work through issues with candor but without fear because if people are in fear that if they bring something up to you they're going to get fired they're not going to bring it up to you they're going to sweep it under the rug and listen one

thing i know is that resentment ruins relationships and if they're sweeping things under the rug. And listen, one thing I know is that resentment ruins relationships. And if they're sweeping things under the rug and building that resentment, that ruins relationships. And you do not want to lose a great team member over that, okay? Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year.

So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know? Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet,

now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. The one, have some fun. Talk about who you are.

Share that you are a real person with silly quirks. Create an environment where people don't talk differently to their teammates than they would to a friend. Of course, listen, yes, it's important to have professionalism in certain situations, but when the team is together, if they can express themselves in a more true, authentic way,

in the same way they would in any other environment, it will be more genuine, okay? So have some fun. Don't be afraid to let your team see who you are as a human being, as a person, okay? Talk about what happened at the weekend. Talk about the things that really light you up, right? Let them see that you are a human being too.

You know, you're not just showing up as this professional robot. You're a human being too. Shari said, I love that about our team. Everyone shows who they are. It's fun and it's real. That is a big one. That is a really, really big one.

You also really want to normalize talking about communication styles. So one thing that you can do, which I love doing, is have the team take the love language quiz and talk about what everyone's language is. Talk about whether or not they love or hate small talk. you don't because you value efficiency when you're communicating and you put a period at the end of your conversation. Like be really vocal about your communication style so people don't end up reading between the lines. I really think that the more a team can appreciate each other's preferences for communicating, the tighter bonds that team will form. Another test that we love to have our team members do is the Enneagram. And so we like to find out people's Enneagrams. And one thing that we did to normalize talking about communication styles was we brought someone in who was an expert in

the Enneagram and she actually led a workshop for the team based on their Enneagram numbers. And this was so helpful for understanding how other people see the world and how other people think. And so I'll tell you a couple of highlights of that because it would be really interesting. I'm sure you can, hearing this, you can think about how this might work on your team, but she came in and firstly, she had us tell people, tell everyone what our Enneagram styles were. And there was, you know, I think three main Enneagram types. There was no one that was just their own Enneagram number that none of us shared. And I think we were a group of threes, eights, and sevens, right? So we were in groups. And I think it was a pretty fair split too. I think there's been

three to five of us in each group. And so we were in this group and she had us do these exercises where she would break us out into breakout rooms and she'd give us a simple question. Like, I think one of the questions was, okay, you're building a house. What are you going to put in the house? And we had our own conversations and we came back to the main room and she assigned a spokesperson for each of those rooms. And she said, okay, tell me what are you going to put in your house and one group I think it was the sevens the the speaker for that group just started listing out okay all of the

fabrics the way it was going to feel how they wanted it to look like it was very you know very explanatory and you could really feel the vibe that they were creating in that house. And the facilitator had said to them, okay, do you think there's any other way someone could have answered that conversation? And they were like, no, there's no, you asked us what we'd put in it. So we're telling you like all the things we put in it and how it would feel. And they couldn't fathom that anyone would communicate any differently right and they then asked for the spokesperson from another group and it was the the group of eights and she said okay the question was what are you going to put in your house what what's the response and the eights

said very simply my stuff and she was like what anything else they were like no just our stuff like what else we're going to put in there and she said to them do you think there's any way that anyone else would have communicated what they put in and they were like no there's no other way you put your stuff in your house what else you're going to put in there and that alone allowed us to see the contrast between different enneagram types in their style of communication. So while the sevens were very enthusiastic and they brought a certain energy and a vibe to this question, the eights were very efficient, very direct. And it wasn't them taking the task any less seriously. It wasn't them saying, you know, anything wrong or bad. It was just, I would put my stuff in there. What else am I going to do? Right? And those little

workshops for us have been so helpful. We've done them on different personality tests. We've done them on different love languages. And if we can bring facilitators in, it's a game changer because it can really allow you to see how everyone else's communication style is so different to yours and how you actually may need to just check yourself before you go into communication with that person. And another thing is encouraging the team to express their original thoughts and opinions. So ask them what they think about something, encourage them to share their thinking, give them a voice, create forums designed for thought sharing, such as team boot club discussions or no bad idea brainstorming sessions, because the more a team can communicate their original thinking, the deeper that they will

get to know each other. Team dynamics are so complex and so intricate. I just want you to know that you truly do have the influence to create a thriving culture. So the key takeaways that I want you to walk away with are, and you might want to put these in your notes up too so you can come back to them. If your team members cannot see their purpose in your organization, they can't feel connected to your culture. So be clear about your vision and the part you want them to play in it. Your leaders are also the lifeblood of your culture. They set the tone, they provide safety and support, which promotes engagement, and they push the team to be a better version of themselves that they're proud of. Never settle for a subpar leader that is managing your team because I promise you,

you will have a subpar organization. If you can only have one takeaway from today, that's it because that is something that I've messed up before and it's not fun. Never settle for a subpar leader because you'll have a subpar organization i also want to share and you to take away that good culture is based on authenticity so really take the time to get to know your team as actual human beings outside of the work context and allow them to bring their whole selves to work the quickest way to kill a culture is to make it solely about fielding tasks and taking directives. Give your team a safe environment to innovate, to fail, and to do it safely. Allow their original thinking to shine through and for them to bring their ideas forward, even if their ideas

are different from yours. Challenge them to live on their growth edge and then last but not least communication is just as important in the relationship with and amongst team as it is with your family and with partners so you really want to create an environment of psychological safety allow people to communicate candidly encourage a culture of direct feedback and take the time to understand and celebrate keyword celebrate individual communication styles because the greatest thing about being in a team is that there are different communication styles and that they are bringing different ideas to the table that we all have different personalities and by up differently, that's what makes an amazing culture and therefore an amazing company.