the bossbabe podcast - 331. Controversial? Your Network is NOT Your Net Worth
Episode Date: October 17, 2023Nick Cannon and Steven Bartlett said something controversial recently that I couldn’t agree with more, and honestly it’s something I’ve changed my mind about as I’ve grown in my career. Your n...etwork is NOT your net worth. In this episode, I share some of the experiences I’ve had over the years as I’ve built bossbabe, what networking looked like for me when I lived in Los Angeles, and the mistake everyone said I was making when I moved to Austin which turned out to be the best decision I could have made. Growing a network that goes wide doesn’t automatically equal success, in your relationships or your business. Listen in as I share what building a meaningful network looks like for me in my friend group, and how I create a community that goes deep like I just did at our Life Reset Retreat in Tulum and in The Société. HIGHLIGHTS Updates from the Tulum Retreat, future retreats, + exciting things coming in The Société The mistake everyone said I was making when I moved from LA What ACTUALLY matters when it comes to building a true network Why I’m passionate about cultivating a close knit community over lots of acquaintances LINKS My favorite coffee - Organic Purity Coffee - use code IAMNATALIE for 20% off Diary of a CEO podcast episode with Nick Cannon Join The Société - enrollment closes soon FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie
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A Boss Babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women
to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas.
It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create
her own version of success. Hello, welcome to the Boss Babe podcast. I am excited you guys. I just made the best coffee
ever and I'm sitting down. We're just going to do a solo today. We're going to have a conversation
in the coffee. I'm so specific about how I like my coffee. So in this coffee,
I have organic purity coffee. It's the same coffee that I've drank for years. I get the whole bean.
My coffee machine is actually broken right now. I normally use a Jura. It's broken right now.
So I'm doing a French press. So I ground the beans, did a French press with reverse osmosis
water with minerals added in. I'm telling you, I'm very extra. This is not a basic coffee.
So we did that. I added in some colostrum and some collagen. I frothed up
some raw milk. Is it still raw if you heat it up and froth it? I think it is. I don't know. Not
fully raw, I guess. I don't know. Maybe someone can correct me on that, but froth that up. It's
in. It tastes so good. And I was just sitting here drinking it like, you know what? I feel like I have
a lot to say. So let's just turn on the microphone and let's catch up. So where are we at? We are in it.
We are in such a good flow right now. Oh my goodness. Things are just really, really flowing.
I'm so glad. I think I told you guys over the summer, our nanny left, our nanny quit. So we
have been looking for childcare and we've
just taken it really slow. It wasn't something we wanted to rush into. We had family fly over,
my cousin and my sister-in-law, who actually both work at Boss Babe. So their bosses were
very flexible. Thank God they flew over to support us. And we've just been taking it really slow.
We found incredible childcare for Noemi, which feels really, really great. I love knowing
that she is spending time with someone that she really enjoys spending time with. So that's been
great. And we have just been full steam ahead. Let me just give you a download of everything
that's been going on. So we just finished up the Tulum Life Reset Retreat that was last week. It was the most magical, incredible retreat you can
possibly imagine. The whole goal was to help everyone take a full reset and get their entire
lives and business organized while really indulging in self-care and transformational practices.
The goal was accomplished. Every
little detail of this retreat was thought through and perfected. Like I asked every single person's
favorite morning beverage and we imported every possible ingredient that people needed in so that
they would have it to wake up to. We just, every little detail you can imagine, we thought through,
we made sure that everything they were eating throughout the entire day was so nourishing we brought in some incredible powerful people to
host sessions in the evening I was hosting sessions throughout the whole day but we made
sure we baked in some breaks so they got to spend time relaxing by the pool by the beach going out
and grabbing coffee croissants whatever they wanted to do. It just flowed so perfectly. And the transformation in that home, we were in the most beautiful home.
It was absolutely stunning. It was like a full compound, had 10 rooms, eight of them all had
their own pools. It was the most luxurious, beautiful experience ever. We will probably
open enrollment for next year's retreat
soon so if you are interested drop me a dm just let me know because i normally like to have a
conversation with everyone anyone that's coming just to make sure you're a really good fit and
that would be really good for you so i have conversations everyone first so drop me a message
if you're interested anyway so that was great and then i've also been full steam ahead with the
brand new society the next level of society that's coming, which is basically your entire life and business operating system.
So I've been filming all of the curriculum, just putting the final touches on the beautiful
templates and then getting everything migrated onto our brand new platform.
And it's just coming together in the most incredible way.
Like I cannot tell you how proud of this product I am.
I think it's the best product I have ever created.
And I'm proud of all my products, but this one, it's all me.
And that feels really, really great.
Like it's all me.
It's everything I wanted to create.
And I've gotten to just pour all of my energy into this one thing and focus in this one
thing in this one area. And it's coming together so incredibly strong so monthly enrollments actually
now closed to the society I told you guys this moment was going to come annual membership is
going to be closing soon as well so once it closes when we reopen it will be double the price and you
might not even be able to join monthly. It might just be annual.
We're working out the details now
because there's so much value in there.
I don't want to charge like the mastermind level fees
that I know this kind of curriculum is worth
and community is worth
because I really, really care about this membership
being super accessible.
And at the same time,
I don't feel like opening monthly right now
is feeling aligned.
I might change my mind,
but right now it looks like annual. So if you want to get in for 50% off, this is the time to get in.
Please don't sit on this because I had so many people sitting on monthly, like the tab was open
for days and they were like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. They didn't do it. And then
doors closed and they were absolutely devastated. And I was like, no, I knew this was going to
happen. So please hop in. If it's something that you've been considering.
It's just bossy.com forward slash membership.
You can jump in there.
So that has been going amazing.
I'm so excited to get it launched.
And what I wanted to talk to you about today is maybe a little on the controversial side.
So, okay, this came up for me because it's something that I've been feeling and thinking
for a pretty long time.
And to be honest, it's even caused rifts in some of my relationships and friendships.
So I haven't really like talked about it a lot because I'm feeling like, okay, am I the only one feeling like this?
And I was listening to Stephen Bartlett's podcast, The Diary of a CEO, which by the way, I love that podcast.
It's so great.
And Nick Cannon was on
such a great inspirational episode. He just seems like such a kind human being. And I really enjoyed
the episode. The two of them were great. And they said something on that episode that resonated so
hard with me. And I thought, wait, so I'm not the only person that feels like this. And what they said was, your network is not your net worth.
Your network is not your net worth. How many times have you been told this? I mean, I think we even
had Boss Babe quotes saying this. So holding my hand up, guilty. And I have been feeling so
different. So it kind of started for me when I was like, we're going really, really honest. Yeah. So when I was living in LA, I often felt like I was getting invited to so many
events, like so many events, so many times during the week, like I was booked and busy all the time.
And what it meant was I had so many surface level relationships, but I wasn't able to take the time to really pour into deep friendships
and connections and community that I wanted to. And I found that quite difficult. And there was
always this sense of like, oh, well, you know, you need to go along to these things. You need
to be networking. You need to be meeting people. LA is the place to do it. And I had some conflicts
with people around this because to me, I just didn't want to
be doing that. I am a very introverted person. Like yes, when I go to an event, I can be extroverted,
but that's not what charges me up. And on this podcast, what they were saying was actually
your network isn't your net worth. You being so freaking incredible at what you do,
that's your net worth. and you don't even need to
network at that point because people will find you people will seek you out if you are slaying
in your own lane and you are doing your thing to the best of your ability and you are crushing it
you're getting your name out there without needing to be in any rooms people are going to seek you
out people are going to find you people are going to know about you. And Nick Cannon was saying, it's not about who I know, it's about who knows
me. And that just really, really resonated with me because I am the kind of person that declines
almost every single invite. And not because I want to be rude by any means, not because I don't want
to meet people, not because I don't want to be in the rooms.
I just prefer to spend my time
with my family and my community.
Like I prefer to spend my time
with people that I can really get to know
on a deep level and build relationships with.
So instead of going to events
and seeing 10 people one time,
I'd rather see one person 10 times.
Let's take a quick pause to talk about my
new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because
they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to
mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place, so it makes collecting
data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things, so much simpler. One of our
mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year.
So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring
cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting
organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend kajabi to all of my clients and students so if you're listening and haven't
checked out kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners
a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe.
I really would rather build community than a network. And I don't know, I feel like that's pretty controversial to say because I feel like a lot of people talk about get in the rooms,
get in the rooms. And yes, I agree being in a community with people that are doing incredible
things and can make introductions for you and can really support you and cheerlead you on,
I think that's incredibly important.
But why don't we focus on doubling down on our community?
And those people can be in our community,
but let's double down on the relationships we have
because it's not just about,
oh, this person can introduce me to this person.
This person knows this person.
This person has this many followers.
Like, trust me, I've heard conversations like that. And it has caused rifts in some of my relationships because I'm like, I don't give a shit. I really don't care
how many followers that person has, but it doesn't make me want to go to that event. I'd rather be
with my baby or I'd rather be at my friend's house with our babies or having coffee and dropping in
and talking about how are
you really doing? How are you actually feeling? How can I support you? How can I show up for you?
Versus, hi, what do you do? What do you do? How many followers do you have? What are you working
on? Do you know what I mean? And I don't want this to come across in a bitchy way. I'm not in any way
saying that this is wrong. I'm just saying if there's anyone else out there like me, I hope this
resonates with you because I've been feeling like I didn't even want to say this out loud because
I'm like, oh my goodness, as being this introverted, like a downside, should I just force myself to go
to more events and do more networking and all the things? I remember when I was leaving LA to move
to Austin, you know, some people had said to me, that's a mistake. This is where the network is built. This is where everyone is. You're not going to have that in
Austin. You know, it's better for business to be out here, all of the things. And to me, I was
like, I don't care. Like I want to be out in Austin with my community, with friends that I can really build true deep friendships with on such a deep level and really
lean into community. And that's what I've done. And that feels so much better to me than just
having a load of acquaintances. I'd rather have people that I can go deep with, that I know have
my back and I have theirs. And that's the power of community, whether you're cultivating it online or, you know,
actually in person in your neighborhood, in your city, that is the power of community. That's a big
reason that I started CEO Mama. Yes, there's a lot of big names in there, but it's not about that.
It's not about what are you doing? Who can you introduce me to? What can you help me with it?
How can I be there for you? How can we build a really incredible relationship so that we become
friends, not acquaintances?
So we become actual friends
and can support each other through these seasons
because it is challenging.
And entrepreneurship, being ambitious, being a parent,
all of the things, all of the seasons
come with our own challenges.
And if we're not careful, we can do so much networking
and create so many surface level connections that deep down we actually feel incredibly lonely.
And we don't feel like we've got that person we can call when shit hits the fan.
We don't feel like we can be really honest about how we're doing because we worry, well, how will that person perceive me?
Will I be kicked out of the group if I'm not, you know, seemingly achieving all the
things and doing all the things? We can feel incredibly lonely. And so I really want to put
this out there to anyone that resonates with this. Find your community. Don't join 10. Don't join 10
communities and go surface level with all of them. Find a community of your people and find those people in it that you really
resonate with and go deep with those people because that is worth its weight in gold.
It really, really is. Those are the people that are going to hold you accountable, that are going
to support you and really see you through the different seasons. And I know for myself,
I personally don't get FOMO when I'm not at an event. And I know someone that
does. That gets a lot of FOMO. Like, why wasn't I invited? Am I not cool enough? Do they not want
to have me there? What am I missing out on? Are business deals being done in that room?
I personally don't feel like that. If the thoughts come in, which of course those thoughts come in,
if the thoughts come in, I have a real conversation with myself. Natalie, let's be real. You know that you would rather do
bedtime with your baby, sit down with your husband, drop in and connect and go to bed early.
Like, you know, that's what you want to do. So why are you having FOMO? So whenever the thoughts
come in, that's how I will have that conversation with myself.
Or, okay, you're having these feelings.
You're feeling like you're missing out or you're being left out.
What is it about that that is hard for you?
Is it because you feel lonely?
Is it because you feel like they have a connection that you're craving having?
Is it because you feel like they're all supporting each other and you don't have that in your circles, your community? And so I really think about it from that lens to think about what do I need in my life that's going to really support me? And if I'm feeling a certain FOMO or left out or anything like that, what is it saying about the place in my life that I'm at and just having those honest conversations because not every single one
of us in business is an extrovert. Yes, we might be on social media all the time, but it doesn't
mean that we're extroverted, especially for me. You know, I'm on social media a lot and I love
being in rooms and meeting people. Like I really want to emphasize this. I love people. I love
meeting people, but it's not how I want to spend all of my time. I want to be really focused
with my time. I want to prioritize getting amazing things done at work. I want to prioritize really
dropping in deep with my online community that I have spent so long building. I want to pour into
them. I want to really spend time with my husband and my baby. And I want to spend time with my
friends who I know are my friends because they
love me, not because they love my accomplishments, not because they think about what they can get
from our friendship. That's who I want to spend time with. I want to spend time with my family,
my actual family who I love spending time with. I want to create more time for them.
And if I say yes to every single networking event, every single dinner, then actually I'm saying no to what I
really care about. And that doesn't feel good to me. That doesn't feel in alignment to me.
So it feels good just to get that off my chest, just to have a bit of a rant.
Your network is not necessarily your net worth. And I'm not saying it doesn't help because it
definitely does. But I will also say, let me share this.
Let me be super candid with you, all right?
I have kind of always felt like this.
Like I've always felt pretty introverted and I've just done my own thing.
I've just really focused in my own lane, doing what lights me up, working on things I care
about, spending time with people that I love.
And I wasn't necessarily out there doing all the networking, making all the connections. But because I focused so hard, I got my business to a point where a lot of people
started to learn about it and hear about it. And I was getting invited into masterminds that
I'd seen on social media and thought, oh, I would never get invited to that for like the next decade.
And I started getting invited into those rooms and going into those rooms. I was like, yeah,
I want to, I want to do this. Those people seem amazing going into those rooms, I was like, yeah, I wanna do this.
Those people seem amazing.
Going into those rooms,
I have built some incredibly deep friendships.
Now I've built acquaintances with everyone in the room,
but I've built deep friendships
with say a handful of the people in the room.
So I chose to go deep with like a handful of those people
and that's been my preference.
But also that came to me because
I just worked my butt off and then people kind of noticed me and were like, oh, maybe we should
invite Natalie in. Like, I think she would enjoy this. We're very similar. It's not because I spent
my time networking in all the circles and like trying to get an invitation. I was not trying to
get an invite. I was doing my own thing. I was not reaching out to anyone saying, how do I get in
those rooms? I literally was like, how do I just do me the best that I can possibly do me? How can I live
out my purpose? How can I get towards my goals? How can I stay consistent and really push forward?
And I think that helped me get invited into those rooms so much more than like that,
that energy of like, how do I, and thinking so much about that and putting my energy so much
towards getting the invite that I actually didn and putting my energy so much towards getting the
invite that I actually didn't put my energy towards building something that I'm really proud of.
So I think there's so many different ways that we can do all of this. There's no one set way. And so
for those of you listening who aren't extroverted, who are introverted and actually feel like, you
know what, beyond my family and my business and my self-care and
my friendship circle, I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to going to all the networking events.
Great. Let this be your permission slip, but I don't think it's going to slow you down.
I do not think it's going to hold you back. I think what's going to hold you back is not being
prioritized and focused on the right things. I think that is the thing that will hold you back is not being prioritized and focused on the right things. I think that is the thing that will hold you back so much more than getting in all the rooms. I know a lot of people who have
spent so much of their time networking and getting in the rooms and knowing the right people that
they've actually kind of neglected their own thing and they don't have their own thing. They don't
have that growth that they want to be seeing. And yes, they might have a lot of friends and a lot
of contacts, but do they have those deep connections? Do they have a business or a career that's really
fulfilling them? Are they prioritizing their time in the right way? And the answer maybe is yes,
maybe that's the path that they're supposed to go down. I just know for me, it's not. And so
I heard on the podcast and I thought, oh, finally, I feel seen. I know it's a little bit on the
controversial side. Doesn't mean anything about how I feel about networking.
Doesn't mean that I dislike the people
that I might be declining invitations to.
Again, I love people,
but I especially love being in relationship with people
that I can really drop in and connect with.
That's why it's a big part of why I own an online community.
Like I didn't wanna have
just this online transactional thing where
you buy something from me and then we don't really get to know each other and like you're off doing
your own thing. I wanted to build a community. So you'll come into my world and we'll stay together
and we'll be like, wait, you're doing the same thing that I'm doing. We're on a similar path.
We have similar values. Let's collaborate. Let's learn from each other. Let's network
within this container with people that we know we
can go deep with. That has been so much more important to me. So it's a big reason I built
a community-based business. It's really a big reason I've been building communities since,
God, since I was about 16. I've always gravitated towards building communities because I really
value that. Even my neighborhood where I live in Austin, I have built such an incredible community.
And actually so many of them are from the UK, which is so funny that we all are from the UK.
So many of us were in LA together and moved to Austin together. And it's been incredible to have
this kind of community where we just text each other saying, can I borrow some milk? Do you have
any bread? Do you want to go around for a walk? Oh, someone says I'm having a really hard day.
Do you guys want to come around and do a play date or whatever?
Whatever it is, we have that community.
And yes, we support each other with our businesses, but we cheerlead each other no matter what's
going on, whether it's a high season or a winter season, we support each other.
And so building community and being in community to me has always been important.
It's the reason I'll always have a community-based business, whether that's my membership, my mastermind, I'll always
do things with other people. I'm very collaborative. I'm not here for the transactional relationships
and I'm not trying to make anyone wrong by saying other people are, that's just not my path. And so
if you're listening and it really resonated with you, maybe that's not your path and I want to make
that totally okay. So thanks for coming to my
rant I hope you've enjoyed having coffee together this has been fun I will see you next time