the bossbabe podcast - 354. Meet My Bestie: Ecom, Dragon’s Den, Pregnancy Realness + Identity in Motherhood

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Today, I interview my bestie Alexandria Wombwell-Povey on all things entrepreneurship + motherhood. Alex and I share our ecom startup stories, how we told our husbands we were pregnant, and cover so many of our life lessons, pivots + identity shifts that came with becoming mums. We talk about how her difficult pregnancy impacted the successful business she had grown up to that point, and how it opened the way to even bigger growth + visions for the future. If you’re an entrepreneur or new mama, you won’t want to miss out on this fun + inspiring conversation for getting through those tough seasons. HIGHLIGHTS The highs & lows of our business journeys + the pivots we had to make along the way. Our pregnancy stories + Alex’s raw journey through hyperemesis gravidarum - extreme sickness in pregnancy  How early motherhood shifted our identities personally & professionally + made way for even BIGGER visions. What to expect from Alex’s newest launch, the It’s Upgrade Season Podcast. How to get through the most difficult seasons in life + the lessons we learn from it. RESOURCES + LINKS Join The Société: The Place to Build A Freedom-Based Business Listen to Alex’s new podcast - It’s Upgrade Season FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Alex: @iamalexandriamaria

motherhood wasn't changing me into this different version of myself. It was actually allowing me to step back into a truer version of myself. And it allowed me to actually step into an even bigger version of my vision rather than a smaller one. Because I was like, if I'm going to take time away from my baby, from my husband, this has got to be for a fucking big vision. This is not happening so I can sit in my inbox. This is not happening so I can just be responding to

everyone else's priorities. This has to be because I am going and creating a movement. Welcome back to the Voss Day podcast. I am so excited because I decided to bring one of my best friends onto the podcast to just have a good old conversation. So Alex, welcome to the show. Hello, thank you for having me. This is such a great start to the week. Isn't it? What a good way to kick the week off. Okay, so can you give a little bit of background on your business journey? What's that? I'm so sorry this has never gone off in its life what is it like a timing block oh she's getting organized you guys Alex is also a Capricorn so that will also explain the um organization levels do you know the real

real is basically after having a baby I couldn't concentrate on anything for longer than five minutes. And I was so desperate to try and like regain some focus and ability to decision make. I ordered one of these cubes off Amazon that you like flip and it like counts you down for 15 minutes. But I feel like this often happens with Amazon purchases. Just the purchase was enough to get me to like get my stuff together. I didn't actually use the block until now it decides to go off so thanks for that thanks for that Amazon purchase we were just meant to talk about that so can you kick us off I want to know the the journey you had with your first business in particular because I feel like we had really similar entries into the business world like in the product-based business world in the UK.

So can you give me a bit of background on that? Yeah, for sure. So I always find it wild whenever you talk about having this product-based business as well, because it is so similar. But I think the roots or the beginnings of that product-based business was quite different in that I basically was working in corporate. I had based all my decisions in my life on getting a really good job in corporate. I'd always been taught. That's what you do. That's how you create success and got this corporate job, got this dream role supposedly. And after probably about two years, just had a complete breakdown was like, could not get out of bed. Could not stop crying was like, could not get out of bed, could not stop crying, was like, I can't go to work. I can't do this. And in that period, I realized I had to basically burn down my entire life and start

again. I realized that everything I built had been based on other people telling me what should make me happy rather than what actually lit me up and what excited me. And I got to this place where I'd fulfilled all the shoulds, but I was miserable. So in this period, I really had to strip everything away and be like, okay, what actually makes me happy? And in that period, that's when I discovered, well, I love food. Food is great. And I'd seen my husband set up his own business. I'd always said, I'll have my own business one day. The famous one day, like just you got, can I swear I should have asked you this before? One day doesn't fucking exist in the diary. Like one day is not a day on the calendar. It doesn't exist. It is just a way of saying like, I am never going to let myself fulfill my own dreams and step into my own potential. So I'd realized I've been saying one day for God knows how long. And I was like, today gets to be the day. Like I have nothing to lose

at this point. Losing my big glitzy career I created didn't feel like losing anything because I was so miserable in it. So I went to an event and there was Pippa Murray who did Pippa Nut in the UK. And she kind of rebranded nut butter and made it this health food. And I'm listening to her talk and I'd actually gone to black a job off someone. I've been like, I'll try and find an in, we'll black a job, you know, it'll be great. And I'm listening and I'm like, oh my God, what goes better with peanut butter than jam? Like jam's amazing, jam and peanut butter, but no one makes healthy jam. I can rebrand jam to be the healthy jam that goes with all this healthy nut butter that's on the market. And in that

moment, I was like, I'll make chia jam and I'll call it cham. I had never made jam in my life before. Didn't have a fucking clue what I was doing, but I was like, if I get an idea in my head, I will go at it. And I just went at it. I was like the nutty professor in the kitchen. I was like making a million and one versions of this recipe. I was trying it out and God bless everyone in my life. I think because I just had this like nervous breakdown, no one wanted to turn around and be like, this is a bad idea. It's okay. Make the jam. Like I'm sure it'll be fine. And I had everyone at work being like, oh, so you're leaving. Like what firm are you going to? And I was like, no, I'm going to go make jam. And they were like, okay, okay. Um, so anyway, it went on this crazy process of making

this jam. And yeah, within the first couple of months, we deliciously Ella took us on in her delis and was posting us on her Instagram and that really helped us take off. We got listed in Planet Organic, which is kind of like a air one, I guess, of the UK. Whole Foods, Holland and Barrett, Selfridges, all kind of spout from there, Ricardo. And yeah, set up this health food business. So I don't know if I told you this, maybe I did, but what's absolutely wild is how similar our journeys are because my first product business, Oh My Glow, that all began with chia seeds. Because so my boyfriend at the time, who isn't Steven, my boyfriend at the time was like, Natalie, I have found this new health food and it's called chia seeds. And he was like,

there's so much research into it and it has protein and fiber and all this stuff. And we were in LA at the time I was on my student visa, like in working in between my degree. And there were these chia drinks on the market and they were like, or promoting all of these health benefits, everything. And I initially was like, I am going to take this idea back to the UK and create a chia seed drink. And that was my idea. And I like was like I am going to take this idea back to the UK and create a chia seed drink and that was my idea and I like was making all these drinks in the kitchen and that I've ultimately decided I wasn't doing that because I the shelf stability I was like oh my god what if I make it and I don't sell it and all that stuff so ended up making a powdered supplement with with chia seeds in it so how wild is that that we both were on the chia seed train

probably at the same time I'm guessing this is completely wild as well did chia seeds illegal for you did you have this thing with it at all as well I can't remember I mean I think that I mean I think there were so many hoops that I was jumping through back then there was something dodgy about them yeah like this is the thing and I think this happens with all businesses but there were so many hoops but chia seeds had this one thing that we discovered was you weren't legally allowed to use them in the UK because they were just they were deemed to be like a novel ingredient which is wild because like they've been eaten in Peru and places like this for thousands of years you know like they're pretty safe but yeah that was a whole thing that we had to go through, which was like, is our product illegal? Oh my God. So like, was that,

did I remember like a dragon's den situation that you've talked about before? Oh my God. Yeah. We went on dragon's den. Tell me about this. Oh my God. This is terrible. So I was at this point in the business, we were going for investment. And up until then, it really felt like a creative project. And I'd been so starved of creativity. I just loved how creative I felt. And then it came to the point of like, right, okay, we're in all these stores, but really to be doing the marketing campaigns we need to be doing and growing at the rate we're growing, we need external investment. So we start to go through this process and I'm starting to feel like maybe I don't want to be doing this. This is not feeling like how I want it to be. And I'm writing pitch decks and all

these things. And through a friend of a friend, she said, I think you should apply for Dragon Sam. And they'd actually approached her. She had a feminine hygiene business and she said, I'm not a good fit, but I know someone who will be. So she actually connected me with the producers, which was wild as well. Cause it was one of those things I kind of had on the vision board. And it's one of those stories as well, where it doesn't always happen the way you think it will. It was such a random way that this came about. But anyway, we went through all the auditions and we got selected. So they're like, okay, come on Dragon's Den. So the night before we're in Manchester, we're in a hotel and we are planning, we are making sure we know our numbers because everyone knows on Shark Tank, on Dragon's Den, like they

will catch you out on those numbers and you will look like such an idiot on national TV, even though you're not, I don't think these people are, but they will catch you out. It's like, okay, we need to know our numbers. And just before we go into pitch, they're like, Hey, the, the dragons aren't enjoying like giving big chunks of cash. We need you to go in and ask for less. So we're like, okay, cool. Um, right. So I think we were asking for about 150 K. So we're like, right. Okay. They were like, I think they said 20 to 30 K was like a good, a good place to go out. So we shifted everything literally last minute to be like, we're going to ask for 20 to 30 K go in, do my pitch. And, and this is where it starts to get a bit woo woo, because I do the pitch and I have the worst coughing fit of my life. Like I can't get a word out. Deborah Meaden

offers me a strepsil and is like, are you okay? They have to halt filming. It's this whole drama because you're like on the X, you can't move from the X because it will destroy all the filming continuity and stuff. So I'm still on this X, have this coughing fit. Deborah's offering me a strepsil. And I'm like, if this is not a sign, I don't know what is like, if this is just not a sign that this is not what I'm meant to be doing. I don't know. So we managed to go through answer some questions. Mainly it was my co-founder at that point, just answering questions. Cause I'm like, I can't speak. And, um, and we got caught out on the numbers because we asked for the 20 to 30K and we based all our numbers based on this 150K investment. And it became a whole thing in the pitch that we were trying to hide that we were asking for more investment and our numbers didn't add up and all the rest of it.

So needless to say, we didn't get the dragon investment. Oh, my God. Did it air on TV? No, it actually didn't no it actually didn't it actually didn't i know isn't it so annoying going through all of that and then not even going on but i think my coughing fit ruined it i think my coughing ruined the whole thing and what made you decide to pivot away from charm i think it was a number of things like i said i think i just really enjoyed tapping back into my creativity with that i wanted to help people ultimately as well i was really frankly

disgusted at the state of the food industry and the way that we're often poisoned through our food so i was trying to make a positive change in that way it just became clear that wasn't the way that i was meant to be doing it and actually I wanted to help people with the transformation and setting up their own businesses and basically making sure no one was ever sat in the toilet cubicle at work crying again, because that was the situation I'd been in and I knew how miserable it was. Chan was a lifeline that got me out of there, but it was the bridge. It wasn't the end of the journey. So I think that was the realization I came to. There was definitely a lot of grieving in that process. And I'm curious if you have this as well. Did you like have a grieving process or were you just like done when you were done with that business? Well, for me, I kind of

got forced to be done with it. So even when I moved over here, so I, I wanted to move to America and to move to America, you had to have a visa. And so because I was still so young, I was able to get an extended student visa as long as I had a job. So it's so funny. I literally decided I knew I was meant to be in San Francisco. I was like, I want to go to Silicon Valley. I want to study successful people. Like what, what are they doing? And I was like, always that adventurous when I was younger. And so I literally went on to angel list on the Monday. I Friday I'd accepted a job and it was like a hundred K salary. I was in my early twenties to move to San Francisco. And they were like, how soon can you get here? I'm like, I think I can go

and get the visa next week. So it's a student one. It's super easy. They were like, great. So then just hop on a plane the day after you get your visa, which I did. It was like from start to finish a couple of weeks. I came over but then a few months later I met Stephen we got married and because I'd gotten married on my student visa that was a big no-no and so it meant that I couldn't leave the country I couldn't I it was just like a nightmare for my visa status like I had no idea and so there was a really really long process I think was like 18 months where I couldn't work at all. And if I was caught working, whether it's on a UK business or anything here, like my chances of being able to live here would have been completely destroyed. So I had to

basically give it up. I remember like seeing if I could try and get somebody else to run it, but it just wasn't at that place where I could just fully outsource it to someone. It was still so much of me. So it was very much like I had. And I always knew it was the same thing for me. It was my bridge. It was never my final outcome. It was like, OK, I know I want to be in business. I'm going to just kind of go after the first idea that's got legs.

So I had to make that decision. What do I want more? This business that I've already created or this visa and having a like living in America was always always my dream so I decided to let it go and I wouldn't say I grieved over it I because then I was getting my dream to be able to live here was my ultimate and so it felt like it was just very much like thank you for getting me to this point because I know that it did contribute to so much of my personal and professional growth to even get me to where I was so it was just more like that and even you know could I have sold it probably but the idea of going through that hassle I mean you probably felt the same it was so much hassle it wouldn't

have been worth it because I mean it wasn't set up in a way that I think someone could just like click into and start running like it still was in its early stages a hundred percent can I just say there's two things in that that made me laugh so much first of all you wanted to study successful people most people read a book most people are like I want to study successful people let's read some autobiographies let's read tools of the titans you're like i'm gonna move to san francisco which i fucking love the second thing was i was like clenching when you were like couldn't work for 18 months i was like how is it capricorn did you cope for 18 months it was really hard it was really really hard and so up until that point i'd like really started to get myself in a great like

secure position I was building savings for the first time in my life everything and then all of that disappeared and went to shit in that time that I wasn't able to work and it was so demotivating because I was so wrapped up in my work and achievement and Stephen was working like crazy he was at Facebook at the time so he was working crazy hours he was traveling like crazy. He was at Facebook at the time. So he was working crazy hours. He was traveling all the time. I was lonely. I didn't know anyone. It sucked. But what's so interesting is it was during that time, Nick Pigeon, one of my friends,

was like, you're coming to a Brandon Burchard event. Like, you are in such victim mode. You're moping around. You're so depressed. Come to this event. I was like, I can't afford to come to it. I can't. And she was like, well, I'm paying for it get on the plane and that's what happened so and that really

revived me but it was really hard to not work yeah I feel like I went through a similar thing in pregnancy when I was like pulling back a lot I feel like that probably set you up for success so much as well though because I think so much of building something successful is actually being able to cope when things aren't going well and when things aren't feeling successful and not having all of your self-worth tied up in your business results. Cause that's such a roller coaster to be on. It's so exhausting. So I can imagine that time period as well, kind of prepared you for that in terms of like, okay, let's get regulated. We know we can deal with the highs, you know, we can deal with the lows. And then when you did get in that process you're like I'm fucking ready let's go 100% and that's

when I had the idea for the society and because I had so much time on my hands I just had to do so much research and I literally remember I probably have got it somewhere I need to find out having this big binder full of academic journals because when I was at uni, I did my dissertation on young entrepreneurs. And so I was really into the research of what makes someone set up business and what actually makes them successful. Like, are there some characteristics? Are there certain levels of support? So I had this binder filled with academic journals and highlighters and everything. And I met Danielle at the Brenna Machado event. And I remember a few months later is when I pitched Danielle on doing this with me.

And I literally remember showing I have all this research I've done. So it put me in a really good position because I've managed to do all of the research, but not enjoyable during the time. So you built an incredibly, incredibly successful coaching business. And then when you got pregnant, I mean, everything, can you talk a little bit about that? Yeah. Um, so this was the, this was the wildest experience because so pre getting pregnant, I'm living in Miami. We are living in this, like, we've got a U S visa, which was through my business as well. We're living in this insane, like penthouse apartment.

It's on the water. I am living like my best fucking life. Like we are hitting new highs in the business. We just done a hundred K sales week. It was like, everything was just flowing. Like it was true overflow. And I was just feeling like, wow, like this isn't even my vision board. This is like beyond what I even dare to dream about. This is amazing. And as part of this, we went on this big European holiday. So we went to Italy for a friend's wedding and then we went to Ibiza with some friends. And I'd been at this wedding for four days. I'm normally tracking my cycle, get to Ibiza. I've not been on my phone. I'm not being on my apps. I'm in the love bubble. I'm having a good time. Everything happens

that happens on holiday. And then the next day I'm like, I should probably check my app because I don't know where I'm at. And I look and my app has this, like, it's like this circle around your most fertile day, like this, this lit up circle. And that was the day. It wasn't just like around the day. It was like the lit up day. And I was like, Oh, right. Okay. Sure. It'd be fine. I'm sure it'd be famous enough words. I'm sure it'd be fine. But anyway, I get back, we're in Miami. I take a pregnancy test. I'm like, just to check first test negative. I'm like, cool. We're good to go. And then on the Friday I take a test and this was hilarious. I have to share this because like, I see so many cute Instagram videos of people taking pregnancy tests.

That was not my experience. That was not mine either. It was the most frantic, cute situation ever. I made Steven come off a meeting midway. I was like, get the fuck off this meeting. How have we not talked about this?

It's just so similar as well. You tell me yours. Okay. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify

and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know? Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet,

now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. So basically, I've taken one. They came in a two-pack, the pregnancy test. So I've taken one on the Monday. Not pregnant. Cool. I go out for it. We had a wine pairing at dinner on the Tuesday. I am not acting like a pregnant lady, okay? Get to Friday. My periods a day late. And I'm like, I'm just going to double check, but I'm sure it'll be fine. So Jake's in the gym downstairs in the apartment. I'm just in like my

toilet in the office. I take this pregnancy test. I'm like, Oh, I'm just checking. It comes up pregnant. And literally my first words are just shit. And then the next words are just shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I go into a state of panic, like full body shock. I text Jake, you need to come up from the gym now. Kiss, kiss. So the poor man is so confused. He's like, I'm in trouble because I'm being summoned urgently, but I'm not in trouble because there's a kiss kiss on the end.

What is going on? And then again, like everyone has these cute videos. They've ordered baby grows. They've done the, I don't know. They've done all this cute shit to tell their partner. I am sat on a bed crying my eyes out. And Jake, Jake apparently questions questions has she cheated on me no he's like why is she in this meltdown state like crying summoning me kiss kiss I'm a Capricorn

I have not cheated on the man but like it was just it was just wild and it was this wild shock but yeah i want to hear about yours now so he got he got so many guys okay so backstory on mine so i had pcos i was told by three or four gynecologists it will be impossible for you to get pregnant naturally so the last obgyn i went to i told him this and he was like okay when you want to think about getting pregnant i'm going to give you this medication to take it's just going to ensure that you ovulate and you'll be good to go. So, and he was like, you need to make sure you're not pregnant when you're taking this. Like, okay, cool. So we go, same thing. We're having the summer of our lives. We are in so many different places. And then we go to the uk and in the uk my period sleep which is very

normal for me having pcos and so i didn't think anything of it and i said to my mom i was like it is kind of weird it's it's late and like feels a bit different she's like cool let me go get you a test she got me a test went to good old tesco got me a test i took it was negative like yep no i think i think we're fine so then anyway so I start to because I'd taken the test I start taking this medication and again I just remember my doctor saying do not take this if you're pregnant okay so I start taking this medication two weeks later I went back from the UK and we are like back in Austin and I go for a walk and I've got my headphones on I'm going for a walk and on the walk I just start feeling reallyous. So I got into the elevator to come back up to the apartment because we were

living in an apartment at the time, our house being built. In the elevator, I just had this knowing, I think I'm pregnant. And I just got so anxious because I'd been taking this medication. And in my head, I mean, listen, I'm like worst case scenario, a catastrophe. Like it's just like, oh my God, I've ruined my baby. This is a nightmare. They're going to have all these issues, everything. So I run in and this apartment is tiny. It was a two bed apartment.

Stephen's in his office. I run in, I take a test. It comes up pregnant. I'm like, fuck. Oh my God, what have I done? Because I wanted to be pregnant so bad. And I thought I'd fucked everything. So I don't, within a second, I run into his office.

I opened the door and he's on a meeting. So I'm like mouthing to him in silence. Get off your call. Get off your call. And then he says to whoever's on the meeting, he says, I'll be two minutes. And I go, no, you won't be two minutes. Hang up the damn phone. So he hangs up.

I just throw the pregnancy test at him. And I sit on the phone. I'm like, what have I done? I fucked it all. We need to call the doctor right away. And so we on the phone like, what have I done? I fucked it all. We need to call the doctor right away. And so we call the doctor. He's like, come on in. We go in.

It turns out I was already six weeks pregnant. And he was like, it's fine. Like you're so early into it. You're fine. But it was not the romantic thing that people do on TikTok. I like threw it at him. And also like I had the front tick Googling as I'd been in Ibiza. Can you imagine? I'm Googling. Have I ruined my baby? Is everything okay? But oh my God,

no, it was not the romantic TikTok. It was not. Okay. So then tell us a bit about your pregnancy journey. Yeah. So I find out I'm pregnant. I go from shock to being over the moon. I'm like, do you know what? I'm so in love with Jake. I'm so in love with this life I've created. This is obviously the timing it's meant to be. I'm just going to trust this. I knew instantly as well. I was like, okay, this is just my journey now. So I get really, really excited. And then I probably had about a week, a week and a half where I felt okay. Like I went to Pilates and I did all my normal things and everything was fine. And then I was actually in Austin at the time. A friend had had like an emergency situation.

So I've flown over here. And it was really that week that things started to go downhill. And it just happened so quickly. And it was kind of funny. I could gauge it by my breakfast. And my breakfast was standard. It was always like eggs, asparagus and kale every morning without fail. When I found out I was pregnant, I put some bread in there. I was like toast, eggs, asparagus. And like day by day, things disappeared off the

plate. So first of all, the asparagus was a no, then it was the kale, then the eggs went, then it was the bread that was left. And just like every day I started to get more and more sick, but it just happened so rapidly. And I remember by the end of the week in Austin, I'd already passed out on a walk. We'd gone for like the smallest walk around the block and I'd got so dizzy and so faint. And then the same thing in Austin airport, you know, Austin airport, it's just like a line. It's like a long line. And we'd had to walk to the other end of it. And it was just too much for me. And really that was the turning point by the end of that week. it was just too much for me. And really that was the turning point.

By the end of that week, it was probably about week seven of the pregnancy. Just my whole life just honestly fell apart, like completely fell apart. Everything that I had been able to do before, I couldn't do. I could barely walk. I couldn't listen to music.

I was wearing sunglasses in our apartment. Like everything was a trigger for how sick I felt. So we're living in this great penthouse apartment. It suddenly became hell. Like I'm wearing sunglasses, the blinds are down, just reading music screens, like everything just makes me feel sick. And at that point, that's when I know this isn't just like normal morning sickness. Like I'm really not doing very well with this. And so did you have a sense of what it was? Did you go to the doctor? How did you start to find out? So I was aware of HG because my sister had had it, but there's a big age gap between me and my sister. It's 13 and a half years. So I kind of was quite removed from her pregnancy experience. Like I was there and I was aware of it and you shouldn't feel well.

And I knew we didn't see her very much and we couldn't wear perfume around her and things like this. But I think unless you've, you've been around that or been in the experience, it's quite hard to imagine what it might be. But I just remember going to the doctors probably week nine, maybe now eight or nine. And I tell them like how sick I'm feeling. I tell them I can't eat anything. I can't hold down water that I'm just really struggling. And I actually had a terrible experience. It's really important with HG to go to a doctor who's aware of it and who knows about it. And I had a really terrible experience with them and they said, well, there's nothing we can we can do and honestly I was at the point of desperation I said well I need to talk about other options because I can't do this like you you don't understand how ill I am and it was actually

saying that that got them to realize like I wasn't messing around like I was really feeling quite ill so at that point they put me on some medication that point, I started to kind of look into and explore the idea because, you know, I love manifestation. So I'm also like in my head having this battle of like, I don't want to latch onto this idea that I'm going to be super sick in my pregnancy. I'm trying to like positive thought out of my brain. And it just, it wasn't happening. It wasn't working.

And it was getting quite serious. There was a point where I was showing signs of malnutrition because I wasn't eating enough. So they had this experience. They put me on this medication. And then we went down the research kind of rabbit hole. And God bless Jake, because he was doing a lot of this for me at this point. He was messaging my sister. We were finding doctors who knew about it.

And as soon as I got into a doctor doctor who knew about it I felt much more supported didn't make the experience any less harder but it it felt I felt like okay someone knows what this is and they can help me through it what was it like mentally going through that and like how long I mean I know some of these that says some of these but I really want to talk about it like how long was it lasting for you honestly the experience was the hardest mental experience of my life and like I have struggled with mental health previously and this was I most days didn't know if I could make it to the end of the day like and even though I knew there were other options it's almost like you don't have enough energy to even consider them. It was the most second to second living I've ever been through. Like I'm just trying to

get through each second, each minute, each hour, each, each day. And it was, it was so intense mentally. And I think that was one of the biggest things. Yes, there was so much going on physically for you, but the way that that wears you down mentally was probably the worst part in many ways. But the experience, the best way to describe it is like, it's like having the worst food poisoning of your entire life. You know, the kind of food poisoning that just floors you combined with the worst hangover of your life combined with like seasickness all at the same time. So I'd be like sat in bed and I would sit forward and I would start gagging because that movement from just like sitting forwards would make me gag. Like showers, couldn't do showers, had to get a stool so I could sit in the shower and shower

because standing up that long and being in the water and the sensation of the water on my skin was just way, way too much. So yeah, mentally and physically, it was just, it was just incredibly intense. And honestly, it just stripped me away so quickly. And I didn't really realize how quickly it stripped me away either, because I'd gone from this amazing life, this like beyond the vision board life to like, I can't even shower without being seated. Like it was just wild in terms of the length of that intensity. I would say the first five months were the hardest. And I was really holding on hope for that 12 week mark. I was like first trimester, 12 weeks, like literally I would look at my app every single day of like how many days to go, how many days to go, how many days to go. Um, and I got to the 12

week mark. I didn't feel any better at all. 15 week mark. I would say that it started to dissipate slightly. It definitely felt like I could be out and about a little bit more. And I would say it was probably from like the five months mark where I could actually function. I wouldn't say my entire pregnancy, I didn't feel well. So like even in say month eight, I remember I ran a retreat in Austin. I'd had a really long day. I got out the car. I'd actually been in the car with my friend. I got out the car, I'd get into my house and I literally just throw up in the hallway. Cause I'm like, as soon as I was overtired, as soon as I tried to walk too much or just, just anything really, it would just be too much. But yeah,

I'd say first five months were like shocking five months on I could function. And I knew the rules to live by then as well. Like I just created a set of rules where I was like, I don't do this. I don't eat this. I don't smell this. And I can kind of get through this. And what did it mean for your business during that time? I mean, a lot, um, a lot. And I'll be completely honest about this. Like the reason I didn't want to get pregnant when I got pregnant was I had things that I wanted to get in place before that, you know, I had a plan. I had a, a thing figured out. I find out I'm pregnant. I'm like, do you know what? We'll roll with it. Like, it's going to be okay. I didn't really factor in. I wouldn't be able to work during that period. So what I am really grateful to the previous version myself was I

built a lot of freedom into my business. And I know you're such a passionate advocate for this. And please let this just be another story of why it's so important to build that into your business. Because I did have levels of freedom in my business. I had monthly recurring revenue. I wasn't on calls every hour of every day. And I just basically took the calls I had and split them out. So it was one to two hours a day max. And I would do nothing all day except that call. So I would literally lie in bed. I would summon all my energy. I would come onto that call. I would give my clients my absolute everything. And then I go back to bed and that was it. And you know what? Like I'm so grateful to my business because it, it actually carried me through that time. And it wasn't, it didn't become another source of stress. It was hard, but it didn't become another source of stress. I didn't let clients down. And that really mattered to me. I really showed up for them. If anything, I probably

gave them my absolute all because it was the only thing I was doing every day. It was like this, this call gets my everything, but I didn't grow the business in that time. There wasn't space to grow it. There wasn't space to be launching. And I'm grateful for the lessons that came with that as well. Totally. I'm going to guess, well, you can tell me, did your identity start to shift during that time? Or, and what was that like then going into early motherhood and postpartum after having that experience of pregnancy? It's really interesting. I remember reading a book, I think it's called Matriessence. Yeah. It's a brilliant book all about the shifting of identity that happens during motherhood. And I actually, it's, it's kind of written for mothers who are already,

have already given birth, but I read that probably around seven or eight months into my pregnancy. I could read again past the five month mark, which was just heaven. I love books and miss books. So I probably read that around seven or eight months and it spoke so vividly to me because I think because I'd had such an extreme pregnancy, that stripping away of identity started a lot sooner. I felt like I lost my freedom. I felt like I lost my identity in the pregnancy rather than, oh, the baby's here and now my life has changed. So yeah, I would say that was the time. The one thing I would say is I feel like that almost made my postpartum a lot easier

because I feel like I'd been through that process already. In some ways, postpartum felt easier. In fact, in many ways, postpartum felt easier than pregnancy in many ways postpartum felt easier than pregnancy so I kind of maybe had an opposite experience than some people I know a lot of people have difficult presences as well but in that I was actually just really relieved to be not pregnant yeah that makes total sense what were the identity changes like for you in postpartum i mean for me i just feel like i just didn't expect it that's what i think hit me the most was i just didn't expect my identity to shift so much and also so quickly and when it did it felt like it just hit me out of nowhere and for a long time i knew my identity had shifted but I didn't know how like I it was so different to like

when you have had a shift and you okay I was at A now I'm at B mine was I'm no longer at A but I don't know where I am and that was the hardest thing especially Capricorn vibes and I was always so sure and certain and I had a plan and I had nothing. And that's what I found the hardest. Yeah. I so resonate with that. Like the, the in-between the limbo, I think we really struggle as humans with uncertainty and you don't realize how much that is until you're in those periods of uncertainty. And I can really, I can really resonate with that. I think I knew that my identity had shifted postpartum. I think it was actually quite delayed. I had a plan where I just threw myself back into work and I just want to normalize this as well. Like I don't think I did anything wrong with doing that. Like I was very mindful of myself.

I definitely did a staggered, you know, approach back in, but at eight weeks postpartum, I ran a retreat and on the other side of the world as well, you know? So I threw myself back in, but at eight weeks postpartum, I ran a retreat on the other side of the world as well. So I threw myself back in. The only thing I would say on reflection was I hadn't maybe recognized that I was shifting still. I thought I've been through my shift in pregnancy. Now I get to get back to myself. I didn't realize like, no, now there's a new layer of identity shifting that's going to take place. So mine probably hit around six or seven months. And I think a couple of things happened. I think one, honestly, my level, my bullshit tolerance level just dropped. I was like, I have no idea how much shit I'd been putting up with. And I was like, no more. I do not have the energy to take

from my life and my family to waste on this shit. Like I'm not doing it anymore. So I think that was one of the big things, honestly, like my bullshit tolerance was like it zeroed out. And I think the second thing was just realizing that my that my passion had shifted a lot. The way that I wanted to show up had shifted. And honestly, I think it was a positive thing. I think I realized that motherhood wasn't changing me into this different version of myself. It was actually allowing me to step back into a truer version of myself.

It brought back to me dreams that I'd kind of put on the sidelines for a long time. And it allowed me to actually step into an even bigger version of my vision rather than a smaller one. Cause I was like, if I'm going to take time away from my baby, from my husband, this has got to be for a fucking big vision. This is not happening. So I can sit in my inbox. This is not happening. So I can just be responding to everyone else's priorities this has to be because I am going and creating a movement oh my god I cannot relate more I felt that same thing I initially felt like I had changed so much and the more time that passed the more I realized I was actually just coming home to who I always was but like that version that I just

buried with all the shit and then also same thing on the bullshit tolerance but what's interesting is I felt like before I already had a low one but when I really was confronted with it I realized I was still people pleasing so much like yeah I had boundaries and all that stuff but I was people pleasing like crazy I can resonate with that as well like I remember my clients at the time being like, we love you, Alex, because you're, you're like so approachable and we feel so close to you, but also you're the boundaries queen and you set the standard. So I already had, I thought same as you, I thought I already had that in my life, but then there was just this whole new level. Although I do remember calling you and being like, I had a trial day with a nanny once oh my god tell the story

I was in the throes of postpartum and also like I had no idea what I was doing as a mother like I the book scared the shit out of me I couldn't read I'm normally like a take a course read a book kind of person I couldn't it just made me more anxious so I was like we're just gonna work this out like I'm sure I'm gonna work out what to Had no idea what, how a nanny worked or what to do with that. Had this trial day. It was terrible. She was telling me how the kids she worked for, they loved her more than the mothers. Like it was a nightmare from start to finish. And as one of the things I literally made her a sandwich for lunch. I remember texting you and you were like, so we're not going to do that again. I was like, so did you get much done today?

No, I just talked to her all day and then made her lunch. I was like, okay, well, no. That was it as well. She'd sat and told me she preferred it when the mum worked from home because she had company. And didn't she cry to you as well she sat and told me she preferred it when the mum worked from home because she had company and didn't she cry to you as well yeah she cried she held my hand and cried she held my hand and cried and this is when this day was a huge wake-up call in my life of like oh this is not normal this is like I do think I think there are certain people where you do have like I I've always had people feel they can open up to me and I'm really grateful for that but I do think there is also a level where

it's got to be like actually like now is not the time not read the room my friend this is not the time for you to be going into therapy no absolutely not absolutely oh my god and so how are you feeling now you're coming up a year postpartum which is wild how is our little one a year I'm obsessed with him and how are you feeling when do you feel like things started shifting for you I feel like honestly they're still shifting but this is why I really love this process and that I'm not in now. I really shifted things to be focusing instead of on the goals, instead of like the one goal and getting there and, you know, doing whatever it takes, focusing more on the journey and how it feels to get that and focusing on the upgrades that I'm making and knowing and trusting that if I

make these upgrades, if I do these things, that goal is going to happen so much more easily than I ever would have done before. So I'm definitely feeling lit up, like re-energized, inspired, but really mindful not to rush into things and to really go about things in a different way than I've ever done before. Is that cocoa? Oh my God, that is bagel is this is my life like I'm like everyone be quiet in the house but I have two dogs and a baby and like that is just that is my reality half the time I feel you I have an entire bathroom renovation going on I'm like can we just just pause for just the podcast and the baby nap and it never ever happens I've considered

podcasting in the cupboard before like i've seen people like literally in their clothes cupboard and i'm like oh i get it now a the acoustics are good and b like you could just shut out the whole house oh my god the amount of yeah the amount of times i have literally texted my entire house being like please just be quiet give me 10 more minutes please like when you're listening to this podcast there's always some shit going on the background like i don't even care at this point we're just getting it done you're saying please mine have no please on i mean you don't let us shut the fuck up well that is what they actually say i'm giving a more polite vision.

So tell us what's next. I am so excited for you because this week is launch week. Oh my God. I'm so excited. So the podcast is coming out. It's called It's Upgrade Season and it's focused on making small upgrades so you can make huge shifts in your life. And I really got this sense, particularly going through everything that I went through that sometimes we're just a bit burnt out by personal development. Like it just, it can feel quite heavy and feel quite serious. And we can feel like we need to be doing this two hour morning routine in order to have the life of our dreams. And I've been in that season. I'm not in that season anymore. Like I don't get to do a two hour morning routine. I still feel there's so much available to us

just through like the small upgrades that we make and compounding those upgrades. So that's really what it's focusing on. It's gonna feel like the best skills chat ever with a dose of like positive inspiration and feeling like you can just take on the world. I am obsessed. I love that you're doing this. So everyone go and listen, go search for it's upgrade season, wherever you listen to podcasts and make sure you subscribe and listen to the

first few episodes bonus points. If you leave her a review, because it makes the world of difference when you're launching a podcast, we all know everyone's going to go do it. We are the biggest supporter of women here for the best community. So what kind of things can we expect on there then? I think you're so right in that we need a bit of a reprieve from all the seriousness. Like even on this podcast, I want to have business chat,

but I don't want it to just be textbook, boring business chat. I want to get into stuff that's interesting. And I want to like say the things that's on everybody's minds because we're all so over consumed by everything I want it to be a business reprieve so I'm so glad you're doing it in this kind of way I noticed that when you microdose mushrooms on an episode yep we're just keeping it real I'm like you haven't listened to that one girl I was like I love that she is doing this. I literally love this.

But yeah, I won't be microdosing mushrooms on the podcast because I have no tolerance post-pregnancy and it would be a very interesting listen if I did. But it's just going to be super raw, super unfiltered. And we're going to be talking about manifestation. We're going to be talking about how to upgrade your life in all the different areas. And that's what I love about it as well. Whether it's upgrading your lifestyle, your health, your wellness, your sex life, whatever it might be, we want to support you to be doing that, but in really like fun, implementable ways. We're going to get super specific. There's going to be things that you can actually take away from each episode. And we're also doing this really fun thing as well. We're doing listener dilemmas. So I was upset. Do you remember when you were younger? And I can't remember like the names of the magazine, like sugar. Was it sugar magazine? Yeah. And Ms. Do you remember Ms?

Yes. And they had like the agony on page. I used to love the agony on pages. So I was like, I'm going to step into this role. I'm going to bring back the agony and columns, but we're going to do it on a podcast. I'm going to try and not make things worse for people. I'm going to step into this role. I'm going to bring back the agony and columns that we're going to do on a podcast. I'm going to try and not make things worse for people. I'm going to try and make them better. Just give them terrible advice. But no, so we're going to be taking Listen to ILM as well.

We've got a WhatsApp going so people can voice note us. Yeah, it's going to be super fun. I am so excited. I'm so glad you're doing this, seriously. Okay, so then wrapping things up I want to go back to early days of you being in pregnancy with HG and I want to talk about this because you know I the first time I'd ever heard about HG I remember seeing was like the

front page of the newspapers was Kate Middleton. I think it was that had it. And she was really, really sick through her pregnancy. And people were like, talking all kinds of stuff about it. And then it came out, she had that. And I remember hearing about it then, but then only through your experience, have I had more awareness of it. And I'm sure there are women listening to this that have had it that in the future will have it, or they know someone that is going through it. And so I'm just curious, being in the future will have it or they know someone that is going through it and so I'm just curious being in the position that you're in now having gone through all of that what is something that you feel like you really needed to hear then and maybe it applies to someone who's

going to go through this but maybe even they could apply this to going through just a really hard season in their life like what did you need to hear then when you were going through just a really hard season in their life. Like what did you need to hear then when you were going through that? This is probably gonna sound really counterintuitive, but at the time I just needed to let it be okay to just get through every second, to get through every minute, to get through every hour and not achieve anything, not try and process,

not try and heal, not try and tune into my body. I just needed it to be okay to just be in pure survival mode. And I think just let yourself do whatever it takes to be in survival mode. Like eat whatever you can eat, even if it's the worst junkiest food in the world. Like just, if you can get some food in you, just take it, whatever it may be. If you can get some fluids in you, just take it, whatever it may be. It's probably the most uninspiring advice

because I don't think it's the time to feel inspired or like everything's going to be okay. And if anything, I could probably give a laundry list of the things that were so annoying to hear during that time. So us them give us it okay so first one do not fucking mention ginger oh my god i could have the amount of people when i had i had nausea till i was 17 weeks the amount of people that said have you tried ginger tea i wanted to kill them kill them them. Kill them. Kill them. I am surprised there are no murders committed by pregnant women being told to try fucking ginger.

Like, oh my, I had a doctor tell me in the UK, I'd gone back to the UK. I was running low on my meds and I was like, I need some more of these meds. She's like, you're not really meant to be on them longer than seven days. I'm like, listen, listen, we're staying on these. Like my doctor in the U S had already approved it. And my doctor said to me, have you tried ginger? And I'm like, and this is why I talk about, you need to have a doctor that knows about HD because just no more fucking ginger comments, but yeah. Don't mention, have you tried ginger?

Don't mention specific foods. Do you fancy some chips? Do you fancy some salad? Like don't mention a specific food because like I would gag just at the sound or the word or even even to consider foods. Like Jake learned, he's like, is there anything that you feel that you could stomach right now?

It was like, you can't mention the specifics. I think just being super aware as well that I read a lot of, like, I do have a really deep spiritual connection. I still do. It's definitely actually deepened through this process if anything, but I would read a lot of like manifestation books and books about kind of metaphysical anatomy. And they would say, well, if you're feeling sick, it's you rejecting your pregnancy say well if you're feeling sick it's you rejecting your pregnancy and if you're feeling sick it's you doing this and I actually became really aware of how dangerous that is and so not helpful it's it's not helpful but it's it's I genuinely

dangerous like you are blaming people with something that is linked to their genetics and something that can lead to death. Like there are women who die from having HG in pregnancy and you are trying to tell them that they are rejecting their own pregnancy. Like you don't know what that woman's been through to get pregnant either. You know, women get HG when they've been through years and years of IVF or, you know, they've struggled to conceive, like they're not rejecting their baby. They're just going through an experience. So I think not suggesting that you're doing it to yourself is helpful. And also just being super aware it's not morning sickness as well.

I think it can be helpful to a certain extent, like being able to empathize and recognize that there is a shared experience often with morning sickness and pregnancy, but there is no reprieve from HG. It's not like there's certain times a day you feel better. There's, I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick. Like I would feel sick morning to night. There wasn't like moments of feeling better. And yes, later in the pregnancy, often with HG, it will lighten, but I had a whole laundry list of things I couldn't do. But this has actually reminded me, there's one thing I would say if someone's going through it, your husband will not smell like shit forever. And that's what we needed to remember.

Oh my God, I love it. Well, I love you. I am so excited for you. Everyone go search for it's upgrade season, podcast come back on here and give us an update how things are going thanks and thanks for having me it's been so much fun i know my pleasure