the bossbabe podcast - 355. Self-Worth, Defeating Limiting Beliefs + Lessons from Oprah with Jamie Kern Lima

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

If you’re stuck feeling like you’re never enough, this is your sign to find your WORTHY. This week, Lindsay and I sit down with Jamie Kern Lima, a New York Times Best Selling Author & Founder of IT Cosmetics. We share our journeys with discovering + accepting our worthiness, including the struggles + challenges that we still face. We unpack the specific tools inside Jamie’s new book, WORTHY, to discuss how self-worth impacts the way we all show up in our relationships + in our businesses. Our conversation provides major breakthroughs to getting over subconscious blocks, overcoming self-doubt, feeling fulfilled in every area of life + even more.  HIGHLIGHTS The evolution of our relationship with self-worth from childhood to today - facing trauma, limiting beliefs, and more. How high self-worth + low self-worth manifests in our personal & professional lives. The difference between self-worth versus self-confidence + Jamie’s epic Oprah story. Unlocking your full potential, vanquishing self-doubt + reaching fulfillment in every area of life through strong self-worth. RESOURCES + LINKS Get your copy of WORTHY: https://worthybook.com/ Join The Société: The Place to Build A Freedom-Based Business Get 3 months free on Gusto: gusto.com/bossbabe Use code ‘BOSSBABE’ to receive 25% off your For Wellness order: www.forwellness.com/bossbabe FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Jamie Kern Lima: @jamiekernlima

There are people right now that feel like something's missing in my marriage. I'm just going to end it. Something's missing in my job. This must not be the job for me. I'm going to quit it. Something's missing in my... I thought I was passionate about building my online business. And I don't know why I feel like something's missing.

I'm just going to give up. And they don't realize the thing that's missing is that underneath it all, you don't love yourself enough. you don't have enough strong self work hello welcome back to the boss babe podcast i'm joined by lindsey this week and listen lindsey i have a topic that i really i really want us to go deep on okay here for it yeah always okay this one's a bit of a vulnerable one but i really think it's important to talk about and that is worthiness and not feeling worthy not feeling good enough not feeling like you fit in, not feeling like you're capable. I was thinking about this. I was journaling this morning and it was,

what would you tell yourself when she was 10 and 20? And like all of these prompts of different ages and what you would tell yourself. And I was kind of like free writing. And so much of it that was coming to me was all around the piece of worthiness. I really grew up with a lot of insecurity and I grew up with a lot of telling myself that I wasn't worthy. I wasn't good enough. I didn't fit in anywhere. Like I had so many examples of that. Like I was the kid at school that like, I was always on the outside.

If it was three of us in a friendship group, I was on the outside. Like my clothes weren't clean, like smelled a little bit. There was just, listen, there's some stuff going on at home. And it was very evident in the way that I showed up at school, just being totally honest. And it really had me feeling like such an outsider and like I never belonged and fitted in. And it took so much work to overcome that. And when like when a lot of people say, what was the catalyst to you becoming successful and all these things so much of it was this worthiness piece so just journaling on it and reflecting on that like 10 year old version of me and just feeling so much empathy for the things that she

went through and all of the stories she had I felt like we get to have a conversation about it because I know there's women listening to this who are still in that place of not feeling good enough and they might be in this cycle of like super high achievement to feel good enough. And yeah, I'm curious, like what your relationship with that is. It's funny as you're talking, because anytime you mentioned like little Lindsay, you know, I'm like, Oh, God, yeah, here comes the emotions. But also like, God, that see your mama retreat we did where we had to hold up the pictures of ourselves as like little six year olds and everyone in the room's just bawling because I, and I think there is this tie back to our inner child when we talk about worthiness and it's like, where did you first

have the memory of like, what's the first time you remember? Like, I don't deserve this or I'm different. Like I can't have what they have. I think like that we're in security. I feel like we all have kind of a core memory at some point, probably like six to eight years old, the first time we remember feeling that way. So I remember those things. And then also, as you're talking, I'm like, what's funny is this probably like says a lot about me, but I like I almost also remember feeling the opposite a lot where like I was so coached by my dad, so freaking coached by my dad.

I was like, I'm an elder millennial. I'm in that generation of like whole brain, whole child, like love and logic parenting. Like he was so involved in wanting me to believe in myself. And like, I mean, the mantra that I remember as old as I can remember is like, I'm Lindsay, I can do it. I'm Lindsay, I can do it. And so like, for me, worthiness is like, it's this complicated psychological thing because I think I, as a child, I think I did think I could do things. Like I really do think I had a lot of confidence and believed I could do anything I wanted to do. And it was more as I got into adulthood where I was like, oh shit, like I'm actually not as talented at everything that I thought I like as a kid or

in high school, it was easy for me to just like win at everything because I could, you know, like that level of challenge was easy for me getting out into the real world, especially into entrepreneurship is like when that stuff really started to come up because it's like, oh, this mantra in my mind of like, I'm Lindsay, I can do it. And just because I want it means I'm going to be good at it. And then it doesn't go that way. And you're like, oh, and then it really starts to challenge that like inner child of like, but I'm Lindsay, I can do it. Like, why can't I do it? And I think that's when it really hit me full circle of like, oh, wow, that's when the worthiness stuff comes up is, man, like I've spent so much money on this or I've invested so much time in this thing. And now like it's not working and like, oh, like I'm just not, I'm not worthy of the success. Like I'm not like other people. They, they make it look easy.

I can't do it. You know, you and I talked about this even with taking COO around when I worked with you before you were a mother and I was a mother and I was like, I can't do what you can do, you know? And so there's been all these, because I'm a mom. And, and so there's been all these times in my life where I feel like worthiness has come up to me of, I did think I could do it. And then the world showed me, I couldn't do it as easily as I thought. And that really made me feel unworthy instead of what I think it should do, which is challenge me to learn or challenge me to put a boundary up and go, well, maybe this isn't the thing for me. And that's okay. You know, I think there's a lot of ego that we come into adulthood with of like,

because I want it, I should be good at it. Or because I want it, it should come easily. And that's just not the case, you know, but we don't have a lot of tools to let that stuff go. So, so yeah, worthiness is, I love this conversation. The other thing I wrote down while you're talking, a mentor of mine said this at one point years ago when I was really, really struggling in entrepreneurship and motherhood and everything. And she said, your work is not your worth. Your work is not your worth. And that's a, I think that's a huge pivotal thing for me to understand about myself as like a to the bone independent entrepreneurial type person where worthiness to me is one of those things like it's very external or at least it has been for a long time in my life where I'm like, well, I'm only worth what my success looks like.

You know, like my worthiness is measured by how successful I am in my work or what, how much following I have or my professional accolades and really landing in the message of like, your work is not your worth felt very foreign for many, many months of, of inner work. I was like, huh, well, what is my worth then? Like, what else do I do with my life that matters? And obviously motherhood has changed that. But, but I think that's a big question with worthiness too, is like, if it's not based on your work product or like what you're putting out into the world, what is your worth derived from? And how do we define that? Especially as millennials who were, I think, so conditioned

to define ourselves by our external successes and achievements. Yeah. And I don't think it helps too when there's like all of this languaging online for entrepreneurs of charge your worth, charge your worth. No, your worth is inherent. But if you don't, if you really want to be charging fair amount of value, otherwise it's not going to work. And it's such a bullshit term, charge your worth. So interesting hearing you talk about that. And thank you for sharing too, of like the flip, because it's so fascinating. And I really love that we're having this conversation because my experience was the complete opposite, like absolute opposite. Like I remember from such a young age and like, I've been really open about my childhood, but

my mom and dad divorced when I was three, my dad left when I was three. And I made that mean something about me. Like I literally remember one of my core memories that I've had to do a lot of work on was he was like, I'm going to the store and he didn't come back. And I made that mean something about me. And that was their divorce or like, and that was at three. And I remember it even, I think I was nine or 10 at school and there was so much, let's call it trauma going on at home. Like it was just not, it was not a functioning household and it was quite a hard place for children to grow up, nevermind even adults to be in. But I remember going to school consistently with unclean school uniform. We wore school uniform in the UK and I was friends

with these two girls that I thought were my friends and they were passing notes in class and I intercepted the note and it said, she smells so bad. And I remember intersecting it and just having this story of like I don't fit in anywhere that I go I'm not accepted there's something wrong with me I'm defective like all of these stories all throughout my childhood and then the the counteraction for me was actually to overachieve like okay what if I just take matters into my own hands and overachieve. Like, okay, what if I just take matters into my own hands and overachieve? Like, I am not going to be defined by like what my household is like. I'm going to take matters into my own hands. I'm going to control my own things so that I'm controlling washing my own

school uniform and like all of those little things that by the time I got into my early 20s, the story was like, I have been through through so much I have proven to myself that I'm worthy I was like rewriting the story but it's so interesting how both sides of the coin still fully exists it's like there's no way that we can set human beings up without any trauma and without any of this like they can you can do your absolute best but everyone is going to take some story and at some point it's going to flip for them and they have to do their own work around it. And it's probably been such a blessing for us both individually, yes, having different journeys, but still having to do the same work because it's made us into these well-rounded human beings that care and that support other

people and can be empathetic and like come from a lens of so much understanding so I just I absolutely love and I think also what I see in both of us is that lens of overachievement which is probably great because it's gotten us here but I assume we both are out of completely different places went into overachievement yeah isn't that fascinating that's why I love inner work and like you know I nerd out on this stuff outside of like all the business stuff. I'm like, let's just talk inner work. And like the way that we, our brains have learned to cope with the human condition, because I think a lot of us crave figuring this out. Like we crave figuring out why we're only satisfied with ourselves if we're burning the candle at both ends or we're just totally burned out or we can wear the badge of honor of overachievement.

And I think in you and I's experience, it's like motherhood that woke us up to that going, well, this is the absolute most energy intensive endeavor that you could ever do is to become a mother. You can't really overachieve. There's not in those early days. And so if you're someone who's used to pouring that much energy into all the other things in your life, and then all of a sudden you become a mother, you're like, well, nope, you know, and it really wakes you up to it. But I don't think it has to be reserved for mothers. And I like, I look back

on myself in my twenties and my early thirties before I became a mother. And I'm like, man, there are so many, there were so many like glimmers that came through or mentors that came into my life who like tried to have this type of conversation or tried to get me into me and there are so many, there were so many like glimmers that came through or mentors that came into my life who like tried to have this type of conversation or tried to get me into this inner work. I mean, like years in therapy where I think my therapist, if she knew me now, she'd probably be like, Oh my God. Yeah. We talked about this like 20 years ago, but you couldn't hear me yet. Because I think we, you know, I think we all crave that feeling of understanding why we are the way we are. And so many of us are overachievers. So many of us are. And yeah, it's usually rooted in some kind of childhood experience, whether it was trauma or performance conditioning. Or also, maybe there's people out there who are like, just naturally, really good at everything and stuff comes super easy to them, but they crave like meaning in a way that isn't defined

by external achievement. And ultimately, you know, I think American culture, I don't know as much about British culture, but obviously American culture is, we so praise external achievement. And I think the human condition is like, cool, but like, what if I don't want to be that visible? Like, what if I just want to be me? And how do I feel worthy and be praised and like, have a sense of belonging, which is another thing you're talking about that I think is such a hot, hot topic that we don't like to talk about. It's like, I just want to feel like I belong. And the way I've always made myself feel like I belong in

entrepreneurial circles is to like, wave the flag of overachievement. But is there a way to belong in the entrepreneurial circles or the online business circles or like the CEO mama circles of just being like, self assured, you know, and like, I know myself, there's some things I'm good at, there's some things I'm not. And I'm worthy to be be here no matter what the bank account number is or the results of the launch or the external badges of success that maybe the more insecure version of me wants to put out as the reason I belong. What if we all just belonged because we're inherently worthy and then the results of our work got to be secondary to that? And that level of inner work I think is the thing that lights me up.

I love talking about this stuff. And I think we do a good job of blending it into our programs and helping people understand that we're teaching you really applicable, tactical stuff that you can build into your business. And you're going to do it differently than other people. And you're going to have a different level of success than everybody other everybody else and that's great like it can work for anybody and it's going to work differently for everybody so so true yeah I feel like it needs to be part of all curriculum where you are trying to level up because if you can't work through those blocks it's really really going to hold you back so before I hopped in as you know one of our friends Jamie Ken Lima is releasing a brand new book which is so exciting it's called Worthy and I was asking her some of the reasons that she wanted to write

this book and I mean it's phenomenal it's absolutely incredible but she told this one particular Oprah story that I'm so excited for you to hear so I'm gonna just send this link right now and invite Jamie on and I'm gonna ask her a few questions I'm so excited for you guys to hear. So I'm going to just send this link right now and invite Jamie on. And I'm going to ask her a few questions. I'm so excited for you to, for you guys to hear about this book, but also, I mean, this Oprah story, it's just such an example. Cause you look at someone like Jamie and you think surely at this point, you know, you've built a billion dollar company. You must feel worthy and still to know that people at that level can struggle with it. So I'm going to invite Jamie in right now. right now and we'll ask her a few questions. We just wrapped a major launch and was actually really stress-free. I feel like I really know what

my body needs and especially in busy times like launch weeks because I've taken time over the past years to learn about me and my body and that's exactly why I love our podcast sponsor Wild Health because they recognize that every single person is different and health is not one size fits all. Wild Health helps you learn about your body using your biometrics, genetics, and lifestyle data to determine what your body needs when it comes to nutrition, sleep, supplements, and so much more. Knowing this information and implementing recommendations to your routine allows you to function at your best now and in the long run. I personally love using this information to meal prep foods that my body loves, prioritize movement, and have a rhythm for my favorite vitamins and supplements. So if you're struggling with stress or feel like you're in a season that is leading

to burnout, your cortisol level, which is the primary stress hormone is likely elevated. It's amazing to know that 50% of all wild health patients have seen their cortisol level improve following the health recommendations that were tailored to their unique genetic makeup. To help you implement your individualized care plan, Wild Health pairs each person with a care team consisting of a board certified precision medicine physician and accred credit health coach who you can message anytime through their convenient app plus wild health is fully virtual via telemedicine and is available everywhere in the u.s wild health is generously extending boss babe listeners 20% off the cost of membership with code boss babe head over to wildhealth.com slash boss babe and

use code boss babe at checkout. Make this commitment to yourself and start taking control of your health today at wildhealth.com slash boss babe. Jamie, I am so grateful that you're here and I'm so grateful that you're going to talk to us about the topic of not feeling good enough. And I first want to start with a pretty big question. Is it possible to go from living your life, never feeling good enough to actually turning a corner and starting to feel good enough? Like, is that possible? Yes, it is so possible, Natalie. And what's the first thing I want to say is anyone, you know, listening to us right now who feels like they're not good enough, even if you're really good at hiding it from the world, here's the deal. You're not alone. 80% of women don't feel like they're enough. Right now, as we speak, 80% of women don't feel

like they're enough. 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. 91% of girls and women don't love their bodies. So literally, the reason I wrote Worthy is most of my life, a lot of people Google my story and they're like, Oh, you're a Denny's waitress and you built a billion dollar business and you must just be so confident and have so much self-worth. And it was like, no, most of my life, I doubted myself out of my own destiny. I mean, there's so many things that I sabotaged because I didn't know why at the time. But whether it was a business thing or a personal relationship, but deep down inside, we don't feel we're enough. In our whole lives, Natalie, whether it's our businesses, our friendships, even our goals and dreams, like we don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams.

We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. And so, yes, it is absolutely a million percent possible. And it's really why I wrote Worthy because it's really it's like a book packed with over 20 tools on how do you build self-worth and how do you believe you're enough? And I'm so grateful that you are having this conversation because, you know, a lot of people think if I just get all the business acumen, then my business will take off. And you need that. That's very true, but you can build all the business skills. You can do all the things. You can get the six-pack abs. You can do all the things. But if underneath it, you still don't have strong self-worth, you'll arrive at those things feeling

like something's missing, feeling unfulfilled, and feeling like I don't understand why I still don't feel good enough. And then what we do in response to that is we work harder. We accomplish more. We think I just need to get this next goal and this next level of my business. And all those things are great. But if you don't first build that underlying self-worth, it doesn't matter how much you achieve. You'll still never feel like enough, but it is absolutely possible. And also through conversations like this. So thank you for dealing with this stuff on all levels, you know, because we're all on journeys and our businesses and our personal lives and our lives as parents and our lives as friends. And I just think that it was a huge epiphany after not understanding why I had either sabotaged or

hit plateaus in my personal life and my professional life until I understood, oh, wow, I can accomplish everything in the world, but if I don't think I'm worthy of it, like I'll either sabotage it or I'll stay stuck. And so when I had this realization in my life, I just became obsessed with studying self-worth. And so it is truly the one thing that changes everything. And for people that are listening and might not even be sure if they have healthy self-worth or positive self-worth,

what are some symptoms of not having great self-worth, not feeling good enough? I know you were mentioning sabotage, staying stuck. Like what does it look like for women in their daily lives to not feel good enough? So, you know, so many of us right now, if we just pause and check in with ourselves, and if we pay attention to the things we tell ourselves about ourselves all day long, and we really take notice of them, we can quickly identify, oh, wow, I either kind of don't feel like I'm enough, or I'm telling myself all day long, I'm not enough. And how it looks like if you're listening now and going, I don't know. I don't know if I really feel those things.

Here's three different levels of how when you don't feel worthy and you don't have strong self-worth. And by the way, I would love to talk about the two, the difference between self-confidence and self-worth because they're actually so different. Having a huge revelation, I have a whole chapter about this in Worthy

about what the differences between self-confidence and self-worth will change your entire life. But I'll talk about that in a second, but really quick to answer your question. I'm so excited about this topic because it's life-changing. Like I just, honestly, Natalie, I think about the number of women are going to hear this episode with us and it's going to literally shift the course of their life. Like that's how powerful this stuff is when you struggle with self-worth. So it can look like a few different things. If is. When you struggle with self-worth, so it can look like a few different things. If you have really, really low self-worth, let me just be really clear, you can have everything going right outside of you. You can look like you have it all together.

You can have a ton of the world's definition of success. But if underneath it all, you have low self-worth, what it looks like is it can look like you stay in unhealthy friendships or unhealthy relationships where you know and feel at your soul level and you deserve better. But your mind, for whatever reason, your thoughts and all the things have you staying in that friendship where you feel like you keep showing up for that other person, but you're accepting them not showing up back for you. It can look like being an unhealthy romantic relationship. Low self-worth can look like having ideas and hopes and dreams and maybe talents like you're an artist or a dancer or whatever it might be, but you don't express those or offer those to the world. And you don't know why. And you constantly feel like,

oh, I have all this on my heart, but I'm just, I just am stuck. Or I wanted to launch the business, but I'm just stuck. Or I want to show up authentically in social media, but I just feel stuck. So I'm just going to post that graphic of the quote instead today. Or it can come in so many different forms. And a lot of times we just think to ourselves, okay, well, I just need to get that fitness goal. Then I'll be enough and I'll feel enough. Or I just need to study harder or all the things. But we stay stuck when underneath it, we don't feel worthy and enough as we are.

That's what low self-worth can look like. When you have medium or medium-high self-worth, you'll often go for things. You'll put yourself out there. You'll be on the dating app. You'll do all the things. You'll launch the business. But if you have medium self-worth, what will happen often is you'll finally meet a really great guy and you'll put

him in the friend zone and you won't be attracted to him and you don't know why. And you think, oh no, I need to be attracted to a bad boy and this and that. Really what it is, I don't love myself enough. And what feels congruent is to be attracted to also someone who won't love me enough. Because even in our love lives or our friendships or anything else, the depth of love and connection we have for ourselves, that's the limit of the depth of love and connection we can have with somebody else. Medium self-worth looks like I'm going for the business and all these kinds of things. And I don't know why. I could have done so well with that launch. I could have shown up 15 times like I planned on social and I don't know why I

just did it. And I just sabotaged it and it just went okay. Or I don't know why I scrolled Instagram all day long when I really want to be doing well in this launch. It could look like so many things where we don't understand why we're sabotaging it. And then when you have medium to high self-worth, but you don't fully feel like you're enough, here's what that looks like. That looks like I am crushing it everywhere.

And I'm keeping the promises I make to myself and I'm all the things and I'm doing everything that I know is what success looks like. And I'm hitting my goals. But when I arrive at them, underneath it all, I feel like something's missing. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel fulfilled and I don't know why. And here's the deal. We don't, you know, rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe are worthy of. And so even, even when we hit a massive goal and we think when I finally get this thing, then I'm going to be happy when I finally have the white picket fence or the 2.5 kids or the dream car, the big, you know, the eight figure business, whatever it is.

And when we get there and we still feel like something's missing, it's because we have a lot of confidence we've built. But when we don't have that underlying self-worth of being enough as we are, it still feels like something missing. And so those are kind of the three scenarios of really low self-worth, medium to medium high self-worth. When we don't build it, it will all, no matter what we achieve and how well we take care of ourselves in lots of areas with our health and our wellness, et cetera, we'll still feel like something's missing if we don't also learn to underneath it all, fundamentally and foundationally believe we're enough as we are. I think there's a lot of women listening who just had major, major breakthroughs there who

maybe have been stuck and procrastinating and they've put it down to, oh, I'm just lazy. Oh, I'm just confused. Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. And actually, I think as you've been saying that so many light bulbs are going off of, that's what it is. That's underlying so much of what I feel. And when you mentioned the difference between self-worth and self-confidence, what is that? I don't know the difference. Okay. This was one of the biggest breakthroughs in my life. And I had it Natalie after like the wildest experience with Oprah and self-confidence and self-worth are very different. Let me just explain the two and why, if all you do is build self-confidence, it can affect every part of your life, your business, your relationships, if you don't also build self-worth.

So I'll explain what happened to me, how I sabotaged a lifelong dream because I didn't understand the difference. So first, just taking a big step back. So self-confidence, which is what we hear so many people talk about, it's important. When you look at total fulfillment in life, just to break it down for a second, total fulfillment in life, you need self-confidence, growth, always to be growing. That could be in any area of your life, whether it's your faith, your business, your friendships, contribution, being in service to something greater than yourself. It could be in your time, your money, just your energy you give to another human being. You need those three things,

confidence, growth, contribution. But all of those for ultimate fulfillment are multiplied by your level of self-worth. It is the one thing that is the foundation for everything. So to kind of break it down, self-confidence, which we hear about all the time, is an internal trait, but it is so much based on the external. It fluctuates. It rises and falls very quickly. Your self-confidence is how you assess your own skills and abilities, your willingness to try and go for it, how much of the world's definition of success you feel like you have. If you're

winning or losing, all of those things can rise or fall, can lift or plummet your self-confidence. And it fluctuates, it's volatile, etc. They do studies that show like the boxer that wins the fight is automatically 30% more confident the next time that they fight. So our confidence fluctuates based on all these things. Are we keeping the promises we make to ourself, et cetera. Our self-worth is completely different. It is deep. It's internal. It is the knowing that we are worthy of love and belonging exactly as we are, not as we achieve, not as our past mistakes, not as if we're winning or losing. It is the just unwavering belief that we are enough exactly as we are. And if you think about a house, your self-worth is the foundation. And then your self-confidence is the house you build upon it. And you will only ever feel as fulfilled

and as rock solid as that foundation of self-worth. And a couple of things about this is there's a lot of people out there that think, oh, well, if I just feel enough as I am, like if I feel fully enough as I am, full self-worth, I'm going to lose my ambition. I'm going to lose my edge. And that is the biggest lie. And let me tell you why. When you learn to believe you're enough exactly as you are, you become fearless of the things that fluctuate, the successes, the failures, who's liking you, who's not liking you. If you put that post out there and no one liked it, all the things, right? If you put that post out there and no one liked it, all the things, right? If you put yourself on that dating app and no one swiped, when you have rock solid self-worth, you actually become way more ambitious and way more fearless because what you know is the stuff happening all around you in the world does not define who you

are. But here's the position we're in in society is that, you know, so many of us, if we are blessed enough to have family around us, and it could even be chosen family, could be neighbors, whatever. But if we're blessed enough to have family that loves us, they so often, the first question they ask is, how are you doing? How's the business going? What's your job? Are you dating? Are you all the things that when we actually get those things, they only build self-confidence, but they don't build self-worth. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all in one platform, Kajabi. You know, I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention

our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day

free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. So many of us are taught from every commercial we see, from every ad we see on social, from everything else, we're taught, okay, if I just can achieve the thing, then I'll be happy. Like if I just can work hard enough and put myself out there enough and finally get in a relationship and get married, then I'm going to be happy. Or if I finally get the six-pack abs, then I'm going to be happy. We think these things. And for everyone listening, just think about a big goal you had in your life. And think about, and maybe you worked so, so, so hard to get it.

Maybe it was being on the cover of a magazine. Maybe it was, who knows, a follower count on social media, whatever it might be. Think about when you got that goal. A promotion at work, a certain job title, a degree. When you got that goal, whatever it might have been, did it solve all your problems and make you instantly happy and fulfilled? Right? For most of us, we got it. We got that goal. And then we were on a high for like a month or a week or a day, a few hours. And before we knew it, we're back to the spot. We're like, huh,

that didn't solve all my stuff. And I still feel like something's missing or kind of like unfulfilled. So then what do we do? We think, oh, I just got to work harder. I just don't have enough of the things that I'm told will make me happy. So we keep striving and striving and striving and striving. And if you think about most people, if they're even the rare ones willing to go after things in life, they still chase this their entire life, more and more and more. And they never arrive

at true fulfillment. And they don't know why. It's because all of that journey of doing all these things, it's important. You're getting growth. A lot of times you're serving others and you're building a whole lot of self-confidence. Those things are really important. But if underneath it all, you don't have strong self-worth, you will always perpetually feel like something's missing. You will always feel like you're not enough. You will always... And by the way, what that looks like is scary because there are people right now that feel like something's missing in my marriage. I'm just going to end it. Something's missing in my job. This must not be the job for me.

I'm going to quit it. Something's missing in my... I thought I was passionate about building my online business and I don't know why I feel like something's missing. I'm just going to give up. And they don't realize the thing that's missing is that underneath it all, you don't love yourself enough. You don't have enough strong self-worth. That is the one thing. And quickly to share this huge revelation in my life. I was in this moment in my life, Natalie, where I'd built it cosmetics, sold it for over a billion dollars in cash to L'Oreal. It was in this moment in my life, Natalie, where I'd built it cosmetics, sold it for over a billion dollars in cash to L'Oreal. It was this moment where everything was going so well in my life. I was in the Forbes list, all these things I could have never imagined in a million years.

I was so confident. I had what the world told me success and fulfillment should look like. And my lifelong dream from the time I was a little girl had always been to meet Oprah. I watched her in my living room every day growing up. And I just always dreamed of it. And that had finally happened. I met her at an event. And then she invited me to lunch at her house. So I just thought this was the best thing in the universe.

I was so self-confident. I had a three-hour lunch with her, just me and her at her house. And at the very end of it, she handed me her cell phone number. And she said, you can call me anytime. And I was like, I quickly took a phone picture of the number. I saved it in multiple folders. I then texted. I was like, yeah, like, is this real?

All the things. I did not call her for over three years. It was four years. Didn't call her. And literally my entire lifelong dream, imagine four years on this going by. And I'm like, I always tell myself stories like, oh, I just don't have the perfect thing to say. When I have the right thing to say, then I'm going to call. Or, oh, everyone probably wants something from her. Like, I'm going to prove to her I don't need anything. It was just like these stories I was telling myself until one day I realized the real reason I hadn't called her was because I don't even embarrassed to even say it out loud, but it's the truth. Deep down inside, I realized I didn't feel worthy of being her friend. And when I felt that,

I had this huge realization and I go in deep into the book Worthy on how to separate this. Because from what your soul knows to what your thoughts are telling you, and they're very different. And in that moment, I realized very quickly, oh, my soul knows I am a kick-ass friend. Oprah or anyone else, I will show up right or not. I am so worthy of being your friend. My soul knows that. But my mind and my thoughts, which is where self-doubt lives, where not enoughness lives,

had talked me out of it for four years, saying I wasn't worthy of calling. And that was the moment I picked up the phone and called her. Because I was like, I have to turn down the volume on my doubting mind, turn up the volume on my knowing soul that says I'm enough. And everything shifted. We just taught a class together, like me and Oprah, like that would have never happened had I not learned to start building self-worth. And that was the moment I became obsessed with it on, okay, how do you actually go from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough? And when I wrote the book Worthy, it was really with this intention of how do we identify all

the lies that lead to self-doubt and then embrace those truths that wake up worthiness. The last thing I want to say about this for everybody listening, and this is the truth, that if you take nothing else away from this conversation, you right now, exactly as you are, are fully enough and fully worthy, exactly as you are. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do in the past. It doesn't matter who you hurt, your past mistakes, what you did and didn't do, how many times you failed, like, and got it wrong and this and that. And it literally is irrelevant. There is nothing you can do that makes you unworthy. Nothing. You are right now fully. So this isn't about

learning how do I be? It's about learning how do I turn down that BS in my mind, tune into my soul and start embracing my worth because every single person listening right now, fully worthy. And when we learn to raise the bar and raise our belief in our own self-worth, which is innate, it's already there. It changes everything, every aspect of our life. And so there is no one that can give you your self-worth. You are fully worthy right now. And our greatest journey in this lifetime is learning to believe that for ourselves and tap into it. And it is so powerful because then when you're learning all your stuff on building your six, seven, eight figure business, nine, 10, let's just go 11. When you're doing all that, you can actually feel fulfilled and enough

while you're doing it. That is a victory. Oh, I can never listen to you speak with dry eyes. You say things that just speak so much to my soul. And as you were speaking there, I just found myself welling up. There was something you said specifically that jumped out at me was the lies we tell ourselves that lead to self-doubt. I just think that is so incredibly powerful of just calling it what it is. It's not truth. It is a lie that is shaping how you are willing to show up in the world. And I'm so grateful for you for sharing that. I, of course, cannot wait to get my hands on your book. And I want to just share too, I feel like this is the kind of book that women should buy for their best friend, their mom,

their sister, all of the women in their lives, because life is better when your self-worth is there, but also the self-worth of those around you. I feel like it just puts your relationships on a whole nother level. So Jamie, thank you for being here, but thank you for writing this book. I know how meaningful this is to you and how selfless all of this is that you do. I know you're donating 100% of the proceeds of this book.

You are making such massive changes, not just with every single person that reads your work, but the lives that they go on to impact. I've been impacted by your work. I texted you after reading your first book for the second time, just like, Jamie, you are incredible. So I just want to say thank you. Natalie, thank you so much. Yeah, and donating all the proceeds. Thank you for sharing that. And for anyone that gets this for another girl and woman, person in your family, all that, thank you. Also, I made a library card, literally an old school library card in the back of every worthy book. And so if you write your name in it and then pass it on to another woman, literally write her name, that library card and share your book.

Because when we believe ourselves, we break generational cycles. Like this, this changes things for everybody, even, even the next generation or, you know, nieces, nephews, everything. Like when we learn to build our self-worth, it literally changes everything. And so I'm so excited and the book is out and I cannot wait. And, um, it's there at every retailer. If you go to worthybook.com, uh, it's a target, all the different retailers. I'm so wait. And it's there at every retailer. If you go to worthybook.com, it's a target, all the different retailers. I'm so excited.

And yeah, I'm donating 100% of the proceeds to Feeding America and also programs that build self-worth in girls and women. I just think this is really a movement of no girl, no woman, no person left behind and knowing they're worthy. And so I cannot wait to hear

just also from everyone in your community on how this impacts everything, every area of their life, but also their own business journey as well. Cause it's, it's huge. Like I really believe if you want to double your business, double your self-worth, watch what happens. I love it. I know everyone listening is going to go and grab a book and also share this episode, tag Jamie in this episode on your book at Jamie Kern Lima on Instagram. And the website is worthybook.com. We're going to put all of this in the show notes. Jamie, thank you. Natalie, thank you so much. Oh, how good was that? I am obsessed with Jamie. I'm ordering books for everyone I know right now. Yeah, actually, we did a group order for Boss Babe.

It's so good. And like, it's such a good reminder because I think sometimes people like we talked about it, but people like her, she's at such a high level of success that it feels you're like, surely you're a billionaire. Like, you don't have problems with worthiness. Like, you know, Oprah, how could you possibly doubt yourself? But it's a human thing. It's not a level of success or a

money thing. And it's always good to have that reminder. I know. So, so, so good. And like we said just before this, but we'll keep weaving these conversations into the podcast because yes, we talk about business a lot, but I think this is the foundation of all of it. If you don't feel worthy, you will continue to block yourself subconsciously. Well, this was awesome. You guys, we will see you next week. See you soon.