the bossbabe podcast - 356. MUST LISTEN If You’ve Got a Pile of Unread Texts + Emails

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

In this mini-episode, I’m dropping a bit of tough love every ambitious “Superwoman” needs to hear. If you’ve got a pile of unread texts, voice notes + emails that you feel guilty about, then this episode will guide you in letting go of the guilt and self-neglect once and for all. I share my top practices for prioritizing priorities + choosing 4 buckets to pour into, so you can show up from a place of overflow in everything you do. These simple tips will help you be more present + aligned in your relationships, business + much more.  HIGHLIGHTS Why we need to stop feeling guilty for letting texts + emails pile up. Prioritizing priorities + choosing four buckets to pour into from a place of overflow. How I learned to show up with extra awareness, energy + alignment in motherhood, business and relationships. RESOURCES + LINKS Join The Société: The Place to Build A Freedom-Based Business FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

I still can decline invitations if it's not feeling fully aligned with me in favor of being able to pull from overflow so that when I do say yes to those friend invites, when I do say yes to those events, those gatherings, I'm going from a place of overflow. I feel like I have more to give, not I feel like I'm really scraping the barrel to be able to show up. Welcome back to the Boss Babe podcast. I'm Natalie Ellis and I'm your host for this mini episode. I wanted to try doing mini episodes again because I love just getting to jump in for a quick 10 minutes, share something with you and hopefully it supports you in your week, in your personal and professional life. And this morning, something hit me that I just felt like I needed to come on and have a conversation

with you about. Maybe this is going to come across a little bit as tough love, but stick with me because it's coming from a good place. So last night, well, yesterday afternoon, I sat down and I started going through all of my unread voice notes, text messages, emails, and I set myself 30 minutes to get through as many as I can. And then I'll get through the rest in my next time block that I give myself. And I just wanted to share with you because I feel like so many of us can feel really guilty for not replying to all of the texts right away, for not dropping everything to listen to that two minute voice note, which by the way, thank God for these transcripts that now come through, you know, not saying yes to that Zoom coffee, not saying yes to going out with that friend for brunch

or, you know, letting emails pile up in your inbox. And I really think feeling guilty about that is complete BS. And I think we have to move through that. We live in a world now, like it's very abnormal, this constant communication. It is very, very abnormal to us as human beings to communicate with this many people this frequently between your DMs, Zooms, inbox, texts, phone calls, you name it, it is very abnormal. And I think we first need to acknowledge that you do not need to be in constant contact with hundreds of people all at once to be a good person.

Can I just say that again? You do not need to be in constant contact with hundreds of people, you know, 24 seven to be a do not need to be in constant contact with hundreds of people you know 24 7 to be a good person to be a good friend that is not how we have evolved to be as humans and I think we're still catching up to this world that we're in you know I think about this with our babies and our future generations that's going to be so tough for them because they are growing up in a world where social media has never not existed to them and to be in this much contact and this in demand from so many people people pulling you in so many different directions is abnormal and it is challenging let's just name

it right but I really do not believe that self-neglect makes you a good person or makes you a good friend. And what I mean by that is neglecting yourself and your priorities, neglecting your self-care, what matters to you in the name of being a good friend. I'm not a fan of self-neglect at all. I mean, even in motherhood, we do not need to neglect ourselves and our own needs to be good mothers or in marriage to be good wives or in our jobs to be good employees or employers. Self-neglect is not a trait that I think we should aspire to have. You know, when people say, oh, that person is superwoman, like I really don't see that as a compliment. Like superwoman wasn't a real person. And that is probably telling me I'm trying to do way too many things. I don't want to be superwoman. I want to be prioritizing my priorities and I want to be

feeling good doing it. And often that might mean making uncomfortable decisions. That might mean not replying to those texts as soon as you get them, but maybe doing it once a week. That might mean not listening to that three minute voice note, quickly reading through the transcript, grabbing, you know, what you think they're trying to communicate and then replying back in a text form that works for you, even if it's maybe just a 10 second reply, we cannot expect that we can prioritize everything and still prioritize priorities, right? If you are prioritizing everything, you are neglecting your priorities. You're not prioritizing anything at all. And we all go through seasons where we can pour into more buckets in one season than in others, right? You might be in a season

right now where you're pouring into motherhood, into marriage, into your business, and it might not leave a lot of room to pour into some friendship circles or into hobbies. And that's okay, right? It's okay not to be able to do all the things all the time it's okay to not be this picture of a perfectly well-rounded person who has all of these hobbies all of these self-care rituals all of these friends and everything else on top of that you get to choose what season you're in and what you're going to prioritize and I really think you know if you can pick four things four buckets that you want to pour into it doesn't mean that you don't pour into any other buckets but you do so from a place of overflow not from a place of lack let's take a

quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi you know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients

and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe so what I mean by that is like my buckets right now, transparently are motherhood, marriage, health, and work. That's just where I'm at right now. Like let's just, let's just get really real, right? I feel like I have a lot of momentum in my career right now. I went through a really fucking hard year last year, buying the business and turning it around and making some big changes that felt aligned with me. It was a lot.

And towards the end of last year, I would say things really clicked into place and I started to get a lot of momentum. Last year, I prioritized my friendships and connection and social life and all of these hobbies so much. I was doing piano lessons, French lessons, singing lessons. Like I really was prioritizing myself a lot because I knew that's what I needed to get through a really challenging time. This year, my work is really gaining momentum and I'm in a place where I'm absolutely loving it. I really am.

And I'm still so devoted to motherhood and to marriage and to my health. That doesn't mean that I don't care about my friends. I do. I love my friends deeply and I still, you know, can decline invitations if it's not feeling fully aligned with me in favor of being able to pour from overflow so that when I do say yes to those friend invites, when I do say yes to those events, those gatherings, I'm going from a place of overflow. I feel like I have more to give, not I feel like I'm really scraping the barrel

to be able to show up. We think that being at all the functions and saying yes to everything makes us a good friend, but if you're showing up and you're scraping the barrel for your energy, that's palpable. People can feel that. One compliment

I have had lately is, wow, it feels like you really give from overflow. And the truth is, I'm able to give from a place of overflow. One, because I've learned what it's like to not give from that place. I've made all the mistakes. But two, because I'm holding my priorities really firmly and really close to my heart. And at times that might upset people. But when I do show up, I show up from a place of overflow. And I have so much energy and love and presence and connection to give. And that's just the season that I'm in.

You know, I have been thinking at some point what kind of timeline I want to think about for baby number two. It's so funny because when I'm in the first few months of postpartum, I was like, oh God, I don't know if I want to do this again. It feels like a lot of work. But then at some point I had that switch of, okay, you know what? Maybe I am starting to be ready for baby number two. And I want to think about timing. So right now I want to pour a lot into Noemi while it's just me and her. I want to pour a lot into my marriage because, listen, your marriage isn't always in a great place postpartum.

Let me just say that. It can feel like you're neglecting your marriage. At least it did for me in those first few months. I'm like, holy shit, I don't even know who I am. Never mind who I am as a wife. Like, I'm just trying to figure my life out. So I'm pouring into my marriage and that's important to me. And I'm pouring into my work because that's also important to me. And what I'm doing right now is

really doing what I need to do so that I would feel supported to be able to take that time to have my next baby. And that is important to me. I'm not the kind of person that's like, okay, cool. Yeah. Like I'm going to be working from my hospital bed. Like the minute I pop on my baby, no, like, you know, nothing wrong with that. That's just not me. And I'm not going to apologize for that. I don't think it makes me a bad business owner. That's just not me. So yeah, I wanted to share this in the hopes of if you are in that place where you're feeling guilty for maybe not getting back to everyone right away and not being the most present at every single function right now, maybe consider what your four buckets are, your four priorities that you really want to pour into

and then allow yourself to pour into the others from a place of overflow. And when you make that decision, you let go of the guilt because you're not feeling like, oh, I should be spending more time with friends. I should be texting everyone back. I should be doing this. I should be doing that. If you're in the society, you'll know we have a lot of shed the should exercises. I don't believe in shutting ourselves. I think that's where a lot of guilt comes from.

Whereas if you're in a place where you say, you know what? These are my four priorities and the place that I'm putting my energy and everything else I'm going to pour into from place of overflow. I'm not going to have guilt about not pouring into those places consistently all the time and you know what right now I'm sitting down maybe once or twice a week to go through and reply to all of my texts doesn't mean I don't give quick replies during the day but like proper like when you're pouring into and you're connecting with people or people are asking you for meetings or whatever once a week I'm sitting down I'm doing that and I'm not feeling any guilt about it so yeah I just want to remind you it is abnormal to be this constantly connected please do not

neglect yourself it doesn't make you a martyr or a hero it will make you feel really burned out and unaligned and questioning what you truly care about and why you're doing a lot of what you're doing. I've been there. I like to speak from a place that I've been there and I think it is avoidable if you are where your feet are, if you are really present in where you are right now and what you're doing and not thinking you should be doing anything else. I think you can override a lot of that guilt and hopefully you're able to pour into places from overflow because you're taking care of you and what matters to you and trust me when you take care of yourself when you put your own mask on first as cliche as it sounds you will be a better

mother a better wife a better business owner a a leader, a friend, a sister, you will be feeling so much better about how you show up when you are coming from overflow versus scraping the barrel to get that last bit of energy. So I wanted to share that. I know it might come across as a little bit of tough love, but truly it's coming from love. And I am hoping that you can move through that guilt that you might be feeling knowing that you're doing a freaking incredible job. You do not have to be superwoman to be killing it, to be powerful, to be worthy, deserving, amazing. You already inherently are and the more that you are yourself, the more that you are, even more. So let's stop aspiring to be superwomen and let's

start aspiring to be living life in alignment with our priorities. Okay, I love you guys. I will see you next week.