the bossbabe podcast - 362. Did We Just Create A Cult? Dirty Talk, Friendship, Business + Motherhood Chat with Alexandria Maria + Mel Wells

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Grab a cup of coffee or glass of wine because this episode is the ultimate friend chat about everything from business to dirty talk (yes we go there.) I did a live podcast with two of my closest friends in Austin, Alex Maria and Mel Wells, and we answer your questions about everything from intimacy, to business + identity shifts in motherhood, to our advice on finding people to create deep friendships with. If you’re looking for an instant mood boost, hit play.  HIGHLIGHTS How we basically created a commune with our friends in Austin (and if it’s actually a cult) How to design your life to prioritize motherhood + be wildly successful The biggest misconception I had before becoming a mom Quick tips on dirty talk in the bedroom (yes we go there!) Ways we’ve navigated transitions and seasons of grief Advice we would give someone starting their business from scratch today RESOURCES + LINKS Join The Société: The Place to Build A Freedom-Based Business Join our FREE Live Masterclass to Build A Freedom-Based Business in 2024 FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Mel Wells: @iammelwells Alexandria Maria: @iamalexandriamaria

I went through this internal battle of I can just pretend I'm the same person and show up as I always have. I can just pretend or I can just be really real and whatever unfolds from that is going to unfold. I just resisted, resisted, resisted. When I fully just admitted what was true for me, that's when it felt like the path opened up welcome back to the boss brave podcast all right you've probably seen the length of this episode and we're like what on earth is nally doing is she trying to become joe rogan no i am not trying to become joe rogan no so i did a live podcast recording with two of my closest friends in austin alex and mel and it was so much fun so alex has been on this podcast and she launched her own podcast called it's upgrade season and

to launch a podcast we wanted to get together in person we did a really small get together in austin we did live podcasts by the way if you want more of these live podcasts, DM me and let me know because I love them. It was really, really small, maybe like 30 people, I think, all in the room that we normally would do the live podcast in. And we just kept it so real. And we got into every single topic you can imagine from businesses, motherhood, sex, you name it, we went there. And it was honestly like just having wine with my best friends and a bunch of amazing people in the room. We sometimes forgot we were podcasting. And so I asked her, Hey, can I put this on my podcast too? Because it was so good. So we did two segments. We did the actual podcast. And then we

did a segment called wind down, which is the Friday episode that she releases. So I've actually stitched the two of them together for this one episode. Cause I thought, you know what, this could be so good. If you're going on a long drive or a long walk, you need a bit of a like energy uplift. It would be a long one for you to enjoy. So let me know what you think about a super long one. And let me know what you think about the episode. It's definitely, we went there. Let's just say that let's not give anything else away we went there i hope you enjoy it and let's do more of these in person one so much fun i feel like we're all very on brand so on brand like so on brand you're like very elegant mel's

got all this feminine you look like a mermaid right now in the best kind of way and I've just come as absolutely pink pink met girl I'm gonna go for yeah love it thanks guys upgrade season baby it's upgrade season so welcome thank you for joining me I'm gonna start with the question that I've been asked so many times have we created a cult do we all live together in a cult i think the fact that when we all came here tonight we said oh my god the whole cult is here leads me to believe that yes we are indeed in a cult the best was bri went we've left it was like the escape energy, I'm kind of joking about the cult, but I do think we have a really unusual setup as friends and that we all live around the corner from each other. We have the village. So Natalie, I feel like you were

one of the key recruiters into this. I'll take it. Talk to me about the vision. Was this purposeful? Was this intention-led? Okay, so it all began on my 28th birthday in la when alexi panos who's been on my podcast sometimes she came to my house my birthday and she was like we just put a deposit down on some land in austin and me being me i was like i want

to do that too so i put this deposit down without even telling steven And I didn't think we were going to end up moving to Austin. I was like, this will be a great investment. Sounds like a good investment. And then COVID happened. We were like, we're ready to leave. So I was like, well, great news. We're building a house anyway. Surprise.

So that is literally what happened that organically. And then we started chatting and you decided you were gonna move to this same neighborhood and then well actually how did that happen we knew that we were moving to austin but i told natalie we're gonna we're looking for houses in austin and she says there's a house around the corner from me that's up right now why don't i go view it for you do you remember yeah but i don't think i like knew it was up i think i actually like looked to see if there was any and found one and yeah you found it in a facebook group yeah i was like i don't just know about it i'm like okay she gets to live right beside me so then i was like i don't have a legal view it this is like i was in the area yeah but i wasn't but anyway i didn't know

that i was being recruited into a cult though i just thought natalie's found this great house that's in austin and she's gonna go view it for us and it looks great and I trust her and if she says she would take it then I would take it so hang on had you not actually viewed your house when you signed the lease Natalie had I love this that is levels of friendship trust yeah okay yeah you didn't even ask for videos I don't remember even being much of an involved process I remember you being like oh cool I just remember you saying I would take this if it was me yeah and I was like that's all I need true true I like this I like this so we were living together in Miami at the time yes and then you found out you were having Sky yes and your now husband wasn't living in Miami so you left, you left me to go to Austin. Well, I think I knew that it would

only be a matter of time before you also got pregnant and moved to Austin. Did you already feel that? Cause I feel like you had no idea you were going to get pregnant, right? No. So my plan wasn't to get pregnant for like another year. She manifested this whole thing. Oh my God. Literally. I mean, we've been together all over the world so when I was like we're moving to Austin I didn't feel like I'm leaving you I was just like this is the next chapter by the way she was just leading the way yeah it's like I'll go give it a bit of time you'll follow I never felt I never felt like it was goodbye okay that's good I mean like I just knew because it wasn't because I came yeah I had a similar thing and that me and Jake then found a

house in Austin and we were like we found this house in Austin at this point I'm pregnant I did I didn't plan on getting pregnant that's whole of the story it's an episode one um but we were like we're coming to Austin we found this house and we sent you the house and you were like you're so diplomatic about it I can't remember how you phrased it be like i love that for you guys and it's a bit far away it was like a 20 minute drive by the way way too far yeah yeah and you were right you were like with a baby you're not gonna want to get in the car and like that is true yeah it's a faff so this is how it came to be i was like we're gonna look for houses in the neighborhood that are within walking distance and we're gonna view them for you

how does that sound yeah and we're literally two doors away houses in the neighborhood that are within walking distance. And we're going to view them for you. How does that sound? Yeah. And we're literally two doors away. Making that irresistible offer. Yeah. Wait. But we should talk about the next step. Oh, yeah.

So we've just built a house. Do you want to? Who's going to announce this? You share it. We've just built houses next to each other. The next door. Next door. We share a fence.

We fully share a fence. We're not codependent. What are you talking about? So you've got like a month. No, but the best thing was we walked with Natalie and Stephen the other day and we were like, oh, great. We're actually even closer walk to you guys now. So we're all getting closer.

It's great. Yeah. I feel like stroller walks are just way better than car journeys, you know? Particularly when your son hates the car seat. It's funny because when I grew up, like i grew up in that kind of environment i'm sure you guys did too where you just played outside with your friends and you would walk in and out of neighbors houses and then i remember being old enough to move out and think why would you live somewhere like this why not live in the city it's way more fun and then you have babies and you're like oh no yeah

they had it right all along yeah i get it like our parents really did get more right than we like to think oh my god and i walk all the time and we're like if we really did get more right than we like to think oh my god and i walk all the time and we're like if we were in our 20s this would have been our worst nightmare yeah you know yeah 20 year old me is dying on the inside i thought suburbia was where dreams went to die and now i'm like i am loving my life yes it's so great we make pancakes on the weekend walk down the street with the baby and the dog you're like yeah it's great do you know what though if anyone in their mid-20s like living their life is listening to this it'd be like they don't know anything about life do they i don't know i feel like okay i'm not in i'm not

on tiktok i talk about this a lot i know i should be but i'm just not cool enough for that um but like i feel like they're all into like wholesome vibe soft girl era are they yeah i think we're in who he is a gen z can you confirm or deny do we have any gen z okay i think that speaks to our audience a lot just to confirm we're not actually in a cult we were joking yeah oh nice that's a cult better word better word yeah i could yeah i could see gen z as being into commune vibes yeah okay i like this living i think i think post pandemic everyone's like when are we all moving in together and building like you know buying land

together and living off the land like I feel like we're not quite there but I feel like that is in the atmosphere since COVID I feel like it is now but I feel like just post COVID I had like a rebound fling with life and I was like I want to go to all the restaurants I want to eat all the foods and do all the things and now I'm like oh no it was quite fun staying home sometimes I love an 8 p.m bedtime um okay but in all seriousness we do have this really beautiful community that we've built together we're friends we're there for each other what difference do you feel like it's made to both your lives and potentially through the lens of motherhood as well being in the village I mean for me I feel like it's made the lens of motherhood as well, being in the village? I mean, for me, I feel like it's made the world of difference to have friends on your doorstep is incredible. I mean, we call it the bat signal when something goes wrong, when we need someone,

you just put it in the group. And within seconds, everyone descends on your doorstep. And we're there for each other. And we actually spend time. And it's really nice being able to do that without a big hurrah of getting everyone in the car and going out and being at brunch spots and all those things. It feels really, really supportive. And I also personally, just in the season of life that I'm in, love getting to hang out with friends without needing to make plans. I love just that. Can we go for a walk today? Can we do a play date today? Like, can we do something that feels really fun in this season of life and we're all we've all got a lot going on we're all juggling so many things and i think that feels really supportive and then beyond that you know i think being an entrepreneurial mother and an ambitious mother comes with so many of its own challenges

to have a community i mean bonus points that we all live closely together but to have a community of of all of us that are doing that is so invaluable and definitely we have probably weekly breakdowns but to be able to do that in a community with that level of support i feel incredibly lucky and for anyone listening who doesn't have that and does plan on you know venturing into the amazing world of entrepreneurial motherhood I think looking to create that kind of community would be one of the best things you could do for yourself your mental health for all of it or I'm just gonna say it could join see your mama let's drop that plug I'll plug that one I mean yeah everything that Natalie said I remember being pregnant and seeing like

motherhood online and so many moms share how lonely it is and how isolating it can feel and I was just really clear when I was pregnant that is not going to be my experience I want to be surrounded by mothers I want to be in community because community is the new currency. It's like everything to our health. And, you know, studies are showing that people who live in community actually live longer, healthier lives. And so especially in motherhood, like new motherhood, where everything is brand new, you feel like you've been reborn again and everything feels like it's crumbling and changing and evolving like to be with women who are on that same path um at the same time is invaluable I love that I love that community is

currency as well that's so true I was like journaling the other night on like what a rich life is because I feel like my definition of that's changed so much over the last couple of years and like to me so much of it was oh like I get to see my friends like I'm close by I get to read a book like I get to have like just relaxed evenings with no pressure and all the rest of it like it's these simple things and community is such a such a huge part of that and you both mentioned then about entrepreneurship and motherhood how how have you okay I'm just gonna say how the fuck both of you so fucking successful and mums because like you work two days a week and just like fucking smash

life like literally and you I mean Jesus like you're doing everything and you watch reality tv I literally text now to you the night I was like can i have your schedule of how you're managing to find time to watch tv i was like how is it both of you how the fuck are you doing this please tell me i need to know i restructured everything when i became a mom and i've been really open about it you know the way that i was running my business was so completely unsustainable and i was ready to walk away from it all because ultimately it wasn't worth it to me I'm super super clear that yes I'm ambitious yes I have goals but motherhood is is my priority in this season it's my priority in this decade my my entire like that is what I'm devoted to and knowing that's my priority I have structured everything around that. And I made the decision that I really,

truly believe I get to have it all. And I often don't get to have it all at the same time. But what never changes is my commitment to my baby and my husband. That never, never changes. And then, you know, I will be seasoning through being in work seasons, being in very extroverted seasons. I will season through many other different areas of life, but I know exactly where my priorities are and know what I'm never willing to negotiate on. And I think that's really important because if you say that everything is important all the time, that's where the overwhelm comes from. Because you tell yourself you should be doing one thing when you're doing another, or you're getting down on yourself for like not replying to the 50 texts that you've got,

or not saying yes to this partnership, not saying you'll get so down on yourself for that. But if you come back to, I'm honoring my priorities for this season right now, all of that feels a lot less charged. And I think that part's really important. And especially for those of us that before we became mothers, we would say yes yes to everything or we've probably all experienced that and it's it's one

of the things I don't think you can carry into this season of life especially you know early motherhood when your babies are at home that personally just was my choice yeah I feel like motherhood is like the ultimate filter for your business of like, what is really a priority and what is no longer going to make the cut, you know, and some things are going to be put onto the back burner for a little bit and that's okay. And I think everyone's, every mother, every entrepreneurial mother's version of having it all looks different and feels different. And in my experience, you know, it's just about like

really trusting your instincts, you know, um, in the postpartum period, I also, you know, experienced like, Oh, this isn't going to work how it used to work. I might have to burn this down and start from scratch because I have to redesign this in a way that works for the type of motherhood that I want to experience. And I'm not willing to put my baby behind my business. Like this is not going to work. So you have to like reimagine and redesign. And, um, I think there is a death that comes with your business when you enter into motherhood. But what I want to speak to is the rebirth that happens is phenomenal and that I've experienced in all of us amen to that I'm glad that you completed that sentence there is a death the end the rebirth the rebirth is great the rebirth is fucking amazing and I know you spoke a little bit then about like putting

baby motherhood as priority and I'm kind of asking this as a loaded question but like do you think it's possible to be a fully ambitious woman go after your own dreams go after your own goals and be a fully present mom it depends on how you define fully present and it depends on how you define ambitious and going after your goals okay I want to say I would love to say yes and when I think about me before kids like fully going after my goals went like every day on saying yes to everything that Natalie said yeah like for me that doesn't equate to me being able to be a fully present mom and I want to just say that that's my experience of this yeah that's how I feel about it I love that how do you feel I think similarly I think it's it's

going to look different if that's the case same thing I could not compare the way my business is bigger now than before I had kids but I was doing it beforehand too so my business is bigger now I actually think a lot of the changes that I made last year allowed me to work a lot smarter and to find more creative solutions to get better at delegating I think it really has pushed me forward in one way but I yeah I I feel the same way because I know there's also so much that I'm not willing to say yes to and so much that I'm not willing to do yeah I think my business was always going to be on a growth trajectory and it's it's actually grown a lot more even so much this year compared to last than I probably could have ever

imagined but I'm not actually working more to make it happen. I think it's been a combination of many, many jigsaw pieces that were put into place and hiring really great people. And, you know, I just don't have time to micromanage anymore. And I also, quite frankly, don't have time for people not doing their jobs anymore. I had a lot more patience than I do now because if you're expecting me to pay you and do your job I'm not going to do it whereas in the past I probably would have right like I should

have worked a boss babe that's in the past I mean I fired way too slow my expectations were lower I would be willing to micromanage I wasn't as willing to have the hard conversations I think as a businesswoman I've grown with experience that happens, but also knowing, you know, when I'm sitting at my desk, that time I'm taking away from being with my baby. And so I'm not going to skirt around a conversation. I'm not going to cover when someone's not doing a great job. So that's changed a lot. And I actually think that was the unlock I needed to scale my business. We often think that it's like a marketing play or something. And I think a lot of it was me and me getting out of my own way to scale my business yeah but I work nowhere near the amount that I used to work before I had Noemi and I have no plans to go back to doing that anytime soon

either I love that you share how your business has grown during this period as well because I remember when I got pregnant I had all these plans in my business, things I was going to set up before we got pregnant. And then we were pregnant. And, um, I remember thinking like, Oh my God, like I'm fucked basically. Like I've worked so hard to build this business. I was really scared of what, and it makes me laugh now kind of on reflection. I'm like, wow, you were really, whoa, there's a lot of prioritization there. But like, I was so scared of what it would do to my business. And I remember asking these other moms and being like, hey, I'm pregnant. I'm scared. I didn't plan to get pregnant right now. I have this grand plan to put in action that I've not actioned. And on top of that, I feel so fucking sick. I can't do anything. And I remember all these moms being like, don't worry, babeses babies bring abundance literally like rocking be like babies bring

babies bring abundance while some things like thrived and kept going like I had built a lot in my business luckily up until this point but other parts did just fucking die and at the time that felt horrible like I you know when they talk about surrender and it's like loosen your grip I was not losing where I was like clinging on and then as soon as I did actually let go and like give into that death and be like fuck it like if it's gonna die it's gonna die I get to go home I go home I work from home I don't know where that came from but like I get to change room and my husband and my baby are in there and I see my friend and like that's fulfillment.

So like it's OK if these things die. And I think it's only then I actually experience that like rebirth and that regrowth that that you're talking about. Yeah. Everyone talks about the quantum leap, but people don't talk about the death that comes before the quantum leap and so i think when we have been through enough death and rebirth cycles in our life whether that's in love whether that's in business whether that's becoming a mother we eventually learn to trust the death

and we're like oh i know where this is going yeah come on death yeah this is this i know where this is leading me to so like the sooner i surrender to it the sooner i get the rebirth on the other side but the more i resist it the more i'm gonna stay in like this oh i don't want to be in the death i don't want to be in the death i don't want to be in the void i don't want it because i don't want to be in the unknown but when we actually like release that grip and actually surrender to the death with the absolute faith and trust that what's coming on the other side is going to be beyond our wildest dreams i mean look what you've created like this is the rebirth baby like it was so worth it and it's here and it's like

probably 10x what you could have imagined when you were in the death and same for all of us i would like to confirm as well mal was trying to tell me to surrender during this time I'm a Capricorn it's difficult we don't surrender easy yeah I actually remember just before I gave birth I had a coach she was like babe I don't feel like you need a coach right now and I was like no no I do I do I do I just need to hire a coach and just do these things it's all gonna be fine she's like okay babe and then after I was like why did I have that fucking I didn't need a coach I just needed to let go so I why did I have that fucking I didn't need a coach I just needed to let go so I appreciate your advice I'm sorry I didn't always listen I am now everyone else gets to mine gets to benefit from this let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite

all-in-one platform Kajabi you know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible.

I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering boss babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe i would say my death was not pretty and it lasted so long like my postpartum experience of my loss of identity and not sharing what I not sure what I want even want to do with my career not knowing who I am that was really hard and even surrendering into it was really hard it took so long to come out of I didn't have the trust that something better was waiting for me under the side because I didn't know anything different when I was able to surrender

and like open my mind to it being better than I could have imagined things shifted but to even get myself into that point of being able to change my mind in that way was really challenging yeah and I think hormones are part of that as well like massively yeah I know you've spoken about postpartum anxiety like we have all seen each other going through the postpartum hormones like and I think it is hard sometimes to, it's almost like a filter through your, you're seeing everything through this big fog of hormones. So like, I think it is hard to go, Oh, actually there could be something really incredible on the other side.

Like I remember the point where I turned around and I was like, I feel hopeful for the first time in a really long time. And like, it doesn't come for a while for a while it's like buckle up yeah you know and you know you supported me through when I was in that death period because for me what it looked like was what business I just want to be a stay-at-home mom this motherhood is the best thing ever like wait I have to show up and do what I said I was gonna do my business I just want to cover my baby like Sean you just take over now I'm good like I just want to be a stay-at-home mom and and it's like nine months postpartum I start to regain like oh my god no

I love my business like I love my work and actually there's this new iteration of my work that gets to come through me as a mother now and like that feels exciting for the first time instead of oh I have this commitment that I have to do but actually I just want to be with my baby instead and so for me that was what I went through and I don't you know it's not necessarily everyone's experience but like it's a very real experience that I never really heard people talk about. And I was like, am I alone in this? I feel really, I feel like isolated in this. Is anyone else thinking this?

And like, I felt afraid to talk about it online because it's like, well, I don't want to lose my clients. I don't want them to think that I don't care about them anymore. I don't want to be on this call. Because I do. But like, being a mother has changed me so much, you know? So, and like Natalie said, like every time you show up for a call a call it's like this is time that i could be with my baby so it's like if i'm not feeling like 10 out of 10 lit up then something needs to change and i think motherhood helps you get into such deep alignment in your

business because if you're not in alignment it's not worth taking time away from your baby yeah 100 you've got to feel so aligned by what you're doing the message the work the offers the way that you're working with people otherwise it's really not worth it you'd rather i'd rather be with my baby yeah i totally get that and i feel sorry i can't when she said i don't want to be on this call that's killing me i imagine showing up you're taking time away from a baby so can you keep your care across i feel like that is every postpartum mother i don't want to be here like if we could sorry i've been holding that in when you said that i was like

that is every postpartum mother don't want to be here i mean there's honestly there's things that have like shown up in my calendar and i'm like why did i say yes to this my baby oh my god i love this the honesty some things just set me off that was one of those things oh my god so with this in mind now knowing and this was actually a question that came up when I put the box on Instagram. I've got the giggles now. When I put the box on Instagram, this was a question that came up. Knowing what you know now, how would you have prepared your business for motherhood? Gosh, it's hard.

The logical part of me wants to say like I would have done more automations. I would have scaled more before I got pregnant. I would have run more ads. But then I feel like what's inevitable when you become a mother is you want to change things and you evolve. And what you're putting out there, what you have been putting out there gets to shift. So I think the biggest thing that I would say is get support so like you need a team like you need people that can hold the ship and steer the ship while you're on maternity leave and while you're navigating I would say monthly recurring revenue for sure which I know Natalie is really

big on as well but I mean I feel like it's gonna it's gonna shift and change and like the more we can just accept that the way that we enter the way that we have our business before we enter motherhood is not going to be how we are and how our business is on the other side anyway and I feel like there's this story of like I just I could have been more set up I could have been more ready I could have been more ready and I feel like that goal post always keeps moving further and further and further out and so I feel like anyone could say I could have been way more set up because it's hard to prepare for something like motherhood because it just changes every single aspect of who you are so I personally would say like the

soon like you can do all of that as much as you can but at the end of the day there has to be like a surrender you know completely I totally yeah I really feel on that point of I think that was partially why I wasn't like planning to get because I was like I have this plan and I know what would have happened I would have got to the January and be like haven't enacted enough the plan let's push it another six months let's push it another six months and like it would have constantly the goalposts would have kept changing and everything that I did in that time I burnt down anyway I ended up you changed so much so like all that and and I will caveat this was saying I'd set my business in a way that had recurring revenue to tide me

over for the next 12 months so like it wasn't like I just kind of threw you know burned everything down and was like oh shit what do I do now so I am grateful to that past version and there is an element of like I was so scrambling trying to that past version and there is an element of like I was so scrambling trying to work out what my business looked like on the other side and I there was it was pointless I remember this coming from the CEO mama actually like I know I agree same thing on the recurring revenue the funnels all the things but so interesting because when you asked that question I felt like I'd never really sat to think about it. And what I realized was, I've just realized this.

I was so committed to motherhood, not changing my ambition. I think that's what made my postpartum experience so, so much more challenging because I was under the illusion. I knew exactly who I was. Motherhood wasn't going to change anything. You know, I'd made all these commitments of when I was coming back and what I was going to do and all of that stuff and I was just so sure of myself and then I went I went through the portal of motherhood and everything changed and I went through this internal battle of I can just pretend I'm the same person and show up as i always have i can just pretend or i can just be really real and whatever unfolds from that is going to unfold

and i tried one and it really didn't work and that made everything so much harder i just resisted resisted resisted when i fully just admitted what was true for me that's when it felt like the path opened up but i just wish yeah we can talk about the funnels and the recurring revenue but i wish i hadn't been so tied to the idea that i wasn't going to change yeah that i was still going to be the same person as if it was a badge of honor to be the same person to be as ambitious to be just as driven like that was a badge of honor. And I got on the other side of it and I thought, what kind of badge of honor is that? If it's not my truth, it's not a badge of honor.

And that was just a really big wake up call for me. I love that. This has been a healing conversation for me as well because I remember that is part of it. Like I didn't want to be that person who spoke about motherhood on my Instagram all the time. I didn't want to like, I was like, that was like a stab to stab to the heart

i did i just i it wasn't that i didn't like when other people did that i was just like this is me and this is who i am and i'm gonna stay this way and now i mean and i'm like my feet's not gonna be just like baby albums yeah and then i was just like, I was just my whole page became like mother. I had people, I had followers announce their departure being like, your whole thing has turned into motherhood and I'm not here for it. I don't let the door hit you on the way out. Yeah. Like, this is how it is around here.

Sorry. Fuck you, Sheila. Sorry for nothing. Didn't want to be here anyway. I feel as though motherhood is the deepest metamorphosis that we can go through. And like to just let it have its way with us is the most beautiful thing we can do. Because like, what else are we going to do? Do you know what I mean?

Like, what else are we here for? Like, this is literally like we're creating life. We're birthing life into the world and we're trying to not let it affect us i'm sorry what now that you say it though it makes sense but honestly that didn't if you just said that to me before it happened to me i would have said she doesn't get me she doesn't know how how true of an identity i have she doesn't understand now I'm like well that's a lot of truth but I just did I wouldn't have gotten it so I struggled in pregnancy when she was giving me all this beautiful wisdom and I was there like okay yeah that's good for you I was like but I can't I can't yeah you were right it's just so interesting yeah we all have different experiences

with everything though isn't it so interesting when you hear the advice on the other side of it you're like oh yeah i get that but like without whatever transformation you're going through unless you've really experienced it you just can't you don't get it yeah on with everything not just motherhood it's like everything's like that i was joking about this to someone the other day jake's actually in the audience so sorry jake but um i i was saying this we were talking about relationships and I was saying one big thing I don't do in my relationship is coach my husband and I've tried it before and I was like it used to wind me up because I would tell him something and he would completely ignore it and then six months later he'd be like oh I just heard this thing and I'm like are you fucking kidding me I told you six months like we could have saved six months here like I'm like the

efficiency as well but like i feel like it is that thing it's that you can't always hear it until you i love you jake i'm sorry but it's true but you can't hear it until you're on the other side and you're until you're actually ready to hear it yeah and then until you're until it's ready to actually land yeah because there's some stuff that i've like heard years ago and then i hear it now and i'm like yes it lands for the first time properly and I just wasn't ready to hear it back then yeah I mean I even feel like that with you with I mean so many things like you just have a lot of wise advice but like even relationship stuff sometimes when you give me relationship advice I'm like no no thank

you and then a month later I'm like you know she was right about that but you don't use so any like I don't want that to be right so it's not right and then it lands I'm like she if I just listened to it again I would be more efficient I would have been faster I do when you're saying this there's one that stands out to me before and I remember you'd sent like a voice note I don't know if it was for me it was with Natalie or someone else but probably one of us it was one of us but you sent us a voice really wise voice note and it was like when you're in when you're in confrontation try and soften oh that's it that always gets me soften always and whenever i do capricorn best friend like what do you mean stop it whenever i'm so angry now like shaking i'm like shaking i'm like soften i can't do it i need to go scream in a pillow for a while

but then but when but when i can soften it's the best thing ever it always works but it's yeah how the fuck do we soften please actually explain this because this please this is tricky i typically think just entering into any confrontation or conflict or any area of tension, whether it is with a partner or whether it is with a friend or whether it is with a team member, if we can just let our guard down and speak from our heart and just like allow our, like it's usually like our shoulders and our face, like our jaw and just allow literally our body to soften as we go in in we're going to get to a resolution way faster when we go in with like tense energy and like like so committed to being

right and so committed to our defensiveness and our side of the street and our argument you're going to meet someone who's going to mirror that same thing but when you come in with softness and when you come in with an open heart and like dropping into the heart speaking from true desire from true vulnerability from true softness this is how i feel this is how this has made me feel and this is the story that i'm telling myself about this this is what i desire this is my intention for this we're going to be mirrored that same thing back to us someone's not going to mirror like with with their hardness you know they're going to be like okay she's coming into her softness i'm going to come into my self as we meet each other

heart to heart instead of wall and wall you know so i think this is really helpful in relationships just period like any relationships and everything is always a practice and like this is always easier said than done in the beginning until we literally train it into our bodies of like when we recognize i'm actually going to get where i want to get faster which is to connection and resolution she knows not to be right right it's a bit efficiency right it's about where do i want to get to i want to come i wanted to come into connection with this person i want to make up i want us to be in connection and when we say that to our partner I really want to connect this is my intention I really want to want us to come back together this is how I feel from that

softness we're just going to get there faster you know and it's like do we want to stay mad at each other do we want to prove that we're right do we want to point score or do we want to be in connection we want to be in connection we just don't want to admit that to ourselves in the moment because we're so committed to our cause yeah you know so my whole body yeah i mean it's right it's not easy no it's always right yeah it's like i always think like do i want to be right or do i want to be connected like do i want to choose being right or do i want to choose love and you know sometimes when we are setting our partner up to lose it's actually lose lose you know we get to set our partner up to win we get to set our friends up to win and we do that by like listening and coming into our hearts

I love this I feel like such a bitch now for for the arguments that I have when I'm shaking in the corner yeah it's it's beautiful yeah my whole body's often listening to that as well I feel like this has come through a little bit already and I want to talk to this we are all incredibly good friends and we're all incredibly different and I feel like we have different approaches to life to business business, to motherhood. And I'd love to just like riff on that and hear both of your opinions on this and like your perspectives on this, because I definitely think I will speak for myself, like growing up, you thought the friends were like the people who are the same. And there was a lot of like almost like connection built on the sameness.

And actually some of the most beautiful friendships in my life isn't built on sameness. It's built on contrast and having differing opinions. And I think luckily not speaking for myself here, I encounter a lot of people in the same way. I'm being judged for this. I'm being judged by this for my friends, for my family, even partners sometimes. And it's difficult how do you think you cultivate and foster this environment of like having friendships and loving that everyone's different and also not bringing judgment into into these differing opinions I think the longer that you are friends with someone the more you get to see all their different multifaceted aspects and that creates

just just like more of a like just you get to see their full humanity and there's going to be parts that like really align with your truth and there's going to be parts that like don't but like when you're judging someone you're not able to like fully love them at the same time and so I think as you get older you start to just think oh yeah that's that that's that thing about that person but I love them it doesn't stop me from loving that person it just makes me even love them more because it's like this person really knows who they are in the world and I I really value that in a person yeah I think too having a level of confidence in yourself makes a big difference because I often think if you're judging something in someone else there's

part of you that feels insecure about it like if you're judging someone else's motherhood I think that probably lends itself to saying you might be insecure about the way you're mothering what is it about that's triggering for you because if you felt be insecure about the way you're mothering what is it about that's triggering for you because if you felt super confident in the way you were doing it you would trust you know i'm doing what i'm doing because i trust my instincts and so i mean of course there's outliers in this case but generally you know you are friends with someone you know that they're doing what's best in their instincts and i think having that confidence in yourself lends itself to having confidence in others and you don't have that level of judgment

i think that's a really nice way to be able to have friendships of and i would speak for our friendship i feel like we all are so confident in ourselves and we all truly deeply care about each other's individual happiness that it's never we never feel like we're scared to admit something even though we all do things so differently yes we're we're the same in some ways but even in our motherhood so much of what we do is so different and we have different beliefs even about motherhood and I think I think that's great I think that level of confidence but I also think it's so nice to be in community like that because it I learned from it and it introduces me to ways of thinking

that I might not have thought before and it introduces me to think about oh interesting they do it that way is that something I want to try on and sometimes it's a no but sometimes it's a yes and I'll try it on and I like it and that feels like I'm expanding and growing because I'm around people that are different and that's really nice I agree I agree with that like when you're around people who think slightly different it's like like a really good learning opportunity otherwise you're just an echo chamber and actually for this reason like I make a point of like listening to podcasts and people who don't share the same beliefs as me like with things like just things in our culture and politically.

And I'm like, I want to understand this viewpoint because it's not my natural go-to viewpoint, but I want to really understand the way that this person thinks about the world because I think it's going to expand my awareness and help me be able to connect with more people and understand because we're all different but we're all the same you know and if we sit down heart to heart like I said like with

anyone with different beliefs we'd find that we all want the same thing we all want love we all want connection we all we just have different ways of getting there yeah you know and especially with motherhood like so many we've spoken about our motherhood experiences and so much of our motherhood journeys are influenced by our own mothers and what we experienced whether that was positive and we really were inspired by that or whether it was limiting and negative and we don't want to repeat that and I think that's that's a really important unique aspect of every mother's journey and I really agree with both you there about the kind of like I think it's healthy I think I love that practice of like listening to other opinions and I kind of

want to bring that in a little bit more but I think it's healthy because I think when you're you've all got the same opinion so like you rile each other up I mean then it creates almost like a divisiveness where you become so riled up and so convinced that the way that you're doing things is the right way of doing it and then it's almost like this confrontation if anyone dares disagree with you. I think that would be a cult, actually. I think that would be more of a cult. I think we're good for not doing that. Because then I think it would be maybe a little dangerous.

Confirmed, not a cult. Confirmed, not a cult. Okay, we'll tick that box. You mentioned then actually about how your mother, your own experiences of your mother impacts the the way that you mother for both of you what positive what negative like how has your experience with your own mothers impacted the way that you mother well for me um what I witnessed in my mom was a woman who was entrepreneurial creative and designed her businesses around her babies so she created different businesses that she did from home and they were small businesses but she literally made

them work so that she could be home with us and this is like in the 90s so this was before the internet before funnels and systems and ads she wasn't on social media or anything like that um but she non-social media business i know i know she actually had wait for it a membership what for moms and babies and she would send out like worksheets and packets in the mail for moms to do with their babies at home no that was her business yeah and I got to like help her create all the activity packs and like my dad was an entrepreneur as well he was a psychologist so I got I feel like I got a lot from both of them yeah but my mom like I actually got to help her do the packets and like getting to be involved in my mom's business and feel like I was

doing my bit and like seeing her do it all from home was so inspiring to me and she was always with us she was always around so i never felt like i was missing out on my mom because of her work and that is something that's always stuck with me like i want to have an amazing business and feel like i'm living my purpose and changing changing women's lives but i never want my baby to feel like mom's doing that and she's never here you know so that that was a really positive influence on me and when I entered into the space of entrepreneurship I feel as though having that as a role model and she also pivoted a lot in her businesses so she did that for a bit then she did like summer schools for a bit like in our school she would like do the summer schools for kids in the school. And then she did like beauty therapy and aromatherapy and herbalism. And I got to see that you can pivot and you can reinvent yourself and you can shift with your passion. And that has really influenced me because I'm a big fan of a pivot and a rebirth. And I believe that we are many, many things. We don't have to just be one thing so I feel like that's been a really a really positive influence on the way that I have entered into motherhood and

entrepreneurship I I didn't know that about you either with like the packets that was cool to find out like and your mom's such a legend as well although I was giggling because your mom was setting up the summer camps my mom couldn't work out what the term dates were like my mom was the one taking me like back to school a day early and a day late. So it was just a different experience. Nassi, how about you? Different experience. My mum was a single mum. I'm one of eight. And I really remember, you know, she struggled to put food on the table some weeks, you know, struggled to pay for heat in the house. Like we really didn't have a lot of the basics growing up. And I remember her strength throughout it all, like has definitely been something that I've taken from her, which I love. And getting to witness that made me really

want to be independent and have my independence and also have freedom to choose how I wanted to live my life. You know, seeing what she went through, it gave me a lot of empathy for what a lot of people go through because it wasn't a case of she could have set her own business up and scaled and all the things that we often talk about. You know, she was really struggling to put food on the table. You are in pure survival when you're in that space and so I just learned a lot about not wanting to be in that place having an empathy for what that is what that looks like and wanting to create something very very different for myself so the way that I've structured really my entire life I think has come from a lot of what I saw you know I make some financial decisions and I talk about this openly of always wanting to be in a place of freedom. You know, I've never wanted to be highly

leveraged. You know, I do silly things like buy my house in cash and like things like that, that to other people might be like this crazy decision. And oh, you could, if you leverage this happens and you make more money this way, and it's a silly financial decision decision to me, that's peace. And you can't put a price on peace and and I think about that kind of stuff like what feels peaceful to my nervous system is knowing that I'll never have to go into that place of security I'm not having that so I've made a lot of decisions that I don't feel like I'm making from a place of trauma but actually from a place of this is what feels really good for me and I want to create security so that I get to choose my mom

was home with us a lot but that really wasn't necessarily a choice because child care was way more expensive than what she would have got paid and I love that she was home with us but I would also like to have the choice I like to have the choice to go to work so that was just amazing to see that and I've definitely gained a lot of strength from it and just a level of empathy for what a lot of people go through because this is a lot more common than we like to think I exist in a bubble now and I don't see a lot of people like that so I like to get involved in helping people in that situation because it is a lot more common than we think 100% and do you think that empathy is part of what's like fired you up to support so many women to create freedom?

Yeah, I really, really deeply want to help women create freedom and independence so that they can make decisions for themselves and that they don't have to stay in perhaps abusive or toxic relationships. So they don't have to stay in jobs that feel like it's you know they can't even afford child care because the job's not paying them enough i truly want to help women create freedom and you know on the other side of it i love working with women that are crushing it seven figures and how do we scale beyond that because all of that has a big impact and i'm so lucky that the women i work with all care about impacting the world and i yeah i just it just has instilled in me this sense of you know when you think about would you go back and relive it I don't know but I'm so grateful for everything that it gave me the level of strength that I have because of it has been incredible and I'm so

grateful for the way that my mum showed up throughout that and just who she is is yeah very very grateful I love that what about you this is such a good question Alex so for me I think something my mom has definitely inspired me is kindness my mom is the most kind generous person ever like she will she will go above and be she literally texted me the other day she was like I want to bring some things over for the girls, kids. And like, she's just like so caring and so loving. And I think that's really inspired me to like fully show up in my friendships and my relationships in that way. Like if I could be a 10th as kind as my mom, like I feel like I'm winning in life. She truly is. And I don't think it was always easy for her when I was growing up. My mom was stay at home.

She had had some businesses. She kind of slowly wound them up. It was property as I was growing up. And I think she struggled with it. I think, I think she struggled. I think she had a lot of dreams, a lot of goals, a lot of ambitions. She didn't necessarily have the confidence maybe to, to go after them. And yeah yeah I think it's impacted me in the way that I just feel quite emotional answering this um I really want to fulfill my dreams and I and I want to do that and it's the thing that makes me emotional is every time I do so my mom's so proud of me and she is very much like wow you show me what's possible and like wow you've done this and she'll like bring her business ideas to me and stuff like this and and in many ways I mean she was it's very successful but she had her properties

and that was incredible but I definitely just saw both sides of it and I think it feels very healing in many ways to get to be in that position now of like we can do these things like you can have an idea but you can also you can make it manifest you can make it real um so yeah god bless our moms incredible women and i totally see that yeah i see that too because when we think about our kids i mean you just want them to be so happy and and i know for me like when mine are older i'm going to totally be living vicariously through them and my hope is that i just set them up with enough confidence to be able to go out there and do the things they want to do. And I really think that comes from us mirroring that to them.

If you can do that and putting that confidence in them. Because I'm sure that's all you want when you see your kids grow up. You're like, I just want them to be happy and do what makes them happy. Yeah, I mean, I definitely thought it was going to be the hardest part of motherhood. I was like, you have to watch them make their decisions. And you might think it's a shit decision, but you have to back them. And I was like, I'm going to be the hardest part of motherhood. I was like, you have to watch them make their decisions and you might think it's a shit decision, but you have to back them. And I was like,

I'm going to find that really hard. And okay. Like he's, he's like nearly one. So I won't speak to you soon, but I do feel like already I'm like, God, I love you so much.

And I know that loving you so much means supporting you in your decisions, not what I think you should do or how I think you should be. So like like I can definitely see how that's gonna I'm gonna say that it's gonna test I wonder if there's mums of like 30 year olds listening being like yeah that's what you think honey Rachel is living at home at 30 jobless yeah I love you honey you got this it's gonna be great totally so we're gonna wrap this part up we're gonna be back for part two which is gonna be the wind down okay ladies welcome to the wind down you both look a bit nervous you never know

with alex okay so i'm actually gonna go for a question that we got off instagram first we i there wasn't even much phrasing around this question, but the question was around, and ask them about dirty talk. Mel's the one answering this one. No, I was. Thank you, babe. I did. At first, I was like, what?

Where is this? I'm not sure. And then I was like, Mel. It's Mel. Mel, the honey. I didn't submit that question. No, no,

but Mel's like the honey part. No one's coming to me for dirty talk advice. Me neither. They're going to say, how do I optimize my funnel? They're not coming to me to say,

talk dirty on funnels. How do I optimize my orgasm? We know who the question's made for. What's the question? There wasn't one, it was like, how do they talk dirty? The question was actually like,

talk about the village and it was like, and about dirty talk with a chilly emoji. Well, that sounds like someone needing help. And not even knowing how to phrase the question. Okay, first of all, are we into dirty talk? I'm going to ask that. Absolutely. I'm into it.

I'm here for it. Of course. I'm here for it. I actually coincidentally left a voice note to my inner circle, which Natalie's in today. Inner circle as in queen of hearts, which is like all about love and relationships. And it was specifically about Dirty Talk.

There you go, Natalie. You've got training ready. You've got a voice note in your WhatsApp waiting for you. I did think you were going to say you voice noted Sean when you started that sentence. No, no, no. No, I had this download when i was involved in dirty talk with sean last night and i was like must tell the queen of hearts ladies about this

i love this this is really good to know i'm gonna tell them this they're gonna they're gonna value this and um you're gonna have to sign up for queen of hearts i'm afraid if you want to know i'm just kidding no i was thinking so like a lot of the work that I do is around polarity and like masculine and feminine and communication, the way that we communicate with our partners. We can, should we desire to create more polarity in our relationship, communicate from a more feminine place.

And when it comes to sex, I believe Dirty Talk is a really powerful foreplay, especially for women. And when we approach dirty talk from, I feel dirty sounds American, dirty talk. I'm losing my British accent. That's what I call it. Oh, it just feels like dirty. Yeah. I just skipped the er, dirty talk, dirty talk.

When we want to communicate this in a more and create that more polarity, it's actually feels way more sexy when we speak into what we want them to do to us rather than what we want to do. Because actually being in the feminine when it comes to being in the bedroom is actually about receiving him in his fullness and allowing him to claim us, ravish us, penetrate us, take us, right? A woman in the bedroom typically wants to be taken and chosen and ravished.

She doesn't want to be the one ravishing. And so when we remember this, when we come into our dirty talk, it actually creates way more polarity, way more sexiness. When we get to share I want you to do this to me I want you to take me like this I love the way you do this instead of I want to do this I want to do this I want to do this actually is way more sexy I'm so glad you gave me a sentence stem then because I was going to ask you for one I was like give us a sentence stem yeah I want to so yeah not I want to it's I want you to it's like I love the way you

fuck me like this I love I love it when you do this to me this feels so good okay you know like I don't give him a check he's saying I want to do this and you're saying I want you to do this I want you to do this instead of and I want to do this back to you i love do you know what i mean yeah and it's just more sexy it creates more polarity you're so right on that thing as well about women wanting well i think you're right on that thing of women wanting that almost like that domination because when i was at this we were a sexy weekend i don't know what to call it got flustered a sacred sexuality weekend oh god i'm cringing myself up now this is why I can't be a sex coach my god like blushing um but all the women and there was some like really

successful women that were like yeah it's the I want him to ravish me yeah they weren't like I want to ravish my man they were like no like no, like, you take the lead. Exactly. And this is why I believe that under every high achieving independent woman who has lived a lot of life in that masculine energy is a woman who deeply craves and desires to just be taken and be in her feminine and be ravished and chosen and cherished and dare I say it, penetrated by life love this penetrate me with life yeah amazing amazing so this was a question from these girlies and i love this we're gonna start light we'll go deeper but if you three were the spice girls who would be who you're giving ginger spice thank you because she was my icon i can see that

i would have i would have said that yeah i'm glad that someone nailed it yeah thank you yeah i love this i'm gonna say baby really i could see baby for you really yeah interesting i was used to be posh when i was young because i had brown hair but I wasn't very posh you can't be posh by Swinney from Stockport I'm just saying no Newcastle I mean I would say posh for you yeah yeah I would say more posh I'll take it yeah also because posh is a bit of a powerhouse yeah yeah yeah sexy classy understated but like always on brand yeah thanks you guys i love this i love this i'll take it okay that was a great question really good question yeah that one yeah that was a great one jay who would have known the husband in the room that's the best question i want to say i want

to just say a little bit more about you as baby because i just want to say, I want to just say a little bit more about you as baby, because I just want to say like, unapologetically, like girly and just like a sweetheart. And just the whole aesthetic of this is giving baby spice vibes. And so fun. So fun. So fun. Yeah, I want to have fun. That's my word. I'm sorry.

I just need a moment. My husband submitted that question. So he slowly raised his hand in the background as well like that that was me points to jake great question babe you can penetrate me with life later i'm joking i'll be knackered okay so if you didn't okay i'm gonna be serious um right there was a couple of questions that were quite similar. So I'm going to focus on one of them. And this is through the lens of someone who isn't yet a mum. Okay. So if you didn't have an established group of friends to create your village yet, what would you do to attract them? And we had, we basically had like three kind of versions of this. So I feel like this is hot, hot in your

lady's mind. So let's go deep on this if you're not a mom you're wanting to attract the village you're wanting to attract aligned friendships how do you go about it i mean if you are in the early stages of motherhood go to the classes and the things actually happening in your community because that is the best place to meet people like that but if you're not in that place yet join online communities literally built for that because there are so many amazing online communities with these subgroups of other women asking for and looking for the exact same thing and you'd be surprised how much overlap in location there is or how much you might connect

with like I literally know people in our community who connected became business partners moved like across the world to like run the business together and it's amazing what can happen when you find your people so this I mean there's so many amazing communities online lean in I can actually speak to that like I actually think I feel like we might have given the impression it's almost easier to do this when you're a mum and actually it's probably easier when you're not a mum in many ways which doesn't say you can't do it as a mum because clearly you can but I completely forgot about this I went in the society when I first started one of my businesses and I didn't have any friends who were entrepreneurs so I joined this membership I first

of all I randomly went to a boss babe event didn't know who any of you were it was the one in London with Nick yeah and it was off a Facebook ad and it popped up and it was a 90, it was like a 99 pound tick or something. And that to me at the time was a hell of a lot of money. And I was like, 99 pounds, I don't know, like, okay, I'm going to go. And I went and I had a product based business at the time. But I remember listening and being like, wow, this is an amazing online world that these women are creating.

And I went because I didn't have any friends who are entrepreneurs or we were doing anything but I joined the society off the back of it and I went in the group and I said hey I'm in London I don't know anyone else who's running a business who wants to meet up in real life I'm shit responding to whatsapp messages I didn't need more digital friends I was like who wants to meet up in real life and I remember we booked a route like a breakfast table at the Riding House Cafe. And I thought like two or three people would come. We had like 25 women come. And all these women and we all connected.

And obviously you're going to vibe with some more than others. But like I think that's such a testament to like just go to it. Find, go on Eventbrite, find events, like go to events, like go to the places online if it's not available to you physically but yeah what would your advice be on this? I just wanted to say

I think I was at that event too No But were you? Before we knew each other? No I think so No I will die Rings a bell

Oh my god Rings a bell Nick was there Years ago I think I might have come like with Nick or something Oh my god Oh my god

Anyway this is years back that makes me I can't believe it this is so crazy this is wild I'm sorry bringing us all together I know wow I always think it's so weird to even like think that we were in the same space and we didn't even know each other yeah with everyone that I meet that's crazy I had that with Nick as well anyway there's a thousand stories on this I want to hear advice I would say like honestly like the online world has never made it more easy for us to find community literally based around what we want and what we want to grow in the areas that we care about you know there are there are so many different communities

that you can join now whether it's a membership a program a course where you can literally find people in there that want the exact same thing as you and they're on the same journey as you and so I say don't sign up to things and be a lurker. Like sign up and get involved and like lean into that community and those connections and ask questions and get the most out of it and lean into the community aspect. I really believe like community is so healing for women.

So many of us have sister wounds that originated in community when we were little. So the way that we heal them is to get back into community as grown women to heal together and i would say with regards to the village piece i actually have in another inner circle that i run called queen of diamonds i have a group of women in there who are literally creating their village together at the moment and they're like they've never met in person before but they're like where are we moving together let's like scope out location oh my god they all they're not mums yet but they want to be they're all running businesses

and they're literally like we all want the same thing let's do this together and it's just like giving me so much life they're like researching different places that they want to move to like it's so cool and it's like yeah like we get to do this we've never had as much freedom and opportunity to do that as we do now especially if we have online businesses where we don't have to be tied to one place 100 i will shamelessly plug you both because i think you're both fucking epic and i've been in both your communities both nancy and mel have memberships as well like got the goddess collective we've got the society like you can find friends in there and moving away from the digital aspect

for a second also check out your neighbors maybe like i'm friends with my neighbors now on both sides and they're a fucking vibe i met this mom the other day at the swings she has four kids and she homeschools all of them i'm like teach me your ways like i want to learn from you and she's like oh i run this like friday mom's group around my house I'm like I'm gonna be there yeah not tomorrow but I'm gonna be there next week just realized we have a house thing tomorrow I'll be there next Friday though yeah no big deal you're just buying a house just met her like swinging our babies on swings you know get chatting to people don't be just like

in your own little world I love that you can see who the extroverts of the group are because I've never met anyone in the neighborhood this is why I enrolled everyone I already knew to move to us I would like to clarify it was Jake who was inviting the neighbors around and that makes sense and then they came around I was like I love them they're fantastic they're great like the same as what we were talking about earlier though like we are also kind of in an echo chamber of like just the online industry in the space and the coaching world and it's like there are people that have completely different lives yeah that live next door to us and like getting to know them is like a whole different universe opens up for me because I realized oh my god all my friends are in the same

industry and all my friends are entrepreneurs and work online and create courses and programs and memberships and run retreats and then I meet meet someone who's like, yep, I homeschool my babies. No, I don't go to work. And my husband provides. And I'm like, I want to get to know your way of living. Like, this is cool. Like, teach me how do you homeschool four kids at once? Like, I want to learn about that. Like, that's cool. I can so see this vision for you. Oh, my God, that's so happening. Yeah, I can see it happening. I love this. Okay. So so I'm gonna carry on because I feel like I want to get through as many yeah that dirty talk question opened up a whole different world of I'm glad we started there I got some advice so that was great um okay I love this one so what advice do you have

for someone who has been recently impacted by a corporate layoff and is interested in starting their own business but not sure what may resonate to drive revenue so when you're in that kind of space where you are interested in doing something but maybe you do need the income right now you don't maybe have six months to a year to figure it out and you're not entirely sure what the thing is for you I always say put one foot in front of the other every single day and I promise you opportunity will show up, things you're interested in will show up but it's when you're taking action that will actually happen and so if I was in that situation what I would do is

I'd think about what are the things that I'm really good at and what are the values that and skills that I could add to someone's business or you know people that I know and I would pitch them on services and for one person in one business it might be totally different to the other person add to someone's business or, you know, people that I know, and I would pitch them on services. And for one person in one business, it might be totally different to the other person. But getting that experience, firstly, you're getting that cash flow in, which is really important if you're in that in between phase. But secondly, getting that experience doing different things, you'll often realize, oh, I actually love that. I want to do more of that. Didn't like that one so much. Here's what I learned about it., I actually love that. I want to do more of that. Didn't like that one so

much. Here's what I learned about it. And I feel like that's been my entire career is just kind of saying yes to things, feeling into it. Okay, I love that part. I'm going to take that with me, but I'm going to leave that. And then, you know, if you have to do some of the things in the meantime for cash flow, not feeling bad about that. Not every business takes off overnight. And when you're able to sustain yourself and figure out what it looks like to sell to get someone to say yes and pay an invoice those are really big milestones when you're venturing into your own business so anything that you can kind of flex your muscles with in that arena I think is such a good idea I love that advice and that's really strong and I feel like when we recorded the boss pay podcast we

spoke about this a lot, about like other businesses not necessarily being your end business, but like some businesses aren't the end thing. They're like your bridge. They become your bridge. And then you work out what the next thing is. Yeah, some people I think will sit and sit doing nothing because I don't know my purpose.

I don't know my passion. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And I think you can continue sitting there and wondering, or you can get out there, try things on and find your purpose it's it's something that happens when you take action not something that happens when you sit there and will it to come to you yeah hey man please do not fucking meditate on this like endlessly like a little bit of meditation good like constant no get off go Go somewhere, try something, do something. You're going to work it out. Yeah.

I'll just add to that on the other side of things. I heard someone say recently, you don't really know who you are until you're out of scarcity. And so what I took from that as if you're doing things because you're in scarcity and you just need money, you're never going to get to really know who you are because you're doing things literally you'll do anything to just survive. You know, you're doing work that you might not necessarily want to do. that was that had just got laid off I would probably lean into like getting some type of part-time work so you're not putting all this pressure on your new business to succeed straight away when like out of alignment because I think if you're receiving money for stuff that's like

really not in alignment then you start to feel like what's wrong with me you know like nothing's working and it's just because you've not found your groove yet and so I think I'm really grateful for all the different part-time jobs that I had going on as I was growing my business because it allowed me to really figure out what my message was and what I was doing without needing I need money now like what can I sell that's just gonna make money you know I didn't have that I like really found like oh no this is what I'm really fired up about and I had the paychecks coming in from my part-time gigs on the side so I would add that such wise advice that isn't spoken about enough I think we're taught the message like go all in your business and sometimes actually going all in

is exactly what you said like having some money coming in but I now need to know what was the weirdest almost wonderful side hustle you had when setting up your business like having some money coming in but I now need to know what was the weirdest or most wonderful side hustle you had when setting up your business oh I would have to say um painting my yoga teacher's house and tiling his roof I didn't expect that I love you I would trust you with my life I would trust you with my child I would not trust you to tell my roof thanks what what what yeah I was um I was living in America I didn't have my visa so I was doing cash and handwork yeah and I was really into yoga at the time and I asked my yoga teacher can I just do like any odd jobs for you basically I'll work on your reception I'll babysit your kids I'll walk your dogs and he was like do you want to help with tiling the roof

and I was like I'm totally down to tile the roof and um I was actually studying to be a coach at the time so I was at IIN and I had like the headphones in my ears listening to the seminars as I was tiling the roof and I was so happy I had I had not a penny to my name but I was the happiest person ever. I love that. You're giving me Kylie, I don't know how you say her second name, Kitech, Kitech,

you know, like the amazing woman on Instagram who like does all the DIY jobs. Oh no, that's definitely not me. No, no. I was there to get paid. Yeah, for sure. I was like, maybe you've got some tiling skill going.

No, no skill. I think you probably had to get it redone after I did it, to be honest. It looked nice. I bet it looked nice anyway. Yeah, but you do what you've got to do. And like it allowed me to dream about my business in a way that wasn't putting all this pressure on it. And then I was like, oh, maybe I'm ready to get clients. And it wasn't like I need this client or I can't pay my rent you know and then waitressing like three different restaurants worked in a juice bar

like yoga teaching like it was all because I had this um this vision for my business and um I didn't want to rush it or put too much pressure on it too fast but um I did set a goal and that was um as soon as I did a lot of modeling work as well and promotional work and things like that and I said as soon as my business makes in a month what I make from all this other other stuff I'll quit I didn't say I'm gonna have three months in the bank six months in the bank 12 months of reserves I wasn't thinking like that I was like as soon as I do it in one month I'm out of here and I did so the first month I was I remember exactly what it was it was 1,500 pounds as soon as I made that for my business I emailed all of my people and I was like bye I'm a business owner now I'm going all in and that was all I need and then I was like I'm all in

I'm committed because I've proven to myself I I found the alignment and now I'm going. I love this. I love this. Yeah. Natalie, what was your... Oh, nothing that interesting. I dig people's social media. I've always been good at it.

I love this. So who, can you name and drop any people's? I did Nick's. So cool. She told me about this whole world. I didn't know, like, I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I didn't know anything about the online space or anything um and even back then i was just very good at social media and she's like can you be my social media manager i was

like sure i've got nothing else going on don't ask what to do with my life sure and i loved it absolutely loved it um and i did that i mean my business had fully taken off as well and i was like i don't want to like let you down so I just kept doing it like loved it amazing yeah but nothing as interesting as tiling a roof guys I ghost wrote cat blogs like you did wait what I ghost wrote cat blogs cat blogs cat blogs babe this deserves a whole episode oh I've got a whole laundry list what do you mean I did right so you know you can have a ghost writer when you're writing a novel. Well, guess what? Cat blogs have ghostwriters too. Oh, I'm living for this.

I was a ghostwriter for a cat. Like a blog on behalf of a cat? What about cats? No, okay, no, sorry. It's not for cat lovers. It was for cat lovers. So it was like, what's the latest cool cat contraption

that they can, I don't even know what cats do. What do they do? Scratch, stand? I don't know. I don't have a cat. I've never had a cat. can I could write a cat blog and yeah I'd have to write about the latest cat beds and like see there's so much you can do to earn money oh my god so much shit and then I used to proofread people's essays for uni um could see that I go through a cake blog

which I did really enjoy yeah I like that that was fun that all makes sense yeah that one makes sense yeah no I flyered I have so many things I was once actually in a dressing gown um promoting tiles at some kind of building convention this is when you were trying to get your business off the ground oh yeah wow yeah I hustled I hustled hard oh my god I was a yes to many a job probably should have been a no on reflection but it was hilarious yeah yeah anyway I'm gonna move on now from my slightly weird job I love this um okay so I'm gonna do one final one and then we'll wrap this up and again I feel like these two are pretty there's a similarity through them so I'm gonna I'm gonna weave them together um so if you're letting go of the past in a new life stage what piece of advice do you have for fully embracing your new life chapter when you're

grieving aspects of the past and the other question was pretty similar it was it was talking about this the act of surrender like going through the process of surrender I mean grief is part of it grief is part of it and I think don't resist the grief let it take you like surrender to the tidal waves of grief it's going to come and go and something so beautiful is on the other side and trust the unknown you know so many of us like try and grip to control because we're afraid of what's on the other side of something crumbling and every time time and time again we see this pattern in life which is the crumble the rebirth the death the rising like the phoenix from the flames and like trust in like life's patterns are also happening and present in your life whether it's in your love

life whether it's in your business like it's happening it might not be happening on your timeline but it's happening so trust the grief let yourself grieve like let yourself feel it all like oh my god this is what it feels like to like be have my heart broken open into a million pieces like let me be with it let me feel it because the sooner that we feel it instead of resist it we get to move through it we get to dance with it we get to come out the other side into this beautiful new expression of ourselves whatever that might be I love that I feel like it's reminding me of your phoenix tattoo yeah and it's just because of a rebirth big one I remember that one.

That was, you wrote the book of how to do that. Thank you. It was epic. Last year, I feel like I went through some really intense grief. And one thing that I really had to make sure that I did was not rush into the next to kind of pretend it wasn't there. Like I really, and I try try like I definitely noticed myself falling back into that pattern of like doing so I don't have to feel and just allowing myself to slow down to take a pause, even though I didn't know what was on the other side of it for me,

I really just allow myself to slow down and be in all of those feelings. And that's also quite challenging to when you run a business and a lot of people want answers from you, because that's important to them. That was really challenging to go through that level of grief and change in my life, while also trying to take care of other people. And I really had to just let go of, of that, of what other people needed from me, and just do me. And that was really challenging at the time, but I kept bringing myself back to that. I reached out for a lot of support. Like I brought in an amazing therapist, a really good coach. I was really honest and open with my friends about how I felt. I took breaks from some friends. Like I just did the things that I needed to do for me. I went to

Europe for three months. Like I just did the things that felt good without needing to know what the answers were on the other side of it and I think that's the power that's like what you're saying Serena we can almost want to jump to the next chapter to know that we're going to be okay whereas when you have that trust in yourself that's going to be okay anyway then you can slow down and really allow yourself to feel all of that and I do feel like feeling it all allowed me to properly close the chapter and move on in a higher energy and move on in a way that felt complete and felt good and I think both of you spoke about this kind of um the grieving process and when you hear it hear it from this side when you're on the other side of it it sounds quite beautiful and I just want to speak to you like when you're in it, it's messy as fuck.

Like grieving can look like for me, it's always like sitting on my hallway floor and I'm like, like having a full, full blown. I need to be on the floor for some reason. Maybe it's grounding. I don't know. But like sat on the floor crying and it's ugly as fuck and it's painful as hell.

But I really notice in those moments is that like, even if it is like 0.001% of me is that that small small part of me that can see actually something better might be coming and it might be tiny it might be like the tiniest wisp in that moment in that really messy ugly moment but that's the bit that you get to grasp onto and that's the bit that you get to realize like oh no I'm going through the messiness right now. I'm having this, this death, but like, there's going to be something great on the other side. And in that too, you know, I think it's important to name when you're going through something like that, when you're going through a big life change or grief. In that setting, you can often think,

did I make the wrong decision? Or maybe I regret what I did now. Would it be easier if I stayed in that situation or I shouldn't have? It can be very easy to let all of that come up. And that's just the fear and not allowing yourself to buy into that and go backwards is really important. Yeah.

Because that just prolongs this journey. There were so many moments I caught myself in that wouldn't it be easier if I should have and I just had to catch myself in it. No, actually the shortcut is going through it directly not allowing myself to keep going back yeah I remember you saying this to me as well like again good friend giving amazing advice and me just being like yes this feels great and not quite following it though I remember you saying like you need to pull the arrow back right now like it's easier to be doing and doing and doing and going and going and going but you need to pull the arrow back and I was like

I know I need to do that but putting that into practice was a complete it was so alien it was so difficult I think we're often in that pattern of like as you said just like moving forward and doing rather than taking that moment to just like be in a winter, be in a stillness. Yeah. And I also just want to speak to like when we're in that death period, when we're in that winter, it's actually such a rich time for introspection and intuition. And if we're trying to rush forward into the next phase, we're thinking, oh, all the goodness is when I get out of the death season. And actually like a lot of the goodness is when i get out of the death season and actually like a

lot of the goodness is in the death and like if we can really recognize oh my god i'm in a death portal right now like instead of like i want to get out of here like oh wow like this is what it feels like what's here for me because my soul wants to learn something in this death portal so let me make sure that i you know I always think of like swimming underwater and like you're in this like murky bottom of the ocean but there's like crystals on the bottom of the ocean that you need to like pick up and get and like take into your like life journey so it's like what are the lessons that my soul came here to learn in this specific death portal right so not like I should have done this differently but like what am I meant to learn

from this experience what actually is something for me to take responsibility for me to either clean up or learn from for next time so this doesn't become a repeating pattern something that I'm learning in my leadership something that I'm learning about relationships something that I'm learning about friendships something that I'm learning about myself something that I'm learning about friendships, something that I'm learning about myself, something that I'm learning about boundaries. And like that richness of guidance is only available in the death portal, you know? So like be there and stay there and be with yourself long enough to really allow these lessons and this wisdom to be revealed to you.

Oh, the way you described that when you were like picking the crystals in the murky water was like so so such a beautiful image but it's so true like getting those bits of wisdom and taking them with you I'm gonna wrap this up because I feel like I will literally talk to you both for hours and hours and hours and hours um I love and adore you both so so much there are literally no words and I'm so grateful to get this time with you both