the bossbabe podcast - 378. I’m DONE With Transactional Relationships w/ Natalie Ellis

Starting point is 00:00:00 welcome back to the boss babe podcast this one's a mini one with something that has been on my mind you come here for the real i'm gonna give you the real a big reason that i left la yes i wanted a different kind of lifestyle that I was going to get in Austin I loved that I knew I wanted to start a family in Austin so many of those kinds of reasons and another reason which I know is a big reason other people that I know left too is I was really sick of having so many transactional relationships. Now granted I did have a really close-knit circle of best friends who I do miss and I had a wider circle where it felt like there were a lot of transactional relationships right. Let's talk about what a transactional relationship

Starting point is 00:00:57 is. So essentially it's like interactions that feel like they're based purely on exchange, whether it's service, favors, all that stuff, especially in business, these are really common. And I've ended a big transactional relationship over the last couple of years. And it has been incredibly freeing. And really, I don't feel like I'm open to have many transactional relationships, to be quite honest. Like in that kind of relationship, it feels like each person is looking out for what they can gain and often sidelining that emotional or deeper bond that could potentially develop because you know it's not necessarily that's the intention but when you are networking with a lot of people when you're just kind of in and out especially in a place like LA it's always about what this what can this person do for me and that was a very new kind of culture for me to step into coming from

Starting point is 00:01:49 where I came from so it's very much like I'll do this for you if you do that for me but what happens when we strip away the transaction often there is not much left and if you only have transactional relationships it can leave people feeling really unfulfilled and disconnected and I noticed that myself and I would notice you know there were certain invitations that I felt like I couldn't say no to and when I really dug into it it was because I felt like there was some kind of transaction there like I had to show up for them because they came to my thing or you know everyone was doing something for someone else they share this you share that kind of thing and I just feel like I don't have a lot of space for that and I will say too you know a lot of you that do have a kind of following online

Starting point is 00:02:36 you'll notice people hit you up almost every single day asking you to promote their thing to your audience to be an affiliate for them all of that stuff and if it is a real close personal friend and I'm in a position where I can help I will but I do not love that's expected of me just because I have a big audience in my friendships I don't have expectations of my friends needing to support my business I have expectations of course I want to be in friendships that are really safe psychologically and are my friends that I can lean on personally but I learned the hard way that mixing personal relationships with business doesn't always end well and so I really try and keep that disconnect and I don't really want

Starting point is 00:03:18 relationships with people that will get upset with me if I'm not their affiliate or promoting their thing and I really just want to share this because I get hit every single day there's there's this and it's really interesting I've started to notice that when it's people that only reach out when they want something that's nothing bad about them but it's just making me feel like I I want deeper relationships like the deep relationships the ones that like really enrich and add value to our lives. These connections that are rooted in mutual respect, genuine emotional investment and a true desire to see that person thrive. Whether or not it benefits you or you're maybe investing emotionally and that person only wants you to be happy or succeed if it benefits them is really challenging and I just don't want those in my life

Starting point is 00:04:12 like I want the deep relationships that are built on principles of empathy understanding shared experience where you really wish the best for someone. It requires vulnerability. It requires time and it requires commitment. And they are about giving without the expectation of receiving, which I think just fosters such a beautiful relationship. We all have this limited amount of time. I would really rather pour my time and energy into fewer relationships

Starting point is 00:04:43 and have real deep meaningful relationships than just pour little bits of energy into a ton of different transactional relationships like is that a recipe for business success probably but is it a recipe for happy life is it a recipe for real deep connection I don't know I don't know. I don't think so. I think as human beings, we deeply desire real connection. We deeply desire having those friends that have our back, no questions asked, and we do the same for them. And I just don't think that you get that from transactional relationships. And like I said, transactional relationships, they're definitely not just personal. They very much extend into the business world I think it's really common among entrepreneurs and influencers and I see why some

Starting point is 00:05:31 people are like great networkers and they see the potential of that for hitting their short-term goals but I just don't think they lay the foundation for long-term success happiness loyalty all about it like even think about it with team members right when your team members or business partners feel genuinely valued beyond the work that they do for you they are more likely to really invest themselves fully like it not only boosts morale and will of course drive growth in your business but it is a much nicer place to work and at Boss Babe I really really try and pour into my employees from that personal level I don't want them feeling like this is just a transactional relationship I want them to feel like being part of our team is like being part of a family and

Starting point is 00:06:16 we want to support them as human beings you know I often cheerlead my team when they're going and getting all these different qualifications that have nothing directly correlate to the business. It's not going to benefit me in any way, but to see them grow and be happy is something business I felt like I needed to have all of these transactional relationships in the name of networking you know I had to be in every single room at every single event had to have everyone's number you know I had to keep up with everyone and it felt really transactional it didn't feel fulfilling it didn't light me up whereas I've gotten to a place now where actually I realize, listen, the business stuff is the business stuff and networking is great. But what's really going to fuel you is

Starting point is 00:07:11 having those deep, meaningful connections and friendships in your life. I was at a mastermind a couple of years ago, and I think it was Tom Bilyeu said this. He said what he has realized is the people that take the biggest swings in work and in in their professional lives are the people that have the strongest foundations at home and this resonated so deeply with me because that's what I feel like I've really invested in with Stephen is having such a solid foundation that he's truly my teammate beyond you know beyond all of it he's my teammate he's my person for life and I feel so secure in taking these big risks because I have him or you know with my girlfriends I feel like I have now a really tight-knit group of girlfriends who were all ride or die and there's

Starting point is 00:07:59 no business expectation or anything like that and it's so much more fulfilling and I think that results in the success. I do know people that majority of their relationships are transactional relationships and they are wildly successful in business but it just makes me question is this is this really the point of all of this? Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year.

Starting point is 00:08:46 So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know. Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial that's kajabi.com slash boss babe and I just wanted to come on and share as I got yet another text asking to be an affiliate and promote someone's

Starting point is 00:09:25 something and it just made me realize that I don't want to feel guilty for saying no to transactional relationships and I don't want to feel like my worth as a friend is tied up in my ability to promote right and and I think whether this is something else for you you don't want to feel like your value as a friend is tied up in your ability to whatever. Maybe you're the one that's always there and you're always holding everything together. I'm sure this will translate for you in a different way. So I wanted to share it because I am in a season of really reflecting on how far I've came in my relationships and my friendships and how much it has given me the depth and fulfillment that I was looking for like transactional relationships can can very much serve immediate needs but the

Starting point is 00:10:12 richness of life I really think comes from connections that are really deep and meaningful but in order to have these kind of relationships I've had to be really willing to put the people pleasing aside and say no to the invitations where I'm going to build more transactional relationships and say yes to investing time in the relationships that are really going to deeply fulfill me. And that means I have to have fewer relationships because I don't have the time to go deep with every single person. So I have fewer relationships but the ROI in terms of my happiness, peace, fulfillment, connection, all of that is so much higher than if I had tons and tons and tons of transactional relationships. So I wanted to share that because

Starting point is 00:10:57 maybe it resonates with something you're going through in friendship. Whenever I get these kind of hits, these downloads, I always feel like, you know what, as you process this, turn the mic on because there's always another woman out there that needs to hear it and maybe you need to hear that you are worthy of having friendships where things aren't expected of you and you're not expected to perform and help everyone else win just to have those friendships. So if you feel like like that maybe it is time to reassess your friendships so I wanted to share that I wanted to cheer you on and just drop in with a little little 10 miniter today I hope you're having an amazing amazing day and I hope that this will be

Starting point is 00:11:36 a little bit of food for thought okay I'll see you in the next episode wait wait wait before you go I would love to send you my seven figure ceo operating system completely free as a gift all you've got to do is leave us a review on this podcast because it really supports the growth of this show this is my digital masterclass where i'll show you what my freedom-based daily weekly and monthly schedule looks like as an eight-figure CEO, mama, and high performer, and I'll walk you through step-by-step how to create this for yourself. It includes a full video training from me and a plug-and-play spreadsheet to literally create your own operating system. It's one of our best trainings and it's worth $1,997, but I will unlock access

Starting point is 00:12:22 for you for free when you leave us a review. I know wild right? All you have to do is leave your review on the podcast, take a screenshot of it and then head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload it and then you'll get instant access to the seven figure CEO operating system. Again head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload your screenshot and get access. We are so so grateful for all of your support and can't wait to hear how the podcast has supported

the bossbabe podcast - 378. I’m DONE With Transactional Relationships w/ Natalie Ellis

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