the bossbabe podcast - 421: CEO Mama: Lighting The Fancy Candle + How Scarcity Shows Up Unexpectedly

Episode Date: September 28, 2024

Raise your hand if you have beautiful, fancy candles, or bath salts, or maybe even an expensive bottle of wine just sitting in your house waiting for the perfect, special moment? Have you ever considered why we let these delicious products collect dust? Join Lindsay as she explores how scarcity shows up in our lives in unexpected ways + how we can start to shift our thinking from scarcity to gifting ourselves the enjoyment of the present moment. Light your bougie candle, pour yourself that expensive glass of wine, + jump in your tub with those fancy bath salts, & enjoy this CEO Mama episode.  TIMESTAMPS 06:00-Noticing How Scarcity Shows Up In Our Lives 09:00-Where Does This Mentality Of Saving Things Come From 11:00-Why Are We Waiting For Tomorrow When It’s Not Guaranteed? 13:05-Future Projection + Discounting Your Pleasure RESOURCES + LINKS Register for our free training: https://bossbabe.com/training  Join Freedom Fast Track: https://bossbabe.com/freedom  Download your free workbook: The 4-Part Framework to Create An Irresistible Offer that Sells on Repeat: https://bossbabe.com/irresistible  Apply to join us in CEO Mama: https://ceomama.com/  Get access to the exact funnel template we use at Bossbabe to generate predictable revenue.  FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

Hello, welcome back to the show. This is Lindsay, and this is another CEO Mama episode. And this one is from Motherload, my podcast. And I recorded this episode back in the spring of 2023 when I was in the midst of running a little challenge in my own business at that time. And I had called this challenge the 100K in 100 days challenge. And I was really trying to shift my money mindset and look at all the ways that I knew how I could generate income and not be attached to any one thing being the thing that worked. Just that I would try things and I had a lot of irons in the fire. I was pursuing a bunch of different things at the time. My e-com business was starting to pick up.

I was working more closely with Boss Babe. I had the podcast going and was getting inquiries for sponsors and stuff there. I still had some coaching clients. So I had revenue coming in from multiple places and all of them were kind of positioned to become a bigger thing. And so I gave myself this monetary challenge and I shared it a lot with my audience at the time, but I mostly did it for myself to break through this long held money mindset and scarcity belief that, you know, certain numbers were unattainable to me. And what's funny is 100K in 100 days, I've done that many times before I ran this challenge for myself, but I hadn't done it in a few years. I had done that pre-COVID.

And so this was really the first time in early 2023, where I was sitting back down trying to really get bigger numbers coming into my business again. And I was really, really struggling with money mindset. So you'll hear in this episode, talking about scarcity, talking about how I was trying to find scarcity and examples of my money mindset kind of rearing its ugly head in my life. And one of the examples I made, and hence the title of the episode was around, you know, why don't we burn the nice candles? Why don't we drink the nice bottle of wine? Why don't we use the nice perfume or the nice makeup? You know, I think a lot of us have these things that

we, that we kind of have in the home or that we've purchased for ourselves that we're saving for the future. You know, we're saving for a special occasion, I only wear the nice perfume on nice nights out or I only use the fancy bath salt when I can really settle down in this bath and really appreciate it. And what ends up happening is our day-to-day life never feels special enough. And so the nice things sit and they go bad or we forget about them, right? And so this whole episode is about how do we use up the nice things sit and they go bad or we forget about them, right? And so this whole episode is about how do we use up the nice things? Like how do we give ourselves abundance in the moment, in the day-to-day, not necessarily in these big ways? Like, of course, we can go and have big signs of abundance, but isn't the reason we all work so hard and isn't the reason we want to make

money and buy nice things to begin with so that we can use them every day. And so anyway, this is a long conversation, not long, this is a short episode, but this is a deep conversation on this specific example of how it shows up in your day-to-day life where we buy ourselves nice quality things and then we don't use them. I was even talking to Natalie about this recently and she was like, yeah, I remember one of my first memories of feeling stupid about how I spent money or about my money mindset was I had this bottle of perfume and it was expensive and I loved it and I left it sitting on my dresser and it was in the window. And so the sun, I never wanted to use it. I would look at it and not want to use it because it was in the window. And so the sun, I never wanted to use it. You know, I would look at it and not want to use it because it was expensive and I was saving it for nice occasions. And the

sun, you know, she didn't know this, but the sun, when sun hits perfume, it will change it. And so she's like, you know, a year on or something, I went to go use it and it had spoiled. It had changed because it had gotten hot in the window. And it was this moment where she realized like, oh, my scarcity mindset had kept me from using this nice thing and now it's window. And it was this moment where she realized like, oh, my scarcity mindset had kept me from using this nice thing and now it's spoiled. And so anyway, I think we all have examples of this in our lives where there's something sitting around in our house or there's something we have indulged in or we treated ourself to that we don't actually use regularly and or that we're saving for a special occasion. And my challenge in this episode is around,

for you, is this inquiry of like, what am I, where does this show up in my life? And I explain that a little bit more in the end of this episode, some self-inquiry you can do around scarcity and how it shows up in your life. So as always, I appreciate you listening to these episodes and giving them a new life here on the Boss Bay podcast. And if these episodes spark thoughts or conversation in you, please reach out to me on DM. I'm loving having all the conversations with you guys in DMs. And I've started to say, sorry if it takes me a bit to get back to you. I am not a super social media person and I'm having to learn how to manage so many conversations at once. But I am really, really enjoying different perspectives and all the stories and just connecting with so many

mamas. So again, thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy the show. Hello, and welcome back to the show. Today is a little mini episode exploring scarcity. One of my favorite topics, especially these days while I am in the midst of my 100k in 100 days challenge as I record this. And I'm really, really being intentional about building intimacy and building relationship with money and noticing how my thoughts around money show up in other ways, not just when I'm only directly thinking about money in the sense of the bank account balance or billing clients or things like that, but I'm also paying attention to how it is showing up in my life in other ways day to day. And a couple of things have come up over the last week that

I wanted to talk about in this little mini episode, because I noticed that this is common for me. And I imagine it's common for you. And I've, I've spoken about these little things previously on Instagram or in mastermind groups. And I get a lot of like head nods and agreement of people noticing these same patterns. And, and I think it's really important that, in all work that we do around the mother load, not just money, that we notice how scarcity, how insidious scarcity is, like how it shows up in so many ways and so many facets of our lives. And it may feel like it's something else or we overlook it or we dismiss it because it's not directly related to money, but it is the same root

of scarcity in our belief system. So where I noticed this for myself the other day was I wanted to take a bath and I have a collection of like fancy bath bombs and fancy salt, like bath salt that I've been given as gifts and things like that. And when I went to take a bath, I immediately felt myself hesitate to use like the nice bath salt because I just had this feeling that one of my children was going to end up in the bath with me, which is common. And I was like, I don't want to use the nice bath salt if it's like a kid bath.

I want to save this for when I can have like a nice luxurious solo bath. Do you want to know how often I have nice luxurious solo baths? Never. And so I immediately felt myself go, I don't want to use this nice stuff. I want to save it for like a better occasion. And because I'm so tuned in to noticing this kind of stuff right now and the scarcity mindset, I was like, wow, this is not about like a ritual or really savoring the nice experience. This is a scarcity belief of like, I don't want to waste it on a bath with my kids where I won't get to like, it like this isn't a deserving enough experience to use the nice stuff.

And as I was, I ended up using it because I noticed this and I was like I'm gonna teach myself a lesson right now and I'm going to use the nice stuff because I saw it in the drawer it's been in the drawer for a year what better time to use it than when you notice it and you're called to use it and why why can't my kids get in the bath with me even if it has the nice bath salt in it with the flower petals and stuff like they'll think it's cool so we're in the bath and I'm they're playing and and I'm thinking about this stuff and I realize there's so many other ways that this shows up in for instance I also have a lot of expensive nice candles that have been burned maybe once or twice you know and they're big fancy like you can see them behind me if you're watching the video where I have all these candles I've accumulated for years and years and years. And I hesitate to

light them or I hesitate to burn them because I'm like, oh, that was an $80 candle or oh, that was a $60 candle or whatever. And one, I'm like, well, this is so interesting. At one point, I believed this candle was worth $80 because I liked how it smelled. Why is it now that I've spent that money and it sat in my house for a couple of years and barely been burned? Where is the mindset coming from that I need to keep saving the candle? What am I saving it for? Why am I not burning it? If I like it so much and I already paid for it, the money's already sunk. It's already a sunk cost like what is this mentality around needing to save it for a special occasion or or hesitating to use it up the same thing I've heard in conversations about this

before people saying like saving the nice bottle of wine or the nice bottle of champagne for like a special occasion but then a special occasion doesn't ever really come along and this bottle just sits in your wine cooler in your fridge. And it's the same mentality around, is there ever a more special occasion than today? You know, like are we, we're not guaranteed tomorrow. We're not guaranteed anything in the future. And if you're feeling like you want to take the nice bath with the flower petal bath salts that cost $30 or you want to burn the $80 candle or you want to drink the expensive bottle of wine today on a random Tuesday why do we not do that and to me as I'm let's take a quick pause to talk

about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi you know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place, so it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know. Get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible.

I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. I've thought about this stuff before and I've come to the same conclusion as I come to now, which is just a little more potent for me right now with the focus on money, which is there is some deeply rooted scarcity belief system in me that is part, I don't deserve it. Like there's some kind of belief that I shouldn't have spent the money to begin with

to get that nice thing. So there's a little bit of like guilt and deservingness of, oh, I shouldn't have spent $30 on this bath salt or I shouldn't have spent $80 on this candle. And so there's almost like, I don't use it because I'm assigning it more meaning than it needs to have. And so there's partially that that I get wrapped around the axle and maybe you identified that. And so there's partially that that I get wrapped around the axle and maybe you identified that. And then there's partially this idea of like saving it for the future, waiting for some day that's more special or more deserving of a nice thing than today. And on the surface, that doesn't necessarily feel like scarcity. I can see where you would say,

oh, I'm going to save this bottle of wine or this bottle of champagne to celebrate something. And it's nice on a day that you do really have something to celebrate to be able to reach into the fridge and grab the celebratory thing for sure. But I think when you start doing that habitually and you start having a lot of nice things or even a few nice things and your immediate mindset when you start to think about using them is I need to save this for a day that's more deserving. I need to save this for a special occasion. Instead of using it today on the day where I wanted to take a bath and I wanted, you know, I opened the drawer to find the cheap bath salt that we buy from Target for the kids. And we were out of that, but I had the expensive stuff that I bought a year ago from a friend and never used. It's like this very in-your-face reminder that why is there a more special day

than today, the day that you found the thing or you thought of the thing or that the universe or the energy of the day presented you with an opportunity to light your candle or drink the bottle of wine or get in the nice bath, why would we delay that pleasure and the immediate momentary desire to do that thing for some eventual future day that is not guaranteed to us? And the more that I dig into that mindset, at least for me, the more that I dig into where that mindset is rooted, it's not rooted in reverence for celebration. It's rooted in scarcity. It's rooted in today doesn't deserve something this nice. So I'm going to postpone using it. And I think that that is a scarcity belief in the sense that belief in me that I have to earn it to be able to use

something nice. Like I have had, I would have needed to sacrifice more or done something bigger or have a more special setting to enjoy something than my normal day. And to me, all that does is when I really, really dig deeply into this, that makes me realize that I am living in the future. Like that's future projection of a future that may not come. And it's also discounting being present, which I am in such a practice of trying to be more present. And the more that you don't enjoy something in the present

or you postpone the enjoyment of something in the present for some future eventual outcome, in a case like this, where it's something that you already purchased, you already have, but you're not using, to me that feels like discounting your own pleasure, your own enjoyment, your own experience in the present moment

for some future moment, which I believe is scarcity-based because all you have is right now. And by not doing the pleasurable thing right now, you are telling the universe that you don't deserve it. You're telling yourself that you don't deserve it or that you're not worthy in this moment of enjoying that thing. So anyway, I wanted to bring this up because I think these little moments are such interesting triggers to

look at where you might not even notice that when you reach for the the nice bath salts or you reach for the nice candle and you and you have a little voice in your head that goes I don't want to burn this nice candle today or I don't want to get in the bath with these nice bath salts because my kids are going to disrupt it or I don't want to open this nice bottle of wine because I'm only going to have a glass and then it's going to sit on on the counter it's going to go back in the fridge and or there's nothing to celebrate today I should wait for there to be a day to celebrate something I think a lot of us have that voice and a lot of us say those things to ourselves and we don't notice where that's really rooted we just accept that just accept that that's a valid thing to say.

And we go on about our lives. And then days pass and months pass and years pass. And you still have the candle sitting on the counter that's never been burned. Or you still have the bottle of wine in the fridge that's never been drunk because you don't have anything that you deem worthy enough to celebrate. Or you have the bag of handcrafted bath salts with hand dried lavender in it that I have that I've never used even though I've had it for a year because I don't think that a bath with my kids is like worthy enough even though when I did it the other night they freaking

loved it they thought it was the coolest thing there's like flower petals floating around in the bath and it smelled amazing. And it was a conversation, you know, it sparked a conversation with both of them about what lavender is and how you dry flowers. And, you know, it was a beautiful moment and a beautiful teaching moment for me around this whole topic to go, is there anything more special than a bath with your kids when they're three and five and you can still do that and you get to have the nice bath salts and have a conversation with them about about what it all is you know like is there any other thing I would have enjoyed more than that that that occasion with them

than than how it happened like would I have enjoyed a solo bath with those bath salts more than I enjoyed being in the bath with them and getting to talk about it. No, no, you know, like core memory for them to be in the bath with mom and learn about lavender, you know, and now every time they get in the bath, they ask for flowers to float and stuff like that. So anyway, I wanted to bring this up because it's so potent for me right now with money, but also because I think this is something for all of us to think about around the nice things around your house, or even they don't even have to be the nice things, but the things that you are not using,

the clothes you don't wear, the nice ingredients you don't use, the salts and the soaps and the makeup and all of the skincare and all the things that we use sparingly because we have some scarcity mindset around wanting to save it for the future. So I just wanted to bring this into the realm of your attention and give you something to inquire within about because for me, it's been really interesting to look at how many of those things are around my house, tangible things that I've accumulated where I hesitate to use them. And in the focus on money, I have had a greater awareness of how I think about saving or holding on to things that at one point I invested in for my own pleasure and my own use and in theory to beautify and enrich my life and yet I don't use them for some reason. So

I hope this was helpful. I hope it gives you something interesting to think about and as always I love to hear your thoughts on this kind of stuff. So reach out to me on Instagram, send me a DM if you listened and let me know what around your house you are inspired to go use and enjoy. And as always, thank you for listening and I will see you on a future episode. Wait, wait, wait, before you go, I would love to send you my seven figure ceo operating system completely free as a gift all you've got to do is leave us a review on this podcast because it really supports the growth of this show this is my digital masterclass where i'll show you what my freedom-based daily weekly and monthly schedule looks like as an eight-figure ceo mama and high performer and I'll walk you

through step-by-step how to create this for yourself. It includes a full video training from me and a plug-and-play spreadsheet to literally create your own operating system. It's one of our best trainings and it's worth $1,997, but I will unlock access for you for free when you leave us a review. I know, wild, right? All you have to do is leave us a review I know wild right all you have to do is leave your review on the podcast take a screenshot of it and then head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload it and then you'll get instant access to the seven figure CEO operating system again head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload your screenshot and get access we are so so grateful for all of your support and can't wait to hear how the podcast has supported