the bossbabe podcast - 423: CEO Mama: Burning the Boats, Backup Plans, + Ambitious Dreams As A Mama

Episode Date: October 5, 2024

EPISODE SUMMARY  Should we REALLY burn the boats as mamas? In this CEO Mama episode, Lindsay shares why burning the boats may not work for certain seasons of motherhood. Listen to this episode and consider if you’re in a season of being able to go all in or a season of keeping a safety raft close by – just in case. It’s so easy to feel like we have to go all in on things, but sometimes, that’s not always the best choice. Press play and explore this conversation with Lindsay! TIMESTAMPS 03:17-You Can’t Burn All The Boats As A Mother 05:45-Things In Life Happen Where You Need To Have The Boat 08:55-Giving Yourself Permission 10:00-Do We Really Need To Go In On Just One Thing? 12:50-When We’re So Focused We Miss Abundance From The Universe 13:00-Recap What Burning The Boats Means For Mamas RESOURCES + LINKS Join Freedom Fast Track: https://bossbabe.com/freedom Download your free workbook: The 4-Part Framework to Create An Irresistible Offer that Sells on Repeat: https://bossbabe.com/irresistible FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie

Hello, welcome back to the show. This is Lindsay, and this is another CEO Mama episode that has been repurposed from my old podcast called Motherload. And this episode is about this metaphor that you'll often hear in the entrepreneurial canon called burn the boats. And in this episode, I talk about what burn the boats means and if you really should go all in on something and how we navigate going all in on things as mothers and as ambitious women. And I don't want to spoil the episode. It's a short one. So there's lots of little nuggets in here. But really, the sentiment that I feel around burning the boats and this idea that, you know, you should go all in on one thing. And that's what will create

success is being totally focused on one thing. And while I think there's a lot of merit and a lot of consideration we have to give to the conversation, I think it's seasonal, especially in motherhood. And there may be seasons where you just don't feel safe and secure to go all in on one thing. And that having a backup plan, having a plan B, having multiple sources of income, having the safe and secure thing be your primary source of income for a season is actually the better choice for you. So I love these kind of short episodes, these kind of conversations where kind of take a provocative stance on something and start a conversation around it. Because I think a lot of times, especially ambitious mothers, and especially in early motherhood where, you know, you're still hearing a lot of the hustle mentality and a lot of the maybe more masculine approach to success

in entrepreneurship. And you're hearing that messaging a lot and your body and your nervous system are screaming at you for safety and security and rest and ease in a season. And I really want to give credence to that. So anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I love these conversations. If you're listening back to the Motherlode archives, you know, there's lots of these little episodes. We're playing many of them here on the Boss of a Podcast, and there's many others if you want to listen to Motherlode separately too. So, and always look me up, send me a DM. I love your thoughts on this stuff. I'm doing my best to keep up with DMs. I'm not like a big social media person. And so I love all these conversations and I'm like, dang,

it's hard to keep up. And now I understand when we talk about growing social media following and really being in conversation with your audience. And it's such an important part of doing this and part that I love so much of my role in Boss Babe and the conversations in CEO Mama and Motherload. And I'm also helping to run Boss Babe every day. And I have two kids and all these other things. So if I'm slow to get back to you on DM, that's why. But please do DM me because I love these conversations. And you guys have such amazing perspective. So I'm just so grateful you're here. And thank you again for listening. Hello, welcome back to today's show. Today's a little mini episode about burning the boats. And I wanted to talk about this metaphor

and the sentiment behind it because I was on a call the other day with some colleagues or mastermind peers, and I heard myself say, you can't burn all the boats when you're a mother. And I was like, whoa, the fact that I just heard that come out of my mouth is kind of surprising to me because for so many years I lived in this mindset of burn the boats. So I want to talk a little bit about that today, explaining what that metaphor means and why I think it's a lot harder to do once you become a mother because we feel so much pressure around, you know, the go all in idea and it takes us out of the reality or the safety of feeling like we can take care of our families or we can feel less on shore, I think it comes from like the metaphor of being a explorer or a conqueror. When you land on shore, you would burn the boats so that the

sailors had no choice but to stay and fight and like conquer. And, you know, I don't know all the history of that is probably rooted in colonialism and there's some dark side to that. So that's not what we're talking about today. But the sentiment is, and the reason it gets said a lot in the business world is you've got to be all in on your idea. You've got to burn the boats. Meaning when you choose to pursue an idea and you start the business or you launch the thing, you've got to burn the boats. Like I've heard this so many times. You've got to burn the boats because if you have a plan B in your mind, it's easy for you to give up on the idea and retreat out to the boats and leave, you know, if the idea doesn't work. And this like conquering war metaphor is meant to make you to motivate you to go like, I'm all in. There is no escape. Like once we land on shore and the boats are burned, there's no way to get back to where we were. We have to just keep going. And I think that's why people say it in the business world or in the professional world. It's like, you got to burn the boats. You got to just be all in. You have to know that there's no

turning back. And I think that there's merit to that idea. And I used to really believe that a lot. And I still do to an extent around second guessing yourself and giving yourself an out if something doesn't work. And I think we can talk a little bit about that. But the reason that I think it's different as a mother and why I think it's so nuanced in this conversation of balancing ambition with devotion to motherhood and the way I feel this today, you know, myself is burning the boats is nice. And I like the all in and I like the energy of commitment, of course. But sometimes things happen in your life, especially once you're a mother. And sometimes your energy or the circumstances make it so that you need to have the boat.

You need to have at least one boat left out there in the harbor that you can get back on if shit hits the fan. And in times in my life where I have burned the boats, a lot of times it's benefited me. Sure, it's made me find a way to make things happen. It's made me find a way to make things successful. And I've always climbed my way back out of the bad thing or out of the precarious spot that I found myself in with this mindset of there are no boats to rescue me. I can't leave. I have to just see this through. I have to pursue and persevere. The problem comes now being a mother over the last several years where that burn the boat mentality has made me feel depleted or stuck to doing something that I don't love anymore. And I think some of

that burn the boat energy was what led to everything falling apart at the end of 2020, where I was so far in to a couple of my businesses that as they failed right in front of me because of COVID and because of other things, I was so unwilling to unburn the boat and go, well, actually, maybe there is a boat out in the harbor and we can get on that boat and we can save ourselves instead of letting the whole army die. You know, looking back, I think had I had a little bit more perspective on this mindset, I would have said, you know what? We did burn the boats and we tried our best. And the reality is some of us need to get back on the boat and leave and go find a way to save ourselves. And as the general of this army, I need to also be keeping in mind

what happens if it doesn't work and that maybe it's reckless and maybe it's a little irresponsible if I have no boat to get back on, if things aren't working, especially since I'm a mother and a breadwinner and aware of my personal stress tolerance and capacity where at a certain point, once you exceed that, there is no more winning. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform, Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love. Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year.

So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet, now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30 day free trial. Go to Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30 day free trial. That's Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. So I heard myself say this the other day where I was like, yeah, burn the boats, except it's a lot. You can't really burn all the boats when you're a mother. And I was like, wow, okay, that has shifted in me over the last few years coming out of 2020 and rebuilding and looking at my life now to go, especially with

Motherload and this challenge I'm doing with 100K in 100 days and just looking at, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to pursue something and let yourself feel your personal capacity, your desire, your excitement, your stress level, and have an awareness of what's happening around you and the family system and go, you know what? Now is not the time to be all in on this idea. Now is not the time to burn all other boats but this. And letting myself come to that awareness over the last, even honestly, the last couple months and say to myself, it's okay to go spin up other revenue streams while I figure out what Motherload is going to become beyond the podcast. It's okay to say that I don't want to do some of these programs that my old strategy brain kicks into overdrive and wants to create,

even though current Lindsay, present Lindsay doesn't actually want to do those things. And I feel that kind of nagging old mindset of, well, burn the boats. You got to be all in on motherlode or the energy won't be there for it to grow. And I feel myself also really challenging that mindset these days to go, is that really true? And do I need to eliminate all other things in my life that I'm also good at, that I also can earn money doing, that I also help people by doing so that I'm all in on one idea that honestly isn't exactly where I want all my energy to go right now. So I wanted to speak to this because I think a lot of people succumb to, myself included, there's so much messaging around like you've got to pick one thing and be all in

on it. And while I don't necessarily disagree with that at the passion or vision level, I do disagree with the fact that in your ambitious motherhood that you have to just be doing one thing. I disagree with that because I think where I've learned is you might be doing that, but if that one thing isn't the right thing and that one thing starts to feel out of alignment for you or that one thing isn't working in the way you thought it would and it's creating strain on the whole rest of the system and depleting you to an extent where everything else starts to fall apart, then the one thing isn't it. And if you have, quote unquote, burned the boats and you subscribe to that mentality, then it's so much harder to release yourself from the pressure of making it work and go, okay, this isn't the thing right now for me.

And I will go do this other thing, or I'll go back to the comfortable or the easier thing I had previously until I can figure out what this new thing really is for me. And I want to be really transparent that I've been in that place many, many times over the last several years where I have a background in consulting that is bread and butter work for me that is so easy for me to do. And that when I focus on it, leads come in, referrals come in, work comes in easily. And I can spin up 50, 80, 100K a month in revenue really quickly in the consulting world. I have not been able to do that as quickly or at all with Motherload because it's new and I don't exactly know what I want to do beyond the podcast. And when I feel myself put pressure on it to come up with that kind of revenue to match the other thing that's easier and more comfortable and like put this burn the boats pressure on myself,

it loads mother load with all this kind of negative scarcity energy of like, it's desperate. I have to do it. Whereas when I say, you know what, let's just surrender to this other work, this other type of work, consulting work and other things, being lucrative and paying the bills. And I have enough capacity to do that and mother load. When I rebuild the boat or I don't burn the boat to begin with, I know that other boats out in the harbor and I can say, you know what, let's go back out to the other boat and shift our, you know, shift our mindset, shift our focus a little bit, keep doing this thing that we're doing here on shore, but we know we have provisions out on the boat. So we'll also be out there. And allowing myself to soften into that and not have

to be so rigid about one thing and all energy on one thing right now in my life has been a huge learning experience for me, especially in the context of the 100K in 100 days challenge, because I initially set out for that money to come in through Motherload, through the podcast and things around Motherload. And what I'm finding is just being open to the conversation about bringing more money in has led to money coming in from lots of other sources besides Motherload. And so if I had fully burned the boats and was rigidly compliant with that mindset, I would be missing the universe bringing abundance in from other channels to me right now. So that's the lesson I wanted to speak to in this really roundabout way with this

metaphor of burning the boat is overall, I don't necessarily fully disagree with the sentiment, you know, and I believe that it can be really motivating and it may be really motivating for you to think of the metaphor of burning the boats and being all in on something. And it's okay if you don't want to do that and you don't feel safe to do that, or you don't feel ready to do that. Totally okay. And very transparently, I'm at a place in my life right now where I will not burn all the boats. Because for me, the evolution and the learning has been until you are just absolutely 100% certain and you start to feel momentum in the one thing that you're focused on, burning the boats prematurely can cause you to put excess pressure on the one thing,

or it can cause you to get out of alignment by telling yourself you're committed and telling yourself you love it and telling yourself it's going to work even when your gut says it won't. So I hope this was helpful. I hope that's a helpful metaphor to think about in your life. And I'd love to hear via DM or otherwise, you know, if you've had someone say burn the boats or you've done that action previously in your life and it has worked or hasn't. I'm always interested in how people internalize these metaphors and these mindsets and apply it to success and creation in life. So I hope it was helpful.

And always, I want to be transparent about my journey. And for me right now, I am in a season of not feeling comfortable or motivated to burn boats. I would like to have several boats in the harbor so that I know there's plenty of provisions for everyone. So thank you, as always, for listening. And I will see you on a future episode. Wait, wait, wait, before you go, I would love to send you my seven figure ceo operating system

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