the bossbabe podcast - 435: CEO Mama: Vices, "Numbing Out", and How to Lighten the Mental Load of Motherhood

Episode Date: November 16, 2024

In this inevitably relatable episode, Lindsay dives deep into the concept of the mental load that mothers carry, especially entrepreneurial + working moms. She discusses the importance of recognizing each piece of the mental load that mothers carry and teaches on how to lighten this load, which is essential to preventing burnout. Lindsay introduces her framework of the "seven buckets" that encompass various aspects of a mother’s life, offering practical strategies to manage and share responsibilities effectively. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction to Lightening the Mental Load 01:55 Understanding the Mental Load of Motherhood 08:35 The Seven Buckets of Mental Load 14:29 Evaluating Capacity vs. Load 18:44 Tools for Lightening the Load 28:11 Taking Action to Lighten the Load 35:31 Conclusion and Reflection on Motherhood RESOURCES + LINKS The Seven Buckets Outlined: Work Money Fun Health Love/Relationships  Kids/Parenting Purpose/Meaning Fill out the CEO Mama Membership founding member application here. Black Friday at Bossbabe is coming! Join the waitlist here to be the first to know what our secret offer is.  Learn Natalie’s proven method for building a profitable, predictable, freedom-based business and get back to WHY you became an entrepreneur in this FREE 90-minute training. Join The Société: Our Exclusive Membership Where You Can Access All of Natalie’s Keynotes & Unlock The Best Systems + Tools To Help You Build A Freedom-Based Business. Get Our Weekly Newsletter & Get Insights From Natalie Every Single Week On All Things Strategy, Motherhood, Business Growth + More.  Drop Us A Review On The Podcast + Send Us A Screenshot & We’ll Send You Natalie’s 7-Figure Operating System Completely FREE (value $1,997)  FOLLOW bossbabe: @bossbabe.inc Natalie Ellis: @iamnatalie Lindsay Roselle: @lindsayroselle

Hello, friends. This is Lindsay. Welcome back to the show. Today is a CEO Mama episode and this is actually me recording the whole episode live today and not using an older episode of Motherload because I feel like we have had so many good conversations with my older episodes for Motherload and Natalie and I have talked through all kinds of new things to be talking about. And one of the things we wanted to talk about and then I said I would cover today in this episode is how to

lighten the mental load. And I talked about this a lot through mother load. And you've probably, if you've been listening to these CEO Mama episodes, you've heard me mention the calculation around capacity and load and how we are as mothers and entrepreneurial mothers, ambitious mothers, we have such high capacity and that we tend to pride ourselves on that, you know, that we can run a business and be great moms and we want that. And our capacity is really elastic and it expands with our desire to do both things well. But that sometimes the load we carry exceeds that capacity. And that's when we start to feel burned out or that's where we head to a coping mechanism or that's where things start to feel icky inside of our relationship

or our business and we get to these points where we want to burn things down, you know? And of course, that's not where we want to end up. And so I want to do a little primer on how to lighten the load. And if you have listened to mother load episodes, you know that one of the ways that I like to think about the mental load of motherhood is breaking it into these seven buckets. So I'm going to start with how I think about the mental load of motherhood is breaking it into these seven buckets. So I'm going to start with how I think about the mental load of motherhood. And then we can have this conversation around how do we lighten the load? And what are some of the things to be looking for that might be signs that you are over capacity, that

you are overloaded, and that you might need to use some of these tools to lighten the load? And you know, and a lot of this conversation with Natalie and I wanting to do this episode and talking you through this episode strategy was, we saw this reel, I'm sure you've seen it, it's going around, or goes around regularly and it's like moms at 9 p.m. at night and it's like a red light mask on, reading my fairy fiction book, drinking my water with all my vitamins and I have my, I'm on my treadmill getting my steps in and I'm doing my bright light, you know, viewing my Huberman, you know, I'm supposed to get light at night, all these different things are light in the

morning. I don't know, you know, and it's like, mom's getting in their entire self care ritual in the 30 minutes between kids going to bed and their bedtime, you know, and it's like, it's funny and it's meant to be funny, but it really speaks to what a lot of us feel, which is like, there's only this little sliver of time left for us at the end of the day between all the other things that are on our plate that we want to get done and do well. And you know, how it's funny, but it's also kind of sad

and like, it shouldn't be that way, right? Like, how do we have enough time in a day to take care of ourselves? And is there a way to lighten our load so that there is space for us to feel like we can also take care of ourselves? And you know, and I think some of the things like mommy wine culture and you know, this idea that mom needs an escape from her day or that like, you know, I think it reflects this belief in our society that what mom needs is like a way out when what we really need is enough time and space to tune in and actually be able to care for ourselves. And so all of this is to say, like,

I have lots of opinions on mommy wine culture and this whole idea that like, we need, we need to have a vice in order to be able to survive motherhood. Like, I just don't think that that's true, but I do think we get to a point where we're so tapped out and we're so touched out and we're so tired that the glass of wine feels good, that the scrolling or the binging on Netflix feels good.

And, you know, these like kind of numbing habits are all we can muster as quote-unquote self-care and you know to me I think a lot of that comes back to this idea that we need to learn the tools to manage and lighten the load and then apply them you know and ask for help in applying them and you know it's not to say that a glass of wine here and there or a binge on Netflix isn't medicine to the soul sometimes or scrolling, you know, and watching Reel's God. I mean, I do that stuff. But it's bringing awareness to what is truly your self-care and where are you finding time for yourself in the day and is the load, how are you managing your mental load so that you can prioritize yourself,

at least as one of the things on the mental load. So the other thing that just made me think of is I love this quote, I don't remember the creator's name, but I saw this on a reel a while ago. And to this exact point, before I get into the seven buckets is one last thing here that I think is really funny. And it's this idea of stealing the night. And everything I was just saying reminds me

of this concept of stealing the night and how for a lot of us moms, and I think this is so relatable, it's not like the vice or the numbing that's really the thing you're wanting, it's like the alone time. And a lot of times we end up stealing the night, meaning we stay up really late

so that we can drink our glass of wine in peace or we can watch our show in peace or we can read our fiction book, you know, in peace till late at night. And a lot of times the only time for us to do that is late at night when everyone else is sleeping. And so it's like, I'm stealing the night. Like, this is my alone time. And I'm so guilty of doing this, you guys. And I think it bears on this conversation and what I'm this is my alone time and I'm so guilty of doing this you guys and and I think it bears on on this conversation and what I'm gonna share next around the buckets and the enlightening the load because I think it If we're having to sacrifice our own well-being in order to take care of ourselves like I'm sacrificing sleep

Which I desperately need in order to get the alone time that I desperately need in order to have Do something for myself like read my books or watch my show that I desperately need because it's it's soul-filling and it's it's like the escape stuff that we need for our brain to get lost in creativity and be able to go into these other fictional worlds and you know there's so much science around why shows and books are so good for our brains when they're about storytelling and all that. Anyway I'm just saying here I like I want us to be really aware as mamas and Shows and books are so good for our brains when they're about storytelling and all that. Anyway, I'm just saying here, I want us to be really aware as mamas and I want us to

be able to have this conversation that if the time that we're finding for ourselves is only late at night after everyone has gone to bed or it's only in that 30 minute sliver of time before kids' bedtimes between kids' bedtimes and our bedtime where we're trying to squeeze everything in. Or we're not getting any of that time and we're just resorting to the vice of the numbing because we can't take care of ourselves. So we go to the numbing activity like the wine

or the scrolling or the Netflix, you know, where there's not intention behind it and it's totally just a zone out numbing habit. I think all of these things are meant to bring our awareness to what do we need to lighten the load and what is weighing so heavily on us and giving some framework to this and being able to articulate it to the people in our lives that could help us. I mean, that's one of the biggest things for me has been being able to say what I truly mean about what I need help with and not just be like, I'm overwhelmed or I'm stressed about this

or the kids, you know, this has to get done. It's like being able to truly say, here is what I need help with. Here's what I'm thinking about that's weighing on me, whether that's urgent or not, you know, here's this house thing or this kid thing or this, you know, thing I need to do three months from now that is on my mental load for some reason. And is there a way to specifically clear that so that it's not one of these nagging things that you're trying to get done in the slivers of the night or that just weighs on your load over and over and over day by day by day?

Okay. So all that being said, if that's resonating, if you're like, yes, Lindsay, I have these nights where I steal the night where I stay up late because it's my only alone time or yeah, I do notice myself going to these numbing vices as a way to just kind of quiet the mental noise around the mental load. Or like I know I have mental load, I am aware of that, because Lindsay, I've been listening to you

talk about this for months. Help me make it easier to lighten the load. Good, well then you're in the right place, because that's what we're gonna talk about. Okay, so here's the seven buckets. And if you've listened to mother load, or you've, you know, I've talked about these, talked about these with Natalie

on a lot of our episodes too. So the seven buckets, as I think of them, of the mother load are work, money, fun, which includes like your home and your hobbies, health, love and relationships. And then so that's five. Kids and parenting, six. And purpose and meaning, seven. I'm gonna say them again. Work, which is your business.

If you work for somebody else, like everything work related is in the work bucket. Money, and I separate money from work because I think a lot of us, I know a lot of us have money mental load that is not related to work. There is other pressures around money in our lives that aren't directly tied to how much money we make from our work. And so money is its own bucket. And I have talked to lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of ambitious mama women. And I can say without fail, every single one of them has a mental load around work and a separate mental load around money. Okay, so work money fun

Fun gets to be whatever it is to you for me fun Includes our home and making our home a beautiful place to live and all the things that are on my mental load around home It's my hobbies even though I don't have very many of them in this season of life, but I would love to have more but it's it's hobbies its friendships, it's like travel and the things that you do for fun and planning things and taking care of things that you care about that are hobby things that aren't work, you don't make money on, but that you enjoy. So that's fun. Health is everything having to do with your health and really mostly around your own health because your children's health will come into the other bucket, but

your health. And then love is the fifth one, love and relationship. So this mental load we have around the people that we love in our life. For most of us, the biggest mental load as mothers is usually our primary partnership with our spouse. It can be your parents, it could be siblings, it could be anybody else in your life who factors really heavily into your mental load around your relationship with them. And as we become mothers, I think a lot of, most of the time that the primary load comes from your intimate personal, you know, relationship with your spouse. And then if, you And then if you're not in an intimate relationship with your spouse, it's also inclusive of your relationship with your co-parent and how that relationship feels.

And then the sixth bucket is kids and parenting. And that's everything related again, everything related to being a parent and your kids' wellbeing. Seventh is purpose and meaning. And that one I added when I started doing the Motherload podcast because there was so much on my mental load at the time. And still, honestly, like it's election season here in America, you know,

and we've just gone through a big election. And with things that weigh on my load around purpose and meaning, it's this idea that I'm raising children in a world that feels a little chaotic. You know, and I'm sure our parents felt this way just in different contexts, but I think modern parenting with the state of the world and how much is out there at all times for us to know about,

like the threats that we now know about as parents versus what like our grandparents knew of as threats. It's just astronomically different, right? And I think social media constantly reminds us of those threats all the time. And so purpose and meaning is this bucket around like, why am I doing what I do? What do I care most about?

What is most important to me in being a mother and being a parent and in being an individual in this world? Like what contribution do I want to make? What is my legacy? And some of that is tied into your parenting and your kids and leaving a legacy. And some of that is also, I think, really, really importantly tied to identity.

And this piece that we talk about a lot with CEO Mama and in Motherload around, you know, becoming a mother changes your identity, but it doesn't mean that you as the individual woman, no longer have your own individual goals and things that you want to do because you're passionate about them that have nothing to do with your children. And so the Purpose and Meaning bucket is here to give you a place for all of those type of thoughts. The like state of the world thoughts, the what is life, what is the meaning of life thoughts, the what am I doing, what do I want thoughts, and also the personal legacy and what am I going to be remembered for thoughts. So all of

that lands in the seventh bucket, the purpose and meaning bucket. Okay, so that's the seven buckets. I've gone through them twice, so hopefully they landed. The, we'll have them in the show notes too, so if you want to do this exercise on your own, you'll be able to go back and read through the show notes. So with these seven buckets, in this conversation around lightning the load and being really cognizant of this cultural kind of rhetoric that mom needs an escape and being able to

say, no, I don't need an escape. I need help lightning the load. I want to be in my life. I want to be present in my life. I want to be present in my life. I don't want to escape my life. I don't want to go numb out. I would love to not have to do that or want to do that. I want to be here and I want to have space

and time for myself. And in order to do those things, I need help with this immense mental load that I'm carrying. And so, you know, here's some ways that you can support me, person who cares about me. So when I'm looking at the buckets, what I do is I look at these seven buckets to understand what my capacity is and what my load is. I make a list of these seven buckets and then I just start writing down everything that's

currently on my mental load in each bucket. And it doesn't have to be an exhaustive list and it doesn't have to be a detailed list. It can just be notes, like real quick little bullet points of like, what are the main things that are coming up for you in each of these buckets? Work, money, fun, health, love, kids and parenting, and purpose and meaning. What's coming up for you?

And as you do this exercise, what I find is, I've gotten into the practice of doing this quickly and regularly to the point where when I'm coming up into the evening and I'm starting to feel that kind of like, oh, you know, I'm drained. I just want to zone out. I want to just binge a show. I just want to scroll on Instagram for 30 minutes or, um, you know, the, the mommy wine culture, like, I just need a drink, like that kind of feeling of exasperation. What I, what I have learned to do is be able to kind of adapt

this longer exercise that I'm describing where you write down under each bucket, what is on your mental load? And then you really look at, is that, do you have the capacity to do all those things? I have taken this exercise and made it a quick little like body scan in those moments where I'm feeling

that exasperated feeling and I go, man, what part of my mental load feels heavy right now? Like, what am I not acknowledging? What have I not gotten to or what is weighing so heavily on me that I feel like I'm over capacity and I'm needing to numb out or I'm needing to escape? What's the thing that's putting me over capacity? And then I can run through that little inventory, work, money, fun, health, love, parenting, and purpose. And I go, oh gosh, you know, it's this thing. And it's usually, you know, it's usually pretty quick. And I think this is the key for a lot of us in enlightening the load is

we usually know what the thing is or the few things are that are weighing the heaviest on us. And if we have a way of communicating those things or acknowledging them, the weight becomes lighter almost immediately. And so, this isn't going to be a long episode about how to delegate or how to hire help or how to routinize your life to change how the load of all these things feel because I think that's so unique to each of us. And we'll have other episodes where we talk about childcare and delegation and relationships and all these other things.

We have tons of different episodes on all these topics. But what I think is important in this one today is really this acknowledgement around giving yourself, having awareness within yourself and giving yourself credit when you are feeling those moments of, I want to numb out, I want to escape, I want to be able to take care of myself, but at the end of the day, all I have left is just this, I'm depleted. And so I don't have, I can't muster the energy to take care of myself. So I'm going to default to more of these vice habits versus the self care habits I

want to be doing. And all of that is because I'm overloaded, because my, my mental load is too heavy. Um, because I don't have the tools to lighten it. And so here's, I do want to go through just a couple tools because I think these are good segues or good steps into how to make it feel a little bit less heavy. So the first thing is understanding capacity. And when I think of moms and myself, ambitious moms who are working and who have businesses, and I think about capacity, and as I said earlier,

I think by and large, we have immense capacity as mothers. I think biologically, once you become a mother, your capacity is just massively expanded. That's not to say that that means that that capacity should be at full, you know, full bore, you know, all engines on max energy for the rest of your life because that's not a recipe for success either. But I think one of the things that, you know, isn't talked a lot about in this journey into motherhood is where your capacity set point changes to and how you manage increased capacity without it becoming so burdensome that you lose yourself in it, right? That you just become kind

of the dumping ground for everything that has to get done. And so looking at capacity for me, what I like to do is I like to evaluate what season I'm currently in and what season my kids are currently in and what I've agreed to. Like, what external things have I already agreed to that are important to me? What season of life are my kids in? Like, how demanding of my time and like ability to be nimble. Like when I had toddlers and kids could get sick like within a couple hours, like they'd

be fine in the morning and they're sick in the afternoon. You're like, what the heck? You know, it's not so much that way anymore now that I have a five and seven year old. So this season of life, my kids don't feel as demanding of my capacity as they did a few years ago, right? So I'm looking at external things I've agreed to that are going to demand my capacity, kids demanding my capacity and like what season of life are they in and then what season of life am I in?

Am I feeling healthy and fit and excited and like positive? Am I going through something hard personally where I know that like I'm a little distracted, I'm a little down? Am I still healing from childbirth? If I'm early motherhood and my body is still healing, I know that my capacity is not as high as it's going to be two years from now when my body's healed and I'm feeling better, right? So in understanding capacity and really feeling clear on your capacity so that you can then evaluate capacity versus load, these are the factors I look for.

And I think when you become, like when you do this work and you break down these things, you really look at yourself and you fairly evaluate all of these factors, it's like, oh, okay, I have way committed my capacity. Like I have all these things that I've committed capacity to and I'm carrying a heavy load. Like there's a lot of stuff that I've agreed to do.

And my capacity is already limited because I'm in a season where I've got young kids that aren't sleeping and my body is still healing. And we're going through a launch in the business. And so my capacity is already kind of lowered by these external factors where the tank is already full. So how do I then balance all this additional stuff that's also weighing on me? And so when you give yourself a chance to look at what is affecting capacity, that's

the foundational conversation around all of this. And I will say, like, where I'm at now with older kids, a five and a seven-year-old, I work from home, my house is quiet most of the day while they're at school. You know, my capacity now feels so much bigger than it did a few years ago because my kids are not home during the day, even with a nanny, that when they're home, they eat away at your capacity a little bit. I'm not, I'm not so worried about them that I'm, you know, when they, as I was when they were babies and they could get sick at any time or I might have two or three days in a row where nobody slept and you know, like that stuff just doesn't happen anymore really.

And so, or very rarely. And so I am in a season now where my capacity is much larger. And that's the point I want you to look at in your life. How big is your capacity right now relative to your mental load? For me, I still have a big mental load, but my capacity is much higher these days. I have a secret announcement. We are working on something absolutely phenomenal for Black Friday. And here's the thing, you're only going to find out what this offer is

if you're signed up to the Black Friday list. Now, I do not do Black Friday deals for the whole of the month. It's very much going to land on Black Friday. And it's one of those things that you're really going to want to make sure you're on the wait list for because your jaw is going to hit the floor when you hear what we're doing. It's wild. So what I want you to do is head to bossbabe.com forward slash black Friday and get yourself signed up.

The thing that we are releasing on black Friday has the potential to completely change the trajectory of your business to close out this year. And for all of 2025. You have to be on the list. You won't hear about it if you're not. So head to bosswave.com forward slash Black Friday. I'll also put the link below so that you can jump on the list and make sure you're signed up ahead of Black Friday.

You may have heard that I recently co-founded a brand new company Glossy which is a skin routine you can drink and I wanted to tell you a little bit more about it. It is incredible. It's this powdered supplement that you drink at least once a day. I'm personally a morning and afternoon kind of person and it is so good for your skin and your gut. One of the ingredients that I want to call out is Probiotic D111. So it helps maintain a healthy gut microbiome, it supports digestion and skin barrier function, it's also really good for helping to reduce any discomfort in your stomach and bloating. I swear by glossy that's just one of the key ingredients. We also

have vitamin C, magnesium, hyaluronic acid, coconut water powder, sea salt, zinc. It really comes from all angles to support you inside out. I love it in a morning. I drop in a hydrogen tablet just to really boost things. And then in the afternoon, I normally add some B vitamins. It makes me feel absolutely amazing. And I really feel the difference in my gut specifically. I'm more regular. I'm less bloated. I just really feel the difference in my gut specifically. I'm more regular, I'm less bloated, I just really

feel a difference. So if you're interested, go to getglossy.com, that's G-L-O-C-I.com, and use the code BOSSBABE and you'll get a huge discount off your order. Comparative to when I had toddlers or babies and I had just as big of a mental load if I if not bigger than I have now but my capacity was much smaller because of these environmental factors right. So that's the first thing I want you to do is give yourself a really fair assessment of your capacity and the drains on your capacity currently before you even look at your mental load. It's just like what are limiting factors on your day-to-day capacity? Okay, then the next thing I want you to do is what we've already talked about, which is

looking at this list that you made of everything that's in your mental load. And I want you to look at each bucket and I want you to understand just quickly looking at all seven of those buckets in the list you made. I want you to see if any one of the buckets is overly weighted. Meaning if all seven of those buckets were filled with water, you know, is one overflowing and one is barely filled up. And I like doing that exercise and I like to look at it like that because to me that tells me where I need support. And so that's the next step in understanding how to lighten the load is now that

you have determined your capacity and the external environmental factors limiting your capacity, now we're going to look at everything that's on your mental load and we're going to go, where am I overloaded? Which buckets are overflowing and why? And it may be that you're in a season where work is growing and it needs a lot of you and that is coming at the expense of fun or love. And that's okay, you know, like there are gonna be seasons like that. But for a lot of us, when we look at our mental load buckets

and you're like, man, I have way over committed on one of these. Or I have way under committed on something or under, you know, I'm under thinking about something and that is causing me stress because of the, kind of the follow on effects of not paying attention to my health or to money or whatever it is. And so the second step in this process of lightening load is looking at the seven buckets and everything you wrote down there and going, are any of these improperly weighted? Meaning there's not enough in them or there's too

much in them. And why? What does that mean about my mental load load and what does that mean about the type of support that I need or what what steps? I need to take in order to lighten my load There's not a magical secret sauce that I can tell you about You know if in your case that bucket is is overly loaded. Here's the solution. It doesn't work that way. I think we all, in our sovereignty and in our centers, we know why certain things feel heavier than others and we know why certain buckets are more full or less full than others. And those are usually our unique circumstances that have led to that. And so I don't want to give you an answer for how the buckets should be weighted. There's no perfect formula.

I think this is an exercise where you get to really look at your life and go, man, this does feel really heavy in this category and this is what I'm avoiding or this is what makes me feel like at the end of the day, I need to numb out or, you know, this is where I really need support that I don't know how to ask for.

I don't know what type it would be. And I want you to have those realizations in the second step of the process. And then the third part of lightening the load, then once you've kind of assessed your capacity and you understand the capacity rating for where you're at in your life and those external circumstances

that might affect your capacity, you've looked at all your buckets and you've understood which buckets are fuller or more full than others and why, and what that means about you and your capacity. You've looked at all your buckets and you've understood which buckets are fuller or more full than others and why and what that means about you and your life and just being really honest with yourself. And this is all in your journal. No one else has to see this. The third step is to go, okay, here's what I need to shift in order to lighten my load. And the reason that this is important, because I also want to say, there are seasons where lightening the mental load feels harder than just doing the work, just going with

it. And I've been there and I am not going to discourage you from, or I'm not going to make you feel wrong for that. There have been many, many seasons where I've looked at everything in this exact formula that I'm laying out and gone, there isn't anything I can change right now. I just have to get. I just have to get through this. And that may be the case for you. And that's OK. For those of us for whom we've looked at the buckets, we're like, oh, man, yeah, OK, I need to delegate this.

Or I need to just admit to myself that this thing is going to have to wait until I'm in a different season. Or I need to have this really hard conversation with somebody that I love because this is really weighing on me. Or this thing in because this is really weighing on me. Or this thing in the world is really stressing me out and I just need to voice to my partner

that I'm really excessentially stressed about this thing that I'm around purpose and meaning that may not make sense, but I just need to say it and have a conversation. Maybe just expressing it will make me feel better. So whatever it is, this third step in the process of lightening the load is going, okay, what action can I take? Because ultimately, I think a lot of what drives us to these coping mechanisms and the vices and the

numbing out and this cultural kind of rhetoric around moms need an escape is that we get all the way down to this moment of understanding what we need and then we don't say anything and we sit on it and we bury it and we just keep going. Right. And so what I, I encourage and I think a big part of mother load and CEO mama and the reason behind these movements and you know, and like everything we're creating with CEO mama is Natalie and I want you to be able to get to this point of looking at everything that's on your plate and going, you know what, something has to change here because I want to do both things well.

I want to be an incredible entrepreneur. I want to work. I want my identity and my life to be expressed through my work and my creativity. And I want to be an incredibly devoted mother. And I want to break generational patterns. And I want to be the kind devoted mother and I want to break generational patterns and I want to be the kind of mother that I've always imaginedload and have brought now into CEO Momma and everything that we create with CEO Momma is that we wanna support you in getting down to this third step of lightening the load and going, I need help with these things. I know these are the things that need to change.

How do I do it? And being able to find resources and templates and community and conversations and support so that you can go Delegate the things that need delegated you can Accept that some things you you your ego and your ambition are telling you you need to do right now are things that can happen later You know things resources that can help you have hard conversations Like I mentioned that can help you build routines into your life, that give you more space and more time for your fun and for your

activities, things that help you with your health so that you feel good in your body and your energy levels are good so that every day that you come into the capacity and load conversation you're at your best for where you are currently in your life. So, all of that is to say, y'all, y'all, the mommy wine culture references, the zoning out and scrolling, the binging things till midnight on Netflix

because of the mindlessness, I want that to be something we're really aware of. And I still do those things sometimes and there's no shame. I think we just all have those days where it's like, you know what, I'm tapped out. And when I see that stuff get made fun of on social media or that becomes this rhetoric that people believe about motherhood, it makes me angry because I'm just like, that's not true. I don't think moms need escape.

They don't want to want to escape. I don't enjoy feeling like I need to run away or numb out from a normal day. What I want is I want to feel like I can get through a normal day and have space for myself during that day to take care of when I feel dysregulated, to take care of myself when I feel like I need to a rest break, to take care of myself when I'm undernourished or I'm feeling depleted. And to know that my capacity and load are elastic enough that I can take some time for myself and the whole entire thing isn't gonna fall apart. And I think that's where we all wanna get to.

And unless we have these tools, it's really hard to do that. And there's so many pressures, external and internal, on us that tell us that we just have to suck it up and do everything. And that the mental that we just have to suck it up and do everything. And that the mental load is just part of us, of just part of being a mother and that you thinking about it is your own problem. You know, and it weighing on you so much is your own thing to bear and nobody else can help you with it.

And I just challenge all of those beliefs. So again, I want you to... I just always bring these conversations up because I want you to have awareness. It's not because anything's wrong or any approach is wrong and I don't want to make it wrong to like have a glass of wine. I mean, these days as an aside, when we were talking about this episode, I was like, you guys, like, I don't even drink anymore. Like I don't know about our generation, but I was like, you guys, I don't even drink anymore. I don't know about our generation, but I feel like we're kind of waking up to the science that alcohol is not very good for you. I mean, it's like an obvious statement and I know I sound like an idiot saying that,

but I've gotten to a point where even like one glass of wine, I do not feel good the next day. And so it's funny because I just... It's such a marvel how culture moves and even five or seven years ago, talking about not drinking, it was always like, oh, do you have a problem and that's why you're not drinking? And it's like, no, I'm just choosing not to consume alcohol. And now I think we're getting to this point where we can say, hey, I don't drink. And people aren't like, oh, do you have a problem, like an alcohol problem?

It's like, no, I just choose not to drink. So it's a whole other conversation. But I do think it's interesting in this cultural conversation around mommy wine culture and drinking as an outlet. And it's like this funny thing that we all joke about that like, oh, I just need a drink to cope with motherhood. And it's like, well, I actually don't feel that way. Like, very honestly, I never feel that way because I don't,

when I drink, I don't feel good. Now, that doesn't mean I don't have other vices. I love to scroll. I love to scroll and I can do a good hour long scroll and totally numb out. I love to zone out on Netflix and watch five or six episodes to 1 a.m. Sure, I love it. So like other unhealthy things, right?

But I'm just saying as an aside, I just think it's interesting this conversation around alcohol and how it's evolving in our culture. And if you ever, if you want to like nerd out on non-alcoholic options, I've like tried every non-alcoholic beer and some of the non-alcoholic spirits that are out there because I'm just curious, like, are we really moving in the direction of, you know, non-alcoholic being the solution or is it just that alcohol as a cultural phenomenon is becoming less and less popular because of the health side of everything and people becoming much more aware of like wanting to really feel good in their bodies.

So anyway, not an expert on that, but it's just an interesting thing that I thought about as we prepped this episode around. Man, you know, I think that the joke about alcohol is really changing in the conversation in our culture. Now give me a mushroom microdose, you know, it's a whole other story, but that's a conversation for another day. So anyway, to wrap it up, I ultimately I want people to feel like when they approach the conversation of the mental load, that they have tools and that you're mental, you are seen and understood

in your mental load. Because I think for mothers, a lot of what makes it feel really hard and really overwhelming and for me, when I became a mother, you know, I had no idea about any of this stuff. And so I didn't have the words and the vocabulary and these tools for it, which is why I'm so passionate about talking about it now. But you know, I think being able to have understanding of capacity and awareness of what's going on in your life that influences your capacity and changes your capacity and then taking that in this moment, today's capacity and going, okay, what's on my

mental load? And how is that weighing out in comparison to my capacity? Oh, well, no wonder. No wonder I feel overwhelmed. No wonder I want to avoid. And I feel depleted at the end of the day and there's no time for me left. No wonder, because I'm way over capacity. Okay, I'm way over capacity

and I'm over capacity in these ways, in these buckets. Okay, here's the actions I'm going to take to shift this load by either asking for help or putting some of it off or saying no or having a hard conversation or whatever it takes to clear or shift the load around so that you can look at this equation again and go, okay, for the capacity I currently have, my load feels manageable. And I feel supported and equipped and energized to manage it day to day. And ultimately that's at the end, at the end of the day, that's what makes it feel like we can do both things well.

I could keep going. You know, I love this stuff and I would love, love, love for you to send me a DM about how your capacity and mental load weighs out and if this bucket analogy is helpful and this exercise is helpful. I live for this stuff. This is my life's work. Natalie and I are super passionate about it. In fact, we might even little winky wink across the podcast airwaves here. We're working on a new offering inside of CEO Mama that

will address a lot of this and speak to exactly what I said around the tools that you may need across each of those buckets in order to organize and address and take action on the things that feel overwhelming on the mental load and to be able to delegate more and systematize more. So some interesting and exciting things coming there in the new year. But in the meantime, I think this exercise, it's changed my life.

And I do run this quick little analysis in my mind any day that I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling that urge to kind of numb out and I go what like what what is out of balance here? What's going on with my capacity? What's going on with my mental load? What's going on in each bucket? Ah, okay. That's the problem Let's take action there So, okay. Thank you for listening. Send me your thoughts. As always, we love hearing from you. I always so appreciate reviews. You guys' reviews and the paragraphs you write us about how much the pod has impacted your life and what we talk about here really changing your perspective on motherhood, especially motherhood and ambition and doing both things well.

both things well, it means the world to me. So thank you for listening and I'll see you on a future episode. Okay, I have some really exciting news about CEO Mama. So those of you that have followed along for a while know that we have a CEO Mama mastermind, which is for ambitious mamas in the seven or eight or even some nine figure range in their businesses. And we love this program and we'll continue to run this program. But we have also heard the feedback that it would be amazing to have something from CEO mama that was at a lower price point and accessible to anybody at any stage of business and brought the community and the resources and the tools that we have at the higher level and CEO mama to a bigger community.

So we've heard you and we are so excited to announce the CEO Mama membership. It is launching early 2025, but we have founding member applications open right now. So you can go to bossbabe.com slash ceo mama. That's bossbabe.com slash ceo mama and fill out your founding member application and we will be in touch shortly with more details. And I really, really hope to see you in there. We're so excited about this program. This is one of my biggest passions inside of BossFave is the CEO mama brand and the community of ambitious mamas in here who are trying to do both things well, who really want to find that harmony between their devotion to motherhood and their

ambition and their businesses. So if that sounds interesting to you, make sure you go fill out your founding member application at bossfave.com slash CEO Mama. Can't wait to see you in there.