the bossbabe podcast - 48. 3 Tools to Overcome Limiting Beliefs, How Authentic Networking Increases your Income, and Being an Opportunity Magnet with Super Connector Darrah Brustein

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

In this incredible episode, co-founder Danielle Canty is interviewing Darrah Brustein. Darrah is an amazing serial entrepreneur, writer and an incredible super-connector. Join them as they open up about the power of authentic networking, building trust and relationship-building to leverage the growth of your business. Darrah and Danielle share insights into the importance of experiencing challenges and discomfort in order to grow and achieve massive success, self-reflection and how being of service to others will cultivate more income and a bigger impact in your life. Darrah shares the 3 tools that will help you overcome self-limiting beliefs, her ideas into how you can create a life by design, how taking inspired action and small steps facilitate big changes and her key teachings that will help you to create a foundation to allow yourself to receive incredible opportunities and long-term valuable relationships. If you’d love to learn from the BossBabe team about how to grow your audience on Instagram by 10,000 ideal clients in 30 days, register for a free spot in the next training at: https://bossbabe.com/growthatinsta 

Each time you tell yourself something, if it's not actually advancing you towards what you want, ask yourself if the alternative could be true or what could it look like if the opposite were the reality and just begin to question that things don't have to be that way. That one simple question, that one simple framework shift can do all the world of difference. Know first, like second, and trust third with people because that's where the magic is, is in the trusting. And trust takes time. Welcome to the Boss Babe podcast, a place that we share with you the real behind the scenes of building successful businesses, achieving peak performance, and learning how to balance it all. I'm Danielle Canty, co-founder and COO of Boss Babe, and your host for this week's episode,

where I had the pleasure of interviewing the beautiful Dara Brustein. Now, Dara is an amazing serial entrepreneur writer, but she's also an incredible super connector. And I personally feel that's definitely one of her genius zones. And in this episode, she shares all the tips on what true networking really looks like. Not like the type where you go in to take something, but the authentic way of doing it. The one that makes real connections and really helps you build trust. So there are so many takeaways in this episode. So I think it's going to be one of those episodes that you want to either listen to once or twice, or actually you want to grab a paper and pen and make notes.

Because she's going to be sharing how she utilized her networking skills to actually leverage the growth of not one but two businesses in tandem, her networking events company and her payment processing company. So tons to learn in here. I also want to share that Dara actually launched a video series recently with Deepak Chopra called Diving Deep with Deepak and Dara. And what they talk about on there is they really try to make deep topics relatable and translatable. And you'll actually hear how that opportunity came about during the interview.

So before I introduce you to Dara, I want to tell you about the quote that I've chosen for this podcast. And actually, I did mention it during the interview. And the quote is this, you've got to get comfortable being uncomfortable. And I wanted to share this quote because when you are ambitious, it's something that you always need to remember. When you are pushing through to the next level, when you are growing, it's not going to feel comfortable. And so therefore you have to get used to feeling uncomfortable and rather than seeing that as a negative, actually twisting it around and seeing it as a positive, something that you acknowledge, you brace, and you turn that excitement to push you through to the next level. So I hope you enjoy this podcast. Please make sure

that you tag me at Danielle Canty, tag BossBabe at bossbabe.inc and also tag at Dara B. Hope you enjoy. A boss babe is unapologetically ambitious and paves the way for herself and other women to rise, keep going and fighting on. She is on a mission to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself, confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to be her best self in all areas. It's just believing in yourself. Confidently stepping outside her comfort zone to create her own vision of success. Welcome to the Boss Babe Podcast, Dara. Thank you. It's such a pleasure having you on here. I know we've been chatting for a while about making it happen, but I'm really excited to be interviewing today because we hear so many highlights of these people being born entrepreneurs. And what I'm so excited to talk about today is about your journey and how you've become the entrepreneur

you are today, because I know that hasn't been easy and it's not necessarily something you sought out, but maybe it could be reframed to saying that entrepreneurship sought you out. Would you say that's fair? Yeah, I definitely would say that that's fair, that it was an inkling of a knowing when I was super young. And then I allowed some cultural narratives to overtake that and had many experiences to the tune of three layoffs in my first three years out of college that began to have me reflect and consider, why is it that I'm not actually chasing the thing that I always knew I wanted to do when I was little? And why did I let people tell me, oh, you're just an entitled millennial and you are

too impatient to wait your turn, or you have to learn from other people first before you can go out and do it on your own. When instead I was putting my heart and soul into the three companies that I first started working for from 2006 to 2009, to the point of having in my first career, which was in wholesale fashion sales, a goal to reach where they said, hey, we need you to sell a million dollars worth of product by year three. And I'd done that in the first 10 months. So I knew that I was really good at my jobs and I knew that I was performing and producing, but this was either right before the recession or right at the height of it in the US. And because of that, these companies were going away. So regardless of my amount of success internally, the companies just weren't surviving and therefore my jobs left with that. And so I stopped at a certain point and I said, what if I flipped the narrative? What if I reconsider that just because it works a certain way for other people or folks are telling

me that it's more secure to work for someone else than it is to work for myself, that maybe that's true for them or maybe that's just holding them back, but that's not necessarily the case for me and it's not proven to be that way. And what if it was that I took the reins into my own hands and tapped into seven-year-old Dara who was selling things to my parents' friends when they'd come to the house because I was a little baby entrepreneur, but didn't know what that meant back then, that maybe there was something to that and I should consider an alternative way. I love that. And I'm so glad you brought that up because I had a very similar experience as well. Like, oh, you know, it's much safer to go and

work for somebody else and it's much safer to go and work for somebody else and it's much safer to kind of have that stable paycheck but you're so right that actually that can often not be the case and even now currently there's lots of layoffs happening across many different sectors and actually just allowing people to take the reins into their own hands like you say can be so empowering and actually like a little easier, but it can really allow you to take control of your own destiny. And I think that's really a good myth to dispel and something that we've all been told is like, oh yeah, you're safer working for somebody else because it's not always the case. And I think that's a great way

to kind of start this conversation. So like you said, you were working with these companies and you were being laid these companies and you were being laid off, et cetera. Can I ask, did that do anything for your self-esteem? Like, how were you feeling when that was happening? I felt awful, but I have always struggled with the not good enough illusion. And back then when you're just trying to get your feet under, you know, I had gone to a top 20 university. I had been told, go to school, get good grades, get the job, happily ever after. And that's where the story ended. And for me, it was go to school, get good grades, get the job, then lose the job,

then lose another job, and then lose another job. And it made me feel like I must have been the problem. And even though data-wise, like I mentioned, I was overselling my goals, I was doing great on paper, I still felt like, well, I must be the common thread. Why is it that these things can't be stable and it seems to be working out for other people? And so that inner voice and that limiting belief that I had my whole life of you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not smart enough, there's plenty of people who are better, more prepared, and so on to do this, that, or the other kicked up so much dust in my mind. And it continued to do that each layoff after each layoff where I thought, well, what am I suited to do if I've chased the things that I'm quote unquote passionate

about like fashion? And not only did that not work, but I actually didn't enjoy it at all. I didn't know what else I was passionate about. I couldn't hold down a job because of the economy. And again, in my mind thought maybe it was actually something that I was just the commonality and the common thread behind. And that really was a huge, huge challenge because when you don't have a lot of things surrounding you, whether it's people or evidence to tell you that these limiting beliefs in your mind are wrong, it's really hard to dispel them and continue to go forward. And so since then, I have come across many things that have helped me to dispel those moments when they arise. Because as people, like I know the Boss Babe audience, I have interacted, many of them thanks to our long relationship. And I know that the women who listen to this and some of the men too are people of action

and they're people who push themselves out of their comfort zone. And anytime you do that, these beliefs and these, what I would say, lies come up in your mind because you're putting yourself into unknown territory. And so would it be helpful for me to share a couple of the methods that I use to dispel those? Yeah, 100%. I was going to ask you that too, because I think this is a great topic. I always say like, you've got to get comfortable being uncomfortable because I think whenever you're growing and whether you're taking action, if you're not doing that, you're going to feel fine. But when you're doing that and you're pushing to the next level, there's always going to be those challenges, those mindsets, hurdles that

you need to overcome. So yes, I'd love for you to share those. Well, so actually you just reminded me of something. So one of the moments where this happened for me really explicitly was back in December of 2018, when earlier that year I had developed a one-time interaction, early friendship with Deepak Chopra. He did a virtual summit that I hosted. He was the keynote. It was the first time I'd ever interviewed anyone live. And there I was face-to-face with one of my heroes, my intellectual heroes, Deepak Chopra.

And through the process of that year's unfolding, he and I began to build a friendship. So he reached out to me on Christmas of 2018, and he said to me, hey, my work can seem really esoteric. Could you do me a favor and help me to make it more relatable and translatable? And I literally stopped in my tracks, and I thought, how in the world is legendary Deepak Chopra reaching out to me to ask me to help him improve his work? And my jaw was on the floor when I read this email. I thought there are billions of people on this planet and just about any one of them would happily accept this invitation. And in that moment, my mind was screaming at me saying, you are not qualified to do this. How dare you think that you're someone that's going to be

capable of doing it in the first place? But in that moment, because I had gotten so attuned to listening and recognizing when that voice was presenting itself, I said, you know what? All I have to do is take action because action really is the kryptonite to these voices. Once you get into action, the fear and the doubt has to go away because it doesn't have space or time anymore to be there. It's when you sit and muck around in it that it amplifies. And so one of the things of the many, many, many things that I learned through my time in doing this weekly video series that we ended up creating together with Deepak was this idea that he said to me of every day he wakes up asking

for more uncertainty because he knows that the only certainty in life is uncertainty. And any time that we try to act as though we have control is simply just our own mind trying to grasp at things that are illusions. And when he said that, I was like, wow, like talk about goals. That is so far beyond where I think most of us are, myself absolutely included. So when you talk about this idea of getting comfortable with discomfort, that's such a big piece of it. So even more tangibly, there's three tools or methods that I've begun to use that help me to completely get rid of, or at least tone down these negative voices or things that are going to hold me back in these growth moments and when these opportunities present themselves. And the first is this

concept that I call borrowed confidence. And so this aligns perfectly with this Deepak story that when he reached out to me and I thought, well, who am I to do this? In that moment, I did what I call borrowed confidence from him where I thought Deepak obviously sees something in me that I'm clearly not seeing in myself. So how do I borrow that confidence that he has in me until I can fully

own it and wear it for myself? And so a really tangible way to do this is the second thing. It's what I call a hype file. So I keep it in an Evernote file. You could keep it in a spreadsheet on the notes on your phone or whatever works for you. But anytime someone writes me a really thoughtful message on Instagram or sends me a really thoughtful email or says something kind about me, I put it in that file. And in those moments of doubt or feeling stuck or feeling down, which we are all bound to face, and I certainly face them regularly, I go to that file and I read a couple of them. And I remember that what I'm doing is making an impact on at least one person and that that gives me the courage and the fuel to keep going. And then lastly, when these doubts come to my mind, when it says, you know, you're not good

enough or whatever else the situation might be, I look back for historic evidence to either prove or disprove what that voice is telling me. So in a case like this, I'd say, where in the past have I felt this, that I'm not good enough? And when has that either happened to be true or happened to not be true? And 99% of the time, I can't find evidence to support it. So then I say, okay, the data is not even there to support this. This is a lie. I just need to take one small step to move forward. Because again, the action is the thing that's going to completely cripple the idea in the first place. And that also gives you the perspective of once you take one small step and

then another and another, that not only builds the momentum, but it allows you to look back with hindsight, which is so powerful because it allows you the perspective that you can only see in the rearview mirror of recognizing that when you take those small steps that might not even seem that important or like they're making that much of a dent towards the goal that you have or against the limiting narrative in your mind you can look back and say well if I got from point A to point B then I can surely get from point B to point C. Let's take a quick pause to talk about my new favorite all-in-one platform Kajabi. You know I've been singing their praises lately because they have helped our business run so much smoother and with way less complexity, which I love.

Not to mention our team couldn't be happier because now everything is in one place. So it makes collecting data, creating pages, collecting payment, all the things so much simpler. One of our mottos at Boss Babe is simplify to amplify and Kajabi has really helped us do that this year. So of course I needed to share it here with you. It's the perfect time of year to do a bit of spring cleaning in your business, you know, get rid of the complexity and instead really focus on getting organized and making things as smooth as possible. I definitely recommend Kajabi to all of my clients and students. So if you're listening and haven't checked out Kajabi yet,

now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to kajabi.com slash boss babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's kajabi.com slash boss babe. I love that and that's so true and I think it's just really important like you're showing just taking responsibility for your mindset and just going, yeah, it's okay. We all have these self-doubts, but it's what you put in place to protect those. And I do a really similar thing. I have a private, we use Slack channel, our company a lot. And I screen things.

I have my own private channel that I'll send stuff myself. Very similar to what you do with your hype file. There's all these protection mechanisms that we need to have in place when we're wanting to grow. Because like we started off this conversation saying about it, if you're not feeling that, you can really question whether you're growing or not. Now, I just want to take you back to Deepak reaching out to you because I know so many of our listeners are going to be thinking, how does that happen? How do you get into a position where Deepak reaches out to you? And one thing that people may or may not know about you, Dara, is that you are an incredible

networker and will come to your networking business in a second. But I just love for you to share, like, what do you think were the key things that allowed you to get yourself in that position? Because people can think, oh, it just happens overnight or it's so easy for her. Deepak reached out. But what do you feel are the important things that you had in place for that scenario to take place? I'm really glad you asked that because I could truly spend an entire many hours, an hour or more of our conversation on talking about how you create the foundation to allow yourself to achieve whatever the successes that you're seeking, in this case,

to open doors to certain people who are getting their door knocked on by millions and millions of people. So I'd say that some of the foundational things seem really obvious, but in practice, they take consistency and that takes work and intention and effort. And so the first thing is generosity. I have been a person who has waved the banner of being a giver for my entire life and especially my entire career. That when I grew my first company with my twin brother, it's a credit card processing company. We grew the entire thing through our networks and through building relationships. And this is something that a lot of people say to me, they say, well, it's really easy to be generous when you have an abundance, when you have time, when you have

disposable income, when you have people who trust and like you. But I can tell you from experience that when I was 25 years old and started that first company, I had no savings. I had a mortgage. I was afraid of foreclosing. I had a restraining order against my landlord, which is why I bought a house at 23 in the first place and had a mortgage. And I'm building this business with my brother. So we're both trying to survive on the money that we're making. And we're doing it in a way that was slow and steady wins the race, not go out and cold

call and shove people into deals that aren't actually suitable for them. And I knew that the only way to do that, and this is the exact same way that began to build the foundation to eventually get me to a place of building a friendship and a business collaboration with Deepak Chopra or people like him, was that I went out into every single interaction that I had with someone new or someone I already knew, looking to help them. And the only way to do that is one, to be sincere. There's a lot of talk and a lot of sort of trendiness around this concept of, well, just ask people what you can do for them. But that's not enough. And oftentimes that's actually limiting. Because let's say I met you for the first time, Danielle. And I said, oh, hey, how are you? Tell me a little about yourself.

And then immediately I jumped in somewhere a couple minutes later with, how can I help you? That's a really weird question because you don't know anything about me. You don't know that you can trust me. You have no idea what my resources are or who I know to know what could I even ask of you. So I think that if you just take it at face value, that doesn't really help. But what I think is really valuable is to come at everything from a curiosity mindset of simply wanting to get under the hood with someone. And I think one of the most important things is that one, you're a question asker. And two, you're asking great questions. And three, you are not asking someone in the beginning stages of building a relationship

what they do, which sounds counterintuitive. The reason for this is that what you do has become the new how's the weather. And so I understand that it becomes a crutch for people to say, I don't really know what else to talk about. And everyone probably does something. So let me figure it out. But what it often feels like to the recipient is that it's transactional. And it feels like all you want from that person is to get something out of them.

It's, hey, what door can you open for me? Or can you be a client or a customer referral partner? Or something along those lines, even if that's not your intention and it's simply because you don't know what else to ask or you think it's a great icebreaker. So instead, I created a guide called the 55 Best Questions to Ask to Break the Ice and Really Get to Know Someone. This has been downloaded 1.3 million times. And it's simply because of what my core belief is, that people want to be known, they want to be seen, and they want to connect. And that when you're asking questions that shut the door to that really quickly and it moves you more in the transaction world rather than

long-term relationship world, you're cutting yourself off before any opportunity could even arise in the first place. And so for anyone who wants that, it's on my website. It's absolutely free and it's broken down into mild, medium, and hot questions. And you can hold a couple of these in the back of your mind so that when you show up to an event, you have some ideas of icebreakers that are going to really help you get to know someone. And then it's really beholden upon you or behooven upon you to listen and truly be paying attention so that you can listen for the cues to ask thoughtful follow-up questions after

that rather than having a next question in mind or being ready with your soundbite and trying to get your angle in there. Because most people, there's statistics around this, love to hear themselves talk and love to talk about themselves, whether or not they're going to admit that. So when you create an environment where you're allowing them to talk about things that really matter to them and light them up, they're going to walk away feeling like that was the best conversation they ever had and naturally wanting to get to know more about you. And that's where you begin this very a la Dale Carnegie, know first, like second, and trust third with people because that's where the magic is, is in the trusting. And trust takes time. So that's really critical.

And I think that trust takes time is really important. We live in this culture now where we're so used to things happening instantly. And sometimes you might follow somebody or hear their stories. It's that overnight success, right? But there is no overnight success. And same goes with like friendships and building relationships. Like it does take time. And I think we all need to remember and honor that because a lot of our listeners will know by now that N take time and I think we all need to remember and honor that because a lot of our listeners will know by now that Nassi and I actually met at a Brendan Bouchard event and that's how we built our friendship first before we built Boss Babe. Boss Babe didn't come overnight there was a relationship there before and so I'm really just glad that you

touched on those points and I know that so many people are going to be wanting to download that because I do think the art of networking has got a little bit forgotten sometimes. And it's people going in with like, okay, well, how can they serve me? How can they help my business? Or how can they all of a sudden become a client? Where actually, even going back to those quotes that we spoke about before, where we were saying, the only certainty is that nothing is uncertain. No, that wasn't exactly to the point, but I think all of that comes down the same way. If that everything takes time and you can't just go in with one relationship thinking it's going to come out in one way because there are so many twists and turns that it can take when you let it evolve and you actually have a

genuine interest. So really glad. What was your second point? It's a movement called Give It Forward that I want to share with people because it's a really great way to put this into practice. But I also want to touch on what you just said, that you are absolutely right. And networking has gotten such a poor reputation that people look at it as exactly what you said of, what can I get? How can I extract from you what I need? And then that's it. And it's completely wrong. Networking is really a fancy word for relationship building, which means that you have to take the time to build a relationship, which doesn't just mean this initial part that we're talking about. It means all the work that you and Natalie also did behind the scenes to nurture the relationship,

to build that trust, and to decide that you wanted to build a business on top of that, which certainly is not always the outcome. but there are varying levels of trust that need to be there to refer someone, to do business with someone, to make an introduction or to build something together. And none of that happens overnight. Agreed. And we see this a lot in the society, our membership for female entrepreneurs, because we have literally witnessed women build multiple six-figure businesses in there. And it's not the ones who are posting, oh, buy my product or that kind of manipulation where it's like, oh, I'm just looking for some feedback. Someone gives them some

feedback and then they're trying to sell it to them. It's the people who literally go out their way to offer value and they're generous with their time and they're giving bits of feedback or they're helping and they're supporting. They're the people that you really see who have built their business. And it's not because they've plugged themselves, it's because then people refer to them. And that's been really magical to watch within the network. I'm so glad you said that. And that dovetails perfectly in with Give It Forward. So here's my challenge to you all who are listening. If you feel like one, you're just curious what it's like to go out and be a giver in the world and do it with intention, or you feel like, one, you're just curious what it's like to go out and

be a giver in the world and do it with intention, or you feel like, what do I have to offer? I don't have these resources or these connections. Here's what I say that you do. I do this in 30-day intervals, but you can do it for two days. You can do it for seven. You can do it for 365, whatever you choose. But it's really simple. Once a day with intention, proactively, you go out to someone in your network, new or existing, and you ask them, say, hey, something along these lines of, hey, I've decided to take this Give It Forward challenge, which means that I'm going to offer to be of service to one person a day with no strings attached. And then you just ask them some questions to help kind of prime them to understand how could you be resourced to them? So something like, is there something that you're struggling with right now? Is there a goal that you're trying to reach? Is there anything that I could do to be a resource say, oh, wow, that only took five or 10 minutes for me to accomplish that, whether it was to offer the resource, to give the advice, to make an introduction.

And you're going to be blown away with the amount that you have to offer and how you are probably underestimating the amount that you have at your disposal that can be of value to someone else. It's also going to teach you a lot of lessons about the importance of being ready to receive, because this is something, especially as women, that we have been trained to just give and give to the point of martyrdom without knowing how to ask and receive in return. And so there's certainly the no strings attached piece here. So what you're going to find is that the natural reflex of reciprocity is going to happen where someone's going to say, well, are you sure that there's nothing that I can do for you? Or you are so generous for me, how do I do something in return? And in that instance, it is behooven upon you to simply say, all I ask is that you give it

forward to someone else if you feel so inclined. Otherwise, this is simply my gift to you and that's it. But what it'll teach you is there's going to be a lot of people who also won't know how to answer that question. They're going to think that there's a catch or they're not going to know what they need. And so this is a really great lesson for each of us to say, when it becomes my turn and someone comes to me asking how they can help me out, you have to know and be ready for what that is. And you have to be energetically and emotionally, and it's going to sound a little silly, ready to receive because that is hard and that is vulnerable. And really what that is, is accepting love. And many of us push that away because we think I've been trained to do this on my own. I don't need people's help or I don't want to take advantage.

And so there's a real duality to this, two sides to the same coin. You're also going to find as a really natural byproduct that it's going to help you tap more deeply into your existing network, both from the obvious level, if you're going to go to one person each day and ask how you can be a resource which gives you a deeper connection with them, but also because oftentimes the solution to their question or challenge that they're going to pose is going to be in someone else in your network, which is going to give you an opportunity to plug back in with that person and make a three-way mutually beneficial introduction, which is incredible because then you've gotten this opportunity to elevate everyone's aims and

needs and connect with all of them. And again, this isn't a time-consuming thing. Typically, these asks take just a matter of minutes. And then the last piece too is to cut yourself some slack and tell them that you're not a magic fairy, that you can't guarantee that no matter what they ask that you can do it. I had this happen. One of the first people I asked this to many years ago said to me, I want to play on the top 50 golf courses in the US and you live in the state of Georgia where they play the masters at Augusta National. Can you help me get on that course? And I thought, oh my gosh, I have no idea how to do that. And I spent three months trying to get him on this golf course and talked to everyone I knew who had any sort of connection or affiliation or had ever been to the masters. And I kept hearing no, no, and no. And I finally turned around and went back to Sean

three months later. And I said, Sean, I have turned over every stone and every rock and I can't get you on that course. And he said, I am blown away by how much work that you did to try and make that happen. And our friendship has been so deep and so solidified ever since then, even though I didn't follow through with the actual creation of what he asked for. But it is the effort and the intention that matter. And then the most important last piece is it's really effing fun. Like you go through this and it'll become the highlight of your day. You're going to be like, who else can I help? Because this is so joyful. Oh my goodness. I absolutely love this. And I would really encourage anybody who is taking part in this, give it forward, like tag Dara and myself. So my handle is

at Danielle Canty and Dara, what's yours? Is it Dara B? Yep. It's at Dara B, D-A-R-A-H-B. Because I definitely want to keep track of those and really excited to partake in that as well. So it is so much fun, like you say, when you're giving it forwards and you're expecting nothing in return. There's something so magical about that.

I think so many lovers can get caught up. We're striving to grow and it's so easy to kind of be wanting to take, whereas it's all about the giving and actually the joy that that brings you is really magical. So I'm so glad you shared that. Well, I call it the karmic retribution of giving, that there is this trust and knowing that when you do for someone else with no expectation of something in return, that you just trust that it will come back to you, but it's not necessarily going to be reciprocal. So if I do for Danielle and Danielle does for Natalie and

Natalie does for Stephanie and Stephanie does for Amy and Amy will somehow come back and do for me because that's how it works. And I have always anecdotally known and believed this and experienced it. But for anyone who says, this just seems silly, there's no way, read Adam Grant's book called Give and Take, which puts scientific evidence to the fact that winners who are not martyrs, there's a difference, win in this world and are the most successful. So true. And it reminds me actually of a story that my dad told me when I was younger, and he's always said the same. He would always do little things and he's like, well, no, I'll do it for you. Or I'd hear him say to like other people, not necessarily his family, like I'll do this for you. And you just pass it down the line to somebody else who's in need of it. And I think when we all live like that, that's when the true magic happens. And we build a

society built on so much more and built on like really strong values. So really, really amazing takeaways. So we, really amazing takeaways. So we've already spoke about your collaboration with Deepak and you just mentioned Adam Grant's book there. And I also know that from the work that you've done and being a writer as well, Dara, you have interviewed some incredible people. And I want to just talk about some of the key learnings that you've taken away from those interviews and those lessons that, you know, speaking and delving into the lives of people like Adam and Jen Sincero as well, what have been some key things that you've taken away? I'm really also glad you asked this because one, no one's ever asked me that before. And I think it's so important because success leaves clues. And I've interviewed the people you talked about. I've interviewed Seth Godin and Shaquille O'Neal and Robert Herjavec. And the list goes on and on and on. And there are

so many commonalities amongst these conversations. And they're important to think about because we think often that we're unique in our own stuff that keeps us stuck when really we're not. And that there's so many people who have paved the road before us, no matter if the path that they're on is the one that we are treading in an obvious way. And so some of the things that I've really come to recognize is one that we were talking about before, that everyone struggles and that everyone has doubts and that everyone has hit those walls of insecurity. And yet there's people who we admire so deeply and we think that they've just always had it all together. So the counter side of that is that everyone started somewhere and everyone was once a beginner.

So if we're comparing ourselves to Seth Godin now, 100 books in or however many books he's written and all of his success and acclaim, then that's silly because he had to work from beginner stage to get to become an expert. And so for us, it's about knowing that one step moves us in the direction to get towards that person that we admire or to the pedestal that we put people on when really we have to understand that we are all the same and there is no difference. Another thing that I've learned that is really important from all of these folks is that you have to be your own biggest cheerleader and your own biggest champion. And that there's this interesting dichotomy that while success happens with other people,

that very rarely does someone succeed completely in a silo alone, that it takes collaboration, it takes people who have your back and open doors for you, it takes support in the times when things are good and when things are bad. That all happens in community and collaboration. However, the other side of that is that you have to be your own savior. You have to be the one that is your own biggest champion. If you don't believe in yourself, who else is going to buy in and believe in you? So it has to start with you. And so the piece of this that I think often we culturally overlook is this inner guidance and this inner voice.

And we are so often told, go find it outside. Go find your next teacher. Go find the next course. Go find the next experience. And these are all additive and wonderful. However, if they are dulling that inner guidance, that inner intuition, that inner voice that you have, they're not actually helping you. And until you can get quiet and still for long enough to identify what that voice is and what he or she is saying to

you, you are harming your own success and your own progress. I couldn't agree more with that, actually. And so two things, just on that list into your inner voice, it's something that I've actually been really making the time for recently in my meditations funnily enough I actually I have a muse set and Deepak does some guided meditations on there actually but it's just so important to listen to your intuition and for so long I think I was wrapped up in this consuming more content and wanting to read read read listen to podcasts listen to podcasts, listen to music, like constantly reading articles and blogs and constantly stimulating and adding more knowledge to my brain. But what I wasn't doing is I wasn't thinking about it. I wasn't letting it sit within me and

allowing myself that time to think about what I'd learned and apply it in the way that made sense for me. And I think that's really important for anybody listening when you're wanting to be moving to that next level. It's not necessarily about how much you consume. It's like what you do with that internally and how then you then move that through you and you see the external effects of that. That's my personal takeaway from that anyway. Do you agree?

I absolutely agree that knowledge and wisdom are two different things. So ingesting and digesting are not the same as well, that you can take in all the content like you're describing, but if you're not actually allowing it to process or become something that you embody and act upon, that's where wisdom comes from. And so that's the difference is that the knowledge comes in and until it becomes a part of you and a part of your ether and a part of your action, then it's not wisdom until then. And so it's almost better in my opinion to listen to one podcast and take one morsel from it and put it into action than it is to listen to 10 podcasts and just be like, those are really lovely. Yeah, agreed. I actually just put a post to this,

which I just scheduled about allowing ourselves to be beginners again. And so many of us are really hard on ourselves when we don't do things perfect for the first time. And I just was trying to think about what would I say to a child or like, we don't expect babies to come out walking and talking. We know there's that learning process. And I think we all just need to be a little bit kinder to ourselves and allowing us to go, yeah, I'm actually learning this. And it's a skill I'm perfecting. And it's something that I'm going to be committed to improving upon. And when we do that, it also means that one, we're able to start something. We're not in this fear of having to be perfect at the first stage and the first hurdle.

And secondly, it allows us that if we do fall over, if we do step that hurdle, we give ourselves a grace and the support to pick ourselves up again and try again and know that that's nothing wrong with that. And it's part of the journey. Absolutely. And this has been said many times, but I'm sure that there's a listener who needs to hear this, that when you think about falling on your face or you think about being a beginner again, look back at you a year ago, at you six months ago, at you five years ago, and think

about how proud that person would be of the person today. And then remind yourself that each of those steps along the way where you were a beginner again or a beginner for the first time was what got you there. And so hopefully that catalyzes you enough to continue to move forward. I love that. I'm also on this note of giving your past self-advice when you're, like you say, let go of three times and you're really starting to think, okay, life was throwing a lot of balls at you there, Dara, and you were starting to think, okay, I'm going to start this company with my brother. And you'd also had these problems with your landlord. What advice would you give yourself back then? I mean, I think that the most simple of advice I would have said was it will be okay

and to stress less about it because the more stress you're creating, you're creating more resistance for what is actually inviting you to it in this life. And I was so caught up in the chaos that I allowed more of that to create itself. And so it's almost this law of attraction idea that what your ideas are and the stories that you tell yourself are so, so powerful

because those are the things that create. But there's this other side to the law of attraction that so few of us recognize, which is that whatever that foundational energy is from which the story or the wish or the dream is coming from is actually what permeates, is what actually is creating more of itself. And often we are coming from a place of lack energy or scarcity energy, even though the thing that we are wishing and dreaming for is the thing of abundance. And so we continue to create and manifest more of the lack in the first place. And so I see this a lot with people when they're dating. They'll say,

I just can never get it right, but I so want to be in this relationship and I'm dreaming him or her up and I want to manifest that. But really the energy that is at the baseline subconsciously for them is I've never gotten this right. I can't figure this out. I don't have it. I'm missing that. I need that so much.

Same thing with money. Same thing with building your roster of clients. Same thing with whatever else. I see this so often. And it's until you get clear on that energy where it's not actually coming from a scarcity place that you can create more of the thing. And so that's why back then I was stuck in this cycle of so much negativity because I felt like even though I'm so clear I'm wanting to be on the other side of this, I was stuck in that story of there's never enough. I'm checking the negative bank account balance all the time. I'm surrounding

myself with people who also have these thoughts and ideas and opinions, and then it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy. And so the people you surround yourself with are so important, and not to say that they were bad people, but I should have been up-leveling the people around me much earlier. I should have been getting clearer on my energetic foundation and on the stories I was telling myself and thinking and asking just this simple question that each time you tell yourself something, if it's not actually advancing you towards what you want, ask yourself if the alternative could be true or what could it look like if the opposite were the reality and just begin to question that things don't have to be that way. That one simple question, that one simple framework shift can do all the world of

difference. And I think all of that wraps in nicely with your motto that I know you say a lot, which is build a life of your own design, a career to fund it and a network to support it. Because one of the themes of this whole conversation has been around network as well. And if we work backwards from that, like you say, when you're surrounding yourself with those people, it's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. When you start telling yourself you are a certain way and you start attracting the people around you that are also supporting that and they also have some similar beliefs and they're all maybe the same vibration if you want to talk about the law of attraction from

there and then that grows and it grows in itself momentum until like you say you manage to change your life if where you are now is not where you want it to be and you want to be moving towards something different when you start you say building these you want it to be and you want to be moving towards something different, when you start, you say, building these layers of it, it all really comes together. 1,000%. I don't even have anything to add to that. I love it.

Well, listen, thank you so much, Dara, for this interview. It's been absolutely amazing and so, so many takeaways. And I just want to remind the listeners where they can find that downloadable as well because I think the networking tips that you gave today were absolutely incredible. And I'd love to let them know where to find you and follow you a little bit more. Absolutely. So you can get that download of the 55 best questions to ask to break the ice and really

get to know someone as well as a free masterclass on how to get anything you want with Deepak Chopra and many other things on my website. It's dara.co slash freebies. So D-A-R-R-A-H.co.freebies. And secondly, for anyone who's thinking, I have all these goals. I want to raise my impact. I want to raise my influence. I want to raise my income. And I love to bring people together. The number one thing that I ever did to accelerate all of those things in one place was to begin to host networking events, which seems a bit counterintuitive. However, what I realized was that I could make an impact on my community. I could build a pipeline into my primary business. I made a six-figure income

on the side doing it. And people started to seek me out for opportunities rather than the reverse, all through bringing people together in a really strategic and value-centric way. And so I created a free webinar that teaches this and I host it from time to time. So if you want it, find me on Instagram. It's at Darabee again and shoot me a DM and I'll send you a link with the upcoming times. Amazing. Thank you so much, Dara. And if any of you have enjoyed listening to this episode, you want to share your takeaways, please make sure that you tag at bossfade.inc, at Danielle Camtee and at Darabee. Thank you, Dara. Thank you, Daniela. If you enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you subscribed and left us a review.

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