The Bossticks - #118: Lewis Howes - Male Vulnerability, Emotional Trauma, Overcoming Stress & Anxiety, and Eliminating Negative Self Talk

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

On this episode we sit down with entrepreneur, author and podcaster Lewis Howes. Lewis is a pro and this conversation covers a lot of ground in a quick period. On this episode we discuss the mask of��masculinity, getting vulnerable to experience breakthroughs, emotional trauma and the emotional release of trauma, overcoming obstacles, stress and anxiety. We also dive into what its like being stuck in your own head and how to stop negative self talk.  To learn more about Lewis Howes click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE This episode is brought to you by FOUR SIGMATIC We have been drinking this company's mushroom-infused elixirs and coffees for over a year now. When we need a break from coffee but still need that extra morning jolt and focus the Mushroom Coffee with Lion's Mane and Chaga is the way to go. Lauryn also drinks the Mushroom Matcha which is a green tea designed as a coffee alternative for those of you who want to cut back on caffeine without losing focus and cognitive boosts. This stuff doesn't actually taste like mushrooms, it's delicious. All of these blends have a ton of nutrients and amino acids to give you balanced energy without the jitters. To try FOUR SIGMATIC products go to foursigmatic.com/skinny and use promo code SKINNY for 15% off all products.  This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that's reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you're ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your 'Lifelong-Health-401k'. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body?   

The following podcast is a dear media production. This episode is brought to you by Four Sigma. One of our favorite companies, we interviewed Taro, the founder of the show, and had to bring the brand on board as a partner. Four Sigmaic specializes in superfoods, medicinal mushrooms, and adaptogenic herbs. And they make drinking mushrooms and superfoods delicious and easy to do with their mushroom copies, mushroom superfood blends, and mushroom elixirs. If you're looking for a coffee alternative to switch up your caffeine intake, Four Sigma has the

blends for you. They're all delicious. Just open a pack and add to hot water. They don't taste like mushrooms. And like always, we have a special offer just for him and her listeners. Go to 4Sigmatic.com forward slash skinny and enter promo code Skinny at checkout for 15% off your entire order. I love this stuff. This episode is also brought to you by a ritual.

So you guys know I'm a human guinea pig. So it shouldn't surprise you at all that I am still testing out the multivitamin ritual. It's actually by my tongue scraper, if we're being honest. It's filled with so many standout stars. like iron, vitamin E, magnesium, and folate. So all you have to do is go to ritual.com slash skinny and consider it your lifelong health 401k. That's ritual.com slash skinny. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for

some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Describe your upbringing and what your childhood was like for you. Lonely. Lonely, vulnerable, insecure. I felt like the dumbest person in the world. Yeah, I couldn't read and write. In eighth grade, I went to a private boarding school, and they tested me for reading and math,

and I had a second grade reading level. So I was always picked on and made fun of I was in the special needs classes All through elementary school My mom would actually come into class Which made it more embarrassing To help me read and write Just because she wanted to make sure I could get through

And not be held back Yeah my brother went to prison When I was eight years old for four and a half years So I wasn't allowed to have friends during then Because being in like a lower middle class White suburban neighborhood There was no one else that went to prison And so I was like the bad kid

Can I ask you? why he went to prison? He sold drugs with an undercover cop. Yeah. Not the best drug dealer. Two sheets at LSD, no. He'd only sold like pot before then. He was like a 19 year old at Ohio State. And how old were you? It was eight. Yeah, pretty traumatic. Yeah, I mean, it is what it is, you know. We all go through stuff. But for me, I, this was, I didn't know how to emotionally handle the traumas that I was feeling. I mean, I was also raped when I was five by a man that I didn't know. So for me, and I didn't talk about for 25 years because I was so ashamed and guilty.

and felt like if anyone knew, they would think that that was less than a man, if they knew what had happened. So I just was constantly, like, battling these inner demons and didn't know who to talk to. Welcome back to the skinny confidential, him and her show. If you are new to the show, thank you for joining. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Lewis Howes. As many of you know, Lewis is a pro and has a podcast himself with over 600 episodes. This conversation is extremely diverse and goes into a lot of different areas,

including the mask of masculinity, getting vulnerable to experience breakthroughs, sexual assault, trauma, and the emotional release of trauma, overcoming obstacles, stress, and anxiety. We also dive into what it's like being stuck in your own head and how to stop negative self-talk. For those of you are new to the show, I'm Michael Bostic, I'm an entrepreneur and business operator. I have specialized in brand building and directed consumer marketing over the last 10 years. Most recently, the CEO and co-founder of Dear Media, a podcast network that puts women

and female voices at the forefront of conversation. What's up, guys? I'm Lauren Everett's wife, a podcaster, an author, and a blogger behind the Skinny Confidential. The Skinny Confidential is a cheeky resource for women that's full of beauty, wellness, and bossy tips. You can also find me in the Skinny Confidential secret Facebook group and, of course, on Instagram and Instagram stories where I like to showcase the crazy behind the scenes of my life in a way that hopefully brings you a ton of value. So as you can tell from my on point introduction, I am super wired up right now. I have my 4-Sigmatic

mushroom coffee with Lions Main and Chaga. If that doesn't sound badass, I don't know what it is. This stuff, honestly, is like rocket fuel for my brain. So, Lauren, I don't know if you know this, but I first learned about 4-Sigmatic listening to Tim Ferriss, and he was talking about the beginning of the show, and I knew it was a sponsor, and I knew he was getting paid, and I still went and bought the stuff. This is really funny. Sorry to interrupt you, but I I also learned about this from Tim Ferriss and separately ordered the hot chocolate, which is hilarious. Well, it's amazing. And I've been drinking it now for over a year and it's the best. Then, as some of you know and heard, we interviewed Four Sigmaics founder, Tara Issa Coppola. And that was one of our

favorite interviews. And we did that a couple weeks back. I believe it's episode 116. So if you haven't listened to that, check that out. So what does Four Sigma do specifically? Well, they mix different types of medicinal mushrooms into delicious drink blends that each have different functions. The mushroom coffee that I'm drinking right now is a perfect morning drink in coffee replacement. It's amazing for productivity and creativity. I originally started experimenting with the mushroom coffee when I took a hiatus from actual coffee because as many of you know, I have a gland issue. Oh, my gosh.

I needed a break on the old adrenals, and the mushroom coffee was a great alternative. So if you don't want to be so wired as much as I am, they also have a mushroom macha blend, which is great alternative to coffee. And great if you were trying to limit your caffeine intake like I am. I have to say my favorite, honey, because I just want every girl in the world to go try this. They'll thank me later. It's the mushroom hot cacao mix. Guys, it's like a warm hug from your grandma. This is really, really awesome to end the night with, especially if you're like me and you have a sweet tooth. And the sweet tooth is worth it because there's so many benefits. It's antioxidants.

It's good for your immune system. It's anti-aging and detoxifying. It's heaven. Yeah. These blends include a ton of beneficial amino acids. and don't give you the jitters like regular coffee. If you're wondering if it tastes like mushrooms, want to know more, they don't, but you do get the medicinal benefits of and nutritional benefits of mushrooms. So, Lauren and I have an assortment of the products

that we keep in our offices and our house for guests. We give them out to everybody. We use them for different scenarios. Sometimes you want to wind down in bed, or you want to wake up in the morning, or you want to focus. They have a blend for you. So check them out.

go to 4-Sigmatic, that's F-O-U-R-S-I-G-M-A-T-I-C-S-Sigmatic.com slash skinny and enter promo code skinny for 15% off. Again, go to 4-Sigmatic.com slash skinny and enter promo code skinny for 15% off. You should have had some of that mushroom coffee before you went out for Mimi's birthday on Friday night. Whoa. I realized at this point in my life finally, and I don't care anymore if I'm boring, I am not a nightclub guy anymore. Baby, I don't think you've been a nightclub guy since you were 21. At 31 years old, it's over.

I did it for a long time. Guys, girls, if we parted in the past, it was fun, but I'm done now. I think it's only day things for me and dinners. I'm done. No, sometimes we love like a bougie rosé, prosciutto melon lunch. Yeah. But other than that, I think we're retired from nightclubs. So Mimi, sorry, you're going to have to go through the 21 years and above without me at the nightclub.

So we wanted to start giving some context behind. why we choose interviews because we got some feedback from our friend Ariel and Cabo and, you know, a lot of the, you know, we give very detailed introductions at our guests, but we want to also give some context about why we interview the people we choose interview. So Lewis House has been on our radar for a long time. The podcasting world is huge, but also very small, if that makes sense. So as you will hear later in this interview, we talk to Lewis about who and why we interview people and I think we both take similar approaches. We want to have interesting and unique conversations, unique being the key word there. Recently, Lewis has opened up about the mask of masculinity and what it's

like when men and specifically men start opening up and showing a vulnerable side. It's a conversation we haven't touched on very much on this show and we thought Lewis would be the perfect guest to shed some light on the topic. There is a lot more insight. He can and does provide around entrepreneurship, successful mindsets, and health. But this particular conversation, focus a lot on male vulnerability. You get pretty vulnerable in this episode. I know, he turned the tables on me for a little bit. I loved it.

So to give you some background on Lewis, Lewis Howes is an entrepreneur, New York Times bestselling author, former professional athlete, and the host of the wildly popular podcast, School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Lewis has built multiple businesses online and interviewed some of the world's top performers including Tony Robbins, Lily Singh, Gary V, Ray Lewis, Julian Huff, and many more. With that, please enjoy this very vulnerable, very powerful, very good. very real and very wide-ranging conversation with Lewis Howes. This is the skinny confidential, him and her.

So describe your upbringing and what your childhood was like for you. Lonely. Lonely, vulnerable, insecure. I felt like the dumbest person in the world. Yeah, I couldn't read and write. In eighth grade, I went to a private boarding school. and they tested me for reading and math, and I had a second grade reading level. So I was always picked on and made fun of

I was in the special needs classes all through elementary school. My mom would actually come into class, which made it more embarrassing, to help me read and write, just because she wanted to make sure I could get through and not be held back. Yeah, my brother went to prison when I was eight years old for four and a half years,

so I wasn't allowed to have friends during then because being in like a lower middle class white suburban neighborhood. There was no one else that went to prison. And so I was like the bad kid. Can I ask you why he went to prison? He sold drugs with an undercover cop. Yeah.

Two sheets. It's not the best drug dealer. Two sheets of LSD. No. He'd only sold like pot before then. He was like a 19 year old at Ohio State. It is what it is. You know, we all go through stuff.

But for me, I didn't know how to emotionally handle the trauma that I was feeling. I mean, I was also raped when I was five by a man that I didn't know. So for me, and I didn't talk about for 25. years because I was so ashamed and guilty and felt like if anyone knew, they would think that was less than a man, if they knew what had happened. So I just was constantly like battling these inner demons and didn't know who to talk to. So when that happened, did you share that experience with anyone or you just held it in? No, I held him, 25 years. Yeah. Nobody knew. Until five years ago, I went to, actually right down the street, there's a basketball court,

outdoor basketball court and I was going through a challenging breakup at the time that I was dating someone and I didn't know how to let go of my frustration. I wasn't like taking anything out on her. I was just kind of like taking the pain and the stress of the relationship and taking it out to the world. So I wouldn't like take it out on her or yell or anything, but I'd go play basketball every day and I'd like use that aggression with all these guys I was playing with and I got in a really bad fight. And it's right across the street from the police station. I got a really bad fight.

And I hadn't gotten a fight since I was like 12. And I remember after this fight, I couldn't recognize the guy's face. And I was like, what is wrong with me? Now, he hit me first, so I like justified it. Whatever, it was a basketball fight. But you're a big dude. He was bigger than me. But he was bigger than me.

Which justifies me like being like, okay, I can fight this guy. But I realized like, why am I reactive so much in this moment? I was getting more and more reactive as my years went on. I was using, I guess, the pain and energy to be driven to do something good with my business, you know, my life. But then I was very reactive in relationships or in certain situations. So I went to this, some friends of mine were like, you need help. Like something's off.

Like, you shouldn't be reacting this way. So I finally took a look within and I was like, okay, let me see why I'm reacting like this. And I went to some workshops. I hired some coaches, therapy. I tried a little bit of everything. thing. And one of these workshops I went to, I finally opened up about being sexually abused because they just cultivated an experience for us to really share and open up. And then I realized, like, wow, I've been holding onto a lot my whole life. And it all comes out in anger. For me,

it came out from passive aggressiveness and then anger. Yeah. Why did you decide to open up to your audience? I started telling my family members one by one for a few weeks and then my closest friends. and after I realized that people still accepted me and loved me, I was like, huh, okay, I'm not going to die. Because that was the biggest fear. Like, are people going to accept me for who I am? And then I opened up to my audience. It felt like more of a mission.

It felt like more like a duty and a responsibility. Because I didn't know any other straight white men in the business world who had opened up about it, who were also like former jocks. So for me, I just felt like there's so many men suffering. You know, one in six men have been sexually abused, and yet very few of them talk about it. I mean, have you ever had a conversation with a straight man that you're aware of who's just openly talked about it, or that you even knew that they did something happened to them? I never.

Usually men don't talk about it, and we've been conditioned not to talk about it. And so it affects our intimate relationships, our relationships with family, friends, everything. At least it did for me. and the men that I talked to who tell me about their stories, it definitely affected them. And so I felt like this duty, it felt like every person I was telling my friends one by one, they would encourage me, why don't you open up on your podcast?

And I was like, no way. Like, I can tell you, but it's going to ruin my business, my image, like, you know, everything's going to struggle after that. And then the more and more I thought about it, I felt like I was doing a disservice to humanity by not sharing. I was like, I can be an example. of what's possible for people. And if I lose my audience or if I make less money, then so be it.

At least like I can set myself free. How did you open up? Was it on the podcast? I did on the podcast. Yeah, I had a friend of mine kind of interview me on my podcast and help facilitate it, like a spiritual friend of mine that I trusted. And because I really didn't know how to do it. I was like, how do you just open up about this publicly?

I had zero clue. I consulted with a female friend. friend of mine, Glennon Doyle, I'm not sure if you've heard of her. She's got, she's the number one your time bestselling author. What book is you written? She wrote a book called Love Warrior. Okay. Oprah endorsed her in her book club and yeah, everything. And I said, listen, here's my story and I'm looking to share it. You know, can you guide me through the process? So I don't alienate or hurt anyone or upset anyone, but just like do the best I can because I'd never seen another example of a man opening up publicly about this. I'm sure it's happened, but I just never seen it. And she

gave me great advice on how to do it and I was like okay we did the interview and I remember holding the podcast episode for like six months because I was just terrified still I'd recorded it but I was like should I really do this or should I hold back and um just one day it just felt right I was like okay this is the day I'm going to publish it I had it all ready for months and then I finally published it what was the response it's funny I published it I showed you guys we're just across the street from my building and I published it at like 10 o'clock at night somewhere around 10 o'clock a night and I go out in my balcony

and I see the brightest moon I'd ever seen and I sent one tweet out at the time to just check it out for the podcast and as I'm on Twitter I'm seeing everyone talk about like this is the biggest super moon in the last hundred years or something and the meaning behind the super moon and how the world shakes in this moment

and I was like, oh this is so symbolic to like what I'm doing and I woke up the next day to hundreds of emails from men sharing essays of what had happened to them as children. Men getting raped in churches by family members, by friends, by getting kidnapped and being in the, you know, hung up in basements. I was like, these are horrific, like, stories you wouldn't even think about in movies.

And it made my stories seem like very, you know, like nothing compared to what was happening in the world. And I just realized, like, wow, I couldn't believe. That's when I started researching, like, wow, like this is happening to a lot of men, Not just me, but there's men all over the world this is happening too. And it just kind of shook me. For about two or three weeks, I felt like I had this hangover. And I've never been drunk.

I've never, you know, had alcohol and been drunk. I've had sips, but I've never like... But this is a tangent, but why? Just not that there's anything wrong, like, wrong for it, but just I'm just wondering why you never partook. I think my brother going to prison was like a big indicator of like, okay, I just don't want to go down that path of like... I have a very strong personality of like, I only can say addictive, but it's like when I'm focused on something, I'm committed to achieving it.

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's called a vulnerability hangover that you're talking about. That's what I had. Yeah, I had a vulgarine over you. I couldn't do anything. I was just reading these emails, but I'm also very empathetic in general and very intuitive and sensitive. And so I was just reading these emails from these men who were just like opening up and saying, you know, I've been married for 25 years. I have four kids. My wife doesn't know.

My kids don't know. You're the only person that knows. And so just the weight of like, I'm opening up. I'm hearing all these men open up for the first time and say like, thank you for giving me permission to set myself free finally. And then going and talking to their wives or family members. And so I just felt like, wow. But everyone was like, well, they were asking for advice. And I was like, I have no clue how to like guide you through this.

Here's what I'm doing right now. you know, find a therapist, like a professional. And that was really like the, why I wanted to start talking about it more and why I wrote a book about masculinity, because I was like, huh, there's so many men who are just messed up that have, I feel like they cannot communicate how they really feel. Was writing the book cathartic for you to write, or was it daunting? No, I mean, it was a few years after I had really gone through

and expressed a lot of stuff, so it wasn't as like cathartic for me. It was cathartic in some ways, but it wasn't super emotional because I'd already let everything out for a couple of years and talked about it so much that it's a very neutral experience for me now. Thinking about that experience was horrific, but it doesn't have power over me anymore because I've talked about it so much and I've processed it so much and I'm just like ready to move on. But releasing the book and hearing more stories from men, hearing stories from women, how they're now. be able to understand like their boyfriends or their fathers, why their fathers never, you know, connected to them in certain ways they wanted or why they're whatever, why their brothers never looked them in the eyes or whatever may be, they're able to understand the men in their lives better and communicate in a language that works for them. So it's been, you know, cathartic in that

sense. I think when you're, when you help anyone get through trauma or any type of pain, it's cathartic and fulfilling at the same time. somebody's listening man or woman and they're holding something like this in and any kind of traumatic experience from a personal experience what could you tell them about the feeling of you releasing and letting go and sharing this experience like what is it done for you as a person it gave me like a sense of freedom I never felt before I was essentially a prisoner in my own heart and was always defensive constantly like I was a very joyful happy be person until someone did something that triggered me.

And then I couldn't let it go. Like I had to be right. I had to like have the last word. I had to win at something. And I felt like it just always had to prove myself. And so after that, it was just like, I'm not to prove myself anymore to anyone. I just need to live the life that I feel I want to live and pursue the things I want to do. And if I fail, then I fail.

And it's all good. I like, I don't care about, you know, someone's opinion. as much anymore. I still do, but it's, you know, I just have freedom for myself. So you were a professional athlete for a long time. Yeah. Do you think that this was a driving force or do you think that it held you back? Looking back now from being an athlete or for just being like as you, you were so driven. Yeah. It was a driving force. And so looking back now, do you think holding it in at that point was helping you or do you think it was hindering you? It was a driving force, but I was the worst loser. Like when I lost, it was an attack on my six. And so, it was a attack on my

self-worth. So any time that we didn't win, even when we did win, it was attacking on my self-worth because I could have been better. And so I wasn't able to, it was just a constant, I need to be better, I need to be better to prove the people who hurt me wrong, as opposed to, let me do this because I want to inspire people, or I do it because I love it, or I want to lift others up, or be an example of something. So I think that was the challenge, was I was constantly, like, finding this battle within, of like, but I want to prove them wrong, like they said something and I got to tell them that they were wrong by winning or making it to, you know, professional level. So, you know.

A lot of people that come on this podcast that are successful say their driving force is to prove. It's really interesting. And then they have this epiphany in their life later where they realize that's not, it got them here, but they need to do something else and pivot and move into something else that fuels them. Yeah. I've heard that from a lot of people.

That was my drive for my whole life to prove everyone wrong. And you see that on Instagram. it's like prove them wrong. You see that all the time. And I'm like, I used to love that. And I probably used to say that all the time too. If you go back on my old Instagram, probably from years ago, I probably used to say that all the time.

And I've realized that the only thing we should be doing is proving people right and lifting others up. And proving people wrong is a waste of energy. How do you feel when you had to change your career? Can you tell us kind of what that transition was like? Yeah, it was terrifying. And what exactly happened again? I was playing professional football.

I got injured playing arena league. So there's walls. I knew you were injured. It's like a hockey rink, essentially. So there's walls, and I was diving to catch a football, and I dove in the wall and snout my wrist. So you can see the scar on my wrist right here. And I took a bone out of my hip, put it in my wrist,

and I was in a forearm cast for six months. So it was just like I didn't have a college degree still because I left early to go play football. I barely studied in school anyways. So I was just kind of like doing school to play football. It wasn't like learning anything. And I was living on my sister's couch for a year and a half during that time, just trying to figure out, well, who am I now?

My whole identity was wrapped around playing football and being this athlete and proving people that I could do this thing. And now I can no longer prove people, prove to people that I could do this thing. And my whole dream was gone now. So I was just for about a year and a half trying to figure out, well, what am I going to do in the rest of my life? or what's the next step. But I luckily had great support and great mentors that I started reaching out to and finding.

I was using LinkedIn to reach out to local mentors. And I think that's one of the challenges most people make when they lose their dream or they're in transition is they're like just sit in a hole or they sit at home. They're not active, actively looking for something. And I knew I wanted to surround myself with inspiring people. So I just started surrounding myself with them. No matter what industry they were in, I was just like wanting to learn from people. And the thing I did first was like, I need some skills

because the only skill I had was sports. So I went to salsa dancing. I started learning from YouTube, actually. I taught myself from a channel called Addicted to Salsa. Why the fuck don't you know how to Salsa Dance? I'm going to have to get some classes. But I also had all this downtime. I had no relationship.

I had no job. I had nothing. So I just had like time on my hands, trying to figure out what I was going to do. And I started doing salsa. And I lived above a jazz club in an apartment that had salsa dancing once a week so I could go down and be in the environment. And for about a year, I was just salsa dancing every single day. I only, this is when we had to like burn CDs back in the day.

Those are the days. Those are the days. I had a friend of mine get all the top salsa tracks. And I just would listen on repeat every single hour of the day. I was truck driving at the time from Columbus, Ohio to Cincinnati. And I was in a back. So six hours a day, I was driving a truck with car auto parts. And I was listening to this salsa.

And at night, I would watch YouTube tutorial videos and then go out to the club and learn and practice. Then I was taking group lessons, private lessons. I was doing whatever I could. Anytime someone wanted to dance, I was dancing. I just wanted to become fluent in other skills. I started public speaking classes every single week. I'd practice that for the year. I was, I found, I invented a product that I, off of Alibaba.com, I invented this cast cover, like this

comfortable, like, sleeve. It was kind of like a double-padded, uh, uh, sweatband. And I made like this long thing with a thumb hole so it could fit over a big cast because it kept scratching my face and like it was smelly and dirty. I don't know if you've ever broken a bone, but it's... I've broken my nose a few times. And wearing a, from her? Yeah, yeah. Whenever I'm out of punch in the face. Wearing a cast on the face is not. fun. Oh my gosh, that sounds miserable. Yeah. I had to do it my freshman year of high school. I broke my nose and so you're like showing up like a, everyone thinks to get a nose job and I'm like, oh, listen. Sports or was it just something stupid? You even walked into a wall or what? It was stupid. I think maybe similar to you, I used to have some

angry issues. Smash your face. Someone got me in the nose on a clean one. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, breaking a bone is not funny. Either way, I don't want to do it in my face, but you know, you've got this cast and it smells and it's scratching your body and it's just like, I have a problem and that's when I became an entrepreneur I was like I have a problem and how do I figure out the solution of this and that's the core of it right that was it I didn't even know what entrepreneurship was but I was like I don't want this to happen anymore I'm in pain and I'm gonna keep wearing this thing for months and so I went on olibaba dot com I found like a manufacturer I wired like 70 dollars to like some Chinese bank account I was like hopefully something

comes I like designed something up I talked to him on the phone and email and I was like here's what I want you know I went different colors different sizes and they sent me samples and my first product was born. And then I was like, and I was using it myself. And I said, I need to find an inventor who knows how to bring this to market or how to sell this thing. I found an inventor through, I just started telling everyone, I need to find an inventor. I need to find an inventor. I was just like on a mission.

So before we get into that, I want to talk about the multivitamin I've been taking. I told you guys that I was committed to using a multivitamin and I've been doing it every single morning. Like I said, it's next to my tongue scraper and my tooth. brush. And what I love about this vitamin, especially, is that there's no pain on an empty stomach. This is perfect for someone like me that's really busy and just wants to throw the vitamin in my mouth. Also, another big plus is that you don't have to take 900 vitamins at once. So it's efficient, which we love. You know, you don't want to be grabbing all these different vitamins. You just want to throw one in your mouth and be done with it. I also need to let you know that they're

literally the shakest little vitamins you'll ever take, like ever, you guys. and they're especially made for women. Little backstory. They were founded by Katrina Schneider, so she was pregnant, and she started to realize that traditional multivitamins had a lot of crap in them, a lot of weird-ass ingredients and nutrients that were shady. So up came about ritual. Ritual contains nine essential ingredients, which we love,

and a lot of these are essential ingredients that women don't get from their diet alone. So think of vitamin B-12, activated folate, vegan D3, even vitamin K2, vitamin E, omega-3 fatty acids, and my favorite standout star, magnesium. I love magnesium. It gets everything going, if you know what I mean. So ritual supplies these in a form that are easily absorbed and utilized in your body, and all the capsules are vegan, gluten-free, and non-GMO. My favorite part of ritual, hands down, is that it's mint-scented.

And in the bottle, there's this tab that's enriched with pure peppermint oil. I just think this is such a good idea. I'm obsessed with the minty smell and the taste, and it just makes taking vitamins pleasant. So there's no chalky vitamin BS. So you can visit their website, and you can learn everything from why each ingredient is beneficial to where it's sourced,

like you get all the information. It's very transparent. I went on their site, and I checked out everything before we started collaborating, and I think that it's something that you guys should all do too. Really easy, everything's streamlined, super easy to read, and it explains every single detail down to the ingredients, research,

and what the brand is all about. Ritual is the brand that's reinventing the experience with nine essential nutrients, women lack the most. So if you're ready to invest in your health, do what I didn't go to ritual.com slash skinny. That's ritual.com slash skinny. And a girl I started dating shortly after was like, one of my best friends is like a famous inventor

and he just moved back like two days ago. He was in another city. He just moved back to Columbus. and I said, we need to meet him now, today. We met up with him. I gave him this pitch. I have this cast. It was called the cast comfy.

And I had this thing on. And I hound this guy for weeks. I was just like, whatever it takes. I just want to pick your brain. And I was like, I'll work for free. I'll do whatever. And he saw like a passion or energy on me. And he ended up bringing me on for the next year.

And I was just in there learning about design and product development and how to bring any idea to market and design it. And I was on the phone calls, doing press calls with them, selling their products. I was going to trade shows, networking. I was like learning everything right then. That thing, that product never went anywhere. Yeah, but the reason I like this story for people that are listening is it's like it's showing the drive to try things and go. Like you didn't know anything about this industry and you pursue.

And listen, and think about how much you learn along the way. That's what people don't understand. It's like even if you completely fuck it up. Yeah. It gave me, I mean, it helped me essentially do everything I'm doing now because I, you know, I learned about branding and messaging and naming. He was like a naming expert and just everything I do was based off of those, that year training essentially. And then we started going to trade shows and I learned how to network and build relationships, just everything. So it's extremely powerful. Is that, is that headset too loud? No, I'm just like sweating because it's like covering my ears. But yeah. Just let us know if we can. Yeah, it's all good. Okay, so why a podcast? How did you get from here to podcasting?

So after, and you were early in the podcast. Yeah. We were just talking, we're shooting the ship before you came in. You're doing cast confis. Is that how you call it? Cast comfy. Yeah. To podcasting.

How do you get there? Yeah, well, I had, uh, yeah, I'd built a business after that. I started doing like LinkedIn training courses and then other courses online and ended up quickly after that, actually, but a year and a half after this internship, I've made my first million dollars. So I was like broke on my sister's couch. But then, like, something stuck. I figured something out online and just went all in with it

and just like all day, all night, obsessed over it. It was like, how can I make the maximum amount of money from this one thing? And then I got burnt out with that, sold that to my business partner. And I was in this transition where I'd moved to L.A. for this relationship I was in, actually. Just kind of like trying to figure out what I was going to do next. And I was sitting in traffic near here,

like trying to go one mile and it took me like an hour in L.A. traffic. And I remember just feeling like, huh, I was frustrated in the relationship. I wasn't sure what I want to do in my life. You know, just things were happening. And I was like, I just felt stuck. And just being stuck in that car, I was like, this sucks. I don't want to be stuck in traffic or stuck in my life because I'm usually the guy that

knows how to get things done. So it's just a moment in time where I felt stuck. And I remember thinking, like, what do I really want to do? Well, what did I do five, six years previous to that moment? I was reaching out to mentors, inspiring people, interviewing them, and getting insights. applying when I was learning and look at the result I got. I built this multimillion-dollar business and sold it. So I said, I want to do that again.

I want to interview the most inspiring people in the world. But I was like, I think I could do it from a different perspective. I could interview athletes because I was an athlete. I could interview business people now because I'm in business. I could interview spiritual people, you know, because I did meditation. I was like, maybe I could tap into like the greatest people of all time. And what year is this? Just to give us context?

2012, I believe it was. Okay. I think it was either 2012 or 2013. and I'm forgetting now, five and a half years ago. And how many interviews at this point? Episodes, we're at 640, but I think probably 400 interviews. With a shit ton of interviews still. It's a lot.

It's a lot of interviews. Yeah, and it's an art interview. When you think about interviewing people, when you invite people on the show, what is the criteria that you look for at this point? And before you're looking for answers, you're trying to find the top performers. I think you're still probably trying to do that. But at this point, after doing so many, what is something you look for now? To bring someone on?

Yeah. What are you looking for when you're interviewing? Because at this point you're doing it. It's a feeling. Okay. It doesn't matter sometimes how big their following is. Like I've turned down people with, you know, whatever, 15 million followers, but I'm like, eh, if it just doesn't feel right, but I feel like, and sometimes it's people that have zero audience.

But if they're the smartest person in the world or the most inspiring person in the world, or they have a unique insight that only they can share, then it's interesting for me. So I think it has to be a number of factors, but it's got to be like a gut feeling of just, I'm inspired by what they've done. And again, I've people who've sold $100 million businesses, they're not interesting unless it's something unique. So I've just like... And again, like you were saying,

if they've been on everyone else's show or they're just doing like a book tour, then it's like, it's not interesting to me if they're on 20 other podcasts in the same day or week or whatever. So it's just really about finding something unique that's never been said. Yeah, I agree. And I think it's...

As an interview right now, like it's doing 100-something episode, So I think it's important to have, you want to do it only for interesting conversations, right? Like, if you're not having that, then it's like, what's the point? What's the point, right? Like, there's a half a million podcasts out there. And you want to stand out from the rest of them, you know? Whereas, you know, there's tons.

I see a lot of, like, influencer, you know, women doing podcasts just talking about nonsense. And I'm like, who's going to listen? We're able to go into interesting topics, right? That I think, like, individually as a man would be difficult. and individually as a woman would be difficult but because, like, we just had Aubrey on the show, right? And he's great. What's the topic you guys haven't talked about yet?

Well, one of them was with him, and we really dove into, like, open relationships. But it was interesting because we had his fiance on as well, and so we're like, we wanted to know, like, what's the dynamic here? Yeah, yeah. My blog is definitely too more than just, like, what you're wearing. I try to get, I want to talk about vagina steaming.

I want to talk about, you know, UTI. What is vagina steaming? I bet you haven't had a conversation around that yet. UTIs, yeah. Those are painful right here. I want to talk about a lot of different things. Vagina steaming, what is that? Yeah, let's get into it, Lauren.

Okay, you steam your vagina. With like a steamer. No, you actually sit over a bowl. The herbs come up into your vagina. You want to get some good visuals, Lewis? Yeah. You have a visual? I was like, what?

So you sit over a bowl. That's like a hot, like a boiling hot thing that's like got steam coming out of it. Yes. With herbs. It's actually very, very popular in China. And there's herbs in it and it balances. And it balances. out your pH and it makes you smell good.

And Michael, you should be really happy. It makes you smell good. Then every woman should do it. Doing this show, I've learned a lot, probably more than I should about female. Wow, that's good. I haven't a vagina steam your balls. Are you an endorser of this process? I mean, listen, if it's freshening things up, like, you know, listen, I'm going to

get in trouble here. If it's good, it's, you know, like, if it's, yeah. So are you saying it wasn't good before? I know. Yeah, what are you saying? I'm going to get, okay. Anytime you give a girl a compliment? Yeah.

About something to like, wait a bit. So you said, it didn't look good in this other outfit? I look at it the same way, like, listen, like, guys should clean their balls too, right? Absolutely. Yeah. I don't need your holding story. Yeah, got to keep it clean. Is there a ball steamer?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's the venture. We're in this now. That's the venture. But what's the conversation you guys have never had? Call Alibaba up and get the ball steamer going. What's the conversation we've never had? That's a good question.

We've had such a medley of conversation. I don't think we've had this conversation about being, men being vulnerable. It was one thing I really wanted to talk to you about because I think there's a lot of women that listen to this show. There's a lot of men, too, that it's foreign, right? Like, I know it's foreign to me. Like, how do you be vulnerable as a man? Like, how do you express yourself?

How do you, you know, you're taught as a man to, you know, be strong, be masculine. Like, don't show weakness, right? And I think it's an interesting topic that you bring up to explore what it's like to express that vulnerability. There is two things we don't talk about, politics and religion. That's the two things we don't talk about politics. I don't necessarily talk about religion. I talk about the different beliefs of religion and which ones work and which don't

for certain individuals, but I don't make anyone right or wrong. I like that. We just want the audience to have a takeaway. That's good. I'm curious, what's your biggest insecurity that people don't know about? I try to think about it. I think there's a lot of, like,

my insecurity at this point, I think, has been explored it a lot over the last few years, right? Like, I did everything in the past to perform, you know, searching for the wrong things, chasing material wealth, like having what carrying a lot about what people thought about that performance and I think over time now I'm like okay this is this is not a healthy way to be right this is not these are not healthy things to chase these are these are there's a reason that this and I maybe I'm still looking for there's a

reason that this feeling or that this pressure on myself is occurring so now it's like I'm looking for what that reason could be is it my upbringing I don't know is it the relationships I've chosen to be in I don't know what are you drawn driven towards at this point point like I said we were talking on a podcast earlier I'm driven towards more of like what is it what is a take like I want someone to look at the work I'm doing now and I don't and I want them to have a takeaway in some kind of way like I don't want it it doesn't need to be so self-serving anymore right like I've done enough to I've done enough at this point that I'm comfortable right like we're comfortable and he has practiced a lot financially and financially just like in our you know we have a good marriage and we have good

friends like at this point and listen there's there's always issues and there's there's always problems, but it's like what, what's next? And I think, like, I'm 31 years old now. I'm still pretty young. Trying to figure out those answers is, I think, is going to take me some time. But when I think about vulnerability, I don't know if I can define what it is, but there's something there that there's, I know there's a breakthrough that needs to occur somewhere, right? Like, with you?

Yeah, there's like, there's a lot of anxiety for some reason. There's unneeded stress, right? Really? Yeah, and I don't, and I think, like, having these conversations. Loving this conversation. Well, this is pretty powerful because not many men are even willing to say this. Just even this part. No, for sure.

Like, sometimes I wake up, like, why am I so anxious? I will give you this. Over the last three years, there has been some kind of breakthrough. He really started meditating. He reads stoicism every single day. He has looked inward. When I first met him, he was so driven towards the materialistic things. Four years ago, you met me.

You'd been like, this guy's an asshole. For sure. I don't know if it was an asshole. No, for sure. I think you just were driven. driven by, and I don't want to say the wrong things, but... No, the wrong things, right? Like, you're taught as a man or as a provider, right?

Like, you grow up, you do this, you do this work, you get these things, you know, get this status, and then that's success, right? Yeah. And as you go through it, you're like, wait a minute, like, this is not fulfilling, or is this even what I really want? I don't know. Or what's the point of it all? Yeah.

How does this serve humanity? Like, you don't give a shit, right? Like, what I'm doing, you hope I'm doing well and everything's going great, but, like, you don't care what I have or what I'm doing. that's not high performers don't that's not what that gets them off right like right and the i care about the impact people make yes i care about if you're a good person if you like care for people if you're you know if you're doing meaningful work for me yeah it's like there's a reason behind the work you're doing um now if there's not then that's okay too but it's like more interesting

having conversations like this than it's interesting to have like for me and the reason we started the show was not for any kind of monetization or any kind of like fame or it was literally to have these types of conversations and to provide answers for people that are in the same boat as us, right? Like, maybe you and I right now and Lauren, we stumble on an answer that I'm looking for and somebody that's listening gets some value there. And they're like, that applies to me as well, right? I don't know. Well, anxiety, what's the anxiety you feel it often? Is it like every morning you wake up with it or is it? No, I don't, I don't think it's like I'm a hyperactive person that can get in my own head and I can get stuck there. Right? Like, it takes a lot of work for me

to get out of my own head. Like, if something is going to, It's a lot of work to be in your own head, too. Yes. And that's why do you feel exhausted ever? Yes. Yeah, no. Wait, I feel exhausted from his stress. Really?

Listen, outwardly and like providing for others and all that, I don't think I have a problem there. But like I can definitely be very self-defeating, right? Where I have to like talk myself out of it, right? I have to like, I have to get myself in a space where I'm like, okay, wait a minute, everything's fine. Everything's great. like everything's doing well. I need to not beat myself up. What's the conversation in your head?

Are you constantly thinking a negative thing about? Let's say that me and you enter a business together and I fuck up something. Uh-huh. There's nothing you can say or do or nothing anyone else can say or do that's going to be worse than what I'm going to say to myself. Does that make sense? I absolutely, because I used to be that way. Yeah. I used to beat myself over everything.

Like, and that's what I'll tell you. I'm like, listen, any mistake, any, like anything at all. If it wasn't perfect or done the way I said I would do it, it's like I would beat myself up for weeks over. for the same thing. So what were some tools that you used to kind of change that? I think I just started shifting that energy to, okay, I'm a human being, I'm going to make mistakes. What can I do better moving forward?

What's my new commitment? It was that simple. That's what you said to yourself. It can be that simple. Okay, so I'm going to tattoo that on Michael's head and it might work. Exactly. Well, I mean, here's what it was for me. It's a practice of constantly, like you've got to set yourself up to fail and then say

how quickly and give yourself a challenge, how quickly can I move past this? Yeah. Because the more you practice. just moving past that anxiety or stress or overwhelm or beating yourself up, the easier it's going to be on yourself and it's easier it's going to be on her or your business or your partners or anything. But the more you beat yourself up, there's only one thing that can go wrong. Or the one thing that can happen is that you're going to be in pain, she's going to be in pain. And everyone's going to suffer.

Everyone's going to suffer when you're suffering. There's two states we can be in a beautiful state or a suffering state. And when you're in this negative mindset of suffering, I'm not enough, I'm not enough, I'm I'm messed up, I fucked this up, or whatever. I shouldn't have done that. I could have done it better. You're hurting the world. You're not helping your business grow.

You're not helping your relationship grow. You're not helping yourself grow. And so all we get to do is just say, okay, I messed up. I'm going to be better moving forward. What's interesting is I've gotten really good at pulling myself out of it, right? Like I can talk with. Don't get into it. That's exactly it.

So now that's what I got to explore. Imagine if you didn't get into it, how powerful you'd be in the world. Imagine how big your business would be the, impact you make, you know, everything with shifts. You want to need a steamer. You would just freshen up with the way you looked at her, you know what I mean? No, and so listen, that's- You want to mentor Michael. That's the next step, right? Like, that's the next step. It's like, okay, you're good at pulling yourself out of it. You're performing, but like, why are you getting into it? How long do you stay in it? I'm pretty good at getting myself out of it. It's just

like, it can be a constant, it can be constantly going back to it, right? It's something, it depends. But the thing is, any level of like, going into stress and anxiety is going to hold you back. Yeah, I agree. Even if it's like a little bit throughout the day, even if it's like in the morning a little bit, but you pull yourself out and then you go back in later or the next day, it's like, that's exhausting going in and out. It's funny. I just interviewed this MMA champion the other day, Michael Chandler, and I said,

what do you do when you lose a round against the toughest competitor in the world? What do you say to yourself when you're losing to make sure you don't keep losing and you can get out of it? And he says, before a fight or in between rounds, when they're pulling. humbling each other in the cage, he says, I have to say positive things and say productive thoughts. Because if I don't say anything, negativity will automatically come in our heads. Oh, maybe I'm not good enough.

Maybe I shouldn't be here. Why did I make that stupid mistake? Why did I do this? So he says he's constantly saying positivity to himself so that he doesn't have to get out of it. And that way, when he goes back into the next round, a minute later, he's coming back, refreshed, to go forgetting the past and just moving forward. So when you have anxiety, say you get a surge of anxiety. Is that what you do?

Is that how you get out of it? I don't really get anxiety anymore. I think I get, I think I get, there's uncertainty, there's stress. I mean, in my relationship, there's stressful moments where I'm like, God, I really don't want to be having this conversation right now. This sucks. And, you know, one of us is hurt or one of us is upset what the other person has done. And I'm like, this doesn't feel good.

But I've gotten a lot better. of I used to beat myself up and just people please constantly and like how can I fix this you know and now I'm just much more calmer I was thinking this will pass like I'm going to get over it she's going to go over it we're going to get we're going to figure it out it's going to pass the anxiety will pass but me holding on to the stress right now is not serving the moment and it's not helping me move past this any quicker so I just try to focus on breathing and just knowing that I've been here before many times and I'm still alive and I'm okay Let me just move past this.

So I just try to make it an exercise. Every time I'm in that situation, I'm like, I actually think about it. I'm like, this is a great moment for me to practice, not reacting, not getting defensive, not getting triggered like my old ways, finding a win-win solution. And maybe, you know, maybe I'm wrong in this moment and I just need to move past it. And so I think that's just what I do. It's just like I look at life as like a game. And every day is an opportunity to play.

and do we want to be stressed in our game or we do want to have fun in our game? And I just try to focus on fun as much as possible. That is great advice. But it's like every time you wake in the morning, if you feel anxious, you should say to yourself, okay, I'm just going to say, you know, 10 positive thoughts or whatever it is you want to do to get out of this as quick as possible. And you want to start timing yourself, like, how long was I anxious for? And see if you can just take it a little bit less and less each time until a moment of exactly.

anxiety comes up, you're just like, I don't need to feel this anymore. I'm going to feel positive and make the best of this moment. Everything's perspective and it's a choice. And gratitude for me is really what keeps me out of anxiety because I'm constantly embedding gratitude in my life with my conversation with my girlfriend. Every night we talk about three things we're grateful for. In the morning, I wake up and say when I'm grateful for. I usually ask people, what are you grateful for when I'm having a conversation?

And just evoking a perspective of gratitude, it's just like I have not. Nothing to complain about. I do trips to build schools around the world every year. And I just did one in Guatemala a couple months ago. And every time I go to a trip like this, I'm like, these kids have nothing. We're building schools and they have nothing. And they get like a meal a day. They have little grass huts, dirt huts, and they're smiling.

They're smiling the whole time. They're just happy little kids. They're playing with a stick and they're happy. I'm like, what do I have to be anxious about? Yeah. I live in freaking Beverly Hills. Like, it's sunny every day. I have food every day.

Any food I want I can get. I'm healthy. I've got incredible relationships. What do I have to complain about? Why? So it's just perspective for me. No, I agree. And I think it's just, it's staying in a state to constantly recognize that point of view.

Yeah. Right? That's what it is. It's like constantly recognizing, constantly being grateful. And like, that takes work as an individual. It's a ton of work. And I could be easily defensive with the best of them and easily negative with the best of them.

Like I could out negative anyone if I wanted to. You know what I mean? Because I've been there and I just know what that does to my... It just gives me stress and anxiety. And you have an opportunity of Michael to really make an impact in a massive way because when I turn, I'm 35, I just turn 35. And when I turned 30, 31, that's when all these things started opening up for me.

I think that's when it happens, right? Turn 30, you're like, okay, now I'm an adult. Or like, my 20s are gone. Like, I've got to figure this out. And that's when I started like, 20 is a smooth sailing. It was challenging. No, I think it's the first time as a man that you start to like, okay, like you're having fun as a kid and then you're 20s, you're having more fun.

And then you're like, okay, wait a minute. Like, I got to figure out what the fuck's going on here. When I turned 31 was the first time when I looked at a baby in a different way. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is so funny. This is how he is right now. I'm not ready to have kids.

Like, I'm probably not going to have kids for another, I don't know, my 40s. Like, I don't even think about it right now. You ever heard the term? You want to make God laugh, tell him your plan? That's true. But that's not my intention. It's not what I want right now. But I look at kids differently.

And I think I started doing that. But, yeah, I mean, you really have an opportunity because, you know, you've got a platform. You've got a skill set. I can tell you're extremely talented and gifted. But the only thing that's going to hold you back is what's in your head. Oh, yeah. I couldn't agree more. That's the only thing.

And the way that I look at it now, anytime I'm anxious or, like, negative in my mind, for too long, less than we're all human. It's going to happen. but anytime I like hold on to it for too long, I just remind myself that I'm robbing the world of my gifts. Like every time I'm negative about anything, I'm robbing humanity or my friends or my family of a greater opportunity to live life.

And I just think about like what's something you could have done, I could have done that day to help person in need or to call a friend who could have had a phone call and had that support or just do something good with my energy, my time. And I think you have an opportunity. this year, the next 10 years, to light the world on fire. But the only way

is if you get out of your head, and if you have conversations with your audience like this, your wife, and other male friends that make you so uncomfortable. I think the more uncomfortable you get with men. This has made me, like, not uncomfortable, but this is, you know,

I'm basically being interviewed by Lewis Hiles right now. He's coming in hot. But I'm serious, though. Yeah, yeah, no. Like, you should talk to your three to five best friends and sit them down one-on-one for, like, an hour each and ask them three questions that make you uncomfortable to, like, talk about. And you get to lead with the things that you've never told them before. Well, that's why I find your book in this topic so interesting, because I think you and I have something in common where we're constant searchers, right? Like, you're looking for high performers.

You're looking at different, you're looking for answers, right? Like that is not, that's not a shortcoming of mind. Like, I'm constantly looking. That's right. But the other side of that is, if you're not looking inward as well and exploring vulnerabilities, then all the other stuff you're seeking out, you can't take it as far as you need to, right? That's the problem. And that's, you know, you could read every book in the world, interview every top performer,

but if you don't, if you're not in touch with yourself, then you're- It's hard, man. You know, every new stage of our life demands a new level of seeking vulnerability. and, you know, revealing certain things. Like, I've done a lot of work over the last five years, and now I feel like, man, but there's still things that are holding me back that I'm, like, afraid, you know, afraid of certain things with my relationship

or my family or whatever, just like... What's holding you back? I just feel like, I don't know, sometimes we feel like stuck emotionally or something. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but it's like, sometimes I feel stuck emotionally, and I'm like, what's the thing that's holding me back? And I think it's discovering, like,

am I on the truest path in every area of my life? And I just always want to know that I'm doing the right thing. How will you ever know? It's just a feeling. That's the tough part. That's the messy part of life. It's like, I don't know sometimes. But I just lean into it and I say, okay, I'm not going to run away from a certain

situation. I'm going to lean into it and maybe it doesn't feel good or it doesn't feel right and keep leaning in until it feels right or it's time to do something else. When you say stuck emotionally in what way, like in your relationships or? Yeah, I mean, Certain relationships, yeah. And what is the emotion that you can't express or where do you feel like you have to limit yourself? I just think, like, you know, as someone who likes things his way.

Oh, my gosh. You know, and wants to have it all and preaches having it all. Yeah. You know, I feel like sometimes, you know, in relationships, that's not the case. You get to work with your partner or work with your family or work with your friends and do things that you don't want to do all the time. you know, in every relationship. So I think it's just challenging because it's like, I like to do things my way

and everything. Yeah. And so it's like I get to continue to be like selfless and, you know, win-win in every situation. But it's a balance, you know, it's figuring that out. What do you love about your girlfriend? Why are you guys so compatible? She's amazing.

Tell me about her. She's a goddess. She's, she doesn't care about anything about what I do. Like, like, I get, you know, a lot of girls, will send me messages because of the stuff I've achieved. She doesn't care about any of that.

She cares about my heart. And that's the thing that I love with most about her. And that's why it works really well. She's just, like, connected to me. For the right reasons. For the right reasons. And being in Hollywood or this, you know, in L.A. in general, it's like you never know when you meet someone, you know, before I was with her.

I was dating different girls. And you just never know. I'm a pretty good judge of character, but it's just like she didn't care at all about anything I'd done. She wasn't in the online space at all. She's a doctor of physical therapy. So she's just like dedicated, hardworking, consistent. I love to her commitment to health. She works out harder than I do, which is hard to find. Yeah, she's just down for stuff. She's great. Do you feel she's amazing? Do you feel like a pressure or responsibility? Like you've positioned yourself now, I don't want to say it's an expert that, so you haven't done that.

But you've positioned yourself as somebody who's teaching and showcasing other performers and yourself. And is there ever, do you ever feel like a pressure like, shit, I got to, I got to be performing top, top tier here because if not, these people are looking to me and I'm going to let them down. Like, do you ever run through that? I think it's not about necessarily performing at the top. It's like not about achieving at the highest level. It's about pursuing at the highest level. And it used to be for me that I had to achieve everything. And I did. Every dream that I had, I pretty much achieved all of them. And I still wasn't happening. I was like, why am I not fulfilled? And why am I still resentful and angry? And I realized because I was trying to prove everyone wrong as opposed to trying to lift everyone up. And so now I'm just committed to pursuing my dreams at the highest level. But some of them are going to fail. As long as I pursue them to be a symbol of inspiration or be a symbol of like positivity, then that's what I care about. Don't you think if you look back, it's such a waste of energy to prove people wrong?

Like there's a couple people I know in my life and they're just committed to proving people wrong. prove my parents wrong and prove my friend wrong, prove this bully wrong. Or you get a conversation and like you have to be the one that gets the final say or the final word. It's like that's, I mean, yeah, looking back, but at the time it was like what drove my whole existence. You know, everything I did was to prove people wrong. And it worked. It gave me the fuel and the fire and the drive to go through any pain and any frustration because I wanted to prove people wrong that hurt me.

And when I would achieve my greatest accomplishments, and be miserable 10 minutes later, I was like, why is this not enough? And it was like, I need a bigger dream, I guess, and I just go out and conquer something else. And I was like, why is this never fulfilling? And I realized because it was doing it for the wrong reasons. I mean, yes, I loved these things. I enjoyed them, like I love playing sports and I love building a business, but it was doing them, the intention behind it was to prove people wrong who were nasty to me or who hurt me or whatever.

And once I said, enough is enough. I'm doing this because I love it and because I want to lift others up. It's given me so much more passion and fuel than the negative fuel. And it's more fulfilling and sustainable. I feel like I can do this forever now and I don't have anxiety and I don't have stress

and I don't have like this sense of overwhelm. Whereas I used to, I could never sleep at night. I used to go to bed and lay there and I laid sleeper anyway. So I go to bed like one and I just sit there for two, three hours. I couldn't sleep because I was so. so anxious. Now I sleep like a baby. I'll go to bed at 10.30, which I never thought I'd be able to go to sleep early. I go to bed and I'll crash in like five minutes. And it's 100%

because I'm not doing things for the wrong reasons anymore. So at this point, let's talk about a day in a life. Like what's your perfect day at this point? Like you wake up, like what's your routine? How do you get going? Perfect day is waking up at 5.30, lifting it. at six with a trainer, doing something that challenges me. But I like to work out in different styles all the time. So it might be a sport, it might be a workout, it might be whatever, but doing something that challenges me and it makes me want to cry. Because I believe that the more pain I inflict on myself purposefully without hurting myself,

but dealing with pain, is only going to make me stronger throughout the rest of the day. Anything else that comes my way, if I'm about to cry in the morning because I'm so hurt from the pain I'm putting myself through. It's just like building this level of confidence that I can take on anything, any type of pain or anything that people want to throw my way, I can take it on. Whether it's a big audience I got to speak in front of or an interview or something, it's like I already had the hardest hour of the day. I'm good. After that, I come back and I like to meditate for about 10 to 15 minutes. I have a process I do from a meditation school I went to in India.

Can you detail the process at all? I need details. you can't drop gems and then glaze over. There's a breathing, it's a simple breathing process where there's some humming, there's some, you know, inner spoken mantra stuff. There's some, there's a process of just like breathing in and out for about 10 minutes. And then there's about a three to four minute process where I, not to go too crazy, stop me if I am, where I go out of my body every morning.

and see myself from above and have a dance party in the clouds and my arms stretch out like Gumby and I bring all the kids in the world up and have a dance party with me then I go like Superman and start jumping on planets spinning planets with my hands

and this is all occurring in your mind did this something you made up or is this something you just see something that happened when I was in India where I was just going through this you know two-week experience Maybe you spend a little too much time with Aubrey. He did other stuff that's crazy. I was conscious the whole time.

You have never been high or drunk. So I've always had like conscious awareness of like these things. And I essentially go to the farthest place of the universe until it's complete darkness. I can't see any stars, the earth anymore. And I sit in complete silence in my mind. And I look back at nothing and realize all the things I'm saying, stressed about are nothing. I can't even see Earth or myself anymore. It's so small and insignificant. The stress, the pain, the hurt. Why am I holding onto it? So that's one thing to make sure that I don't

stay anxious or stress throughout the day. This is why I wanted you to go into it. Yeah. And the second thing is the reason I'm spinning planets and jumping on different planets, like a bouncy castle, is it's a visualization for myself to remind me that anything is possible and then I can can control my own universe. And so it's just like not like I'm going to move planets, but essentially I'm going to move my own planets. And anything I dream of I can create. And then I fly back through the Earth's core.

This is probably too much here now. I fly back through the Earth's core. I love it. And I find I go through the center of the earth. I find the smallest particle. And I hoard it in my hand. And then I punch through the particle of sand and explode it. into a universe a thousand times as big as the one I was just in.

And then I keep diving back into the planet, to the Earth's core, and explode it, and keep exploding it over and over. It's a lot. But I keep exploding it over and over again. I keep finding the center of the universe and expanding it. And for me, that just reminds me of expansive thought, expansive mindset, expansive belief of what is possible. So it's just like a thing that I do.

And they didn't teach me that. I was just like coming up with it as they were going through different processes. And I've just stuck with it because I like it. And then I... It's obviously working. And then I make my bed every morning. That's the must. Making my bed is more important than working out than making bed.

It might be more important than working out or meditating. Well, hold on. I'm not opposed to making the bed. You don't make it right. I'll make it. Yeah. But also, what if I'm, like, if you're in the bed still? No, I'm not in the bed lately still.

We have different sleep schedules. What time do you wake up? Well, see, I go to... bed at like 1.30 in the morning, which is bad. You know what? I used to get on people. Like, I used to be like, hey, you got to like, you know, because I'm earlier and like early and like early, but I've realized and over time, my creativity comes in the night. The creative process, some, for some people, it takes place late at night, sometimes too early in the morning. It used to take place with me. I couldn't go to bed until really late. You know, I'd be working until 3 a.m. most nights, and that's where I was

getting the most, because no one else was up and I was just grinding. If there's one thing I've done at this show, it's, you got to let individuals be individuals and do their thing. You know, and we all have a process and a journey of, you know, that was my 20s and early 30s. And now the value, like, I thought I would never be an morning person. Never. I was like, it's just not me. I can't do it. Then earlier this year, I said, I am going to train myself to wake up early.

And I'm going to pay a trainer to be there at 6 a.m. Hold it accountable. Hold me accountable. And I'm going to do it for a month. And if it's, like, so exhausting that I can't do it, then I'll go back to sleeping late in night and just, like, say, this is who I am. and it's been the greatest thing for me. I have more clarity, more focus, more energy, and I'm up at 5.30.

It sucks waking up still. It's not like I'm, yay, all happy. Like, I would rather sleep for four more hours. But it's good discipline. But it's the discipline of like, I'm back by 7. 715, my bed is made. People are asleep for two more hours, and I am like ready to work and go,

and no one's even up. And I'm just like, let's crush this. By 9 a.m., I'm done more than most people who are, you know, still in bed. Like I was, right? What are you doing between seven and nine after you make the bed? Lately, I've been connecting with my girlfriend because we've been going to bed at like 10.30 right now. So it's like we spend like an hour, 45 minutes to an hour in the morning's connecting and just like sitting there in peace and just going over stuff talking about ideas or whatever.

Or that's when I'll meditate or, you know, we'll make smoothie, something like that. Yeah. And then I just shower, get ready and clean my space. It's important to have a clean space for me, which I never did. before. My space was always sloppy, but it's the most important thing is to have a clean space because then I have a clean mind and I have a clean work afterwards. But it's all things I've learned over the last, you know, four or five years. It's not like, oh, it's perfect. So, yeah, and then I just go after the day. Yeah. Do you go into the office?

I have a home studio. Home studio. Yeah. Okay. So, and are you working from nine to five and then stopping at five, or does it go into me right? Work is not really a term that I use because it's a mission. Totally get it. Totally get it. So it's like I'm doing it all day long, all night long. That's a good way to put it. I might steal that from you.

I've heard you say that on your podcast before I completely relate to that. So it's not like, it's not like a clocking, clock out. As entrepreneurs, obviously it does, it's not possible. But it's like this is a thing that I would be doing even if I wasn't getting paid. I would love to sit down with the most inspiring people in the world. I would love to connect with my best friend, who's my COLO, like talking about ideas and how it can impact people. I would love to plan my next book. I would love to plan our next big event.

You know, it's like this is what I'd do even if I wasn't getting paid. What about your evening routine? Is there any way you wind down? Evening routine is almost important as the morning routine. And I need to work on that. It's what sets you up. This is what I believe is the greatest achievers in the world do is that they have the morning routine and the evening routine because if we can't sleep peacefully, if we have anxiety

or stress, we're constantly thinking. that's going to affect our health long term. Because if our sleep patterns are off, it's just going to keep making us in sleep debt. And what I've realized is that I used to never sleep because I was like, I'm going to outwork anyone. And sleep is for the poor and all these things that are here, right? Prove them wrong.

Sleep is for the week. That's wrong, you know. And sleep is one of the most important things for recovery of the brain, of anxiety, of the muscles, of everything, for longevity of health. You know, the people that live the longest sleep the best. and I think it's, you know, important that we maximize every hour of the day for our longevity of life, for our inner peace. And the evening routine is what gives me inner peace.

I'll shut things off, you know, the TV or the phone or whatever. I try to shut it off within 30 minutes before I go to bed. Sometimes I'm not perfect, but if we shut it off within 30 minutes in it's darkness and we're just able to talk to me and my girlfriend, or just able to talk. And then we share the three things we're most grateful for from the day. When I do that, again, gratitude brings me back to peace. It brings me back to perspective and gets rid of the stress. It's like right after I do that within moments, it's like I just want to sleep.

And so I think it's important. It's important for me to do that ritual, you know, brush your teeth, everything like that. But try to be 30 minutes without any electronics on before and just be in darkness. And just having conversation makes me, like, also want to be tired. So talking, gratitude, lights off. And then knowing that I got to wake up at 5.30 makes me sleep too. That would make me go to sleep, too. Well, you're a pro.

I basically, you turn the tables on me. If you wanted to leave this audience with a final thought or something that, you know, you really want to push on them or not, I don't want to say push on them, but something that they could really apply that you think, really helped you, what would it be? Could be a thought, could be a resource, could be just any kind of gem that you'd say it's important for me. Yeah, I would say one of the things that we're looking for the most is to be acknowledged.

The thing that we care about a lot is acknowledgement. You know, the reason why we dress nice, the reason why we buy the nice car, the reason why we build a business in the first place is to gain some type of significance or acknowledgement from others. and when we die, that's when everyone comes out and acknowledges us at the funeral. Everyone says nice things about us. Rarely do I see people acknowledging others,

and that's why I think it's important to acknowledge yourself for the hard work you're putting in and also acknowledge the people you care about. So I would say the person you're in a relationship with, send them a text, give them a call, and acknowledge them right now for the gifts that they are. have in the world and or acknowledge someone in your life that you care about and also acknowledge yourself or how hard you've been working lately in your life. If you do that, I think that's enough for right now. Where can everyone find you? You're a rock star. Yeah, Lewis Howes on social media and School of Greatest Podcast. And I have to say your Instagram is like really good guys. His Instagram is

great. So you should all follow him and your books on Amazon, right? It's everywhere. Yep. And listen to his podcast. There's so many good episodes. If they were going to start with one or two or three, where would you tell them to start? There's so many at this point. I just did this, I just did this series, like this kind of mash-up series of like the masters. I did this one, the high-performance habits of masters. I did the relationship secrets of masters. And just like a mesh of different. We're getting like seven minutes of like the top episodes from these top people in that field. So I would say go to one of those in the last couple weeks. And yeah, those are really powerful. I liked your one with Ryan Holiday. I liked your one with Aubrey Mark.

I liked your one with Gary V. I liked your one with Nina, and I'm in a flubber last name. Debrev? Yes. And Julianne... Julia Huff? Yeah, Huff.

She's amazing. Yeah, really good episodes. Yeah, thank you. Love your podcast. Thank you so much for coming on. Appreciate it. And thanks for the therapy session with my... Wait, don't go just yet, guys.

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