The Bossticks - #22: The Bitch Bible with Jackie Schimmel

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

Creator of "The Bitch Bible" podcast & blog Jackie Schimmel, joins Lauryn and Michael to discuss how she got into podcasting, her love of all things "Real Housewives," why James Kennedy from "Vanderpump Rules" is the worst, what made her start a blog, and why people should be honest about the plastic surgery they get. To listen to the Bitch Bible Podcast click HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Bombshell Body Guide and Meal plan.  tired of combating inflammation & bloat? Want to feel lighter and sexier? Check out lauryn's latest 7 day meal plan. In this simple & super effective plan you'll find: + tsc grocery list with every ingredient you need for the 7 days. + what the f*ck to do when you love carbs guide. + quick and delicious recipes: breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner and dessert. You will also find 28 weeks worth of fat burning, muscle toning, 27 minute long, effective workouts you can do at home with no equipment. USE PROMO CODE: HIMANDHER at Checkout for 20% Off

The following program is a podcast 1.com presentation. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

Aha. Hi, everyone. It's the skinny confidential, him and her podcast with Lauren Evers and Michael Bostic. And we are coming at you from Podcast One Studios in Beverly. Hills, so bougie. We have a very exciting guest. But first I'll let Michael introduce himself if you guys are new to the show. Well, that's awkward. Now I've got to just jump back in and reintroduce myself. My name's Michael. I'm a new podcaster, entrepreneur. Michael, come on. Just introduce yourself. Let's go. Yeah. So I'm here. I'm podcasting. This is my show. Michael.

I'm just kidding. Okay. So yeah, I've introduced myself again and Lauren's giving me weird looks, but we have a very special guest today that we're very excited about. I'm Lauren Everett. I'm from the skinny confidential. As some of you guys know, I'm introducing myself, Michael, get over it. So the people that are new know. And today we have Jackie Schimmel. Is that how you pronounce it? Yeah, perfect. She's from the bitch Bible. You guys have to listen to her podcast. It's definitely my favorite podcast. That is so nice. Thank you. It is. I'm a big fan. Thank you. There's nothing I love more than pretty funny girls. Oh, stop. I'm going to stay forever. I love it here. Thank you. take Michael's place, please.

Okay. You can stay all the way till... Michael, noon. One o'clock, till they boot us out. Perfect. Jackie has a blog and a podcast. It's called The Bitch Bible. I don't even know how I stumbled upon you.

I'm trying to remember. It was so long ago. I don't remember, but I think I found your blog first, and then it led me to the podcast. Uh-huh. I fell in love. Oh, my God. I'm in love with you now.

That's all it takes. I do love you. You're so sweet. And you, like, you tweeted me not too long ago. And then I started stalking you. as well. And I was like, oh my God, she's cool and funny and pretty. We're in a stalling relationship. Totally. I stalked her dog. I know her, I know her fiance's name. I know what I now know what he drinks. I mean, I kind of know everything. That's really deep. We're basically best friends in five minutes.

Yes. It's so social media 2016 like you said. So yeah, we have a couple interesting questions. Oh, but before we get into him, just like tell us about yourself. Oh my God. I'm so bad at this. You must know. Like, tell us this, because we were just talking before the show. Tell us how you got into podcasting because I thought it was a cool story. Okay, so I got into podcasting when I didn't even know what a podcast was. And I'm sure, like, most people still don't know what podcasting is. It's so bizarre. But I went on watch what happens live and I was doing like tons of housewife recaps because I am obsessed with the real housewife.

I don't give a fuck who knows it. That was my first fuck. I feel like that was a moment. I'm so glad I got that over with. We'll put the E next to this episode. Yeah, you might have to. Wait, you're also obsessed with G. specifically, the song she's saying, I love that song.

I know every song that any housewife child or housewife themselves has performed, recorded. My whole dream in life is to have my fiance do a song for one of the housewives. I don't care who he's worked with. That's all I want in life. I love that you sang the whole song. This is Jordan, by the way. Oh, sorry. Where was my intro?

I got excited, you guys. Sorry. Jordan Bostic here, Wrangler in Chief. I love that you sang the whole song on your show. That was shameful. Yeah. And I knew the whole, like, I know all the lyrics. You knew every word. And you actually knew, like, the notes. Inflection. Exactly. Your fiancé should have played the triangle in the background because her fiance is, like, so into music. I felt like it would have just brought it together. I want him to like reproduce a cover. Oh my God. I should do that. Like I should. I should release an EP of me singing all the housewife songs. But I definitely real close by Danielle Stop. Does anyone know what that is? I don't know that song, but I, you need to have Daniels on your podcast. She's coming on. She's coming on. We made con. contact is happening. Can you explain to everyone who Danielle is if they don't know? Okay, Danielle Stobb was on a few seasons of Real Houseways in New Jersey. She, okay, first season, she's a little crazy. She's had like a million ex-husband. Oh, I shouldn't say this. She's

going to get so mad of me. Whatever, it doesn't mean. It doesn't matter. Um, she was, she has a few sex tapes. She has changed her name twice. Her book. Did she go to jail? Come without a badge. Did she go to jail? She was in jail, I think. Danielle stopped. called? Cop without a batch. No, that's a book that was written about her. She was, like, involved in, like, the Colombian cartel, kidnapping, like,

crazy shit. You should put that on your recommended reading list this month. Cop without a fucking badge. Like, that would be a, if it was legitimate, like, I would love to run a cartel. I would be the best drug dealer in the whole wide world. I say it all the time.

You guys should go into business together. Do you want to? I would love to. My lawyer Nico's here. Nico? Cartel business? No? Maybe not?

He's given the thumbs down. Okay, well, we could just keep it on the down, though. I'll run the, I'll, like, run it. I feel like Danielle's interview is, like, the first one in a while. Like, if she comes on your podcast, that's, like, gnarly. This is going to be, like, one-on-one, Oprah. Like, I have so many questions for her, and they're all really inappropriate. So I'm going to have to, like, kind of tiptoe in, and then I'm going to go for it.

I love it. Yeah, she'll probably threaten to sue me because she does that. She does? Oh, yeah. She, like, threatens to sue people. She has bodyguards. I don't know what the fuck she's doing. or who she's with or what's going on.

But I'm obsessed with her. Okay, speaking of suing, now, I don't know if we can say the name, but there's a certain bus boy at Pump. Yes. That we all know his name. James Kennedy, I can say it. Yeah, you can say it. That is kind of pissed at you.

Yeah, he's such a little troll bitch, like the worst. He really is. Michael literally, like, his eyes are glued to the television. That guy cracks me up, though. What is going on with him? He's the worst. I mean, but he's the white, But he's also the best because he's so...

Oh, for sure. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not so into reality TV, but when that guy's on, I'm like, what is, what's up with this guy? What's he doing? He's kind of annoying, though. Like, we get it. You're just... I got annoyed. Like, stop. I love how he had... Yeah, totally. Like, you just had, like, a full meltdown. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like, chugging the liquor and just melting down. Like, what's that... What's the character from that show, Arthur, with the rats or the mouses? Daphne or Dannica? I know exactly who you're talking about. I think it's Daphne. Danica. We got to get this. name. Beatrice, it's something. That's what he looked like with his weird, like, wig with the bangs.

And then he's, like, chugging fireball. And he's like, he looks like a ballerina with a guy. I'm like, what are you doing? He was not cool at all. He was hitting on another girl in front of his girlfriend. In front of Kristen, yeah. In front of Kristen, yeah. It was not a good look.

So how did you get into podcasts? Oh, sorry. I tend to go on Tantries. No, no, I'm going to keep it. Michael will keep you right on chat. Don't worry. Thank you. Because I first encountered, Lauren, showed me your blog.

And you're a very good. and it's creative and it's funny and I was laughing at it. I actually showed the guys in my office at the Leonardo DiCaprio Post and they were laughing at it. Oh, thank you. How did you make the transition from blog to podcast and why? Okay, so I had the blog and then I went on Watch What Happens Live and then it just really honestly just kind of fell into place really naturally.

The executive producer of Watch What Happens Live owns my production company and came to me and was like, listen, I want to start a digital network. He's got a bunch of TV shows, but never really like, you know, segwayed into podcasting. And he was telling me it's like the new cool thing. And I'm very impressionable. And I was like, sure, let's do it. What's a podcast?

So that was really honestly how it happened, like super organic. How long have you been doing it now? A year and a half. Do you love it? I kind of really love it. At first, I was so anxious about it. And I would get nauseous. And I was like, how am I,

going to sustain a conversation with a stranger for an hour and make it entertaining because there are so many podcasts out there but like you want people to be you want it to be like you know entertaining like bam bam bam bam bam bam bam like chill we still love this podcast we're like listen we're not just going to go in there and talk about social media marketing because you're going to fall asleep right we're going to tell some funny stories we're going to talk about our lives and then we're going to do it then you know we have the same issue like we're in what there's 22 now so we've been you've been doing a little bit longer. He loves to do the episode bragg every time. No, but it's... I love that. But I think for the first like 10 episodes, we were

stabbing each other. Like, it was like sleep with one eye open status. Totally. It's... Well, doing it with like your significant other is a whole other animal. Like, I did one podcast with Andrew and it was brutal. Like, I haven't heard this one. It's called conditional love. Oh, I can't wait to listen. And it is, he does not want to be there. He did not want to talk. He is so shy. And I'm just... And when people kind of hold back on a podcast, it makes me go more turbo and get more aggressive with people. So I start just like poking, you know what I mean? Which is so terrible to do.

But it's just my first instinct because I'm like, I got to get something. Like even if they storm out, like how dramatic and amazing would that be? It would be amazing. Who's the person that just stormed out? I was like, I was hoping that we, like, I want to get a storm out eventually. Tara Reid and Jenny McCarthy. Bingo. That was a good one.

That was good for publicity. I would love a good Tara Reid moment. I was just talking to Taylor and our last, like, our last podcast. About his Bumble experience. I was trying to get him to storm out. We were talking all about his failed dating experience. He almost did. Who's the best guest you've ever had on?

Because you've had on some very legit people. I mean, like Vanderpump rules, everyone, I feel like. Yeah, we've had a lot of people. Like, some might even forget about. But I, for me, it's not really like about who's like the most current or relevant or whatever. Like, I really like people who just own it and bring it and are there to play. because some people come and they might be famous or whatever, but they're not being authentic or they're afraid to say certain things.

They're boring. Boring as fuck. And I'm like, really? Are you going to give me anything? Like, just give me something. Give me a nut, okay? So there's not like one podcast guest that's been like your ideal. Danielle might have that moment.

I feel like Daniel Stobb is going to have the moment because I feel like if anyone's going to like end it short and be like you're a, you know, like flip out. It's going to be her. I love Morgan Stewart's. She's funny, huh? She's so funny. And I love Julie and Brandy from the People's Couch. Oh, okay.

I need to listen to that episode, too. I've listened to almost all your episodes. I love your podcast. Again, you guys, I'm serious. It's definitely one of my, I mean, it is my favorite podcast. She's hilarious. So is this your full-time gig now? Full-time gig.

Full-time gig. That's awesome. So blog and podcast. Yeah, I mean, the blog is kind of more just like a hobby. And I write articles for different magazines, and that's kind of like, you know, My thing. What were you doing before all that? Okay.

So I was working at Chelsea lately, and then I moved on to like a couple of her projects. I did after lately, and then I actually did Heather McDonald's pilot and a pilot for Ross Matthews and a pilot for Whitney Cummings. So it was kind of just like floating around. And when those didn't get picked up, I took a temp job for 30 days at a, it was like an investment bank and I was a receptionist. Whoa, you went from comedians to think, what? I wanted no responsibility, and my parents were like, are you going to get a job? And I was like,

totally, I got this. I also dropped out of college. So, you know, limited options. That's amazing. And, you know, I'm super great in the corporate workspace, as you can imagine. I'm very professional. I can't imagine you being my banker. No, I mean, I wasn't. I was like getting people coffee and answering phones. I did nothing. Like slip an extra hundy through the... You know what? I actually watched, and you might kill me for doing this TBT, but your YouTube channel. Oh my God. I liked it. I thought it was so funny.

When I'm embarrassed by something, I just, I let it like die in the universe. I never look back at it. I just pretend it didn't happen. Am I a really big stalker that I know about your YouTube channel? No, girl, I love it. I showed it to you, I think, in bed. That's shameful. Do you remember that?

Michael was listening to your podcast the other night with, I actually sent you a video so you know that. Yes, I saw. I was happy. I was doing my research. I had to prepare. He was laughing in bed to himself in the dark to Jack. Jackie's podcast. It was interesting. I think you thought I was asleep, but I was eating watermelon no shame in the game. I was like, listen, I'm going to meet Jackie. I got to know what she's about. I got to know what

I'm getting into, you know. It's true. It's important to do. I heard about New Jersey housewives, Teresa. I heard about, what else I hear about? You love Teresa. I love Teresa and her hairline more than anything. You should totally do a Teresa table flip moment when you interview Danielle. Well, it's going to be over Skype, but I can still flip the table. It's fine. That's even better. Yeah, because then I don't even have to deal with like face-to-face contact i can really get away with a lot my dream podcast guest for you is gia oh my gosh that would i would it would be too much i'd want to do a duet i know i would love you literally andrew could like concoct it i know her fiance does music you guys and he thinks he's above doing housewife songs i disagree painfully painfully disagree so that's interesting

you started and all that and then you started the blog on the side i started the blog while i was a receptionist because when I tell you, I did nothing, I did nothing. I used to get, like, many bottles of champagne and, like, pour them in a coffee cup around 5 o'clock. Everyone was out by 1 p.m. because it was, they were all working New York time. So I was alone in this big, fancy office. I put, like, real housewives on every TV. I was just, like, living the dream.

It was the best job ever. But then. I'm, like, a big proponent of, like, having a job and starting something on the side until it becomes your main thing. And clearly, that's kind of what happened to you. Maybe even by accident. Like, maybe you didn't. plan to go into podcast, and like you said, but now it's your main thing.

Yeah. I mean, you're good at it. Like, we, it's clear. Like, if I'm listening to it at night in the dark, you know, I don't listen to a lot of female podcasts. So creepy. So creepy. Yeah.

So, but it's, it's interesting to hear the story because I think a lot of people listening are trying to find their way and they're trying to find their path and, like, what they can do in the new social media landscape. Yeah. So, you know, even if you're working as a banker and you hate it, you can start something on the side and eventually. I don't want to say that I was working as a banker. Let's not push it here.

I mean, I like it, and I am Jewish, so it would work. I was trying to, like, you know. No, she was a receptionist. We got to keep it real. Okay. So, receptionist then. Yeah, and every time someone would walk by. It's relatable.

I'd be, like, fake typing, like, song lyrics. Like, a champagne. Britney Spears, I'd be like, you're so lucky, like, whatever. Like, whatever, to be like, I'm just really busy. I'd wear a Bluetooth that wasn't plugged in. It was great. I have a guy in my office. I'm not going to name him, but I think he does that thing.

He, like, does the quick, like, switch from sports page to the work page. I'm like, I'm like, listen, I see you. I'm like, I fucking see you. Yeah. What are you trying to pull here? The other day I walked in the office and I thought I was alone and then all of a sudden I hear, hi, Jordan. And he's in the massage chair in the back.

I was like, I thought I was alone. You know, I was like, I'm here in the office. Good thing. That Michael doesn't need to go to the office anymore because he just installed security cameras. And I've been hearing and seeing about this for the last eight days every single day. I have to watch what everyone's doing even when there's no one in there. That is so fun.

Yeah. I would just love to do that. I'm going to freak you out and just like go in your office and pretend. I'm looking at stuff. I would hear about it for about three days straight. I'm just going to make you paranoid. Wait, do the people know that there's cameras? Yeah, they know.

You shouldn't have told them. They know, but they forget. You know what I mean? They get comfortable. They catch you slipping. Yeah. Taylor has his hair gel in there. He does his hair when we snapchat.

He wants to make sure his hair is done. Of course. Weston's doing some weird stuff the other day when he was in there flicking off the camera. But anyways, that's interesting. So now, living the dream, podcasting, blog, engaged. Yes. Wedding planning. Wedding planning.

I am wedding planning. How's that going? Really? like great easy I haven't done one thing and my wedding's in November I haven't done one thing do you have a planner we have a planner

and if she's listening Ariana I need you to step your shit up like get it together Ariana like seriously I like I'm my parents are calling me there's no room blocks there it's a destination I'm losing my mom's to get on that shit give me her email address I'll send her an email I'm like Ariana okay listen there's people coming down I need to make sure

they have rooms and she goes okay Michael do you want fire dancers or fireworks. Here's the quote. And I'm like, I don't want any of that shit. I just want you to get the people down there. Fucking shelter. Roll out some donkey tacos and some margaritas and we're ready to go. We don't want like the little tacos. None of that shit. Donkey. Just tacos. Like no one, no one wants a dover soul. Like we just want like very like, chill. Chill. That's fine. Then that's easy. Then you don't have to be like planning like crazy. I don't even have a dress. Do you? No. Oh my God. I haven't even started looking. You haven't done any of that. No. I have a planner and a date.

and a place. Where's the date? It's basically it. It's May 20th. Love it. In Palm Springs. I'm not going to tell you later. Just in case. I'm hoping to have a stalker by then, so, you know, I don't want to reveal.

I feel like I'm your stalker, though. Okay, then I'll tell you where to go. I'll block you a room. I'm going to block you a room with a view. You'll see Lauren on her balcony with her, what are they called? Benoculars. No, I think the reason that I like you is because you're like a different kind of funny. Acquired?

Yeah, no, it's a different. It's not basic bitch funny. You're very detailed with your jokes, and it doesn't feel like a joke. Like, it doesn't... I got to tell you, 99.9% of the time, I'm, like, not joking. I'm dead serious. And people are like, that's so funny. I'm like, oh, I was serious, but we'll go with it.

Like, if you think that's funny, that's fine. We have this ongoing joke, Lauren and I, like, I'll say something, and I'll wait for the reaction. And if it's a bad reaction, like, just joking. But she gets so pissed. But it's, you know, like, sometimes you got to, like, You've got to see, like, I'm trying to, like, break the ice by, like, making it a joke, but I'm also dead fucking serious. Like, quit that shit. You're testing the waters.

I want to slip my throat when you say just joking. It's not just joking. Isn't it just kidding? Yeah. Just joking. Who says that? Who says that? He says that.

You do say that sometimes, though. Just joking. It sounds so weird. It does sound weird now that you say, now that I'm hearing it back. Just joking. All right. Let's get into the topics. Let's do it.

Jordan, I'll let you. I love asking the question. Yeah. All right. So this one is from Sarah. Thank you for giving your name. We had some anonymous. Sarah with an A or an H at the end? It makes a difference. Just A. No age. Classy. Classy. Elegant. Different. Okay. Sarah asks, would love to get your thoughts on procedures versus surgery. Botox, cool sculpting, body contouring, lasers, etc. Especially in your 20s. Don't you agree that the world would be a better place if celebs admitted to all the things they get done? Totally. I feel like everyone should be honest about what they get done. And like if you're doing it, you should

be ashamed of it. I haven't had anything done yet. You don't need anything done. My, I told you this earlier. My forehead is like the Appalachian Mountain. I don't even know if that's what it's pronounced. Let me introduce you to Michael because his is a curse of one. Let me introduce you to my forehead. Okay, look at my forehead. Like I have like indentations. It's like Griffith Park on my forehead. It's so disgusting. And I think about Botox all the time. I'm like a topographic map, you know? Have you ever done Botox? Have you ever done Botox? I've never done anything. Thought about getting a nose job for like a hot second. But it's too late now. The jig is up. You're getting married. Like, I think you're fuck it, right? I think you look perfect. I've done Botox. I wrote a post on it. I love when people

call me out on Instagram and they say, you have a boob job. And then I just give them the Bitley link to the post. I'm like I wrote about it. And I'm like very open about it. I feel like if you get something, you should own it. And I am pumped on that boob job. You love it. I'm pumped on it too. They are looking at me and I like it. This shirt is hanging on for dear life. that she's wearing. I mean, if you could see this thing, like, one false move and the buttons are going to blast all of our eyes out of our sockets. It's a body suit, and I'm wearing nippies. See, this is when it gets awkward when you work with your family, because, like, I have to hear my brother talk about my future sister-in-law's boobs. It's really uncomfortable. Right, right, right.

You seem to be handling it well, though. I am because I've had a lot of champagne and we drank a lot last night. And she does a lot of yoga, a lot of meditation. She's like, Ujaya breathing, or what is that called? Ujjayi. She's like, listen, it's one o'clock. I'm having a meltdown. going to yoga. I'm like, all right, that sounds reasonable. It's only Monday afternoon. I can't with yoga. I did it twice and I was so uncomfortable. I just like was like someone's going to fart. Like someone's going to do it. It was all I could think about. And I was, it was freaking me out. Someone started like rubbing oil on my neck, the teacher. And I was like, dinner. Dinner first. Was it the kind of oil that like is cooling oil? Yes. Okay. I was like,

are you touching me right now? This is with his like linen pants and it's like balls in my face. He was like crouching over my face. See, they bring me to yoga and I'm the same way. Like everyone's like, it's all about you. It's your mind. It's your connection. And then after I like, I'm like, listen, the teacher had me in this weird position. I was uncomfortable.

I was sweating. He was sweating on me. And like I want to talk about it. Listen, Michael, we're not talking about it. It's for you. And I'm like, I want to talk about the experience. It's like erotic. He went and bought a yoga mat.

He's committed. No, I got you. Jordan got me the yoga mat. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. Here's a yoga mat that you've never used. What is a man. wear to yoga. Do you wear leggings? So, interestingly enough, yeah, I just wear, you just kind of

wear, like, board shorts, where that's what I wear, you know? I don't think you're nailing it. I don't think people wear board shorts to yoga. There's not a lot of options. I think I don't think I'm nailing it either. How do your... How do your balls feel in yoga? Like, what does it feel like? Because, like, explain it. Well, I secure them in. I get some tight briefs. Jock strap. Oh, okay, sorry. I get them, I get them, tight in there. See, again, this is awkward for me right now. It's easier to say if my sister wasn't looking at me with a disgusted face. Like, I got a... Like, I do not want to hear about this, but you guys go, I'll plug my ears for one second. So, yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of awkward. But you know, it's interesting. I'm working with a company right now, and the guy is trying to come out with a cool

men's yoga line. And I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but like something that... You need like elastic around the ankle. Something that I would wear, like, instead of the Lulu lemon, like, bright green body suit, right, that you do not want to see me in. A Unitar? No, no, no, no. I don't want to see anyone in a unitard. Okay, wait. Did we... Did we answer Sarah's question? No, okay. Oh, sorry. This is what I do.

I'm sorry. I'm forewarned you. But she asked about cool sculpting. I know about cool sculpting. What is that? My mother, Christy Schimel, love her. Sorry, Mom. She doesn't even know what a podcast is.

She is like the guinea pig. She will try anything that like a doctor is like, oh my God, it'll make you thin. And she's like, I'm there. I'll try it. I don't care. She did cool sculpting. My mom's really fit, too. So I did, I saw no.

difference. Like nothing. They basically freeze the fat. It's kind of like, I guess it's not really like Lipo, because Lipo they're extracting, but they freeze it and then it goes other places. No, my mom. And she did she. I promise. I haven't done anything yet. But I will. So what are both of your thoughts? I mean, we already kind of know Lauren says. What are your thoughts on women having worked on or men having worked on? I think it's great. I think if it makes you feel better, it's totally up to you. And if you want to do it and you can afford it, do it. But own it. Like, I feel like I'm one. And just by You're fucking say it, though. That is a thing because then it like, it alters your perception of perfection.

If everyone's going around saying, oh, no, this, I was just born this way. Like, no, you weren't. Just own it. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, if you want to do it, do it. Like, who really cares? I mean, if you're paying attention that much to what someone else is doing, there's something going on with you.

Can we just really quick? I'm one nap away. The Taylor Swift tear drop boob job. Oh, done. Yes. That was, that happened. She got a tear drop boob job. It's the new boob job.

What's that? look great. They look great. I'm going to give her that because I'm not a T-Swift person, but she's got a good boob job. We have so much to say about Taylor Swift, but we have to take a quick break because we need a little bit more champagne, so we'll be right back. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. All right, we're back from our little break. You got a little champagne? Got a little energy going, flowing down. I'm back. I'm just kidding. I'm back. I'm ready to go. The Taylor Swift thing was where we were left off, so I have to get myself back in the zone to, like, switch a little bit of gears to, like, get back into that. Michael wants us to be nice about Taylor Swift, but all I'll say...

Okay. I don't care if you're being... No, I don't want it to be nice. I love that her hairstyle is just like Nina Banks from Father with the Bride, too. That's nice. It's true. I just think that Taylor Swift can sometimes manipulate the audience, and that kind of upsets me that she has so many soldiers, that she's a lot of... It has been manipulated.

It's all a game. It's all a PR, like, master plan. And I don't like feeling like I'm being duped by people. You know what I mean? I agree. We need, like, a Taylor Swift lyric to end what you just said. I can't think of, like, tear drops on my guitar, but it's something. I don't know.

There's a darling, you're a nightmare, dress like a daydream. Yeah, I think, I think, too. Thank you. What bothers me about Taylor Swift is that she has a squad. And I'm not a type of girl that's, that's, I'm not, I've never did the sorority thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But it feels like you're icing people out. I don't like it.

Yeah, it's very, it's a little mean girlsy. It is mean girlsy. It is mean girlsy. I was just trying to be nice because now I feel, I feel like I have to control the urges inside my loins. You guys are going to end up in a song. Yeah. You're going to end up like John Mayer.

Maybe. I hope so. That is a dream of mine. Yeah, Taylor Swift's song is. Is that PG enough for you? I don't care if we go negative. I was just like, you know, I want to keep people uplifted, but we can give some, you know, Taylor Swift information.

Where's the deal? She's super talented. She's an amazing songwriter. What she's done is like insanely, insanely impressive. Okay. The authenticity is completely stripped. And people need to just at least accept that and know that and stop like rewatching her YouTube video of her wrapping Christmas gifts for the Somalian orphans or whoever the fuck she's

sending gifts to. You know what I mean? I do respect the marketing though behind her brand. He's a marketer. Okay. So you, that's why you love her because she is a marketing type. Do you love her? Sorry, I mean, now I'm jumping to conclusion. You love her? Well, guys, if we're being honest. No. But, no, I mean, I could give a shit about Taylor Swift, but I do respect the hustle, right? So like, hustle's amazing. No one's talking about the hustle. And you know what the funny thing is like as a marketer. It's like even this conversation, I feel like it's like it does more for her at the same. You know what I mean? She's genius. Her people are geniuses. Like any time you can, like, there's no such thing as bad press, right? Like, no. Like if somebody said like, man, that Michael Boss said, he's such a piece of

shit, like he did this and he like, would you love it? Yeah, you like, I'd be fucking pumped. Same. Same. Really? I'm too sensitive. Now, I kind of like it. I'm like, there was a sight Lauren told me about. She's like, yeah, they like said these mean things about you. And I was like, fist bump it. Fucking made it. Totally. Like so. You really. Like so. You really was like that. I don't understand. No, because I feel like with marketing, like, anytime there's somebody creating, like, starting a conversation about anything about you, like, you know, you have control.

Yeah, you have a platform then. And then you can tell your story. But if they criticize your product, that would piss you off, right? Because I get pissed about that. If someone's saying, oh, that podcast most terrible. And I'm like, you know what? No, you know what? It wouldn't piss me out.

Because, you know what I do? I think the criticisms are more valuable than the favorable critiques because they help you adjust your product, your customer or consumer. You're good. I'm not that. good. I only read the good stuff. Can we take something and say? Can we want to double date with Andrew? Yes. They can talk.

Yes. Like if someone said like Andrew, you know, like I really didn't like that like song you put out because of this. Like you can, you can, you can, the next song he can adjust. Andrew does. Andrew does one direction, right? He does a lot of. Yeah, he does. That's crazy. A lot of people. Lots of pop people. But look at it this way. Like I talk a lot about this. Like when you first launch your podcast, you probably read some reviews and there was, you probably like Lauren, you maybe

looked at a bad and we're like, fuck, like he got really down, pissed off. But I guarantee you adjusted something from there, and it's been refined since then, right? She adjusted the amount of martini's she drank in one night. True. True. You're always, your show's like always in the top comedy, right? Like, it's always ranking. Not at the beginning, but now, probably like six months ago, we're always, yeah, we chart.

But that's my point, though, is like, in the beginning, you got those negative reviews and you're like, shit, like, I'm feeling down. Like, I hate these reviews. Can I be totally honest with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be honest. I never listen to anybody. When we've had producers tell me, I've had people like, at my. my company telling me like, oh, you shouldn't cuss so much. That was my first note. I shouldn't

cuss. I should be a little bit more PC. Like, there was definitely certain notes. And I ignored all of them because I was just doing what I thought was going to work. And ultimately, I think I was right. That's genius because you can't listen to what everyone else is saying. And I'm like, wait, they don't have a podcast. So why the fuck am I going to listen to them? So there's two ways to look at them. Or they're not my target audience. So you can either disregard it, which is good and do your own formula, which I'm always a believer in, which is what you've done, which is what you've done, which is why you're successful. Or delusional.

Or if you're in a product, if you're delivering a product and someone comes in and says, you know, I don't like this about it. You can either get really down on yourself and say, fuck, like, this sucks. Or you can adjust and like make it better. And that's why I don't, like, criticism doesn't bother me in any kind of way. Yeah, because maybe you're competing with yourself. That's how I am too. I'm like a very, very, I'm a competitive person.

Well, there's no, in my opinion, there's no other comedian that's kind of like you. I think with the skinny confidential too, a lot of bloggers, they focus on what they're wearing every day or beauty products. Like I can't do that. I have to talk about camel toes and kegles and... Right. It's like a good job and death and whatever it is. Like I get bored of myself, actually.

Right, right, right. So you're like keeping yourself stimulated, which I think is important too, whenever you're doing... Totally. Anything, really. Totally. And I think what you said, how you didn't listen to anyone, I think that's great. I think that that's how you... It's so bad and it's like the worst advice, but it's honestly the truest thing.

I just... No, it's staying true to yourself. I'm like, yeah, totally. Thanks a lot. Cool. Love you. Bye. You didn't have like a Taylor Swift moment where you weren't authentic to yourself.

No, it's the best. Me? I like how you brought that back. No, that's actually like the best advice is do be true to yourself because you can't be anything else. If you're trying to do something being somebody else, you're going to mess up. Like you're going to fail.

It's not going to work. Or you're just not going to be happy with it. At least even, I think it's more important for you to like it than anybody else. If you like it and you're happy with it, that's, I think the most important. Or else you're going to get burnt out. You're just going to be like, this sucks. Okay. On that note, we're going on to question two.

Got to keep this thing moving. Okay. Question two is from at Emma B. Ygard. I hope I'm saying that right. And she asks, how do you deal with friends who hate your success? A lot of mine have dropped off. I don't have friends like that. That's my answer.

Well, you have Ruth Ann. I do have from your podcast. I know Ruth Ann. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah, all my friends are bad shit crazy and have their own schick. And I don't hang out with people that I, wouldn't want to call with like the best news in my life. I think that if you have a friend that you don't want to like something amazing happens and you're trepidacious, that's a really big word. I don't

know if I'm using it correctly. You are. Okay. If you're trepidacious word of the day about calling someone with great news, they're not your friend and you need to cut that shit. I agree. I had a reader email me about how she got a beautiful engagement ring and it was it was smaller, but it beautiful. who cares. And her friends were jealous of the size of her engagement ring because they weren't engaged. It's mean. So mean. Stay in your own lane.

Stay in your own lane. Who cares? It's weird how people get about engagements, too. It's so bizarre to me because... It's weird about how women get about engagement. Women, that's true. Like, guys are just like, whatever. Guys are like, oh, shit.

No, but women get like so bizarre about it. And they become... The Bridezilla erupts. And they think... that it's like this competition and who's getting married first and who's going to have the bigger wedding and who has the bigger ring and like oh my god i can't believe she set the date before i and it's so baffling to me because you get married because it's about you and your life partner and like you know having a life together it has nothing to do with that and girls like that baffles me

when people i remember before i was engaged my cousin who i am obsessed with like i would rather her have everything and me have nothing i love her so much and she got engaged and she got engaged and everyone looked at me like, oh, are you okay? And I'm like, are you, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Like, of course I'm okay. I'm so happy. Like, you're so weird. Oh, my God.

It's so weird. We dated for a long time before we got engaged. Michael and I, I think, five years. But. Oh, same. Yeah, like, and here's the deal on. You can probably agree with me. We knew the path we were going on.

I knew when we were going to get engaged. I knew that this was the love of my life and I want to have kids with them and blah, blah, blah. Right. But I felt that I had to justify that to other people because they ask weird questions like that. Yes. And I don't know why anyone cares. It's like not a competition. It's not like a game show.

There's not like a car with a bow at the end. You don't get like a chest full of cash. Well, I mean, I'm hoping to get a chest full of cash. Same with me, Michael. Step it up. But it's so bizarre. Like, bitches be crazy. I really.

So I would say it's someone that doesn't like your stuff. success, I would next them. I love that show. We got to bring back the show next. I love that show. I mean, if you could just next the friend, spend your time with someone that's worth spending time with. Yeah, people that are, even in their lowest moments,

like, happy for you. Totally great. I think you guys like, obviously, you nailed that. Like, I agree of 100%. I don't need to go and rehash like everything. Like, if somebody sucks, just get rid of them, X them. And people suck. Yeah, people suck. I mean, you don't need those people around. They're not going to bring any kind of value to your life. And so

since we're on the topic of hating on success and she's into housewives can we just have a moment here absolutely i'm ready i don't think i can stop the moment so i feel like you're involved in the moment because your peripheral is always on housewives when we're when we're in bed so you can be in honest so you like kind of know i know i don't kind of know i know oh good listen i'm not want to be one of those guys that says because here's the thing yeah i get in bed she turns the reality shows on i'm trying to read and like expand my mind fucking hooks and then bickie gunnelson flies in going ballistic about something screaming in that high pitch. And you can't turn away.

In her fur. Like, I've tried noise cancelling headphones. I've tried like horse blinders. I've tried like anesthesia. And nothing's working. Don't fight it. I can't. It just keeps me engaged.

So I'm not watching by choice, but yeah, I'm watching. I know what's going on. Really quick before I hop into what I want to hop into with New Jersey. Can you just tell us who your favorite housewife is? Because he hates someone that starts with. Oh my God. Tell me, tell me, tell me. Wait, wait, wait, because I need, okay.

I'm going to try not to judge you, but I'm going to judge you. No, give me a reminder because I can give you it, but I just like off the top of my head of here. You like Lisa Vanderpump? No, I'm kind of over her. I'm over her too. Manipulative. T-swift. T-switch.

She is the T-swizzle of Housewives. I like Heather DeBrow. I think she's smart. I think her husband's smart. I love Heather DeBrow. Me too. She's great. Jackie was on her podcast.

Do you guys check it out. Love her. Who do I not like? I don't know. Who's, oh, yeah, I get over that brandy girl because she's always whining about some shit. Wait, stop. Did you hear about the new show she's on? Famously single.

Yes. Have you watched it? No. Okay. Polly Dee is having a moment with, um, Audrey O'Dry. I never Audrey Aubrey. Oh, she's like, what was that show stop in? Oh, um, oh my God, what is, what is, uh, Dandy Kane.

Danny Kane. Gosh, that's a throwback right there. Making the band. I've, not to be mean, but face tune, I've never seen more. Oh, really? Oh, my God. I have not seen that. I think everyone should use a little face tune. I love Face Tune. I need to get on it. Just not, don't overdo it for my forehead. Don't need to get on it. Don't whiten those eyes too much. Oh, really? See, like, that's why I don't use it because I'm scared. I'm going to get busted. But here's the thing. I don't dislike anybody. Like, I don't actually, I hate, I don't hate anybody. I just like. I don't dislike anybody. I just like people. I just like the way they act. Like, where I get irritated with people in life when they complain about stuff. But you are. You're asking.

Actions. Yeah, when you try to get into shit with people, it's just, do you know why? Because I feel like, and I'm a big proponent that's like, we live in a real world, like, shit is how it is. Like, stop complaining. Stop stirring shit up. Like, just get in your own space, do your own thing. And I feel like people make themselves and people around them miserable by engaging those activities. So when I see it, I'm just like, I'm irritated.

I'm like, it doesn't need to occur. Yeah, but they can't stop or we won't have the show. They have to continue forever. I really like Teresa from New Jersey. And I'll tell you why. I just finished her book. You should read it. It's a quick read.

Wait. Is it flipping the tape? What is it called? Something about a table. It's about her experience with prison. I don't know what it's called. I mean, I'm an audio book on the way home. You will love it.

I'm so excited. And you know what I like about her? She's on her own trajectory and she doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. Yeah. She's there for her family. She's all about her family. And I think she wants to give a shit, but she just like doesn't know how to. You know what I mean?

Which is awesome. When she got out of prison, she looked like way too polished and cute. Was that weird? She got home and it was like perfect hair, like a little peplum top. I was like, what's going on? She did yoga. What are they serving there? Oh, my God.

And it looks like she got a blow dry. Yeah, like she was fit. I'm like, gosh, maybe I need to go to prison. Same. I'd love a good prison time. I actually would like that. No social media. You just get to work out and, like, work on your hair.

I feel like it'd be great in prison. Let your eyebrows grow out so you can get them perfectly shaped when you get out. Yeah. Babe, I should go to prison. All right. Let's do it. I'd love it. All right.

I'm going to ask the third and final question because we are going slow today. Yeah. This is my fault. No, no, no. I take full accountability. I love it. Okay. Question three is from Anonymous, which, come on, guys, give your name.

This is, I wrote this question. That's you. Damn it. Okay. Why do you guys, or why do guys suddenly disappear? I'd been seeing a guy for two plus years. We got along great and had amazing chemistry. And then out of nowhere, he vanished.

No phone call, no text, nothing. I'm not the needy clingy type So I never reached out to see what was up This is a long question It's not over yet hold on If a guy doesn't want to be with me Sorry I don't want to be with him

So I moved on Then recently it happened again with a different guy Why can't guys man up and say they're no longer interested Or what am I missing Who I'm like out of breath I'm out of breath I'll let you go for that one Yeah you go first

You can take one for the team It's not that like, it's not that we're disappearing. I mean, here's the thing. Ghosting is the term. Yeah, ghosting. It's not that you're disappearing, but you are. Unfortunately, I've probably been guilty of this in the past. And it's not, it's a selfish thing.

I'm not a proponent of it, but I understand, like, why this happens. And a lot of the times... I totally get it. I would so do something like... A lot of the times it's not so much about, like, the person or maybe a little bit, but it's more about the guy not being not ready to commit, right? Like, and we don't really know how to express that. And the problem,

is sometimes like men and women are different men are like they by nature don't like confrontation yeah and they you know when it's like at least for me in the past I was like baskin robins you want more it's kind of like when I've eaten like in the past and this is fucked up to save I'm gonna say like in the past like I finish my dinner like what am I like the plate you know what I'm going to do like the plate you know I mean that is amazing okay but wait she said did you pre-plan that that is to die for I'm going to steal that for me so happy that you like his joke I love he's beaming ear to ear I love like a weird food metaphor. It's not that like it's not that that's being like it's not being an asshole.

It's just like there's if there's if the guy's leaving maybe there was nothing there. Why are you licking my plate? Why do you want to force it? See like so I'm sticking around for your plates. You are China. Yeah. You're not just any plate. You're not a Dixie plate.

Yeah. You're a dover soul. Mackenzie Child's shit over here. I think what's, I think the problem is in that like comes off bad is that maybe sometimes people are trying to force a relationship or feelings that maybe aren't mutually shared. And so I think you like just just wanting something really bad and hoping that like this is going to be the next big thing. Like you got to be a little bit more honest with yourself. Like maybe this guy's not the guy.

Don't ignore red flags. I don't think that people are just like Prince Charming and then all of a sudden you never hear from them again. I think there are signs that people choose to ignore because they so desperately want to be in a relationship. And also this is probably not the right thing to say. But if every guy you're dating is ghosting you, maybe it's time to live. look inward. I agree. I think self awareness is really important. I'm so underrated. So underrated.

You can get away with anything if you're very self-aware. A hundred percent. That should be the hashtag of 2017. Self-awareness. I like it. And she says that they were together for two plus years. Oh, really? Okay. Oh, shit. I didn't catch that one. I did not catch that either. Guy number one, two plus year. It's guy number two, we don't have the exact dates.

Okay, well, I'm going to assume. The two plus years one, I would say like, that's kind of fucked up. But you have to have known. I feel like you've done that, though. No, I have not done that. Winky, winky, winked. I have not done that. Confirming him.

I have not done that. But I'm just like, two plus years. You were a real ass in college, though. I mean, I guess you could say bottom line, like, that guy was just a pussy. He was a coward. Like, he should have manned up and said, like, hey, you know, this isn't like what I want. It's not working out. I'm leaving.

Like Carrie Bradshaw, leave a posted or something. Anything. Anything. A text. A YouTube video. Wait, what Michael went through all his postits. What should you do? When I answered that question, I was assuming this was like a one-night stand-type deal and the guy never called again.

Like, I didn't realize it was a... Two-plus years? That's weird. You weren't paying attention. Yeah, because, you know, now that I'm thinking about my answer about licking the plate, like, two-plus years is kind of fucked up, right? Like, I wouldn't give that answer. Okay. So everyone listening apply that answer to like a short-term one-night stand-type deal.

I am such a big believer. And this is I am how I am with friends, too. If you don't want to be with me, I don't want to be with you. If you don't want to be my friend, I'm not going to, like, it works or it doesn't. Like, I'm not going to, like, try to prove myself and, like, try to make someone like me. If a guy likes me, he likes me. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You know, it's a great relationship mantra.

It's not me. It's you. Oh, I love that one. I say that to him every day. It's so original. I'm perfect, and you're the problem. It's very original and never been said before, so it's perfect. Well, most people say, it's not, it's not you.

It's me. I just wish this. Oh, oh, you flip it. You flip it. Oh, okay, that's good. I like that. It would be better if somebody was just like, listen, it's not me. It's you.

I have said that to somebody when I broke up with them. That's amazing. I'm like, I got to tell you, like, it's not me. It's 100% you. I love that. And I just wish Michael would just get ingrained in his head, yes, dear. So I'm trying to do, I'm on this training regime right now. We're in boot camp.

All he has to do is say yes, dear. It's not hard. I'll help you. Please. I'll help you. I feel like Andrew's like that. He's just like a really nice person. It's super exhausting and sometimes irritating, actually.

But he's so just like, okay, babe. Like he has a breaking point and I like to push it sometimes. But he's pretty patient with me, which is nice. Because I will freak. Like if he's like, babe, like I told you that I was kind of like, I told you get coffee or something at the market. I'd be like, oh, really? You want fucking coffee? You know, you have two fucking legs.

Why don't you go? Like, I'll get crazy. So he kind of like gets me and he keeps me like, you know. Complacent. Okay. So does he get mad at you if you joke with him or is he easy? No, not at all. He's an amazing. That's why we work. So he has an amazing sense of humor. So, I mean, I'm definitely the funny one. He's not like particularly like hilarious. He is in his own like dorky way. But he has a, he has a really good sense of humor. So he can take it pretty well.

I feel like you need to like, oh please like, pardon. You made a nickname for me. Who in a half over here? He was listening to my podcast at night. I love you. You made a nickname for me. named Susan and there's women coming up to me on the street and I have to get alone. So I got my, my sense of humor is decent. Okay. I call Andrew Angela or Angelique when he's being bougie. Oh my God. We're literally soulmates. I did not know that. Angelique. That's amazing. When he's getting his keratin mask, he's Angelique. Yeah. His keratin mask. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. Okay. So I'm going to go back and just answer that question in a nutshell just so I can redeem myself from the one night stand, the complaint answer. Susan. No, no, it's actually panicky Susan, but we call him

Susan for short. Sues? Sues? So if a guy is leaving and he's not giving explanation after two years, he's a coward and you don't want to be with him anyways because that's just not the person you want to end up with. And the other guy, if that's happened twice now, like maybe look inward a little bit and figure out what's going on there because maybe you're trying to force something that's not there.

And yeah, that's my answer to that. Word. I feel like you've been this guy, though. Like, what's in this guy's head? I mean, like, thinking back on my past selves, like, I probably would have changed a couple things. A couple. What do you mean? Interesting.

Yeah, like. But we've already been over this, you know, like I was young. I was soil. Pose in different areas. I was soiling my oats. You know what I mean? Is that what they call it? Soiling the oats.

Planning some seeds. Literally. None of them grew, though. None of them grew. Again. A couple maybe grew. Oh, just a blossom. Yeah.

And then you brought the gardener in. Son, if you're out there, call me. I miss you. I love you. I'm looking for you. Cute. Cute, cute, cute. Well, that's it.

I'm so glad that you guys got to meet Jackie. I'm going to let you, like, give your social media handles. Like, whore yourself out. Hens myself out. Okay, this is my specialty. Follow me everywhere at Jackie Shimla, S-C-H-I-M-E-L. And my podcast is called The Bitch Bible. My blog is the bitchbibble.com.

that's it. That's all I got for you. She'll give you guys definitely a laugh. You'll love it. You can also hashtag Ask Him and Her on Twitter if you guys have questions or you can email podcast at the skinny confidential.com. We will see you next week. I think we're going to be podcasting from France. Ooh. We will. We will be. We will be. And be careful of the plate lickers out there. That's like dreadful. Like I'm over that. Plate liquor. That's the best, it's the best metaphor I've ever heard of my life. Yeah, great. I can't wait. Plate liquor, that's what you are. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thanks for listening to The Skinny Confidential, him and her, with Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic.

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