The Bossticks - #62: The Bitch Bible Part Two with Jackie Schimmel

Episode Date: May 9, 2017

Host of the podcast "The Bitch Bible" Jackie Schimmel (@jackieschimmel), joins Lauryn & Michael for a wild round two! Jackie talks about her upcoming wedding, one syllable last-names, facial steamers, El Pollo Loco, what she HATES about weddings, and live podcasting. To Listen to The Bitch Bible Podcast Click HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Bombshell Body Guide and Meal plan.  tired of combating inflammation & bloat? Want to feel lighter and sexier? Check out lauryn's latest 7 day meal plan. In this simple & super effective plan you'll find: + tsc grocery list with every ingredient you need for the 7 days. + what the f*ck to do when you love carbs guide. + quick and delicious recipes: breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner and dessert. You will also find 28 weeks worth of fat burning, muscle toning, 27 minute long, effective workouts you can do at home with no equipment. USE PROMO CODE: HIMANDHER at Checkout for 20% Off

Thanks for downloading this show from PC1. Before we get rolling, here's a word from one of the folks who helped bring you this podcast. The following program is a podcast.1.com presentation. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cooking. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.

Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her podcast. We're here in New York. We're live and we are hungover. I am brain dead. I'm like a, I don't even know how to start. I don't know guys.

I'm hurting. I'm struggling. We're out here in New York. I have no discipline in the city. None whatsoever. I told myself I was just going to have a couple drinks last night and next thing I know, I'm done. You could use a Brussels sprouter too. I don't think I've had a vegetable in three days.

Yeah, it's time to change that after this. We're going to go out to dinner. So we're kind of on a high because we just got back from the skinny confidential meetup at Offesina in New York. And it was fucking incredible. I mean, we just got to see you guys and meet with you guys and talk with you guys and learn more about what you do and what industry you're in. And just to see you guys in person was like so cool because I'm used to typing on a screen.

and podcasting and to like actually meet in real life was just amazing. There was a lot of estrogen at that meetup. I feel like you like it though. At one point I was sweating because, you know, I'm trying to hold my own, but there was a lot of women in there. Yeah, there was a lot of women. I think there was about a hundred people. Ten years ago, I would have been really pumped to be surrounded by that many women,

but now, you know. Now you're dead, so that's not relevant to you. Everyone was so cool and so pretty. so many pretty women. And New York just has this energy about it. And to have all you guys in one spot drinking skinny margaritas is just my dream. So if you didn't get to come to the meetup and you wanted to, we're going to do more because that was so much fun.

And I think next time I do it, I want to like do it on a rooftop with like a long table. Don't you think that'd be cool? And everyone can like have dinner. So I'm already thinking and scheming of my next meetup. Yeah, I had a lot of fun. It was a lot of, it was really interesting to meet people here in New York and hear about what everyone does, especially those who listen to the podcast. Like, you know, I was talking to somebody. And they said it was that they listened on the subway. And when I, you know, when I envision people listening to this podcast, I envision a busy person who's got a lot going on that's commuting or running around. So it was, it was really cool to just connect with everybody. And let me tell you, after talking to you guys, you guys are busy. You guys are hustlers. You're crushing it. Someone brought Michael a book called Killing It. That was, Nice. Yes, by Cheryl O'Loughlin. Yeah, that looks like a really, really good book. So thank you guys for taking the time out of your busy as schedule to come and see me and Michael. We are both really humbled.

It was really, really incredible. So with that, today we have an interesting, fun show with one of our great podcasting friends, Jackie Schimel of the Bitch Bible. We interviewed her last week before we came in New York. You know, she's so funny. She made me laugh so hard in this episode and asked Michael, I was actually crying and convulsing. Well, let's not ruin the show. People will hear it in a minute. Tell them how I was actually crying. But it was the first time I've actually seen Lauren cry.

She cried harder. She didn't cry at our wedding. She didn't cry, you know, not anything else, but she cried. Not the biggest crier, but I will cry for Jackie Schimel when she tells a funny joke because damn, she's funny. I'm very excited about this episode because you guys. loved her on the episode that she was on before. If you haven't listened to that episode, I almost recommend turning off this one and going to listen to her other one first and then coming back and listening to this one because she is that funny. Definitely subscribe to her

podcast. It's the bitch Bible on iTunes. And with that, we want to go walk around the city and maybe get some olive oil cake and Michael, a vegetable or two. I need something. Something. We need something. Water. Maybe I don't know. Face cream. I'm looking at my arms right now and the, like, I'm like dried out. Like, I'm like a dried out prune. Yeah, I would describe you as a prune in New York. I have no discipline. We need some serum and some facial massage happening for you.

All right, guys, with that, we're going to get right into the podcast and you will get to meet Jackie. Or re-meet Jackie. Or re-meet Jackie. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Okay, you guys, we are back with one of your favorite guest, Jackie Schimmel of the Bitch Bible, soon to be Jackie. Haas.

I like it. You're going to go with the full name change? I don't know. I think I'm going to do like a hyphen situation. Jackie Shiml. Oh, God, but that's so annoying because, like, who the fuck am I that I need to have a hyphen? I like the hyphen. I think it's very 2017.

Lauren just changed hers on her Instagram to Lauren Everett's Bostic. Ooh, that's a big step. Yeah, I don't really know which one I want to go with. So I'm just putting both of them up there and I'm going to like decide later. Do you care if she takes your name or not? No. Oh, secure. Not real.

I mean, I think when we have kids, like, their kids will be Bostics, you know? And I think Bostick's a better last name, too. It's cooler. It's got something to it. It's got some oomph behind it, you know? Haas is nice because it's one syllable. I always dreamed of a one syllable last name, and Shimmel's like a little Jewie. Schimel.

Like, it's like, you know what I mean? It's so fucking nasally. So Haas is nice. It's also an avocado, so I like to think that I'm, like, part of the avocado family fortune, which I'm not. That's cute, though. I like that. But I, like, want to just plant that seed. Like, maybe people will think that I'm, like, an heiress to an avocado farm.

That's amazing. So you're getting married at the Parker. Maybe, yep. You're a little bit nervous. A little bit nervous, yeah. And, like, tell everyone what, like, what the whole dynamic is. You're doing three days? We're doing, like, a weekend.

Yeah, but I'm pretty anti-sophistic. social. So I'm not going to be participating in a lot of the wedding events. Like the pool day or the golf tournament or the tennis. Like, I'm not going to fucking be there. So I hope everyone has a great time. But what are you going to be doing? Just hanging out? I will be bunkering down in my room, probably watching Real Housewife Marathon breathing into a paper bag, steaming my face with my facial steamer. Tell us all about the facial steamer. Okay, the facial steamer. And I'm like not being paid to talk about this, but I would like to be. Hint hint. Hint, hint. I need to get the exact name. I do have it on The Bitchbibble.com. I've never posted about anything a year. And the first thing I posted about was this fucking facial steamer.

You put your face in this weird orbit thing and steam just blows in your pores. Your makeup goes on smoother. Michael, you seem very, very interested. Well, because I look like an old leather sack right now. And I'm not doing too hot. I was saying I was around dirt. And I, your forehead looks like a ball sack. No, I got like, I like broke out here.

I'm not doing it. I'm like an old sack. I'm like an old weathered saddle right now. Okay. So I need a facial steamer. I'm going to go to your blog and I'm going to buy it. Well, this is how this happened. I couldn't get Botox so close to my wedding

because I went in for my first time consultation because I have an Appalachian mountain trail on my fucking forehead. Do you see a crevasse above my eyebrow that like Sarah Palin could go hiking? It's disgusting. So I went to the Botox lady. She said I couldn't do it.

And then I started like researching all these different methods and serums and snail masks. and all this weird shit because I need my forehead to be snatched. Okay, I heard your podcast where you said, I think it was with Katie from Vanderpump Rules. You guys said that you couldn't get Botox so close to your wedding. Yeah, she wouldn't, okay, the doctor wouldn't do it because I have severe allergies. Okay. Very severe, like, skin allergies.

So it just wouldn't make a difference in that short of a time anyway. And it was too risky. Okay, because I have gotten Botox. If I have, say I have an event on Friday, I would want, like, I would, like, I would, would schedule it on a Monday. That's why I was, I know. Whoa. Because mine goes right into effect and like freezes my forehead.

I mean, your forehead is like giving me a boner. I'm so in love with your forehead. I hope it's like a baby's ass. That's all I want. Like a baby's ass forehead and I'll be happy. I started getting Botoxo at 22. Holy shit. I know.

So I was driving in the car one day and I looked in the review or whatever the rear mirror and I saw an 11 and I was like, oh no. preventative right away. Found a Botox doctor. And I'm so glad I got it at that age, though, because I don't get it like a lot. I've probably get it like once a year, once year, once year, and now twice a year. But I got it right here, right in between my eyes. And now the 11's gone.

So I love Botox. Okay, well, I'm getting on the train immediately after my wedding because I need this shit to be smooth. But your skin, like, you guys, her skin looks amazing right now. Facial steamer. Yeah. Go get it. I'm going the other way. I'm going to just wait for this like flap of skin to drip down my forehead and I'll use it as like a sleep mask.

Some bangs. Yeah. Just like I get tired and I'll just pull it down and dark, you know. Have you ever gotten Botox? No, Lauren's trying to get me to do. I would say if I did. I mean, just look like I have? Of course not.

You should see Andrew's forehead. It is insane. I'm going to inject that shit myself. Listen, wouldn't it be a little creepy, a 30-year-old man like a perfectly straight-for? Like a man needs a little bit of character. Life lines? Yeah, life lines. Perciph lines.

You see the cursive lines? Like in second grade? I want to look like an old, salty, same. that's just sailed the world. You do. Wow. A salty sailor. Discovered the world. It's such a visual for me. Discovered the world and wrinkles at the same time.

Yeah, we see those wrinkles. Nice. I just don't want anything to move above my eyes. Like, I try not to make a lot of facial expressions because... I've been trying. It's really hard for me. Between my forehead and my tits that are like down to my knees at this point, it's just a losing battle. I'm going to get some shit done. If someone's like walking by and you like have to smile at them, you have to like really think is it worth that smile? I don't. Yeah. Even if it's worth it, I just don't. I'm like, listen.

I've only got 30 days and this shit is just, it's got to tighten up. You know what? Someone was telling me that you never want to get Botox though on your smile lines because then it actually makes you so you can't talk or move right here or smile. So if you guys are listening, don't get Botox on your smile lines. Yeah, I kind of like these lines too. I think that they're like charming. They are. The ones above my eyes, though, No. I mean, my forehead is a fucking disaster. Okay, so she wouldn't let you get Botox.

How are you prepping for your wedding besides facial steaming? You do a lot of a pollo loco. Oh, oh my God, the eating. I just started today. I decided I'm like, Jackie, we're done here. We're done because I'm a stress eater. Everyone says... Wait, is it polloo?

You're talking about the fast food chain? I love El Pollo Lpoa. Buy yourself, though, not with anyone to disturb you, which I like. I never go. I like, I dine in at El Pollo Loco. Like, I don't even go sit in my car. I do that some places where I will drive through, and then I find, like, a shady spot in the corner of the lot,

and I fully eat alone in my car listening to Sirius or myself when it's a really bad day. My own podcast, I do, like, TBT, and, like, listen to something from a year ago and criticize myself. And then I eat my feelings with, like, a crispy chicken sandwich. It's disgusting. But you look so good. Like, you're so tiny and cute and perfect. No, no, no, no, no. every day.

That is alive. This is very skillful dressing. I don't know. You look really good. That could be because I'm crazy and I'm kind of burning calories just being on the brink of stress. Totally crazy. So that burns a lot of calories, but I'm trying to just not eat fast food for 30 days.

And when I say no to something, then it like goes in other directions. So I start like obsessively shopping or just becoming a terrible person. There's a lot. It's a lot for me. Okay, so no fast food before the wedding. Your facial steaming, anything else that people can pick up for their own wedding? Any tips we need to know? You know, I like personalization.

So I have ordered basically anything you can put a monogram on. I'm very into. Like personalized napkins and matches and water bottle wrappers. And I got, I mean, everything that you could possibly put your name on that I've done. What's the present that the, Did you guys do anything that they're going to leave with, like a goody bag or something? Yes, I'm arranging those right now. We have some very nice tequila that we got donated.

So that's exciting. And I haven't really figured that out yet. These are the things that, like, keep me up at night and, like, increase my forehead wrinkle. I'm trying. You're so stressed about that. Don't even worry. Give them tequila. They'll be good to go.

You gave everybody, like, a six-day hangover and, you know. Thanks for coming. That's about it. No, I mean, that's good, though. You need that. I'm just like a little bit crazy. I'm very detail-oriented, very bad at the big picture. Okay, so 120 people, May 20th?

Like 150-ish. Is that going to turn into 200, do you think? It could. It could. Like I told you earlier, I'm like literally praying for some type of natural disaster. What did you do when you send an invitation to one person? Because we experienced this too. And then the RSVP for two.

Yeah. I would call them directly and say, Can you read? The envelope was to just you. And sorry, you can't bring Pammy with an eye and she can't have a fucking filet. She's not invited. Leave her at home. No.

We had to say no to a couple. We were like, if we haven't gone to dinner with you or we don't know you, like... That's so weird. I mean... I'm not doing intros at my wedding. Like, hi, you've just participated in my most intimate special moment. Nice to meet you. Enjoy the cake.

No. Go home. Stay in the hotel room. Come to the after part. You can't come. Yeah. I totally agree with you. Hard now.

I'm glad that we did that too because then it was like not all these random people. We didn't do filet. My pocketbooks glad. Nice. Right? Huh? Is it my pocketbooks glad? Right.

No ring, no bring. Yeah. We also didn't do cake. I feel like we did like not do a lot of things. We're not doing cake either. Okay. You guys don't want to like put the cake in each other's things. I am not going to make 100 fucking 50 people walk or in a certain like come watch me cut the

cake that I'm not going to eat and do the whole thing. And I'm not having a Mr. and Mrs. on the back of my chair. We know we're all here for the wedding. Like, here come, oh my God, the worst. There's two things that are the worst things. There's so many things. Like, I hate everything about weddings, but two things in particular.

When the little girl walks down the, I hope this didn't happen at your wedding. We had our 40-year-old man, like a 40-year-old man do it. What, here comes the bride? No, no, the flower girl. Okay. Oh, I'm having a grown man. I'm having a gay. That's what we did. Perfect. When the little flower girl with her head wreath comes down with a little fucking wood plank

with cursive writing that says, here comes the bride. We all know how this goes. Like, thank you for dumbing it down. Like, we know she's coming. Like, okay. And then when they have the bridal party, enter, and they do those weird dances, like they're like, first up, you got the bridesma. And then they come out, it's like, you know, in pairs.

And then they do like the macarina. One of November tends to go fishing and reels him in on the dancework. Like, what are you doing? See how cool I am? He doesn't even know what you're talking about because I didn't have a bridal party. Because I'm so cool to you. You know what? You've never seen that when they're like, thinking of it now we got.

Get this party started on us. I realize. Now 48th playing. Kill me. Kill me. I realize this. Because all my friends are like, isn't annoying we're getting invited all these weddings? And I started thinking about, like, I don't get invited to any weddings.

Why do you think that is, Michael? I don't know. Maybe I'm just, I don't know, but, you know, I'm not complaining about it. Like, if you're listening, please do not invite me. Yeah, for you. I don't want to go probably. And this was a big thing for our wedding is I realized I didn't want to be the asshole that's making people that don't really know us, but kind of know us, have to fly down to Mexico. I was like, the people that we invited, I knew, like, they wanted to go down and party in Mexico. Totally. And I didn't want to do, I didn't want to get a bunch of, you know.

So. My worst nightmare in life with anything is making someone do something they don't want to do. With friends, with family, I never want anyone to do something they don't want to do. So if someone doesn't want to do something, I'm like very accommodating. Like I would never, I don't want to put people on. I don't celebrate my birthday, like a whole birthday. The Lady Gang was talking about that. No one wants to go to your birthday after 30. It's over.

You're done. Unless you're paying for the whole thing and it's like all like set up. Everyone take me to dinner. Let's go to. Split the check a hundred way. It's like, no, I don't like, like when people, I don't want people to feel like, oh, fuck, I have to go do that. So that's what our wedding kind of the theme was. It was like everything was like shit people like would want to do, which was like just get drunk and party.

Yeah, I just want to dance party. I don't want to like have everyone held hostage at my union. You know what I mean? Like it's just and you know at least 20% of the people are like, God, I hope she trips. I hope this happens. She's such an asshole. What is he doing with her? He should run for the hills.

Like, you know, that's definitely out in the atmosphere. So I would just, you know. I like the way you guys are doing it. One tip I do have, and I think I might have already told you this, is give them a drink before you walk down. Oh, duh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did it.

We gave one when we were walking down. We did a cheers and we were walking off. Like, everyone wants a drink. There was not a moment where people didn't have liquor at our wedding. Yeah, it was kind of knocked out. It led to some dicey situations, but... Oh, I've heard. But it was still worth it.

Yeah, Taylor pissing himself in a strip club with piss dripping down his leg. I was hoping to see him today. I wanted to further ask. I feel like I haven't fully had the opportunity to really get details about him pissing himself. We really like you, so we hide him away when he, we don't want to ruin anything here. I would like to have you back on and have you kind of roast him. I would love to. Get deep with him, like, really, like, dive in.

I want to analyze his dating profile fully because I kind of tapped into that last time I was here. And I really feel like I've missed my calling as kind of like a dating millennial coach. I love it. What would you tell him about the collage that he has? It's five pictures for one default of himself. That is the most aggressively thirsty, desperate thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Like he just, he wanted to show all angles. He felt like he wasn't getting enough of a slideshow, so he just had to combine photos.

That would be a hard swipe left. You know, they're actually all the same angles, though, because he only likes one angle. They're just five pictures of the same angle. Are they all black and white? Are they all color? They're pretty much, they're different situations. One's in front of a white wall. Oh, God.

Okay. Lots of, it's good. So what's his bio, too? Does he have a bio that's like, oh, no. I don't know. I'm gonna read it, actually. I've, like, fully just stopped painting. I mean, he does, he was having a full meltdown the last time I saw him,

because you know, and Bumble, the girls have to initiate the conversation with you and speak with you. Yeah. So he had, like, eight full hives that were just ticking time bombs and not one was reaching out, and he was just, like, it was really fucking up his day. Wow. It's just too, I don't know. I was talking about this, Lauren. I wouldn't even know where to begin at this point in the dating world.

I mean, the whole time I, the dating apps weren't around when I was, you know, running around in the streets. No, me either. I would have crashed and burned. I'd be dying alone for sure. There's no, I have no idea how to utilize any of those things. I would hope not. His bio says a little bit of this and too much of that. Oh, okay.

I don't even know what to say about that. email me at Taylor at bostickmedia.com for no reason at all. Just putting our business on the map. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way to brand. Yeah, way to brand us. Wow. Wow.

Okay. This is a couple just to like show. Awful. Absolutely awful. Horrific, right? Yeah, the white wall. Like, who took that photo of you? And then, oh, what about, look at me and karate when I'm two.

Oh, that's like him trying to be like funny and cute and relatable, but it's not. The hashtag's sex machine. hashtag babe alert Hashtag male model Hashtag That's kind of funny Crush hashtag Instagram crush It's kind of funny

But it's just like three too many You know what I mean Well it'd be funny if it was meant to be a joke But this is dead serious Like that's like when he's doing that It's not like ha ha I'm doing a funny thing It's like this is dead serious One time we had him sleep over

And he decided to take this in our bathroom Oh no no no no no no no no That is a mirror selfie shirtless Did he oil his body eyes? before he took that photo? I think that's my eye. Well, the hardest thing about this is that I was literally one door over. I was in my bed sleeping, like just resting peacefully.

And if I would have walked in the middle night and found this, there would have been a fistfight. I mean, just, I can say this because I am a proprietor of homosexuals and I love them and they love me. He looks like a flaming homo in that picture. So you're sending the wrong message. Love you, Taylor. I'm just telling you, because if you're trying to get. you know, women, then you might want to rejig the format. I don't know what he's going to get with that picture. Probably nothing.

Speaking of what you were just talking about, what I wanted to tell you earlier was, I loved your podcast with Jax. You did. Yes, he was surprisingly extremely likable. I got Jaxed, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I was Jaxed that day because he was very charming and gracious and kind to all my people. And, yeah, I was very surprised. he almost didn't show.

He was sending me like very manic midnight tweets, direct messages, like, you know, if it's going to be this way, I don't really do podcast. It was a little manic Monday. And then he surprisingly showed up fresh out of the courthouse. And he literally, like he just had come from court. He was getting off probation. For sunglasses? I think for stealing this. Yes, for stealing sunglasses.

So we had a celebratory moment together. And he was really kind of like lovely. You know what it is, and you said this at the end, what it is is that he's 100% authentically himself. I think that's why I liked him. Totally. I mean, when he's a dick, he doesn't, like, hold back when he's being, like, majorly misogynistic. And I appreciate that. Same with me.

And Michael really liked the thing he said about the sandwich. What was this thing about the sandwich? You were in the car and you heard it and you were giggling in the corner. Oh, I was like, God forbid someone makes a sandwich once a while they go, like, if you say that, it's like, oh, my God, this guy must hate women. and he's like the most sexist pig in the world. It's like, but really like, you know, it's a big deal. I think guys should pay for shit. When you go to dinner, I think a guy should pay.

And if I have to make a fucking sandwich once in a while, I'm okay with those dynamics. Oh, great. I mean, I'm comfortable with it because I know that I'm like a strong ass woman. No one's going to fuck with me. I've got Andrew's balls gold-plated in my hand. So, you know, once in a while, I'll throw him a sandwich. I'm fucking starving to death. I don't get anything.

I'm in the corner making my protein dancing. If you go into our pantry? like that though. I like that about you. I'm really selfish. The pantry is so organized and you can see everything but the problem is it's like lima beans and just like decorations. It's not for you.

If I want, there's some oats you know, like there's nothing to eat in the house. So if you're like a livestock you'd be set at your place. If we ever have children, they're going to look like they're starving. Who's going to feed these kids? Hopefully you're going to hire a nanny.

I'll take them to Elpoil Loco. Yeah. Yeah, that's perfect. I just like my pantry, like a museum. And it's not really for Michael. It's all for me. He has his man cave. I barely have that because the other day she goes,

we had gotten a huge argument, like a big argument. Big argument. Because she goes in there and she messes with all my, like, she's like, okay, this is your area. You can do whatever you want in here. I alphabetized his books for him and he complains. Oh my God. No, you didn't.

You didn't. You don't need her to make you a sandwich. I mean, I would never do shit like that. But I don't want her to do stuff like that. You know, like, that's my area. Look at Connie Complainer. Honestly, you should be really happy about that. That's like really nice.

I would never do something like. Make the bed every morning for him. This is my dilemma. Hang his clothes. This is my dilemma. Color code them. On the surface, when you hear it, it's like, wow, what great things. Like, those are so, it's so nice.

What a gracious wife. Yes, that's what it sounds like on the surface. But then imagine if on the other side of that, I've been begging her not to do it. Right? That would probably make her want to do it. more. So, so what happens is I seem like a total asshole because I say, please stop organizing. Because you're ungrateful. Thank you. I'm so glad we're having this conversation. You're like, you're welcome for organizing the lima beans. And I'm like, listen, I didn't want the lime of beans.

That's what women do. I do that shit all the time. I grew up in a way where like people weren't, they didn't, we didn't do that kind of stuff. People not organizing. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. People aren't organizing. family? Let's talk about how you grew up. What did Grandma have waiting for you every morning at 7.30 a.m.? No, just to tell everyone. Well, if you would have learned a lesson from Grandma, so my grandma used to make me breakfast every morning, she lived with us.

She used to add a younger sister. She went to college. Go ahead. What was the one did you? My sister, Tara, is nine years younger than us. And so when she was born, my grandma was living in New York, and she needs some extra help. So my mom and dad, they flew around and so you can live with us. You know, she does what grandma did. She was like making pancakes and food. No, no. Every morning, fresh pancakes

with blueberries and sausage. With like a little smiley face on it? Yeah. Basically. Sometimes chocolate shifts. It's great. Wow. Maybe you should take a play out of that plate.

She wasn't organizing my stuff. She was making me food so I could eat and live and survive. She wants to keep you malnourished. What part of that, don't you understand? I'm trying to do the same thing with Andrews. I don't want some patient in my house either. Like I want to just like have my healthy food. It is selfish in a way, though, because I'm a little OCD and a control freak and I

just like everything clean. So it does really have to do with me and not him. But I still think he should be great. I still think it's really, really nice. Like, that's a lot of work. It is a lot of work. Yes, but it's for her because she's O.C. Like, you get the theme here?

It's not like... I mean, everything I do, every nice thing I do ultimately benefits me. And it's something I'm looking inward and trying to fix about myself. But at least we're aware. Yeah, we are aware. I'm self-aware. No, but it's very important. It's like buying yourself.

Okay, it's like a man coming home and like buying like a huge giant flat-screen TV. And being like, you see what I do. It's like, it's not for, it's for him. And so that's the way I look at it. And I love it. And so it's hard to complain because girls, they eat me a lot like, oh, I can't believe like you complain about this. But it's because I specifically say like, don't go in that man cave and do anything.

Just leave it alone. Well, you shouldn't leave your shit everywhere in your man cave. That's why I have the cave. I even want the cave if I can't leave shit in there, right? It's not a cave. It needs to be a clean cave or I can't do it. That's why it's called a cave. Compromise.

You need to compromise for the cave. You and Andrew already lived together. We moved in when we moved in. when we got engaged too. So do you guys have problems living together or is it extremely easy? It's extremely easy because he works all the time. So his recording studio is kind of

essentially his cave and it's away from me. But like if you saw what our closet situation is, he went away he was in Jamaica for a couple weeks or something doing work. I took all of his clothing out of our closets and moved it into a separate bedroom.

And he doesn't even have clothes in her bedroom. What did he say? You guys, her husband or her soon-to-be husband is so sweet and cute and nice. What did he say when he came home and everything was moved? Well, we have this, like, one little walk-in closet that's just, we, like, have stored luggage in and all of our shoes. I moved everything of his out, and I made it just, like, a little shoe bag closet. So he officially has completely been evicted from our closets in our bedroom.

And I prefaced it, like, oh, my God, look what I did. Look how cute this is. Like, it's so adorable. This is, like, my little... This is my little me place. I put a candle in there. And he's like, wow, hon, that's great. That must have been a lot of work because it was.

It was a shit show before. So I prefaced it, like, as a positive for me, like a chore that I did. And he didn't, you know, he's not, like, thrilled that he has to go to a separate bedroom. Like, does he have to, like, walk to the other side of the house to get dressed now? Yeah. Well, he has underwear there, pajamas. And he just walks in his underpants across the house. Yeah, and a robe.

I let him like keep a rope. I love diabolical situations like that where you say, look what I did. Don't you love it? Yeah. Yeah, I do that all the time. And I said, I'm like, listen, if you don't fucking like it, get us a house with double closets

and you won't, you'll get your own space. Get us a bigger house. That's amazing. Where she goes into like a downward spiral of OCD cleaning. And so, and she cleans everything. And it's very organized. But he's complaining. Then she gets so in the zone that she forgets where she puts things.

Oh, yeah. Unless it's hers. And so then I come home and I'm like, yo, I just got these new noise-canceling headphones so I don't have to listen to your like massive fingers smashing the keys. I mean, I also work a lot too. He's going to complain about that. I go, I see, you know. I'm a hard worker. God damn you. Organize and a hard worker. Here's how I have to preface it. I have to say, hey, the house looks really great again. But. But where the fuck are the headphones? And then she goes, I don't know any fucking headphones are and screams. And then like- Keep track of your own shit. So then I have to do like an Easter egg hunt around the house to find the thing that she put away. She's keeping you mentally stimulated. And it's a fight. And you should be grateful for that.

I have to like say thank you. Thank you. As my frustration levels are rising and as I, my face is turning red because I can't find it. And it was in my man cave right where I left it. And then, you know, so it's called, that's a gone girl move. That's, I love it. Tell everyone what you do with gone girl. It's my favorite thing.

So many things. It's my favorite thing when you do, when you play the music. I, yeah, when Andrew's not cooperating or he doesn't wake up or we're running late. I threw, like, in every speaker I play, it's called Sugarstorm. Everyone should go download it. Oh, my God. It's from the Gone Girl soundtrack.

And I just play that creepy score that's like, dun, dun, done, done, done. And he gets, he like knows that I'm not fucking around. Or I'll text him the alphabet if he doesn't respond. A, I mean, I literally called him. I'm not joking. And he was like in a session 43 times yesterday because I knew that he was. that he read my text message and just wasn't cooperating

and I had a very serious question. Which was about the wedding I met, right? It was like, what time are you coming home for dinner? It was not really that serious of a question. And I called him 43 times. I was like, I give no fucks. I think it's so funny. And I realized that he probably is wildly terrified of me,

but that's where I want him. I'd like you to write a book about these tips. I have so many tips. I know. I almost want you to write like a whole guide where people can just buy it, and it's like tips to like lead with fear with a relationship. I just think it's funny too.

It's like if it's not, I mean, am I really going to Lorraine Bob at him? No. But like will I text him 150 times and be laughing the whole time? Yes. I love it. I think it's very efficient and that I should start doing some of these tips to you. My favorite was when he was in the shower and you were playing it and you were by the door. I don't know where I saw this.

I think it was on your Instagram. Yeah, I took a video because it was really, it was next level. That was, you got to like repost that. That's a regram. Mm-hmm. I should. That's it. This is it. Hold on. Close your eyes, Michael. Michael, just visualize.

Just close your eyes. It's actually kind of peaceful. Nope. It gets creepy. Just imagine what she did. Do it? Mm-hmm. Really listen to it, absorb it. It's kind of turning me on. Michael is a boner.

You don't remember this news, and your voice probably gets really low like this. I'm like, Andrew. we're 15 minutes late for our dinner reservation. Andrew, get me a fucking martini like I asked four and a half minutes ago. Andrew, you said you'd be home by 703. It is now 714, Andrew. You have to keep saying their name over and over. It's like subliminal messaging.

It does get creepy because it kind of sounds like whale in the world. noises too. You just, you have flashback to the movie of her fucking Neil Patrick Harris slitting his throat with a box cutter. I need some tips for Michael with this music, like really good ones. You just have to start playing this in moments of anger

and it reformats their brain that every time they hear this song, shit's about to pop off. No, that's amazing. It's like positioning. Lauren's literally crying. There's tears and eyes. Well, I was trying to hold it in. It's so fucking funny. I love shit like this. Like, this is like my comedy. Like, I get off on shit like this about like staring the fuck

out of you. That's the most I've seen you cry in our whole relationship. I was crying when I first heard it. I cried more this now that I did at my wedding. I didn't cry at my wedding. Oh, you didn't? Oh my gosh. Did you shed a tear? No. We're cold as eyes. No, I mean,

we weren't super emotional about the wedding thing. I think I was too drunk. Nice. Michael had like 10 shots. I got to wipe my eyes. I'm like crying. Oh, I love that you're crying. I can't even deal with that. It's pretty great. It's pretty great. The more you know. Are you freaked out?

He's like, all right, we got to wrap this on guys. You want to date us together? By the way, if I had a Raya profile, that would 100% beat, you know, you have like music in the background of your slideshow. No, wait, can you tell us all about this? Because Meanie really wants to get on Raya. Okay, I don't know because I'm obviously not on it, but I did apply at one point in time as a joke to send it to Andrew because I was like really wanting to get married. And I was like, when the fuck is this dude going to propose to me? So I did apply and I was waitlisted.

but you pick a song, they do like a weird montage of like photos of you and you have to pick your own song and mine would 100% What are the requirements to get on there? You have to like have a social media following. I don't really know to be totally honest. You have to have a social media following. You have to kind of be someone, I think. Could I get on? I wonder if I could get on.

No. Why? Because you're married. Yeah. Actually, you can get on to find friends, but you're most certainly not getting on to find fucking friends. I'm looking for friends. Go to Friendster. You're not going on.

I'm sick of my current friends. I only want Raya friends, I guess Only want cool people You also get kicked off if you talk about it Right? I would be kicked off in about two minutes So we're blacklisted already We can't get on now and we just talked about it

Yeah probably but I'm not really trying to make any new friends I'm trying to like rotate out I'm trying to keep my same amount of friends Right But just have a whole new group Okay so you just want to swap out Like swap You want to upgrade?

There's like two or three I'll keep and then swap I want to go on just like stalk the shit out of it because I heard that John Mayer's on it. I heard that I heard Josh Henderson. Like I heard like a bunch of celebrities on it so I want to go and like see like what their profile picture is and what their bio is.

I'm still crying because that was so funny. It was amazing. I feel like we really had a moment there. Oh my God. A real moment. I know my mask. No. Yeah. So I want to try to get my little sister on it but it's really hard. It is very hard. But I mean you don't know any ins or outs on how to get

on it. No, I wish. I wish but please let me know if she gets in because I would like to troll. Can Taylor get on? Fuck no. Probably not. There's no way in hell? No way. I mean, if I had any kind of like, you know, like if I was part of that company and

that guy tried to come in on vacation, not with those four pictures or not. Not with that slideshow. Oh yeah, with that slide show. The dick pick collage. I feel like he also has pictures of like inappropriate areas of his body too when you keep sliding. Like he does his abs up close. He does one of his.

Does he send dick pics for sure? I'm going to say yes I don't want to know He's got he has the look of someone who would send a dick pick Totally I mean most guys do Which is so sick That's right

Oh of course So he wants it to be seen You don't want to get razor burn for nothing He's like trying to like showcase that He really thinks that that's the way to a woman's heart too That is It is not That is so weird

I remember you telling me that and being like What the fuck? Yeah it's a little risery situation Would you do a wax? You should have him waxed on this podcast. That's a really great idea. Like a live wax? Yes.

Before Jackie gives us the dates on her live podcasting experience, I want to tell you guys about Leitote. Okay, so this happened to me the other day, and I feel like you guys can relate to this. I was shopping, and someone was falling me around, and it was highly annoying. I'm the type of shopper. I don't know about you that likes to be left alone.

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Basically, you get as many totes as you want a month and you just wear it, return it, and repeat it. I love it. I was sent a bunch of clothes that I would have never worn if they hadn't sent it to me, and I tried it on. I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. So I feel like it helps you be more confident, you save money, you eliminate useless trips to the mall with people following you around. Just go to laytote.com. That's lay tote, L-E-T-O-T-O-T-E dot com to get started for as low as $39 a month. In our promo code Skinny at checkout to get 50% off your first month. Once you sign up, you'll receive your completely customized toot within days. Where what you want, return everything in the mail when you're done, and repeat all month long. Again, that's laytote.com. Enter your code skinny

and feel fabulous with fashion delivered right to your door. This is Norman Lear with my great sidekick, Paul Hipp. Good to be here with you, Norman, on All of the Above. That's the Name of My Podcasts, All of the Above. And it's called All of the Above because we're going to talk about all of the above. There isn't anything sequescent. There's nothing too above us or below us. Well, certainly nothing to be below us.

But we have had guests, you cannot believe. Yeah. Julie Dui Dreyfus, amazing. And America Friday. Jard Carmichael. Yes. Oh, Amy Polar. How did we overlook? We didn't overlook Amy Poehler. I was saving her for last. And Charles Barkley, I was saving him for first, actually, because I didn't declare up first. I get to hang out with this guy. And this is your chance to hang out with Norman Lear a little bit here and some of these great guests.

God, I wish I was you hanging out with Norman Lear. Yeah. Son of a God, that must be excited. It's the best. I'm telling you. Don't miss all of the above with Norman Lear. Download new episodes every week on the Podcast One app or subscribe at podcast.com. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Okay, tell us about the live podcast. Did you have fun? Did you like it?

Was it nerve-rocking? Like, give us all the ends and out. I was more comfortable probably doing a live podcast than doing like podcasts like this at the beginning. Now it's like second nature. It's not weird. But I used to get nervous for probably like, I would say like eight months. I was consistently nervous every time. How many have you done?

It's been two years. So like probably 105. And how many of those are live? Only one. Only one. We've only done one live podcast. Would you do it again? Yeah, totally.

We're going to do another. We're going to do a couple more. I liked your grandma so much. Oh, my God. She loved you both. We're hitting it off. Did she try to slip you the tongue? A little bit.

Yeah, I saw that. That's cool, though. She was like on you. She was hanging on you. I was like. Gloria, right? Gloria. Yeah, and she has a slick back, which I love.

It's so chic. Always. She's so fabulous to the way She talks with her hands and, like, I just want to, like, listen to her on your podcast all the time. She's really sweet. Yeah. She's sweet and spicy. Yeah, she is spicy.

She's a hot little 86-year-old. And she parted with us until, like, midnight. I mean, we were out. We were out pretty late, right? Yeah. We were doing a shot. I mean, she was having fun. She had her drink.

Like, she was, like, ready to go. Oh, no. She can hang. Yeah. She likes a scene. She hates old people. So anytime she can be around young people, she, like, really comes alive. And her skin is so pretty.

Oh, crazy. She won't go in the sun. That's the trick. See? That's the trick, Michael. You look at me like, I'm like, get your ass in the sun. No, but you need to wear sunscreen. I don't go in the sun.

Look at me. I look like a sheet of paper. Yeah. I think I'm probably the pastiest person in this room. Do you go in the sun? No, not really. I mean, I try to because I am like Casper. Are you going to do a spray tan before the wedding?

Nope. I've never done a spray tan. I've never done the tanning bed. I'm not fucking with it. I don't want to try it. I don't want to look orange. I just... Don't do it because.

I wouldn't do it. Lauren used to make me do it, and it was really confusing. And I had a lot of... Tell her how I used to make you do it. No, I had a lot of problems. I didn't know how to do it. His carrot was like hot orange. When you mean carrot, are you talking about his pee?

Yeah. Do you like, how do you say pee-pee? That's a new thing that I started doing. I don't know you're supposed to go covered. I just went right in, you know? Dick out? Yeah. That's how I roll, I guess.

I don't know how you would cover it, though, like with what? A man song? Yeah. They didn't have one big enough, well? Oh, God. I knew we set him up for that one. It was an easy setup. No, but I didn't know what to do.

I just, you don't know. And then the first, I also didn't know the first time. Did you like bend over too? No, I just stood there. Like, I actually, you know what? It's actually kind of embarrassing. I stood there like a, like a scarecrow, like the Blair Witch Pauze, you know, like the legs. Oh, yeah.

That's not how you're supposed to stand. You're supposed to stand. Like Jesus Christ. I'm almost a Leonardo, the Leonardo da Vinci, like the man, you know? Yeah. Like, that's how I was standing. Wow. And then is it like a booth you go into and then it just like orbits around you?

Have you really never done a spray tan? I have, you got, I'm like really, really very behind on everything. Like, I never get my eyebrows wax. Me and maintenance, like, don't really, I get blow dries. That's my thing. Okay. Everything else I'm very not good about. And do you have someone that's doing your hair on your wedding that you've used before?

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, my hair is my problem area, so I've kind of got that figured out, but everything else, never had a spray tan, ever, ever. I can't believe you've never had a spray tan. I do it like once a week. Never even done the tanning bed thing. I hate the tanning bed. I won't go in there.

I don't get facials. Nothing. No. Double tint on your eyebrows? No, I've never had anything tinted. Oh my God. Except my vagina. I'm just kidding.

We had to get one in there for you. We love to make you so uncomfortable. Do you get really uncomfortable when people talk about vaginas? No, he was a little uncomfortable when they talked about marbles popping out of a butthole. So the lady game came on here and they, I mean. Marbles of what? I have so many questions. Yeah, what marbles of what?

What? Clots? You're asking me? Like I know? Placenta? I didn't know there was marbles down there. No, hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids.

Yeah, but they are turned into marbles when you get pregnant, I guess. There's a lot of things men shouldn't know about women. Like, they just shouldn't know. If men could carry babies, would you make Michael carry your child? 100%, right? Not 100, like a million percent. Me too. Oh, God, I would love that so much.

A hundred percent. Like, no doubt in my mind. You know that, too, right? Like, we're on the same age. This is going to get me in trouble again. No, no, no, say it. Say it. I don't know why women are, like, complaining.

Like, I get it, okay. Okay, it's tough. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. There's been millions and millions of women that have done it before you. Like, what's so special? You get fat as fuck. You turn into fucking shamu, okay? You have to push a human being out of your vagina.

But isn't that what we're hearing of. You have to push a human. Imagine pushing a fucking human out of your penis hole. Well, I hope my penis. Or your asshole. No, imagine that right now. Just I want you to visualize. Let's play Gone Girl again.

It would be true. My dad used to tell me that it was like, that women told him that it was like taking your lower lip and pulling it over your back of your head. Yeah, how does that sound? It doesn't sound fun? It doesn't sound great. No sushi, no alcohol for nine months. No alcohol is hard. I get it.

I'm not saying, I'm not saying that it's, okay, here's, okay, let me rephrase. I'm not saying that it's easy. No man should come. And you walk around like a bloated, fat, lard ass. Yeah, but I'm not saying it's. Your feet swell. Your face swell. swells.

Your finger swell. You can't fit your engagement ring or wedding ring. You're puking. I'm not saying it's easy. You can't see your vagina. But like, how do you shave your legs? You don't.

I'm not going to. That's like what, that's what we're here to do, right? Okay. And. Oh my God. He's so caring the child. They're going to have,

they're going to figure it out soon. And you're a little jacksy right now. No, no. And like enough with the, just enough with, I hate everyone, everyone complains about it.

Okay. Until you do it. You can't be judgmental about it. There's never going to be a time when I'm going to do it. My body's not going to morph to where I'm able to carry a child inside of me. I'm going to donate to some type of foundation that is in support of the research of men carrying children because I would totally make Andrew do it. Yeah. The fact that I can't drink or have sushi for nine months and then I'm going to be, I'm going to be disgusting pregnant.

I'm going to be Kirstie Allie at the peak mixed with Shamu mixed with Shrek mixed with. mixed with like I don't even want to think about it will you be in a polloo i don't even want to know what my cravings are going to be like like i can't watch people eat food on tv because if i'm eating like a taco and then i see somebody eating pasta i immediately have to have pasta like i'm a very visual eater so i have to fast forward through eating scenes so how do you watch the Kardashians i well i actually don't watch the Kardashians you don't I'm an intellect. I'm very, very highbrow, and I just don't watch the Kardashians.

Really? I would think you do. I know, because I watch the shittiest TV of all time, but I don't watch that one. Why don't you like the Kardashians? Because I feel like it's inauthentic, and I feel like it's contrived. Like, it's not real, and I get a little bored. I get bored. I watch it to see how smart they are manipulating people.

Like, it really, like, I got to give credit to all that. Like, that whole clan is so strategic. But that's why she doesn't like it. I can't deal. It's very, like, um, God, Kim and Courtney, Kylie, I think Kendall. I think Kendall is asexual. She does, yeah. I think there's something going on.

She's either a lesbian or I think she's asexual. She gives me asexual vibes. Yeah, and Kylie is... And I've heard she, like, gets down, down, down. What does that mean? Like, I, like, know that she's, like, a freak in the sheets, but I think that that's overcompensating because she's asexual. Huh. Well, I just read Linda Thompson's book who was Brody and Bruce's mom who was married to Bruce Jenner when he was Bruce.

Also friends with Taylor Armstrong made a couple appearances on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at Brandy Glanville's party in Malibu. Just saying a little trivia. I love that trivia. And she was also Elvis's girlfriend. Oh, my God. It's a good book. You should read it. It's got some juice in it.

And now Caitlin is coming out with her own book. She's such an asshole, Caitlin Jenner. She's saying some mean things. things about Chris and the Kardashians. She's a douchebag and it's, and we're allowed to say that. Everyone was so sensitive about it because she's trans. But you know what? I think Caitlin Jenner is such an asshole.

Yeah, she hasn't been very nice with how she's handled it. I think, like, forget about anything with her sexuality. It has nothing to do with that. People make it about that. That's such a stupid correlation. It has nothing to do with that. You could be an asshole in any gender. Yeah, she hasn't been the nicest.

That's what I don't like about. 2016-17 is that people use little crutches to be assholes they'll say like well I'm this way so I'm allowed to behave

this way or I'm you know this way so I can act like this And then everyone else isn't politically correct if they don't do the right

thing like I want to be able to walk up to anyone on this planet gay, straight, trans whatever black white whatever rate anything and if they're an asshole

I want to be able to look and say listen you're an asshole and it has nothing to do with any other factor other than you just being a complete dick. Yeah, I feel like people are using, like they're using things that says, like, well, I'm allowed to be this because of this. And I just think it's socially manipulative.

Yes. And I ain't down for it. Yeah. And you know what else? I feel like she thought she was going to be like the star all of a sudden. And that backfired with her show because it got canceled. And now she's trying to find another way, another hole to go through to like. She's a thirsty bitch. Let me tell you. You can't, you can't go up against Chris Jenner. She is a business ninja. Yeah, she has a She's my favorite Kardashian gender. She's 100% like she is running the show. I have massive respect for her. I read her book too. You would like

her book. What is it called? It's called Just being Chris. Something like that. Just Chris. Like it's something like that. I totally made that up by the one. It's like just Chris. I think that's what it's called actually. It's called got your money again, suckers. Yeah, exactly. They talk about the OJ trial. And it's really interesting. Her book is actually

really, really good. It talks about like her whole history with OJ and Nicole and like how that all transpired. And then it tells kind of how she built the kids, but she still doesn't give her secret sauce at all. And then I also read this book, which is kind of depressing, but it was a Sunday where I was laying in bed, like just stuffing my face with food. And I read Kardashian Dynasty, which was interesting. And it's all about like the strategy and everything. Who wrote that? Somebody. Ian, I don't know, somebody. I'm just not into the Kardashians. I never have been. You like the housewives more. Yeah. It's just escapism.

And, like, it's just funnier and easier for me to watch. Like, the Kardashian thing, the phenomenon, and they just bought, I don't know, they bother me. Okay, but I have to ask you the most important question of the day. What did you think of Kim Richards giving the bunny back? Ooh, savage and amazing. Amazing. I thought that was so hilarious and the drama of it. I would be laughing hysterically.

If I was Lisa Rana, I would have laughed. I am very lost right now. Okay. You got to give like a little snippet of it for him. So basically Kim Richards and Lisa Rina. Are you following? Do you know who these people are? Yes, he does.

Oh, okay, great. I do. Okay, so they have had a rough history. Okay. So as an olive branch, Lisa Rina brings Kim this blue fucking bunny, okay, because she just had a grandchild. So Kim Richards, savage Kim Richards holds on to this bunny still in the salafane for, I'm assuming, seven months and then brings it to the reunion and

whips it. I'm always nervous what they're going to whip out from behind that fucking couch. It's either a manila folder or like some like a prop and gives it back to Lisa. And she doesn't want it. Bad energy. Someone who dips out of the vanilla folder. I'm having it. It's just an anxiety right up. I didn't give this bunny back. It's bad energy. I'm not going to give this to my

grandkid. How much have you learned from watching the Real House Five reunions though? Because like I always say you should live with your friends and with everybody like you're going to have a reunion special and someone's going to whip out a manila folder on you because I will not put anything in writing ever like no screenshots you're never going to find

a screenshot of some shit I've said about you because it does not exist. A text, no text, no emails. I mean I don't really talk shit about people I love. I'm very brutal to people's faces obviously so that's not really a problem that I have but I still

live like someone's going to out of Manila folder that says like Jackie on it. That's smart. I think that's really smart. I'm like Joe Pesci and Casino now, you know, when he like runs around all the different pay phones and like holds the toothpick over his mouth and he's taught. I feel like someone's watching all the time. Me too.

Like the Truman Show. What about how much you've learned about how they strategically sit? Oh, I love that. Yeah. I love that. Like the two famous ones are next to Andy. Uh-huh. And then like the middle ones are the ones that are going to feud.

They have to be crossed from each other. And then the least significant are the ones. Like Eden's or like a thing. Eden. and give her the hook. She's such a buzz kill. She's a little boring. She's a little boring.

And like, I can't with her. Yeah. I don't think they'll bring her back because she's just a friend. Yeah, she's out. And Heather Debrose off. I know.

She's off. And she seems really nice. She is really nice. We both did her show. Yeah. And she didn't want to be a friend. I know. Interesting.

I know. I'm very, I like love the housewives, so I'm very up to date with everything they're doing. Michael's like, hmm. Yeah.

I'm sorry, do you not like housewives? Because every time I have it on, you take your noise. Which one's your favorite? No, no, here's a thing. If you had to pick one, Sophie's choice. You know who it is. Who's your favorite? Here's the thing.

It's not that I don't like it or dislike it. I just, if it's on, it's hard to not. It's hard to not look. Who do you like best? Tell her who you like best. Please. On which one. You know exactly who you like.

Who do you like best? No, I really don't know which one you're talking. It starts with an E. If you say, Eden, I'm going to punch you. No, no. I like the Erica Jane one. Oh, the Erica Jane one. I like people that just say it how it is.

I love Erica Jane. Her meltdown in Hong Kong was a little unbecoming. I didn't like that. I didn't like that either. And the way she handled it afterwards, it put me off a little bit. Same with me. And I, like, loved her. I still do love her, like diehard fan.

But that was a little unbecoming. Yeah, it wasn't super cute. Yeah, she was crying about, you don't know what I deal with. I was like, you need to stop. You need to get your shit together. You need to go to the bathroom. Oh, shit. Sorry.

I'm getting really excited. She needs to cry on the inside and like, you know, dab it out and just relax. I agree. Okay. I wish Andrew was here. I know. We could have a side conversation while this is going on. Andrew watches the housewives.

He does. Oh, yeah. Yeah. See, Andrew's on board. He loves Vicky. He loves Orange County and he loves New Jersey. There's some big drama happening. I like hanging with Andrew.

Andrew really likes you. I thought he was going to come here, but he, you know, he didn't. No, he's afraid because he knows that he would probably end up being on this podcast, and he doesn't... 100%. I would have dragged him right in. You would have bullied him into doing it, and he... I would have sat him right down on the seat. You wouldn't want him as a guest.

He's a little... Why, he's so sweet. So sweet, but he gets really nervous and he starts schvitzing. When are we hanging again? When am I going to see him again? We're going to dinner. Oh, yeah. We're doing dinner.

May. May. I don't know the date. It's at the end of May. I forgot we were podcasting for a second. Sorry. Michael is trying to manipulate his way on your podcast with me. Oh, I would love that.

Maybe his strategy was that's why he wanted Andrew here so he could try to get on because I think he heard Jacks and he was like a little maybe jealous. I don't get jealous. You guys are coming on. Oh, he wants, he's very excited about that. We've been manipulating my way on. Do you want me to formally invite you? I thought there was something coming in the mail.

I was standing outside every day looking for the mailman. I have a telegram. Someone's going to come sing to you. It was an event bright. Would you like to come separately alone, or would you like to come with your partner? No, no, no. We could do whatever. Whatever's easy.

Okay. Whatever is easy. I like how you slip that in there. So you guys will both come on together. I think he like wants to like, he wants his own mic kind of thing. Okay, perfect. Would you like a particular beverage there for you or a snack? Send me your writer.

What's on your rider? I'll send somebody. I'll send somebody ahead of me. All green M&Ms. Oh, perfect. There'll be a car that comes before I come and makes... Just to sage the place and make sure. We'll clear the area.

Make sure you don't have anything that's unpleasing to the eye in there. Cover the windows. No, he's excited. He was asking, I said, I don't know. You have to ask her on air. Oh, my God, of course. Yes, please. We'll have to have Andrew on alone.

That would be you'd lose all your listeners. I'm not like a six-year-old kid that, like, needs to hide behind her skirt. But thank you for doing that. I like to just slip it in. Yeah, he was very excited. Okay, so we're going to come on your podcast at the end of May so you guys can check that out. I've also been on Jackie's podcast. Yeah.

And if you guys haven't listened to The Bitch Bible, you're missing out because it's one of my favorite podcast. She's so fucking funny. I'm really loving the Vanderpump theme lately. Yes, lots of Vanderpump. Yes, Jacks. I liked Katie, Stossies. We've had almost everyone on except the boys. I invited DJ James Kennedy.

He declined publicly. he blocked me on all social media but he told me I was a dumb bitch and I was like bitch yes dumb compared to you not so much he is funny though he does have some some comedy behind him

I really really want Andrew to like email him and like offer him some type of a session just to fuck with him but Andrew would never do that what about Lala I don't know I would have her on I'd have anybody on but I think people are afraid Yeah.

You know? I mean, you're very easy to podcast with. Totally. I'm not going to like, I would never bring somebody on. I know some people that do that in the podcast world, I'll tell you later, like to bring people on to kind of like make them uncomfortable or like elevate themselves. So they just use you to like set you set them up for their monologue or whatever. But I would never do that. Here comes the question that we've been waiting to ask.

Yeah. What is it? I'd probably answer it like such a nightmare. I got nothing. I got nothing. Okay, so you guys can find her on the bitch Bible. My favorite episodes are, I love the Vanderpump. I love the ones with your grandma.

Your cousin is funny. Cousin Joe. As fuck. Breakout star. If they were just going to start listening to you, not that they all probably do listen to you, but if they were going to start, where should they start? Like, what's your favorite? My favorite, I have a lot of favorite episodes. I don't know.

I couldn't even tell you. The ones with Morgan Stewart, I really love. I love ours. You guys have a lot of chemistry, too. Yeah, she's on fire. She's so funny. Yeah, I love the ones with Morgan. Stasi is always slam dunk.

I love Menaja Duh. That's a good one with Brandy and Julie. There's a bunch. I don't know. I'm probably being... If you guys aren't listening to the bitch Bible, you got to listen. Go subscribe. Raider.

She is funny as fuck. Thank you so much for coming on. Where can everyone find you? At Jackie Schimel everywhere. And follow her on Snapchat because you make the best food. Oh, God. I'm that girl. It's so embarrassing.

I hate myself. But, you know, when you're not that interesting, sometimes you just got to spice it up, right guys? Right. Thank you for coming on. Thank you. Thanks for listening, you guys. I hope you laughed your ass off at that episode like I did.

Be sure to subscribe, rate and review with a skinny confidential, him and her podcast on iTunes, and tell a friend about us. We want to spread the word. See you next week. Thanks for listening to the skinny confidential, him and her, with Lauren Everts and Michael Boston. Download new episodes every Tuesday at podcast1.com or subscribe now on the Podcast One app.

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