The Bossticks - #64: Relationship Q & A: Financial Independence, Traveling Together, Fights, and Growth

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

Lauryn & Michael are back state side and have some advice for you! The dazzling duo, are taking listener questions which include, how to make time for your marriage, should a women be financially independent from her husband, leading with your own identity, what makes a great relationship, how to avoid having the same fight, and some tips for traveling with your significant other. To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Bombshell Body Guide and Meal plan.  tired of combating inflammation & bloat? Want to feel lighter and sexier? Check out lauryn's latest 7 day meal plan. In this simple & super effective plan you'll find: + tsc grocery list with every ingredient you need for the 7 days. + what the f*ck to do when you love carbs guide. + quick and delicious recipes: breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner and dessert. You will also find 28 weeks worth of fat burning, muscle toning, 27 minute long, effective workouts you can do at home with no equipment. USE PROMO CODE: HIMANDHER at Checkout for 20% Off

Thanks for downloading this show from PC1. Before we get rolling, here's a word from one of the folks who helped bring you this podcast. This episode is brought to you by the skinny confidential meal plan and body guide. Okay, you guys, so if you didn't know, I have a body guide and a meal plan. The meal plan I put together over the course of a couple months and just wrote down all my favorite recipes that are easy and quick that anyone can make. A lot of the ingredients are found at Trader Joe's, and it has a grocery list in it too. It's kind of my favorite thing ever, and I even use it at home all the time, just because the recipes are just so quick. There's nothing crazy in there.

You can check it out and go to members.comfidential.com if you want to stock it and look at it. You can also check out at TSC bombshell body on Instagram and kind of get a behind the scenes. And today I'm going to give you guys a code, him and her at checkout, for a 20% discount to all podcast listeners. So just go to members.comfidential.com and use code him and her for 20% off. All right. Let's get into the show. The following program is a podcast.1.com presentation. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.

Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cooking. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing. you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Drum roll,

please, Kevin. Okay, okay, all right, all right, all right. Here I am, here we are. Howdy, howdy, howdy. We're back with the skinny confidential, him and her podcast. We're coming with fire for you guys. Last week was something different with the keynote, and this week we are here to answer your questions.

to be honest, it was good that we had that keynote because we were traveling all over the place and it was kind of an impromptu thing. We didn't know we were going to be gone. We were planning on releasing that on a Thursday, but we just fired it out on a Tuesday. A lot of people really liked it. We did that talk a couple months back and was planning on releasing it, but we just didn't know the right time. And last week just happened to be that time. So I think that we're going to do a lot of live podcasting after the response we got from that keynote. I think it would be so fun to, do like a live podcast in San Diego or LA or New York and bring you guys there and we can have drinks and food and just like the audience can ask us questions. So we're kind of working on that

right now. So maybe we'll do that in the next couple months. Well, there's been a lot going on since we've been able to get back on the mic and talk to the, talk to the audience. Talk to the people. Talk to the, talk to the ones that keep us going. Why don't you back up and like update everyone? As some of you guys know, we were in New York running around, taking meetings. Lawrence spoke at Create and Cultivate. I had a couple partners out there doing a couple meetings. We were running around, like, you know, bats with our heads cut off. No, not bats.

What do you call it? Chickens with a head cut off. I don't know why I thought bats right there. Bats, chickens, whatever. And so, yeah, there's a lot going on. We did the meetup out there, the Skinny Competential Meetup. And that was awesome. Also very overwhelming.

I don't know if I've been surrounded by that much estrogen ever, actually. Get used to it. Get used to it. I'm usually pretty good in those situations where like when there's women around, I'm usually pretty confident and pretty collected, but I got to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed. Yeah, it was about 100 girls that came out to the meetup and we had mimosas and tequila and some pink hummus vegetables. I got to meet a bunch of you guys and hear about your blogs and what you guys are doing.

And I have to say the women in New York are hustlers. Everyone, well, not everyone, I guess there's some losers in New York. Sorry if you're one of them. But a lot of people are hustlers in New York. Definitely the people that showed up there. You know, Lauren, I was going to tell you, at first when the Susan stuff happened, I was like, okay, whatever, it's a joke, no big deal. You know, we had a couple rogue incidents like when we're in L.A.

And somebody screamed it across the street. And, you know, I look over and there's... That gave me life. Yeah, but, you know, this time when you had, you know, a room full of 100 women and they're all screaming Susan at me. Now I don't know if I'm so cool with it anymore. Well, get over it, Michael. It is what it is.

This is your brand. It's not my brand that I signed up for. I'm changing it. I'm not going by it anymore. It's over. No. Pull in the plug. Susan.com.

I feel like everyone's on board with me for this one. I wish I need to come up with the name for you, but I feel like nobody would back me on it. No, no one would back you. The girls are much more loyal to you than they are to me. You're stuck with Susan. I think I'm going to do a blog post tonight on the meetup and give more deeds there and share the people's blogs.

I want to share you guys' blog on the Skinny Confidentials. So my girlfriend, Sean, tried to collect the names of all the bloggers that were there. So if you were a blogger and we didn't get your name, email me and I'll throw your blog up on that post. Yeah. And so thank you for everyone that came out. That was cool. It was really a rad connecting with you, even if you did call me Susan. Lauren had fun.

I had fun. We love New York. I can't wait to go back. Can we talk about the truffle pasta that Blake lively loves? Yeah, it's at Scalineatella Scalinaella, that's how you say it? I don't know how you say it's on 71st or 63rd. That travel pasta was life-changing.

Yeah, ass changing too. Gained about five pounds just from that plate. Yeah, what I like to do is have a couple bites, eat half, and then give Michael the rest. Well, that's why, that's the problem is I eat my whole plate and then I eat half of your plate. So I'm basically having one and a half servings every time. And I'm like a porpoise whale. It works well for me. You know, I thought after New York, I was like, okay, well, at least I'm going to go home and we get some exercise and I'm going to take it easy and I'm going to get my life together.

But nope, boom, turn, go to France. Yep. We got a call from my manager that we had to go to France for work last minute. So we had to get clothes shipped out from San Diego and fly straight from New York to France. So we stuffed our faces with pizza art before we went. If you guys haven't been there in New York, it is good pizza. hopped on a plane and headed to France. Michael was pretty psycho.

I didn't snap how cycle you were at the airport running around when we went to France. And we arrived and went straight to work. I was trying to get an upgrade and they denied me and I was sweating and really having a rough time. You were having such a rough time. You know, that's another travel hack. If you get frequent flyer programs or frequent flyer miles, well, first of all, what you should do is you just go to any airline and flying and just register, sign up for free online and get a flyer number. and then every time you travel that airline and you put your number and it records all your

all your miles and everything and so over the years i've been able to get good status with delta so i thought that they were going to give me a nice upgrade because i had the status but they denied me and i was i had to hear about this from literally the second we arrived to the airport for probably about six days straight about how you didn't get an upgrade well it was it was it was total travesty i mean it was BS, Delta, if you're listening. I'm pissed. Tell everyone what the girl was complaining about next deal. Well, she was, I don't remember. Oh, she was just complaining. She's, okay, ladies, this is the most insane thing. It was this poor girl and her, I think,

boyfriend, and boyfriend, husband, whatever was. And she gets on the plane and it's taking off. And she literally complained for two hours straight about how uncomfortable the seats were. And he looked at her and he was, I just felt so bad for this guy. It's funny. Actually, Lauren and I didn't get to sit together on the flight, which is why you didn't get to hear this. But he hates not sitting next to me. But, you know, the guy I felt so sad for him because he's sitting there and he goes, listen, we're on the flight. What do you want me to do? And I feel like that's the story of every guy's life when you're like in a situation and there's nothing you can do and the girl's complaining.

And you're just, what are you going to do? What I felt bad for the guy? I looked at him. I gave him like an emotional support stare, you know? An emotional support stare? I feel like I do that to you all the time. I almost had to reprimand his girlfriend. But then I thought maybe I might not work out.

That wouldn't work that well for you. So we arrived in France and we went straight to Nice first and we stayed in Nice for two days. I got a lymphatic drainage massage on my face, which I walked in looking like the nutty professor and walked out with no bloat in my face. So I highly recommend if you're flying a lot to do a lymphatic drainage massage. It is life-changing. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, Google the skinny confidential lymphatic drainage massage. It's a great travel tip.

we had dinner we met up with michael's sister tara who we've also met up with in paris and london well we had to de bloat after new york because we were there for the film festival you forgot to mention that and um you know we couldn't we couldn't show up after eating you know truffle pizza for days and looking like the nutty professor so we had to we had to slim down we had to get some exercise my sister came out there she you know she's so funny because she i didn't even know she was out there My sister somehow, she's young. She's still in school, guys. So she, I don't know how she does this, but she's all over the world all the time.

And it's not like she does this because she doesn't have like some big budget to do this. But she like figures out ways to do it, people to stay with. She stays in weird hostels. She stays in like Airbnb's. And somehow she gets like super connected over there. I think she's just really outgoing. She meets people. But it's interesting because at this point now, she's what, 21 years old.

And she's lived in three different countries. three different languages. And it's just crazy because she's always all over the place. And it was nice to meet up with her. I think we're going to have her on the show at some point to discuss how she travels all over the place and how she makes that happen. She has a lot of good hacks that I feel like would be valuable to you guys. And I think she's the only family member that has not been on the podcast.

Is that right? Your mom hasn't been on either. We've had the whole clan on here. Yeah, one point or another. So Tara will come on and share some of her tips. She speaks three different languages, too. She's super inspiring. And while she was here, she slept on the couch in our hotel room.

And I had to yell at her twice because she was eating chocolate for breakfast every morning, which was quite interesting. And she was really putting a kink in my step when it comes to the sexy time out there because Can you not call it sexy time? She was cock-blocking me. That's not sexy. Call it sexy time. She was there, Tara.

You really, you know, I'm out there. I'm in France. I think I'm going to get some romance going and nope, sisters there. You were not peacock. That's a good brother, right? Let her stay there at the expense of that. Yeah, you were stuffing pringles down your face the entire time, though. That was pretty weird.

Anyway, so Tara also wasn't using serum on her face or moisturizer, and she was taking her makeup off with the wrong products. So I got to set her straight. So we went to the film festival and we got to walk the red carpet. You guys saw if you follow along on Snapchat or Insta story, that was really fun. We saw a movie about a samurai. Great movie.

One of Lawrence favorites. The Blade of the Immortal. Or is it the immortal blade? I don't know, Michael. I don't take note on it. Well, I thought it was good. I'm pretty sure you didn't like it so much

considering that you were asleep the whole time. Michael, I wasn't asleep. You were snoring. I was not snoring. You were snoring? I had to nudge you because you were disturbing the other guests. I was jet lagged. And I'm there in my tuxedo and I was sweating.

and like nervous because you were snoring and like we were there and you weren't supposed to be doing that and then nobody was serving me any popcorn or any Coca-Cola or any like kind of drink. Well, you know. You know, if I can make a recommendation for the film festival, for the people I can, for the people that are running that thing, you know, some popcorn wouldn't kill you, you know, to serve. You should have brought some in your texts. You looked very handsome. I was like James Bond out there.

All right. Well, he did get recognized as Christian Bale a couple times. You did look very, very cute. and I did a champagne gold dress, which I will do a blog post on this week. And I helped you pick it out. You did. You micromanaged the shit out of me, Kanye.

Well, I knew what I was going to be wearing, so I needed to make sure that you... You were so annoying when I was picking out my clothes. I've never met anyone more annoying. I knew I would find an outfit before we flew out from New York to France, and you were micromanaging me like I've never seen before. Yeah, because you cut it. Like, literally she found a dress for this event,

like maybe an hour and a half before we had to catch the fly. light out. Welcome to my life. Did you not see the way I got married? So stressful. Everything's got to be so stressful. We're riding around on the subway, carrying bags, raining everywhere. I was going to do rent the runway, but I didn't find something I liked. So I found this really pretty champagne. It looked like a dress, but it was actually a two-piece. It's on my Instagram if you want to check it out. And then we came back from France. And now we're back at it. We're back at it. We're going to be in L.A. all next week. And work, work, work, we might bring the dogs. I'm going to try to convince Michael. So, yeah. Okay. So we haven't been able to answer listener questions in a while. And before we get into some more interviews, which are coming

up this in the next couple weeks, I wanted to take some time. And Lauren wanted to take some time to really go through some of the listener questions and, you know, answer as many as we could before we get back into the interviews because we want to make sure that you guys are staying active at the show and and submitting questions still and, you know, and that we're actually, you know, answering as many as we can. So today we're going to answer a lot of questions primarily on relationships. But before we do, I want to get into the him and her tip of the week. My tip has to do with puffiness. I'm going to continue the theme of how I got a lymphatic drainage massage the second I got off the plane.

I find it to be so helpful. But if you can't get a massage right after the plane, use a spoon. So what I do is I order a freezing cold glass of ice water and a big spoon. And I put the spoon in the glass of freezing cold ice water for a minute and let it freeze. And then I take the spoon out and I put it on my eyes in the morning. And you guys, it is such a game changer. It's so helpful when your eyes are puffy and you're jet lagged and traveling. You can do this at home too.

I didn't have my ice roller with me this time. So I just did a spoon freezing cold on the. eyes. I leave it on for as long as I can stand it on each eye, two minutes each eye if you can. And then if you can't get a spoon for some reason, you can also use cucumbers or potatoes. I know that sounds weird, but you can just slice either one of them and put them in the refrigerator and just leave them on your eyes for five minutes. I like the spoon the best just because I like intense and it's so cold. And lastly, if you really want to get creative, you can also wrap the spoon in a green tea bag and put the cold side of the spoon without the tea bag on the eyes and then

flip it over and put the cold green tea bag on your eyes for another minute. So does that make sense? So babe, you need to do this. So make sure you're like taking notes. You put the cold side of the spoon on your eyes and then you flip it over with the wrapped tea bag around it and put the tea bag on your eyes. They got a tea bag for you. Yeah, you're going to teabagagag your face. The tea bag your face. And what the green tea does is it really, really helps with inflammation. This is awesome to do if you're hungover and you can even teabag your entire face if you want to get crazy. Green tea bags are insane and I even want to make green tea.

Are we still talking about beauty tips here? Yeah. Oh, okay. The tea bagging is totally pretty tip. Okay, just want to make sure. I'm going to be doing a post on the skinny confidential on green tea ice cubes that you can just throw on your eyes too. So as long as you have freezing cold water with ice, a spoon, and maybe even a green tea bag, you will be good with the inflammation on your face.

Okay. My tip is going in a different direction. We're not going to be tea bagging on my tip. Or maybe we are. So my tip this week has to do with your reactions to people and reversing your reactions. You know, when bad things happen, when upsetting things happen, when things happen that are unfortunate or that you perceive to be like an injustice to you or whatever. It's about reversing your reaction and being thankful, actually thankful when bad things happen.

So the next time you get upset with someone when they do something to you, boyfriend cheats on you, friend lies to you, boss says something rude, thank them. Not out loud. Like don't be a weirdo. It's, you know, your boyfriend cheats on you don't look at them like a psycho and say thank you. But inside your head, and I know this is difficult, but let me get to it. It's difficult, but thank them for the lesson and learn from the, that lesson and then adjust your life moving forward. A lot of time people get so upset and they waste

so much time and energy feeling disrespected or slighted or upset or angry. And that doesn't solve anything. It doesn't help you. It doesn't change a situation. So instead of getting upset and losing your cool and not taking a lesson away from it, be thankful for the situation, thankful that the person or whatever, you know, for the experience that they gave you and learn from the lesson and keep moving forward. when you think like this it becomes it's really hard to get upset because you know you'll be receiving value down the line from the lesson and also getting upset doesn't change anything. So what I try to do in my life is be thankful when bad things happen. And while it can be tough sometimes when you have that mindset, it makes it easier to move forward. And then you know you learn a lesson and then you can adjust the next time. So next time I do something that's really annoying. I want to remind you of that tip and you can be thankful. Okay. I'm always thankful for you. And with that, we'll jump right into the break. Then we'll be back with some questions.

Hey, everyone. It's Caitlin Bristow. Starting May 30th, you can listen to my show Off the Vime with Caitlin Bristow every Tuesday on Podcast One. Hear me take on tabooed topics and unfiltered advice. I'll also be dishing with some amazing celebrities. Oh, and did I mention there'll be wine? So grab a glass and join me every Tuesday on PodcastWon.com, the new Podcast One app or subscribe on Apple Podcasts. This is the skinny confidential, him and her.

We are back with the skinny confidential him and her podcast, and we are going to answer your questions today. Okay. So I guess, you know, we don't have Taylor or Mimi or anybody to ask them. So today, I will be the question asker. Okay. I'm the Steve Harvey of the show today. All right, Michael. Get on with it.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Question. How do you guys take time for your marriage? Weekly date nights, cooking together, etc. With you both having such busy lives as individuals, how do you make a lot? sure to come together and connect as a couple and continue to grow and cultivate that relationship.

Well, I think what is a little unique about our relationship is we work together and we're in a relationship and we're also, I consider Michael my best friend. So we're really partners and teammates on every level. One thing that we like to do is we have like our little spots and we have like little routines with those spots. So we have like Bankers Hill. we like to go and we like to sit at the bar. We have the same bartender and we always order the same thing.

We get like the deviled eggs and I'll get a burger and he gets, what do you get that chicken thing? No, no, I'll switch it up. Sometimes I'll get the tacos. I always get the beet salad. Great beat salad, Bankers Hill. But then I'll get either the burger, which is one of the best burgers in San Diego. That's a top three in San Diego. Yeah.

Not top two. Yeah. What's top one? McDonald's for you? No, no. But if you're in San Diego, go to Bankers Hill. and then sometimes they have good tacos

but a new favorite which is you know now we're going on a tangent which is like it's a sleeper is the chicken snitzel I don't know about that Michael that doesn't sound appetizing it used to be just a seasonal item

and now it's a main menu item The word snitzel is like a penis That doesn't sound good to me No okay so anyways we have our spots that we go to we have another place called Piotti where it's super Italian and we'll get a bottle

of rosé and have pizza and salads. And then what's another spot we go to? We love our like regulars. We have this little hole in the wall sushi place that I like to go work at and sometimes Michael will come with me. And then we like Mexican food, Fidel's. We just have little spots. Same with L.A. Well, you know why I think you're having trouble answering this question and we're just like kind of like going on a tangent giving restaurant recommendations now is because what I think is unique about you and I and where I think, you know, we've tried in the past to separate, we're just like, we'll go on date nights and listen, we, so here's what we've done. We do all the things. We do the date nights. We set the time aside. We go, you know, all the things that normal couples we're told are supposed to do. And we always say,

okay, well, we're not going to talk about work. We're not about this. But Lauren and I love talking about that shit so much that no matter what we're doing, every time we go, it circles back to that. And I think in the beginning, I'll say, we shouldn't do this. We shouldn't talk business. We shouldn't talk about this. We should be on a date night and being romantic. But in a weird way, I think it works for us. That's our way of being romantic. We like to communicate. We like to talk about that stuff together.

Like, we like to, you know, work on our businesses together. We like to talk about different things. And I'm committed to growing with each other. And we're committed to an overall, I don't want to say the word goal. I hate a strategic future. Yeah. But I mean, like, even if we're doing the date nights or we're cooking together or we're, you know, we're always talking about stuff like that.

And I think it's just because that's just the type of people we are. And when we try to fight it in the past and be like, I mean, maybe it's going to sound bad for us, but we kind of like just sit there and look at each other. Like that's what we like, we talk about that stuff all the time. Like, yeah, we're going to have jokes and we're going to have personal things. But like, like, we like to talk about business. We like to, you know. I wouldn't even say business.

What we like to do is spitball. Yeah, we like to bounce ideas. And whether that idea has to do with work or anything, we love to spitball. And we love, I think that's how we, we. stimulate each other. A big part of the reason I think we're together has to do with each other's minds. I also think we have a very nice banter and sense of humor because I could never be with someone that wasn't funny.

Well, it's a good thing you're with, you know, the Chris Rock of white guys. I wouldn't call you that, but I mean, I guess. So, yeah, we like to laugh a lot. And Michael, someone asked one day, like, does Michael ever, like, get sick of you making fun of him? No, because it's just, it works for. us and everyone's different and maybe that won't work for you but maybe you should ask me that question Lauren what do you think Michael no I'm just kidding I don't get sick of it I got I got thick skin but what I will say about this type of stuff where I think couples run into trouble is they ask

other couples or other relationship experts advice on how to run their marriage and I always I always think at this and look like you can't apply blanket advice like that to individuals because every individual is different every relationship's different You know, what works for Lauren and I is not going to work for one else. I think what, I think at the end of the day, what works for Lauren and I is that we're both very, very honest to ourselves. We're both unapologetically ourselves. And then we put that in the relationship.

And I think it works out. I think we're couples run into trouble as they hear, like, if I've got to come on here right now and say, listen, you got to go on these date nights and you can't talk about these things and you got to have sex on these nights. And then as soon as you don't follow those rules or those guidelines, you feel like, oh, wow, this relationship's not working. it's failure or this advice doesn't like so I think you have to really just you know what I think makes it work for me and you is we communicate with each other constantly and we're honest with each other

I think if you have that with a partner you can have a successful relationship and you can grow I also think let me just say one more thing on this topic before we move on I think that something that really works in our relationship too is we have a lot of simple things that we like we really love our dogs. Like, I mean, every couple loves their dogs, but we, we love to just go walk our dogs or be with our dogs. We love to read. We love to watch the same TV shows. Um, we love to travel. We love, like, very, like, simple, easy things. And we're both very comfortable being each other's presence independently, if that makes sense. So, like, I'll be in bed reading and he'll be in bed next to me reading and we'll both be wearing noise canceling headphones. And like, we're totally comfortable in that

silence and where I recognize that is when his sister was in France with us I have that same ease with her where you can just be in the same room as someone and not talk and she reminds me so much of her brother because I have that same kind of comfortable energy with you yeah and I think you know to kind of you know I don't know if we're answering this question specifically as opposed of you know we're kind of just giving what works for us but you know in terms of activities like Lauren and I will you know we'll travel together we'll work together or we'll, you know, we'll exercise together sometimes. Yeah, we love exercising together.

I think all, I think having activities with your spouse is important, but I don't think it needs to be the cliche, like, date night in it, or the cliche, like, go to movies, or the cliche, like, you know, I think you know. I think you just need to find what works in the relationship, what you both like, which you're both comfortable with, and then go from there. And, you know, I think that's it. And you always carry my purse for me. Yeah. And I always put you first. Oh, you do? Yes.

I put myself first. I'm just kidding. No, you're not. It's true. That's fine. I think there's always one person in relationship that should maybe put the other one first, and I'm fine being that one. Yeah, you do always put me first. Can't both be first? Yeah. Can I always be first? Yep. Okay. Question two. Oh, it's a question for me. Michael, do you think a woman should be financially independent from her husband? Well, you know, my view, my view, views on this, you know, I don't have traditional views. I don't think that the woman, the man should go to work and the woman should sit back and have a house or vice versa. I don't think there should be one

of the other. I don't think I necessarily care so much about finances. Well, that's important, and I think couples should talk about it. It was never so important for me that Lauren be financially independent from me. What was more important to me, and I think what should be important to every relationship, and it's just my opinion, is that both individuals should have something else outside of the other individual going on, whether it's a hobby or a job or other friends or sport or whatever it is. I think that it doesn't necessarily need to be separate finances. Well, you know, and sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. I know a lot of people that, you know, are great homemakers that, you know, if you're a homemaker, you sometimes you need to be

dependent on the other spouse's income or vice versa. But for me, what I think is the most important thing for women in a relationship with a man, and this is honestly just my opinion, is that the woman and the man for that, in that sense, both need to have something separate going on.

You need to have something interesting going on here. There's something to talk about. You know, as I get older and as I see, I have a lot of older friends, and my dad has a lot of older friends, my family's got a lot. Like when I see where I see marriage is kind of falling apart is when either one person is is made their whole life about the other and the other person has, you know, made their life about work. And then, you know, you get home from work, whether it's a guy or the girl and there's nothing to talk about because the other person's just, you know, so you need to have something going on that's interesting, something that's to talk about. I don't, I don't think it necessarily needs to be about money, but you just need to, you need to have something outside of that other individual. I think saying that right. Yeah, I think everyone needs to figure.

out who they are and, you know, have a conversation with yourself on who, like, who you are and what your goals are and what you want your life to turn out like. But I will say one observation that I've been making lately is I'm friends with a lot of people that are older than me. And I've noticed that a lot of women end up regretting leading their identity with a man. So what I see is, like, a lot of women, when they're younger, will lead with the man's identity instead of leading with their own identity and there is a lot of regret from what I've seen later in life of not focusing on your own identity. I think what makes a great relationship for me personally and what works for me is me and Michael having a separate thing and coming together at the end of the day. And I never want to

lead with Michael's identity. I want to lead with my own identity and then create a beautiful life together, but I do think for me personally, I would go crazy if I didn't have my own thing. And as far as finances for me personally, the way I grew up, it's really important for me to make my own money and provide. And I have masculine energy with that. Like I, I want to go 50-50. I'm completely fine with that. And I want, you know, my own finances that I've worked for. Not everyone's like that. And that's fine. You got to figure out. how it works for you. I think if there is like, let's call it a breadwinner of the family, whether it's a guy or a

girl, I think if there is somebody that's working every day and paying the majority of the finances and, you know, hopefully this doesn't come off too controversial. But if they're doing that, I think that that needs to be respected. And I think those finances should be respected and talked about, right? Like if if I was in a position and I was working every single day and paying for everything or the majority of things, and I was with a partner who didn't have respect for that. I didn't, and spent with no regard, I would feel a little bit resentful. Now, on the flip side, if I was in that position where I'm the breadwinner and somebody,

I'm in a relationship with somebody else, I also want them to not feel uncomfortable, and I don't want them to feel like they're held hostage to the finances. I want them to, you know, fully understand that it's a team thing. But, you know, when you're in a relationship and you're not engaged, and you're not married, and, you know, you're just starting out, and you're just dating. you know, definitely there should be a conversation like, hey, you know, this is the financial situation and I think both parties should be completely up front. If the guy or the girl, whoever's making more doesn't want to pay for the other one that should be had. And if the other person

needs financial help, then that should be a conversation. But I don't think that anything should be expected. I think it's, again, it comes down to communication. I think a lot of couples don't communicate this in the right way and then they end up in trouble. You got to figure out what works for you at the into the day. Yes. These relationship questions are tough because there's like a blanket of like different situations. But the whole, the answers to all of them is you have to figure out who you are and what you want and adjust accordingly. Everyone's different. Yeah. So I will just let you be the breadwinner and I'll chill out and just be a, you know, a trophy husband. I told you you could take a year off. No, I could never. I know. I just want to, I just, I'll just stay home and take care of the chihuahuas.

But no, I couldn't. I got to keep moving like a shark. Okay. Next question. Next question. How do you and Michael avoid having the same fight over and over? It's not just me, right? It's not just you. Do we avoid that?

No, we have the same fight over and over. Here's a couple things that we fight about. I ask one thing. Take your shoes off at the door. I'm working on it. I try. No, it's like pulling teeth every single time we walk in. You're like a child.

Okay. so answer your question then how do you not fight about it i ask you the second we walk in the house can you please take your shoes off he wants to bring shoes that he just wore to the airport walking around all of france in new york and san diego into the house on the carpet after i just got the carpet cleaned well you think you're pablo picasso and you use my car in my interior as you're like easel and you put all your makeup all over it i ask you every time to stop what you never do So the inside of my car looks like somebody's just been painting the leather. Well, that's what you get for wearing your shoes on my carpet.

So I guess as soon as you stop doing that, we'll stop to this. No, I mean, okay, when it comes to fighting over the same thing here, at some point, and this is important, I tell my sisters this my whole life. At some point, the reason you're fighting about things over and over and over is because you are not taking a stance and giving a real consequence, right? So at this point, it just becomes a complaint and a bicker and it becomes annoying to whichever individual is hearing it. If you're going to continue to, like, for example, if I know there's a real consequence of not

taking my shoes off. The consequence is I'm going to cut your feet off. Okay. But if that was a real consequence, then maybe I do it. So the problem is a lot of time women and men, they turn their fight into a bicker, right? Where it's like this. If a guy's going to go and step out on a girl, right? And cheat on her.

And there's no consequence, then it's going to happen again and again and again. And at some point, the reason the fight's going to occur over and over and over again is because the guy or the girl has realized there's no teeth to this argument. And so you're willing to hear the shit and you're willing to hear the complaints because you know there's nothing going to happen. So if you're fighting about the same thing over and over and over, somebody, whether it's offense or defense or whatever it is, the girl or guy, girl, girl, boy boy, somebody needs to take action and really give a consequence. And then the fight will stop. you don't like when I clean your man cave and I can't help myself. So the solution to that would be either I become okay with you cleaning my man cave and I stop or you stop doing that and that's it.

But if it's just, for example, if not, it's just going to be back and forth. So one person and listen, if your partner's not going to step up to the plate and be the bigger person, then maybe you need to step up to the plate and be the bigger person. And yeah, that's the only way, I think. We also fight about you how annoying you are with time and how annoying I am with time. well that's more that affects you more than affects me yeah we fight about that what else do we fight about we fight about your two morning chores he has two chores that he has to do and i do everything else um you don't like when i move your headphones you freak out no no no i don't like when lorne goes ocd crazy

sometimes and starts cleaning the house and she cleans while she's on the phone and talking to whoever she's talking to and then you put things away and then i ask you where you put them but you you you know, you were so in your head that you forgot, you didn't even realize that you put it away. And so then I have to search around. The other day, I found my headphones in a headphones case that they didn't belong to. That makes sense, though. No, no. It was like, you found my Apple headphones in my Bose head.

Let's not get in it. Also, you don't like when I steal your sunglasses slowly because I don't like them and sell them on posh marks. Yeah, I don't like when people just, like, sell my stuff out from under me. That's, you know, that's a reasonable complaint. God. Okay. So in a nutshell, if you're fighting over and over and over, it's, you know, it's repeating the same thing over and over. It's the definition of insanity. So somebody's going to make a change. I guess we're all insane. Yeah. Women. Last question. What are some tips for surviving travel with your spouse? Ah, let me pull out my scroll. Some tips are actually my best tip of late is that I got noise canceling headphones, which is so efficient.

Because I just plug them into my iPhone, or I don't even need to plug them because they're wireless. I connect them to my iPhone and I listen to a podcast. And I just zone out. Ignorance is bliss. And he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off and I'm in podcast land. I think, you know, what's difficult about traveling with a spouse is that you are constantly together. You're in the plane together or the train or the car. You're in the airport together.

You love to be next to me though. I can't even get rid of you for one plane flight. You're in the airplane together. You're in the hotel together. You're sleeping next to each other everywhere. So I think what's important, you know, a lot of the time what Lauren and I do when we travel is we go off on our own separate. Like sometimes we'll just go on our separate ways. She'll go to the gym somewhere to go to a workout.

I'll go to a workout. We'll go different places. We'll go to different cafe. We'll take time outside of each other. In New York, I went to a bar and sat at Serafina for two hours. and just worked and returned emails and Michael went, where did you go and you know you went? I don't remember at that time. It's been too long, but it probably went somewhere. The point is, is that I think when couples travel together, they feel like they need to be together every second. Like,

oh, we're going to Italy together, so we better, you know, we better enjoy this moment together and not be apart for one second. Or we're going to New York together. We better not be apart for one second. Listen, there's nothing wrong. Like, one of you go to the gym, when you go to the spa, one of you go to a cafe, when you go to a restaurant, whatever it is. Lauren and I, you know, you can only be around somebody for so long, you know, every day, right? Like, I love Lauren. I love being around her, but we need to, you know, we need to have individual time. And when you're traveling with somebody, it's difficult. And you are always the one to come back.

When also we travel in completely different ways, which is like, I don't know, like, I'm the guy that's charging through TSA pre. I'm there two hours early. Lauren's the person that's getting there three minutes before the flight takes off. Every time three months before my flight takes off. I'm the one that plans like packing. Lauren's the one throwing things in a bag, like, 20 minutes before we leave.

He has a freaking list that he types out, like a list on Microsoft Word, vintage, that he types out. And it's in like, like, Ariel font, like 12. And it's all bolded and everything's all organized. And I just throw shit in my back. Well, I'm starting to win you over to my side because Lauren used to say, why do you plan so much on these trips? Why do you like book all these things?

But every time we go somewhere, we're dialed in and we're set up. If it was up to Lauren, we would never, we would never do. anything because we would get there. Free spirit. No, but you're also like, you don't take the time to book us anywhere. So, you know, if it was up to you, we'd just show up and have no place to stay. Yeah, this is why I married you. Okay, I'll tell a funny story.

One time I surprised Lauren with a trip to Europe for her birthday. And this is how out of it she is. So I didn't tell her where we're going. And I was like, okay, I'm going to surprise her. But, you know, obviously when I give her the plane ticket, she's going to know where we're going. I didn't want to look at it. And okay, so I gave her the plane, she didn't want to look at it. I'm like, okay, I respect that.

I like surprises. Then I got her on the plane. Yeah? And I'm sitting there and I'm like in the pilot gives an ounce. I was like, okay, our next stop is Venice. Didn't hear it. Didn't hear it. So I'm looking at her like, okay, did she get it?

So okay, didn't get that. Then we take off. I don't even notice this. The entire time in front of you was a map with a little, with a, you know, the little plane. No, no, no, no. And it showed the end location. Still didn't notice. Then we landed in Venice and she didn't know.

She didn't know we were in Italy or in Venice until we got off the plane and she saw a surprise for me though But you know, that's just how oblivious you are. So if it was up to you, we would listen. You know what? I'm constantly in my own head and I wasn't listening to what they said or looking at the art on the wall of the plane. Like I was probably working on my computer. But I know that, but they announced it like probably seven times. They did the weather announcement. you know, they told the political situation in the country. They said, can't wait.

And I really didn't hear. Yeah, I know. Okay, final question. Do we answer that question? Yeah, take some time apart, right? Take some time apart. You don't need to be with each other all the time. Go to the bar, work on your computer, have him go off, separate.

We do it all the time, and it works really well. Yeah, and listen, and if one of you guys planned something and you get there and it's like, you know, obviously you want to accommodate the other person and take some time to do what the person plan. But if you really get there, you're like, you know, like, that's not for me. I don't really want to do that plan. Then don't do it. And the person who plan, don't get so upset about it.

Like, you know, take some, it's, it's just travel, you know, just take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Okay, so that was fun answering you guys' questions. If you want to ask more questions, you can always write into podcast at the skinny confidential. com. We're always pulling questions from there. It's an email solely dedicated to a podcast questions.

With that, we are going to go watch billions in bed. Maybe order some post. with the dogs and I'm going to work on a blog post all about France that will be up this week. Thank you guys for listening. If you like the show, please share it with your friends. You know, there's a new feature now on the podcast app where if you click view full description, you can actually text it or message it to your friends or put it on Twitter. And we'd really appreciate the support and the shares. And if you really feel so inclined, go ahead and leave us a review, drop us a line, let us know how we're doing. We will be back next week.

Thanks for listening to the skinny confidential him and her with Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic. Download new episodes every Tuesday at podcast.1.com or subscribe now on the Podcast One app. Today on Geffen Playhouse Unscripted, we are joined by actor, producer, director, author. What else can you do, Brian Cranston? I sweep floors. You do? And I load a dishwasher really, really well. Do you unload it?

Not to minute. Okay. We can give you a job in our house. The talent is loading. it, not unloading. No, the talent is buying the dishes that fit together and not the dishes that I buy that don't fit in the dishwasher. Well, I could teach you how they can fit. Okay, Brian. Thank you. That's Brian Cranston on Geffen Playhouse unscripted. Be sure to listen on Podcast One or through the Podcast One app and Apple Podcasts.