The Bossticks - #93: Cara Alwill Creator of The Champagne Diet - Creating Your Own Future, Abundance Mindsets vs. Scarcity Mindsets, and Experience Stretching

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

On this episode we sit down with Cara Alwill, creator of The Champagne Diet, Author, Podcaster, and Coach to discuss how to create your own future, abundance mindsets vs. scarcity mindsets, how to write a book, experience stretching and how to enjoy the journey more than the destination.  To Connect with Cara click HERE Connect with Lauryn Connect with Michael This episode is brought to you by Yum Earth. Yum Earth candy was founded by two young dads who were determined to bring something sweet and simple into the world. Their candy is Lauryn and I's favorite candy. Yum earth is fully aware that they won't be replacing your daily serving of fruits and vegetables but if you have a sweet tooth this stuff is definitely the better option. All of their candy is certified non-gmo and organic. It's hard to put down! Learn more at www.yumearth.com 

The following podcast is a Bostic media production. This episode is brought to you by Yum Earth. Yum Earth candy was founded by two young dads who were determined to bring something sweet and simple into the world. The candy is Lauren and I's favorite candy. Yes, favorite. Yum Earth is fully aware that they won't be replacing your daily serving of fruits and vegetables, or hopefully not. But if you have a sweet tooth, this stuff is definitely the better option. All of their candy is certified non-GMO and organic.

I need to warn you guys, though, all of their candy is. is hard to put down. If I have a bag of their watermelon and lemon sour twist in front of me, I have a hard time not eating the whole bag. Honestly, I've been going through a lot of bags. A lot of confessions happening here. Big fan of the peach licorish as well for you, licorice fans. I have a few bags in my office drawer. I got to keep my employees from stealing them. Deep confessions happening here. They're so good. So check them out. We love this brand and love their products. Learn more at www.com. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.

Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Welcome back to the skinny confidential, him and her show. Today we have Kara Allwill from the champagne diet on the show. On this episode, we'll be talking about creating your own future, abundance mindsets versus scarcity mindsets, how to write a book, experience stretching, and how to enjoy the journey more than the destination. Okay, guys, so for those of you who don't know us and are unfamiliar with the show, I am Lauren Everett's. My blog is called The Skinny Confidential. It's a book,

a brand, a podcast, obviously, and a YouTube channel. The book's available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon, and I have my lovely husband on the other side of me. Yes, I'm Michael Bostic. I'm an entrepreneur and business owner. I have developed and helped to develop multiple brands over the last 10 years. I thrive on operating businesses and helping other businesses grow. Cute. Okay, so what's going on? I don't know if that's ever been described as cute, but... Well, it is. You said it cute. The holidays are killing me softly. Remember when you were a kid in the holidays, holidays were like this big, exciting thing and you just like got to sit back and everybody else did

everything. You didn't have a lot to worry about. I miss those days. That's not what's happening right now. So the holidays are probably my busiest time of year to close out. Everything is just like nuts and there's a lot of collaborations happening in giveaways and we had the meet up, just a lot going on. No, it's just like I said, when you're a kid, you just have to sit back. But now it's like everything's so busy or closing out the year. You're talking about taxes. You're talking about your end stuff. I mean, it's a whole mess. And let's be honest. And you're getting gifts for everybody and having to do that whole shebang, you know? Yeah. And I like to cram everything in, as Michael knows. Like, I just like to schedule us every single second of the day and squeeze it out like a toothpaste tube.

Speaking of scheduling. So last week we were up in L.A. We, we, I think we did eight podcasts. Yeah, we batched them. In three days, which is a lot. It's a lot of conversations to have. And the interesting thing about podcasting, it's not like going to dinner with your friends and like having like an easy conversation. When you're in a podcast or at least when we are, you really have to be present to the

conversation and focus. So I feel like an hour conversation takes the effort of like going to a four hour dinner. It's basically like we talked for 18 hours straight. Yeah. Which we're not complaining about. We love it. but it does require a lot of mental focus, and it's hard when you're trying to run all your social accounts

and get it all in. No, so I'm happy we did it. We have a lot of content. We have a lot of really great guests coming up for you guys, but it was a lot. And then, if that wasn't enough, Lauren signed us up to be part of a proposal, and we're going to get into it.

I was sitting there and we were part of this proposal, which Lauren's going to talk about. And I just started thinking of myself, like, man, life has gotten strange. It's so cool, though. So what happened was this guy named Andrew reached out to me and asked if I would be a part of his proposal. So he sent me this super cute itinerary and Michael and I were supposed to meet him and his girlfriend, Amanda, at Costara in San Diego. And we were supposed to be sitting at the bar.

So we went in early. Let's lay the scene. We're there. We're there. We're incognito. We're incognito. We're laying low. We're laying low.

Well, listen, first, Andrew. and Amanda were awesome. And congratulations, you guys, if you, if you hear this. But, you know, we never done anything like that. We were part of this proposal and we had to act like we were, you know, surprised and we had to act like we didn't know what was going on. But, you know, it's, it's, I was just sitting there the whole time sweating me like, my God, I hope I don't fuck this thing up. So basically we were sitting there. We have to kind of drink Bloody Mary's and have chips and salsa. And her and Andrew walk in. And they sit down to the left of the bar, and Michael and I cannot act like we know them because we've never met them. That guy's a smooth operator to think of that. He was a smooth operator. So she sits down and we make

eye contact for a second. She goes, I have to say hi. I'm Amanda. You know, I read the Skinny Confidential and I just made this supernatural conversation with her for an hour. So for an hour, we learned all about her and Andrew. It was really cool. And she just thought we were running into her on accident. And every time I didn't know what to say and I thought I was going to blow it, I would just start shoving chips and salsa into my mouth so that I couldn't speak. Okay, that was good. Yeah, I feel like you did that a hundred times. So we may... Listen, Lauren, like I do, I have a lot of different strengths, but I never signed up to be like a proposal guy. You know what I mean? Like a fake proposal guy. I'm not an actor. Okay. You were good though. I'd give you a B. So we were drinking coconut

margaritas and shooting the shit with Andrew and Amanda, just hanging out. And I said, wow, you guys should come to this private event that I have at Rustic Route. It's for 20 TSC readers and it's super private and you should invite all your friends. So she was texting her friends to invite them and I said we should Uber there together. So at 1.30 I told them it was time to go. So we all got in an Uber together. We Ubered over to the Rustic Route and Michael and I got out of the car and they followed after us and we walked into the restaurant and right before him and Amanda were about to walk in the restaurant, Andrew got down on one knee and a hundred of her friends and family were in the restaurant watching the whole proposal. It was so cute and so smooth and she started crying and her friends

and family cheered and it was super super special. I thought he put a lot of detail into it. Yeah. So again, congratulations guys. Life is taking a strange turn. Why? I just, I mean, there's a lot of things that I've done in my life, and I just, that's, that's the first time I ever done that. But you were so cute because you said to me, I feel really good about that. That was really fun. What course do you say a young couple? It's like happiness. You want them to, you want them to win. I was pumped to do. I was like, you know, it's flattered also to be part of it. But, you know, I just didn't want to fuck it up. Thank you, Amanda and Andrew for having us a part of your proposal. So fun and congratulations. It's a nerve-wracking thing to do, too, as a man. Why? Were you nervous?

Yeah, I was super nervous and I don't get nervous. I wasn't like nervous that you're going to say no or something. I was just nervous. What if I was like, nah? Fuck, it would have saved me a lot of trouble by now. But, you know, it was, I wasn't nervous that like someone's going to say no. I was just, it's just a nerve-wracking thing to do. I can't explain it. I don't know how to. The guys out there, they know what I'm talking about. Well, I would have been nervous too, but you completely surprised me when I was wearing a homeless, like, get up with my hair, not washed for 500 weeks. and my nails had like dirt under them and it was just like not a pretty situation. It was like every other Tuesday, huh? You could have waited for my blowout. You know, that's what I was talking to Andrew. I did a little pep talk with him in the bathroom before because I knew like, did you. Yeah, we had a little boys powwow. And I was like, listen, man, like, you know, I'd probably nervous, like just take it easy.

And I was thinking to myself, you know, when I did it, at least it was just you and I in private. This guy had to do it in front of, I don't know, how many people were there? Like 40, 50 people were there. There was like 100 people there, I feel like. The counters off. But yeah, I mean, that's a lot more. pressure because obviously she said yes but what if she says no and you're in front of all those people then what do you do wait so when amanda and i were having coconut margaritas you andrew were in the

urinals together like having a pep talk yeah well you know we ended up going back there because i need to know the game plan okay so i needed to make sure that i wasn't that you know we were going to screw it up when we got to the next destination you know i never give you the game plan no could you imagine if we were late to that i was on time so i'm feeling really good about myself Well, mission accomplished. Mission accomplished. Maybe I'll start acting. Ooh, someone did say you looked like Christian Bale the other night.

As long as it's not the new role he's playing, he's playing Dick Cheney. So as long as it's not that guy, I'm good. I can call you Dick. Yeah, you do it. You do all the time anyway. All right, let's get into the show. So last night, after the proposal, I was in bed drinking mint tea, of course, eating my favorite candy on the planet. If you guys follow me on social media, you know, I'm absolutely.

obsessed with Yum Earth candy. Michael and I will totally put our stamp of approval on this all day, every day. In fact, he is literally eating it right now. He's been chewing it. I told him he had to take it out of his mouth. It really is the best candy ever when he starts chewing it. You guys are going to get hungry. So I'm a huge fan of the peach licorish. I've talked about it a lot on Snapchat. It really doesn't taste like licorice. The taste is more like this peachy, not too sweet, delicious candy. I like to mix them with popcorn, salty and sweet. It's so bomb. You guys have to try it. And I actually keep a bunch in my handbag and in the car for when we go to the movies. I also have to mention that they have pomegranate and strawberry licorice flavor too.

They happen to be pink, just saying. It's all so good. You got the popcorn, the movies, pomegranate licorice, maybe some peach. I mean, I'm in heaven. I had the peach during Star Wars. Michael, your mouth is stuffed with them right now. No, I'm eating the watermelon lemon sour twist. It's so obnoxious. So Michael's more of a sour twist guy. They have these super good organic watermelon lemonade twist that just take you back to your childhood in the best way. And they even contain turmeric, which I'm very much about.

So the cool thing about this candy is it has the simplest flavors, colors, and ingredients. And the brand steers clear from artificial ingredients. This is incredible because it tastes like you're eating flavorful candy, but you're just super care-free about it because it's not like normal candy. The brand was founded by two dads. One of them suffers from a food allergy, so they have a firsthand understanding of just how sensitive people can be to gluten, peanuts, dairy, and other allergens. The candy contains no eggs, no soy, no gluten, no milk, no tree nuts, no shellfish. All of the candy is organic and non-GMO and a lot of their products are vegan too. They also have insane lollipops. Don't mean to brag, but I'm

I was eating a hot chili mango lollipop today and loving it. They also have gummy bears and even sour jelly beans. I actually freeze the jelly beans and the peach liquor sometimes. And I'm so sorry in advance because you will be in love with this situation. If you're a mom or a dad, your kids will love this too and they won't feel like they're missing out at all. This is one of those things that the second you guys try the candy, you will be obsessed. You will be just so in love with it. You'll be Snapchating it. I'm telling you. This brand is the perfect fit for the Skinny Confidential because if I were to actually design my own candy brand, it would be exactly like this. A fresh blog post is waiting for you on the Skinny Confidential. Now,

breaking down why I love this candy and this brand and how to throw like a Candyland Sorre for the holidays. You can scope this candy at yumearth.com. Again, that's yumearth.com. I know you guys will love this candy. It is so delicious. that, let's get into the him and her tip of the week. So my tip is maybe a little bit redundant some of the things I've said before, but I thought it was fitting for this podcast. It's been a while since we've talked about mindset stuff, and we're talking to all mindset stuff today.

And some of the topics in my tip are actually going to come up again in the episode, but I think it's important to reiterate, especially going into the new year. So first, stop paying so much attention to what those around you are thinking and doing. First, obviously the obvious one. If you care so much about what other people think of you, you will constantly live based on those perceived expectations. It will hold you back from opportunities that you would have if you weren't so concerned. And the second part is the not so obvious is to stop paying so much attention to what others are doing.

I know with social media, there's a lot of people that want to say, okay, what's this person doing? How is this formula working? How's this brand building themselves? How's this business working? but at some point when you're paying so much attention to what others are doing and what formulas are working for them, it becomes really distracting and it can actually hurt your own brand or your own business or your own personality because you're using somebody else's blueprint and you're

not focusing on yours. And I see a lot of young people right now basically coming to me and saying, look what this person's doing, look what this brand did, look with this business did. And so the problem is they're so focused on those formulas, that they can't focus on building their own playbook. You're constantly playing based on somebody else's playbook. And I just see so many people running into trouble by paying so much attention to what other people are doing. I think the perfect example is the blogger industry.

You see so many new bloggers focused on what some established bloggers are doing. And what it does is it holds them back from being able to execute on their own vision. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but when you're so focused on what other people are doing, it's difficult to figure out what you, you should be doing. So everything I've ever done in my life, I've always kind of taken the look

and respected what other people are doing, but then really gone off on my own way and done my own thing. And I think Lauren's definitely done that as well. And most of the successful people that you see while they respect their contemporaries and their competitors, they really are focused on what they're doing. And so my tip of the week is to basically stop focusing on what everybody else is thinking and whatever else is doing and just do you. I know that sounds really cliche. and easy to do, but you'd be surprised how many people fall into the trap of both. So focus on your own shit. Yeah, I mean, basically just walk your own path without fear of what other people will say or

think of you, and then don't worry about going down someone else's path. Worry about your own path. But I was eating sour twists last night and then you went and copied me. Well, it can't always be perfect, especially when it comes to sour twists. So my tip has to do with energy. So recently I realized I've been trying to do everything. at once. And what's happened is it's compromised my energy. So in 2018, it's a goal. I don't love the word goal. What's another word for that, honey? System. A system, I guess, of mine to really evaluate

where I'm putting my energy. So I do this thing, and Michael knows what I mean here. He's probably like laughing in his head, right? Where I try to squeeze everything in. And what I'm really starting to realize is that you can do anything, but you can't do everything. So instead of me trying to squeeze in every possible thing I can possibly squeeze in, I think I need to be a little bit more protective of my time and energy. So like I said, 2018 will be about me prioritizing my time. And I feel like if you're out there and you're listening and you're giving your energy to a bunch of different things, but not really focusing on that one thing or those priorities, then it can get draining. This is going to be super hard for me though because I always like I said try to fit

everything in. Michael knows. I feel like this means saying no. I got to create some boundaries and just monitor my time and energy better. This is something that I really, really have to work on. So if you guys have any tips or tricks, please let me know on my Instagram and Twitter. I'm very, very bad at time management and I really need all the help I can get. Michael actually just gave me a stack of books that I need to read on time management and priorities. Well, and I feel like a lot of people have difficult time with this because they feel like they're going to offend or upset. Because a lot of the time with guarding your time is basically saying no to people around you, friends and family. And that can upset some people.

But if they really, if you're up front with them and you explain why you need to guard your time and why you need to focus on what you're doing at the time, either they really care about you and they respect that. And if they don't, you've got to kind of question why that person is maybe in your life or why they're not respecting your time. And so I think it's just basically having an upfront conversation with someone saying, hey, listen, I have to, you know, I've got to focus here and I can't commit to that. I need to work on that. I mean, I feel like I'm a cell phone.

It's hard for people pleasers. Yeah, I need to know when to stop and recharge my battery so I can be the best version of myself. and I think that it will help me not be so late too because I overcommit myself and then I'm late. Let's not get ahead of yourself here. No, I'm going to try. I'm really going to try. I'm going to read those books. So that was my little therapy session for today. Okay. Today we have Kara All Will who empowers women to live their best life, celebrate themselves every day and make their happiness a priority.

She's a bestselling and award-winning author, podcaster, and master life coach. In the past five years, she has self-published six Amazon bestselling books, which have all topped various bestseller categories on Amazon, including self-help, self-esteem, motivation, and women in business, and have gained massive popularity around the world. In July 2016, Inc. Magazine named Girl Code one of their top nine books every female entrepreneur should read, along with Lean In, Thrive by Aaron Huffington, and Girl Boss by Sophia Amoroso. So she's amongst a good crowd.

Kara's glamorous approach to self-help has attracted thousands of women to attend her workshops and events around the country and listen to her top-rated podcast, Style Your Mind. She has often sought out by the media to help women challenge their fears and create their best life. You know I love that. She's also been featured in glamorous, shape, vibe, Huffington Post, Pop Sugar, Cosmopolitan, and the Daily Mail to name a few. Prior to her brand taking off full-time, Kara spent eight years at MTV Networks as a digital advertising director where she oversaw a 20-person sales team and managed multi-million dollar ad campaigns for brands like Cover Girl and Pepsi. Her unique background gives her an in-depth understanding of sales and marketing and makes

her a strong influencer with her own brand in the online space. So let's welcome Kara to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. This is the Skinny Confidential. him and her. Okay, Kara, introduce yourself to the skinny confidential audience. Okay. Hi, guys. Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for having me. I am an author, podcaster, life coach, certified master life coach. I feel like I don't really like to give myself a title because it kind of boxes me into something. But basically, I am a girl who started out probably almost 10 years ago now, who had a story to tell. And I decided to start a blog to kind of just share my story as a creative. outlet. I was working for MTV at the time. Didn't really love what I was doing. I was working in advertising and I was kind of sold the dream that I think a lot of people are sold in their 20s,

like get this good job and sort of like hunker down and get your 401k and all your perks and your six figure salary, which you all know is really not a lot of money. But at the time I thought that it was, I was doing the right thing. And I found myself like so unfulfilled. And I found myself in a place where I was missing the creative outlet and I was missing the connection I think with people. So that was around the time that I started a blog and it was called the champagne diet because it was inspired by a glass of champagne. It was looking for something that I could drink that was not going to be like super calorie laden that was going to be light and it was champagne and through the blogging it kind of just like blossomed into this outlet for me to really share my story with other women

and I thought well how can I turn this into something that feels like official because I didn't want just be a blogger. So I went to school and I became a life coach and that kind of felt more official to me and that sort of became like my career. And then the coaching wasn't really that fulfilling. I kind of wanted to like expand on it. So I wrote a book and then I wrote two and three and four. And now I'm like six books later. And I have a podcast and I sort of just have created this kind of I think I like to call it a lifestyle brand for women, although it's more than lifestyle. It's more like mindset lifestyle. But it's just kind of like a place for women to come to feel heard and to feel inspired and to feel motivated by. I love it. Talk to me about creating your own

future. Like I really want you to elaborate on that and then give us tips for someone who wants to create their own future. So I think like I said, like we're kind of sold this idea that like we're supposed to like grow up and get married and buy a house and have a job. And I think for me, I just felt so kind of like jipped by that for a long time. And I was kind of like, well, why don't I feel like the way that I'm supposed to feel? So for me, I kind of started to really think about what was important to me and what were the things that I wanted in my life. And I started looking around and other people that were doing it. And I was like, well, if she has this business and she has this career and if, you know, if he's got this thing going on, like, why can't I have that? So instead of kind of getting,

I think a lot of us tend to get jealous of other people who are doing cool stuff and everything on social media looks so exciting and so, you know, magical. And I was like, well, you know what? Instead of getting jealous of that, I'm going to get inspired by it and figure out how I can make it happen for myself. So it takes a lot, I think of what I do is like mindset coaching and sort of understanding that like it doesn't have to kind of be the way that it looked like it was supposed to be like what your parents told you you should do you can sort of challenge that and you can find new ways to kind of create a life that feels important to you and I think a lot of it really comes down to like turning inward and figuring out what matters and what's important and for me I mean I think

that was kind of it and I feel like I'm always creating my future like I feel like what I'm doing now is not what I'm going to do in five years from now and I don't think it should be and I'm sure you feel the same way like don't you feel like you're like you like you like you like you like you're doing now, but don't you feel like it's just like... I've always felt like that. I've always felt like people come to me all the time and say like, how do you find your passion? I said, honestly, like I still don't know if I found my passion because I feel like like you said, five years from now, I'll probably be doing something completely different. Like take this podcast, for example, you know, three years ago, I'd never would have thought we'd be sitting here doing a podcast with you.

No way. Yeah. So I was curious as you were talking about coaching, as you're talking about mindset stuff, when somebody comes to work with you or there comes to seek you out, what is the biggest hurdle or challenge as a breakthrough point for them. Like, what is, when they come and say, listen, I've, like, I had the idea and I'm working this nine to five or I had this career idea, what do you see as the biggest hurdle for them to kind of get in the mindset of, okay, you can do your own future, you can have your own strategy, like you don't have to do the cookie cutter, you know, what everyone else is. Like, what is the challenge most of the time you see, or the most common challenge?

People think they're not going to make money, and which I find is so funny because I thought the same thing. And I was making, like I said, I was making six figures. And I was making like $101,000 a year at MTV, which in New York, like I said, is it sounds like a lot of money, but the living cost in New York, it really was not. Like, there were nights that, like, me and my husband were like, how are we going to make it less to our next paycheck? How are we going to stretch this $20 in our bank account?

So you think you're making a lot of money. You think you're in this, like, career, this corporate job. But I think people are scared to kind of step out because they think they're going to make even less. And they think that it's just, like, impossible to make money doing what you love to do. And I think that's, like, the biggest hurdle. And it's funny because when I left MTV, like, I had my coaching practice and I had my books. And I remember thinking like, oh my God, I'm going to be like starving next month.

And I made like twice the amount of money that I made in my month, my first, you know, month out of the gate. And like now when I look at what I'm making and it's like to me, entrepreneurship is so exciting because the possibilities are endless. Like you can literally create opportunities. You can create money, create whatever kind of revenue you want. But I think people are so sort of like structured and so like brainwashed into thinking that there's just one way to do things.

So I for sure think money is a big, scary hurdle for people, especially people with kids or people with homes or like these things that they're tied to. Like I don't have children. I haven't like I rent an apartment. So for me it was a little bit more fluid. But I still felt scared. I think like everybody else. I mean, don't you guys kind of feel like absolutely. I think that a lot of people lead with money. And when you're leading with money and you're putting that energy out into the ether, you're not you're not going to get the right response. I mean, for me, I went into blogging knowing that I was not going to make money for three years. I didn't even think about it.

I didn't lead with it. I provided value. And I want to talk about value with you. So how do you provide value? Because I'm always watching what you're doing. And I feel like you've created this amazing community. How do you provide value to that community every single day? I think for me, it's like something that I can't not do.

Like, I love what I do so much. And I never got in it for the money. And I always say that. It's a joke that I have with my family. Like, I'm not in it for the money because I used to intern at like all these companies and like never make a dollar. But I just did it because I love to do it. I think when your purpose and you're getting up in the morning and your why and the reason

you're doing what you do is because you truly love it, money is irrelevant. Like it doesn't matter. And it's almost like that weird thing where you're sort of attached when you're coming from that lack mindset as opposed to like an abundance mindset and you're attached to money and you feel like, oh my God, if I spend $40 in a restaurant, I'm going to be broke all week or as opposed to you think, well, if I spend $40, like I'm enjoying myself and I'm having a great experience and I'm feeling good. Maybe you can make a connection.

Yeah, and like I'm just going to continue to attract more and it's all about like an energy thing. I mean, for me, when it comes to providing value, it's like something I can't not do, if that makes sense. Like I get up in the morning and like the first thing I do is go in my Facebook group and like, I'm like excited to connect with people and I feel like I want to help people and that's what I'm built to do. And that's why I'm on this earth. Like it's not about a business. It's my livelihood and it's what I do.

So I think, I don't know. Like I kind of, I actually posted this the other day because it was an article I think I told you about a medium. And it was talking about coaching and the entrepreneurship world and sort of the way people have done business in the past. And everything was like, well, I'm going to give you this free stuff. And then at the end, I'm going to sell you something. Or if you pay attention to my webinar, then I'm going to sell you this $3,000 program at the end. And I've always been so turned off by that. So I always knew I never wanted to do business that way.

It's a very short-term business model, my opinion. Yeah. And it just feels gross. Like, who wants that? Like, I always knew. Like, I can tell right away when somebody's selling me something. And I think because I worked in ads for so long, like I worked. at MTV and advertising for eight years and like I have like an antenna up and I'm like oh my god that's

that's like an ad I don't want any part of it so for me it was always just about providing an experience and if people want to come and spend money with me they can but that's never my goal so what would you okay we're talking a lot about money and we're talking about young people and kind of like figuring out their career path when someone comes to you and they're so scared about taking the leap because of financial reasons they're wondering like can I make ends meet how do you kind of walk them through that process what do you tell them was I'm interested for myself Like when a young person comes like, how do you say, listen, it's going to be okay? And how do you kind of get them to the place where they can actually take that leap?

You need to side hustle and you need to do it and prove that you can bring the money in first. So when I was working at MTV, I was working for like six or seven years doing a side hustle. I was doing my blog and then I was doing life coaching and I was working on the weekends and at night. So I was proving to myself that I could bring the money in. I never recommend like just kind of taking the leap and saying, well, I'll just see what happens. Like I don't ever recommend doing that because then you come. from a place of desperation. I don't believe you can ever be creative from a desperate place. Amen. Right? Like once, like when you need money and you're like, oh my God, I got to make a dollar.

Like it's just never, nothing good is going to come from that. So I think if you're kind of doing it, will you have the cushion of having the full-time job, even if it's not bringing six figures, even if it's a part-time job and you're working at Starbucks, let's say, but you're still doing what you love on the side. You're doing it without that feeling of like pressure and anxiety around You're also putting it out in the ether and making steps towards something that you want to do, even though you're doing something that you don't want to do. At least you're putting your energy towards something purposeful and not just sitting in the situation being miserable. Exactly.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I want to know more about mindset because you're a life coach. Talk to us about mindset. Walk us through like all of it. So what you focus on expands. That's like my biggest thing that I always remind myself of, what I remind everybody of, whatever you are thinking about, what you obsess over is going to multiply. So if you are sitting here

thinking, oh my God, this bottle of water is empty. I don't have water. I'm so thirsty. Oh, my God, I need more water. You're going to feel thirstier and you're going to feel upset and you're going to be focusing on this water bottle. But if you're like, oh my God, like a bottle of water's coming and a bottle of champagne is coming and food's coming. Like you feel abundant and you feel good and you're focusing on the fact that there's more coming to you. So it's like so simple is just like picking whatever it is that you want to like focus on and allowing it to expand. If you're sitting there, I had to have this conversation with my husband last night. And I got home and he got home and I was like, how was your day? And he's like, it was so humid out. And I'm like, I know I'm so tired. And I said, stop. We have to stop this

conversation right now because all we're doing is complaining. And when you complain, you literally block your happiness. You block your blessings. You block your ability to feel gratitude. So if you can simply catch it because we all do it. It's like human nature, I think, to kind of default to feeling shitty or to kind of like focusing on what's like lacking. But if you can stop yourself and you can shift that mindset and you can say, okay, maybe I do think the weather is crappy or I do don't, I don't feel good or I'm tired. What's good in your life? Like I said to him the other day because he was like, oh, work sucked and this and that. And I said, well, what happened today that was good? And he started laughing and he's like, you're right. I totally like, no. So it's just a matter of like reprogramming yourself and just

realizing that your thoughts do become things and that whatever it is that you're choosing to think about is going to become your reality. And I know it sounds so cliche and so cheesy, but it's so true. I love it. I think that applies here because, you know, sometimes we've been going, going, going as we've been in New York and, like, you know, it gets exhausting. Yeah. But I'm always so excited to just be in the city that as soon as I step foot out there,

I'm like, oh, my God, I have a shitload energy and like these girls, they make fun of me because I'm running around the city. But no, wait a minute. Hold on. No. No. If you tell yourself that you're tired and it's... We make fun of you.

He's running through the city with a suitcase. No, really. This is like not even me being funny. I'm fired. up. He's running. He's running and Ariel can attest that he's running 200 feet in front of us. He's rude. He can't multitask. He's on his phone looking for an Uber. I'm just excited to be here. He's excited. It's a little. But I think the other side of that is if Lauren wakes up says, I'm so tired and like, oh, it's exhausting. Then you'll, then you'll feel that. It rubs off on you. Are you trying to tell me something? No, no, not at all. What's a day in the life of the Champaign Diet HQ?

you. Okay, so I don't go to age Q every day. And like people have a hard time with that, which I think is funny. So like just to give a background to the listeners, like I worked from home for the first like almost three years of my business. Like I left MTV and I was working from home and I felt like there was no disconnect for me. And there was no place for me to put my books or to have an event. And if I wanted to do a meetup, for example, I have a like a Facebook group. If I wanted to do a meetup in New York, like I had to go to a bar and be like, hey, can I have your space for two hours and just became like really annoying. So I sort of had this like spiritual download when I walked by the storefront in my neighborhood and I saw it and I was like I need to

have this space. This like has to be mine. I have to lease this out. Like it's just got to be. I don't know what I'm doing with it yet, but I need it. And at first I thought it was going to be an office, but then I kind of quickly felt like once I was going in there every day and sitting at the desk, I was like I feel like I'm back at like Viacom. Like, you know, like it just felt so gross. What were we going to say? I'm just pointing to you because Michael is the same way where he doesn't thrive in an office setting. No. And I'm the same way as well. Like it's just. sit there from nine to five for me is not going to work. Right.

So this is very interesting to me. So you went in thinking that you were going to do the nine to five thing in your own office and you thought, well, this is my own office so I can do it. And you quickly found that wait, this wasn't for you. Yes. Like I immediately thought like, okay, I'm going to get up in the morning and I'm going to take a shower and put on makeup and like a dress and it'll like get me out of the house. And then the first few times that I did that I was kind of like sitting there like

tapping my fingers. I was kind of like, I'm going to order lunch. And then ordering lunch was bringing like, it was like a whole PTSD thing. I was like I can't order lunch to my office. That's like so corporate and gross and I hate it. So what I kind of realized that that space was going to be for me was more of an event space and more of a communal space and a place for me, even like my cousin Nicole, like, we'll come there and be like, let's just got to get a bottle of champagne and like brainstorm, you know,

or have it as a place to do meetups for my readers in New York. Tell them the story about the books and how you hand them out because I loved that story. Oh, so I got this, like, so I grew up in an apartment. I grew up like really broke. Like we never had like a house or anything. grew up in Brooklyn and I always kind of like envied people that had like backyards and porches. So when I got this space, it was like my baby. It was like my little house.

So we had a garden out front and I ordered like a patio set because I was like, well, I'm just going to sit on the damn sidewalk in Brooklyn with my patio. I love it. And have my coffee because like I never had that experience. So I ordered this like adorable like hot pink patio set. And my cousin came with me one night and we were sitting there and it was like maybe the the first month that I had the space and we put on Pandora and we were listening to like jazz and we had a bottle of champagne.

on the sidewalk like you do in Brooklyn because everybody sits out on the sidewalk and people are coming up to me and they're like what is this and I have a big neon sign that's it's a champagne diet and people are like they're like thrown for a loop in Brooklyn because I also even though it's New York it's still like a very family kind of centric neighborhood and like a lot of old people and they're like what is the champagne diet and like I die laughing when they try to read the sign because they have no idea what's going on and I don't have retail in there so they're like well what is this I don't get it like how can you have a space but you're not selling anything they can't make the connection that it's not like adding value but I'm not bringing in money from that spot.

So Nicole dies because like people walk by and I'm like, well here, like take a book. Like this is what I do. I'm a writer and like she's like, we'll charge them. And I'm like, no, I'm not charging them. Like just take the book. Like just take it. And like people get that book in their hands and they're like, oh my God, I just had this amazing experience.

I went by the store and this like girl was sitting outside drinking champagne listening to jazz and she handed me a book. How many times are you going to ever have that experience in your life when someone's not trying to hockey you something and say it's $10 or it's $12. So for me, losing the eight bucks that I might have made on that book is more powerful because I'm making a connection and a real relationship genuinely because I genuinely want that person to then pay attention and come by the next time that I do a meetup and make a vision board with me or have an experience with me.

I want to also kind of discuss community. Tell us about the importance of community. I know it's so important to you. walk us through why so early on when I started blogging I felt like there was like a serious need for female interaction and friendship and community and I felt like I would put these stories out on the internet and this is before Instagram and Pinterest this was literally just like Twitter and Facebook and I would just tweet you know like a random blog post and women from like around the world like Sweden and like random places how I found you through Twitter yeah like Twitter was amazing

and it still is in so many ways if you use it the right way and so many people would come to me and be like, I totally related to what you talked about. Like, you know, can you talk more about this next in the next blog? Or here's my story. Like, what do you think I should do? And I noticed early on, like, and this is 2008, that there was like a connection and a need for community. And I think as I kind of, you know, expanded my brand.

I saw so many people on the other side of it where they were just trying to make money and just get people into their programs. And I was so turned off, like I said earlier to that whole dynamic and I still am. And I felt like, well, you know, Sleigh Baby, that's my group on Facebook. Like I don't want to be about it. business like I have serious rules in there like you can't come in and promote what you're doing you can't sell your program you can't put links to like your affiliate things if you're and not that I don't believe that women should connect on a business level but like I just felt like there

was something missing when it comes to like female friendships with no strings attached and I think one of the biggest things that I noticed happening when I would do events was like a book signing for example and I would see girls hanging out and like there was no pretense like there was no bullshit like they were just truly like having a drink and connecting and I I just don't think there's enough of that. So I'm a huge believer in community. I'm a huge believer in community without anything attached to it without trying to make money, without networking. I don't like the word networking. I actually hate that word. I feel like it's just so gross. It makes my skin crawl. It's like, you know me both. Yeah. You were talking to a friend of ours the other day and

they were like saying like the proper way to network is to do something thoughtful for somebody, like make a real connection, like develop a friendship. It's not, the problem with networking events is like if I met you at an event and I show and to say, hey, Here's my business card. Call me so we can do business. Like, I'm just asking you for something. I don't even have business cards.

Yeah, I mean, I don't. You're never going to win in anything, whether it's networking or business or friendship, anything if you lead with an ask. If the first thing says, like, buy my program or connect with me or email me or give me this connection

or give me a recommendation. It's like, no, the formula is provide value first, give first, and then maybe you can receive, but you're not owed anything. I agree.

That's what I believe. My business card is my book and I give it out for free. Like when I did my book tour for Girl Code in 2015, I would leave my book on airplanes. And like, you know, a little pouch in front of your seat, I would stack my purse with books, and I would just put it in the pouch. And a girl actually found it who was a flight attendant who is now one of like my biggest readers. Like she was on an American Airlines flight. And she's like, oh my God, I found your book.

We were cleaning off the plane. And I read it and I thought it was amazing. And I would write little messages in the front of it. Like I hope whoever finds this book, like whoever's meant to find this book will find it. And I hope that you take what you need from it and like pass it on to another woman. and I genuinely mean that. Like, what is the difference to me to make $10 of the book? Like, who cares?

Like, I would so much rather that person have an experience with it, get what they need from it and, like, move on, pass it on to somebody else. And that's just, I don't know. Is it the same? I'm doing that. Is it the same? I was in Verizon the other day and I was like, actually not the same thing, but it's kind of a funny story.

I was in Verizon. I was like messing around with all the iPads and the iPhones and I just opened the podcast app on each of them and, like, opened our podcast and left. Yeah. It's not the same thing as like giving a book. It's exactly the same. Yeah. It's the same. I used to do that at the AT&T store. I would open the Skinny Confidential. And then my grandma used to go in Barnes & Noble, walk around pretend she was like this cute little old lady. And like put them in the new release. And like put them in the new release. So when people walked in. I mean, I even think like, Nicole does that. Yeah. She's like, move over John Grisham and like put this skinny confidential right there. She's like, get out of here, Tony Robbins.

My book came out in July. I got re-released because I had self-published initially. So like Penguin Random. house picked it up we book came out and we like ran to barns and noble and tribeca the day that it came out and we couldn't find it and i'm like where is this book so nicole's like asking everybody and it was like buried in the back and like you know business or whatever and they like she took it out and she put it in front of new releases mind you we made friends with the sales assistant because we were so friendly with her and she was so friendly with us and she's like oh my god what do you do and i'm like i'm carra shook her hand she's like here's my card come into a reading like it's just being a human being and just being like nice and kind to people. Like, there's no formula for this. Like, just be a fucking normal person.

Can I curse? Of course. Okay. What? Be a fucking normal person. And just be human and like just like you said, add value. That's all comes down to. This is maybe a tangent question, but just for my own curiosity. You love a tangent. I do. Love a good tangent. I do love a good tangent. Okay. What have you found to be the differences between self-publishing and going with a publisher? It's a loaded question for me. Tell us all the juice. This is a loaded question. We can't wait to hear. I want to preface this with saying I love my publisher and like they presented amazing opportunities to me and I'm so grateful that I'm having this experience now with them. But I will tell you that I do love a DIY project. I do love doing things on your own.

There's just something about doing your own thing. That's just a different feeling. And she's with Ryan Holiday's publisher, which is super cool. Yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to throw that in since we just interviewed her. Yeah. And they're amazing.

There's such a great team. My editor, I love her to death. The PR team. Like everybody's just like fabulous. I have no complaints at all. But there's something about doing it on your own that I just, I guess because I come from such a DIY background that when you do it on your own, you have that success on your own, that you can kind of like know that you created it for yourself.

And there was nobody else involved. And no one else is going to like take the credit for it. And it's all you and you can kind of call the shots and like have your own experience with it. When you're working with a team or a publisher or whoever is sort of like, you know, in charge, like you're living up to different expectations. You have different people weighing in their opinion on things, what they think is best for you. And I think especially as a brand owner when you really know what you're doing with your brand to kind of step in and say, you know what,

that's not the right fit. Like, I'm just going to decline this opportunity, even though like you think it's great, it may not be the best fit for me and like I know it's best for me. So there's good and bad to both and I'm so grateful that I've had that. Where would you recommend somebody start self-publishing? Self-publishing. You would. What is the process of that like for someone that's listening out there that wants to write a book. What do you recommend? What's the first step? Okay. So the first step is to write the book to get as much as you can out. If it's nonfiction, I always recommend doing an outline of the book because that's kind of like the bones of the book and it's going to grow from there. I recommend working with an editor. So finding somebody that can help you

shape the book and work on, you know, grammar issues or whatever, like just do like a clean sweep of it. And then really go to like I use Amazon's Creates based. That's their platform. I recommend them a thousand sometimes over. Talk to me more about that. What is that? Amazing. It's their self-publishing platform. So basically what you do, and this is what we did. So I had my book. I hired an editor. I think I paid her like 200 bucks to edit the whole book. I had a designer, my graphic designer, who did my web stuff at the time. Which the covers are beautiful. Thank you. Very like aesthetically pleasing. Ariel and I shot them. They're so pretty for fun. So stripped and style your mind, my husband did those. But girl code, I had a designer to do that one. So those are the books I think I sent you.

Style your mind. Yeah. It's a pink and black. one. Yes, and Girl Code. Yeah. So I kind of had the cover concept for Girl Code. I called my designer, and I said, I just feel like we need this barcode. I want it to be blush, pink, black, and with a pop of gold, there's like my brand color. She's like, I got you. She showed me the cover. And like, within like 24 hours, I was like, this is it. She's like, please just like sleep on it. I'm like, no, like, this is going to be the cover. So that's what it was. So I like got everything together. We edited the book. My husband laid it out because he was a former magazine, you know, editor, designer, whatever. So we laid it out and in design. And we had this whole

PDF we went on Amazon create space they give you the specs you literally if you have anyone that it was anything about design they can follow this stuff so easily and it was up within like a day basically which I was not prepared for because girl code came out and I thought I was going to come out in October and it came out in like September I think it was or something and I was like oops like because I thought I was going to have all the time to promote it but um it was just it was a really cool experience and like you keep like a huge rev share so like the amount of books like I didn't know at the time my first couple books sold a decent amount but when Girl Code kind of came on the scene, and I understood what I was selling, because I had no idea

about numbers of, like, books and, like, what's, like, the average book. I think the average book, it's a good book if it sells, like, 10,000 copies or 15. Girl Code, like, way surpass that. I didn't know at the time. So when Penguin came to me, they were like, oh, my God, we want to, like, publish your next book with you, and then they wound up doing Girl Code and my next book. I didn't understand at the time what I was doing simply by just sharing my words, like on Instagram.

And does Penguin have to give you a better deal because you just, you just, because you did the... So this is the thing. So when you self-publish, if you can prove that you have a brand, and if you can prove that you can sell your books, you have a lot more leverage with a publisher. So I was able to get a much bigger advance.

I was able to really assert myself as an author and say, this is what I'm looking for with my next book. Like, these are the things that I require. Like, I want to weigh in on the cover. I want to, you know, weigh in on the PR opportunities. So I think when you're starting out, I don't know.

I feel like if I had gotten a book deal in the beginning, I wouldn't have had all these opportunities to really develop myself as an author, as an artist, as a creative entrepreneur, you know, that I would if I had, you know, kind of done what I did, which is... You've been content marketing. I mean, you did that when you started with your mom. Without knowing I was. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, but you too, right? Like, you, I feel like you didn't know. Like, we didn't know what we were doing. We were just, like, putting stuff out there. But that's the beauty and that's what everyone needs to understand is that you don't always have to know what you're doing. No. You just have to start.

Yes. Start with what you have, with where you are. What is girl code? Like, explain it. So girl code is basically a manifesto for women. It doesn't have to be for women entrepreneurs, although that's what the book is geared towards, but towards professional women.

Is it similar to guy code? I don't know what guy code is. Yeah, what's guy code? You creep. Ew, we're talking about girl code. What's guy code? I don't know. Yeah, well, that's creepy.

You can go have guy code with your friends. I can't tell you guys. Yeah, I don't know. It's a secret. So, girl. some weird masturbation circle. Oh, that's something different. Okay.

That's a different code. You guys do guy code. We're over here. We have a lot of codes. Okay. So Girl Code is like really just like a roadmap for women to kind of understand that it is like so much more important to team up as opposed to like isolate yourself. So it's really about collaboration over competition. It's about joining forces and understanding that we all have something unique to offer.

Like you and I were just talking about this. Like we have such similar audiences, but we're different people. So we're always going to have different content. Like, people get so, women especially, and this is so sad to me because women get so possessive of what they're doing. And it's like, I don't want to show her who my editor is or I don't want to talk about my podcast producer because she might steal my clients or steal. And it's crazy to me. Like there's just, it's a waste of time. And I think if women can come together and realize that we're better together, there's just so much more good that can come out of that.

So that's really the manifesto behind Girl Code. And is style your mind all about mindset? Yes. So style your mind I created because I stopped private. coaching because I felt like it was just sort of it's really hard to work with people one-on-one and still kind of build this thing that's bigger than you. So I felt like it was very draining on me to have the private coaching kind of model. And I loved it. And I love working with women. I still do group coaching. But style your mind was something that I could create for women to take.

If they wanted, I was getting so many emails of like, are you hiring or are you taking on clients? And I'm like, I'm not. But what can I give people beyond what I'm, what I do as a coach. So it's kind of like a sort of like a life coach in your pocket book, as I kind of call it. You can take what I teach my clients and do it on your own because I don't think people answer those questions or take a minute to say like what is my vision for my life. Like I before I became a coach, I never did that before, you know. So you kind of help people create their own future. Yes. So what like speaking of your coaching and now it's not private anymore but groups, what would you say would be like the cornerstones of your coaching or the cornerstones of your teaching, let's call it?

I think like, you know, understanding that you are the author of your life, the authoress of your life, as I love to say. Like, and you really do have the ability to create a vision for yourself. And I think it's just really becoming mindful of your blocks and your challenges and whatever is getting in your way. And then becoming mindful of the fact that you can change all of that. I think like what I was talking about earlier with jobs, like we all sort of get into this like this world. We're like, well, I'm supposed to do this. And I'm supposed to have kids. And I'm supposed to get married.

I'm supposed to have the job. And like, I come. I kind of want people to just like throw all that away and start from scratch. And like, who are you at the core? Like what matters to you, what's important to you? Because what's important to me may be different than what's important to you. And I don't think we take enough time to really recognize that. So is there like a process?

Like you make say you start with, let's call it like step one, step two. But you know what I'm saying? Is there like a process you have to go through to get there? I mean, it's not a process in terms of like you work with me and like we do like these certain things. But I think it's always about just really understanding like what your challenges are. And I think as a life coach, you never want to tell someone what to do. So you never give somebody advice.

Like my goal is to empower you to get to your next best step. So I would say to you on a coaching call, for example, like, well, what are you challenged with this week? Like what are you really struggling with? And let's say you say, you say, I'm really struggling with comparing myself to people in my industry. I would say to you, okay, well, like, where is that coming from? Like, let's dig deeper into it.

So you kind of go through these steps of like understanding what the struggle is and then understanding what you can do to get out of it. And then as a coach, I hold you accountable to it. So, like, I would say, well, what's your goal for the week? Like, what do you want to do to kind of move past this? What do you think is going to help you move past this? Because I don't know, like, what's going on in your head. But as a coach, I think you're responsible for really, like, empowering your client

to figure out whatever it is that they need to do to kind of move on. It sounds like it's like you're, you don't want people to feel the victim. You want them to let it fuel you. Have you noticed any, like, now that you've coached so many people, have you noticed any common themes or is there anything that's more prevalent with most I guess like fear base would be, you know, one of the biggest things. But is there something, I guess, a little bit more, I don't want to call it detailed, but something a little bit more, like not just fear, but like a specific fear or a specific hurdle

that you see is like, hey, a lot of people have this in common and this is something that I've gotten good at getting through. Yeah. So fear of what other people think of you. I think that's a big one. So a lot of people are afraid to, for example, you start a new business or you start a blog and you want to put it up on social media. and I think people are so afraid of like, what is someone going to say about me?

Or what is someone going to think about me if I put this out there? Or am I going to be rejected in some way? Am I not going to be successful? So I think like kind of teaching people that part of the process is dealing with that fear. And maybe you won't be and that's okay. So like I love to tell people like, so what? Like what if that happens? So what?

Like if someone doesn't like your coaching practice or if somebody thinks your blog is too, but then what? So like getting people to realize like it's not that big of a deal, even though at the time it may seem like a big deal. and sort of like leading them down that journey and realizing that at the end it's all going to be okay because it's never perfect in the beginning and like we were just saying like you kind of have to start with something and realize that it's going to blossom into whatever it's going to blossom into and I think storytelling is so powerful and that's why I was talking about like where I started and I'm like I'm sure there are people that still laugh at me they're like what is you doing like what is you know but you just have to kind of always stay true to your own focus put your blinders on and realize that like

whatever is important to you that's all that matters and what people think that's of you is really none of your business. I mean, I would say for me, not giving a fuck what anyone thinks has been practice. It's so much practice. It's putting yourself out there over and over and over again in front of people and practicing not to care. And I can say now I do feel at a space where I just don't care anymore. Yeah. Not everyone's going to like me. I'm not for everyone. You and I are very much on the same page with this. And you just have to keep practicing, not giving a fuck. And I think you have to stay busy because that's like one thing that I found has really helped. Like I don't have time to think about what people are saying about me on Amazon.

Like I literally do not have time in the day to go on my Amazon. There was a time when I did. And it was a very bad time because I was focusing so much on what everybody else was saying about me and like, what is this review or like what is this person like in my neighborhood gossiping about me to their cousin or their friend? Like I just, I'm so busy right now creating things and I'm always on like a path of like creating new things for myself and creating opportunities that I just don't have the time. I think we were talking about progress at the bar we had a glass of champagne before this we're talking about progress and how tony robin says that you're depressed when you're not progressing yes what do you think about that i totally agree with that i think one of the cornerstones of happiness

is really having something to look forward to and to understanding that like there's something even like like think about it in the most simplistic terms when you're working a nine to five that you hate and like fridays on the horizon it's like a Thursday and you start to get that feeling and you're excited and like the weekends coming and you're going to meet up with your friends it's thing in business, like, but almost like on steroids, you know, it's like when you know something exciting is happening, you know, that you're working towards goals, you're happy and you're motivated and it's like a whole different thing and you're not thinking about what the people around you were saying because you just simply don't have the energy to do that.

So what would you tell someone that's listening that just is not feeling good? They're not in a spot that they like. They want to be somewhere else. I think you have to just like keep on, keeping on. I know it sounds so cliche and so like I wish there was like more to it but you just have to keep going like I'm coming into my 10th year of blogging 10th year of what I'm doing what I do. I know you're very like in the same timeline like we've been doing this stuff for so long and whenever people get frustrated the first thing I ask them is like how long have you been at this and most people are like two months I can't or even like a year a year and I'm like oh you got a long way ahead and like I still recognize that I have so much more ahead of me and like I've like only like I'm at the tip of the

iceberg of what I want to do. And there's so many other wild, crazy things that I have planned. Enjoy the process. Enjoy it. If you can't enjoy the process, get out of it because it's a process and it only gets harder and it gets more challenging and more frustrating. And it just takes so much more out of you. So you got to make peace with the journey. People's models flip. They think if I like go on this long journey, if I go on it long enough and do the right thing on the journey, that one day I'll get to the end and be able to like get all the stuff. Exactly. Or have all the experiences. They're not understanding that like you win when you appreciate the journey not there's there is really no end and if you're looking for that end you're probably never going to be happy yes and people get obsessed

with like Instagram followers and am I verified and all this bullshit and I'm like who cares like who cares like I got the blue check mark on my Instagram what did it do for me absolutely nothing changed nothing for me like I have whatever followers now I'm going to have a different amount of followers in six months from now like what does that mean for who I am as a person it does nothing for who I am like it makes no difference to me the only difference is I'm reaching more people, which I'm happy about. But, like, really, like, why are people striving? Everyone's, like, obsessed with getting 10,000 followers now

so they can have, like, the swipe up feature? Put it on your blog. Why are you depending on Instagram to have a swipe up? Like, put it somewhere else. Put it on your website. Like, it does not fucking matter. Have you guys heard of experience stretching? No.

No, what's that? It's not sexual, I promise. Well, it could be. Between this and Guy Code, I've heard enough from you today. Experience stretching is something I've been thinking about. It's like, okay, let me walk you through it. Like, imagine that you walk outside. one day and you see the like the example that I heard is like you see the most beautiful sunset in

the world right and you're looking at it and I can't remember I heard this on a podcast might have been through Kevin Rose's podcast and it's like okay you see this beautiful sunset and you're like wow this is the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen life can't get any better than this and then like a week goes by and you go out there and you see the same sunset but maybe you have a glass of wine or let's let's say a glass of champagne for this one yeah and you're like wow this can't get any better And then a month goes by and maybe like you're in like the south of France and you see the same sunset and you have the glass of champagne and a cigar. You're like, wow, this can never get any better. And then one step further you see when I'm going here is like maybe you're on a yacht somewhere and you see the boat and you see the sunset and you have champagne and a cigar and you're like, wow, life doesn't get any better.

And then the next week you see the very first sunset that you saw the first time without any of that stuff and you're depressed and you're upset. And it's something that you looked at in the past. this is the best thing I've ever seen and I'm so happy to now it actually upsets you. And so I think as a society, people have to be careful, you know, as you're progressing and as you're getting these experiences, if you don't enjoy that process and you're just looking for the experiences, those experiences are always going to get stretched and you can always feel like you're going backwards. Whereas if you just enjoy the process along the way, you kind of defend yourself against that.

I love that. That's poetic. It's so true. It's very poetic. You should write a book on Amazon Create. I'll do that. What's a book resource podcast you would recommend you live by? It can be anything. Big Magic is a book by Elizabeth Gilbert that I love and I've read it.

I've listened to it on audiobook. It's amazing. It's the blue and the pink and the cover. It's like splatter. Yeah. And it's a book about creativity and it talks about how, you know, it's sort of this concept that like these creative ideas kind of float through the atmosphere and like if you're in the right time and the right place, you catch that idea.

And if you don't do something with that idea, someone else is going to take it and do something with it. So it's kind of like it sort of helps you push past your fears of like, well, you know, is this idea part of me or is it something else? And I think related to what you're saying about the sunset, like experiences and success and happiness, they are not things that are like within us. Like we're, you're still who you are regardless of what's happening around you. And I think success is the same thing. Like just because you have a bestselling book or you have a top rated podcast, podcast that doesn't define you as a person. So I think this book is really good in terms of like creativity and realizing that like that book or whatever it is that you're creating

is something outside of yourself and it's not who you are at the core and that's okay like you're still always going to be who you are and like whether or not something is taking off for you at the moment it doesn't necessarily define you as a person love it that makes sense any podcasts i like earn your happy by lorry harder okay no i got to listen to that's a good one yeah okay i don't listen to a lot of podcasts because i have my own so i'm really weird with that stuff like books too. I don't really read a lot because I write my own book. So I never want to take on somebody else's voice or somebody else's content. I know what you're saying. Even Instagram, like, I don't really look around a lot. And it's like, it's weird because people are like, well, how do you

get inspired? But I get inspired by other stuff like music or fashion or like things that are totally outside of my industry because I feel like there's a fine line between being inspired and then like sort of absorbing someone else's stuff. So I feel like, I feel like that's really smart because I was thinking like, say I wanted to write a book. I feel like, if, may end up ruining reading for me, which I really love because I would be constantly, it will. Yeah, you're constantly like judging the other work or like listening to other voices. Yeah, my publisher knows that I don't read my comps, which are like competitive titles.

They're like, we'll read them for you. I don't read them. Like I don't want to know. I don't even know. I don't even know what's out there right now. Like I don't even know. Like my next book is about confidence. I don't even know what's out there about confidence.

You're in your own life. I'm in my own world. Almost to a fault though I do sometimes think to myself like, shit, like I should really kind kind of pay attention a little bit because I don't know what's going on. Well, it's interesting. But it's happier that way. We talk to a lot of, like, aspiring influencers or bloggers. And, you know, I'd say, honestly, 80% of the conversation starts with, like, well, I saw

this person and they're doing this and it's working for them. And then I'm like, and like the first thing I say is like, tune it out and stop. Like, understand what's going on. Understand what the possibilities are. But if you're just constantly looking at what all these people are doing, you're confusing yourself. It's like too much going on. There's too much information firing for you to kind of sit down and figure out, like,

okay, who am I? What am I about? Yeah. I always say that, that, like, business is, like, building. a custom margarita. You go to the bartender and you want to micromanage him and you make a margarita and you use the formula and the recipe. But then I'm going to be like, can I have a half-salted rim with grapefruit in it and maybe like a dash of bitters? You can look at other people's formula and what's worked, but you have to add your dash of bitters, half-salted rim, and a grapefruit.

And they're like, get out of the bar. Yeah, they're like, we hate you. Where can everyone find you? So the champagne's eye.com is my blog. And then style your mind is my pot. So everything's basically on my site. And I've been on your podcast before. So you guys will have to listen to that episode. The podcast is awesome. Instagram at the Champaign Diet. And talk about your Facebook community really quick because it's incredible.

Oh, so it's called the Slave Baby Collective. It's a really cool group. It's just like friends. It's a friendship group. It's all about girl power. And yeah, come join us. Just answer the questions because we like field people out of there. I know.

I got to get three questions. She's three questions. I have three questions. Because I want to know that you're not like a weird spammer. Like I'm very protective of my girls. It's like people are getting kicked out left and right. I don't deal with any bullshit or any drama. It's just like a fun place to connect.

I love it. Thank you so much for being on. That was great. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Wait, guys, don't take off yet. Do you guys want a short email from me? Tipsy Thursday is a quick email with lots of value that includes five secret tips from me.

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