The Bossticks - Arielle Lorre Of The Blonde Files On Trauma, Addiction, Recovery, Marriage, Criticism, & Productive Routines

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

339: On today's episode we are joined by Arielle Lorre. Arielle is the voice behind The Blonde Files podcast, a creator, and entrepreneur. On today's episode we discuss trauma, addiction, recovery, marriage, criticism, and productive routines. To connect with Arielle Lorre click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by COOLA COOLA pioneered healthy sun protection. But these day syour skin craves more. So COOLA launched a new organic skincare collection that supports your skin's natural barrier to help fight modern day skin aggressors like blue light, toxins, dry air, and even your lifestyle. Want to give your skin what it's really craving? Check out COOLA's new organic skincare collection. Visit www.coola.com and us promo code SKINNY for 10% off your first order.  This episode is brought to you by Wanu Water Wanu water (water + nutrients) is the first-to-market, best-selling nutrient-infused water packed with 10 essential vitamins including 24% of your daily fiber intake providing natural energy that boosts your metabolism, supports a healthy immune system and quenches your appetite while you hydrate. Visit www.Wanuwater.com/skinny and promo code SKINNY for 20% off all regular case orders This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that's reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you're ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your 'Lifelong-Health-401k'. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body? Produced by Dear Media 

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

With social media, we all want to do whatever the next person is doing. And I was doing that a lot. I was eating the diet that one influencer was eating, and I was doing the workout that the other person was doing, and it wasn't necessarily right for me, and we're always changing. And what worked for me six months ago doesn't work for me now. So figuring out how to slow down so that you can notice, like, the cues from your body and learn how to be intuitive with that stuff is something that a lot of people overlook, and it, like, completely changes everything. Arielle Lori is on the skinny confidential, him and her show today. And get excited because we did a swap. We went on her podcast, The Blind Files, which is with Dear Media. And then she came on ours, which was so much fun. I talk about this in the episode, but I'm such a fan of her content because every single piece of content, she provides the audience with the takeaway, which you know how big I am. I'm big on a takeaway. And also, she made us cookies. And how good are these cookies, my question. Listen, I mean, she was incredible on the show, but the cookies, Ariel, like their next level. We might have to do round two just to get more cookies.

They're called the crowd pleaser cookies. And I am telling you, these cookies, they're made with like no refined sugar, no grains, no nothing. And they're the best cookies I've ever had. I'm looking up the cookies because I'm so obsessed. They're made with almond flour, coconut sugar, chia seeds, little maple syrup, applesauce, more. You can go on her site and see. I'm telling you, these cookies, they're good. Anyways, let's welcome Aria Lour to the skinny confidential.

Let me give you a little background on Aria Lorry. She is a lifestyle, wellness, and health influencer in the digital space. Six years ago, though, that was far from the case. She nearly lost her battle against addiction, and she decided to turn her life around by relentlessly pursuing health and happiness. And you really feel that from her Instagram. She opens up about how she hit rock bottom on this episode. She opens up about her husband, who is a very well-known famous producer, Chuck Lori.

She also opens up about bulimia. her daily struggles, her meditation. She's very, very big on a specific meditation, which we'll get into. Stoicism, beauty, plastic surgery. She's really an open book, which is why I'm so attracted to her as a content creator. I am so excited to do the swap with Ariel Lori of the blonde files. With that, let's welcome Ariel to the skinny confidential him and her podcast. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. I am so excited. I was just listening to your podcast, all about your sobriety journey, which we're going to to get into. But why don't you give the audience context of who you are? Go back to when you were little, what your childhood was like. Tell us a little bit about your upbringing. So I grew up on the East Coast and I had a very idyllic childhood. I'll talk about my addiction story. And I think that when people

think of somebody who goes on to become like a raging drug addict and alcoholic like me, they think of like trauma and some terrible upbringing. And that really wasn't my experience. My dad was a doctor. My mom stayed at home. We went to private school. We had everything. And for whatever reason, I just felt a little bit different from everybody else. And I just felt really uncomfortable in my skin. You know, I didn't have the language for that at the time, but I was always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. So when I was really, really young, it was like, I needed a toy. And then when I was a little bit older, like, I needed the right clothes. And then when I was 16, I needed the car, but like on a primal level, because I was just looking for something external to

make me feel better inside. And of course, I didn't know that at the time. So when I was 16 or 17, like, late high school, I found alcohol. And it was like, I can still feel the feeling now. I mean, it was like a spiritual experience because this thing that I felt like I was missing my whole life, like everybody else just seemed to be comfortable and have the manual for life. And I just felt like, something was wrong with me and I'll never forget my first drink because it was like, finally I was comfortable in my skin. I felt confident. I didn't feel like I was a little bit separate from everybody else and it just became my solution to life like overnight. Now I had ambitions. I got into a good college. I was athletic. I was, I had friends and all of my priorities

just kind of fell by the wayside because alcohol became my primary purpose in life and getting alcohol became my primary purpose in life. You know, I had consequences from the start. I was always the girl that was blacking out. I was waking up in my car, like on the other side of the state, not knowing how I had gotten there. It was really problematic, but I was just in complete denial. You know, I was young and I was drinking the same way my friends were. It was just affecting me differently. And so I kept trying, you know, I would not drink hard alcohol. I would only drink one kind of, all the things. And still, it was affecting me differently. and I found drugs and drugs became a big part of my story because it kind of helped to balance out the

effects of the drinking a little bit. And I ended up getting a DUI when I was 20 and it was really bad. I was like on the wrong side of the road. I almost ran into a cop head on and that caused me to go to my first rehab. And from there on, from 20 to 28, I went to like four or five rehabs and detoxes. It's just kind of like a couple years of trying to get my life together. And I still thought, like, I'm just doing what other people my age are doing. I'm just getting caught. And for some reason, I'm, like, mixing it wrong or it's affecting me differently. And so I would go to treatment, get out, be like, okay, I'm going to go to school.

I'm going to get a job. I'm going to, like, get the right apartment. I'm going to get my life together. Not paying any attention to, like, the real problem, which was the drugs and the alcohol that were destroying my life. And I would try to do that. And inevitably, things would just blow up and fall apart again. And finally, at 28, seven years ago, I was actually living here in West Hollywood. I was living alone because my boyfriend had moved out.

My drinking was daily from the second I woke up in the morning I was drinking. I was taking Adderall to get me up during the day. I was doing Coke at night. I was taking Xanax to come down. I was physically dependent on drugs and alcohol to the point where if I didn't have them in my system, I would have seizures. and I was in and out of the hospital. You know, I was basically dying, like, from December to February of 2014, I was in a blackout. And the police had to come break through my window.

They found me face down on the floor in my apartment. I went to the hospital. I somehow, like, got the IVs out and went back to what I was doing. I was snorting dust off the floor. I mean, delusional. My parents flew out, and they showed up at my door, and I had a grand mal seizure. like as I opened the door, very dramatic. And I went to the hospital and I've been sober since.

When you say you didn't have any trauma, I feel like there was trauma that you had from 20 to 28. You talked about on your podcast, your best friend. You talked about the traumas that you experienced, even if it was like a micro trauma, like maybe even waking up on the other side of the state. Those, to me, are traumas. Do you look at that now, like looking back outside perspective as trauma? For sure.

I mean, you definitely kind of accrue these. traumas throughout the drinking career. That's a long period of time. Like 20 to 28, that's eight years of heavy drinking and drugs, right? Yes. So like what's what's transpiring and how you supporting yourself during that whole period? Financially. Well, financially and also physically, mentally because that, I mean, that's a long time to be going that heavy on drugs and alcohol without actually like, I mean, you were probably like if you kept going, obviously you were probably going to die. Yeah, the doctors told me that if my parents hadn't shown up when they would, I wouldn't have made it through the weekend. So it was very, I was very close to the end.

You know, I was emaciated because I wasn't eating. I wasn't leaving the apartment. I was drinking until I blacked out, pass out, come to drink more, pass out. But I really was not doing anything to support myself. Was this with the group or was you just, were you alone? Alone. So it started out socially like most teenagers do. And, but it just took on a life of its own because it became like what you were talking about. I accumulated these mini traumas and some big traumas like my friend that you mentioned who got murdered and I found her.

And so then it becomes a cycle because then you're experiencing these traumas and you have to numb it out. And that was my coping mechanism is the only tool that I had. So it was a survival thing. And I think that a lot of people don't necessarily understand that about alcoholism and addiction is that like I didn't want to be doing that. I didn't want to be in an empty apartment in Hollywood living in squalor not able to even step outside because I was afraid of having a seizure. You know, like I desperately wanted to stop. And I couldn't because at that point there was so

much that I couldn't process that I couldn't deal with that I had to deal with with drugs and alcohol. And you hear people who get sober who say like that they're grateful for their addiction because it probably kept them from killing themselves. Wow. Yeah, I hear that a lot. My sister dealt with horrible addiction for years and years. And the toll that it took on my dad and the family was very intense. Do you have any tools that you would recommend for family members, maybe even besides Alon, like micro tools that you would encourage them to look at, like a resource? It's tough. So many people ask me this. And I have asked my family because, I mean, I talk about trauma. I traumatized them for years, calling them at four in the morning in some mess trying to get out of it.

And they never knew. By the end, my mom went to therapy because she was getting ready to bury me. So she had to see a therapist to like know how to deal with that because they were anticipating it. And I've asked them so that I can help other people. And they tried Al-Anon. But really, like, I think the best thing that other people can do is take care of themselves first. The instinct is to take care of the alcoholic or the addict. But I think therapy, like you mentioned, Al-Anon can be a good resource. And, yeah, finding some kind of support in other people who have gone through it and taking care of yourselves first. So I would love to know more about, you said you went to rehab four times. Was there, and you don't have to name names, but was there a rehab that worked better than another one? Did you go to like a more cushy rehab and then more of one that was less cushy? Like, what was that like? Yeah. So I went to all. the cushy rehabs. And in fact, the last one that I went to, after I had that last seizure,

I was at Cedars, Sinai for like four days. They were trying to stabilize me. So out of it. I mean, I barely remember this. I barely remember like the first 30 days of sobriety. But my parents and somebody that they hired came in and said, like, look, you need to go to rehab again. Here are your options. One I had been to already. It was in Arizona where you go like horseback riding. The other one was in Malibu, and at the time, like, I had the wherewithal to know that I wanted to get out of L.A. And the third one was in Utah, and I was like, Lindsay Lohan went there. And I always laugh about that now because I'm like, wow, that was like my North Star at the time. Like, that's a problem in itself.

And they were all great facilities. You know, I think the differences that I wanted at that time. So it's really hard because there's really, unless somebody wants to be sober, or is at least at the very least, like, willing to do certain things to try to stay sober? You know, I didn't know what sobriety looked like, but I knew that I couldn't go back to drinking, so I was like willing to stay there and listen. And that's really the difference. You know, I don't think that one place was better than the other.

It was just where I was mentally. The rehab, the last rehab that you went to, do you credit when you look back that is keeping, I don't say keeping, but helping you stay sober? Or do you credit the seizure that was just like your epiphany or is it everything together? that just worked at that moment? I think it's everything together and it's everything that I've done since. So, Michael, you asked earlier, like, what, how I was supporting myself. And after I got sober, I realized that I had, like, no skills for living.

And so when I got back to L.A. after being in treatment, you know, I was starting over. I didn't have a car. I had to, like, get a new apartment, get some little job. And I found other people who were sober and who had done it before me. and they kind of showed me how to do it. And then I learned like meditation, which became a huge part of my life. And I just learned how to live life on life's terms. I didn't know how to do that before.

And I couldn't deal with things like not going my way and not being able to control things. And so I had to really learn that. And I know you guys are friends with Ryan Holiday. Like stoicism is very much aligned with recovery or recovery is very aligned with stoicism. A lot of the principles are the same. Things you can control, things you can't. just really like diving deep into all of that stuff. That's been the most impactful thing for me. There's a girl, Ali Hilfiger, who came on this podcast and she had a long time ago.

She had Lyme's disease. And she said that how she helped, I don't know if recover is the right word, but how she helped recover from Lyme's disease was she had a toolbox of things that she used. Do you have a toolbox that you go to? And I'm sure meditation, I know you talk about that is one of them. are there other little tiny microchools that you use? I could not be more excited to tell you about essential postnatal. This is something I'm very passionate about. It should not surprise you that it's by ritual. They're introducing their newest member, and it's for the arrival of a mother's new nutrient needs postpartum.

Guys, this is big. I love that ritual is acknowledging postpartum women. We are so depleted after we give birth, So it's so important to make sure we're replenishing everything that our body was just stripped of. As a lot of you know, a woman's journey from pregnancy to postpartum can be challenging and it's very tough to prepare. So I know for me when I was postpartum, I went through my pregnancy. It was easy, breezy. Birth was easy, breezy. And then postpartum hit me like a ton of bricks. I was screwed. Okay. I had no tools. I didn't know what to do. I wish this was around right after I gave birth,

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ritual and those were the essential prenatal. So now they have prenatal and postnatal. They got all the bases covered, okay? I feel like they're acknowledging us postpartum, which is so amazing. A mother doesn't always put her needs first, but ritual does. That's why they're offering all skinny confidential him and her listeners 10% off during your first three months. You're going to visit ritual.com slash skinny to start essential postnatal today. Enjoy. In terms of like my mental health or recovery or all of it. Yeah, mental health. Yeah, maybe like maybe all of it. Like what's in your toolbox? So journaling is a huge one. Meditation is the biggest and I always laugh because I feel like people, if they don't meditate, they check out if you talk about meditation. So I try not to get like too deep into it.

But it really did affect every area of my life so profoundly. You know, I really struggled with terrible anxiety and sobriety. And that's one of the things that I think I drank over. What do you think the root of that anxiety is because it sounds like you have. had it when you're a kid, you had it when you're getting started? Like, what do you think, have you ever thought about why you have anxiety? I think that, I think to begin with, I'm just a very sensitive person. And I have people with anxiety in my family, but I don't really. Is it like anxious about the future? Is it anxious about what people think or how they're going to react?

Yes and yes. Okay, it's all that. It's like all of the above. But I think one of the reasons why meditation has helped so much is because you kind of, especially with TM, which is what I do. like it just kind of makes everything so clear and all of that noise goes away like they have the analogy of like normally in the day today where we're like we're in a boat on top of the ocean where the waves every little movement is rocking it and it's very turbulent and then when you meditate you kind

of like are brought down to like the the seafloor or whatever where like you're not really being affected by all of that and so yeah i'm not sure like the root of that. the anxiety exactly, but it's definitely helped. I mean, I always, I'm such an advocate for it because I'm like, everyone's taking all these supplements and doing all these things to try to sleep better and do the, and there's a time and place for that, but I'm also like, there is this thing that you can do and like we can all do it and you have access to all of that. And it really do you like meditation better than breathwork. And if so, why? Because I've heard you talk about meditation a lot. And I actually don't know a lot about meditation other than headspace, which is probably

like preschool of meditation. No, I like that. Is this? So transcendental meditation is different. They have so much research around it, which is why I really like it, because I kind of like to geek out on science too and like look at real evidence. And it's been around for so long. How it differs from like a guided meditation. I think it's just it produces different brainwaves. And for me, like I had done headspace and I still do headspace, like if I need something in a bind or if I need to like help unwind at night. But transcendental meditation just, it does something different. It produces a different brainwave. I can't remember the kind.

But they've done studies on like cardiovascular disease, on anxiety, on sleep, on all these different things. And they've found that it like so profoundly impacts it. And it brings you to this state of relaxation that's like more relaxing than sleep. I mean, I do two meditations twice a day for 20 minutes in silence. That's what it is. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing discipline.

That's 40 minutes of sitting still. Yeah. You can't sit still for a minute. No, I need to be trained. That's so crazy. That is very, very, very cool that you do that. Thank you. I mean, to be able to sit with yourself and just sit, I don't know a lot of people that could do that. I was terrified, but the way that you learn is you go and you go to a TM center and they teach you four consecutive days and you meditate with a teacher there.

And after doing it like once or twice, my life was already like changed. I cannot even tell you guys. I sound like such an evangelist, but I slept better. I just felt more clear. The afternoon meditation is, I always say it's like a natural Xanax. Like after I do it, I feel energized, but like so calm. Like I just took a Xanax. Sometimes I say it's like a speedball, which I never did.

But like you have energy, but you're also very calm and alert. So it's just, it's amazing. I always recommend it to people if they're like struggling with anxiety, struggling with sleep, struggling with any kind of emotional. bang. Are you comfortable sharing where you got trained or is that something that is like a secret? No, no. So I went to the TM Center in Santa Monica, but you can just go to TM.org. I sound like such an... No, no, I think it's important because a lot of people we've had on the show that talk about meditation, they're advocates of getting trained properly. Because I think that's where people kind of, like, me personally,

I check out because I don't think I've been trained properly. I try to do it. I'm like, I'll go read or do something different. But I think it is important to figure out if you're going to get serious to go to someone that can teach you how to do it right. And you have your, you're, it's a mantra. Yeah, they give you a mantra. No one knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Love that.

And the thing that I love about it is that it's like effortless. So when I did other forms of meditation, I felt like I was kind of relaxing, like if I was listening to a guided meditation, but I didn't really feel any different after. So in the moment it was relaxing and then maybe 20 minutes after, I'm like, oh, that was nice. And then I'm back to like the grind. Whereas with TM, like it really changes my nervous system. Like I'm so used to, I go into fighter flight like that. And I think that's old trauma stuff and just like how I think.

been conditioned after what I've been through. And I really, really struggled with it. And TM, like after a few days, that stopped, which is crazy. So that sounds like TM is like your hammer and your toolbox. Yes, for sure. And journaling and exercise also is a huge thing for me, especially, you know, with anxiety. I just like get it out in the morning and like that community too. Like, I think a lot of people overlook community and it's hard right now because of COVID and finding like-minded people is so huge. That's great advice. I know you started your account to document just your journey, and it obviously has grown into like this massive empire. Can you talk to us about how and why you started and then when you started to see momentum? Yeah, so I started in 2016. I was a couple years sober,

and I was like, all right, it's time to like get the body together. You know, I went from underweight and emaciated to I've always been small, but I just kind of felt like at a couple of your sobriety like uncomfortable. I never really worked out. And at the time, everyone was doing BBG. Do you know what that is? It was huge. It's like this Australian trainer, Kayla Edcinez. All these girls were doing before and afters and Instagram was totally different then. But they were doing before and afters. They were like ripped. I mean, they looked amazing. And I followed them and I was like, there's no way these people are like not working out for two hours a day and eating 400 calories. But eventually I decided to try it and I started and I started the account as the blonde files.

at the time because I was posting before and afters and leaving my face out of it and staying anonymous and I didn't want anybody to know who I was because it was embarrassing. And a few months into that, Kayla's people in Australia reached out to me because she was doing a tour, like a boot camp tour and she was doing something here at the Rose Bowl and they asked me to go help out. And so I did that. And like Instagram, you could grow then. You know, you could use a hashtag like hashtag BBG and get 5,000 followers. Whereas now, like, I was just telling my friend, I post something on TikTok and it does one thing. I post something on Instagram and I lose 2,000 followers. It's just so. I was telling Lauren on the way here, my engagement is absolutely terrible because I post like once every six or seven weeks.

Yeah, they're like penalizing you. Yeah, I don't, I mean, for me personally, like I realize, like, I just don't find the, the platform as interesting as this, so I kind of tend to stay off of it. But you're right. Like back then you could stand out. I mean, there's so many people on it now. That's why. Yeah. They want to prioritize people that are using it the way they want it to be used to increase. increase user engagement. Yeah, they want us to be addicted. Yeah, that's a whole other thing, right? Like, I've been thinking about that a lot lately about getting away from screens,

but I digress. I want to talk to you guys about that on my podcast, too. We'll circle around. It's a problem, I think. And I was reading this book about how it really affects our brainwaves and our cognitive ability and our ability to remember things, right? Because you're staring at a screen. But anyways, I don't know.

Let's knock it off track. So, yeah, so it picked up pretty quickly. I was able to grow just by, like, using hashtags and the B, community was like following everybody who was doing it. And then Kayla, who had, I don't know, 10 million followers at the time would post my before and afters. And so I would always get a ton of followers like that. And then it just kind of grew. I think around six months, I revealed myself. Like nobody knew who I was when I was like, this is me. Here's my face. And at the time I was working in behavioral health. So I was not interested in being a content creator. And I think in

2019, it was to the point where I was like, okay, I can either keep working in behavioral health and just do that or just do this. I can't do both. You know, you can't work in that kind of like helping profession and have that much of a side hustle. At least I couldn't do it because it was just all the time and it was so emotionally taxing. And so I decided to do this full time. I started my website in, I think, January 2019. No, 2018 started the podcast, April 2019. and here I am. Sunscreen. Sun protection is something that I have talked about for the last 11 years. It's something that I am a huge fan of and I just can't shut up about. So Kula is a brand that has

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The reason I really like your content is because I feel like every single time I look at it, I walk away with something. Those fucking cookies that you make. What was that thing? Oh my God, you brought. I was looking at them. I'm like, I wonder if those are the cookies. She gave me at Alexis Haynes' podcast.

Those are so good. But I feel like when I make them, they're not the exact same as yours. You need to like come to my house and make them for me. You posted something one time, like a cinnamon roll or something. I was like trying to tell. Yeah, she told me about that. No, I learn from your content. I feel like you're, I like when you share what you're eating in a day or how you make your

macha. It's just very informative. It's not. And I feel like you're a beautiful girl. Like it would be so easy for you to take the route of just showing photos of yourself with no caption. But I feel like you always take it above and beyond. Every single time I consume any of your content. So I would tell the audience, if you're looking for a lot of value, definitely follow Ariel.

So what do you think if you could tell our audience what makes it? It's a good content creator, a great content creator in 2021. What are the tools? I think having a story is huge because people like, I don't think people want to just look at a picture and move on. I think that they want to feel engaged. And I think people are lacking that human connection, right? And so like I find that engaging with my followers, I always respond to comments. I try to respond to DMs. It's, it's really hard as you know. But kind of being accessible in a way, you know, I want people to feel like I'm their friend. So I think that's big.

And having a story that people connect to and can relate to because we're all looking to identify. The reason that people listen to your podcast is because they identify with you, right? And they want to learn from you. And I think like when I was, I don't know, I was thinking about it on the way here. Like I wish that before I got sober, there had been influencers. It wasn't at the time. But somebody who was like me who had been through what I had been through and was talking about it. And so that's why I'm really open about my story.

And just at the end of the day, you know, I've gone through phases where I'm like, this is so much work. Like, I'm just going to post like a shot, whatever, and like move on with my day. And it's just so not gratifying. So I really try to think about, like, who am I helping today? What can I put out there that's going to maybe help one person? Because if I make it just about me, like, I just cannot live my life that way. I think that's where a lot of my anxiety comes from is thinking about just myself and how everything's affecting me, me, me, me, and that's how I was before I got sober.

And so now for me to be comfortable, like, I really have to make it about other people and what I'm doing for them. You are right. It is insightful. I mean, I do the same thing. It's like when you have that fear or anxiety, it's because there's thought, there's too much thought about yourself. I do the same thing and I live too far in the future.

That's why I love Ryan Hall in Stoicism. Yeah. He introduced us to that world. But it's easier said than done to fix that kind of stuff. But I think most people, they go through, and why I asked you about the root cause, I think most people go through life never addressing like why they're anxious. or what's triggering those feelings. And then you're just constantly trying to put a band-aid on it as opposed to like going to the root of it.

Yeah, I mean, I can find myself spinning out. And at the end of the day, so another one of my tools that I didn't mention earlier, it's like taking inventory of my day, looking at where I was afraid, where I was like dishonest, selfish. You know, it's kind of a recovery thing. But I just give me an example. What do you mean? What's selfish? Like, is it selfish when my husband wakes up in the morning and doesn't give me a kiss? Like the second he wakes up.

Is that a selfish thing that he needs to examine? What's a micro example? Don't try to use that one. I think it depends on your relationship. It's all relative to the person. But I'll give you the win on that one. Tell me something that's like acting out in integrity, like stealing someone's parking spot. Like how did you examine where you were out of integrity?

It's kind of like what I can live with with myself. So if I think it's going to bother me in a couple days, if it's going to be on my mind and make me feel like not great about myself, then I'll put it down. But sometimes I like to do, like you say, like a brain dump. And I've been doing that for like the last week, like long where I'm just writing whatever's on my mind. Like was I selfish today? And then I just go off about like, well, I was just thinking about myself in this situation and not what I was bringing to the table. And like, oh, I was rude to my husband here. And like, oh, I flaked out on that person.

And it's not necessarily like all things that are necessarily selfish, but just where I was being self. I don't know. self-centered, I guess. No, it makes sense. I think Lauren could let go of a lot of guilt in her life by realizing how rude she is to her husband. She could really get farther. I do have to say, like, I am very stubborn. I always want to be right. I don't want to apologize. But I've been kind of conditioned over the years, like from practicing some of these principles to apologize. Like, for me to be free, like, I can't have a resentment, right? So if I have a resentment, I can either apologize or I can forgive. And that's like a hard pill for me to.

swallow and in my marriage especially like I want to be right and we'll get an argument and I'm like I am not apologizing this time like fuck him and five minutes later for whatever reason I'm just like you know what I should have I'll apologize for my part and then move on and it's like do I want to be right or do I want to be happy I want to be happy I also think apologizing for me sometimes almost feel selfish because I don't have to bear the energy of bad vibes like it's almost like saying like you just said, there's, there's no resentment anymore. I'm sorry, like, let's move on. Yeah. I do think in our, like, in our relationship, it's helpful because I'm probably the more anxious of the two, for sure. And Lauren kind of balances me a little bit because she's the opposite.

Like, Lauren, Lauren's a little bit more like go with the flow, like easy going. I'm a little bit more anxious. In your own relationship, do you have that? Because I feel like it's difficult when two anxious people get together and then they just like trigger each other even more. He is the least anxious person I have ever seen in my life. So it's a good thing for you. I think it comes from his age, his experience, being where he is in life. He's like, been there and done that. Like, he was doing some huge interview the other day and I was like, aren't you so nervous?

And he's like, no. He just does not. He doesn't care. And he doesn't care what people think. And I think that's the difference. Like being my age and where I am in my career, I'm like, okay, I do care, unfortunately. And that definitely adds to some of the anxiety. But yeah, so he totally balances me out and he helps me have perspective on it.

And like everything feels like the biggest deal in the world to me sometimes. And being with somebody with that kind of experience and wisdom, he can, he's very reassuring that he's like, this is not like the make or break. Like you're going to be fine. What are some things you've learned from him? So many people I feel like are so intrigued with your relationship. It's unique, but I can totally see after listening to your podcast why it works. You're very mature.

You have your routines. I mean, I can, like, I get it. Can you sort of explain to the audience maybe three things that he's taught you that have made a big difference in your life? Yeah. So I think that would be one of them. Like, I don't know how to articulate this, but it's not like, like everything that's happening right now is not the end of the world. He's really just given me perspective. I also feel like at my age, I'm like, well, this is it.

My youth is over. I'm aging, you know? Like I'm sliding into middle age. And he's like, are you, are you kidding? me. And so he definitely like helps me see that clearly. He let's see what else. Maybe something, maybe something that you guys did a podcast together. Was there something that he said that was really profound from that podcast? Yes. So there were a few things that he said. I mean, something that he tells me all the time is like what other people think of me is none of my business. Oh, that's such a

good one. I love that because again, like back to caring what people think. And especially like in this job, being a content creator, I'm like, well, it kind of is like my job to like care. what people think, but ultimately it's not. That's my own story about it. He also has great tips on perseverance and not giving up. And he said something in that podcast about the creative process where he was, somebody had asked him because I had people sending questions. Like, what do you do when you want to give up? And he's like, you just, he said, don't quit stupid. He's like, when you get super uncomfortable, that's when you have to like stay in your seat for him. He's a writer. But he's like, you have to stay in it. And don't go looking for inspiration. You know, the inspiration.

is going to come in those moments when like you feel like you cannot do it anymore. I think that's like that's really sound advice, especially for someone who's had the career he's had, but it's like I don't chalk anything up to failure unless you absolutely quit. Like if you, like even if you fuck up and you keep going, like to me that's a success because you get so much experience and learn so much from it. It's the people that quit that are the real failures. Like if you don't quit, you haven't failed yet. Yeah.

Yeah. And his story, I mean, he would be a great podcast guest. He told me he's not doing press right now. I'm like, because I asked him to come back on my show. I'm like, am I press now? Is that what this is? You're like no sex if you don't come out. I'm holding out.

But he's so, I mean, he just has so much wisdom and he's so fascinating. And his story is crazy, like not to make this about him. But, you know, he didn't get successful until he was like 35, 40. I mean, he was broke, like, borderline homeless. The reason that he came out to California was because he was like, well, if I'm going to be homeless, I wanted to be warm. And he came out here and he was like selling things door to door. And he just, he had enough arrogance to be like,

he walked into an animation studio and he said, you need me to work for you. And they were like, okay. And I hired him and then it like took off from there. But another great lesson. Like this isn't like, back to the first one that I was talking about. This isn't it. Your life can start at 40. Your life can start at 45. You don't have to like be the most successful right now. I think it's just, it's just really good perspective. Well, even looking what you've done. I mean, a lot of there's younger people that listen to this. But if you think about your life like, what do you say 20 to 28, you were kind of just like, like, you were kind of just like, like, like, like, I don't want to put word, but you were, you were kind of fucking off. A shit show. Yeah, it was a shit show. But I think a lot of 20 to 28 year olds listen to this show and they're like, if I don't have it figured out in my mid-20s or early 20s, like my life's over

and you're a testament that that's not true, right? You basically started your career at 28, right? I completely started over at 28. I didn't start doing this till like 30, 2930. And yeah, I have a lot of younger followers and listeners too. And people will send me in questions and be like, I'm 25 and I don't know what to do with my life. And I'm like, I get it. I mean, I really do. And there is so much pressure. But at the same time, like, I don't know. Everything is changing too because lifespans are going to be longer and it's going to change the whole structure of everything to expect people to graduate college at 21, know exactly what they want to do and be in that career and be successful by 25 and have kids at 28. You know, it's like that's changing. And yes,

I do feel like hopefully I am a testament to that because I started with nothing. at 28 and I thought my life was over. You know, I was like, oh my God, I'm sober now on top of it. Like, I can't have any fun. And I thought it was going to be, I thought that getting sober was the end of my life. And like it was just the beginning. I also feel like if you're 28 or you're 30 or you're 35 and you're feeling so stuck and you're feeling like you're too old or too young, whatever, I think that I would say get

off social media because you're spending so much unproductive time and energy focused on other people's content in the comparison game. Like, you're comparing yourself at 28 to another 28 year old who had a totally different life story than you. So I would tell you to get off like completely, like, I mean completely and focus on your side of the street as opposed to looking at what everyone else is doing. Well, I also think in the mid to late, there's like a history last month, the mid to late 1800s, the average life expectancy was like 39, 45, right? Like we've stretched that to, in some cases, 75, 80. So these constraints that maybe our grandparents had saying, like, you need to get married at 20 and then do this by 30 and have it figured out by 40s. Because your life

you were done at 60, most likely. You were going under. But if now people are working well into their 60s, 70s and living in their 80s, 90s. And so like if you contextualized time from like, okay, when you're in your early 20s, you've really only lived like a third of your life or even a fourth if you're lucky. Like, there's still so much time. Did you read Homo Deas, Uval Harari? Yeah, yeah. And what's the second one, date? Sapiens was the first one. Homo Deas. I haven't read Homo Deas.

How do you guys read that? I read Sapiens. He likes that book. That seems so dry. Sapiens is incredible. I haven't read the second one. And then he did another one, right? 21 rules.

21. Yeah. Yeah. It's very big book, you guys. Very dry. But it's interesting, right? Yes. And in Homo deyes, he's talking about this and not to bore the listeners, but he's

talking about how like there are people our generation who are going to live to 100. And it's going to keep going from there. And so that's going to change everything. It's going to change education. It's going to change work. It's going to change families. Are you going to be married at 20 or 30 and with that person for 70, 80 years? Are you sure? Wait, maybe I have read that one and I haven't read the 21. Is this the one where they're going to put like nanobots in your bloodstream and you're going to be able to like potentially be immortal unless you get hit in the head or something? Maybe. Maybe I didn't finish it.

I've been waiting for the, I'm just trying to hold out to the point where I can get like robot arms, legs, maybe some other things and I could live to like 200. I'm waiting for like when they can regenerate new skin. Amazing. That's the nanobots. That's what I'm talking about. They put the nanobots in your bloodstream and it cleans your blood. I'm like, in my lifetime, like new face, new facial skin. That'd be cool.

That'd be really cool. Because aging is a disease, right? Like it's a degenerative disease. That's why we die. Yeah, exactly. But if they can slow that down. I mean, is this the book they talked about where like back in the day you got infection, like your arms going off or your dying?

Yeah. And think about that was 150, 200 years ago. Right? Now it's like you get a little scratch. some Neosport on your fine. But like, back in the day, you're done. I want to know if there's a lot of people dropping in your inbox during COVID about sobriety. So, so, so many. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people are reexamining their relationship with alcohol right now, or drugs. Yeah. Wanu water. Guys, this is the first to market bestselling nutrient infused water. It's packed with 10

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for 20% off all regular case orders. That's Wannewater.com slash skinny, promo code skinny for 20% off all regular case orders. I'm telling you, try this with a little tequila or have it plain. You're going to love it. Yeah, it's been, it's actually been really nice. I try to get back to everybody if they do message me about that. Obviously, I miss some. But, you know, I don't, I don't think alcohol is bad. Like, if you can drink and not end up in, like, Tijuana in two days, like having been up for 48 hours on a you know, that kind of thing, like, fine. Do it? Did that used to happen? Oh, yeah. I have crazy, crazy stories. Not to you want to, but yes, like the thing with me with drinking, not to go off on a tangent was like, as soon as I had one drink, like you never knew if I was going to stop at one,

stop at three, stop after a week, end up in Vegas for two weeks, like no telling, which was just crazy. But so I don't think drinking is bad. I'm not like the alcohol police. But yeah, it has been really interesting that so many people are sober curious or people have just realized because I think with less distractions and you're not running around day to day and you're kind of left with yourself. They're like reevaluating the role that drinking plays in their life. And yeah, I've seen people get sober. I have people that reached out to me like beginning of lockdown who are now sober like a year, which is great. That is really cool. Yeah. I'm doing a month sober right now. How do you feel? I feel great. I mean, I think, hold on. It's been two days.

No, it's been, excuse me, it's been four. I've counted. The four is a big difference. That's a big. Four is a big. I like a glass of wine. I like a margarita. Like, not every night, but some nights. And I've done four days sober. And I already feel better. You got to get the week before you do the victory lap. I'm going to do a little victory lap. I like how she framed that, though. You're very confident. Like, you're doing a month sober. No, I'm doing it. Because I like to just check myself like out of nowhere. I did nine months sober. Remember that for Zaza? When was that? How? Who? Who's Zaza? So I'm doing, I'm just going to keep checking myself with a month. I think it's good to have clarity.

Yeah. And I think. that a lot of people do that and then they realize they can't go two days. And it's like shocking because they've never tried. And all of a sudden, they're like, oh my God, like, do I have a drinking problem? It makes you less puffy too, which is, yeah. Well, I also think it's a good thing to, I mean, routines are good in some ways, but I also think it's good to question your routines once and a while and break them up. One thing, another thing I'm so attracted to about your content that's very rare is that you're very open about beauty procedures. Like you talked about threads, which I really want to talk about because I've gotten so many questions on and I feel like you're the one to talk

about it. I talked to Dr. Diamond on the podcast and he was not a fan. It's so weird because so many people are fans. After hearing Dr. Diamond say that he wasn't a fan and then I heard somewhere on your content that you're not a fan. I kind of was like, I don't want to mess with this. What's your thought on it? I think threads are effing terrible. I've done it all. I've done surgery. I've done threads. I've done like laser. I've done Botox filler, all of that. And I had Dr. Diamond on my podcast too. And he's, I mean, he'll do them sometimes. But not like the fox eye thread that's like very popular on Instagram. I think that there's a huge problem with false marketing on Instagram. Anybody will throw up a before and after of Bella Hadid and say hashtag threadlift here.

You know, and it's like Bella Hadid allegedly, don't sue me, did not get a threadlift. When you have money and access to the best doctors and you have to consistently look the same, like, you're not doing something like that where your look is going to change. And I got threads and it was so traumatic. The process, I was like shaking by the end of it. Everyone kind of advertises it as a non or minimally invasive thing. But being somebody who's had surgery, that was like way more invasive and that you're awake for it. It's very uncomfortable. And then for three weeks, I did two in each cheek. You really can't, you don't have mobility. You can't really smile. You can't really. I had to go to an event for Chuck, like a week later. And we were schmoozing before and I like smiled and one of

them popped out. It was so painful. No one's getting any kind of sucking going on after a threat. Oh, no, no, no, no way. And there was like a like a point sticking out of my cheek. And this is a couple years ago. So you can't tell anymore. But yeah. And I mean, it looked good for a few weeks when it was swollen because it was a little lifted. But then the swelling goes away. And you're left with these like foreign things in your face, very uncomfortable. They say that they dissolve, but I've heard that like that's questionable. And I have some plastic surgeon friends who say that they go and do facelifts and there's like all this scar tissue and there's old thread. And like it's just not worth it. Can you explain what a thread is just so the audience has some kind of context?

You don't need to do like medical term, but just kind of explain. It's like it's like a thick suture, like what they would stitch you up with that has hooks on either side. I think. I could be getting parts of this wrong, but it basically, like, they put it in your skin. How does it come out? How do you, like, get it out later? You don't. They say it dissolves. They say it dissolves, yeah. See, I'm, I'll get in trouble for this. Like, men and women that want to get procedures, I'm all like, do what makes you happy. But if I'm being honest, Lord, I don't want to be, like, with you and then have shit popping out all over a place and threads flying everywhere. I'm not, I'm not going to know what to do with that. I don't think it's. Like, I didn't tell Chuck.

I was like, he, like, he knows that I do surgeries, obviously, and Botox filler lasers, all of that. But I was Like, that's like, that's troubling. Your face and you just look so natural. It's not like sometimes I think L.A. gets a bad rep. People are walking around looking so unnatural. You look so beautiful and so natural and so soft. So whatever you're doing is working. But yeah, I just, I think it's all great.

I just would be caught. Like if I was dealing with you and I saw like threads popping out, I wouldn't know what to do. I was like, well, this is maybe not necessary. The reason that I was weary of them before I talked to anyone was because my thought process kept going, well, once it's pulled up and then it releases, where does that extra skin go? Does it bag up? I've seen some people where, yeah, they get like some puckering. Some people might have them and love them, so I don't want to piss anybody off.

But in your experience. But the thing is, the thing with it is, it's like a few thousand dollars, too. Wow. And any honest practitioner will tell you, you'll get very, very minimal result. And it's only going to last a few weeks. even some of those places that do like the fox eye threads, if you read the fine print, the ones that are ethical, say it's going to fall after like a week and you're just going to have an elongated brow. You're not going to have the lifted thing. And this area is so thin,

the skin between your eye and your temple, like any plastic surgery will, any plastic surgeon will tell you not to do it there. I decided to speak about what I've done just because there is not really that much information. It's fucking amazing that you speak about it. Honestly, I have to, I have to, there's so many people that don't speak on it, honestly. Yeah, yes. I mean, and I think people are really hurting themselves and they're spending tons of money, like trying to go get Botox filler, which are great too, if you want to do something minimally invasive. But trying to get a more extreme look, you're just going to end up throwing so much money at it and not being satisfied. And that's why I ended up getting surgeries. And like for me, I just felt at 28 years old, I looked like a rough 50. No offense. to 50 year olds. Not really, but like I smoked a pack a day. I didn't sleep for eight years.

You know, I lived so hard. I was in the sun baking my face with oil. Like, I mean, it was pretty rough. So I was like, we just need to do a few like tweaks here just to kind of refresh something. What's the best thing you've gotten done that you feel like it's been life changing that was easy and quick? The, I got a browlift. It looks really good. And blaphrolasty where they reduced the eyelid skin. Yeah, they just cut the excess skin in your eyelids. And for me, I had really hooded eyes my whole life and I liked it. Like I wasn't an issue until like around 30 like things just started kind of falling and they weren't picking out. That's what's going. That's what's happening here. Lauren says I need to get the. You don't have to whisper. I'll put myself on blast. I can tell like I'm

dropping down. Yeah. You know what though? Like guys are so lucky. Yeah, they are. I just want to be able to see still though. Because I'm going to be. Yeah. These are things are closing. Well, if it's affecting your vision, your insurance will pay for it. Oh. I got to make a claim. So that was out of everything that you've ever done that was easy. Painless? Yeah. I mean, my easy. I will do anything. Like, I love this stuff. So my easy is probably difficult for somebody else. But you're under twilight. So it's not full general anesthesia. Oh, that's not horrible. Yeah. It's like a pretty pretty quick like hour to two hour procedure. And it was like a weak recovery. I had no pain. I just had black eyes. And it wasn't bad. And then the other thing that I love is the lip lift, which is another procedure that not many people know about. But

It's where they cut the skin under your nose and they reduce the filtrums, the length of the skin from your nose to the top of your lip, and they lift the lip. I had very thin lips to begin with, and I was just putting filler in all the time trying to just get this little, like, pouty look. And I ended up having the whole March Simpson thing, like giant top lip. My whole face just looked heavy from filler. And I think that a lot of people go down that road because they don't know that there are more invasive, but permanent procedures. that you can do. That's so smart that you say that. I was just talking to someone who does injectables and she was telling me that juvoderm can move around your face. Move a derm. Move a derm. Yeah. So they recommended Restle and Kiss. I don't know. But she was saying that a lot of girls get the lip filler,

just like you're saying. And what ends up happening is the filler starts moving up under the nose. And it becomes like a like a Marge Simpson lip. And so that is very interesting to know that there's another remedy out there other than just keeping on filling your lips because I think the filler can like also move across the face she was saying yeah I had it all around my nose like in and and some injectors that I went to because I was trying to get a lift they would inject like under my nostrils and try to like puff the skin up to get a little bit of lift you know and it's just like you go down that road and before you know it yeah you look overfilled it's a hamster wheel totally I just do want to say though like if anybody's things

thinking about getting this done, definitely do your research, especially for something like a lip lift because that's the middle of your face. And if you get botched and a lot of people do, because there's only a few people that are really good at it, you have a giant scar or you have your mouth can't close or some kind of problem. You can't speak. It's like not a really invasive procedure, but it's not something that you want to mess with. That's good advice to everyone. Yeah. I definitely do your research. Yes. Everyone wants to know about your fitness, wellness, health hacks. If you could pinpoint one thing that you think made a big difference in your wellness journey,

what was that? Slowing down. It sounds so counterintuitive. But for years, I was trying to, like, kind of fit myself into this mold through dieting and restricting calories and counting macros and obsessing over fitness. And it really takes a toll. And the moment that I kind of let go of all of that and, like, learned how to tune into my body.

And again, not to sound like a broken record. but meditation really helped with that. But like, learn my energy levels. Learn what I really need. Learn how to eat intuitively. Learn how to move intuitively. All of that. That was really like the missing piece.

And I think that especially like with social media, we all want to do whatever the next person is doing. And I was doing that a lot. I was eating the diet that one influencer was eating. And I was doing the workout that the other person was doing. And it wasn't necessarily right for me. And we're always changing. And what worked for me six months ago,

doesn't work for me now. So figuring out how to slow down so that you can notice like the cues from your body and learn how to be intuitive with that stuff is something that a lot of people overlook and it like completely changes everything. What are some brands? I like brand details. Tell me what what bread you're eating, what crackers you like, maybe what macha you like. Give us some brands. Okay, so macha, I like Epodo. I P-P-O-D-O. It's like Very authentic, so, so good. That one's amazing. What else?

I like for snacks. I love, what are they called? Simple Mills, almond flour crackers, the ones that taste like goldfish. Dr. Will Cole said that too. You did? They're Will Cole-proof. Yeah.

Amazing. I never know with like the snacky food. I'm like, oh God, what am I? Okay, that's a good one. I like Mary's seed crackers. Those are really good. I like go macro bars. I like Bulletproof bars.

These are all like my snacky foods that I love. Everyone's been talking about the Bulletproof products lately. I think Will Cole talked about that too. We've got to check those out. Yeah, they're really good. Desert, I like Daydream Desert Truffles. They're insane. They're so good.

If you're local in L.A., actually, I think they deliver everywhere. Nowhere bakery. Cookies are amazing. Cocoa love. Cookies are amazing. I could, like, go on and on. Lauren, you always give me the stuff that tastes like cardboard. Why don't you give me some of the good stuff?

I see. I ordered the cinnamon roll off of your page. I found the cinnamon roll company, and I'd actually don't remember the brand. Coco Love, I think. Coco Love. But I accidentally, I think, ordered him the gluten-free ones. And that was where I went wrong. I threw him away. No, you just, you didn't want the gluten-free. I probably threw him away. Not to put that. I mean, I'm sure that company's great, but- You didn't want to- I have to trick my husband. My body has to, I'm still in the bad stuff. So I need to slow ease into the other stuff. If Chuck knows that something is gluten-free,

he'll be like, oh, I knew it tasted funny. And I'm like, you would never have known if I didn't say anything. So what I do now is I just don't tell him. So I have to like, whatever I'm giving him, even if it's like gluten-free, refined sugar-free, maybe vegan, whatever, it has to really taste like the real thing. A little lie never heard of flea either. Like, you got to do a little lie. Sorry, this is for your better, like your best interest. Yeah, but as long as it doesn't taste like cardboard.

Okay, I'm working on my cooking. Ariel, can you give me some cooking tips? I feel like you're always cooking something good. What's a good go-to dinner or breakfast or even lunch? Let's start with one meal alone. Let's get her one meal at Lauren. Give me one. I'm starving to death.

Maybe one dinner meal. Dinner meal. Well, people who follow me know that I'm obsessed with salmon. So that's kind of like that's like my go-to. Just do a salmon, like do it on the cast iron skillet. So kind of flash fry it and make it taste really good that way. And then I always just roast like a side of vegetables. Maybe I'll do like a sweet potato.

I like things really simple. I like to taste the food. I don't like to cover it with tons of like spices and sauces. So all of my recipes are pretty basic like that. I also do, I love like a vegan mac and cheese situation. And I'll do a lot of like brown rice pasta with roast vegetables and then this like tahini vegan mac and cheese that I make that again is husband approved. I don't think he knows that there's no cheese in it.

So I like doing that too. Send me the list of the husband approved things. I will give it to one. Actually, I have your cookbook. Should I go there to do some cooking things for Michael? I need to update that. Okay. I was actually thinking, I was like, my next cookbook should be called husband-approved.

A hundred percent. But then I was like, well, then people are going to have a problem with that. Oh, they're going to have a problem with anything. I say it. My husband-approved. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I would highly recommend that everyone goes and looks at your cookies on your website.

Those cookies, my favorite ones are, and you can tell me what they're called. They have the chocolate in the middle, the H-U-Hugh chocolate, and then around, it's like, what is that? To tell us what that is, because that is, like, amazing. I think it's the ones that I brought the crowd pleaser cookies. the ones that I brought last year. Yeah, these are like my go-to. So it's almond flour, cashew butter, or any kind of nut butter, some coconut sugar, maple syrup, cinnamon if you want to, chia seeds, a little bit of applesauce, and a little chocolate. You talked about on your podcast recently about you opened up about your eating disorder

and you said when you got sober, I want to use the right verbiature that you recovered from bulimia. I know that's not everyone's journey. If someone's struggling with, an eating disorder? Is there a resource that you would recommend that they checked out that really helped you? Yeah, so I was really lucky in that I think my eating disorder really coincided with the drinking and using. And so when I found a solution for that, the eating disorder just kind of went away. And I know that that's not everyone's experience. I mean, I did have like disordered eating since then for sure. But I was in therapy at the time too. And like, I can't recommend that enough. I mean, I don't really have other resources for eating disorders aside from that.

Yeah. Therapy. Yes. Okay. Once a week, twice a week. What's your schedule? Once a week as maintenance. Twice a week, if I really need to, which I haven't done in a few years.

But yeah, once a week I've been doing for like six years. And you mentioned something on your podcast too. And it's brain tapping? Brain spotting. Brain spotting. Can you explain that? Yeah. So I kind of alluded to like my big tea trauma that I had earlier when my friend was killed.

And that was something that I really buried. You know, after that happened, my drinking really took on it. What were the circumstances behind that? Sorry, I'm not familiar with the story. She was, I was living in Florida. And my friend's boyfriend called me one afternoon and asked me to go check on her. He was really worried, but I didn't think anything of it. And I went to her apartment.

And she had been shot through the neck and the stomach. Holy shit. And she was actually still alive when I found her, but she had been bleeding for a couple hours and she had had a stroke, which we didn't know at the time. And she was paralyzed. Oh, shit. That's intense. Yeah.

And like still even. Yeah. And I still have that trauma. Like even though I've processed it mentally, it truly lives in the body. I'm reading the body keeps the score right now because after that I still drank for like two, three years after. And at that point, it was purely survival. That was something that I could not.

process I could not deal with. So I really had to be like under the influence of something all the time. Did they, did they find the person who did that or or and figure out the reason why? Yeah. Yeah. So they found him. She had kind of like a like a separate life going on that we didn't really know about. And yeah, I don't want to like drag her. But it was they found the guy. They did take me in for questioning, which like after that happened, they were interrogating me. I had to listen back to the audio from that because I went to court a couple years after. it happened to testify against him and they played me my interrogation and I was like, Jesus Christ, like I don't, of course I shut down after that. I mean, I sounded like completely

monotone. I was in shock and it was just, it just was sad. It's probably also traumatizing to hear that even years later. So the brain spotting you said really helped you work through the trauma. Yeah. So once I stopped drinking, I had to, I thought that I had kind of put it away. And like I said, I went to testify and after that, the guy went away for life and I was like, okay, closure. I was able to show up and then a couple years later, like just a few years ago, I started having flashbacks and it started to, I don't know, like it's like I buried it somewhere in my brain probably as a survival mechanism. And I think our brains and our bodies do that, you know?

It's post-traumatic stress. Yeah. And I was at a place where for whatever reason I was relaxed enough or I was able to, you know, start dealing with it and it started coming to the forefront of my mind. So brain spotting, that was my long winded way to get here. It's something that I do in therapy, in trauma therapy, to deal with it. And they use the analogy of squeezing a lemon. So say that you're the therapist. I'll be sitting here talking to you about the trauma and I'll have to walk her through it. I'll have to tell her what it looked like when I was standing at the door and what happened when I

opened the door and like really relive it. And she has a pointer. And she moves. And she moves. moves the pointer and I follow it with my eyes and she can tell by my body language and my breathing where I'm the most activated and she'll hold me there just by where my eyes are looking because I guess like where your eyes are looking activates something in your brain. And the first time I did it, I was like, this is kind of woo-woo. I'm not really not really buying what you're selling. But she found a spot and she held me there and my entire body went numb. All of a sudden I was like flushed in sweat and she's like just stay here. And she just held me there until probably for like five or ten minutes as the trauma like

works its way out of your body. And afterwards, after it passed and my feeling came back and like I was tingling and I could breathe again and I wasn't sweating. Then she kind of like brings you back into reality. And afterwards I was like, I have to go sleep for like a day. I mean, I was exhausted. But the whole idea is that then the next time you go to go. do that, your response isn't at an 11 anymore. It's at like an 8. And you continually do that

until you can talk about the experience and remember it. And your activation might be like a one or a two. Like you get a little bit anxious, but you're not like flooded with that trauma to where you go into complete fight or flight. So it's really weird what the brain can do. I was talking to somebody the other day and we were mostly talking about plant medicine. But the point that he was making is like the brain is so powerful and its ability to block things out that it thinks are not serving you. And so, like, we all have this trauma that you might not be aware that you're carrying or even know what, like, something could have happened to us in the past that we've blocked out so heavily that we can't even remember it at all, but it's sitting there. And, like, doing that type of work

or other type of deep work is important because, like, like, you said, it just sits in the body and in the soul and the mind and, like, you can't get rid of it. Yeah, I'm reading a book right now. The body keeps the score and I'm only on page like 30. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's like too soon for me to be able to talk about it, but it's all about that. It's about how these things live in your body and they come out and they manifest in other ways. And I think I think that I have other traumas too, back to what we were talking about in the beginning that I kind of accumulated throughout my drinking. I was blacked out all the time. I woke up in really weird situations. So I'm sure bad things happened that I'll probably never remember and it's probably a good

thing. But that's still in my body somewhere and it's still in my mind somewhere. And yeah, so I think it's, I think it's something that a lot of people overlook. Well, though, how you're, how you work on yourself daily. Like, you're so self-aware. You're doing all these different things to improve your state of being. How do you think that you've been able to stay grounded in L.A.? That's an interesting question. One was moving out to the west side. I used to live in West Hollywood, and I was like, in this world. I was thinking about it when I was driving here. I remember, like, just so many memories around here. I was like, this is wild that I'm going here to do this and talk about like my life now after what my life was before. Obviously, like, wherever you go, there you are, but I think that

where you live can definitely influence you for sure. Sobriety is just, it's just a different life. You know, I feel like I got everything out of my system that I needed to and I just have a completely different perspective on life. And I feel like because I've been given the second chance, like I just don't care about a lot of the artificial superficial stuff. You know, it doesn't interest me anymore. And being with a partner who's very grounded as well, that definitely helps and who I surround myself with. We are who we hang out with a lot of the times. And so I choose my circle pretty wisely. And again, like back to my spiritual practice, that's the most important thing in my life. And it sounds so woo-woo. And I'm not a very woo-woo person. But like it's it's the thing like it's my source.

It's what keeps me grounded. My husband isn't my source. My job isn't my source. My followers are not my source. None of it. It's like at the end of the day, I have this connection and this like, I don't know, this spiritual life that really helps guide me and kind of stay out of the weeds and out of all the noise. Top three beauty products of the moment. Taking a twist.

Okay. Skin, makeup, hair. That's the detail. I'm thinking skin. I have a few new skincare products that I'm using that I am obsessed with. So let's see. One of them is the skin suiticles vitamin C with Silmarin. I think I'm saying it right. I fucking loves skin suiticles. It's such a good brand. So, so good. It's amazing. It's very hydrating. I actually got off moisturizer. That was like my skincare journey of last year and switched only to serums. And so that one really keeps me high. hydrated Zio. Do you know that line? I don't know if it's pronounced Zio or Zoh by Obaji. You know Abaji? No. Obaji is like the old school. My mom used it. And it's like a 10 step, like very intense in the beginning. Like you go through the ugliest for like a couple months and it's awful. But then you have like baby bottom skin legitimately. So it's by that line. So they have a growth

factor serum that's like you want to bathe in it. I mean it is amazing for anti-aging. And then what would be another one? Can I do like a laser? You can do anything beauty. Okay. I really like clear and brilliant. I haven't tried that. I've done it a couple times.

It's like a baby fractal. So if you have time, if you have downtime, definitely go for fraxil. But it's really good for like fine lines, tone, texture, no downtime at all. It's pretty good. I'm going to be time soon for you to get a little laser. I got a lot of work on you help. Do you do anything? I have done Botox with her.

and I use the product she gives me. She hides the skin suitical stuff. Anything that's good, I don't see her. No, the skin suiticals. You know what I do because I'm manipulative to him. I leave Lemaire out because I know he's just going to reach for it because he thinks it's lamare. And I'm like, you can have the fragrance, LeMere.

And then I just have all my stash. Yeah, I got Botox on this show. And then I, during the recording and I got, I use all the skin. So, I mean, I've learned a lot because I get a sit. I mean, listen. I'm like, it's weird. It's like, well, you guys will go off on this and I'll, I will digest it and listen and just figure out. Okay, I got to do something.

You do get a lot of facials. I send you to get facials. You got one the other day. You get a facial massage. You can't do this as many times as I've done it with her talking to people like yourself and not have some of it rub off on you. And I was looking like, okay, maybe I don't have to look that shitty shitty things. I can clean myself up a bit. As long as you have a tongue scraper and some skincare, I'm good. Well, I look at my dusty friends and I'm like, man, you guys are fucked up. So yeah. I mean. Taylor actually is hooked up with Alamis products. I'll give him that. Can you leave our audience with what you're reading, what you're listening to, what you're watching? So like I said, I'm reading Body Keeps the Score. That's definitely good for anybody who's dealing with like anxiety, old trauma, even if it's not like a very straightforward trauma. I think we all kind of experience them along the way. Listening to, I love armchair expert, that and juicy scoop and of course your show.

But juicy scoop is like my, I went through a dark rabbit hole with that. And I listened to like every single episode on the Trial. Serial sister. a serial sister yeah I went on her show in August and I had only listened to a couple episodes at the time and then afterwards I was like I need something really light and like you know

Heather's wild I mean I love Heather we just ran into the airport on the way home she's hilarious yeah she's so funny and I'm like I don't watch any of these shows I don't watch below deck I don't watch Kardashians I don't watch no she's light though it's light to listen to I know what you're saying like when you're cooking and it's just like calm yeah yeah so she's really funny

she's hilarious and what you're watching what I'm watching I don't really watch a whole lot we just watched behind her eyes on Netflix. Have you heard of it? We haven't watched that. What's that about? It's kind of a psychological thriller. It's about a psychiatrist, I think, who his wife, he's having an affair with a girl who works with him and his wife is, I don't know, it's hard to describe. Dun, I'm watching that tonight. I freaked Michael like so, so bad last night because I put on, I care a lot. Have you seen that? Yes. And I put it on too late. It was too much cortisol. No, no, no, I thought it, it started out good. I got angry. I was like, why is this woman

treating these elderly people so terribly? And then I was rooting for the bad guy, right? To kill, I was like, get rid of her. She sucks. And then towards the end, it turned into like an action movie. And then it turned into, and I was, and I was over it. I gave it a five. Oh, really? I'm with you. Chuck loved it. I liked it. I was amazing. I was like, it starts up much stronger. Then it's really kind of falls. I liked it. I liked loved it. It was good. It was juicy. It was good. Yeah. But I don't think it does. I mean, she does, I think her character is supposed to bother. are you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like the haircut, the haircut was like so severe and intense and everything

was intense. I turned that and I'm like, oh, this girl, she always plays the fucking nut. Yeah. The gone girl. Yeah. Taylor, you have to cue the gone girl music right now. We got stuck at, we missed a flight out of JFK one time in a snowstorm and all the hotels were shut down and there's only like the hotels near the airport. Nothing wrong with that. But they were like, we had to scramble and there's a snow. And she's like, hey, let's put on something light until the movie. And I'm already exhausted until she put on gone girl. And I couldn't say I freak me the fuck out. And then Jackie Schimmel taught me whenever he's in the shower. he's pissed me off to play Sugarstorm, the soundtrack.

I thought that was a great tip if anyone's wondering. That girl's going to get typecast as the, that woman, that lady, that actress is going to get typecast as the psycho. Every time I see her now, I'm like, oh, here we go again with this one. Yeah, it's fun to play though. She does it well, though. Yeah, she does it really. She does do a good job.

Okay, what's it called, believe me, believe her? Oh, behind her eyes. Behind her eyes, yeah. Behind her eyes, I'm watching that tonight. I'm going to freak you out at 10 o'clock at night tonight again. Thank you for that tip. Thank you so much for coming on. Where can everyone find you?

You have a podcast with Dear Media. Pimp yourself out. So my podcast is The Blond Files podcast on Dear Media. Like you said, everybody can find me on my Instagram. So it's at Ariel Lori and everything is linked from there. Thank you so much for coming on. That was great. Thank you.

Do you want to win five of my favorite beauty products? All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode with Ariel on my latest Instagram at The Skinny Confidential. Super easy. Rate and review the podcast. if you can, tell a friend, tell your mom, tell your girlfriend, tell your boyfriend, spread the word. And of course, make sure you listen to our episode on Ariel's podcast. It is out now and we will see you next time.