The Bossticks - BONUS: Let's Talk About Sex, Sex Myths, & Sex Truths Ft. Lauryn & Michael Solo

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

#501: On today's episode we have a bonus episode for you. We partnered with Hims & Hers to go through their 2022 Sex Report. Yes you read that write, a report all about sex. Particularly truths and myths surrounding sex. For whatever reason Sex and topics around sex have been so taboo for so long. We believe it's so important to continue to have conversations around sex so that people can get rid of stigmas and have more empowering conversations around the topic.  These stats and statistics are based on a survey of 7234 respondents in Hims & Hers nationally representative survey. Survey conducted in April 2022. Prescription products require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. Subscription required

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

Welcome back. Welcome back to the skinny confidential, him and her show. A little plot twist for you today. A bonus episode on All Things Sex. And this is fitting. The Him and Her show just got done working with Hems and Hers in New York to talk all about sex. Lorna and I just got back from New York. It was so fun what we got to do. We got to go in this booth that was like the truth serum booth.

And it was kind of like a tiny booth and people would come in and they would just confess, kind of like a confessional. They shared all their deepest secrets around sex. And, you know, we did what we did best. We gave them advice. I don't know if it was good advice, but we gave him a lot of advice. And what I love about this collaboration with Hems and Hers is I love brands that are pushing the envelope and taking taboo subjects and normalizing them. Lauren and I obviously have been talking about sex for a long time here on the show.

And it's really like kind of second nature to us. So to see large brands and businesses and platforms really embracing this topic and taking it on is really incredible. Also, it was so cool at the event. There was this section for erotica that you could listen to on audio. There was this company called Quinn and they were there and they had headphones. up and you could sit there and listen to this incredible erotica. There was drinks that were super sexy. Like I said, they had the sex booth where you could go in with Michael and I and confess anything you wanted to confess about sex. The whole event was just super evolved and really cool.

The sexual revolution is here, Lauren. Thank God. And we talk about it in this episode. So what we did is we worked with Hems and Hers, like I said, to talk about this 2022 sex report. That's literally what it's called. It's a sex report. And it's all about nine myths and truths surrounding sex. So again, really kind of pushing the envelope, having a deep conversation about sex, peppering in Lauren and I's opinion as we always do. And I think this is a really interesting conversation and also going to demystify some of the myths that take place when it comes to having sex and engaging in bedroom activities. All right. Get ready for a sexy conversation with Michael and yours truly. This is the skinny confidential, him and her.

I'm not, I got to get in the zone here. I'm not having you open a hard. boiled egg on the table while we're doing this. Taylor ready. Taylor's ready. We're recording. Can you not do the... Okay. Hems and hers on the him and her.

This is fitting. Finally, people taking us through... I'm going to say people are taking us very seriously as real journalists here. And who better, Lauren, than you and I to talk about the subject of sex, bust myths. Well, but... We're going to myth bust myths around sex. There's not two better people. I was talking to the team badana. I was like, listen, Hymns and hers could not have picked a better duo than you and I to do this.

And what better to eat than a hard boiled egg? Stop. You're going to distract me. This is really serious. I got to get through this and I want to get through this report and I want to take a very journalistic approach. And I can't have you peeling an egg in front of me. There's nothing better than a hard boiled egg with a little bit of sea salt. So let's talk about sex. We have an official 2020 report here. And I want to give you a brief introduction from my brief because I have papers on this episode one. I have a whole stack of papers. I got an official report here. Here's the introduction. We've got sex on the brain. Yes, we do. We talk about, think about and Google about sex more than almost anything else. In fact, an online search for sex yields nearly 11 billion results. That's 1.5 times more results than there are people on earth. The global sex toy market is

projected to reach 62.32 billion with a B-learn by the end of the decade. Pornhub is still one of the most traffic sites in the world right after Amazon, right before Netflix and OnlyFans, the social media platform aimed to elevate worlds online erotica. So obviously we're talking about sex a lot here. And Lauren, you and I have been at the forefront. We talk about sex openly all the time. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's a weird conversation to have. Everyone's having it. Let's talk about it. Or is everybody having it? Let's see if we can bust some myths. Oh. I don't know why I'm having such trouble saying bust some myths. We're going to myth bust. Myth bust. Myth bust. Myth bust. Okay. Okay. Like I said, like I said,

said, we're working with hymns and hers here, and we're going to talk about this report that they've got for us. And it's all around nine myths and one truth about sex in America, which I think is fitting because, like I said, we love talking about sex. We're pretty open about it. You know, we've gone into every facet of our life. You guys are probably sick of hearing about it. But, you know, this is a big topic. And Lauren and I have always found it so strange that people find the conversation around sex to be so taboo. I have been talking about sex since I was born. I think, I don't know if it's the parents I grew up around. It wasn't a taboo thing to talk about.

And I get shocked how many people are nervous. I don't know what it has to do with. And maybe like, we'll dive into it here. But I mean, listen, if you're listening to this episode, this podcast, at some point, your parents had sex and made you. And in turn, you are probably having sex as well. So the fact is that we're all doing this. Why aren't we talking about it?

And for me, I think what I've realized after. talking to a lot of women, especially, that there's some kind of shame around it, which is ludicrous. There shouldn't be any shame around it. So let's take the shame out of it, Michael. And just to show how official we are here, Lauren, and maybe not us, but this report, at least. This report is based on the results of 5,234 people, a person online survey conducted in April of 2022 of 4,500 nationally representative adults between 18 and 65 years old and 734 Hems and hers customers. In addition, a separate 2,000 person, national, nationally representative survey among 18 to 65 year olds was conducted in July 2022 to

to address attitude towards sexual and reproductive rights. Okay. So this is an official survey study and just want to let you know that we're backing into this stuff with data and it's not just us shooting from the hip as we usually do. But we're going to discuss right now some of these nine myths. Myth number one, Morn, everyone's having more sex than me. Reality. Everyone's worried that everyone.

everyone's having more sex than them. I'm a little bit worried, too, that everyone's having more sex than me. You are? Yeah, I got to be honest. So this is good that it looks like the myth is that everyone is having more sex than me, but it looks like I'm just worried that everyone's having more sex than me, right? It looks like that's applying to a lot of people. Yeah, so what doctors say is doctors have reached a consensus on how much sex is normal,

and it depends. And this makes sense. It depends on a lot of things. I mean, I feel like you're not having a ton of sex. You know, if your toddler sleeping in your bed or if you have a newborn baby. Are you talking about us specifically? No, we're doing good right now. We're in a flow.

It is true, though. We have to kind of sneak off to the side and, like, get away. We're going to the guest room. It's a whole, it's a whole thing. Yeah, it's a whole production. I mean, obviously, like, when you're first dating someone and there's no kids involved and there's no dynamics involved, you're going to be fucking and bucking. Here's what the report says.

Some people have sex once or twice a month and they're super happy. Other couples, if they don't have sex two, three, four times a week, it's a relationship stressor. So what the report is actually saying here and what the myth is busting is that it really is kind, it's hard to convince people that there truly isn't a standard sex life and that it really is relationship and personal preferences. And so I think if you're sitting out there and you're feeling bad about your relationship because maybe you're not having enough sex or you're feeling like people are having more sex or you're hearing other couples talk about how much sex they have and you're comparing that against yours. Like I would have a conversation with your partner,

Lauren and I do this all the time to make sure that you are both aligned in the amount of sex that feels appropriate to each of you. You know who is having more sex than everyone? Who? My dad and my stepmom. We don't need to dive into this. They told me. You're the only person that knows all this. Why do you know this about your dad? What's wrong? It's good. They're childlike. They're having sex. Good for them. They have sex once a day. That's fucking awesome at their age. What conversations are you and your dad having? Some tequila and there's just casual conversation. I think that's why there's no shame around sex for me. because it's talked about. But for Lauren and I, I think the biggest takeaway is, you know, we get caught up in the

comparison game. Everybody does. If you're sitting there comparing your relationship to what you perceive to be a normal sex life compared to somebody else's, that could be putting a stressor on your relationship. So again, talking to your partner, figuring out what the right amount is for you guys and making sure you're aligned and not comparing to what everybody else is doing. What's your dream amount of sex? I would say dream amount, like no children, just for, for you.

free, like able to do whatever I want. Yeah. I would say if I had that scenario, which I don't right now, twice a week is good. Oh, really? Yeah. But if I had, I mean, it doesn't have to be in the form of like full sex. We could do some other things. But you know what I mean?

Like if I didn't have to think about kids and this and that, like I think that would be a good amount once you're, you know, in a good place. I could have sex every day. You could have sex. So are we miss a line right now? Do we need to go back to the drawing board and talk about it. I know you could. I mean, listen, we'd have to cancel it in my calendar. I got a busy calendar.

Well, what we're talking about is what would be good so that it's not a stress around the relationship. How is that a stress around in the relationship? No, I'm saying, of course, like, I could have sex daily, but I'm saying like to the, do you get what I'm saying? People are stressing out the whole thing about the myth. People feel stressed because there's like, there's this. They think there's a number. They think there's a number. But it's really specific.

So what I don't want to do is have people listen to you and I and then be like, well, what's right for them? Because that might not be right for whoever's listening's relationship. Yeah, yeah, I think, but I also think it's important to acknowledge what I said earlier. which is there's different seasons of your life. You know, when you first get married, it's going to be like all the time. As your schedule gets more busy, it might change. Having sex at 10 months pregnant wasn't the hottest thing I've ever done.

Let me tell you. You know what I mean? There's only like a few positions you can do. So I just think that you have to also understand that even if someone is like, this is the right amount of time, you're going to go through ebbs and flows in your life. So again, the myth around everyone's, having more sex than me is maybe not true. And as this doctor says in the report, he says,

there is a different spectrum. And I feel like people have a false sense that there is a number. It's really different for everybody. So do what's right for you, have a conversation with your partner. And don't worry about whatever else is doing. And just for the record state that I asked my stepmom what she does when she's too tired to have sex. And she says she just rallies. You know way too much about your parents. Moving on to myth number two. Here's a myth number two. Americans want to have more sex. Lauren, what is the reality? The reality is Americans want to have different sex.

Different sex. Let's dive into it. Different penises. That's not what the report says, Lauren. You have a great penis. When asked what they'd like to improve with their sex life, 78% of Americans don't name more sex as one of those things. Instead, 72% are interested in sex trends they haven't tried.

Do you want to try the chuck-o-lucco hold? How do you say that? 10% want to try the chuck-o. You mean cuck-holding? Yeah, what's cuckolding? Lauren, come on. We're being taken seriously as during my sir. Wait, what is that?

You need to be able to read a report. What is that, Michael? I'm in an urban dictionary. I don't want to be cuck-holding. What is it, though? You don't even know what it is. He's picking his phone up. I think cuckolding's having somebody else.

Google it right now. Hold on. Hold on live on air. Wait, because I know what a cuckold is. Yeah, you're trying to ask. like you're like so cool and you know what cuck holding is and you have no idea what is it cuck holding i think it means yeah this is it of course i don't i don't want to do this if a man is cuckold which is exactly what i thought it was it means that his wife has sexual relations with another

man or maybe oh no no that's not your style that's ain't mine so no we i actually have a friend that but that says 10% of people want that in a relationship that her husband likes to watch her have sex with other guys you would fucking hate that but listen for 10% of people that That's what it's. Are you in the 10%? No, I'm not. I'm not. But 31% are in role play.

Remember we tried role playing? We did try role. That was a disaster because. It wasn't a disaster. We just went to the wrong restaurant. We went to the worst restaurant on the whole planet to do the set. It was this intimate Italian restaurant with like very serious people, Georgia Obaldi. And it was just not the right place.

If I were to do it again, which I want to do it again, we already talked about this, is I would go to a hotel and meet you at the bar. I said that I wouldn't choose the color wig. that I chose either. Do you know why you mess this up? You made a dinner reservation and then we just went to the dinner in costume. I've got a lot going on. If I moved my elbow one inch, I hit the table next to me and you're in a wig there. No, and it was like we got like the five, five o'clock early bird special. It was like next to a couple that just had gotten out of the retirement. Like it was a whole thing. So listen, this should make some people feel better because it's not that people want to have more

sex or even sex other people. They want to try different things in the bedroom. Here's what it says. Top one is role playing. 31% more. Maybe we can try that again. 17% want to don. submissive relationship. 17% want sexual voyeurism. 17% want sugar relationships. Not sure what those are, but we can look into it. Sugar relationships are like a sugar daddy baby.

Are you sure? Pretty sure. Like it's like the daddy or the, I guess the woman is paying someone else for their relationship. 9% push foot fetishism. So anyways, users want sex that exists in a fantasy life, not necessarily the fantasy.

Don't forget the legal sex work either. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff here. But I think that this is important in your relationship. if you're sitting there and you're starting to feel like maybe you want to spice it up. It's not that people want to go have more sex. It's that they want to have different kinds of sex. So there's a myth right there that's busted.

Which one on your list is on your list here? Which one of these? Wait, what's the last one? Objectophilia. I think that probably has something to do with objects. Oh, okay. I'm going to count that out for me. I don't need an object.

I'd like a vibrator. I'd like to get role playing, right? Maybe we could do that again and not go to an intimate setting when you're, you know, in costume. Okay. That's kind of awkward. All right. Moving on.

Myth number three, men want sex. Women want romance. Lauren, what's the reality? Everyone wants a little tenderness. Yeah, it'd be nice to get romanced a little bit on my side. Your version of romance is you love your head rubbed, not that head. You love your, well, you love that head rubbed, but you love your head rubbed and you're back scratched and you love a touch.

I think people think that men don't want romance and that we're just these. massively sexual creatures, which many are, but we do like a little romance. We don't just, you know, you know, women got to put in the work too sometimes. Let me give you a love letter why I blow you. Oh, Christ, don't you see what I mean? I just want to be, you know, I'm going to go talk to someone. I need a little romance, learn. So yeah, women out there. And again, not to generalize, but this is the study guys. We're just going after the study. Men don't just want sex. We want a little romance too. And I feel like sometimes, again, not to generalize women lack in this department. They're expecting all these men to be so romantic all the time. This has happened to me,

pretty much every relationship, but there's not a lot of reciprocation. I'm going to call you out right now. I would love a little more work from every guy in the romance department. Hold on. I'm saying you. I'm saying that every guy gets a little fucking lazy. Hold on. The whole study here is a-

The study is going to have to go away for a second. I would like the guys to put a little bit more elbow grease into this. Like, write a love note. All it takes is a little love note. You're sticking to the... Give a little pat on the ass. Let me read the... Let me read the here.

The little quick blur from the study, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, books sold 15 million copies and was the highest ranked work of nonfiction in the 90s. I didn't know that. So it's no wonder that a quarter of a century later, the stereotype sticks, Lauren, we... You just made it about you. I was saying men need some romance, too. All the guys listen out there are probably nodding their head on it. It's all this big burden on us, but where's the reciprocation?

I'm just saying that guys in general, and I'm not just talking about you. I'm talking about my guy friends too. My brother. I'm talking about all you guys. you just tend to get a little too comfortable. Little stereotypical, Lauren. So here's what I think. I think if you're a girl and you're out there, you're dating a guy,

give him a little like a, give him a little fear. I like to give you a little text. It's like, eh, you could try harder. The study says we want tenderness. We don't need fear. This is the, this is, listen, this is a survey by doctors. We need, we don't need fear. We need a little tenderness.

No, you can give them a little like, I like feedback. You know? You're doing a complete disservice to what the study actually says. Reality, everyone wants a little tenderness. It doesn't say reality, give them a little fear. My love language is all the love languages. I want everything functioning on all cylinders at once. I don't feel like I need to apologize for that.

And romance is something that I would like. And according to the study, it's something I would like as well. I feel like I'm just going to write out a list of everything I expect so we can set the expectations. This one, this next one, number four, this is going to spin a lot of heads. is let me shuffle the papers can the mics pick that up but this is drum roll please Taylor myth number four only women fake orgasms reality everyone does what do you know learn you've been sitting across me all these years I want you to say this live on the mic have you ever faked an orgasm with me and that

it's tell tell the truth if you have I have never faked an orgasm with you look keep an eye contact okay but I have faked an orgasm before You know you haven't. More than once. How have you never told me this? Well, and I think that there's... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is news to me.

You've faked orgasms when you hooked up with girls in the past. Okay. Single days, you know, maybe you've had a little too much a drink. You have to... Oh, oh. So like, it's like a performance thing. No, it's enough. It's been going on long enough.

You know it's not going to get anywhere. You've lost sensation and you just got to... You're tired. You're out of breath. You're winded. Hold on. Everyone be quiet for a second. What does it sound like when you fake an orgasm?

Come on. Give us a little. Maybe I just like twitch the eye a little bit and then like kind of just like like, I can imagine you. You twitch the eye and it's like, great. Okay. But, but you know what I mean? Because it's like it's not, you know, it's not going to happen and you need to end it. It's been just gone on and on. Have you really never faked an orgasm with me? I've never faked it with you because I've never been in that situation. I think maybe with you honestly, like if I've lost it, maybe it's just been like passed out, but I've never like faked it. Like if I wanted to quit with you, I'd be like, hey, I'm done. Right. Because I know you very well. But in the past, like, okay, I don't want to say I'm done. That's not a good thing. But you might just say, okay, that was good.

Wow. Learning new things every day. Hey, listen, this is a myth that only women fake organs, but really it's men. We've been out here. Well, women fake orgasms, yes, yes, yes. That's, I mean, that's obvious. Listen, listen to this stat. Nearly half, 45% of Gen Z and millennial men say they fake orgasms from time to time.

I told you, it's not just me. So there's a lot of people doing this. They're pulling the fake. Who knows what reason why, but we have our reasons. I think the reason to pull the fake for me is it's exactly. what you said. Maybe you're hooking up with someone and you've had too much to drink and like it's not happening because your nervous systems shut down. So you just like fake it. I think like I should do, maybe I should do like a theater class on how to fake an orgasm. I have a couple of tips for that.

But women really maybe think that men never do this. And it's a card we've held pretty tight for all these years. Not anymore. Listen to this step. 14 minutes in heaven. It turns out the proverbial seven minutes in heaven may not be enough according to our study nearly half of America, including 50% of men and 47% of women, it takes more than 10 minutes to reach an orgasm with an average American coming in at 14.09 minutes. Whoa, better get the stamina up. You know who hasn't faked an orgasm ever? Who? Taylor.

Yeah, no, he doesn't have that home. Taylor comes in a minute, so he's a different sort of stat. He's never faked an orgasm. He falls a little bit outside of the survey. Taylor's literally the opposite of the average. He brought the entire average down. Yeah. Without him, yeah.

Anyways, 14 minutes. Got to get the stamina up, I guess. 14 minutes is what we need to have an orgasm. Really? Every time. on average. Is that what you're saying? I'm not saying that. I feel like the trick to a good orgasm, and I've told you this before, is not to rely on the other person, but to rely on yourself. Because there's positions,

and as NYC, Gino, who came on here tells you, there's an angle. Like, it's nice to put a pillow under you to give me a little angle. There's a lot of things that you can do to make yourself orgasm. I think relying on the other person is too much. It's a lot of pressure too. Yeah. It's just like there's ways to like position yourself and better positions than others and also bring a vibrator in the room, watch porn, whatever you got to do to focus on. Oh, we're going to get to the porn section. There's a porn section here.

And by the way, men listening to the show when they hear 14.9 minutes, that is, that's devastating news. What? A lot of guys stressing out about 14.09 minutes. I mean, that's, you know, 14 minutes is a lot. You're going to get the stamina up guys. It's a lot. I'm going to put a timer next time we have sex to see how long it takes. I can do it.

You can do it. You can do 14 minutes. You do 14 minutes all the time. Yeah. You know, it depends what's going on. Kids now, it's, you know, sometimes it's a little bit more of a race. But all time you tonight. All right.

This is another myth here. This is kind of devastating. Myth 5. Male sexual dysfunction happens after 40. Reality. Sexual dysfunction can happen at any age. And we have Taylor to prove it. Devastating.

It's not devastating. stating it shouldn't be embarrassing. I don't know why this has been such an embarrassing thing for men to talk about. It's happened. It's not embarrassing. It's just, you know, I think a lot of people go through life thinking this can't happen until after 40, but according to this reality, it can happen any age. One of my friends when he was 25 told me that he had to get help from his doctor to get it up. So that makes total sense. And like, I again, really don't think that that should be an embarrassing conversation, especially when you're giving me the reality of this, that it can happen at any age. No, listen, it happens. And according to the study, 66% of men we surveyed have experienced at least

one sexual dysfunction in the past year. I think, you know, if you're in a relationship and it happens from time to time, there's things you can do, obviously, to figure this out now. And you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And like I said, there's things you can do to figure this out. I also think that it's worth talking about if you're with a man and he has to be a man. And he has, issues of sexual dysfunction and not to make it about you or take it personally. Well, there's an impact that like, you know, and especially according to this study, too, that there's a stigma that comes with, you know, using performance medication for this issue. And there shouldn't be because it's an issue that many people go through.

Obviously, 66% have had this issue. I think having the conversation, normalizing it, removing the stigma and saying, okay, you can still have, you know, a great time in the bedroom if you get the right performance medicine. And in our study notes, it says Dr. Lawrence Jenkins says, our society has pushed men to be the manliest man possible. Guys don't go to the doctor for chest pain. They don't go to the doctor for diabetes. But when they have problems with getting an erection, that's when they become concerned. So it sounds like it's an issue that's just being sweeped under the rug, that they're really concerned about it.

But they don't know how to talk about it. Well, because again, there's a stigma. And like this, you know, quote is like, people expect men to be the manless men. hardest, strongest erection. And, you know, that's a lot of pressure. Okay. It's a lot of pressure, Lauren, all right? What's myth number six?

Myth number six. Older women don't want to have sex. Reality. Older women want to have sex, but aren't. I don't know if I agree with that reality. I think older women are having sex. Lauren, how are you disagreeing with the study consistently? No, this is what I think.

I'm not disagreeing with the study consistently. I'm saying that I think older women want to have sex and they are having sex. you know what I think was like You're lying about it in the survey study No you know what I think What was such a moment for women That were maybe a little bit older It was Stifler's mom

In American pie Yeah I think that I heard Through the grapevine too Aging us a bit there That after that movie She got so many young hot guys Lined up at the door I mean listen

Stifler's mom had it going on Yeah she that's that's the song It's Stifler's mom has got it going on Oh I thought it was Stifler's mom Yeah I know you guys Oh really it's mom Stacey's mom. Oh yeah, you're right. I've got it going on.

Careful, only 15 seconds, they might, you know, take that clip out. But when we're talking about older women here, what does this say? 45 plus is what they're saying here. 80% of women 45 plus who aren't having sex, aren't happy about it. Didn't you say the libido as you get older as a woman goes up? Yes, it goes up. That's a fact? It's a fact.

So you get hornier as you age. Yes. And I've actually noticed that. Oh. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Roger Roger I noticed that that I think that women are put in the box as they get older that they're not sexual creatures and just because you get older doesn't mean you want to stop having sex

this one this next one I'm surprised about myth number seven I'm surprised this is even a myth I don't think I mean maybe just because we live in a bubble and we talk about this stuff so openly all the time says myth number seven the sexual revolution ended in the 70s reality a new one is just getting started. I mean, this makes a ton of sense. I would think of like only fans and porn and how much access we have and how many people are talking about it. And you think about popular shows and podcasts that are, I mean, this is, you know, to me, is no brain. Here's what I will say about sex, though, in 2022.

What I've noticed from an outside perspective is I've noticed that sex is becoming more popular by yourself. And what I mean by that is watching porn, watching only. fans in your room. It's almost like it's gotten lazier. And I notice it's gotten more voyeuristic. And I think that's because of the internet. And I also notice that it's gotten more about the relationship between yourself and the phone as opposed to actually having intimate conversation. Well, listen, I told you, we're going to get to porn. There's another myth on that. But even if you're on the subject of porn, it says in the study, take porn, for example, which social norms insist is primarily a male

pastime, Lauren. Today, nearly as many Gen Z women have watched porn alone in the past year, 39% as have Gen Z men, 43%. So it's men and women. Hold on. Women love porn. Like, we need to stop pretending that it's just for guys, too. Women like porn. Okay. Every single one of my girlfriends likes porn. I mean, people like porn. But I think you do have to be careful with porn, which we're going to get to in this study. And we've talked about on this show. Caroline Spiegel and the founder of CEO of Quinn says, Gen Z women want to understand their own fantasies more. They're curious. They're intellectual. They're political. And it's cool. That's interesting. So it sounds like it's a more fluid time, which I'm all about. All right,

myth number eight. Porn turns men on. Reality. It also stresses them out. I would love for you to speak on this. Listen, I'm not even going to read the study, but I can, I'll go into the study in a second, but let me put my paper down here. I can, I can understand why porn would stress people out. One, you're looking at, you know, people in these videos, and listen, God bless them, but they're, you know, some of these people are like stacked and they're jacked and they, you know, they got these huge dongs and they got all this stuff going on and they're going for hours

and hours and they're just like this whole thing. And what I imagine would be stressful for men is if they think that that's the way that they need to perform and listen, there's a lot of stuff that I'm sure takes place in porn where there's probably desensitiving stuff and they're probably taking breaks and there's, you know, whatever's going on in that sphere. But if you're just a young man or woman even and you're watching this and you're thinking, oh my, God, this is how I need to perform in the bedroom at all the times, especially for young people that are sexually inexperienced and you're just, and all of a sudden you watch porn and then all of a sudden you have to, you think like that's how I perform in the bedroom. I mean, a lot of this is just not

realistic the first time, second time, even third time, maybe ever. And so I could see why this would be really stressful for people that are just getting started or even experienced in the bedroom. And all of a sudden they're thinking, okay, like I got to start to perform like what I see in these videos. This is what how I perceive porn and I think maybe this will help someone who who is going through what you're saying. Think of porn like a movie set. It's good light. There's a director. The angle. There's an angle. Everyone's all shaved up. The director's telling you exactly what to do, where to look, what to, how to put your mouth. We had Lana Rhodes on. She came out and explained how it's so produced. It's like, it's like saying, I really want my life.

to be like the movie Pleasantville. That's not reality. It's a movie. It's a movie set. It was produced. It was directed. That's how porn is. Well,

and I think the thing that worries me for young people is that when we grew up, you were lucky. I mean, you were lucky to find a magazine. You were lucky to find a cassette, like a tape. Like you didn't have as much. And this stuff now,

just a simple like couple key clicks on your phone and all of a sudden you're plugged into the, I mean, we didn't have nearly this variety. I mean, Titanic was porn to us when we were 13. That's true. Like, remember the hand that goes down the window?

Titanic was porn. you found porn, I feel like, when we were 13. Yeah, but I found it in, like, a videotape. Listen, I found it in like the bushes somewhere under a tent and it was like a cassette and then we hit it and then, you know, you had to hide it from. I mean, like I said, we didn't. It was a whole thing to go find this stuff. So we kind of grew up in a way where we didn't have to think about all the, and also

back then, like we're talking, you know, different kind of performers back then. Also, remember when HBO would come on and like we would be like sneaking around our parents back to watch the late night show while they were asleep? I got a throwback. And I don't think this was HBO. I think it was like Cinemax or Showtime. Remember Emmanuel in space? You keep,

you mentioned that. No, I don't. Because, Lauren, I was a young man. What's? I'm going to Google it. What is that?

Oh, my God. I don't know what it was. Is that when you told me you pretended your pillow was a giant tit? No, that was even younger. I still, I still do that. Listen,

if you want to get, maybe, maybe I am into eject. What is it, ejective materialism? I don't know. I know. But,

okay, so now to the study. and this is what I was saying earlier. Half of men, 53% say porn has changed the perception on how long they should last and how erect their penis should be and an equal 53% say porn has changed the perception of sex altogether. So this is dicey because, like I said, if you are watching porn and you're voyuristically tuning into this stuff and now you think that this is how you have to perform

or this is how you have to look or this is how erect you have to be, like that could be really detrimental to your performance and your experience in the bedroom. Also, I think it's so important to mention experience stretching with porn. I think when you start and you watch porn and it's just the guy and the girl and missionary, right? And then you expand to something different. And then you expand to something different. And then before you know it, you're watching an orgy or whatever it is.

You start to experience stretch your sex situation. And again, it's a movie set. I'll tell you my personal experience. And then I'm going to read a stat from the study. and I was telling you this is no bullshit we were talking about the other day. I watch very little porn. And it's not because I don't find porn appealing. Everybody finds porn appealing, especially to the study.

It's that I think that it does more harm than good in the long run. I think it takes you out of the experience of what sex really should be. I think it also, for me, it feels weird like you're not an active participant. You're a passive participant, which to me is like it's a turn off personally. And so again, I think that I wish that they would talk about this to people at a younger age because, like I said, our generation didn't have this issue where we had it at our fingertips. It was really rare to find some. But the current and future generations have access to this earlier, more frequently, and much easier. And so they need to be able to contextualize their relationship to porn and have a healthy relationship to porn if they're going to have one.

Because if not, you could just end up going down this rabbit hole where you're going to be able to be able to contextualize their relationship to porn. where you're constantly watching it. And like I said, here's part of the study. Watching too much porn could become a bigger problem for future generations. Dr. As Sufu says, exaggerating a version of sex that plays out porn is becoming even more problematic. It's a lot easier to access porn now than it was 20 years ago and so on. Here's what I'm going to do personally for my children. I'm going to open the conversation and talk with them to take the energy out of it.

I think that just telling them my experience, their dad's experience, talking about it, instead of hiding it from them and trying to keep them away from porn, that's not realistic with the world that we're living in. So I think just having that open dialogue is really important with kids, being honest. All right, Lauren, we made it to the last one on the study. Myth number nine. That we're about to bust. Myth number nine. Go, Michael. Social distancing slowed down our sex lives. Reality. Social distancing switched up our sex life. What is that mean? The pandemic, they say, has forever changed Americans' sex life. The mental, physical, and medical impact of COVID-19 on the country's experiences with

sex and attitudes towards it are far more profound than social distancing, slowing down our sex lives, or making for an awkward reentry back into the dating scene. So to put it in another way, not every American was baking banana bread and sourdough during the pandemic. I sure wasn't. You know what, though? I will say this about the pandemic. To be with someone 24-7 in a house where, you know, we weren't leaving as frequently as we used to, does take the sexiness out of it.

Like, you know, it's like, oh, you saw you again. Fuck. Not according to this study, Lauren, what's going on with you? Why are you such an out? Why are you going against the study the whole time? Oh, it's like, oh. You would have been on the, you would have been on the outlying in the survey. Maybe you should have done some role playing during the pandemic.

Can you not announce that? Can you say to everyone? Put a wig on. During the pandemic, you were so. turned on. You couldn't get your hands off of me. I mean, I was, but like, you know, sometimes you got to switch it up. Well,

17% of Americans say they value sex more than they did pre-pandemic and 16% report their sex life has become more important to their mental health. And apparently, maybe you're not in that study, but that's what the survey says. I can see how social distancing in the pandemic would have been unique for dating

apps. I don't know how I really would have handled that. because you also don't know what you're dealing with with the other person. Like you don't know how serious they are about social distancing. You don't know. You just don't know. You don't know if they've been around 10 friends that had COVID and then you hook up with like.

It's just like it kind of seems like a nightmare. It kind of seems like a spider web. So you should just sit here, Michael, and say how blessed you are to have been married during the pandemic. Listen, I count my blessings every day. Well, this is fun. We are pretty official now. I guess we can call ourselves a journalist now, right? I guess so too.

Knock that off the old credentials list. Check it off the box. I hope you took some notes from this episode. Stored them right in the old memory bankers. I can't wait to see how you turn on the romance card and how you appease to all 20 of my love languages while you role play. Put a face mask on. I need to call all of these doctors on the survey and have them independently study you,

just you because you never know you never know hymns and hers this was fun on the him and her show before we go hymns and hers believes deeply in having open and honest dialogues about sex and other stigmatized issues impacting people's everyday lives hymns and hers provides resources to help people achieve healthier happier and more confident sex lives i'm about it in fact in their recent survey of 734 hymns and hers customers 90% say their experience with hymns and hers has improved their sex lives paving a path for all people to feel their best. My advice is if you want to talk more with your partner about sex and you're scared to do it, turn up this episode while you're getting ready in the morning. A little manipulation never heard of flee. For more information on the Let's Talk About Sex Report on Hems and Hers, go to the 22 at sexreport.com or reach out to press at warhems.com.

Thank you guys for listening to our myth-busting episode. Be sure to let us know. your favorite myth on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostick. And like I said, Lauren, what two better people you and me to go through this hymn is a survey about sex? I'm hot. I'm ready to go. Should I just bend over right now? Yeah, here we go. Huge thank you to Hems and Hers for having us in New York City and for hanging out with us on the podcast. Make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. And follow me on TikTok. I've been posting some really fun stuff at Lauren Bostick. See you next time. Thank you.