The Bossticks - Cancel Culture, Empathy, Understanding, & Forgiveness With Creative Activist Dom Roberts

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

#296: Dom Roberts is a creative activist and host of The Uncomfortable Podcast. At 22 years old Dom left her full time job at Nordstroms to dive into activism and is inspiring people around the globe to take action around causes they believe in by providing tangible advice and tools to start participating as activists. On today's episode we discuss the chaos that is 2020, cancel culture, forgiveness, empathy, and how we can try and understand each other better.  To connect with Dom Roberts click HERE To listen to The Uncomfortable Podcast click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by PayPal With PayPal sending and receiving money is faster and easier. Quickly and securely send money to friends and family to just about anywhere in the world*. You can also support the places and the causes you love most. Download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply.  This episode is brought to you by ShipStation ShipStation helps online sellers get orders out quickly, save money on shipping costs, and keep customers happy. No matter where you're selling – Amazon, Etsy, your own website – ShipStation brings all your orders into one simple interface. Our listeners can try ShipStation FREE for 60 days when you use offer code SKINNY. Make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of a massive online shopping season. Get started at www.ShipStation.com today! WOO MORE PLAY is the all natural and organic coconut love oil that is changing the way we have sex. With only 4 all natural ingredients WOO is the perfect personal lubricant to spice up your sex life. That's just the pre-party.  All Him & Her Listeners will receive 20% off your entire order plus free shipping when when visiting www.woomoreplay.com & using promo code HIMANDHER at checkout. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. This episode is brought to you by Woo More Play. Now, they have just launched the best thing ever. It is a vibrator. And bear with me, it's not a sleazy sex store gross vibrator. This is like a chic clitoral vibrator and travel case. To get specific, it's called Woo Vibes. I come first, which I'm very much about.

So here's the deal. I am so into this vibrator because not only is it's strong with five functions, there's five different rhythms to play with, it has a travel case. How many times have I been traveling with Michael? I bring my vibrator. We want to have some alone time. And the vibrator has nowhere to go. And it's just like sitting around in the room and it's gross. I feel like I need a case. So Wu saw this white space. So they created this beautiful silicone coral case. You guys, it's so. It's so. cute. You can put your vibrator in there and no one will know. It's kind of like a toothbrush holder, but for your vibrator. And you just pop the vibrator in before sex to travel with after sex. You can throw it in your purse. But here's the cool thing. You can put it on your vanity next to your skin care. Okay. Next to your makeup. It is so cute. You want it in your fucking flat lay on Instagram. And then don't even get me started on the vibrator, okay? Like I said, about the functions,

but it also has a heart-shaped handle. So it's the perfect accessory for solo play or partner play. You can use it while you're having sex or you can use it alone. All I know is that you're going to want to use it. Like I said, Wu vibes is the only vibrator on the market with a cute, pretty travel case. Okay. So there's no more secret sex toys in your sock drawer. This one is displayed on your vanity.

You can travel with it and no one will find it when they're done because it's in the little case. To get 20% off, your white and rose gold tone vibrator, use code skinny vibes at checkout. That's S-K-I-N-N-N-Y-V-I-E-Z. S-K-I-N-N-Y-V-E-Z at checkout. 20% off. Share this with your friends. You can't go wrong. I'm telling you.

And just remember, I come first. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

If this is wrong to you, then you need to say something about it. But at the same time, if you see the silver lining between it, you don't like stick to your convictions. And that's the hardest part is when you have the unpopular opinion in the room, that's when things are very uncomfortable. or more so, I think, the uncomfortable thing is giving people a second chance, letting people grow. Hello, welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Dom Roberts. She is a total badass and creative activist who has a podcast called The Uncomfortable

Podcast with Dear Media. We recorded this episode about a week and a half ago, you guys, and right now it's more relevant than ever. Before we dive into this insane episode with Dawn, I wanted to discuss something that's been weighing on my mind. The Skinny Confidential Facebook group was archived this past weekend, and I wanted to announce it on the podcast so any of our listeners who were a part of it have context to why it was archived. About six months ago, the group started to have so much negativity. It was wild. There was women attacking other women, horrible comments, women discrediting each other, and even women trying to tear each other down, especially, like I said, in the comment section.

I have a few admins and we were doing our best to keep it positive and respectful where we could just have this online place where women could support women. But here's the deal. there was close to 60,000 women in the group, and obviously with that, there's going to be some people that want to spread negativity and not listen to the rules. The main rule and the rule that I am not budging on and didn't budge on is no hate. And just to give you guys more context, we had implemented rules such as no politics, no religion, no attacks, no negativity. We just wanted a really positive space where women could talk about the issues we all face. So like tips and tricks and helping each other was basically the goal. Think of it like happy hour for your friends. The group was growing bigger and bigger.

And with everything that's going on in the country right now, there started to become exceptions to the rules. And what we discovered is that when you make exceptions to rules, the heart of the group breaks down and there's chaos and there was chaos. And what happened was there was all these people that didn't know me and my platform and sort of what we stand for and they entered the group and it became a very, very negative space and it became a negative space quickly. With that, I decided that I'm going to keep the group archived until there's a period where I feel like we can be civil. And guys, I know that this is annoying to some people and I empathize with that, but I can't allow the brand that I've built in the community that we've all been a part of to participate at all in tearing

women down. It has always been about uplifting women from the start. And if the Facebook group couldn't be that, then it just can't exist at the moment with my brand associated. Some people commented that I am silencing women. I think this is important to say. I would agree with you. I am silencing women who are set on tearing other women down. I'm just not standing for it. I think it's important, too, to get on the mic and just to like refresh everyone that anyone who's going to spew hate on any of my platforms moving forward is going to be blocked and deleted immediately. I just feel like I wouldn't come into your house or onto your social media and spew any kind of hate. So I expect the same respect. I have really made it a point in my life to worry about my side of the street and I just want to

continue to stay in my lane. So if anyone who's hateful wants to come to my page or Instagram or podcast or blog to solely hate on me or anyone in the community, you will be blocked and deleted. Like I said, I am not here to be a punching bag for people. I'm totally open to constructive feedback. And the people who have followed along and participated in the community know that it's my life's mission to always learn and evolve. But the idea that just because, someone has a public forum that people get to come and be toxic is absurd. And I feel like I want to encourage anyone who's online in any capacity, whether you're a public figure or not, to like really think about this. Ultimately, if someone came into your house and started breaking shit, you'd want their toxic

energy out too. So if you don't like what I'm saying, I get it. Unfollow me. I am totally not for everyone. I personally don't believe in cancel culture. I've talked about this so many times on the podcast and on Instagram story. I am a believer in growth and evolution and learning. And I just feel like that's what my content's all about with my dry humor sprinkled in. If you want to hate me, I get it. It's your choice. But hatred for just hatred's sake is not going to fly with me to wrap this up. The groups, the subgroups are going to be archived until we feel like we can get back to a positive space. If you want to leave the group, I understand. If you want to stay, we welcome you if it reopens. And I also just want to take a minute. And again, I said this on Instagram stories,

but I just want to do it here too to say thank you to everyone who provided the group with positive, good energy and valuable tips. Your good vibes are shining through. And I see it. And I just appreciate it. I am just going to choose to live in abundance and not scarcity. I think it's the way to go. With that, we are so excited for you guys to hear this conversation with Dom Roberts. It really happens to be so relevant and timely. So let's meet Dom.

Dom is a creative activist who's the host of the uncomfortable podcast on Dear Media. On this episode, we discuss cancel culture, empathy, forgiveness, uncomfortable conversations, understanding people and pass to redemption. Let's welcome Dom to the show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Dom Roberts in the studio. I'm so pumped to have you in here. First, we're going to talk in a second,

but can I pay you a compliment first? Oh my gosh, thank you, yes. I'm going to give you a compliment. I usually don't start out the shows with compliments, though maybe I should because I might make the guests feel better. But I do want to give you one because there's so many people that come to me with different types of ideas and thoughts. And of all those people that come,

There's very few that actually follow through and execute. And we talk, what, once or twice? Yeah. About a podcast. Yes. And then you fucking execute it. And now you have a podcast, an uncomfortable podcast, and it's crushing it. And it's here to your media.

And I'm just proud of you for actually taking an idea and turning it into a show. Because there's so many people that just have these ideas and they never actually follow through. And we all know, like, people that say like, oh, like Uber, I had that idea. You didn't do anything. You didn't execute. Yeah. You fucking did. So it's cool.

It's the dreamer mind. I call it, the dreamer mind, where you, think of something and then you just dream all day about it and never do anything about it. I know. You got to put in the tools to execute. Yeah. And as a creative too, I mean, I'm sure you guys can relate to this. That's like the biggest thing because all day long, all you do is have ideas. And it takes, it just takes going the extra mile to execute it. And then the world gets to just be a part of what you're creating. And that's the beauty and being a creative. But that's the hard part is getting out of that dream mindset. I think about like how many things, how many amazing things we haven't

seen throughout the history of mankind because people have been too scared to put something out there. Maybe we don't have that fear mechanism, but it's weird. Yeah, failure is scary. You're going to clear. Choked on a sun life. It's just a choke. You're allowed to cough these days. Oh shit. I didn't even think about that animal. Oh, yeah. I was, I saw a meme and it was like, because the air quality is, are you coughing because of the air quality? Are you coughing because you were just smoking weed? Or what about when you just? You just. like swallow something down the wrong pipe. Yeah. And then you feel like you have to exit the building and leave and never come back

and then get your temperature taken again and go to the hospital. It's a lot. I swallowed something like green tea down the wrong pipe the other day and I had cough attack. Did we just turn this into the uncomfortable podcast? Everybody like, oh shit, this dude just coughed. I'm like, you're allowed to cough. What about that? That's the title of the episode. Yeah, you're allowed to cough. You're allowed to cough. I'm scared to do anything in 2020. I'm scared to do in public. I'm scared to do anything in 2020 because coughing offends people now no it's so funny I was having a conversation with the friend and we were talking about that idea of how everything offends everyone and I feel like people are losing a grasp of

what should actually be offensive and then on top of that no one knows how to communicate or have a conversation this is why I wanted to have you on here because I was going to do this podcast called like the little cancellers who cried wolf and I talked about before because it's like what's happened is we've gone so far. Everything's offending everybody so much. Everything is being a cancable offense or something that pisses people off. We've gone to a place now. It's like, what do we actually need to cancel? Like what is, what actually is offensive? Yeah. It's too much now. No, exactly. And I what's so interesting with being a part of the world of like activism and social justice and like raising awareness is essentially you're advocating for things that are important and necessary

and need the attention of people. But then in the midst of all of that, you have a side that's so extreme. Okay, in seventh grade, you said the N word, and you're done. Like, your whole career is over for something you did years and years ago, and no one's ever been able, there's no forgiveness. And then on the other side, there's people that have done things wrong for a really long time,

have set up a system that hurts and offends and oppresses people, and they get away with it. And so it's like right now, 2020, we're seeing this in every sphere. It's not just racism, but it's like COVID-19. Where's the line of being respectful? But also like, I need to live my life. Like, I need to go to the grocery store for my mental sanity.

Am I allowed to go shopping? I feel like I fall in the middle. We need to take a look of everything that's happening in the world. And it's for me, I'm so careful with what I put my voice behind because it has influence. And I think what, What people can't give into is fear. Shoot, if I don't say something, are people going to hate me?

Am I going to be wrong? No, stick to your convictions. If this is wrong to you, then you need to say something about it. But at the same time, if you see the silver lining between it, you know, like, stick to your convictions. And that's the hardest part is when you have the unpopular opinion in the room, that's when things are very uncomfortable. Or more so, I think, the uncomfortable thing is giving people.

people a second chance, letting people grow. And also showing the road to redemption. Yes. There's a lot of people that were fired or quote unquote canceled. Like there has to be some road of redemption that people who are screwing up still can look to and see and take no. Yeah. Like have there's like hope for the future that like if you mess up that there's room for

you. And I posted something about canceled culture. It was like a graphic where I was saying pretty much. shouldn't count everyone out if you've messed up in the past and how it's very harmful. And what's so funny is people were like, oh, you're fake, you're a coon, you're this. You're just wanting to give white people room, all this stuff. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Where did you even say, you didn't say white people?

Yeah. And I was like, see, there you go. Once again, it's this divisiveness that I just kind of started seeing in a trend of divisiveness that it's like us against them. That doesn't help anybody. Yeah, and I think it's Daryl Davis, a total inspiration to me and just a little bit about his story, he started befriending white, like white supremacist, KKK members. And through their friendship, he's black, clearly white KKK members. A little bit of oil and water.

Yeah. And through their friendship, they started handing in like their robes. And then it started to be like higher up people in the KKK. So whole chapters were being like taken down. because through friendship, through love. And also probably because they, like a lot of this stuff is based in ignorance. And when you start to understand people, we've been talking about this a lot. When you start to understand other people's perspectives and maybe you don't, maybe you can't

share that experience. But if you can reserve a place in your mind and your heart to be like, okay, maybe my experience is different from someone else's and I got to try my best to understand there so that I can be a empathetic and sympathetic and, you know, comprehensive person, there's so much unwilling to do that. And I think the problem is what you nailed on the head is that we've, created this divisive culture that doesn't leave room for education. Like we've seen these people get canceled. And I think to myself all the time, wouldn't it be way more powerful if they didn't get

canceled and that we all had to watch their road to redemption? And so that not just they would learn, but other people would learn alongside, but we just cancel say goodbye. Like that takes a learning lesson away from everybody. Do you know there's this question we always get asked? Maybe. Okay. It's about where we do our shipping. And I am personally so excited about the partnership because we have been using this for the last couple years. Well, this is how we ship all of the products that we've ever been involved with, guys. Have you ever heard of Ship Station? If you haven't, where the hell have you been? Okay, so the holiday season is obviously coming up. It's right around the corner. And this year, a lot of people are going to be buying stuff online,

more than ever before. A lot of stuff's going to be shipping online, everybody. So you've got to be ready with Ship Station. Basically, when you're selling online, you're getting massive amounts of orders, and that can be tough. And Ship Station is the fastest, easy. and most affordable way to manage and ship your orders. Like I said, we have used it for every ecom business we've had. It helps online sellers get orders out quickly, save money on shipping costs, and keep customers happy. It's an incredible tool for ecom shippers.

And here's the deal, too. So if you're selling on Amazon or Etsy or you own a website, basically Shipstation brings all of your orders into one simple interface. This is the problem that we were having before we started using ShipStation, was it wasn't easy to manage it. And now we can manage it from any device, even your cell phone, which is wild. And not just on the platform, but also it works with every major carrier. USPS, FedEx, UPS, it even works internationally.

So it gives you the best pricing possible and integrates with everything. They have tons of big discount offers on shipping costs. Definitely check them out. Shipstation is the number one choice of online sellers. You'll ship more and less time with the best available rates. Sign me up. And it doesn't just need to be some big Fortune 500 company or some big organization. Like if you own a little Etsy shop or eBay shop, like ShipStation can work for you.

And right now, the Skinny Confidential, him and her listeners, can try ShipStation free for 60 days when you use offer code Skinny. Make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of a massive online shopping season. Get started at shipstation.com today. Then click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in Skinny. That's Shipstation.com. Then enter offer code Skinny. Shipstation.com. Make ship happen. You like that pun there.

And it's 60 days free. what do you got to lose? Check it out. Shipstation.com promo code skinny. Yeah, I'm big on accountability culture. I think that's what we need to change it to. Because when we come to cancel someone like, oh, they're canceled. They're taken out. Instead, what we need to be asking for is accountability. Okay, you did something that was wrong. You need to be called out for it. You need to be educated on why that was wrong. and now these are the things that you can start doing to start changing the way that you live your life. And then it's up to them to decide, okay, am I going to change or I'm going to be a jerk and stay in my ignorance and brush it off and not take ownership?

Because that's two, it's two pieces to the puzzle. It's accountability. Okay, so you're called out. And then it's the ownership. And I think what breaks my heart when I see a cancel trend or whatever is when someone, someone takes full accountability for their actions and they're still not. People don't give them the room. Yeah, there's no reconciliation there.

And with that on the other side, none of us can forgive someone when it's not us to accept an apology. And so I think that's where people that are still hurt from whatever's been done to them, whether it's like you offended me with this statement or you said something out of pocket or you did something to me. we're not the ones that the majority, I guess, that can accept someone's apology, but at the same time, I'm not going to cancel someone for it. And that's the silver lining is where it's really hard, where if someone's still sitting and hurt, of course they're going to be, I don't know, if you've been crossed before, it's hurtful when you see one of your friends hanging out with someone that's crossed you

and there's a lack of forgiveness there. So it's kind of on the other person to like walk that road of forgiveness, but I'm not forcing anyone to do it. I'm just saying that's the problem is people think they can walk in unforgiveness and move forward. But I'm like, but what happens when it happens to you? You're going to be begging for forgiveness. You're going to be begging that someone would give you a chance and recognize how much you've changed. Because we're so lucky that high school us and college us, we weren't just videotaped all the horrible things that we said.

Oh my God. Can you imagine? Could you imagine? I was like, I don't care who you are, what demographic you come from. we've all said horrible things that if it got to the light of day, we would be done. That's why when I see people commenting all judgy on people's photos and being an asshole and a troll. Or the worst one says like, do better. I can't with do better.

That's so condescending and self-righteous because I'd like to see your perfection. If you're going to yell at someone for not being perfect in a certain area where they have room to improve, let's see your perfection first. Yeah. And it's also how you go about it. Because when someone says do better, it's like, okay, what do you mean by that? What are the action steps? That's like my biggest pet peeve. I'm just a very actionable person.

I hate when people just say things and there's no action behind it. And so if you want someone to do better, you want to see change happen, okay, what do you want to see? Because I feel like that's very void and empty and a cop out. You're dumb. You're stupid. This offended me. Okay, what offended you? How can you be better? I'm always for giving people alternatives and things to say. I feel like even when I, if I make a graphic for something, like something that's been like going through my mind, the next swipe is usually questions to ask yourself, self-reflection or things you can say. Just things to jog the mind and idea. I feel like that's a whole point of ownership is the action steps behind it.

Yeah. And this is, I mean, there's so many reasons I wanted to talk to you. One thing. We just kind of jumped into it. Yeah. How did you become so passionate about activism? I know you kind of like started with your graphics, but before that, what we're doing and maybe like give people a little bit of your background and story because obviously we jump forward and said, hey, go listen to the uncomfortable podcast and here we are. But I think just to give some context of who you are, your background for the audience,

that's maybe unfamiliar. Yeah. So how it happened was an accident. I just think it was genuinely an accident. What was happening with just the civil unrest, with the injustices and the Black Lives Matter movement, starting with Ahmed Aubrey's murder, I had made a graphic with an action step. And then... What was that graphic?

They were doing a run-walk jog. It was like 2.3 miles for his birthday. And so I was like, this is the way you can be involved. And then when George Floyd's murder happened, I was just so upset that I had created like numbers you can call, things to say. And then I realized so many people weren't going to look at it. Like, it was just going to be a flash in the pan. And like, you're going to see it and then it's going to be gone.

And so I put a statement in front of it. Just don't ignore something because it makes you uncomfortable. And then I think it took off. And the reason I think it took off was just because of the fact that so many people didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. And so I was like, this is uncomfortable.

This is going to be hard to see, but we can't ignore it. There are so many other things that were floating in my mind as news was coming out. and people were starting to come out with statements and just it was craziness. And so I just kept adding like action steps and things to do, things to say, how to navigate certain ideas. And through that, so many people were like, thank you. It was smart because one, it was creative and it was, it made people think and remember. Because I remember that graphic got your graphics have been shared by a lot of people now. I mean, at this point, it's pretty incredible. But in addition to that, I think you hit the nail on the head, which you actually created some tangible, actionable steps that people want to take it.

And we've caught some flack on this show because we're just like just posting a black square and not really knowing why and not really know what you're doing and like not having a real reason behind anything and just like aimlessly doing things. Like I think there was a social media blackout today. But nobody really knew. And it's like people are just doing it to do it. Yeah. I think that's become part of the problem. It's like if you really believe in a cause and you want to be helpful, like there has to be some thought behind it. And so like with this platform like the goal is been, okay, let's take a step back. have some conversations, some uncomfortable conversations, like figure out ways that people can actually learn and educate themselves and then take action. But just doing things to do things doesn't move the needle for anybody. Not at all. And what's so interesting with this particular wave of this movement that we're seeing

is it's long term. And we're in an area that's never been like covered before. We're in like uncharted territory where no one knows what to do because I feel like this is the longest that we're seeing, I guess our generation is seeing with civil unrest. And also we're in like the unprecedented times of COVID-19 and just a generational change happening from 2020. And so with all of that, there's so many unknowns right now. And with that, I think it's so important to just know that everyone's trying to figure everything out. No one has anything figured out and that's okay. So if you were like when you're sitting down talking to your friends and you're like and they're coming to you, let's say let's take Kenzie because I can I like Kenzie.

I can pick on Kenzie. Kenzie comes you and says, hey, Dom, I'm really and I can talk about Kenzie because. Yeah. It's great. Hi, Kenzie. How are you? And if she comes to you and says like, hey, Dom, I'm uncomfortable with this topic, but I want to do something. I don't know what.

Like how do you navigate that because I think that's the other thing why I love your podcast is there's a lot of people that want to do things, but they don't want to misstep. And because what happens in the missteps is like maybe somebody tries to do something and they fuck up. And then instead of like being rewarded for the attempt to try to do something good, they're attacked and shamed. And then like they get scared of and they think that's part of the problem that's going on right now. It's like you, it's a backtrack then. It's like, oh, I'm never doing that again. It's like back to posting whatever, you know. Yes, exactly.

I think the biggest thing to know and what I tell everyone, you need to put your comfort aside and your fear aside. because at the end of the day, you're talking about an opinion. You're sharing something that to some people is a very unpopular opinion and also an offensive opinion, but you know that it would bring good to share it. And so you need to put those two things aside. No matter what you do, you are going to get some. There's going to be an aunt that's going to comment and send you a message saying how horrible you are and all this stuff.

But you need to accept that. You need to be, you just need to know that. part of the deal. And I think for me, that was the biggest thing is there were so many things that I wanted to speak on, but I was so scared of what people were going to say back to me. And once I started getting all the crazy comments, the death threats, the. Yeah, it was so intense. And I was like, people are still going to say this. People are still going to come from me for saying this. So I'm just going to keep saying it because it's my truth and I'm going to own it. And people say shit in real life behind your back.

Yes. You just don't hear it like social media. And they probably think things that they shouldn't be thinking all the time too. So it's like I feel like you're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't. And so putting yourself out there like you might as fucking will do it. Exactly. And that's why I tell people, stick to your convictions and be honest with yourself. And for people that are trying to navigate, dang like, how do I say this? Say it in your words. Say it in your truth. If you don't. If you're like, I love people that are just brutally honest. To be honest, I haven't known what to say for the longest time, but I'm just going to try saying something. And usually the thing that they say is so heartfelt and beautiful and it might not be perfect.

I get the picture of what you're trying to say. That means so much more to me than, okay, yeah, so sign these petitions and make phone calls if you can. I also think we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. What happened to the benefit of the doubt? See where their intention is. Like you just said, it's like, what is their intention? Wait, quick break. We are going to talk about PayPal, specifically the PayPal app.

Okay, I feel like everyone uses PayPal. I recently downloaded the app and I found out that you can send gift deliveries to family. You can split a takeout order and you can also help someone out financially. So the other day, I actually donated to a Chihuahua Rescue. And then the same night, I went out to my dad's restaurant with a bunch of friends. and we split an order on PayPal. It was very ideal. There's nothing worse than going out to dinner with a bunch of friends

and then having to split the bill with 18 credit cards and cash and this and that. Just put it on PayPal, be done with it. Is there anything we don't use PayPal for now? We're just receiving orders online, building a business, sending money to friends, sending money to family, receiving money. I like to receive more than I like to give, Lauren, in this case. So our normals change, and we're finding out new ways to connect and continue supporting one another.

And we're all trying to do everything we can to support each other from afar. So the solution, obviously, is the PayPal app. Sending and receiving money, like Michael said, it's faster. It's also easier. You can stay connected with the people that you love, and you can quickly and securely send money to family and friends just about anywhere in the world. Anyway, you can start a money pool to split the bill, go in on a gift or fundraise for a good cause. Just on another note, I've used PayPal to run the skinny confidential for the last 11 years.

So if you're a business owner, it's for you. And just on another note, Lauren, we use PayPal in the very beginning of Dear Media and still do for all of our online payments. it's obviously working. It's built some pretty good entities. Guys, Skinny Confidential into your media, to name a few. And one of the things I love the most about PayPal is it's one location where, you know, if you have a small business, you can link your bank account and your business credit card is there. If you want to link your personal credit card or your personal bank account, you can link it. It's all in one place and you can navigate where the money goes, where it's sent from, all easily, securely, and in one place,

which makes everything so much more convenient. PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly, and easily download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, let's get back to the show. That is literally my motto. My life motto and the 2020 motto and the only thing that will keep you sane in fighting against any type of anything,

I guess, with any conflict in the world, you have to give people the benefit of that. It's the only way for genuine change to take place. Exactly. If you're always constantly just saying, oh, did you see their post? I can't believe they. Dude, you actually don't know. You don't know what they meant by that.

You probably took it out of context. Have you talked to them? What have they been going through? Have you kept up with them? What's their background? You know what I'm saying? You don't know any of this until you have a conversation. So it's like by giving people the benefit of the doubt, it's like you're saving relationships

that don't need to be taken away. like so many people are like, I've lost so many friends in 2020. And I'm like, really? I haven't lost that many. And I feel like I'm speaking my truth. And there's people that have posted things that I'm like, ooh, I do not agree with that. But I've talked to them. And then come to find out, we actually believe the same thing. It's so funny. I saw this video about someone who was like, oh, I'm conservative and we're like reposting all these like hateful things. And then, And someone asked them questions like this and this. And all their answers were the same as the person answering the questions.

And so I was like, they believe the same thing. And same with this other guy. This guy DM'd me and was like, I can't believe you would post this. And I was like, well, what do you believe? And then he told me. And I was like, I believe that too. First of all, a lot of this year has been so politicized, which I think is a huge problem. We're no election year.

And it's on this side or you're on this side. And if you're not, there's no room for logical conversation. And like, you know, I don't get political on this show. And it's funny, the funniest thing is we don't get so political here. And when we don't get, when we're not political, people like, you should be more political and take a stance, da-da. And then we do and people get mad. So it's like if you do something you lose, if you don't do something you lose, you know, so you just got to do what's right for you. I also think, too, with like content creators and friends.

Let's take both those groups. I don't want to agree with every fucking thing my friend says. That's the most boring thing ever. That sounds like hell for me to go out to dinner with a friend and sit across the table and we agree on every single thing. And I think with content creators, and you can tell me if you agree with this, but I think we're in this point now where, you know, a lot of people have already gathered these followings. And people will unfollow people if they're not exactly aligned with every single thing they agree with. For me, like, I like, I like, I like, when a content creator speaks out about something maybe I don't agree with. It shows that they have a stance. It shows that they're that they have their own personality and are going to do things on their own terms. Yeah. People will say to me, they're like, well, are you conservative or you liberal? Because I don't really get into either side. I'll be like, well, there's an easy way for me to answer. I don't want the government in my personal life telling me who I can love or not love or telling my friends who they can love or not love. I don't want them at all involved in my social life at all. And I also don't want them involved in my money. I don't want them touching my money. I don't want them raising my taxes. I don't want what does that mean? Because I'm probably very socially liberal liberal. Yeah. Does that mean I can only be in one side or the other? Like no. And I actually disagree with a lot of things conservatives do. And I disagree with a lot of things liberals do. And I think the problem is we've gotten this place where it's like, you're either with us or against us on either side. And if you're not, it's like, well, that's not how human beings work. Like, I always tell people like, when it comes

to parenting, you can't do that. Yeah. You can be like, my way or your way. Like it doesn't work. Or friendship. It's like, no, it's a relationship. You've got to give and take. Exactly. And what's interesting is we, I think the reason why we're seeing these two extremes come out is because right now, just with the way our government is ran, is we have a lot of extremes in all. office and a lot of extreme voices with our news outlets too. Oh, God. If you, yeah, I'm not even going to go there, but I'm just going to like make one thing that I was talking to a friend about.

If you turn on the opposing side, if you turn on, yeah, it's, oh, look what they're doing. I can't believe it. They're the most horrible monsters. And then you turn on the other side and they're saying the exact same thing. I don't know. I'm the same way too. And what's so interesting about me as an activist operating in this world is that I am in the middle. I'm in the happy middle of understanding.

Because what's so interesting is when I understand someone and I hear their story, I'm like, that would make sense. Of course you would believe that. Why wouldn't you believe that? You've known anything else. And then people get mad at me. Like, I can't believe that you would da-da-da-da-da-da-da, stand up for this. Or I can't believe you wouldn't stand up for this. this. I'm like, what are you talking about? Or when it comes to COVID, you could be like,

listen, I'm all about human life and keeping people safe and doing all that. But at the same time, maybe I'm going to question the lockdown and be like, hey, if we love human life, there's also a lot of humans being affected because they're shut down and they can't get outside and they can't see friends and they can't run their business? It's like, can we not question anything anymore? Can we say, can we not say, hey, is there a better way? Can we not say, hey, we tried something and it didn't work as well as we thought. Like, nobody, it's either like, nope, you're either with or against. There's no room for conversation. Yeah. And it's all about. And it's all about. how you do it too be respectful I love that you posted on your story when you were talking about

COVID and just your viewpoint on things and you did it in a way that was so respectful and so thought-provoking too and a lot of people like you said felt the same way but felt like they couldn't and that's walking in your truth I think that's the most important thing that you can do is walk in your truth and just know that you're not alone. Well, what's interesting about that, and I think you'll relate to this, is what was interesting to me was, it's all my highlights. That's actually the only highlight I have because I thought, and I left it for a reason. Where is my highlight? You don't have my yet. But what was interesting was was not my viewpoint, because there's people agree, people disagree, and that's okay. I actually say that's a really good thing. But was how many people wrote in saying, hey, thanks for at least saying

something. I may not agree with you or I do agree with you, but thanks for saying something. I've been so scared to say something. And my response to most of those people is like, why are you scared to speak your truth or to question something or to open up a dialogue? That is a problem. Like, we're all scared to have the conversation because, listen, I put that out there and maybe somebody writes in and points out something I'm not aware of. Oh, okay, I can change my mind and respect that. But if people are too scared to voice their opinions, we get to a dangerous place. Yeah. And I think the fear comes from the extreme, right? You don't want to come off as an extremist. When you share your opinion, people like to label you.

Just any time you do that, good or bad. And so right now we're seeing, okay, I'm confused about the lockdown, right? You want to open a dialogue? You know what I'm saying? It's you're now labeled as X, Y, and Z. We don't have to do that. You don't have, you shouldn't be labeled an extremist just because you agree with one side or another. Or because you ask questions.

Or because you ask questions. Exactly. And that's the thing is I feel like right now are one. world is so divisive, more divisive than I've ever seen. And for good and bad, there's a lot of really important and good conversations coming out of it. But at the same time, there's a lot of people that are just trying to create more divide. We can actually stand together in this. It doesn't. And I think people get so offended and so closed off that they're not even listening. With the George Floyd murder, 9-11 united this country years and years ago. And it was like one of

the things we were united on when it happened. Everybody banned it together. Like, this is an American thing, an American problem, we're going to deal with it as Americans. I feel like with George Floyd, there was every single, like the majority, I'd say 99.99.99% of people said that was a murder. That was wrong. We all agree that was wrong. That was terrible. And that was an injustice. And we're all on the same page. And then the protest started. And it was like, that's a good thing. We're going to, we're going to speak out. We're going to make this issue louder. But what's happened along the way now, as I think, like, to your point, there's gotten these extremists involved. And so now we're like, hey, I hope we're not losing what we started this for in the first place. And what the message was

to begin with was against social injustice. Like there's a lot going on now. It's convoluting the message and I think that's a problem because now people are divided again where it's like we were all united on one thing like this was something that was wrong. I think also that that's where grace for this movement has to be involved too where I think people start to tend to forget the bigger picture, right? We're fighting for human rights. Human life is really what we're talking about.

That's the issue. Like you're saying, there's so many different messages and there's so many conspiracy theories now. And I'm like, hold on to what's true. What we know has happened. And don't be afraid to say something's wrong just because you're scared to be tied in with everything else that's bad. Every time I speak out about a murder, an unfortunate killing that takes place or police brutality, and I create something and action stuff, whatever. And the first thing I'll always get in my messages is,

do you know that they actually had a history of abuse? Or did you know? I'm like, okay. I mean, what are we saying? We're discounting human life. And then on the other side of it, people are not going about justice the right way. And it's like, people who love to use stats to try to justify their position.

Like, that's the problem is you can't just look and say like, that was wrong. That was a murder. that was wrong. They look for confirmation biased. Yes. They look for something and they keep confirming their opinion over and over again until they feel they have solid facts to present. It's a way to make ourselves feel better about something that's wrong in the world. We're like, well, if we back it up with these stats that correlated across these widespread issues, then we can maybe see why it could potentially be justified. You can't just say like, no, that was not justified. It was wrong. The needs to be consequences moving forward. Like that's...

Exactly. And I think the reason why this outcry has lasted as long as it does is because we seen it firsthand, unfortunately. Like, there's video evidence and we're seeing it and it's horrible and it's sad. And then it's like the civil arrest of waiting. Like we're waiting for someone to get charged, arrested and put in prison for stuff that's happened or we're waiting. And in that waiting period, it's, I don't know, the world's kind of falling apart and it's where this divide is happening. And I think that for me, I was kind of having just like a morning reflection thinking about just the podcast, my social media platform and the conversations that I'm having. And moving forward, what is it going to look like? Because I've also noticed a drop off with just

the conversations that we're having of people starting to check out again or it's not as important or there hasn't been any news breaking things that have happening. So the conversations slowed down and I'm like, but this is still so important to me. And I've noticed even with me, like, I also have a life. And in the midst of everything that was happening, I was posting a lot because there was a lot to be said, a lot of information to be shared. But now where things have kind of slowed down, I've posted like pictures of me, hey guys, how's it going?

Just on my story, whatever. And people are upset about that too, where they're like, I used to follow you because you were posting about social justice. Now you're posting about you. And I'm like, wait, so now I'm just a resource. Why is there only one layer? Why can't a person have 800 layers? I have a lot of different facets. I'm a fucking Gemini, by the way. One day I'm a bitch to my husband the next day I might be nice. The next day I might want to have sex. I'm changing. Or maybe even all that happens in the same day. Yeah. You never know. You never know. I don't understand this thing with Instagram and social media where you have to be one way all the time.

I have a lot of different layers to me, as I'm sure you do, as I'm sure every human does. We're complex. There's so many different things, hobbies. Maybe we want to show what we're wearing one day. And then maybe we want to talk about activism another day. Like, where did it become that you have to be this one thing all the time? Because I don't want to follow someone that's one way all the time. I need some diversity.

I need to mix it up. Yeah. Like I need 100 personalities. From you at all times. I can't do boring flat like one thing. Dude, I agree with that so much. And that's how I've been feeling too. And I posted about that the other day. I'm like, you need to respect people's life. Like they have a life and they're sharing it with you on social media. And you need to respect that like it's technically my personal Instagram. And I think that's what we need to start doing is like accepting people for who they are, knowing that people are complex. Like humans by nature are complex. there's no yes or no to the things we're fighting for. Everything is a gray area. And that's what if we started walking in those truths of understanding like humans aren't perfect, everything's a gray area and we're still trying to figure everything out.

By the way, we're in the middle of a pandemic. I think people would approach other people's views with a lot more kindness, understanding, and empathy. And that's what I want to see happen because I'm personally, I'm so sick in tired of just being mentally and exhausted from unpacking nonsense all day long from both sides. You have to just ignore it. I think that what I would say to people that are writing hateful shit on the internet, I myself have never gone out and commented something negative on someone else's page because I believe that negativity is taking away from me being productive

on my own life. I think that we have to get to a place where like if you're projecting negativity all the time. You have to look inward and realize that you're taking away from you growing as a person. It's such a waste of fucking time. Yes. Well, it's like, Lauren and I were driving. We were in Sydney goes when we were driving. I was like, you know, like those T charts, we do like pros and cons. And I feel like it's such like a first grade exercise, but more people should do that in their actual life. We're like pros and cons. Pros of writing this negative hateful comments of this person. And they could actually, maybe they might have a few pros. And then you say cons like and do that list. And I feel like honestly, just people are just firing from the hip. They're not thinking.

They're not thinking about what they're putting out in the world. They're doing it with the intention of hurting people because maybe they're hurting. But it's like that's not going to make you feel better. And just to give you a micro example, imagine if Taylor put as much time as he did into masturbating into a hobby. Like he would know the fucking violin in and out by now. He would be a symphony violinist if he took the time that he takes. What's your take? What's your take on? She's like, watching porn masturbating every day and put it in towards learning an instrument. I bet you could be famous, Taylor. Self-up-doing.

It's a self-reflection period now. No, exactly. I think it's like a waste of time. And that's the worst thing about this is so many people are hurt. And we're operating with hurt people that are just talking all this shit 24-7. And it's very toxic. I think that the internet has come to a boiling point where I personally have seen. that like the toxic nature of accounts,

there are literally accounts just for exposing people. And that to me is mind-boggling. What do you mean? Like there's accounts that are just there to look for dirt on people and make them look bad. Yes. Yes. And that to me is mind-boggling or trying to take away from some, like coming.

Trying to tear people down. Yes. And coming for their character constantly. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, I would love if we just dropped a camera just to follow you through your ends and out for a month or two and just really see how you live your life. And I'm sure there's some actions that will be cancelable, like whatever the case is. And I just think that I've come to a place where honestly, I write out my truth 24-7. I will live in it and I'll operate in it. And I think I operate in this gray area.

And I just want to let everyone know that's okay. It's okay to fall in the middle. What's why I love what you're doing, right? It's why I wanted to work with you because I think you're a perfect person to start having these conversations and to leave a gray space for people to like come to their own conclusions and learn along the way. And like, you know, Lauren and I, after doing this for a while on this show, as you can imagine, we get pitches for the show.

And like we, there's been plenty of times where there's some kind of hot button issue in the press that's like a negative thing. It's like somebody found something out about somebody or some service or some product and they want to come on here and put it on the show so that we can tear them down. And I'm like, listen, we could do that with the show and turn it into the negative space. But there's so many other outlets doing that. For us, we want this to be a platform of learning, of inspiration, of potentially turning something into a positive.

If there is a negative, the only reason we would want to start talking about is like, is there a positive thing that we can learn from there. Because if not, it's like there's plenty of other people tearing each other down. And why I wanted to work with you is like you reserve that space to help people, one, maybe find that path of redemption. And two, for people listening to you to keep an open mind, like, oh, maybe there is a path of forgiveness for other people and potentially down the line for themselves. Yeah. And it's draining, too. It's so draining to just hear people be negative 24-7. And there is a statement that I say constantly 24-7 when people ask me for just a piece of

like optimism. But I always say, I just genuinely believe there are more good people than bad operating in the world right now. Yeah, I share that opinion. Yeah. And I think that if we remember that truth, because I think the negative, the bad can be overpowering a lot, honestly. I think when you operate in knowing that there's more good people than bad, there's more people that see your side that understand what you're fighting for than not, I think you'll start to like let go of this social pressure of performing and trying to be something you're not. and then also reminding yourself, we don't live in a perfect world, and there are going to be moments for us to step up.

And so we have to be bold and take those opportunities to do so, you know? I don't know if you're a Howard Stern fan at all of the past or are now or not. You might be too young. But back in the day, like he came out this movie called Private Parts, and he was like, he's the king of all media. So he was, it's a really good movie. But it highlighted his journey as a radio guy going through the ranks. And like he really was like out there and like saying things that other people wouldn't say

and rubbing a lot of people the wrong way. And the people at the network level, the executives, they hated him because he was just like this rogue, specifically this one guy. And at one point, they asked him where his ratings and they were crushing it. And he's like, the people that love him are tuning in here. And he's like, well, what about the people that hate him? And they're like, the people that hate him were turning in double the amount of time. Yeah. And I think about this with mainstream media now. It's if you turn on Fox News or you turn on CNN, what they're doing is they're stoking hate in a lot of cases on one side of the other. And what is that using that example of the movie, what does that do? Boost ratings. And these people are running a big.

business. And if they just played the middle of the road, maybe the ratings wouldn't be as high because it's not as dramatic and it's not as exciting. But is it really doing us a service to listen to these things back and forth? Because I guarantee you, if you lean right and you turn on CNN, you're going to be pissed. And if you learn left and you turn on Fox, you're going to be pissed. And like, that's what they're doing. And then they're selling us at the same time in stoking fear and dividing. It's like, I just think people should always remember like who's behind and what the intention is and like what the reasoning is and what the and who is actually formulating the messages before they come to their conclusions. Exactly. I want to talk a little bit about your journey. I want to switch it up.

Tell us about your childhood. Let's go way back. So I grew up in Arizona. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and it was like a suburb in Arizona called Chandler. So it's like 30 minutes away from like Metro Phoenix. And I'm like half black, half Asian. But I grew up around my like, Filipino side. So that was like really interesting growing up and just yeah, it was I had a really interesting upbringing because I'm very blessed that my parents, they both worked and they had two good jobs that I was able to, I think, have a very enjoyable childhood and just be intelligent and learn things and have space for me. But then also just this weird time of the early 2000s where looking like me and being me wasn't popular, but not understanding that

as a kid. So I had like really weird encounters with just families and operating in like a diverse household of two different cultures like black culture, Asian culture, and then being surrounded by only white culture and stuff, I think really added to like this weird layer of like childhood trauma that I didn't realize. And I don't know, also just my relationship with my parents. I feel like everyone had really chill parents. And my parents were like, okay, like do your homework, like all this stuff. Like they were chill or not chill?

They were like half chill. Like I'm like, does that exist? My mom is very savage, aging, classic, and that's great. Got to have that kind of. And then my dad was like savage but understanding is how I explained him. And what do you mean you had childhood trauma with all the different diversities around you? So, for example, I'm like, this is like to paint a picture. So I didn't like understand what races were when I was a kid.

I just, I thought everyone was just, I don't know, I thought people were people. But then I had a friend when I was in first grade. This was like my first encounter with just realizing that I was different. It was like my first encounter with racism. And we were best friends. And I was supposed to hang out at her house after school. And we had this huge plan to, like, hang out. And then she came up to me when school started, the day we were supposed to hang out.

And she was like, oh, we can't hang out today because you're black. And my grandpa hates black people. So you can't come over. Jesus. And I was like, wait, I'm black. Like, I was like, what does that mean? And yeah. And this was another first grader.

Yeah. And she was like in first grade. I was in first grade. Like looking back on it now, I can just know that she heard her dad say that. And she said that to me. Like it wasn't like... It's like she wouldn't have known. Yeah, she didn't know what she was saying.

And she probably doesn't even know like that word hate. Like she doesn't understand it to its full extent. And so that was the first thing that like marked me as a child. Oh, there's something wrong with me. Like I'm different. And then like my hair too. I had like really crazy long hair. And all I wanted was straight like straight hair like clueless.

Just straight cute. And so I was like, mom, straight in my hair and she like tried but it didn't work and then i went to school the next day and totally got just like annihilated by all the kids and they're like what's wrong like your hairs it's so ugly and just made fun of me and that was like another thing and was like i hate that i look like this and then i was the only black kid in my class until third grade and another black family enrolled like their kids into school so one of the girls was my age she just was different like she came from like black culture And so I was learning a lot from her.

Like I started to change the way I talked and the way I dress and all these things. And for the first time, people were like, ew, like don't ghetto and ratchet and like all these like labeling me, all these things that were considered bad. And that was the first time that I didn't want to be labeled those things. So I started to like hate her. And so I developed like internalized racism against her. And I carried that all the way. through like high school and I did everything in my power to like fit in with all these people that didn't even care if I look you know what I'm saying like they didn't care anything about

who I was like my interest as a person and it was like this weird fine line where it was like I loved things about black culture but I was too scared to operate in them for fear of being labeled and like expelled and look like downcasted and like all these things and so it wasn't until I graduated from high school where I just started, I took this journey of accepting myself and where I think I kind of being now 22 and like far from that world and seeing so many people struggle with that. And I think how the world treats black people, I just want people to know that like you have to go through that process of loving yourself, whatever that looks like. And I'm seeing how society has set up like just beauty standards, I guess,

is what really my childhood, like, I noticed a lot. And so now, like, seeing that, I'm, like, fighting against that. Like, that's so stupid. Or we're, like, tearing down people for all the wrong reasons. And I think going through, like, all that childhood trauma of just me growing up and, like, mixed and not, like, liking white people things, but also liking quote unquote black people things and just operating in that weird space. And for me, now it's so cool that I have a voice where girls who I get like messages all the time.

I like had an episode on my podcast called the du rack discussion where I talked about hair and like the struggle that I had with hair as a kid. And so many girls message me. You're like, dude, I needed this episode. This is me right now growing up or people being like, thank you so much for saying this because I just feel seen by this. And I think that's so cool because I didn't have. have a person like me growing up. Isn't it cool when you have something that you think is a weakness when you're young and then you use it as a strength when you're older?

Yeah. That is like gives me chills. It's the best. No, it's honestly incredible. I hate hearing stories like that because I, well, let me clarify, I hate bullies so much when I was a kid. I used to get a lot of fights when I was a kid. Taylor would tell you when Laura, unfortunately.

But it was, you know, and a lot of people at the time was like, because I would just go and get mad and hit somewhere or whatever. It always started originating with like a. bully bullying somebody else and then like me like I would just get angry like I hate it but I think as I contextualized that over the years obviously that's not it was like anger right it was like violence and like now it's like over the years I just think it's so important for people to hear these stories because what it is what bullies are and what people that are judging other people are is they're ignorant and I just keep saying that over and over it's like they don't know those the girls that you reference or the people

that are making fun of you like they didn't know better it's not giving them a pass yeah but it's like they're ignorant people right and the only way to get them out of that and to make them stop bullying people and to make them be compassionate humans is to teach them, right? Exactly. And I think these conversations are so important because there's a lot of young people that listen to this show that are going to spawn the next generation of humans. And like you said, like a young kid is not born racist or judgmental as a bully. Those are learned behaviors.

And if we as the parents are adults of the next generation can like teach that out of people and say like, hey, that's not okay. Or like, hey, this is a judgment that you shouldn't have. Like, that's how things start to change. But I don't think they can change until people hear conversations. like this and educate themselves. And then it gets rid of because like when I started educating myself, I'm like, okay, like violence is not the way to go about this. That's not helping. It's making me actually maybe be the bully. It's actually hurting other people. And it's definitely not changing

anything. It's making them more angry and more insecure and bully more people. And so like the outlet now is this. It's like if this conversation between us triggers thousands of people to go and say like, oh, like I'm educated. I'm going to start educating myself more. And I'm going to start training the next generation to not do these things. That's how you actually make change. Exactly. And it all starts at the home. One of my graphics, Reese Witherspoon, she like shared my graphic, but her post was so good because she talked about how she talked to her son. And I like, I think, and she just wrote this whole thing about how she talked to her son and how like it starts in the home. Like it starts in the house. And I think that is everything to me. Every learned behavior and the good and bad, we learned it somewhere along the way. For us, like, We're leading voices in our generation and the world right now. And people listen to us and people are hearing and watching the things that we do. And because of that, we have a really cool opportunity to show people the right way.

And I think that having conversations in the home, like sitting down and having ugly, hard conversations is so important. And I think back to like when I was a kid, did you guys have family meetings? I had family meetings. Yeah, I don't know. They're kind of like, I don't know if I've had to listen to love my family, but I don't were kind of like half-assed meetings. I don't know. I don't know how like in depth we got on those meetings.

His family meetings was just everyone talking at once. No. But family. I was like, Hey, Michael, don't know if you know this. My grandmother is full Japanese. Okay.

My mom's half. And so there's a little bit of that. I think I know what you're talking about like Asian parents. Like just do good. Savage. Just do good. Yeah. Like, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Great. Thank you. Straight days.

No problem. Um, yeah. No. But for us like I think when I think of family meetings, they're so messy. for my family at least, they're so messy. We'll sit down because there's like this conversation that we need to have. And it starts, I think everyone's talking over each other. And then one person's like, stop!

And then everyone's like frozen. And then one person speaks their truth. And then another person speaks to their truth. And then another person speaks their truth. By the end of it, you're all sobbing and you love each other again. And you're like, let's go to Costco together as a family. I don't know. But I think that more families need to do that.

And once that starts happening, I think it will be so beautiful. And I think it's really cool now that the generation that's growing up listening to like voices like us are going to have that. And there's also a lot more diversity and good things that have changed. Like you can listen to a black person that is a voice on a podcast and you can follow people that are breaking stigmas and stuff. So I think the world is heading in the right direction, but we're always going to be faced with walls. And it's for us to like carefully just start like dismantling these walls that we're going to come up against to like progress further into like a better society. Yeah, people complain about the internet and the state of social media. And they're like, because there's obviously a lot of negative things that could come with the power of the internet and giving every single person a voice and giving everybody a platform and all this different information.

But I actually think there's more positives than negatives because. years ago, we would not have been able to have this conversation at a mainstream level without getting a mainstream network involved. And you'd be up against like a few of things. And those people were kind of picking and choosing what got seen and what didn't. So like again, back to ignorance, it's like people grew up with a very narrow view of the world. And all of it kind of looked the same and was the same and didn't really push boundaries and didn't really cross the line and didn't really get uncomfortable. And so like you have this generation that just grew up only seeing those things. And with the internet, they hear these conversations or they can see,

a black perspective or a white perspective or an Asian, they could see all these different cultural perspectives and all these different ways of lives in real time. And they're saying, oh, now I'm going to actually question what my, what I thought my reality was because I can see other things or hear other things. And that just didn't exist before. Exactly. So how did you know that you wanted to be entrepreneurial? Because you're very entrepreneurial. I had no idea. Did you fall into it? Yeah. It all kind of started with this. I guess actually, I had to be become when we when you first opened the the podcast with a compliment saying it's so cool that you took an idea and made it happen and what's so funny is before I would have never considered

myself a creative I learned how to make graphics off my phone and even the graphics I started making were off my phone just because I like didn't really have a computer where I can make graphics off of them and when everything started happening with my platform I just really realize that everything I needed was at my fingertips. And once you kind of break down that mental idea, I think everyone gets here. And I think even I'm there right now with some things where you're just like, oh, if I could just have this, then I could do this. And if I just have this, then I can do this.

And if you break down that wall and you realize, okay, what do I have in control of myself? And like, what can I do? And then also being a self-starter and a hustler and realizing that you want to start getting stuff done and how good it feels when you have an idea and you execute it, I think it was kind of the snowball effect. It first started when I like interned in the social media position and I didn't realize how hard social media was with like posting and editing and creating captains, all this stuff. And then I started making graphics with them off my phone. and then I started making with just my platform now making graphics here and there. And now upgrading to like getting a computer and making graphics there just so much has changed. And I think when it comes to having that spirit, it's really just a mindset.

It's 100% of mindset. I think like you nailed on the head. Like it's that if then thing. So many people think like if I can get here, then I can do this. It's like, why can't you just start now? That's literally been the message of the podcast from the inception. It's like launch fast, adjust, and change with feedback. Like any idea, if you just start actually, one, people ask all the time too, like,

how do you build confidence? That's how you build confidence, too. You actually start doing things and taking action because think about like the person, not that you weren't confident before, but the person you're becoming as you do more and put more out in the world and try and like break down new barriers that you thought you couldn't do just by trying and actually putting effort in. And I just tell people like, what's holding you back is you're scared of judgment or you're scared of people coming in or you're scared you do it wrong?

You do it wrong, do it again and do it right. Like as many times as it takes, like it's just people don't want to do. They just want to talk themselves out of things. You mentioned earlier something about how you were sitting and thinking about how you wanted to lay something out this morning. Do you have a morning routine? Yeah, I do now. I was going through, I feel like everyone's going through it.

But I have, I just have like struggled with like depression and things like that. And so I had a really bad depressive episode. Like it lasted for like about a month and a half. and it was really hard to go through. And I've never been honest and open with my mental health online. And this, a couple weeks ago, I opened up about it and just made a post about it. Because I was like, sorry, guys, I haven't been active. This is what I've been going through.

And so many people just, it was like floodgates of people just being like, dude, I relate. I'm there. All this stuff. And so I was talking to a friend. And she said that she kind of was feeling. the same way and I was like, I just want to feel good again. And so I was like, okay, when was the last time I felt good? That's like a question that I wrote in a post. I'm like, so I'm fake. I'm a hypocrite because I had to look back on one of my posts talking about, when's the last time I felt good?

And I was like, when was the last time I felt good? And so this week, I am, I like planned a routine. And this week, I've been walking in it and implementing in it. So right now my morning routine is I exercise. Ha ha. It's new you guys. But I started running in the mornings with my friend. It's like a run walk. But I'm like, it's a club. It's run club. Any movement counts. Yeah. And so, yeah, I do that. And then on my drive, I always self-reflect and always think. I think self-reflection is so important. And so I've been spending a lot of time, anytime I'm driving, like spending that time to self-reflect. And I've just, it's so interesting because I was doing that on the drive here.

And I came up with a really good episode idea for the podcast. And I was debating. I was like, dang, that's kind of controversial. But I'm like, honestly, it needs to be said. And I think my best ideas have come from in those moments where I like get quiet time and stuff. I agree. You call it self-reflection. I call it thinking time.

But I like self-reflection. better I think. I think that's like so, so smart to actually create space to think. Yeah. And you're also fighting for those little pockets too because some people are like, I don't have an hour. It's like when people say that, I'm like, you can make time. Yeah. I'm like, dude, you have, it's like 10 minutes you're getting coffee in the drive-thru. Just sit and think there. Like, turn off the radio and think there. Taylor thinks in the shitter. Like there's places to think. Like, you know what I tell those people now? It's funny because it's like, you know, this phone in a lot of the ways can hold you accountable. And have you seen that like screen time thing? Yes. Oh,

and people will message like, hey, Michael, I do this, but I don't have time. I'm like, hey, go to your app and open your screen time and screenshot it and tell me how many hours are on social because if I see more than seven hours a week on there, five hours, that's five to seven hours that you could be doing something. That is a good one. That one makes me more. But it's true because it holds me account. I'm like, oh, I look at my screen time. Sometimes during this pandemic, I'm like, oh, shit. What does a depressive episode look like? Do you mean like you just couldn't get out of bed? Can you explain and walk us through what that actually feels like. Yeah. So I didn't, it's so interesting because I didn't even know what it was. I would just

have lows. But essentially what that starts looking like for me is I start to like lose motivation. I feel like I'm very like driven and I'm very on top of things. And so I just realized I started to lose motivation to do things and create new things. And I started getting like lazy with my ideas. And And then my brain starts to like fog. It kind of feels like a fog just like goes over your like head and then like into your chest. And then the next day you wake up and it just feels like you don't feel anything. And that's a really scary place to not feel anything because it's like you stop caring. And that's ultra scary for me because my platform's new.

And before I could have a depressive episode while working a nine to four. five and like you know you can power through that but it's when like your career is on your shoulders and you're like struggling with that it's like a different kind of pressure so you're going through this mental battle of like dang i have no motivation to do anything whether it's an actual chemical imbalance or like something happened and it triggered like a depressive episode for me i'm not quite sure i think it was more like of a chemical imbalance thing i'm like need to like scheduled doctor's appointments go see. But for some people, it something got triggered and it can stir a depressive episode. But for me, it was like, I wasn't eating. I was just like in bed all day.

Or I would like veg out and like turn on Netflix, but I'm not even paying attention to what's happening. It just, I don't feel anything. And that would last for like a couple days. People would be texting me in the middle of this too and I wouldn't even be able to respond just because like, I know you feel like a zombie, like you don't have any energy. And then this was like in the middle of when I, I went to Arizona for a little bit to see my parents. And my friends would be like, hey, do you want to go like work on something? I'd be like, yeah, I'll be over at one. And then I wouldn't get to them till eight because that was the first time I had like energy in the day to like do one thing.

And it's really, really hard, but it's also a reality. And I was just like, dang, I mean, it sucks that I feel like I've wasted so many days and weeks and time. But at the same time, it was like emotions that were out of my control. And sometimes you can like snap out of it and be like, okay, like I need to go on a walk. I need to go on a run. Like, dude, I just need to shower. Like, whatever it is. And then other times there's really no escaping it and you have to ride it out.

And unfortunately, this is one of those, like you just have to write it out. But I don't know, for people who deal with that, there's also things you can do like, are you, do you have the energy to eat? Have you shower today? Like just little checklist things. Are you drinking water? I know that sounds like so annoying, but it's really true. And so now with my morning routine that I have set up, it's more like preventative measures like the drinking water, eating healthy, working out, kind of things that will help me and like keep me out of that like episodes. routines do really help prevent any kind of, for me at least. Yeah. Just speaking in my own anxiety. I think it's really good to have your routines and have things scheduled. Yes. Yeah.

And I think like I would encourage you to do more of what you're doing. It sounds like you're on a really good path. Obviously, like, yes, this is hard to hold a platform on your shoulders. Both of us can understand that. Yeah. But at the same time, like I think like go more into this because if like I think you having this conversation, not just here, but on your show. I think you'd be surprised how many people like identify with that message and feel a kindred spirit there and like would want to support and talk to you about it. And I think like, you know, I always think I'd probably be crazy if we didn't have this platform because we get to have the benefit of having so many. This is like therapy, right? Like you just got to let you have this conversation. Like if you're sitting at home, you don't get to. And then like what you're already doing, getting out there and exercising and doing on these things like getting yourself busy and active and productive and putting good things out into the world and helping other people, which you are with the conversations you're having and the content you're putting out there. That's what I think in my. In my

personal opinion is going to pull you out of all that. I try to take any of my weaknesses and channel it into creating. So I think that if you created a checklist for other people, and maybe you've already done this, but a checklist for other people to help prevent their depressive episodes and anxiety would help you channel the energy in a different way. Yeah. And what's so interesting, kind of how I broke out of this past episode was the biggest thing that was weighing on me was I was like, no one knows what's happening.

Like I think people probably just think Oh, Dom's just busy Dom's busy. Dom's busy. That was like the label that they were like, like a lot of text you're like, hey dude I get it if you're busy but can you? And so I was like damn like they really don't know. So I just decided I'm just going to post something.

And when I did, I like sobbed right after I posted it because of just the overwhelming response of how kind people were. And I just came to the realization like transparency and vulnerability is what is going to like see you through this one. You just have to let people know what you're going through and stuff. And I think like you said, just leaning into that and also creating, right?

Like just letting people know they're not alone and channeling that energy with what you have. And just also being kind to yourself, just being like, you're doing the best that you can. We're living in the middle of a pandemic. No one's crushing life right now. everyone's just doing their best to create a new normal and that's okay. Well, listen, it's not, I don't want to keep saying I'm proud of you because it makes it sound like I'm the person that gets to judge you. No.

But I am. I do mean as a compliment. Like I'm proud of everything you're doing this year. It's really cool to see you thrive. It's really cool to see like, like, like I said, take an idea from inception. And also like you're really having a fucking moment here with this platform and you're like, you're doing. I mean, from when we first met when you, and I think it was the first time we met when

you opened for Kenzie at the growth thing, right? And I know, do we meet before? I know you've been in here in the studios and you would guess on her show a lot of time, but think about how much has changed from the time you did that opening act to now, right? I know. With your platform, with your show, with everything. And like your audience, it's pretty cool to think about.

I know. It's really crazy because I worked at that Nordstrom at the Grove. And now. And that was what? That was last August. So it's been a little bit over a year. Yeah. Look how much can change in a year.

Exactly. If you could just leave our audience with a piece of advice that you would give them in general, could be anything, your favorite piece of advice, what would it be? Right now, my piece of advice that I'm telling myself and I think everyone should be telling themselves is that you're doing a lot better than you think you are. Everyone's doing a lot better than they think they are. I think everyone's their worst critic. And so if you can just remember that what you're doing right now, as long as it's your best, it's good enough. I agree. And I'm sorry that I had so many seeds from the Sun Life Organic. What the hell is going on over there? I mean, I didn't want to

scare you guys. I think I had the COVID or something. But I, you know, this I, and you know it's funny. It's like during, like I should have not kept drinking it during the show, but I'm hungry. No, it's, Sun Life has the best smoothies and also normalized coughing. Normalized coughing. Normalized coughing. I'm going to tell Calillo, Cleo, what do you, they got to, they got to grind the powders up or the seeds up a little better. Like these things are getting caught in my throat. Taylor, normalized coughing. That's our hashtag. I'm a fucking professional. I like to speak on the mic with a clear voice, not this coughing all over the place. Okay.

We've had enough of you. Can you pimp yourself out, pimp your podcast and your Instagram handle out? Yes. You can follow the podcast along at the Uncomfortable. Org, that's the at. And you can follow me at Dom Roberts instead of an E, it's an X. And it's on Dear Media. It's everywhere.

We are excited. Everywhere podcasts are available. Yes. To watch you flourish. Wow. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming on, Dom. Thanks for having me.

Wait, don't go. Do you want to win pink new cheeky, skinny confidential? stickers. All you have to do is tell us who you want to see next on the show. Get as detailed as possible. Tell me on my latest Instagram at the Skinny Confidential. And I will make sure the team makes like a pink Excel sheet of all the guests that you guys want to see and someone will drop into your inbox and send you some stickers. With that, thank you for always rating and reviewing the podcast and we will see you next time.