The Bossticks - Chris Appleton On Finding Your True Identity, Resilience, & Breaking His Silence To Live Authentically

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

#936: Join us as we sit down with Chris Appleton – TV personality, world-renowned celebrity hairstylist, & author. Known for his conceptual hairstyling with the biggest names in music, entertainment, & fashion, he opens up about his new book, Your Roots Don't Define You. In this episode, Chris shares his personal journey – from childhood bullying, discovering his passion for hair, his experience with coming out, navigating mental health challenges, & embraces the importance of living authentically. To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To connect with Chris Appleton click HERE To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE Head to our ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of the products mentioned in each episode. Get your burning questions featured on the show! Leave the Him & Her Show a voicemail at [phone]. To learn more about Chris Appleton and purchase Your Roots Don't Define You visit https://bit.ly/4klwuCP.  Shop Color Wow at http://colorwowhair.com and use code Skinny20 for 20% off for select items for a limited time.  This episode is sponsored by The Skinny Confidential The beauty tool that started it all, redesigned to evolve with you. Shop Ice Roller at https://bit.ly/IceRollerSilver. This episode is sponsored by Paleovalley Head to http://paleovalley.com/skinny, or use code skinny at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. This episode is sponsored by Vuori Get 20% off your first order at http://vuori.com/skinny. This episode is sponsored by Beekeeper's Naturals Go to http://beekeepersnaturals.com/SKINNY or enter code SKINNY to get 20% off your order. This episode is sponsored by Bobbie If you want to feed with confidence too, head to http://hibobbie.com. This episode is sponsored by Ka'Chava Go to https://kachava.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off your first order. This episode is sponsored by HERS Check out http://Forhers.com to learn more. Produced by Dear Media  

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

Chris Appleton is back. You guys all fell in love with him the first time he was on the show. he is back in action. And this episode has some range. He is a TV personality, world-renowned celebrity hairstylist, a dad, and he is also a New York Times best-selling author. In this episode, Chris shares his childhood struggles. He talks about his experience with coming out, mental challenges that he's faced, how he's gotten through those mental challenges, therapy, self-acceptance. He even goes to some fun tips and tricks from the clients that he works on, which consists of J-Lo, Martha Stewart,

Kim Kardashian, and Chris Kardashian. With that, let's welcome Chris Appleton back to the show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. You're on a book tour and then you squeezed in J-Lo. Yeah, I mean, I think it's really nice to have those moments. It's always fun to create like a nice moment. Obviously, the Golden Globes is a special one. It's funny.

I still get so nervous. Really? Yeah. I was working out with my trainer and I was like, I'm a little anxious. And he's like, why? I says, well, got the golden gloves with J-Lo and he said, the fuck you're nervous for he's like you're like the king of hair right he's like you're good he's like some straight dude isn't you know he's like i was i still get nervous before every big thing because i care i guess you know because i care i want it to be good and also there's a certain amount of expectation of like a look you know whatever it's going to be and i think when you're working with someone like jalo you know she she has a real presence and she brings that and like a lot of people like to look at the glam and see what they're going to look like and you know that you know

the internet is a dark place and people always want to see it fall or fail, you know, so they're waiting for that one hair to be out of place or something to go wrong. But no, I mean, I remember when she left, I said to the makeup artist Scott. I was like, you know, it's great when someone feels really good. I could tell she felt really good when she left. And it's like a really, like, infectious feeling, you know, that you feel good and go and face the world, I guess. One thing that I noticed in your book is it's not about doing just hair.

Did you read it? Yes, I read the whole thing. Oh, great. Yes. I loved it. Oh, look at those notes. Yeah, it was really good. I've got the research on you. But what I noticed in the book is it's not just about doing hair, but it's how you make people feel seen. Yeah, totally, yeah. When you say you're nervous, are you nervous about working with her?

Are you nervous about making sure she feels fully seen? Or are you nervous about the reaction? Or is it a medley? I think it's just more the world we live in now, the internet, there's so much. much pressure and every time you put something out there so publicly you have to know there's going to be a conversation. So it's just more, I guess, related to, I guess it's more related to the work because I know we have a great relationship and, you know, I think it's more related to the work in making sure, like, I know I've still that kid at like nine years old that just wanted to make people look and feel good and like, you know, my idea of what looks and feels good is different

to maybe what someone else's is and there's just always going to be a conversation. But I think it's kind of good. I hope I always feel that way. In fact, I think the day I don't feel that way is maybe the day it's over. You know, I think it was Mel Robbins. Wait, you guys never get nervous. I never get a little. I was going to say, I get nervous all the time, but no, I think it was Mel Robbins. She was on the show. She said so many great things. But she was saying that if you're someone that gets nervous or anxious before speaking or before doing hair, before you're in a show, or whatever it is. It's just an indicator that you care about that thing. Absolutely. 100%. And like, if you don't ever get nervous, you don't feel that way. It's also maybe an

indicator like maybe you don't care anymore. Maybe it's sort of look at different things. Maybe you've outgrown it. Maybe it's time to move on. When do you remember the first moment, and I know a lot of this is in the book, but when do you remember the first moment of making someone feel confident about their hair and seeing how they felt? My mom.

Yeah. When I was like a kid, nine, she had a really rough upbringing. Like a mom and that got murdered when she was 10. She never got told where they were buried. She had to live in an orphan. It was bad. You know, she had a pretty rough upbringing in. And then she had five kids, she was a working mom, life was far from glamorous.

So when I used to do a hair, try and make a look like what I saw on TV, like Hollywood people, you know, my version of at nine years old. And when she stood up and looked in the mirror, it was like a reaction. And I found that really powerful. And so I think that was the first time I was like, wow, this is like a superpower. And I felt I wasn't great at school. It's dyslexic. So that wasn't really understood.

So it kind of felt like I was stupid. Well, I was pretty much told all stupid. I think I was like, all right, well, this is. I'm good at, I'll be the best at it. And then it started a really young age. I just was like, I'm going to be the best of this. I want to learn everything there is to know about her. And that was when my journey began. It was young, really young. What was that like being told you're stupid when you're young? Are you told by that your teachers or by your family? I mean, I think everyone just felt, I was putting the special needs class. So it was like,

it wasn't a great title to carry, you know? And I think I wrote the book, Your Roots Don't Define you because quite often they do. That message defined. me and it worked great for my profession because it motivated me so much. Emotionally and in my personal life, not so much, you know, but I had to figure out that later on in life. So quite often I noticed that the roots really do define all of us and we carry these ideas for our whole lives from someone that, you know, probably meant nothing in our lives, but they once said something to us and we carry it. I think the bigger thing probably was like when I got a job at the age of 13, so I'd been, you know, just playing around for a few years.

My mom was like, why don't you get a job in a salon? I was like, yeah, maybe I got a job. But then when I did that, a lot of the kids at school were like, you're gay. You know, you do hair and you're a guy, so you're gay. And it was honestly before I'd even got to a place of discovering sexuality. You know, I didn't really have the chance to explore that. But it was definitely not a great thing they were saying. And being bullied as a kid is horrible.

Like, you don't want to be different. You just want to blend in. And I think, I mean, it was bad. I mean, I got beating up, spat on, you know, punched in the face, walking through the cor. It was for no reason, just because I did hair and because they thought I was gay. So I very quickly got programmed to being like, I'm not stupid and I'm not gay and I'm going to prove everyone wrong.

And I didn't even realize I did that. But I definitely abandoned myself from a really young age. I think a lot of people would do. I abandoned myself to be a version of myself that I could be and explore and do things like you should do as a teenager and make mistakes and try things out. And I just got headstrong on proving everyone wrong. But then that caught up with me later on in life. And when you got married, had you had any gay experience before that or did you go right into your marriage? So we never got married. Me and Kate were together for nine years, but we were never married. No, I remember going to

a gay bar as a teenager, but I always had a girlfriend. I went with my girlfriend. We went. It was just like a night out. I remember just kind of looking around and some guy at the bar turned around to me and he's like, you don't belong here. And that really stayed with me because I remember thinking, oh, yeah, you're right. Like I don't, like, this is not for me. You know, I shouldn't be here because there wasn't really much. I don't know. Back then it was kind of like the idea of being gay is they all went to, these gay men went

to a certain pub, gay men and women. And it was on the outskirts of the city. Men got HIV. That was what you were told. That was kind of what they knew. They didn't really. I mean, Princess Diana. shook people's hands without a glove. It was like worldwide news because people thought you could

catch it from touching people, you know. Obviously, we know so much more now, but there was a lot of fear around all those things. And like I said, I just kind of carried that, not consciously, but I was headstrong on knowing that I was not different. I was normal. I, you know, met Kate, fell in love of her. We had a beautiful relationship. And then at the age of 26, 27, it kind of broke down. We were still very close. And still now to this day, we're like best friends. We speak every day. But during that time, you know, when you go for a breakup, we try new things. And I was traveling a lot. Most people, I mean, if you relate it to like a haircut, we call it like the breakup haircut. It's always like the red flag of haircuts. People come in and like just cut it all

off. You know, they'll have hair like yours. They've had it all their life. You break up. I just want to be something completely different. Because people usually want to cut away the painting. They want to see a different version of themselves. We talk about that in the book. But, you know, where I was at, I was having, I was sort of dating people. And one night, some guy tried to kiss me. we were out. I was in Barcelona. We'd had a lot of drinks. And I didn't think much to it, but I remember going back to my hotel room and really brushing my teeth and brushing my time. I was thinking, like, oh, I hope you can't get HIV. You know, again, I was told as a kid, you could get HIV. Even then. Yeah, I was just like really freaked out because it was installed

of me as a kid, you know. And your mother said that to you as well, right? That was her narrative. She actually doesn't remember it. Like, I've spoke to her, like, later on in life. She doesn't remember it, but that's just afraid, you know? She just didn't know. Like, it was just like, that's what we knew about being gay then. It was like that was a big thing. We didn't have to prep and stuff like that, you know. So I became friends with this person and that was my first step into changing sexuality and being gay and even thinking about what that meant. And initially it didn't feel at all weird because we were just friends. He didn't even live in the same country. So it was just a conversation on the phone. It was the first time I could relate to someone. And then I kind of like

clocked, I started to feel something. So I very quickly, actually, I tell you a deeper secret. It's not even a secret I wrote about in the book, but it's still new to say out loud. As I got to know him and as we became friends, after a few months, I remember him saying to me on the phone, I need to tell you something. And really weird. I knew what he was going to say. You do? Yeah, I just knew it. I don't know why I felt it. And he said, I'm HIV positive. And I was like, oh my God, that's actually, so that is what happens when you're gay. You do get HIV, and that's the point it's like a punishment you know and it felt like so even if i ever tried to look i was like oh no no i'm good i'm good and it really freaked me out and um i kind of thought i can

control this it's fine like i've never had it my whole life and a lot of people said to me when i came out like you must have always known and i honestly didn't like i loved k we had a great relationship we had great sex i wasn't thinking of guys when we had sex i wasn't watching gay porn i wasn't meeting meeting guys on the side the truth of it is is i made a career out of making people in the mirror and like really see themselves. So as a career, it's been great. I just never allowed myself to stop and look in the mirror because from that young age, I was very fixated on proving everyone wrong, doing what society said was normal. And brain is a powerful thing and like fear and I don't know, I guess being bullied. It was relentless. I was really fixated on who I was

in a framework. Yeah, I didn't even allow myself to look left or right. I think a lot of people do that in all sorts of areas of life. Yeah. Whether it's like I'm the, I'm the A student or I'm going to be the doctor or I'm going to, you know, be this. I think people create the, I think gay, straight, whatever. Like, I think people create those frameworks all the time.

And as I've gotten older in life, we were joking earlier as I, you know, approached my 40s and start to get gray. You're like, it's been kind of the first few years where I've tried to like really look back. at my self as a child. Yeah. I start to think like, oh, like why am, like, why am I programmed a certain way? To do this. Yeah, because I think you just kind of like, you get to a place.

I think this happens maybe mid-30s or later, but you're like, why am I programmed this way? Why do I think this way? Why do I behave? Like, why are you anxious about certain things? Why are you fearful about certain things? And likely, if you look back to your childhood, it'll inform a lot of that. You can trace it back.

Yeah. And it all comes from, it can just be one conversation, one comment someone made to you. Like parents do all the time. they say to kids you're the quiet one you know your sister's the outgoing one you know or you suit bangs your forehead's big like people carry that them whole lives and i first realized it when doing hair so i'd sit women down i'd be like okay so tell me about like who you are what you do where you want to go and then i'd say well what are your aspirations and there's maybe use for example like i've always loved like blonde hair but i know i can't do that and i'd be like okay so what makes you say you can't do that

and i just know i can't and i'd say well who told you that like where did that? where's that come from? And you know, they'd have to take a minute and like, you know, think about where that came from. And it'd probably be like once as a kid, someone was like, blonde doesn't suit you and they carried that them whole lives. So I realized people put a block on their outer appearance for sure. And that was something I kind of broke down. And I noticed I did that in the chair. When people sit in a stylist chair, I think it's a vulnerable place to be. And I'd open that up in them. But then I realized it went so much deeper. And that's what the book is about is the outside appearance is great. If you get alignment on the

outside beautiful but there's been plenty of times in my life I've been aligned on the outside look like I had it all together but I've been completely broken on the inside their real beauty is getting aligned on the inside and I really encourage people in the book to really take a long hard look in the mirror and actually stop because we glance at ourselves maybe 10 or 15 times a day in the mirror you're brushing your teeth maybe you're coming your hair or jell in it or spraying it i'm like 45 i never met a mirror i didn't like i got to be over 55 but you know like we're checking our teeth i don't know what we're just looking in the mirror you're just looking in the mirror we glancing ourselves, you just know what we look like, right? But not many people really stop,

look in the mirror and see if the image on the outside is really aligned with how they feel on the inside. So the book is for anyone that's ever considered, like, is this it? Is this my life? Is this is where I've got to? You know, because so much of what we've created is not really, truly our own journey. It's been what we've told to be. You're told to be a doctor as a kid. You're told to be, do this as a profession, or this is how you spend money. And we inherit the, these things that we told as a kid, and you do have the possibility and the power to change that. And, you know, if you're honestly comfortable and happy in life, then great. But if you've ever asked, is this, is this enough?

Why do I do this? Then the book breaks it down into starting from the beginning and working out what your true journey is. And it's really empowering. I think that this is important coming from you too. Really? Yeah, you make the most beautiful women in the world look more beautiful on a daily basis. And what you're saying is, yes, you do this for a living, but there's more to it than just the way you look.

100%. Yeah. And universally, it worked with everyone. Like, by the way, people know me now from working with celebrities, but I've worked with just regular men and women in the salon. I've worked with supermodels on a runway. And I've worked with cancer patients that lost their hair. Like, there is something about identity that goes so much deeper and it's connected so much deeper. And I think why I wrote the book also is because people probably have an idea of me, Chris,

Alpoeter, works with celebrities, looks, you know, post-topless pictures. I don't know. But it's all bullshit and it's all really, I guess to an extent it's a lie. And originally I had a book written which wasn't this and it was more reflective of that kind of idea of what people knew about Chris Alpertam, maybe what was expected. It was more kind of glossy, more glam. And I thought, you know, it's really not where I'm at my life. It's really not what I've learned and how I feel. And in the book, I really want to scratch away this glossy, glamorous surface and show people my darkest times, my darkest moments, the lowest times in my life. Because I hope that will enable someone else to do the same and make them feel not so ashamed

or fearful or lost in saying, you know, I actually have had dark times in my life. And instead of running away from them, making them part of your journey, because that's what happened to me. So in actual fact, I rewrote it. And then I talked about the darkest night in my life, was trying to end it. And that was hard. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I was like, how am I going to, I think I had to, I really wanted to approach it organically and honest. I wanted to be a very honest reflection on where I'm at. Why did you decide specifically to open up about that? That sounds like it was a really conscious decision. Yeah, it was always my biggest, darkest secret. I was sworn no one would ever know about it. There's so much shame around it. I never wanted

the kids to know. I never wanted anyone to know I was weak or broken or rock bottom. I mean, to try and take your own life, it's a very dark place to be. And that's where I got. I got there, though, from a journey of 20 years not living authentically, not looking in the mirror, not allowing myself to be seen, doing and being who I was told to be, what was right and what was normal. But that caught up with me. And then it was just too, I couldn't take that information in.

And the worst night and why I tried to do it was telling my kids, because as a dad, all you want to do is protect your kids. You know, if someone does something to come on a playground, you want to find out motherfucker and go, you know, it's been plenty of times. We've been at like, you know, one of those parks at the pub and some kid does, and I'm like, which one is it? You know, it's like a little, anyway, I can talk about that. But to be the one that's hurting your kids, to be the one that you feel like you're inflicting pain, you're inflicting anything that I experienced at school or growing up. And by the way, it wasn't just at school. it was my brothers like they used to be really me you know it was it came from a certain amount of

well there's a lot of toxic stuff that went on and i just thought that was normal so telling my kids i just felt like they were going to be different they're going to have a gay dad they're going to get bullied there and i thought it'd be better for them to have a dad that was dead honestly than gay because it was how old were you kids at the time it was six and eight they were young yeah so yeah that was the darkest moment of my life and it's not not it's not something I'm proud of, but it's, I was trying to kill a version of myself that was happening and I couldn't control it. I felt like cancer. I write about this in the book. I say it felt like a cancer. I could cut it out of me or what I used to go to bed every night

with a picture of the kids and I just lay there and pray to God that this would be taken away from me and I wouldn't have to deal with it. I just wanted to go back to being a dad, you know, being straight, just being a regular guy. After I woke up, I was in the hospital. Kate found me actually. She traced my call. She saved my life. Kate, save my life. I remember laying there and I just was like, so I didn't die.

And I remember thinking, well, I don't think I could hate myself anymore than I did and feel any more shame or try and get away from myself anymore. Like I say, it was like a physical feeling. If I could cut it out, I would have. And I was like, well, what about if I just stop? I just accept it. And it wasn't loud. It was really quiet. but I was just with myself and I could hear voices around me but I remember just thinking,

well, what about if I just accept it and I just start there? And I don't know what's next, but I'm going to start right here if this is obviously who I am. And that was kind of the beginning of, I guess, living authentically. I didn't know the next step, but that was the beginning of my journey. And I wanted to share that because it was so pivotal in my life. And I think obviously mine was around sexuality, but a lot of people are in unhappy. marriages, relationships, friendships, jobs, or just even their appearance. Like, if it comes down to something as small as that, there's so many people that are not aligned with, like truly who they are. So for anyone that's ever, like I say, just wondered, like, is this here? Like, then there's usually

something more. Because if something feels wrong, it usually is, you know? I think it's important for people like yourself to come on platforms like this and share these stories. Like, we've done this show for a really long time now. We've talked to so many people. Yeah. All sorts of different profiles, right like a list down to you know people who may be more obscure that you're not that's not as well known okay but like the common denominator through everything is that the end of the day people are just people some have bigger platforms and more notoriety but everyone's kind of going through life maybe not with the same struggle but most of the people that we have on that you think have it the most figured out like the reason they've got to a certain place is because of something like this

that they've been able to overcome and i think sometimes like and we did this for sure before you know before you get introduced to some of these people, you start to think like somebody has something special. Yeah. Some celebrity or some, you know, Chris Appleton, like they're, oh, they're different than me. They breathe rare air. And it's like, you might have different elements that you've figured out in terms of how to handle life. But like, we all start kind of the same way. Like there's multiple play that has to go through life.

And it's not like at the end of the day, like everyone is struggling through life. And I think sometimes we think like, oh, that's for them, they're different than me. Yeah. No, no, no. They've just maybe figured out a few things in order to break through whatever they needed to break through. But you talk to people and people are just people. Yeah. And I think even like just going off that, like I write a whole chapter in the book about envy, like a big part of my job, big part of my life, a big part of being in Hollywood, what I've seen is envy. Like a lot of people being envious, it's so easy to be envious. Like you go on social media, like, why have I not got that partner? Why is my hair not like this? Why do I not? Why is my body not better? I don't know. It's so easy to compare yourself. And I write about the book about comparison is it's actually a really sad place to be and I think

it leads to a lot of toxic behavior and I see that on social media all the time. They don't really mean comments. Saw a comment the other day someone wishing someone that, wishing to someone that had cancer. And I remember thinking, God, that person must be so unhappy. I've always been the type of person where I've tried to flip it. I mean, obviously I've had the opportunity to work with amazing people like Kim, Jalo, lots of amazing women that have built, you know, empires. I've always just tried to be like a sponge and absorb it.

Like take that information and learn. And instead of looking at them as a green-eyed monster, actually changing it into being something like, all right, there's obviously something about their life, whatever it is that I really like and am attracted to. How did they get to that point? Like what was their journey?

And I will use them as a mentor and a role model to work towards. And like it sounds really simple, but little things like that, changing it from being envious into actually something where you're like, okay, let me work towards what they've got, you know, rather than just sitting there and rotting. What people do online in my experience is not just the comparison, but what, where the shortcoming is, is like, you kind of, you want to cherry pick elements of the person's life.

Like, it would be great to be rich and famous on the parameters that I've set. But if you said to someone, hey, what do you mean? I'll give you an example. If you said to someone, hey, you will never be able to go to a restaurant again without people bombarding you, taking your children will never be able to go out in public again

without security. You will not be able to take you could public transportation but if you do you're going to be demolished. Everything you say and do will be scrutinized by the rest of the world.

If you make one statement that turns to be wrong you will be put on national news like people like the idea of what fame and celebrity and maybe money comes with. Totally. But you have to also be willing to take it.

I mean, listen, we've done this, again, a long time. We know a lot of people that have reached that level. Like, I look at, I talk about on the show, I go, listen, there's a certain point where, you know, you really got to, like, decide, is that what you want, right? Like, you see those, you can't turn that switch down. Like, we're picking on, like, J-Lo or Kardashian. Like, they cannot live normal lives. And I think for people that get closest, and you've probably seen this firsthand,

and this is not a commentary on either of them. but a lot of that can be much more isolating than people realize if you haven't actually experienced it because you don't know if people are around you for the right reasons do they want you do they actually like you are they trying to get something it just it's it's a there's a lot that comes with that and so I think comparing to that if you're not willing to actually trade everything about your life for that and really look at all the things that come with it I think it's just not a good exercise well it's like looking at someone that's fit as fuck as a six-back and you're like bitch and you're sitting there in a donut you know what I mean it's like come

on at some point you got to like put it down and go all right this is my last one I'm gonna you don't necessarily have to get to that point but maybe there's things you like about them being a bit more fit and maybe it's time to do something about it and it usually comes from a place of like change change is uncomfortable not many people want to do that I've made so much change in my life I'm always changing still to this day and I think maybe people knowing that that that is something you have to do and that's what's involved and taking them through the process of that making it not feel so heavy, sharing stories that make them laugh, some behind the scenes stories of like working with celebrities. I don't know. I just wanted to put something together that just helped

people, but in a different way. It really isn't just about getting a new haircut. It's so much deeper than that. When you made the conscious decision to accept who you were, how, what happened after that? Was there something that opened up after you made that decision? Yeah, I mean, I think it was brutal in terms of just accepting it. I can even say the words, I was gay. I was. I found that very difficult to say. So first of all, it was being able to just say those words, you know. And I think what was really difficult is as I was trying to change, everyone else around still remembered the version of me that I was.

So it was always like this conversation. I'll be really honest. I ran away. It coincides with my career changing massively. So I built a relatively good name for myself. I'd won a few competitions. I'd also lost, I've lost so much more than I've won. So people think like, oh, you got this and then you got that.

I let no, I've been plenty of time down and out year after year, but I kept going. So I used every accolade as the next step. I started working with Rita Orra. She was a celebrity in the UK, pretty big. We've changing a hair up. One day, I get an email from Jalo's team. I'm on set in the UK, and it's an email from Jalo's team and says, Jailo would love to do you to do a hair for a Vegas show.

So, of course, I deleted the email because why would that be real, right? You know, it's like you've won a million dollars. Just ring this number. And it's fucking. 20 million dollars an hour. You know, I was just like, oh, that's obviously not real. So then I got another email a couple of weeks later and I was like, wow, maybe I could do this.

Maybe I could actually do her hair. She obviously seen my work on social media. Maybe I could go to the U.S. I tell that story is my work story and it definitely was a huge motivation. One of the most freeing things about coming to America was I could just say, hey, my name's Chris. And, you know, I could be gay and not be like, oh, that's Chris. He's gay, but he was straight.

And he had two kids. And then he left his wife, but he always knew about we thinking. It was always this conversation. I felt like I couldn't escape. So there was a freedom for me being able to start again, almost like I would of as a teenager, if you like, but without all of these conversations going on around me, which I just found so confusing. And I found it very difficult. And I just had so much shame. I carried shame really heavily.

So I think that for me was the beginning of my journey of self-discovery. But then, you know, I went into plenty of relationships. as I did with my job, trying to make people look and feel their best. You know, I was very much about giving love and trying to, I guess not really giving the love that I needed myself to myself. I still hadn't got to that point yet. So yes, I could say I'm Chris, I'm gay. I could live that life and thought I'd be okay. But there was so much more to like truly like loving yourself, being able to look in the mirror and be like, I'm proud of where I'm at. And I am aligned. And I probably looked like I had it together from the outside, because

I made a career out of it. But on the inside, like I said, They didn't manage. When I had my firstborn, I was feeling off after I had her. And so I went to a bunch of different doctors, and I told them that I was feeling really tired and lethargic. And they sort of all were like, well, it's postpartum. And I knew something was off. Like I could feel something was off, but I didn't know what it was. I brought it up to my annual doctor.

And I just felt like they were not concerned because they thought I was just dealing with postpartum issues. Well, it turned out that I had postpartum depression and anxiety, and it wasn't just postpartum. And I wish I could go back and talk to myself in that moment because I feel like I wasn't being taken seriously. So that was very annoying. This is why I'm so excited to partner with hers. They're a positive force. And they're really out to provide access to care that women deserve. What they do is they address key tension points of an outdo.

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And it does go beyond medicine. And you do need to have different lifestyle tips for your best outcome. So if you're looking for supports with weight loss, heart health, menopause, postpartum, you definitely have to check them out. Again, it saves you time and you really get that clear picture of your health, which we all want. You can check out for hers.com to learn more. That is for hers.com to learn more. So I do this thing. Now I have protein before coffee.

Okay. So I'll either have like two hard boiled eggs or some cottage cheese with some Or I will have protein powder. And the protein powder I tend to do when I'm in a hurry. And as a mom of three, I am running out the door a lot. So what I do is I do two scoops, you guys, of Paleo Valley bone broth protein. I am obsessed with the chocolate. That's my favorite. I like it so much that I have rebranded it as chocolate water to my kids. So they'll each do a scoop. The trick. is to froth it in water. I give it to my kids. We both have our protein. I get 40 grams. They get 20. It's a win-win. The reason I like their protein, too, is it's made with real ingredients. There's quality sourcing. There's

no junk. There's no fillers. It's also grass-fed. They really, like, thought of everything, so I don't have to think of it. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to have a protein that I'm eating every single day and giving my kids that's filled with a bunch of artificial fillers and sweeteners. I just want to keep it simple. And that's why I like this protein. Paleo Valley is known for its bone broth protein. You guys probably heard it. Can't go wrong with the chocolate. They also have vanilla, but just like don't sleep on the chocolate. I sometimes will aggressively order it as quick as I can to like whatever hotel I'm staying at. I'm obsessed with it. You can head to paleo valley.com slash skinny or use code skinny at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. That's paleo valley.com slash skinny or

use code skinny at checkout. You know how I know Viori's good. because Sandy Brockman, my trainer, is so obsessed with what flatters the body. She's so good. She has such an eye about how to flatter the body. And she was like, Lauren, you need Viori leggings. And so I tried them. And not only did I fall in love with their leggings, I'm doing black right now because we're still in the midst of losing baby weight. But I also fell in love with their tops. They like hug you in. They're tight. They're black. They're amazing. Everything matches. It's a set. I just put like a little sweater over my shoulders. So I have my Viori leggings. I have my Viori tank. And then I'll just do like a little black sweater over it. And it's so cute. And then I'll do like a pop of color on

the shoe. So the other day I did like a neon orange and it looked absolutely major. If you're unfamiliar with Viori, you have to check out this brand. It's truly an investment in your happiness. Okay. They're very specific when it comes to designing a look beyond the gym. So if you want to run errands like I do, or go grab a sparkling Americano, which is my new drink of choice. Or you want to meet with friends or go to the office, you can do that so seamlessly after you work out. So I'll lift weights and go straight to the office, which is awesome. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at vori.com slash skinny. That's v-o-R-I.com slash skinny. Not only will you receive 20% off your first

purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns. Get 20% off your first order at viori.com slash skinny. If someone's listening and they they experience shame, when and how did you release the shame? Because when I see you today, I feel like you're very grounded and I don't feel energetically that it's there anymore. So did you release it? Yeah, I think there was a point. I tell this story and it didn't happen too long ago, but I found myself being in situations that I just didn't like the outcome of. I kept finding myself in situations where I was like, I really need to change this pattern. So I love some therapy.

I have a great therapist called John, doesn't like to be mentioned, but he's an amazing guy. He works with a lot of people. I don't think you can get his number. I don't know how I got his. One day someone gave it me. Anyway,

he kind of saved my life in many ways. But I remember him saying, all right, you know what, we're going to go back in time a little bit. And I'm like, all right, mate. Let's go. Like, fuck it.

I'm just really not like. So I'm sitting there and he's like, you know, I want you to close your eyes. I'm like, oh, my God, where's my own? So he's like talking about, can you remember a young memory of yourself? And I was like, yeah, I do remember one distinct memory. I was like six, seven years old, and I was standing at a window.

I'm one of five kids. Life was always crazy and chaotic. But I remember being in the bedroom. I was looking outside. England, it was pretty gray and green, pretty wet. But I remember just feeling really sad. So it's like, how do you feel? I said, I just remember feeling kind of alone, I guess.

I remember that feeling. It was quite a strong feeling. And I remember feeling different. was dyslexic. I wasn't understood, you know, I wasn't like my brothers. I wasn't quite like my sisters. So he's like, well, if you could go back to that little boy now, you know, what do you think you needed to hear? And he's like, and I said, what do you mean? He said, what, the adult you now, if you could go back into that memory and you could say something to him, what do you think you needed to hear? And it just softened. I just broke. I couldn't

stop crying. I was not just crying. I was like ugly crying. The crying for weeks. I kept sensing, what did you do to me? Like a release. Because what I said, I was like, I think I just wanted to know it's going to be okay. And that although you feel different now and you don't feel like you blend, like one day that'll be your superpower, so stick with it. But no one ever told me that.

And I think I realized how mean I'd been to myself my whole life, how I abandoned that little kid, exploring, doing things that kids do, to do what society, what I thought was the right thing to do, and it never allowed that kid to feel safe. And I think that was a moment of like shame for me, although it sounds quite deep, it's just about connecting back to yourself. And like I could feel my feet on the ground.

I could feel my hands on the sofa. And I think I could feel the air in my lungs. You know, it was, it was just like my shoulders went down. Because I was just like, God, I've been so fucking mean to myself. For what? For everyone else to prove these kids at school wrong, to prove the people that told me I'd never do the cover of vogue, like, and laugh in my face. Like, for what? Like, I never allowed myself to truly be. And I think that was a big part of me

letting go a shame, realizing that you can love yourself. And it doesn't have to be an arrogant or big-headed thing. It can just be a kindness to yourself. Still catch myself. I do it all the time. Like, I'll catch myself and I'll be like, fuck, that one piece of hair is out of place. like, fuck, I've ruined it. The biggest moment of my life was probably the Super Bowl in terms of like visual people seeing my work on Jennifer Lopez. I had so many people messaged me after that. It was crazy.

I had a huge jump in like followers on social media because usually it's little things that make a difference. This was the one time I've had a big jump in something. I went home that night. Everyone went out and celebrated it. I went home, cried, didn't go out and was tearing myself apart because she had this one piece of hair that fell in front of her face and it got some. stuck in a lash. She was trying to get it out. And I couldn't enjoy the performance after that.

I was like, I ruined it. The hair ruined it. Like, I completely beat myself up. But in learning, likely the only person that noticed that. 100%. But aren't we so conscious of doing that? But in learning the things I learn about how I speak to myself, like instead of being that way now, like, yeah, I'll still get those moments. But instead of the volume of that hater inside your head being at like a 10, I can turn it down to a two and I can acknowledge, I'm just doing that thing I do where the haters in there and you kind of tell yourself apart and I can come back to like my adult self instead of being like that, I guess that younger version of myself. And I think we all do that all the time. The most time it happens I've seen in my life is when women or men sit in my chair

in the hair salon. They usually look in the mirror and they're kind of like it's the one time again you stop and you look and you're kind of looking at your alignment like, is this lighting bad? You know, like fuck I look bloated. Like my God, my eyes are looking so tight. Do I need, do do I, do you know many women do this? Do I need, like this? Like, because it's the one time you're really just looking at yourself. You're really like checking everything out. And I think that's why they say the stylist's chair is like a therapist because you kind of a little bit vulnerable. You know, you're kind of like, you know, today you're like, should I change my, should I change my hair? Should I change the way I look like. You're in that big cape and then they got

their hair is all matted down and wet. Well, you look like cousin it. The hair is wet. It's like, yeah, I could see why people are like, oh. And I think that's why people open up so much in the stylist chair. You know, that's why. But I realized it was so much deeper because even when you, when you spoke about going into different areas and different looks and changing their hair, you could see people were so programmed to be like, no, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is what I'm supposed to have. Once you break free of that, it's really powerful and you can really like grow and evolve. But a lot of people get stuck in this one place in the life that they carry the whole,

the whole life with them, you know, it's powerful. I'm so curious based on your childhood, how you parent differently, your children. Yeah. What things do you do differently as a parent? I just think me and Kate, although it was very dysfunctional in terms of like I was gay and we, you know, we broke up with still best friends. She had to obviously go through her process of feeling. I went through mine and I guess as a unit we stayed together as a family and we've always been that way. We just spent Christmas together and it was a real full circle moment because I brought a place in the UK.

And for a long time I couldn't go back to the UK. So I told the story about moving to the US and finding myself. Well, when I came back to the UK for work or jobs, I'd literally be in the car having, I'd have a panic attack full, but I couldn't, with the tightness in my chest, I'd have tears and I was what the fuck is wrong with me? I don't, I didn't understand it. But it was like post-traumatic stress. It was like the thought of going back to that guy that had avoided for so long, that version of

myself, I couldn't. And again, like in healing now, like I've actually brought a house in the UK, I can go back and celebrate with my family and create a new story. And again, the book is about like, it's never too late. to make you come back and transform your life. And I was standing with Kate and New Year's Eve. I had my arm around or the fireworks were going off. And she was like, you did good, Chris. You know, you did good. And there was a point in my life. It could have been very different. And yeah, very different. I wouldn't have been here if I had to make those changes. So like I say,

I hope other people realize that they can do that too. What is your relationship? Because I see, I see your beautiful daughter all over your Instagram with your kids now today. Oh, yeah. My parents. Well, I think we have like a very open, honest relationship. They've visualized. been exposed to so much of my life because it's on the internet. Yeah. I mean, I got married on Kardashian. You know what I mean? They've seen so much of my life.

They've lived it. And we've always had very open and honest conversations. I'm actually really proud of them. And like, I was actually home at Christmas and there was a situation that had with a family member where it's funny. You think you're good, you're healed, but it's such a journey because like one person said something to me at the dinner table and I was back to like 12 years old. I was like, your siblings? Yeah.

They just what they said, the way they said it. it and I was putting my head down. I'm thinking, God, like, this is, are we still in this place? Are we still here? You know, because you realize when you do the work, you realize a lot of people around you, some people like to just stay comfortable and they don't want to do the work. They want people around them to change. Or they want you to, or they want to hold you back and keep you the same. Totally. I'll be really honest. I actually left. I actually left the table and I thought, you know, I need to get out here. My initial reaction was, I need to go back to I'm trying to like start a new beginning here and it's just like people don't change.

I need to get out of here. And it was actually my daughter that inspired me because she said she came home and she was like, dad, look, I love you and I want you to know that the way that person spoke to you and the way they actually spoke to her. She's like, I'm just going to draw a line. And she's like, that's just a boundary. I just want you to respect because I want to keep that person at a distance. And it doesn't mean it has to be awkward.

But that for me is just like not what I want in my life. and I just want you to sort of know that. And she's the sweetest gal. And I was like, uh, yeah, I was like, yeah, that. Okay, yes. Well, I'm like, yeah. So I was like two things. One, I was like, God, I think we did a good job.

And two, like, yes, you can't be 21. And like, respect yourself and set boundaries. I never thought you could do that. So I think hopefully in the mistakes I've made, I've also educated them to maybe know to expect more for yourself. Because I didn't know I had that voice at a young age. I think that's also sometimes, hard for people when they're changing or working on themselves is unfortunately not every

circumstance, but a lot of times family members are the ones that actually try to hold you back from that change. Yeah. Because it's uncomfortable for many of them. Not everyone. Again, like sometimes there's a lot of great in support of families out there. This is maybe not the case of everyone. But there are instances where family members.

We're not talking about my dad who thinks I'm a professional tennis player, ski instructor, supermodel. That's different. Wait, why does he think that just because he loves you? It's just... Well, it's called delusion. We call it different things. But it's also a nice kind of delusion because it's very supportive and loving.

You'd want that instead of the reverse, which is like, hey, you can't do anything and you'll never do anything, right? But no, I think, you know, when family members sometimes see people changing their lives and improving and saying, hey, I'm not going to kind of repeat the pattern and I'm going to do things differently and I've got to break out of whatever's going on, that that is also uncomfortable because it's a it's a reflection on you know the the family itself totally but I mean be honest guys have you obviously you guys have been together how long a long time oh time since before time existed just a long time but like do you guys ever see anything in your dynamic

your relationship of how you speak to each of how you behave that you've recognized now that you inherited as a young age from seeing your parents and you know that doesn't actually work and there's other ways of doing it of course no of course I mean listen I was raised in a very in a household where it was like there was plenty of love and support, but there was like an expectation. Right. Right. You know, my, I've said this is a running joke on the show.

My mom, my grandmother was full Japanese, one of my mom's half Japanese. And in many Asian cultures, like you don't get a lot of praise. It's like, for example, if you're a little kid and you go, hey, mom, I went upstairs and I brushed my teeth today. Like I, you're little, it's like, yeah, of course you're supposed to. You got an A on my report. I said, yeah, of course.

Yeah. It's the other stuff, it's like if you fall short. And so I think, I think, you're supposed to, think in our relationship, we just had an argument in the car this morning. It's like, can you be more complimentary? Can you initiate more praise? Chris, I said, when you bring me my coffee in the morning that sometimes you forget, could you have it stack it with a compliment? So here's a theme for the day, coffee and a compliment. Nice. Yeah. Okay. So, but that is something. How did you take that? How did you tell to say the truth? Of course. No, but, but first, but but but the thing is, literally for me.

No, no, I'm validating what you're saying. It is easier for me to go and, like, do the things, get up with the kids. Like, do the things that, you know, I think are expected of what a husband and father should do. Without, I don't need acknowledgement for it. Yeah, because that's what you do. But it's hard for me to then be like, oh, but I also need to do the, like, I have to think about actively. But obviously you struggle with that and maybe emotional part because that's not what you got as a kid. So to be giving you a, you're like, well, course.

Why would I do that? Yeah, and again, I never didn't ever not feel love by my parents. And they're very complimentary of me as I've gotten older and they say many nice things. But I even, I'm empathetic to them. Again, as you get older, you're like, okay, well, they probably didn't get those things. Definitely. It's just inherited. You just, so then you start to realize, okay, like with my kids, I want to do more of that.

But at the same time, I'm also like, you know, I don't want to praise them because they brush their teeth. It's like, you know, you also, there is an expectation. Okay, but does everyone in the room, Carson and Chris agree that a coffee, in a compliment is the easy little way to get a little romance in. I think it's nice to keep it, you know, spicy. But I think that is the best thing about relationships is a mirror. And unfortunately, that's like the dog side of relationships as well as, like, you get to see a mirror.

Because sometimes you see things you don't necessarily like, well, why would I do that? I've never done that. I never saw that as a kid. It's just not broken up your head. And I think you just have to be open to like, that's important to that person. So although it is not necessarily something I would naturally do, I'm going to work on that to, but vice versa, there'll be something. that means something to you where you're just like, what? You know, and that's the give and take

relationships. How would I give a compliment after I get my compliment in my coffee? I think the, it's a kind of princess behavior, but obviously that's what you got. I'm getting from your dad that you got the princesses. I love this. He knew what he married. I've thought about the order a lot of my life. It's like coffee, compliment, blowjob. Great. Yeah. I mean, come on. Come on. Let's see. CCB. Yeah, I think that's nice. I have to have like, you know, It's the Paploved dog thing with the, you know, they like, do the thing. I'm fine with that. Coffee compliment blowjob.

Can I have a sip of coffee before? But joking. I think that the job of an evolved person as you go through life, man, whoever, is that you have to, you have to break patterns that are not. Like you can't just say like, oh, well, I was raised this way. My family was this way. I'm this way. Right. You know, I used to get hit as a kid, so now I hit as a little.

But do how many people do that? Sure. And I think that's. In relationships. Do you know how many people? end up breaking because they don't want to change. People like don't want to change their habits. They don't want to stop and go, okay. So I mean, all the conversations I've had, like, I had great parents. I thought a very normal upbringing, but like there's certain things I inherited

that just like, don't suit me now, you know, because I moved away from it as well, especially when you go back to it, you can really see it. But I think a lot of people just are so comfortable in like their own habits and they don't want to change. Because change is hard. I saw a bad relationship. Someone cheated this. So like, that's what I do in my relationship. Like the job is to acknowledge the thing. And I think what's interesting as you evolve and as you as you grow, one, you're empathetic to your parents because you realize they probably didn't have. Of course.

Like, sounds like your mother had it. They did the best job. But just because their best job is not like you have a, your job now is to do an even better job. I think like each generation should strive to be better than the last. Because we should like there's so many more tools now to enable people to have that. Like this conversation would never have been had like 20 years ago. I mean, people didn't talk about feelings.

When my mom's mom and dad died, she read it on the front of a newspaper. No one told them they were dead. They didn't get to go to their funeral. They didn't do therapy. They just got on with life. That was just life then. That's unheard of now. But you know what I mean?

So like everything, conversations need to happen to keep things evolving and. You're in the last thing, when I was even just thinking as you were telling your story, we're of similar age, but we come from the generation where to be a gay man or woman as a child. Like, it was a taboo thing. Like you're going through school. And I think a lot of the younger people listening to this, like what? Like it's, it's, I don't say normal, but it's, it is not as taboo as it was when we were

all growing up. Yeah. And I think the conversation, like this conversation that we just had today for sure was not taking place when we were in grade school. Exactly. Thank God for shows like heated rivalry because that's changing the dynamic. It's making people feel, you know, it's creating healthy conversations and relationships that it's just a love story and it's not just like, well, they're gay.

Because it was almost like, even like, Even like with like brought back mountain or certain films, it was like just gay people watch that. Like a straight guy wouldn't necessarily watch it. Whereas now so many people, and this Hito Ravi is so mainstream now. It's so refreshing to see that. Tell Michael what it is because I can tell he doesn't know what it is. She said a love story. No, I've seen people talking about it. Oh, you have. Yeah, I mean, listen, I do pay it. I mean, we have a lot of shows on Dear Media where people are, it's like a very popular show, people are talking about it. Totally.

I'm not going to say I've been in the weeds. Do we need to watch it? Great. You should absolutely watch it. Okay. But it's just the, you know, the idea. I'm sorry. I've been watching the Kardashians. I've been watching the Kardashians. I've been watching you. So now I've to switch also to this. You know, I've never watched a couple of episodes in my whole time of, because I'm on it. I just don't watch it. I don't know. You look great. Oh, really?

Yeah. Do I get the filter? You look great. You look amazing. If there is someone who's listening that's hiding a part of themselves, what would you tell them to do? I think you're the perfect person to ask on this show. I think, first of all, it's just about acknowledging that something's wrong. And a lot of people don't want to do that. So I write about the book as a chapter about saying the word fine.

Like the four letter word fine I hate because most people use that as a facade. How are you feeling? I'm fine. How's your relationships? Fine. How's your financial situation? Fine. Fine is just then fine because it's really just a facade of like don't look at me.

I don't want to acknowledge it. I don't want to deal with it. I don't really want to talk about it. And I think the first step in making a difference is accepting that something's wrong. Because if something feels wrong, it usually is. You just got to explore what that is. Like I say, it might be your marriage. You might just be fucking miserable.

People move on and evolve. That's okay. You might be your job. Like, maybe finance isn't for you. You were told to do that, but you've always wanted to act. I don't know. It's about living authentically and what actually works for you. And I think it's just the point you need to get to of like looking in the mirror and really

looking and seeing if you're aligned with what you're seeing on the outside and how you feel on the inside. Because that's usually when you know something's off. One thing I do not forget when I travel is my bee propolis. This is like an essential when you travel. I spray it on my throat every single time I travel. Every single time I feel like I'm getting sick. My kids use it. I am obsessed with beekeepers naturals. So much so that I have invited the founder on the podcast twice because this is such a hack to use their bee propolis spray. It's honestly amazing. It kills germs on the spruce. It's honestly amazing. It kills germs on the space. bought while supporting your immune system. It has 300 plus essential vitamins, antioxidants, and bioactive compounds. My kids love it. It tastes amazing. I love it. Like I said, it tastes amazing. And you get your daily dose of immunity. But you also get antioxidants like flavonoids, which we want because this fights against free radicals and it combats stress. But the most important thing, you guys, is it helps defend germs on the spot. They have a

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supplementation, the proper protein. And I also want to make sure that I'm getting it through the right kinds of products. High quality with high delivery systems. This is why I love talking about kachava. With just two scoops, you can get 25 grams of protein, six grams of fiber, which is so important, greens, adaptogens, and so much more. What I like to do is make my personalized smoothie that I have pretty much every single day after I work out. I love the chocolate flavor kachava because it goes with a little bit of cacao. I also add a little bit of whole milk. Then I also add in one banana and a little bit of spinach with some blueberries. This is going

to make an incredible protein shake that gives me 25 grams. of protein and fiber. What I've noticed since taking Kachava is I have a great amount of energy, which supports me all day. I also have great digestion, which keeps me regular with the fiber and the probiotics. And of course, I'm building strength gains and muscle. They have all sorts of essential minerals, which is going to help with cognition. And it's going to help nourish your immune system with their vitamin C, zinc, and probiotics. It's non-GMO. There's no soy, no animal products, no gluten, and no preservatives. Kachava just provides clean nutrition to fuel wherever your day takes you. No fillers, no nonsense. So like I said, just add two scoops to get

25 grams of protein and 6 grams of fiber. You can try Kachava risk-free with their love it guarantee. Thousands of rave reviews don't just take it for me. So check them out. Stick with your wellness goals. Go to kachava.com and use code skinny for 15% off. That's Kachava, K-A-V-A-D-com, code skinny. Introducing the skinny confidential ice roller.

Reimagined. Think sleaker lines, a softer pink, a custom buttery dust bag, and a silver roller, not pink anymore, that is ice colds. I wanted to do a juge on the iconic ice roller. I wanted to update it. This ice roller for me has always been more than just a tool. It's about helping us depuff and sculpt and calm the skin in a way that feels intentional. And I wanted the ice roller to feel evolved. It's changed. You've changed. So yes, the new gorgeous, stunning beautiful ice roller is still going to do the same things. It reduces puffiness and redness in your face. I used it this morning before I put on my makeup. It definitely helps with the under eye bags. Of course, it helps boost circulation and radiance.

I just feel like it really helps stimulate blood flow and gives me that tighter, more radiant skin. And then it also is known to give you a smoother, tighter looking skin. So what I like to do is I like to combine facial massage with cold therapy. And this really helps give you a really nice foundation, before you even apply your skincare. This ice roller for me is a full circle moment. I think that a lot of you bought the ice roller five, six years ago when we launched it. And now I am launching something that feels more in alignment with where you're at. It's so beautiful, you guys. It's just softer and more effortless in every way. And I really put my own touches on every single little step from the packaging to the colors to how it feels to even the roller. It's all been

elevated just for you. So the ritual, the Lauren ritual, is you do cold therapy to help fight inflammation. You roll it. You glide it across your face. I put it on my jawline, my neck, I roll it down. Your skin is just going to appear smoother and tighter before you go in for the kill with the skincare and the makeup. Don't skip the cold therapy. The new ice roller is an upgrade designed to meet the standards of today. And I hope you guys love it as much as I do. This is the beauty tool that started it all. Redesigned to evolve with you. I'm showing it on YouTube too if you're on YouTube if you're seeing me visually. Get it why it's hot at shop skinny confidential.com. That's shop skinny confidential.com. You were had a very public relationship.

It was on keeping up with the Kardashians. It was very public. You guys broke up. When you look back with you have foresight now to look back. Is it foresight? Hindsight or? Hindsight. You have hindsight to look back. What would you have done differently? Or are you so happy that it happened the way it happened and you have the tools now to move forward?

I don't think I have any regrets in my life. I've done things in my life that I don't think worked for me and I've learned a lot from them. I think it was probably more about hope. You know, I don't think it's always about some people think going fast is like about being reckless. And that kind of is what's pushed out in the media. me personally I think I was actually more just hopeful that you know love wins and love is enough I think I learned truly love really isn't enough I think you have to have alignment I think in all the relationships I've been in it on reflection like I've gone into situations where it was

easier to have someone there than to be alone because I don't really want to face myself and I I realized that I give love away that I should be given to myself and made it all about them and I think probably my toxic trait was thinking I could fix people or wanting to even engage in that, you know, like hearing that people wanted to be better versions of themselves and I could encourage that and bring it out in them. Because like I say, in a job, it worked great. Professionally, I made a whole career out of it. But personally, like in emotionally, like I was starving myself because I was just giving to other people what, you know, I should have given myself. I think now, I mean, I've been single for two years and it's been a really happy two years.

been a really fulfilled two years where I think for the first time in my life, like I'm comfortable being on my own. I'm happy. I feel settled. I feel so protective of my life now. I've got two beautiful kids. I've always been protective of them, but just not on myself being in that environment. So I'd bring things in, which didn't serve me. And, you know, I think you have to learn. I think there's a lot of lessons that I've learned that are now, I'm incredibly protective of people that come into my life. And also, it's like buying a house. You know, when you buy your first house as a kid, like, well, 19, I was, however, you're 20, 25, 30. Like, you get a house and you're like, I love this place. Got doors and windows. Man, I've got my own space. I'm going to do what I want.

But then, like, as you buy houses and you move along, you realize you're, I guess you refine your taste. You're like, ah, you know, I really don't like those small windows. I really hated living in that dark apartment because I always had the lights on. So every time you kind of get more refined. So the amount of houses that you could actually live in, it's less. Because you know your taste, you know what you like, you know what works for you and what doesn't work for you. Get more an analogy. So I'm at a place now where I guess the pool of people is smaller because I know where I'm out in my life and I know what I want and what I don't want. Whereas I think before I was just like, oh, this is a house. I'll live in it. Whereas now I am, you know, way more selective.

And you should refine your search. You should learn everything I've been in. I've learned so much from and tried to, you know, evolve from that. I think that's a good strategy. I don't like to make the same mistake twice. When you have had the experiences you've had, you know, you've had different houses, you've done a different relationship, you've had a family, you have kids. I think that the reverse of that is true as you age if you have not had that. For example, if you get older and older and older and you're and you haven't experienced all those things and you're getting more and more particular and you're not open to things,

I think that can be a slippery slope. Totally. Because then all of a sudden you're like, you get, you're like nothing's ever good enough. So what he's saying is he's saying that you've had all these experiences so you're able to refine. You've based this off of trying a million different things and now knowing what's right for you. A lot of times people isolate and they don't try enough things, but they get really particular about what is. And then they miss. Like we had a dating coach on here and she was saying like one of the biggest problems with some of these online dating platforms is the filters that people use.

Like trying to filter out a million things. I love to give a face time. I like to just check. Do a face time. Yeah, they don't answer. I'm like, not even the filters of the look, but he's saying like the filter, like you have to be this tall and this and you have to weigh this, like, meaning like they like they, they miss a whole population. Do you know what I love asking? I'm going to ask you to this question. This is the first, well, it's not the first, but I usually get into this on the first date. So I'll ask them what your toxic trait is. Do you know what your toxic trait is? I have a few. Just give me one. Come on. I can be dismissive. I can. So we stop. That's dismissive. All right. It's cool. But that's good because you know that about so. So is that has that been told. to you buy your partner or if you is that come up in arguments conversations no like i i know you know

i talk too fast sometimes i come off as not listening here's my one of my biggest talks or traits is i am listening and i really am paying attention but i don't acknowledge people so it's it looks dismissive and like i'm not paying attention do you catch yourself do you catch yourself that like that's a thing sometimes yeah no i know and i can see sometimes when i meet new people they're like fuck is this guy paying attention and i am but i just i don't know how would you explain it That's good. I think you explained it great. So what's your toxic trait? Well, I only have one. My toxic trait is the silent treatment. Really? Oh, my God, that's the death. I hate that. Because it's not even that I'm trying to use it as a weapon.

You just shut down. Yes, you are. No, it's that I can't give any of my capacity. Be honest. We're having an honest conversation. You don't try to use it as a weapon? I can't give my capacity. She's giving it to you now. I need to give my capacity to other things. So if someone's draining my energy, like I can't give capacity. Like, if a text message comes in and it's 65 pages long or a voice note for three hours, like I can't drain my capacity. So I just don't.

I can't. But again, like, are you in a place in your life now where you know you do that? You can catch yourself. You're like, I'm doing that thing. I got it. It's not that healthy. 10,000 comments on TikTok about how toxic. But at least now you can acknowledge and you can catch it.

Look, you're always going to have these traits. I'm always triggered all the time thinking I can fix people, wanting to help people be a better version of themselves. Because I've realized in relationships, it doesn't matter, you could tell you're a billionaire, it doesn't mean you are. Whereas I think before, I'm like, oh, great, you know, cool. I mean, not that I care about money. I don't at all. I'm giving it as an example, but people that would say, oh, you know, I know I have this problem, but like, I want to get to this place. And I'm like, oh, you know, I can help support that. Whereas in actual fact, I think people tend to be who they are unless they're actively working themselves in therapy, doing the work,

acknowledging it. A lot of people, it's like saying, oh, I really want to be fit and go to the gym, but just not going to the gym or going twice and being like, that's it. So you go along with the delusions of grand art? Not anymore. I'm allergic to it. I, even if I try now, I'll still see things sometimes. I know the dynamic I'm attracted to and I'll catch it and I'll be like, oh, cool. And then I'm like, no. So you would be attracted. It's like an alcoholic. It's like, Once you've done the 12-step program, I can look at a drink and I can be like, nice. So in a relationship, I know where that goes. If it was a person and they were like a fixer up or you'd be like, oh, I'm the guy to fix this up.

Like that and you would be attracted to that. I think I was just attracted to things that in all my relationships, like things that like, I guess were, it felt exciting. And it was lots of highs and lows. And I could help them be a better version of themselves because, you know, that's what I was told they wanted. and, you know, just over-extending myself, over-extending, you know, and accommodating. And it's funny because in my career, it worked, like, you know, your acts of service, you're doing that all the time, you're providing.

You know, I don't walk in and J-Las out how are you. I'm like, well, I'm fucking tired because I've been promoting this book and my voice is. You're just like, I'm great, thank you. You know, you're there to provide a service. But to an extent, you know, in a relationship, sometimes you've got to be allowed to be seen. I think I never allowed my, I never was really seen. I just always provide it, you know.

I also think with you, too, because you are around a high performers all the time and you yourself are such a high performer that you're constantly seeing these high performers get better and better and better. Like you watch the Kardashians and you see Kim doing the law school thing. Like that's got to be so inspiring to you that she's already like at the top of the mountain, but she wants to go higher. And when you're around that like subconsciously, it's rubbing off on you. And you're also a high performer clearly with your book and what you're doing.

And so when you see someone, and maybe I'm wrong, but when you're dating someone and maybe they're not a high performer, you want to help them get there. Yeah, totally. Or if they want to be, I don't know, I think I've always just, when things have happened where I should have just probably realized that that's not right. I've stayed for too long and maybe not just saw it for what it was, tried to see maybe a fantasy version of it. Yeah. Because I think I probably, I'll be really, no. I think I saw that one my mom and dad. I think they both come from traumatic childhoods. My dad got put in a home when he was five. And they've lived together their whole lives. And, you know, they have their thing going on. But a lot of it was about survival. It was like stay together for the

kids. It was about, you know, put the kids first. And, you know, I think there's lots of stuff that they pushed under the rug, which some stuff just wasn't okay. And they probably should have separated. But they were too, there was too much fear around separating. Because when you've lost a family from such a young age, your family, you just, you want to keep the dynamic together. You don't to break it, you know, so I think I inherited some of those things. So like just stay in just for the sake of it and not really just like I say, my daughter when she came into me and she's just like, hey, dad, like love you. I just want to put this boundary in place and move on. I'm like, cool. And she does that with her boyfriend. They have a great relationship. He's

really, he's really avoidant and she's more anxious attachment and they both recognize that and they tell me this, they do therapy, they talk because they want to understand each of her. They have a great relationship, but they really love each of her. But there's certain times, like in confrontation or something where, you know, she needs more reassurance, and he just shuts down, which is like that doesn't work. It's like this push-pull. So now they've both acknowledged, they have these things, and they want to kind of just meet in the middle

and kind of understand each other a bit more, which is, I think, so great. I'm like, go for, like, love it. What does it take to date Chris Appleton at this point? What is on your menu? I think honesty is really important to me. Let's put it out in the ether. Honesty.

Honesty is so important to me. Okay. I think someone that's really passionate. I don't care what you do. You can work at Starbucks. If you love what you do, I want it. You know, I love that. Hey.

I think someone that's fun, I love to laugh. I think it's really important. But I think probably one of the most importance is, like, just the intention of someone saying and knowing who they are and truly being that and not just trying to give me a version of themselves that they think I want to hear about. I think that's really important. And someone that I just wants to live life. My end goal in life is to die with memories, not dreams. You know, I want to live my life and see it. I try and practice being grateful.

Like every day I try and just think of something that I'm grateful for. And it's easy to be reminded. But even just to be here now, you guys, I'm grateful for this experience and this opportunity. I'm grateful that, hey, after like 30 years, I brought a book out about my life. I'm grateful I get to share that with people. I'm grateful that, like, my kids are healthy. I don't know. There's so many things in this life.

You only have to pick up your phone and go on Instagram or TikTok. And you can feel like, why have I not got this? Why have I not got that? So I think gratitude is really powerful. Are you grateful that Chris Jenner wrote the forward? Oh my God. How great. She's so sweet. I did she called her before we came here. We had a little chat as we got things coming up this year. I was like, you know what? 2025 was a good year for you, Chris. Because that phase and then she's like, oh, she's so happy. She's just having a good time. It's funny. When I first did her hair, I'd only done her hair last year. After all the years, I've learned family, I'd never done Chris's hair. I'm kind of scared. She's like, I had stories. You know, like, you have to be there on time. She's very prompt, you know, and I'm always a little late. I mean to that. I don't know, I think it's my ADHD. I'm like, I've got time to do this.

I'm the same way. Yeah, I'm like, oh, look, look at the birds. Anyway, we're in Paris. Kim has a robbery. I was with Kim when, that was when I first started working with when she first got robbed. So then fast forward, what is it? 10 years later, we're in Paris again, and she's going for the trial. She's like, do you mind doing my mom's hair while you're there?

It's how long it took for them to do that? Yeah, it takes me. So I'm like, sure, I'll do it. But then everyone's like, I'm like, so, you know, I usually find out, what's Chris like, you know, and they're like, well, she'll be there. you know the call times at five in the morning she'll be in the chair at 445 so don't be late so i come in i'm like i'll be there at like i think it was there at 445 and i was like that to me is like you know early and she's like morning and i'm like oh she's ready okay right i'll just get right

into it so she's sitting in the chair and she's like just blow it out and i'm like nah why would we do that like it's took me 10 years to get my hands on you you've got this new face, which looks amazing, let's do a wig. Let's do something different. So we had so much fun. Like, I remember doing something different to her. She had like the bob. It was like the slick bob. It was just like a little longer. It was still a little different. And she like, about herself. You know, she was like, all right. You know, she's Christian. And she's like, feeling a little different. It's exciting when someone sees you and can kind of help you get to a different place and where you're at in your life. So we did this event with each of a couple of months

ago. And she actually started crying when she was talking. She got really emotional because we were talking to an audience of people about when I first did her hair. And she said, you know, I've had this short pixie haircut my whole life. And Chris looked at me and was like, let's do something different. And she said, I'm just so grateful that you saw that in me because, you know, most people would just keep her in a box. We love to keep people in boxes of like, that's what you do and that's what you have. And she's like, you saw me and gave me the opportunity to grow. And she's like, I'm so grateful for that. And now she, you know, for a 70s, she had her hair pinned up. And she's always doing something different now. And I love that. But like,

it's never too late to transform your life and make you come back and if anyone's an example of that is Chris you know she's having a great time doing it you know who's pixie cut we're gonna transform Michael bostics I think so right let's go you guys I feel like the hair guys for anyone that I get texts about this haircut this problem there's this is an issue in the marriage of the hair there is this is the issue she doesn't like first of all everyone needs to go by the book your roots don't define you it's on Amazon I got the Kindle version and I have the hard copy as you can see on YouTube it's completely bookmarked. It's a really good book. I really enjoyed it. I wanted to talk to Chris again. He had come on the show the first time and this conversation's been amazing. So thank you.

Thank you for doing this. I really wanted to come back. I actually, I think I DM'd you. But I was like, yay, this will be amazing. You never answered it for ages. It's like you. Well, was I doing the sign? No. Hey, you know what I got. I'm not in my DMs as much as I should be. No. And I, so we have. Thank God you like set like pin like. We have another guest coming later this afternoon. And I was looking at it. And I was like, okay, let me go on the social. And I went to the DM. And I have messages from like 20, 22. And I'm like, oh. And I'm like, shit. When she comes on, you guys having a life. But you know, I just the problem is with the D. It's the DMs can be a dangerous. Yeah. But when you're single then, I. Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure you have a lot of blue

check marks in. Some of the things people say. You know what? I imagine if you're single, you're in the DMs a lot more. Wait, hold on. I have to ask one more question. And you can just say yes or no. Is there a lot of straight men that are DMing you? Yes. It's a yes. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting that... Or are they straight?

Jeffrey Starr already told me about this. He told me off air. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting what you see in your DMs compared to real life. I was going to say, because when I go into a gay bar, I don't ever get the thing that says you don't belong here. People are pretty nice to me in the bar when I go in. Yeah, you do get looked at, I would say, more by gay men than women. I mean it's kind of like I listen it's it's appreciated it's nice to be it's a nice to be acknowledged yeah he's a hot guy he's a great ass I get it I will say people were much nicer to me when I lived

in West Hollywood and now I'm out there right and it's a little bit harder I don't know so this is so we're gonna do a live haircut on YouTube everyone not a haircut a hairstyle with some products requested by yeah requested by me because I can't I but here's a mix up she I will say I'm supposed to get a haircut tomorrow. So you're getting me at like the tail end of like the longest most out of control. So should you, should you go sit right here, Chris, where she's set? Are we really doing something?

Yeah, we're doing it. We're doing it. We should sit. We should get a chat. So if people want to see this, they got to go into the video. Okay. Before we go, though, just give us a wrap on where to find you and purchase the book and all the things.

So Chris Appleton 1, my social handles. And if you want to get my book, it's a linking bio, but it's available on Amazon, Hopper Collins. And it's for anyone that's ever said, is this it? If you want to transform your life, create you come back. This is for you. So fun read, it's definitely got some exciting stories in it. Make you laugh, make you cry.

And yeah, it's a part of me that maybe people don't know. Congratulations. Thank you. No easy thing.