The Bossticks - Derek Hough On The Dark Side Of Success, Elite Discipline, Loneliness At The Top, & His Wife's Health Battle

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

#974: Join us as we sit down with Derek Hough – Emmy Award-winning choreographer, actor, and television personality best known for his groundbreaking work on Dancing with the Stars, where he won a record six Mirrorball Trophies as a professional dancer before becoming a judge. Renowned for his innovative choreography, magnetic stage presence, and relentless discipline, Derek has built a career that extends far beyond the ballroom – from global tours and film to acclaimed live productions including Hairspray Live! and Singin' in the Rain. In this episode, Derek opens up about his journey from childhood to becoming a world champion dancer, discovering identity and purpose through movement at a young age, the discipline required to sustain excellence, and the loneliness that can come with success. He also shares an intimate look into his wife's health battle and recovery, and reflects on the gratitude, perspective, and deeper joy they've found on the other side.   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TheBossticks.com   To connect with Derek Hough click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   Head to our ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of the products mentioned in each episode.   Get your burning questions featured on the show! Leave the Him & Her Show a voicemail at [phone].   This episode is sponsored by The Skinny Confidential Shop the Memorial Day sale at http://ShopSkinnyConfidential.com for 30% off sitewide, for 24 hours only.    This episode is sponsored by Troscription There's a completely new way to optimize your health. Give it a try at http://troscriptions.com/SKINNY or enter SKINNY at check out for 10% off your first order.   This episode is sponsored by The RealReal Get $25 off your first purchase plus an extra $100 to shop when you sell for the first time. Go to http://TheRealReal.com/skinny.   This episode is sponsored by Batch Go to http://hellobatch.com/SKINNY and use code SKINNY at checkout.   This episode is sponsored by Xyzal Visit http://xyzal.com for more information   This episode is sponsored by Kion Go to http://getkion.com/skinny for 20% off.   This episode is sponsored by Momentum Go to http://momentumshake.com/SKINNY to get your free Welcome Kit and Travel Collection!   This episode is sponsored by MasterClass Head to http://MasterClass.com/SKINNY to see the latest offer! Produced by Dear Media

Welcome to the Bostics, starring Lauren Bostic and Michael Bostick. Together, they are the Bostics. We were just talking off air about how when you were 12, you, I'm not going to say you got sent away. I'll let you say it. You went to England. Was that a choice you made? It was very much my choice. Yeah. In fact, I actually was like begged my parents to go. because I went to England for this big Latin ballroom competition called Blackpool and I got kicked out the first round.

I was like, oh, I am nowhere near the level of these answers. You know, I'm like just a different, you know, it's a different level. And so I knew in order to get to where I wanted to go, even at 12 years old, I kind of had clear goals, I knew I needed to be there. I need to be around that, you know, environment and those coaches. coaches. And so when the opportunity came up, I was like, please let me go. Yeah, I want to go. How did you have the foresight at 12 years old to be that smart to know you needed to get around people who were better than you to get better? It was, it was a combination of things.

I think during my parents' divorce, so the home was, the whole foundation was completely, you know, uprooted. Both my parents lived in different apartment buildings opposite each other at the time. And And yeah, I was at work all the time. My mom was kind of gone. And so I would get kicked, you know, beaten up at school. And I was, you know, got kicked out of schools. And then dance was sort of my refuge. And I just fell in love with it, the community of the people.

And I got to travel. I got to go to L.A. I got to go to New York. And, yeah. And then then have. Then the coaches, Shirley Ballas, you know, and Corky Ballas, Mark Ballas's parents came and taught. And they were just like, hey man, you're really talented. Why don't you go, why don't you come with us for a few months?

And we'll train you. And I was like, yes, like, you guys are the best. And so I was always supposed to go for a few months, but I ended up staying for almost 10 years because I just competed and became a champion and in this division and in this division. And then, yeah, I just had clear goals. I had a clear direction of what I wanted to do. But it's funny because then I look back, I look now at my nieces. nephews, I'm like, you're how old I was? It's wild.

What? That's crazy. Like, I can't, it's hard to fathom in that way. At that time, though, I felt like an adult. I was like, oh, yeah. I'm going over to English. Do you think with the split of your parents, it kind of like, in a way, forced you to grow up a little faster?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, yes, I guess, I define growing up, I suppose. Well, I guess like, the way I'm thinking about is, like, I know a lot of, like, I have friends that have 12-year-olds. Yeah. I can't imagine, like, knowing the maturity levels that they would, like, they, you know, some of these kids are still having their parents cut the corners of their sandwiches, which is another issue.

But, um, but no, I mean, I just, that's a very mature 12 year old to say, I'm ready to leave the home and go to another country. Yeah. And live there. Like, that's just, I don't know many 12 year olds that would do that. Yeah. I think I was, I think I got the competition bug at a young age. I was, I got the, I enjoyed competition.

I would go to those competitions and I was, I was, you know, doing, okay but then when I would do well at a competition I was like oh I want to I want to keep that thing going and and so I think I just got sort of locked into what that feels like and knowing that in order to get better I need to be around better people like you said is like you know you become who you hang around with right you become the people you're with and so I need to be with people who are at the absolute top of their game and and that you know Shirley Ballas was she was great she even told me she was like you have potential to be a champion one day and I believed her. I was like, okay, I'll, I'll let me follow you. Like, you tell you show me the way,

you know, essentially. And, and they did. So it was pretty cool. Well, I were you being bullied and why did you get kicked out of school before that? So I was, I would be getting bullied. I was kind of like a young little, you know, scrawny little kid. And as funny, as I've gotten older, I've realized that I'm pretty awkward actually. I've actually kind of an awkward person. I've done okay for myself. By the way, a lot of people in entertainment, right? Some of us can be a little awkward. But I really, and even like my dad now, like I looked at my dad, like, he is the most amazing man and he's just like, can hold a room and he's, you know, he's, you know, he was

the president of his company. But now as he's gotten all that, I'm like, oh man, you're kind of goofy, you're kind of awkward. And that's, I think that's where I get that from. The reason why I say that is because as a young kid, I really found it hard to connect with, you know, kids at school and to hang out. And like, I didn't have like the little clicks. And so I was always on the outside just trying to like fit in and get in there. But it was being a dancer didn't help. I think I would get the, you know, the crap eating out of me. You know, one school kid like punched me in the face, bleeding everywhere.

But then I like retaliated and started, you know, beating him up. And then I got a spell from school. One time this girl like took a, I don't know, she kind of liked me, I guess, when we were kids. We're talking like 10 years old, 11 years old. and a few of the guys didn't like that, so they found me in a corner, and they beat me up. And so, yeah, it was interesting. And then even my neighborhood, where I lived in my neighborhood,

we had these neighbors who were, bullying is kind of too nice of a word. They, like, tormented me, where they were, like, hanging up in a tree by my ankles and put a gun to my head and spit on me or hog-tie me in a field. And I was scared. I would have night terrors. Very traumatic, man. It was. And I would, like, wet the bed.

And, you know, I was a scared kid. I was a terrified kid. Scared of the dark. Scared of my shadow. Like, just scared and constantly on edge. And so it was interesting. And I couldn't sleep over at people's homes. I was, I had to be home.

If I would try, I'd be like, let me sleep over at my friend's house. And I'd go over there. And then I'd call my mom, like, come pick me up, you know. Just scared. So it's kind of ironic. the fact that at 12 years old I moved across you know across the world and trained and you know competed and did stuff but it was interesting once I was there I felt I was like on track you know and I felt safe I actually felt safe being away I felt like I had a goal I had a vision I knew

where I was doing I had you know each day I was like this is this is the plan you know there was not sort of like this sense of floating around and being scared it was like I had clarity and that clarity is power so I also thinking and I don't that dancing gets out so much energy that's sometimes suppressed sure and this is my own opinion it just gets out energy and like if you are feel it's if I was feeling scared or fearful or upset a way to get it out is to move your body so it makes sense to me that you were attracted to dance well and before I danced I played drums I was a drummer I was played in a Beach Boys tribute band, you know, in the Utah County Fairs and stuff. And or get up and sing Hound Dog, you know, sing Elvis.

And so when I walked into a dance, I was this teacher named Rick Robinson, and he was from Chicago. And he was like, yo, heavy D. You know, why you like come and do this hip hop? And I was like, all right. And then he also did Barman Latin. So that's how I got into that style as well. But the music, the rhythm, you know, being a drummer. understanding, you know, musicality, I took to dance even quicker, I think, because I understood

it, you know, the musicality part of it. And then once you have this thing with your body, you have this control, it's like, it's like, there's something about that, right, where I often say this, there's, it's primal, right? Dancing is primal. Before you can walk or crawl, we all have babies, you put them on the ground before you put music on, they're kind of like, you know, they're moving around. It's in us. But, Somewhere along the way, we sort of decide not to dance anymore. So having that freedom, listening to the music, syncing your body up to the rhythm and the beat, it just does something.

And then you get yourself in the community and then in competition. It was like a perfect storm, you know? And I love music as well. Who originally pushed you into dancing? Both you and your sister or entertainment, visit someone in your family? Did your mother, father? How did you guys even get involved in this space? My mom made me go.

Yeah. She made me go. She dragged my ass to dance. I did not want to go. It was, I was in the parking lot. My sisters were going to dance class, and she was like, you might as well go inside. And I was like, no, no, no, no.

It's for girls. And I'm, you know, and I walked in there. And I was like, oh, yeah, there's a lot of girls in here, actually. And, you know, being a young boy, I was, I was like, oh, this is actually, this isn't so bad, you know. Because I loved, I remember getting in trouble at school because I would like, I would like want to always kiss the girls or something like that. They're like, you can't do that, Derek.

If you want to, I remember this is Fox. She told me, she said, what she said to me. She goes, Derek, you can't, you can't do that. Like, well, we're just, you know, we're just kissing. And he's like, no, no, if you want to impress a girl, this is what she told me. You have to give her a trophy. And I'll never forget that. I was like, what?

Okay. So maybe subconsciously I've been trying to compete and try to win trophies. because I was always trying to impress and, you know, it's kind of funny. It is true. We do like jewelry. Yeah, but you know, maybe she meant that. Maybe I said jewelry and I said, I heard trophy. Yeah.

So we have, you know, so many different people and high performers and different walks of life that come on the show. And I'm always interested in the childhood because the more I've talked to people with Lauren over the years is you realize like so many of those early years informed the behaviors later on, the drive, the need for competition. Yeah. the strike. And it's really, like, now that I have our own children, I think about that a lot because, like, okay, there's this window of time probably sub 10 years old where you're really like molding who the person's going to be for the rest of their life. And of course, you change and you evolve as you grow. Yeah. But a lot of it is like that early development. And when I saw, like, we keyed into when we were doing this brief and thinking about you, like 12 years old,

like, what's the motivation? What are the parents saying? How to, like, and you just answered a lot of it. It's really interesting. Well, it's interesting, too. You're talking about, like, of formidable years. Later in life, you know, I had this moment where I was in my apartment here in Los Angeles and I think I had just won Dancing with Stars for the third time. I think I had won an Emmy by then and like I was looking up and I'd won the world championships. I've won all these awards, you know, those trophies. And I was kind of looking up with them and I was really in a dark place in my life. I was really, really depressed and down and I was just like, I'm confused. I'm supposed to be like, I'm at the top of my, I'm in the number one show in America. We're getting,

you know, amazing. ratings and all this stuff and I've won in the show and more than anybody else. And why am I so depressed? Why am I so down? And because my, my sort of belief in myself growing up and being judged and criticized and picked apart, I always was like wanting to impress and wanting to be better. And my sort of philosophy, my belief that I created within myself was in order to be loved, I had to be successful. In order to be worthy of love, I had to succeed. I had to achieve something. And only then would I be worthy of love and worthy to be accepted? And maybe it was instilled with Mrs. Fox

telling me that I got to give trophies, you know, or something like that. But that is interesting. I had to reprogram myself essentially being like, maybe I am enough without achieving anything and succeeding and, you know, having to prove anything. I can just be myself and be me. And that was a scary, you know, thing to think about, actually. Do you like Tony Robbins? I love Tony. Yeah, so he talks about what you're saying all the time. Like I feel like he's talking about people like you when he says you have the science of achievement without the art of fulfillment.

Correct. Is that something that you found yourself through being quiet or did you have to go to therapy or do psychedelics or do something crazy to figure all that out? Well, it's funny that mentioned Tony Robbins because I actually went to Tony Robbins when I was 15 years old in Cardiff Wales. I went to a seminar and three day seminar. We walked out on the hot coals, did the whole thing. Cool moss.

Cool moss, cool moss, cool moss, cool moss. But the thing that stuck with me at that time, at 15 years old, was state, right? Staying the language, focus, physiology. That stuck with me. And for me, I actually attribute a lot of that particular tool to winning the world championships, winning competitions, winning, you know, because I was able to sort of like, you know, make your move and channel that state to compete or to do a show or to coach somebody, you know, on Dancing with the Stars. So it's funny you bring him up because he's a dear friend of mine and

I love him to death. He's great. So when you, when you were figuring this out, was it in a moment? Was the epiphany the moment looking at the trophies? Or did you have to go through and figure it out yourself through other modalities? How long did the dark period last for you? Well, let's be honest. The dark period isn't just like one moment, right? There's moments where it comes up. It creeps back in. It's more about like shortening the gap, right? How long that, You allow that thought or that feeling to stay there and linger. But no, for me, it was active. I would go to seminars.

I would go to, you know, go to events or go to places and learn and absorb. And actually being a teacher on Dancing with Stars helped me a lot. Because now I'm not focusing on myself. I'm here to serve. I'm here to be like, how can I bring the best out in you? How can I like, oh, you're nervous? Okay, how do I work on that? How do I help you with that?

and I would look up like how do you deal with nerves? You know what I mean? Because I wanted to help serve my partners. And by doing that, it helped me a lot as well because I was learning a lot. But then more so, I started liking the person I was becoming because, you know, being a competitor, you got to think about yourself. It's very selfish. It's about me. I got to be the best.

I want to win. I want to beat you, you know. And that's fine, but it's not really sustainable. once it started getting to a place of like, hey, how do I, I want to help you. I want to serve you. Then it just changed. It changed so much. So as far as, listen, that still creeps in my mind all the time, that feeling, like, I got to succeed.

I got to achieve something. It's still there. It's very much there. But it's like certain techniques and certain things that I have to get myself in state to where I got to, you know, remind myself. you know and remind all of us that like we're fine like everything's fine we're we're good just as we are you know and i think the entertainment industry as an industry in general puts a different kind of pressure on people that you know are trying to achieve in this space because you you build your own thing doing your own thing but you're also in a way at the mercy of public opinion sure right and

that can be fickle at times it can sway and there's always somebody newer you younger coming up the ladder. And I think it's a hard thing for, I think, a lot of people in entertainment to manage because the public opinion also has impact on the success of your business. Sure. Yeah. It does. You have to maintain and sustain that over long periods of time. And it's, you know, as you, as we all know, like, there's a lot of people that come and go very quickly in this space. You've been doing it a long time. Your story is much less common than most people that, even if they have a breakout. Like, a lot of careers are very short-lived. I'm so thankful.

Honestly, I'm so thankful when I think about just even the career being here in England. Because before, sorry, in America, because before I came to America after living in England, you know, I was doing, you know, the West End and doing theater and, you know, competition. And it felt very successful in that, you know, previous life, if you will. And then, of course, being on this massive show that, you know, catapulted dance and this very niche dance. form, which is, you know, Balm and Latin into this sort of very commercial space and being a part of that from the beginning and seeing this grow each and every year. And now into this new era where it's like literally never been more popular ever is amazing. But for me, I'm definitely in that

era of, you know, I'm having a tour coming up and I just had auditions the other day. And I literally cried. I got so emotional because these dancers are so good. They are so good. They're so talented, they're so athletic. They can just do things. They're super human. But what I told them, I said, I cannot wait to share the stage with you. I cannot wait to give you an opportunity to go on tour and give you your first job. You know, because some of them, this is their first job, you know, the kids that I've hired. And even tours that I've gone out in the past, now I've seen them, they're on their own world tours with like Bad Bunny now and Lady Gaga and all these. I'm like, wait, I remember what I just got you out of college. You know what I mean? This is so

cool and it's been really cool just to mentor these young kids and to see them grow and they all have these amazing careers, you know, blossoming. So it's cool. I'm sort of in that era right now, you know. You seem really in the pocket when you're performing, obviously. If someone's listening and they want to be on stage in any capacity, whether it's a podcast or putting themselves on social media or dancing, what advice would you give them if they were nervous? Nervous? Well, I go back to some of the Tony stuff because, you know, we all on. know like being nervous and excited. I think Joe Dispens talks about that, right? About like being nervous and excited is identically the same, chemically in your body. And I actually learned that

I learned that when I was dancing with Kelly Pickler, one of the seasons I was dancing with the stars. And she just had paralyzing nerves. And she'd like, Derek, I'm just so nervous. And I would walk through her, walk with her, you know, through this process of like, don't say the word nervous. Just say that you're excited. She's like, take out the word nervous. And she's like, well, what I am. No, no, no, no, no. Just say that you're excited. I don't care if you don't feel that way, but just say it. And she's like, okay, well, I'm excited. And I'm like, well, what are you excited about? And I would just ask your questions. Well, I'm excited about this dress. This looks beautiful. I'm like, what else are you excited about? And well, I'm excited because I've been working really hard on this dance. What else you're excited about. And what happened was by changing the language. It changed her focus and what we focus on is what we feel.

and it changed the experience because the words we use to describe our experience become our experience. So if you say you're nervous and if I say I'm nervous, then you're just feeding into the focus of like things are going to go wrong. I'm going to say the wrong thing.

I'm going to mess up. I'm going to fail. People are going to laugh at me. But if you just say, I'm excited, then it's like different answers start to pour in and you start to focus on the right things. So yeah, that's what I would say.

I would say honestly, like change the words that you're using. Also, the way you hold your body, you know, the physiology part of it, being a dancer, you know, I have this convention called Ovation, and there are thousands and thousands of young dancers that, you know, become in this convention and we're dancing and they compete. And that's what I talk about them with is, you know, is all these different types of tools, you know, that I've learned along the way that have helped me. And, but yeah, man, by the way, I still go those butterflies. You do. Oh, yeah. Even after all this time.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's cool. I like that. Somebody's described that if you get the butterflies, it's just like, it's because you care. Do you get the butterflies when you walk in a room and see me? Yeah, 100%. Every time.

You better get those butterflies until your rigamortis buried in the ground. Who was your favorite dancing with the stars person? Be honest. My favorite? Yeah. I think one of them was Bindy Irwin. Oh. She was really special.

Yeah. I liked that answer. Ten years ago. which is hilarious, not hilarious, but so special that Robert, ten years later, has won it, so they both have it. That's what they call him the Er Wins. You know what I mean? I didn't. But she was really special because, one, I was such a huge fan of her father, because he was somebody I looked at and was like, I want to live life like that guy. Even at a young age, I would see him on TV. I was like, I want to live with that much enthusiasm.

You know what I'm saying? Like, when you look at, like, he's like, look at this bush. Oh my gosh. I'm like, yeah, that's how we should live. And so I loved him. I remember being a Kingscross station in London and going on a way to school on the train station and looking up and seeing the headline that he'd passed away.

And I remember, like, crying and weeping. It was so unexpected. Yeah. It was so out of nowhere. And so the opportunity to mentor to guide his daughter, that makes me emotional, was, was so unbelievably special. I really, really cherished it and it was really sacred to me, honestly. And she was amazing. She was just like, people would ask me, like, is she really

like that? Like, come on, like, they're not really like that, right? I'm like, yeah, the cameras are off. They're just like, they're just this ball of light, you know? They really are. Who is the best dancer? The best dancer? Yeah. Maybe not the best personality. Maybe the best dancer. I think Nicole Scherzinger was the best dancer. Yeah, she's pretty incredible. She's a pussycat doll though, so I feel like she has to be. Do you feel that you can come in with no dance experience and go through that process

and when do you think you have to have the background in order to? Listen, Kelly Pickler, she never danced. I think I could do it. Yeah. I do. I do. Is this it? Is this your audition? I've always thought I could do it. I've always thought I could do it. I actually have in my brain when I watch the show, I think I could do it because I think that

I think that if you have an amazing teacher and you already are like kind of talented in other areas, I'm a pretty good singer. You've got to move your feet a little bit. I've been playing tennis with you lately, a little stuck in the ground. Yeah, maybe a little fluid.

I think you could teach me. I'm not going to lie. I could let you know in five minutes. Really? I could take you, I could take you to the side and I can just kind of like do this, do that, do this. And I could be like, okay. So in your opinion, what are the elements that someone needs to have to be a good, like, when you're like, okay, that person will be able to dance versus not? I say that, I say that.

And I say that kind of ingest, but there is truth to it a little bit. But there's also been times where I've been completely wrong where I'm like, wow, I thought we were in big trouble. But actually, wow. Actually, we turned a corner and this is amazing. Who did you think that way? It's a good question. He's like, careful, careful. I think honestly, Lil Kim.

Lil Kim, when I danced with Lil Kim. People forgot about that one. She moved. I see her come out on stage. She was fresh out of prison, too, by the way. She does like the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a little bit like, oh, this is going to be interesting.

Okay. By the way, Mark, if you're watching, this one's for you. But she got out there and she was doing it and she was, she was great. She really impressed me. So, yeah, yeah. Okay, so in five minutes you could tell. I can give you a. idea of the learning curve of how it would go.

But I will say this, it's not really about having experience, you know, on the show. It's really about do you want to be there? That's what I'm saying. I think I would, if I was going to do it, I would be like, okay, I'm doing it and I'm disciplined. And it's, I'm eat, live, breathe. Maybe somebody like they get the opportunity, their teams put them there. Like, this will be really good for your career. Jump on.

And you're like, I don't want to. You also can't be difficult. Like, you have to be able to go with the flow. Yes. However, I will say, and like, you got to give a lot of grace because. I don't think anybody I know this nobody really knows they're getting

the stuff into it's a lot of work nobody does even people who are like prepped for it they go I had no idea it was this much and then you have people who had no idea they get on the show and they are like what I thought it was like two hour day a day thing

how many hours is it I mean it's it's like four to six a day which by the way when we did it was eight because there's no limit there's like a limit on rehearsal time which How many days is this? How long does it take before? What I mean before? Like if it's four to six hour days, like how many days is that weeks?

He's saying is it like seven days? Seven days a week. When you're on that show. He means how many weeks do you have to practice until you're on stage dancing? Oh, two weeks, I believe. Yeah, it's two weeks. But here's my thing. You can't be doing anything else.

You can't be like. You train yourself. You say, listen, this is two weeks out of your life. Oh, yeah. To me, I'm like, I'm there eight hours a day. And by the way, on the time off, I'm recovering, I'm sawning. You have to put, you have to be like, you have to treat like an athlete. It's a full time, it's a full time job.

People don't think it's a full time job? No, a lot of people get, but I might win now. I said I could do it. I now think I would win. But I think, I think now the, what do you want to call it? The formula has changed a lot this past couple seasons where I think the people that they are looking for are people who are in it to win it. and who are going to take advantage of every single moment. They don't want, to be completely honest,

they don't want the celebrity, even if you've won an Oscar. I don't want someone taking it seriously. I don't care if you want an Oscar and you want a Grammy and some of that. If you're not in it, then that's okay, but we're good. I'd rather have somebody who doesn't have, you know,

all those accolades, but they like want to be there because that's going to create something that you want to watch. The Secret Lives and Mormon Wives. The two girls were in it to win it. Yeah, Whitney, man. Look at her.

I mean, she's on Broadway right now. now with my brother Mark Ballas and like she had like you talk about clarity she was like okay this is my goal and you know and it's so funny they got so much um hate i feel like last season um why i i don't know i think the show she was like a villain in the show i guess i didn't i didn't watch it so i don't know but she was i mean a kind of i guess i don't know that's interesting i didn't know she got hate on the show oh my gosh not on the show but like you know in the social world but um but you just saw like i i i really love I think people gave her a flag

because she was like, I'm on the show because I want to be on Dancing the Stars, I want to do Broadway, I want to do this, and she said it out loud and people like, oh, gross. And I was like, what? I was like, that's awesome. I was like, sure the goal. Somebody who also talks about their goals openly into existence.

I'm like, good on you. That's brave. Because, you know, if you say it out loud and it doesn't happen, people are going to be like, you know, they're going to love to say, hey, it didn't happen and, you know, point at you and put you down. So to put it out there like that, I was like, I commend her. I commended her a lot. What are the pros and cons of working with a sibling?

Pros and cons working with a sibling. You know what's interesting? Working with Julianne, because she also moved to England when she was nine years old. Did she follow you? Yes. Were you in the same place? Nine years old. She danced with Mark Ballas.

They were dance partners. Wow. And you guys moved together. Well, I moved first for like a three months. And then I was like, hey, this is really great. I actually love it here. This theater school we're going to. It's like, I'm like thriving.

I'm like getting better. I won this thing. Julianne, like, you know, you're, you, this is going to be amazing. And then her, Mark, danced together. That was probably really helpful for you, though, to have your sister there with you. Maybe less lonely. No? It wasn't so much that because I wasn't lonely.

Like, I was so busy. Oh, he was thriving, Michael. I was thriving. I was there. Never mind. Sorry, Julian. Yeah. No, no.

But I will say this. It did, but it, but it was good. It was really good. because I still have that protectiveness over her for sure. But, um, uh, and what's the age gap? Three years. Okay.

Three years. And the pros and cons, the pros are, we've had such sort of parallel careers, from competing with each other to be on the same show, to like her being a judge, me being a judge, you know,

even doing like, she did grease live, I did hairspray live. Like, we've done like very like parallel things. And, um, it's amazing because at least

what I love about it so much is that we're able to relate you know what I mean and be like hey I know you're going through this I know what that's like I know that feels like it's okay things can be okay

you know what I mean like there's a lot of like understanding there um funny enough her and I we only really got into like arguments on stage when we did tours together

we would do some things and like I would get we had an argument on stage one time and I thought it was hilarious and I remember asking the audience like, do you think I'm like this? And they thought it was like a bit, but it was very real. It was like we were like actually having a fight on stage.

We do that like pretty much every other show. Yeah. They're like, oh, this is sweet. You're like, that was real. I relate to what you're saying, though, because it's nice to do this with my husband because I can go home at the end of the day and be like, oh, that person was, who. Not you. Not you.

You're great. Or that person was, I need to go scrub all the energy off me. Or I can go home and be like, fuck, we crush that episode. Yeah. So I totally, in a different font, get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's interesting, too.

What I find funny is when people go like, like, because her and I, we've had such a great career together, you know, and we're so fortunate. And we get along. We get along, which is like, you know, people like, that's so weird. How do you get along with your brother and your sister? That's such a weird thing. I'm like, it's funny to me that that's weird. You know what I mean?

And I, it makes me sad, actually, that, you know, having a good relationship with your family member is like an odd thing, you know. But I'm super proud of her, man. What she's accomplished in her life and what she's done. Both of you guys. It's extraordinary. I mean, what's in the water that your parents gave you guys. I don't know. Some, the Mormon water. You know what I mean? I'm just kidding. No, we were just, again, I think we were fortunate. I think moving to England, honing in like a craft and also work ethic. A lot of work. Surely, Mark's mom, Her work ethic is like unparalleled. And she drilled like this work ethic in us that was, you know, I'm so thankful for.

Yeah. And again, it's hard work, but it's also a lot of grace. It's a lot of grace, a lot of luck, a lot of opportunity. And whenever opportunities would come up, we just would run with it. And yeah. So, yeah, a lot of hard work, but a lot of luck as well. You've spoken a lot about, or not a lot, but you've spoken about loneliness and success and competition. How do you think about that now?

Because I imagine it can be very isolating doing what you do in competing the way that you compete and then having the world judge you. You know, it's interesting. I think it's different now, obviously, because I'm married and I have a baby now. You're busy. I'm, oh, man, yeah.

I'm just, I'm flying right now. But, you know, I think when I talk about the loneliness part of it, I think it's interesting for me because, I don't know. Finally enough, I felt the most lonely when I lived in L.A. When I was in England, I didn't feel lonely. I felt like I was like, you know, on a mission. But when I was in L.A. in my own apartment and, you know, seemingly everything is amazing and fantastic and at the prime and, you know, it was incredibly lonely.

I think part of that was just it wasn't so much lonely with people. I think I wasn't liking who I was becoming, you know, essentially. I think and so I didn't want, you know, to be around other people. And I was isolating. It was very isolating. But yeah, I don't know. Loneliness, though. It's a rough one too.

I also think L.A. can be a lonely city sometimes. Absolutely. I think people don't talk about that enough. It can feel lonely. And sometimes when you go out here, and this was my experience when I lived here, it can feel transactional. And that is, it can feel hollow and vapid. And I'm not saying always, because, you know, we're here a lot, but we live in Austin now. Yeah.

And I, there is a difference. And I can also see how when you're on the journey, when you're in England and you're dancing and you're progressing and you're, you know, moving up the mountain. and then you get to the top of the sort of mountain that you thought you wanted to get up. The loneliness mixed with the L.A. energy, like I could see why that happened. Well, it's a very strange city, if you think about it. It's one of the only places in the world

where people come to try to become famous or known. And I think that creates a strange, like you don't move to New York. Maybe you do actually. That's a bad example. You don't move to Miami or Texas or London to do that. This is a place where you come to break into entertainment. Yeah.

And I think that creates a strange dynamic in the city. There was a lot of acquaintances, essentially. Like, there wasn't a lot of friends. It was a lot of acquaintances. But with that said, you know, I've, like Mark Ballas. He's like my best friend's my brother, basically. And, um, do you know Mark Ballas is married to someone that we went to high school with? Who? B.C.? Yeah. Really? Oh. Yeah.

Brittany? Yeah. We went to... Brittany? We went to high... If you could not say that anymore? I don't know. That's how I know.

We went to high school at Torrey Pines with Britney. No way. She was in our grade. That's crazy. Yeah. Did you know that? I did not. I know it now.

That's crazy. By the way, she's crazy. Her voice is bananas. It's always been like that. Oh my gosh. And she was a little girl. I remember her singing at one of my friend's house and it was always like... Songwriter too, right?

And she almost like she has that like Britney Spears younger. Like when she was younger, she had that like, like, sparkle. I'm sure she still has it now. Oh no, she's just like... Performer. Yeah, she's like... She's like rock... She's like Janice Joplin, like rock and roll.

Just like, yeah, man, yeah. And she just can sing like insane. Yeah, they're incredible. Yeah. That's amazing. Wow. Yeah. She was in Weston's grade, our best friend.

She's in our grade. Or Weston's class, I mean. Weston's class. Oh, yeah. Where did you meet your wife? I met my wife on tour, actually. So it was Julian. Leanne and I's first tour that we did together, and she was one of her dancers.

And I remember just seeing her. And it's a funny story actually was an audition. I guess, I guess I couldn't take my eyes off of her because she actually went back and said, hey, Mom, I think I got it because Derek kept, he just kept staring at me. I don't recall that. But, um. You just should say yes. Yes.

You should be like I was staring. No, listen, it was evident that I found her very attractive, obviously. but it wasn't for like a couple years after that though that we ended up you know dating but it's interesting our relationship was kind of unique because to be honest with you it wasn't like love at first side wasn't like oh this is like this is it in fact it was actually the opposite we both were like oh this is definitely not we're definitely not right for each other like but you know let's hang out like let's have you know let's have some fun and just date a little bit but this is definitely not the right relationship and we both kind of mutually felt that way but then

we just kept, I don't know, evolving and things kept, you know, happening in our lives, and then we kept getting closer and closer. But we've gone through a lot of different challenges, like a lot of different challenges. And I think that's why I think her and I's relationship is, I really find it really special because it, we went through a lot, you know, before we got married, you know, we were together for eight years. And, yeah. It was, yeah.

It's nice to do it that way, to get to know someone, to date, someone to take it. I feel there's, like, there's something special about becoming friends, best friends first. That's what we were. We were even best friends, though. Like, we were like, no, it was crazy. Like, we were like, it was so funny. We did not get along. Like, not that we didn't get along.

We just were like, yeah, this isn't right. But it was, it was interesting how our relationship would be, like, we would, like, blow up, you know, like a couple, a couple times. It was like. And breakup? There was one time. that it was like done over dead finished and we meant it and it was it was completely over and when we got back together it when we kind of came came together I should say we still thought that we're like oh that relationship is done like that relationship you know it's like we

almost had like several versions of our relationship that we look back on I'm like oh my gosh I can't believe that that was us, or that version was us, or that version. And each one of those versions essentially died, you know, and was over. And that was actually quite cathartic. Who was it? It was, who's that, who's the therapist who's a phenomenal relationship therapist? Esther Perel. Esther Perel.

I love her. And one of the things she says, I think one of her TED talks is like, you know, we're going to have multiple relationships in this lifetime. The question is, is it going to be with multiple people or is it going to be with the same person? And I love that so much because it made me realize like, oh, I can have multiple versions of our relationship with the same person. And that's how our relationship has been. We've had 12 different relationships within our relationship. And it's been amazing. It's been really great to grow as we go.

It's been amazing. What made you guys decide to get married? You know what? It just was that time. I think we were at a concert. Actually, an Andy Grammar concert, and he said something during COVID, I think, and it was like we were in cars. And he said something about having a ring. I don't know. We were talking about something like that. And I just was, I looked over to her and I went, you want to look at a ring? And that was it, basically. And I was like, yeah. Do you want to look at a ring? Yes, every girl is going to say.

Let's go look at a ring. But honestly, as well, it goes back to the idea of just being committed and committing to something. into someone and putting two feet in, you know, not having this sort of thing of like, well, let me just do one foot in, one foot out. Because, you know, my parents got divorced. I've, you know, been around, honestly, three different types of divorces, like, within intimately. So in my experience, I was like, ah, I don't want to, like, you know, do the whole marriage thing. And then you're like, no, I think that's exactly what I want. I think that's exactly what I need and what we need and it's been great. It's been, it's the best thing ever. What is your body actually need right now? More energy, better sleep, less stress. We'll enter troscriptions. It's founded by two

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but before I I could talk about challenges at least after sure I mean we got married um this is not sort of like a relationship challenge

but I guess we could talk about that let me think about this for a second let me think about it um yeah I think when we just got married

um we just got married in August and three months later she had a brain bleed on stage Oh, I read about this crazy. Yeah, we hit heads while we were we dancing And she immediately just You know Started bleeding essentially in her brain

But she didn't know nobody knew Until the end of the show And then she started having this like, you know, thing happening And I thought she hurt her neck Because this is kind of like a you know I tweaked my neck kind of thing but she started having seizures on the side of the stage. Oh my God.

And ironically, it was during a part when I was doing a tribute to Len Goodman and talking about how precious life is and how it's fleeting. And she's literally dying on the side of the stage and the curtains. And I had no idea. And the show finished, we finished the last number. It was like right towards the end, came over there, and she was, you know, in agony and just talking gibberish and her pupil, one was dilated, one was pinpoint, that EMTs were just like, we think it's a stroke.

They didn't know what happened. You know, we don't know what's going on. We just something's wrong. And they think it might be a stroke. So we have an option to go to a hospital that's 10 minutes down the road because we're in Washington, D.C. Or we can go to the one that's 45 minutes away. And they're asking me, like, what would you like to do? I was like, well, which one?

Where should we go? And they're like, well, this one is like, can be treated if it's a stroke, but if it's anything brain related, we should go to this one. And so in that moment, I was like, well, let's go to the furthest one. So we have all the facilities. We went there, which later I found out the head of the hospital came up to me. He said, I just want to let you know. Like, I'm glad you guys chose that because if she would have went there, she wouldn't

be here anymore. Oh, my God. It would have been lights out essentially. Because they couldn't have, they couldn't have, like, service or like that. They wouldn't have, no, because it was an emergency craniacomy where they had to remove 40% of her skull. Oh, shit. Basically removed the whole thing. The brain was bleeding, you know, and they couldn't even put the skull back on because the brain had swelled up so much.

Oh, my God. So it had, like, protruded through the bone. Whoa. And then he told me, he's like, he's like, listen, like, it doesn't look good. It's really bad. This, the midline shift, the middle part of your brain. The pressure was so intense it had shifted, you know, a certain degrees. And that is an indication of brain damage, speech impediment, paralysis, you know, all the things.

But remind me what caused this level of injury? Just we think, we don't know for sure, for sure. But at this point, we're relatively sure now. I was certain that it was when we hit heads at the beginning of the show. But we've hit heads like before. We were always hitting heads and elbows and, you know, things happened. When you think, was it that hard of a hit? it was just the right angle, the right time.

It must have been. It must have been because it was on that side. We just hit heads. Did you feel it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, when it happened, I remember looking at her, be like, you good? And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. Whoa.

But we both got our bells wrong for sure. But, yeah, basically he told me I basically lost her that night, you know. He was like, even if she survived, she's not going to be the same person, you know. And she's still in her dress with the rhinestones and the makeup and the hair. Because we got off stage, went right to the hospital. And by the way, people were in the hospital, like, hey, can you take a picture? Oh, my gosh. Don't even tell me that.

I was like, no. And then they want to take it to Reddit and be like, oh, my God. Fuck him. Oh, no, no. I was, by the way, even in that moment, I was still like, no, not right now. I'm so sorry. I was trying to be polite. But then I eventually just went into a corner to a room.

room and just like wept on the floor and cried and just was a mess but maybe we should like make a law by the way like public service announcement they see someone in a hospital running around like it's not the right time to ask for a selfie it's the wrong time no matter who it is no but um but that was that was a big big moment that where you know she woke up and uh it was like that the moment whether or not she was going to be okay or not you know she is she haley and luckily it was she You know, she woke up and she said her name. She said she was in New York. I was like, that's close enough.

She was close enough. But she has such an amazing outlook, you know. She never really cried about like, oh, no, me. Why did this happen? The only reason why she, the only time she cried was I told her, I said, honey, like, there's so much love and so many prayers and people praying for you. And she goes, and she started crying. She said, you don't even have to tell me that.

She goes, honey, I can feel it. I can feel it. and I told her that, I said, I said, your, your head got shaved and she was like, oh man, I just got my haircut last week, you know. You know, 60 staples in her head and her, you know, her skull is concaving. I mean, it's wild to think what she experienced,

what she went through, had to walk again, had to learn, like, hold her arms. And, you know, I'm sleeping on the floor. And I'll tell you what, you know, you talk about, like, loneliness or, like, this feeling of like isolation or this feeling of just like a whole was being on the biggest higher our lives we just got married we're on on our honeymoon we're on i'm on dancing the stars it's the final literally is the finale we're on we're on first we're on tour together we're in front of

thousands of people living our dream this is what we're meant to do dancing together in this beautiful show we've created together and it's just like it's the finale of dancing the stars boom confetti and then we get on a jet you know fly out we do the show and then That all happens. There's adrenaline. I'm running around. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm terrified. And where do I put the dog or, you know, Luna? Go with her. Why I go to the hospital? And then I'm calling my dad, please pray for Haley. And then we're in the hospital. He's telling me that she's gone. And then he goes, you got to go home and sleep. You've got a long road ahead of you. And then I'm like, how do I even sleep? And I'm exhausted and all these things. And I go into a hotel room.

I open, I close the door and it's just boom. It's just like silence, that hum that you feel. And I don't. And that, that, I don't. was that moment was like the worst moment of my life like the biggest high and adrenaline just going for two days straight essentially and then just and you're probably already exhausted from everything you were doing oh my it was it was like the next level of just of despair but then going in there and seeing her face even hooked up the wires and the tubes and her just looking and kind of smiling and being hey honey and she was amazing she was incredible She gave us so much strength.

How long ago was that? Three years ago now? Three years ago. So it's even more special that you now have this three-month-old. Yes. It makes it like so, I mean, all of this is like, wow. And that was one of the first things she asked, actually. She said, can I still have kids when she woke up?

Because the pressure from her brain, obviously, like her sneezing or her even moving and the idea of having a child is like. But that was what she says, can I still have kids? and they're like, yes, of course. Not only that she had kids, Haley, we had a homebirth, and my girl, like, I don't know what,

I don't know why. This was her, all her choice, but she did a complete natural, you know, and at home in her, in her bedroom. Well, I imagine once you've had, I was like,

you are, she's gnarly. She is darling. I imagine when you've had your head literally taken off and then put back on, like, not to diminish child, but it's hard,

but I mean, like, it just feels like that's like, you've already kind of experienced. Well, no, that's actually, she's asleep. She doesn't know what's going on with all that.

She's very awake for this. She's very aware. And has she made a full recovery? Yes, yes. Full recovery. There's still some things like lingering things that we need to take care of. But we can't do that yet until, you know, because she's breastfeeding and certain things like that. But, um.

Crazy. But yeah, she was back on the stage within four months. It was insane. And we're actually going back out on the road this summer with the same tour because it really is like that. It's such a special show. and it's interesting because I'm calling it at Symphony Dance encore because it's an encore performance of the same show or changing some things but in an encore performance

they do roses right they throw encore and they throw roses up or at least they did back in the day but she's also like she is the rose she is the rose of the show where when I think about what a rose represents It's like, you know, the sweetness of the bloom, but like the thorns, you know, tell the story. And when I look at her, I really, I see that. You know, she's this beautiful woman, just beautiful light.

But, man, she's gone through so much. And I just can't wait to share the stage with her again. It's going to be amazing. If you don't get interviewed and talk about me the way he's talking about his wife, don't even speak. Sometimes these guys come on and start talking this way. I'm like, hey, wrap it up. Wrap it up, bro. You should clip it and send it to her for Valentine's Day.

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day. I always do the beauty salt frothed before coffee. And then of course the brow peptide. The brow peptide's a no-brainer. If you spend $75, you'll automatically be interred in a chance to win a TSC Kru-neck. This was designed by our team. It's chic. It's simple. I wear mine to the gym. Everything is 30% off-site wide. No code necessary. Only for a limited time head to shoppskinneyconfidential.com. And you can shop the Memorial Day sale before everything sells out. Shop skinnyconfidential.com. For you personally, I imagine that had a profound effect on just the way you view life in general. Like when you think about yourself before and after that experience or the thought process or things you think about different? You know, yeah, I think, um, man, again, I'm such an

overachiever and, you know, I'm always wanting to do things and, you know, do the most. And and then there's moments where you just stop and you kind of reflect a little bit on those moments. And you're like, man, I, all I would have, I, you know, it's interesting actually, during that time we being in the hospital, I often say that it was like the worst time of our life, but also one of some of the best times of our lives because the amount of triumphs that we experienced, the amount of successes that we experienced in that time,

because it went from being like, okay, measuring success became like, okay, I got to win an Emmy Award, and then I can be happy and successful. Oh, I got to win the danceful stars. And then I can feel good and like, yeah, I achieved that. this was like oh she's walking to the bathroom and we're like oh my gosh like there's no award that I've ever won in my life that has

you know compared to her walking to the bathroom for the first time that was like I was like it was amazing massive perspective shift oh my gosh and then her walking over tissue boxes I'll never forget it her walking upstairs the first time I was like oh my fucking this is the best thing ever it was like scoring a touchdown you know in the Super Bowl like every time she did that. And so it was interesting because it was difficult,

but at the same time, it was like these awesome milestones, amazing moments of victories, you know. It was really cool. That's amazing, too, that she can dance on stage again with you. How cool is that? It's amazing. And by the way, we actually filmed a documentary about that, about the whole process.

About her recovery? Recovery and her getting back out on stage. And it was a dear friend of ours, Jason Berg. who he just shot a documentary for Jennifer Lopez and for, you know, he's like an Emmy winner for 30 for 30. And I told him, I said, he's like, dude, how are you doing? And I'm good. And he's like, how is she doing?

I was like, man, dude, we're actually going to go back in the dance studio soon. He goes, what? I was like, can I come film that? I'm like, yeah, yeah, come film it. And so he just started filming one day and then they turned into a whole, you know, a whole documentary. And what was amazing about it was that she was, again, she was, again, She was stronger than I was.

Like, I was in Breck. I was dancing with her, like, being nervous. Like, I was going to ask you, are you nervous? I was very nervous. And I was like, this is too soon. And oh, my gosh, and I don't know. And then she kind of pulled me aside. I was like, honey, like, you have to trust me.

Like, you got to trust me. I know what I'm doing. I'll listen to my body. I trust me. And also, you can't be scared or timid because if you do that, it's actually more dangerous. Right. You got to be very confident.

And I'm like, you're right. And, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty amazing. And I'm excited for people to see that because it was a beautiful and difficult process. But the outcome was just really special. Well, it seems like you are hitting your box of science of achievement and art of fulfillment. Just fine right now. Yeah, working on it. Congratulations on your new baby. Thank you so much. Enjoy every second of all of this. Thank you. Beautiful story. where can everyone find you, support what you're doing, come on your tour and watch you guys dance, tell us all the things.

Working Lauren audition for the show. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, would you want to be on Dance with the Stars? Is that like something like for real? She's like, yes. I don't like. Come on, speak out into existence.

Say it. I don't know that they do like entrepreneurs though. Yeah, they do. They do. Who? They do everybody. They do all sorts. They do it.

Who is an entrepreneur that they've done? I can't think of anyone. I See, I know This is like I haven't seen anyone I don't know I'm telling you I'm telling you

There's You can check a few other boxes You gotta throw Throw the name in the box You never know Because again like I said before It's amazing to see She's like by the way

Watch it happen I'm telling you I might win I will win Somebody over there will see it I will I love that I only want Derek as a partner

You know what's funny? I was saying that. There's a few people who could give me back from the judge's desk being on a pro. And my wife was like, if Celine and Dion ever did the show, I would command you to return. If I can't get you, who are you recommending for me? Val's a good buddy of mine. He's great. He's very experienced.

He's very capable. Who else? Who's the ugliest one? The ugliest one is. you're going to do it who's the guy that looks like you just crawled out from under a bridge no you don't want that you don't want that

I should I don't think there is that honestly I'm not sure I'm kidding I'm confident really you're going to be in the audience yeah I'll share you on you're real okay yeah man yeah dancing with the stars

call me I'm a winner I love it but you guys to answer your first question yes come see the tour it's this summer we're going to go into 40 different cities across the country. It's called Symphony of Dance Encore, and it's a really, really beautiful show. It's a fun show. We got a live band. Amazing cast of dancers, like truly incredible cast of dancers.

Are you coming to Austin? I don't think we're in Austin. This tour. There'll be somewhere in Texas, probably. We're in like four different places in Texas. Okay. Well, you guys got to tell us where you are in Texas so we can come support. Thank you, please. Come and come on stage. We'll dance. Okay. Ask me twice. Derek, thank you so much for coming on the show. What a great episode. You guys go support all the things.

Derek, thank you. Thank you, very much. Appreciate you guys. Thanks so much.