The Bossticks - Dr. Edith Eger On How To Improve & Change Your Life Using Forgiveness, Perspective, Resilience, Gratitude, & Love

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

#342: On this episode we are joined by Dr. Edith Eger. Born to Hungarian Jewish parents, is a psychologist practicing in the United States. She is a Holocaust survivor and a specialist in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. Her memoirs entitled The Choice - Embrace the Possible, published in 2017, became an international bestseller. Her second book, titled The Gift - 12 Lessons to Save Your Life was published in September 2020. On today's episode Dr. Edith joins us to discuss How To Improve & Change Your Life Using Forgiveness, Perspective, Resilience, Gratitude, & Love. To connect with Dr. Edith Eger click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by Policy Genius  Spring is springing as we speak, and it's the perfect reminder to tidy up and get your life in order. Why not start by protec6ng your family with life insurance? Policy Genius makes it easy to compare policies from as little as 15 dollars a month. You might even be eligible to skip the in-person medical exam. Go to www.policygenius.com to get started! This episode is brought to you by JuneShine JuneShine Hard Kombucha is the most insanely delicious, better-for-you alcohol. t's made with real, organic ingredients and unlike other alcoholic beverages, they are transparent about every ingredient they put in their products. Best of all, it doesn't leave you with that I'm-too-full-after-drinking feeling, but it does give you a lighter, brighter buzz. We've worked out an exclusive deal for Skinny Confidential podcast listeners. Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on their bestselling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to www.juneshine.com/skinny or use code SKINNY at checkout to claim this deal. This episode is brought to you by Pique Tea Ever since I discovered Pique Tea, I've been obsessed. I now incorporate at least a cup of Pique into my daily routine and it's really been increasing my productivity levels. Pique Teas are made from organic high quality tea leaves and ingredients sourced from around the world, delivering up to 12x more antioxidants than any ofor heavy metals, pesticides and toxic mold so you know you're getting the best stuff.    Use code "SKINNY" for 10% off piquetea.com. They rarely (if ever) have sales so you'd definitely want to check this out! P.S. This discount does not apply to their fermented pu'er due to their limited quantity.ther tea. What's better is that they are all Triple Toxin Screened The episode is brought to you by AncestryHealth  Your inherited health risks don't have to stay unknown. Learn if you're at lower or higher risk for some commonly inherited conditions linked to breast cancer, colon cancer & heart disease, with AncestryHealth. Find out what your DNA says about genetic risk with AncestryHealth®. Head to Ancestry.com/SKINNY to get your AncestryHealth® kit today! Produced by Dear Media 

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Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. When will I see my mother? And he said, you're going to see your mother soon. She's just going to take a shower. And she pointed at the chimney and said, you better look at that chimney and the fire there because your mother is burning there. And my sister hugged me and she said, the spirit never dies. And this is so important to me because I could not change what was going on outside of me. But my sister kind of made me feel so good that the spirit never dies.

Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. For those of you know that are new to the show, my name is Michael Bostic. I'm a serial entrepreneur and brand builder. Most recently, the CEO of the Dear Media Podcast Network, the cross of me, my wife, the co-host, creator of the Skinny Confidential, Lauren Everts Bostick. Yes. And today we have an amazing episode. I have to tell you, I walked away from this episode, shocked. I had so much perspective on life. I've thought about it every single day since. This woman, Dr. Edith, is so inspiring. You guys are not going to believe what she went through

and how she chose to embrace what she went through and be happy. Through all the trauma that she's gone through. It's so wild that she wakes up every morning, just grateful. I think having someone on like Dr. Edith and listening to her story, you know, for those of you don't unaware, she's a psychologist, she's a Holocaust survivor. And speaking to someone like her who has gone through such a hard life and such a hard time really gives you perspective.

And I know that, you know, this last year we've had, it's been a challenging year. for many. But hearing these stories, you realize that it could be so, so much worse. And Dr. Edith is really good at pointing out that perspective and sharing her viewpoints and really just making you appreciate life. She is 93 years old, you guys. She is doing amazing. She has published two books, one called The Choice, Embrace the Possible, and the other book is called The Gift, 12 Lessons to save your life. She was born to Hungarian Jewish parents. She's a

psychologist practicing in the United States. She specifically works on the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder and she's a Holocaust survivor. And she's so open. She's a mother of three. She's married and she's this incredible woman. Like, she's someone

who I wanted to just keep talking to and talking to. I think you're going to find so many gems in this episode and just fall in love with Dr. Edith. Yep. So if you want your perspective change, If you want a greater appreciation for life, this is the episode for you. With that, Dr. Edith Eager, welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and Her show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Hi, it's so nice to meet you. We are such fans of you. We're so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. You're a wonderful raw mother to a soul. How to be healthy. Healthy body.

Yes. Our audience is a lot of millennial. women who are going to love you so much. I'm sure they've heard you on all the different podcasts you've been on, but we're so excited to have you. 93 is a wonderful time to be. I'm not worried at all about chronological age, my attitude, my way of living. I think young, I think that it's the best time, the happiest time for me. The older I get, the smarter I become. most of all I become a very compassionate listener. I talk less and I listen as compassionately as I can,

meeting people where they are but treating them the way they can be and could be or even should be. Hopefully my husband listens to you about being a compassionate listener. That's something he could work on. Yes, that's the hardest thing sometimes. And before I want to say something, I ask myself, is it really important for me to say this now? And chances are it isn't. And then I just turn on my third ear and start practicing compassionate listening.

Well, hopefully I can pick up a couple tips from you. I need to get a second and a third and probably a fourth year. And like I said, we're just so happy to have you. Very, very lovely to be with you and talk about just how. we want to be remembered and how do we want to use every day in our lives as productively as we can. You know, I know you've been doing different shows. We've been listening and really admiring you from afar. But for those that are unfamiliar with you, can you give us a little bit of background and tell us a little bit about yourself? I am Dr. Edithewa eager. I was born 93 years ago.

In September, I'm going to be 94, and I get younger and more enthusiastic about the celebration of life. I look at actually life as one day, the morning sunshine is not coming back, but the older I get, I'm not smart, I'm wise, and I hope to be wise, a good role model, especially to young people, so they could really just live life. stay in school and find a way to have meaning and purpose in their existence. Can you talk about some of the struggles that you've experienced when you were growing up? I was born into a family that was very, very talented. My sister Magda played the piano and my sister Clara was a child brothergy in violin and my parents really wanted a son and guess what happened? I came along. And then my sisters were actually not treating me very well.

The middle one usually was teasing me. And so one day my mother looked at me very seriously and said, I'm glad that you have brains because you have no looks. So I became a very studious young woman. And my mom took me to a ballet school. And I had a wonderful ballet master who said to me that God built me in such a magnificent way that ecstasy. Ecstasy is the word that you used. And he said, ecstasy comes from your body.

It comes from inside out. And I did not know what he was talking about. I didn't know the word ecstasy until I was in Auschwitz. And that's when I realized that nothing came from the outside and I better discover my inner resources in my body and look at life from inside out. Can you explain the circumstance and what was going through your mind when you first were admitted into Auschwitz?

There are two things were happening then, as it's happening now, we were told one thing and we found another. And that was very important. And we were told we're going to go to Hungary. And the next thing I knew, I was seeing a sign called Our White Mark Fry, work makes you free. And my father said, it's not going to be bad. We're just going to work and go home.

That's not happening at all. because my parents were taken to the gas chamber in Auschwitz, and I was at the other side, thrown to the other side, and Kordbirkenau. And it was very, very, very unexpected, totally unanticipated, as it is happening now, actually. I like to bring there and then to the here and now. And when I was thrown the other side, actually I asked the man who was Dr. Mengele,

when will I see my mother? And he said, you're going to see your mother soon. She's just going to take a shower. And so when I was thrown into the other side, I asked the woman, when will I see my mother? And she pointed at the chimney and said, you better look at that chimney. and the fire there because your mother is burning there. And my sister hugged me and she said, the spirit never dies. And this is so important to me because I could not change what was going on outside of me.

But my sister made me feel so good that the spirit never dies. And my sister was the pretty one in her family. And when we were completely shaven, completely naked, she asked me a question, how do I look? And that's kind of a typical Hungarian vain woman like Chajajagabar. And so I told Magda, and I had a choice as we have a choice now to point out what she lost, but also point out what she still have. And remember telling Kermakda, you have beautiful eyes, and I didn't see it when I see saw all over your hair all over your place.

So today I really am very interested to say not yes but, but yes, and. And sometimes maybe our mothers tell us, as my mother told me, you're okay, but you don't have any looks and but. So I ask people, give me the butt, I give you an end. Yes, and furthermore. And I teach people how to speak English, and I'm doing a good job of that. How old were you and your sisters when you went in and how old were you when you came out? I was 16 when I got in. I was 17 when I got out. And people also ask me,

do you, did you love your husband? And I said, love? I'm very skinny. I'm very lonely. And most of all, I'm very hungry. And this guy gave me Hungarian salami. So we got married as quickly as we could because we wanted to belong. We wanted to be normal. And then I became pregnant and the doctor wanted me to have an abortion. And he already planned it. And I said to the doctor that I want to give life. And thank God I didn't listen to the doctor because I had a little girl who was a 10-pounder could have had a horse doctor. I always tell people, get a second opinion. So I'm hoping that today we are talking to lovely people and young people and middle-aged people. What I find with middle-aged people that they are afraid to be alone with themselves,

is this what you experience? A hundred percent. I would love it if you spoke on that. I've seen so many people feel boredom or loneliness when they're alone with themselves. Yes, yes. If you don't love you, why should I? It's very important to have self-love, which is self-care, love thy neighbor as thy self, not better than yourself. So I like that idea of self-love, which is self-care.

It's not narcissistic. April is among us. And it means, unfortunately, doing some things that are not so fun. You get fooled. I love fooling Michael, though. You also get to get your taxes done. If you're like me, that is the worst thing ever. Anyways, if you need something positive on your radar, I have just the thing for you.

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Policy genius really streamlines everything. They have five stars on Google, which is so amazing. And on trust pilot. And the best part of all this, I'm like obsessed, is that all the benefits of policy genius, the comparison tool, the handling a paperwork, and the advice. are totally free to use. So what Michael and I did is we went on there. We vetted all our options. It was very easy, which is why I wanted to talk about this service on the podcast. PolicyGenius can promise that you won't leave their website feeling like a fool. You can save 50% or more by comparing

life insurance quotes. And you feel good knowing that if something happens, your loved ones will be taken care of. Go to policygenius.com to get started. PolicyGenius. When it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right. Dr. Edith, I would love for you to talk about what your mindset was when you went in as opposed to when you came out. Did you come out and you look at the sun and it's so special to see the sun and the flowers and the birds? What were some little things that you noticed that maybe you didn't notice before you went in? I think you are so brilliant asking me that question. Because when I went in, my boyfriend told me that I have.

beautiful eyes and I have beautiful hands. So I would go to everyone, tell me about my eyes, tell me about my hands, because if I survived today, then tomorrow, tomorrow became such a wonderful thing to me that tomorrow I'm going to see my boyfriend. I found out that he was shot a day before liberation. When I was liberated, I was very ill. I was lying and I was hospital. They put me in a cast. I actually realized that my parents are not coming back. My boyfriend was not coming back either, and I became very suicidal. Very suicidal. And today, when I work with suicides, I kind of make it simple. I'm thinking that they either have something what they don't want or they want something what they don't have. Do you find that experience too? Because I know you do

such brilliant work, especially how to have a good balance between the body and mind and a spiritual dimension. Yeah, I think we've talked a lot about mental health on this show and obviously everything that's going on with the pandemic. A lot of our peers are feeling depressed or anxious. Is there any little tips or tricks that you would give them to maybe feel better on a day-to-day basis? You know, my daughter calls it edism, so I give you a couple of those. I say the opposite of depression is expression. What comes out of your body doesn't make you ill. If you have any secrets, share it. Get it out. Get it out. And the other one is, are you revolving or are you evolving because some people just go back and do the same thing over and over again and complaining

and complaining rather than say to themselves, it's time out, just like in football. And time out to take inventory of my life, where I've been, where I'm now, and where do I want to go, and then pick an arrow, an arrow that I follow, and I'm not going back. I have a new beginning. I'm going to give birth to the me that was meant to be to be free. Freedom is a big word, as you know. And if I would live today with hatred and complaints, I would still be a prisoner. I don't have time.

I don't have for time. I like to be for something, for life and for how we can form a human family, that you can be you and I can be I, but together. We're going to be much stronger than me alone or you alone, right? Yes. I imagine after an experience like you had, which, you know, obviously is one of the worst human experiences you can have, that your perspectives on life and your appreciation for life changed drastically. Can you talk about how that changed when you came out? You know, we don't seem to appreciate what we have until we lose it.

So even today, I don't throw out a piece of bread. If you take me to a restaurant, chances are I'm going to eat your leftovers, so I take it home. But what I can tell you that the closer I became to suffering, the stronger I became. I think suffering is feelings. otherwise you just go through the motions and life. I think all of us were traumatized one way or another, and we could have died because it's easier to die than to live. But I am very proud to tell you that I'm proud of my ancestors

because they didn't have it as good as I did, and they were slaves and took them 40-some years to go through the desert, and they never gave up. So I want to be a good role model to people that the best is yet to be, and not to be optimistic, but to be realistic, because many times people don't realize that anger is really something that we need to look at as not a primary emotion. We either vent anger, we suppress anger, and I like to teach you how to dissolve the anger.

Because underneath of anger is a lot of pain, a lot of other kinds of emotions, but most of all, there is a lot of anxiety and a lot of fear. It's good to ride on all your fears from the least anxiety producing to the most anxiety-producing, to the most anxiety-producing. you see, and then we just check them off. You don't need years and years of therapy, but it's very important to think about your thinking and paying attention, what you're paying attention to. Anything you pay attention to, you reinforce that behavior. So I, when I speak at churches, talk about Jesus, and Jesus said, turn the other cheek. What that really means to me, that I am your ophthalmologist, and I'm guiding you to see how you can see the same situation from a different perspective.

Outside of your own perspective. Exactly, you know. And so I think people can really cause mass hysteria, and that's what happened when Hitler needed a scapegoat. because they didn't win World War I and the country was suffering economically. Same thing happened in Iran, let's go kill Carter, and they said that Jews are cancer to society.

Now, there's one thing I must really see when I begin to tell you about me as a survivor that unfortunately genocide is happening as we speak, but never in a history of mankind, 15 highly educated people got together and celebrated at night that they were able to find something systematic, scientific, way that 30,000 Jews can be put in the oven in one day. So you see Hitler didn't do that alone.

I am part of that final solution of Eichmann myself. However, different people responded very differently. Today I back people, don't spoil your children, because those poor children were waiting, were waiting for someone else to come and liberate them. And that was not a good idea. Hans Selleier got the Nobel Prize in a study of stress. And he said, with something stressful come to us,

we have two automatic reaction, whether fight or flee. But that didn't work in Auschwitz at all, because if I saw girls touching the guards and they were shot right before me, so I knew not to fight, not to that. I couldn't flee because if I touched the word wire, I would have been electrocated. So I like to talk about the third alternative that you learn to study the situation and do everything in your power to rise above your needs and commit yourself to each other. All we had was each other then. I had my sister, so I ate that ever soup. It was full of medication, but the following day, I shared my bread with her.

So I think it was very important for us a form, a family of inmates. And just like now, how we can unite and how can we have hopefully a goal that we follow. And there is no forgiveness without rage. You've got to go through the rage, go through the valley of the shadow of death, but don't come there. Don't get stuck in there. And some people are stuck in anger and not realizing it is just hurting them. But you've got to go through it and then get out of it. You know what tastes good? Hard kombucha.

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and this discounts only valid for their variety pack, which you're going to love. Lastly, Junchine can be found in over 10,000 stores across the country, including Whole Foods, Safeway, Kroger and Publix. Cheers. Everything you say is so spot on, but I think you nailed it right now, especially in this time in the world, and many times in the world, but people are very angry right now. And what we try to talk about on this show a lot is that at the end of the day, like you said, it's not necessarily that anger, even if you're projecting it outward, it is hurting you most of the time more than it's hurting others. And once people understand that a little bit more, hopefully they can

work through it and get to a place of peace. You know, it's very important when you get up in morning and you go to the bathroom and look in the mirror, the way you talk to yourself changes your whole body chemistry. You know that, right? That it's very important to pay attention to yourself dialogue and tell yourself that I'm in charge of my thinking, I'm in charge of my feeling, and certainly I'm charge of my behavior. And don't say anything else. It's really, really very important to say.

But most of all, is it kind? Is it kind? I would love for you to speak about post-trauma and recovery from it. Were there anything that you did every day besides, you know, of course, looking in the mirror and being kind to yourself? Was there anything that you did to help heal what you had went through? I think about my thinking a lot. And I ask myself, is this good for me? Is this going to empower me or deplete me?

Is this going to make me feel soft and warm or cold and stiff? And really taking care of that in the morning. So in the evening, I feel satisfied. I look at life as one day. And now I am in the evening part of my day. So the question comes up, how do I want to be remembered? And I want to be remembered as someone who did everything in her power to see to it, that it will never happen again.

I experience cannibalism. When I go to schools, I am very careful not to talk about cannibalism to 10-year-old children because I don't want them to have nightmares. So I think it's very, very selective. I am very selective the way I talk to myself that I live life fully, fully, fully, fully. I ask people many times, many questions, but I never ask, how are you? I think that's a stupidest question because people lie if you ask questions. How are you fine?

So one of my students, I was professor of psychology, said to me, I heard that in America people are hearing but not listening. And I said, oh, okay, well, let's test it out. Tomorrow morning, you're going to pick up your books, yeah? Somebody is going to say hi to you, yeah? And I want you to say very quietly, my mother died this morning. Guess what was the answer? Oh, wonderful.

I'll see you later. Bye. Proved it. Yes. Yes. People are hearing but not listening. I think many times I ask people to repeat what they say. Because when I came to America, people talked to me and I didn't understand it, but they wanted to know where I get it.

And I said, yes. I didn't want them to see me as a real weirdo. I already felt like a real weirdo anyway. I just wanted to be a Yankee doodle. Then they like you. So I am very honest right now in terms of asking people, not how can I help you? I'm not Humpty Dumpty.

I'm not going to put you back together. But I ask, how can I be useful to you? What are some things that you do on a daily basis that is self-care? So maybe a workout or a walk or look at nature. What are the little things that make your day special? Yes, I do have a very bad cardiocese, and I have a machine called, I call it Shake and Bake. It's W-E-S-T, and I started the day. So my breathing and my lungs,

are getting taken care of. Because if I don't do it in the morning, the day goes by. I learn not to be a perfectionist, because if you are a perfectionist, you're going to procrastinate. And I've been working on myself, not to be a perfectionist and not to procrastinate.

So I like to also do some stretching, and I like people to watch a movie going with the wind. because remember the Yankees are coming and war and all these things going on. And she says, I think about it tomorrow. Remember that? I think about it tomorrow. I'm going to say that to you when you ask me a question I don't want to talk about. After everything you've learned in life, you know, I think, again, people are in an angered place right now

and there's been a lot of fighting back and forth between people over the last year. I mean, it's always happened, but especially this last year. How do you get to a place where you can forgive someone? I think revenge gives you a certain amount of satisfaction.

And the best thing to really do is watch a movie called a karate kid. I love that. Best power is brain power. What is very, very important for me to acknowledge Many, many things, but a couple of things that I ask other people, I'm going to ask it now. When did your childhood end?

Because some of us, especially immigrants' children, become the parents, to the parents. My little girl was two years old. She introduced me to peanut butter and tuna fish, which I've never seen. She taught me how to speak English, ducky-lucky, turkey-lurkey, goosey-lussie, and that's how I learned English from my daughter. So I think it's good to find the whole family within you, within you, not to be childish, but to be childlike. When you ask a child, why do you do that? the child would say because I feel like it. As an adult, I still feel like it.

God gave me temptation, why? So I can practice the freedom of choice. I don't have to run away from my Hungarian chocolate cake. I can just look at it and say, my doctor told me that it's not good for me to have any sugar at this time. So none of the positive thinking does any good unless it turns into a positive action. So if I tell you tomorrow morning, I'm not going to put sugar in my cereal or in my coffee, whatever, then I know that the thinking will lead to a positive action.

What do you think the key to marriages? I've been with my husband for about four-ish years, and I would love to know what you've found really makes a good, sturdy, team-like marriage. Oh, hello, we are going to talk about ancestry health. I am such a fan of this because every person on the planet can use this, okay? Do you want to know things about your great-grandmother, your grandfather, your family, your dad, your mom, your history? I feel like we all do. You're going to go to Ancestryhealth.com slash skinny. And I'm telling you, you are going to get all the things. Basically, Ancestry helps you search through billions of records to learn more about your ancestors.

This is so cool, you guys. So they sent it to us. It's this little kit. You spit in it super easy. No blood. That's a big one for me. I'm not a blood fan. You spit in this little tiny tube and then you send the tube back.

Okay. And then you get your results. It's so amazing. you get them all through email and you can find out all these details. Michael and I learned so much about our family. I'm telling you, you can get closer to your ancestors by learning their stories. And it's just a way to get closer to your family in general. It's so cool to learn your roots and where they came from, especially when it involves no blood and all you have to do is spit.

It's so easy. I know a lot of skinny confidential listeners have already used this, which is so amazing. And I know they've discovered so many fun facts about their ancestors. I'm telling you guys, you can learn all different kinds of things about your family. Michael and I had the best time looking over our results together and learning more about each other and then our baby. Like that's so important to be able to put that in her baby book so she knows where her ancestors came from. Anyway, there's strength in every family story. Learn more about yours at Ancestry. Head to our URL at Ancestry.com slash Skinny to start your free trial.

You guys, that's ancestry.com slash skinny. This is such a fun gift, especially for Mother's Day. A couple of things. Give and take and tolerating differences. Man always want to understand everything. That's why we call men thick-headed because they want to figure things out with their brains. Our cortex is differently built.

than a man. So I want you to be financially and emotionally independent when you get married. And you marry you're equal. Okay? So you got to really be a grown-up to be married. But many people look at victims as being weak and victimizers as being strong. And part of the psyche care, identify with the aggressors, and that we call the Stockholm Syndrome. Remember, symbiotic liberation army or something?

The daughter of Hirsch, the Hirsch Castle. Hearth, Herd Castle. So again, forgiveness to me is not me forgiving you. I don't have any godly power. Forgiveness is a gift that I give myself. Because if I would live in hatred today, I would still be a prisoner. And we are the prisoners of our own mind. And the concentration camp is in your own mind.

And the key is in your pocket. So if you want freedom, think about that freedom comes after you go into that rage. You got to have rage before you even start forgiveness. And I had problems with anger. And I told my sister Magda to come back with me to Auschwitz so I can honor my mother because she told me in the cattle car, we don't know where we're going, we don't know what will happen, honey, just remember,

no one can take away from you what you put in your own head. And my sister told me I'm an idiot. My sister told me that I'm a masochist. So different people, there is a difference between reacting or responding. When you react, you don't think. So when Hans Selle is at fight or flee, I had to learn how to flow and stay in a situation. And the closer I came to suffering, the stronger I became. You mentioned that you have a daughter. Do you have more kids or one daughter?

I have two daughters. Two daughters. And I have a son. Two daughters and a son. What do you think the most important part of parenthood is? and raising a child? That you do not leave your child through your own ways of being, because if you're a turtle and your child is a rabbit or vice versa, when your child walks slowly, you push her to do it faster because you want to feel like a good mother,

or you say, I love you if you bring home a good report. court card that has nothing to do with love at all. It has to do with manipulation. Children don't do what we say. They do what they see. And the best thing for a child is a happy marriage, that you never raise your voice, you write a constitution. There is no punishment, only consequence. So if then, if you don't do this, then you don't go out this weekend. But you don't have to tell you, child, don't forget to come back, 11 o'clock, the way we talked about it, no, no. When you talk about it, you write it down and you know that there is no punishment, only consequence. Because usually the father becomes a good role model to the child the way he treats, the mother of the children.

So love is not what you feel is what you do. and that you commit yourself to each other and work together as a team because the pioneer woman in America, and I studied that, work alongside of the husband, that they know female work and men's work. They all get up in the morning. They all wash the car together. They change the diaper together. That is a wonderful modern marriage that I love work.

with couples and many times they become the victim and the victimizer and they go and go back and forth and back and forth. So I highly teach couples when perhaps you meet at night when you come together. Don't ask, how are you? What did you do today? What do you want to eat tonight? Don't get into that question answer period. It's I feel. I think I would like, I'm willing. I like negotiation and compromise. What do you wish that our generation or the younger generation knew? More of, maybe. I love the young generation.

I do beg them not to smoke pot because it interferes with the natural reaction to the brain. Your brain is the best power they can have. I make them see the movie, the karate kid, that you learn how to negotiate and compromise when you get married. And don't do anything marriage-wise unless you become emotionally and financially independent. Well, Dr. Edith, thank you so much for coming on. Really appreciate everything. There's a lot of things you said on this show that I can start working on myself, especially in our marriage. So thank you so much for coming and sharing your stories and your wisdom.

Before you go, though, I want to hear about your book. Well, one of the things that people like in the gift that I ask you two questions, when did your childhood end? And the second question, would you like to be married to you? Wow. Those are two really good questions. It's amazing. Michael, would you like to be married to you? I don't know if I'd want to be married to me I want to be married to you I think but yeah but yeah I think I'm okay I think I'm okay I can work on a few things

constantly improving but I think overall okay yeah two people are not one but what you have a goal together that both of you work as that's what the pioneer woman did in America but not until

The woman became emotionally and financially on a man that wife beating began. I built transitional living centers for wedded wives, and I teach the wife not to listen when the husband said that you're nothing without me. And unfortunately, women buy into it, and they feel they are nothing without him, because he brainwashes her, and especially find that in a military. when a man is a male but really not a teacher and a role model to the children. Before you go, though, if everyone wants to find you on Instagram or your book, where can they find you in your book?

So she is on Instagram. She has an amazing handle, her grandson and her, you know, social media. She loves Instagram. She loves Facebook. and for a 93-year-old, I think she's probably the most amazing Instagram account to follow. That's Edie with my two boys right there and there are three other grandsons. And her Instagram handle is Dr. Edith Eager. So it's right there.

That's her. Yep. Got it. That's amazing. And then just to end, to round it out, if you could leave our audience with something inspiring before you go, we would love it. I want you to stand in front of the mirror in the nude, and I want you to really enjoy every part of your body, and then lie down and take your little hand

and make yourself very little, little, little, and then go say hello to your organs, to the lung, to the heart, to the liver, to whatever, that you are congruent. that you are really together, that you are your best friend and most of all a good parent to you. Because self-love is self-care. It's not narcissistic. You're the role model to the children, and I hope when you fight with each other,

you don't go to the bedroom to fight. You fight in front of the children, so they would know that people can agree to disagree, that I have a different opinion about this than you do. And the children learn how to not be a bully and to be able to ask for what you want and learn to negotiate and compromise. You're incredible. Thank you so much for coming on the skinny confidential him and her podcast.

Next time we'd love to do this in person if you're ever in L.A. Thank you so much for taking the time. Thank you. Just fly freely. I can buy their flag. Aw. To win a copy of Dr. Edith's book, all you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostic. And someone from the team will slide into your DMs and you'll win her book.

It's such an amazing book. It's called The Choice, Embrace the Possible. Thank you again for Dr. Edith to take the time to come on the show. We'll see you next time. Don't forget to pre-order a copy of my new book. Get the fuck out of the sun. there is so many insider tips and tricks on skincare. You guys are going to be obsessed. You can expect routines, products, tips, and insider secrets from 100 plus of the world's best skincare gurus,

of course, peppered in with lots of happy hour conversations with moi, pre-order on Amazon or where books are available. To get the scoop on the book, there's also a whole website called get the fuck out of the sun.com.