The Bossticks - Gabby Bernstein On Eliminating Negative Patterns, Positive Self Talk, & How To Show Up For Yourself

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

#624: Today, we're sitting down for a part 2 with Gabby Bernstein. Gabby is an American author, motivational speaker, and podcast host. Gabby's meditations have changed thousands of people's lives throughout the years. She's spoken on stages across the globe for companies like Google, Pinterest, and Goldman Sachs & today, she sits down with us to share her story. We discuss the patterns that keep us stuck in life and how to recognize them, how the way you speak to yourself can define your success in life, and how to show up as your best self every day. Gabby also gives us tips on how to manifest your own success, set boundaries, and start shifting your mindset in order to reach your greatest potential. To connect with Gabby Bernstein click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To subscribe to our YouTube Page click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by Branch Basics The Branch Basics Premium Starter Kit will provide you with everything you need to replace all of your toxic cleaning products in your home. It's really a no-brainer. Go to branchbasics.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off their starter kit and free shipping. This episode is brought to you by Just Thrive These days, stress seems to hit us from every possible angle in any environment at any time, day after day. Enter Just Calm - the breakthrough new stress and mood support formula from Just Thrive. Get 20% off a bottle of Just Thrive probiotic + Just Calm supplement at justthrivehealth.com or use code SKINNY90 at checkout. This episode is brought to you by Lume Lume's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a Solid Stick Deodorant, Cream Tube Deodorant, two free products of your choice & free shipping. Visit LumeDeodorant.com and use code SKINNY to get $5 off a Lume Starter pack. This episode is brought to you by Momentous Visit livemomentous.com/skinny and use code SKINNY at checkout for 15% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by L'Oreal Discover the new Bright Reveal Dark Spot Duo! Visit Target online and in-store to buy yours today. This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog It's never been easier to invest in your dog's health with fresh food. Get 50% off your first box & free shipping by going to thefarmersdog.com/skinny Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

First and foremost, just knowing the part of you, knowing that you have that story, knowing that that story is driving you. And in the moments when we see ourselves sort of in the extreme parts of that story, for you, it might be like, oh, I missed my kids ballet class because I was working. I don't know, I'm just making the shit up. But like knowing those areas where we kind of get there. And in those moments, being the witness, the non-judgmental witness of that pattern and that behavior, and started extending a little bit of compassion and curiosity to it. So there's that pattern again, normalizing it and not giving yourself so much

pressure around it. Even just something as simple as placing your hand on your heart and your hand on your belly, giving yourself a deep breath, breathing into the feeling of what it is that you're having in that moment can completely redirect your thoughts and your energy. The one, the only, Gabby Bernstein is back on The Him and Her Show. She did so well the first time she came on. You guys loved her. She was on episode 227, and a lot has changed. We wanted to bring her back on the show to give you guys some real applicable takeaways. And I think we did that with this episode. It's really open. It's raw. And it also has so many tips, especially having to do with self-worth. Gabby is a motivational speaker, life coach, an author. She's also a podcaster, and she is on

the Dear Media Network with her podcast, Dear Gabby. And her message is simple. It's how to live your most spiritual life with day-to-day experiences. I personally learned a lot from this episode. Gabby is all about managing the self and having a productive mindset. On that note, let's welcome Gabby Bernstein back to the Him and Her show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Someone who is listening right now, they feel down. in the dumps. They can't get out of their own way. They feel like everything's against them. And they've almost leaned into the narrative of negativity. What are the tools that you would give them to pull them out of that bunk? I have a lot of tools. I have 10 books of tools. I have a coaching membership of

tools. I have a podcast with you guys of tools. And so the first thing I have to say before we go into these tools, like these quick tips and methods, I really do need to acknowledge that whatever patterns we have in our life, those patterns that keep us stuck in that same story over and over again, these are stories that have probably been around for our lifetime, forever. Do you know those stories for yourself? Like, they just keep coming back and keep it. Sometimes even generational. Yes, it's epigenetic. Like, if there's trauma in your childhood, it carries on into the cellular functioning of you, right? So we have to really write. recognize that these stories need our attention and they, and I want to start by saying they need

sometimes therapeutic support. So I want to really go there because we don't want to override those feelings. But in order to start to transform them in the early days, even before you're ready to do any deeper work, the first step is to choose, to recognize that you have the power within you to choose a new direction, that with your slightest willingness and the slightest choice, you can start to change your internal belief systems, your energy, and therefore every corner of your life. So I'd be remiss if I didn't say that there's like earlier, deeper work that you have to do. The only reason why I think that we have to start, I feel like, you know, I'm a self-help book author.

I write these books. I give quit tips. But I really genuinely, genuinely want to hold close to the belief system that everybody can just carry within. That real change happens in a big, big way. So here we are. We're acknowledging that people have big stuff that's generational. It's experiences from our childhood that create these parts of ourselves that continue to show up and show up and show up.

And they're belief systems that we carry. And so healing those belief systems sometimes can be big work. But the beginning stages of healing those belief systems, and we manifest what we believe. So the beginning stages of healing those belief systems first begins, one, with your desire to change. and your desire to start to shift your energy. And so even just pressing play and listening to this episode right now and saying, oh, I want to transform my mindset, that was a step in the right direction to start to create that change and create momentum around it.

And so the first thing I would recognize is that we have to identify those belief systems that we carry that are holding us back. So if someone were to wake up tomorrow morning, is there like an exercise that you would have them do? Is it like a meditation? Is it, you know, a writing exercise? Is there something that they can do just to like go in the right direction? Because it sounds like a process, but I feel like a lot of people don't even know where to begin with this stuff.

Yeah. So first step would really be notice the story that you have on repeat. Yeah, that's a good one. So what's your story? Is it I'm not good enough? Is it I can't get that to happen? Do you guys have a story you would share? Like, what's your story that you just keep repeating repurposing?

I think that it's interesting to observe how you talk to yourself and to step back and listen to the way you talk to talk to yourself. When I was losing 50 pounds after I had a baby, my story was like, this weight is never going to come off. This is so annoying. I feel fat. It was. And then I realized that I was talking to myself like that. And I completely edited it. Yeah.

I was like, we're not going to do this. I was like, I'm losing weight. I'm feeling great. I'm making changes. I'm on a good trajectory. That just little change of being aware of the way I spoke to myself changed my whole experience. Yeah, Zafin'all asking yourself, am I a fault finder or a solution seeker? Yes. So when we have these stories on repeat, and they're typically the same story that repeat over and over and over again. I'm not good enough. I have to hustle to make things happen. A big story I've carried for most of my life is if I don't do it, nobody else will. And it's

something that has infiltrated itself in majorly in my career, like just overriding myself and doing too much and just trying to take on the burden of everybody else and doing everybody else's work. And so that story's over for me. Like I have a clear boundary with that story now. And when I notice myself stepping into it, I pause. I take a moment. I connect to the part of me that feels that way. And what have you replaced it with? Well, at this stage, I'm starting to replace it with, I have a boundary and I have an expectation that I want to be in my creative energy. And the only way that I can be creative is for people to support me around me. And so it's coming back to something positive.

It's like I want to, so in the case of you with the weight, it's like instead of saying, oh, I have to lose the weight and putting some sort of negative connotation behind it, I've got to lose the weight. I've got to feel better. This is bad for me. I want to be healthy in my body so I can thrive. I want to be healthy in my body so I can run around with my kids, whatever that. that story is. For me, I want everybody stepping the fuck up around me so I can be as creative as I

could possibly be. That's, that's really interesting because sometimes the story that you have, your narrative, you have in your head gets you to where you want to be, which it seems like it's gotten you very far in your career, but then it stops working and you have to shift it. And I think that it is important to be aware of what that story is, because maybe it, worked for you for a while, but it doesn't work anymore. It's exactly right. So these narratives are parts of us. And while they may at times be extreme, like that controlling part of me could have been a really extreme way of living. But I also wrote 10 books and 13 years with that extreme part, right? Like, so it works. It's beneficial. But there's a point to your, to your point,

there's a point in time where we have to recognize that hustle or that is extreme. It's not going to get me to the next level of where I want to be as a human. Well, I think both. you and I were talking about this off air, like we tend to run hard in the hustle department. And I think we're both, we have a very high expectation for the way we perform when it comes to work. But I think what you and I have both done, which has been incredibly helpful for both of our personalities, is the boundary is almost living also in an area that is calm and doesn't have all the stuff and the chaos. Yeah. But I think you two are also a little different now. Because I always get nervous about this conversation where it's like the conversation around hustle culture in general.

Because I think what people start to sometimes misconceive is that you don't have to work really fucking hard and then you need to put wins on the board. I think about like early on in my career, like there was like there was no like work life balance. It was just like go, go, go. And that wouldn't work for me now. But like it's the thing that was enabled me to put some wins on the board now so that I'm able to operate to. differently. So I get worried about telling young people that, like, there's kind of no way around that in the beginning. Like, you're not writing 10 books if you're not making massive sacrifices. I could agree with you. I really glad that you said that. You know, when Kim Kardashian got in so much

trouble for being like, just fucking work, whatever she said. I actually was like, no, she's, I mean, like, look, it got out of context. I literally said the same thing to my class. She's not wrong. But I get it. But this one's saying people, like, she got so much shit for that. And then I think what they're not understanding is like, you may not like the message, but it's true. Like, you kind of have to. You have to. You have to. work. You have to create. You have to be in devotion and commitment and show up every single day. But the thing that I think a lot of entrepreneurs have a similarity, maybe you guys do too, is when we have that drive and that driving force, sometimes behind it is a belief that's

like a little bit limiting. It's like if I'm not the best, if I'm not seen. You know, I started my first business when I was 21 because I was like, look at me. Like I can do this. I can prove to the world that I've got this going on. Now, we've used it and we've channeled it for good. But that hustle is inherent in an entrepreneur and is inherent in getting a lot done. But it isn't sustainable. I think there's two kinds of people. Sometimes the people that live too far in the past and then people that live too far in the future. I was probably someone who lived too far in the future. And I think when you live too far in the future, you can create a lot of stress and anxiety because you really can't predict fully what's going to happen. And you have a pretty serious expectation of

what you want to happen. And then you're constantly, it's like that in-between moment. We were talking to somebody yesterday that went to prison. And he said the worst moment was not actually being in the prison, but was like the moment before when he was figuring out like, was he going to actually go or not go? Like that unexpected uncertainty, right? And so I think some people live in the past where like the past holds them back from attaining their full potential in the future. And then some people live too far in the future, which holds them back from many other things. I think doing this show and talking to all sorts of people, including yourself, like I've gotten. better at managing that. But for the longest time, I think the thing that motivated me was there

was a high expectation that people around put on me as well as what I put on myself to achieve a certain level of success. Now I'm much more calm with that, maybe because there's been some wins on the board and I've just gotten a better relationship with how I think about the future. But to your point, like that kind of drive is partly part of the reason why I've gotten to where I've gotten to in certain places. But it probably was not healthy to continue to live that kind of way. Does that drive get in the way of your life still in any form? I mean, listen, I'm not going to sit here and lie and say I have that all figured out and then I'm not still hungry and motivating I want to go. But I have a much better relationship. I don't,

you guys, I'm much more calm now than I, like if you would have met me five years ago, when did we meet? We actually met about four years ago. Okay, five, six years. We were in really different places, all of us. Yeah. And I think like, I can speak for myself. I think about me 2013 to 2018. It would have been a different kind of person. Yeah. Not as pleasant of a person, I don't think. Yeah, same here.

I would have to say the same. I think that we, so two things can be true, right? We can have these driving forces that get us to these places of success. And then we can also have the experience of feeling like, okay, I need to settle into that new way of being. And sometimes with the wings that you're talking about, like having those wings behind you, it is easier to settle and it is easier to sort of like step into a new way of being. But there's plenty of people out there that even with the wings stay in that mindset and stay stuck in that way.

Well, that would be because it's a core belief system that is holding them in that pattern of believing that if I'm not hustling, I'm not good enough. If someone is in that position and they can acknowledge they're in the position, like what are little tiny things that they can do to get out? Just little tips. I can give you a thousand. Okay. So let's start with first and foremost, just knowing the part of you, knowing that you have

that story, knowing that that story is driving you. And in the moments when we see ourselves sort of in the extreme parts of that story, right? So for you, it might be like, oh, I missed my kids ballet class because I was working. I don't know. I'm just making this shit up. But like for myself, it's like, oh, I, I, I, I like flipped out and started to control things because I felt out of control. And so knowing those areas where we kind of get there.

And in those moments, being the witness, the non-judgmental witness of that pattern and that behavior. So it may be in the moment, it may be that you have to step out of the moment and take a deep breath and get centered and just look at it and say, oh, there it is again. Oh, there's that pattern again. And start extending a little bit of compassion and curiosity to it. So there's that pattern again, normalizing it. not giving yourself so much pressure around it. I think that even just something as simple as placing your hand on your heart and your hand on your belly, giving yourself a deep breath, breathing into the feeling of what it is that you're having in that moment can completely redirect your thoughts and your

energy. Because a lot of times something that people do is like they have these belief systems, they create these patterns, they're living from trigger to trigger to trigger. It's like a lot of drama. if you actually pause and place a new pattern in the place of that trigger, you can start to change the way that you react. So the moment that somebody's like, okay, I'm, you know, lashing out at my husband again, if you have enough awareness to step aside, hand on your heart, take a deep breath, give yourself this moment of pause, a gesture inward, and just give yourself that moment to start to redirect in that in that moment, that starts to create a new pattern inside your system. What would you say to the people who are addicted to the chaos because they're comfortable in it?

Okay. So I love that question. I understand that. Completely. Comment. Lauren is familiar with this story. Do you want to talk about you or no? We can talk about, no, go. So you're comfortable in the chaos. I wouldn't say that, Michael. And I wouldn't say I'm not just. I would say not as much anymore, but earlier in your life.

I would say that I could look back and see how chaos was comfortable. but I just want to know if someone is constantly seeking out that chaos I'll give you an example say that you're in a great relationship and like you're looking for drama but things are going well

and on the surface like there's really not a problem and it's like almost like things are going so well that I'm going to like throw a grenade in the middle of this thing and like create some I call it Michael's looking for the saber tooth tiger I'm speaking from real life experiences right and not as much anymore

but that has happened in the past and I remember like we would sit down And I'd be like, what, like, what are we doing? Because I didn't understand that thought process, especially at that time. And it was confusing. Like, if things are going so well, why, like, what are we looking for to make the mess? All right. I'm going to take this deeper.

Because, like, Lauren wants her quick tips, but I'm going to go deep. Okay. So the deep, the depth can also come out with a quick tip because I'm taking what I'm about to share and I'm also demystifying it. So let me just give you both. They have to be there. So when we're young, we have these experiences and these experiences of like, maybe something very traumatic, maybe something that's seemingly insignificant, but it's still

affected who we are as a person. Those experiences in our life, we didn't have the resources to handle at that time. We're little kids. We're young guys. If it's very extreme, we can get very blown out. And if it's less extreme, it still has the same effect, but it's not as blown out. It's not as affecting. It's not going to affect you as much. Now, what happens in those moments when we have those extreme experiences as children is we exile those feelings. We're like, fuck that. I never want to feel that again unconsciously. And we push it down. And as young children, we start to build up these forms of protection. So we start protecting ourselves by working really hard. We start protecting ourselves by being in chaos because that feels safe, because if I have a lot

going on, then I'm good enough or that I'm safe enough. We start protecting ourselves by avoiding certain situations or playing, playing things down, or addictive patterns, or just eating or abusing some kind of relationships and whatever it might be, we have these different forms of numbing the pain of that childhood experience. And so that's the protection mechanisms. And so most of us, most people live in protection to protection. I'll call it protector parts of us. This is internal family systems therapy, IFS. So we go from protector part to protector part to protect her part to protect her part. And so it's pretty extreme, right? It's like, oh, I'm getting nervous about something. I'm going to go, you know, pick up that food. Or I got triggered in that relationship. I'm going to

go and rage or whatever it is. And so we live in these places. The way to come back to a place of center and a place of serenity is to, like I said earlier, be the witness of these parts of us, become curious about them, give them some attention, have some compassion. So knowing, I know that the part of the that was a cocaine addict at 25 was really just protecting me from impermissible feelings. And I can see her now and I can say, all right, like you did what you had to do then to get to where we are today. And while you were very extreme in that way, you also have had a lot of good inside because you've been really driving me and you've been a driving force inside of me. So it's not about taking these protection mechanisms and saying like light them on fire.

It's about recognizing them, respecting them, and speaking more compassion. to them. So in the moment, you want a quick tip? Here it is. Check in. This is what I'm writing an entire book. My next book is called Self-Help. Okay. And in IFS, there's these parts of us, but there's also self. It's the undamaged, resourced, calm, connected, compassionate, creative part of us. It's like the mother within you, the father within you. If Zaza came to you and she was like, you know, mommy, you know, this boy told me I was stupid or like, you would just sit with her and you'd be so empathetic and you'd be compassionate and you'd be calm and you'd be connected to her. And we don't do that to ourselves. How different would we be if we looked at those stories and those patterns and

those triggers and we started extending compassion and connection and calmness? So step one is when you're in that triggered place, choose to check in. So you're like, I notice that I'm out of control, or I notice that I'm back in the chaos or I notice that whatever your story is, choose to check in rather than check out. So checking in looks like focusing your attention inward. And the second step is to become curious and start to just ask yourself some inner questions. How long is this feeling been around? Where is it in my body? As it feel right now? What do I know about it? And letting that feeling speak to you. Do you think some of the trauma and what we feel in our body actually ends up creating disease? 100%. Yeah. And I can get into that.

I would love to hear more about that. Like physical disease. Yeah. Yes. But the third step is to extend some compassion and connection to that part of you. So I'll just recap this. And then we're going to talk about the psychosomatic effects of trauma. One, choose to check in.

So there's moments when you see yourself completely checked out. You're picking up a drink. You're going off to that, whatever it might be. Choose to check inward. Become curious about how you're feeling inside. What do I know about this? How old is this part of this? me, what is it trying to say to me. And then the third step is to say to that part with some

compassion and connection, what do you need right now? Asking yourself, what do I need right now? And usually you're going to hear something like, I need to rest, I need to speak up for myself, I need to dance, I need to go for a walk. And so those three questions start to focus your attention inward rather than trying to find a quick fix for the emotional state that you don't want to be in. That's a great tip. It's a great tip. So the whole method that's on the check-in method. and it's informed by internal family systems. So questions on that. No, I have a question around, I mean, this is maybe a little bit of curveball,

but as you were talking, I was thinking about it. You have children, we have children, and you've had trauma in your life, we've had trauma on your life. I think about this. My friend calls it now the way she's raising her children. She wants controlled adversity where she does, like they're in a position in life now where their childhood is going to be much different. No, she calls it something else.

Isn't it? It's called microadversity. Microadversities. Her kids are going to grow up different than she grew up. They're going to have it maybe a little bit easier, right? Yeah, I don't know about that. And she... I don't think it's going to be easier.

But that's what... So we think about this all the time. Like, okay, how do you... You know, you want to be compassionate. You want to listen to your children. But at the same time, like, I grew up in a household where, like, if I went to my dad and said, hey, I need to go talk to someone. You'd be like, whack upside the head.

Get your ass out there and go do something. Sure. And it's like you want to be compassionate, but at the same time, like, you also want to say, like, hey, you're going to face some hard shit, go deal with it. Yeah. How do you find the balance in that regard? Yeah. Well, I think that our children definitely are going to grow up at a time with more emotional resilience. Because there's much more talk about therapeutic principles. There's compassion. There's connection. There's there's also just this, a generation that's ahead of our children that's like all about, you know, how can I do my me time and take. care of myself, right? So it's trending. Yeah, my dad's like almost 80 years old. And if I would

have gone to him and said, hey, I need to go talk. He would have looked at me like, you need to check yourself and you're like a psych ward. That is a beautiful thing of what's come to be for this next generation. And they're going to need it. They're going to need it with everything as fast as it is. I think that the democratizing spirituality and personal growth and, you know, thank you for putting my podcast out there, right? It's like something like a show like Dear Gabby, doing this work is so much more common than it ever has been. And my big mission has always been to democratize personal development. And, you know, I've got like my Gabby coaching app membership now. And people can just like pick up the phone and get Gabby. Your quick tips are all in there, Lauren. I'll get you your

quick tips. But it's, it's, it's having easy access to these personal growth methods. And so whether you're a parent or you're the internal parent to these little people inside of you, right? We have all these children inside of us that are freaking out, the simplicity of just saying it's okay to take care of my internal condition is what is the gift for these kids and a gift that you can give yourself today even if it wasn't how you were brought up because it is normalized and it is more common. And so just taking that full-blown experience of being like, it's actually okay for me to tend inward. But I guess what I couldn't agree more, but I guess also what I'm asking you is I work with a lot of young people all the time.

And I think sometimes not to disregard the issues, but sometimes I want to shake some people and say, hey, it's not always supposed to be easy and you're not always supposed to feel good and you're not always going to be comfortable and you're going to see things you don't like and you're going to hear things you don't like and you're going to have disagreements.

And like that's life and put on a helmet and move on. The thing is if you deliver that message, like I just delivered it, many people, like it's like almost like you've slapped them in the face. Like, it's like, it's so overwhelming. But, and I think, I don't think it's, we're doing people a credit by trying to teach them that they're never going to, like, they always need to be comfortable and they always need to feel good and everything's, I know where you're going. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, this has come up a few times now. So I agree with you.

So I'm turning 44 November 1st. And my generation, particularly women, was like hustle, get it done, move it, make it happen. I'm sort of on the cusp of millennial. You guys are clear full-blown millennials, but you guys had that like aftermath of that generational kind of move, make it happen. You want something, you get it. The generation below us has gone. I think we were so extreme in the like hustle to burnout to like die before you have success. You know what I'm saying? Like thankfully we survived. But it went such a swing in the opposite direction. And that swing went towards like, I need me time. I'm, you know, I, you know, I, you know, I, you know, I, you know, I've worked so many hours, but you're living in your sweatpants.

You know what I'm saying? So there's this complete opposite direction that's happened. So I think some of what you're reacting to is like, how do I infuse hustle and somebody without making them feel like I'm totally disrupting their work? But not just that. Like, for example, I'll give you a Dear Media example because we can discuss it. We at the company try to, you know, showcase as many of the shows on the company as we can all the time. And I personally running the business try to spend very, like I don't think I've ever

come to you and said, you can either talk about this or not or edit that. Like that's not. No, never. You guys don't interfere at all. Yeah. So that's my thing. But sometimes like you may have somebody on or we may have somebody on where you just disagree with the message and like, that's okay, fine, move on. So if we, we were in the company one time and there was a show that had a guest that people did not like in the company and something external. And I had to sit down everybody in the company. Like, listen, sometimes you're not going to like some of the stuff you see and sometimes you're going to disagree with some of the people. And like that's, that's just how this works. Like that's, that's life. Yeah. But it was almost like, it was like this huge uproarm.

People were so upset. And I remember just sitting back and be like of all the areas that you're going to let your life be impacted. Like this is just, it's not consequential enough to let it derail your day or your life. I think what he's also saying is we're in a society where everyone's triggered and everyone has a trigger. Like I don't like shows it's like trigger warning for stuff that. You know, like listen, there's stuff that is really heavy. How do you manage like, How do you manage that with also being like you're going to see stuff you don't like? And if it's a trigger, it's maybe something internal that you need to work on. I just believe that it's not the responsibility of people that are sharing messages to guard against other people's triggers.

To elaborate. Whatever I say on this show, if somebody is triggered by what I said, like that is not a me issue. That is a them issue. You may not like me. You can turn out and you can never see me again. But I can't sit around policing how everybody feels that may tune into something that we're saying here. Does that make sense? we can do, look, everybody's the media today. Everybody has a voice. Everybody's got a phone,

a microphone, literally. All we can do is keep our side of the street clean. So if you show up and you're like, I'm in my authentic truth, I'm sharing something that I believe, I am conscious of the listener, then you're keeping your side of the street clean. And if somebody doesn't like it or they're activated by you or they think, then that's on them. And if later you step away and you're like, you know what, kind of shouldn't have said that or I, you know, didn't really do that right. Make amends. Come back the next week.

And record the episode. Be like, yo, I said this thing. I actually want to, I want to really acknowledge that wasn't exactly my highest and best. But if we show up as content providers and people in the public eye and whatever form that comes, it's really everybody these days coming from that place of I'm showing up in my highest and best every day, we can trust that we're not going to piss. If somebody gets pissed off, that's their work. That in a way, we've done them a service because we have activated a part of them that needs

tending to. Hopefully they tend to it. Yeah. I think like the way that I view this, just like if I'm watching for now, it's like, I will see somebody say something completely absurd and wacky online that maybe I vehemently disagree with. But my action after that is like, that was nuts. And then I move on with my day and try to be productive and a different way.

I don't get sucked into that world and let it completely like. derail whatever I'm trying to do. And I see that happening to a lot of people. And I'm like, listen, from a straight up productivity, healthy mental state of mind, like, letting that kind of stuff drag you in that hard is not, it's not, the person that said the thing, they've already done and moved on. Like, it's just, it's only harming yourself to be that activated by things. I think that the world, a lot of folks out there are, are acting out their childhood wounds on social media. 100% talk about that. Yes. It's not even just on social. Yes, in the of like, I, you know, like, someone may have like parentified a person. And then like,

they're just like, oh, you did this one thing wrong. So I'm going to fucking lash out on you on social because, you know, this is activating me. So there's a lot of mouthpieces out there and places for people to complain or places for people to to rage. But really what they need to do is address that internally and not be planting it on the internet. I think there's, there's so much divisiveness in the conversation. And so I think that at this point in time, the best thing to do, and I actually gave Oprah this advice when I was 32 years old on Super Soul Sunday. And I sat down with Oprah and she's like, Gabby, how do you handle the haters on the internet? And I looked at her and I said, forgive and delete. I don't even look at it. I've got a whole team of customer

care people that would never even tell me if something was outrageous. Unless it was something that I genuinely did wrong, unless it was something that I maybe had misspoken. And it was like, Gabby, you did this thing, you'd be on the lookout for it. But I also don't get a lot of hate on the internet. And why? Because I don't look for it. I'm not putting that energy out. I'm not a magnet for it.

We, if we're looking for it and we're hustling, like, look at our phone, like, what are they saying? What are they saying? Then we're going to attract more of it. If we're just at peace with the truth and what I was saying to you earlier, if you're showing up in your highest and best, and you feel like you're keeping your side of the street clean. This is for anybody out there because we're all the media now. Anyone has a phone. If you're keeping your side of the street clean, then doesn't matter what people say because

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promo code Skinny 90 for 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thripe probiotic and Just Calm. Whole Body Deodorants. I am thankful for that this year, this month. Loomy Whole Body Deodorant. This is a deodorant that is unlike any other deodorant. It was created by an OBGYN who discovered B.O. Isn't just an underarm thing. Like news slash, it's an all over thing.

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deodorant wipes. Plus you get free shipping. All right, let's get you guys a code. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Loomie starter pack. Use code skinny at loomidoterent.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit loomidioderant.com and use code skinny. Thank you, Loomi, for making this holiday season smell a whole lot better. I also think, like, with content, you're going to attract that, too. So if you're constantly looking at gossip sites or negative things or, I don't know, negative news on the internet, that content is going to be fed to you more and more and more.

And you're inundated with all this negativity on your feeds. I think it's really important to be thoughtful about what you're consuming and how you're consuming it. I think the content thing goes back to your point earlier about, you know, you pick up the drink. People pick up their phone. It's scrolling. It's more addictive. You've got to be really thoughtful about what you're looking at day after day. One minute on someone's Instagram story a day of someone who's a negative person is 365 minutes a year.

Yeah. Wow. Good point. I mean, you have to be thoughtful of that. I really want to emphasize this. Let's go into this. because so we manifest what we feel. We manifest what we believe.

We manifest what we focus on. So all of us with our phones in our hands are very focused intently on that feed, on that feed, on that feed. So recognizing that in those experiences day to day when you're picking up stuff that you don't, that doesn't make you feel good to your point, 365 minutes a day, hours a day, even days, spent waiting and looking at all this stuff that's bringing down our vibration, bringing down our energy. And the other thing that's happening is we're actually manifesting more of it. Literally universe with the universe, right? The universe is like an algorithm. So we put out

that story of like, I'm going to look at this bullshit on the internet. And then it gets fed back to us with the algorithm, more of that, more of that chaos, more of that drama, more of these stories, more of that person, more of that negativity. The same is with universal energy. If we send out a message that's like, I'm a yes for that. We're going to get more of that in our life. So we're going to feel more of that. We're going to have more experiences that are blocked. We're going to have more encounters with people that bring us down.

So the energy that you put into your social media is actually something that you're manifesting into your life. I mean, it makes sense. I think there's a lot of things that people can do, too, to like edit it. Like you can favorite people. I've favored people who are super positive. you, Melissa Woodhouse, I like book Instagrams where they like review books. You favor it like what you like and you can mute what you don't like. And I think being thoughtful of that is really

important about if you're, if you're going to look at it every day, you might as well curate it. You have to curate it. The same way you curate your thoughts, the same way you curate your intentions. I have a practice, I think back to this. Let's give you some more practices. So I have a practice where you wake up in the morning and it's called the daily design method. And when you wake up in the morning and you give yourself a moment of pause, a moment of checking in, and you ask yourself four questions. So the first question is, who do I want to be today? The answer could be like, I want to be a great leader.

I want to be a listener, whatever it is that comes to your mind. How do I want to feel today? What do I want to give today and what do I want to receive today? Those four questions design your day. They set you up to win at the onset of your day. So who do I want to be today? What do I want to feel today? What do I want to give today?

And what do I want to receive today? Give us an example of this morning. Today, today, today. Today, Gabby Bernstein woke up. I was feeling a bit of anxiety because I have to travel tomorrow. I had recording before you guys. I'm all, I'm writing a book. I don't have any time to write my book.

I went into the story. If I don't have time, I'm not being supportive. I woke up with that story. And I said, okay, let's stop. let's pause. I went into my, I'm lying in bed, haven't even turned the lights on yet. Who do I want to be today? So I asked myself that question. And the answer was, I want to be a service. I want to be a content provider of service today. So I did record. I had to come here. How do I want to feel today? I want to feel supported today. What do I want to give today? I want to give empowering messages.

I was in a content creation. I want to give empowering messages. And what do I want to receive today? What back to support? I want to receive more support. Like that was twice and two in my, and my, My four steps. You've said that a couple times. What do you mean by that? You mean your team supporting you? You mean the world supporting you. What does that mean? When I shared earlier that I had that limiting belief that I've carried for decades of if I'm not doing it, nobody else will. It's a young story. Growing up, I had adverse childhood trauma. I had experiences where my thoughts and feelings were not cared for or tended to. And so I built up a story at a very young age, if I'm not doing it, nobody else will. I'm not safe if I'm not in control. And so that led my

life for many years, but I'm done with it. I'm over it. And I can't be creative. I can't be in my, I'm a motivational speaker. I'm an author. My art is to speak. I can't be in the, be the channel for the work that I'm here to do if I am trying to also make sure that the microphone set up or if I'm also trying to make sure that the email went out or make sure that the budget is right. Like that shit doesn't work. Okay. So if I want to really be in my art, I have to expect and create a world where I am supported. But I wasn't creating that world for many years because I was in the story of if I don't do it, nobody else will. When you look back at your childhood, how do you forgive and move on from your parents not supporting you in the way you needed to be supported? I wrote an entire book about this topic.

It was called Happy Days, The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace. That book shares my journey of what I remembered in my dissociated, I was dissociated from trauma. I think that when I came on the podcast for the first time, I was talking about Happy Days. That was, that was the book I was I was promoting at that time. I'm just curious how you ended up forgiving your parents so you could be liberated and move on. Healing my own internal system. Recognizing that these young parts of myself that were so burdened that have been driving my life that could not forgive, that I had the power to heal them. I have a resourced self and undamaged. You could call it God. You could call it spirit. You can call it inner parent. But I have that in me. And that as I started to tend to these younger parts

of myself, I was able to help them be less extreme. I was able to find ways of self-soothing, compassion and connection. And once I was able to give that to myself, that's when I could let the other people in my life off the hook. Do you find as you've become a mother that it's been a mind fuck to now have someone to care for after everything you went through? Or do you find it to be healing? Or both? Both. I think that when you become a mother or a father, you sign a sacred contract with the universe that you are ready to show up for all of your childhood trauma. And yeah, I mean, it all comes up. It comes up. Now, not everybody does. show up for it. Not everybody's like, I'm going to do that. And so what do they do? They just repurpose.

They rinse and repeat. They repurpose and replay their same stories onto their children. But it's those of us who say, you know what? I'm actually going to show up for what's up. So it stops showing up. I'm going to end the cycle. And so my son is my greatest teacher. I remember when my son was born, I got a text message from Dr. Shafali, who's like a great child's therapist. And she said to me, or she has parenting work. And she said to me, meet your new guru. And I was right, because he is my guru. My son, Oliver is my guru. Every moment that I'm witnessing myself in a trigger is a moment for me to do deeper work. It's a moment for me to reflect inward.

It's a moment for me to undo the patterns from my past. And so if we perceive parenting in that way, everything can start to change. We actually can undo the lineage. We can rewrite the script. I mean, there's many things that having children teach you and we're early in it. But I think like, and not saying everybody should go and have kids until, you know, they're ready and they make that choice. But I think it's not until you have kids. that you can also look back on your parents and forgive them a little more because you realize

like, oh, these people were once 20, 30 trying to figure this shit out. Totally. And like you just, you just assume as an adult, like they should have had everything figured out. You don't realize like, now you have to be the one to figure out. I think it gives you a different level of understanding compassion for your parents before you. Compassion is the word. Yeah. I think that when you see yourself and you start to witness yourself, you start to witness

how you are in these moments gives you so much more. compassion for your parents. Yeah. We mentioned earlier when trauma manifests in the body and how it can, I don't know if manifests is the right word. No, it is the right word. Is it the right word? Okay.

Manifest in the body and it can turn into diseases. I am a big Louise Hay fan. Louise is my teacher. She would, she, I'm published by Hayhouse. Yeah. Stop. I didn't know that. Yeah.

She's my mentor, my teacher, my friend. Yeah. She was a big, big, big. I didn't know that. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. You lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky. I mean, I see a lot of her and you. That's why I brought up the disease thing

because she is so, like she has a list of body parts. So I can channel and I hear Louise all the time. Are you guys okay if I let. Yeah. Okay. So, Louise, are you see my hands go up like this? So, okay, so Louise, are you open to this? This is cool. Okay. So Louise, Louise is guide a teacher, a messenger through me in many, many ways. And when I'm speaking, I allow her to come through Wayne Dyer or two. They were both my teachers. And they come so easily. And they come so easily. so fast. I also start speaking really fast when I start channeling. So Louise is saying, well, she's saying, thank you for giving voice to my platform. Thank you for holding a platform to give voice to this message, because this is a different audience for this stuff. This is big. So she's grateful

to you. She comes through and she's letting me speak on behalf of the work. So pretty much what she's saying is the message of recognizing that our body holds and carries in ourselves, the traumas from our past. And when we do not tend to those traumas, those cells multiply. And that becomes dis-ease. Disease is dis-ease, as Louise would say, dis-ease. And these diseases that we carry often are psychosomatic in that we have these belief systems that send messages to our body coming from our brain into the body. And they, in some cases, they can actually just stop the flow of oxygen to, you know, or stop the flow, the blood flow, or slow down your digestion because you're in such an extreme state. But they're also, so there's like a literal physical effect of what's happening

when you start to send these messages to your body or messages to your life. And so your body, you know, I had a lot of gastrointestinal issues for years. And those issues were literally physically happening. Yes, they were happening. You know, I was so stressed that my digestive, my digestion was slowed down, that it created inflammation and it created, all kinds of bacteria because I wasn't digesting properly. So yes, a physical thing is happening, but really what's happening is your body is responding to a belief system. And so Louise often taught that as we start to change our belief systems and change our energy and affirm a new way of being, that we can then begin to heal our body. And so she, she's loud. And the message often that comes

through in her work is really about recognizing that when we take ownership of our thoughts and our belief systems, that we have the power to heal our body. It's just interesting, too, how each body part, like, represents something. So she has these different messages about how just as like if you have a foot issue that you're, you know, having trouble stepping forward in your life. Even like digestion, she might say something like, I'm having trouble digesting the met, like these these thoughts in my mind. I'm just kind of making these, letting them come through. But she has affirmations for every single kind of physical ailment. And as she starts to allow you to begin to affirm a new way of being, you start to let your body catch up with your belief system.

So if someone's listening and they have a sickness of some kind, like for M, just making this up, like eczema or something, there's maybe something that needs to be resolved within to help heal whatever that ailment is. As far as I can remember with Exema and Louise's work was probably something about like something burning inside of you, like something like inflame, inflammation, right? So it'd be like, you know, she defirms something that'd be the opposite of that. And so back pain, maybe like, I'm carrying the burden of the world or different psychosomatic effects of the physical condition. She had cervical cancer. Yes. And it was because she believes it's because she was molested at a young age. Correct. Which is,

I mean, you could see the correlation. Without a shadow of a doubt, many, many women who struggle with areas of reproductive issues or not reproductive issues specifically, but like trauma physically in their reproductive organs or even gastrointestinal issues, that's that that is often trauma related. When you have trauma and you're in a constant state of hypervigilance and you're in a constant state of that fight, flight, what's happening? Your stress hormones are constantly affecting your physical, your physicality and your, and everything about your life. Your nervous system is completely rocked. You are not able to digest your food properly.

Your muscles are contracted. So back pain, gastropane, even inflammation. These are all trauma responses. In my book, Happy Days, I actually opened the book with this like beautiful Louise quote talking about how our body is the effect of our trauma. And then I teach a whole chapter called body hiding behind the body. I am ordering that book this. I'll give you one. No, no, no. I'm a Kindle reader. I also, we were talking about like just like some of the maybe thought patterns that I was in when I was younger and I used to have like a terrible temper when I was a kid. Now I think like it's been pretty well eradicate like I'm pretty calm these days. But even when I was in Lauren, I'll tell you, when like we get in fights, like I would get in physical fights with people or like I'd just be

triggered really easily. And I'm not the poster child for spirituality. I don't think. But when I started hearing her talk about people that carry anger or resentment or bitterness and like how that potentially can manifest into sickness or disease. I've had back problems. I've gone now. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. Now when they went away, were you at a different mental state? Yeah. I mean, like I, you know, it's funny. Like I think if you talk to anybody that knows Mira worked with me now, you'd be very surprised to hear that I was like that. I just, I'm completely, I don't have that in my system anymore. I mean, it would take a lot to bring it out. But I learned when she started talking about this up like that makes a ton of sense. And people,

that I know in my personal life that are the angriest have later in life had some of the most violent disease. And I look into so much detail, but I observe it now. And I'm like, hmm, like if you're going through life carrying all of that negative energy, it has to come out somewhere. So I love the work of this man called Dr. John Sarno. And the work is really based on the psychosemitic effects of trauma. And so when we have rage and we have all this pent up experience of negativity and rage and fear and trauma, where else can we put it? If we don't have a place to put it, we're going to put it back on the body. And so Sarno's work was all, he wrote the book, Healing Back Pain. I believe it's how to heal back pain, healing back pain. And it's all about

how back pain and physical pain is a psychosomatic condition. And he would talk about repudiating the pain. So looking at your back and saying, oh, you know, that's not my back pain. That's actually my impermissible rage. And so when we carry and stuff and push down, it will continue to show up somewhere. Another part of that belief in this is that the brain would be sending messages to the back to be inflamed so that we wouldn't have to deal with the bigger emotional disturbance. Let's say you have back pain and you want to use, you want to use tools to get rid of it. When you say all these things, does this mean that someone who has back pain needs to actually physically go to therapy because I find therapy and just sitting in meditation.

Like, does it have to be this like this release of therapy or can we use other avenues? I think that my work and my life's work, I mean, I write self-help books. My life's work is about meeting people that may not yet be in therapy, may never want to go to therapy. I have lots of people that read my books and do my work that are in therapy and they decide, oh, this really opened to the door for me, and now I'm going to go further with therapy. But if that feels too overwhelming for the listener, and they're like, that's, I can't, I'm not, I'm not, I'm never going to go into therapy. I'm never going to do that. Even just being at whatever minute 55 of this episode means that you have a desire to heal.

It means that you have a desire to change. And so that's where I think self-help is so magnificent because it opens the door for you to start to take care of your internal condition, the same way you might take care of your physical body. So you could eat all the right foods. You could do all the right exercise. But if you're not making sure to consciously connect to the belief systems and the thoughts inside of you, none of that will work. And so really recognizing that these small, subtle shifts, when added up, create really long lasting change. So people are like, how do I get there? How do I change this trauma from my past? How do I overcome this belief system that's keeping me stuck in these patterns, take one small action daily, lots of little right actions, a breath,

the daily design method, the check-in process that I gave you, something as simple as sitting for two minutes and listening to a guided meditation. But doesn't have to be so overwhelming. I want to make sure that we don't overwhelm ourselves with it, because if you overwhelm yourself thinking, this is really with anything. You want to start a business, take lots of little right actions. You want to feel better internally. Start, take lots of little right actions. You want to lose weight. take lots of little right actions. If you force yourself to try to do something right away, what's happening is you actually just never do anything,

you never accomplish anything at all. Because it's too overwhelming. I can't get there tomorrow. With all the people that you talk to and all the people who come to your events, what is the most common belief? Could be negative, could be positive, that you see when you're talking one-on-one to people. What's something where you're like, oh, here it is again,

here it is again, here it is again? I think there's a core belief underneath all of the beliefs, which is I'm not good enough. So the belief of I'm not good enough is the driving force behind why we would work so hard, why we would numb out, why we would become addicted.

It's a story of I'm not good enough. And healing that core belief system is what really changes our life, what really changes our life. And that's a one moment at a time thing. And somebody might be like, oh, I don't believe that. I don't think I'm not good enough.

I have all these great belief systems about myself. But what's that underlying core message that's coming through you every single day that's, that's putting you into these patterns of thinking, you know, I have to rage to feel seen, or I have to pick up a drink to feel safe, or I have to, you know, sleep all day to, to numb out. It's a belief of fear that we don't want to face. And underneath all of that is the feeling of being unlovable and not good enough. what is your wake up like when you i know what you told us how you were laying in bed and you were in the dark and you went through that sort of like list but what is what how do you wake up to show up

meaning like to be you is not like you roll out of bed and you go straight into work i know that there's a lot of things that you have to do to be as effective as you are what are those things and we were talking about you like i feel like with the work you do there's maybe a different kind of pressure to show up You got to recharge. Like, what are the things that you do? Like for us, it's, you know, we talk to amazing people like yourself, but I don't feel, maybe I don't feel as much of an obligation to be the poster child of, you know, lighting the way for, and I feel like with the work that you do, so many people look to you as a source of inspiration or direction.

When you're setting up your day up in the morning, what are you doing to set up to show up? First, let me speak to the pressure thing, right? So, so being, making the commitment to be a voice for personal growth and, spiritual development and all of the things that I've been teaching for 18 years, making that commitment first was a commitment to myself. Because I heal myself first. I go first. If I then have an experience of something, I'm going to be the teacher. I'm going to share it through a book. I'm going to share it through a podcast. I'm to share it in a conversation. And so the pressure of consistently showing up is I don't see it as pressure. I see it as a privilege. I get to be in the

service of my soul, being the service of myself, show up at my highest capacity and make a commitment not only to myself, but also to my readers and my listeners, that I'm going to be the best version of me. And so much of the way that I do that is also just by telling the truth, just saying, oh, you know, I really was total, you know, people that worked for me a decade ago could sit here and tell you lots of stories about how I might have made them feel, you know, so overwhelmed or whatever. But they'll also tell you that I was really good to them, right? So it's like, yes, two things can be true. You can be having your own trauma and your own journey and your own experience and you've also be helping a lot of people at the same time. And so that pressure,

I take that pressure off. I see it as a privilege. The question of like, what do you do in the morning? Ticknatan was interviewed by Oprah and she said, well, you know, when do you meditate? He said, I meditate all the time. And I think that that really resonates with me. It's not just about what I do in the morning or what I do when I sit down to my meditation pillow and all these root-nized things that I do have, Lauren, and I can share that with you. But what is it really? It's I live a spiritual life. Every moment that I come into a situation is an opportunity to get more into alignment. Is an opportunity to change my mind. Is an opportunity to recognize that my energy may not be when we first started. I was like, I want to start over. Like I noticed my energy was not

totally aligned. And I was like, this is going to just go nowhere. Like, let's reset. And that was a spiritual moment. That was a moment of me being like reset, you know, those moment moment, those moment by moment shifts and resets. Call it comeback rate. It's not about how perfect you are in your personal growth and development. It's not about how kind I am all the time. It's not about how, you know, profound I am all the time. It's about how quickly do I come back. How quickly can I come back to that center, that alignment, that connection? For regular listeners, of this show, you know that the last two years for both Lauren and I have been huge fitness journeys. We've completely taken control of our health. And with that, we are constantly on the lookout for the

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So it's just, it was inspiring to me. So I do believe that while I will stand behind the fact that it's these moment to moment shifts that create that momentum in your life to keep. keep you steady consistently, you can prepare yourself at the beginning of the day. So the onset of the day is when we kind of decide and design how the rest of the day is going to go. You wake up and you're in like a real shit mood and you just, you know, lash out on Michael and then Michael's in a bad mood and then that starts to feel, you know, funnel into the next call. So that does have an effect. It takes a lot more work to retangle that later. So beginning your day with really good intentions

is important. I would say step one is two. I love the, this, Starting with that daily design method, deciding who you want to be and setting yourself up to win. And then really, I emphasize, don't pick up your phone from the moment that you wake up, which is so many people is just right there. The first thing they do is pick up that phone. Please, just don't. Just don't. Just don't.

What is it? So I actually, please, please, please. I'll talk about this because, so here's what I. Please. So here's the thing. And this is going to sound strange. I think that there's people that if you pick up. the phone early in the morning, you're immediately on your heels, you're on someone else's

to-do list, you get stress, you get anxiety. It can derail your day. I think that's a lot of people. And I think that if you're one of those people, I completely agree with you. I don't find any of that stress or anxiety or obligation to be on somebody else's to do list in the morning. And most of the stuff that I'm looking at, like, for example, today we woke up in the hotel and it's dark and I'm not being able to get outside like I would normally in the house. And I like, I want that blue light in my eyes immediately just to trigger my circadian rhythm. Is that your excuse, Michael? I'm just going to say these excuses are creative.

So here's my thing with her is I watch her get on the phone and it derails her and triggers her and all these things. But I don't have that same. No, no, no. You might not think that you do. But I once did this really cool thing. There's an app. And I have to find out what it is to send it to you. There was an app that like checked your heart rate variability.

And it was about like it had like this green. You would be in this green zone when you're breathing and centered and your nervous system is settled. And then it would start to get orange, orange, and then go red when that started to spike. I was doing it and I was breathing. I was looking at the phone. It was like connected to my pulse or something. And I was breathing, relaxing, breathing, relaxing. It was in the green, in the green and the green in the green.

My phone dinged. I was using that somebody else's phone. My phone dinged. The second my phone dinged went right to red. And so while you may be like, no, this is fine. This is normal. You've actually become just so accustomed to that. I'm sure.

It seems normal. I'll also tell you this about me. I don't require any wake up or warm up period whatsoever. Like if I wake up, I am like this. Like there's no like, let me get my stuff together. Let me get a coffee. Let me get. You should have seen the way he woke me up today.

But I've been that way in my entire life. Like I don't like it just. And so when we first started dating, it was very confusing to me that she needed to be woken up in her words like a cat and slow with a light. Like I just, I don't know. Yeah. That's why I love this city so much. When I come here, this place feeds me.

Let me give you another caveat of this. It's that when you wake up and you start looking at the Twitter newsfeed and you see all this negative stuff that you're being served, it is essentially like you watch the news every single morning. You make fun of your dad for blasting the news in his house. You're blasting the news in your face. Michael is the same thing. How about you just say Lauren and Gabby are right?

I'm not saying you're not right. I'm just saying that you're giving an excuse. If she looks at the phone in the morning and I look at the phone in the morning, it won't nearly impact me as much as it impacts her. Remember, there was a sponsor we had on the show once. I'm sure you guys had it. It was like where you wore like a patch or something. You could like test your blood.

I know who you're talking about. I won't put himself. Lauren would not let me put the patch. I didn't want to wear it either. She said if I put the patch on it was not allowed in the house. But I would give you a little dear Gabby assignment. Wear the patch for two weeks. Okay.

She won't let me come in the house if I wear the patch because it goes into my skin. Just chill with the patch because we got to prove this to him. do it for a week. They think you had to do it for two weeks. Do it one week while you're waking up the way you normally do. And do it one week where you don't look at your phone for at least an hour before you start your day. I need a third party to come follow us around. You know what the right.

No, you don't. The patch is following you around. You're right. No, I need somebody to do. You're right. No, listen, I think you're both right. Thank you. Okay.

Period. So if you see, I feel like for like, I feel like if you see the physiological reactions that your body's having, then that, yeah, he's, He's going to be, he's going to really be, you're going to see it. You need to see the data. Put the patch back on. I'm listening to Gabby. I'm listening to Gabby. I'm listening to Gabby. What I'm saying is, I'm probably believe you're right. Or a ring or whatever those things are. I'm going to monitor him all week, Gabby and I'm going to up to. Yeah, we've got whoop. Okay. But what I'm saying is, like, I know this is very important advice for a lot of people, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm a high functioning screen morning looker. And it has not yet seem to. That's fine. But also, Michael, you really

work out your, you work out a lot, right? Yeah, you like have great hair, you've got like muscles. You just like working out. He really has good hair. I don't know what the hair has to do with the hair. I don't know. It's like, you're good hair. But you care a lot about your physical well-being. Sure. Sure. Why wouldn't you treat your mental well being the same way? No, no, I do. And I am. Because like, for instance, you could eat a hamburger, you could drink, you know, diet soda or whatever. You might not physically feel it. Like, you might not physically feel it for years and years and years, but you know it's doing something bad to use, you're not doing it. No, listen, I, this is why I'm say, I am 100% of work in progress. I'm not perfect. I learn all, like, I have, I talk to people like yourself

so that I can better myself. I love this conversation because it's a subtle manipulation to do what I say. I'm not, I'm not resistant to it. I think you're right. But I, when I go through, so here's how I think about it. When I go through all of the lists of things that I've had to implement, what I'm saying is a lot of them. It's not, yeah, it should be one of them for sure. I want to take way the word should. Okay, could be. So while, I want to sit with your wife right here and be like, we're right. Really do that. I actually want to be like, listen, we have to have some vices in our life, right? Like, you know, I've been sober 18 years. I don't eat sugar. I don't eat gluten. I, you know, okay. So what advice? Coffee. Okay. That's kind of boring,

but like, you know, coffee or like dairy. I don't know. But maybe my advice is that I like to watch, you know, Colbert before I go to bed every night. You know, that's not the best sleep hygiene. Do I have better experiences with better sleep hygiene? Yes. But I've got this one vice. Okay. You know, if I'm feeling up, you know, if I've got lots going, I literally will just like go watch like Trevor.

I saw Trevor now on the street yesterday. I was like, Trevor, what? Like, you think you're friends with these people? You know, he's like, get the fuck away from me. But, but you know, you just, just being in that place where you're just in acceptance of like, I don't want to do that yet. Yeah. I think like vice is a good way to put it.

I was on some, I was on an interview with the show called Meat Mafia, which is actually we didn't even really. talk about me, but that's their show. And they were talking about morning routines and this. And I said that while I know many of these things could be extremely beneficial for me, as I'm practicing right now in my life, I also feel that I am not, my day is not derailed if I don't do one of those things. Yeah. I feel like I have other things. Your day should be derailed if you don't scrape that time. My day is, or my day or week is derailed. If I don't. Everyone's got to scrape their time. I do you have a ton scraper. You got to have a ton scraper. Do you have one though? Do you sell one?

No. Next product. Sell us. A pink one. we're working on it, but it's got to be, this is off there. This is off. It's got to have a case. It's got to have a whole thing. It's a big project. I got you. It's not a product.

It's a big project. I will explain things this way. I am a work in progress, but there are things that I'm slowly letting go of that I think have driven me and will continue to drive me to a point. But over time, I will need to get rid of. The phone is probably one of them. But at this point, I'm like, okay, that's working for me still right now. But at some point it won't be.

And here's the thing. We can have our non-negotiables, right? My non-negotiables are, I don't drink. My non-negotiables are, I don't eat sugar. My non-negotiables are I take care of my side of the street. Like if I do something or say something inappropriate, I will make amends quickly. So there's certain things in my life that I will, my non-negotiables are. I meditate twice a day.

Sure. That's non-negotiable. In a good day, 20 minutes twice a day. I practice transcendental meditation. But I think five minutes twice a day, But I say twice a day because it's a good morning thing. And then you're an afternoon when you want that coffee, it's important. But those are my non-negotiables. And then there's those windows where I might be like, you know what? I was gossiping last night and that felt good for a minute. And it wasn't cool.

But it's not very Gabby Bernstein of me. My husband will be in the kitchen being like, are you a self-help book author, you know? Or didn't you write a book called judgment detox? Like, that's real. What do you struggle with now? Like, what is a daily struggle for you that you're trying to work on? I don't struggle. I don't struggle. I'm saying this in my own, like my own practice right now, right? So I'm not struggling.

I'm redirecting now. So it used to be a daily struggle to be like, I'm doing too much. I'm taking on too much. The same story that I told you, we've got our stories and they infiltrate our life. That story was like, I'm struggling, I'm struggling because I'm constantly trying to do everybody else's thing.

Now I'm in a different place where I'm really, noticing, noticing, oh, that's, you know, that's an area where I would, could use some more help. And I'm speaking up for it. And I'm saying, hey, could you help me out here? But that was the long, that was the daily struggle. It was like you felt like you were doing too much. You felt too overwhelmed. I felt like I was just taking on too much, you know, taking on the burden of too many things. So now you're not asking for help. Now, just as an example. Today, we're recording in the studio, right in this hour before you guys came. And I was like doing my, thing, like, literally, like, you know, producing my show in real time as I'm, you know,

with my producer and my social media manager and my makeup arts, everybody's here, right? And my people online, my whole team's online. I've got a 30-person team. Like, we're not, you know, doing nothing here. And so, but they, I needed to send people to a URL, but they didn't have the exact URL, right? And so normally I'd be like, oh, I got to go look it up on my phone or figure it out right now. Instead, I got the URL from them. I said the right URL. And then I looked at them both with a lot of love and compassion. They're my producer. It's my social media manager. And I said, you guys, I really need you to come with like all the URLs of where we want to let people know that we have free meditations. I want every single one written down on a

notepad. I want it on your computer. I want it on your phone. Just have it. I need you to have it for me. So you overly communicated an effective, empathetic, compassionate way. In a kind way. I want this. I need this. And it's not, you guys, why isn't it? it here. This is old Gabby. You know, like, what the fuck? Why isn't your? Or I'll just get it right now and just like energetically show that I'm pissed off. Right. So that while it is, it was a struggle, I think now is seeking the solution, right? Just being in the moment and saying, hey, like instead of letting this be a struggle, can you guys make this happen? How do you run a team of 30 people? And it's sometimes hard as a woman because you don't want to be called a bitch. Yes. And I feel like you're the perfect person to ask.

Also, as a man, you don't want to be called a bitch. No, but like, you're around a lot of female founders. I know you know a lot of female founders. You're a team of 30 people. How do you? Mostly women, yeah. How do you show up and get it done without people being like your... So I used to show up for many, many years, up until recently.

And be Gabby and be kind and be generous. Also, in some ways, in some ways override myself and be very codependent. Like, let me save everybody else. And then when nobody was helping me, I'd be a bitch, right? energetically. They'd be like, oh, this is too overwhelming. Why is this happening? And I'd freak people out.

And like, I guarantee, you know, I had, I had right in the beginning of COVID, I had five people left, right at the beginning of COVID. And two of them had been with me for a decade. Two of them had worked with me for a decade. And you know what? Those two people out there who I don't speak to anymore and I love very dearly. I really, they really care about these people. They could sit there and be like, yeah, Gabby's a bitch.

But they also love me, right? They also know that, well, for many years, I might have been struggling with my own trauma and not being able to handle being flooded or when the email wouldn't go out. I'd flip my shit, you know. But there's still that side that that was always loving and always cool. There's a reason they stuck around for 10 years, right? So we have to first and foremost recognize that when we don't care about our internal condition and we have unprocessed wounds, we're going to be a bitch because we don't have a way of communicating. I think what's so great about you, what I appreciate so much about you is like, You are like this self-help guru that I look to, but you also acknowledge your own imperfections.

I just like, it's winted when you said guru and let me say why. Okay, maybe I don't know. But let me just explain to it. It's really answering your question. It's that the way that I teach is by healing myself. Yes, I love that. So I am not, I'm not perfect. I have, I am, I am an awesome fucking person. I'm an amazing person. I'm so proud of myself. Not because of my accomplishing. not because of these credentials, not because of people's lives who have changed, but because of the work I've done on myself. Because I can sit with you right now and you say, what's your daily struggle? And I'm like, the thing that was my struggle is actually something that I'm using now to perfect, you know, to shine the crystal. I don't even see it as a struggle. So I think that, I think that that ability to sit in the seat of, yeah, these 10 books I've written, I have worked it. I have lived it. I have practiced it. I walk my talk. I can tell you when I've fucked up. I can tell you when I have healed. And that, that to me is,

is the only reason it works. It's the only reason I can help people. It's a massive self-awareness and acknowledging that you're a work in progress, which to me makes you, it makes, it humanizes you. A hundred percent. And I, I think that you, anyone that tells you you you're the guru, like, run the other way. Right, right. Run the other way. So what do you, if someone asks, what do you call yourself self-help? A teacher. I'm a teacher. I, you know, I, I'm a, I'm a channel. I'm a motivator. Where can everyone find all of the stuff you are doing? Where should they start?

No, I'm scared. Do we have all the links? I have the links ingrained in my system. They're in my system. But that was a great question. Wolf needs the links. So you are wanting a lot of quick tips. You are wanting, and I want to give those to people.

And you were like, there's people out there that don't want therapy or they're not ready for it. I want to give people the gateway into their own personal. Adjustable tips. Yes. So I have a Gabby coaching membership. It is the greatest offering I could give to the world. Everything is inside of an app. It is, Mark, I am with you. I can be your coach anywhere, anytime. For the price of like two hours of regular coaching, you get me to be your coach for a year. So what does that look like? Someone goes on and like they... I'm getting you in the app today. Okay. So it's weekly coaching. So every week you have me showing up with brand new meditation lesson. Cool. Very digestible. And journaling prompts,

you have a journal inside of your app. There's the get Gabby section. So, like, if you're feeling anxious, you can press a button and you have two minute practice, get Gabby. If you're, you know, about to rage,

you can press a button, get Gabby. If you're feeling, you need a confidence boost, press the button, get Gabby. If you're, you know, whatever, like,

there's literally laundry list. And I keep adding to it as well. Like, if you're about to pick up a drink or do something addictive, you can get Gabby. That section is my favorite part. It's like I can literally be on speed dial for people. Really cool.

hundreds of hours of meditations, workshops. I mean, I've been doing these 18 years. So hundreds of hours of meditation, workshops, and challenges. Like my manifesting challenge is coming up in January, 21-day manifesting challenge, body love challenge. You've got a meditation challenge. You've got, I'm going to do an abundance challenge. So it's all in this one place. And you're getting that weekly coaching, but you're also getting that support every single moment. It's amazing. Like literally, it's awesome. People coming out to the other street and being like, I just keep getting Gabby. I'm so happy I can get Gabby. It's really cool. Yes, it's the Gabby coaching membership and people can try it for seven days.

And the first seven days I curated to be manifesting. So it's a seven day manifesting trial. And it's at deargabby.com forward slash app. My favorite part of this entire episode is when you said that you meditate all day. You meditate anywhere and that's that totally pulls back to your app. It's like you can just pick up the phone. Anytime. And not look at it, Michael Bostick.

Just listen to it. Not in the morning first thing. Actually, Michael, if you want to pick up your phone, and get blue light in the morning. Wake up with me. Yeah. Wake up with me. Wake up with another woman.

You guys, take a break for me. Here's what I'm going to do. Wake up with another woman bench. I'm going to make a meditation for you, Michael. Okay. And I'm going to call it Michael's wake up meditation. I promise you. I'm doing this.

I'm going to go home and do it when I get back from Texas. Okay. I'm going to do Michael's wake up meditation. All right. And I'm going to put it in the app. And I want you to do it for, I want you to do it together for 30 days. He will do it. I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'm going to make you a meditate. I'm literally going to call it Michael's wake-up. Maybe the audience who gets on their phone. Do it with them. Do it with you guys. You could even go as far as to call it Michael's no phone. Michael's no phone wake-up meditation.

A lot of people do wake up with their phone. I think that is an issue. And maybe there's a meditation that you can give us to do when you're going to reach for the phone to scroll. You're going to reach for the phone anyway. So then turn on, go to the Gabby coaching membership app and just get right into it. Okay. I'm in 30 days.

And I'll give you a little bit of meditation. And I'll wear the who. And I'll tell you how. my heart rate. Actually, that would be amazing. Let's test it with the meditation. He will do it every day. But let me tell you something, though. My resting heart rate is at like 49. It's pretty good. I don't know what that means. He's just doing good. He's doing good. I'm not stressed. I'm telling you. I mean, if you would have seen it a few years ago, it had been like double down. I actually want to reflect that back to you. I was with you guys four years ago. I was in a very different place. Like I was just coming out with this trauma book. I was really healing.

So maybe you feel that way from me, but I feel it from you. Like you're both like so grounded. and so gorgeous and like physically even more beautiful than you were even four years ago. So I have to think and just energetically like you're in it. And you're walking your talk. Stay here all day and just throw compliments this way. Wait, why don't you just do that is the meditation of giving him compliments on his hair life. You're amazing. Your hair.

You would love to. You have the most beautiful hair. Yeah, I don't just just maybe like a compliment every like 10 seconds. Yes, exactly. Well, I really am going to make a Michael's morning. Michael, not even Michael's morning though. I think it's Michael's wake up meditation. Okay.

Because it's one thing to say morning. I trust your judgment. Whatever you, however you want to do it. Okay. Where can everyone find you, pimp your Instagram page out? Gabby Bernstein. Amazing. And dear Gabby.

Dear Gabby. Check out the podcast. Dear Gabby. That's our show. Go listen to the show. Where should someone start? What's the episode? I would say start with the episode, the beginner's guide to manifesting.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Gabby, come back anytime. I love you guys. Appreciate you. Thank you. That was great.

Thank you.