The Bossticks - How To Tame Your Gremlin & Find Emotional Balance - The Simple Method For Getting Out Of Your Own Way Ft. Rick Carson

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

#490: On today's episode we are joined by Rick Carson. Rick Carson is Rick is a practicing psychotherapist, personal and executive coach, seminar leader, keynote speaker, and consultant to businesses, nonprofit organizations, several United States government agencies. Today we discuss how the world renowned author blends his laid-back style, Taoist wisdom, the Zen Theory of Change, and sound psychology in an easy-to-understand, unique, and practical system for banishing the nemesis within. To connect with Rick Carson click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by CLEARSTEM CLEARSTEM has made a clean, clinical skincare line that is equally effective against acne AND aging. Go to https://clearstemskincare.com/ and use code SKINNY2 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Recreation Sweat Recreation Sweat is a fitness company born out of necessity in the pandemic. They're all about quick and effective workouts that you can do anywhere without heavy equipment. Get 20% off your first purchase with code SKINNY at checkout at recreationsweat.com. This episode is brought to you by LMNT LMNT is a tasty electrolyte drink that has everything you need and nothing you don't. It contains a science-backed electrolyte ratio: 1000mg sodium, 200mg potassium, and 60mg magnesium. Get a free sample pack with any purchase at drinkLMNT.com/SKINNY This episode is brought to you by Once Upon a Farm Once Upon a Farm is the leading baby food and kids snacks brand offering organic, cold-pressed fruit and veggie pouches, dairy free smoothies, overnight oats, plant rich meals and more. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use code SKINNY at checkout to receive 35% off your first subscription order. This episode is brought to you by Beis People always say it's about the journey, not the destination. And they're right. Getting there effortlessly is what BEIS (base) luggage and bags were made for. Beis is there for your journey, wherever your next destination might be. Get 15% off your first purchase by going to BEISTRAVEL.com/SKINNY Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. When I traveled to San Diego, I was very specific about my luggage. And I used base. You've seen this all over Instagram. It's Shane Mitchell's brand. You know, the actress. She set out to make sleek, affordable bags, luggage, and accessories. And the one that I like and the one I traveled with specifically is called the carry-on roller. I went and picked it out on their site. And I got black because all my luggage is black, but I also would not be mad at the beige or the navy or even the gray. Anyway, I got the black. But what I like about it is it has this really cute handle that's nude. I just feel like it's like a really cute detail. And you can tell that Shea had her

hand in designing every single facet. It has so many reviews and they're all five stars, you guys. And it rolls so nicely. But most of all, it packed so much of my stuff. Michael always says I pack too much, now I can hide it in my luggage. How efficient is that? Whether you're on a business trip or you're traveling for fun, whatever it is, you're going to have chic luggage. Their luggage comes in multiple sizes, colors, and you guys, their cushion handle. It's just so comfortable. I can't even tell you. Right now, Base is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase. You are going to visit basestravel.com slash skinny. Go to base travel.com slash skinny. You get 15% off your first purchase. That's B-E-I-S travel.com slash skinny, and I'm telling you, check out the

carry-on roller. It's major. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. The whole deal about Gremlin timing. It's one of the reasons I remember love working out. It's been a hobby of mine since I was 15. You start to just see the limits. You don't have to work against them. You don't have to have positive affirmations. Once you see how crazy that stuff is, there's a natural correction that starts to occur. Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show. Today we have a hell of an episode for you guys. Lauren and I met Rick

from Brooke at the road here in Austin and it was a phenomenal introduction. So who is, Rick Carson. Rick Carson, the author behind the book, Taming Your Gremlin, a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way, which all of us need to do. We are all in our own way. We could all be so much better if we learned how to tame the Gremlin, which we're going to talk about here. So what is the Gremlin? The Gremlin, you will find out in this episode. But to give a little bit more detail for what you can find in this episode, we're going to talk about techniques for getting a sliver of light between the natural you and the monster of your mind. We're going to talk about the extraordinary power of simply noticing what's going on in your mind and playing with options.

And we're also going to talk about keys, six keys to be precise, on maintaining emotional balance amid upheaval in your mind. So for those of you that are in your head all the time, I know I am, this is an incredible episode. Rick really lays it out in a great and profound way. And with that, let's welcome Rick Carson to the skinny confidential, him and her show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Okay. How do we tame our gremlin. We all have a gremlin. It's very true. What is a gremlin? I mean like a creature gremlin? No. How do you explain it? No, your gremlin is the monster of the mind. Okay. You're familiar with it. All right. I'm definitely familiar with that. Yeah, everybody is. It's that part of you that is really out to eat your lunch.

It's out to squelch the vibrant thing that you really are. With various names of place. to that other thing. Soul, prana, Ray, Chi, key, the primordial vibration, can't circle it with the word at all. But it's in there. One book I called it Life. One

book I called it, what else? True love. So the Gremlin Taming Method is very powerful, but it's not about the Gremlin. It's really not. In the same way that a sculpture is not about the stone that ends up on the floor.

The method is about how to get a sliver of light between who you are on the inside and all of that stuff, all that chatter, all those preconceived notions about who you are and about how the world works. It's just to see that, just to see that. And that alone is very, very free. At that point, when you start to witness that goings on,

there's just a beautiful thing that starts to happen. I mean, it's a sense of freedom. It's really a beautiful, beautiful thing. So what is a gremlin if you were to describe it in one sentence? All I can say is it's the enemy out to really get you, out to squelch. So your inner narrative? It's the one who issues forth that inner narrative. For example, there are a lot of therapists that use my method and a lot of life coaches that do.

And so often there is a misunderstanding. They'll think, well, your gremlin, it's like when you said earlier, which gremlin? No, they'll think, well, your gremlin is your negative past experiences. Or your gremlin is your fears. Or your gremlin is whatever your put-downs. Your gremlin is not any of those things. Your gremlin is that force that issues them forward. And it exists between that ultimate duality.

is within every human I've ever encountered. And you've encountered a lot. You've been a therapist for 30, but... 50 years. 50 years. This is my 50th year. You look great, man. Well, thank you very much.

You were all just doing dips in the gym across the way before. I was just bored. He's doing dips in the gym. I mean, you got to get at it. Listen, I know guys, I know young guys aren't doing dips on their board. They got to take after you. My first set, we shouldn't go into this. No, no, I love it.

First set, I do. 60. Holy Christ. Yeah, and I do it right. I believe it. And I'm 78. You kicked your gremlin's ass. You're 78?

Wow. That's the thing is that the whole deal about gremlin timing. It's one of the reasons I really love working out. It's been a hobby of mine since I was 15. It is the, it's gremlin timing on the spot. It really is. When you start to just see the limits, you don't have to work against them. You don't have to have positive affirmations.

Once you see how crazy that stuff is, there's a natural correction that starts to occur. Yeah, not to go on like the full fitness tangent, but I will say in my life when I'm having the hardest time, it's usually times when I'm not taking care of myself physically. I'm not getting out there and getting that exercise in. Well, it's amazing the number of people who don't attend to that. if I'm working with a client, no matter what we're working on, if they're not taking care of their body, it's in there that you have every experience you have in this life. Really? I mean, events occur around you, but your experience of all those events happens within the boundary defined by your skin.

So you've got to keep this instrument tuned and toned. But you also have to practice this method. After 50 years of working with people, when did you discover that everyone has this? one thing in them and it was something that you wanted to write about. Before you were born. 1973 or four. Okay. It's a long story how it happened.

But once it happened for me, it changed everything I was doing with clients, with families, with individuals. Because I saw that no matter what people present with, whether it's anxiety or an incestuous relationship that they had or the, they had. the death of a loved one. That's like a basket of fruit people walk in with. There's all this stuff. But what I'm interested in is the one carrying the basket.

And ultimately, it always, it doesn't mean I don't help folks deal with issues, but ultimately it gets down to that interduality. Because once you take care of how you're contributing to your own misery, it's amazing. Circumstances are important. You're successful. I'm successful because we know how to move. props and players around to make a success in this life. But the inner game is a whole separate thing.

And the inner game term is not mine. It's Tim Galways. It's the key. And people are not taught how to do that. It's not taught anywhere that I know about. I was talking to somebody today that's in a high-stress situation. And what I realized when I was talking to them is it's not their fault necessarily that they're not able to deal with the high-stress situation.

Maybe they lack a little experience, but also the voice. and I started thinking about me in that situation who's been through a couple of these types of business multiple times. And it's, I've just learned how to talk to myself in a way in these situations that doesn't make it stressful for me. It's like, okay, it's just like a puzzle. I'm like, all right, I'm going to move this piece and that piece. But for most people that haven't been in these scenarios, they don't know how to talk themselves through it and put themselves in a situation where they can find success even in those situations. That's right. And that's what the method is all about.

So if someone's out there and they're listening and they feel like they're carrying. a huge basket of fruit and they can't get access to your office. What are some tangible tips that they can use? Very tangible. Okay. First thing is get a copy of taming your gremlin. Yes, get a copy of it. I have one, you guys.

Because the method is very precise in there. But one of the things that folks can do immediately, and it's the thing I get the most emails about and phone calls about, is folks saying I don't get the skin thing. And what I mean by that is, weird as this sounds, this is just one tip, staying aware of the surface of your skin, which is a very sensitive organ. It's very sensitive. It's like a vibrating boundary. So it's not just an organ, it's a boundary. And every experience you have in this life ultimately occurs in there, as I was saying earlier.

So that tip coupled with a lot of people talking about breathing nowadays, you know, the importance of. belly breathing, taking in all of the air that you want, exhaling fully. That's important. But what's more important or as important is to recognize your breathing is not just a regulator of your internal experience. It's an indicator. When it gets shallow, it's telling you, when you cut off your body, your breathing gets shallow, your awareness becomes concentrated in your head, in your intellect. not a bad place, but some terrible neighborhoods.

And even if all you do is spend too much time up there, you're going to get bummed out and anxious. So when you're breathing, it's shallow it's important to note and ask what's going on. Am I doing some constructive thinking like you were saying, moving props and players around? Am I scaring the hell out of myself? Am I miring myself in regret? Anything, beating the hell out of myself.

And then once you notice that, This sounds odd, but what I have people do is accentuate it. In other words, if you're scaring yourself, scare yourself big time. Don't give us an example. Is it like fear setting in a way where it's like you talk to yourself about how much worse it could be or how, or how, like, kind of like that? That's a piece of it, Michael, but it's not the whole enchilada. That's part of it. So somebody's scaring themselves that they're going to be left or abandoned by a lover.

you know, somebody's going to die or they're going to lose their job. That could really happen. But what I have people do firstly is accentuate the horror movie. I'm not only going to lose my job, I'm going to, I don't know, my partner's going to leave me, I'm going to end up old and alone and get eaten by rats, you know, whatever. But it's not just accentuating that. That's why I said close but no enchilada. I also have people accentuate as they're doing.

that, the feeling in their body, have them accentuated. Because even if the horror movie is not absurd, what will become absurd every time is I'm sitting here jabbing my own thumb and my own eye. That's really how I discovered the method. But it's like, you know, there's an absurdity there. When the natural use spots that, there's a natural correction that starts to occur in the same way that you learn to walk. You didn't know anything about kinesiology, physiology.

You learned if you lean too far to the left, you bumped your head. So you started straighten up. Same thing happens here. You start to really see what you're doing to yourself. This is the key in the moment that you're doing it to yourself. It's not about insight. It's about awareness in the moment. There's a natural correction that starts to occur.

So with the method, it's very important. that people practice. So you basically scare the shit out of yourself and give yourself the worst possible case scenario so your body reacts to it. And you let your, and you accentuate where your body's doing. You tighten it. Yeah. So if, for example, you're breathing shallow, you make it shallower.

If you notice your head's going down, you really pull it down. Okay. And so what does that do to the brain, though? I don't have any idea what it does to the brain. I just know there's a natural correction that occurs there. So it's almost like you, you're hyper self-aware. Hyper self-aware. It almost is like your body knows this is not a natural state of being.

So why are you putting yourself in that state of being? Right? It's like you're putting yourself unnaturally through suffering that you don't need to suffer through. That's right. There's an insight that comes. I mean, we're not dummies. We see, my God, this is crazy. You know, what I'm doing to myself.

But there's also awareness. Awareness experience has its own language. And it's not the language of a man. mind, it's the difference between really knowing something and knowing about it. It's very primal in a way. Like animals don't run around suffering all the time, right? As far as I know. Yeah, right?

They just go through being like an animal. And obviously they have survival instincts and things that they need to know. But they're not constantly in this frantic state of mind like we are as humans. No. It's kind of like what's next. I mean, I assume I'm not an animal. I watch, I watch Archilwell. You know, like these guys don't know what's going on there.

What's an example of something that you can pinpoint of someone that maybe was molested or experienced incest or rape or something that was so traumatic where you saw something shift with the Gremlin method? Gosh, there have been so many. I mean, sometimes I end up taking people back, not always, but many times. I take people back into that experience. Okay. Okay.

I help me get really centered and then very slowly take them. back into that experience. And if that is too scary for them, I mean, I'm right there connecting with them. If that's too scary, if I see them starting to tense, I'll take and have them do something like be on the ceiling witnessing what happened. But I want them to re-experience some of the feeling because that's the way you move through it. The way out is through, always. That's just the way it is. You can form an insight about what's going on and decide to see it differently.

And I'll scale of zero to ten, that's worth about a three. But when you really dive into the experience and start seeing the effect that, from that experience, what you've started doing to yourself, that's when that natural change starts to occur. When I first wrote Taming Your Gremlin,

I wanted to come up with a term for it. And so I called it the Zen Theory of Change. which simply stated is, I free myself from all this crap, not by trying to free myself. It's never worked for anybody long term. I free myself by really noticing how I'm imprisoning myself in the very moment that I'm imprisoning myself. That's the key. When you talk to, I mean, 50 years doing this, are there some common themes or elements or

things that people just inherently need to work through all the time and that you're like, hey, this is something that 95% of the people you've seen can start working on today. Yes. Typically, what brings people to me, well, what brings them to me really is they want to enjoy their lives and experience some simple peace and contentment. But typically, if you really look closely, it's damn near always related to a loss or the threat of a loss, whether it's of a person. whether it's of self-esteem, whether it's of a job, some kind of loss.

Whatever, yeah, yeah, especially in this economy. A lot of people are scared, you know, really scared. And that's, if you trace it back, typically that's what folks are afraid of. And there's some legitimate concerns. Stuff goes down. You're going to feel stressed. That's just the way it is. But if you take care of how you contribute to that and how you, you're, you're going to, you,

you're prolonging it if you can spot that. It's amazing how it really minimizes the other. All right. One question that I get asked a lot is about acne. And I do not know a lot about acne. So I went to the acne gurus. I had them on the podcast. You might have heard the episode.

If you haven't and you're prone to acne, you have to listen. And basically what I learned is that acne products dry and damage to the skin and this causes premature aging. But anti-aging products, which is so like crazy, keep everyone breaking out because they have filler in them. So the founders of Clearstem really streamlined everything. They created this product line that's made a clean clinical skincare line. And it's equally effective against acne and aging. So it's like everything in one. And why I like this product is everything you find on the site you know will not cause acne. I am personally a huge fan. I've talked about this many times of their brush on mineral sunscreen. It's like comes in a little brush and it comes

with powdered sunscreen so I can reapply. It's super easy. So like if I'm in the car and I just want to reapply really quick without all that like white, nasty, like thick shit, just keeps things easy. It's easy to travel with. It contains nourishing ingredients. There's like zinc and green tea and vitamin E in it and never clogs your pores. Anyways, clear stems products. Everything on there is not going to clog your pores. It's not going to cause pimples. It's not going to cause acne. This is amazing. Also, whatever your skincare need is, you have to check them out. The acne goo. is know what they're talking about. Let me tell you, they have a clinic in San Diego called the acne clinic. They just get it. Their formulas keep winning award after award, and the hype is real.

You need to try this line if you want anti-aging products that will not break you out. Be sure to use code Skinny 2 for 20% off your first order. That's Skinny 2 for 20% off your first order. And I'm telling you, check out that brush on mineral sunscreen. Obviously, we are in San Diego right now if you watch stories and TikTok. And one thing, that I had to figure out was my workout situation. I am extremely postpartum still and I am trying to tighten up. I have no shame in my game to let everyone know that I want to be the best version of myself after baby number two. And one of those elements and one of those tools is working out. So what I did, since I can't bring tons of weights to San Diego, is I brought my resistance bands.

The resistance bands that I have been using are so cute. They look at it on your own. your feet, on your TikTok. I feel like they're like hot girl resistant bands. They come in black. They come in like a navy green and a gray and they are by recreation sweat. What I like about these resistant bands is they have light, medium, and heavy. So you can just decide where you're at. If it's a Sunday, I go a little lighter. If I'm hung over on a Saturday, I'll go super light. But then on Monday, I'm like ready to go and I want to go heavy. So I like that I can just carry these in my luggage. They're super light. They're seamless. They don't take up a lot of room. And they're also cute. They're probably honestly the cutest resistant bands I've ever seen. So who is recreation

sweat? They're a fitness company born out of necessity in the pandemic and they empower women to work out anywhere. I think this is so amazing if you're on the go like me. They also have this jump rope that Michael's obsessed with for lymphatic drainage. And I think it's a great little like cardio workout. And again, a jump rope's light, you can carry it around. You can use code skinny at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. I recommend grabbing those resistance bands. You can't go wrong.

Visit recreation sweat.com for more information and use code skinny for 20% off. So it could be loss of anything. It could be loss of status. It could be loss of money, loss of a job, loss of a lot. Like you're saying just loss in general is what most people fear. Loss of how you think of yourself, a self-concept about who you think you are, who you think you're supposed to be. Loss of your looks.

Oh, sure. Try aging. Try ballless. Listen, man, if I look like you at 78, I'm going to be good. I'm going to be happy. I'm telling you, the stuff that we get attached to, and I'm not immune to any of this. I'm no master of the process. I'm just a real sincere student, you know, because it's been so beneficial in my.

my life, transformative, you know, but you've got to keep practicing because the benefits, everything I'm saying to you is from my own experience, the benefits keep unfolding. It's not just you attain a static state of bliss and harmony or anything, but you start having not only more and more moments of simple peace and contentment, your moments get richer. I'm amazed constantly by this thing. What is the foreground of our minds? This is a question from my team to you.

Yeah. They want to know what that means. Oh, okay. At any point in time, if you're awake, if you're feeling good, you have a sharp foreground and a fuzzy background. Like right now, Michael, you're my foreground. Got it. Now I'm shifting. You're my foreground.

But that foreground is always in one of three zones. This is important. And that's a great question. This is key. for people listening or watching, this will really help. That foreground is always either from your skin in, focal point of that is your breathing, your body from your skin in, okay, or what's going on in your immediate surroundings,

which you can actually pick up with your senses, your sensory receptors. As long as the foreground of your experience is here or here, you're grounded in the present. Okay. Okay. Now, the method is not about being here now all the time, but it is about establishing the here and now as your home and coming home several times an hour

because there's a third realm, the world of mind. So if right now, I mean, I'm really making a bit, I see you looking at me, Lauren, and I like that. What's also true is I'm. making up world of mind. I'm making up you're listening to me. I really don't have a clue. Right. But if my, if I imagined you were angry with me or if Michael was for God's sake, you know, then my entire behavior would change. Well, what happens is based on past experiences, many times we tend to contaminate the present with the past and fears about the future.

The method doesn't teach you anything in terms of that, except notice what you're doing, because if you do that without knowing you're doing it, that's what's called neuroses. It's like if somebody, you know, maybe they've had a past poor relationship where somebody cheated on the list. And then they come into a new one and they're in that relationship. And they're putting that past and the behavior of that old partner on this relationship. You're going to have a completely different relationship as if you weren't doing that. It happens all the time. Of course.

Yeah, any insecurity. Or the past behavior of parents or relatives of things you knew as a child, if you're bringing that into your present relationships or present partnerships or whatever it is. Okay. So the method is existential and phenomenological. In other words, instead of saying, well, let's figure all that out, what I want you to do is become very aware of when you're doing that to yourself. Because that kicks into play that's a theory of change. I free myself by simply noticing how I'm imprisoning myself in the very moment in which I'm doing it. Because it's not a virus.

It's not a virus. You're doing it. So what you're saying is a lot of negative experiences we're actually creating for ourselves based on past experiences. A lot, not all. But what is true is we are the ones that tend to prolong them. Right. Okay, so you sneer at me or throw me out of the room or tell me that was the worst interview we ever had or whatever it was. Okay. So that hurts. I don't like hearing that. That's a natural fight or flight reaction.

My breathing gets shallow, a tense, my trapezias gets tight, my knuckles go white, all of that stuff. But what I do with that makes all the difference. If I start chewing on it like bubble gum, I can make myself miserable and people do this for hours, for days, for years. Do you think that there's people, though, that are addicted to the chaos? Oh, absolutely. And so what do you do with that? Same thing. I can think of people that I actually believe like to live in that state.

My job is not to change anybody. My job is to get them to choice with it by helping basically in a gentle, loving way, put their face in it. Look at what you're doing to yourself and there's a natural correction that starts to curve from that. Think about this even like we have a lot of single friends that are dating.

They're struggling in the dating. It's two worlds. Some of our friends, no problem. Constantly, you know, having a great time. Yeah. Constant problem. You could take them similar people. But at some point, there's a reason

you're having problems or a reason you're having success and it's most likely not external. It's internal, right? Yeah. It's something they're. you're doing. It's just recognizing what are those things that are working for you and what are working against you. Well, the latter is the most important. Because if you can take away, if you can just start noticing how you're getting in your own way, the sequel is a master class. Well,

I think maybe it's a subtitle here. Yeah, it's a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way. The main thing is not so much to notice the positive stuff. That's nice. What are the things I'm doing that's right. But to really notice the fears, fears of poison, okay, fears, guilt, putting yourself down, miring yourself and regret. I'm not opposed to anger. I think it handled properly. It changes relationships for the better many times. He gets things down. done. But clinging to a resentment, it's like acid in a container. It eats the person holding on to it, which plays into what you were saying about people who just really like that drama, you know? Yeah, they're addicted to the chaos. I would love to do like a little exercise with Michael and I.

Sure. I like this method because so many people, a lot of these emotions you're talking about, people are taught to turn away from them. Exactly. Right. And I'm saying, let's dive into them. So let's do an exercise. What's something that you think that you can work on? And if you don't have something, I have something for you. Okay. Well, let's, that's all right. Well, first, let's ask Michael.

There's a million things I can work on. Something recently. Say again, there's a million things I can work on. There's a million things I can work on. Now, say it and put space between those words. There is a million things I can work on. I love that. I'm going to play that.

Stay with it. Just a minute. Just one more time and really feel each word. you say it to me. No, there is a million things I can work on. Yeah. See, okay, now call me by name. Say Rick. Rick, there are a million things that I can work on. Tell Lauren, slowly. Lauren, there are a million things that I can work on. So pick one, pick one. Don't you, don't you pick? I want Michael to pick. I can be better with my delivery and not as harsh, not as harsh with my delivery. It comes from.

Doesn't matter. When you hear because or it comes from, I mean, I'll let people do that sometimes because nobody's going to pay me for 10 minutes, so I'll make sessions last 45 minutes. So go ahead and say it again. I can be better with my delivery. I could improve it. Very good. Say it one more time. I could be better with my delivery. I could improve it. Call Lauren by name and say, I can be better. This is like an orgasm.

I can be better. See what it feels like to say, Lauren. And I don't want you to fake this. No, no, I'm not. Lauren, I could be better. Yeah. Now see what it feels like slowly. Let's slow down a little bit.

Just to say to Lauren, Lauren, I will be better. Lauren, I will be better. No, wait a minute. Lauren, I will be better. So on a scale of zero to 10, well, tell me what the experience is in the center of your chest as you say that and say it one more time. In a way, it's actually kind of relieving and I felt a little hot actually saying it. Right. It's interesting.

More alive, actually, not that you're what weren't alive before. I'm dead inside, but yeah, yeah. Yeah. But the idea is to be fully human, to feel everything that comes up fully. Yeah, sweating a little bit, to be honest. Yeah, yeah. So what's scary about that? I don't know. I think that I grew up in a in a household that was very matter of fact. This is the

delivery. This is the problem. This is the solution type. There wasn't like, you know, and I think Lauren grew up in a in a different kind of household where there was a lot of words of affirmation. And that is one of her love languages. For me, I don't want to say I don't need it, but it's not something I prioritize primarily probably because I was in a, and listen, I grew up in a, I have no complaints. I grew up in a no. No, I know. But it was very much like that's, good, good job, but like that's also expected. Or like, you know, okay, great, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah, sure. Right. And I think it's served me in some ways. Damn right. But it's also probably hindered relationships at times, even, even in, you know, my company, like my, you know,

it's my biggest feedback even as a manager is would love a little more praise and not so much about the critique. And I actually, we just did that. What was the, what was the show we just did? were about projectors. And they were saying that basically what they say is someone like myself is able to shine a light onto people, but then see the shadows of where there's room for improvement. And I spend too much time on that and not enough time on the acknowledgement of the person. Until now. Until now.

So say again, until now. Until now. Until now, I have had my delivery off, but I am going to fix it. Okay. The main part is for you to really notice that until now, that's, been true. So anytime now, because now you'll, and I don't, this is not the first time, Michael, but you'll notice when you're doing that, right? And it's not a bad thing. It's about correcting, it's about acknowledging it when it's happening. Yes, acknowledging a little bit,

fine-tuning would be acknowledging what I'm doing when I'm doing it. Because you want to keep reminding yourself, you're the locus of control for all that. Yeah, I think about in parallel, and this is similar, but maybe reinforcing what you're saying. I used to be an anxious person. And I went through a lot of work on myself to stop, like, having that anxiety. And basically what happened was I started recognizing the moments when I would start to feel anxious and I was able to stop them before they could take over. This is maybe what you're saying is you can probably apply that same type of thought process to other areas of your life where you're maybe not performing at your best. Yeah. The only thing I'm adding to that, Michael, is instead of, and I certainly don't want to take away the tool

that you've got for switching to another channel, you know. But by the same token, the main thing is to really notice what you're doing and accentuate the physical part of it just for 30 seconds or a minute, but really intensify it. And that really kicks into play, that theory of change. then the change becomes from the inside out. It's not just a new agreement about how you'll be. It's interesting you're saying all this, because you're getting me thinking about just when I was younger. And when I was young, young, I used to be,

I was known to have a temper. And when I got older, that temper definitely didn't serve me. Like, you know, it manifests in bad ways he fights or stupid things. I haven't had that, I don't think. In a long time, I kind of was able to figure out that. I noticed the feelings that would start to happen before I would have some kind of burst. I mean, now I'm well into my 30, so I haven't had it.

But I started, like, in a way, like, I remember when it stopped for me was when I noticed the moments of when it was about to happen. I was able to be like, nope, not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I'm just like going back through my life. Yeah. You did a little of taming your gremlin without knowing that you were taming your gremlin.

Yeah. I mean, really, I have. Maybe subconsciously. It's the process, yeah. But what you're saying is that people, like, this is not just, it's not just anxiety or, depression or anger or this, this is everywhere. You can start to know, you have to start paying attention and noticing it when it's happening. And shine a bright, bright, bright light on it. That's why I say accentuate it. I do the opposite. I bury it under the rug. Until now.

Until now. Well, let's let's do a little, let's do a little. Let's do a little work with that. I'm like the animal that's sitting in the chair with a fire everywhere saying it's fine. Okay, well, I'm not going to accept I am or I'm like, because it's just until now. Okay. So you've got to practice saying, until now my tendency has been, until Michael. Until now my tendency has been to bury things under the rug. Space between those words, please. Until now, Michael, until now my tendency has been to bury things under the rug.

Yeah. Under the house, kind of. Under the house, in the graveyard. So what do you want to do? I want to acknowledge the issue when it comes up instead of bearing it under the rug. Can you handle it, Michael? He's ready. We got to get a big, the rug's pretty big.

You can see that I'm bearing things under the rug and he's taking it out under the rug and delivering it to me. Well, in a lot of ways, I think. Until now. Until now. I think Lauren and I are matched in a lot of ways because we're very aligned in principle and, you know, character and all that, the things that we want out of life. But we're very different, right? mine is let's hit it in the nose hers is let's put it under the rug mine's maybe sometimes too forceful and hers is sometimes too subtle right does that make sense sure it makes sense absolutely

until now though yeah that's the thing yeah because every time you make a definitive statement about how you are if i'm hearing it i know it's playing through your head consciously probably a hundred times a day and it's been happening for your 30 some odd years so you've been hypnotized well you can decide to be different but that's not going to break that hypnotic message but you start really witnessing it and accentuating it there's a definite change that starts to occur you know what they said they said you know the only thing you really got to worry about when you move out to texas is the heat sometimes the summers are hot and i don't know what's going on summer, but we have been out here the entire year with over 100 degree days every single day.

Listen, without fail, I'm in the gym almost every single day. In the blistering heat with the giant garage doors open, sweating my face off, and there is no way it would be possible without element. I take this stuff, this electrolyte magic mixer, and I dump it in my water every single time I go to the gym. I take an ice cold water, dump an element in, and boom, I have electrolytes, I have hydration. I get all my magnesium, and I'm completely replenished and able to do the workout, even in 100 degree weather. And listen, the summer's hot.

We're sweating out all of our hydration, and we're not replenishing the right way. You can't just do it with water alone. You have to supplement, which is why Element is one of my favorite products to recommend. With none of the junk, no sugar, no coloring, no artificial ingredients, no gluten, no filters, no BS, Element is formula to help anyone with their electrolyte needs and is perfectly suited for folks following keto, low carb or paleo diet. Like I said, I take it on every workout. It helps me get energized.

It helps me stay focused, helps me build my electrolytes back up, and most of all, it helps me stay hydrated. Like I said, many of us are running around dehydrated all day long. We don't feel good. We don't feel energized. And it's most likely because we're not hydrating right, which is why Element is an incredible supplement to use. And right now, Element is offering our listeners a free sample pack with any purchases. That's eight single serving packets free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or Shell Element with a salty friend.

get yours at drink element.com slash skinny. This deal is only available through our link. You must go to D-R-I-N-K-L-M-N-T dot com slash skinny. Element offers no questions-ask refunds. Try it totally risk-free. If you don't like it, share it with a salty friend and they will give your money back. No questions asked. You have nothing to lose. Drink element.com slash skinny. I am constantly looking for creative, seamless ideas to feed Zaza. I want stuff that is organic. preferably and I'd like non-GMO and unsweetened and made with no preservatives. I don't ask for much. Well, enter once upon a farm. Okay, so here's the deal. They have these meals that are absolutely incredible. They're actually nutritionists recommended meals for healthy development in toddlers. They also really

encourage self-feeding, which I love. I don't want to sit there like I'm just being honest and spoon feed all the time. I just feel like it creates independence for them to eat by themselves. And that's the vibe we're going with for Zaza. So if you want to encourage healthy eating and you want to encourage self-feeding, this is for you. The best part, though, and the reason that I like this brand and I wanted to use it for Zaza, is because they're very creative with their herbs and spices. They have mint, turmeric, cardamom, avocado oil.

Everything is very thought out and purposeful for your toddler. And it also is for the picky eater. Sometimes Zaza wants veggies, fruit. proteins, grains, fats. She wants to mix it up and they mix it up. There's no peeling, there's no chopping. This is honestly very efficient if you are a busy mom. Once Upon a farm is the leaving baby food and kids snack brand offering organic, cold press fruit and veggie pouches, dairy-free smoothies, overnight oats, plant-rich meals, and more made with whole farm-fresh ingredients with no added sugars, concentrates, or anything artificial. Their subscription offering is fully customizable so you can pick

and choose from their wide variety of blends or meals. And you can also switch it up before every delivery. Found at retailers nationwide and online get started today and enjoy an additional 35% off your first subscription order. Use code skinny at Once Upon a Farm Organics.com. That's once upon a farmorganics.com. What about guilt? A lot of women experience guilt. There's a lot of women that are listening.

I experience it with, I work just as much as my husband and I have a daughter and I experience having mom guilt. And I know that there's a lot of women that experience that. Oh, man. I mean, I just feel like one of the main emotions as a mother is guilt. How do you deal with that? Well, there's this thing called regret. Okay. If I step on your toe or if I stub my own, I'm going to feel regret.

That's a natural human emotion and it's just dandy. But if what I do with that is start to assault my own character. and basically saying, what's hell, did you hear what Lauren just did? She made a definitive statement about what she does. That's hypnotic. In the masterclass, I called it a hypnotic pre-conviction, HPC, they say. I don't know where you got it, Lauren, maybe from your own mom. It doesn't matter where it came from.

Your job is to start noticing the difference between regret, the natural sensation and guilt. And the primary thing to observe is how long that feeling lasts. Guilt is a poison. I don't mean that. That's not a metaphor. It's a poison in your body. You start noticing where you experience guilt.

It's in the upper part of your abdomen, lower part of your stomach. It's a poison. So you don't have to try to change it, Lauren, but I would hope you would really notice when you're doing that to your yourself. It's all you got to do and accentuate what it feels like in your body for 30 seconds or a minute and then to release it, exhale hard through your mouth, actually blow, like you're blowing out the poison, like, and when you inhale, think in terms of oxygenating, aerating that tightness. Okay. And if in some cases you'll experience the tightness all over,

same thing. And then do that a few times. Just play with it. You're not stuck feeling mad. What are some tools that you use other than these tools that you've given us in your own toolbox? For instance, are you into meditation? Are you? Oh, absolutely. Tell us some tools. I feel like you probably have a lot that you've collected over 50 years. Let me give you at least four. I call them the basics of pleasure. There's actually six of these and I don't know if we'll get to all of them. But number one is to make feeling simple peace and contentment your number one priority other than survival. It's a great tip.

Yeah. Your number one priority, place reminders around that that's what you want. This is where most people break down. The second one, this is where most people don't get it, is to have that, to feel simple peace and contentment, is primarily, not exclusively, and we were talking about this earlier, is primarily an inside job. It happens from your skin in. That's why I emphasized at the beginning, pay attention to the surface of your skin. So I want to feel at peace, simple contentment.

The beautiful thing, Lauren, is you don't have to create peace and contentment. It's the one experience that's already in there. It already exists. do is get out of the way of whatever you're putting through it. And a lot of people are looking for outside things to fix it, whether it's drugs, alcohol people. I would say about $7.5 billion. Yeah. Yeah. Because we could think about little kids crawling around on the floor, somebody's shaking a rattle or a balloon saying, come get it. That's not bad. But, you know, that's what I was saying earlier. We're good at moving our props and players around, you know,

and the circumstances we enjoy pretty good at it, you know. But underneath, there's a lot of whole other thing going on. So are people lacking introspection? They're lacking awareness. Awareness. Yeah, which is different. Remember, introspection is an intellectual process. It's valuable.

It's real valuable for some people. But simply noticing, when I wrote Taming Your Gremlin, I needed to come up with a term to describe the experience. And I thought, well, it's simply noticing. You know, the whole thing about mindfulness and all that. The Buddhist movement had not really come to the West. So I called it simply noticing, but that's the key is to notice. So in terms of tools, I want to feel simple peace. It's got to be a priority. It's primarily, not exclusively, an inner game. That inner game, that inside job

begins with actually experiencing where you end and everything else begins on this physical plane, everything else, your skin. Fourth one is breathe, damn it, breathe. Remembering that your breathing is not just a regulator of your inner experience. I'm doing this because your belly goes out when you, you know, it's not just a regulator of your inner experience. It is an indicator. So pay close attention to your breathing.

It's probably really tough for you right now. I mean, being in your condition. I can't breathe. I can't drink. I can't go in the sauna. I can't bend over. over in any way. Oh, man.

I really appreciate you showing up to do this. I mean, yeah. What are the other two? The fifth one? Yeah. The way I put it in books is relax. You're packed to keep your act intact. So I can explain.

So think of that thing that's on the inside that feels fine. So Brona ray, cheeky, all those things. As I said, you can't circle it with a word. Picture it as a, the proverbial heart symbol. The proverbial heart symbol. Just picture it. Wrapped around that is a whole layer of beliefs you have about who you are. You've got beliefs about how lovable you are, how likable you are, how likable you are, how creative you are, how athletic you are.

Beliefs, concepts. Those beliefs, even the good ones, are just opinions. that you developed loyalty to. So there's your heart of hearts, then there's all those opinions you have. Based on those opinions, you form another layer. Your act, your advertising, your style of being. You can get clothes to go with your act.

You can get cars or houses or whatever to go with your act. Don't hear act as a negative thing. It's your persona. So what the method is about is, is cleansing the channel between who you really are on the inside and that outer ring, their persona. It's about that. So you want to be your best served when those two things match up.

So for example, somebody could have an outside persona say that they've told themselves, they grew up and they say, you know, their parents put in emphasis, they're going to be a doctor or a lawyer. They grow up. They wear the suit, the tie, they're a lawyer or a doctor, but that's really not who they are on the inside. And this persona has overtaken who they really are.

It happens all the time. And the opposite can happen. If that second layer, those concepts, those opinions about yourself, you don't like them, then your persona, you'll develop a counteract, an opposite thing. Think about the number of guys you've known, I imagine, and I have too, who develop a really macho persona because on the inside they feel weak, feel scared. That's so funny. I was just reading a book about this, about if you're hyper-masculine or hyper-masculine or

hyperfeminine, there's usually a different side to the coin of that, that you're like overcompensating. Many times. So the idea is not to get rid of the, whatever, the beauty or the masculine side at all. It's just to expand your repertoire. Right. To say, hey, there's something else beautiful happening, you know, inside. And what's number six? It's established the here and now, here and here, as your home, as your home base, okay, and come home several times an hour from that home base to consciously, with choice, direct your spotlight of awareness. A lot of people are using their phone to tap out of that. Have you noticed? Hell yeah, I've noticed. Because in terms of the difference between experience and actual knowledge,

you know, information and knowledge, I see so many people that, know about life. There know about it. I tell you, I was in this is again in the 70s, I was at a place called Eslin. And there were people running around naked and playing flutes and then you're the big sir. It's beautiful. And there was, I never forget this. There was a guy walking around and every time I saw him, there's just, it's beautiful there.

He's reading a book on awareness. So, you know, it's like going into a restaurant and really being hungry and reading the menu. Right. And then getting up and leaving. I mean, so anyway, the sixth one is established. Here and Now is your home base. Home base, not be here now all the time. Come home often here and here several times an hour.

You are incredible. I have your book. It's called Taining Your Gremlin, a surprisingly simple. method for getting out of your own way. I think everyone could benefit from this book. Well, thank you. Tell us where we can find this book. I know it's available on Amazon bookstores. Give us all the details and tell us where we can find you. Well, you can find me at taming your gremlin.com, actually. And also, there's a course, it's not going to begin until January and it's not on the website or anything, but if people have a sincere interest in learning the method, I'm going to start

at mid-January. So they can contact me through support at tamingyourgremlin.com. You know your shit, Rick. I mean, I picked up a lot of tips from this episode. That's great. Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited to dive more into this. Let me know when that course comes out.

Maybe I pick up a couple more points. I might get you both in there. Wait, don't go. Do you want to win a copy of Rick's book? It's called Taming Your Gremlin, a surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way. I love this book. It is in my bookshelf. I reach for it a lot.

I'll highlight stuff. and book market, it's a good one. All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode with Rick on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostic. Obviously, make sure you've read it and reviewed the show too. And with that, we'll see you next time. When I traveled to San Diego, I was very specific about my luggage. And I used base. You've seen this all over Instagram. It's Shane Mitchell's brand. You know, the actress. She set out to make sleek, affordable bags, luggage, and accessories. And the one that I like and the one I traveled with specifically is called the carry on roller. I went and picked it out on their site. And I got black because all my luggage is black. But I also

would not be mad at the beige or the navy or even the gray. Anyway, I got the black. But what I like about it is it has this really cute handle that's nude. I just feel like it's like a really cute detail. And you can tell that Shea had her hand in designing every single facet. It has so many reviews and they're all five stars, you guys. And it rolls so nicely, but most of all, it packed so much. Michael always says I packed too much. Now I can hide it in my luggage. How efficient is that? Whether you're on a business trip or you're traveling for fun, whatever it is, you're going to have chic luggage. Their luggage comes in multiple sizes, colors. And you guys, their cushion handle. It's just so comfortable. I can't even tell you. Right now, Base is offering our listeners 15% off your

first purchase. You are going to visit basetravel.com slash skinny. Go to basetravel.com slash skinny. You get 15% off your first purchase. That's B-E-I-S travel.com slash skinny. And I'm telling you, check out the carry-on roller. It's major.