The Bossticks - Jay Shetty - Aligning Values, Love & Intimacy, Human Nature, & Managing Screen Time

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

#723: Today we're sitting down with Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty is a global bestselling author, award-winning podcast host of On Purpose, Chief Purpose Officer of Calm, and a purpose-driven entrepreneur who has made an indelible impact on hearts and minds worldwide. Today, he joins us for a conversation about relationships and how to find somebody for the long-term. We also discuss how to nourish your current relationship, why some relationships don't work out, and the lack of connections in couples & how to fix it. We then discuss how overconsumption is causing us problems and how to manage screen time in the digital age.    To connect with Jay Shetty click HERE   Visit www.drinkjuni.com and use promo code "skinnyconfidential" for 20% off   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn's favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   This episode is brought to you by Armra ARMRA Colostrum strengthens immunity, ignites metabolism, fortifies gut health, activates hair growth and skin radiance, and powers fitness performance and recovery. Visit www.tryamra.com and use code SKINNY at checkout for 15% off your first purchase.   This episode is brought to you by Hiya Health Hiya Health fills in the most common gaps in modern children's diet to provide full-body nourishment our kids need with a yummy taste they love. Go to hiyahealth.com/skinny to receive 50% off your first order.   This episode is brought to you by Caraway Ditch the chemicals with Caraway. Visit carawayhome.com/HIMANDHER to receive 10% off your next purchase.   This episode is brought to you by Ritual Start a daily ritual that you can feel good about. Visit ritual.com/SKINNY to receive 25% off your first month of Ritual.     This episode is brought to you by Lipton Green tea is a great ally for wellness and a simple way to up your everyday healthy habits. Try the new Lipton Green Tea!   This episode is brought to you by Equip Foods Go to equipfoods.com/skinny or use code SKINNY at checkout to receive 20% off your order.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. All right. So yes, the ice roller. Everyone needs one. It's the best. It's superior. But we just launched Mint Roller. Okay.

And this is like ice therapy, cold therapy on the go. You could be playing tennis. You could be walking the baby in a stroller. You could be working out. You could be traveling. The mint roller is for you. So it's essentially a little compact bite size ice roller. This is going to save.

you time because you don't have to bring the big one with you. And we made caps on each side. And there's two rollers. So you get the ice roller side, but you also get a contouring side. And I like to use this on my cheekbones, on my jawline. It's absolutely insane. I've been traveling to L.A. for the last week. And I cannot live without this thing. I literally have it in my purse right now while we're podcasting. It's really nice to travel with because it does have the caps on it. so it protects it and keeps the cold in. Definitely check out the mint roller. I have a code for you.

Go to shop skinny confidential.com and use code mint. You get 15% off the mint roller. That's shop skinny confidential code mint. Enjoy. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie.

And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major real. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. You think you've lost discipline, but really you've lost desire. Discipline is so based on desire, right? If you've been healthy for seven days in a row, yes, you're disciplined, but now you're more desiring to be healthy. Whereas when you get into an unhealthy place and you're eating badly every day,

you haven't worked out, whatever it may be, it's because your desire to be healthy has dropped below your desire. desire to be unhealthy. So that one perfect day reshapes your desire into, I love it when I don't eat sugar. I love it when I work out in the morning. I love it when I meditate first thing. I love it when I spend time with my wife. Let me reset my desire. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show. Today we are sitting down with someone who I'm sure many of you are familiar with. I'm surprised it's taking us this long to sit down and do an episode with him. And that is Jay Shetty. For those of you who are not familiar with Jay Shetty, Jay is a global bestselling

author, an award-winning podcast host of the On Purpose Podcast, Chief Purpose Officer of Calm and a purpose-driven entrepreneur who has made an indeniable impact on hearts and minds around the world. Today, he joins us for a conversation about relationships, how to find somebody for the long term. We also discuss how to nourish your current relationship, why some relationships don't work out, and the lack of connections in couples and how to fix it. We also talk about some of the flawed natures of humans, what to think about when looking for a partner, aligning values, the issue with overconsumption in society, and how to pursue intimate connections. We also discuss what happens when there's a lack of intimacy in the relationship.

This episode is really for anyone who wants to live better, feel better, have a deeper connection with their partners and friends. And we just really enjoyed the conversation. We've had the pleasure of meeting Jay over the years and swimming in some of the same circles, but we've never actually got to sit down and do an episode like this with him. I think this was maybe different for him as well as Mauna and I kind of maybe bring some different kind of conversations than some of the ones that have maybe been brought to him in the past. And we really just talked about life and got to know him. We really enjoyed the conversation. It was a real pleasure sitting down with him. Jay was also generous enough to offer a code

to any of our listeners for his Junie brand, which we were drinking throughout the episode. It's a really good beverage, gets you a little pick me up, taste really good. And I'm sure many of you are familiar with Junie, but if you haven't tried it, you can check it out at drink junie.com and use promo code skinny confidential for 20% off. Thanks, Jay, for that for the audience. With that, Jay Shetty, the one and only. Welcome with the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Jay Shetty, I have harassed you in your DMs. I have harassed you in email. And you're here. You're finally here. Why ignore my wife, Jay? What's going on? I was not ignoring it. I replied.

I was about to go to some deep. I was going to pull out every card, Michael. I'm not going to lie. I needed you on the podcast. I'm so grateful to be. I'm such a fan of what you both do. And congratulations on everything you've built. It's amazing to watch.

And I've been in this office a million times and been on so many of the dear media shows. I'm glad I get to be on this one. And I love your team. You have great people around you. We have former team members of mine that have joined you and having amazing careers with you guys. So congratulations on everything.

It's awesome. Thank you. I already feel jazzed up. I'll take all the credit. Well, I'm going to feel jazzed up because I'm going to have some Junie. Is that how you say? Yes, Junie, yeah.

Sparkling tea with Adoptions. I asked him if this was cracked. Definitely not. Okay. So the first. question that I am going to ask you has to do with relationships because I've seen so much content that has gone viral of you on TikTok talking about the way you look at relationships. And sometimes I like to subtly manipulate my husband. So I'm going to dive right into that. Before your wife,

how did you look at relationships and love? That's such a great question. I think before my wife, I looked at it through the lens of TV, movies, and music. So, I had this idea that love was this big grand gesture. Love was all about these big moments and showing off of what you could do to pull off and how incredible it would be. And I think I had this very romantic view of love, this idea that love was about this perfect relationship between two perfect people and it was amazing all of the time and all of that kind of stuff.

And then every relationship I had was not like that for different reasons. and it took me a long time to rewire my brain and my mind towards reality. And I think we all experienced this, right? With anything in life, you're constantly looking at two screens. One screen is reality and one screen is imagination. And the problem is our focus is so skewed towards the imagination screen that reality is happening over here and we just can't seem to grasp it. It took me a long time to stop looking at the imagination screen

and go towards the reality screen. screen. So give an example of what an imagination screen would look like for someone. So the imagination screen is we never argue, we never fight, there's never a speed bump, there's no issues, the person is perfect in every possible way, they don't react too much, but they react enough, they're not too hot, but they're hot enough. And it's like everything's just lining up perfectly. Reality is, well, wait a minute, maybe they're like three out of ten in this area and they're nine out of 10 in another area. Reality is, well, wait a minute, we both went through a big life or career change, and it wasn't as smooth as we expected. Reality is, well, maybe we just ended up together,

and now we've realized that actually we're very different, and it might be right person, wrong time. And so that's reality, and I feel like we're so glued into living in this made-up world that we can't accept the real world that the universe and the world in front of us is forcing us to reckon with. Do you think that, and this is my own experience with some of my friends who are single, that people have gotten too curated with what they want and how they want it, almost to the point where it's anal? I think we're living in a world where you can choose everything, right?

Everything's personalized. Like you can, I believe, design your ideal baby. Like, you can choose the eye color, and you can choose this, and you can choose that. And it's like, we've learned to engineer and over-manufacture everything. everything now. Like everything can be personally designed to fit on your wrist and perfectly for your face and perfectly for your hair. And by the way, I'm not against that. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just that it's led us to want to engineer people. We want to manufacture people. We want to curate, create design to perfection an individual. And the problem is humans by nature are flawed,

always growing, completely shifting and pivoting at all times. And so what you're trying to do in effect is impossible because you're not going to find someone who ticks every box. You're not going to find someone who stays the same. You're not going to find someone who lives up to each and every one of your expectations, impresses your family, impresses your friends, and is great at home. Like that's just not real, but robots can do that. AI is probably going to be able to do that.

And that's a fascinating thing. I think a lot of people are going to have AI partners in a few years because the AI partner will agree with you when you want them to. They'll disagree when you want them to. They'll read your face. Yeah, exactly. We'll trade Michael for AI. That's how it's going to work. I heard Whitney Wolf heard talking about the future of dating like AI will be able to date for you.

Yes. Like if there was a version of Jay, Lauren, Michael and our AI versions could go date other people. Okay, I've dated 100 people. These are the three that I think is worth your time to meet. That's wild. Yes. And the funny thing is they'll be dating. the AI of the other person. So it's so disconnected from you that chances are you don't even know

if it's accurate. But I think we'll be dating AI. I think people will be talking to AI and interacting with AI people in order to have a relationship. That is perfect. And I promise, it will probably be close to perfect. It's wild. And that's why it will be really difficult. I do check every box for Michael. So Michael doesn't know what you're talking about. He has no idea. So you were early AI? I was early AI. Are you? Maybe she's an AI version. You never know. I'm personally hesitant to give dating advice at this point, only because I've been in a relationship for so long. I almost like, I missed the whole online dating. So did I. But I just don't know. But what I will say, and I'll speak to some of my male friends is the older they get, the more specific they get almost to the point of where any little tick that doesn't check a box, it's like they can't move forward. And I and I see that being problematic for some of them trying to find love because it's like, oh, there's, to your point, here's a box, they check, you know, they're 10 out of 10 on five of them,

but they're two out of 10 on one, got to throw the whole thing away. Do you see that happening, especially when you're writing your book? Oh, absolutely. I mean, even when I'm working with couples, I've coached couples over the last few years. I've spoken to a ton, I've read a ton of research on the subject matter, and all we're seeing is two things. The first is choice paralysis, this idea of we have so much choice that you're constantly thinking, there's plenty of fish in the sea, there'll be someone else who's better, there'll be someone else who does, fulfilled the 10 out of 10 on every angle. So choice is confusing us. And humans, for years, studies have shown that humans make less good decisions when they have more choice.

It's like decision fatigue. Decision fatigue and decision complication. Like when you go and you see 20 cereals and then 30 other healthy cereals and then 50 other ones, you're making worse decisions because humans are not good at that. We get paralyzed. We overthink. We overcomplicate. And on the other end, the second thing we're seeing is what you said, where it's like we keep pushing for perfection. And it's hypocritical in some sense because we know we're not perfect. And it's really hard to be out there and say, I want everyone to match up with this. And by the way, they're going to want to match with exactly who I am as well. It's hard.

It's tough. What was your evolution from going to what you said to your wife? And then when you did find your wife, what was the journey with that? And how have you changed? I wanted to get really practical and tactical for, I know that your community and your audience values that. And I found that when I was studying the research, when I was talking to people,

it came down to three things. And I wouldn't say I knew these three things as consciously or concretely as I do now when I met my wife. But now in hindsight, I can see I was doing mini versions of this. And so there are three things of this. The first is,

which is the most obvious one, you have to like the person's personality. It makes sense. But I'll break that down further. and I explain what the practical step there is. Studies show that for someone to be a acquaintance, you have to actually spend 40 hours with them. If you consider someone a good friend,

you have to spend 100 hours with them. And if you consider someone a great friend, you have to have spent 200 hours with them. So the reason is we often don't make that many friends as we grow as adults because we didn't spend 200 hours with someone. When you were at school, you spent 200 hours with the kid at high school. school without even trying. As we get older, we get less and less time. So the question I'd be

asking myself is, could I spend 200 hours with this person? Am I wanting to spend 200 hours with this person? Am I engaging and excited about the fact that I'm going to have to work up to 200 hours to actually get to know this individual? And that's a great question to ask about the personality point of I've got to be able to enjoy their personality for 200 hours plus, because that's what our life's going to look like. And so if I don't feel that right now, it's okay. Let me move on. So that's step one. The second part is there's a slight subtlety to this second point. I have to respect their values and they have to respect mine. So we live in a world where most of us

don't know our own values. We think we do, but we don't. And the way I tell people to think about this is write down a list of your values and then compare it to your schedule, your bank account, and your spend it here over the month. So write down a list of your values on one side and on the other side look at your schedule and then look at how you spend your money. Does that actually align? Chances are it doesn't. We spend our money and time very differently to what we say we value. For example, we may say, I really value my family, I really value time with my family.

But when you look at your schedule, you spend one day with them this month. When you look at how much money you spent, you didn't really spend any money on them or for an experience for them. It's a good exercise. So yeah, do that exercise to really check whether your values are aligned because we think one thing, but we do another. Gandhi has a great quote where he said that we experience harmony when what we're we think what we say and what we do are aligned. For most of us, what we think is different to what we say and what we say is different to what we do.

And so most of us experience misalignment. And so I would really check your values first. Second, you've really got to get to know the other person's values. And just as you may have a value time and money disconnect, that person probably has a value time and money disconnect. Make sure that they've figured that out too. Now the hard step is do I respect their values and do they respect mine? I'll give you an example.

My wife's number one value is her family. She adores her family. When we got married, she said to me her only requirement was that we live one mile radius away from her parents' home. Wow. Three months later, we moved to New York because I got an amazing job offer. And then eight years now since we got married, we live in L.A., which is a 10-hour flight away from London.

And so my wife has been the most flexible, amazing, kind-hearted human being in letting me push that way. But the moment I got that job off for eight years ago, I said to my wife, I said, if you need to go back every weekend because you miss your family, that's okay. Like, we've got to figure this out.

Even if you need to live in London and come back and forth. So today, my wife lives in London for like three to four months a year because she'll go back every quarter. And to me, that allows her to get fueled up. And a big, a lot of people will say to me, well, Jay, like, wouldn't you want to be in the same place? And isn't that complicated and isn't that hard?

And it's like, actually, when my wife's with her family, that's why I love her. She is who she is because her family is amazing. She is who she is because of how her parents love her and how she loves them. So if you take that away from someone, if you don't respect that value, they won't be the same. Now you'd argue, well, wait a minute. Well, if that's the case, what about you? What's your number one value? So my number one value is my purpose.

I'm so grateful I get to be with both of you today. I'm so grateful I get to do what I love every day. I'm so grateful that I get to create and build and have this amazing experience of everything from my podcast to my books to my tour. And that is my number one priority in life. It's my deepest value. And Radhi would tell you if she was here

that that's what she's attracted to. That's what she fell in love with. And so what we often think in relationships is we have to have the same values. Our values have to match. and I would argue that your values don't always have to match but you actually have to have to respect that person's values and they have to respect yours.

I have to be okay with the fact. So when I coach couples, I'll often sit down and I'll give them this activity and you can do this with your partner if you are compassionate, tolerant, and kind about it. So this is not a judgment tool. See, if I was working with both of you... That was a good prerequisite.

Yes, yeah, yeah, I thought I'd put that out there before anyone, you know, poke someone's eye out or something like that. But if I was working with both of you, I'd give you both this activity. And I would say, out of everything in your life, I want you to rank your top three priorities in order.

So I'd give you both a slip. You can do it right now if you want to do it for real. You can write it down and then we'll do a reveal. Or you could say it out loud. Should we write it down? Let's do it down. Yeah, write it down. Taylor, do you even have a pen?

I didn't know we were going to do this. I'm just... I love putting Taylor on the spot. I just like to see if there's any unpreparedness. You can do on your phone, too. Whatever's easy. I don't mind. Oh, should we do it on our phone?

We can do it on our phone. Whatever's easier. Thank you, Taylor. Sorry for not preparing you in advance. So when it comes to family, work, yourself, health, etc. What are your priorities in order? In order of like importance? Yes.

Top three only. Don't look at mine. Top three only. I know exactly. Family, yourself, health, friends, work, and just put them in order. And obviously I would do this with a lot more depth if I was. I've done stuff on this, so people might already know. Okay, great.

All right. So let's reveal top one, Lauren, first. What do you think my top one is? Health. Like, very in line. It's my piece. Okay, perfect. Mine's health.

Mine's health. Perfect. Okay. It's not me. No, you're number two. Lauren's number two. Lauren's number two. Oh, you're not on my list.

No, mine is, my second one's my family. So you're, you're included. My last, my children. Wait, wait, wait. My second one's my family. What's your second? My second one's my wife. Oh, my wife.

Okay. Yeah. I've been clear about this. Okay. And then my third is my purpose. Yeah, my third is my children. I just grouped the family. But you know, the way that I think about this and then actually the mission and the business

and all that comes after because I feel like if I'm healthy and I'm in a great relationship. Because Lauren and I've been together, we're 20 years old. Yeah, it's beautiful. Part of why we do this is to do stuff together. And then children, and I actually get a ton of value and a ton of purpose from the businesses. but I wouldn't feel happy, I don't think, or as happy in the businesses if I wasn't doing it with these other things. And I've talked about why I put health and I consider mental health at the top because

I feel like if I don't put those things at the top, I can't show up for the other things. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so I would encourage, I mean, you guys have known each other for a long time, but I would encourage people to do this because anytime I've done it with a partner, most people have the reaction you did as a joke, but most of people have that as a reaction is most people will put their partner, one person will put their partner first and the other person will put their partner second or third. And that person who got put second or third is wondering, why did you put me second or third?

But the person said, well, I put me first. Because if I don't take care of myself, like Michael just said, who am I to you? What am I giving to you if I don't do that? And so I find that a lot of us want our partners to put us first. But that doesn't practically make sense. It doesn't always work through. So that's the respecting each other's values, looking at that list and saying, I love the fact, Lauren, that you have your family on there. What does that mean for our relationship that your family is second? Or Michael, I know that your mental health is first. What does that mean in a tough conversation or in a tough or difficult day when I demand your attention?

What does that look like? Yeah, and by the way, I should mention that if you met me 10 years ago, this list would look atrocious and would not paint a good picture on me because I had the priorities backwards. So I was probably putting material things in business and a lot ahead of the things. But like yourself, we get to talk to so many enlightened and smart people that I've learned a lot over the last decade and been able to work on myself. But, you know, I think sometimes, I think many people don't even take the time to think about what you're talking about.

They're just kind of go along. There's a lays on fairness. It's kind of like, oh, we're here. You're the person. I noticed that it's like a blaze. It's like, what's your vision? How are you aligned? And people are very almost blazze about it.

Do you find that? I find that we're all just so. busy. We're consuming so much. We're so busy. And when I say busy, I don't necessarily mean productive. You know, if you look at the stats, actually, Annie, can you get this up for me? Can you get the, I miss you when you're next to me presentation up? That's got some amazing stats on it that I want to share. There's this, there's so much around just how much time is actually wasted and how much time is actually lost. And, you know, philosophers have been talking about this for years. Aristotle all famously said, an unexamined life is not worth living. And like, you look at that statement,

but then you look at today, we don't even have time to examine. You don't have time to assess. And I empathize with people. I don't think it's because people are lazy or bored or wrong or its society has been created. Thank you so much. It's a bit self-imposed. It's self-imposed and it's the fault of systems. So it's both, right? So I try and look at it, bottom up and top down. So if you look at it bottom up, you're right. We don't have the tools for emotional regulation. We haven't been taught in how to be introspective and reflective. We haven't been taught in how to think through our challenges. And then you look at the system. Everything you consume has been designed to keep you addicted. There's a reason why you want to watch the next episode. It's designed

with cliffhanger chemicals. It's designed to make you feel anxious. There's a reason why everything has so much sugar in it. It's one of the big reasons. why we want a Jew need to have zero grams of sugar because sugar is an addictive source. It's why everything that we're consuming is filled with it. We're addicted to it. Is the reason why social media is switching every two and a half seconds to keep you focus. So the system is also designed to keep you addicted and then you don't have the tools to detox. And so both are working against you. At this stage in your life and career, what are the things that you personally consume? You've seen a lot. You've talked to a lot of great people. Like, what are the things when you

have a moment and you want to consume something, what are you looking towards? I would say that I consume for a purpose. So, for example, most people may or may not know this, but I genuinely enjoy playing video games. And I'll do that because it's what are you playing? I play FIFA a lot because I'm a massive soccer fan and, you know, I'm British, so it's part of our DNA. I love playing FIFA. I love playing NBA 2K. I love I love playing many sports games because that's what I enjoy. Because that's the one time I can truly let my

brain just completely switch off. Do you guys want a date? You sound like Michael. Really? Oh my God. Oh my gosh. I like Lauren, I'm in a meditative state when I'm playing video games. I can relate. Your values are aligned. Yeah, values are alike. We should meet together. Not to go on a huge tangent, but it's one of those things

where you can relax. It's mindless but it also requires active participation. It's my real housewives. Go on. Yes. That's how I get it. I get it. And that's my point.

And I raise an example like that rather than saying, oh, I meditate, which obviously I do. But I use an example like that to make the point of, but that's purposeful time. I have a time block that I set up for me to do that. I know exactly how much time I'm spending there. I know what I'm going to play. And I know I'm going to feel. And that's great.

And that purposeful intentional planning is what creates a sense of a moving in the right direction, even if it is recreation. And I think that's where I'm getting at, where it's like a lot of us are consuming without curation, without a plan, without intention. So, for example, if I'm trying to understand what's trending on TikTok, that's why I'm scrolling.

I'm not scrolling because I'm trying to get something for me. So I'll scroll and I'll be like, oh, that's interesting that that trends gone viral. Okay, that's really interesting that that subject matter that I put out was something that resonated with people. Okay, that's interesting. So I'm using it to learn rather than like, make me happy, make me happy, fill my time, fill my time.

Stop making me bored. Stop making me bored. Like, I think that's the kind of mindless consumption. I think it's mindful curation as opposed to mindless consumption that we're trying to encourage people towards. Yeah, I think people, you should look at the content that you're consuming because that is making up your life. It's one minute every day to watch someone's Instagram story, but that's 365 minutes a year.

That's a lot of time to be looking at other people's content. so you should be mindful about what you're looking at. Absolutely. I want to share this with you because I've got it here right now if that's okay. So check this out. Just for time, we spend 36 hours a week on social media and watching TV. Feel fair?

That's a lot of time. 36 hours a week. Yeah. We spend just eight hours talking to our partner. What? Of which... My husband spends 85 hours talking to me. That's a lie.

I just don't get reciprocation. Oh, so we are the same person. I'm like, how much is... So you're the one who wants to communicate and get... Yeah, oh, we're the same person. Very chatty. You should date my wife. Okay, so we spent just eight hours talking to our partner.

Of which 1.5 hours is wasted bickering. Huh? Okay. Couples spend four times... 4X more time looking at the screen than each other. That's sad. That makes me actually like feel sad. Listen to this.

I'm going to break down a few more. This was from a presentation I gave it South by Southwest a couple of months back. three in ten complained they don't have enough quality time to spend with their loved one even though we spend four times more looking at screens than our partner almost a third of those living with their partner argue with them over unimportant things debates over what to cook leads to 23% of couples falling out every single week of the year I don't have that problem as long as a cook I do I do other things okay you do other things one in ten argue over room temperatures at least five times a week which is fair everyone has

from body temperatures. 69. Yeah, 67. I like a good 68. That's pretty good. A fifth fallout over what to watch on TV twice a week or more. That's me and my wife every night. We can't decide what to watch.

You've got to get separate iPads. Oh, so you just watch two separate things at the same time. So that's usually when I end up playing video games and she watches TV. One in 10 Bicker released four times a week over washing up. And 28% of those living with their partner openly admits to giving their pets, more attention than their other halves. Jay, you better turn this show back around. These are some depressing stats.

You're going to bring us home now. So how do we rectify this? How do we fix this? What are your tips on this? So the solution is we have started to see screen time as time together. Ooh. And most of the time screen time is five screens. You have your phone and an iPad or a laptop.

they have their phone, an iPad or a laptop, and then you have the big screen in front of you. That's five screens. So your independent attention is divided across three screens each, let alone the other person to add to that. And I feel that one thing that I propose and what I encourage people to do to flip this around and give people recommendations is entertainment, are you watching something together, is the lowest form of intimacy and connection. The only way it's made more intimate or better for connection is if you discuss it afterwards,

if there was a point that really stood out to you, if there's a story or a character that you both are diving into and you're having a conversation about it, apart from that, you're both consuming something and it creates no connection this way. The fact that you're both looking away from each other is partly a great narrative as to why it's not connecting you. So entertainment is what 99% of couples do together, but it's the lowest form of intimacy. So we need to change our point of connection. So let's take an easy one.

Experiences, the obvious date night. Let's go out and do something together. Let's get away from the screen. Even if we're indoors, let's play an analog game. Let's break away. Let's do something else. Let's have an experience together. Maybe we will create, maybe we will cook together, right?

Maybe we will do something around the home together. Maybe we'll want to plant something together. Whatever it is, what can I do that's actually engaging us in an experience together? Beyond that is experimenting together. This may not be, again, by the way, this is not every week. Some of this will be once a month, once a quarter. Let's do an activity where we both don't know what's going on. One of the things I find is we often do something where one person's the expert and the others is the novice. Someone says, I'm going to take you to play golf and I'll show you how to play golf. Someone says, I'll take you to tennis and I'll show you how to play tennis. That experience actually doesn't create intimacy because one person doesn't have to drop their guard. Only the person who's new has to drop their guard. What you want, One is an activity where you both don't have a clue what you're doing. So me and my wife went for a surf lesson. We've both never surfed.

We grew up in England. You don't get a surf out there. We're surfing and it was ridiculous because we're both horrendous. We're falling over. We're both being silly. I've been my wife for 11 years now. I'm seeing a side of her that I've never seen before because it's ridiculous. She can't control the version that I'm seeing of her.

And it's fun because we're both new at something. It's like we're both children again. And that idea of do I ever get to see my partner not be predictable? Do I ever get to see my partner where I actually don't project what I know what they're going to do? And most couples have been together for enough time will say, I know what my partner is thinking and I know what my partner is going to do. And that's because we haven't done any new experiences with someone. So what I say to people is if you've known someone for a long time,

learn something new about them. And when you meet someone new for the first time, try and find an old connection that you have with them. So if we just met today, I'm going to try and find, like, do we have any friends in common? Did we have an old city that we both lived in? That's a way of finding connection. But with someone, you guys have been together, how many years now? 600.

No, I mean, a long time. We've known each other since we were 12, so I mean, long time. We've known each other more. I don't even know. Yeah, a long time. So you've known each other for over 20, 25 years. So everything can feel like I know everything, but the goal is what can I discover new and what do we need to add in a new way to show me?

me a new side of this person. I do have a different personality every day. I like to switch it up. She's a geminer. He never knows what he's going to get. But I will tell you, we started playing tennis together. And we both never played. I'm better, but it was like to see him like learn how to play tennis and I'm

still learning too. I get what you're saying. It was like seeing a different side. Yeah, it's endearing. Yeah, it is endearing. It's a great word. Yeah. You know, I would like for you to talk about how the disjointedness of being on the phone. And when, when, let's say Michael, let's say I'm on the phone. And Michael's feeling

like I'm not giving him full attention. I believe that that trickles down into my children. And I believe that there's a lack of intimacy that my children are getting when I am on the phone. How are you seeing that lack of intimacy go into the family? Absolutely. It's such a great question. I just to validate that experience and for everyone, I always want to make sure when we're having these conversations, these are real issues that all of us are facing. This isn't something that, yeah, this is not just like you or me or this is everyone. And so I don't want anyone to feel any shame, guilt or pressure for any of the stats I shared because it's common. It's what we're all experiencing. I did this. I had a dinner last year with some of my friends in London and I like to help my

long-term relationships go deeper. And so I had one question that I asked everyone at the table, which was how can I help you? Or how can we? help each other. So everyone had to share a highlight of the year, something that was a challenge of the year, and then how everyone at the table could help them. And the majority of people at the table said, my phone is disrupting my intimacy with my partner and my connection with my kids. I feel that. And it's just pushing me away from them. What if I told you there was a way to strengthen your immune system, your gut health, improve your hair, your metabolism, enhance your skin, all of those things with one simple product. That's why I am so excited today to talk to you

guys about Armoura Colostrum. Lauren and I have been taking Armour Colossum ever since we had the founder on this show a few months back. All you have to do is search Armour Colossum, the Skinny Confidential, and you'll hear all about the episode that we did talking about the benefits of colostrum. For those of you that do not know what Colossum is, Colossum is the first nutrition we receive in life and contains all of the essential nutrients our bodies need in order to thrive. Armour Colossum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses over 400 living bioactive nutrients that rebuild the barriers in all of the barriers of your body and fuel cellular health for a host of research-backed health benefits.

Like I said earlier, it can strengthen the immune system, ignite your metabolism, it's anti-inflammatory, it can fortify gut health, activate hair growth, and skin radiance. It can also power fitness performance and recovery and confers powerful anti-aging benefits on your entire system. Ever since Lauren and I discovered Armour Colossum, we have been taking it religiously. We give it to ourselves. We give it to our children.

We give it to our dogs. We are taking it every single day. We travel with it. So check it out. Of course, we've worked out a special offer for our audience. We receive 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmra.com slash skinny or enter Skinny to get 15% off your first order.

That's T-R-M-R-A-com slash skinny. We spend so much time thinking about what we should be supplementing with as adults and not nearly enough time talking about what we should be giving our children. This is why Lauren and I are longtime supporters and takers and customers of Haya health. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy junk. That's why Haya was created. The pediatrician approved superpowered chewable vitamin that Lauren and I give to our kids every single morning. It's something that they look forward to in the morning. We all take our supplements at the same time.

We wake up. Lauren and I take ours. We give the kids theirs. While most children's vitamins are filled with five grams of sugar and can contribute to a variety of health issues, Haya is made with zero sugar and zero gummy junk, yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters. Haya fills in the most common gaps in modern children's diets to provide the full body nourishment our kids needs with a yummy taste they love. It's formulated with the help of nutritional experts, and Haya is pressed with a blend of

12 organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals, including vitamin D, B12, C, zinc, folate, and many others to help support immunity, energy, brain function, mood, concentration, teeth, bones, and more. Of course, we've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best-selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal, you must go to Hayahealth.com slash skinny. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H-H-com slash skinny

and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. I try to bake with my daughter once a day. Even if it's like five-minute cookies, I try to bake with her. And I was looking for non-toxic bakeware. And I couldn't find it anywhere. And then Carraway launched Non-Toxic Bakeware. of course. And I like this because it matches with my pots and pans that are non-toxic. It's amazing that they thought of this. So we use like the cookie sheet and the cupcake sheet that are non-toxic. They're the cutest color. It's like a sort of like a beige white. Everything is super slick. So you don't need a lot of butter or oil. It slides off the pan. And my daughter and I love baking on it. We do cookies. We do cinnamon rolls. We do pizza. We do cupcakes in the cupcake pan muffins. It. It's It's so much fun and it's so nice to just ditch the chemicals.

There are so many pots and pans and a lot of bakeware that's filled with so many toxic materials, like P-F-A-S or P-T-F-E or P-F-A-O. So we did the math. And their internet-famous cookware set comes with the saute pan, fry pan, Dutch oven, and saucepan, plus lids in storage. It's the ultimate kitchen setup. So if you're looking for all of that situation, they have you covered. plus the cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. If you visit carewayhome.com slash him and her, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carewayhome.com slash him and her or use code him and her at checkout. Caraway, non-toxic cookware made modern. I think what's hard and you can relate to this is that you and I and Michael, and most of everyone in this room, we work off our phone. Yes. So to me, I look at my phone as work. And when I have something that needs to get done, it does feel, and I really notice it, that it's taking away from the intimacy with my partner and my children.

So at home, for the family, I would recommend, and again, getting practical and tactical, set no technology times and no technology zones. So what I mean by that is there are certain times in the home where the phone isn't used in a particular way. So it's like saying 7 to 8 p.m. every day when I'm with the kids. I'm making this up. I don't know what time your kids sleep. 7 to 8 p.m. every day I'm with the kids. There is no phone time during 7 to 8. 6 a.m. in the morning to 7 a.m. in the morning, there is no phone time because that's when I'm working out.

That's when I'm meditating. So you're setting no technology times. And then this is one of my favorites. You're setting no technology zones, which is saying that the dining table and the bedroom, there are no phones because it's more fun to eat and sleep. people, right? It's not as fun to be on my phone. So I'm going to set these rules. And I will literally imagine a laser beam around the kitchen as I'm walking in. Let me just go, oh my gosh, if I walk through this with my phone, I'm going to get lazered. We have a meditation space in our room where we

both meditate every morning. It's our sacred spiritual space. And we made that rule. We were like, no matter what time it is, if we're in that room, the phone cannot enter past just the few curtains that we have in front of it. It's like, it can't go through there because that disrupts that energy of that space. And what I find with most people is that we're eating where we're meant to sleep, we're sleeping where we're meant to work,

and we're working where we're meant to sleep. Hold on, you have to say it again. We're eating where we're meant to sleep. Fuck, I eat in the bed. We're eating where we're meant to sleep. A piece of sourdough toast in the bed. Don't fucking lie, guys. You're tempting me now as well.

But you're eating where you're meant to sleep. You're sleeping where you're meant to eat and you're eating where you're meant to work. Like we've mixed up the energy of all the spaces in our home or in our apartment. And that's why we can't sleep in our beds. It's why we can't work at our desks and why we can't eat in our kitchens peacefully,

going back to your priority of peace. Because we've disrupted and mixed up all the energies. I always say to people that time has memory and location has energy. When you do something at the same time every day, your mind makes note of it and it becomes easier. and when you do something in the same space every day, your mind makes note of it and it becomes easier

because that energy, there's a reason why it's easier to meditate in a monastery in India than it is on a subway in New York City because for thousands of years, people have meditated in that space. There's a reason why hiking a trail in L.A. where we are right now is more beautiful than hiking a trail randomly somewhere where I grew up

because that's what people have done there. People have used it for that reason. So I think for me, that's no technology times and no technology zones is a lifesaver. Even put up cute little signs in your house with, you know, like a stop sign just to remind you, whatever the visual cue is. Hold on. I want you to promise on air live that you're going to do this. I like this rule. I'm going to take it from you, Jay. I'll give you credit. I'm taking it from jail. You swear? I'm going to put up a thing that there's no phone in the kitchen and there's no phone in the bedroom at all. And I will put up a sign that says no sourdough in the bed, no crumbs in the.

bed. You're gonna miss. Deal. You're gonna miss. Shake on it. Shake on it. Shake on it. No, I think even if you tell the kids, they'll like that too, which is this is like a no phone zone. Yeah. Well, my daughter says to my husband, she goes, no phone in the bed, dad, because when he gets on the phone in the bed, the bed, the bed to me is for sleeping and fucking and eating sourdough. Now it's not. Now sourdough is off the list. Now sourdough is off the list. But no, it's exactly what you both are saying. Like, and it's also this idea of, okay, if I am going to now pick up my phone for work, I have to walk out of the room. I think it's really genius. I do have no tech times. Like I book into my day, but I've never thought about no tech zones. I think that's genius. So in your home, tell us what your exact boundaries are about your times and your zones. So if we're sitting at the dining table, no phone, bedroom, no phone, and meditation space, no phone. And do you really do it? And, well, no, I mess it up all the time. Like, as in like, there was a, there was literally a couple of months last year where I was taking my phone into my bedroom again. Actually,

I would argue that I got too comfortable with it. And I started taking my phone into my bedroom again all the time. And it became so bad that I had to reset this habit. And so my phone is one room away now. It's kept in a separate room at nighttime. And I'll go there and I'll plug it into the charger and I'll check the last messages and then I'll get into bed. But hey, with all of these habits, you're going to break them.

Like you're going to break the zone. The laser is going to cut you, you know, cut your head off. Like you are going to walk in, laser beam goes out. It's going to happen. But the point is it's better to have a good standard and try and stick to it than it is to have no standards. And I think that's what we're all saying. Look, when you said to me, like, everyone who listens to this podcast is trying to be better, trying to grow. All we can do is set better standards and keep rising towards them.

Whereas if our standards are low, then we'll keep breaking them anyway. I also think it's interesting to see how your nervous system relaxes to what, like, when you do apply these boundaries to when your nervous system is in fight or flight, bringing that phone in the. bedroom. It's interesting to pay attention to. I was going to ask you, Jay, after everything you've learned over the years, when you start to feel a little off or like maybe you're getting a little derailed, what are the things that you ground yourself in? How do you get yourself back to center? Say you're just starting to feel overwhelmed or stress. You're starting to feel like you're burnout or you're tapping into maybe habits you don't want to tap into. What are the things you do to kind of like re-center yourself? I usually try and have a day that weekend where I can totally flip the script.

I'm quite an extremist, and this is partly self-awareness. Like, I think, you know, some people eat the frog kind of people. I do the hardest thing first. And some people are I need to start small and get better, right? And you've got to figure out which one you are. I'm an extremist, so I'm like, eat the frog. I'm like, take a day off and figure everything out. So for me, if I'm having a tough week, I'll cancel all my social plans on Saturday,

anything I have to do. And I'll say Saturday is my reset day. This day is about reshifting to every habit that I want to live. So let's say I've been going to bed late and waking up late and missing my morning meditation. Saturday is my day to make sure that the moment I wake up, the first thing I do is meditate. Let's reset those habits into motion. I feel like I haven't been reading enough lately. I haven't learned anything lately.

You know what? I've picked a great book. I'm going to sit with that book for 30 minutes to an hour on Saturday. If I get lost in it, that's even better. Let that be the reset I need. I haven't spent enough time with my wife in the last month. We've both been traveling. She's on planes.

I'm on planes. I've got a podcast. She had a book long. Okay, this Saturday, let me make sure that we spend three hours together. So I try and find that one perfect day. And the reason for that one perfect day is not that I'm trying to replay that day after day, because that's never going to happen. But it gives me back the glimpse of why I love those habits.

It gives me the feeling of falling in love again with all of those habits. And that's why that one perfect day bleeds into the others when I'm not feeling as enthusiastic, when I'm not feeling as energized. But that's self-awareness for me. That's what works for me. Someone else may say that and go, well, I don't want the one perfect day. I'd rather have this method and that's okay.

But that for me is my one perfect day reset. And I'll really get into the minutia and the detail of how do I engineer that? Because I find that what you're really saying you've lost, you think you've lost discipline, but really you've lost desire. Discipline is so based on desire, right? If you've been healthy for seven days in a row, yes, you're disciplined, but now you're more

desiring to be healthy. Whereas when you get into an unhealthy place and you're eating badly every day, you haven't worked out, whatever it may be, it's because your desire to be healthy has dropped below your desire to be unhealthy. So that one perfect day reshapes your desire into, I love it when I don't eat sugar, I love it when I work out in the morning, I love it when I meditate first thing, I love it when I spend time with my wife. Let me reset my desire.

There's this book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, and it says it's very similar to what you're saying with like the habits that you make create pleasure, which is why you want to keep doing them. So what you're really looking for in a habit is the pleasure, so you keep coming back to it. What are your micro habits that you do on a day-to-day basis, some non-negotiables that you do in the morning or the night or maybe midway through the day? You're so busy I would like to know just as a high performer. Absolutely. So I have these habits that are non-negotiable five days a week, not seven days a week, because I find that in order to sustain them five days a week, I need two days where they're a bit more negotiable. And so for me, it comes down to five core habits.

And the first one is thankfulness. And the way I practice this is very clear. I think for a long time, people have said we should journal about what we're grateful for. we should, you know, be more thankful, we should be more grateful in the way we live. And when I was looking at the science of it, studies show that thankfulness and gratitude can be really powerful. And actually, when you're having a thankful thought, you can't have a worry-filled thought at the same time. If you're having a grateful thought, you can't have an anxious thought at the same time. Both those thoughts can't rent space in the same area if you're having one or the other.

They're almost like two tenants that are competing. But in order for gratitude to work that way, it has to have three qualities. And in order to do that, I want to ask one of your question out you. Who organizes the parties at your home if you ever have a party? Me. Okay, fine. All right. So, Lauren, could you name two of your best friends that would be invited to this party, not family members?

Yes. Right now? Please. Weston and Gillian. West. To your name, you're going to get a lot of pushmen. A lot of the other friends are going to chime in now. Okay.

This is, you can make up names if you prefer. Moose knuckle. Moose knuckle and? No, Moose Knuckle and Weston. Oh, I thought you were going to say Moose Knuckle and Monkele. Nguernerkel is one of my best friends. I have a friend that I call Moose Knuckle. Oh, I thought that was the brand Moose Knuckle.

No, no, no, it's not the brand Moose Knuckle. Okay, okay. So which names are we going from? Moose Knuckle and Weston. Moose Knuckle and Western. Yeah. Right. Okay, great.

Fine. All right. So Moose Knuckle and Weston, two of your friends, which would be invited. Now I'm going to ask you a hard question, which is why I'm glad you made these up, is who do you like more? Oh, it depends on my mood. Okay, if you had to really pick and decide in your best mood. In a party mood? Yeah.

Sorry, Wes. Okay. Okay. Moose knuckle. All right. Are you sure you're happy with these names? We can retake. I'm sure I'm happy that, Jay.

No, no snuckle. Over and over on the show. Okay, fine. All right, great. So now, based on that, these two people come to the event, Moose Knuckle and West and come into your party. They have a great time. And the next day you get a message from both of them.

Muznuckle, who we love, sends you a message that says, Lauren, thank you so much for having me. It was so fun spending time with your friends and your family. The food was amazing. The games are great. The music was awesome. I really needed that.

Thank you so much. Okay. Right? Sounds like moose-knuckle? Yeah. Yeah. Now you get a message from Weston, and Weston's message is,

thanks, Lauren. That's it. That's actually really, that tracks. That tracks. That's accurate. Great. Yeah. So, Weston, who we don't really like,

says just thanks, Lauren. Now, trick questions aside, which one makes you happier? Moose knuckles Perfect right It's easy I don't I don't

I don't I have no idea Taylor what's a moose knuckle Oh interesting I know I just Why I kept laughing when you were saying That's hilarious I thought it was that Brad

Our friend that was she was referencing He just wears these tight Who invented that? He has a huge peathe He invented it He has huge Don't pull this out of context I think it is an answer

to the camel toe reference So you have a friend called Moose Knuckle for real? Well, his penis is so big. Every time you wear shorts, it's in my face. Got it. Got it. So you gave him this name. Yeah, he's fun.

But yes, I appreciate Moose Knuckles' response more than Weston. So now, jokes aside. Well, no, I look forward to being Moose Knuckle. You'll actually be in France. Really? Yeah. You'll recognize him from the tight pants, but let's keep going. Okay, well, yeah.

You'll see him from stage. Hey, Moose, sounds like on. Hey, he showed up to this IRL event we did here in Austin, and these girls are like, Moose Knuckle! She's awesome. That's amazing. So what's interesting is not only does it make you happier, Lauren, receiving that message,

Moose Knuckle is actually happier giving that message. So the gratitude studies show that when gratitude is expressed, when it's specific and when it's personalized, that's when it has the effect of not letting anxiety or not letting worry take that space. So if you're just writing gratitude in your journal, it actually doesn't have the same effect. It has to be expressed, it has to be specific, and it has to be personalized. And that's why Weston doesn't get that benefit, and neither do you.

So what I try and do every single day is I choose one person personally and one person professionally, and I'll send them a voice note, an email, a text message, a video message, whatever it is, two minutes, it doesn't need to be long, and I send them a note of gratitude. It's expressed, it's specific, it's personalized. It's not false flattery, it's not like a cheap admiration word here or there. it's legitimately how I feel. Every single day, that's my practice of gratitude. It's not a journal.

It's not a thought in my head. It's sending a message. And you change the person, just depending on how I sent you some nude photos this morning, and you did not send me a message of gratitude. It wasn't good enough. I'm going to need you to go back. I'll give you a message of gratitude tonight. And reply to those pictures today.

That's a really good tip, though. It makes total sense. It's almost like when you're writing in your journal, it's to nothing. So you know what? Like when I heard a similar reference. reference to this, maybe you sent me. And there's my kids the other day were playing with, just super-insets, just playing in the yard with a hose. And when I start to get stressed or anxious, I just think of that moment and it like completely washes out the other. Because I'm just so grateful

for that moment. That's exactly kind of what you're talking about. Absolutely. Absolutely. And it has to be shared, right? I think a lot of our daily habits now have become very personal and very isolating and like, you do them on your own. And it's like, well, most of our joy is felt when it's expressed and experienced. And imagine that person, by the way, I'll send this message to someone that I haven't talked to for ages. And when I say professionally, sometimes I think about, like, we're all sitting here today. And yes, you harassed me in the DMs or whatever, and that's how we're here. But sometimes I'll think about someone I'm friends with today.

And I'll be like, wait a minute, who introduced us? Like, how do I even know this person? And someone's become a really good friend. And then I realized the person who introduced us, I haven't talked to them for seven years. But because of them, I now have this really great friend. I've messaged those people, and the responses you get are just amazing. because that person's like, wow, I can't believe you even remembered that. Like, I can't believe I even came to your mind.

People like to be acknowledged. Absolutely. What are other micro things that you do on a daily being? So that's the first one. I've got four more. The other one is, and again, like that takes 30 seconds to two minutes. The second one is insight or inspiration. And what I mean by this is a lot of us live in a world where, well, research shows we have 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day.

and 80% of those are negative and 80% of those are repetitive. So let me give you an example. You wake up in the morning, you probably look at your phone and you go, oh, I'm so tired. Very common first thought of the day. I'm so tired.

I wish I didn't have to get up. By 9 a.m. you're having your coffee or whatever and you're going, gosh, I'm still so tired. You make it a midday and you go, I'm going to have to skip lunch. You've got so much work and I'm so tired. Third time you've had that thought.

You make it to the end of the day, 6 p.m. You're like, I'm still going to have to work. a couple of hours, I'm so tired. You've had that thought four or five times today. Then at 1037 p.m., randomly you get the courage to click next episode on Netflix and watch a new show and then the cycle continues. So you keep saying, I'm so tired, potentially for a week, a month, maybe even three months, maybe four, maybe more. And so that thought has kept repeating itself. I find that I have to find inspirational insight that kind of acts as inception on thoughts that I do. That I do. don't want to have or thoughts that I want to add to. So I'll give an example. I am tired today

and I'll go to sleep early tonight. I'm tired today and I'm going to cancel my social plans on Friday to make sure I recover. There's a way of saying what is that inception point? What is that insight? What is the thing I'm going to shift to do in order to solve that repetitive thought? So what I often ask people is what is your most repetitive thought? Audit it throughout the day. Write it down. What's the thought that you keep having? It could be what does my boss think of me? What is my boss thinking of me? What does my boss think of me? It could be like, is my wife mad at me, is my wife mad at me? Whatever it is, whatever that thought is, and then you're finding the insight and the inspiration to go and shift that, because that

thought's not just going to disappear or go away. If anything, it's going to get stronger. So it's like having a low vibration thought and then counteracting it with something better. Absolutely. And not counteracting in the sense of like, oh, I'm so energized today because that's not going to work. Like, it's not lying to yourself. It's figuring out the act or the behavior that will solve that thought and allow that thought to leave you naturally. So it's not saying instead of, I'm so tired today, oh, I feel great today because that doesn't work. It's saying I'm so tired and I'm going to do X, Y, Z. If someone's like, I'm stressed about money and I'm going to go and do this thing to fix it

or to earn more or to save more. Absolutely. It's not just I can't just get, I'm stressed money over and over and over. Totally. The repetitive thought of, I'm stressed about my money, I'm stressed about my money, I'm stressed about my money. That doesn't solve it. Are you going to be able to not ruminate? I don't know what I really ruminate on. I'm actually being serious.

I don't know. What do I ruinate on? We'll talk off there. And for people who are like, okay, well, maybe I don't know. One of the ways I would do this is at one point in my life, I listened to Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech every day for nine months in a row. And not only did I know all the words off by heart, the words really rewired my brain. Like, I think a lot of people think I have to find the new next thing.

Sometimes I just find, like, doubling down on one thing that speaks to you. When I interviewed Matthew McConae on my podcast, and any interaction I've had with him, I said to him that I listened to his Oscar's acceptance speech. It's only five minutes when he won it for Dallas Biers Club a few years back. I used to listen to that every day for 30 days in a row. It starts to rewire the way you think. Because guess what?

You're just repeating a thought anyway. So why not repeat another thought? I listen every single night to Louise Hay evening meditation. And it's the same. It just does something to me that like fills me up before I go to bed. And you're so right. the repetitiveness of it, even if sometimes I'm not even listening to it, it's like seeping into me. I think people can do that with good books, too.

Like, I always think if you find something that's amazing, like you don't have to just read it once and be done. Totally. Right. One thing that I always take that's essential is a multivitamin. Every day. Easy. And the multivitamin that I take is clinically backed. It's clean. It's bioavailable.

And you can also trace all the ingredients, which I appreciate. And it is by ritual. called essential for women 18 plus. I also took their vitamin when I was pregnant. There's a pregnancy vitamin that they make that's really great. So if you're pregnant, I would definitely check out their pregnancy vitamins. Everything is such high quality. They have nine key nutrients in a two delayed release capsule per day. So you take two a day. It's gentle on an empty stomach. I take mine in the morning. It has like a minty essence in every bottle, which is enjoyable. I don't want to take a multivitamin and feel like it's like coming back up. That's so gross. And ritual is so easy to take, which is a big

selling point for me. But most importantly, they really focus on vitamin D and omega-3 DHA. These are two things that a lot of women are low on. And I actually had my levels checked before I took ritual and those were the two things I was low on. And now I'm not low anymore. So thank you ritual for helping me figure that out. It's a female founded company. It's beautiful. It's vegan non-GMO. gluten-free, allergen-free. And like I said, everything's traceable. So no more shady business. Rituals, essential for women 18-plus, is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash skinny. Start ritual or add essential for women 18 plus to your subscription today. That's ritual.com slash skinny for 25% off.

One thing that always has to be by me when I'm podcasting is a hot cup of tea. I just feel like I'm talking on a mic so much all day long that it's really important to support my throat. And I need a hot cup of green tea. So today I'm drinking Lipton's green tea. This is absolutely amazing because it has flavonoids in it, which are amazing to support your health. I really like that this green tea is a little bit lemony. I'm a big lemon fan. You guys know this if you listen to the podcast. But my favorite way to have this is actually not hot. It's in a picture. I get like a clear glass picture and I put tons of ice in there. I throw in some mint from the garden, some lemon, make sure it's Meyer lemon. That's even better. And then I'll do some sliced ginger and throw it in

there with a couple of bags of Lipton green tea. And then I'll put it in the fridge for a couple hours and it's absolutely delicious. It's so hot in Austin right now. So it's really versatile. I like that I can have this when I'm podcasting, but then I also like it that I can have it when I'm cooling down. I'm someone that tries to monitor my coffee intake. I think one cup a day is the max for me or I'm like shaky and strung out. So having tea like throughout the day gives me something to do with my hands. It gives me something to sip on that isn't just plain water. If you haven't tried Lipton green tea, you have to. It has 100 milligrams of flavonoids. It also has zero calories and zero sugar. Try some of this delicious Lipton green tea today.

I have recently lost 60 pounds, and a huge part of the way that I've done that is weightlifting and the other part is protein. I completely upped my protein. I got so serious about eating protein before anything at every meal. And when I'm on the go or I don't have time or I'm running out the door or I'm recording a show, I always will have like a protein powder on hand. So there's this protein that I was sent. It's called Equipped Foods Prime Protein. And what I like about it is it's made with grass-fed beef. This is amazing, okay? I just love grass-fed beef in general. I eat so much steak. And to know there's a protein powder that is actually grass-fed beef protein is insane. It is filled with amino acids. I think this helps grow my hair, my nails. It has all nine essential amino acids

in it, which is amazing, and it's 20 grams of protein. So what I'll do is I'll do a scoop, a scoop and a half, sometimes too, if I'm in a jam, and then I'll put some fiber powder in there, and sometimes I'll put a little bit of chocolate raw milk in it, and I'll froth it up. It's so good. If you are looking to up your aminos, grow your hair, get your skin and nail health going, check out this protein powder. Go to equipfoods.com slash skinny to get 20% off, or use code skinny at checkout. That's E-Q-U-I-P-F-O-D-S.com slash skinny. What are your other micro habits? So the next one is mindfulness or meditation. And the way I describe this is a bit simpler.

So, of course, I have a daily program on calm where people can meditate with me seven minutes a day every single day. I like that. I've listened to that before. It's beautiful. Thank you. That's so kind. Yeah. And it's been one of my favorite things we've done. We've literally created a new piece of content five days a week, every day of the week for the last two and a half years now. Oh, that's a lot of work too. It's a lot of, but it's been beautiful. And so, of course, you can pick up a meditation practice. We could talk about so many.

But to me, meditation starts simply with a scheduled five minutes at the beginning of your day and a scheduled five minutes at the end of your day. It's in your calendar. And you just check in with yourself. At the beginning of the day, you check in with yourself and you just sit there for five minutes and you ask yourself, what do I need to do today to make it a great day? What's the one thing I need to do today to make today a great day? That one thing could be to call your mom.

That one thing could be to have the uncomfortable conversation at work. That one thing could be to tuck your kids in tonight because you haven't been able to do that. What's the one thing that's going to make today a great day? Just sit with that question. And at the end of the day, ask yourself, how does it feel if I've done that one thing today? And if I haven't, how am I going to shift that tomorrow?

How am I going to be able to break that? And so meditation to me just starts with having time with yourself. That's really where it begins. And I think if a lot of people actually put that in their calendar, they won't miss it. I always say to people, if it's not in your schedule, it's not going to happen. I live and die by my schedule. It's all planned out, whether it's rest time, meditation time, eating, whatever it may be. And it's life changing because you don't have to think.

The fourth one is obvious. It's exercise. I have to exercise every day. And I try and make exercise entertaining. I believe that workouts become easier if they have two qualities. If they are competitive, I like working out when it's competitive. So I play a lot of pickleball right now. And that's my cardio that I'm getting from being competitive.

And I like it when it's collaborative. I like it when I'm doing it with someone else. I like it when I have someone else to go on a hike with or work out with, whether that be a trainer or a friend. And so exercises are non-negotiable for me every single day. And then the final one is sleep. For me, I need to sleep. and I don't have kids, so I totally empathize with someone who can't follow these patterns.

But for me, I have to be asleep before 10 p.m. Ideally, me and my wife are getting into bed at 9, 9, 15, and then I'm getting 8, 8 and a half hours asleep in a great day. So that's T-I-M-E-S. It's thankfulness, insight, meditation, exercise, and sleep. It spends spells times. And those are my five habits that are non-negotiable five days a week. I love that time.

And you can do them all for free. All free. How? And you don't have to learn anything. How do you as a business person and an entrepreneur think about time? Like even like down to like your meetings. So that's such a great question. I have so much to say about it.

I'm so glad you asked me that. No one ever asked me that. So I like you. I love talking about it. I think people don't realize you've built massive businesses and a massive brand for yourself. And that's not by accent. It's not because you learn. Tell us every little tip.

You can even learn to meditate in a cave and then just become, you know, I love talking about time. Yes. So I will write, so first of all, I define our work as entertainment and education. So entrepreneurially, that's how I see my work. I have an entertainment side of the business and we have an educational side of the business. The entertainment is everything from social media to books, to podcasts, to anything we do that is like forward-facing in the public. And most of that's absolutely free.

And then the educational sides are programming, courses, certifications, etc., which is the educational side of building those skills now that you've heard about. And for me, what I try and do is what is my big goal for this 12 months in each of those areas? Like, what is my number one goal? Then what I'll do is I'll break that goal into four sub goals for every quarter of the year. Give us an example. So my example would be, let me choose one that I've done in the past, which is easier than you know. Let me with the podcast. Yeah, so fine. So let's take, well, let me not take the podcast because I feel like that may be maybe too far away from that now. So let's take a book. I'm working on my next book. That's the best one. I'm working on my next

book, my third book. And so my big goal is by the end of this year, I should have a clear plan, intention and direction for the narrative of this book. And I should have begun writing this book. That's what I've done at the start of the year. Now I'm going to break that down into four subsections. So for quarter one, I'm going to spend quarter one focused on what I think the book should be about and planning and reflecting on the direction. So I'm going to be researching. Quarter one is all research. Quarter two is now reviewing and compiling my research to make my hypothesis clear. Quarter three is pitching to my editors and my agent to see if they vibe with it and then editing it and reviewing it and to make it better. And then quarter four is

finalizing the plan and the deadline and everything else that comes with it. Now inside each quarter, breaking down that goal. So if the first quarter is research, I'm breaking down research into what is the goal for each month. So in every quarter, there's three months. What is the goal for January? What's the goal for February? What's the goal for March? And how many of these projects do you take on at once in each section? We always have everything running all at the same time. Like our podcast runs when social media is out there, as the books out there. But I have one big goal in each area that I'm building that isn't something that's carrying on from the past, yeah. I think it's so important that you talk about this because I think you are one of,

you're an individual that people look to for a lot of things, spirituality and getting your mind right, all sorts of things, inspiration. And I think sometimes people think that you can just manifest your way into success. And we're just talking about this on the podcast where that's part of it, but you have to have the actionable, tangible plans in practice that you can do every single day, every single quarter, every single year in order to attain those goals. You can't just, you can't just think big. You have to actually do the things. I couldn't agree with you. more and I'm so happy that you both are being proponents of that message because I feel like so many people have been confused or misled by this idea that you just create it in your mind and then all

of a sudden it just functions and even building teams and you know I mean you guys have built an incredible brand here at Dear Media like I said I'm such a fan of so many of the shows you have and it's like I can I can only imagine and empathize with how much effort that takes yeah I mean I just I'm a proponent of talking about it because I think people maybe look at someone like yourself for Lorne and they, you know, they see the success on the outside. But I don't think that people really talk enough about all of the tangible steps and planning and execution that takes. Yeah, for sure. What I always say is like, this is the fun part. Sitting down with you, this is the fun part. But all the other stuff to get to this part is the stuff people don't see,

like all the planning and the coordinating and the teams and all of that. And I wish more entrepreneurs and creators would talk about the grittier parts because you want to give people hope and inspiration, you don't want to give them false hope and it's right you have to give them i want people to talk about like what it actually takes to me what changed my mind and i highly recommend everyone does this i'm not affiliated with this company it's called gallop strengths finder and it's an online test you can do i've used them for years we use them when i worked in the corporate world and what it does is it helps you rank your top 34 strengths in order it's a 60 minute test i recommend you do it as 60 minutes don't try rush through it really take your time with it and you answer these questions and what it does is

it ranks your top 34 strengths in order. And I always thought up until that point my strengths, and a lot of us may even think we know what our strengths are. Like, I thought my strengths were communication and, you know, ideation. And those were in my top five, but my number one strength was strategy. And I was just like, I looked at that. I remember this was years ago now, and I looked at that. And I was like, gosh, I didn't even know that.

And I was like, I wasn't really aware of that. And so I didn't even know how to use it. And it's almost like you have a tool in your toolkit, but you didn't know it's there. It's like at the bottom of the kit. So you haven't even used it effectively. And ever since I saw that, I just went all in on that. And I've realized that for me, art and strategy are the two things that need to go together in order to create impact.

So if you're only strategic and you're not artistic, it may not be that fun. Like this is the art part, right? This is the art. Like sitting on a podcast, having a conversation, like writing a book. But there is strategy of you being on this podcast because there's assets you can pull. There's, you can distribute it in different ways. So it is mixing art and strategy. what you're doing right now.

Correct. I think many, I'm just going to pick on some creative people or people that deem themselves as creatives get frustrated because to your point, maybe they're missing the strategic part. Why aren't people loving what I'm doing and the work I'm putting out there? Well, if you're not being thoughtful about how you get it seen and how you get it out there. I thought about that. I mean, you know, I think when I first started creating work, I maybe wasn't as strategic because

I don't think you are in the beginning. You're just creating something that you find beautiful and magical and interesting and fascinating. And I used to do events in London where. a couple of times zero people showed up because I didn't let anyone know that it was happening and I just assumed that someone would see a random poster

and I'm talking about like physical posters not even online and I remember where five people showed up or like 10 people showed up and I did that for years and what I realized is I'm the same person I was then the only difference was that

I had to learn the value of strategy and I agree with you by the way if you're a creative who's comfortable with the idea that someone may never see your work until you die or until after you die That's amazing.

Like, I commend you. That's beautiful if you have that mindset. I don't. I want to create stuff that people see and they consume and it helps them and I get to partake in that experience and I'm not scared to admit that. I think that's okay and I'm just being honest with myself. And so to me, getting strategic is really, really important

and strategy to make it simple for someone is the people that are winning at something are because they've deeply studied what they do. I often give the example of Mr. Beast. Like, Mr. Beast isn't the best YouTuber because of anything else but the fact that he has studied YouTube more deeply and intimately

than any person on the planet. It's just fact. He's a practitioner. He has studied and practiced and tested for longer and harder and deeper than anyone on the planet and that is why he's the biggest YouTuber in the world. It's not because he got lucky.

I'm sure there's luck involved. Of course there is. It's not because he had money to start off with. It's not because of something else. It's because he's studied. And so I think when you're looking at an industry, want to be great in, go and study the grades. And I think we don't do that. We always think, oh, they just got a lucky shot and, oh, they had a random TikTok that went viral. And it's like,

yeah, sure, but how did someone use that to build as opposed to that luck? Yeah, and you've been doing this long enough where I'm sure you've seen, like, we have many people kind of come and go that have those viral moments. But what I look to now is, like, who's really had staying power and longevity and built upon a foundation that started as something and then gone to something else. Absolutely. And your first play will always be organic. Like your first video. won't get a million views. Your first video won't get 100,000 comments. It won't get the most amount of likes. And it will just be art. And that's beautiful. But if you want it to be what you do all day and you want it to be a real thing, you have to get strategic about it.

I love the story of the three little pigs. Like you have to build a house of brick. Everyone should go read that story again. Because I was reading it to my kids. It's like, what do you want to build a house a hay? What's the other one, a house of... Hey, sticks and stones. Yeah. Sticks and stones or hay or the bricks. And if you're building a house of bricks, it's laying it brick by brick. What is something that the audience wouldn't know about you? You have so much content out there. What's something that would be surprising for them to learn? That's such a great question. Usually I talk about my PlayStation addiction, but I'm trying to think of something that... It's hard for me too to think of this.

Because we talk about so much stuff. Maybe there's nothing. Maybe you're like, I lay it on the line. I do. I say a lot. I'm trying to think. And maybe Annie and Elena can help me out. You guys know me well. I'm wondering if there's something that you think people don't. What? Disneyland. I'm addicted to Disney World. I love Disney. Didn't you get the plaid to it or whatever?

I love Disney. I'm like, I think it was because I went there as a kid. And for me, it's the idea that you just walked into someone's mind. Like the fact that this existed in Walt Disney's mind. It's wild. I think about that every second. It's insane. And so when I'm there, it's not like, oh, I love the rides. It's the fact that he's just created, and I've drunk the Kool-Aid. Like, it is the happiest place on that.

Wait, but did you know that the brother was the strategy? No, I did not know that. So he has art and strategy, but the brother was the strategy. What's the brother's name? Roy. Disney released, I think, a documentary when they released Disney Plus. Is that what's called the streaming Disney Plus? Yeah.

How did they like that plug? But the guy just butchered it. But it was kind of cool because they showed all the hardships that they went through and how the brother kind of saved the financing and the funding and helped him execute on the vision. You're inspired by the house of bricks that they built. Absolutely. But it is insane to go there and see the detail and be like, this came out of someone's mind. It is wild.

And this time I went, I took my friend for his birthday and I was the first time I'd ever got a tour guide. And I just want to give a shout to Lexi, who's amazing. I absolutely love her. And she was, she knew every detail of every little hidden meaning. Obviously, like she's, she knows she's like, you know, she's an expert in Disney. and I was just like geeking out. I was like I can't believe the amount of detail and level and texture that's gone into this place. I would give a shout out to a tour guide we had except he ate my big pickle.

So, yeah, I'm still salty about that. I got six pickles for six people and I gave his pickle to the plaid. And it was fine. He needed the pickle. By the way, the big pickle at Disneyland. Have you had it? No, I haven't. Just a giant pickle.

You got to get the big giant pickle. It looks like a moose knuckle. And also, then you got to go to the dolewip stand. Have you had dolewip? I don't know if I can. I'm plant-based. I don't know if it's. Oh, I don't think you can.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think I can. It's pretty good. Yeah. Speaking of plant-based, your wife wrote a book that she sent me that's beautiful on a plant-based diet. Mm-hmm. You eat plant-based. Yes. You both eat plant-based.

Yes. And how do you like that? Tell us all the positives that you've seen. So my wife has been my health coach. I would say I knew very little about the human body. I was very fixed on the human mind when I met her. Yeah. And so I've always been, like, fascinated by the mind and meditation and mind control.

And she's always been fascinated. She's a nutritionist and diet. dietitian by education. And so she's always been fascinated by the human body. And so really anything I'm about to say is things she's taught me. I was, I ate meat growing up, I became vegetarian when I was around 15, 16 maybe, and then became plant-based when I married her eight years ago. And so I have felt lighter, better, healthier. I think I had to really figure out protein intake, which was the only thing that I had to solve for, which was slightly challenging what I had to be more thoughtful about, but really I'm spoiled.

I'm married to someone who cooks amazing food. Beautiful food. I don't have to really think about it, and I depend on her a lot for it. And thankfully, she loves cooking, too, and it's her thing. Tell her to come on here. We talk about it. Yeah, I'd love that. That's so kind of you guys.

I live vicariously through you because I'm about, I don't home cook anything. Well, maybe if Jay's wife comes on, she'll inspire you to cook. Maybe. You don't like cooking? No, I like cooking some things. Okay. I don't like cooking at all. Yeah, I'll like get on the grill once a while.

He makes some breakfast. He makes a mean French toast. Listen, I make a mean French toast. Nice. What is next for you? What are you working on? Where can everyone find you? I would highly recommend everyone go gets Junie.

Is peach the best flavor? Readerie is my favorite. Peach is my favorite. I'm not going to lie. This would be good with tequila. Yeah, if we drank, then that would definitely be a, I would have definitely done that partnership. No, I haven't drank for a long, long time now. Yeah.

We don't drink that much anymore. That's good to know. I had two margaritas last night. Oh, you're just good. See for yourself. I love that. I love that. Yeah.

Tell us what you're working on where everyone can go shop. Well, today happens to be an exciting day. We have, I have a partnership launching with Match.com. We wanted to pair people up based on their values. And so it gets that awareness out there. So you can go to match.com forward slash J. The goal was to create an alternative dating experience and help people date differently. I found that it's a tough space out there.

It's difficult. But if we can go out there with this awareness about respect for each other's values, it would be an awesome thing for people. people are serious about dating. I'm working on my new book right now. I went on tour last year, which was amazing. I want to thank everyone who came out and supported me. I'm sure many of your audience was there.

So I want to give a big thank you. We did nearly 40 cities. Holy Christ. It was across the whole world, went and did, you know, we did three shows at the Sydney Opera House. We went Brisbane, Melbourne. We went London, all across England, 15 cities in America. You needed your Saturdays, huh?

It was, yeah, I needed my Saturday. It was amazing. So I want to thank everyone for that. And right now, we're just working on working on a lot of new exciting podcast coming out. We've had some amazing guests on recently that I've learned so much from. Kim Kardashian. Yes, Kim came on last year, was it?

That's cool. Yeah, Kim came on last year. She was amazing. Yeah, you get some incredible guests, man. Thank you, man. It's been a real, we've been very fortunate and very grateful to have some amazing relationships offline and love, according to my eyes until we made this whole episode about moose knuckles and now we're going to scare house.

Where can everyone shop, Junie? Junie now just went into 1,500 targets around the United States, so hopefully a target near you. It's also in 400 sprouts across the U.S. So you can get it at Sprouts. And it's at Air One if you're a California person, so Air One as well. And we also went into Gelson's. We went into Amazon, of course.

We're pretty much everywhere now. So please, please, please go and check it out. We hope that it can boost you for a happy mind. It's, it's my midday pick me up when I'm recording a podcast. It's delicious. It really is. It's not like, you know what I like about it? It's chill. It's like, it's, what's the word ever essence? Ever. essence. Yeah, it gives that. It's not like overwhelming. I don't like having a drink that's overwhelming.

I like something that's just like a little essence. Do you know what I mean? I love that. Yeah. This was part of my education for my wife. When I met my wife, I literally relied on sugary sodas and a chocolate bar every single day or a sugar-heavy energy bar every single day. And she was trying to train me off my bad habits. And soda was the hardest one to kick because a sprite or whatever it may have been would have been my go-to. So we made this with zero grams of sugar, only five calories. It's got Lions Main, Rishi Mushroom, Ashwaganda, green tea. We wanted to introduce people to all of these adaptogens. Juni stands for just you and I. Cute.

It was a way of reminding us to have more moments with the people we love. Junie. Jay Shetty, thank you for coming on, come back anytime. I could have asked you a whole other. I'd just have so many questions. That was so much fun. The prize took us this long. We're going to see you in France.

Yes, I love it. And I love how you led me on about moose knuckles. That was genius. I will have mous snuckle in the audience. You'll know exactly who it is. Okay. He's in a pastel short. He'll wave his mouss knuckle at you from the audience.

I hope this is a wonderful friendship. Honestly, it was such a joy sitting with you both. Thank you, Jay. You're awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate you.