The Bossticks - Laura Clery On Happy Endings, Addiction, Infidelity, Drugging Her Sister, & Turning Her Life Around
Episode Date: July 11, 2022#477: On today's episode we are joined by Laura Clery. Laura is an actress, author, and comedian best known for posting comedy sketches and vlogs about her day-to-day life. Today Laura joins the show ...to tell us some of her wildest stories which include; running away to mexico, drugging her own sister, happy endings, and more. To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) Check Out Lauryn's NEW BOOK, Get The Fuck Out Of The Sun HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential The Hot Mess Ice Roller is here to help you contour, tighten, and de-puff your facial skin and It's paired alongside the Ice Queen Facial Oil which is packed with anti-oxidants that penetrates quickly to help hydrate, firm, and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, leaving skin soft and supple. To check them out visit www.shopskinnyconfidential.com now. Produced by Dear Media
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Get ready for some major realness.
Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.
So then at like 22, 23 is when I first saw that I was putting drugs in alcohol before my passion.
And for me to not achieve my potential.
and do what I love for a living was to die.
Like, I just knew I had a lot to give, and this is what made me happy,
and I could see that drugs and alcohol were getting in the way.
So that was my moment of clarity.
Today we have Laura Clary.
I think this is maybe one of our top guests of all time.
Honestly, this episode does not disappoint.
She is born to have a mic.
I mean, I think the reason I say that,
I think this is one of the best guests we've ever had on the mic.
Yeah, she is really damn good on the mic.
Guys, she's got it all.
If you want to have somebody that's got just great comedic timing, great storyteller, can kind of have a full range, get serious, get funny.
But lots of depth.
Tons of depth.
Yeah, no, I'm not janking your chain here.
This is a good one.
I think people are going to be pleasantly.
Well, they're not going to be surprised because everybody knows she's extremely talented.
But they're going to be very happy with this episode.
I read her book, Idiot, which is all about how she dealt with an addiction.
I highly recommend it.
Just heard that wrong.
I thought she said, I read her book, Idiot.
Oh, no.
Her book is called Idiot.
I get that now.
Okay.
So her first one is called Idiot.
I read a while back and was such a fan.
I harassed her on Instagram.
And then I read her second book, Idiots.
That one's all about how she has kids after this addiction.
And she opens up about how her husband had an affair.
She opens up about stories about birth.
In her first book, Laura talks about being broke, unemployable, suicidal, cocaine addicted, and a narcissist.
And then in her second book, you can expect mucous plug talk, ADHD, autism, postpartum,
depression and her husband's cheating. He cheated on her in rehab and she actually confronted the
girl, sort of. Anyways, both of her books are absolutely amazing. She's funny. She's a lot of depth and
she's incredibly charismatic. So who is Laura Clary? She's an actress, influencer, comedian and best
known for posting comedy sketches and blogs about her day to day on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
She is the author of Idiot and Idiots and she lives in Los Angeles with her husband.
son and daughter. She's a total badass. I'm so excited to have her on the podcast. Like I said,
I begged for her to come on for so long. Welcome to the show, Laura, and you're welcome back
any time. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. You roofied your sister. Correct.
I don't think I've ever heard those words come out of anyone's mouth. So can you use some context?
Here's a thing. I thought I was doing a good thing. Okay. Because in my mind,
This is when I was 18 years old.
And it is, to be honest, the most probably up there in the most shameful things I've ever done.
It's kind of amazing, too, in a way.
Yeah, in a way.
I mean, it's amazing because she turned out okay.
Okay, nothing happened.
Nothing bad happened to her.
I don't think I could live with myself if it went south, but it didn't.
She ended up having an amazing night.
But long story long.
My grandma, okay, wait.
Okay.
But let's back up. So I'm 18. Okay, I'm not 18. I'm not 18 right now. When I was it, we can cut all that, right?
Okay. So I moved here to L.A. when I was 17. When I was 18, my sister moved along with me because she was like, you're this kid here by yourself. Let me come protect you.
And so my mom calls us and lets us know that my grandma passed away. So we're really bummed out and we're like, this is horrible. Let's go to the near end.
bar and get wasted and just like forget about everything because we're in so much pain.
So we go to have you heard of the Mondrian?
Yes.
The Mondrian.
Yes.
That was the spot back then.
That was the spot.
You know.
But it was like very much covered with like young, broke, hot girls and like old sleazy
motherfuckers.
Like right?
Wasn't it?
And it sounds like all of L.A.
Yeah.
Basically all of L.A.
So it's like you knew there were these spots you could go if you didn't have a lot of money, but you wanted free drinks.
And like the Mondrian was one of those spots where you know, my sister and I didn't have any money.
We wanted to get drunk.
So we went there.
And of course, these two guys who were actually in their 30s.
So they were like old to us then, which is like really sad, isn't it?
Like that we're getting old.
Yeah.
No, it's, I'm sure.
Because that sounds depressing.
I'm thinking of those days.
I remember seeing those old 35-year-old guys.
Do you know?
You?
Yeah.
Right?
And now it's like.
Like, we are those old 35-year-old guys.
That's depressing.
It's really sad.
So you're at the laundering on.
Maybe I'll go to the mondrae on this afternoon.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It'll take you back.
Anyway, so these guys end up buying us drinks.
Then they were like, hey, do you want to go out to dinner with us?
And we say, yes, we go to this place called Dan.
I think it was Dan Tana.
It's an iconic place.
Old school like steakhouse.
This was my pre-vegan days.
so I'm sure I ordered a bloody ass steak.
And yeah, dude, they pulled out this drug, this like little water bottle thing.
And they were like, hey, do you want to do some GHB?
And I was like, what's that?
And they were like, oh, it's awesome.
Like it just makes you feel so good, your whole body.
And I was like, amazing.
Yes.
Like if someone offered me drugs, it was like, yes, it's going to make me feel good.
Yes, thank you.
I'll take two.
you know and then my sister was like oh no i'm good and then like five minutes later she's like i'm
going to go to the restroom and when she goes the two guys were like hey we should put like a little bit
in her champagne and it'll be so great she's going to love it and my naive addict mind was like
that's a great idea like she's going to love this she's going to thank me later she's going to
love this like i thought i was doing her favor and i don't even
even want to like justify it because it's a horrible thing that I did but I'm just trying to tell you
where my brain was at at the time and so I thought it was a good idea so we put a little bit in her
drink she comes back she drinks the champagne and about 20 minutes later we're like okay we're
going to go out to some club I can't remember which club let do oh man my god lay do lay do
stop you're taking me back I don't think it was that but it was like one of those
One of those where Leonardo DiCaprio was and still is.
He's still there.
He's still there.
He's never left.
He's never left.
The same age girl is still the same age that he's there with.
He's like, he was amazing.
And then he now he's just like this old dude who's like still with 20 year old.
In a hoodie.
Yeah.
I don't like.
So you guys didn't go to the club.
Yeah.
So they're like, okay, or we're going to this club.
And I'm like, this is going to be great.
And my sister's like, I'm actually getting, I'm actually feeling a bit tired.
So I'm going to go home.
And we were like, oh, okay.
So we drive her home.
She gets out.
And one of the guys goes, oh, man, it didn't work.
And Colleen, my sister turns around and goes, what didn't work?
And I, and I was like, oh, we put GHB in your drink.
And she was like, you asshole.
like and sort of laughed and walked in.
Like she didn't, she wasn't even that faced because that's how reckless I was at the time that she was just like, you, you dick and like walked in.
Cut to the next day.
She tells me she had like the time of her life.
Her and her girlfriend went out dancing that night.
Like they went to see some like live band and had so much fun.
She's like it was an amazing night and we, you know, went back safe.
So, so yeah, but that's the story of me drugging my sister.
And what happened to you?
Oh my God.
Oh, we're getting right into it.
You didn't write about that, I don't think.
I did.
Oh, you did write about that.
Yes, I did.
The only reason I asked is because I'm starting to think, like, okay, if you both took this dose,
and she was fine, she did that.
Oh, yeah.
You go pee off.
I didn't tell you what happened to her.
I forgot to tell you that.
Yeah, so mine's fucked up.
I basically got, like, sexually assaulted.
Oh, okay.
Which I know.
But that's okay.
It's, I've processed it.
It's okay.
It's in my book.
But my, and I think it's karma.
It's karma.
for a druggy, no, I know that's
dark. No, it's dark. But
basically, long story long, we go
out to this club, go back
to the guy's apartment, and
I just remember waking
up in the morning.
This is getting really
dark, really fast, but
I basically wake up in the morning
in this guy's apartment and he's literally
like, dude, this is
so fucked up, but he's like jacking off
like over my face.
like I was passed out asleep.
Do you think that he wanted you to stay asleep for that?
Yeah, it was so fucked.
Do you think he wanted you to wake up?
Or do you think he wanted you to stay asleep or do you think he didn't know?
Oh, I think he wanted me to stay asleep.
I think he probably was like a power thing.
I mean, you know, I was completely out and I just wake up to this like disgusting
fucking dude jacking off on my face.
You say in your book that things like,
this happened to you throughout when you were using. And you say that it's amazing to you how
quickly in the moment, fight or flight, you sort of know how to get out of these situations.
Yeah, there's been a couple incidences like that. And this, like I say in my book, it was pre-Me2
movement. Yeah. We didn't talk about it. We oftentimes like blamed ourselves. Why was I there?
If I wasn't there, this wouldn't have happened. We certainly didn't report anything to the police.
It's like, we just didn't then.
Or it was not, it was very rare.
So what are your instincts tell you to do when he's beating his meat in your face?
Yeah.
So literally, I pop my eyes open and I see this really disturbing image.
And immediately my brain went, okay, if he's capable of sexually assaulting me while I'm passed out, what else is he capable of?
Will he hurt me?
Will he kill me?
Will he rape me?
Potentially, potentially and potentially.
Right.
So if he's capable of that, oh, okay, I didn't need to stop doing that.
Like, that's literally what I saw.
It was so horrible.
But if he's capable of that, what else is he capable of?
And so that was initially where my brain went.
And then I knew that I couldn't fight him off.
He was much bigger than me.
My brain went to just pretend that it's okay so you can get out safely.
So I just like laid there and like let it happen and didn't fight him off because my instinct
said if I tried, it could get really dangerous.
Like he could have knocked me out.
Is he like finishing on you?
Yeah.
So you just lay there and just lay there and just like let it happen out of for self-preservation.
I wanted to live.
And I truly felt my instinct said if you fight this guy, he'll win.
And I don't have anyone there.
My sister's not there.
There's this other dude who's even bigger.
Nobody knows you're there.
Wait.
No, I'm in this room.
But I want to get out alive.
So how does he have?
And then I'm out.
But how did what does he say?
after that. Did he not even acknowledge it? Just, thanks for last night. Yeah, that, it's funny,
like, what you remember and what you don't. I don't remember the small talk. I don't remember.
He was probably like, oh, yeah, that was amazing. Like, he probably said something like that.
And not really aware. It's like when I pop my eyes open, you would think that maybe he would stop
and go, oh, my God, what am I doing? I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself or say something. But he just
like kept going. And it was at that moment when I, when I pop my eyes open and he continued
assaulting me, even though he could see that I could now see him, that I knew this man was so
disconnected, probably still on a lot of drugs too, which also made me think like he's not in
his right mind and that he, if he's sexually frustrated or whatever and I get in his way,
like, will he kill me, basically, is what I was thinking. That makes sense. I didn't know
them enough to know that I was safe and I clearly wasn't safe. So he literally finished and I like got up
and got my stuff and just ran out. I just left. One of the things that I like love about you and your books.
She reminds me of Khalil. Our friend does this too is that you talk about all these things that are
normally quote unquote shameful and it takes the energy out of it for other people to talk about.
I mean, you talk about giving birth on Facebook. You talk about postpartum. You talk about postpartum.
you talk about sexual assault addiction there's this these books both of them you guys are so good
because you just take the energy out of it sometimes you read a biography and they leave out like
all these parts and you're just like because i'm i'm gonna call someone out Sharon stone okay
lover yeah how many stories do you think she has like that treasure probably a lot okay so i read her
autobiography and it's like flat and you know her life hasn't been flat. There's so much she could share
and I think ultimately help people and she didn't. With yours, you went there. Yeah. I love that about you.
I found the same thing. Thank you. And I found the same thing with the Tom Petty documentary. I don't know
if you saw that. But he left out his heroin addiction. Like he was a junkie and he left that entire part out.
And I was like, oh, that's really sad because that could have helped a lot of people too.
It's a huge part of the story.
Yeah.
But I think maybe it's just a different time.
And now, you know, right?
They're used to covering it.
And also I think too, and you say this in your book too, it's like the casting director used to make the decision.
So if the casting director doesn't like you, they have the opportunity to puppeteer your career.
Whereas with what you do now, you're the creator of your future.
Yes, yes.
Which is awesome.
Exactly.
So I could write a song about buttholes if I want.
And I have.
And I'll do it again.
Good.
And literally it actually, I literally wrote a song about buttholes.
Can you give us like a jingle?
It's like buttholes are nothing to be left at.
They're just a part of the human body.
Taylor's butthole something to be laughed at.
Let me tell you.
If his butthole pops up in the show back there, I'm going to, I'm out.
Okay. So you said, you mentioned this is before the Me Too movement. When did you notice a shift with all of this stuff in Hollywood, especially?
Well, definitely like the Harvey Weinstein stuff. Yeah, that made a big difference. Yeah. I feel like that that's when it, right? I mean, I guess it probably was happening before too, but I feel like that's when it really.
If it could happen to somebody in that position of power that rapidly and that dramatically and so effectively, it's like everybody else is.
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Was your journey with addiction something where it was like quick and fast and hard,
or was it something that slowly happened that you didn't even notice that all of a sudden
it's like a tumbleweed and it's like a huge problem?
I guess, okay, they say this very cliche saying in AA, which is it's fun and then it's fun
with problems and then it's just problems.
And I found that to be very true for me.
So, like, in high school, when I started, you know, I would smoke weed with my friends on the weekend.
Can you give me context of where you grew up?
Yeah.
So I grew up 10 miles west of Chicago.
Okay.
In a place called Downers Grove.
Okay.
Which is happier than it sounds.
It's a nice suburb right outside of the city.
Okay.
And addiction just runs in my family.
So, you know, my dad's like, here's 20 bucks.
Go get me some weed when I'm 14, 15.
You know, like it was just okay in my house to drink and smoke weed and whatever.
There wasn't a lot of structure.
A lot of love, especially for my mom.
She loved us to death.
But it was a little chaotic too.
So I started like drinking and using in high school and then like eventually found other
drugs like cocaine and ecstasy, Molly, whatever you want to call it.
And then it just kind of progressed from there.
And then I actually am really grateful that I discovered cocaine because it's such a hardcore
drug, you can't just do cocaine like sporadically and be fine. I mean, I guess some people do,
but I couldn't. And I feel like it brought me to my knees quicker. It made me hit my bottom.
What age is this? You find it? So I found it when I was like 16, but I would, I actually would do
it here and there. But then that was like my drug of choice when I moved out here. It was just the one
that I became addicted to. 18? 18? Yeah. By 22, I realized that I was putting
like drugs and alcohol before my career and before my passion. And I just had this moment of clarity
that if I didn't get sober, if I didn't stop drinking and using, I was never going to reach my
potential. And I knew I had a lot to give. Like, since I was a kid, I always wanted to make
people laugh on a big scale. That was always my obsession. Like, as a kid, I was a class clown.
I was straight Cs and Ds in school. But it was all about like, how can I make every kid in this
pissed themselves from laughter.
Like, how can I do that?
And I was obsessed with it.
And I was really good at it.
And so I knew I was going to do comedy.
And so I wrote a letter to SNL when I was like, nine.
Like, Dear SNL, I'm going to make your show so funny.
Love Laura.
You know?
Like, I just always know.
It was like one of those things.
I wonder if Lauren Michael ever got it.
I don't know.
But anyway.
So then like 22, 23 is when I first saw that I was putting
drugs and alcohol before my passion. And for me to not achieve my potential and do what I love
for a living was to die. Like I just knew I had a lot to give and this is what made me happy.
And I could see that drugs and alcohol were getting in the way. So that was my moment of clarity.
It wasn't a physical, you know, people talk about hitting rock bottom. They're on Skid Row. I wasn't.
I had an apartment. I was booking independent films, tons of commercials, bad sitcoms.
Like I was a working actor before I was on social media.
And I was making just enough to pay my rent and eat food, just enough.
Is it like one of those things where you're waking up and drinking or is it like just
when you drink, it was like extreme, like could go for five days?
I was a binge drinker.
And it wasn't even ever five days.
But it was just when I did drink.
And that's another misconception of alcoholism.
People think if you're not waking up and drinking, maybe you don't have a problem.
That's not true.
I would even go like a month without to do like a cleanse or something.
But when I did drink, I struggled to stop.
And then by the end, when I did pick up a drink, and I never drink in the morning, you know,
but when I did have that first drink, it was really hard to not have the second and then the third.
And for me, I then wanted, like, harder drugs.
Like, I craved cocaine.
And that brought me to my knees quicker, like made me hit my bottom quicker, was the drugs.
So when you have your epiphany, do you immediately go into rehab?
Do you go to AA?
Like, what was your plan when you had the epiphany?
I had that epiphany and then I ignored it and probably continued on for a little bit.
But I would say like my first, okay, my first time of going into the rooms of AA was, and I write about this in my first book, was I was in a long term relationship with this German guy named Rudolph.
You remember Rudolph?
I remember Rudolph.
So he was like a good influence on me, although now looking back kind of weird, like 17 years older.
I was 18, he was 37.
So what I thought was like a good influence.
Now I look back and I'm kind of like, hmm, that's a little creepy.
That's a little Leonardo de Caproi, right?
Like 18 and 37, it's a big difference.
But nonetheless, he was like very healthy and like helped me get my first commercial agent
was like very encouraging to me and, you know, didn't use drugs and like introduced me to yoga
and like taught me how to cook and to wake up early and to meditate.
And so he was a good influence in a lot of work.
ways. But towards the end, he wanted to get married and have kids. And we had been together a
couple of years. So maybe this is around 22. We've been together a couple years. And I just did,
I was not ready to get married and have kids. He was. So instead of like having an adult conversation
with him and saying, hey, I want to break up because I don't want to get married and have kids
right now. And you do. I decided to go to a bar. And I met this like random Irish guy at the bar.
And he was like, hey, do you want to go to Mexico?
And I was like, yes.
Jesus.
Yes, I do.
So we literally, and this is how dangerously impulsive I was in my addiction.
And also my inability to have confrontation and things like that.
I was just running away rather than having adult conversations.
Right.
So instead of breaking up with him, I drove to Mexico with this random Irish guy.
I met at a bar that day.
Fucking drove there.
Like you went to like, like Tijuana or Rosa?
Oh, Tijuana.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, literally went to Tijuana.
I was gonna, I thought he was like escorting you down to like Porto Alto or Cabo or like.
Nope, Tijuana, we drove.
Okay.
Yep.
Michael, this isn't like they're going to the one and only like.
Oh, I just.
I don't think, I think it's a different kind of Mexico.
Okay, no, I mean, listen, I can envision it.
We grew up in San Diego, so I get it.
Okay.
Oh, we stopped there.
Wait, no, literally, dude.
And he was the worst.
Okay, we had nothing in common in this guy.
Like, we met at the bar and we were fighting like a married couple within 20 minutes.
I hated his taste in music.
He, we were like bickering the whole drive there.
Like, there was nothing romantic about this.
And you guys are whacked out on cocaine or?
We weren't actually on cocaine, but he was definitely in alcohol.
He was a drinker.
And, and I was too.
So we were drinking like, yeah, there was alcohol involved.
Okay, okay.
And actually, I met him that night at the bar.
and we went to Mexico that next morning.
So it wasn't actually the same day.
Just to preface.
Like, yeah.
Oh, God.
Horrible.
So I go to Mexico with this guy the next day and we stop it in San Diego.
And it was, this was another, like, terrifying experience.
We're, like, bickering the whole way.
And we get in this fight.
We've just met.
It's just ridiculous.
So we're at this motel.
And I was like, you know what?
I'm going to go take a walk on the beach.
And it's nighttime now.
And I'm walking down this like random beach in San Diego.
And I see there's this like house with a garage right there on the beach.
There's these three guys.
They look like frat pro guys.
And they're like, hey, like, do you want to come have a beer with us in our garage?
And I'm like, yes.
Obviously I do.
I do.
Do you sound fun?
obviously I do so I go in so where's the Mick at this point what's he doing he's in the motel
okay he's he's like passed out like you know and what about Rudolph Rudolph is at home in L.A.
okay and he has no clue where you are no okay no I just left quite the picture to paint I just left
he does he did not know where I was and this was like towards the end of our relationship I
am surprised at how tolerant he was of my horrific behavior, but also, too, I was like a kid.
You know, well, 22 is not a kid, but when we met, I was 18, you know?
I mean, my brain was not fully developed. Let's put it that way. Still isn't.
But anyway, so the guy, so the, the Mick is at the motel.
Are we allowed to say Mick? I don't know. Is that offensive?
I think it's okay.
50% Irish.
I'm part too, so I feel like...
But anyway, so we had gotten in some dumbass fight.
I don't even know about what.
So I'm walking down the beach.
The three frack guys are like, hey, you want to come in our garage and drink?
I'm like, obviously, yes.
I can see nothing wrong with this.
So I go in, we're all sitting around and they're all kind of staring at me.
And I'm drinking the beer.
And then all of a sudden I have this other moment of clarity.
Like, what the hell am I doing here?
There's these three big frat guys sitting there staring at me like a piece of meat.
and I'm drinking my beer, and I'm just thinking,
okay, this is probably very dangerous.
And I get that realization.
And so I put down my beer after I finish it.
And then I say, hey, guys, I'm going to head out.
I got to go.
And I get up to walk out of the garage.
The one guy, the one frat guy gets up,
pushes the garage door to shut the garage.
Garage starts shutting down.
I see.
And it was like, again, the instincts go.
and it's like, okay, they're going to hurt me.
I know it.
So I duck under the garage as it's going down,
and I run so fucking fast down the beach back to the motel.
Then a bottle is thrown.
A glass bottle from one of the beers is thrown.
One of the dudes threw it, tried to hit me, did not hit me.
And I just keep running and running and running.
And get back to the motel.
I'm banging on the door to get in.
Brian, Brian.
Let me in, let me in.
Nothing.
Let me in.
Of course, he has the key.
I don't know what the key.
Banging, banging, banging.
Banging.
Middle of the night, he's not answering.
Just will not open the door.
So I go to the, it's like one of those like old motels where there's no reception area.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
There's like a sister motel across the street that had a reception area.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I know what you're talking about.
Do you know the area you were?
were in? No. It sounds like she was in Peeby or Mission Valley, if I'm guessing. Probably that.
Like I just, or maybe Oceanside. Yeah. Dude, I don't. I think Mission Valley. So there was like a
sister motel like across the street and they had someone where, because there was no one at
working at two in the morning on this side of the motel, but on the other side. So I had to go across
the street to the other side and ask the receptionist to come and let me in. And he let me in.
and the dude, the Irish dude
is just laying there, like, sleeping.
But, like, there's no way
you wouldn't have woken up for me banging on the door.
I wouldn't have woken up.
Really?
Nope.
Wouldn't have woken up.
For all these years, I'm thinking
he just was fucking with me.
Sometimes I, like, open an eye and can hear it
and then I just go back to sleep.
I wouldn't have woken up.
Really?
No.
Okay, so maybe it was innocent.
Maybe it was innocent.
So that was it.
And then we drove to Mexico from there.
And then...
So after all this, we're still like,
let's keep going to Mexico.
Well, okay.
No, no, I know.
It's insane.
What was the, I mean, like, what did you guys think you were going to find down there?
Well, because here's the thing.
I was done.
I was like, you're an asshole.
And I was so pissed.
I think I, like, pushed him on the bed.
And I was screaming in his face.
Like, why didn't you let me in?
He was like, I was sleeping.
I was trying to get my sleep.
I need my eight hours.
Oh, my God.
So we get in this whole fight.
And then I was like, I want to go home.
And he was like, we've got to see Mexico.
We've got to go.
All right.
He somehow convinced me.
He somehow convinced me.
How was the trip?
It was terrible.
It was terrible.
Okay.
So what did Rudolph say when you got back and how many days later?
So I went to a random pay phone in Tijuana and I called him.
And it was very dramatic.
And I remember he picks up, hello, he's German.
I was like, a lot of accents.
I can't not do.
someone's accent when I'm talking about them.
I love it. Like I can't not.
Go. It's impossible.
You're going to. Go.
So he's like, hello.
And I'm like, Rudolph,
I'm into you want to.
And then he's like,
come home, Dara.
Yeah, like I'll never forget that.
It was so, even at the time, I was like,
is my life a movie?
Someone call cut, please.
So at what point do you
that you're going to rehab is that when you come back and you come home and he wants you to do yoga
and wake up early. Wait, was this guy just like so mature and like he was just like, yeah, he was
mature. It's just like. This is the breaking point for him was when I came, he said come home. So I come
home and he says you've got to leave. He's had enough. Yeah. He had had enough. So how do you find
rehab like that quick? So I never went to rehab actually. Never went to rehab. Now I only got sober through
Alcoholics Anonymous, which is like a free program.
You could just go in there all over.
That's amazing.
It won and done, like, because sometimes it takes people different kinds of times.
Yeah, it took me a little bit of time.
But so from there, so he said, you've got to leave.
So I fly back home to Downers Grove where I'm from.
And I go home and I, you know, I'm depressed and, you know, lost this relationship,
which I kind of subconsciously wanted, which is why I was so self-disclose.
constructive in it. And I go out to lunch with my godmother, whose name is a niece. And she's this,
she's this whole character, right? She's always in this big mink coat. She always had her fur coats and her
cigarettes and too much Botox and hairspray. And we always meet at this Mexican restaurant on
fucking Ogden Avenue. And we always would meet there. And she's my godmother. And she never had kids. So I'm like
the daughter she never had. So very close. And she's one of the only sober people in my family. In fact,
she is the only one besides me that's in recovery. She had been sober from alcohol for maybe 20 years.
So she sits there with her big mint coat and her cigarette and she looks at me and she goes,
you look like shit, Laura. Your hair looks like a rat's nest. And when she said that, I was like,
oh my God, I need to get sober. It was like, but she really, she goes, you look like shit. You're
hair looks like a rat's nest. She goes, I can tell you have a problem. And if you don't get sober,
you know, it's going to be bad. She said, I think you need help. She could just tell from looking at me.
It was like we know. And she could see from looking at me that I had an alcohol problem. I probably
looked amaciated in dark circles and hair looked like a rat's nest. And so she was the one who said,
I think you have a problem. And it was that relief? When someone says that to you and you're, so
deepen your addiction? Is that relief or is that more stress? Yeah, I think it was relief. Yeah.
It was the moment that it stuck for me, that that moment and she told me how she got sober and all of a
of a sudden I felt like it was possible to get clean and it didn't really seem like it was working for me
anymore. Like I said, it was fun and fun with problems and then just problems. Now we're in the
just problems bed, you know? And so I flee.
back to L.A., and I started going to AA meetings. And it took me a couple rounds, like you said. It doesn't
always happen right away. And it took me a little bit. At one point, I thought I could do like marijuana
maintenance because I didn't think weed was my problem. I could smoke a little weed. I just won't drink or
do hard drugs. But then inevitably that brought me back to alcohol. So at what point do you meet your
husband. So I meet my husband when I'm 24 and we, I was 59 days sober. And where,
career wise at this point when you meet your husband? Career wise, I was making my living off doing
commercials. Okay. Okay. And the odd sitcom and I had just booked an independent film with Jason
Bateman and Olivia Wilde called The Longest Week. And I played a dumb model named Bunny.
And the opening scene in the movie was me in bed with Jason Bateman.
No sex, but just waking up anymore.
I didn't see his dick, no.
Not even a peat.
Unfortunately, no.
No, it was just, and he was very nice.
Seems like a nice guy.
Yeah, he was really super nice.
But to such a director, like I'm so glad he's directing Ozark.
It's Ozark, right?
Yeah, it's incredible.
It's incredible.
Yeah, because on this movie, there was this, like, young independent film director who was my friend,
and he called me.
It was in New York, and he called me.
He was like, Laura, I really want you to do this role, but you got to fly yourself out
because it's an indie film and we don't have the budget.
So he's like, you got to fly yourself out and put yourself up and the role is yours.
And I was like, okay, cool.
So this was like when I was very newly sober.
And so I was broke.
I had spent my money on drugs.
And like I was just barely getting by at this point.
And so I asked my sister to borrow money.
And then I looked on Facebook and I was like, I've got to find somewhere to stay in New York.
So I find this girl I went to high school with who was like,
living in New York.
And I was like, hey, Kelly, I booked a movie in New York.
Can I stay with you?
And she was like, okay.
So I get to fucking Kelly's house, dude.
And it's a studio apartment.
It's literally the size of this room.
And there's one bed.
So now Kelly and I, Kelly from high school, who I haven't talked to in years, are sharing
a bed.
And I'm just like, so you remember Miss High Teen?
She's like, yeah.
Like, it was really awkward.
So I stay there for like a couple weeks.
Kelly sounds like a nice person.
She was super nice.
Super nice to let me stay there.
She's going to hear this podcast and ask you to come stay at your house now.
Kelly's a big listener.
She's a big listener of ours.
Kelly,
you're welcome anytime.
But Stephen,
yeah.
Can you imagine that somebody calling us from high school asking us stay?
I don't,
no way.
No way.
Right?
You know what I mean?
Like that was so nice of her.
Yeah,
no way.
I feel like you wouldn't even let your mom stay at the house.
I mean,
even relatives.
I'm like,
no way.
High school.
Dinosaurus from high school.
We didn't need a place to stay.
Oh,
Taylor needs a place to stay.
Yeah.
No.
No chance.
No chance.
So you're 59 days sober.
You're working on this movie.
You meet Stephen on the movie.
I love that sound.
You love that sound.
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The movie happened actually literally like a couple weeks after Stephen and I met.
Got it.
But you were saying, like, where are you in your career?
tangent because obviously yeah yeah so like i was but i was so where i was i was living with my best friend
from three year old preschool his name's jack and we've just been best i mean we went to three year old
preschool we became best friends in junior high but we were living together and you know i was making just
enough to like pay my rent like through you know like i said commercials and sitcoms and then i was about
to book this film um right after i met stephen so stephen and i was 59 days i was 59 days
sober. And I meet Stephen at a party and my sister was the one who invited me. My sister is an
anglophile. She, which means she's obsessed with all things British. She only hangs out with British people,
only talks about British things. She even acquired a British accent to the point where she literally
called me and was like, Laura, do you want to get some tea? And I'm like, you're from Chicago,
but literally was obsessed with all things British. And is your only sister? Two. I have two older
sisters. But the middle sister, I'm the youngest. And then my middle sister's the Anglophile. And then my
oldest sister is like a high school math teacher still living in the Chicago land area. Which one was
Rufied? The Anglophile. Got it. Yeah. She was like, oh, I feel crazy. Blimey. Anyway, so she calls me
and she's like, Laura, you're being so anti-social. You need to get out of your apartment and come to this
party. Or sorry, she was like, come to this party right now.
And because I was being sort of antisocial.
I was newly sober.
Like I just didn't really want to risk being around alcohol at the time.
Now I have over 10 years sober.
I could be around it.
It's all good.
But at the time, it was a little difficult for me.
So I was being very antisocial.
So I was also dating this guy who was an entertainment lawyer named Ben.
And we weren't exclusive, but we were dating.
Like we hadn't had the talk, but we were dating.
So I called Ben and I say,
hey my sister invited me to this party it was at the producer of radio head who was my sister's
ex-boyfriend it was his house and it was like all these brids whatever so i called ben who's the
entertainment lawyer who i'm dating and i say hey you know my sister invited me this party do want to go with me
and he was like yeah okay so then he calls me at like 6 p.m and he goes hey work is running late i can't
make the party tonight and i thought oh my god this is great what a what a great excuse not to go to this
party, Ben canceled, so I'm not going to go. So I call my sister. I say, hey, Ben canceled so I can't
come to the party. And she's like, Laura, you're a grown woman. Like, you don't need a man to take you to a
party. Like, get your ass here now. And I was like, oh, fine. So I begrudgingly went to this party.
I walk in. There's like this whole garden area where everyone's hanging out. And I walk in and these,
my sister and her friends always had weird theme parties. It was never just like a party. Like there was
always a weird theme attached to it.
So this theme was dress like your parents did the year that they gave birth to you.
What?
What?
That's too complicated.
Isn't it?
That's too complex.
What the fuck?
That hurts my brain.
Doesn't it?
Yeah.
So I'm thinking, 1986.
Hmm.
Okay.
Let's think about this.
So my first thought was I'm going to dress in a hospital gown with my ass cheeks out
because that is what my mother.
wore when she gave birth to me. And I
really thought about that and I thought, that's
good, that's commitment. I want to do that.
I like it. Didn't you?
Full ass cheeks out. The hospital gown.
I love it. I was
committed. And then I thought,
I just, I changed my, I'm sober
now. I've got to take myself
a little more seriously.
Okay. So I, so I find this
like little pink and black
dress, like mini dress
from Fred Seagal. It's like this little
tight, little cute dress.
and I do my hair all big and curly.
It was looking cute.
And so I walk in and I see this man
and he's standing across the garden area
and he's wearing this beautiful suit
and he had this really nice smile.
And I remember looking across the room
and just spotting him
and seeing this man with this beautiful smile.
He was laughing with his friends.
And I just remember distinctively thinking
that man has a beautiful smile
and I want to talk to him.
And so I make a beautiful smile.
make my way over and I noticed that he's holding a bottle of water and I was like okay
Laura he's holding water think think think and I just went up to him and I was like hey where'd
you get your water and then I like that really yeah I like it okay thank you it's so simple but
it's like unique yeah and I literally did want some water so it wasn't even like it was just a line
like I genuinely was thirsty so I he then looks at me and he's like he's like he's sort of like
taken aback and then I just keep talking because I'm nervous so I'm like yeah no I just I love I just
love water like it's really important to stay hydrated and that is the first thing I ever said I know
where did you get your water I just I love water it's important to stay hydrated that is the quote
like I'll never forget the first words I said to him and it's so interesting he's a producer
Stephen yes which is so crazy because I feel like it compliments everything you do yes yes yes so he's
he came he flew out to actually he's a composer as well as a music producer so he came out to work with hans zimmer who's like the biggest
film composer in the world and hans zimmer heard his music because he was writing uh film scores on in indie films in london
and was like come out to los angeles and work for me and stephen's like okay did hans do the pirates of the
caribbean taylor did he google that or i know i mean obviously know who he is but he's done like everything but like
Stephen worked, he's done everything.
Stephen did Transformers,
Madagascar, Mission Impossible.
Yeah, Juan Zimmer.
He did.
See, I knew Hans Zimmer did that.
Yeah.
There you go.
There you go.
So Stephen worked on all these big
Hollywood movies with Hans.
And that's why he moved to L.A.
So you're both very talented.
It's interesting that you found each other
at a party both with water, very talented.
Well, yes.
And so he goes, I said,
it's really important to stay hydrated.
And then he looks at me and he goes,
obviously you don't love water or you would have brought some yourself and I was like are you accusing
me of not liking water because I do like water I just didn't bring any but I do actually love water and
he was like I'm just saying if you really loved it you would have brought some so the chaos is already
starting before like even like the first step yes love it yeah so I was like whatever I'm gonna go
find some water and I like leave and then I mingle for like 30 minutes and then I'm I'm everyone's
getting progressively drunker and higher and I'm like okay I'm gonna go so I was like I guess I'll
say goodbye to the water guy. So I go back to Stephen and I was like, hey, like I'm leaving. And he was
like, why are you leaving? And I said, because I'm the only sober person here. And he goes, well,
I'm sober. And it was this moment of like, oh, you're sober too. Like, that makes sense. You've got the
water. And then I was like sober, because there's two different types of sober. There's like,
I'm driving tonight's sober. Like, I'm a raging alcoholic. And that's why I'm sober. And he was like
sober, sober. And it was very clear that he was sober like I was sober. So,
all of a sudden we had this instant connection and we start talking and he's been sober for almost
10 years at that point and he was like I'm new to L.A. Like I do you know of any good A.A. meetings?
And I was like, yes, I have one tomorrow that I go to at the log cabin in West Hollywood.
And he was like, great, I'll meet you there. We met at the AA meeting. And then we had like a
three hour lunch after and we just laughed the whole time. And truly the rest is history.
And I think about that a lot. And I think about that day. And I think about if Ben had not canceled on me.
If Ben, the guy that I was dating, had come with me to that party, I would have never met Stephen.
I certainly wouldn't have asked him where he got his water and flirted with him because that would have been rude.
I mean, I don't know.
You went to Mexico with the other guy.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
But I do think about that.
And I think, how would my life be different?
Like, don't you ever think about those little moments all the time that changed your whole life?
It's weird.
Yeah.
There's something in your book that you did that I pinned to my Pinterest board.
And you talk about how you were dating your husband at the time.
It's like, I think you said three months in, correct me if I'm wrong.
And he, you tacked into his Facebook and he was doing something shady.
And you decided that you, this is so good.
I literally like highlighted, I swear to God on my Kindle for inspo.
You projected onto a huge big screen TV.
The DMs and Facebook that were in a purpose.
So when he walked in, everything was dark.
Yes.
Besides on a huge big screen TV.
The inappropriate DMs.
I love that.
I mean, I really love that.
I was like, wow, this is like some cinema.
You get some drama.
You hit it from all angles.
What's he going to say when you walked in?
And where were you when he saw these?
In the dark sitting on the couch.
Oh, yeah.
I was sitting right there.
Quiet.
It is asked to get home.
Nice and dark.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And play the Gone Girl music.
Oh, yeah.
Sugarstorm.
That's right.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
When he walked in, you're in the dark.
Oh, yeah.
And that's projected onto the screen.
What did he do?
He was like, oh, dude, no, he was like, his eyes got even bigger than they already are.
Oh, my God.
And then the most pathetic response, which, you know, people have those, right, when they're caught.
I've had him.
We've all had them.
Most people have had him.
Who did that?
That is disgusting.
That is really sick.
I think someone hacked into my computer.
That is disgusting.
Taylor, are you related?
Wait, did Taylor do the hacker?
Oh, Taylor's done the hacker?
Taylor's done way worse.
Taylor's done way worse.
So, so.
What did you do?
Did you say you're done?
Oh, come on.
He was like, it was a hacker.
I don't, I would have, that is really sick.
He said it was a hacker that hacked into his.
But was he just like going back and forth or somebody?
Yeah, it was like flirtatious.
Like, there was this.
German girl. I don't know.
Rudolph's sister.
Yeah.
And they were just like having flirtatious conversations.
And this is early in the relationship.
Early.
Like we had been dating for like maybe a month or something.
We were new.
And so you open up about that.
You didn't open up about that in your first book.
And then you also open up and I was like,
this was such a moment that I think for women to read.
So important cheating.
Yeah.
Why did you decide to open up about that?
Well, because.
I needed stories for my second book.
You're like, go cheat on me so you can get some content bitch.
Yeah.
No, because I made it pack to myself to be rigorously honest in the second book.
And I was in my first book, but there were still, I really dug deep and went,
what were the stories I withheld from my first book because I was scared to be judged?
And I was just scared of criticism and what people would think of me or of us.
And so there were certain things.
And that's why I have a whole chapter called the story.
Me too, though, the stories I was too scared to tell, which I go into all of those
stories that for one reason or another, I was too scared to tell in my first book.
I also think that I was just so sick of seeing like hashtag relationship goals under like all
of our posts.
And it's like, no, dude, like we're just as flawed as every other couple.
Like we don't.
You mean people, your people that were in your community following you, writing that about your
relationship.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yes.
Sorry.
Yes.
So like we would, I, every time he's in a video with me or whatever, so it's always hashtag relationship goals.
Oh my God, the perfect couple or whatever.
Like we would just get comments like that.
And we are a wonderful match.
We really are.
But like we're flawed too.
And I wanted to write about that.
And of course I asked him and I said, hey, I want to write about the time that you cheated on me.
And during your relapse is, you know, are you okay with that?
because it is his story too.
And if he wasn't okay with it,
I would have honored that.
You know,
because it's his story too.
How did you not want to kill the person
that was like involved with him?
Because it sounds like you were pretty pragmatic about it.
Like in the book,
you were like,
you were like,
it's his fault.
You like realized.
Yeah.
But of course I wanted to kill her.
That's why I drove to where they were going to meet
and looked for her
because I,
wanted to murder her. In the dark to a projector, sugar storm. Yes, exactly. I bet you had something
creative. There was a moment where I did. And then when I thought about it and I'm looking around
for this woman that I don't know what she looks like, you'll have to get my book to for more details
on this. Yeah, you guys, this way end up in store. It's intense. Yeah. But then I just had this,
again, this moment of clarity where I was like, it's not her. I should be after. It's, it's him.
Was it easy to repair that after like he cheated or was it a lot of work?
You know, I think because I've been unfaithful, clearly, right, in Mexico and that I could empathize
with it.
Yeah.
Like I, especially being in your addiction, like he at the time was, he had relapsed.
He was on drugs during that time.
So he was not himself.
It was not good.
There was, we were married at this point for four or five years.
Children at this time or no?
No, no children.
No children.
And we were all good.
And then he got in a little bender bender and was like, my back cuts.
Went to the doctor.
There were doctors like, here's some drugs.
And then, oh, I have trouble sleeping.
Here's some drugs.
And then I have anxiety.
Here's some drugs.
And they just, he kept like doctor shopping.
And he was addicted to so many different prescription drugs that like he was not acting himself.
he was also in denial.
Every time I try to question him about his drug use,
he'd say they're all doctor prescribed, I'm still sober.
To the point where he was still taking cakes in AA meetings,
like for his sober birthday,
because in his mind, he's sober because they're all doctor prescribed,
but he's abusing these drugs.
And eventually he realized that.
And he comes home one day, and he's like,
I have to stop, I have to stop.
He throws all his pills down the toilet.
And then he starts, like, shaking and seeing things.
And so I'm freaking out.
So I call someone in the program.
And I'm like, hey, like, Stephen's seeing things that aren't there.
He just threw out all his pills.
And they were like, get him to the hospital now.
And I was like, okay.
So I take him to the hospital.
And within 20 minutes of being in the hospital, he's in a full seizure.
Full seizure.
This is a massive withdrawal.
Massive withdrawal.
Yeah.
You can, if you stop cold turkey taking like Xanax,
which they'll say is like the least addictive anti-anxiety,
which is a lie.
Yep.
And they don't care.
But Xanax, I think Oxy can do it too.
But if you just stop cold turkey after abusing it, you can go into a full seizure and die.
I mean, it happens.
And it almost did to him.
I thought he died in front of me.
That's important to say, I think for anyone who's listening, you said that in your book, too.
Like, that's such a good tip.
I mean, you can't just cut it cold turkey.
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Hair is looking nice and full.
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Like I would lose hair in the shower or on my pillowcase.
And now, so far, I do not have that.
And I talk about this all the time, but I attribute that to scalp massage with a little bit of scalp serum.
I think that really gets the circulation going.
I also do my granitling around my scalp.
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The postpartum one is legit.
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Yeah.
You don't have to tell us the full story because there's so many stories in your book.
But one that stood out that I was like, I was dying and I like love that you shared was the massage parlor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hold on.
So you go to, you book a massage, thinking like you're going in for like a time massage.
The reason, by the way, this is so interesting to me is because I have this addiction to foot spots.
Well, she told me that Lauren told me this story.
Really bad addiction.
She told me this story.
And then I started thinking like, you go to these things like every week.
I honestly don't care if they finger bang me while they're rubbing my feet because I'm so comfortable.
It's just like, have they tried?
No.
I mean, yeah.
No, they haven't tried.
I just get my feet done.
And for two hours, I sit there.
I know those places you're talking about.
They're amazing.
It's uninterrupted work away from the baby, away from Michael.
I can sit there and just work and have my feet rubbed.
I hope that's all that's getting rubbed.
What the hell's going on over there?
Now I'm going to start thinking.
You can come with me.
I'm going to go check this place out.
You have come with me before.
Okay.
So you go to just like a massage place.
I'm thinking it's hole in the wall.
That right?
Yeah, pretty much.
And you book a massage.
Yeah.
And you go in and you think you're getting a massage.
Yeah.
And I did.
I did.
So when she starts like going deeper, lower?
Here's the thing.
She didn't finger bang me.
She literally made me orgasm from over the sheets.
I've never experienced anything like it.
Okay.
Do she know what she's doing?
It was wild.
Of course she knows what she's doing.
Clearly.
Clearly.
What are you talking about?
Okay.
Well, at first I didn't know because I was like,
she's just massaging like really close to the area.
And so I was like, whoa, I'm getting really turned on right now.
But I don't know like, am I horny or is she like purposely touching me in this area?
Because sometimes you can't help it, right?
You're being rubbed in certain areas and like maybe you feel a little some type of way, but it's innocent.
Taylor's like, what is the massage parlor run?
What street is it on?
Oh, my God.
I'm getting aroused right now.
Go ahead.
Go ahead, because you have to tell the best part of the story.
Go ahead.
Well, no, it was just that.
And, like, so she's, you know, like rubbing me in that area.
But again, like I said, it was over the sheets.
Like, she wasn't actually touching my vagina.
Like, she was over the sheets.
But she was, like, rubbing like this, like, like that.
Like that.
Like, my vagina.
So she knew what she was doing.
But, like, it was like, she was rubbing me.
And then it was like, oh, my God, whatever you're doing.
Like, this is wild.
And she was like, does that feel good?
I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it does.
She was like, okay.
But like, you know, it was just, she asked me, does that feel good?
And I think that was her way of saying, should I keep going?
Because if I was like, no, then she would have stopped.
But I was like, yes, which gave her the go had to keep going.
So you have an orgasm?
And then this is the best part of the whole story.
Yeah. What happened?
Well, I had to go back and just see what that was about.
Was it a loud orgasm or a silent?
I was pretty like chill about it.
She probably didn't know that you had just climaxed.
I think she did.
I think she knew, but I was very subtle with it.
Like I was like, uh, like that, like, but not like, oh, God.
Like I wasn't like that.
That's what I was helping for.
I wasn't like that because I also didn't want the other people to hear me, like the other people getting innocent massages.
You know what I mean?
They're just trying to get their fucking foot rub.
like, oh yeah, you know, no.
I didn't want that.
I was probably next door.
Yeah, exactly.
Working on emails.
I didn't want you to hear me specifically.
Okay, so you go back.
So it was like very, very subtle.
And when you go back to she knew that you're like back for more.
Yeah.
She was like you're back for more.
Back for more.
Didn't even have to say anything.
It was like implied.
So I, yeah, it's interesting because you always hear about like happy ending places,
but like you never experience.
No one's ever talked about it.
I love that you're pissed.
You're like, no one ever offered me.
I'm kind of, I was thinking that, actually.
I'm like, why haven't I ever been offered?
Well, Lauren, you're on there with your fucking emails.
You're probably like this person, you know.
You're not giving off the like I want to come by.
Also, I'm 600 months pregnant.
Like, no, not her today.
But like, literally pregnant, do you get horny pregnant?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So there you go.
You know what, Michael?
If you're tired.
You know what, Lauren, you're putting off the vibe because you're in there with
your emails.
and the contraptions.
And you're not.
Right.
I need to put off a different vibe.
You need to put up the different vibe.
So when you tell your husband, hey, like, listen, like, you know, what does he say?
Is he mad or is he turned on?
So, like, literally, I did not tell him until I was writing this book.
I literally, I just never said anything.
So, and my point of writing that was like, okay, I'm not perfect either.
And that's, that's cheating.
That's cheating.
That is cheating.
I also cheated.
Did he think it was cheating?
He got just like super turn on.
I know.
He just like got frisky.
Like he was like, tell me more.
We're the worst.
We're the worst.
Yeah.
Like not for even a second was he upset about that.
Not for one.
Taylor,
would you do you add?
No, no, no.
I'd be like awesome.
Taylor,
I want to know the details too.
I understand.
I don't know if I want you behind me
the rest of this interview.
My pants are getting tighter every second.
Oh my God, Taylor.
Literally.
Okay.
So, yeah.
These are just some of the stories that you guys can read in this book.
I mean, it's really, really captivating.
I feel like Michael and Taylor want to go pick up the book and read it.
So I need to get also the audiobook is really fun too.
Because you read it.
Yeah, it's just more, it takes you there.
I'm sure there's a lot of accents.
Yeah, there's a lot of accents.
It just takes you there in a way.
My audiobooks always way outsell my book books.
Really?
That's interesting.
Yes.
And they do with most like female comedians, actually, because you want to hear it.
true it's just it's like a movie so what taylor's doing right now is he's on audible buying it and he's
going to skip to the part where you talk about your massage so he can relisten to it while he uh
does his business later okay i should recreate that yeah i'm in like a non pornographic way i'm like
recreating stories from my book you should recreate that one i don't know how i could recreate it in
like a non-porny way you should do it as if you're in like a setting of like an old english library
like hello chaps taylor's like customizing it to like his dealer you're a fucking creep man
Drink some tea.
Where is color.
So I want to get to the part of where you give birth live.
Natural the first time, right?
Second.
Second.
First of all, how bad is natural birth?
Are you considering?
I don't know.
After reading your chapter, I was like, should I?
I couldn't decide what way you were trying to sway me.
Well, yeah.
If you had to do it again, what are you doing?
I would go natural.
Really?
Yes.
What were the sounds coming out of you?
Do you want to know?
Why? Because I have a theory that you're going to feel pain with childbirth regardless, whether it's after or during.
If you get the epidural, the pain's going to be after. You feel like you're hit by a chart.
I didn't feel that much pain. You didn't? I just felt like there was a bowling ball coming out.
Like it's pressure. Did you have an epidural? Yeah, I didn't have like. I liked pain postpartum.
It wasn't that bad. No, but Lauren, you know, you're forgetting.
I may be forgetting, though. I might be forgetting.
Lauren had, I mean, she talked about, we've talked about her.
She's had terrible postpartum, you forget.
Anxiety and depression, but I'm not talking about what you're doing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You didn't have, like, did you tear?
Uh-uh.
You didn't tear?
No.
Okay.
I don't think, like, I mean, maybe that had like one stitch or something.
So then, you know, if you had a good birth with an upper dural, do that.
So, you do that.
Doing it again, though, you do natural.
Yeah, because I didn't like the epidural because I couldn't feel anything.
I was completely numb to the point where when I was.
it was time to push, I didn't know
because I couldn't feel anything because I was completely numb.
And yeah,
they put too much in me, I think.
Or like, and then I had more time
in between so it was worn off.
Maybe we, like you had less time.
Does that make sense?
Maybe. Maybe. But you didn't feel like you were hit by a truck
after the epidural wore off.
You weren't, because I was in so much pain after.
I don't remember it.
You know what, when you forget, you got,
you're allergic to whatever that spray is.
Oh, that was the worst part.
That was the worst part.
The tape. No, but that was the worst part, though. That's what I'm saying.
No, but I think that's not what she's talking about. She's forget. She was, you were uncomfortable.
Okay. But like in your head, it's funny how nature makes us forget. I don't remember our babies.
Like it's a trauma. It's a really manipulative. Real manipulative. It reminds me of like an axe.
But it sounds like you had a good birth. I had a great birth. So why would you even change it? Just to experience it, I guess.
You could always see how far you can get without if you're interested in what that.
feels like. And then if it's too much, I don't know if I'm interested. Then there you go. Then there
you go. Okay. So you decide to have to do. First of all, when you give birth on Facebook live,
do we get to see the crowning in the vagina or you can't show that? I didn't get birth on Facebook
live. I gave birth on, like I filmed, we filmed the birth and then I posted it after. But can you
see everything? I blurred a little vagina out. But you could see.
see like blood.
You could see stuff. Yeah.
So it's not like it's from behind and you're vlogging on YouTube.
You could see.
Yeah. You could literally see.
With Alfie, you could literally see Alfie coming out.
What inspired you to give birth on Facebook and what inspired like was that like gnarly?
I mean, I would just feel like that's so much energy in the room.
Yeah.
I just love birth stories.
I could watch them all day.
If you've posted your birth vlog online, I've watched.
it six times with snacks.
Like I love watching women give birth.
It's really weird.
I love it.
I've watched every type natural,
epidural,
C-section, free birthing,
all of it.
I fucking love it.
But I also grew up making horror films
when I was a kid,
so nothing grosses me out.
I just think birth is so miraculous
and I became like addicted
to watching birth stories.
I loved him.
And I also wanted to prepare for my own birth.
So I wanted to see how they would go.
So I was educating myself on what it would look like.
That makes sense.
Making Stephen watch them with me.
He was like, God damn it.
Have any more birth vlogs?
You're projecting it on the screen in the dark?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Watch this.
That's why I thought, you know what?
We'll film some of it.
And by the way, we filmed 15 minutes of like a 16 hour birth.
So it wasn't like there was a camera the whole time.
It was literally him with an iPhone filming here and there.
Like, it was still very.
intimate and then I thought I filmed my first contraction and then we filmed a little bit later on
and then we filmed when it was happening but it was I didn't even realize there was an iPhone camera
happening anyway and I went back and forth on whether or not to post it I just thought I like to
make content that I want to watch and I like watching birth stories it's educational it's miraculous
so why not I couldn't see any sort of I don't know I just thought it would be interesting and
compelling. Redible. Yeah. I mean, and then not only that, then you also opened up online about your
postpartum, which is another thing no one talks about ever. I had really bad postpartum depression anxiety.
It sounds like you did too. Yeah, I did with Poppy. It was really weird.
No, with Alfie, I had a bad physical, like the physical recovery was was difficult. With Poppy,
which was the natural birth, Alfie was epidural. I had like easy. I was just right back.
back felt great right after, like, just such a difference with Poppy.
But then mentally, I struggled with Poppy.
Yeah, definitely had some postpartum depression.
Did you have tools that you used to help, like, lift it?
Yes, I did.
And for me, and I think a lot of people, antidepressants works great.
For me, I just didn't want to take them.
And I'm not against them, but I wanted to try and get better naturally first.
first unmedicated, I should say.
And then if that wasn't working,
absolutely I would have taken the antidepressants.
No problem if it was becoming debilitating.
But so what I did, and this is just me, not a doctor.
I know y'all thought I was a doctor, not a doctor.
I decided, okay, I got like really sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
I was just the negative voice in my head was so bad.
Stephen and I were fighting, like as you do with a newborn, you know, a newborn.
Oh my God.
It was like newborn, toddler.
my mom was in town.
There was just tension and it was just bad.
Your mom's trying to give you social media advice.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a lot.
It was a lot.
Stephen and I gotten some of the worst fights we've ever bet in.
It was just not.
There were beautiful moments with Poppy, beautiful moments.
Someone described motherhood, especially in new motherhood, as brutal and beautiful.
And I thought that was pretty spot on.
Brutiful.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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Now it's, like, easier, right?
They sleep through the night.
It's like we've got a system figured out.
It's easier than it was.
What's,
what time do they go to bed?
That's one thing we're working on.
So are we?
Really.
Wait, how old is your little one?
She's two.
We're working two and a half.
Two and a half?
Yeah.
And when does she go to bed?
Oh, God.
Late?
I mean,
same with Alfie.
Same with Alfie.
She went to bed last night at 930 or 10.
Same with Alfie.
Same with Alfie.
Yes,
and we're just trying to make it earlier now.
Everyone, when I tell them that,
it's like so judgy about it.
That's the time she goes to bed.
because I would rather her sleep in.
Thank you.
So I can get some sleep.
Thank you.
Like, sorry, I'm just being honest.
Literally.
And she likes going to bed at that time.
I'm going to be honest, too.
Lauren and I are very, like, chaotic individuals.
And so everyone's like the schedule, the schedule, the schedule.
And I'm like, listen, like, we know, this.
I'm hanging on by the handlebars.
Like sometimes we're here, sometimes we're in Texas.
Sometimes we're this place.
I'm white knuckling through this.
The kids got to kind of keep up.
Yeah.
Totally.
I mean, listen, and we've, we've had, definitely have had help.
but still it's just
she goes to bed late
she does what she wants
I guess
yeah I love that
and she sleeps through the night
she sleeps through the night
sometimes until
and sometimes she wakes up
and screams rice as loud as she can
or juice
oh cute
no it's not cute
I'm dead asleep
dead asleep
it's not it's not
it's a lot
it's cute as a story
but in practice
when you're on the receiving
and in the middle of the night
it's oh in the middle of the night
In the middle of the night.
Like she'll rip you out of bed.
She'll come out of nowhere.
Like she'll crawl out of wherever she was.
Wait, really?
And then she,
you're just done.
So she's not in a crib anymore.
No,
we're getting her out of the crib.
Alfie's literally still in a crib.
But he,
they say keep him in a crib.
Alfie just turned three.
We don't know.
Don't ask us.
We're not like the experts on a baby.
He's never tried to get out.
So I'm like,
you're staying in until you figure out.
You can get that hell out.
Can I tell you?
Can I tell you what happened?
We have the new one coming.
And the new one,
the room.
that the first one was in is a better room for the new one because it's got, it's just easier
access from our bedroom. And it's just a better room to put a newborn in. So then I, my
dumb ass was like, okay, well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to kick her out of her room.
Yeah. And make her have a new room. But I make a new room. Like so you got a new room.
The way I made it exciting. I was like, I found a new big girl bed. And it was a huge mistake.
Let me tell you because now she can get out. She can get the fuck out. Now I'm trying to figure out a
lock door solution. But then you have a friend that locks them. Someone in. Or locks her daughter in.
And just walked the daughter in and just like that's it.
Stephen and I were like, is that abusive?
Like I don't know.
That's what, yes, exactly.
We're like, wait, is it a fire hazard?
Because like I'm terrified when we transition Alfie that he's going to get up, walk
outside and go go out like to go play.
Because like you don't know what if you're sleeping.
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, that is true.
Literally like he can unlock the front door.
Like what if he just decides to bounce?
See, I don't mind.
Oh, I never thought about it.
Think about it.
She won't be able to get, like, do that because there's other, but like, I, I don't mind
if she goes to bed in her room and then gets up in the night and comes into the bed after
we've already slept and got organized, but like trying to, like, I don't want her to go to
sleep with us, you know?
Right.
Exactly.
Because it becomes a habit.
Yes.
Yeah.
So hard.
Yeah.
It's so hard.
Yeah.
It's so hard.
If anyone has any tips, let us know.
No, totally.
Well, it's funny because I thought Alfie was the only toddler that, like, went to bed at literally sometimes
930.
And we just the past two nights, just the past two nights.
just the past two nights thought we've got to get his bedtime up just a little.
Like it's so funny you said that because both our kids, Poppy and Alfie,
and I just want to say this for any like new expecting parents,
don't believe people when they say you're never going to sleep again.
I refused to believe that reality.
I refused when they would say, oh, you'll never sleep again.
And I was like, nope, that's not my reality.
My kids will be amazing sleepers.
My kids will be amazing sleepers.
You know, Stephen and I are like obsessed with manifestation.
Louise Hayday.
Louis HAY.
A hundred percent.
Visualization.
Every morning and every night,
religiously,
we're so happy and grateful.
Our kids are incredible sleepers.
They sleep through the night.
They're healthy.
They're happy.
They sleep.
No joke.
These kids sleep till,
they slept till 9.30 in the morning.
Oh,
fuck you.
I swear to God.
We got to manifest a little more long.
Manifest it.
Dude,
manifest that shit, man.
She sleeps till 7.
7.7.30.
9.30.
I fucking, dude.
Do they take a nap?
Yeah.
Alfie sleeps for three hours during the day.
And Poppy takes two, two hour, two to three hour and hours.
I'm going to have this girl go run laps.
Do you have roofies?
I'm not.
No, I swear to God.
That's going on.
They eat a lot of food.
They, they walk.
They take a lot of walks.
They like just, I'm telling you, I, and maybe this sounds like so delusional, but I feel like
we visualized it.
Okay.
I'm going to visualize that.
I feel like we, we didn't accept when people were like, you're not going to sleep.
I just refuse to accept that reality.
And then we just, it just.
happens. This is pumping me up. I'm into this. Right? Yeah. But I do think a little bit and we're,
Stephen and I are like you guys, like we're a little like out there eccentric. Like,
you know what I mean? Like we're not, we're not, we're not normal. Like, you know, so we're not
the most structured individuals, but when we did implement a routine and we weren't like crazy
with it, but just like this is the time that they nap and like that really did help with their sleep
schedule is having more set nap times just and we did it out of our sanity because we just want it.
What time is the nap?
Well, for which one?
For both.
Okay.
So like Poppy is one years old and one year old.
And so she wakes up.
I'm not kidding you.
Like nine.
Okay.
And she goes to bed at like.
No, it was easier when they were younger.
It's hard.
The two and a half age is hard.
Hold on.
What time does she go to bed?
She goes to bed between seven and eight.
Okay.
So she, and she,
And she just literally plop her down.
I try and rock her and she's like, get me into the crib.
Like, I just want to sleep.
And she grabs her pacifier and she's just like just, she's easy.
She sounds easy.
Yes.
And you're going to have that same thing.
Same thing with this baby.
Do you know boy, girl are you saying?
We know we haven't said.
We haven't told anyone.
Okay.
What do you think?
I guess.
Manifest.
Boy?
I'm not a psychic.
Okay.
But I like to visualize what I.
want in life, but I think you're having a boy.
Okay.
I'll message you the second that I tell people.
Before you go, for my own selfish reasons, you have to tell me about why people are so
judgmental about breastfeeding.
Because in your book, you talk about this.
I don't understand why anyone cares.
I know.
How anyone feeds their baby as long as the baby's getting fed.
It's unbelievable to me that people that you don't.
don't know on the internet are chastising you on your Instagram for breastfeeding.
Can you talk about that?
For breast or for not?
For breastfeeding.
For breastfeeding.
Like in public, basically.
Oh, okay, okay.
So people are just offended.
I think it's just this prudish.
I think it's honestly an American thing too, especially here.
It's just the kind of this culture of, oh, cover up, like your attention seeking because
you're, I'm breastfeeding publicly.
Like, I'll post pictures of it because I think it's beautiful.
Why does anyone care?
Like, I don't.
And it's women who get really upset, which is crazy to me.
You're never going to see, yeah, but guys aren't coming to me like, man, I'm pissed
off about this.
But also some guys are because it's, you're using breasts not for them.
And they get pissed about that.
So some guys, some guys.
I'm not going to try to unpack that.
Yeah.
Some guys do get pissed because the breasts are being used for something else other than for their
enjoyment.
So you get a lot of misogynistic comments from men and from women.
And she gets like 5 to 10,000 comments on her pictures and her videos.
I've perused, especially before this interview.
Oh, you've perused her breastfeeding photos?
That's creepy.
That's not it strange.
I mean, I peruse the account, your account.
You get a lot of comments.
You get a lot of meetings.
I specifically went to that.
He looked at your breastfeeding photos before.
That's fine.
Taylor's on your Instagram right now.
I'm perusing right now.
call me what you want.
Free the nip, man.
Honestly.
Lauren, I'm a thorough
and pressibator.
Free that shit.
Did you agree?
I breastfed for a little bit.
Yeah.
I liked it,
but I didn't put pressure on myself.
That's amazing.
But I also didn't look at what anyone else was doing.
I literally listened to my intuition of what I wanted to do.
And what I wanted to do was do it for a couple months.
And then when I felt like I was done with it,
I was done with it.
I didn't ask any,
I didn't even want to see the lactation person.
Like all of that.
I just did it.
the way that felt natural to me. Yeah, I love that. That's what every, like, because that, yeah,
because you know best. You know best. It's wild, though. Alfi was two and a half,
literally, and it was crazy weaning him. He just, two and a half years is a long time. I know.
I know. You're a hero. Well, and I had one on each tit. So I had poppy on one tit,
Alfie on the other. How much work is that? You know, it was, it, I'm weird, though, because I like it.
You said it oxy, oxy, what's a,
Oxytocin.
Yes, oxytocin,
serotonin, all those feel-good hormones
come. I'm going to lean into
that this birth and see if I get that.
I'm going to DM you and tell you. I don't
remember feeling that. I
didn't mind it. I just don't remember
feeling the oxy.
Oh, I definitely got that.
But Poppy
at 10 months was like, no.
I want
three-course adult-sized meals.
By the way, 10 months.
though it's still a really long time
to breastfeed, I know. It's so gnarly.
It is. Especially after you've given
your body up for a long
time. It's like, I honestly
think it's like hero shit. And then it's
wild the way your tits just disappear.
Like literally, I had, I'm
probably at a B now, maybe
even in A. I was double D.
Like, I had titties
for days. From breastfeeding.
Yes, girl. Yes.
The milk, they're just, whoo!
And then the second you stopped, like,
Mine didn't do that either.
But I have fake boobs.
Okay.
I don't know.
I feel like they didn't.
But they didn't fluctuate?
Lauren, are you kidding me?
Those things are lethal weapons.
Massive, right?
Right now they are.
No, no.
I'm like an old sow.
No, no, no.
Right now.
No, but like, okay, listen.
They're huge.
They're like, are they huge?
They're not huge.
They're huge to begin with and then you fill them up with breast milk.
Well, they're fake.
But they're out of control.
I mean.
Yesterday I was naked and.
front of him and he looked at me. He looked at me like he was scared.
Well, because they're so massive. It was, it was like he was literally scared. Because if you hit me
with one of those things, I'm out cold. I'm done. Taylor's loving this episode. This is his favorite
episode. He's going to listen back and make little edits. Listen, I ask this guy every time,
if there's something, can I get the notes so I know we talk and this one, we're going to get
pages of notes. It's going to be like, it's just going to be a book report. Everyone that is listening
should go by Laura's book. I know you're going to like it. Both of them idiots. And,
idiot. Idiot is first.
Idiot's first. And then idiots.
It's so good. You guys, you will not be able to put it down.
I think even Michael and Taylor are going to buy it.
Where can everyone find you, your book? Pimp yourself out.
Hey, listen, you are a phenomenal guest.
She's a phenomenal. Do you want to come back on? I had more questions.
I would absolutely love to.
I actually have so enjoyable.
I want to know more about your career and how you built it and manifested it,
but I had to ask you about the massage parlor first.
Totally. That's a more interesting story if we're honest.
Okay.
than my career.
Okay.
Your career's incredible.
We can come back on about your career.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's fine.
So where can everyone find you?
We covered a lot of ground here today.
We really did.
We really did.
Where can everyone find your birth?
Yeah.
So anywhere, your favorite social media, I'm probably on there.
What's your favorite social media, by the way?
My favorite platform?
Yeah.
Podcasting.
Okay.
Yeah.
Podcasting.
By far.
Okay.
Because it's nothing to do with the way you look.
Wow.
It's just like you just,
I love that.
It's so.
Oh, that's so nice.
But you've been doing this for a long time, right?
Six years.
Wow.
A long time.
And it started from a blog.
It started from a blog.
In college.
In college.
Yeah, I did my research.
You did your research.
Thank you.
I'm kind of wondering why I was in high school.
And we haven't been together that long.
That's right.
That's like it was childhood.
This is like a lot of stuff in between there.
I have questions about you guys.
One day I'll write a book.
Oh my God.
I'll call it more on.
You have it.
Love.
Love.
Honestly, though, you are in.
write it back to talk about your career.
There's so many different ways we could have taken this interview.
It was like so good.
And Michael gets mad, but you should have a podcast.
You think so?
I think so.
Well, I'll tell you why.
There's a lot of duds, right?
There's a lot of people that like shouldn't.
She's pretty good at podcasting.
When I say you're a phenomenal guest, I mean not only a phenomenal guest, but you are a phenomenal
storyteller.
Yes.
And you are very good at this, naturally.
Thank you.
I'll tell you on air and idea.
I had one for a minute and then I just like stopped.
It was like years ago.
So I was thinking about doing it, bringing it back and doing it right.
But I do feel like it's a good progression.
And I do like what you said about when you say it doesn't matter how you look, but there's a video podcast too.
Yeah.
But it's different.
You're not like looking at yourself and editing and like putting Paris filter on it.
It's like, or tagging.
It's like kind of just like you get what you get.
I don't look at the video.
You know what I don't know.
It's different.
I love that.
I don't care.
I don't care as much.
how I look on video with podcasting as I do on like it's it's and what is your
audience is it millennial women millennial women okay same okay similar audience I bet we
have a lot of shares a lot of moms yes a lot of moms yeah so anywhere tick TikTok is my
current faith I love it oh I got to look at you on TikTok I know it's so much fun I'm
addicted is it work is it work yeah I got to talk to you well if you don't like it's don't do
it you know I have fun
with it but TikTok, Instagram, whatever, dude, wherever, just Google my name.
Get her book, you guys.
My book's anywhere.
You can Amazon prime it or download it, the Audible.
I think the audio is a better experience personally, but it's fun.
Some people like reading, reading.
Like, do you prefer reading reading?
I read it on a Kindle.
Yeah.
Well, I think, like, I prefer reading reading because so many people phone in the audio
version, but if you actually did it yourself with your voice, then I think that's,
you know what I mean?
Like when they get like that robot author and it's the, you know, we can't have
a robot. We can't do a robot. A lot of people just phone in the audio because they don't want to do the
German accent. No, this is a full fucking performance. Laura, you're amazing. Thank you so much for coming on.
Do you want to win a copy of Laura's book, signed sealed, and delivered to you? All you have to do is tell us
who you want to hear next on the skinny confidential him and her podcast on my latest Instagram at
Lauren Bostic. Of course, make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. It takes two seconds
and go give Laura some love. She is absolutely amazing. I am very much into
my morning routine, I take it very seriously. And now Michael does too, which is very inspiring. I have
like all my little potions and vitamins and supplements and my water with my chlorophyll and my lemon.
And it goes on and on and on. But one thing that has always been in my routine, and it's been in my
routine since Carly came on the show is Beekeepers Natural's Little Shots. And they're called
Be Smart Brain Fuel. It comes in a six pack. But basically it's royal jelly. Okay. So you do this
little shot. I think it tastes absolutely amazing. I throw
these in my handbag when I'm running out the door. And it just gives you energy because it's full of
adaptogens. And Carly actually came on the podcast and explained why these shots help you fight brain fog.
And I have to tell you, I've been using them forever. And they really, really work. All of beekeeper's products are
meant to like reinvent your medicine cabinet. They have the best cough syrup on the planet. The elderberry one,
like shout out all day long. It's the only cough syrup I will give my kids. All their products are made with
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