The Bossticks - Lauryn Bosstick On Breaking Toxic Patterns, Morning Routines & How To Stop Attracting The Wrong Partners

Starting point is 00:00:00 The following podcast is a dear media production. This episode is brought to you by my favorite non-profits. I stand with my pack. Right now, L.A. is facing some of the worst wildfires in history. And I Stand With My Pack is working around the clock to rescue dogs impacted by the fires and from high-kill shelters, placing them in foster homes for rehabilitation and finding forever homes. They need our support more than ever, especially in this moment.

Starting point is 00:00:30 I am someone who supports them wholeheartedly. I know every single dollar helps the dogs that are in need. I've had the pleasure of sitting with the founders. I have been someone who's passionate about donations myself. I post them all the time. I just want to do everything I can to support I stand with my pack, especially during the LA fires. There are non-female nonprofit, dedicated to saving animals and preventing cruelty locally and globally. You guys can donate, foster.

Starting point is 00:01:00 or adopt and support their incredible work at I Stand With Mypack.org to make a difference. You can also Venmo them. It's very simple. Every contribution counts. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Hello, let's do a little solo. Okay, we're going to do a Q&A today. Before we get into the Q&A with me, which we're going to talk about why we attract the wrong partners, morning routines for success,

Starting point is 00:01:46 habits that will change your life and breaking toxic patterns. I wanted to do a little call-out. So I take a Pilates class every Saturday with a wonderful man named Eric. And Michael and I take it together. it's become like a hobby. We love it. And we've really gotten to know Eric. He's an amazing teacher. So Eric told me about his uncle. His uncle had a natural food store. It was called Oh Happy Days Vegan Cafe and it was in Los Angeles. And unfortunately, it horrifically burned down during the Los Angeles fires. I cannot tell you how many beautiful things I've heard about John and his store. I, you can go on his GoFundMe and check it out. This was such a family and friends oriented. natural food store people would come in all the time. They would stop in. They would say hi to John. He had nutritious, affordable, homemade, vegan food. He always would serve the clients himself. And it's really horrible that it burned down. And I was able to talk to Eric about it. And I told him, I would mention this on the podcast. If anyone is compelled to help someone who's been affected by the fire, this is a really, really unbelievable cause. He is raised.

Starting point is 00:03:00 money and he essentially has to start over and start Oh Happy Day all up again. Because of the incredible community around John, he's already raised almost $90,000. Anyway, if you want to read the entire story, you can just search Oh Happy Day Vegan GoFund Me. And you can read everything to know about John and his store that he's hopefully rebuilding. On that note, let's get into a little Q&A with me. I kicked Michael off the mic. It's just me. And we're going to have some fun. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Today, we are bringing Instagram stories to the show. So I do this sort of like feature on Instagram stories.

Starting point is 00:03:44 I probably do it once a month and it's called Dear Lauren. And basically it's where you guys ask me any life advice and I give you no bullshit answers. So I thought this would be a fun way to like extend what I do on stories. So you guys have actually asked me these questions. These are from you. I'm not going to say anyone's names in case they want them anonymous. The first question is, how do you make time for sex with two kids and a huge career? I am a big believer and I'm someone who loves thinking about time in the fact that you make time for what's important to you.

Starting point is 00:04:28 So sex is important to me. I prioritize my marriage. I prioritize sex. And I think something that helps sort of give me time to make sure that this happens is I have really purposeful, thoughtful boundaries around my phone. So recently I have just sort of eliminated TikTok. The only time I go on there is to post. So I'm not just sitting, consuming content and scrolling. And then with Instagram, I don't watch stories. So this, just this simple practice gives me a lot of extra time. So my advice to you is if you feel like you don't have time to have sex with your partner, is I would start examining where you're using time passively.

Starting point is 00:05:12 If you're sitting on Instagram scrolling for an hour a day, that's time and effort that could be put into your marriage or your relationship or sex. I just feel like if you're saying I don't have time, you really, just don't want to do it. And that's something that I feel like everyone just needs to like take a hard look in the mirror. And listen, I've done this too. I'm like, I don't have time to blank. And then I really inspect my day and inspect my week and inspect my month. And I'm like, wait, I do have time. I just need to be more thoughtful with it. So sex to me has always been really important. It's been important since I started having it. I love having sex. And I also love having sex with my husband. So I think

Starting point is 00:05:55 it's not like we're scheduling it in the calendar, but I just try not to waste time, which opens up more time. And I'm not perfect with this. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all. This is just like the real answer. It's I value my time more than anything. And ultimately, my marriage is sort of like the foundation for everything. It's the foundation for my business. It's the foundation for my family, my kids. It's so important to me. And it's so, sacred and I think a big element of a relationship, most relationships, is sex. And, you know, I also want to make my husband happy. I don't know how we got to a place where people can't say that. Like, I am someone who's very traditional in a marriage in the sense that I want to be courted, I want to be desired. I want to be feminine in my marriage. I'm very masculine in a lot of ways. So being feminine in that energy in my marriage at home in my simpler life in Austin is very important to me. At home, I'm a homemaker. I'm a mother.

Starting point is 00:07:03 I want to curate a really pretty, I don't know, household for my husband. I want candles and I want him to feel good when he comes home. I want music playing. And I just think that sex is an important element. So that is how I make time for sex. I always will make time for sex. Hopefully. Next question. Dear Lauren, how do I organize my life? Day by day, hour by hour. I think this is so situational. I don't know that I'm the right person to answer this for someone's

Starting point is 00:07:35 life I know nothing about, but I can tell you what I do for myself and what's worked. And I can tell you that I have spent a lot of time thinking and studying and researching and reading about time. It's truly, and I know I say this in every episode, but that's because it is. It's something that I think literally is running every single aspect of your life. I never want to get to a place where I don't make time for what's really important. So what I've done with my own time is I wrote down the five most important things to me. And those are in my calendar every single month, every single week, every single day. and I build around those five things.

Starting point is 00:08:23 I think what happens to a lot of people is they will start with the fluff and the sprinkles and the cherry and they don't put the cake on their calendar first. So the cake is like what's most important to you and you can write down those top five things. They don't have to be in order. So I wrote down mine for you guys just to inspire you. and something that is like almost number one because I think your health is so important is working out. I have to work out. I want to move my body every single day. It's a non-negotiable. I don't care how busy I am. Today I'm truly packing four days into one. Ed Milet taught me how to do this and we'll talk

Starting point is 00:09:07 about that where you pack four days of work into one day, but I still make it a point to work out. Now, this looks different all the time. My other priority that's obviously on my list, it's probably on a lot of your list is family. So that's something that's in my calendar. Again, we're not putting sex on the calendar, but we have like family time on the calendar. The next one is creative and writing time. This is a non-negotiable. It's something that I try to do at least three times a week.

Starting point is 00:09:35 It will be under writing time or under creative time. So I have different colors for different things. The creative is in like a flamingo pink. And then the writing time is in a blue and it's a block on my calendar that signals to my incredible executive assistant that I'm busy and it's a block and don't schedule anything during these sacred hours. What a lot of people do, I think, is they give their assistant carte blanche to schedule all over their calendar and they end up almost resentful of it when what they could do is they could go build out the infrastructure of their calendar with setting their

Starting point is 00:10:09 calendar on their own terms and then the assistant or you builds around that infrastructure. The next thing is still time. I have still time in my calendar. What this looks like is it's categorized. So I have meditating. I don't hit it every day. I try. And I like squeeze meditation in where I can. Gabrielle Bernstein taught me this. Meditation can be five minutes. Meditation can be a 10 minute walk. It doesn't have to be so serious and huge. I try to meditate the first thing when I wake up because this sort of sets the tone of everything. But also I feel my kids are asleep and it's just a great way to get it in and I'm not going to procrastinate it. If I don't do it first thing in the morning, what I'll do is I'll take a walk somewhere in the day, 15 minutes to myself and do a walking

Starting point is 00:10:55 meditation. So I try to make that work for me. I have reading time in my calendar. Reading time is typically at the end of the day. So I will actually put in my calendar read. And people might be like you're psychotic, but I can tell you that every single night, since I've put that in, I read. And I'm always a big reader, but having it in the calendar, I don't know there's something about it that makes it a priority. And I always in my night with my Kindle. So this is like a really good one to build around. That's a non-negotiable for me. Walking is in my calendar. And typically walking is during conference calls for me or doing something else. So walking meditation, walking podcast, you can sort of make it up. But that is in my calendar every day.

Starting point is 00:11:45 my walking blocks are in yellow. I'm getting real detailed with you guys because I want this to inspire someone that maybe doesn't feel motivated or doesn't know where to start. I also have free space in my calendar. And this is just a block. It's a block in red that says block. Sometimes I will go to the foot spa for two hours and work on my phone during that block. Sometimes I'll take my daughter to the park. Sometimes I will literally just hang out with my kids and I don't know, just chill, relax. Today we were doing this like freeze dance on Spotify that you guys have to try. If you have kids, it's so cute. But I had some free space and it was awesome. I have cold plunge sauna in my calendar. So it's scheduled throughout the week. That's something that's so important to me. And again,

Starting point is 00:12:34 this falls into still time. Your still time could be different than mine. And then I'll have a podcast on each day that I like to listen to. So I'll screenshot a podcast that I really want to listen to and I'll try to put it on my day of where I'm listening to it. You guys, again, are maybe going to think I'm nuts, but I have driving time in my calendar because I'm someone that's really trying to be on time in this moment. And I think having the driving time in my calendar has helped to keep me on track. So if I have to drive somewhere and it's 15 minutes, I'll schedule. 30 minutes with Katie, who helps me with my calendar, and that's in red. And during that driving time, you could just add what podcast you're listening to. One thing that I do not mess around with is a

Starting point is 00:13:28 probiotic. I take a probiotic every single morning. I wake up, I scrape my tongue, I open the shades, I go downstairs, I have my electrolyte water, and I drink it with a probiotic. And the probiotic that I've been taking forever that I cannot shut up about is just thrive probiotic. This is one of the only probiotics that survives the trip to the gut. We have interviewed so many different experts and so many of them have recommended a good probiotic and not all probiotics are the same. That's really important to note, which is why I like this one, because it really is superior. And a probiotic does all the things. Whether you want to lose weight, improve your energy or beat an embarrassing postmeal bloat, it's got you covered.

Starting point is 00:14:10 I also notice it's just really great for digestion. That's why I like it first thing in the morning. They also have a flavored gummy that my kids love. They like scream for this gummy. It's so good. I try the gummy all the time, but I go back to the capsules. So what I would do if you have kids is grab the gummy, and then if you're an adult, definitely try the capsules.

Starting point is 00:14:30 I do two every single morning. You can visit Just Thrivehealth.com and use code Skinny 90 for 20% off your first 90-day bottle. That is like getting a month. for free. That's justthrivehealth.com promo code Skinny 90. That's just thrivehealth.com promo code skinny 90. Here's to your best health with Just Thrive. Let's take a quick break to talk about domain money. Guys, it's officially the new year and we talk all the time about not just setting goals, but actually turning them into reality. This is why I'm so excited to tell you about domain money. What domain money does is has a team of experts that don't just give you generic advice for what to do with your money.

Starting point is 00:15:09 they actually help you build clear, actionable plans to help create the life that you want to lead. So much of the stress that we experience in life is due to our personal finances. We don't know how to save money. We don't know how to invest money. We don't know how to keep money. And this causes unnecessary burdens that we carry with us throughout our lives, throughout our days, into our families and everywhere else we want to be productive. What I personally love about domain money is they help you get all of the answers to your burning money questions and help you feel confident that you're doing all the smartest things to build wealth. Finally, you can know exactly what it'll take to retire early, pay less in taxes, afford the

Starting point is 00:15:43 new home that you're looking for, and be on track to accomplish all of your other big money goals. No more having to talk to your dad's financial planner and sitting there not knowing what the hell he's talking about, trying to do it all on your own, and just being lost and completely in the dark. I know before I personally understood personal finance, I was constantly stressed about money, and ever since I figured it out and got expert advice, I have so much less stress in my life, and my financial health has gotten so much better.

Starting point is 00:16:07 out for a limited time domain money is offering listeners of this show a free 30 minute strategy session. Yes, free. There's no reason why you shouldn't do this. Get ahead with expert financial planning design for you and the life you want to lead. Head to domainmoney.com slash him and her to book a free strategy session now. That's domain money.com slash him and her to book a session now. We are not domain money clients and receive cash compensation for this endorsement, therefore have an incentive to promote domain money. I personally love talking about personal finance. I know that turns some people off or some people zone out. And that's largely because it's a source of stress for many people. They don't understand money. They don't know how to keep money.

Starting point is 00:16:45 They don't know how to invest money. And we're never taught about it in school. This is why Lauren and I love talking about YNAB so much. You put so much time and effort into earning money and you deserve to spend it without stress or second guessing. Wineab spelled YNAB is a life-changing app that helps you do what you want with the money you have. You'll create a flexible plan for your money through the simple practice of giving every dollar a job, keeping you focused on the life you want. So whether you're looking to cover your mortgage and fund your 401k without sacrificing dinners with friends or take that long away to trip to Greece or Italy or wherever you've been looking to go, with Wynab, you'll stop wondering where your money goes and start deciding where it will

Starting point is 00:17:24 take you. 92% of users report feeling less money stressed since using Wynab, and the average Wynab users save $600 in their first two months and $6,000 in their first year. Imagine what you could do with an extra $600 in two months or even $6,000 in one year. These are big savings and all it takes is just understanding your money a little bit more and having a tool to help you do so. Listen, guys, life is short. Spend it with Wynab. Of course, we have an incredible offer for our listeners and viewers.

Starting point is 00:17:55 TSC, him and her show listeners can claim an exclusive three-month free trial with no credit card required at www. Wynab.com slash skinny. Again, you get a three-month free trial at www.w.w.w.w.w.wynab.com slash skinny. My fifth most important thing to me is my career, and obviously that's in my calendar. Usually that entails conference calls, meetings, behind-the-scenes stuff, product development, and a lot of show times. So if I'm recording a show, that's obviously in the calendar. Everything else is fixing, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce. It's all built-to-all. around that. And to be honest with you, this gives me a compass of what to say no to. So let me give

Starting point is 00:18:47 you an example. If someone comes into town to Austin and they're like, maybe I don't know them very well, maybe they've been on the show once or twice and they want to do dinner. And I look at my calendar that has my turkey and my meat and potatoes and it just doesn't work. I'm going to say no. I'm also going to say no if it's not worth being away from my children. Like I think that, you know, because my career is such a big player right now in my life that I'm in this season where I need to make sure that my children are equal to that. And if it, if it's an event or a party that's going to take away from my career or my kids or working out or my still time, it's just not worth it to me. and I've gotten brutal with it.

Starting point is 00:19:37 Like, I cannot tell you guys how many times, like, you know, there's been some amazing parties or events, and I just, I think about it and I'm just like, you know what, this is not worth it to me. And I'll say no. And I'm okay with that. I'm good. You can't do it all all at once. I love this question because it's one that's asked every single time I do a dear Lauren. Dear Lauren, how to attract the right men slash relationship. I'm telling you every single time I do one of these.

Starting point is 00:20:11 I get this question. Here is my honest opinion and it's a little curt. I don't believe in like manifesting the right guy or finding the right relationship. I believe on working on your own garden and working on your own shit. And if you want someone who's witty and charismatic and funny and well read and this like business person and like makes a ton of money, I think you should go be that and that attracts it. So if I was single right now at this minute, I would go work on myself, work on my own shit, work on my own just life foundation.

Starting point is 00:21:00 And I think that that's what attracts. I don't think it's making a list and putting it out there into the ether and then waiting for someone like Prince Charming that has all the qualities that you want to come to you. I find that to be like ordering a sandwich, right? I would not order a sandwich on a dating app when I'm not all of those things, right? So my three qualities that I looked for before I found Michael are the same that they are today. and I think three qualities is a good way to start. Pick the three qualities that you're looking for and then go be that. So the qualities for me were someone who is very interesting and interested. That was important.

Starting point is 00:21:47 So I went and I got interesting and interested. So I started reading everything I could consume. This is maybe a couple years before Michael. That was so important to me. I wanted someone that I could sit at a table with and play ping pong with mentally. I need someone that I can go back and forth with. Taylor, my producer, he's here with me right now. He's known me since I was 12.

Starting point is 00:22:15 Taylor's so good at ping pong. Sorry, Taylor, we never hooked up in middle school. But I'm attracted to in friends and relationships, someone I can play mental ping pong with. So that to me, you've got to be interesting. interested. My next one was integrity. I want someone who has a lot of integrity. That's important to me. It's important in a partner. I wanted someone who's consistent with that integrity. So, you know, one day they're not going to flip-flop. So again, I went and I seriously like read books on character development and human nature. And I still do it to this day. I still work on being all the

Starting point is 00:22:59 qualities that I want in my husband in myself. And then the third thing for me, and this one's really important, is I wanted someone in on the joke who's funny and witty and doesn't take themselves so seriously. I think that I've really never taken myself so seriously. I've tried not to. I've tried to be in on the joke. So that one was a little bit more natural, but it was something that I still, even to this day, like I still work on because I want that in a part. partner. I want that in a friendship. I want my kids to see that. And so it's like you have to go be the things that you want. Stop looking for someone to come save you and save yourself. That's my advice. Channel the energy of attracting the right guy into refining your own unique qualities.

Starting point is 00:23:50 Go work on whatever you're looking to attract. Dear Lauren, how do I change my life tomorrow? I'm going to give you the little Lauren Bostic protocol to wake up tomorrow and change your day. We just had Mel Robbins on the show and she talks about the five second rule, which is a great basis to give you, go read about that before you listen to what I'm going to say. Because when you read about her five second rule, all of this will sort of fall into place. So the first thing I would do if I wanted to change my life tomorrow is I would wake up and I would earn the day. I've been talking about earn the day a lot. earning the day is waking up in the morning and earning it, earning the whole day, earning

Starting point is 00:24:30 whatever you're going to do. And I'm big on this. Okay. So what I like to do is I like to take a walk. Maybe I'll put on a walking meditation. I get some sunlight in my eyes, maybe listening to an inspiring podcast. Edmy Let's Great. Mel Robbins, Melissa Wood Health. And then what I feel this does is because I'm listening to these really high performing, incredible, multifaceted people is it gets me around the people who are moving and shaking. And it's also like the five people that you're around. It's like, what content are you consuming too? Because the content that you're consuming is almost just as important to me as to who I'm hanging out with. So if you're hanging out with some amazing people, but the content you consume is all gossip or low vibration,

Starting point is 00:25:20 I would expect that you would feel like you're on a seesaw. I think the best thing to do is like when you're listening or watching content is to sort of be so self-aware that you watch yourself of what you're consuming. I'll sometimes take myself out of body and be like, wait, what am I doing? Why am I doing this right now? So I think with content, like monitor who you're consuming. Get around the right people. The farmer's dog makes feeding real healthy dog food easy and convenient and your dog will absolutely love it.

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Starting point is 00:26:56 you do so. The farmer's dog is nutritionally complete for all life stages, including puppies. It's just real healthy food designed to meet their unique nutritional needs. It doesn't matter if your dog is young or old. It's always the right time to begin investing in their health. We have an incredible offer for this audience. Get 50% off your first box of fresh healthy food at the farmersdog.com Skinny. Plus you get free shipping. Just go to thefarmer'sdog.com slash skinny to get 50% off. That's the farmersdog.com slash skinny. Quick break to talk about proper hydration. The myth of drinking eight glasses of water per day is done. It's a myth. It doesn't work. You need to actually properly hydrate with a proper

Starting point is 00:27:37 electrolyte ratio, which is why Lauren and I love talking about Element so much. Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and sparkling electrolyte water born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times government recommendations. No surprise there. Each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolyte free of sugar, artificial colors, or other dodgy ingredients. An element is formulated for anyone on a mission to restore health through hydration and is perfectly suited for athletes, folks who are fasting, or those following keto, low-carb, whole-food, or paleo diets. Lauren and I have been taking element for years. We take it every single time we work out when we know we're going to drum up a

Starting point is 00:28:13 sweat after a sauna. Anytime we feel we're going to be depleting our hydration levels, if you're somebody that gets headaches or you feel slow in the day or you feel a little bit of brain fog, it's likely because you're dehydrated and drinking water is simply not enough. So like I said, they come in these individualized travel packets that you can travel with easily, that you can take to the office, that you can have on the go. All you need to do is add it to water or whatever beverage you're trading and it'll give your body a chance to hydrate in the most optimal way. Everyone from Olympic athletes, businessmen, business women, health experts, leaders,

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Starting point is 00:29:07 If you don't like it, we'll refund your order. No questions asked, very low return rate and high reorder rate. again at drinkelement.com slash skinny. The other thing I would do is I would lift weights. And that's what I would really do if I wanted to change my life tomorrow. I would lift weights that gets my serotonin and dopamine going. It makes you feel good. Move your body.

Starting point is 00:29:32 Have some electrolytes. And I would plan my day. And you could just start with one day. I'm not going to overwhelm you like a strategist. Okay. You're setting systems. You're not setting goals. So you could write down your goals.

Starting point is 00:29:47 fine, but what are the systems you're taking to get there? If you want to write a book, that week to me would consist of, okay, on Monday, I am going to start looking into literary agents. On Tuesday, I'm going to start crafting the chapters of the book. On Wednesday, I'm going to start thinking about the proposal and conceptualizing it. On Thursday, I'm going to start writing the first page of the proposal. On Friday, I'm going to write the second page. This is how successful people do it. People are like, you know, there's huge amazing people that have come on our podcast. And I can tell you across the board, the common denominator of success is people that put in the reps in a small way. It's not people that

Starting point is 00:30:37 said, I'm going to write a book and wrote it all on a Monday. That's not the way it works. It's someone who took it bite by bite, put in the reps every single day. And, eventually that that became the book. And I think that I apply that theory to everything. I know that if I go to the gym tomorrow and I lift weights, I'm not going to have the body of my dreams the day after. That's not the way it works. I know it's going to take probably a year to a year and a half to work to get the body of my dreams. That's just the way it is. It takes time, it's reps, it's slow little things that add up. That is the way. you reach success and anyone can do it. It's literally that simple of a formula. And then I would also

Starting point is 00:31:24 examine where there's energy givers and energy drainers. So if something's draining your energy, stop doing it. If someone is draining your energy, stop. Eliminate being around them so much. I'm not saying stop being around them because sometimes you have to, but sort of arms length them. Just kind of make it as minimal as possible. less phone, definitely less phone. The phone is not going to make you feel better. We all know that. And more execution. I would end the day with reading. I would meditate to relax my nervous system. And ultimately, I would take accountability. I would stop blaming everyone else. I would start realizing that it's your life. You have one life and you're in charge of it. And your thoughts are predicting your future.

Starting point is 00:32:10 And you can create the life of your dreams. But you have to do it. And I think that's how I would start my day tomorrow if I wanted to change my whole life. Dear Lauren, your mindset for everything. I actually wrote this one down. It's on stories. And I have a list of some quotes. I think these quotes are not like cheesy, cheesy one-liner clichéers. I think they're really powerful quotes that I try to look at all the time. Some I have on my, my bathroom van. And some I have when I open a drawer. I have like a drawer down in my kitchen that I'll open my drawer and see some of these quotes. And it just sort of reminds me because these quotes are not like something you look at once and you got it. They're kind of quotes that you study and you go back to.

Starting point is 00:33:05 Some are on my office desk. Some are in the car. I keep these quotes sort of everywhere. So these are the ones that really resonate with me. You're a, a creation of your thoughts and your thoughts predict your future. That's Louise Hay and I just said that earlier. I mentioned it. I'm a huge believer that the way you think is literally building the future that you're going to have. And I think you can control your thoughts. If you guys like these dear Lauren questions, then I think I'm going to open it up to everyone. Tell me on my latest post your dear Lauren question and then I will read your Instagram handle and share your question on the next episode of this. So go to Lauren Bostic and ask me anything. I love answering your questions,

Starting point is 00:33:51 and I hope this episode inspired you.

The Bossticks - Lauryn Bosstick On Breaking Toxic Patterns, Morning Routines & How To Stop Attracting The Wrong Partners

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